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#sisters are USELESS
britneyshakespeare · 4 months
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i hate that i've been complaining about everything in my life lately but if you're a frequent reader of my personal posts (side note, if you are: why. also i'm sorry) but if you remember earlier this week on tuesday i slipped outside and hurt my knee. i didn't end up seeing a doctor about that bc they literally had no openings when i talked to the secretary she was like i am so sorry sweetie. we can't take you for the rest of the week and i was like oh. and after a couple days it didn't hurt sooooo much although i think the limp ive been walking w has not been doing me any favors. but now today especially (? for some reason) BOTH of my legs were really hurting. i'm wondering if that might somehow be related to me getting my period today bc sometimes. you know how period pain can just end up wherever it wants. but then around 8 o'clock today i stubbed the SHIT out of one of my toes and i think i might have injured it (? i dont think it's broken but i cant stand on it and it's been hours). this is my left foot and the knee i hurt on tuesday was on my right leg. i am literally limping on both sides of my body now and i cant stand or walk.
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alternativeminiatures · 8 months
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Source r/Grimdank
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moreorlez · 1 year
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jtl-fics · 11 months
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Fluent Freshman - Part 20
PREVIOUS
FF had watched more than a few self-defense videos when he believed that Andrew Minyard was looking for a dark alley to stab him in. He had learned how to turn the attacker’s momentum against them. Had learned about disarming the person trying to stab him.
He’d even had Matt teach him a few punches claiming that it was for the dust-ups that tended to happen on the court.
He, naturally, does not use any of that knowledge because his mind immediately reverts into Lizard panic mode the moment Jackson Plank takes another step forward with a knife (HUGE. Is it wild that he is thinking about Crocodile Dundee right now?)
“If you come quietly you won’t get hurt.” Jackson says and he reverts to who he is as a person and he freezes. His bravery was used up maybe it was only ever tied to great pump up songs and now in the silence of the alley he is back to being Stone-Faced Smith.
“You’re going to dial up Wesninski and if you don’t say EXACTLY what I tell you to then I’m going to have you SING in agony.”
Y’know in that moment he stops thinking about Crocodile Dundee.
He thinks about a movie that is far more ingrained in his mind than any number of self-defense videos or one-off lessons with Matthew Boyd where he’d been trying not to flinch. A movie he had watched in better days with his family and had been a favorite of his Grandma’s (and his).
He thinks about Miss Congeniality.
Sandra Bullock as Gracie Hart has taught him everything he ever truly needs to know when he takes a step back and Jackson comes at him.
He strikes right at Jackson’s nose with the palm of his hand.
“SON OF A-“
The knife is dropped and FF kicks it under a dumpster.
FF grabs the single weapon he has on his person.
The McDonald’s Megamind Happy Meal Light Effects Brainbot.
He points the LED light straight at Jackson’s eyes and just like Aaron in the car on the way back, “Shit, that’s bright!” And now completely blinded by a combination of watery eyes and LED McDonald’s toy he proceeds to SING just as Gracie Hart had taught him.
S - Solar Plexus. He punches Jackson there as hard as he can.
I - Instep. He smashes his booted foot down on the inside of Jackson’s shoes (who the fuck wears LOAFERS to a kidnapping?)
N - Nose. He’d feel bad about hitting it again if Jackson wasn’t y’know…a hitman out to hurt Captain Neil.
G - Groin. He may have to give himself just half a second to apologize to all of mankind for what he is about to do. His step brothers had definitely kicked him in the groin plenty of times to try and get a reaction. It’s an art to not let anyone know that your ball has retreated up into lower intestine. He kicks Jackson as hard as he can (collegiate athlete) with the boots that Nicky had let him borrow. He is right on target with the toe of his shoes.
Jackson goes down.
The next thing he does is not something Gracie Hart had taught him but does still feel like the right thing to do in this situation. He kicks Jackson in the head and the man goes limp.
If FF throws both hands up in the air and lets out a “I am Miss Congeniality!” Victory cry into the alleyway well no one is around or awake to know that.
He feels like he deserves a sash and a crown and some flowers.
He looks down at Jackson and then over at the van the man had hopped out of. He was definitely PLANNING on kidnapping Captain Neil so he probably has like…some kind of restraint?
Well, better to completely subdue this guy before he tries to figure out the game plan for Romero. Wait, what’s that next to the Crocodile Dundee knife, are those...?
***
Roland is calling for a second time.
Andrew had let it go to voicemail the first time. It was usually Roland complaining about Nicky, Aaron, or Kevin doing something exceptionally stupid in their inebriated states. They have a system. Roland will call and leave a voicemail detailing the dumb shit his family has gotten up to and then he’ll let it go.
If Roland calls twice then there’s an issue.
