#so i don't know. this is so fucking stressful for me honestly

[starzshopoflove]

Who's your daddy? (Simon "Ghost" Riley x Reader)

Notes: fem reader! sfw mostly ,literally just me projecting onto the reader, reader is kind of a pervert drabble! This will be multi part if you guys want!! (WC:550)

Simon does his best to be as involved in his son's life while off deployment, with the little guy living with his uncle Soaps mom and sisters while his dads gone. It's always the little things he wishes his dad did when he was younger. His worst fear is being anything like his own father 

This man is literally superdad, present at every PTA meeting he can be, makes cupcakes for the class on his son's birthday, every little league game, pick up and drop off, anything and everything he can do he will 

His son will babble mindlessly about anything because well,, he's 4 that's what children do. So Simon doesn't process much of it as actual information, more like vague “hms” “that's nice' ' and “ah oh really?”. Now when his son started to repeatedly bring up this “Miss” Simon assumed that he’s made a friend at school which made him pretty happy since he never had many when he was younger. It sounded dumb but he just assumed Miss was short for Missy or whatever kid name  

Casual asks of “How was school” being met with his boy saying “Miss gave me a sticker today” or “Miss made cookies today”. So you can imagine his surprise when he saw a random woman in the most lung collapsing sundress and cardigan holding his son looked at him and smiled while his son just waved and cheered. 

Simon is guilty of occasionally being late for pick ups but usually his boy is inside safe in the lobby so seeing you holding him would be more stressful if he wasn't a tank of a man that could maim an entire army single handedly, especially when you were literally basking in sunlight holding his child in a flowy pink floral sundress with a crochet cardigan, I mean seriously don't you know its a crime to stop traffic 

“Hi! Hi daddy! Miss waited with me for you, see!” Handing off the little guy to his dad you were also choking up, you became a teacher to help children learn not to ogle at their dads, but my god did it make up for your criminally low salary. The sight of a giant man in those loose worn out jeans, that tight white shirt stretched over his muscles bulging out of the fabric, and those eyes that look like they could melt you.

You could already feel the blush creeping off your neck and honestly you prayed to god with all your might that you could run back into your car, turn the AC on blast and fan whatever blush was on your face off. “You must be Mister Riley right? Hunter is a pleasure to have in class” You know what else would be a pleasure? Your di-

“Im sure he is” Oh fuck that accent you could practically feel your knees buckling just imagine how much better it would sound saying “You’re alright girl” all deep and gravelly while hes nibbling on your ear 

Needless to say Simon started showing up to pickups more often and you slowly started wearing shorter sundresses.

#cod mw x reader #cod mw2 #cod x reader #ghost cod #ghost x reader #simon ghost riley #simon ghost riley x reader #ghost call of duty #john price #cod simon riley

[xoxoemynn]

Cancer, death talk below cut

Today marks six years since my friend died of cancer. She was actually the younger sister of my best friend, but she was the younger sister who was always around and we loved it because honestly she was way cooler than all of us. And she was the nicest and funniest person I've ever met. I know people say that all the time but in her case it was the absolute truth. I've never known a single person who was just that genuinely GOOD of a person, and who could make me laugh so hard with a single word. And she had the BEST smile and the most infectious laugh and she was so loving and protective and SMART and I loved her so much.

And I thought I was okay, but I decided to take some time and look through old pictures of her and some made me smile but it also made me cry a lot and it also made me really angry, because she was only 22 and she had her entire life ahead of her, and it's not fucking fair she had it all taken away from her so early and it's not fair she spent her twenties fighting cancer when she should have been just going out and having fun and figuring out what she was going to do when she graduated college and stressing about cover letters.

And also it makes me angry because honestly the past few weeks have been really hard and they've been hard because people have been extremely shitty and maybe this is not the most rational reaction and it's not their fault that they're not grieving a friend who died too young but seriously what the fuck are you doing with your lives? Life is SO short and you're spending it being nasty to people? Being mean? Picking fights and spinning up battles in your head that don't even need to be fought? Just...why?

idk maybe I'm also having a delayed grief reaction from all the death over the summer/fall as well but I'm just...

