#so many good moments with my mutuals over the years I'd be here tagging all night so I am giving an overwhelming <3 <3 to you ALL

[captainderyn]

31, 40, 48, and 50 as an optional bonus from the OC asks

Thank you for the asks <3

--

31. Pick one OC of yours and explain waht their tumblr blog would be like (what they reblog, layout, anything)

I'm trying to think which of my idiots would be the most tumblr-bound lol out of my current OCs. V would run a helluva shitpost blog. Like you know the Heritage Post level shitposts? That is absolutely something she would be fantastic at. But she'd constantly be night blogging: "V, why are you posting at 3:43am?" "Don't worry about it".

Era, on a completely different note, if she was given the time would have a beautifully formatted, gorgeously aesthetic blog showcasing her paintings, her painting set up, scenes around Dromund Kaas (especially the floral gardens) with everything carefully curated. Theme? Moody pastels. Photosets? Color coordinated.

40. Any fond memories linked to your characters? Feel free to share!

I have SO many fond memories linked to my characters, especially ones I've made since joining tumblr back in...*checks notes* 2016ish as I've really built myself a fantastic community of mutuals that are so supportive, have engaged me with my characters all the more, and created some truly stunning joint worlds. I'll highlight a few that I've stumbled back across while digging through tumblr (though its absolutely NOT an all encompassing list):

The entire Fictober 2019, where I wrote Moments in Time will forever be special to me; it was my first attempt at fictober and the outpouring of love and support and excitement to follow ficlets of Wulfwryn and Raenor (who were NEW) was so inspiring and as we've seen they've become some of my most written characters <3

Emeldir's Traffic Cone Jacket Saga aka the series of in game shenanigans, fics, and prompts that @greyias and I clowned about a few years ago but keep resurfacing every once in awhile :P

Co-writing fics and writing duo fics with mutuals, especially the Idan and Terrance Odessen Reunion that @lumielles and I wrote pair fics for. There's something so beautiful about writing together with friends.

The enabling you all do >:D the Dream Team of Five, Roslynd, and Rhys wouldn't exist if @tiredassmage hadn't encouraged my tomfoolery with pulling Five off the shelf and breathing new life into a character I didn't think I'd feel inspiration for again and that truly is the story with so many of my characters. They wouldn't exist without y'all! Not in the way they currently do.

48. OC who is a perfect cinnamon roll, too good for this world, too pure?

Its a pretty solid toss up between Raenor and Tucdela. Hmmm...nah, I'll go with Tucdela because Raenor has his super saucy side which while that DOESNT mean he isn't the most perfect, cinnamon roll, it does mean he's a little less "pure" :P

50. Give me the good ol' OC talk here. Talk about anything you want.

Terrance has been on my mind a lot lately (hence the stumbling back on the fics) and I really really need to talk more about him because not only is his and Idan's dynamic fantastic, but I actually really popped off with him when I created him. The idea of a miraluka who struggles really really hard with using the Force to "see" as he gets overwhelmed extremely easily, especially on high population planets (like Coruscant) or highly Force attuned planets (Tython, Odessen) is something I want to explore more. That, and I need to write more JediSon and JediDad because Idan really comes through and extends a kind hand to a young kid who has not been shown that. The simple things like a cup of tea, or some spare soft fabric for his eye covering. I need an excuse to go wild over Terrance lol

#captainderyn rambles #oc asks #so many good moments with my mutuals over the years I'd be here tagging all night so I am giving an overwhelming <3 <3 to you ALL

[for-a-longlongtime]

Yay we made it through 2023!

The end of Dec always feels hard to me; generally, I just want it to be over with so I can start with a new year. But I do want to take a moment to acknowledge the good things this year brought me.

When starting 2023, I'd felt creatively dead and emotionally empty for a good 3 years (lot of bad stuff happened). I was surprised when this silly Tiktok meme of a guy in a car with Nic Cage kept popping up and making me smile. My wife told me 'Hey, you should watch that movie, it's fun and that actor is great'. After a deep dive into Pedro's filmography (Joel really sealed the deal for me, my god) and getting sucked into this fandom with Met Gala, I eventually ended up here on Tumblr. And damn, has it been a wild ride, these past five months.

I'm so grateful for all the people I've gotten to know here, friendships that developed, the absurd amount of fic I've read, but perhaps most of all how a combination of those three things led me to write 'for fun' again for the first time in many years. Academia, medical leave, and life shit basically had stomped that completely out of my system - not to mention wrecked any confidence I had about my skills and most of my self esteem. So goddamn, it sure as hell was a surprise to suddenly find myself with all these fic ideas and then actually following through with them, thanks to everybody's support!

Over the past months, I posted Pt 1 of 'Nothing That I Didn't Know' (Frankie x Santi x reader) and I'm currently working on pt 2, which hopefully will be ready some time in the next week. I also put up snippets of a Rockford/Peña WIP that ended up becoming a much bigger storyline than I expected, and I'm really excited to start putting out proper chapters in probably Feb/March!

It's the first time that I have a group of friends (who are also writers) around me who have been so encouraging, who help me brainstorm and prod at new ideas, review my writing and give me advice, and overall just make this whole process of creation something that is fun and exciting. Especially @legendary-pink-dot, @sin-djarin, @imalrightllama, @magpiepills and @morallyinept! I can't even express in words how much your friendship and support means to me, not to mention how you're constantly helping me to become better at writing down what I want to convey - either directly through your advice, or leading by example with your own work. 💜

But even beyond the people named above, there are SO many of you for whose friendship I'm so grateful, or who I simply am so excited about to be mutuals with, or whose writing has just affected me in so many ways! I'm always worried about leaving out people by accident when I start tagging, so please, if you read this: I am grateful for knowing you and hanging out here with you here (or on Discord)! MWAH.

#i love my friends #i love those two as well your honor #writing is life

[petrichoraline]

For the honest answer ask game: what's the history of your blog? (this really just includes how/when you began blogging on tumblr, content, your interactions and your special moments on here etc; whatever you wish to prioritize for the ask in context).

honest hour question answered 3 days later <3 truly hope the wait was worth it love hahah

as someone who's gone through my archive already, you know i started out as a bts fan account in 2015. (my previous blog is not gonna be discussed for the simple reason that it's barely relevant to this one)

i believe i used to tag and organise my reblogs? there was a time where i cared enough and i loved srolling through my own blog, i stopped enjoying that when i became more involved w/ fandom on here and things weren't aesthetics based anymore. i don't like going through it that much now. i used to play around with themes, search for them, tweak colours and fonts for hours. after i returned years later there was an issue with the editor so now i can't change my theme at all and it sucks cause i just want to edit a few things.

so it started of as a bts fanblog, then i started rb-ing other kpop stuff, maybe afterwards i started sharing gifsets from movies and series i liked? as for fandom, i had a good amount of mutuals - accidentally became one with a girl from my country, we went out once and it was very nice <3 procrastinated and lost track fo tag games back then too lmaoo i felt a lot of dissatisfaction over it so i try to do everything now with my current fandom :)

back then is when i started reading fanfiction - i believe my first imagine was a taegi one where v was an artist and yoongi a photographer lol i stumbled upon it on the dash randomly and i got introduced to ao3 a bit after

iirc for the following years after i'd stopped stanning bts, i used to come back either relatively often or once in a blue moon - in the beginning i was just enjoying wtv my dash was offering me or seeking out specific stuff, then i started using it as a tracklist of what shows i've watched haha, no tags, just rb after finishing a show.

i started engaging with fandom around the release of episode 5 of kinnporsche, i read a bunch of posts on here, then tms2 came around and i got even more into reading people's takes..at some point i started talking to people i guess hahah i don't even know when i started trying to put out content, so to say, i just know i was doing screenshot posts short before i found myself pushed to attempt gifs and that was after big dragon had just finished airing.

then i started my giffing journey. had support from @gillianthecat whom i loved giffing paulnice for. honestly that and the discussions we had were such an important part of me having fun with this site and keeping it up. and @joyladagang, my self-proclaimed #1 hype woman, made me feel super welcome. then i got even more moots, at some point i started reaching out or actively reciprocating others attempts at getting closer (though i had been active in discussions before that, i just mean i got a bit braver and started acting more familiar with everyone (esp w/ ppl i got closer to through @joyladagang like @cankersoregirl, @feralmuskyscentedhoepran, @loserlesbianongsa etc.)

i'm grateful to a lot of people on here, truly. it's not supposed to be a shoutout post so i won't be tagging any more people (esp since i would have to tag everyone who follows me plus a bunch of people i follow which..it's a bit much) but i'm genuinely thankful for each person that enjoys my rants, gifs, theories or wtv the things i post classify as, whether they found a post by accident or follow the blog. and i'm grateful to the creators i follow, and i'm happy to talk to so many sweet, smart and funny individuals on various topics daily.

so this is where my blog is at right now - trying to do a bit of everything and talking a bit with everyone. my issue, tbh, is i'm trying a bit too hard to satisfy everyone which sounds ridiculous but i am a bit of a people pleaser at times so it checks out lol

#ana thats such a good question!! thats a sleepy head answer youre getting though im sorry <33 #thank you sm for asking me smth <3 #ppg #petri replies #ask game

[xhanisai]

20 Questions For Fic Writers

Cheers for the tag @mostmagical !!!

1 - How many works do you have on AO3?

Forty-two

2 - What's your total AO3 word count?

448,371

3 - What fandoms do you write for?

Mainly Miraculous Ladybug at the moment. I do want to write some for Soul Eater and Gintama.

