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andvys · 6 months

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I knew you'd linger like a tattoo kiss | part 16

Warnings: slight angst, fluff, mentions of drugs and alcohol, a painful flashback, mean!Steve

Pairings: Steve Harrington x fem!cheerleader!reader , Steve Harrington x Nancy Wheeler, Eddie Munson x fem!reader

Summary: As you get closer and closer to your birthday, you are taken back to a painful day.

Word count: 6k+

A/N: @mysticmunson & @hellfire--cult thank you for listening to my rambles and helping me with ideas and inspiring me more and more to write this fic 🤍

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In the months after Steve had left you, you had never felt as miserable as you do now, which is surprising, considering how happy you were in the past few weeks before you had gone on that stupid date with Ray. Not only did that night trigger every bad memory, every negative feeling that you have pushed away for months, you had also made it worse by calling him.

You shouldn’t have called him, you wouldn’t be dealing with all these messed up feelings now if you had just stayed at Rick’s place and waited for Eddie to come back out of the house instead of running off and calling your ex boyfriend.

You shouldn’t have gone to see him on Sunday when you finished your shift at the record store, you should have just gone home but your stupid heart led you there to make it hurt even more when you saw him with her, how gentle he was with her, how happy he looked with her.

You feel as though you are back to square one.

Seeing them together shouldn’t be this hurtful, you should be used to it by now but your feelings are just so hard to ignore. Seeing the way he treated her reminded you of the way he never treated you – only in the first few weeks of your relationship was he this gentle and sweet with you.

When his gentle touches turned into rough ones and the softness in his eyes disappeared, you knew that something had changed, but you were so in love with him, you didn’t care how badly he treated you when he stopped being the Steve you once knew.

You stare at the pages in your book with a blank expression on your face. You are not reading, you are not taking notes, you are not focusing the way you should be. No, your mind is too busy recalling every painful moment that you have had with him.

Heather puts her notebook down, throwing her pencil on the bed, she lets out a groan as she stretches her arms out. Chrissy glances at her as she tears her eyes away from her book. While you and Heather study for finals, she is catching up on her favorite novel, her finals aren’t until next year as she had to repeat second grade after she had gotten sick and missed too many school days.

Heather looks at you, a frown appears on her face when she notices the expression on your face.

“Y/n?”

You blink, furrowing your brows as you look up at your friend, “yeah?”

“Are you okay?”

No.

You shrug and close your book, “yeah, why?”

Heather isn’t convinced and neither is Chrissy who watches you with worried eyes. She had noticed that something is off with you, after spring break, something had changed and you are now more distant than before and it’s not just that, you are also very quiet. Just like you were after your breakup with Steve.

“Doesn’t seem like it,” Heather says.

You feel bad for lying to them, for not telling them things that you would have told them a few months back, but you still aren’t the only one who keeps secrets.

Without thinking, you push your sleeves up, accidentally revealing the fading bruises around your wrists. Heather notices them right away, her eyes widen and a gasp falls from her lips. Chrissy furrows her brows at her friend before she notices what she is looking at, she places the book down and straightens up to see what had shocked her friend so much.

When you see the confused and shocked look on Chrissy’s face, you realize your mistake and quickly push your sleeves back down, as though it will reverse your mistake.

“What the fuck?”

“W-What is that, what happened?” Chrissy asks, worriedly.

You close your eyes and pinch the bridge of your nose, sighing, you shake your head.

“Nothing happened,” you mumble and get up from your bed after pushing the books off of your lap. You leave your room, desperately wanting to escape this situation but of course they follow you, calling out your name bewildered.

“That’s not nothing, y/n!” Heather says angrily as she follows you downstairs.

“I fell,” you mumble, coming up with the weakest lie ever.

Heather snorts in disbelief, “and I’m supposed to believe that?” She asks, almost yelling. You don’t take her anger to heart, you know that she is worried.

Chrissy rolls her eyes, “Heather,” she mumbles, trying to calm her down.

You turn on the lights in the kitchen, blinking rapidly as you feel tears of frustration building up. You try to distract yourself by reaching for the newspaper on the counter, a flyer from some pizza place at the new mall is laying on top of it.

“A-Are you guys hungry?” You ask, without looking up, “I haven’t eaten all day, I’m starving. We could order a pizza, there’s a new place, Surfer Boy–”

“Y/n,” Chrissy says, quietly as she walks towards you with a look of concern in her eyes.

“We could order different kinds,” you say, still hoping to be able to change the subject of the conversation despite knowing that it’s a lost cause.

Heather crosses her arms over her chest, her brows are knitted as she looks you up and down.

“What happened?” She asks again.

Chrissy turns around to send her a warning look, shaking her head.

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“You don’t have to,” Chrissy says as she places her hand on top of yours, trying to give you reassurance.

You narrow your eyes, trying to hide your tears as you give her a small smile.

“You always tell us everything, y/n,” Heather says and for the first time you hear sadness in her voice, sadness and concern. “Since when do you keep secrets?”

Her question irritates you and it sparks the anger inside of you. You snap your head up and look at her with raised brows, “I don’t know, you tell me.”

She looks a little taken aback at your words, surprised even. Though, her eyes flash with guilt. She doesn’t say anything this time, neither does Chrissy and when you look back at her to see her avoiding your eyes, you can’t even help but scoff.

“What are you guys not telling me?” You finally ask the question that’s been on your mind for months now, “what are you hiding?”

Chrissy mumbles your name with a pleading voice, her cheeks glow red, she looks embarrassed.

“You do know that you’re doing the same shit that Steve did to me, right?”

Heather can’t even look into your eyes anymore, she looks down.

“He did that too, he kept secrets, he didn’t talk to me, he didn’t tell me anything, he kept lying to me a-and then it all got too much and he spilled everything to me the moment he had one too many drinks – is that what it takes for you to be honest with me? D-Drinks? Do you need to get drunk too to tell me that you don’t want to be my friend anymore?”

Both of them raise their heads to look at you, shocked and confused as though they can’t believe that you would think that of them.

“What!?” Heather asks, raising her voice, “you think we don’t want to be your friends anymore? What the hell, y/n? You are the one who pushed us away!”

“Because you are both keeping secrets! You whisper behind my back! You don’t tell me shit anymore! What do you expect me to do? To sit there and wait for you to leave the way everyone else does?” Your voice breaks and once again, your tears spill. You can only huff in annoyance when you feel your wet cheeks, “for fucks sake,” you whisper as you wipe away the tears in anger.

Chrissy looks down, she had never felt this guilty before. She knows it’s because of her. The secrets and the whispers. It’s her fault that you feel like they don’t want you but she is scared, so scared to lose you if you find out the truth but right here is where she realizes that she will lose you either way.

Heather’s eyes soften and she looks at you with a frown.

You step away from Chrissy and turn away from them, you place your hands on the counter and look out the window.

“We are not leaving you, y/n,” Heather says, walking towards you, “we would never leave you, you’re our best friend.”

You try not to show how bitter you are, how angry and hurt you still are.

“Doesn’t feel like it, Heather.”

“But she’s right,” Chrissy says with a shaky voice, “we would never leave you.”

You are so sick of the tears, of the pain, of all of this.

Heather and Chrissy share a look and you watch them with narrowed eyes.

You wipe the fresh tears with your sleeves and turn around, leaning against the counter as you look at the blonde, who stares at you with nothing but fear in her eyes and suddenly, you feel guilty for the outburst you just had.

“I’m sorry,” Heather whispers as she reaches for your hand, “I’m sorry we made you feel that way but you are still our best friend, even when we’re not yours anymore.”

