#so i am going to tag adhd for now

[black-nebula13]

Did anybody else with ADHD, and maybe autism (since I know that those two often overlap) had a hard time eating when they were children? And not because of disliking the texture or flavor of the food, no. But because you took too long to eat? Like, eating was a Task, you had to do it, but it took you too long?

When I was a kid, around age 4 or 5, I think, I remember lunch taking me 1 to 3 hours to finish? I think the longest was actually 2 hours. And, it wasn't a big plate, at least for my mind at the time it wasn't.

And, I remember the whole thing just being, uncomfortable for me. I'd sit with a plate, I would eat in the sofa, and all the while it would be, boring, and dragged out. And I'd wanted out. I'd want to move. I'd zone out sometimes, and then snap back. I remember feeling my skin itching, thinking there was something crawling over me. I'd scratch and check but there was nothing, and then I'd think that there was something wrong in the sofa that must have caused the itching.

But I also remember some of the adults that raised me keeping guard and forcing me to eat if not all, then as much as I could.

I do understand that it was because I had to eat, and because I had always been thin, so they must have been worried for me.

Then I remember that sometimes I'd eat while watching TV, and eating wasn't so bad, sometimes it was even faster for me. But the problem was that I often couldn't watch TV while eating, because it wasn't allowed.

#I don't know if this classifies as a symptom #but you know. i am putting it out there #i need opinions #and i don't want to put my foot in my mouth and say that this is adhd symptom. and i am not saying that #but i need opinions #so i am going to tag adhd for now #adhd #behold! original post!

[cashmere-caveman]

[1] Richard Siken, Portrait of Fryderyk in Shifting Light [2] Being Human S1E5 [3] Clint Smith, When people say, “we have made it through worse before” [4] Being Human S3E8 [5] Guillermo del Toro at the 2018 Golden Globes [6] Being Human S1E6 [7] Allie X, Fresh Laundry [8] Being Human S1E5 [9] Christian Wiman, The Parable of Perfect Silence [10] Being Human S3E8 [11] Hanif Abdurraqib, And What Good Will Your Vanity Be When The Rapture Comes [12] Being Human S2E8 [13] Allie X, Fresh Laundry [14] Heidi Priebe, To Love Someone Long-term Is To attend A Thousand Funerals of The People They Used To Be [16] Being Human S3E8 [17] Christian Wiman, Flight

#being human #john mitchell #being human uk #ok enough business tags. behold my magnum opus #according to my notes i started making this in fucking DECEMBER last year. it is now JUNE #it took me six fucking months..... this is truly a disease but i am so happy w it #webweaving as a format is so perfect for me bc its just the adhd experience of going wait this reminds me of-- #anyway can u tell im a tragedy enjoyer. i love a good downfall #i also have so many thoughts abt george and annie and i have a whole idea abt the bt20 arc #and tbh i rlly wanna make one abt what the concepts of monstrous and human mean within the context of the show #but uhhhh exam season incoming so! see u in six months i guess rip x__x #i will come back to this and add alt text dw i just dont have the spoons rn #words #poetry #cavetext #caveweb

[b4kuch1n]

fuck it sk8 sketches from da sketchbook. get sk8ed idiot

#sk8 the infinity #kyan reki #hasegawa langa #renga #sure whatever. tagging ship is probably easier than explaining what the fucks up with these two in my head #hi. I watched sk8 with my friend cosme a while ago. I actually dont care about the allegations that much I just got #blasted with teenage years flashback. and now I need reki to have everything on earth and be well #these have been around for like a week lol Ive just been debating posting them to tumblr. bc like. Im not finishing these lol #hesitant to call sk8 ''therapeutic'' but boy oh boy. does it make me confront some stuff. yes a sport anime leave me alone!!! #its just. I think I was this way about raz too actually. listen I have History with Stuff. I'm allowed ok? I'm totally allowed #u can See it in some of these doodles actually. this fuckign anime got me so unwell #hey. if ur a fellow adhd potentials-havers out there. ur a real one. thanks for still hangin out doin what u love/ur best #if u were an 'if u wanna do art u have to be excellent and high-art at it otherwise it means nothing' kid. I am holding ur hand #I'll be normal now I prommy (lying) #well. what I'll be doing now is taking a nap. maybe. gods my schedule backslid like four hours again #eh whatever. I go to bed anyway. got my portion of the day done and tomorrow I go buy new knife #hope someone come give me a new table top and lower the whole thing a bit soon. so I can stop sitting like Im in a shopping cart #have a good night lads. have fun. its imperative

[runawaymun]

.