Arm still around Neil’s shoulders he answers the phone, “What.” He asks.
“You need to help your new friend. There’s some guy following him, he’s armed and dangerous and looking for someone to grab to get Neil’s attention. He tried to lead the guy outside but he’s standing watching it for now so there might have already been someone waiting?” Roland gets out in a rush and Andrew is up and moving towards the stairs even as he’s closing the phone to disconnect the call.
Neil, of course, is right on his heels. “What is it? Did something happen?” Neil asks and they are up the stairs and pushing past Frank and his stupid pineapple shirt. Andrew spots Nicky and he spots Aaron.
“Get Nicky and Aaron somewhere safe. I need to go help Smith with something.” He says because whoever this is wants Neil and Andrew will not let Neil get within grabbing distance and won’t mention it. Neil, blessedly, does what Andrew asks without question.
Andrew scans the crowd and finds a man whose gaze goes between his phone and the back door.
A face that Andrew had memorized.
One of Nathan’s surviving men.
In the same Zip Code as Neil.
And that man has the audacity to still be breathing.
He looks and Nicky and Aaron (drunk, drugged, and useless because Andrew had wanted them to be) are with Neil and Roland is directing them to the backroom.
Andrew goes out the alley and can feel Romero’s eyes on him.
He’s prepared for a lot of things to see out in that alley. He’s angry that FF hadn’t just come down and grabbed him and Neil (he does not need TWO martyrs) and he wants to know what the fuck FF was thinking (or if he was thinking at all). Even with that anger he does not wish to see FF’s blood spilled all over an alleyway because Andrew’s family needed to be protected and FF was the only one sober enough and aware enough to do it.
He knows what Nathan’s men are capable of.
Knows that Romero was one of Nathan’s best so if there is someone out in the alleyway then it’s likely one of his other bests.
FF doesn’t even know how to use a knife. He had asked and FF had firmly declined every time Andrew had brought it up after the first fainting incident. “I’m not interested in learning that. No.” Had been the standard response.
He knew FF had at least taken a lesson or two from Boyd on throwing a punch considering the one he shot out a week ago when a Striker came at him after the third time FF intercepted a pass.
Still, Andrew had not anticipated coming out into the alleyway and finding an unharmed FF securing an unconscious Jackson Plank’s arms behind his back with fuzzy handcuffs.
“Am I interrupting something?” He asks and FF looks up at him with a flush on his cheeks.
“It’s not my fault this is a weird sex alleyway! They’re the first thing I found on my way over to the van to look for actual restraints.” FF says immediately and Andrew almost laughs at the insanity of it. “Wait, where’s Captain Neil?” FF looks around nervously.
“He’s with Aaron and Nicky in the backroom. Roland gave me your S.O.S.” Andrew says even as he quickly makes his way away from the door and towards FF. “Romero is watching the door. Let’s give him a reason to come out.” He says going over to Jackson and when he rolls the man over he raises an eyebrow at the piss stain on his pants and the blood dripping down his nose.
He looks to FF who resolutely does not look back at him.
It’s a story he’ll get out of his friend eventually. Looks like FF didn’t really need those knife lessons. Something settles a bit more in Andrew, it’s nice to have someone else in their group that could handle themselves in a fight.
Andrew finds a phone and FF rolls Jackson back onto his stomach, “He could choke on his own blood.” He shrugs and Andrew wouldn’t care if Jackson choked on his own blood in fuzzy handcuffs in a back alley but he can understand FF not wanting a murder charge.
Andrew looks at the phone and sees the the swipe pattern clear as day. It takes him two tries to get the order right but then Jackson’s phone is available for him to get over to the texting app.
The texts he reads there make him angry. There were a lot of plans on what the two of them were going to do to Neil before his body was offered up to a different crime family to show that Romero and Jackson had no loyalty left to the Wesninski line.
He types out a text to Romero that will have the jackass come out thinking everything had gone well and they had two hostages. He looks over to FF, “You ready for round two?” He asks.
“There isn’t a tap out option right?” FF asks and Andrew laughs at the joke.
Always cool under pressure it seems.
“No.”
“Then yeah, I guess just hit send.” FF says with a shrug.
Andrew does just that.
