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tunastime · 5 months

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🦮 "Bdubs deals with the aftermath of losing the second heartbeat in his chest cavity." (i was gonna send the quacktho one but... but i wanna.... rurururururuu)

title: heaven is not fit to house a love like you and I

summary: Bdubs takes his hands, solid, firm, calloused hands. He's gotten good at it; he memorizes hands. He says: "You're always gonna be my soulmate, you hear me?" and he remembers how Impulse had laughed, the sound soft and high in his chest. But Bdubs remembers more the feeling of his blood on his hands. And when he wakes up in a hot sweat, a throbbing pain behind his eyes, it's stuck underneath his nails.

Bdubs deals with the aftermath of losing the second heartbeat in his chest cavity.

snippet:

It hurts to breathe.

That's not normal, right? Bdubs lies awake in bed, hand pressed to his sternum. The heel of his hand is jammed in the space between his ribs, as if he were pushing back against the inflate of his lungs. It's mostly burning up the back of his throat, which is probably the worst part. He thinks it would be better if the burning were somewhere else, even in his eyes. They're already hurting, sore from rubbing, but his chest still feels collapsed. He's certain if he were to run his fingers along the length of his ribcage to opposite shoulder, he might find the long scar of Pearl's axe blade.

Squinting at his communicator, Bdubs tries to read the time. The answer he gets is early. Early the night after his return. Early the night after he returned, and Impulse probably woke up in another part of his own base by himself, instead of beside Bdubs, and maybe that's what hurts more than the lack of a thump in Bdubs' chest. There is a thump. But it's so much quieter than before.

He opens up the messages he's sent to Impulse. The last one is from two months prior--if not more. There, he composes a message.

He wants to say: please. it's not my fault. i know you know that. i want to say sorry. i don't think you want me to say sorry but i want to.

But instead he says: impulse. and are you doing okay?

And he leaves it at that.

(fake fic ask game)

#HI GHOST IM SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG #im reaaaally still insane about this. just so you know :3 #ahahehahehhhheahehe anyway goodbye #blows up #fics #text #asks #ask meme #babygirlbdubs #DONE WITH THESE FOR NOW YIPPEE #onto fics!

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randomcollection-o-stuff · 5 months

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I saw your tags on the mycology tumblr post - I challenge you to scare me with a mushroom fact. I’ve harvested and eaten wild mushrooms a few times, I’ve got my share of guidebooks and worked on research my university did on suede boletes. I’m no spring chicken of the woods but i’m also far from an expert. Scare me with the Deep Mushroom Lore

Woaaaah this got a bit lost and im a bit late, yikes! Anyway it looks like you were focusing on the Basidiomycota phylum which is where a lot of the frontliners and popular ones are. But let's look at the Ascomycota, lots of scary stuff there, lord there's so much but baseline ig is cordyceps which everyone knows about now. They can alter and control insects, a big example is bullet ant behavior to makes them climb as high as they can and bite onto the grass or whatnot to secure themselves until the host dies. They go as high as possible so when the cordycep actually grows the fruitbody the spores can spread as far as possible. Luckily for us human nervous systems are way too complex for the cordyceps....for now.

I mean any parasite that controls it's host is crazy and I 10000% recommend looking into it.

There's another fungus Laboulbeniomycetes that grows exclusively on arthropod exoskeleton.

A lot of fungal diseases make me shudder, there are probably fungal spores in your lungs right now! Pneumocystis is the genus of a yeast that loves your lungs and you guessed it, causes a strain of pneumonia that's very hard to diagnose! Yippee! Mostly because it is very hard to culture.

Let's look at everyone's favorite yeast Conidida. This guy is DIMORPHIC so it can be a yeast or invasive hyphae depending on environmental triggers/conditions, and wouldn't you know it, lives at human body temp. This guy causes yeast infections and the like.

Aspergillus is one that ferments soy products BUT can also cause Apergillosis which can cause an allergic reaction and eventually a fungal ball growth in your lungs, aak!

In a different phylum, Mucoromycota, Mucormycosis is probably my least favorite as the group USUALLY targets your fruits and is that pesky mold. Well another version of it will target the sinuses of immunocompromized diabetics. These are sugar loving molds so uhhhhh, no bueno. I recommend looking at pictures with CAUTION it is gross. The eyes can get really messed up, black lesions can show up on your face really really nasty stuff.

