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salvador-daley · 7 months

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Dead Sexy 💀😵🩵 Updated!

An Umbrella Academy AU feat. Pathologist!Dave + MorgueRegular!Klaus

A/N: Yo! This fic just hit 50 subscribers so I figured I should probably update it. 😬 Apologies for being the world’s slowest writer. I humbly offer this chapter as restitution for my tardiness. If you like it, please leave me a comment. If you don’t, well, just keep that shit to yourself. 😘

Summary: Dave is a pathologist working at the city morgue. And Klaus… well, Klaus just keeps turning up.

Snippet from Chapter 4:

It sometimes takes a little while to rouse him. A breakfast burrito waved under his nose (Dave has started buying an extra one during his Monday morning commute) normally does the trick.

But then eventually Klaus’ eyes will blink awake and he’ll be back on the mortal plane; yawning, stretching, scratching and subjecting Dave to more of his incorrigible flirting.

It’s strange, really, how quickly they’ve fallen into a kind of routine.

Klaus exhausts the supply of wearable items amid the sparse and ancient offerings of the lost and found box during his first few visits. Dave invests in a multipack of cheap white t-shirts and picks up a dozen pairs of sweatpants and some worn shoes from goodwill so that he can at least provide Klaus with something halfway decent to walk home in.

Not that Klaus always turns up naked; he doesn’t. Sometimes Dave will unzip the bag to find the guy still wearing the outfit in which he met his end: a leather gimp suit with straws poking through the nostril-holes (breathplay accident at an orgy), rainbow ice skates (pond not fully frozen), purple parachute pants (parachute not included).

The more Dave learns about Klaus, the more of a mystery he becomes. He doesn’t appear to have a permanent address, but then never seems to be strictly homeless either. Klaus apparently exists in a perpetual state of couch surfing and bed-hopping - without any shortage of couches to surf and beds to hop into.

Klaus’ sexual exploits are one of his favourite topics, the stories all delivered with a nonchalant hand wave but punctuated with a knowing glimmer of the eyes, as if told purely for Dave’s benefit.

Dave would never admit that he occasionally feels the prickly fangs of something green-eyed when Klaus is sat cross-legged on the autopsy table, delivering yet another tale of naked debauchery. But he does sometimes give Klaus the smaller burrito as a form of punishment.

Read the rest on AO3

Tagging because you haven’t told me to stop: @badsext @yeah-klave @softforklave @anglophile-rin @falloutby @merry-melody @neist @purblzart @maerenee930 @firstpersonnarrator @super-unpredictable98 @wcrmboy @spookyfbi @squishitude @courtneytarynofficial @mokolataddict @pickledbeefwastaken @love-is-dirty-baby @jender123 @vonkimmeren @narnianaos @sylvertyger @merrilark @faceache111 @rob-private @pietro-t1me @not-oscar-wilde @thislovelylife @falafel14 @allisoooon @kawaiic0mmunism

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ded-and-gonne · 1 year

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#robert sheehan #the umbrella academy #tua #klaus hargreeves #dailytua #tua s2 #tua fanfic #umbrella academy #ded & gonne #ded and gonne antiquarian booksellers and supernatural detectors #ded and gonne booksellers and private dicks #ded and gonne #books and bodies #rozzymikes #rob sheehan #tuadaily

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sheehalloween · 1 year

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A huge, huge thank you to everyone who has made this event so successful. Checking the tag every day to see all the incredible things you’ve made has been such a joy. From Joz and Salv, we love you so much. ❤️❤️

We’ll be posting everything again over the coming days, so please keep reblogging and sharing all these beautiful fanworks - your friendly neighbourhood creators will thank you for it. Xx

#robert sheehan #sheehalloween 2022 #klaus hargreeves #the umbrella academy #robert sheehan character fic #robert sheehan fanart #robert sheehan fanfic #tua #rob sheehan #umbrella academy

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captain-fantasy · 2 years

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Oooh. Oooooh!! Any smut involving Robert Sheehan or Klaus. Please please please. We need it. ❤️❤️

You need to be quiet - Klaus Hargreeves x reader

Warnings: smut, unestablished relationship, friends with benefits, drug use, mentions of withdrawals, porn with not a lot of plot, kinda angsty

“You need to be quiet,” Klaus warned, “Or my family will hear you.”

It was hard to stay quiet in the position you were in, bent over Klaus’ bed, hands gripping the sheets as he rutted into you from behind like you were lovers that hadn’t seen each other for years. You moved a hand to your face, covering your mouth in a failed attempt of muffling the sounds Klaus was forcing out of you. You spread your knees on the bed, making your cunt tight and stretch around his cock, causing him to momentarily falter his movements while he felt your walls clench around him.

“Fuck,” he cursed, strengthening his grip on your waist. You were sure that large, purple bruises would be forming deep in your skin in a few hours.

Your whines became louder, feeling his moans vibrate through his body as his cock twitched inside you. As if it had a mind of its own, your back arched against him, the sounds of your skin slapping bounced off the walls until all your senses became clouded. All you could think of was him.

