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bigassmoonchild · 7 months

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i absolutely adore maple syrup to the point my partner lovingly / jokily deemed it unhealthy { can i be added to the tag list}

your writing style is amazing btw

as a request im curious to how simon would handle someone he likes who has a humor as dark as him { we all know hes a cocky b@stard with a dark humor and dad jokes}

"a man walks into a magic forest and tries to cut down a talking tree," you said. simon could feel his brows furrow, listening to you.

"is that so?" soap responded, and from where simon was set up to snipe he could see the smirk growing on his face. it was weird having someone else who would try and crack jokes over the comms.

"'you can't cut me down!' the tree complains. 'i'm a talking tree!'" soap snorted sharply into the comms and price made a little complaint about all the noise. "the man responds, you may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue," simon snorted sharply, not expecting that. of all things you could do, make dark little dad jokes was the one thing you did?

soap called out a few people walking alone and simon shot them down. "i just got my doctors test results and i'm really upset," simon retorted. you hummed into the comms and he could hear a few silenced gunshots come from your mic. "turns out, i'm not gonna be a doctor," he heard your snort followed by a few coughs.

"y'choking?" soap asked, somehow sounding genuinely worried even through his hand to hand combat. he heard a few louder shouts from your end, another couple of gunshots coming through.

"the lieutenant has jokes, now?" you asked. you were a newcomer, having joined recently to help out on stealth focused missions. this was the first one you had joined, and thus far it was going pretty well for a 141 mission.

he knew you looked good, he knew you were a sweetheart but now you had your own kind of personality coming out. he already was starting to like you more and more by the minute.

as you boarded the flight to return, all of the information you needed (and a few people needed to help 'inform' you on it) was on the flight. as you sat down, soap had sat beside you.

he leaned in close and whispered something and you snorted.

"you know if you give a man a match, he'll be warm for a few hours" you looked him dead in the eye. "set a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life," simon had to look away to keep from busting out laughing. if there was anything in this world simon appreciated, it was a good shit joke.

"the sergeant has jokes now?" he called out from across the way and you smirked, shooting him a little wink. simon could feel, ever so weirdly, his insides becoming just a little warm.

maybe he'd need to drown the butterflies, but for now? he'd accept what they were, and who they were caused by. pretty little, shit joke making you.

(p.s. it's a little shorter, but i really like how this came about. you are added to the taglist, btw!)

#simon riley x reader #ghost mw2 #simon riley #call of duty #no use of y/n #call of duty x reader #modern warfare ii #cod mw2 #task force 141 #simon ghost riley x reader #ghost x reader #simon ghost riley #cod mwii #mw2 #fluff #shitty jokes #kind of crack fic?

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terminallyworkingonit · 6 months

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I am in awe of your tism

#shitpost #sillyposting #pun #shitty jokes #bad jokes #lighthearted #lit #terminallyworkingonit

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victoriouscabaret · 16 days

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And then Vlad III, Voivode of Wallachia, said, “Impaler? I hardly know her!”

#i’ll see myself out #this is really stupid and I’m not sorry #shitty jokes #vlad the impaler #I don’t know why I am the way I am #shitpost

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angryisokay · 28 days

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If I won the lottery, I wouldn't tell anyone and the only signs would be missing posters.

#shitty jokes #this format pops up every time the lotto gets big but i never see edgy takes on it #but for real do not let anyone know you have won or inherited any large sum of money - don't even hint about it #treat it as highest security need to know information that 99% of people in your life do not need to know #otherwise you will have a bad time

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lilliths-httyd-blog · 4 months

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"I thought it was supposed to be impregnable!" "Well I'm sorry but it turns out that it's submissive and breedable."

#shitty jokes #nsft #bad jokes #jokes #submisive and breedable

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that-dinopunk-guy · 9 months

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Buh-buh-buh-

#beni and the jets #the mummy 1999 #west side story #shitty jokes

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mr-bisk · 1 year

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At my class I've seen an increase in people making references to shit and stink, soooooo I think we're about to see an ascendance in gross out jokes again....

And I'm scared.

#shitty jokes #(literally)#shitty jokes are coming back ma doods #grossout

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whatsnewalycat · 3 months

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Made this for u 💝