“Yeah, Eddie stole that title,” Chrissy mumbles, rolling her eyes when she says his name. She leans against the counter beside you and looks at you with an apologetic look in her eyes and the guilt. The guilt is not very hard to miss.

You know that she is hiding something, something that Heather knows about, something that she doesn’t want you to know. It hurts, she used to tell you everything, now Heather is the only one she confides in and as hurtful as it is, you have to respect that.

“You are still my best friends too,” you murmur and lower your head to hide the pain, “I’m sorry for getting so mad.”

Heather sighs, she rolls her eyes at her own outburst, “I’m sorry too, you don’t have to tell us what happened but just know that we are here for you.”

“Yeah,” Chrissy whispers as she once again reaches for your hand, this time, you squeeze her hand back.

You know that they want to know what happened or better yet, who happened. You don’t want to talk about Ray or the date and the awful things that happened, least of all what happened afterwards when you decided to call him.

“I went on a date with Ray.” You say after a beat of silence.

Their eyes widen with both shock and confusion.

Chrissy opens and closes her mouth, no words come out.

“Ray Parker?” Heather asks, still confused. She saw you with him, at the bonfire party but she didn’t think anything of it.

You nod, clenching your jaw.

“Yeah.”

You feel a shiver running down your spine when you think about that night.

“Turned out that he never wanted to go on a date with me, he just wanted to fuck. I-I didn’t want to, I didn’t even want to go on a date with him, I don’t know what I was thinking,” you ramble as you quickly want to close the subject again, “H-He was very persistent and he kept trying but I pushed him away, nothing happened, luckily.”

Chrissy holds her hand in front of her mouth and Heather looks at you in disbelief.

They see the fear in your eyes and how shaken up you still are.

“What the fuck,” she mumbles, angrily. “He did that to you?” She asks, pointing to your wrists.

“Yeah but it’s okay, it’s–”

“It’s not okay! I’m gonna cut his dick off!” She says, throwing her hands up, “and his balls too!”

“Count me in,” Chrissy says with an angry frown in her soft features. “I hate men!”

You can’t help but snort as you bury your face in your hands.

“This is not funny, y/n!” Heather says, nudging your shoulder, “why do you always go for the worst guys?”

“I don’t know,” you mumble.

Heather is seething and so is Chrissy, that’s why you didn’t want them to know. It’s bad enough that the others know that Eddie and Steve went after him, that they risked getting in trouble with the cops.

Heather keeps mumbling curse words under her breath, while Chrissy tries to make sure that you are feeling okay.

“Do you know where he lives?” Heather asks, “did you go to the cops?”

You shake your head. You don’t want to know where he lives, you don’t want to go to the cops. His wealthy parents won’t let anything happen to their precious son besides, you hope that he learned his lesson after what Eddie and Steve did to him.

Heather and Chrissy might think that it’s Ray who causes you to feel this way, it’s not. It’s Steve, it’s always Steve who is on your mind. It's him who is making you feel like you are not okay because he is once again, haunting you in your memories, in your dreams, in everything.

He is haunting you.

Heather keeps asking questions and it’s starting to make you feel sick.

You close your eyes when you suddenly feel lightheaded, you pinch the bridge of your nose and take deep breaths.

“Can we please just not talk about this?” You ask, interrupting Heather’s ramble, “I-I don’t want to think about it anymore. Besides, it’s been taken care of,” you mumble the last part.

“Wait what?”

“What do you mean?” Chrissy asks, “what’s been taken care of?”

“Eddie and Steve, t-they went after him.”

Chrissy stares with wide eyes and Heather looks at you, confused.

“I’m sorry, did you just say Eddie and Steve?”

You nod.

“I’ll tell you everything but can we first order some food?”

Chrissy notices the pale look on your face, the shakiness in your hands, the tired look in your eyes. She knows. Her eyes meet Heather’s, she nudges her head, raising her brows.

“Yes, of course,” Heather says, reaching for the flyer you looked at earlier, “let me guess, you want pineapple pizza.”

“No way,” you snort, “I only eat it when I’m high.”

“Which happens like three times a week nowadays,” Chrissy jokes.

“What can I say, my weed man is really good.”

Heather laughs, “a very bad influence,” she points out with a smile on her face, “I’ll go order the pizza,” she says before she walks out of the kitchen.

You clear your throat and turn to Chrissy, who is already watching you. There is still concern in her eyes and you desperately want her to stop worrying.

“Chris,” you mumble as you grip her hand tighter, “don’t worry about me.”

She frowns at your words, how can she not worry about you?

“You thought that we don’t want to be your friends anymore.”

“It’s okay, it was a misunderstanding–”

“I will– we will always want you to be our friend,” she says, “it’s always been the three of us, y/n.”

You smile, sadly.

“A-And, I just want you to know that it’s not about our friendship with you or anything.”

“What do you mean?”

She swallows nervously and she runs her fingers through her blonde hair, looking at anything but you, she blushes and it makes you wonder.

“I-I just, Heather isn’t hiding anything from you. T-There’s something that I can’t tell you yet but I will,” she says, looking at the floor, “when I’m ready, okay?”

She is scared of losing you, scared of pushing you away with whatever she is dealing with.

You nod, “of course.”

You are worried about her, about what she’s keeping from you, about what she is so nervous about. You take both of her hands in yours and step closer to her.

“Hey,” you whisper, “can you look at me?”

She raises her head a little, looking at you through her bangs.

“Whatever it is, you can tell me, you don’t have to be scared,” you say, rubbing your circles on her skin, “I’m here and I’ll always be here, no matter what, okay?”

She nods, a smile tugs at her lips.

“I didn’t mean to get so angry, I’m sorry.”

“No,” she shakes her head, “I understand it.”

“But we’re okay, right?” You ask.

She nods, eyeing your face with a sad look in her eyes, “of course, we’re okay.”

“Good.”

“Good,” she repeats your words with a smile.

“Hey guys, some guy named Argyle was on the phone! Never heard that name before,” Heather says, laughing from the living room, “he sounded cute.”

You and Chrissy look at each other with furrowed brows before you burst into giggles.

The bruises have faded away, your skin looks healed again, you can finally wear skirts and t-shirts after weeks of hiding in sweaters and jeans. The weather is warm, the sun is shining and the flowers adorn the pretty fields of Hawkins, finally. It’s nearing the end of April and you’re getting closer and closer to exams and the final day of school. You can’t wait to get out of here.

You are staring out the window, watching the white clouds move in the blue sky, you drown out the voices in the classroom, the laughter of Tommy and Carol as they gossip, as always.

The past few weeks haven’t been easy on you, you have been trying to avoid him but everywhere you go, you see him, it reminds you of the way things were after he dumped you. Only this time, he tries, he really tries to sneak his way back into your life, you don’t let him – you want to but you don’t let him. Yet, you can’t help but love every little moment you have with him – passing by him in the hallway, seeing the way his eyes light up when you flash him a small smile, you don’t let it confuse you but, you can’t stop the fluttering in your stomach either.

You will forever regret the date and the call. That night changed everything. You were okay, you were okay without him. You were sure that you had moved on. You were sure that you did not want him anymore. You were so damn sure. Yet, here you are, unable to stop thinking about Steve Harrington.

Someone places their books on the table, picking the seat next to you. You don’t turn around to face whoever it is, not caring. But, when you smell his cologne, you tense up and your heart skips, you don’t need to look at him to have all these feelings rushing through you.

You look away from the window, you lean back and finally turn to look at him. He looks good, the way he always does. He is wearing a black sweater, his sleeves are pulled up, you notice a silver bracelet around his wrist, you haven’t seen before. His knuckles are healed, no bruises litter his skin any longer but there’s a scar that hasn’t been there before. You wonder what he told her when he sported the bruises on his knuckles and on his temple.