You had been friends with Klaus since you were kids. When the news of The Umbrella Academy broke out, all people cared about was their fame and powers, trying to get close to them for their benefit. Klaus knew you were able to see past that; you didn’t care about how famous he was or what he could do for you, all you ever cared about was knowing that he was safe. So many of their missions didn’t go according to plan, and every time you were left waiting till the latest hours of the night staring at the door to make sure he was okay. He loved you because you were one of the only people outside of his family who truly cared about him, and loved him back as a person, not a freak with superpowers. You took care of him through his hardest times, never pushing him away when you found him on the streets with a needle in his arm, or when he just needed someone to lean on.

That’s why his feelings about you were so conflicted. He knew that he loved you. He loved the way you made him feel, both when you were next to him holding his hand as he went through withdrawals and when he was pinned underneath you, watching your tits bounce as you rode him better than anyone ever had. You’d been friends forever and only upgraded to friends with benefits for a couple of months. He couldn’t help but think that your feelings toward him were nothing more than physical, but he loved you so much that it made him feel sick. Every time you spent the night at the academy, you would need to sneak in after everyone was asleep. That made him feel like you were really just a hook-up, which made him feel even worse.

One night, you were both wasted out of your minds, stumbling out of the bar in each other’s arms as you walked home. You decided to sleep at your place, not wanting to hear the complaints of his siblings as you crept through their house. Klaus helped you out of your clothes, trying his best to not stare at your half-naked body as you changed into your pajamas. He turned away from you, fishing out some of the clothes he’d left at your house a couple of nights ago.

You giggled as you pulled him into your bed, positioning yourself under him while he stabilized himself by placing his hands on either side of your head. Klaus met your gaze, watching the excited light in your eyes shine at him. His heart felt like it was about to burst out of his chest. If he wasn’t going to tell you how he felt now, he would never tell you. You noticed his apprehension from continuing, your eyebrows furrowing in confusion. Had you done something? He’d never acted like that before, certainly never before you were about to sleep with each other.

“Klaus,” you whispered, pushing yourself up to see his face better, “Are you alright?”

You cradled his face with your hands, studying the expression in his eyes. He rested his hands on his thighs, fiddling with his fingers while he looked at you, no doubt stopping himself from reaching out to touch you. Every curve and roll of your body was a place of worship for him, the sounds he pulled from you relieving him like a prayer, but now it was harder than ever for him to just look at you.

“We can’t do this anymore,” he mumbled, watching the confusion in your mind conduct your face.

“What? What are you talking about?” you couldn’t stop the anger starting to seep through your voice, even though you weren’t upset.

Klaus internally winced at your tone, “We can’t keep sleeping with each other. It’s not right.”

“But-, Why? I thought you liked me, Klaus,” the anger was replaced with pain; hurt, and confusion.

“I do. I really like you.”

“Then fuck me,” you scoffed.

“No, I-I can’t even look at you without wanting to touch you. Without wanting to claim you, make you scream, make you mine.

So I can’t sleep with you again without doing all of those things. I love you, but I can’t spend another night with you knowing that you don’t feel the same,” he finished, waiting for your response.

Silence filled the room, save for some cars driving by the streets and slightly illuminating you two. His heart raced in anticipation, terrified of what you were going to say.

“Who told you that?” you spoke, finally breaking the silence.

“What?”

“Who told you that I didn’t love you?”

“What?” he repeated. It seemed like that was the only word that was able to come out of his mouth.

“I love you, Klaus. I always have. I thought that it was pretty obvious. Every night we spent together, god, I fell in love with you even more. I even let you cum in me last time, and if that didn’t prove my love, then I don’t know what will,” you laughed, laying back down and bringing him with you.

His anxiety disappeared as soon as you touched him, meeting you halfway in a desperate, hungry kiss. There was no reason for Klaus to hide anything anymore. He was able to completely express his feelings for you without fear of them not being reciprocated. You brought your hand up to the back of his neck, pulling him down into the crook of your shoulder. He brought his hands up your chest, causing goosebumps to leave a trail wherever he touched you. He massaged your tits with his hands, making sure to spend extra time playing with your nipples, pinching them between his thumb and pointer finger. Your back arched off the mattress, following his touch desperately.

Klaus’ hands traveled down your body, gently spreading your thighs to allow space for him to stay between you. Just looking at you spread completely in front of him, needy and waiting for him to touch you, made all of the blood in his body rush to his dick, making it red and angry and leak precum from the tip. He gave his cock a few hard pulls, growing it to its full hardness, twitching in his hand. He teased your slit, maintaining his control even though he was almost begging to touch you moments ago. You whined, rubbing your thighs together to try and get some friction to take away the low, burning pain in the pit of your stomach.

“Patience, sweetheart,” he teased.

You groaned and pushed your head into your pillow, “Klaus, if you don't fuck me I might explode.”

He laughed and pushed his hips flush to yours, “Well, then I guess I shouldn’t keep you waiting any longer.”