4 - What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

#LetMarinetteDrinkCoffee2K19 (9918 kudos)

Bite off more than you can chew and you'll choke (6355 kudos)

Speak now, regret later (3710 kudos)

Only idiots try to woo those who are already in love with them (2958 kudos)

Without you, what is the point? (1510 kudos)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I do try my best to respond. They always make me happy and I love knowing my readers' reactions and thought processes regarding the stories I wrote. If I don't reply, it's mainly because I'm overwhelmed and tired hahah! But every comment always makes my day and I do reread them.

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

It's probably got to be "Goodbye" is bitter. It's a SpyXFamily story and I killed off the entire Forger family. My readers' tears were a joy to drink in a mug.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

A lot of my stories surprisingly have happy endings. I think the most tooth-rotting one would be Wo Ai Ni! which is an ML fic. It's literally fluff and fluff and so much fluff and if you love seeing Adrien being a madly in love silly goof with one Marinette Dupain-Cheng and being a hot mess about it, this is for you.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Surprisingly, I haven't gotten any hate on my stories every since I started writing for ML. I did get death threats from this one buffoon over a pairing in my last fandom but I put that menace back in his place and since then he hasn't gone after anyone else in the fandom :)

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

My name is MissEcchi for a reason LMAO. There's so much smut I haven't even posted publically yet because they need polishing and editing and I'm a lazy bitch. Here's a few I've written for ML (and they're all and always will be lovesquare~)

Unmasked - Identity reveal, mutual pining and some comedy.

Red - Identity reveal, vampire Chat noir (after getting zapped by an akuma).

Paperthin - Identity reveal, mariblanc!!!!!, angst, happy ending.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

I have ideas for many! Just haven't written them out to fruition yet unfortunately. I do have an Ouran High school x Miraculous crossover story that has been chilling in my WIP docs for years lol...

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Some dumbass kids thought they were slick when they re-uploaded my stories on wattpad. Got them taken down. I haven't checked around since then so I hope no one else has done that.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

I don't think so.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Plenty! Here's a few I did with @seas-of-silver

Negative!!!

Murder On The Dancefloor

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

LOVESQUARE OF COURSE. Especially mariblanc!!!!!!!

15. What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

In my last fandom, I had a multi-chaptered fic that I haven't updated since 2018 I believe? It was my most well written story in that fandom and I did enjoy writing what I did. I don't know if I'll ever finish it because I just no longer have the same love and passion I had for it. I'd rather it's left the way it is rather than trying to give it a half-assed ending.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I've been told I'm really good at writing emotions, especially with angst and comfort. I'm a huge slut in making my favourites go through the most horrendous, traumatising experiences ever and then have them look after each other. I also think I write battle scenes decently, especially when I'm in the mood. I like to enforce how powerful the heroes can be and make the akuma battles more brutal than as showcased in canon.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Currently, I think my weakness is that I write too much. I do waffle a lot in my stories because I'm very peculiar on my pacing and trying to time things. This also makes the writing progress more complicated than it should be and it is why most of the stuff I've written haven't been published yet because the editing takes too long.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I enjoy doing that a lot! But I do try my best to make sure to not do it too much because of language barriers. So the dialogue in the other language is either mundane or something simple. I've got the advantage of having learned a few languages since childhood at home and at school.

I have spotted that some people who like to add dialogue in a different language just used Google translate which is hilarious, especially when the translation is wrong or makes no sense.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Sonic The Hedgehog...

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

It's got to be Connecting Everything (Connecting To Everywhere)! It is the story I've always wanted to write and I just love horror and supernatural. I've always wanted to read an ML horror fic where lovesquare are still miraculous weilders and everything is pretty much the same except they've gotta deal with ghosts and demons too hahaha. It is my least popular ML fic unfortunately and I do hope I can reel in more readers! It is still ongoing and ch2 is a work in progress.

Thanks again for the tag, Magical!

I tag @gale-gentlepenguin , @seas-of-silver , @lalunaoscura , @ladyofthenoodle , @theflashdriver and everyone else who wants to do it! No pressure!

#I don't know what to tag this as

[two-thrones]

ɢᴇᴛ ᴛᴏ ᴋɴᴏᴡ ᴛʜᴇ ᴍᴜɴ

ᴡʜᴀᴛ ᴍᴀᴅᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴘɪᴄᴋ ᴜᴘ ᴛʜᴇ ᴄᴜʀʀᴇɴᴛ ᴍᴜꜱᴇ(ꜱ) ʏᴏᴜ ʜᴀᴠᴇ?

(CANON MUSES) - I'll only speak on my PoP muses here since this account was tagged. And honestly, from the moment I first played Sands of Time, I knew it would be a permanent and prominent fixture. I can't tell you why it resonated with me the way it did, but here we are: some 20 years, one PoP-themed tattoo, and a soon-to-be 4-year-old fan blog later. Zeke is such a solid balance of traits (both good and bad), Xenres is ridiculously fun to write for, and Malik's more lawful good nature intrigues me. (OCs) - In the early days (and only with one particular friend), I used to write for a lot more than I do now. I have a couple who've stuck with me over the years, and I'll occasionally use them for games with character creators, but I don't have blogs for any of them, even outside of the hub account. However, I have mad respect for OCs and adore getting to write opposite them.

ɪꜱ ᴛʜᴇʀᴇ ᴀɴʏᴛʜɪɴɢ ʏᴏᴜ ᴅᴏɴ'ᴛ ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴛᴏ ᴡʀɪᴛᴇ?

Frankly, there aren't many things I don't permit in fiction. Fiction ≠ condoning something IRL. That being said, though, I do have a negative interest in non-con and everything in that general neighborhood— PWP, sex pollen, omegaverse, and so on. Sex is fine, and fluff is okay, but I'd prefer it not to dominate the story.

ɪꜱ ᴛʜᴇʀᴇ ᴀɴʏᴛʜɪɴɢ ʏᴏᴜ ʀᴇᴀʟʟʏ ᴇɴᴊᴏʏ ᴡʀɪᴛɪɴɢ?

Regarding genres, I enjoy grittier, darker stories the most, with a little room for levity on the side but a more serious tone overall. Fantasy elements, earlier periods, and post-apocalyptic settings in this vein are also great. In more vague terms, I love developing character dynamics and working on involved, plotted threads.

ʜᴏᴡ ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴄᴏᴍᴇ ᴜᴘ ᴡɪᴛʜ ʜᴇᴀᴅᴄᴀɴᴏɴꜱ?

When it isn't pure divine intervention, it's often music and only sometimes media. I'm sure there's nothing revolutionary about this.

ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴡʀɪᴛᴇ ɪɴ ꜱɪʟᴇɴᴄᴇ ᴏʀ ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴘʟᴀʏ ᴍᴜꜱɪᴄ?

I haven't been able to listen to music and write for years. The closest I come these days is if I can't escape outside commotion, I'll throw in some earbuds and crank up the brown noise.

ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴘʟᴀɴ ʏᴏᴜʀ ʀᴇᴘʟɪᴇꜱ ᴏʀ ᴡɪɴɢ ᴛʜᴇᴍ?

Due to time restraints, I plan whether I want to or not. If I can manage, I'll sit down and reply right after I read something, but I usually end up thinking about it at work during the week.

ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴇɴᴊᴏʏ ꜱʜɪᴘᴘɪɴɢ?

Most certainly, but it has to happen naturally, and a slow burn is a must. Otherwise, I'm open to more one-sided relationships (on either end) if that's how things develop. Trying to force anything in writing is a big turn-off for me.

ᴡʜᴀᴛ'ꜱ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴀʟɪᴀꜱ/ɴᴀᴍᴇ?

Giffie.

ᴀɢᴇ?

21+

ʙɪʀᴛʜᴅᴀʏ?

January 16th.

ꜰᴀᴠᴏʀɪᴛᴇ ᴄᴏʟᴏʀ(ꜱ)?

Green, black, gray, white.

ꜰᴀᴠᴏʀɪᴛᴇ ꜱᴏɴɢ(ꜱ)?

Most (but not all) things by either Rob Zombie or Powerman 5000. I don't care if that's a cop-out; I can't pick just one.

ʟᴀꜱᴛ ᴍᴏᴠɪᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴡᴀᴛᴄʜᴇᴅ?

Either Spaceman (2024) or The Suicide Squad (2021), I can't remember which now.

ʟᴀꜱᴛ ꜱʜᴏᴡ ʏᴏᴜ ᴡᴀᴛᴄʜᴇᴅ?

Bigtop Burger (first & second season) by Worthikids on YouTube. Do recommend.

ʟᴀꜱᴛ ꜱᴏɴɢ ʏᴏᴜ ʟɪꜱᴛᴇɴᴇᴅ ᴛᴏ?

Ainsi Bas La Vida by Indila (slowed + reverb)

ꜰᴀᴠᴏʀɪᴛᴇ ꜰᴏᴏᴅ?

Sushi, hands down. Generally, most things seafood. A close second (and considerably easier to obtain) might have to be a nice grilled cheese sandwich.

ꜰᴀᴠᴏʀɪᴛᴇ ꜱᴇᴀꜱᴏɴ?

It used to be winter, and then I moved to a place where it's winter 8 months out of 12, so now it's autumn. Unfortunately, autumn doesn't really exist here, but it's always with me in spirit.

ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴀ ᴛᴜᴍʙʟʀ ʙᴇꜱᴛ ꜰʀɪᴇɴᴅ?

Not to be a golden retriever on main, but I sincerely treasure each and every one of you here who takes the time to write and/or chat with me despite how painfully slow I can be. Like it or not, if we're mutuals, I consider us friends and care for you dearly. :)

Tagged by: @origami-assassin (thank you)! Tagging: anybody who wants to do it, I'd certainly be interested in reading.

