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thenetvvork · 1 month

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(cross posting to our DreamWidth)

Lately (last night and today) the subject came up of what was here before The Network. Memories are fuzzy because it deals with us before the age of 9 (so before 2004. 20 years ago and back). Plus it's one of those personal history things that isn't necessarily about accuracy in a historical sense. It's more of a story in the way people tell stories of their histories. Like a myth or folk story. Like somewhere right in the middle of all that. (There is no concrete physical proof from our childhood for this that we know of so it's hard track)

We've talked about this before but The Network has been a social identity. Right now it functions as shorthand for every more than one experience in this body because we're all in The Network. But what if someone (besides Mew) from before that identity solidified came back somehow? There were a few different things going on.

There were The Hordes which were all fictives from the Redwall series. So theoretically, they're the same as us. Fictives. And there was a lot of overlap between both groups, especially early on but even up through high school. I think it's probably good we "won out" against the Hordes in that I really think the way we work allows us to be more grounded in the present moment in this reality. I think for that to happen with the Hordes a real world view shift would have had to happen, a bigger one than any that would have happened with us.

Also within that timeframe we had other fictives too. But they were more few and far between and before The Network so since they weren't in the Hordes they just free floated rip Chester you would have hated The Network. Probably. I didnt ever know you but I think Megan might have

And before that, or maybe at around the same time (see it's hard to track with two fuzzy memories and a paperclip and the memories don't show overlap but logically they had to because past time is finite) we had factives - a completely different type of gain and working than us as fictives. And the only clue to them being factives and not Mew just imagining things is a very specific memory during a summer break where he was trying to ignore them because he thought hey maybe it's weird and time consuming to have imaginary talks with fictional characters people I know from school and writing camp and daycare. Maybe I shouldn't imagine tragedy beset upon their families and then they have to live with me and my family and I see them everyday (we were a lonely child who had attachment issues). And it worked for (in his mind) a month (but given how long time is for a kid probably a lot less than that) but they came back unbidden and Mew was happy to see them again. (To be clear he had also done this same mental process with us a few times but we just. Refused to play along.)

The Hordes truly stopped showing up when we moved out of our parents house and into college in another state. They lived in our parents backyard. They don't show back up when we visit.

The factives, well.... I don't know. I truly never met them. Mew grew out of it I guess. Probably when we were separated from the person they were sourced from for long enough they faded. Megan doesn't seem sure when I ask her when and if that overlap would have been. For one of them it would have to be 1st grade-5th (1st grade being when we met the boy, end of 5th when we stopped going to day care), so ages 5-10? Another was a girl who was in a writing camp with us, so probably also elementary school age. I don't know if it would be before the 4th grade though (that's when The Network solidified). There might have been more. Or the memory is conflating the factives and the fictives. Either the free floating ones or the Hordes.

And to Mew, these are completely different sections of his life. No overlap in his mind. Except the timelines overlap and I know people in The Network talked to people in the Hordes. I was there for that overlap. So his weird perspective isn't helping

All of this to build up to the idea/joke that The Network is built on top of the factives. On top like they're in headmate hell? On top like how a building is built on another building? On top like those new tubs you just lay over the old one? On top like literally if we literally dig down with our hands we'll find them? We just don't know lol

This discussion also alienates Mew as a Network member. The Network kind of solidified Around him. He's the "original" so whoever "won out", he would still be around in whatever fashion. Of course we're all quite happy with him here as he is now but he would be here regardless. Like a force of nature

#we could have had sidesystems #rip what could have been; all of us as factions could not coexist #any more us vs them in here and we really will bring back being allowed to hit each other #b #network log #i KNOW we have talked about this before I KNOW we have. i need a new tag for it #pre-network

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thelaurenshippen · 1 year

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Hello ! I just listened to The Bright Sessions and I loved it ! It was my first podcast ever and I want to thank you for creating this world and thoses characters (although I do NOT thank you for the angst). I'm currently reading "The Infinite Noise" and I was wondering would you ever consider writing a book on Owen and Joan past ? He is my favorite character and I need more of him ! (and them !) And I think that you kind of owe it to us after what you did in The AM Archives (as compensation for the emotional damage ). Thank you again for one of my new favorite things !

hello!!!! oh my gosh, I'm so glad you found TBS (and that it was your first podcast!) and that you're reading TIN!!!

so, yes, I HAVE considered this actually! several times - the original concept for writing TBS books was writing a joan prequel but then I wanted to write a lurrrvvvv story (with a happy ending). and you're right, I do owe you for what I did in TAMA - owen is one of my fave characters too tbh.

that said, I don't think this book will ever come to be. part of why I abandoned it in favor of TIN is that....I don't know how to explain it, the story didn't really work that well as a book! that's not to say I'll never write it or I'll never tell the joan/owen story in some other medium but....for now, I'm finished with the TBS universe and don't see myself returning to it in the near future. I've told the stories there I feel really strongly about telling. but I highly encourage folks to write fic about it, and there is probably some joan/owen stuff on ao3 already!