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MASTERPOST FOR ALL PARTS OF FLUENT FRESHMAN AU
NEXT
Didn’t wanna leave ya’ll hanging on that particular cliffhanger for too long ;)
@i-have-three-feelings @blep-23 @dreamerking27 @andreilsmyreligion @belodensetdust @rainbowpineapplebottle @yarn-ace @iwouldlikesometea @lily-s-world @obscureshipsandchips @booklover242 @whataboutmyfries @sahturnos @pluto-pepsi @dreamerthinker @passinhosdetartaruga @leftunknownheart @aro-manita-muscaria @hologramsaredead @Chaoticgremlinswishtheycouldbeme @tntwme @tayspots @nick-scar @crazy-fangirl2524 @blue-jos10 @stabbyfoxandrew @splishsplashyouropinionistrash @sammichly @the-broken-pen @bitchesdoweknowu @very-small-flower @ghostlyboiii @its-a-paxycab @bisexual-genderfluid-fan @cheesecookie @theoneandonlylostsock @foxsoulcourt @blueleys @adverbialstarlight @elia-nna @can-i-just-stay-in-the-corner @nikodiangel @foxandcrow-inatrenchcoat @hallucinatedjosten @satanic-foxhole-court @vexingcosmos @chalilodimun @insectsgetcooked @angry-kid-with-no-money @queer-crows @lillyndra @themugglemudperson​ @readertodeath @apileofpillows @mortalsbowbeforeme @hellomynameismoo​ @next-level-mess @youreonlylow​ @interstellarfig​ @notprocrastinatingatalltoday​ @percyjacksonfan3​ @queenofcrazy27​ @bsmr261 @ghostlyscares​ @spencellio​ @adinthedarkroom​ @harpymoth​ @sufferingjustalilbit​ @anxietymoss​ @oddgreyhound​ @ohno-myhyperfixation-itsbroken​ @ken22789​ @atiredvampire​ @isoldescorner​ @not--a--pipedream​ @azure-wing​ @bushbees​  @roonilwazlib-main​ @crumplelush​ @foldedaces-paperbirds​ @thesenseinnonsense​ @let-tyrants-fear​ @ketchupfriesandallthingsnice​ @legowerewolf​ @deadlydodos​ @but-we-respect-his-craft​ @cariniqe​ @zanypersonapricotbiscuit​
The requests to be added to the tag list keep being spread out across a few different areas. If I missed you please just ask again in the replies I promise I just missed you.
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ndostairlyrium · 7 months
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The more the furrier 💛
Bonus:
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kroniskolamplig · 1 year
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caitlynmeow · 2 months
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Bela: Cassandra, keep an eye on Daniela today. She's going to say something to the wrong person and get punched. Cassandra: Sure, I’d love to see Daniela get punched. Bela: Try again. Cassandra, sighing: I will stop Daniela from getting punched.
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mylittleredgirl · 11 months
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my friend is obsessed with knitting gnomes and has knit up a whole gnome army by now. i texted her "you should call it gnitting" and she has left me on read for three weeks.
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figsandphiltatos · 2 months
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adaine's family relationships are something i can actually be so incredibly normal about too btw
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foryourmajesty · 1 year
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love it when Bea's brain goes on full gay panic mode
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gnomeboops · 3 months
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me (starkid fan) 🤝 my sister (henry danger fan)
joey richter from MY SHOWS is in HER shows as well??
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ishgard · 1 month
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i am so obsessed with her rn. if you don't support womens wrongs get out please and thank you.
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commandernachos · 3 months
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fazforce · 3 months
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Funtime Freddy headcanons part 3
Is an ambivert and not an extrovert like it may seem at first glance. He doesn't mind being the center of attention (partly bc of his programming), but he needs time to himself more often than others think and really enjoys some peace and quiet
Tried to "eat" once and never again. He wanted to know what it's like despite being fully aware it's something he can't AND shouldn't do. Results were a complete system shutdown and half a day in Parts and Service
Staff's (mainly security guards and technicians) treatment of him resulted in Freddy developing trust issues towards humans. He's good with kids but he resents most adults and it's hard for him to give them the benefit of doubt
Freddy likes mice and loves watching them scuttle around if they find their way into the Breaker Room. He does his best to treat them carefully when they climb on him/he picks them up, something people and his fellow animatronics wouldn't expect from him
Like Baby, shocking him when he misbehaves doesn't do much anymore. He developed some twisted pleasure from it over time and loves seeing the fear in a person's eyes when they realize it won't stop him. Still, it's not something he looks forward too
part 1 | 2
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janothergay · 4 months
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A dark comedy with a useless lesbian is something that can actually be so personal
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hore4women · 5 months
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Alright you sons of bitches.
I need someone to fucking write a well written, poetic, angsty, add in jealous trope, but fucking comforting fic about Avatrice and it has to be specifically with the lines from the song Slut! By Taylor Swift and the lines I’m specifically referring to is;
~“Everyone wants him, that was my crime. The wrong place at the right time. And I breakdown, then he’s pulling me in, in a world of boys, he’s a gentleman.” ~
YOU CANNOT TELL ME THAT IS NOT AVATRICE IN ONE FUCKING SENTENCE, BITCH. OH MY GOD.
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