#really what it is is simply I'm Having My Very Exact Experiences and the internal philosopher symposium has it all covered | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

Visit Blog

Explore Tumblr blogs with no restrictions, modern design and the best experience.

Fun Fact

Tumblr has 16.74 million mobile monthly users in the US.

#really what it is is simply I'm Having My Very Exact Experiences and the internal philosopher symposium has it all covered

akatsuki-shin · 4 months

Text

The most painful thing about Geto's story for me is seeing his change from the beginning up until the moment before his death.

Probably it's because I watched the flashback in its chronological order (Season 2 Ep. 1-5 --> JJK 0 Movie), so I could get a better view and feels of his transition.

When he was still a student, putting aside all the shenanigans he pulled with Gojo and his other friends, we saw Geto as someone logical and level-headed. He has ethics, morals, and responsibility. To put it simply, if there's someone in that world who understand "with great power comes great responsibility" the most, it would be Geto.

Even after the trauma of witnessing those cult members happily giving standing ovation to Riko's death, he was still level-headed. He was in a dilemma, he was depressed, he started to hate and question "why do I have to protect these people at the cost of my comrades/my own kin?" But he still retained his logics and level-headedness.

Even at the very last seconds before he snapped upon seeing Mimiko-Nanako being tortured by the villagers, he was still trying to speak and explain things to them instead of just instantly went on a rampage on the spot. Had those people not insist on slandering and accusing Mimiko-Nanako, I'm pretty sure he wouldn't explode and massacred the entire village.

To be honest, when I watched the movie, the Geto Suguru who has become a cult leader who hated all non-sorcerers looks like a fake personality to me. Everything he said and did was the exact opposite of all the principles and moral values he used to speak of in the past. Throughout the movie, I kept asking myself "huh, is this really the same person?"

But his "fake personality" here wasn't meant to deceive other people. In fact, for me, I feel like he's actually been deceiving himself into believing that this is indeed the correct path for his life, the one he had chosen, and the one best for him.

Why did I say this? Because actually, even when he was falling into depression and ended up a villain, his true/real personality never actually disappeared.

Geto is a very caring and nurturing person. When asked if he wanted a sweet or savory snacks as souvenir, he didn't think about what he himself wanted but "Oh, I have a friend who likes sweets and he usually gets some, as well, so better get the sweet ones."

Despite already "fixing" himself into the villain role, he still took care of Mimiko and Nanako properly. He was like, what, 17-18 years old when he met them and he actually raised them into fine, healthy, proper young girls — outside of their hatred for non-sorcerers (which was caused by their personal childhood experience, so that's understandable).

And this real personality of his finally came out again near the end of the movie right before he died, when there was only Gojo there with him to listen to him speak about what he'd truly been feeling all this time.

When Geto said there was no way he could truly be happy/smile from the bottom in his heart in this world, IMO it's his most honest feelings. Because no matter which path he took, his internal conflict would never disappear for as long as he lived.

In canon, he took the most extreme way of eradicating all non-sorcerers. But had he not become a villain like this, had he chosen to live "normally," graduating from school, becoming a proper Jujutsu sorcerer, perhaps becoming a teacher with Gojo, his dilemma would persist when watching his comrades and students getting hurt and dying to protect the ignorant non-sorcerers every day.

And I'm sure he has already considered that possibility, as well, at some point before his death.

Geto Suguru isn't the kind of villain who wholeheartedly believed that he is in the right. IMO, he educated Mimiko-Nanako and his family (Miguel cs) into believing in the "justice" of Jujutsu Sorcerer Supremacy more for himself, to convince himself over and over again to stay in the path he already chose to take. Because deep down in his heart, he knew that there are actually other ways he could take — but he is already too far gone to turn around (and it's not like choosing a different route will give a better result because as I've explained above and he himself said, he already knows that there is no way he can truly be happy in this world).

This is a character who only appeared for not even 20 chapters in the manga; he also only got like 5 episodes + 1 movie in the anime. But his depth, background, and personality is that solid and his presence is that strong despite only existing in Gojo's flashback.

Beyond ships and all romantic headcanons out there, to be honest, if there is no Geto Suguru, I think the current Gojo Satoru now would not exist.

Yes, Gojo may still become the strongest sorcerer. Yes, he may still become a teacher and fight for the good purposes.

But he wouldn't have come to that much realization just how rotten the morality, regulations, and bureaucracy in the Jujutsu world is, to the point that he decided to dedicate himself to that extent to raise and nurture a new generation of sorcerers who can bring change to that rotten world.

(Disclaimer: Obviously, this is my personal opinion, so no need to take it as the truth and it's perfectly fine if you think differently. ^^)

#Jujutsu Kaisen #JJK #呪術廻戦 #Geto Suguru #headcanon #analysis #meta #i guess?

47 notes · View notes

dark--whisperings · 7 days

Text

💕Five Things I Like to Write About 💕

Thanks to @amadwinter for the tag!

I feel like these aren't going to surprise anyone...

Tonality, structure, & flow - One of my favourite parts of writing is conveying a certain tone with flow, metaphors, words, and even sentence structure. Most of my fics have a distinct theme, which I heavily lean into when writing (e.g. tension, curiosity, intimacy, guilt). I find a lot of joy in playing with words to see how I can change the tone of the same sentence simply by how I convey them. I often only start a fic with a basic idea of a prompt and the tone I'd like to communicate.

Angst & hurt/comfort - I'm a big fan of delving deep into the why behind a characters actions, and hurt/comfort & angst is a really good medium for this. I also just happen to particularly enjoy torturing Obi-Wan, so...

Kink & power exchange - Kink has been a part of my personal life for a really long time, and I've been fortunate enough to have some really fantastic experiences. I love to use writing to delve deeper into headspaces in scenes I've personally experienced, experiences that I might want to have in the future, or things that I have no personal interest in myself but am curious to explore with words. TMI? Probably. But writing is such a safe space for me to just... be.

Messing with traditional roles - Service tops? Dominant bottoms? GIVE IT TO ME. I just really enjoy fucking with the "norm", because the "norm" sucks. You know what also sucks? The fucking partriarchy.

Sensitive topics/dark fic - Alcoholism, addiction, unhealthy relationship dynamics, dead dove, internalized homophobia, questionable/lack of consent, coercion, dark fic... I love it all. My intent isn't to glorify these topics, the exact opposite actually. I've always been drawn to both consuming and creating dark media because I like how it makes me uncomfortable and re-examine my moral compass. Also, hopefully learn a bit more about some very real experiences people have had, because writing is a very common media for people to use to explore their traumas (myself included).

Some no pressure tags:

@tideswept, @renlyslittlerose, @usakostar, @underacalicosky, @tennessoui

#ask games #writing ask game #fanfiction by darkwhisperings

7 notes · View notes

comicaurora · 2 years

Note

Not Aurora-related, but I really like your answer in the recent OSPod about just clicking w/ the ace label but not having that same certainty about romantic orientations, because I think I'm that but in reverse-- it's only important to me that I'm aromantic.

So, thank you for putting it into words ^^ Have a nice Pride Month!

Ultimately we all gotta remember that labels are tools, not obligations. If a label helps you understand your wants and needs better, fuck yeah! If the label instead feels like a prison denying you growth and possibility, it's not helpful and you can drop it!

I think our growing awareness of the diversity of human sexuality and gender identity has sort of resulted in a feeling of "everyone has a special box they fit in with a flag and a community and a predictable suite of wants and needs". The problem is, almost nobody understands themselves down to the minutest perfect detail with no possibility of error, growth or change. What is an orientation, if not a broad-strokes categorization of "what kind of relationship would make this person most happy"? How bizarre is it to try and lock down a concept THAT complicated on the first try??

There's a joy in recognition of "oh, this is ME, I didn't know it was an option but there I am." In my experience it's a sense of sudden freedom - specifically the freedom to simply exist as one naturally and comfortably exists. But trying on labels that DON'T invoke that feeling can sometimes result in the exact opposite sensation; rather than giving oneself freedom, it feels like it's cutting off possibility. For instance, "am I gay? Then I guess I can never find men attractive, that's a shame…" is an indicator that this label may not be helpful to apply. Accuracy is not really the concern, but the "everyone has a box" mindset makes it SEEM like the concern. It's not about being comfortable or fulfilled, but about being accurately categorized.

Very personal anecdote on that note: I, like many people, spent some time questioning my gender. I have been tomboyish since pretty much day one, and was frequently bullied for unladylike activities as well as broadly battered by garden-variety middle-school misogyny. I was made to feel wrong for pursuing the interests I had while being female - whether that was sports, STEM, gaming, tree-climbing, wearing unfashionable pants, or a million other completely genderless things I happened to enjoy. It made it difficult for me to tell if I felt unhappy because I was being MADE unhappy, or if it was because I was fundamentally wrong about myself and could not be happy as I was. Eventually I concluded that every time I thought "maybe it would be better if I was a boy", it was in the specific context of "so I could do <thing I wanted to do>" or "so people would stop being shitty to me about <innocuous thing>". I realized I enjoyed being perceived as a girl and I enjoyed being capable of "manly" things. I liked being strong, gruff, loud, chivalrous, reliable - and I liked being pretty and having long beautiful hair and nice boobs. Admittedly it took me having an honest to god stress dream about growing a beard to finally shake the intrusive thought of "what if I'm wrong about everything and I really CAN'T be a girl while liking these things???" Internalized misogyny can fuck you up pretty hard, but in hindsight, the gut-wrenching disappointment I felt whenever I contemplated that possibility was a good sign that it didn't personally fit me. The trans friends I discussed this with affirmed my conclusion - "dread" is not the appropriate response to self-discovery in the pursuit of happiness. In my case I had simply been told "you can either be a girl OR you can do all this cool shit you like" and all I ever wanted was both - abandoning either one felt like giving up on something important to me. I did the gender questioning, concluded I was a cis woman, and then stopped thinking about it. And that was fine.

This is why I think the label "queer" is absolutely invaluable. I may not know exactly what my romantic orientation is and I don't know what exact subgender I could be classified as with "girl but in a dude way", but I know I'm sure as hell not what society assumed I should be. I don't know what box I fit in, but I'm dead certain where I DON'T fit. Who cares about the specifics? Nobody can know me better than I know myself, and demanding categorization I can't provide helps nobody and stresses everybody. The core desire of the queer community is to be able to exist in peace and pursue happiness. If a label helps you do that - an acknowledgement that you are known, seen, and not wrong or broken to exist as you do - then that's perfect. But if you don't NEED to categorize yourself in certain ways to be happy, you do not have to. Overlabeling can stress you out, and sometimes "oh no, what if I'm <thing> and I'll NEVER be able to be happy unless I COMMIT to that???" can be a very dangerous and intrusive headspace to spiral into. Things done in pursuit of personal fulfillment can NEVER be treated as obligations. It's okay to not be sure, and it's okay to NEVER be sure.

#asks #not aurora

243 notes · View notes

mistype360 · 30 days

Text

mbti/enneagram typing for @eheu-vae-mihi

enneagram: 3w4 so/sp 8w9 7w6 387

straight off the bat, the fear of not living up to standards suggests you're somewhere in the competency triad (1-3-5). this is also why you seem to detach a lot from your emotions. struggling with introspection and trying to work through things logically is very similar to what someone in that triad would experience. you seem much more like a 3/5, as a 1 would focus more on being morally perfect. so3>5, as 5's don't seem to care about the guidelines for success set by society as you mention ("getting a good job", "earning money"...).

your wing for the 3 wasn't too strong, and was pretty balanced between 4 and 2. usually when this happens, it means that the wing is a countertype (meaning, the specific subtypes defies the stereotype/general description). between sp2 and sp4, the way you almost internalize/repress emotions was more fitting towards a sp4. this, on top of your answer to dealing with shame, which was very much internalized.

the part about wanting to make a strong impact on the world gives feeling in mbti mixed with e3, with a little hint of 8. the 8 is especially seen in your descriptions of anger (many ppl think 8's are feral angry rats but most of them relate to your exact answer). being fiercely protective of those around you is epitome of so8, plus the fact that you hate being controlled by others .

for your 8, 9 fits perfectly especially with how you don't find yourself being good at self-reflection. also with how you aren't too sure of where you want to go, suggesting you struggle with identity like a 9 would.

something that really solidified the strength of this fix was how when your at your lows, you find yourself worried about things, feeling worthless, and feeling life has lost it's meaning, which is how a 3 and 9 would disintegrate.

your 9 and 8 seem pretty balanced. i don't think that you're either a 9w8 or 8w9 tbh, because you seem to use them in a way that is complementary to each other- not really that one is stronger than the other. but since your mbti is an entp it made most sense to type you as 8w9.

lastly, for the final fix of your tritype, i notice you mention you want to do things w/o worrying about repercussions, which is pretty similar to how an e7 would function. most of the reasons for giving you this fix were slightly sprinkled throughout your questionnaire, there wasn't an exact answer that led me to it. some sentences gave me the impressions that you do value gaining experiences, while also slightly 'security" focused, like a 7w6 would be. an example would be your curiosity answer about preventing a big situation in the real world from happening, which was small, but still pretty e6.

mbti: entp

imo, the way you structure your answers suggests a lot of ne. you consider a lot of possibilities in the way you respond to certain questions, which is something a high ne user would usually do. in my experience people who say "it depends" a lot are usually a mix of ne and ti.

maybe it's my washy speculation, or maybe the intent was to add more info?? either way, this wasn't the only reason i gave you this typing.

i'm honestly too lazy to format so i'm just going to list reasons why you seem high in ne and ti that i noticed:

you're curious about "why and how" things work

you think "the past is gone, no use clinging to it" and think the future is "what we want it to be"

🚪🚶is the se/ni in the room with us?

values logical consistency

the future "is moulded by our visions"

challenging authority by own ideas

there are moments where you do value efficiency and seem to like having a sense of concreteness in certain things, but imo that's more attributed to your 8 fix rather than simply just te.

you also do seem to show slight se, especially through learning things with application. but i don't think that this se necessarily trumps your ne. i think your enneagram explains why you display some stronger sensory traits (having all 3, 6, and 9 in your tritype def proves it), but again, looking back to your cores fixes, it points much more to entp.