#mental realm; OOC

[schnaf]

@loveyouhomex tagged me, thank you ♥

1. Why did you choose your url?

short version: i used it on another site before. long version: one time, when i was really bored at school, i doodled some animals and everything felt normal, but then i realized the animal i doodled wasn't a regular animal but a sheep - snail hybrid - a schnaf in german, if you will. a few days later, i decided to make a new account on my first (and up to that point only) fanfic site because after one year, i felt like i needed a new start. but it felt rather temporary - i left the old account after not that long either and i thought i'd stay on the new account even shorter. so i just picked a random name - the animal i came up with a few days before. joke's on me, it became my identity.

2. Any side blogs?

yeah, i have a football side blog where i posted pics i took at matches, i have a side blog for a former fandom but i lost interest in it as soon as i created the side blog so... sorry, no new side blogs for fandom, i'm a one blog mess once again ♥ also several shared blogs for projects and stuff

3. How long have you been on Tumblr?

i deserve senior discount and stuff, it's been a bit over 11 years now

4. Do you have a queue tag?

i once used a word, then i used q, then i decided to just let people know EVERYTHING is on queue here. also if i'm actually online and posting... no i'm not ♥

5. Why did you start your blog in the first place?

a friend of mine had tumblr and she always sent me posts of cute animals and footballers and one day i was like "ah imma join the source" - again, it didn't feel like a big decision and i didn't think it'd last that long

6. Why did you choose your icon/pfp?

it's a screenshot from this video

gaon was insane for this. that's all.

7. Why did you choose your header?

it's from the hair cut mv and it's just such a peak scene....... THE VIBES THE COLORS the two pretty bois hehe. added bonus is gaon's "welcome" but well, couldn't put that into a gif.

8. What’s your post with the most notes?

it's a sernando gifset 😭😭 a friend back then was like "oh there was a sernando moment right now" so i looked it up immediately and was like "you know what? imma make a gifset right away" and it still gets notes nowaday, even though it was such a short moment and rather low effort

9. How many mutuals do you have?

almost all the people i follow are mutuals, that's very nice ♥

10. How many followers do you have?

quite a bunch ♥

11. How many people do you follow?

a few less than follow me

12. Have you ever made a shit post?

have i ever not made a shit post

13. How often do you use tumblr a day?

too often

14. Did you ever have a fight / argument with another blog?

👀 why would i, the most peaceful person on this webbed site, have an argument, let alone a fight, with someone on here. so yeah the answer is yes

15. How do you feel about the ‘you need to reblog posts’?

the good old "reblog this or you're a shitty person" stuff sucked, but it almost died out? it got a little revival through the polls tho. currently, there are those instructions how to be a good blogger and how to avoid looking like a bot and it's like reblog stuff!!!! and oof. i mean it's valid but it's pretty annoying. also i don't want people to reblog stuff bcs they feel like they have to - they should do it on their own will. for example, sometimes, i feel like network people only reblog each others post and compliment each other because they have to (or feel like they have to) and oof that's pretty annoying. but 🐸☕

16. Do you like tag games?

it may not look like it because it takes me such a long time to answer them, but there's a reason why i keep them in my likes and answer them even after a long time ♥ so yesss!

17. Do you like ask games?

same as above!

18. Which of your tumblr mutuals is tumblr famous?

you shouldn't be famous on tumblr

19. Do you have a crush on a mutual?

i heard they're all on tumblr, that's pretty embarrassing, so... no ://

20. Tags

@jcamilov06, @blacks-phoenix, @sunshine304, @ker-sunshine, @eyes-of-simha, @xjungsu, @todaviia, @manuelmueller, @chipsyio and @jorzuela - do itttt ♥

#careful - i accidentally spilled some tea :// #Youtube

[wh6res]

UP IN SMOKES — DOYOUNG

psych student! kdy | tw. college au, violence, a knife, GASLIGHTING, hallucination, psychosis, swearing, just pure manipulation, minor charac death, there's a court scene, this is a repost! | wc. 10k she a beast

life could’ve been simple;

you shouldn't have met kim doyoung.

what does a freshman in college hate the most other than the high-stress levels of moving into a new dorm? a shitty roomie and a smelly, moldy mattress. the girl you call roommate refuses to help move the mattress because it will ruin her new manicure. what a fucking classic. 

"sounds like a 'you' problem. figure it out yourself, plain jane." 

she said before heading out, annoyingly popping her bubblegum as she kicks a few of your scattered boxes by the front door. you roll your eyes; classes haven't even started yet, so why is she already making your life miserable? as much as you'd like to snap at her, you don't, merely glaring daggers at her back as she finally turns the corner of the hallway and disappears. 

"bitch," you mutter under your breath. 

you eye the abomination that is supposed to be your bed, cursing how you shouldn't have made a 15-minute pit stop to starbucks for a drink when you could've just bought one from the instant coffee vending machines in every corner of the hallway of this dorm building because if you didn't, maybe you could've beaten regina george wannabe from taking the better bed. sighing, you suck it up and start getting to work. life's full of shit, anyway; no point sulking.

moving a moldy mattress is easier than you thought, to say the least. you can't ask for help from the other freshmen you bumped into in the hallway because they, too, are under a huge amount of stress from the move and are busy getting their affairs in order. it was a good thing, though, that a committee was formed specifically for this day to help out the freshmen if they were to stumble upon problems or mishaps with moving in. they were all around the campus, and they prove to be way friendlier than your batch mates. since this morning, three people have already offered help in carrying your luggage — which you have politely declined.

"hey, uhm… is this the stall for the welcoming committee? oh, wait. i'm sorry, there's a sign right there —"ugh.

you mentally shut your eyes in humiliation. why do you have to be this bad, this awkward at communicating with strangers? why couldn't you be born like all those socialites who already (probably) got their contacts filled with new numbers on the first day of school or something?

"yeah, this is them — welcoming committee, i mean. how can i help you?" he smiles, sweet, radiating the epitome boy next door aura as he looks up at you from where he's sitting behind the stall. your eyes quickly land onto the name tag stuck on his varsity jacket before meeting his eyes again. 

"i have an issue with my mattress. it has mold, you see..." your voice slowly trails, becoming quieter as you feel small under the weight of his piercing stare. oh, come on. he's just a guy with a beautiful face, woman the fuck up.

"really? let me see..."

he needn't finish rounding the stall when his nose is hit by the pungent smell brought forth by your mattress. frankly, you weren't that picky. you could've covered it with bedsheets and call it a day, but the odor is too strong to ignore. you mentally hope the smell didn't latch onto your clothes, especially not when someone so cute is around — what a bad first impression.

"oh, god!" he exclaims the moment he lays eyes on it, taking a step back. “now, that has to go. and you lugged it from the fourth floor?" 

ah, yes. according to tradition in these dormitories, which you've only found out today, freshmen get the curse of climbing four flights of stairs up while the seniors strut into their rooms on the ground floor like the hallway is a goddamned runway. 

"doyoung! help me carry these!"

someone calls his name as you both turn your head to spot a chestnut-haired girl clad in the same varsity jacket he's wearing. you grimace at the sight of her. for someone so small, she just had to volunteer to carry all those heavy bags. however, he doesn't move in front of you and brushes her off as if she doesn't look like she's carrying rocks over her shoulders. "i'm already helping someone else! go find taeyong or something. i'm sure that shit's loitering around here somewhere!"

"oh, it's okay, you can go help her. i'll just look for someone else —"

"nah, it's fine!" you try hard to school your face into indifference when you notice his gummy smile. "plus… trust me when i say no other person from the committee will help you with this. this shit smells like my roommate's sweaty basketball socks!"

you can't help the smile forming on your face as you help him carry the mattress off to the side of the hallway, the stinky thing leaning vertically against the wall and behind a huge terracotta plant pot. "don't worry, let's report it to student affairs so they'll get you a new one. congrats! you'll have to share beds with your new roommate tonight, freshie. it'd be a great ice breaker."

the universe truly hates you.

your expression must've been a dead give away because he's suddenly patting your shoulder, regarding you with utmost sympathy. "been there, done that. i hated taeyong, too, when i met him last year. still, for some mind fuck of a miracle, we've grown to be friends and developed a talent of not wanting to kill each other every two seconds."

"highly doubt i'd be friends with a regina george-level bitch, but thanks, anyway," you mutter under your breath. suddenly, you whip your head towards him after internalizing what he just said. "you met your roommate last year? you're a sophomore?"

he scoffs, leaning down to your height to lowly mutter against your ear as he eyes the lobby's front desk. "why? do i look like some 4th year who radiates 'don't touch me' energy?" 

you feel the heat on your cheeks with how close he is, only releasing an exhale when he finally gets out of your personal space. "i'm kim doyoung. you've heard it from wendy earlier, but anyway — i'm a 2nd-year psych major."

"no way!" you exclaim, a little too excited. "i'm taking psych, too!"

"oh, you are? well, if you need anything or if you don't understand stuff…" he winks. "feel free to approach me anytime."

hmm… how sweet of him. 

it was only hours later that you found out who kim doyoung is in your department during the acquaintance party. and for god's sake, you found out from your best friend who is a major in english lit and has never even seen the guy. "seriously, you didn't know he's a genius? i hear the professors call him a prodigy, girl! a fucking prodigy. if i were you, i'd ask for his help in every subject."

"you know i prefer keeping to myself. how'd i know stuff like that when i have no one to talk to in the psych dorms?" you look down, making the ice cubes in your drink clink against each other. "i didn't think he was this big shot or whatever. he looks normal, and everyone treats him normally."

"well, what do you expect?" she hisses, hitting your arm. "the other students don't want to make him feel alienated or something just because he's tons smarter than them. but anyway… the real question is…"

you roll your eyes when she pauses for effect, tentatively leaning closer to whisper under her breath. 