Anyway, Ascomycota cool group, lots of human diseases (many of which are hard to cure because of how close fungi are to animals so we target very specific things in their cells but OOPS resistance is on the rise), have fun with this info ::)

#mycology #ascomycota really popped off on the diseases #ollie rambles #<<<yea no i RAMBLED #but yea apologies for how late this is been reaaaally busy #long post #call me patient zero the way fungi have consumed my mind

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overheard-at-star-command · 4 months

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Warp Darkmatter: Here's my dossier on all of Lightyear's moves, and strategies to beat him. Zurg: Why are some of the pages written in crayon? Warp: I started compiling it when we were in grade school and I got put in time-out.

#HAVE they known each other that long????#reaaaallY?#idk #but have at it #warp and buzz #starcommand!buzz #warp darkmatter #evil emperor zurg #queue infinity and beyond

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sadmages · 1 month

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thought about glenn ghostbar again so i opened up my chapter 1 thumbnails and got amongus jumpscared. why'd i do that

#gabby rambles #a part of me reaaaally wants to finish and publish chapter 1 for the ghost bar. just to see #i feel like i could finish this. it doesnt have to be long. i have the themes...... hm

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t-ierrahumeda · 3 months

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i approved the technical exam for one company O_o! I need to pass a technical interview, and if they like me, I'm getting a new job!

I also had another interview yesterday (from an even better company) so fingers crossed they like me enough to have a technical interview next week O_O

#I was reaaaally nervous when i got the message bc i was super sure i failed the exam bc i was sooo nervous #and like i havent made an exam in so long I just was sure i failed it lol #im excited now aaa #turns out I'm not a total failure and a dumb incompetent bitch as my current employers made me think for 3 years!

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cobaltfluff · 1 year

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matchablossom arguments :3c

also a bonuns kaoru bc it’s the prettiest I’ll ever manage to draw him:

#sk8 the infinity #art tag #this is two scenarios in case that was not clear lol #i imagine joe is always the first to apologise #and he can never stay angry at kaoru for long #huehuehue :3c #bro kaoru's hair is such a pain to draw and highlight lol #but he's pwetty so he gets a pass #the background colours suck sorry #im reaaaally bad at choosing colours idk how y'all do it

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leofrith · 5 months

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in the mood for violence: 5 and 6?

5. worst discord server and why

in terms of servers i've actually been active in, it's gotta be the acc*ss the an*mus server. i'm sure it's still leagues better than the official ac server, which i daren't enter for anything other than checking what's in reda's item shop for the day. but i've found from personal experience (and that of some friends) that almost every big fan community for this fucking franchise will claim to be Not Like Other Girls (of the bigoted, gatekeepy, gamergate variety) before turning a blind eye to bullying, harassment, and bigotry within their own community. ata was no different, and while i did have some constructive conversations with people in there, the nastiness of some of the server members in there which went entirely unchecked made it not worth it. also, people will complain all day long about the stupid little problems they have with gameplay mechanics, etc. but the second you try to have a constructive discussion about ubisoft's many, many problems as a company, everyone is suddenly a ubisoft shill. 💀

6. which ship fans are the most annoying?

randivor shippers. 🧍🏻‍♀️ i say this as a (now, only occasional, due to exactly this kind of bullshit) randivor shipper myself, and this is only regarding the specific brand of fan that insists randivor is indisputably canon and then jumps down your throat for so much as implying otherwise. if that description doesn't sound like you, then congratulations! this isn't about you! if anything i'm about to say feels like a personal attack, then perhaps you should take a look inward instead of making it my fucking problem. i did already talk about this a bit here for a completely separate question because i got ahead of myself, but i totally understand the desire, especially for lesbians, for spaces that are entirely free of men. i do truly get it! but i'm sure you can also understand why the constant comments implying or just straight up saying that eivor "ending up" in a relationship with a man is the worst thing that could ever happen might make me, a bisexual woman who sees eivor as bisexual, feel uncomfortable and unwelcome. that's not even mentioning the straight up biphobia. there is a not insignificant number of randivor shippers who seem to think they're doing activism by calling anyone who ships eivor with men lesbophobic or misogynistic—eivor, the rpg character who can romance people of any gender for a reason. this behaviour, in my own experience, is enough of a pattern that any content i was working on for the ship is pretty much dead in the water at this point. i personally don't really feel like occupying space in a fandom where i've been blocked by a number of people who i've never directly interacted with, for no apparent reason other than the fact that i sometimes put eivor in "straight" relationships (that is something bisexual people do on occasion, btw. so so sorry about that. i've tried to grow past my manfucker tendencies but it just isn't working 😔) tldr: it's not fucking hard to have your lesbian headcanons while also being normal about bisexual people. take my hand. let me show you the way.

send me a number!