He doesn’t say anything, he just flashes you a small smile and looks away when the teacher walks in.

Why does he sit here? Why next to you?

You force yourself to look away too. You hate the beating of your heart. You hate the way you feel when you smell his cologne, the stupid smell of Farrah Fawcett spray, you hate the way it feels to be so close to him.

You try to focus on class, you try to write down notes, you try to think about anything but him beside you.

Steve has other plans though when he slides his notebook over to you after scribbling something on the blank page.

You turn to look at him with a questioning gaze but he is not looking at you, he is looking at the blackboard, pretending to listen to Mrs Jones.

You look down at the notebook.

‘Hi’. He wrote with a smile next to it.

You can’t help but snort quietly.

He smiles to himself, narrowing his eyes to look at you.

You take your pen, shaking your head as you write a ‘hey’ before you slide it back to him.

He glances at the teacher before he begins writing. Mrs Jones isn’t paying attention to you, the elderly woman is too busy writing on the blackboard as she taps her heel against the ground.

You bounce your knee, pressing your lips together as you look at anything but him. You dig your nails into your palms as you wait in anticipation. When he slides the notebook back to you, you glance at him for a moment before you look down.

‘How are you?’

You wonder if it is a conversation starter or a genuine question but, when you find him looking at you with a soft eyes, you have your answer.

‘I’m good, you?’

Steve knows it is a lie.

‘I’m okay. Can you believe that we’re graduating soon?’

You smile at him and shake your head.

‘No. Are you still becoming a basketball star?’ You write down.

You watch the way he shakes his head with a blush on his cheeks. He leans down, putting his hand on the table as he writes.

'Not good enough to be a basketball star.’

You raise your brows in question, pressing your lips together.

What happened to his confidence? You wonder.

‘You were always good enough, Steve.’

Steve stares at your words for a long moment, his brows knit together and for a second, he lets the sadness take over. He never felt good enough.

‘Not for this. Are you still becoming a stripper?’

When you read the question, a giggle bursts from your lips before you can stop it. You always used to joke about it, telling him that you would become the best stripper in town.

There is not a single strip club in Hawkins.

You clasp your hand over your mouth and your eyes widen when you realize how loud your giggle was. Everyone is now looking at you.

Steve presses his lips together, trying not to laugh.

“Is there anything you want to share with the class?” Mrs Jones asks, raising her brows at you as she stands there with her hand on her hip.

You shake your head.

Steve snorts a little when he glances at you, you are staring wide eyed at the teacher with a blush on your cheeks. Cute.

You kick his foot under the table and he has to hide his face behind his head when he laughs quietly.

“Pay attention!” Mrs Jones says, pointing at you with her finger.

You nod, “yes ma’am.”

She glares at you before she turns away.

“Asshole,” you whisper to Steve before you reach for your pen again, ignoring the prying eyes of some of the cheerleaders and of course, Tommy and Carol, you don’t have to turn around to know that they are staring.

‘No, I want to be a groupie now.’

Steve shakes his head, of course, you would say that.

He changes the topic, though it’s a mistake, a very big mistake.

Steve doesn’t know that you are haunted by memories of him.

Your birthday is soon, any plans?’

You are already struggling. Why did he have to bring this up? Why did he have to remind you of your last birthday? Why?

You stare at the words on the paper for what feels like forever. You hate your birthday, especially the last birthday.

You remember the way you felt that day, you remember the way you waited for him, thinking that he would surprise you. You didn’t want a party, you didn’t even want a cake but Heather and Chrissy had still made one for you, they spent the afternoon with you, they gave you presents, ate cake with you and offered to take you out to dinner but you said no, because you knew that he would take you out for dinner and surprise you with the locket you have told him so many times about. The locket you had seen when you passed by the little jewelry store, he was with you, he saw the way your eyes lit up when you laid eyes on it for the first time, he knew you wanted it and you thought, you really thought that he would get you the necklace. You could have bought it yourself with the credit card your dad gave you before he left but you wanted it to be something special.

Steve did not take you out for dinner that night, in fact, he didn’t spend the night with you, at all.

You want to cry just thinking about it.

You waited and waited, you sat by your window and looked out, waiting for him to finally arrive. You put on the pretty sundress that you had bought when you went shopping with Chrissy. You did your makeup and your hair the way he always liked it.

With your hands in your lap and excitement still lingering on your face, you waited.

Your eyes lit up when you saw his car pulling up to your driveway, you jumped up and rushed over to the mirror, taking one last look at yourself before you rushed down the stairs with a smile on your face.

You opened the door just as he was about to unlock it with the keys you gave him.

“Hi!” You said, unable to fight the smile off your face.

Steve was holding a small box in his hands, you thought you knew what was in there.

“Hey babe,” he said but his voice did not match your excitement.

He walked in and closed the door, handing you the box. He leaned down and pressed a kiss to your forehead, “happy birthday,” he said with a smile that could only be described as forced.

Your own smile began to fade a little when you noticed the disinterested look on his face, you looked down at the little box. Did he give you what you wished for? You had wondered.

“What took you so long?” You asked as you looked at the clock, it was 7pm. “I’ve been waiting for you, Stevie.”

“I was getting ready for the party.”

You furrowed your brows and looked at him in confusion as you could already feel your heart dropping.

“What party?” You mumbled, “I-I told you that I don’t want–”

“No, I know.” He said, “I know you didn’t want to throw a party, I mean Tina’s party.”

You couldn’t believe him. He knew, he knew you did not want that. He knew you wanted to spend the night alone, with him.

“I-I thought we could do something else, it’s my birthday, Steve.”

He sighed, rolling his eyes as he ran his fingers through his hair.

“Yeah, happy birthday,” he said with fake enthusiasm in his voice, “now let’s go celebrate it.”

Your shoulders slumped, you opened your mouth to speak but quickly closed it again. You stared at him in disbelief as your eyes began to well up with tears.

“But, I thought we could go out for dinner.”

He scrunched his face up, snorting, “what are we forty?” He said, “come on, get your stuff, we’re leaving.”

“No,” you said, shaking your head as you looked at him with sad eyes and a pout that always pulled at your lips, naturally.

He huffed.

“Man, don’t look at me like that.”

“Like what?” You said with a small voice, frowning.

“Like that,” he mumbled, pointing at your frown, “that’s fucked up.”

You wanted to cry, you wanted to run upstairs and crawl under the sheets, you wanted to escape this.

“W-Well, you can go to that stupid party. I’m not going.” You pushed the box back in his hands and brushed past him, walking up the stairs as you began to remove the clips in your hair.

“Babe!” He groaned.

“You can go, Steve. I’m not feeling well anyways,” you lied and continued your way up the stairs, still hoping that he would follow you, that he would change his mind and apologize, that he would take you in his arms and kiss you, that he would take you out to dinner, that he would kiss you under the stars and put the necklace around your neck but he never did.

Just as you walked into your room, you heard the front door shutting and his car starting just moments later.

Despite how he had acted before, you didn’t expect him to leave, but he did. He left and you spent the evening alone with a bottle of Whiskey your dad left behind, you drank and you cried, missing the boy who used to protect you, who used to love you. You stayed in your dress and listened to David Bowie and then, four hours later, he came back but you wish he never did.

The memory of that night still hurts, it all hurts.

‘No, you know I don’t celebrate my birthday.’ You write down in bitterness.

Steve looks guilty, he feels awful for what he did on your last birthday. If he could turn back time and change it, he would.

You can’t help but look at him, and you see it, you see the guilt and the sadness and the anger he feels for himself but it does nothing to ease your pain. It still hurts so much.