Not to turn some very real human emotions into a fandom thing but we only have this one life. Treat it that way.

#personal #tbd #gonna have a great one in therapy tomorrow let me tell you

[the-lark-ascending69]

Near-future, black mirror esque AU in which Nancy, stressed college student with loads of childhood trauma, gets recommended by her psychologist to get an emotional support robot. That's what they're called, yes. They're sold to very lonely people to pretty much look after them emotionally. Nancy has always hated the idea, and doesn't really like androids or robots of any kind. Plus, she thinks it's quite sad that she's so lonely she needs an android to keep her company. She also couldn't possibly afford it.

Her friend Steve, though, who hasn't seen her in a year despite living 15 minutes away (she has a tendency to isolate herself and use her studies as an excuse), got her one. It's a second-hand unit, a slightly older model that's seen several repair shops in the past, but it works, and it was half the price of a new one. He shows up to her apartment with the box, looking smug and proud of himself. If anything, Nancy feels insulted.

She doesn't touch the box for a few weeks, and doesn't get rid of it either, because her studies take her so much time, she can't bring herself to keep her apartment clean. When her mother visits and sees the mess she's living in, with a perfectly functional android willing to help her, she finally caves, and as soon as she's alone, she decides to see if this thing can at least help her clean up.

It surprises her that it looks so... human. Its skin is soft and warm, with all the natural imperfections of a human's skin. Same as her hair. She's dressed in old worn-out clothes, and she curls into herself, in fetal position, inside the box. Only the button under her skin on the back of her neck reveals her as an android. Nancy reads the instructions, presses there for 10 seconds, and waits.

Or she planned to wait - eight seconds in with Nancy's fingers pressed on that spot, and the android's eyes flew open. She cried out, screambled out of the box and looked around, breathing heavily and hugging herself. Her eyes fix on Nancy, look her up and down with a frown, and asks:

"Who are you?"

Nancy opens her mouth to reply, then looks down at the instructions, hoping they'd say something about this kind of scenario, and that her new robot didn't go rogue and try to kill her.

"Wait, are those my instructions?" The robot asked. She looked down. "I really don't mean to complain about my living situation going from extremely fucked to simply fucked, but that is not my original box. Mine was smaller, and it had a bunch of little dots on the side. Did they sell me again?"

The instructions said nothing about this possibility, so Nancy decided it was time to improvise.

"I... my friend got you at a garage sale, I think."

"Oh. Well, that is low, even for me," the robot said. She rubbed the back of her neck. "Should my neck hurt this much?"

Nancy blinked.

"Shouldn't you know that?"

"Honestly, I don't even know what levels of pain are normal for me. It always hurts just a little bit somewhere, like, right now, my whole spine really hurts." She laughs. "At least I think it's supposed to feel like pain? I don't think we're wired to feel pain, exactly, I mean, that would be just sadistic. Talk anti-natalism to me. But I swear this spot right here just feels really really bad. Or maybe it's anthropocentric to... perceive it as pain, don't you think? It's very existentialist, actually, the whole... perceiving thing - I bet Berkeley wrote something about it, at some point, but I haven't read him in ages."

"You read books?"

"What? Oh. Oh, uh... I - I think I'm offline? Like, I don't have access to the database, so I kinda have to do it the old-fashioned way if I want to learn somethin," she said. "It's cool, though! I like reading a lot."

"...Okay. So, um... here it says your model is..."

"Robin," the android said. Nancy looked up.

"I'm sorry?"

"That's my name," she said. "I came up with it, I - I thought it sounded nice. Do you like it?"

Nancy stared at this... thing, a million thoughs coursing through her head. The first one was a newfound understanding of her low price.

She made a movement with her head that could be understood as both a shake and a nod at the same time.