#OKAY THIS ONE GOT REAAAALLY LONG #like damn this really is the 'choose violence' ask game huh #i was getting increasingly pissy as i wrote this and it shows 🧍🏻‍♀️#answer #aeide #ask games

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gojuo · 1 year

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tbh the whole aegon storyline is giving “writers don’t get the severity of actions they’re writing” bc the way the whole scene in his chambers proceeded… him telling his mother that he could never be enough all teary-eyed as if she’s mad that he’s doing something silly like drinking around, and not raping servants. also how come alicent is already over hers “you’re no son of mine”, she smiled as if how could he even think she didn’t love him… don’t get me wrong that’s not me hating her, i also don’t think it’s impossible of her to still love him despite his actions, but the structure of it all just feels as if the show itself doesn’t take any of his crimes seriously. and bet they’re never getting mentioned again. also i’m pretty sure someone was referring to aegon as a “jerk” when what they’ve written is way beyond that.

Yeah because the writers don’t. The r4pe plotline isn’t about Dyana the victim, it is about Aegon the r4pist. And even then it isn’t about Aegon the r4pist, what it is is a cheap manipulation tactic so that the audience will for sure never side with the opponent of their favorite gwirlboss uwu morally superior and always right paragon of virtue never did anything wrong in her life ever even though she put a literal bounty on her 2-year-old nephew’s head and then laughed when his dismembered body was delivered to her and also fully sanctioned Blood and Cheese Qween. It’s such pathetic fucking writing and anyone with two brain cells can see right through this awful choice. They just had to make Aegon one of the worst things ever, didn’t they? But a bigger issue with this writing choice is that his on-screen character is inconsistent with his apparent off-screen character. Off-screen he’s a cartoon villain who r4pes women and watches children fight to the death, but the way he is on-screen, the way he talks about himself, the way he cries about the parental neglect he went through, the worthlessness he feels, the way he cries so easily about all of this and then the vulnerability he shows his mother when opening up about his insecurities, like… these are just not the actions of the cruel person the writers have made him be off-screen and as a result it is so damn hard to reconcile these two Aegons with each other. And that’s why it is so obvious why introducing Aegon’s as a r4pist before even introducing Aegon himself is nothing but the writers trying to manipulate the audience into favoring their own favored side.

And if this cheap shot at forcing the audience into one side wasn’t enough, they also just had to make Aegon a child fighting pits enthusiast too. As if Aegon’s entire fucking reason for even accepting that stupid crown wasn’t because his people convinced him his family and children would be in mortal danger with Rhaenyra “I enjoy executing and murdering people who might as well look at me wrong” Targaryen as Queen. As if it wasn’t the tragedy of Blood and Cheese which led him to taking this war and the threat of Rhaenyra seriously. Like I fucking cannot take these writing choices seriously in any way, I’m sorry but I just can’t. They made him a r4pist and a child fighting pit enjoyer not to explore that part of his character arc, but only for fans to go "Oh so you stan a r4pist?!?!!!" all the damn time in my goddamn inbox.

I’m never going to take these writing choices seriously because I see them for what they are: Not actual writing choices which matter in the grand narrative for this specific character, but the writers manipulating the audience into never rooting for said character. So yes these writers do not take what they did with Aegon seriously, they just needed you to be Team Black and feel morally superior for it.

#IM SORRY FOR TAKING SO LONG TO ANSWER IM SORRY IM SORRY IM REAAAALLY SORRY LIKE I REALLY AM #IDK WHAT HAPPENED BUT IT JUST HAPPENED LIKE THIS... AND IM SORRY #please do forgive me i will try to never to this again..#rape cw #aegon ii #anti hotd #hotd #anonymous #answered

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findmeagreenlight · 2 years

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Wait, do you think Mike has realized his feelings and was thinking about breaking up with El? Why do you think so?