#enneagram #mbti #entp #enneagram 3 #enneagram 8 #enneagram 7 #mbti memes #type 8 #type 3 #type 7 #3w4 #7w6 #8w7

4 notes · View notes

orionsangel86 · 10 months

Note

I think part of the reason Morpheus is often headcanoned as asexual in this fandom is a combination of people projecting (which is totally valid) and that there's a significant portion of the fandom who hasn't read the comics and only has the show to go off of. In my opinion, in the show he does have strong ace vibes. Much less so in the comics, but it's a lot easier to headcanon a character as ace when your first introduction to them gives you strong ace vibes. So there's probably a good number of people who still headcanon him ace even after reading the comics.

Personally, I just headcanon him as queer. My reason being that if you have a being that is basically the subconsious of all humanity averaged together, the odds of that person being straight is probably low.

As for there being discourse on his sexuality in the fandom: if there is discourse, I've missed it. Though there very well could be discourse on a side of the fandom I'm not in.

This is an interesting viewpoint bearing in mind I have been discussing the exact opposite opinion in a separate post in which we theorised that the show has played up Morpheus' sexual allure...

Without wanting to overspeak here, as someone who is not asexual and therefore cannot speak for that community, I think it is part of a wider cultural thing within fandom that people who are queer and in particular asexual and/or aromantic, tend to relate and imprint rather heavily on characters who tend to be non-human. I think there is probably an interesting psychoanalytical reason for this but its probably a bit too deep of a topic for me to tackle on a Sunday evening.

Dream is just the latest in a whole batch of non-human characters that often get depicted as asexual in their fandoms. I'm thinking characters like Aziraphale and Crowley from Good Omens, Castiel from Supernatural, The Doctor from Doctor Who, Spock from Star Trek, to name a few.

I can therefore understand why fandom may view Dream this way, even though canonically it isn't technically the case. I don't think there is any harm in it persay, though I think fandoms need to be careful about constantly headcanoning non human characters as ace because what does that say about real asexual humans? Asexuality is a human characteristic at the end of the day, and I wonder if this is just the latest in the trend of queer people in general being made inhuman and "monstrous" which goes all the way back to old hollywood monster movies.

I personally don't pick up any ace vibes from Morpheus in the show. I'm not really sure what I would be looking for regarding "ace vibes" anyway because its just simply a lack of sexual attraction, and I think both episode 6 and episode 11 make it quite clear he experiences sexual attraction, at least in my opinion and interpretation. If its his inhuman element that makes him appear asexual I'll be honest I find that a bit problematic, and I would ask asexual fans to also look internally as to the reasons why they associate inhuman qualities as asexual qualities. Of course if there are qualities he is presenting that can be compared to a lived asexual experience which don't relate to his inhuman nature at all then that is different, and I would like to know more about that since it is an interpretation I do not see and would like to read about.

My viewpoint is that he is quite a sexual character even in the show, and I thought this before I threw myself into the comics and audiobook. Other than episode 1, in which the show does a wonderful job of not sexualising or objectifying him outside of maybe Alex's gay awakening, even though he is completely naked throughout, once he has his clothes back on the show leans into the sexual chemistry he has with every single cast member to the point that its basically an in-fandom joke that Dream is a bit of a slut (affectionate).

Even in the cast interviews, this "Dream is a slut" viewpoint was already known about and acknowledged (thank you Kirby and Mason) so its not exactly a secret that the show is playing up the sexual elements even if currently they remain in subtext. Personally I doubt they will remain in subtext for very long and I think future episodes will quite likely lean into Dream's sexual allure and bring it more into the forefront. I am very curious about how they will adapt Tales in the Sand for instance, which is the only time in the comics that Dream has sex within the panels rather than "off the page" and since that version of Dream won't be portrayed by Tom Sturridge, I do wonder if maybe the show will decide to give us more Dream sex scenes - there is certainly an opportunity to bring Calliopes praises to life in the "show don't tell" manner, and we have yet to discover what they are gonna do with the Thessaly situation, or whether the intense sexual chemistry he had with Johanna Constantine will come to fruition.

I also can't not bring up Dreamling fandom here, because if my experience in Dreamling fandom has taught me anything about the general fandom opinion of Dream, its that the show has clearly encouraged an interpretation of Dream where he wants to climb Hob Gadling like a tree. Fandom hasn't giffed that particular smoldering heated gaze from 1789 20million times for no reason. They giffed it 20million times because it is fucking HOT and sexual and arousing and is the first indication we have in the entire show that Dream himself experiences sexual arousal - because he sure as hell looks aroused in that scene.

As always YMMV and everyone is gonna have different opinions and interpretations and they are all valid in their own ways. I dunno if there is actual discourse I just saw a few comments and wondered if there was. If it helps I also headcanon him as queer, because I think heterosexual is a much smaller limited box to try to shove such a grand and unknowable concept into. I doubt a creature such as Dream would ever limit himself to only one specific type of being, even if that is all the comics were willing to show us of his sexual and romantic history.

#dream of the endless #the sandman #sandman meta #sandman analysis #my opinions #ymmv #asks

16 notes · View notes

dorianbrightmusic · 7 months

Text

learned helplessness, & sweeping up internal/external hurricanes

i'd say one thing we don't discuss enough with mental health is the sheer terror of having something going on that you can't really describe, or that you don't comprehend well enough to be able to explain. so as a result, you end up dealing with some of the worst mental health symptoms you've ever had simply because you cannot describe them. a therapist, no matter how good, can seldom help if they don't know it's going on; and you can't tell other people that you're distressed, because if you don't get the wording right, they'll suspect you of something else, and then you'll have worried them without even getting help for the original distress.

when i first started having intrusive thoughts, i couldn't tell they were intrusive thoughts: i had an egosyntonic disorder at the time, meaning i couldn't really tell my own will apart from this other thing that was splitting my mind into little pieces. as such, i couldn't say 'i'm having violent intrusive thoughts', since i was scared that a part of me was genuinely turning violent. the result? i could only really articulate that i felt very afraid and unsafe, but not that 'i actually have this terrible feeling that i'm not in control of my body or mind'. trying to articulate 'i know it's irrational but every time i hear this song i wrote, i think i'm going to die, so i had to delete it from my computer and wipe the backup drives'?. couldn't do it, for it was something that could have made no more sense to anyone else than it did to me.

how do you articulate that your internal monologue doesn't feel like your own? you don't. it's not something that makes sense to you, so it'll certainly sound insane to anyone else. so you push it down and desperately hope it resolves. and it does, but the experience of not being able to talk about it, of not knowing what's going on and others never being able to understand when you try to explain – it's isolating, so isolating. so you learn to cling to any morsel of emotion, of validation, that you can get, and hence you learn to be disappointed, because you have an unspeakable conundrum. you hide each bit of yourself and then resent the fact that people complied when you instructed them not to go looking, and resent those who went looking and still never quite pieced you back together. nobody hurt you and nobody pushed you away and everyone was kind, but your experience is now fragmented, and if only someone could see that, could fix that.

i had a bad year last year—my memory gave out, and i lost a sense of joy. i saw static when i closed my eyes. at the time, this was called work-related stress. and sure, i was stressed; but 12 months later, i had a moment of sheer clarity in an elevator, where i finally could describe what'd happened. not just 'i was sad'. i had felt like i hadn't existed. my entire identity had ruptured and i was trying to pilot a body that didn't recognise itself. and that was the exact summation of it all, but had i been able to see that, let alone say that, at the time? no, and as a result, i learnt to be disheartened and afraid, and what was probably depression-adjacent at least and actual depression at most got brushed off as stress. which is fair, because overpathologising isn't necessarily helpful, but when you are lonesome, and you know there could have been an answer, a consolation————

that's the problem with mental health – you can't help someone who doesn't know what's happening to them, who thus can't communicate what's happening to them, unless you can somehow guide them to work out what's going on. and that's not something most people have time to achieve. the result is that we grow isolated and resentful because we didn't get the help that never could have been (but oh, if it could have been). and you stop trusting that people will hear you. given how many mental health symptoms are marked by that sense of not knowing what's going on – intrusive thoughts, dissociation, panic, demoralisation, anxiety, psychosis, trauma, detachment, despair – then it still is quite easy in today's world to feel a sense of becoming helpless to your own unspeakable terror.

#venting but also trying to make a point that hopefully someone else will feel heard out for #basically this is my way of complaining about mental health treatment as a whole rather than merely screaming my experience into the wind #(though i'm also screaming into the wind)#for the record i am much better now so please don't worry about me #tw ocd #(kinda? i never formally had ocd but there's enough adjacent content here that i don't wanna risk triggering anyone)#tw suicide #(i wasn't suicidal but again there's enough adjacent stuff that this could be triggering: hence the cw)#tw intrusive thoughts #intrusive thoughts #learned helplessness

9 notes · View notes

themarginalthinker · 10 months

Note

Since you have relationships in your VtM fick , how do you explore sex?

A lot of VtM debates if it exists in vampires and if desirable at all.

Does any of your own characters do it? Or even have the capacity to enjoy it?

Or are they more blood based in their relationships? Like eating each other or blood bonds?

My apologies for the awkward ask

I have seen the debates! Woof, trust me, I have...

this might get a bit long, so strap in.

What I think I'm aiming for for my larger 'this is my take on the mechanics of the vtm universe' are as such:

-Vampires are paradoxically able to feel more, and less, purely physically, than humans. They're more sensitive to changes in temperature, light, spacial awareness, sounds - but in terms of internal body, they've stopped most biological processes that don't directly feed into keeping the body moving and intaking information, which includes some involuntary reflexes like heartbeat, involuntary breathing (which they can still do voluntarily to speak), and reproductive processes. This simply means they will naturally have less of a physically-motivated sex drive than they used to have.

-This also means that they can become overstimulated so much faster and easier than humans. Too much light, too much sound, too much sensation all at once and it gets painful to go through for long. As much as I enjoy the aesthetic of vamps in da club, raves and danceclubs would be HELL for a Kindred's senses after more than an hour. Sex would be a little easier, but touching, kissing, it might get uncomfortable after too long.

-Blush of Life is a tricky ability, and what it actually means in play and how one can translate that into a story...eh? I work off a spectrum, for all Disciplines and abilities. Everyone is different. For some, you Blush and you can pass as basically human in every respect. Body temp, pupil dilation, saliva and other non-blood bodily fluid production, involuntary reflexes, the works. For others, they can maybe get their heart beating again, and get some extra heat in their skin, but that's about the extent of it.

-Even in real life, among allosexual people (hell, among ace people, of which I am one!) it really varies how much or little one wants sex, and for what reason, and with who. The key to making a good selection of characters and a good story that talks about this kind of thing is diversity. No single group of people are all going to feel exactly the same and experience exactly the same thing. Maybe someone who perviously had little interest in sex is embraced and suddenly realizes the heightened senses helps them get more into it, feeling more. And someone else may feel the exact opposite, who used to feel really good, now just feels overstimulated and too-much.

---here begins some slightly graphic discussion of anatomy and physical reactions, jsyk---

For my universe, really the only thing that must happen for comfortable, penetrative sex to happen, OR sex that involves genitalia such as fingering or insertion toys (and to an extent vibes and grinders) is: Blush of Life for persons with both a penis and a vagina. Blush of Life is what forces the body to create and maintain an erection and vaginal lubrication.

Everything aside from that? It's all up to the persons involved, and what they want from the experience. Sex doesn't just mean 'dick go in pussy for a few min and then done', there's a lot people can do with each other that can feel good, and orgasm doesn't have to be the end goal.

As for blood-drinking, bloodbonds and biting - that's REALLY up to the people involved.

Biting feels very, very physically good (unless you're Giovanni, rip lol) but...it doesn't always translate to 'orgasm' feelings. For some it's like shooting straight ecstasy, a head and body rush that feels almost painful it happens so fast and so harsh, while for others it's low and burning and lingers and can last for hours and hours. A lowgrade buzz that stays with you, but never makes you unaware of your surroundings.

Lots of Kindred pair the Kiss with sex because it enhances the experience, but I'd imagine just as many don't. You gotta ask before hand, I suppose. Or find out in the heat of the moment, lol.

I'd also imagine that, as a culture, fledglings are encouraged to try shit out with each other. It's a good, fairly safe way to learn what your particular brad of Kiss is like, or how you like yours in a way that doesn't risk the Masquerade.

The other bit of sliiiiightly non-canon worldbuilding in my take on the vtm universe is how bloodbonds work. As it turns out...it's again, a spectrum! Three is NOT the (literal) magic number. Certain people can be bonded well and truly after just one mouthful, or it can take ten full feedings to even BEGIN to feel the pull. Now, how susceptible they are to it depends largely on the bloodline and in some cases clan, but it's often a crap-shoot. 'Three' does seem like the line where the bond becomes most noticeable in the vast majority of cases, however. AND, furthermore, it can wear off!!

Yep. A bloodbond can wear off! Not unlike recovering from addiction, and it suuuuucks the longer you're in one, but it can happen. See, in my mind, the bond works by keeping the blood of the feeder Kindred within you, and it only stays within the feedee Kindred for so long, until their own vitae is cycled through with feeding on non-feeder blood. Like dripping food dye in a glass of water, and then exchanging some of that water for new water. Go without dropping new dye in, but keep feeding it new water, and eventually there will be no more dye in the glass.