"is he cute?"

you didn't want to answer her question, but he's been stuck in your head since he offered walking with you to the student affairs office. doyoung had smiled his cute gummy smile and had even ruffled your hair before leaving you for committee duties — saying he's cute would be an understatement. 

"you have no idea."

for his first act;

he gains your trust.

fast forward to one year, many things have changed, but the only constant remaining is the handsome sophomore — who is now a 3rd-year, by the way — whom you've met on your first day. coursework has been pretty tough this year. instead of the content written in your textbook, your mind is plagued by the horrible twist of fate your best friend had encountered; she didn't have enemies. or so you thought.

she disappeared in the middle of christmas break last year. her beaten up body was found only a month later, in january, floating around the university's lake. happy fucking new year. 

the first time she chose to spend the holidays with you instead of her family back in her hometown, and that happens? some rotten luck you both have. it's why you didn't put it past her family to hate your guts with strong convictions. it's okay. the feeling's mutual. after all, it had been your best friends' own family, the same ones who had been so willing to take you in when you got kicked out, that were so eager to pin you as the murderer of their child. all under the argument that you have been the last person seen with her. 

oh, the things her mom said about you when she had stormed into the police station, red in the face, tears streaming down her cheeks..."i warned my baby not to hang out with that — that bitch. came straight out of a cursed family, that one. abusive dad, a nutjob mom. that bitch is a danger! probably got her dad's nasty temper and beat my baby to death! i want her on the electric chair!"

in those times, you once again realize this world is fucked up and cruel in every bit of its glory as you fought tooth and nail to defend yourself. but even then, they never believed you — the law will only favor the rich . the prosecution had been so sure it was you until a certain witness appeared and presented himself before the jury.

"do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?" 

doyoung raises his right hand, fixing his stare straight at the judge. "i solemnly and sincerely declare that the evidence i shall give will be the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth."

"how long have you known the defendant?" the prosecutor asks, arms crossed in front of her chest as she paces in front of the witness stand.

the boy briefly meets your gaze, and it's enough to make his heart sink. doyoung can't bear seeing you in those grey overalls when he knows it himself. you're being accused of a crime you didn't commit. "i've known her for one year."

"how'd you meet?"

and the questions went on and on; your defense attorney isn't all too keen on winning the case and had never once yelled "objection!" in her seat, but what could you expect? all the evidence kept stacking against you, and some of those you knew were even fabricated. you've never felt this hopeless in your whole twenty years of living. 

"what's the point in this, anyway?" doyoung snapped in the witness stand, fiercely glaring at the prosecutor. "how is my history — or lack thereof — with the defendant any relevant to the case? you're not even asking me about evidence nor what my statement is!"

"easy there," the prosecutor retaliates, jaw locked. "i have to first measure what exactly your relationship is with the defendant for us to think twice about your statement. who knows..." the prosecutor makes a grand gesture of turning her head in your direction, affixing you with a condescending stare. "she might've just hired you to say these things."

your attorney doesn't come to your aid.

"perjury isn't my thing." 

the prosecutor seems to have taken offense by the tone of doyoung's voice, but he doesn't let her speak further. "the victim isn't all sunshine and rainbows, you know. she'd been a part of a sorority and one with quite a nasty reputation in the college, too. i have to say she made very poor decisions, ones i'm sure her family didn't even know about. you see, they take their oaths and pledges very seriously. the victim wanted out. they didn't like that."

"and you have evidence to support this claim?"

without a moment to waste, he digs around the front pocket of his jeans before proudly presenting a black usb between his slender fingers. "knock yourself out."

the professor calls your name, snapping you out of your reverie. this isn't the first time your mind had transported you back to that particular day in the courtroom, where doyoung had swooped in and saved you from a lifetime in prison. the whole ordeal had been so scary, so frightening that you remember everything vividly as if it had only happened yesterday.

the classroom is empty. even your social psych professor has long packed up his stuff and is already standing by the classroom door. damn. were you that out of it?

"i'm so sorry." you mutter under your breath monotonously as you walk past him and out the door without another word. this is bad, very bad. no one would help, much less lend their notes to someone charged with murder — especially of their very own best friend. whether you were innocent or not doesn't matter to the student body. you've been ostracized, gossips of your problematic family spreading like wildfire, and the ridiculous part is only a fourth of the gossips are true.

the damage is done. 

at this point, you realize with a heavy heart that you have to face doyoung again sooner or later. you haven't talked to him at all since the start of the new school year, ignoring his lighthearted greetings in the hallways, rejecting his calls, ghosting his texts. you are afraid people would judge him harshly for hanging around you. frankly, you were embarrassed to ask any more favors from him with how much he's done for you already and the fact that he had seen you in such a state of vulnerability.

but you also didn't want to fail your subjects and lose the one thing holding your life together — your scholarship.

that is why you found yourself standing before him, in his favorite spot in the library tucked behind shelves upon shelves of books, next to the windows overlooking the empty football field. he's wearing black-rimmed glasses and is clad in the usual navy blue sweater as his head turns to and fro between a textbook and his notebook. the air had been so silent, you hear the aggressive scratches his pencil makes against the paper.

you feel a little hurt when he makes no move to acknowledge your presence, but you think back to what you have been doing and figured he has a right to act this way. 

"hey, doyoung." your voice is meek, hesitant.

"if you're not here to explain nor give me an acceptable reason why you've been ignoring me for the last few months, then please get out of my sight. i'm busy, as you can tell." he is brutally honest, knocking down the remaining hope you have left of ever reconciling with him.

something within you snaps, the steady streams of tears running down your cheeks as you pinned your stare on doyoung's open pencil case lying on the table. you have nobody left. your family — father, specifically speaking — has disowned you for taking a course your heart wanted, and the one friend you have lies motionless in a white coffin buried six feet under the ground. you didn't want to lose doyoung, too, no matter what role he plays in your life.

"i'm sorry," your voice cracks. "life's been… fucking shitty, and i'm sure you of all people know what i've been through. i've thanked you before for — for what you did, and i'm thanking you again right now but — i'm sorry, i'm really —"

your voice cracks when you feel him pulling you into an embrace. you feel the tension in your body breaking loose as you crumble in his arms. all those months grieving and wallowing in self-pity took such a heavy toll that you can't help but tightly clutch the sides of his hoodie, scared he'll slip through your fingers.

one of his hands comes up to push your face against the crook of his neck, muffling your cries in the silent library. doyoung felt like a jerk for snapping at you the way he did. how inconsiderate can he be? however, he felt elated because you sought him out yourself and wanted his help of all people.

his eyebrow raises in amusement. 

well, not that you have a choice, anyway.

it took you a few good minutes to calm down, cringing when you see the wet patch on doyoung's sweater because of your tears. 

"why don't you tell me everything, hmm? i'll help you as much as i can."

you sheepishly look down, fiddling with your fingers as you sit across him, the open textbook and notebook before him long forgotten. "well, i've been so out of it lately? my mind's just a whole bloody mess and i can't focus on any of my subjects at all and if i can't, then i'll lose the scholarship and it's the only thing i have in my life right now —"

"hey," doyoung cuts you off, placing a warm hand against your forearm to calm you down. "you won't lose that scholarship. trust me, okay? why don't we arrange tutoring sessions and i'll even lend you some of my notes from last year. what do you think?"

"okay... thank you, doyoung."

"for the record, you have me in your life, too. i'll always be here for you."

in the first session, you woke up from your deep slumber with only 15 minutes to spare from the scheduled time, but thankfully, your tutor only lives one floor down with the rest of the 3rd-years. bringing nothing with you but a pen and a pad of paper, your textbooks were destroyed as some students from your batch thought it'd be fun to throw them into the lake to "honor" your friend. 

you offer a small smile when taeyong opens the door, sporting an oversized shirt and track pants, eyes wide in shock when he sees you. "hi? can i help you?"

"hello! i'm here for doyoung. he's tutoring —"

"he doesn't live here anymore. his mom bought him a place outside the campus."

what?

"i'm sorry for disturbing you, then. do you by any chance know where he lives?"

that's weird. doyoung never mentioned he's already moved out. you feel a wee bit irritated that he forgot to tell you; it would've saved you the embarrassment of interacting with the varsity player. you weren't stupid, you can see the hints of repulsion in taeyong's eyes the moment he opened that door and saw you standing before him, no doubt thinking about: oh, look, it's the crazy murderer with a fucked up family standing in front of me.

he had shut the door in your face. you stood awkwardly for a good minute in the hallway until the door reopens, taeyong handing you a small piece of paper with doyoung's new address scribbled hurriedly in black ink. he doesn't give you a chance to thank him for he's already closed the door again without another word. 

you opted walking to his place instead of catching a ride because the money you have on you is enough to buy yourself dinner. to say the least, the apartment building is mediocre, not too grand, nor is it too rundown. double-checking the floor level written on the paper before pushing the elevator's button, you then realize doyoung lives on the very top floor of the building.

the hallways are painted a boring brown. some acrylic number signs plastered on the doors are broken, hanging vertically with one screw left. it says on the paper he resides in room 720. taking the right hallway, you mentally count as you eye the mahogany doors. 718… 719… there it is!

when you raise a fist to start knocking on his door, there is a tinge of hesitation surging through you. perhaps being alone with a boy in his apartment is not the best setting for a girl like you should end up in, but this is doyoung we're talking about. if he had ill intentions for you, it would've manifested a long time ago. you shake your head, feeling bad for thinking of him that way as you slowly knock on his front door. not long after, it swings open, revealing the 3rd-year in a white shirt and boxers as he lazily dries his hair off with a small towel. 

"you're late," is the first thing he says to you before spinning on his heel to disappear further into his humble abode. 