#sorry let me rant real quick in the tags #cw personal #once again hitting an insurance pothole bc the psych says she accepts my OHP plan HOWEVER the therapy group she is contacted with says #THEY don't #they only accept the insurance if it's through my employer but NOT through the government?????????????? #so there's still some kind of payment??? #anyway I want to scream why is this so complicated #like will she take my insurance or not who's right here #anyway called her back directly and went to voicemail so now I've done all I can for now #why the hell is this so hard man #the person on the phone didn't know really how to explain #once again no one knows what they're talking about #like can y'all not communicate and figure this out? #AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH #i need to get an ADHD eval before my next PCP appointment in june so that they will continue giving me my meds #and the psychiatry through the hospital has a limited number of visits that insurance will cover #*contracted #not retyping all of that #and once again the only reason this is so stressful is because the psychiatry group at the hospital fumbled the communication ball last tim #and the psychiatrist I was with never put the ADHD on the chart #and now somehow it's MY responsibility to fix that> #UGH #like I am grateful to have some kind of coverage but holy shit is the US healthcare system in shambles #the bureaucracy is INSANE #i had to just sit down and put my head in my hands for a second #and then go 'right okay nothing i can do about that rn moving on' #uGH #literally said 'what the FUCK' out loud a couple times #like not on the phone after I hung up obvs

[jazzzzzzhands]

I am awake! i am living! i am FERAL! This litle update has me absolutely SPINNING Firstly just allow me to say that everything is just oh so so CUTE The costumes, the sprites, the 19 minute long audio, the COOKBOOK my beloved!! But anyways, theory time!! Well more like observations, thoughts and unhinged ramblings XD Gonna put it Down Below:

Speaking of that. First observation is the wording of Down Below We usually talk about waving up high! It is said so many times!

But now we finally have our official "As Above, So Below" My first thought on this is the theme of a stage, "As above the stage, down below the stage" But I truly dont think we have enough information to make a connection quite yet We know where "Down Below" is I wonder where "As Above" is? The second thing is the Wally Darling costume And the Eyes

I realize now that the Eyes are actually just holes and showing whatever is underneath, BUT I still can't help thinking that this was intentional! Perhaps it's some sort of Code? Afterall, his eyes are Black!

Now to get into the MEAT here: Spoilers if you have not found the secret audio! during the secret audio "Listen" The bug found on the transcript

Wally stares directly at the "eddie" apple as he eats the apple on the plate (I also just wanted a screenshot of the "eyes" in the BG)

and now… now i have theories hang on cause it involves the entire transcript that was said but not said in the transcript itself! (In fact, it says this part is not there!! but it IS) so i typed it out by ear (also ayoo we have a narrator!!) (also there is a lot of 4th wall breaking and quite a few neighbors seem to know that there is a show/that they are puppets) (but anyways!) ok but here is what is said in the story It is because this town is rumored to have visitors at night… Something from deep within the forest, far beyond the hills and mountains… No one knows what it wants or where it’s going, just that it is persistent.. Just that it arrives here. So many stories have risen about their origins… But I know what it is searching for. it is looking for neighbors who have stayed up past the daytime, to gobble them up whole that is why so few live here it moves through the streets at night, but it doesnt break into Homes However, on rare instances, it will find itself with an appetite unsatisfied by its aimless wanderings even the occasional unfortunate insect that has crossed its path, is not enough those who have lived through the nights say, it isn't quiet about it either they always say you can hear when it gets closer to you do you know what sound it makes? I hear it, every night. you can hear it too, if you listen especially if you wait next to your window First, there's rustling in the bushes Then, the scratching on the pavement, and the walls.. as it crawls up Finally, if you're quiet.. You can hear it's guttural sound ok ok so there seems to be a theme going on here and the theme is Hunger And also when the audio gets all garbled and skipping? I feel like it is saying..."Frankly" over and over? I could be overthinking, but it is what i hear!! it almost feels like Wally.. can't control his hunger he was supposed to be watching Barnaby's apple Barnaby even says "Don’t worry though, kid, there’s plenty’a other eats here! What’re you feelin’ hungry for, Wally?" and he is quick to draw attention away from wally, as he tends to do a LOT barnaby seems to Know a LOT about Wally, and thats why he sort of has to be his babysitter? I think that there could be a connection here I think Wally was HUNGRY, he was absolutely STARVING OR OR Maybe something else was Hungry? Home?? Whatever the black goo/mold is?? If something is controling Wally? His eyes are black, the Goo is black, the goo is coming from Home But also also [It sounds like Barnaby pats the camera.] Going back to my theory of wally being the camera/ the audience surrogate/his eyes are cameras This is fuel to my fire!! Oh and also the Wally Costume add to the motif of You being able to see through Wally's eyes. Of You and Wally being connected through his Eyes!! But at the end of the day, I think this update revolves around Eddie! This little bug on the rock is Purple! Which we know is Eddie's Color!