"Yeah, yeah, sure" she said, brows knit together. What the hell did Steve get her into? "It's... nice."

"Oh, thank God, because Mom and Dad hated it."

"Mom and...?"

"My first owners - Richard and Melissa, I always called them Mom and Dad. They... they, uh, they hated that, too."

Jesus Christ.

"So... Robin," Nancy said. "I was wondering if you could help me put away some of my things while I study."

"Oh! Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure." She stood there, eyes wandering, around, until they fell on Nancy's bookshelf "Holy shit, you have Dostoyevski! Is it in Russian?"

Nancy blinked, opened her mouth, took a step back and shook her head. Robin was already striding towards her bookself, tracing the spines of books with her fingers.

"Actually, why don't you read after you clean this up?"

Robin turned to see her, eyes wide and a growing smile, like a kid in a candy shop.

"I - I can read all of this?"

Nancy was going to kill Steve.

She shrugged and shook her head.

"Sure," she said. "After you clean this mess."

"Aye aye, cap!" Robin chirped, making a quick salute with her hand and getting to work.

Nancy was, for certain, going to murder Steve for making her responsible for this... thing. There was something wrong in her system, and that was very much obvious. She looked down at the instructions manual - surely there would be a way to turn her off for the night. She wouldn't want Robin to murder her in her sleep, or worse - wake her up at 4 am to talk about books.

Or she could just tell her to shut up. She was a robot, anyway. It's not like she could feel anything.

#ronance #robin buckley #nancy wheeler #Android Robin AU #my posts #wake up baby new AU just dropped

[disdaidal]

So, I met my nurse today and she said I'm finally getting scheduled for the ADHD testing on Dec 18th—after all these years. Albeit she said that it may not change a thing, but it's good to test it anyway.

I also had a discussion with my teacher today about my problems and we went through some stuff, and I might feel a little bit more enlightened about some things, which will hopefully help me.

Still. I'm having trouble with planning some stuff at my workplace because the staff there simply doesn't have time, and my instructor is also a very busy person (plus she's fussy and impatient and a little upset/disappointed with me which is not making it any easier for me), so that is still giving me a lot of stress right now.

So, I don't know. On the other hand, one teacher says I'm doing a good job and that I shouldn't quit. Then again, this particular school and their style of teaching simply might not be the thing for me and I expressed that concern today as well. I need help getting through with some stuff and nobody has time for me, so it's obviously not good.

I also need to find another place to train soon and that workplace would have to be something where I wouldn't have to manage 15 things at the same time and well. Finding that could be a challenge, too.

But. I suppose we're going somewhere.

#personal #last week i cried twice after a workday #and my nurse also mentioned today that i still have a learning disability which will definitely make things harder for me #but also that there's nothing that can be done about it so... great #so i mentioned this to my teacher and she wrote it down but #basically there are only two choices for me now #either i pass this training somehow and plan my displays at my current workplace so well that i never have to do this again #or i will only complete my training for this period and then find another workplace and do my displays there #i can't postpone them much later apparently or so i understood. so they are not giving a lot of choices there really #and we did talk about me considering another school as well #where i can spend more time in the classroom actually learning things and less time working and trying to study at the same time #because this clearly isn't working for me. i can't do two things at the same time. not well at least. and i want to do well #but i tried applying for that kind of school in this field last summer. i didn't get in & i was 8th in line #i would've gotten in working with kids instead. but that school was further away and i probably would've found it even more stressful #than what i'm doing now #so i don't know. this is so fucking stressful for me honestly #like i like what i'm doing but i also really hate what i'm doing because this also requires stuff from me that i am simply not good at #and i'd have to put extra energy into it but i don't have much energy in me right now tbh #ugh

[bodhimcbodeface]

People always want to tell me that they're "worried about me" because of how little I clean?? From my point of view it's like this:

Cleaning: literal hell on earth.

Not being able to see my floor: mildly inconvenient, I still know it's there.