His cock easily slipped into your soaking wet heat, spreading your juices across your folds. You moaned in relief, not holding your whimpers and cries back like you usually had to. Klaus bent his head down, biting the soft skin on your neck, leaving large, purple marks when his mouth left you.

Every inch of skin on your body burned. Your breaths became ragged as you felt your thighs become weak, getting ready for your release to wash over you. Klaus’ eyes never left yours. He never missed a broken cry leaving your throat, memorizing the way your body responded to something every time he tried something new.

“Fuck,” he cursed. His thrusts lost their precision, faltering as he felt his orgasm reaching him. His fingernails dug deeper into your skin leaving bright red scratch marks down your hips meeting your thighs. Every time he reentered you, you felt the tip of his cock hitting your g-spot perfectly, undoubtedly bringing you to the precipice of your high.

Your orgasm washed over you like warm water, sending electric sparks from the top of your head to the bottom of your toes. Not a single part of your body was uncomfortable, there wasn’t a problem in the world that mattered to you at that moment.

Your ecstasy was prolonged as Klaus continued thrusting into you, eager to meet his own release. He let out a final low, throaty groan, spilling out into your warm cunt. You felt his hot breath on your neck as you felt his heart rate slow down, moving your hand up his body to snake your fingers through his hair.

“I love you, Klaus,” you whispered, feeling him smile against your skin.

buy me a ko-fi?

#robert sheehan x reader #robert sheehan smut #robert sheehan #rob sheehan #klaus hargreeves #klaus smut #umbrella academy #the umbrella academy #fanfiction writing #writing #fanfics

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badsext · 2 years

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Prompt: 😈😈

🍊 Orange Crush: Rob x Reader

Thank you for the prompt @firstpersonnarrator ! 🥰

Warnings: Just a little self gratification while fantasizing. They are still getting acquainted, but the smut will come on strong in the next few chapters. I am hoping to post the last chapter for Sheehanksgiving. I hope you like it.

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The Uber smelled thick like leather and vanilla. You opened the window for some fresh air, picking up the clean crisp scent of the grove in the distance, getting stronger as the car pulled up the long driveway. Thanking the driver, you wrangled your suitcase, then dragged it up the stairs to the porch. Noticing your arrival from the window, your mom opened the screen door. “How was your flight? I like your new hair!,” she said, pulling you in for a hug.

“Thanks.” You shoved your hand into your new cut and dyed locs. “Flight was okay.” She was no doubt happy to see you, but you sensed she was starved for human contact way out there in farm country. Like you, she hadn’t always been a country girl. She once had a marketing career, but gave it up to take over the citrus grove after your grandparents had passed away. Your move out east made sense to her even though she missed you terribly. Every time you visited she seemed to acquire a new orange farm cat. She had at least half a dozen at this point. You ventured into the kitchen and had a seat at the table. “Where’s Dad?”

“Oh, he’s out there with Rob. She gestured towards the barn. Tinkering with one of his old machines.”

“Rob?”

“The new hire. I thought I told you about him. He’s staying in the guest house.”

Your parents hadn’t hired anybody new in like twenty years. It was a small business, kept afloat by their other investments. You were actually kind of shocked that your mother failed to share this news. Maybe she had told your sister, but this was the first you’d heard about it. It was only fair though, having recently lost your job in DC, you were keeping a secret of your own. You knew they’d have no problem taking you in. You were just embarrassed that it didn’t work out and delaying the awkward conversation until you were ready.

You plucked an orange from the glass bowl in the center of the table. Home grown oranges were still your favorite. You had the perfect technique to peel them in one go and divide the segments without even staining your fingers with the juice.

“I’m going to go let dad know I’m here before sleeping off this jet lag.”

“If you’re going out there, bring them some iced tea. It’s so hot out there. They’ll need a break.”

You poured two glasses of tea and carried them out the back, using your hip to push your way through the door. Dad was hunched over an old picker. The lid was open and he was poking at the innards with a socket wrench. Next to him a tall, toned young man was looking over the same spot, one hand on his hip and the other holding a manual. The clink of the ice made them pause their conversation and look up. “Hey, there’s my girl!” Dad squeezed your shoulder and kissed you on the cheek. You smiled, handing over the drinks.

“Thank you.” The new hire smiled back graciously, tucking a long stray hair behind his ear.

“Oh, sweetie, this is Rob. He’ll be helping us out for a while.”

“Nice to meet you.” You were flustered by his good looks, green eyes, and contagious smile. You tried to stay cool, but worried about grinning back at him like a lunatic. He wiped his hand off on his shirt and extended it. His skin was soft, too soft for a farm hand.

“Likewise,” he said with the slightest wink. Dad had already set down his half empty glass and shifted focus back to the machine, but the stranger kept his eyes trained on you. “Well, I’ll see you later then,” he said as friendly as could be. Then he wiped his brow with the back of his forearm and took a large gulp of his iced tea. The eager way his lips and throat moved as he swallowed was almost too much. You turned and walked back to the house blushing and trying to process all of that. When you got to your room, you climbed into your old twin bed, slipped between the unicorn printed sheets and closed your eyes. You wanted to sleep. Your body was so tired, but your mind was racing with impure thoughts.