For one thing, I think Stranger Things uses a LOT more coding and allegory than people give it credit for. And they are saying that there is absolutely some perspective fuckery going around in the season 2 finale even if I don’t understand it fully. People tend to mention the two cars that take El and Will away but it goes deeper.

But I don’t think that’s what you’re here for so instead I’ll talk about the Snow Ball. I believe Mike got his first big clue beforehand.

Because Lucas/Max and Jonathan/Nancy get fitting and happy lyrics whenever the camera is on them during the Ball, meanwhile El and Mike’s are downright miserable. And El has no reason to be unhappy so it has to be Mike.

Here’s a full breakdown:

It always struck me as weird that Mike would encourage Will to dance with a girl who just insulted him – Mike encouraged the Party to ignore Troy's bullying or outright stood up to him previously. And besides, that’s just not what a good friend does! It’s Dustin’s conversation with Steve outside the gym that gives it away:

Steve: So, remember, once you get in there… Dustin: Pretend like I don’t care. Steve: You don’t care. Dustin: I don’t care. Steve: There you go. You’re learning, my friend. You’re learning.

This refers back to Steve’s arguably bad advice earlier in the season – except they conveniently leave out every other context clue of the situation that makes Dustin’s situation different from Mike’s. No mention of girls or Max or that the goal of pretending is getting the person you like to dance with you or reciprocate your feelings. NONE. That’s because you are meant to understand that Dustin during the Snow Ball is Mike’s stand-in.

He’s changed something about himself to fit in better, can’t dance with the person he really wants to dance with, looks out into the crowd but noone else approaches him. He starts to wallow and even cry on the sidelines until Nancy arrives to dance with him, just like El arrives to dance with Mike.

The most damning are the songs, though: they show which characters are genuinely enjoying themselves and who aren’t. There are three songs playing during this sequence.

Nancy and Jonathan glance at each other while Twist of Fate is playing, this line specifically: Life doesn’t mean a thing without the love you bring.

Mike has fun until a romantic song comes on and everyone takes notice. Lucas asks Max to dance during Time After Time but he’s nervous, stammers, backtracks but Max helps him out:

Max: Are you trying to ask me to dance, stalker? Lucas: No, of course not. Unless… you want to. Max: Sooo smooth. Come on.

These are the lyrics playing:

Lying in my bed I hear the clock tick and think of you Caught up in circles Confusion is nothing new

Fitting and sweet because Lucas is talking in circles. Now this is the part where a girl comes to ask Will to dance: (tumblr keeps breaking my formatting so I hope it works)

Sometimes Do you want to dance? you picture me Um… I don’t… I’m walking too *Mike nudges Will* far ahead I mean… I mean, yeah. Sure. You’re calling to me *shows Mike* I cannot hear what *shows Will and girl* you’ve said / Then you *shows Mike and Dustin* say go slow *Will-girl and Lucas/Max* I fall behind *Mike and Dustin* The second hand unwinds *Lucas/Max*

After, Mike is frowning (and he looks in Will’s direction longer than Dustin pays attention to Max). By the time El arrives, he looks very out if it, sitting alone. Every Breath You Take starts playing and is probably the most revealing part of this whole long ass post. Watch the scene and connect what is shown on screen and what you hear. Consider that it’s often from Vecna’s point of view, sometimes from the characters. It’s not generally a romantic song, a lot of it is quite creepy but there are some lines that are endearing on their own or just a cheeky reference to Max calling Lucas stalker.

Every breath you take /Mike Every move you make /El Every bond you break /Mike Every step you /Mike take / I'll be watching you /El

Every single day /both El and Mike And every word you say /both Every game you play /Mike: You look beautiful. Every night you stay /El I'll be watching you /Mike: Do you want to dance?

Oh, can't you see /El: I don’t know how. Mike: I don’t either. You belong to me? /both How my poor heart aches /They take each other’s hand. With every step you take? /Mike: Here, like this.

Every move you make /Mike: Yeah, like that. And every vow you break /Nancy Every smile you /Dustin fake / Every claim you stake / I’ll be /Will watching you /Lucas and Max

Since you've gone, I've been lost without a trace /Dustin and Nancy I dream at night, I can only /El and Mike see your face /Max kisses Lucas I look around, but it's you I can't replace /Lucas and Max I feel so cold, and I long for your embrace /Max hugs Lucas I keep crying, baby, baby please /Mike kisses El

Look, pretty much every other part of the song fits so I can’t help thinking that what it says about Mike/El is true as well. As of s4, we know Mike is a target of Vecna and that Vecna is wary of El. We know Lucas and Max’s feelings for each other are genuine and this is one of Max’s happiest memories. Nancy and breaking vows? She had a messy breakup with Steve in season 2 after taking back that “I love you”. We know Will is faking a smile here because he obviously doesn’t want to dance with a girl.