"you didn't exactly inform me you've moved out of the dorms. so, whose fault is it?" you retaliate, inviting yourself in and closing the front door shut.

"whatever. let's get started!" he plops himself on the floor, coffee table filled with loose papers as he struggles to find a specific one amongst the mess. "i've already scanned, exported to pdf, and emailed you my notes. it should be in your inbox by now. anyway, answer this quiz i made so i know what i'll be working on."

"you didn't really have to send your notes, doyoung. i could've just read everything from the textbook," you sit down across from him because otherwise, you'll be too distracted to remember information. 

a thought crosses his mind. with what textbook?

"i just think it's missing some essence. that's why i love reading over other psych books in the library for fun. be grateful, those notes are like my babies and i don't simply give them to anyone," he looks at you pointedly. "they've all been summarized and explained in layman's terms so you wouldn't have to spend grueling hours of reading and trying to make sense of the big words as i did — i know that's not the definition of 'fun' normally, but it is for me, and that's why i do it."

"okay, doyoung. you sound so defensive when there's nothing to be defensive about," you tease, feeling pleased with the hint of red on his cheeks as he averts his gaze from yours, muttering incoherent words under his breath.

you spent the following tuesdays, thursdays, and sundays like that; hours upon hours with no one but your tutor, laptops with tangled chargers, a printed copy of his babies, and a mountain pile of loose papers filled with the specialized quizzes doyoung makes to measure your progress. the location varies from a cafe or his flat. but in what you've gathered from the time you spent with him, doyoung's a homebody. cafe tutor sessions are rare, and he always complained about how "noisy" the atmosphere was — "i can't stand it."

but the conversation hadn't always been about academics. 

sure, for the first few sessions, doyoung kept an image of professionalism and had heavily insisted on it — "it's for your learning experience!" — despite your lighthearted teasing. but as time passed and he eventually grew more comfortable in your presence, you find the strict 15-minute break he had initially imposed between 45 minutes of studying turned into hours of talking about whatever; how he likes his eggs in the morning, your favorite coffee brew, his favorite show, your strongest pet peeve. 

and you wholly welcomed the change, not minding that it's practically dark out whenever you go back to your miserable dorm. you feel butterflies in your stomach whenever doyoung offers to walk you home but never had you taken his offer, still cautious of other people seeing you both together despite his constant reassurances. you've already thoroughly ruined your image. you didn't want to ruin his, too. 

kdy the cute tutor, 2:14 pm —last day of midterms! & its all majors today  —good luck —remember what i taught u —lets get ice cream after u cant say no

you shake your head bemusedly. his texting style is the most doyoung thing he does and it's as if you can hear him say these things to you in real life. too caught up in your own world, you fail to detect another student sitting next to you and had nearly fallen off your chair in shock when they spoke.

"why are your notes like that?"

you fight the urge to glare at the person, especially when you turn your head and see lee jeno looking at you in genuine curiosity. he's the only batchmate that treats you a wee bit nicer among the rest. although he isn't technically your friend, at least he doesn't look at you like you're a piece of bubblegum stuck under his shoe like all the others.

"what do you mean?"

"they're… the definitions are all jumbled up. where did you even get that?" 

what? jumbled up? doyoung himself said these notes are a combination of most of the psychology books he had read last year concerning his subjects. how would it be jumbled up? then again, lee jeno was not tutored by the prodigy himself. maybe things are bound to seem "jumbled up" when information is too great to understand for a feeble mind. 

just as you were about to claim these notes aren't yours, the professor has already waltzed into the classroom with a thick wad of papers — the exams. after one last concerned glance directed your way, jeno averts his gaze with a confused tilt of the head. 

hours later, you walk out of the classroom with the biggest smile on your face. aced it, you thought. your hands feel numb with how much you wrote on the essay portion but it's worth it if it meant you get the full 25 points, which you no doubt will as it was a topic you surely tackled with doyoung. speaking of... he sure is a man of his word.

"what are you doing here?" you hiss, head ducked with hair framing your face as to not draw attention from the rest of the students filing out of the testing hall.

"i texted you that we're getting ice cream. remember?"

"i did. but i didn't remember agreeing."

he shoots you a comforting smile, planting his hands firmly on your shoulder. “i told you, y/n. i don't care if they all see us together, so what? we all know you didn't commit that crime and it wasn't your fault you were born into the family you had. i don't care about the trivial things, baby, so don't shy away from me, okay?"

how the fuck can you say 'no' when he's looking at you the way he is as he brushed a loose strand of hair behind your ear? doyoung's just so bewitching that he has you wrapped around his slender fingers. he seems pleased when you stumbled over your words as you come up with a reply, caught off guard by his bold gestures.

"i just — you, uhh — fine..." you gave in, rolling your eyes out of pretense.

he just had to call you 'baby' and erupt the butterflies in your stomach.

it had been doing that for the last few months now and it had only truly manifested today when he took you out for ice cream to celebrate the end of hell week. and since you didn't want to go back to your dorm yet, you asked if you guys can watch some movies in his house but it had simply become background noise to your heart-to-heart talks. and what better accompaniment than the classic, chicken and beer?

you listen to him drone on and on about the little realizations he had on some of his past lectures even when you barely understood anything he's saying. doyoung's so lucky to be extremely good at something he's so passionate about, talks about the human mind and the complexity of a person's behavior will never fail to make his eyes light up in interest.

he calls out your name.

your eyes snap open.

"why don't we get you home? it's past 10 and it's alright, stupid, you don't need to pretend to be interested in my psychological findings." he chuckled light-heartedly, stealing the can of the now room-temperature beer from your hands before you can protest. 

"i wasn't dozing off, i swear."

"i caught you in the act. stop lying."

like all the other times he has you as his guest, doyoung once again offers to walk you home and you decline for the thousandth time. it really isn't that much of a long walk anyway. you don't see the need for him to go out of his way to secure your safety. plus, you were the one who insisted on hanging out in his house anyway. you weren't that thick-skinned to let him take you home, too.

"you're drunk!" he scolds.

“no, i’m not. i can perfectly handle myself."

"but —"

"bye!" 

you feel a little guilty for shutting the door in his face. still, a minute longer of his persistence and you would've taken his offer. unfortunately for doyoung, you are one stubborn girl. only if you don't make brisk movements with your head, then you won't see doubles. you'll be fine, it's just a quick walk and it's not as if you're stupid enough to pass by deserted alleys. 

but you had underestimated the divine prowess of your fucked up fate.

everything happened in a matter of three seconds; one, the blinding headlights illuminate your path from behind; two, you hear the loud honk, and as you turn around — three, the vehicle sends you rolling against the asphalt.

you should have taken the alleyways.

for his second act;

he alters your reality.

when you open your eyes, you thought you were dead and your spirit is wandering elsewhere — because you don't believe in trivial things like heaven and god — until an agitated doyoung comes into view. for a split second, you thought, is he dead, too?

"i'm not dead, you idiot." too dazed, you hardly register his anger. "i can perfectly handle myself, she said. i'm not drunk, she said. this wouldn't have happened if you had simply let me walk you home! you're damn fucking lucky you're alive and breathing right now!"

a person clears their throat.

"i don't think it wise to… nag at the patient the moment she wakes. don't you agree, sir?"

pink splotches on doyoung's cheek as he looks down, embarrassed at getting scolded as he stands closer to your bed. "i'm sorry, doc."

you didn't know when your vision cleared or when you started hearing normally again, but it was enough to find out what exactly had transpired on the very night of your tragic accident. a hit and run. fifty-fifty chance of surviving. doyoung getting a call from the hospital in the middle of the night —"they were trying to contact your dad, but he wasn't answering. i was the last person in your call history." 

six months in a coma. but today, you wake… only to find out your world has crashed and burned.

"what do you mean i lost my scholarship?"

"baby, listen to me —"

"why did they take it away? is it because of my accident? i'm behind by one term only and i swear i can catch up. they need to let me back in the program. there must've been some mistake —"

"your gpa didn't reach the cut-off grade."

that can't be possible.

"but you tutored me!" you claim with conviction, pointing an accusatory finger at him until you groan, bowing in pain as you clutch your head.

doyoung springs into action. the chair's legs screech against the tiles as he jumps to your aid, ushering you gently back against the hospital bed despite your refusal. "you're not well. lay back down, please."

you don't hear a single word he says, not when you had lost something so crucial. "i put in the effort and learned everything you taught me... i aced those fucking mid-terms! i know i did!" you were on the brink of tearing up as doyoung settled himself in front of you.

"i… i actually saw your papers," his lips set in a thin, hard-line. "everything was all wrong, sweetheart. what happened to you? i tried reasoning with the professors, mentioned your state — you know, with your best friend dying — but they didn't relent. i'm sorry y/n. i'm so —"

gone. everything is gone. the money. the dorm. what if they ask you to pay the fees from last year? what if they ask you to pay the tuition fee for this year? you have no money, no family, no relatives. no one to help. who's even going to pay for the hospital fees?

you weren't able to process anything after that. not with the sudden news of your now revoked scholarship. doyoung pulls you in a tight hug. "i was a bad tutor," he says, snapping you out of it. "maybe i shouldn't have pushed you that hard to learn them. why were your answers even mixed up y/n? i thought you knew those topics already…"

he pulls away, observing your confused state as your eyes dart everywhere in the room. "what — how are they mixed up? i know i got them right. there has to be some mistake. you taught me those topics, remember?"

"i did... "he averts his gaze. "but i don't remember teaching them to you mixed up, darling. i think you did that all on your own."