‘Can I come over, the night before?’

It’s a tradition you have had since you were children. He would always sneak into your room and give you his presents at midnight. He didn’t do it last year. Why now? You are no longer friends, you are no longer a couple, you are not even acquaintances at this point.

Are you a fool for saying ‘yes’? Maybe. Do you care? No. Apparently, he still has you wrapped around his finger.

He smiles at you and closes the notebook when the bell rings. You wonder if he will throw the page away or if he will keep it. You would. You hate how giddy he still makes you feel, you hate the butterflies that still flutter in your stomach, why won’t they die?

You leave the classroom together but neither of you say anything, you just glance at each other before you go separate ways, he flashes you one last smile – his is certainly much brighter than yours, yours is still etched with pain.

You make your way towards your locker to retrieve your backpack and your jacket. Out of the corner of your eye, you see someone moving towards you and when you turn your head, you see that it’s Chrissy.

A smile tugs at your lips.

She looks determined, her eyes are set on you, she isn’t smiling and as she gets closer, you notice how nervous she looks.

“Hi.”

“Hey,” you smile, “what’s up?” You ask, curiously when she still refuses to smile.

Her hands are pressed together and she looks at you with uncertainty in her eyes. She fidgets with her shaky hands.

“I-I’m ready to talk.”

You did not expect to hear that from her. It’s been weeks since she admitted to keeping something from you and not once did you pressure her to talk, you did try to reassure her that nothing could drive you away from her but she still needed time.

“You are?” You ask, looking around the crowded hallways.

She nods, licking her lips as she stares at you.

“Yes.”

“Okay, let’s get out of here.” You reach for your backpack and pull the strap over your shoulder before you reach for her hand, “come on.”

You can feel how nervous she is, how clammy her hand is, how shaky it is as she grips yours tightly. It makes you a little anxious. What could possibly make her this nervous?

You leave the school and walk towards your car.

“Do you wanna go to my place?” You ask.

She shakes her head, looking down as she lets go of your hand to walk to the passenger side.

“Okay, uh, the lookout?” You ask.

“Y-Yeah.”

You nod and unlock your car, you throw your backpack in the backseat and reach for the sunglasses in your glove compartment. You glance at her, noticing how nervous she still is as she bounces her knee.

“Chris, don’t be so nervous,” you say, trying to reassure her, “if you wanna talk about your position on the cheer squad, you can absolutely have my spot as the captain,” you joke but she doesn’t laugh, she only cracks a small smile.

You figure that nothing you will say will make her any less nervous, the only thing that will help is talk about whatever is laying heavy on her heart. So, you start the car and you turn on some music, hoping that it will calm her down. You drive to the lookout, you always used to go together. Back when you had only gotten your driver license, you, Chrissy and Heather would always come up here and have a little picnic, you would take pictures of each other with your dad’s polaroid camera.

You miss those days. The simpler days.

You both get out and sit on the hood of your car, looking down at the small town you live in. From up here, it looks so much smaller than it actually is.

“I– I don’t know how to tell you,” she starts after a long few minutes of silence.

“What are you afraid of?” You ask as your take your hand in yours.

She blinks. The wind blows through her hair and she looks down to avoid your eyes.

“That you won’t be my friend anymore.”

“Chrissy,” you whisper, holding her hand tighter, “we’ve been friends since we were little kids, what makes you think that I’d stop being your friend?”

She shrugs.

“You and I, we're best friends for the rest of our lives.”

She rolls her eyes, “except you got Eddie now.”

“Eddie isn’t a girl though, I still need my girl best friends – hey, are you jealous of Eddie, is that it?” You chuckle.

Her eyes widen and she tenses up, looking like a deer caught in headlights. Her cheeks take the color of your red skirt and your smile falls as you stare at her reaction in surprise.

“I-I, no! I’m not–” She stutters and her voice gets high pitched.

“Wait, y-you don’t like Eddie do you?” You frown.

She almost looks taken aback by your question and she draws back, scrunching her face up as she shakes her head, “what!? No!”

Your shoulders slump in relief.

Her reaction is almost comical, if the circumstances were different, you would probably laugh at the twisted mouth and the disapproving look in her eyes.

“I don’t like him,” she says, shaking her head, “I don’t like people like him.”

“Oh,” you frown. Is that it? Is that what she is keeping from you? She doesn’t like Eddie? She doesn’t like your best friend? She doesn’t like his reputation and your reputation?

“N-No!” She huffs, rolling her eyes at her choice of words, “I don’t mean it like that, I don’t mean him in general, I-I mean – fuck.” Her shoulders slump and she closes her eyes when she feels the tears welling up. “I don’t like men – I don’t, I’m not into them! I like girls,” she says, quietly.

Oh.

Your lips part in surprise and your eyes widen but you finally relax and the tension in your body leaves. You were so worried about all the possibilities of what she could be hiding from you, out of all of them, you did not expect this.

She is shaking even more now and you hold her hand tighter in response.

“Chrissy,” you whisper and scoot closer to her.

When she hears your soft voice and feels your even softer touch, she manages to open her eyes again and looks at you through her tears.

“You scared me to death!” You mumble before you pull her into a hug, squeezing her tightly. “I thought you were hiding something bad!”

You hear her sniffle first and then her sigh of relief as she melts into your touch and hugs you back.

“I-I, you’re not, you don’t think it’s weird?”

You scrunch your face up and frown, “why would I think that it’s weird?” You mumble, still hugging her.

“‘Cause some people think it’s weird.”

“Fuck them,” you whisper, rubbing her back and squeezing her tightly before you pull away from her. You look at her soft features and smile, “I’m sorry you were so scared to tell me but I hope you know that I would never judge you, you’re my best friend and I’m proud of you.”

Her eyes light up and she smiles, “you are?”

“Yeah,” you whisper, smiling.

She presses her hand to her chest as she sighs in relief again, closing her eyes.

“So, who’s the lucky girl?”

And just like that, her smile fades away again and she looks at you with the same sad eyes you saw one too many times already. This time, it doesn’t take you long to put two and two together, the signs were always there but as always, you were too blind to see them, just like you had been blind to so many other things in your life.

She was always protective of you, more so than Heather was. She was always a little giddy around you, nervous and shy. She was always more affectionate with you than anyone else.

And then you remember Carol’s words, what she said – or tried to say about Chrissy before Heather intervened.

God, you feel like a fool.

Life passes by you and you don’t even notice. Where is your mind at all the time?

Chrissy’s eyes are filled with sadness and the same fear as before, she doesn’t need to say it out loud for you to know. The look on her face confirms it all.

“Oh Chrissy.”

“I-It’s okay, y/n,” she whispers, “please don’t pity me, it’s just, it will pass.”

You tilt your head, you can’t help but look at her with the same look that lingers in her eyes.

“I’m sorry,” you whisper and look down at her hand.

“No, I’ll be fine, really,” she says, “just promise me that nothing will change?”

Your chest aches and it hurts to know that she is hurting because of you.

��Because that’s all that matters to me, that you are still my friend.”

“I am,” you reassure her again, “I promise.”

She nods at you, not letting her tears spill. She smiles at you again before she scoots closer to you.

“Thank you.”

You shake your head and wrap your arm around her shoulder as she leans her head on your shoulder.

“No, thank you for trusting me,” you whisper, “and for everything.”

She smiles up at you when you fix the green bow in her hair and run your fingers through her ponytail.

As the silence takes over and you both listen to birds chirping and the wind that rustles the leaves on the trees, you hold onto each other a little more tightly when she finally relaxes, knowing that she will always have you, no matter what.