This is also how some very smart blood leeches have learned to get what they want without becoming bonded. Feed from a huge selection of feeders, so that no one person's vitae is ever in their system long enough to form a bond before rotating back to them where they will be at square one again.

So, yep. Those are my baseline rules. To me, it never made sense to tie something like sex to humanity. (tbh, it feels like one of those 'if you don't want sex there's something WRONG and BROKEN with you!' ace/arophobic statements just retooled for a game...). People in my vtm universe have and don't have sex as much or as little as they prefer, in whatever ways they find comfortable, with whatever equipment they have to work with. Age also has very little to do with it, as I'm sure the clan 'closest' to humanity, The Toreador, would love to tell you alllll about.

As for what MY characters do/make of it? Well, that will be explored a little more in the fic! I will say though, a good number of them do, in various ways. This post has just gotten longer than I expected lmao sorry xD

Thanks for reading! I hope I explained it well!

#answered asks #vtm #vampire the masquerade #sexuality #sex discussion #do vampires fuck: yes #from your resident ace: LET THE VAMPIRES FUCKING FUCK #longpost #long post

4 notes · View notes

crowties · 2 years

Note

Talk about Bronya's third person thing! Do you think it's to do with neurodivergence?

Oh, absolutely! Honestly, anyone who says it's not because bronya's neurodivergent probably doesn't get her at all. Though I think there are also other factors like her views on her identity that play into this quirk of hers as well. The way she refers to herself in third person contributes so much to her character development and surprisingly, I haven't seen anyone talk about it yet, so buckle up folks!

To start us off, let's mention that it's been established that bronya started to use "the bronya" or simply just "bronya" to talk about herself instead of "I" or "me/my" very early on in her life. Dating back to 2012, when bronya was in the russian army (at age 12), you can see that even then, she used third person for herself. It isn't something that she's just picked up out of the blue, nor is it a phase of any sorts.

My take is that during her time in the army and cocolia's orphanage, bronya viewed herself as an asset of war - a tool of assassination, if you will - because that was what she was taught she should be for the majority of her childhood. Calling herself "the bronya" may have been her autistic way of expressing how she saw herself in a mechanical light back then. This is key to illustrate her relationship with her identity throughout the story.

When bronya joins st freya, she still uses third person. At someone her age, it may be considered childish, or even redundant to do so. However, she contradicts any such assumptions with her hard intellect and her knack for strategy. Here, you can see that she slowly gets back in touch with her sense of humanity (a great example is bronya frying her brain chip for mei). You would think that as she starts to learn that there is more to life than an order to shoot, that she would drop her soldierly way she calls herself, right? Not really. Not at all. bronya still continues to use "the bronya."

Even when she becomes the HoR, she doesn't use "I", nor does she use "me" or "my." In fact, at the end of the cyberangel cg, she says: "seele... bronya is coming for you." Additionally, her herrscher transformation canonically restores any brain functions she lost in the x-10 experiment. So, since she still speaks in third person after her transformation, we can safely say that it has nothing to do with any sort of brain trauma. Anyway. This is fundamental, because even after she reconnects with her humanity, her higher order emotions, and establishes a sense of wholeness and newfound determination, she is still "the bronya." This is because instead of changing what she calls herself, bronya chooses to redefine her title, and consequentially, her identity. "the bronya"'s definition goes from a cold blooded sniper to a girl that will put her utilitarian philosophies on hold to defend her loved ones.

APHO is a total gong show in the way that it erases all the internal progress that bronya has made in the storyline (along with her physical disability, which I talked about in a separate post). bronya takes noticeable effort to mask this trait of hers, as seen in the arahato conversation between her and mei:

What makes me blow comically large plumes of smoke from my ears is the line: "bronya has grown up." This insinuates that she may have been pressured into speaking in first person, because she never would have taken anyone's shit about her speech patterns when she was younger, so why did she now? It's also clear that she's actively suppressing it like STOP... WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT... But that's not what makes me totally furious. What has me going is this line from the first half of the soq arc:

SHE'S SAID THE EXACT SAME THING ALREADY. And after stating that she was grown up, she still proceeded to use third person, which means she herself didn't see this particular speech pattern as childish: someone imposed that idea onto her later on in APHO. It's blatant erasure, which is why I'm taking everything that happens there with a grain of salt.

I've gone a little off the rails. Back on track! With all being said, it's plausible to say that bronya's third person referral is not a trauma response, nor is it a childish phase or even brain trauma, but rather an autistic trait, and a catalyst to illustrate her relationship with her identity.

My little tldr mic drop for this is that throughout the main hi3 storyline, bronya has consistently referred to herself in third person, and this habit comes from a neurodivergent way to express herself, along with how she viewed herself as time passed. In the early stages of her life, "the bronya" was best described as a figure of war and assassination. In the middle stages of her arc, "the bronya" is someone who is learning what it means to be human. near and at the last stages of her latest appearance, "the bronya" is a fully fledged HoR successor with a drive to defend everything and everyone she loves.

She has always been "the bronya," the only difference is that she is rewriting what that title means to her.

#bronya zaychik #mine #hi3 #apho #btw we know shes 12 when she joins cocolias orphanage because when seele gets kidnapped the azure waters manga states that it was 2012 #which was shortly after bronyas enrollment #and she was born in 2000 #anyways this is what i meant when i said i could talk about her for ages #i tried to make this as lore accurate as possible #but i am still human please feel free to correct any mistakes #asks

29 notes · View notes

natandacat · 2 years

Note

Cooking question : how comes that so many people on the Internet are able to cook without measurements or precise cooking times ? I know the day I will have to start to learn to cook I will absolutely need very precise recipes and I already feel so lost

Hi!!!! Cooking question :D So I'm definitely not the best cook, but I'm very decent and do cook every day (when health permits it)

I can give you my perspective as someone who struggles with precise recipes.

Basically it comes down to experience and practice: if you have cooked the same thing 100 times, following exact instructions is gonna be frustrating. It takes a lot of concentration, it might not be the right instructions for your equipment, it might not be working with the exact same ingredients you have on hand. And if you have cooked that thing or similar things 100 times already, you already know most of this! You know it even better because you have adapted to your equipement/ingredients/personal taste.

However if you haven't cooked that thing 100 times, you absolutely do need instructions. That's where exact recipes come in. For example, I never bake (beside bread and other bready stuff) so my cakes are really bad because 1. I don't intuitively know what the batter is supposed to look like so I don't adjust accordingly and 2. Exact recipes are just really hard to follow for me (make my brain hurt). As I make more cakes though, I keep getting better because I'm learning more and more what the batter IS suposed to look like and what that means in terms of ingredients and steps etc. The real reason why my cakes are still bad, is because I genuinely don't love cakes so I never bake them! The one cake I bake every year though, is becoming really fucking good.

So when you see people giving each other what looks to you like vague recipes, you are simply looking at 2 people who already know how to cook similar things and have that frame of reference. You don't have it atm, so look for more precise recipes! People who have been cooking for a long time and are not pros might not be good at giving them to you (because so much of the steps are internalized/changed based on our day to day circumstances, that we don't always know how to reverse engineer that knowledge)

We can try though! Never feel bad about asking specific questions. But what's important is that you remember that along the way, it's important to pay attention to how things look/smell/feel/taste as you follow the instructions, because that's what's gonna teach you how to cook in the long run. If you're too focused on the steps and don't pay attention, you won't be able to improve that recipe in the future. Of course at first it's normal that you will be so focused that you won't be able to pay attention!

Learning how to cook takes a lifetime, so don't stress and have fun, as long as it's edible you're not doing anything too wrong (and even if it's inedible it's often a necessary step! My first bread was so awful we threw it away immediately ahah)

If you need ideas for staple things to cook for every day eating, don't hesitate to ask for pointers! I know I tend to just go back to the same basics esp in between groceries when I can't make actual "dishes" (the ones with names lol)

#i am gay i love cooking #asks

2 notes · View notes

randomclam24 · 3 months

Text

I just kind of realized out of necessity, Donald Trump as he was valued, as a precedent-setter candidate, did nothing to install new /ourguy/ candidates even immediately after he was there, because after all the grifters are weeded out, there's the usual GOP as it is

His campaign proves that we already have the people willing to see the country driven as it was supposed to be, but it's the indoctrination process undergirding politicianhood preventing anyone from being a Jeb Bush at any given moment at all times. Are you going to address the implicit groomers in the indoctrination process to being a politician? That's what all these pundits on mainstream news are concerned about - are you really going to - and that's batshit - he never did

2/6 Today I miraculously woke up at 7am and actually went out shopping with my mom even despite the gangstalking

We actually didn't fight today. It went well, and I carpooled to do my minimal shopping along the same trip

It was still pretty awkward, with songs guessing what I was going to do, and then me having to back off playing into feelings of allegiances over stimulation to what I was simply already thinking myself

More importantly, I realized today that it's very easily that I accept unconsciously that my personal takes as I call things are not important - we don't want that. This is on a deeper level It would have been easy to think that it doesn't exist if I had just kept silent. Explaining things gains conversationally to a point that the other person's personal experiences are related, but that comes at the expense of the actual take(and then I go back to thinking that it's okay that I never got my voice heard) Getting the personal observation across is pushing a boulder uphill

Update With the way after this session effectively I thought things were going to go a little different - I have a resume to flesh out for a job posting that finally got posted as described from this program Imgur suddenly drops "We've change things a little here!", with, when you look at the thing described, is the exact system of uploading previously (since I've been doing this practice of going back to abandoned focuses to explain my real "aha moment" to my mom as it had been established by today), it's suspicious as hell when that contours my exact thought pattern (I'm going to make expressing my real feelings more accessible, even though it's prototypically exactly what I've been doing previously)

It's like, they can't *do* anything without not my greenlight per se but my overt "okay" - I must have placed my faith soundly in something they have complete control over.

I'm scared as hell over getting back into the grind after summer 2021 ramping up gangstalking. I explained just that I'm sqeamish to the point I need a work-from-home job

2/7 I don't have a particular reason for using this example other than it was the one that was brought up to produce this reaction - Van Halen - Jump was I figured released in the 80's and I wanted to know if my mom would have been in her prime around that time, and she just said it's just a *stupid* song

My basic reaction is that there isn't a basis for that, but seeing as it was so deep a reaction it just came compulsively without any worries over the fact, it must have come from self-image.

The fact that the act of saying that in itself is going to be what yields to being perceived as like a "cult of personality" - I don't know how to navigate with people going forward

2/10 night Basically yes, I've had to come back to the fact that Silent Hill 4 is basically the only content that's surely going to be useful to this movement

Something I want to say, though: Common Filth's idea of provincialism, I had: the logical conclusion as it is the *concept* is a system like feudalism was a response to outside invaders with regards to the like of international banking. They're, by the fact of not having this complete unrest as the inevitable conclusion, not even doing that - fundamentally - that isn't the ultimate of what the people are doing - not at all

Update My mom when I was young was like, man, what's wrong? You should have girls all over you! That's not what this is. People fundamentally are in perpetuity what you call "on their way", and I'm a nuisance on time. Automatically, they say you would be a lot more attractive if you just ["shut the fuck up and do nothing" - David Rothschild, addressed broadly to Dumpft]

Update I end up thinking, people at their base state is their ultimate striving, to which it satisfies. If that weren't the nature, as Satanists predicate on, there would not exist a deep state - *it is*

People need a supply(, to which there is an inevitable supplier). When I go at that, it runs off as, *all* I'm attacking is capitalism

Update And preceding a movement, which is a defunct term in our sense ['We' I guess in a very loose sense - ("Who's "we"? we need to **get** rid of those")]

I have to consider the implications of having everyone doing Silent Hill 4, because that's the only thing this concerns: every other need preemptively is satisfied via controlled debauchery: in and of itself. That's all our people want.(The *remaining* of those in the Trump crowd rallies, meaning any of the actual crowds, weren't *even* dissident-right(, signaling what we fundamentally really *exist* posing[You think we *pose* anything? ("**We'll** do something about em")]))

Even though I haven't seen it, Astronauts Gone Wild is the only reaction garnered from *real* activity, seeing as everything else has already been firmly and *soundly* resolved through *controlled* debauchery(The Sexual Revolution was in the *sixties* - you're missing if you have to see this).

Update (That yields to a disturbing concept, that, those crowds aren't real Trump supporters, like Silent Hill school wasn't the real school)

Update What are the real crowds?

Update Cancel mob culture holds the depth in energy you alternative right-wing supporters in your "movement" merely claim

** The reason the left is low-energy is because they're being given a do-nothing "I won't incite the in-store 'Astronauts Gone Wild' energy because I'm being a good goy" movement on all fronts from all we even after this is long blown over would ever have seen ** [That's where I would have to cut you off - these so-called dissidents would stab you with the ice pick in the back of the neck if you went on (And that's what we're not internalizing (That's how pathetic we are.) Our so-called energy in "dissidence" has been *against* people like Common Filth specifically, in itself. The *rest* is just *sexual* angst.)]