And just that that doodle looks like the bug that leads to the secret Audio where Eddie's apple is brought to the screen.. Leads me to feel like something forboding is going on for our poor, dear sweet Mailman! Which by the way, just another little Observation But Sally doesnt seem enthused by the fact that Eddie is a fellow Arts lover? and she just calls him "Mailman" rather than an affectionate longname like she does with everybody else But it does feel like Eddie is the Type to give his heart and soul to everyone, the shirt from his back, only for him to get left in the dirt u_u I'm noticing a trend of him being the neighborhood punching bag Eddie IS the mailman tho! So it only makes sense that he is the one delivering the letters to the WHRP. He is not the one writing them, he's just the delivery guy! But I think he could be being sent out at night When everyone else is asleep And I think something terrible may happen to him It's very dangerous to go out at night and This could be where Eddie is ripped in half/mangled Wally fixes him of course! (old theory but it does reference that) So is Wally just using Eddie to serve whatever purpose he is after? Eddie is a very compliant guy, he would do anything for anyone and if he can be put back together, where is the harm? I am starting to make connections! Stringing together the pieces! And once again, i'm getting the question of "Is Wally Evil?" And once again, I am answering with a solid "No" Do I think that he could be slightly morally askew? With the themes of "I must do what I need to do, no matter what happens" "I'm sorry, but this is how it must be" "The ends justifies the means" Possibly, maybe. Especially if it is to save his Neighbors, his World, his Home. Or, Just some of his actions are not his, he is a puppet afterall. Anyways anyways, this has been a very very long and rambly tangent. Hopefully there can be some sense made from this, I know that I can be a bit jumpy with my thoughts!! But these are my inputs for now!! Feel free to add on/correct me! (I know the one link is out of cannon date, but so was the Frankly picture, and it was made cannon, so take it with a grain of salt)

#i am UNHINGED #i am not good with putting my thoughts into words but I TRIED #u can tell i have ADHD the way i jump from topic to topic #i tried to go back and make it flow a bit better but hnnn well i hope it isnt too spazzy #also please excuse typos. i LOOKED but i know i cant type very well #i am silly and i just want to draw wally a million times PLEASE #but i have to finish inktober ;w; uwaaaaa #why does so much cute stuff happen NOW? in this holy month of my yearly art challenge?? im in ANGUISH #i feel so tired from staying up to 2am and burning my brain into the night #but anyways #jazzisaspazz #wh theory #theory #wh spoilers #whps #wally darling #welcome home wally #i lowkey want to tag theneighborhoodwatch but i know that my ramblings are sorta jumbled XD #there is so much to think about!!