#answered #the bright sessions #joan/owen #*sigh*#so #the other thing is #okay firstly - tbs is not currently in development for TV #it has been....three times #and it has gotten fairly close each of those times #but didn't make it all the way for various reasons #but I DO think that's an area in which the joan/owen dynamic pre TBS might be explored #bc various iterations of a possible tv show #we've discussed starting it earlier #but like......I can't even describe how hypothetical that is #I have NO idea if TBS will ever become a tv show and I don't know how it will tell the story if it does #what I can say is that it will be several years at minimum before there's any news on that front #simply bc once you've pitched something out to all the networks and stuff #if it doesn't sell you can't go right back out with it again next seasonnn #and tbh I've mostly given up hope that someone will buy it!#but you never know!

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theyarerealtome · 1 year

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Ok, but let’s talk for a minute about just how good Nick and Charlie are for each other?? Not only romantically, but how their lifepaths are genuinely changed for the better because of their relationship?

Like, we know Charlie gave Nick the positive queer experience he himself never got to have and supported him through figuring out his sexuality. And Nick helps Charlie rebuild himself after Ben and the bullying, and his eating disorder.

It made me think about how things could have gone if they hadn’t met when they did. Beyond the aw-they-wouldn’t-get-to-meet-their-soulmate-☹ and to the sad, wider implications of not knowing each other.

Sorry for the incoming Way Too Long Ramble about what if Mr Lange had done the seating plan differently.

TW for discussions of canon eating disorders, self-harm and sexual assault.

Charlie

First off, I think Charlie would still break things off with Ben after seeing him with a girlfriend. But the big difference is there’s no Nick to discover Ben assaulting him, and to subsequently confide in about their relationship and reaffirm that Ben is the terrible, awful person.

So, we’re looking at a Charlie who is still carrying this toxic secret alone that could damage and tear away at his self-esteem even more than canon where he fairly quickly gets to build a healthy, loving relationship with Nick who actively combats a lot of the shit that Ben told him

(I wonder if eventually Charlie would have told Tori more?? About the guy who ‘made him feel like it would be better if he didn’t exist’. I hope so, because Charlie, my beloved, while you are an actual angel for not outing that piece of dickweed to anyone, you’re allowed to tell someone)

(Don’t even want to get into if the assault would have progressed further without Nick there. Probably Ben wouldn’t have gone beyond kissing. But it would still be more traumatic, and Nick’s discovery meant Ben was warier about coming near Charlie afterwards. Whereas no Nick means Charlie is constantly on guard avoiding Ben)

More under the cut.

Unquestionably Charlie still develops his eating disorder - and chances are it’s quicker and more severe than in canon, with all this extra crap going on.

The one bit of hope is that while it might take longer for other non-Nick people to notice his ED, I’m sure they would. Charlie still has a good support network, and someone – Tori, Tao, Elle, Isaac/Aled, Mr Ajayi – would pick up on it.

But still getting help, and his recovery process (especially around self-harm) would be much longer, and more painful given Nick was the one who first got through to Charlie and helped him talk to his parents.

And Tori and Nick were both the biggest supports for Charlie through it all – without Nick, poor Tori has so much more on her shoulders.

The events of Solitaire end up being even darker, as Nick/Charlie are basically the main bright spot in all that. So, you have an even sadder Charlie and Tori

When the air clears after an incredibly shitty few years you’d have a 16/17-year-old Charlie who is working on his ED, self-harm, and mental health, but bottom line is it’s a much more painful journey, and he’s probably more impacted by everything with Ben.

In terms of the wider friend group, probably the Paris Squad Charlie/Tao/Tara/Darcy/Aled-Isaac/Sahar unit still develops. Because Elle was really the one who connected the girls with the guys. So, at least Charlie would have that

But with wider popularity? Canonically he ends up Head Boy and is friendly with a lot of people. I’m thinking without joining the rugby team, expanding his social circle, and having Nick to build his confidence we’re seeing a more reserved version of Charlie. Maybe he’d just be like a prefect or something but not quite head boy?