Your hand delved into the elastic of your sensible cotton panties. You began gliding your fingers over your clit instinctively using the method you’d been developing since you lived in that room fifteen years ago. Your heart pounded imagining the new farm hand’s head between your thighs working these same patterns with his tongue. You imagined those green eyes looking up at you through a veil of dark curls. Then at once you felt yourself tightening and releasing, raptured by the loss of control. Pleasure flooded to your extremities and soothed you to sleep, your hand still tucked inside your panties.

You woke to a knock at the door. “Dinner is almost ready, hon. I made lemon chicken and those little roasted potatoes you like.”

“Yeah, Ma, sounds good. I’ll be down in a few.” You got up to wash your hands and splash your face. Looking back at your reflection, you mumbled your thoughts aloud, “What are we going to do?” It had only been a few weeks since you were out of work. The reality of the situation was starting to sink in, but the aroma of a home cooked meal emanating from the kitchen turned your thoughts to dinner.

You came down to the dining room and froze. Rob was setting the table. He noticed you. “Hey.”

“Heeeey.” You tried to sound casual, but chatting with the object of your very recent masturbatory fantasies was an awkward task. Rob could sense your unease.

“Kath invited me to dinner. She’s really nice, your mom.”

“Yeah, she is.” It was strange hearing him call her ‘Kath,’ setting the table and uncorking the wine. Wine! Thank god for that!

Rob sat across from you with your parents at each end of the solid oak heirloom dining table of your childhood. It was the location of every family dinner growing up. You found the little glue spot that dried there after making your neolithic diorama in seventh grade and the subtle divots your sister made when she attempted beer pong with a golf ball. It had been nearly a year since your last visit, but the memories came flooding back the moment you sat down.

How did this guy fit so seamlessly into the picture? The dinner conversation was a barrage of funny stories from the farm. One of your folks would start and then Rob would chime in with details. He had the warmest, most contagious laugh, but you were beginning to feel like a guest.

“What about you, Y/N? Any funny stories from D.C.?” Rob gently coaxed you back into the conversation as he topped off your wine.

“From D.C.? You sucked in a breath. “No, but Mom, do you remember the time Dad installed this light fixture?” You pointed at the beautiful rustic chandelier hanging overhead.

“He jumped like a kangaroo!”

“I got the shock of my life!”

“He thought he’d cut the power in here, but he cut the power to the meat freezer in the garage instead.”

“That old fuse box wasn’t labeled right!”

Everybody was laughing hysterically, red in the face, and gasping for air. But when you happened to glance across the table, Rob was focused on you. You stared back for a second and he blushed as if caught. “Kath, this meal was lovely, but I must ask one question. Will there be dessert? I’d die for something sweet right now,” Rob practically begged.

“I’ve got brownies in the kitchen.”

“God, you’re amazing.”

“Where did you say you were from again? Your accent, it’s -”

“Portland originally, but we moved around a lot. Military brat.,” but in lieu of any further details, Rob hummed with pleasure at the taste of Kath’s famous dark chocolate brownies. The innocent sound of a man enjoying dessert echoed like pornographic moans inside your ear canals. Honestly, you couldn’t blame him. Those brownies were incredible.

You were fairly tipsy by the time Rob started clearing the plates and helping with the dishes. You intended to help too, but one of the cats was scratching on the back door. You paused to let him outside then mindlessly followed him. It was good to be home where the stars were actually visible at night, not like the city. It was like nothing had changed, nothing but you.

The memory was hazy, but you remembered burying something out there, like a time capsule. You scanned the yard. There was a bald patch on a hill beside the barn. Maybe that was it. You walked over to investigate, propelled forward by the tingle of Chardonnay in your bloodstream. Just as you crouched down over the spot, you heard a voice. “Hey, there!” You sprang back up, the surprise nearly giving you a heart attack. Rob tried not to laugh. “I didn’t mean to sneak up on you.”

“Yes, well.” You did.

“What are you doing?”

“Nothing. It’s stupid.”

“Oh, come on. You’ve got me very curious.”

“I’ve got something buried out here.”

“I’m sorry.”

“No, no...There are about a dozen old farm cats buried out here, but it’s not that. It’s a box of stuff, from when I was a kid, sort of like a time capsule.”

“What’s in it?”

“I honestly have no idea.”

“Well, now I have to see.”

“You’re sure?”

“Oh, yes!” Rob smiled, his eyes twinkling in the moonlight. He stuck his index finger in the air, to signal an idea, then sprinted for the barn. For a second you thought maybe he’d abandoned you. But he returned a few seconds with a shovel. He held the handle out for you to take it, but you refused, insisting he do the honors. He dug for several minutes, his gorgeous biceps flexing in rhythm with his effort before finally hitting paydirt.