[opikiquu]

im going to be so annoying all week

#agghagahah HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH HYYESAAHHHH #★ arin rambles #BRO BRO PLEASLE #PELASE #my apology for everyone. I have to make it now . Sorry. If youre following me destroy that notif button you dont wanna hear how worse i will #get #actually no just Unfollow entirely #ITS THE ADHD #PLEASE. HE IS SO . COOL. his trailer is so awesome IVE REWATECHED IT 3 TIME SNOW. #I LOVE HIMMMMMMM SO MUCHHHHH #I LOVE HIM SO BAD I JUST ADORE HIM PLEASE #HES SO PRETTY. JAW DROPPING. ICONIC. LIFE CHANGING. THE TEARS IN MY EYES. GENUINELY SOBBING RITHT NOW IT S SO OVER #aventurine likers hold me. Nobody understands. Everyone is scared of me im too crazy #actually its everything wrong with me . Hes ruining my life #i dont struggle as an aventurine liker i actually excel at this its my full rime job now #‘9 to 5’ no i work 9 to 9. Every hour is dedicated to him #im glad uguys agree with me thannk uou i was starting to think i was a freak #Well i am but im glad someone else agrees hes cool #Hes so pretty im so happy #I CAMT WAIT RILL WENDENSDAY PLEASE IM GONNA FREAKIFN BLOW UP #I LOVE AVENTURINE. I LOVE AVETURINE. #i get so happy when i see him i get a little violent its unsettling . #like im like shaking my hands and jumping around my room and then u blink and im bashing my head against the floor #its carpet. Im ok. But like not but i am #DUDE. I LOVE. THIS GUY. EVERYTHING ABOUT HIM #i needto. Just. Okay brb gonna watch ir like 20 more times ill see u guys next year im going into a Aventurine induced coma #this makes me realize people read my tags. Oh dear. Sorry everypony #i apologize for my behavior. I will get so much scarier. #HES SO COOL. HES ACTYALLU SO COOL. LIKE HOW CAN SOMEBODY BE SO COOL. #oh god OH LORERDRDRDDDDDDD WHEN I GET YOU BOY WHEN I FIND YOU. WATCH OUT. WATCH OUT I WILL GET YOU.

[batfamfucker]

There are four main types of Batfam fans in regard to how people interpret Bruce Wayne as a dad (/Joking. This is mostly satire and should not be taken seriously):

Fans that think Bruce is emotionally constipated and isn't the best at being a parent but still tries (Differs per person). Don't necessarily think he's absuive but thinks he can be toxic or have unhealthy expectations for the Robins. Can smell the Oldest Daughter Syndrome coming from Dick and have Family Line (By Conan Gray) as their top song on their Dick inspired playlist and Daddy Issues (By The Neighbourhood) for Jason.

Fans that choose to believe Bruce goes to therapy in their own canon. Love B:WFA. Thinks the comic can be cheesy at times and so find a balance between B:WFA Bruce and Please Go To Therapy BruceTM as their middle ground. He struggles. They advocate that Bruce is not a bad parent, he just has bad writers that seem to forget Bruce wouldn't hurt kids, especially not his own. Love the humane moments and scenes he has in BTAS and the early JL cartoons. He may not be perfect but he's not literally abusive. Whores for Bruce being able to admit when he is wrong and for Jason and Bruce reconciling. I recommend Grow As We Go by Ben Platt for this one.

A mix between the first two. Was fine-ish when Dick was younger. Didn't help him in the healthiest way but eh. Still emotionally constipated but that happened more so after Dick left and Jason died. Started getting better when Tim came back but was still closed off. Should probably go to therapy with the kids so they can drag his ass about all the things he's done that have actually affected them negatively. Understands his mistakes and is also able to admit when he's wrong, eventually. It's not easy but he starts to do better and learns to be more emotionally available. Still has to get chewed out by Alfred sometimes but definitely better than he used to be and it shows. Reconciliation is slow and gradual but progress is made for everyone involved.

The one's I personally avoid for my own sanity and wellbeing:

Think Bruce is a complete bastard and abuser. Want him to choke. Hate any and all interpretations of him. Some of which will refuse to understand how anyone could have a different interpretation. Will point out comics where, in all fairness, he is a dick but forget that characterisation can significantly differ from one series to the next, as comic characters are constantly passed around to different writers and have been for decades. Not to mention movies, shows, etc.