"but… why would i mix up my answers? that's —"

"see, what i mean?" he cuts you off, raising a hand to give your cheek the most delicate caress. "you're not well, baby. you need to be treated, especially with how much you hit your head during the accident. don't worry, i'm here. we'll try asking if you can stay in the dorms at least until you find another place —"

"am i a charity case to you?"

oh, the surprise on the junior's face when you push him away as you pin him with a hard stare. you just don't get it. why is kim doyoung so adamant about helping you? in becoming your hero, even when you never asked him to be? if you let him help you this time around, that'll be the 3rd time he came to save your ass. it's not as if you're ungrateful. simply, you've had enough of his help. you don't know how a person like you, who literally has nothing, can return the favor to someone like doyoung.

"what are you saying —"

"i'm saying…" you fix him a hard stare. "you helping me out doesn't even benefit you in the slightest. so why do you do it?"

he pauses, staring at you with hesitance in his eyes as this seems to be the very first time you've truly seen him speechless. when doyoung opens his mouth, he mumbles, and you hardly make sense of what he said. 

"do you really want to know why?" 

you urge him on with an arched eyebrow, his softened tone creeping into your heart. 

"you're someone special to me y/n. i don't know how or when i admitted it to myself, but you are, and it hurts me to see how shitty your luck is," he cracks a small grin, slowly settling back onto the hospital bed as he grabs your hand. "it's okay to seek help from others. it isn't a sign of vulnerability or weakness. i help you because i want to, and i'm more than willing to take care of you. will you let me?"

you're not blind. you've noticed the way he had slowly started coming closer as he continued to speak, hands held securely in his as he looked straight at your eyes then down at your lips. and so, you act in a way you know that will surely answer his question — with a kiss. 

the man before you immediately reciprocates, overpowering your own eagerness as he curls the tips of his fingers into the roots of your hair. he pulls you close, cradling you against his chest. you can taste his desperation in the way his tongue dances against yours, the kiss transporting you into an alternate reality where your world revolves around doyoung and doyoung alone. 

when he pulls away bleary-eyed, both of you ignore the thin strand of saliva connecting your lips. "how about you come live with me for the time being, my love?"

still high off his kiss and natural scent, you hardly mull over the question he asks you. "okay."

days later, after you've been discharged (he wanted to chip in for your hospital bills but you had given him a firm no), doyoung had been the one to show up at the dorm to collect all your things after leaving you in his apartment. the cutie had refused to simply drop you off and had deliberately accompanied you up the elevator, through the halls, and finally into his apartment. 

"i'll be out for just a minute, sugarcube."

"oh, can you get take out?"

doyoung had smiled, playfully booping the tip of your nose. "no, because i'll be cooking for us tonight as a little celebration for you getting discharged. you'll love it; i'm making your favorite!"

it was funny how the night had been nothing but utter bliss. the foreign feeling of being taken care of sprouting in your chest as you watch him cooking from behind the counter. it felt… nice. but funny enough, as if doing a 360, you both had immediately gotten into an argument the next day. 

"i don't see the need for skipping another day if i feel perfectly fine! i'll figure something out once we get there, doyoung, so can we just —"

"you' re not fine, babylove — hell, you got discharged yesterday! i'm not just about to let you back into the arena with those students. they've only grown more immature since your coma, love. i seriously don't want you near them."

"fine! then i won't talk to them. simple." you throw your hands up. "there. problem solved. now, can we please just go to uni? i need to talk to the dean and the head of student affairs, too —"

"i'm going to uni, not you."

maybe it had been the way he firmly stated his claim, the way his eyes pierced through your soul as if daring you to argue further with him that made you snap.

"i'm not a prisoner in this apartment, doyoung! don't treat me like i have the plague! i'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself — jesus christ, i've been doing it nearly half my fucking life!"

too caught up in your anger, you've failed to notice the tears pouring down his face as he sets his gaze on the floor. 

"you're right," his voice cracks. "i shouldn't be pushy like that. i'm sorry. you just mean so much to me and i'm so scared of losing you again. with your coma — i just — it's like i was fighting a losing battle each day that passed when i saw you in that hospital bed. i've never felt so scared in my whole life and i hated myself for not being able to protect you that night."

his tears run like waterfalls, and when you step forward with your arms wide open, doyoung sobs harder as he pulls you against him. you hardly comprehend what he says as he spoke, shaking against your frail body as you felt his tears stain your blouse. "i'm sorry, i never should've dictated what you felt — i'm so sorry."

"no, it's okay. i was feeling a little lightheaded, anyway. i'll stay here and i can come back to school next semester, right? doyoung? just… please stop crying."

he lifts his head, staring at you with bloodshot eyes before giving your forehead a kiss. you let a relieved sigh escape your lips, melting into his warmth as you prop your chin on his shoulder. if you had only been more attentive, you would've seen the reflection of his wicked grin on the tabletops. too easy.

living with him became a blur after that incident. everything fell into a routine for the next four days as you spent the day watching netflix, eating, reading, sleeping. nothing felt fun anymore. but your peaceful life had ceased during the fifth night — the whispers, they woke you up. you can hear them from behind your door at night, and when you rouse awake, you see doyoung walking around the hallway from the tiny gap at the bottom of the door. you had sighed, falling back into your plush bed as you pray to god, he keeps it down. 

but what he told you the next day rendered you speechless. "me, walking around the hallways? whispers?" he says, confused. "i was already asleep, love. knocked out cold the moment my body fell on the bed."

"but…"

he doesn't spare you a glance as he takes his sweet time skimming through his notes on the dining table, coffee in one hand. "maybe it's just the meds kicking in."

"no, surely it was real! i literally woke up in the middle of the night," you repeat. "it's okay if it was you, doyoung. i'm not mad."

he sets his coffee mug down a little too loud. 

"well, you can't be mad at me, sugar, because like i said — it wasn't me," it doesn't take a genius to notice he's awfully cranky today. you observe him, dark half-moons under his eyes as he relentlessly reads his notes with instant coffee in one hand. 

"you're just imagining things, okay? stop acting crazy."

for some reason, the way he had uttered certain words like 'imagining' and 'crazy' made you curl into your seat in embarrassment. he was right that your doctor did prescribe a generous amount of pills per day, but his tone made it feel off, made you feel like there was something wrong with you even when there wasn't… 

right?

you didn't say a word after that and had hesitantly pecked him on the cheek before he left for school. with the amount of time you're with him, two things stood out to you — his keen sense of observation and his knack for reading people. you highly doubt he didn't notice a shift in your behavior but a part of you thinks it's just the stress talking. he is about to take his finals and had recently started on his research paper. 

every psych student is required to present a paper in accordance with the department's annual theme. it could be anything from proposing a theory (if you dare) to constructing a well-developed psychology model. if you don't turn one in, you don't graduate — the paper's that important, and you've been bugging him for so long about sneaking a peek on what his study is about. but he always refused. 

the next week came rolling around, and both of you had been spending every day together due to the semestral break. the arguments have significantly lessened, but your episodes — eventually, you started calling it that way because that's how doyoung labels it — have only gotten worse. you end up moving out of the guest room and into his. privacy be damned. the whispers stopped momentarily but what came next became your imminent downfall.

the first time you heard it, you thought you were dreaming. but the doorknob kept rattling aggressively even as you sat up. just as you climb off the bed, your half-asleep boyfriend asks where you're going. 

"bathroom," you lied.

you were always the one to snort when it comes to the supernatural, claiming it's all bullshit. yet, as whatever outside continues to fight its way inside the room, the rattling progressing into loud bangs against the door, you're not so sure of your beliefs anymore. you're not crazy. nothing is wrong with you, and you're perfectly fine. this apartment is cursed, and you are going to prove that to doyoung.

grabbing your phone from the bedside table, you turn the flash on, pointing the camera at the door as you take a footage of the mad entity that has been playing games with you. a squeal escapes your lips when a particular bang! reverberates louder in the room than all the others. the phone slips your hand, falling onto the floorboards. you don't bother to retrieve it as you scramble to get yourself back under the blanket and into doyoung's comfortable warmth.

you snuggle yourself plush against his chest, shaking as you wrap your arms around his waist, inhaling his natural scent to anchor you back. 

bang! bang! bang!

you didn't get a wink of sleep last night.

"can't the video wait? there's a new episode of start-up, and i want to watch it already!" he whines, shoving his face further on the throw pillow situated on your lap.

you giggle, shaking your head as you scroll through your gallery to find the video. i'm not imagining things. i'm not hallucinating. i'm not crazy. "here! watch... i'm telling you this apartment is haunted, and the ghost probably likes you, which is why it doesn't bother you —"

your lighthearted rambling cuts off when you notice no sound emitting from your phone. weird. you could've sworn you started recording right when the loud banging has already started. your heart drops upon the wary stare doyoung shoots you before he continues to watch the video. 

no, no, no, no — please!

you quickly scoot over to his side, watching as the video unfolds before your very eyes. the shot was messy as the phone was handheld, not to mention you were panicking at the time. but the video is silent. not a single noise of a rattling doorknob or banging on the door can be heard through your phone's speakers. 

"maybe — maybe you didn't turn the volume up?"

you hardly contain the mortification in your face when you realize the volume's at 100 already. and as if on cue, your squeal is heard in the video and the noise of the phone hitting the floor.

doyoung's silence shakes your whole being. as you kneel before him teary-eyed, your voice breaks. "i swear, i'm not crazy."

but at this point, you don't believe yourself anymore.

for his third and final act;

he triumphs.

his deprivation began in minuscule ripples. 

it didn't take much effort on doyoung's end to convince you to stop studying for a year or two, at least, only until your hallucinations aren't as severe anymore. everyday felt like hell on earth as the fine line between what's real and what isn't has blurred over one too many times. in sheer paranoia of accidentally hurting him in his sleep, you moved out of his bedroom and had started sleeping in the guest room again — much to doyoung's frustration. 

but he's a smart man, one that recognizes an opportunity amidst the hurdles thrown on his path.