The shovel landed with a crack against something hard a few more inches down. You looked at eachother excitedly, abandoning the shovel to scoop the remaining dirt out with your hands. It had become a race to see what was inside the box. The scent of fresh earth filled your senses Loose soil sprayed like confetti into the air behind you as you excavated the thing. It was less of a box and more of a pink plastic case decorated liberally with filthy yellowed unidentifiable stickers and the words “Keep Out” in black permanent marker. You examined it, turning it over in your hands.

“Well, aren’t you going to open it?”

Inside was a collection of images clipped from those cheesy teen magazines. There were twenty or more, some glued to notebook paper with little hearts and messages.

“Shit,” you cringed.

Rob cocked his head to the side. “Is that….Robert Pattinson?” He snatched the clippings from your hand and studied them with the light from his cell phone.

“It was a phase!,” You protested.

“Must have been a hell of a phase,” he giggled, fanning out the images like a winning hand of cards.

“Give me those!,” you shouted, lunging at him. He ducked out of your grasp.

“Can’t blame you, he’s a handsome guy and Twilight, what a film!”

“Come on, I was like twelve!” You chased him in circles in a game of keep away. Your drunk movements were clumsy, unpredictable. At once you zigged when he thought you’d zag. Snatching back the photos, you tripped, toppling him to the ground and landing on top of him in the grass. The photos floated to the ground like leaves. Chest to chest, you stared motionless, breathless at each other.

“You’re not going to bite my neck now, are you?”

“Shut up,” you laughed in spite of yourself.

His voice got low. “I’m only teasing.”

“I know.” Another moment of tense silence made you both glance over to the guest house. Nervously, you cleared your throat and used his firm chest to leverage yourself back off the ground. Your head was still bubbling with the affects of the wine.

When he stood up you noticed your dirty handprint on his shirt. “Well, I’d better get back to my, uh…” He pointed in the direction of the guest house.

“Right.”

“Goodnight.”

A little smile crept over your face as you turned and made your way back inside with your silly pink box of childish relics.

@moorehollandplz @salvador-daley @bubblyani @super-unpredictable98 @spanishmossmagnolia @forenschik @chipster-21 @siriuslynore @punknatch @maerenee930 @helena-way07 @ringpopdust

#robert sheehan x reader #robert sheehan fanfic #robert sheehan #farm hand rob #friend request #smut

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robertisaworkofart · 3 years

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Look at his lines!

Klaus has such gorgeous lines: His jawline is not too sharp, but it's sharp enough to beautifully frame his face alongside with his hair, all messy, those beautiful shiny curls I love to run my finger through. His lips are delicate and have a nice outline, his cheekbones seem to be sculpted by angels, his nose is so pretty with not a single bump or imperfection, his neck is long like a swan's, not to mention his Adam's apple...

By @super-unpredictable98 from The 8th Child (TUA AU), Chapter 8: Academy Under Attack.

Read it from the beginning. Totally worth your time and eyeballs 👀 Until then, here are his lines...

Image (detail): @knifecatklaus

Lines: @alf-ii

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robmesheehan · 3 years

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Sometimes you have to flip a scene on its side

#sexy times with Robert Sheehan #fuckyeahrobertsheehan #sometimes you have to flip a scene on its side #you’re welcome #if only I could add sound #and yes I am that pervy #demons never die #arch eden #robert sheehan #rob sheehan #rob x reader fic request #fanfic request

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philodenmonstera · 3 years

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I wrote this fic a little while back about BJ, a Robert Sheehan character, from the Red Riding Trilogy, in case anyone liked the movies and was interested in a BJ story.

It’s a dead dove, just FYI.

#robert sheehan #red riding trilogy #the red riding trilogy #fanfic #dead dove do not eat #ao3 fanfic #rob sheehan

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adaytopiercethesirens · 4 years

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So I think Misfits (the 2009 British comedy/drama show) might have a bit of a dying fandom? BUT. I am in the process of writing a Nathan x OC fic over on fanfiction.net, so if that sounds like your kinda bag, please head over, give it a read and review and let me know what you think!

#misfits #misfits 2009 #nathan young #robert sheehan #rob sheehan #fanfic #fanfiction #fanfiction.net #misfits fanfiction #misfits 2009 fanfiction #klaus hargreeves #the umbrella academy #nathan x oc #nathan young x oc

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dreyf · 2 years

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i no this is an rp blog but i hope its okay to ask because you really seem to love the movie, do you have any good sway lake fic recommendations or people besides you to follow for content?

Hello, Nonnie! I apologize for taking so long! I've been giving some of my other muses more attention lately and Nik's been pushed to the backburner. But I plan on bringing him back soon. c:

Anyway, yes! It's always totally cool to ask me questions about anything. I'm happy to chat!

Unfortunately, I haven't actually read any fanfic for Sway Lake, but AO3 has three Nikolai/Reader fics. As for general content, I'd suggest checking out a few Sheehan-centric blogs! @robscloset, @robertisaworkofart, @seanfalco, @robsclan, @salvador-daley, @robmesheehan, and @badsext all are exclusively rob or have heavy focus on him and his characters, though there's prrrobably not a lot of Sway Lake content specifically? TSoSL is pretty underrated and not very well known, it seems, so there's not too much fanstuff floating around out there for it, I'm afraid. :c

You could try following the official Instagram at @swaylake!