Please for the love of god let me make my informed life choices in peace without being condescending about it.

#'but don't you feel so much better in a clean space?' #no i feel fucking stressed out because I know how much hellish work it's going to take to maintain it #like honestly i would like to have someone clean for me but if i'm doing it myself it's not worth it at all

[theflyingfeeling]

fanfic rambling in the tags, nothing interesting really, just me talking to myself lol, okay to ignore or read as you please ✨

#so i've found the perfect prompt list for an olli/allu fic advent calendar sorta thing #but i'm too intimidated by my own expectations and ridiculously high standards to even start writing any of them 😭 #honestly these prompts are so insanely cute and fit olli/allu PERFECTLY #like. i'm actually having trouble deciding which ones to use because i want to write them all 🥺💞 #but i'm so so scared that i'll just end up writing the same (boring) story over again for 24 times 😔 #i wish i could just write without thinking and trying so hard to write a literary masterpiece #when i KNOW it's alright if it's just a silly little story about my blorbos #that's perfectly enough and i know this but my brain's just not having it 😩 #also if i were to write 24 independent fics i'd have to keep them short and simple but. that's not how i do fics. unfortunately (for me) #to overcome this i guess one option would be to write just one longer piece with 24 chapters #and somehow try to include the prompt of the day in each chapter 🤔 #but i don't want to make this even more complicated to myself lol especially because i'm planning to write AUs for a couple of the prompts #i REALLY want to do prompts (of any kind!!) but i'm just so scared of stressing myself out to another months-long writer's block 😭 #fair enough the last time that happened (last winter/spring) i was in a shitty place mentally anyway #and so far i've been happy to be writing on random bursts of inspiration. that's how it's the easiest for me. the words just...flow out #i'm so insanely jealous of anyone who can just create stuff when given any prompt 😭 #y'all are super humans to me how do you do it pls spill your secrets #and anyone tempted to comfort me by saying i shouldn't stress myself over this and that i don't have to write anything i don't wanna write: #i knoooooowwww and i appreactiate the sentiment but the thing is i actually DO want to write these prompts 😭 #in theory at least. because they really are cute as fuck wth 🥺 #the problem is that i can't /force/ myself to write something at the snap of my fingers without a clear idea besides the prompt #and also because i know it can take me days to finish even one story let alone 24 💀 #so to even START on this project is a little intimidating 🫣 #i just fear i won't have the patience :( #and when i realise i won't be able to finish the project i'll become frustrated with myself #if only i knew how to write shorter one-scenes in order to not tire myself out #but often i find those kind of fics somehow...unsatisfying :( #i'm just a sucker for crafting the context/background for stories. a little flesh around the bones if you will 🤧 #okay that's all now i'm gonna go stare at a wall while doing nothing useful for the rest of the weekend byeeee #if you read this far i hope you're having a nice saturday

[searidings]

Hey there! Just curious if you’ve stumbled upon any new fanfics that you are loving?

hell yeah babey!!!!

if music be the food of love, play on and also you'll always find your way back home by lovepotionnumber5

also checking for updates on i want something just like this by @jazzfordshire and a history of wine by @seabiscuits-us and the bicep obsessed tennis au by ms huge rack @hrwinter like im checking the morning paper

#ok so. lovepotionnumber5. let's talk about them #if they have a tumblr i dont know it but fuck i'd like to #so they wrote a free solo au that is cinematic as all fuck and flawlessly combines two of my nichest interests #and i think i recced it already but honestly people are SLEEPING on it it's so so good yet so under-kudosed #so i was feeling my feelings today and felt like a reread and then i thought hey. i wonder if theyve written anything else #had a little look. saw another fic #read 'mob boss/jazz singer au' and promptly devoured the fuck out of it and let me just say #i was HOWLING #the funniest fucking dialogue in the world #'it's gonna be may' if you know you know and boy howdy i KNOW #go and read it like. i cannot stress this enough. wip or no wip. go and read jt #if i could eat a fic i would swallow that one whole #the characterisation i swear to god #i want to kiss lovepotionnumberfive's lillian luthor on the mouth #also kara and lena but we already knew that #i am reccing the shit out of this author don't try and stop me #lovepotionnumber5 if you're out there i'd die for you if you ever need it. jsyk #hope you're having a great day #asks #anonymous #my ficrecs

[barkingangelbaby]

dude...