The difference between other couples and El/Mike shots is incredible when you start noticing. The ONLY remotely romantic lines they get are the same ones that the song fades out to, showing the Mind Flayer/Vecna: at the end, the shot covers Mike’s eyes as El leans her head against his. We go outside, where the camera turns upside down:

Oh, can't you see You belong to me?

In the gym in normal Hawkins, there are yellow lights inside. In the Upside Down, the same lights are blue.

And we know that attraction is just like electricity, in the show’s language.

(Best I can tell, lights never change color in the UD in any others scenes. Not the streetlights, or the headlights on Billy's car, or the lamp Nancy & company are gathered around in s4.)

As for how it went after, this is just my speculation but it makes sense to me currently:

I think Mike realised his feelings for Will are romantic sometime around the end of s2. They scared him. He latched onto his parents telling him he will grow out of childish things, even ones "with emotional value" so he convinced himself to avoid Will, spend less time on dnd and more with El. He thinks he likes both of them, one person he will grow out of, one he will grow into. It will work! After all, he was so relieved and overwhelmed when El showed up alive, wasn't he? It has to be romantic.

S3 is him not knowing what he wants. That's why he is shocked when the "I love her" slips out. (It's true, just not the way he thinks.) That's why he is trying to recreate the "crazy together" moment with El but can't bring himself to say he loves her twice when he's alone with her - it would come across as romantic and he might not be conscious of it, but deep down he doesn't want to lie to her, not about this. He loves her after all, he cares about her so, so much and doesn’t want to hurt her.

And then, at the end of s3, he literally has a light bulb in the closet turning on moment. He doesn't want to kiss El back, hearing I love you too doesn't make him happy, and now El reinitiated a relationship he can't break out of. He's what, 14? He doesn't know how to break up with a girl who is grieving her father over a letter and besides, what if she doesn't want to see him again? They told us Mike fears that El would no longer want his friendship after she doesn't need him, which is why he's so worried and preoccupied with her during s4 post-Lenora. (Which is only 3-4 days, tbh.)

I think s4 is Mike learning to let El go, despite appearances. We are told in El's letter that Mike was trying to console her about not fitting in at school, possibly about her grief. Then during their fight, Mike is forced to acknowledge he can't even write love to her, which he hasn't noticed, but she has - he realises that they might have to break up even if El is hurting because he's just adding to her pain by waiting. He pretty much tells us they can’t come back from that fight.

The reason I don’t vibe with the interpretation that he’s trying to convince himself he still has romantic feelings for her during the course of the season is that I find it incredibly sketchy how vaguely he speaks of the issue. He uses “if I explained myself” and nods when Will says it’s hard to tell people a truth they won’t like. He goes on about Lois Lane being needed and useful even outside a romantic relationship and when he says he “got lucky” he found El he glances at Will – in part, he was using El to find Will back then so that calls the romantic connotation into question.

Even in Lenora, he says “maybe I should have said something, and if I would’ve said that thing” but never specifies what that something is. He could have worded it as “El wanted me to say something to her but I couldn’t do it on the spot, I panicked/I don’t know why and now I regret it” see!!! It would be easy even without telling Will about the ily part but the writing made the narrative choice where Mike never outright tells the viewer that he wants to be able to say those three words during s4, not in conversations where he’s not pressured to do so. Only during the monologue.

I believe that if Will is our unreliable narrator during the whole season, then Mike is meant to be misleading the viewer during the entire season, not just the monologue. Speaking of, it’s easier for me to understand why he sounds so incredibly pained during the entire speech if he knows he’s lying but couldn’t refuse the chance to save El. He was put on the spot by Will himself. It's a tragicomedy of errors.

(Btw, he totally pulled the same “pretend you don’t care” bs with Will when he arrived at California just like at the Snow Ball but secretly paid attention to him anyway.)

#whew long answer to make up for the long wait #asks #anonymous #stranger things #byler #reaaaally hoping the formatting doesn't break #elmike #stranger typing

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