#out of time [ooc];#strangers in the night [anons];

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salvador-daley · 10 months

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Dead Sexy 💀😵🪦❤️

An Umbrella Academy AU feat. Pathologist!Dave + MorgueRegular!Klaus

A/N: This was supposed to be a one-shot but it already appears to be growing arms and legs so… here you go. Subscribe for more. More is coming.

CW: Repeated, temporary character death. Like, this fucker just won’t stay dead. Also, morgue stuff. Probably not for the faint of heart or delicate of stomach.

Inspired by @kawaiic0mmunism, to whom this is dedicated - for giving me brain rot. Thanks as always to @allisoooon for tolerating me.

Summary: Dave is a pathologist working at the city morgue. And Klaus… well, Klaus just keeps turning up.

Snippet:

“Mnnnnrgh!” the man groans, rolling onto his side. “Five more minutes. I was having the most amazing sex dream.”

“JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!”

Dave leaps away from the rack on which the man’s body is stretched - the man who just a moment ago Dave was quite sure was 100 per cent dead but who apparently is very much alive. He crashes into a nearby filing cabinet, sending a wide arc of coffee all over his white lab coat and sensible shirt while screaming, “WHAT THE FUCK!”

The man blinks his eyes open now. He props himself up onto one elbow and takes a look around, taking in the startled pathologist with his back pressed against the filing cabinet, the splashed coffee on the lino, the fluorescent lights of the basement mortuary, the open cooler next to him containing a body bag, and then finally the identical black bag half-wrapped around his own body.

“Ah, shit. It happened again.”

The guy sighs a weary sigh and sits up to get a better look at his surroundings, rubbing a hand through his curls and smacking his lips together. He seems far too relaxed about waking up in the morgue, which is in direct contrast to Dave, who is still struggling to come to terms with what he’s seeing.

“You-you-you… YOU’RE DEAD!”

The guy gestures at himself, fanning his hands up and down his body. “Well, clearly not.”

“But you-you were! You were dead!”

The guy rolls his eyes and swings his legs over the side of the rack, still encased in the body bag. “Yeah, kind of an occupational hazard.”

Read the rest on AO3

Tagging because I crave attention: @badsext @yeah-klave @softforklave @anglophile-rin @falloutby @merry-melody @neist @purblzart @maerenee930 @firstpersonnarrator @super-unpredictable98 @wcrmboy @spookyfbi @squishitude @courtneytarynofficial @mokolataddict @pickledbeefwastaken @love-is-dirty-baby @love-is-dirty-baby @jender123 @vonkimmeren @narnianaos @sylvertyger @merrilark @faceache111 @rob-private @pietro-t1me @not-oscar-wilde @thislovelylife @falafel14

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ded-and-gonne · 1 year

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sheehalloween · 2 years

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Sheehalloween approaches!

The festivities begin THIS SUNDAY so be sure to get your posting fingers ready for nine days of spooky sheenanigans! Muahahahahaa! 👻👻

Go here for more information

#robert sheehan #sheehalloween 2022 #robert sheehan character fic #robert sheehan fanart #robert sheehan fanfic #rob sheehan #klaus hargreeves #the umbrella academy #tua #sean falco #bad samaritan #mortal engines #the mortal instruments #the song of sway lake #me and mrs jones #the messenger

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firstpersonnarrator · 3 years

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Klaus, after Y/N got done with him.

#y/n #wyenne #klaus x wyenne #klaus hargreeves #tua #the umbrella academy #tua fanfic #klaus hargreeves fanfic #the umbrella academy fanfic #robert sheehan #rob sheehan #robert sheehan character fic #klaus x reader #screenshot from a gif #not my gif

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elliethesuperfruitlover · 3 years

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One Year Fic-Aversary

It’s been a year since I published my first fanfic on here! So, I’m writing a bit of a thank you letter, and my feelings about everything that’s happened this past year. Get comfy.

My first fic came from an idea I had and I was like “hmm this could be something”. So I bit the bullet, and decided to upload it on here! It’s called Sensual Soliloquies, go check it out :). I wasn’t really nervous to get it out there either! I looked at it and went “This is good.” and I was happy with it. Plus, I tend to write a lot, like 5 pages on a google doc, so length wasn’t an issue. It was good though! I’m extremely happy to have decided to write again, and it’s brought me a lot of luck and happiness through this past year.

Fun fact, this isn’t the first site that I’ve published fanfiction on! I used to write on Wattpad, as well as Quotev. (not leaking the username, that shit can NOT see the light of day lol). I had a good amount of reads on them too! Which was amazing for me to think about. Having thousands of people seeing my works is wonderful. Or even just one person, honestly, is good enough for me. I also hand-wrote Harry Potter fics back in 5th grade too! I never uploaded those, but I always wrote in class, and edited things. Even then it was wonderful to have, even if they were smutty and somewhat poorly written. They were just for me, and written by me, and I loved that.