#if I don't stop hyperfixating on my breathing... like... idfk how much longer i can live like this... #it's been happening since last august snd I'm so tired of it..... #it's not even only when I'm high anymore it's like... all the time #i just like.. stop automatically breathing once i think about it and it takes me *so* *fucking* *long* to start again #honestly I'm just typing this post to distract myself a bit and hopefully i just start breathing normally again but I'm still manually #breathing rn. and now im wondering what the normal amount of time in between breaths is and if I'm taking too long ?? #i tried to time my breaths with N's but she's asleep so i know it's gonna be different than mine #hoooo boy wish me luck falling asleep this is so annoying!!!! #is this ocd??? I've had several ppl in the past year tell me they think I have it but thinking about it makes me spiral #but it would explain A Lot of my thoughts n habits #anyway. I'm very annoyed with myself rn i just want to breathe normally and not worry myself into panic attacks anymore #actually very worried about how bad my stress in general has been bc there's no way it's been good for my body #ok. time to snuggle up n try to fall asleep!! im v cold rn so i have to warm up before i hug N bc i don't want to wake her with my ice cold #skin lmao. i can't wait for it to be warmer so i don't have to worry/feel bad about that lol #OKAY BBYYYYEEE if you read these tags I'm so very sorry. #rAMbles

[daz4i]

a bit insane to know there's people out there who think i'm hot shit tbh. you know i'm a pathetic cringefail loser who literally can't do anything, right?? please raise your standards 😔💔

#had a meeting with my mentor/guide/man i really gotta figure out some english word for her today #and basically unprompted she brought up that like. she thinks i'm amazing for having goals and working to get them #which i was honestly baffled by bc. i don't do anything 👍 #my past self sets shit up for me to regret later bc i hate doing stuff. that's it #never heard anyone describe me as ambitious but in her eyes that's like a defining trait of mine #i'm highkey worried i'm gonna disappoint her 😭 and. everyone else. #my method is usually to do the bare minimum so no one develops any expectations #and that way they're always surprised when i do more #unfortunately this plan falls flat bc for some reason ppl keep having expectations of me #not ill intentioned ones. idk if that's the words. ig they're more like hopes? #like they hope i'll do more they hope i'll be better. not for themselves but for me #and then that inevitable disappointment hurts in a different way bc you know it comes from genuine love #i can't even be mad in that case 😭 like what are their expectations of me. for me to be happy?? #(honestly in that case i AM angry you should def drop that that's literally impossible 👍) #ok now i'm rambling. sorry. ig this conversation fucked me up a bit bc i've been real stressed since #vent #kinda??????? #ask to tag

[mokutone]

pls give us kiba thoughts!! your bingo card on him has me going ????!!!!!

this ones gonna require an essay but as a Dog Science Enthusiast kiba is a character who is tailor fucking made to piss me off to a stupid degree

firstly i got into naruto proper as an adult who already had strong opinions about depictions of animals and especially dogs in media. id interacted with naruto before, but not any parts of it that contained kiba, so i didnt have any leftover childhood nostalgia fondness for kiba at all

secondly: kibas visual design. kishimoto has a really weird habit of giving dogs and dog-based characters very tiny pupils and irises in a LOT of white sclera, which is basically the opposite of how dog eyes work???

look at this picture of a dog with me. look at the bigness and the darkness of his eyes. now look at kiba and the ninken

all have HUGE whites of the eyes. if you see the whites of a dogs eyes, USUALLY (but not in all cases) its because you're getting whale eye

which is a sign of distress in dogs. not good!