So, by the end of high school you’ve got a recovering Charlie heading off to uni, but he’s carrying a lot of self-loathing and emotional scars that Nick chipped away at.

Nick

It feels like in the shorter-term Nick’s situation would be better than Charlie’s – but longer term everything goes to shit.

Initially not much would change – he’d play rugby, he’d have his friends who he doesn’t actually like but is accepted by, he’s in a group where he can never be fully himself

Basically, Nick is ok but he’s not happy – and not even fully aware of how ‘not-happy’ he is

Harry would still have pushed Tara & Nick together at his birthday and Tara might still have come out to him. But without Nick’s sexuality crisis or talking about his openly gay “probably-my-best-friend-right-now” I don’t think they would have connected so quickly

And he never would have been at the orchestra practice to see her again and plan lunch together, milkshake dates etc. So that means no befriending Tara/Darcy and not connecting with the Paris Squad

Things with Imogen would have developed in a similar way: chances are peak peer-pressured Nick would still be bulldozed into going on their date, but without his relationship with Charlie to enable him to cancel, you’re looking at it being dragged out way longer - it’s a question of how many dates they go on before Nick calls things off

Yeah, he would have stopped before they actually became boyfriend/girlfriend, but it’s still a much stickier situation all round and one that leaves him more alienated

Then he’d still go on the Paris trip but probably ends up rooming with Harry and co. so much less fun all round

On the friend’s front – he’d still have Sai/Otis-Omar/Christian, but in canon it seems like their friendship deepened when Nick got together with Charlie, and a line was drawn over who Nick’s true friends were?? Without that happening, their friendship likely stays more surface level and shallow

Similarly, I’m not seeing a Charlie-less version of Nick having the confidence to confront Stéphane and David

Coming out as bi, having Charlie to confide in about his feelings, and just generally being able to be more himself – all that contributed to Nick calling both of them out on their shit. Without those circumstances, you’ve got a more people-pleasing Nick who pushes his own feelings down, so nothing real gets addressed and both relationships remain toxic and distant.

Obviously the massive, massive question is when and how Nick has his “full-on gay crisis.” And that’s kind of impossible to say. It could still be at Truham over another guy, or might not be until after school (maybe at uni)

There are a hundred ways that could go – but I think the key thing is that without Charlie, the chances are Nick’s sexuality journey wouldn’t be nearly as positive or healthy. (Honestly, it’s often missed just how supportive and essential Charlie was through it all, and how wonderful it was that Nick got such a sweet first (only) boyfriend).

Also remember, Charlie is the only out guy at Truham – if Nick falls for someone else at school then they’re either straight or closeted, and Nick is hit with feelings that he has to deal with on his own

There’s no Charlie to make the first move, no Charlie to hold Nick while he’s breaking down, no Charlie to tell him it’s ok to figure things out, no Paris Squad to provide queer community, no Tara/Darcy to talk to. It’s Nick alone in his room with BuzzFeed quizzes and articles on conversion therapy

Luckily he does still have Sarah and he might confide in her at an earlier point than in canon, but in terms of actual friends to talk to? ☹

Again, as with Charlie, Nick would eventually be ok. He’d figure it out – but it would be a hell of a lot of lonelier, and he’d probably never come out or act on anything while still at Truham

If his sexuality crisis happened post-school (likely uni) …possibly that would be better?? Uni is less of a cesspool, he wouldn’t be as trapped with people like Harry, and could at least connect with LGBTQI+ groups on campus etc. But on the flipside, it’s a Nick whose had years more of repressing his true self so there would be more to untangle

Overall, whether he’s realised he’s bi or not, by the end of school you’re left with Nick who is doing fine enough and seems content, but is much less anchored in himself, represses important parts of who he is, and lacks a real, close community

Idk, what other people think. This is all assuming that Nick and Charlie don’t meet later during school (e.g., if Nick reached out to the collection of queer students at Truham during his bi crisis).

But basically, all that long ramble was saying that a Nick and Charlie without each other is a very sad thing to think about, and they’re 100% a couple who make each other better, happier versions of themselves <3

(Also sorry this is a frankenstein combo of Netflix and comics heartstopper. basically it just takes everything across both universes into account. Plus Solitaire, This Winter, N&C etc.