I stopped writing it for a few years, and didn’t have the urge to really pick back up writing them for myself. I didn’t stop reading it though. Fanfiction is a constant thing for me, although it hasn’t always been. It’s a form of my own self-expression, and different fantasies and feelings, and it’s wonderful! Now, I made my tumblr account for good omens and good omens ALONE. I didn’t really come on here much, but when I found out about Robert Sheehan, and his different characters (specifically Klaus) something clicked, y’know? So I started coming on here more frequently, and reading through the tag, and one specific person kept coming up.

the *wonderful* and talented @badsext

I put a request in, and everything blossomed from there! She’s actually one of the biggest reasons as to why I started writing as well! She encouraged me, and I took the leap of faith, and I seriously don’t want to look back from it. I’m so thankful to still have her in my little circle of people, and she’s an extremely dear friend. I really don’t know what I would’ve done without her kind words and interactions with me! I’m very grateful to call her a pal. She also happens to write some great stories too! So go check her out!

More people started popping up, and everything just seemed so nice. I watched more series, and began writing for a lot of characters. (one in particular) Mr. Luba. I feel like I’m most known for my Luba fics, which is fine by me, but kids, remember, do things in moderation. I burnt myself out writing him, but I still really like Luba as a character, and how Rob portrayed him.

I’m really, very grateful for every single like, and reblog I’ve ever gotten on here. I will never take that for granted. It means a lot to me that people see my works, even if it’s just in a small glance, or a look at a title of mine. It seems so weird that people see my thoughts, or weird ideas and go “Yeah, I’ll give it a try”. Like?? That’s so nice, that someone wants to share an idea with me. And spend their time scrolling through my words, and feeling things, and comprehending what I may have just put them through. (sorry) You’ll never find me fussing over notes or anything because it’s out there. Someone will see it, even for a fleeting moment. I will really, absolutely never just forget about that.

It also means a lot to me when my pals see my works, and I read their tags and everything. (I always read the tags in my notes.) I want to hear your thoughts, and opinions and what made you go “One moment, I need to sit down.” and all that. The pals that I’ve made on here are some of the most wonderful people. And I mean that. They could’ve just thrown my thoughts away, and disregarded me, but they didn’t! They kept me around. I am endlessly appreciative of everyone on here. I read all the nice things y’all say about me in asks, and tag games and all that. It just makes me so happy. To know that someone out there has my back, you know. Someone out there has got me. It feels good to know that someone’s rooting for me, and that they care about how I’m doing. And how proud they are of me. They’ll listen if I need to talk, they give hugs in the form of animal gifs. And I’ll be there just the same for them in return. I’m surrounded by nothing but love and pure goodness here. Everyone here is nothing but supportive of not only me, but each other. It may be a really small circle, (with a venn diagram here and there) but there’s nothing but love here. I’m forever grateful of that.

Now that I’ve cried, um, yeah. This is a wonderful journey, and I’m happy that I, myself, stuck around, and did what I wanted to. I stuck by my “I do what I want, and won’t write unless I feel like it.” rule, and somehow it’s worked! I just...I am feeling a lot of good things, and it is so wild that it’s been a year. It, oddly enough, feels like it’s been that long, even if it usually feels like the opposite. Somehow. If I look at everything else around me, time seems to just pass by, but on here, it’s as real as can be. I enjoy so much time on this website, with my friends, just chatting, and I really wouldn’t have it any other way. So again, thank you, to all my pals, for being nothing but welcoming and loving. And thank you to my anonymous readers, and requesters, who give me fresh ideas and thoughts. I really appreciate it. I wouldn’t be simping over fictional characters as openly if it wasn’t for you. Really though.., thank you so very much.

You all deserve all the love and goodness that the world has to offer. So go drink some water, order something nice for yourself. Get rest, if you need, feed your pets.

Thanks for coming in, and staying a while. ~Ellie

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badsext · 3 years

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Prompt: “I wish he’d teach me how to play mine.”

I found ⬆️ as a random tag related to I don’t know what, and it just made me blush with all the mental images of things OC could be requesting Rob teach them how to play.

Character: Anybody but Roland and Ivan, cuz they’d be too easy and where’s the fun in that. Also, I hate the theramin. And 80s fashions.

* This is not my gif and I could not locate the gif maker for proper credit*

How to Play: Rob x Fem!Reader

Thank you for the request. Your requests are the best! :)

Warnings ⚠️ Public Smut, Food, Puns, Fluff

——————————————————————————

Rob had a penchant for quirky restaurants. Over the past few weeks he had already taken you to an Asian fusion bistro with live performing aerialists and a farm to table establishment that encouraged diners to help with a few farm chores before being seated at their table. This place was tame by comparison, merely specializing in themed soups.

There was a lull in the conversation and Rob started giggling.

“What is it?” His laughter was contagious.

“Listen,” he said leaning in.

“What, I don’t-“

“That’s the sound of fifty people trying not to slurp their soup.”

You smiled, noisily consuming your noodles in defiance.