thirdly: the way he talks with akamaru pisses me off too. i'm all for nonverbal communication methods, but this is like...this is some "what's that lassie, little tim fell down the well?? oh no!!!" type shit

like dogs CAN communicate with us, and it can be really detailed and thorough communication, but there are some things that just are not going to be possible because their methods of communication are purely body language based, unless kiba and akamaru have some kind of a psychic bond???? and i dont think they do

and i also kinda dont want them to? like weve already got pakkun and one talking dog is MORE THAN ENOUGH FOR ME...idk

#yamswers #snowshinobi #one of my comic thesises in school was entirely about reading a dogs body language #so i hate seeing the Real Actual Language dogs speak replaced or reduced or ignored in favor of ones that are more Human Centric #its also why the button dog thing stressed me out #like teaching ur dog to talk with buttons isnt a BAD thing especially since its a fun new activity for them they could be rewarded for #bonding activity #but ive seen people feel real ass guilt over it like. believing that they don't understand their dogs unless their dogs use human words #and its like!!!! no u dont NEED to use buttons to understand ur dog...theyre communicating with you all the time...if you watch and listen #honestly you need to be able to understand ur dogs body language to be able to teach them to use buttons in the first place #w/e. anyway. dogs communicate with us all the time and they do it so well. did you know they evolved eyebrows just for us??? to communicate #wolves dont have eyebrow muscles. but dogs do. and studies show that dogs who spend more time around people learn to use them more fluidly #can you imagine? evolving eyebrows specifically to communicate with a species so eye-focused? #the reason WE have huge whites of our eyes is to better communicate over distance where we're looking #ugh dogs are so fucking cool

[binch-i-might-be]

not to sound like a broken record but I really do wish I had time to work on all my projects or just. write at all

#theoretically i should have time but i'm so exhausted and overwhelmed in my free time that it's just not happening #my stupid job keeps giving me overtime and horrible shifts and people are just becoming more insane the closer we get to fucking christmas #and they keep having me do a million things at once and making me do shit no one even ever showed me and i'm not actually allowed to do??? #like i'm not qualified i don't have authorisation. and yet i have to do it because my incapable coworker can't and keeps telling me #to do it because she doesn't know what to do. bitch idk either no one has shown me this before but YOU did learn???? #and i'm just tired. i don't sleep well. i don't eat well either lately because i don't have the time #i have to take care of my flat and the groceries and my atupid fucking body hygiene and all i can do after is lay down and watch youtube #i want to write but i'm so tired #i'm so stressed i just want to do things i enjoy #honestly at this point i almost hope they fire me. i could just apply for wellfare and i would probably get more money than they're paying #rayrambles

[poptartmochi]

unfathomable emotions after showering

also.. i hit tag limit on this, so watch out for a very long post if you hit read more on the tags! 😨