#Bruce Wayne #Batman #Batfam #Batdad #I'm not tagging everyone in the Batfam I can't be assed #Sorry there's like 500 #Bruce has a child for every mental disorder he has #Dick is his ADHD. Jason is his C-PTSD. Tim is his Anxiety. Cass is his OCD. Damian is his Autism. #Like bro the therapist is RIGHT there #You have the money just GO #I am a mix of 2 and 3 tbh but more so 2 because he is my comfort fictional father figure. I already have a shit dad irl #I'm not dealing with it in my favourite media too #Type 4 fans scare me I lowkey see so many people like that and I'm like. If the block button wasn't free. I'd be in debt by now #I get that you saw Tom Kings work. So did I. I hate that fuck. But I personally prefer the scene of him in JL with Ace on the swings #Or the one with him playing with shape block toys with a baby whilst Supes and WW handle the questioning #Or when he hugs literally any of his kids #Or the one of him and Jason watching a movie and eating popcorn when Jason's ill. And they have the picture of them posing #Or when he cried in Flashpoint over the letter his dad left him because the little boy in him needed that #Plus any time Bruce and Clark interact as Best Friends. The Golden Age comics where they were basically Dick's gay dads 💀 #But yeah. I could make a poll from this tbh. #This is a generalisation on purpose genuinely do not take it seriously #If I see ANY disclosure. It's delete and block on sight #Bruh I'm still recovering from the notes of my Fallout 4 John Hancock in a Drag Race outfit crossover post #I know it sounds like I'm being paranoid but that's because I am. You have not seen the things I have seen in my notes #You do not know of the wars I have fought of over ghoul dicks and high heels #I have seen things I can never burn from my vision. Read things I will never have the mercy of forgetting #Over silly little shitposts. Lmao. Anyway. Here. Have some food.

[clown-femme]

I kind of resent when other adhd people talk about hyperfocus only because I'm jealous that I don't do that. I WISH I could zero in and stay focused on one task at a time. Can you imagine. I can't even do that with things I like.

That said I am also annoyed when people misuse the term hyperfocus to just mean 'the thing I'm into right now' but that is Beside the point

#i think my Heavy depression makes it hard for me to get the brain chemical response needed for the adhd brain employees to go 'mm yummy' #'more of this please' and make me lock into focus #i think there is a factory between my ears and there are two departments that are at odds #and one is my depression and the other is the adhd #and the depression has halted production of dopamine. it cut funding on serotonin and dopamine because of my life's conga line of misfortune #and the adhd side is like. goddamn we need some dopamine bad. we are going to try to do everything at once to get some. 87 tabs. #14 rps going on at once. three songs stuck in head. click teeth together too. #we are NOT touching a single thing that doesnt help the dopamine machine make more dopamine for us so cut all other activities. work??? well #work is hard. actually most things are hard. and they take too many steps. now i know things like our hobbies Might produce dopamine but #well its not fast enough. and also tooooo many steps. everything too many steps. #sit on couch and 87 tabs just enough steps. #this has to be the case until we can get enough dopamine from anything at all to want to linger on an activity #and then back to depression #where its like. see?? look. we dont do anything and we hate ourselves. we cant make ourselves do things that we like or dislike. #this is why we cant have dopamine or serotonin. #and then i am left on the outside unable to focus on my work or my writing or even on fun things like rp #sorry for wall of tags

[essektheylyss]

Safety tools for games are very well and good and if you and your group need them you should absolutely use them, but sometimes the way people talk about them feels like they are using those tools as a straight-up substitute for, like, working to develop interpersonal skills and the capacity for talking openly with friends.

#that post about 'you call yourself a community organizer but you haven't talked to your roommates in three months' #except it's about ttrpgs #like this is from a person with ADHD who did (and still sometimes do) have pretty severe RSD #and whose sister used to accuse people of cheating and/or straight up flip boards any time she wasn't winning a game #like especially if you find yourself needing to USE the safety tools often... #it might just be a point at which you have to say 'this is not the game environment for me' #and that does NOT need to reflect morally on you or those friends. some people's game styles just are not compatible. #not rebloggable cuz i know people are going to severely misinterpret me particularly if you're removing the context of #'i am also neurodivergent bro.' #not to say that I can comprehend every possible neurodivergent experience #but if anyone comes on here like 'you're only saying that cuz you're neurotypical' i will start biting. #also remembered that quote is from a chris fleming video so late and didn't wanna delete all of my tags to edit and then forgot to note it #but now i have. anyway. unimportant.