And you feel the tension leaving when you realize that you had nothing to fear when it came to her and Heather.

“Hey, you know what?”

“Hmm?”

“I saw Heather making out with Billy in his car.”

“No way!” You gasp, laughing.

“Yeah! And then she acted like nothing happened!”

You giggle, cupping your hand over your mouth.

“Apparently they were high. She bought weed from that pizza guy.”

“What was his name again?” You ask, laughing.

“Uh, something weird–” she mumbles with a concentrated look on her face.

“Ar– Argyle!” You exclaim.

“Yes, Argyle!”

next chapter

tagging friends & mutuals

@mysticmunson @wroteclassicaly @corrodedseraphine @corrodedcorpses @taintedcigs @hellfire--cult @screammunson @take-everything-you-can @sherrylyn628 @nemesis729 @trashmouth-richie @xxhellfiregirlxx @somethingvicked @chrissymjstan

#steve harrington x reader #steve harrington x you #steve harrington imagine #steve harrington fanfic #steve harrington fluff #steve harrington angst #eddie munson x reader

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cultofdixon · 8 months

Text

They need me more

Daryl Dixon • She/Her Pronouns • It’s the start of a new chapter, with the communities and with you and Daryl. But some people thought you not pulling your weight matters more than the health of yourself and your baby • ANGST/SFW • TW: Pregnancy / Over-Exhaustion

Requested by: Anon

It was late at night when Daryl drove home to Alexandria after being at the Sanctuary for a week. Ever since the news, he’s agreed to watching that shithole every other week instead of living there entirely.

Because he knows she would want to be there with him and her safety matters more. So they compromised.

As the archer did his best to be quiet as he enters the house, it didn’t matter because his wife was in the kitchen making tea. Daryl sets his crossbow and bag down by the door before walking over to her, carefully wrapping his arms around her from behind.

“Should be in bed”

“Couldn’t sleep.” Y/N smiles warmly in the dim lighting as she turns the stove off after hearing the whistle. “Knew my man would be coming home in the morning. Didn’t think at this hour but the excitement kept more than just me up” she was about to grab the tea pot when Daryl pulled away from her quick enough to do it for her. “So since you are home you’re not going to let me lift a finger? Seriously?”

“Seriously. Especially somethin’ this hot” Daryl scoffs pouring her a cup as she drops her teabag in while he got himself a cup ready. “You should be in bed”

“Tell your daughter to stop kicking me in the ribs then. She just knew you’d be back soon” She smiles listening to her husband’s amused chuckle watching him set the tea pot back on the stove using his now free hand to rest on her belly. “We missed you”

“Mm. I missed y’all more” Daryl smiles moving his hand to follow her kicks until they stopped as he kisses his partner before taking her cup. “We can drink these in bed”

“Read my mind”

The morning came and Y/N stretched out a bit groaning to herself when she rolled onto her back. She felt the empty space beside her, frowning when she felt no partner beside her. As she finally got up and out of bed after a bit of struggle, she found the note on her nightstand saying that he was helping Rick with fence repair in the south side and that he’d be home later.

“That man never rests” Y/N laughs lightly to such before getting ready for the day.

She’s been spending most of the morning on the porch swing reading one of the two baby books Maggie has gifted her with her tea. Expecting it to simply be that until she felt the need to move or Daryl would come home.

Instead a newer Alexandrian named Evan walked passed carrying one of the many boxes for the pantry after their trade in from Oceanside. He glances over to Y/N seeing that she was doing nothing, to his standards, and approached.

“Hey, Y/N right?”

Y/N quickly looks up from her book, nodding with a smile.

“You think you can do inventory for the pantry? Rick wants us to keep numbers down and I’ve got a lot to unpack from the truck”

“Oh, but I was actually—“

“Please—-What’s more important than helping your community?”

My baby? Y/N thought for a moment as his words stung for a moment which lead to her questioning such instead of being clear to herself. “Okay. Just let me grab my jacket”

A couple hours went by and Daryl returned home to no one. It was still light out so he wouldn’t be too surprised if she took a walk around the community but he still worried. He decided to see if the pantry had any peanut butter from what her cravings were last since they didn’t have any.

To his surprise, Y/N was sitting on a stool writing down the numbers of everything she had put away.

“What are you doing, sunshine?” Daryl whispers bringing himself behind her leaning over to see the notebook for the pantry records. “You should be home”

“This needed to be done”

“There’s plenty of other people that could’ve done that. Who asked you to do this?”

“It doesn’t matter if all I did was sit and count everything. I didn’t move very much…don’t you worry now” Y/N laughs softly even if Daryl gained a suspicion that she was hiding something, which she was but her feelings were the ones she kept to herself mostly in the moment.

Daryl frowns wishing she would tell him more, but she was only going to be stubborn. So the man pulled up a stool beside her and helped her with the remaining numbers…relaxing when she leaned against him.

“Rick”

“Daryl? The hell you doing over here this early?” Rick questions as he sets Judith down so she could run to Daryl hugging his leg until the man picked her up. “Is Y/N up or somethin’?”

“No, but I’m curious about somethin’ regarding my wife” Daryl sighs setting Judith on the counter while Rick hands her her water cup. “She’s been exhausted lately”

“Like most pregnant people?”

“Nah like. She can’t get up exhausted and she ain’t even that far into the 3rd trimester”

“Well, since I can guess where this might be going? I only ask her to watch Judith if Michonne and I have somethin’ to do together. I don’t know who else would ask her since most of the newbies know you and are afraid of you” Rick shrugs being handed his daughter’s cup from her. “If she’s not telling you it’s because of what somebody said and what her mind did with such”

Daryl frowns not knowing exactly what he has to do to get her to talk to him. He watches Judith and Rick interact for a moment, how caring the man was to his daughter so he thought to go in that direction.

The archer came home in the early afternoon after setting up snares in a few spots around Alexandria, heading upstairs to find his wife sitting up in bed exhausted even after a nap.

“You okay?”

“Yeah, she just kicked me really hard is all…” Y/N sighs wiping away the stray tear from such as Daryl brought himself to sit with her resting his hand on her belly. “I thought you’d be out a little longer”

“The snares were easy to put up” He states watching her gaze focus on his hand rubbing circles on her swollen belly. “Y/N, I know you’re over-working yourself”

“I’m not?” Lie

“Sweetheart…You’re doin’ somethin’ instead of taking it easy”

“What else am I supposed to do? You won’t let me work on the nursery and I can get restless in here sometimes”

“Yea can do shit yeah. But I’m talkin’ all the repairing and big change type shit happening in the community. Everyone knows your pregnant and that you should be takin’ it easy”

“Daryl…”

“Y/N. It’s your body and in the end, do whatever yea want. But that’s my baby too and I care about the both of you a fuckton. If somebody is making yea feel bad and tryin’ to get yea to do all these extra tasks, come and get me. I’ll tear the bitch a new one”

“Can’t have you picking fights, Dar” Y/N laughs a little resting her hand over his as her expression falls once more. “You’ll be around tomorrow right?”

“Want me to ditch my run and spend time with yea? Doubt anybody would notice”

“Carol would! And one of us should at least be useful around here”

Daryl rolls his eyes a second, keeping his hand on her belly worrying slightly to what might happen within the walls while he’s gone.

“Why me?”

“Because I trust yea to radio me”

“And not Rick or Michonne or Rosita or literally anybody else?” Aaron questions walking with his friend through Alexandria the following morning. “Plus I have shit to do around here. Like securing the waterline for the gardens”

“I’m just asking yea to tell me if you see her outside our place.”