#it is frustrating that overall it is fine for customers to use retail/service employees like punching bags. this guy will have no #repercussions for cussing me out beyond the pre-existing frustration that his order isn't ready because it was placed after our deadline #it is frustrating that you can't really defend yourself because 1) it takes too much time and there's too much else to do. #better to let them have the upper hand in their minds 2) they can take anything you saw and spin it against you in a review #like... 😞 i couldn't even get a word in against this guy. honestly i think he was using me as a stress toy because his kid is getting in #trouble for not having uniforms. which really sucks‚ I understand and empathize with that! but to react in such a way is unacceptable #it's common sense that a mom and pop shop will not process your order until the next business day if you ordered outside of their business #hours. i had to explain the way this particular school's ordering system worked to this guy the last time he was in. i provided multiple #alternatives to contacting us that he never utilized. like.. he had the tools to understand everything and instead of using them he decided #to erupt. and because I'm the poor fuck that works the counter‚ i got to be on the receiving end of this. i should know better than to be #upset about it (the eelness talking. everyone else was mad when he left) but. it's also fair to not want to be cussed out over something as #small as school uniforms! 🤨 #and don't even get me started on school uniforms.. yes my entire job rn is selling them BUT oh my god. i hate them. they shouldn't be a #thing. especially when these schools cost an arm and a leg in admission + then the uniforms easily cost another #*$100. the entire practice seems evil to me but also it's the family business so. 😭. the way these schools do it also undermines the entire #point of school uniforms which is. uniformity! 🤨 i feel like the minute differences in brand and so forth and so on give kids easy ways to #compare each other and potentially bully each other. the differences in what people provide Could be distracting! if your kid is the only #one wearing a plaid jumper while everyone else has khaki bottoms on‚ they're going to stand out! #so what pray tell is the point 😭 imo it's best to let kids have the freedom of self expression and show up to school however they'd like #in an appropriate way ofc. but i digress 😩 this business is just. deeply frustrating + as if the work itself was not overwhelming‚ the #parents have to throw tantrums about it... I'm so tired! 😭 #and they insinuate you fuck around + or say you don't give a shit.. ma'am I've worked so much overtime this year + that's not even counting #the relentless shifts I've worked in my nightmares that occur every night. like.. literally the only thing i do is give a shit about your #order!! at the expense of my sleep and wellness lmao! I don't eat lunch and i barely hydrate because I'm constantly working #but it is thog mode.. thog don't care... 😑 it'd be funny if i didnt care either 🥴😐 #to sum up a long rant ig i entered the shower feeling very depressed and I've left angry 🤯 but this is normal methinks #anyhow l + ratio + you work at your family's store + you work customer service + u trip over yourself when u talk etc etc etc 😑😑 #one day i will blow that store up with every parent ever. it will be so funny 💖😐😩😑 #sriracha.txt #negative cw

[mynameisbillandimaheadcase]

,

#there are nicer weys to tell someone the need to go take a shower that you know yelling at them that they stink and it is unpleasant to be #around them #like just yelling at me that i need to go shower literally doesn't motivate me to #especially bc i was planning on doing it on Monday bc i had already showered yesterday #maybe she could have sed to me : hey you took a shower yesterday but still smell like sweat ( is everything okay) #the answer is no #i am on vacation but i am so fucking stressed i keep sweating bc of it #but she just wanted to yell at me so i guess it doesn't matter #she is angry and as always i am her punching bag #i told her that the magnifying glass made no difference since i can already see the flowers clearly i get yelled at #i tell her that i prefer to stey home and do hw i get yelled at #i didn't do my hw bc she made me go out i get yelled at #and after all that i get out of the shower and she asked me if i want to let her blowdry my hair like nothing happened #no ofc i don't want #to #i just had a breakdown on the shower that she triggerd i h*rt myself and i am now in pain bc of that #i don't want you anywhere near me #i honestly feel like i am going insane #how can she do that to me #and i literally ahave no proof except that i go on record mode anytime she speaks but it's always her word against mine #i am pretty sure in a few hours i will be blaming myself for everything #one moment she screams at me and the other she pretends that nothing happened #but yeah i am sure i am just making it up #/s

[mattynmarns]