Remember how HIllary specifically got passed the oranges down the aisle, on the plane with the messages being passed forth? You are that deliberately - why It's like: *I'm looking at this all wrong*. (I'm supposed to see it as that in my act of self-agreement.) They're all in this togther, even the Trump supporters(apparently [apparently? evidently]). I even internally called out the explicit stipulation of the low energy being a requirement to set the stage for the likes of being passed message-oranges - it's like, Trump's just picking fun at us in this act of his of calling it out, like, keep doing your thing boys, I'll just keep being sitting here, dogwhistling(That pretty much sums up what *anyone* is out here doing, being [basically meaning it's all identity masturbation])

Now that it's established that leftists have the depth of energy - people **like** sex

Update By these days it is revealed, "All I see", as an argument against motivatedness for their enemies, is always about propping up on deliberate belation of contact

2/11 Summing up, I checked on the series and returned to the last major area of Silent Hill 3. Eventually, since I wasn't really about to be doing it for its own sake at the time being, I got tired but wouldn't give up, so I ended up doing things a little different where I actually used the blocking move and even banked on it, realizing that the sound made was basically a basketball sound, for some reason, and that's about where it hit me, because it was so obvious, this is obviously not the kind of thing that plays into the era of gaming where also MGS was fresh and even on the same console, but the kind of memetics that would have come out into Monogatari, with weird animal representations

Basically what it comes down to is, it's well-circulated, if not among people, then only among the elites, major league sports was devised as a schematic to divert people's attention off of what would naturally be for military activity

There's no use arguing about it. Having no connection left unsevered to the outside world, we're fully contained as zoo animals.

2/17 Because I finally caved to the desire to make a shitpost mod of Baldi's Basics, but didn't want to be bothered with other engines than the latest commonly-used rendition of Doom Builder, I tried the proof-of-concept of Baldi's Basics actually being recreated losslessly in Doom. Scaling the textures to integrate with Doom's native textures is actually relatively easy, but to actually sell the vibe of the map, at the map level it had to be scaled down specifically, and that invokes UDMF texture scaling, which doesn't work in GZDoom's mapping format in GZDoom for some reason, whereas ZDoom's mapping format does work in GZDoom

I was really only going to do this for a goofy edit

2/18 In analog horror or just the general atmosphere surrounding it, everybody is ultimately copying Chuck E Cheeses, but in the thick of it, nobody remembers actually Chuck E Cheeses, and I just remember good vibes from an era when we didn't have mostly more negative vibes from that, over that one time my parents actually allowed me to go one time without them blowing their stack over all the little kids going there (that's where I discovered the Jurassic Park 1994 2.5D arcade for more than one person)

Update Further from the memory, though, there was this one machine where you're supposed to time a button press in time to catch a falling thing, and it turns out after the fact you've already put in the quarter it's at the moment the quarter registers that the thing falls, not after a button press after the quarter has been entered

I don't trust negative vibes, but I get what you're saying, that was a scam

Update https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MUuH0288jbY&list=PLZc9zR5LdxbpkgjwpFS9FhL_OLh_w5XNF&index=10 at around 0:29

I don't know. Does knowing about Silent Hill music make you special?

I'll bet most people making unironic analog horror don't know about Silent Hill.

People knowing about Silent Hill are sitting around with analog horror going on

I say that in a dismissive way, but with all things taken into account, it's a little sad (we're just sitting here)

Update I don't know, but I have an incredible romanticism that I interpret out of the theory of Siren the series, as it is (indeed) the spiritual successor to Silent Hill, made up largely by post-employees of Team Silent, but no one talks about that

The entire theory of it (I think) is that you have to have everything of the previous installment in order, to do the following, so with Siren, the tension is insanely high, so naturally I don't play it

Update Even though it really technically shouldn't be posted

As it comes to the point of Siren that it wasn't even released in America, like I feel it sometimes incidentally anyway

I won't continue on imgur, but as I posted under "extreme casual racism" there, where is it about race? it's about the world we live in - sometimes I get the organic urge to spam the gamer word, and it's not for hate.

Although a great majority of minorities genuinely don't care about the specific country we live in - like what scope do you think that is? and how much of people even care, when they're talking about politics, at that scope to begin with - you could care less whether America lives or dies

Update That what the founding fathers intended is left to just be a minor anecdote in our virtue-signaling makes me wonder what we're living in

2/22 I remember exactly why I didn't want to do Monster Energy anymore - after today's shopping all but physically carrying my mom the whole way on my back, you can be starting to crash, drink Monster Energy, and continue to completely crash.

Some things picked up uniquely from recent accumulated Siren study videos showed a few common themes, which the gameplay itself really isn't there talking about - and I don't do sidequesting-type content on my own

To keep it straight to the point, the focus is of the nature of the town as attunement to this other plane, and after the quip from Common Filth about the elites with the religion that they personally hold, placing the focus for all of us on what happens on "the astral plane", that begs the serious question Moreover, the way I interpret, because based on reality there's no other-plane involvement but a set virtual scenario context that feels to be implied by gangstalking, the comparison by Common Filth, especially with his coining of "embroilment" when there demonstrably is none on my end where it would imply the most broadly, is that there is such embroilment on the end of elites - as I said, *vicariously*

Update I suppose the exact reason Siren 2 wasn't bothered to be released in North America is the same reason liberals are by and large the most insane here - they feel the feeling that they can say "everything is racist, everything is sexist, and you have to point it all out" sans any reason to be saying it - it's fact America, and I suppose North America, following America by and large, is consumerist, rooted on this level If that's the sense of things liberals are getting at, with the way Siren's facial projections have been coined in some of these videos as "deep into the uncanny valley", basically like Monogatari concludes, it doesn't even matter if the main character is a pedophile. That's not the depth of it. "Republicans" - and this, having to do with more specifically us, must define what has been called whiteness as opposed to the race, because not even Europeans have people bite into them as much over this - providing this cultural perpetual lid-covering - (Is there this real reason the jew from the sewer in New York City was so pushed?) are providing a front for something much deeper (which makes no sense out of specific context - no one is doing ( - but then to say "this", which concludes it as the specific context, is not apparently but evidently speaking atrocities))

Update (The lid self-uncovering - oh no they couldn't safeguard our consumerist lifestyle held fast enough) Look - Republicans are what have been called obsessed. That's the reason for their so-called "disseminating" - these are concepts which have been disseminated for however many

2/23 night

So I don't forget as easily, the next massive theme for the game Siren is the years it is attuned to: 1976, pertaining to the ritual, and 2003, in my eyes pertaining to the thematics as released in its timeline of spiritual succession, Silent Hill 3 Although this was deleted from an imgur account being deleted, the 70's is debatably the contentious time in U.S. history associated with the depth of their pearl-clutching. Also, it was allegedly a time when people were feeling hopeless, like they had no hope. This also happened to be after the Sexual Revolution What happened after this? The advent of Star Wars, famously What followed? The Golden Age of Hollywood

2/24 night It's the thing I would never do: hold myself fast while already standing in one position

The same applies sitting at the dinner table, holding position in a congregation, or sitting in formal and not comfortable seating

2/25 The two Five Nights at Freddy's games I never played are three and four. What is different now? The main themes are a struggle that happens inside of you. There is no reason to externalize it into a full experience for its own sake. I'm confident this forcing into external matters is the picturesque reason they call you obsessed

Update

It is obvious the Left is who would be meaningfully using these sources, but as soon as I thought of setting myself to the gameplay of the original, I thought of what is the subtitle to the Americanized later release, blood curse

The review will be long and arduous

2/28

I'm basically asking for handouts here

"Larry David Seems Pretty, Pretty, Pretty Close to Ending 'Curb Your Enthusiasm' With a Re-Do of the Seinfeld Finale"

People didn't need to watch SNL or in general, TV to form their cultural understanding It's just the way Trump supporters, when they appear on TV in general, as the example, present themselves like they already want to be a Rothschild agent or something - they don't even have to watch

3/2 Our celebrities abjectly just sexualize being pitted against adversity for its own sake

Update I didn't like the conclusion of the game, but I figure Blight Dream applies to these Nick Fuentes wannabes whom he says should be "generational" - it's not the 70's

3/3 The new messaging on Panera - we know you're already going to do this habitually, might as well make it pedophilia Common Filth's I guess communally accumulated knowledge of Elon Musk's virtual existence, I do experience that; Pitfall - the Lost Expedition's first genuine level celebrates the Hollywood world-affirmation as of circa 2004

3/4 night People under what conditions people call "incel", not having split personalities by which to experience being God vicariously themselves, with these steady barkings at the system which discard subconsciously, by the way (this is what, the very thing, SOAD meant of plastic existence), once one begins to break rank of faith of their people to break *out* of that four-walls psychology they're baked into - that's where you originate **your own phrase** (not ours) - "you asked for it" - under the jurisdiction of Christ, we *handle*

Look. I betrayed you people- That gave them jurisdiction.

Yeah no - that's exactly why these people keep their subconsciousnesses clean in order so that they can *do* all [] this business in and of itself - you all just couldn't do it because you wanted to keep to yourselves - you did this to yourselves

0 notes

servin-up-surveys · 10 months

Text

survey #173

Have you ever had a sexually gay experience? Yes.

Do you find any of your friends hot? Yeah, I'm not really shy about this, especially with my female friends. You can find someone physically attractive but not pursue them romantically or truly sexually.

Are your legs freshly shaven? No. As my legs are getting stronger though, and I'm losing weight and just moving more comfortably, I might start doing it again soon-ish. I'm just so, SO self-conscious of how dark and hairy my legs are, but I don't want to hide them my whole damn life. I simply do not have it in me to be confident as a hairy woman, blame society on that one. Anyone seeing them right now mortifies me.

Does your best friend wear glasses? Yes, otherwise he's blind as shit like me lmao

Have you ever woke up crying from a bad dream? Yes, this is extremely normal, especially with my nightmares/terrors.

Who knows more about you: online friends or offline? Online by fucking far. I'm so much more open about myself with people online.

Does your family own any land? No.

Who is the oldest sibling in your family? Katie.

Are you close to any of your aunts/uncles? No; not because I don't want to be, they just live primarily in New York and Ohio and I've only seen the ones I still associate with a couple of times. I don't remember my dad's sister at all, and my mom's sane brother is someone I also only have faint memories of; I was particularly close to his wife when I visited, she helped me through a panic attack.

When was the last time you were in a hospital? March 2022.

Do you plan on losing weight any time soon? I've been in a veeeeeeeeeeery slow process of massive weight loss, but now that my hypothyroidism is adequately medicated and I'm being more attentive than ever with what I eat and drink, + exercising some, I've been losing weight again. It's way slower than I want, but I know slower is better anyway.

What do you think of people who get drunk every weekend? It doesn't seem very responsible, however so long as they're not operating machinery like cars and not hurting themselves nor others, adults can do what they want.

Are you looking forward to anything? I don't know what yet, but yeah; Girt's mom wants to plan a family thing to do, which always includes myself and Mom, and I absolutely always love doing family stuff with them. I've been really emotional lately over how ignored me and ESPECIALLY Mom are by both my sisters, and the more I do stuff with my boyfriend's fam and feel actually wanted, it makes the realization of how unwell things really are in my immediate family hurt much worse.

What was the last bad news you heard? Well I've learned our landlord has been mentioning to Mom the possibility of her selling the house, which would kick us clean out of it, so that's cool. I should mention us moving in here was her idea, by the way.

What was your GPA in high school? I know it was over 4.0, but not the exact decimal number.

Do you require a lot of private time? Absofuckinglutely, that's how I refresh and am able to be a tolerable person to be around.

Do you know how to play any odd instruments most people can't play? No.

Have you ever had a parasite before? omfg no I'd rather fucking die. I've had ticks on me before, but nothing internal, and ticks never stayed on long because I've always been horrified of them so I got them off immediately.

Have you ever been punched in the face before? No, I've never been punched at all, and I'd like it to stay that way.

Are there regular trains in and out of your town/city? Yes. It's certainly not a major train station, but it exists.

Do you bathe your pets regularly? No; none need that. I recently did give Venus a soak for the very first time because she shed very poorly (I struggle SO FUCKING BAD with maintaining humidity in that terrarium) and I was so proud of her, she did excellent and even seemed to enjoy it; I'm sure the extra hydration was great for her, too. She behaved so well, especially with loosening her eye caps; snakes generally aren't big on their heads being touched, and that goes for Venus too, but there wasn't a single hiss or anything out of her.

What was the last animal you saw, and was it a pet? I can see Roman (cat) snoozing in the doorway.

Who was the last person you messaged on Facebook? Girt's sister Ashley.

When was the last time you saw them? A few weekends ago.

Where do you see yourself in a year? Hopefully employed (this is what I want more than anything else), maybe living with Girt. I hope I'm much healthier/fitter.

[TW: OVERDOSE/SUICIDE] Do you know anyone who has overdosed? Well yeah, me, but obviously it didn't take me out because I got help fast enough. I know at least one person (but I think more) who died of it, but I'm certain I know multiple people who have attempted. It is sadly a very common way out of life.

Where are your siblings as of now? I know my older sister is on vacation with her family; Nicole's either at home or there with Ash, I feel like she was planning on going where Ash did, too. Maybe for only a day or something, idk, I'm never in the fucking loop of what my sisters are doing.

Have you ever lost anyone close to cancer? Anyone emotionally close to me, no humans, but I've lost pets to it, most horrifically in Cali's case because the tumor (I can't recall what cancer) ruptured and was basically crushing her lungs. Dale died of like... thyroid cancer or something, I can't recall, and it's definitely possible that Teddy had something cancerous going on at the time of his death, but I'm not sure on that. His situation was mostly age and definitely something neurological when the seizures started. My rat Tezzeret was euthanized due to cancer in one of his eyes. I ALMOST lost my mom to cancer, she's had it twice and the second go was a literal fucking hair from terminal, but she's impressing absolutely everyone - even her doctors - with how well she's managed. She's strong as a goddamn ox.

Do you personally know anyone who is transgender? Yeah, multiple friends of mine are.

When was the last time you got a shot? ugh when I had my last wisdom tooth taken out; they gave me numbing shots of course, but I'm very convinced this dentist went a bit too hard or SOMEthing, like he made me stretch my jaw open as much as I could before doing the injections, and it took MANY days for my jaw in that area to stop hurting, like it was affecting my ability to open my mouth and eat.