“But that could be for any reason”

“If she looks like she’s doin’ something she shouldn’t. Then radio me” Daryl scoffs. “I don’t want her overworking herself. Especially given how hot it is”

“Okay that I can do, but still. Only if I see her” Aaron sternly states before going to get started on his work while Daryl steps outside the gates to be greeted with Carol and Jerry.

He did exactly what was asked of him. Even if for the most part he’s caught glimpses of Y/N, but she would mainly talk to people or walk around. Nothing too crazy. She even spent time with him at least once during the time Daryl was gone, but only for a few minutes. Aaron asked her if she had to do anything and she said no, but when he went to check on her after checking on his daughter she looked even more exhausted since the last time he saw her.

“Daryl?”

Daryl frowns pulling off to the side a moment on his bike to answer the static as Carol noticed him pull off before doing the same in the car they’ve got. “What happened?”

“She wanted me to radio you.”

“…You got caught didn’t you?”

“Im sorry! I saw her pace from the corner of my eye or at least what looked like it when I was helping Eugene solder some pipes. So I went to check on her and she smacked me! Not hard but enough to get me to tell her why I’ve been having my eye on her all day”

Daryl sighs pinching the bridge of his nose as he didn’t know how to respond to such besides apologize. He put his radio back on his belt about to get his bike started against when Carol honked for his attention.

“We don’t need an escort back home”

“I’d feel better knowing y’all got back safe”

“We’ll radio you then! Or whoever gets the radio after you return” Jerry reassures with Carol nodding in agreement.

With that they split their ways as Daryl watches the gates open the second he got close, making it a clear shot to go back to their place. Then he noticed Y/N sat on the porch steps looking as if she was going to pass out. It didn’t get better when he got off his bike approaching her, noticing how red she was and the discomfort written on her expression.

“Y/N—-“

“I’m so exhausted” She sobbed holding her belly as Daryl crouched in front of her gently wiping away the tears. “I’ve been running around all day and Aaron was fucking watching me and I would’ve just stayed inside if this stupid guy’s words didn’t get to me”

“What? Who said what—“ Daryl pulled out of the conversation with his wife to hear the foot steps approaching and her name being called out.

“I’ve got another thing for yea to—-“ Evan stops talking when he locked eyes with Daryl and turned to see Y/N’s situation.

Oh he fucked up

“You’ve been asking my goddamn wife to do all these goddamn tasks and chores JUST SO YOU WOULDNT HAVE TO DO’EM?!” Daryl snaps as he rose to his feet getting up in the poor guy’s face. He guessed the reason, since Y/N thought he was just guilting her to do work around the place since she lives her to. But what Daryl said was the real reason. He didn’t want to do his work and saw an opportunity. Granted…he picked the wrong person.

“I-I-I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have—“

“You’re right. You shouldn’t fucking have” Daryl grabbed the guy by the collar about to throw him with the amount of anger building in him.

“Dar…stop”

“WHY DID YEA DO IT?!” He snaps again as he heard his name called out once more but it was followed with a small gasp. The archer practically tossed the guy onto his ass before changing his demeanor and checking his wife noticing the tears fall more. “Come on, I’m takin’ yea to Siddiq whether you like it or not”

Bed rest. Fucking bed rest. Y/N was put on it in hopes her stress will go down to help her blood pressure and to get much needed fluids. Since she didn’t think twice about her needs when her mind was against her.

Once she got comfortable, Daryl opened the windows once it was late so the cool night air could come through. He also filled her canteen whenever she emptied it, but the most recent time he came back to their bedroom with a filled bottle he noticed her tearing up and avoiding eye contact.

“Sunshine, what’s wrong?” He asks in almost a whisper bringing himself to her side kneeling beside it. “Is it the baby? Are you in pain?”

“No…I’m just. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry” She pouts wiping away her tears, feeling his hand gently cup her cheek as his thumb wipes away the tears. “I could’ve really ruined things…the baby, she could’ve—-“

“Stop. You stopped and you’re relaxing. Taking it easy from now on”

“Yeah, but forced bed rest to start…and I will be alone for most of it anyway”

“The fuck that’s supposed to mean?” Daryl scoffs with a half smile seeing the confusion grow on her face as he brought his hand to take hers. “If yea think I’m leavin’ yea after this shit. Then you’re wrong”

“You…You’re gonna…but what about—-“

“Fuck the Sanctuary. Rick can find somebody else” The archer states squeezing her hand gently. “My family needs me”

#cultofdixon #the walking dead #daryl dixon #daryl dixon x reader #daryl dixon fanfiction

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betyloca · 2 months

Text

twd characters with a silent s/o

daryl dixon

• He noticed at camp that you were very quiet or shy.

• When you sat down to eat around the fire with the camp, everyone was talking but you just watched without making a sound.

• until one day you were sitting next to him while he was telling you random things.

until I asked you why you never spoke

- Hey, why don't you talk, are you shy or something?

when I noticed that you took out a notebook and wrote in it

-* showing what it says* I am mute due to an accident that damaged my vocal cords but I am not deaf

• Since then he has been more attached to you, teaching you how to use weapons.

• since you are mute you have the advantages of being more agile without being heard

• teaches you how to use his crossbow

• he starts to get attached to you and always asks to go with you when you have to go get supplies

Rick grimmes

• He was an officer so he realized when he arrived at the camp that you weren't talking.

• By noticing that behavior more, I understood that you were mute.

• He would come to you if you needed help with something, which you always responded with a simple nod of the head.

• I started practicing sign language to communicate with you.

- If you need anything, let me know* communicating in signs*

- * while smiling * I am mute, not deaf, how do you think I can hear others when they talk to me * making signs *

-ohh

- *signing* well the intention is what counts

• well this way they have an advantage when they have to make an ambush

• he likes how well you get along with carl

• whenever they go to look for supplies he has you by the hand so you don't get lost

Gabriel stokes

• this man thought you were shy

• when he sat with you and talked to you you never spoke

• He thought you didn't like him until Carol told him you were mute.

• He started to get closer to you by asking if you didn't mind, you just answered no with your head.

• likes to spend time with you at church

• reads the Bible to you when you have nothing to do

- Are you sure you won't get bored?

- *Shaking his head*

- okay where was I?

• he likes to walk with you in Alexandria when it's night because he's so quiet

• gives you his bible when he goes to get supplies

• He worries when you leave but when you return he is very happy and hugs you.

Merle dixon

• at first he didn't realize how quiet you were and he didn't even care

• Until I started flirting with you I noticed that you never complained but you did blush.

• so I started doing it more often until I made some jokes

• one night when the others were sleeping you were outside your tents while he was talking

• until he told something funny that he saw that you were laughing but you didn't make a sound

- Hey sugar, you're mute, aren't you?

-*nodding*

- ohh I see that doesn't stop me from making you smile, don't you believe, sweetheart?

• He thinks it's an advantage that you're mute, so just like Daryln, he teaches you to be agile without being seen.

• teaches you how to use weapons while whispering double meanings in your ear

• he thinks it's better for you to sleep in his tent than in yours in case something happens and he can't hear you and why does he worry?

• fights with anyone who makes fun of your condition

• whenever they go by car to get supplies he has a hand on your thigh to calm you down

#twd headcanons #the walking dead #merle dixon x reader #daryl dixon x reader #rick grimes x reader #father gabriel #gabriel stokes x reader #twd x reader #twd imagine

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l0vergirlwrites · 11 months

Text

our moments ; rick grimes

warnings: mentions of weapons, blood, death, swearing, some angst & a sweet slow burn

a few moments with rick throughout the time you’ve known each other that aided your slow burn:

1. early prison days

since you were new the group, it was hard fitting into their little family when you stumbled across them with tyrese & sasha after carl led you through the prison’s catacombs. despite your previous group leaving, going off somewhere else to call home, you stayed because your gut told you to.

you followed their orders & stayed clear of the group to focus on your daily tasks to prove that you’re person of your word until you were allowed to sleep in the same cell block as the rest of them.

one night when you decided to stay up & count the food rations in the main area, you didn’t expect someone to join you.

with a small gaslit lamp, a notebook & half a broken pencil, you were busy looking back & forth between the canned food & your paper until the metal door of the cell block creaked quietly. springing your head up, your body slightly relaxed when you saw the group’s leader begin to approach you.