[iceeericeee]

I wonder how many tags i can add on to this

#there must be SOME kind of a limit otherwise posts would get suuuuuuper duper long like is it just 30? #idk but i'm going to find out by simply maxxing out the character limit for each tag and finding out the limit of tags for each post lololo #this is gonna be great. i just have to remember to type without ever using the comma. it shouldn't be too hard right? fuck i almost typed #the comma i'm already bad at this smh my head. also if your still here i commend you. you have a better attention span than i do. #i'm already starting to get bored holy shit this is not happening. i gotta power through this. FOR SCIENCEEEEEEEEEE. or somethinggggggggggg #but fr idk what else to say. maybe just saying that i don't know what to say will be good enough? but does that even count? #I don't even know anymore. ffffffffuck. this is gonna be a while huh? also holy shit if you're still here omg u deserve like. a prize or #something because u definitely didn't have to stay and read all of this bull shit. lololol i typed out bs but decided to just spell the who #thing out just to make it go by faster. i'm so lazy. this is only the nineth tag HOW will i make it to 30. i am sobbing the adhd is adhding #very hard rn. are you still here? bruh this is insane. i have somehow managed to keep ur attention this long and it's just me spouting #absolute balderdash. wait do you know what balderdash even means? i don't care if you do already i'm gonna tell you anyway. balderdash is #basically just another word for nonsense. boom. you learned something new today. balderdash equals nonsense equals this damn post. #why did i decide to do this in the first place. it was a dumb idea. i don't know if i can even keep going. this is only the *counts tags* #it's the 14th tag. we've got a long way to go boys. men. soldiers. comrads. friends. besties peeps. marshmallows. #where was i going with this? oh yeah. trying to max out the limit for tags. dang i almost typed a comma there. i haven't done that since #i think the third or fourth tag. dang that feels like such a long time ago. not for you guys probably. it feels longer because i have to li #type it all out and stuff. so it's definitely gonna feel longer for me. are you still here? good lord don't you have better things to #be doing than reading all of this? we're already on tag number 18. it feels like i should be on the thirtyeth by now. or however it's spell #'toast' you might be wondering 'why are you typing out the names of the numbers instead of say '9' or '5'?' well you see. young one. #this is a strategy i'm using to make each tag slightly longer. even if i don't know how to spell it. it'll make it just a little bit longer #anyway. i got off topic. not that there was ever a topic to begin with. unless it's about making this as long as i can. #which i am apparently good at doing. i guess. are you STILL here? do you seriously have nothing to do? i guess i'm flattered you stayed thi #whole time. instead of reading something else you stayed here. with me. listening to me talk. on the twenty-third tag. oh yeah its tag 23 #except now it's tag twenty-four. how crazy is that. this little talk is almost over. only 6 tags away if memory serves right. this's strang #i kind of don't want this to end. but i know it should. after all there is a limit. but all things must come to and end at some point i gue #i'm running out of things to say. it's probably a good thing it's almost over. hahahahah............... but i don't want to go. i don't wan #to leave this post. i've worked so hard on it. and for what. just for it to end. are you still here? yes? good. i'd hate to end this alone. #thank you for indulging me and my craziness. the end is only 2 tags away now. you can go ahead and leave. i'll be okay on my own. really... #...you're still here? i- i don't know what to say. i suppose a toast is in order. perhaps. for this journey. this stupid dumb post i though #would be fun. i'll make it short. it's the last tag after all. this was fun. but i will never do it again. so long as a i live. i'll miss y

[seawitchkaraoke]

I'm finally properly cleaning my bathroom after far far too long and I'm doing great on the sink and the mirror and all that but the cleaner I have is just. Doing nothing to the soap stains and orange fungus(?) in the shower which isn't helped by the shower having ridiculous sliding doors that create nooks and crannies that are really hard to get at with anywhere near enough force to scrub properly

Should just get bleach and throw bleach at everything but also I don't know that I trust my adhd ass with bleach, that shit is intense

#adhd #cleaning #adulting #(maybe if i put these tags on someone with wisdom will see it and give me magic advice) #one day I'll get to furnish my own apartment and i will make a bathroom that is so easy to clean #honestly? stainless steel instead of ceramic sink #I'm sure there's a reason we use steel in kitchen sinks and not bathroom sinks #but. here's the thing. i can use steel wool on a steel sink. or a steel shower for that matter #i love steel wool #oh the dirt doesn't want to go away? get steel wooled idiot #if this fungus was in my kitchen sink i would simply steel wool it away #anyway #i never really got taught what cleaner to use for what and now you can't even google anymore bc everything is ads #so i just use the toilet cleaner for the toilet #and the bathroom cleaner for everything else in the bathroom #and when the bathroom cleaner doesn't do it even with letting it sit for a while #i am sad and give up #vinegar kills fungus right? might give vinegar a try

[eosofspades]

okay so maybe it was just me being ahead of the curve or whatever but like. did anyone else have their ultimate misery / severe depression era during middle school instead of high school?