Have you ever been into a car accident? Yes, and ever since then I've been terrified of cars/driving. It was only my mom's driving skill and quick thinking that saved us from flipping over and the accident being far worse, apparently.

When was the last time you spent over $100 in one transaction? What did you buy? Around a month ago when I got my tattoo finished.

Are you a breakfast person? Yes, I don't understand how some people regularly go without it.

What type of books do you like to read? Young adult fantasy, especially when animals or mythical creatures are involved.

How do you get rid of hiccups? Literally no method works for me; I've had hiccups for over a straight hour on multiple occasions, they don't fucking stop when I start.

Do you have any healthy addictions? Not really, that I can think of.

Do you pay much attention to speed limits while driving? When I did drive, yeah, I did. I didn't fuck around with driving safety.

Which parent was more strict when you were growing up? Mom, in all honesty Dad did basically nothing to truly raise us.

Have you ever watched The Golden Girls? Yes, I absolutely love that show. Mom would watch it a lot while I was growing up so I've liked it a long time.

Do you like getting dirty? No, it honestly stresses me out.

Are you a very flirty person? Not in general. I flirt with my boyfriend a lot, mostly in a silly and playful way, but if you're not my s/o, I don't flirt.

Who was your favorite babysitter? One of our childhood neighbors that my sisters and I knew as "Uncle Donny," even though he wasn't related to us. He and his wife Janet were the grandparents of a girl named Jennifer, who lived a few houses down from us and was friends with my older sister Ashley, so they would keep us if needed. They were such a sweet family; Janet's been dead (diabetes complications, pretty sure) for many many years, and it's heartbreaking to realize that by THIS point, Uncle Donny probably is too. They were already up there in age, and Donny was never the same after Janet passed.

Do you believe in the death penalty? In very extreme cases where you show literally no interest in changing as a human and have proven you're a genuine danger to the public, yes. The only devils exist on earth, and a person is absolutely able to become one that no longer has the right to be here. I do wanna emphasize though, I am talking EXTREME cases, and those where there are no "maybe"s about their innocence.

Name a person that you can’t stand and tell us why? My somehow-once best friend Colleen, because I have never in my life met a person as hateful and self-important as her. It's embarrassing to even say we were ever friends at any point; we've always been immensely different people, but I guess that's what loneliness does to people, you accept any friendship presented to you.

If you could have a video of one event in your life, what would the video be? I'd love to have a video of my and Girt's first interaction, because I'm actually unsure of what it was and I'd REALLY like to know.

What is the most illegal thing you have ever done? Ridden with a driver that was high, probably. It was one of the scariest moments of my entire life, I was scared to tell her no. If we got pulled over, literally both of us would have gone to jail.

Last person you sang happy birthday to? My niece Aubree.

What form of government do you like the most? (capitalism, socialism, etc.) I can't answer this, I am way too uninformed on these topics, and there are quite a few forms of government. I CAN tell you capitalism isn't the fuckin way though; living in North America, this is one I know the dangers of. I see it and live it.

Is there a song you can’t handle listening to, even though you like it? I physically cannot listen to "Stairway to Heaven" by Led Zeppelin. I fully expect to experience a panic attack. It's a song I don't even let "play" in my head, I can't.

Last time you saw fireworks? A couple nights ago, out the window.

Do you have a black dog? No, she's white and brown.

If you took someone on a tour of your town, what would you show them? Uhhhh... I guess my go-to would be City Lake, which is a small lake obviously with a big fountain and surrounded by a walking path, and there are lots of metal art sculptures around it to check out. There are fishing spots and also some seed dispensers to feed the ducks and geese, which are really prevalent here because they've LOOOOONG since learned they get fed; the waterfowl diversity is my favorite part. The only other place I can think of is the art + science museum we have here. It's not a great museum, like your big, beloved museum destinations make it look like a shitfest, but it's SOMETHING okay, this place sucks lol. Actually after the lake we can go to dinner at Chico's, it's this Mexican restaurant literally right beside the lake alongside the Tar River. Chico's isn't the building itself, it's a big brick building with a high tower for something, I can't remember what for the life of me, it just includes the restaurant, and I always thought their decor was cool.

Have you been to the capital of your state? Yeah, it's only like, 50-ish minutes away, and I've had many doctors located there. Plus I always go to their Cheesecake Factory on my birthday lol

Would you be more in your element camping in a tent or an RV? RV.

#survey #surveys #random questions #personal questions #questionnaire

0 notes

bitcofun · 2 years

Text

This is a transcribed excerpt of the "Bitcoin Magazine Podcast," hosted by P and Q. In this episode, they are signed up with by Korok Ray to speak about Bitcoin being incorporated into curriculum at the university level. Watch This Episode On YouTube Or Rumble Listen To The Episode Here: Apple Spotify Google Libsyn Q: Bitcoin does not constantly have the most favorable belief around it. There are some extremely enthusiastic individuals who feel highly versus Bitcoin, particularly those in academic community. I'm curious what discussions resemble with a few of your coworkers who might not always see Bitcoin in the exact same method that you see it. Korok Ray: Yeah. I dealt with a great deal of these discussions when I attempted to run my conference. I will state, initially amongst the universe of universities, Texas A & & M would most likely provide Bitcoin as reasonable a shake as any university. There are other universities that are, I would state, actively hostile. My school and my coworkers were more neutral. They resembled, "Why Bitcoin, why not some other coin? Who cares actually? Why should we head out and have a conference about this brand name brand-new innovation? Why do not we simply relax and wait and let the marketplace see if this has any worth?" That was more of my experience from my associates here. They were a little less unwilling to plant a flag and take a position on Bitcoin particularly, or perhaps crypto. A few of them were stating the whole crypto area is too speculative. "We're universities. We wish to be a bit more sluggish and intentional and backward-looking." Personally, I believe that's an error. I believe universities need to be positive and we need to take a position and we need to speak from a location of conviction. We need to determine what our company believe, have a dispute about that and after that we can check out various concepts based upon those beliefs. Today, a great deal of what's occurring in universities is that it's not actually a location free of charge speech any longer. If you've got a various set of beliefs than then you can struggle with that, internally. I believe what takes place in the scholastic neighborhood, particularly amongst economic experts, extremely normally, are quite agnostic. I would state it's varying from hostile, at worst, to agnostic about Bitcoin. I believe a great deal of this, they simply do not truly comprehend it and they're not ready to attend to and comprehend it for what it is. I do not believe it's a mishap for me to state that no financial expert might have made Bitcoin. Our training in the economics field, we simply do not have the abilities or the understanding to be able to really take a concept and execute it in a genuine method. Economists are fantastic at discussing things that have actually occurred in the past, or attempting to use some unclear forecasts about the future, where they do not have any skin in the video game. That's generally what economic experts do, both scholastic and expert financial experts. A few of my coworkers around the U.S. (when I was attempting to get them to come speak at my conference and address Bitcoin) the very best of them would state, "I do not understand adequate about it, so I'm not gon na speak." So that resembled the very best. The worst responses would be things like, "Whoa, I dunno if I think Bitcoin, however I think blockchain innovation might be great." You would get some nonsense responses like that. I believe eventually it's since of the scholastic neighborhood, like I stated previously, they're not structured to be able to comprehend Bitcoin and you need to be a bit of a misfit, as I've ended up being, to be able to really resolve what Bitcoin is intellectually in a truthful method since you need to have the ability to desert specifically counting on your own discipline and welcome numerous disciplines at the same time and attempt to see how they mesh, which is what I believe Bitcoin carries out in a stunning and remarkable method.

I believe it's still a continuous fight. The fight that I prepare to combat in my profession in my life is to assist inform others about Bitcoin and what it is and how it works. I believe we have the best concepts on our side and gradually we can persuade the scholastic neighborhood that this is beneficial and this deserves studying and this deserves understanding. Read More

0 notes

sleepy-shutin · 2 years

Note

i hope you don’t mind me sending this to you, i genuinely appreciate your presence on my dash and seeing the work you put into informing people. i guess it just feels so alienating sometimes as a DID system, like trying to connect with other DIDOSDD systems. i haven’t had this experience on tumblr really but there was a period of time i tried to join the very few (at the time) anti-endo discord servers to try and connect and it was honestly just..uncomfortable? like, all of them forced us to have a system name, which the majority of my system doesn’t really like at all. weirdest thing ive ever experienced in them though is that i’m 99% sure one of them like, copied my alter who was active in them? right after she joined and made an intro post, like within a few hours, someone made an intro post with an alter with the same exact hair color (unnatural color so it was less common), similar facial appearance in general, very very similar personality at a surface level, name started with the same letter, which again maybe i’m overthinking it but it just felt so strange and left a bad taste in our mouth. i’ve just felt very alienated as a system sometimes because i don’t relate to the tik tok image of like, very obvious switches with full blown cosplays every time a certain alter is out, and it makes me doubt myself a lot because we don’t like having a system name, we don’t do wigs or makeup when we switch, we don’t have typing quirks or any fictives at all, we don’t sign posts or have pluralkit bios, and some of my alters are honestly just similar to each other in personality and/or appearance. not fakeclaiming anyone who does do that at all, its just all been so different from what i’ve experienced and it’s made connecting to other systems really difficult. thank you for reading though and your posts, you definitely don’t have to reply if you don’t want to.

i relate a lot to your experiences, so i'm going to be very blunt about my opinions here. full warning, this is a bit long because i rambled, but i have a lot of thoughts on your experiences here.

i came into the community around 2018, and it's been an experience watching everything unfold the way it has. i went from people not really knowing what my disorder is to it being incredibly hypervisible, but like, only one particular aspect of it; alters, and even moreso, fictives.

i don't like being in a lot of system spaces, because they put so much emphasis on things like syscourse when i genuinely don't care that much. and then almost no matter what i do, either side is always throwing horrific misinformation in my face and when i try to correct it, they call me ableist, say i'm fakeclaiming, or get upset because i'm "invalidating" someone, even when i'm saying "that's not how it works, here's what you could be describing". most of the time i'm even afraid to use parts language in these spaces because i'm afraid they'll blow up on me for using the preferred language of my system, lol.

they put so much emphasis on syscourse, having a system name, using pluralkit, who's fronting, alter age? oh if you're a 5 year old part you can't talk here even though you're the part that handles most of day-to-day life, and if youre a fictive of [x character] then you should apologize for existing because you did horrible things in source, except if you criticize my hyperfixation, actually fictives aren't source and i'm literally neurodivergent and a minor.

for the record, we don't really have a system name either, we just have a kind of collective name. we don't experience super clear-cut switches. we don't always tell people who's fronting. we just kind of live our life like normal, lol.

i have a very fast-paced job. one that's fast-paced enough that i can't pay attention to myself internally all the time, or always know who's fronting. it took me around two months since starting this job to realize just how much i was switching at work because i simply couldn't pay attention to how i felt internally, and most of the switches between my co-host and i are more internal.

i've had to pay a *lot* of attention to figure out who's fronting at work between my cohost and i. i'm starting to get into the rhythm of it, but the switches are *far* from noticeable to most other people, and often times slip under our own noses quite a bit as well.

i've also seen and experienced a lot of fakers, people clearly being mistaken about having DID, and things like you described; stealing alters. all of which happening to be in anti-endo communities particularly populated by minors/teens.

ive known a bunch of people that claimed to have DID and clearly did not have it, either by faking or by being mistaken about their experiences, and most of them were anti-endo minors. i don't mean that there's really a connection between faking/being mistaken about having DID and being anti-endo, because my experience is incredibly limited and i choose not to interact with the system community at large at this point, but rather that i see a connection between misinformation and people that want to spread misinformation that fits their narrative, as well as the stigmatization of being wrong about having a mental illness. many of these people hate endos and don't even have an argument as to *why* endos are bad outside of a vague "they're ableist".

all of these people had incredibly poor understandings of how DID works, from being close to final fusing while still living in an incredibly abusive home, (not possible), to "malicitors", to claiming trauma that they could not claim because they had "source memories" of said trauma, thinking "fusion is murder", or even worse, "integration is murder", thinking being polyfragmented is just having 100+ alters and that's it, etc. all of these things obviously being based in not having access to reliable resources relating to DID and filling in the blanks with poor understandings of what they've read online and always taking what other people say at face value without sources or critical thinking.

i kind of want to get a bit into why this might be happening, because it helps me to understand what's going on, how it's not normal, and how i can ignore it when i see it happening.

a lot of the younger DID community especially has incredibly misinformed ideas about how DID works, and turn it into "fictives disorder" or "alters disorder" and have a shockingly narrow idea of how your system should work, and if it doesn't fit like that, you're weird. when in actuality, the way their systems are working is actually not at all the norm for DID. not that they're all outright faking or mistaken, but putting this highly specific presentation of DID on a pedestal does no good for anyone, especially for people who mistake kinning and normal teen experiences for DID, which i suspect is the case for many.

i've known too many people that copied other people's alters, used fictive pseudomemories as a way to keep other people in relationships with them, spread misinformation about DID and how it works, rolled over and accepted someone clearly misinformed about their experiences and validated them as totally completely normal for DID when they're not, and overall creating this toxic bubble of misinformed ideas on how DID works to be okay with people acting like fakers or misinformation on the side of anti-endos does not exist.

having DID does not make you an expert on the disorder. doing the research and putting in the actual work to understand DID makes you someone who can speak on it as a whole. you are only able to speak on your own experiences with DID until you've actually looked into clinical sources.

if you haven't done the hard research on DID, you can't actually speak to how it "really" works. you need to do the research on the disorder to start fully understanding how it works, because DID *does* have a structure, it *does* have rules, it *does* have specific functions, even if you can't see these things. it *does* have a specific way that it works. read the research and you will see it.

god, shout out to that one server that used akinator as a "resource" for new alters in a new alters help channel, or all of the servers that use lists of media you "could be from" to "help" new alters, lol. or all of those carrds that explain you're on earth to new alters, when amnesiac barriers that high are not even remotely normal.

that's part of the reason i dislike when people say "DID isn't a trend!"