“Enjoying the ‘PHOMO?’”

“It’s pretty good. How’s yours? What did you order again?”

“I’ve got ‘Won Ton Desire.’”

“These names. I swear.”

Rob continued to peruse the menu. “Tomatotally Awesome? Chick Send Nood(le)s?”

“Yeah, some of these are really stew-pid.”

“Are you proud of yourself for that one?”

“This restaurant was your idea, remember?”

“If you’d told me where we were going, I might have reconsidered.”

“Take Our Broth Away is the hottest spot in town right now. There’s a waitlist a mile long. I had to pull some strings.”

“I’m gonna pull your strings!,” you quipped back.

“Ooh, Please elaborate.” Rob smirked, resting his chin in his hands.

The waitress came up to your table. “I just wanted to check on you two. Enjoying your soup? Can I get you anything else? For dessert we have a lovely cold strawberry and fresh mint gazpacho.”

“We’ll take it! Two spoons, please.”

The dessert, essentially a fruit smoothie in a bowl, was heavenly, the best part of the meal. Your spoons clinked as you scuffled over the elegant portion.

“I heard you play the spoons. It’s like an Irish folk music thing, right?”

He narrowed his eyes at you, passing the silver utensil between his lips and pulling it out clean. “Bet you think I wouldn’t.”

“Oh, I know you would. I’m counting on it,” you teased.

Rob collected another spoon and licked that one clean as well. Then he stood up, rolled up his sleeves and put one leg up on the chair. This was getting serious.

He threaded the instruments between the fingers in his right hand. He slapped them rhythmically against his jeans, his dominant hand alternating between cupping them and gently tapping them together. It was an oddly pleasant sound and he looked hot as hell doing it. This man could make anything look sexy.

Other couples started checking out the strange music coming from your table. He couldn’t resist improvising a few cheeky song lyrics. His singing voice was average, but his charm could make a herd of stampeding buffalo stop and swoon.

Rob signed a few autographs and posed for a couple of selfies. After a while the fans dispersed, returning to their tables. Alone again, you settled back into your secluded table against the wall. “Well, now. That was entertaining.”

“I aim to please.”

“Mm. I wish you’d show me how to play.” You brushed your skirt away from your leg and parted your knees just enough to give him the message.

“We’re not talking about music anymore are we?” Rob leaned in and stroked the length of your bare thigh. You shook your head coyly. He cradled your face in his hand. Nuzzling your cheek into his palm, you stared up at him, your eyes posing a challenge.

Rob quickly adjusted the tablecloth to give you a few more inches of coverage on the side facing out. Then he brushed his hand over the little strip of cotton which held your forbidden fruit.

“Is this what you want?, he whispered.

“Ah...ha.” You inhaled nervously.

He hooked his finger under the fabric and rubbed his knuckle against your clit.

You bit your lip to suppress any sound from escaping. You were normally not this sensitive, but just the possibility of getting caught electrofied your senses. Every clink of plates and distant muffled voice raised the intensity. It was masterful the way he remained so poised above the table and angled your bodies so it just looked like an intimate conversation to the casual observer.

“The waitress could come round the corner any second with the check,” he said, slipping a finger inside you. You gripped his shoulder to steady yourself. He used his thumb to roll your clit in a slow and steady circle.

“Ahh.” Your head tilted back. Rob gently guided it back. “Look at me. Focus on me,” he said.

He held you in his green eyed gaze, encouraging you.

He added another finger and together they curled and flexed inside you, his thumb bearing down, relentlessly manipulating your swollen aching clit. You sat there helpless, a dribbling mess. “Oh fuck,” you whispered as the flood endorphins erupted from your core. You shuddered and sighed, clinging to Rob for stability.

“So, how are we doing?” The waitress returned. She noticed the overwhelmed look on your face. “Oh, hon are you okay?” You didn’t know what to say. You hid your face with your hands.

“She is just a little overwhelmed and I haven’t even gotten to the big surprise yet.” Rob winked at you.

“Oh, well, I’ll give you some privacy.” She smiled, probably assuming you were flustered by some big romantic gesture. She left the check, then disappeared. Rob paid for the meal, tipping generously.

“Nice cover, but now you’ve got me wanting another surprise.” You went in for a kiss.

“Oh but there is another surprise,” he assured you. “Now, let’s go home, so we can do the weird stuff.” You laughed. “Wait, you forgot your key,” he added, jingling the thing a few inches from your face.

“That’s not my...Oh. Rob, what did you do?”

“I got a little place. I’ve decided to stick around for a while.”

You lunged at him and threw your arms around his neck. It was a surprise, one you had been hoping for. You held the key triumphantly. “This night just keeps getting better. Now, tell me more about the weird stuff…”

@salvador-daley @super-unpredictable98 @bubblyani @helena-way07 @chipster-21 @punknatch @zombiedixon89 @ringpopdust

#rob x reader #robert sheehan x reader #robert sheehan fanfic #fic request #robert sheehan smut #Robert Sheehan request #funny Robert Sheehan fic #Robert Sheehan imagine

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