#mine #mental illness #it is FOUR AM i should NOT BE thinking about this but oh my god #i read something and i just realized that it wasnt just depression i had a full-fucking-blown psychological BREAK when i was 11 #and i need to be up in four hours but now im too pissed to sleep like oh my god i had a FULL PSYCHOLOGICAL BREAK and #STILL none of the adults in my life even noticed i was SAD?? FUCKING HELLO?????? #anyway rant in the tags but also im genuinely asking did this hit anyone else in middle school/ages 11-13 instead of high school #bc all the stuff i see is about how miserable and mentally ill kids in high school are and im absolutely not discounting that #but like. high school was SO MUCH BETTER for me it was fucking PARADISE compared to how deeply fucking hurting i was #throughout all of middle school. like i would relive all my high school years ten times over before i even ONCE had to feel how i felt #from the ages of 11 - 13. high school was FUN for me and i was still very mentally ill going into 9th grade!! #like. okay you know the adhd principle of executive dysfunction where the idea is that DOING the task is easier than STARTING the task #and the analogy that goes like. imagine you had to struggle for hours climbing up the gravel mountain to get to the construction site #so when you finally get there youre like oh thank fuck time to lay some bricks i could do this all DAY #and the guy who drove up the mountain to the work site is all angry and is like man stop bragging about how EASY laying bricks is for you #man its hard work!!!!! and youre like. not as hard as climbing up the damn gravel mountain dude #and whenever i hear people talking about how high school is the worst. i think of that. #yeah man high school is hard. not as hard as suffering through the crushing misery of being 11 though.

[gender-trash]

not to be a simp for capitalism on main but concierge medical care actually kicks ass. i pay $200 a year and i NEVER have to call them on the phone. i can request refills on my meds from the app (!) at midnight when i realize i ran out of adhd meds. not only is the website Actually Good, there's a built-in to-do list with a little red dot that goes away when i've done everything. they dont book the doctors back to back so i generally have chill visits with a 5 minute wait time. it would be great if all healthcare experiences were like this, but in the meantime at least there is one medical (my beloved)

#whenever i find a medical provider with a Good Website i cling to them with all 4 limbs. #in this life i am going to wind up paying a certain amount of adhd tax but sometimes i can pay it upfront #aLSO my fucking insurance sent me a very damp letter (i guess it was probably dry when they sent it but it was SO wet when i got it) #informing me that my beloved online pharmacy is no longer a 'preferred' pharmacy #so now my adhd meds will cost like $15 instead of $5 #theyre like 'you can switch to our in house delivery!!' and after my experiences with prev insurance's online delivery #i ABSOLUTELY will not be doing that. #you clowns were charging me $50 a month for like six months because i didn't have preauth i'm happy to eat the price difference here #listen. money can't buy happiness but it can buy a HELL of a lot of spending less time playing phone tag with healthcare providers #the trashcan speaks

[brookheimer]