#systemsfordream was a tag that was trending for, what, a couple days? maybe a week? systems are unbelievably hypervisible online right now, and the community is primarily populated with teenagers that are constantly helping their friends "realize" that they're systems. i'm not going to fakeclaim any one person to their face, but if you think that there isn't a not-insignificant portion of the community that is either faking deliberately, or mistaken about having DID, you're fooling yourself, and i'm tired of pretending like it's not a thing just because someone will get upset at me because they feel i personally attacked them for it.

they don't realize that having the disorder does not make you an expert on it, and it's going to take more than a week of "questioning" and some twitter threads to figure out if you actually have DID or not.

as much as i hate to say it and plenty of people would hate to hear it, DID is a trend right now. because the "quirkiness" of mental illness is a trend right now. because a portion of the youngest generation is getting to their edgy teen years and is deciding to rebel, to figure out who they are, etc, and are growing up differently, where everything is hyper-marketed, everything is algorithmic, they are fed whatever content they like the most by all social medias, and are not even remotely anonymous anymore, and if anything, it's less entirely on them and more on, well, (gestures vaguely at the state of the world right now).

if anything, i see this as an incredibly abysmal symptom of a larger problem, but that's a post for another day, lol. or maybe just a long rant for my journal.

TLDR;

the way tiktok and #systwt portray DID is not a normal experience for how DID actually works, and you should not feel bad for not fitting into it. tiktok and #systwt spread massive amounts of misinformation on how DID works, are hostile to people that correct them even nicely, and only uplift information that fits their narrative because it's what they want to hear, because many of these people *want* to be systems for one reason or another, so they cherry-pick misunderstood information. that's why they only use unsourced carrds created by other 15 year olds as their sources on DID instead of anything reputable.

this isn't to say that this presentation of DID is *never* real, because i can think of plenty of ways it can be. but it's not the only way DID is, and it's not the most common way DID is.

23 notes · View notes

makingspiritualityreal · 3 years

Text

Mars in Cancer - Mars' Debilitation Point and Difficulties with expressing Anger and Self-Assertion

These are the results of my recent work on a lifetime of stored up anger, that I'm trying to heal from and embrace. That is a difficult process when you have natal Mars in Cancer. If you have this placement, even though these are my personal conclusions, you will relate to all the emotions described here, and there is a big chance you had a similar family dynamic.

Friendly reminder, that I use Vedic Astrology and the Sidereal house system, but my Mars is in Cancer in both Tropical and Sidereal anyway, so even if you use Tropical Astrology, it should be relatable for you.

If you use the Vedic Nakshatra system, check your Mars in D9, remembering that D1 and D9 energies compliment each other. My Mars is in Cancer literally everywhere, every possible chart arrangement, D9 as well. The difference is, in D1 it's in Punarvasu in the 10th house, but in D9 it goes into Ashlesha in the 4th house, which makes it struggle, since Ashlesha is the exact debilitation point of Mars, and the 4th house is a very uncomfortable place for this planet. If your Mars in D9 is for example in Scorpio, you will struggle less even if D1 Mars is debilitated. Yes, I like to analyze Nakshatras in D9, even if it's an unpopular opinion.

Since my Cancer Mars is also conjunct Moon, it puts it especially into focus in my chart, the Moon being the main placement of emotional processing and a key chart factor in Vedic Astrology, but this conjunction also gives me a little more easiness handling the Cancer Mars, since the domicile Moon placement eases up the debilitation. This placement for me is also Vargottama, and carries through all possible house systems, so I am THE poster child for this planetary position. I hope my other fellow Cancer Mars people benefit from my experience, and the fact that my Moon conjunction makes it easier to work through it. Hopefully, I can give you that edge through sharing my conclusions, so you can heal even if Mars is really struggling in your chart.

A side note regarding gender roles, which come into focus here due to Cancer being such a feminine, protective sign.

If you are a woman with this placement, my heart goes out to you, because you struggle extra. The same way this society is cruel towards men expressing their sensitivity, which I find to be very wrong and I actively work against, nurturing the vulnerability of every man I come into contact with, the same way women's anger gets socially demonized. What is an angry woman called? An angry bitch, a psychotic freak on PMS. An outcast. A beast, unattractive, "unladylike". She may be good for a one night stand, because she will be a freak in the bedroom and some people may have a fantasy to "tame her", but she is not considered a good, long term investment. Women's anger has become uncomfortable, which puts us women on a shame spiral, the moment we feel like expressing it during a fight. We live with the stigma of shame simply for experiencing the feeling of anger. Then, we live with the fear of people creating stories about how insane we were, how irrational, simply for asserting ourselves, expressing our power and not letting someone step over us.

Women know this. Women are raised and conditioned to be aware of this fact in the back of their minds, and whenever the moment comes to healthily express their anger, they fold internally, feeling the pressure of complete social exclusion crushing them. If you have this placement, this can be a big struggle for you, but you also have a unique opportunity to step into your feminine power, which is not about intimidating or undervaluing anyone in general, or men in particular. It's about not letting yourself be mistreated by anyone, and letting go of the belief that mistreatment is normal. It's about an unconditional, fierce validation of your emotional experience.

As a woman with this placement, Mars represents men in your life. As a man, you will embody this energy more directly. This can go two ways, most often you get both energies mixed at the same time as an expression of human complexity. The first archetype is a man, who expresses the difficulties presented in all the points you will find below, so someone avoidant, struggling to protect and provide due to his fears, or avoiding all confrontation himself. The second archetype is a more evolved energy, which is a man fueled and directed by protecting, nourishment, caretaking and building with, and for his partner. This masculine energy will not run, but take initiative to actively take care of any conflict, that might present itself. This is someone very much in touch with both the emotional and practical side of reality, defending and protecting a healthy family dynamic and an emotional well-being of women in his life, instead of neglecting it. This is masculine energy that faces all actions and reactions appropriately, depending on the situation.

Of course, if you are a man with Mars in Cancer, and you struggle with embodying the healthier, evolved version of the energy, this post is not meant to criticize you. Same for women with this placement, who experience struggles with men. The point is to understand the psychological dynamic, that originates always in a childhood home, that shaped a specific expression of masculine energy. If a man runs from confrontations or struggles asserting himself or caring for his partner, he has trauma that makes him do so. The point here is to understand the Mars in Cancer energy and heal it, regardless of the gender experiencing it. Of course, as a woman, you are not obligated to accept abusive men in your life, but understanding this placement should bring you peace nevertheless.

Struggles that come with having a Cancer Mars:

1. Processing anger in the heat of the moment during a confrontation.

Mars in Cancer being in the 4th in D9 is the reason, why I'm now processing my anger in solitude, concerning events that date from months, days, even years ago, because when I was in the heat of the moment, I used to have a tendency to simply freeze, feel paralysed and not know how to proceed when someone makes me angry. Or I would default towards my intellect over my anger, which made it easier and more comfortable for me. What is worse, in public, I put on a social façade because adulting required that out of me, and then my anger got stored up in my body, giving me physical pain.

I know this may feel very difficult, but you have to bring all your energy, attention and presence back into the situation during a moment of conflict. Every time, that you let your authentic emotion of anger course through you and flow out through you, you will feel a weight off. It takes practice, but it's doable. You can't turn back the clock, but sit with yourself and give yourself time to explore and heal all the residual anger you have built up from past encounters.

2. Feeling like your anger is shameful, invalidated or unacceptable.

Feeling like you have to hide your anger because it won't be heard or accepted is one of the biggest painful aspects of reality with this placement. Healing comes from realizing, that you should express your anger even if it displeases someone, if you know that your reasons for it are fair. Sadly, many people don't want to take responsibility for their bad behavior, but you need to accept and validate your own anger, internally, nevertheless.

3. Struggling to express anger in a just, efficient, measured way, proportionate to the scale of the conflict, because of Moon's overflowing emotions.

One of the main difficulties with this placement is the overwhelming, fluctuating energy of the Moon mixing with the fiery nature of Mars. If you have years of stored up anger, this can lead to disproportionate reactions during heated moments in your relationships. You may find yourself attacking someone for something that hurt you in the past. For example, you may yell at your new partner due to the anger you accumulated in your previous relationship. Make sure to analyse and explore your residual, stored up anger, so that you understand yourself and your trigger points. Then, if someone's behaviour is triggering for you, express how you feel honestly and tell them why. If they're still being rude or unresponsive, express your anger for that too and leave, but at least now you will know you did your best. If you act unfairly towards someone, realise why and apologise, and that will make it easier in the future. This process can be extremely hard to measure accurately, however, which brings me right to my next point.

4. Blurring the lines between healthy anger and self assertion and toxicity.

I will say that very loudly for all my fellow Cancer Mars people in the back. I struggled with that statement myself until literally 10 min before I'm writing this. I probably need to say it to myself some more. Anger and self assertion, if handled well, are HEALTHY and NORMAL human emotions. They don't have to be toxic or harmful. However, excessive self control and stuffing down your anger is ALWAYS toxic and harmful. The fear of anger can be overpowering, but you need to look at the consequences, long term. If you build up years of internalized anger, that can literally lead to physical diseases. You may think you are safe and escaping from something toxic if you stuff down your anger, but you are actually doing long lasting damage to yourself, as well as building your relationships on dishonesty.

You need to build a healthy realization of your individual healthy expression of anger. You need to change your automatic association of anger with being a toxic person. Anger was given to us as a self-defense mechanism. It can be used in a toxic way, but it doesn't have to. If your association with anger is automatically extremely negative, this is trauma from your upbringing, that you need to heal.

5. Feeling like asserting yourself, even calmly, will lead to conflict.

Yet again, that fear of anger. That happens, when in your family home every attempt at self-assertion ended up with your parents bulldozing your emotions or getting angry with you for being assertive and self expressive. Realize, that a healthy person will respect your boundaries. If someone is angry with you for putting up a healthy boundary and seeks conflict for that, you don't need them in your life.

6. Running from other people's anger and expression of self assertion, even if it's justified.

A very strong sign of trauma coming from a family home. If you felt, like someone in the family was constantly, unnecessarily aggressive towards you, even healthy self-assertion may be a trigger for you. That might lead you to run away, even if you simply owe someone an apology for something small and you need to fix a minor problem, due to that subconscious fear of someone's excessive anger being unleashed on you. You have to realize, that you are after all a human being, and you will mess up and make people rightfully angry from time to time. People having healthy boundaries and signaling it to you are not a personal attack on your freedom and well being. Again, work with childhood conditioning to see what particular patterns made you afraid to that extent.

7. Running from any perspective of conflict in general, even if it's necessary to clear the air, deal with the problem and move on.

The very unpleasant side effect of this attitude is that if you keep running away from confrontations and solutions, you end up straying from your path. Mars also rules our direction and on the spot decision making. If you chose to run instead of dealing with an issue, you will end up making poor decisions that can have long lasting, harmful consequences in your life, and as a result you will have difficulties focusing on other affairs, because there is a big part of your mind that is still busy running away from the anger and the accompanied problem it subconsciously wants to process. Running from your anger or conflict or repressing these difficult emotions literally paralyses your entire life path, since Mars is responsible for charging forward. Running from your anger will keep you stuck and make you attract new situations, that cause more of your anger, because you subconsciously want to encounter them so that you can heal. Running and hiding doesn't make anything disappear. Deal with the problem, even if it's hard, and the sooner you do it, the better.

8. As a result of all the above, feeling like you need to be protected from anger, liking people who can express that anger for you, or are protective in an angry way, because being under their umbrella takes away the problem of you having to deal with your anger yourself.

I know this may be a hard pill to swallow if you have this placement, but deal with it. The sooner you do it, the better. Of course, feeling the need to be protected and taken care of in a particular way is natural to experience, especially if you are a woman due to the nature of our physical bodies, but living in an illusion, that someone will come around to be your prince charming and take away all the conflict from your life by getting angry at the world for you, while you live your life as an untouchable fairy princess is not something that is going to happen for you, and ultimately is not something that is good for your psychological and spiritual growth. In reality, this is yet another avoidance strategy on your part, which means it doesn't solve the problem. It's ok to crave the positive expression of Mars in Cancer energy in your life, that I described above. It is not ok to completely disown your feeling of anger, hoping it will vanish by itself. What you resist, persists.

9. Your difficult relationship with anger, just like your entire psychology, always comes from patterns in the family home.

Every debilitated placement you have is an expression of a toxic dynamic in your upbringing. Mars in Cancer is no different. Look at how your parents dealt with conflict, how your family reacted to your stance of self assertion and expression of anger. I will give you a brief example from my own family, so that you can observe it more directly.

I dealt with a bad relationship with anger from both sides of my family. My father was using his own anger and self-assertion in a toxic way to bully me and diminish my feelings. That made me view all expressions of anger as toxic, because a primary male figure in my life has used his anger towards me in a toxic way. At the same time, I would be extra bullied for my own anger. My mother, on the other hand, cried and blamed me every time I tried to defend myself for justifiable reasons. That made me feel guilty for expressing my own anger in the right moments as well. As a result, I spent most of my life repressing my anger due to a mix of an intense feeling of guilt, fear and shame associated with the emotions. I would often just wait out the conflict and pray for it to pass because of how unsafe I felt, and then I would feel resentful towards the person who wronged me later anyway. While the other parties had no right towards certain bad behaviors in the first place, hiding my anger was my own doing. Realizing the toxic family dynamic and the resulting intense, crippling fear behind my avoidant behavior helped me start healing my internal relationship with anger, and understand how to use it when justified, knowing that if I worked on it, I wouldn't have to repeat my parents' mistakes.