“what are you doing?” rick asked you, bouncing judith up & down in his arms to calm her fussing.

taking a seat across from you at the circular metal table, you tucked your hair behind your ears & looked back at him. “just some food inventory,” you said looking around at the cans & bags of grain still left from the group’s last run.

“glenn mentioned that maggie & him were planning to do a run tomorrow, so i thought an updated inventory list would be helpful” your kind explanation made rick give you a tiny smile in approval.

“that’s nice of ya to do, thanks” he said while looking back between you & his daughter. the grip she had on his thumb made your heart swell. it was nice to see something full of love in a world where death crept everywhere.

“could i ask you something?”.

humming in response, rick lowered judith to his chest & focused on you.

“why have you kept me around?” the question lingered in the air.

scratching his chin, rick looked back at you & tilted his head a little, almost like he was analyzing you.

“you’ve proven yourself,” rick started. “you’ve shown your loyalty, you’ve gotten along with everyone & followed through with orders… & you’re pretty good with a gun & bow” he listed off a few reasons, seeing you grow a shy smile on your face.

it felt nice to know he approved you.

“the things you do—like staying up to do something that’ll help others tomorrow—is the kind of thing we need more of… sets a good example, shows you’re worth it” his voice grew more sincere as he spoke.

this was the first time you both have had a one-on-one conversation. it was nice.

“i was unsure about you…” he noted, your eyes flashing with worry for a moment.

“—but you’ve proven me wrong so far… keep doing that” giving you an encouraging boost of morale, he rose from his seat once he noticed judith getting sleepy, heading towards the metal door to leave you to it.

“thank you rick,” you called out softly, making him pause his movements. “really, thank you”

“you’re welcome… goodnight” he said looking back at you.

the gaze you both held ignited a small warm feeling. you both felt it, but ignored it.

“goodnight” you waved him off, sighing contently before getting back to your ration notes.

2. post prison

after the prison fell, you wound up alone & fearful in the woods. with the few items you had in your emergency bag, you were able to survive for a few days by sleeping in the high trees, tying your body to large branches so you wouldn’t fall.

but you were tired, going hungry, & your injuries were going to get worse if you didn’t find more medical supplies soon.

it was hard for you to get proper sleep when the friendships you’ve made with rick & the group keep you up at night. did they make it out? are any of them hurt? are they alone too?

the questions were endless.

but instead of wallowing, you knew you had to keep going. by using the tracking tricks daryl had taught you a few times when going on runs, you were hopefully making progress in tracking a decently fresh pair of boots that led to an abandoned neighborhood. you weren’t able to tell if they belonged to anyone you knew, but your gut was telling you to follow them.

the neighborhood was silent, alike many other ghost towns you’ve came across since the world fell apart, but it gave you a hopeful feeling as you pushed yourself to search the houses for anything, or anyone. old books, tvs, clothes, dead bodies, children’s toys—all covered by layers of dust, dried blood, flies & debris.

it took you a few houses to find a decently stacked medical kit, which you used to clean a few of your shallow cuts on your arms & cheek from getting bark burn. you also found a few canned goods which gave you some hope, but there was no sign that anyone from the prison had even been in the area yet.

when you reached the middle area of houses along the street, you heard a muffled sound of something falling, intriguing you to look further. slowly making your way up a set of porch steps, knife out & ready to use. you quietly scanned the front windows to see if anything was near the front of the house.

you expected walkers. you didn’t expect rick & carl.

as soon as you saw them, you felt immediate relief wash over you, overwhelming you to the point where you had tears welling in your eyes. so you knocked on the door & waited.

rustling. silence. mumbling. creaking.

the door opened cautiously, & behind it you saw a beaten up rick grimes looking at you with a smile. before either of you could say anything, carl was already rushing into your arms & holding you in a tight embrace, causing you to laugh as a few tears rolled down your cheeks.

“hi—“

“—how did you find us?!” carl asked into your shoulder.

“i tracked. gut feeling” you sniffled as you held him tighter, your eyes melting into rick’s as his smile grew.

the way he looked at you spoke more than words could.

his blue eyes flashed “i missed you”

& yours flashed back “i missed you too”

after carl let you go & pulled you inside, locking the door, you & rick stood in front of each other for a moment, soft smiles present on your faces.

you were the first to initiate the hug.

“i’m glad you’re okay” you mumbled into his torn shirt, holding him tighter when you felt rick’s arms go around your shoulders.

“right back at ya” he whispered to you, leaning his head on-top of yours until you pulled away, getting a good look at him.

rick was beaten to a pulp with dirt & dried blood on his clothes & skin, along with a partial black eye near his swollen cheek.

“you look—“

“rough” carl says, causing you to turn to him & laugh.

turning back to rick, you pointed to your worn out backpack. “got some stuff to fix that” you smiled, following carl into the kitchen where you told him to sit so you could check him for injuries.

rick followed behind shortly, ghosting in the doorway as he looked at you bearing your own set of injuries, rushing your medical kit items out while carl updated you on what happened since the fall.

the way you treated carl with such care made rick feel that small warm feeling again. his gut was trying to telling him something. but he hasn’t pieced it together yet. & somehow, neither have you.

3. pre-terminus

“if you fall, i get the last kit-kat!”

“oh you’re so on!”

the train tracks to terminus, a so-called safe haven, were longer than anticipated. the journey was bound to take a couple days. but so far with you, rick & carl, it’s been pleasant.

you tried to keep carl entertained by balancing on the train tracks as rick stayed a head of you both, laughing at the childish energy emitting from your game.

“what’re you guys doing?” rick asked with a smile on his face, walking backwards now as he looked between you & carl with looks of concentration on your faces.

“winning” you replied, hearing carl scoff beside you as a rebuttal.

rick shook his head at both of you, turning around to keep his eyes out for any threats until he heard someone’s feet clash against the gravel.

“oh shit—“

“haha i win!”

turning his heard around again, rick saw you on the gravel with a playful pout on your face while carl was lifting his arms up in victory.

“fair is fair” you said while handing carl the kit-kat bar, smiling softly when you saw how happy he was to have it.

“we can share—“

“carl, you don’t have to—“

“fair is fair! take your half y/n”

taking a half of the kit-kat bar, you thanked the boy & looked towards rick, seeing him motion you to come forward.

once you were beside him, he called carl to come in front so he could keep an eye on him, then he went back to looking at you.

“thank you” rick said, nodding his head towards carl.

“you don’t have to thank me” you nudged his elbow with yours.

as rick looked ahead at his son still balancing on the train tracks, he sighed.

you & carl being friends is not a strange concept—the whole group, including rick, knew the small friendship. you got him comic books with michonne, & he made you origami figures in return. you looked out for him, & he looked out for you.

“you being here… i think it’s helping him cope with… ” you knew who was referring to… it was judith.

“rick,” placing a hand on his shoulder, you squeezed the material of his jacket. “i-i—“

“it’s okay,” he assured, tight lipped smile on his face as he relished your presence.

“i don’t think you should give up on her yet” you told him slowly, seeing him furrow his brows.