#heartstopper analysis #heartstopper meta #nick x charlie #I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again #Nick helped Charlie heal and recover from his emotional and psychological scars #But Charlie helped prevent Nick from ever getting scarred in the first place #Charlie meant that Nick never had an abusive first relationship like Ben #Charlie keeping Nick’s secrets and giving him a support network meant he never got bullied #Not even touching the implied suicide mention in Solitaire. I always assumed that happened during the height of the bullying and was pre-Nic #but Charlie's self-harm would definitely be worse #this was the most random rant #and I know there are a million fanfics centered on if-they-didn't-meet-AU #but this was trying to stick as close to canon as possible and not actually write any new content #basically you get a Charlie with lower self-esteem and a Nick with lower self-knowledge #and both with lower happiness #so this was sort of a happy rant in the end #narlie #charlie spring #nick nelson

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transamorousnetwork · 11 months

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Men Who “Bottom” Offer Pleasure To Transgender Women, But Not All Of Them

Alright. Let’s admit something up front. This story will trigger many transgender women. I’m not meaning to trigger transgender women. I’m meaning to soothe their resistance so they get what they want. Still, if you’re trans and feeling triggered, please stop reading.

Physical reality thrives on diversity. In all the Universe, diversity reigns. “All the Universe” includes the transgender community. My conversations with transgender women and trans-attracted men confirm what I know: great diversity exists in the trans community. Not all transgender people believe the same. Nor do they behave the same. Nor do they prefer the same things. Isn’t this obvious?

So while perhaps the majority of trans women may agree on any given subject, there always will be those who don’t. That’s great news for some trans-attracted men. Because as long as trans-attracted men exist, there will be transgender women matching those men’s preferences. And vice versa.

The Universe drove that home for me the other day. I didn’t see it coming, honestly. So when it happened, it blew me away. I consider myself pretty well-versed on trans/trans-attraction issues. But I guess even an old salty dog of a windbag like me can learn something new.

An unexpected enlightenment

A reader of mine, proud as hell about his trans-attraction, responded to one of my recent stories. What he wrote was astounding. It astounded me because I hadn’t thought about the perspective he shared:

^^A trans-attracted guy blows my mind.

Julian’s comment blew my mind on several levels. Not only is Julian proud of his trans-attraction, he lives his preferences out loud. But that’s not all. Julian takes it way beyond what I had thought about men who prefer pre-op transgender women.

What Julian is saying here is, transgender women who like to penetrate men enjoy that act. They find penetrating men sexually pleasing. In other words, fucking men, and seeing the men enjoy it, gives them pleasure. All this time I’ve taken that fact for granted. But it’s an important point. One worth highlighting. For women who like fucking men, those women like it. And so, men who like being fucked by transgender women who fuck men, offer such women pleasure.

Perfect matches exist

Of course there are transgender women who revile their penis. Some transgender women want their bodies to match who they believe they are. So they get Gender Confirmation Surgery (GCS). Those women won’t feel fully themselves until they do.

But there are also more transgender women coming out expressing appreciation for their penis. They are proud of not being like cis women. They don’t need GCS. They’re fine with who they are and what they are. Some pass, but some don’t care about that. And some of those women enjoy using what they were born with. For those women, it’s good men like Julian exist.

Even so, I always counsel men like Julian, especially those in early trans-attraction stages, to consider something important. Transgender women are human beings. Because they’re people, they bring far more to the table than a source of sexual gratification. But since men are men, they often express their attraction in hyper-sexualized or objectifying terms. Transgender women need to understand that. In other words, the men’s behavior isn’t personal.

Focus on wanted, not the opposite

If transgender women can get over taking what men do or say as personal, they can find their matches more quickly. It doesn’t take a large pool of men meeting a trans woman’s preferences to meet her match. If a transgender woman is monogamous, it only takes one guy. And the Universe will match her with that guy. If she’s a match to him.

But if transgender women believe only guys like Julian exist, and they don’t want that, then those women aren’t matches to the guys they want. So they won’t find them. Then they’ll compromise.

No wonder so many transgender women express bitterness towards men like Julian. They’re all busy focused on what they don’t want. So all they see is that. The problem is, in their bitterness, they’re not a match to the guys that aren’t like Julian. And so such men might as well not exist.

But they do exist.

A bitter trans woman complaining about “Julians” will not find them though. Because she’s not a match to them. Meanwhile the “Julians” of the world will find their matches. That’s because men like Julian focus on what they want and ignore everyone else. And everyone else’s opinions. So they get what they want. And as a result, the women they get get what they want too.

#transgender #transamorous #transattraction #transamorous network #transisbeautiful #trans woman #pre op mtf #transgender mtf #transamorousnetwork #transamorous men #tgirlsdoitbetter #tgirl bulge #sexy tgirl

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