"why does my door need a lock outside again?"

he approaches you, who’s sitting cross-legged on the bed, after screwing in the last of the screws that came with the new doorknob. doyoung is familiar with the look written on your face, has observed and studied you enough to navigate his way inside your pretty little head with ease.

he can't have you doubting him, can he?

"you know i'm all about protecting you, right?" he starts. you nodded. "i've been doing it for a year now, and i will continue to do so until you need me to. the world is a bad place, sweetheart, remember? your own best friend's mother tried framing you. your dad disowned you. you've been ostracized in the whole college... do you think i'm just like the rest of them, baby?"

doyoung has already mastered the perfect expression of a kicked-puppy, one that easily pulls at your heartstrings and has you cooing at him.

"no!" you say with conviction, reaching forward to thread your fingers through his. "i know you're different, not like any of them at all. i know you're only doing what's… best for me."

he ignores the underlying hesitance in your tone. that will be corrected, sooner or later.

doyoung tightens his hold as he kisses the back of your hand. such an innocent gesture — but such ill intentions.

"the outside lock helps me in protecting you, love. you don't need to worry about anything. just focus on getting better, alright? i'll keep the bad guys away from you."

it was during his first semester of senior year, a few months back, doyoung and a good few students of his batch had been granted the opportunity to intern for a mental hospital located near the edge of the city. he was supposed to decline the offer but you convinced him to take the spot. it had only been a two-week “job” yet it was enough for doyoung to conclude — he’d rather kill you than subject you to the horrors of what the patients have to go through in the loony bin. 

eventually, the small ripples shift into unforgiving waves, dragging you into the depths as everything comes crashing down before your very own eyes.

it should have been like any other day inside the apartment. doyoung's already gone in the morning to attend classes. though not before setting a tray of your brunch on the nightstand, making sure to lock your door on his way out. he knew your nightmares and anxiety kept you up at night, resulting in longer hours of sleep during the day. 

turns out, you moving out of his bedroom had been a blessing in disguise. coming home to an empty apartment has become his biggest fear yet, and you unconsciously found a solution for him. one that doesn’t have him fidgeting on his seat as he counts down the minutes ‘til he’s back by your side.

doyoung smiles unconsciously as he listens to his professor drone on and on in front of him — his mind at peace, knowing you're safe and sound in your little prison.

until he received a text that made his blood run cold.

ty, 11:34 am —im done.

meanwhile, you rouse awake once more to thunderous poundings against your bedroom door. oh no, you thought. it's happening again. this time, there'll be no doyoung barging into your room, half-asleep and hair messy, as he tries to calm you down. you throw the blankets over you as you sob, hugging your legs against your chest as you try to 'wake yourself up' from the hallucination.

the person outside calls for your name, the desperation in their tone alighting a new-found fear in your heart. you don't know what's real anymore. is this truly happening, or is it another hallucination your fucked up mind has conjured up?

"please! it's taeyong! y/n, can you hear me?"

taeyong?

slowly, your head peaks above the blanket, warily staring at the door. doyoung has warned you about these kinds of things, has practically ingrained in your mind that whoever comes looking for you will take you away from him. not to mention, doyoung slipped one time and said he isn’t friends with taeyong anymore.

the banging on the door progresses.

“are you in there? answer me! i can’t find the key!”

you don’t say anything, merely pushing the covers off your body as you keep your eyes fixed on the beating door. it looks like it’s about to pop out its hinges as taeyong relentlessly fights his way inside your room. what are you going to do? do you open the door? oh. right. you can’t do that on your own accord. the key is with doyoung and he isn’t in the apartment at the moment.

all your thoughts come to a halt when the boy outside sends the door flying open, finally breaking the lock with one powerful kick. you flinch back, his actions pushing you on your feet, wanting to place a maximum amount of distance from the intruder. 

taeyong looks frantic, disheveled as he immediately notices your alarmed state. he approaches you cautiously, hands up to show his empty palms. “hey, hey… it’s just me, y/n. i’m not going to hurt you. i’m not the enemy here.”

“doyoung doesn’t know you’re here, does he?”

the look of surprise on his face is an answer in itself. for someone doyoung had proudly claimed to have “broken” you’re still quite quick to catch up on things, taeyong observed. and he doesn’t know what to feel about it — pity? guilt?

“that’s not important!” he claims, boldly surging forward to grasp your shoulders with a firm grip. taeyong felt his heart dropping when you flinch under his grasp. 

“listen to me. we need to get you out of here. doyoung isn’t — he isn’t everything you thought he is!” he can’t help but raise his voice, panic surging through him because there’s not much time left and you aren’t exactly cooperating. you’ve been trying to shrug off his hold the whole time. 

“do you think he actually loves you?”

“he does! stop saying bullshit!”

“doyoung never loved anyone and you want to know why? because he’s too in love with his research to care for anything else!” taeyong felt bad to have been so direct, especially when he sees the tears now falling freely down your cheeks. “listen to me, y/n! i’m not the enemy! if there’s anyone you should be pushing away, it’s doyoung! he turned you into his lab rat! you are nothing but a variable in his study! don’t you get it?”

taeyong grabs a firm but gentle hold of your head, trying to make you look at him straight in the eye for the gravity of what he’s about to say to you.

“doyoung had his eye on you since sophomore year. i told him this was a bad idea and that he should change the topic of the research and he was. fucking hell, he was about to scrap the whole thing until your bestfriend died and did you know what that psycho told me? that it was a sign for him to continue the research! and i’ve been pestering him so much that he moved out because he claimed i was going to get in the way of his discovery.

tell you what, if you can tell me right here, right now, that he has mentioned anything — anything at all — about his study to you then everything i’m saying is a lie.”

you have asked doyoung for the longest time about that research but the answers have always been the same. “not yet, my love. it’s not time for it to be seen with your eyes. soon, okay?”

with a voice not louder than a whisper, you ask. “what… what’s his research about?”

you fail to see the sorry look on taeyong’s face. “in psychology, they say a person only develops psychosis mainly through genetics or drugs. although you’re technically already a worthy “lab rat” considering your mom and upbringing, he wanted to expand the external factors of what causes the disorder — grief, grades, toxic family relations…”

you hear a ringing in your ear and a sudden urge to throw up. only, you didn’t have anything to hurl because your brunch remains untouched on your bedside. 

“but he hadn’t been successful. and that’s… that’s where i came along. doyoung thought the medications he’s been giving you isn’t doing what he wanted it to and he knew he needed a little push. i was… i gave him that push. remember the whispers, the banging on the door at night? it was all me. he made me do it. you know what that means, right? you’re not crazy. you don’t need to stay here cooped up like some kind of pet, believing all his lies as if it’s written in a fucking bible —”

he stops. and if he hadn’t, you wouldn’t’ve heard the familiar beeps of the front door’s automated lock going off. doyoung’s home. 

in lightning speed, taeyong has you sheltered behind him, throwing his warm coat over you in the process, hoping to give the smallest comfort amidst the chaos that’s about to erupt. there’s no point in pretending or hiding — one look at that lock and his crazy friend would know something’s off. 

taeyong feels you flinching behind him with every heavy footstep against the floorboards as doyoung wastes no time in getting to your room. and when he finally appears, hands braced against the door frame, you’ve never been this scared your whole life. his eyes are drawn into slits, fixated on taeyong alone. “how fucking dare you?”

“it’s over, doyoung. give it up or you wouldn’t have to suffer a longer sentence than you’ll already get.” taeyong tried with his whole being to appear intimidating.

“what’re you saying, yong? i meant, how fucking dare you barge in here and disturb my girlfriend in her sleep? that’s not very nice of you…” doyoung sports a disarming gummy smile as he approaches, hand outstretched and beckoning towards you. “c’mere, baby. i don’t think you’ve eaten lunch yet?”

“drop the fucking act, you psycho!”

“what act?” doyoung tilts his head innocently, gaze shifting from taeyong’s and yours, who keeps peeking from over his ex-friend’s shoulder. luring you out is a piece of cake unless taeyong decides to make things a wee bit more complicated, doyoung thought. “i’m just concerned for my darl —”

“we’re leaving.” taeyong cuts him off, breaking eye contact as he places a firm grip around your wrist. he pulls you towards him, farther away from your supposed lover as he tries walking past doyoung. 

but the said man pushes taeyong back with a humorless smile on his face. “and who told you that you can do that?”

a pregnant silence befalls the room as the two men size each other up. they regard each other with such hostility, you can't help but unconsciously fist the back of taeyong's sweater in nervousness, prompting the man to turn his head over his shoulder for a swift second to check up on you.

but a second is all that doyoung needed to deliver the first kick towards taeyong's legs, throwing him off his balance. if it was one thing doyoung knew, is that he needed to eliminate taeyong's agility all together if he wants to win against him. 

but taeyong isn't one to back down. the moment doyoung straddles him on the floor, with a fist raised to throw a punch, taeyong grunts as he rolls them around. doyoung now receiving taeyong's rain of fists as he yells. "fuck you! you manipulative asshole!"

you sat on the corner, horrified of the scene happening before you. you've never seen doyoung this way. he has always been your sweet, caring bunny, but after everything taeyong said, you aren't so sure you even know the man you've been living with. 

"everything i did, i did it for her!" you flinch at the sound of bones breaking as doyoung kicked taeyong's ribs. "she had nothing to lose! i saved her!"

the door is open, you noticed. wide-open and inviting you to make a run for it. and you would have made a run for it...  but taeyong. you can't leave him behind, not when he lays there bloody and grunting in pain as doyoung lets his anger take over him. so, as stupid as may be, you did it. you had to.