hey so

#ive taken some time to reflect on everything and I'm still going to be dream posting #less than usual but i think im going to be posting everything less than usual #ive talked with trusted irl people and ive reflected on people/celebrities that i continue to support who have done the same or worse thing #and ive come to the conclusion that based on what we've seen of dream's character and what his irl friends say of his character #that a) theres no way he'd do something like this again and b) we've actually seen no real proof of anything #but yeah im trying to step back from sm in general #because ive realized the conclusions i made prev about this situation wouldn't be what I would've made without the influence of The Dash #i need to remember that theres a life outside of tumblr so I'm stepping back from it #not stepping away but ill stay logged out and i already don't have the app #so now ill only check it occasionally like once a day maybe rather than have it be my social crutch #personally i cant condemn someone without any evidence and there wasn't anything i found unforgivable or criminal about the SHOWN messages #however if other evidence comes out ill stand back and reevaluate #but yeah if you want to unfollow block or whatever i understand #ill still be posting dream but he's going to be tagged #but i think this situation has been drawn out of proportion for all we know right now (ex. the words that have been used) #and i think ultimately dream has done more proven good than proven harm and that's a factor for me personally #and i also want to add that the anti-men posting that I've seen lately fucking sucks. like that's terf rhetoric #and as a trans man i dont think that's very epic 🥴 #and i want to add that if you are choosing not to support him that that's cool with me like i honestly dgaf #butttttt i come here to relax from my real adult life that already stresses me out #so im only going to follow people that don't stress me out #so yeah #just wanted to update yall on where i stand #im finally becoming a normie 😔😭 #tumblr has been an addiction so im finally cutting myself off o7

[shadeswift99]

Today on really stupid things to be happy about:

The fact that when I stopped being able to read or write four months ago my Works and Bookmarks just happened to be perfectly even

#it makes sense in a way because i had started trying to keep them even as a half joke ages ago #but still I'm so weirdly happy to have left it like that dhfhfhd #not like its easy to not be able to do the things i love (it's been hell actually) but it would be so much harder if I'd left it uneven >:[ #....yeah. I don't think I've ever fully explained on here so #hi I'm Shade :) i used to write things and then i went on a month long break for school stress and THEN a many month long break #unplanned because apparently chronic illness. so. so sorry to the people who were waiting for that Red Thread update in may #or yknow literally anything else other than semiconscious reblogs and radio silence #don't worry I am far from 100% still but i have meds and they're helping a lot #and i AM going to work my way back up to writing. I am. slowly #but it's probably going to be very slowly and low effort for a while because i still don't know if i can handle full time uni in the fall #but i have been able to read again! physical symptoms are still kinda eeh some days but the brain fog most times is gone #huge win #and at least my works and bookmarks are even :] #i don't usually put personal stuff here and honestly i don't even know if there's still anybody around who remembers me more active but #feels good to not be too hopeless to open ao3 again. #that's about as much shade ramble as you'll have to put up with today have a great evening everyone 💙 #ah fuck i forgot #tw medical

[slipper007]

🫠

#im sorry for how much I've been venting on here but things are shitty and hate burdening people with it #to delete #im applying for grad school now and I asked my parents very carefully if they'd be helping me with application fees or if i was on my own #and I made sure that I didn't imply that I expected it. i made sure i worded it so that it was fine if they didn't want to or couldn't. #and I made sure I brought it up when everything was calm and there were no stressors or anything. #and I just got an exasperated sigh and even before they said anything it was over. literally just say you don't want to pay. it's fine. #don't sit there and tell me my grades are great but you don't want to waste your money. that feels so much worse than just being told no. #it feels like they don't believe I'll get in and it's not worth the effort to find out. #and honestly they're probably right. I'm a wreck lately. finishing my applications feels insurmountable. #finding the money to go even if I get accepted is impossible. and that feels awful because I know so many people getting free rides already #it's just like high school all over again. everyone's practically getting paid to go to one of their top schools and then there's me. #stressed about application fees #stressed about what on earth I'll do if they say no #stressed about how I cannot afford this without loans and being in debt. #i just. i hate this. i hate myself. my applications look like shit. the recommendation I've gotten back is literally shit. #i already know I'm not gonna do well in the quote unquote adult world and honestly this is just proving it to me #i literally haven't felt like me since junior year of high school and i don't know what to do and there's just no time to rest #and no time to put my all into anything #im doing school and 10 hours of work per week with free weekends and i can't rest already #how the fuck am I going to do school and 30+ hours a week of work and make rent and commute and agh #i feel so behind and so inferior and so fucking shitty all the time and there's nothing to fucking do about it #hhhhhhh #and nobody gets it. least of all me.