That is a very important realization with this placement. If you have a dysfunctional relationship with anger due to Mars in Cancer, you are recreating your parents mistakes, or trying to avoid recreating them.

I hope my writing will help you find peace on your journey. If you are in need of individual guidance, I offer personal astrology, tarot and spiritual healing sessions.

#mars #mars in cancer #cancer mars #cancer #astrology

102 notes · View notes

rpbetter · 3 years

Note

Sorry if this isn't the place to ask but I'm in need of advice. I have a canon character I truly adore, but I haven't gotten muse or any opportunity to write them at all. My blog is collecting dust and the fandom is kinda dead at this point. Not to mention, it's hard to find compatible writing partners, especially with how picky I can be. I'm honestly considering deactivating the blog (for the nth time), but I don't want to lose the writing I have. I know I could archive, but I hate having blogs just sitting around.

In short, I really want to write the muse/keep the blog but I'm not getting any incentive to do that.

Hello, Anon, it’s totally the place to ask!

I will say, though, that since finding and keeping muse can be flavored rather personally, I can’t promise that what works for me is going to work for you. I’ll even confess that in over two decades, I’ve never personally lost muse. I don’t know if it is due to underlying, neurodiverse style, fixating, or if it is due to keeping myself continually invested in both my muse and writing regardless of what else is going on. (Probably a combination of both, though, and the things I do to keep myself highly in touch with my muse I’ll be recommending.) I’m definitely happy to try to help, however.

That really is a very frustrating spot to be in, wanting to write the muse and keep your blog active, but logging in every day to be reminded of what little reason you have to do so. Since we’re drawn to the characters we are for reasons of personal appeal and writing in itself is a pretty personal form of art, it can also feel depressing on top of the frustration.

However, that’s also the good news, in my opinion, because your incentive here is, or can be, yourself.

You were drawn to this character because you connected with them. They mean something to you, you can relate to them, maybe they have qualities (good or bad) that you wish you could experience. Whatever it is, there’s a reason why you had this draw. Writing is like that as well, there’s a reason why this is a hobby that drew you, that you get enjoyment out of. Again, though all art (it doesn’t matter if it is a hobby) has personal bits of the artist in it, writing is uniquely personal. When you write, you’re exploring thoughts and feelings, giving them life in a character that matters to you. I know, all of that sounds really convoluted and hokey, but it’s true.

And it’s good! That means you always have a reason to write and that you have the tools necessary to find and keep muse without any outside push necessary.

I’d say, firstly, work on getting muse back.

Get back in touch with your muse the next time you feel a particularly strong urge to write. Instead of spending time trying to find people in a silent fandom or forcing yourself to write something you don’t want to, just do some exercises that will help you get back into your muse.

I don’t know what media type your character comes from, but especially if it is something like movie or show that you can have on in the background of what you’re doing, do that. If it’s a comic or a book, think about your favorite scene and read it over first. If you’ve ever made some playlists for writing/your muse, you can always do that instead or as well. The point is to do something passively inspiring while you actively create. Now, that creating...

You want to do something that requires you to think about your muse so you can get in touch with them, not something that is going to make you feel overwhelmed and shut down. So, maybe don’t pick writing prompts for this - you can work up to that. Try out headcanon and character development memes and other question lists instead for right now. Things you can scroll down a list of, find questions that jump out as interesting (or even simply answerable to you at this point, you’re jump-starting a dead battery, it’s alright) and answer them. You can also do something as simple as write down what you like best about the character or their story, or put down the basics of filling in missing information that has always bugged you.

The beauty of this is that it is all on your own terms, your only objective here is to answer what you want, as much as you want. You can stop any time, but you can also answer a single question for three hours, making it eight pages long if the inspiration strikes you. It’s only about recharging your inspiration and establishing a connection with your character again. (This is also going to help you with getting back into writing, or approaching it for the first time, with a more internalized focus of interest.)

When you feel like you’ve done that, you can branch out on these exercises more. Answer the memes more in-depth, answer more of them/the ones you don’t have immediate answers for. You can also try writing out scenes from the character’s canon from their perspective, if it wasn’t already so, adding in their thoughts and feelings, or changing the scene in some ways that would be interesting to write out. This is the point where it’s a good idea to try a writing prompt or two, as well! Take the prompt as a sort of starter sentence from a mutual, you’ve got the situation, fill in with your muse.

Write when you feel like writing. The RPC is great at saying this when it comes to muns not wanting to write, but kind of ignores the other side of the equation. The side where you want to write, have the inspiration and muse to do so, but it might not be the best time. As in, you’re not home/wherever you usually write, with whatever device you tend to write on accessible. No, you’re not going to be able to get as much done, but you can write without the usual situation and device regardless. You can write a scene or ideas down using your phone or tablet, or go old school and use a notebook. If you’re at work and your job isn’t applicable to being able to get down a single sentence, that still doesn’t mean you have to wait 8+ hours to get home; while you’re taking your break, write a little bit. It is a break, and writing is your hobby, it isn’t work. It’s good to do things you enjoy on breaks, and far more fulfilling to have also accomplished something you happen to enjoy.

Not writing when you have the drive to do, putting it off and holding it in until “the perfect moment,” is a great way to lose your inspiration and never actually have that moment. If you feel like doing it, that means it is the perfect moment. Life is restricting, don’t impose even more restrictions on yourself by having to be at home, in a specific spot, with a specific device, at a specific time, on a specific day. Was that annoying repetition? You’re right, it was. And that’s how your creative mind processes all the crap piled onto it that doesn’t allow for creativity.

Now, the other problem, the fandom situation.

There isn’t anything you can do about that, to be absolutely honest. I’m not going to blow smoke and tell you to be positive, wait it out, maybe the fandom will spring to life again. You know, maybe it will...but you could be waiting literal decades for that to happen. Not cool. Please, take my word for that, it’s personal experience that it blows even more than you imagine it will.

What you can do is take the matter into your own hands in other ways; putting yourself out there with more availability in multiple ways.

Are you a single-fandom blog, or are you crossover friendly? If you’re not crossover friendly, try to think of a single, relatively popular fandom that you enjoy. Don’t look at it like a hassle, but rather, just another creative exercise. A serious pitfall of creating alternate universe versions of muses is to take the simplest route, merely picking something you want from that other universe and applying it to your muse with no relevant changes that would naturally occur from it. It isn’t just reductive as hell, it’s not remotely creative, it’s like sticking a sticker on your muse’s forehead and saying that’s a whole different muse. It’s neither attractive to potential partners nor going to sustain your own interest for long. You want this to be a passionate investment on your own end, for yourself.

What not to do:

Let’s say the fandom you picked to do crossovers with is based around magic, the main characters are witches, and they are divided into factions based on how their magical talents display and develop. Not only do you decide to make your muse a witch, you pick the most badass faction. It’s the one full of assassins and action and (metaphorically or literally) sex appeal. Well, that’s also going to be the most popular faction in the fandom. That means there will not only be plenty of big name canons there but also that there’s going to be a plethora of OCs designed just for this universe...and other crossovers from other currently active fandoms.

While that might sound like it’s great for maximizing interaction chances, it’s really not when you’re just starting somewhere new with a character from another fandom that might not be known or liked. It can also take a minute in another fandom’s RPC to identify where the good partners are. Every now and then, it is the most popular and over-populous era/faction/etc., but most of the time, it isn’t. People who write with considerable dedication and talent fairly rarely are in the popular kids club even in their fandom choices. By inserting yourself into that area, you might be bypassing (and being bypassed) by better partners on the assumption that their characters are simply going to bore you to death since they’re not within the scope of your focal point.

It’s not a situation of not being allowed to be picky, you not only have that right regardless of your situation, you also should be. This is not a “beggars can’t be choosers” situation, you’re not beholden to anyone on the basis of being new and bored. However, some of my best, and longest lasting, writing partners over all 23 years I’ve been RPing didn’t/don’t fit with all the exact surface details that automatically draw my interest. It is as true within my own fandom as it is in dealing with crossovers. Opposites (with enough similarities) really do attract and work out well together!

Don’t judge and write people off for anything that isn’t an issue of compatibility with your muse, your writing, or yourself. Decline someone because they do one line only and you are novella, they write topics that are upsetting to you, you can see no way your muse and theirs can interact without instant murder, or because you cannot stand writing with someone who is pulling 90% aesthetics and purple prose. Not because their muse is a witch who uses life-based magic, loves nature, is a healer, and into their health...while your muse in this AU is all about the death, only appreciates an urban environment and is grossed out by animals, kills as an occupation, lives on cheeseburgers and caffeine. You see what I’m saying? Don’t limit yourself unnecessarily!

What to do:

Did you consider if, in that hypothetical idea of a fandom, your muse based on their purely canon self would even fit into that faction? Or is it just something you wanted to see? If you didn’t consider this, or it was the latter, fix that. That’s bad.

If you’re not absolutely dead set on that and only that, think about what really does fit the muse better. Maybe, they would be better as a healer, someone who messes with the very fabric of reality, or someone who manipulates natural elements at will. Then again, they might not even be a witch. They could be more mundane in terms of power, but more accurate and interesting as a normal, human (or whatever). They could even be greatly opposed to the use of magic and witches. Use your muse’s original canon as a base to decide these things.

If you are absolutely dead set on it, though, you have a lot of work to do making the character into what amounts to a markedly different one while still retaining some recognizable aspects of themselves. Consider what events, in this new universe of fandom, might have happened to alter the character thus. Keep in mind that even small changes can have great consequences in a character’s development, and you might need to think about the myriad ways in which that can display, how it changes still more things for this character.

While that job becomes so much more intense when you haven’t planned out a path that matches your muse’s canon characterization at all, it is still an important part of constructing an AU, of any kind, in general. Ask yourself what experiences led to the character you know as you already know them (including your own headcanons, yes). Then, find similar possible experiences within your new fandom verse that can have the same effect. Again, though, it’s important to understand that you are never going to have an identical set of experiences, so you need to explore relevant changes still.

When you do this, you’re allowing your muse to more seamlessly fit into this other universe in a fleshed out, interesting way. Interesting both new partners and yourself.

Okay, next obnoxious question from me! Do you have multiple verses, or are you single-verse?

Whether you are already exploring new fandoms or not, by creating a variety of verses for others to interact with, you’re increasing your chances for interest and activity. When you have a verse from a different fandom you can then, additionally, advertise your presence in both that fandom’s tags when you do a promo or applicable open starter and on active RPer lists for that fandom.

Every popular fandom has such lists. You can get on them by messaging/sending an ask to the blog or by reblogging their post to be added, following the directions. I haven’t seen one yet that doesn’t allow for crossovers. You simply have to tag it as stated in the post, such as “your canon’s name here - original fandom name - crossover.” By tagging your open starter or promo as “-insert fandom here- rp” and “-fandom here- open starter” you allow people in that fandom to find you to interact. Either way is excellent for getting started in totally new places with a character others might be unfamiliar with.

Please remember that if you tag a promo as “promo,” it’ll not show up in searches off of your blog. You know, where it actually needs to be searched. Thanks, tumblr, for being janky! Being more specific as to the fandom and character will help others actually find you. Don’t shoot yourself in the foot by tagging it as “promo.”

Make your verses accessible on your blog itself, in the nature of those verses, and how you set up your page or post that lists them.

Don’t put any page behind an impossible or complicated aesthetic. You really shouldn’t anyway, but when you’re needing interactions, it’s actively hurting your chances. Many people don’t want to have to play a game with your theme, it’s a turn off. Try a pinned post that lists all of your links to important pages like rules, verses, and bio instead. It means that, even from the dash, that information can quickly be found while other muns are first interested, and also that anyone who might be using the app can access it more expediently. (I’m genuinely not a fan or big supporter of doing google docs for rules, verses, bios, etc., as it forces people off site, so I can’t personally say, in good conscious and honesty, that I’d recommend it, but you do you!) You want to keep things quickly accessible is the idea here; when people are interested, you want to catch them right then and there before they have a chance to forget and lose your blog.

As to the nature of the verses themselves, give people real options. Don’t have 20 verses that all read same way. Same themes, plot possibilities, and backstories, or incredibly similar names. Have a diverse list of verses that can act as foundations for a variety of different muns. As many fandoms as you can reasonably have a good portrayal of, and different types of fandoms; not all the same genre (all fantasy, all horror, all scifi). Verses where your muse has substantially different goals, occupations, and other life situations that will involve another muse; don’t make your muse A Warrior™ in every verse, you can keep plenty of those aspects without being that literal. People love “modern” verses set in our own universe and, usually, in our own era. That doesn’t mean you have to go stereotypical or otherwise bore yourself by doing the standard “high school/college verse,” for instance. You don’t even have to designate that sort of thing, let alone make it the focus; simply create the verse by considering what your character really would be like if they existed within your reality.

As a final note on verses as pertains to this point, when you’re doing crossover verses, it’s alright to do some verses where your muse from their own canon existence somehow ends up teleported or whatever to another fandom’s reality, or even our own. Just don’t make every verse like this, it puts the onus of a great deal of creativity and effort onto the other mun by default; your muse has cluelessly dropped into the universe, and while it is high drama time for you, the other mun has to babysit, educate, deal with fallout, etc.

On making the list of your verses accessible, you want to focus on ease of browsing and not being overwhelming. People tend to look through a verse page and not read every verse listed, rather, they look at the titles and breakdowns to see if it is of interest, then read it. Don’t try to make everyone read them all, it isn’t going to happen, and shouldn’t change your effort any as the right people are going to find the verses that interest them...if you make it clear and easy enough.