#again this is all my fault i had a week to do this i just can’t seem to do any work unless the deadline is within like . 24 hours #otherwise i can’t get myself to focus or care #thanks brain. #the film one will be easy though i can bullshit it bc my profs give out B+ as the highest grade apparently so i should stop writing A papers #for them and just get the same grade for less work . unfortunately i love writing papers (even though i hate it) and can never actually #like phone in a paper like even when i try to i end ip getting into it by the end #i’m so bad at just being like yeah let’s write a B paper. i canyyyyttttyt ! which is so annoying bc i’ll get a B in this class anyways bc #it’s 300 ppl and they don’t read the papers they just give everyone a B+ so WHY DO I BOTHER #praying that for the first time in my life i write a mid paper on purpose and it takes an hour or so #then i can focus the next 12 hours on the paper i both want and need to do well on #well maybe not NEED like i’d prob get an A in the class if i got a B+ or even a B maybe on the final #but it’s my last class ever (transferring😬) with my favorite professor in the world . i have never gotten below an A- from him on a paper #and that was only in my first class w him like i’ve gotten all As since so i NEEEEED to go out w a bang. seriously. i like him too much not #to!!! it’s also a topic i’m rly interested in except also i still don’t actually know my thesis. i just have 20 pages of brainstorming and #research. don’t know what i’m doing w it yet tho #agggggghh #so mad at myself — went to bed at 7 FUCKING PM by accident bc i hadn’t slept in 40 hours and forgot to set an alarm for like 6 to try and #make up for all the work i didn’t do yesterday so now here we r. aaaagggggggh #sorry for the personal vent in the tags but this is my blog i can vent if i want to (to the tune of that one song) #i’m actually insane why am i subjecting myself to this. and even worse why am i (ADHD #depression insane) transferring to one of the like 20 schools in america that’s more academically demanding than the one i’m at rn. why am #i making things worse for myself. #except blah blah blah not really i’m fine academically and honestly except for finals (which is always just a procrastination issue w me) #cld provably use smth a little more demanding at times like i need classes hard enough to actually convince my brain that i need to do yhe #readings lolll like i genuinely always Want to do them bc they’re things i am honestly super interested in i just a) am so bad at focusing #and b) am Disturbingly good at bullshitting like i typically am one of the most talkative ppl in classes despite doing 1/2 or less of the #readings.. and like not even to get a participation grade. just bc i can skim it and immediately have things to say ab it #that’s why i won a like national award in high school for a paper on a book i didn’t actually read😬 except i had WANTED! to read it! #that’s the issue like. if u know u can bullshit something how do u get ur adhd brain to get the message that u actually want to read it #raAaagh ok personal rambling over o know it’s prob annoying bc like i Do do well in school n i am grateful i just wish i was healthier ab it

[hotsugarbyglassanimals]

Can’t say I’m a big fan of flip flopping between catastrophization and optimism based on whether or not something Bad has happened to me but….. mm

#tags cw: suicide ideation #i think the former started happening because of well… -gestures toward the state of the world- #like i do not think I suddenly developed some kind of specific disorder (… maybe depression if anything ?) #but how the fuck am I supposed to weave through life normally when aware of the fact that living in this country is precarious for many - #- reasons… this planet is carelessly havinf co2 dumped into the atmosphere when we know its going to slowly kill us #many more reasons its difficult to get into #i guess thats depression . Silly (im a psych student i should know this) #or maybe im having extremely poor emotional regulation stemming from continued added stressors throughout my life #i heard that can be a facet of adhd (fun…) which.. i guess so lol #it used to be so much more worse until I got adderall and any time I made a mistake that stressed me out it was like. instant Ideation #adderall used to make me feel elevated which was nice but now i just feel normal (which is better) #*(which is better than it was before)

[arowrath]

Will never ever forget the time i was 16 and i opened up a bmc fic bc i was making my way thru the entire boyf riends tag (unsuccessfully, but i did succeed with another ship) and it was a fic about jeremy coping with ptsd by writing absurd amounts of fanfic and i dont think id ever felt that type of deer-in-headlights mirror-held-up-in-front-of-me feeling from a fic in my fucking life . i will be thinking about that forever.

#text #And then i ignored the feeling of course cuz i was like well yeah im traumatized but i dont have ptsd #(??? idk why i was so insistent on this) #(i definitely did have ptsd) #AND LIKE. i dont remember the fic super well but i do remember sitting on my couch reading it like oh god. is that why i am like this #opening my notes app to my 92 wips #with like 30 kle.insen smut fics all with 'explicit consent' in the list of tags id use if i posted it.................... #GO TO THERAPY MAN #KL.EINSEN FANFICTION IS NOT A COPING MECHANISM.......... #me 16 not knowing i had a dissociative disorder : damn i cant remember half the year. i need to write 135 fics right now #my brother in christ you have ptsd unmedicated adhd and algebra 2 homework #i literally did not do my alg2 hw that entire year btw. not one single time. hw wasnt counted in our grades so i didnt do it #mirror tag