“why?” he asked quietly, trying to find any hope within himself to believe that his daughter is still out there, safe from harm.

“gut feeling” you said simply, seeing rick look he wasn’t sure if he should believe you.

“you always go with your gut?” he asked again, looking at you with an unreadable look on his face.

nodding your head, you told him yes. “its what made me stay at the prison… made me find you & carl, so yeah—i go with my gut”

“i might do the same then”

his words made you smile as you gave his shoulder one last squeeze, dropping your hand back into your coat pocket.

the rest of the walk was quiet, besides carl’s random questions you encouraged him to ask so he’d keep himself busy. rick often chimed in too, the three of you walking side by side until the forest welcomed you again.

the warm feeling came back again. it was growing stronger than before. but still, neither of you knew what it meant.

4. post-terminus

terminus was a huge lie. a total shit show. & it left the group feeling worse than the fall of the prison. you had found a small church to crash at, courtesy of gabriel, a priest that none of you could seem to trust much, but you needed shelter.

the group, along with a few new members named abraham, eugene & rosita, all gathered around the alter area under a few candles & ate from some of gabriel’s rations, everyone talking & catching up. it was nice to be reunited with the group of people you’ve come to love, even though not all of them survived.

you sat next to maggie, directly in front of rick, & watched him play with judith as he relished his reunion with his daughter. it made your heart swell with happiness to know your gut feeling was right, that judith was safe with tyrese & carol after all.

she’s been making grabby hands towards you & maggie for a while now, causing rick to laugh before nudging your foot with his.

“ya wanna hold her?” he asked, seeing you nod your head carefully as you scooted closer to rick, hands shaking slightly due to nerves because you’ve never held her before.

everyone continued their conversations, but maggie & glenn stared at you two with knowing looks on their faces because they saw something you & rick haven’t noticed yet.

once you were seated beside rick, your back against the wood of the altar, he slowly passed judith over to you & she immediately grabbed your hair, gently pulling on the strands as you held her in your lap. you talked to her in a hushed voice, smiling as you heard her giggle & point towards rick a few times.

“she likes ya” rick drawled, both of you smiling brightly as judith babbled on.

“y/n,” you looked to rick as he talked, your eyes shining in the amber coloured candle light—it made him feel the warm feeling again.

“yeah?” you questioned when he went silent again, wondering what questions were swirling around in his head.

his brows furrowed again, not in a confused way, but in a concerned one. “you okay?”

his voice was quiet, making it clear he wanted to have a somewhat private moment with you. you weren’t too sure what to say—you haven’t been fine since the world fell apart, hell—no has been. but since you’ve become a member of his group & built friendships with them, you felt good.

“it’s like a double sided coin,” you tried to explain, finding it hard to say your feelings with words.

“i hurt, i mourn, i’m exhausted… i feel far from okay in so many aspects i guess. but, i know i really am okay because the group’s here, you’re here…” the little admission made you let out a carefree smile, one which rick quickly returned & that warm feeling came back again like a magnet, pushing you too closer.

“as long as everyone is okay, then so am i”

your answer ignited a feeling in rick he hasn’t felt in a long time. it almost felt like lo—

“thank you for saving me earlier. that terminus guy was so close to—”

“hey,” he nudged you. “i got you, no need to thank me” rick assured, his tone sounding far from platonic but you brushed past it.

“right back at you” your chest started to getheavy the more you looked at him, making you feel nervous & warm.

comfortable silence took over the two of you until carl took judith from your lap, bringing you back into the groups’ conversations. you were surrounded by friends, but one of the them seemed to have the potential of being more than that.

5. early alexandria

alexandria was too good to be true. children could play outside with no hassle, the homes were more than luxurious, & the place wasn’t crawling with walkers in the walls. there was running water, soap, makeup, clothes, lots of food, & mattresses that weren’t filled with holes or mold.

it was paradise. but it felt almost like a trick.

after the lengthy interview process with deanna & all the orders on weapons, plus townspeople introductions, everyone was finding their own groove on how to adjust.

the first night felt like a shock to the system for everyone, especially due all the time the group spent on the road, having access to luxuries felt too weird. as the group eventually fell asleep, you stayed awake, staring at the ceiling until you couldn’t bear it.

getting up from your sleeping bag & carefully tiptoeing upstairs, you decided to explore the house for a while to escape your troubles. you went through the bedrooms, testing the lights, poking the mattresses & you eventually sat down on one to really test if it was real.

& it was.

the cushiony feel of the mattress felt like heaven against your body, making you lay down fully to really enjoy it. just as you sighed with comfort, you heard the door creak open, causing you to spring up & almost fall off the bed.

“it’s just me” rick said slowly, closing the door when you breathed out of relief.

“sorry, you scared me for a sec” with your hand clutching your heart, you brushed your messy hair behind your ears, like you always do, & patted the spot next to for rick to sit.

“what’re you doing up here?” he asked once he sat on the mattress, leaning his right arm back so he could turn his body towards you.

shrugging your shoulders, you played with the hem on the clean shirt deanna gifted you, “felt like exploring the place a bit”

giving you a tired smile, rick nodded his head, “not because you can’t sleep?”

“haha, no… definitely not” you replied sarcastically, hearing rick chuckle at your words.

rick thought you looked beautiful in this moment, seeing you in a new light. your skin was free from any debris & dirt, your hair was freshly washed & smelt like vanilla, you wore clothes that didn’t have any rips or thousands of patches—you looked more beautiful than he thought you could.

you thought rick looked nice all cleaned up, freshly shaven skin with no stubble in sight, his hair clean & not sticking down onto his forehead, plus his hands were finally dirt & blood free for once. rick looked nice, especially because you’ve never seen him like this before.

“i don’t know how long it’ll take for me to get used to you not having a beard” you said to break the silence, inviting soft laughs to break through you both as rick rubbed over his face again.

“god—i don’t even know if i’m used to it” he groaned with a smile, making your stomach flip in circles.

before you knew it, the space between you both was slowly dissipating; you didn’t realize your knee was touching his.

“you look nice though,” you complimented, eyes focused on the details of his face in the dark. “never seen you like this before… very handsome” rick hummed at your words, eyes raking over your face again before making eye contact.

“you look nice too… real pretty…” he trailed on. rick wasn’t sure what else to say to hide the fact he was at his breaking point. the magnet was pulling him closer, & he couldn’t turn away from it anymore.

you were hoping the lack of bright light helped to mask the way your cheeks were burning hot.

“do you think we can make this place work?” rick asked suddenly, switching the topic to something serious.

nodding your head almost immediately, your hand went onto of his. “i think so. you’ve led us through hell & back—“

shaking his head to make you pause, rick lifted his hand from yours only to grasp it, giving it a small squeeze. “no, not me—us… we… you & me— do you think we can make this place work… together?”

the reframing of his question made you wonder if your heart skipped a few beats.

you stared at him, eyes flashing “do you mean it?”

his flashed back with ease “i do”

looking towards your hand in his, your knee against his knee, the proximity between you two—

“yeah,” you finally answered. “i know we can make this work”

smiling until your ears hurt, you felt rick gave your hand another squeeze as your eyes glossed over, eyes not leaving his blue ones.

same old rick. same old feeling. that’s what it meant all this time.

“gut feeling?” he whispered. this felt right.

“yeah, gut feeling” you whispered back.

he couldn’t handle it any longer, neither could you. so he pulled you closer with his hand on your cheek & kissed you, slow & loving with no rush of what the next day will bring. there is so much pain in the world, but not in this room—not with him in this very moment as everything finally set into place.

rick taught you that home isn’t necessarily a place, it can be a person. & luckily for you both, home is wherever you both are, as long as it’s together.

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