Have a basic format you stick to, firstly. I do it this way: small verse banner, title of verse (linked to its overall tag so that muns can look through the tag at headcanons, aesthetics, pictures of the FC, and threads), muse age/age range, small blurb, possible triggers found uniquely or just heavily within this verse. In that order, one following the other in a simple, but pleasing way. Below that, is a more in depth breakdown of the “verse canon.” Sometimes, that is giving a brief rehashing of canon itself and anywhere my muse differs, be it in this verse only or overall, ending with where my muse is in this verse. Not literally where. I mean their present occupation, emotional and general state in life. At the very end, I provide any other relevant links and/or an expansion on the triggers mentioned at the top of the verse description if they’re that serious/recurrent so that muns can decide this isn’t the verse for them. I happen to have a potentially triggering muse, triggering verses, and writing triggering topics, though. That’s not something everyone needs to do.

Secondly, group your verses in a sensible way. I do my short list of default verses first. (And, I do mean short, you don’t want this be any more than four or five, it is overwhelming right out of the gate.) For me, that is two default verses of canon at different points on the timeline, one default AU that is a bit of a reversal of canon, and one default “modern” verse. Then, I list the verses that are in line with the altered canon one, just different possibilities, changes, points in history. After that, the different “modern” verse options. Then, verses for other fandoms, the crossover verses. And so on. This way, a potential partner can find the type of verse that might appeal to them and have an easier time picking from those possibilities and getting ideas.

Lastly, don’t be so succinct that you give too little information and underwhelm, but also don’t be so excessive that it takes all of the mystery of interaction away and overwhelms someone. It can be a difficult balance to strike, and some verses require more information than others, just experiment a bit. Additionally, it’s fine to link to pertinent information for the other mun to view aside from this, but don’t just link people to a fandom wiki as your “description/bio.” That isn’t giving information on how you write this muse, approach this fandom, or what another mun can otherwise expect. Keeping your descriptions interesting is important, you’re not giving a boring lecture, you’re trying to inform someone while making them hyped for their choices. It’s more interesting, and informative, to read if you do them with an ear to the “tone” of your muse in that verse. Is it a sad one? Sound that way. These can, indeed, function as snippets of your writing, so be sure you are writing them with the same care you should be giving your replies; spellcheck, good word flow and use, mind the grammar, and read over what you’ve written for common, easy mistakes.

Again, by giving a genuine variety of verses to choose from, you’re allowing for a greater reach in potential partners. Everyone from those still in your original fandom to those in new ones, all the way to fandomless muses will be able to interact with you this way.

Finally, in regards to what you can change or do when you’re in a dead fandom and seeking interactions; make sure you are increasing your reach by using proper tags, being honest about what and how you write, and don’t wait for others to stumble across you.

When you use tags properly, you’re increasing your chances of being seen at all. Every time you post something at all applicable on your blog, tag it with relevant things. Tag as described above with whatever fandom it is and “RP,” your character’s name, “open RP,” character name and RP, indie RP, open starter, and so on. Be sure you are optimizing your tags by placing the most relevant to finding you in the first four, those are what show up in site-wide searches only. Anything after that isn’t going to appear in a search across all tumblr.

By tagging your character’s name, as a canon, you should know that you are likely to get personal blog interaction. I’m pretty against being nasty to personal blogs for no reason, as I don’t appreciate personal and fandom blogs being shitty to me for the sole reason that I am an RPer. Please, use clear, short, attention getting directions for them. If you want no interactions with them, put right in the description of your blog “RP blog, does not interact with personal blogs.” When you say things like, “personals dni,” or “personals blocked,” you’re not doing anyone any favors. Personal blogs often don’t even know what the hell a personal blog even is! They do not denote themselves this way, to a personal blog, they’re just a blog. By designating first that you are an RP blog, you’re making it clearer that they’re the personal; they’re obviously not an RP blog, so that must make them a personal. Follow this up in a pinned post, right on top. Give a note to personal blogs that describes them as “any blog that isn’t an RP blog” first, then either tell them in brief what they can and can’t do or that you don’t interact and will block.

I don’t recommend taking your blog off of being findable, however. That’s alright once you have the RP activity you are looking for, but until then, it’s working against you. Other RP blogs cannot easily find you either, they will only find you if you’re on a list or appear in their recommended blogs, if you interact with a mutual, or are recommended by a mutual. You’re not just lessening your chances of personal blogs finding you, so if you have that turned off, turn it back on.

Don’t entirely rely on others finding you regardless, though. You can’t be 100% passive when you have no interactions, and by relying solely on serendipity you’re far less likely to get them. I know that everyone here is terminally shy, but seriously, you have to do more than put your silent will into the universe that someone perfect find you. You have to make this happen. Once you get a few people, you can afford to be more passive. Not only do you have some people to write with, you will be more visible to their mutuals, and more established as a presence. I’m not saying this is easy, or that it will become easy, not awkward or stressful, if you have a legitimate issue behind the shyness. Just that it is the only way to really proceed, and I believe you can do it!

So, go looking for interesting blogs. Be crossover and OC friendly (again, this doesn’t mean “accept everyone,” there are valid reasons for not accepting people you won’t work out with that have nothing to do with their fandom or being an OC), and search those fandom’s RPCs, following any blogs you think you might work out with upon reading their rules and other pages. Search for fandomless OCs and do the same thing. Fandomless OCs aren’t just floating around in the ether, they just weren’t created expressly for a particular fandom and within its confines. What is excellent about that is their ability to have a wide variety of verses and many possibilities to fit into any fandom or verse. So, don’t count them out solely on the basis of being an OC and fandomless. It doesn’t mean what people seem to think it does!

Do not stop at having followed 50 blogs. I mean, other than that you probably should stop following people for a bit. That you should do, as you need to be building writing relationships here, not following so many people that you cannot get to them. Don’t just stop at the follow, though. Since you’ve read their rules and information like a good RP partner, you should have some idea of what their interests are and where they align with yours, as well as how they prefer to be approached, if they accept memes right away to start, need plotting, have a rules password. When they’ve followed you back, proceed with interaction!

Ask if they’d like to plot when they have time, you’re really looking forward to writing with them. But...have some idea of a plot, please. It is a serious turn off to have someone message you wanting to plot, only to reply and get “lol I don’t have any ideas, anything works for me/whatever you want to do.” That isn’t plotting, it’s one party coming up with ideas and constructing a plot while they’re being told “I’m fine with anything.” That may be true, but it’s disheartening and a red flag for many people. If you genuinely can’t come up with anything, pick verses that match up well and suggest doing something within them.

“When you have the time, would you be interested in discussing writing? I was looking at your verses, and I think your verse -name- and mine, -verse name-, would mesh well.” Is a good way to start. Once you have a discussion flowing about the verses meshing and the muses, it’s typically easy to organically develop some plot ideas to go off of.

If both you and the other mun are alright with plot-free interaction and memes, you can send a meme any time. If you can’t find any memes on their blog, look for a wishlist or navigation page that shows you the tags for memes/wishlist. Still can’t find it? Ask them if they’ve got a wishlist or meme tag you can look through.

Additionally, if open starters are a thing you both do and are alright with, find some of theirs and respond. Post your own, tag it appropriately to be found in general and on your blog, and reblog it once or twice. Don’t excessively reblog it, and don’t get upset on the dash if no one interacts with it or any memes you reblog. Both are demanding to outright guilting, and not a good way to get partners. Just provide them with the ability to easily interact by making the posts available in the first place and by making them findable on your blog search and navigation.

Provide something for potential partners to see. Since you said you already do have writing, that’s great! That’s content on your blog that your partners can view. However, since you’re also having the issues you’ve stated, it’s likely that you haven’t many new posts. Show that you are active, interested in being here, and how you write your muse (and in general) by posting some newer content. For original content, do a headcanon or some meta, or post about new verses you are adding, the changes on your blog, a promo. For reblogs, things pertaining to your muse like canon imagery, fanart, quotes from canon or that generally express your muse, and aesthetics relevant to your muse are all excellent things to queue.

Use that queue. Not only do very few people appreciate having dash spam of similar content for the comparatively short time you might be around, but also, running these things on a queue means you spread that out for maximum view. While there are hours of heavier activity, you’ll have mutuals who are on at unusual hours due to their life and preferences or their timezone. This way, you’re not appearing inactive, if not outright invisible, to those mutuals. It’s not a bad idea to use a queue tag so that people know if they interact with a post that’s been queued, you might be here to quickly respond.

Ultimately, to fix your fandom and lacking partners problem, you just need to up your availability and reach beyond that fandom alone. Be proactive in following and approaching, decline blogs based on not working out only, utilize tags and fandom RPer lists, have everything on your blog easy to follow and not overwhelming, and have your verses meet as wide of a range of people as possible while also not being overwhelming.

Try updating your promo, as well, by the way. They’re not dead, they just really tanked when people kept making them based solely on aesthetic principle instead of being at all informative about the muse. They do seem to be coming back, so it’s a thing to consider.

Yes, make it visually appealing, it will draw people to reading it. No, do not just use a song lyric or quote with words highlighted linking your rules, verses, bio. Tell people basic info like the age of your muse and yourself, if you are multiverse and multiship, your muse’s canon verse and a couple of big interest verses of other major fandoms or themes that tend to be of interest to people, and what kind of RP you write - one line/para/multipara/novella. Absolutely give links to rules, verses, bio, and either memes, wishlist, or open starters, but give them just like that; make it very clear what this link is to. Put a very short statement of interest on there denoting that you’re expanding to new fandoms and looking for writing partners.

Do not sound desperate, demanding, or devaluing of yourself. Don’t say shit like “because my fandom is dead,” “trying this before I give up and delete my blog,” or “I suck at interaction/writing/ooc interaction/being a person but welp giving it a try, so follow and hit that heart.” (Conversely, calling yourself derogatory things and implying that your partners are too, such as the “we’re all just losers here” shit.) All of the above are not attractive, and they’re not even surprising enough to stand out anymore. It’s another reason to scroll right by that promo because nothing at all was different or of interest.

And as a wrap-up/rehash of the first topic, getting muse back: try starting over at the beginning by approaching the media involving your muse that has really stuck with you emotionally over the years, and exploring and developing your muse again.

Don’t tell yourself you can only write, for example, at home, on the laptop, after 7pm, and with a pop toy staring at you. The best thing about writing, as opposed to so many other hobbies, is that you can do it anywhere! So, do that. Do it any time you both feel the inspiration to do so and aren’t going to get fired or expelled for it. This isn’t work, it’s something enjoyable that does take effort (like literally all creative activities and skills do), but approaching it as though you need to follow novel writing advice from someone who has never published anything of note and isn’t you on the internet, with strict rules for success makes it feel that way. So does being frustrated with a dead fandom, no interaction. It’s disheartening, feels as annoying and fruitless as work often does. You probably need to break out of that mindset, and you can only do it by beginning to allow yourself to be creative on your own terms, entirely for yourself.

Do write simple things at first that you are inspired to do (you can’t get a scene out of your head, or a bit of dialogue), and/or headcanon/character development memes and question lists. Build from there as you get back in touch with your muse, writing things primarily or entirely for yourself still. Expanding on headcanons, doing some meta, or maybe writing out a missing piece of canon or what you’d be interested in seeing happen in canon if some event was altered.

Doing this sort of thing, you are getting in touch with your muse again and back into the real spirit of writing creatively, simultaneously.

Whatever you find most inspiring, do it. If it’s watching the movie or show again, do that, have it on while you write or simply think on the character’s actions, thoughts, and emotions during those scenes. If it’s reading the material again, do that, and read snippets of personal importance before you write. Maybe it’s some past playlists you can have on while writing, or even while you’re cleaning, walking the dog, driving or riding somewhere. It could even be your own previous writing! Go ahead and re-read that, it sounds like you still appreciate it, and that’s truly promising. If you find that you’re horrified by some of the things you’ve written in the more distant past, hey...that’s not just valid as hell, it’s natural. You know what else it is? An inspiration. You can clearly see that you could do better, that means you now know how to do better and are ready to do so. Validate yourself, prove it to yourself by rewriting or fixing something.

Don’t delete the blog or archive it. It is unpleasant to have a dead blog around, but don’t keep it dead. Use the same blog and simply transition it into wider things that will net you more partners and the interactions you deserve.

Look, even if you weren’t the most popular blog in your fandom before it went quiet, you really appreciated the blog, muse, and writing you were doing. You’ve defined that it wasn’t something you did to cause this situation, you just had the shit luck we all run into eventually of being in a fandom that ran out of material or interest. People are really fickle, so by taking a wider approach and fixing on the writing and muse instead of fandom now, you’re stopping this from repeating. Seriously, on a long enough timeline, every fandom dies or goes into hibernation. If you make a whole new blog with a different muse, it is going to happen again eventually.

So, don’t feel like you’re ridiculously clinging to the past and need to move on, you’re just sticking to something and can continue to stick to it through the next five fandom deaths. Just because it is the most popular thing to do to drop muses, constantly add new ones, and have this attitude that you can “blog refresh” your way out of recurrent, and inherent, problem doesn’t mean it is actually the right thing to do. It’s not even the most sensible, and certainly not the best thing to do with anything you’ve spent time and effort on.

That’s your incentive; yourself, the time and care you’ve put in, and your continued interest in writing and the muse. You’ll find good people, and bluntly, everyone else can fuck right off when you’re incentivized by yourself. It becomes a self-fulfilling activity at that point, I swear, and it feels really nice.

Just get back in touch with your muse and writing itself so that you can begin to expand and start interacting again!

#rp advice #rp problems #rp help #muse loss #dead fandoms #rp better #Anon E. Mous #answered

20 notes · View notes

Last Seen Blogs

despitethepain

Despite the Pain

fuocoedo

Edoardo Fuoco’s Drawings I Guess

craxkera

rosources

your soul is blowing apart.

whatemidoing