"you didn't save me," you say, schooling your face into indifference as doyoung whips around, forgetting about taeyong in the bat of an eye. "you caged me in here, treated me like there's something wrong with me, gaslighted me into believing everything you said! and... what did you say? 'saved me'? you made me go through hell!"

the whole time, taeyong tries his hardest to stand upright, but his broken ribs don't allow him to. the pain too great that he had no choice but to crawl instead, arms pulling his weight as he drags himself across the floorboards, desperately trying to get doyoung's attention back on him even if it meant getting beaten to death.

meanwhile, he had his eyes trained on you the whole time you spoke, sobbing as you walk backward in fear as doyoung approached you with a dark glint in his eye. he doesn't like what you're saying; that much is very clear. he wanted to yell at you, to scream of your ungratefulness despite his constant care but instead, he says.

"i thought we were making progress, baby. i guess i have to drill everything in your brain again. you're not okay, but you will be after i treat you."

you try to fight the urge to look at taeyong as he finds his strength, silently rising up from the floor to ambush doyoung while he's so busy preaching about you. 

"what i said is true, baby. do you actually think this scum over here is doing this to save you? do you actually believe everything he said? i've been here since day-1, my love. literally. and have i ever let you down? no. everything i'm doing is for us. even this damned research!"

taeyong surges forward to put him in a chokehold, but everything happened so fast, and the next thing you knew —

"did you actually think i'd fall for that?"

you didn't know the sound of a knife cutting through flesh could sound that loud, but nothing could beat the strained gasp that tumbled through taeyong's lips as he shakily held the knife pierced through his heart. you would've been concerned about how doyoung got it so accurate in one go or where the knife even came from. but you were too busy screaming, collapsing against the wall as you let out a broken sob. 

"no," you mutter. "no, no, no..."

you can't bear to avert your eyes from taeyong as he lies dying before you. the look of fear in his eyes would forever be ingrained in your mind, and no amount of brainwashing or gaslighting would ever make you forget.

doyoung killed him. you lost.

the knife clatters loudly on the floor as he slowly turns around as if he himself has yet to register what he did. you didn't know what to expect from doyoung's reaction but certainly not the eerie smile that starts spreading on his face. 

"now... how about that lunch, baby?"

✉ : a repost no one asked but i respectfully dont give a fuck <3

#hmu if i missed a warning #yandere doyoung #yandere kpop #yandere nct #yandere nct 127 #tw swearing #tw manipulation #tw violence #tw knife

[anapologethicc]

happy diwali💛💖 i let out my inner louis😌

those not wanting to read abt my feelings pls scroll to the bottom:)

i'm in bed and all diwali celebrations are finally over and i just spent like 15 minutes just sobbing in bed🙈 firstly because i don't think i've ever felt so happy and comfortable with myself as i did this diwali🥺🥰

i didn't need to wear a ghagra (long heavy skirts not that i hate them) or sth frilly or a fricking blouse of any sort. i got to wear clothes which were so so comfortable and so so gender affirming (idk if that's a term lmao). i've worn similar stuff before and never realized why i had felt so happy in them and i don't think i really understood how much this would mean to me and my gender to be wearing clothes that felt so ME.

i got to be whoever i wanted to be. i got a chance to embrace my own gender and i'm still cuddled up in bed sobbing at how wonderful i felt these past two days.😭😭😭💖💖💖

for once i wore sth for myself and dressed up for myself and MYSELF only. i didn't care that i got told i look too chubby or that my clothes were "boy" clothes or that i should've kept my hair long becuz short hair doesn't suit me or that short hair and traditional clothes don't go tgt (BITCH HAVE U SEEN HOW BOMB I LOOK?!?! HOTTEST NB LESBIAN IN TOWN!!😂 more like only lesbian in town lmfao)or judged for the fact that i changed nail polish colours so many times in like 2 days (i think my nails are abt to disintegrate)

i didn't fucking care this year because i was so happy to finally feel good in my skin (tpwk ref👅). i've always had so many issues with myself and with my mental health. it's taken me such a while to get to where i am and accept myself for the way i am.

i still struggle daily with my relationship with my body, my relationship with food, my relationship with painkillers, my relationship with my adhd my depression or my anxiety, my relationship with school with friends with family with myself. i wake up everyday and just try to grow and be a better person for myself to be someone worthy💕

i just wanted to take this moment to thank everyone for any and all interactions they may have directly or indirectly had with me🥺. becuz i don't really follow a lot of people nor am i good at making any new friends (i suck at it becuz ppl find my personality over the top cuz i'm loud and flamboyant and so fking talkative and i feel like i'm never enough :/) BUT i made a resolution this year that if i couldn't get myself to interact with real life people becuz i find ppl generally really fking annoying😂 that i'd at least finally try and make some online becuz i've been in this fandom and on this site for wayy too long now😌😌

i know i'm just some person in your phone you just made u read a rubbish emo essay all abt myself😂 but i just wanted to let you know that every single interaction has made me feel happy and validated and i just wanna say thank you for somedays being my reason to want to live to see another day🥺💖 thank you for creating a safe space for me knowingly or unknowingly and thank you for being absolutely fantastic human beings😚😚❤❤

i'm sending all the love❤, happiness😂, kindness🥰 and gender joy🥳 in the world that i possible have in me to every single one of you🥺💖

so here's to everyone who has talked to me, liked my tags or post i've made/rbed, rbed sth from me, tagged me in sth or answered/sent an ask💖 and whatever else we get up to on this hellsite😂💕

because every single one of you has made me smile on days i didn't wanna get out of bed or felt like absolute fucking shit🙈💕 i'm so so grateful and so so thankful and just so overwhelmed with love😭💖 i love you❤ (every single one of you)

so thank you my most wonderful mutuals🥺😚 @littlegenderbean emme💕 @quickpauseinconversations cande 💕@mamaharry eli💕 @littlespoongf mehar💕@grimmpitch moon💕 @louisandharry yuktha💕 @casuallycrruell arrow💕 @justmehernthemoon kaitlyn💕 @heartshaped-lou gio💕 @dorothyharry rachel💕 @1800louis sab💕 @swimmingleo leo💕 @holyshit kay💕 @ladychlo chay💕 @rainbowparadisebht kaw💕 @laurelier meg💕 @stylinsuns adheera💕 @softlouve debbie💕 (hopefully i got everyone's name right and didn't miss anyone😳)

for anyone who ever wants to talk /cry/ scream/ infodump to a non-stop oversharing chatterbox / human embodiment of an over excited puppy my dms are always open and i'm always ready to talk😂😂😚😚 you know where to find me!! HAPPY DIWALI💛💖

#hi everyone #so i got a little too emotional and i'm still all red in the face and sniffly #just whatever u do pls don't be mean to me (i'm very sensitive) #anyways this has been a wonderful 2 days and i'm just so so content and just happy🥰 #i thought i'd share some love and joy🥺❤ #hopefully i don't regret this tmr morning😂 #once again #SENDING ALL OF YOU SO SO SO MUCH LOVE AND THE BIGGEST HUG AND LOTS OF KISSES😚😚😚💖💖💖💖 #tis the season of diwali so here's to wishing all your dreams and wishes come truee and something very special happens for you💕 #ok love you byee❤🙈 #good night💕 #diwali

[extorchic]

TOP 5 SK8 Episodes

So I got tagged by @akira-cr to make this list, it took some time but I think I've sorted out my mind, thank you for considering me 😊. Now here comes the list, sorry if it's supposd to be objective, but I'm gonna let my heart out over here (It's gonna be a long post and I'm not gonna cut it ):

NUMBER 5 - Episode 6 - Steamy Mystery Skating?! (A.K.A. The beach episode 🏊‍♂️)

Well this is supposed to be "breather" episode, and it's basically the one that sold the series to me. I like how fun and chill this episode is, although it does (further) foreshadow Reki's insecurity issues. The music is of course SUBLIME! "Seize the Moment" is probably my favorite insert song of all time! (it's been present in Reki's beefs as well, but here it really reflects the fun nature of his character and the show overall). And of coruse, FANSERVICE, not so much in how the boys were in swimsuits (though I gotta admit Reki does look good in them), but on the RENGA interactions!

That hug gave me life! How Langa was worried 24/7 about Reki being injured, at the end when they skated together to escape from the Bantu! I gotta admit that I have some mixed feelings about the implications of Reki being attracted to the faceless girl (I mean, Bi rep is very important too), but I guess my shipping side was just as jelaous as Langa was supposed to be (according to the fans LOL).

NUMBER 4 - Episode 11 - King vs. Nobody (A.K.A. Reki rising! ✨🌺🌞⚙️)

Reki is, without a doubt, my favorite character. He doesn't need to win, he doesn't need to be super flashy while skating, he just needs to be himself. He's been through a lot, many people (including me) have felt tremendously related to him, and seeing him in this episode is just satisfying. With his issues behind, with a promise to skate with Langa after he wins and no longer fearful, Reki rematches against Adam; and the way he does is fantastic! Taking advantage of his creativity, observative skills and mechanical knowledge on skateboarding, he faces up against the main boss and manages to not only endure his violent ways (which were gruelling to see, TBH), but also SOUNDLY HUMILIATE HIM in front of the whole S Community!

Yes, Adam, the "God of S", in the ground covered in mud by a boy almost everyone dissmissed! It was really sunshine through rainfall! I must also add how much I liked to see his renewed relationship with Langa, how much they treasure their company after patching up. I want to elaborate on this in its own post but I personally see that their interactions from this point on are more, I don't know, tender, caring, still playful but not in an entirely comedic way. The way they see each other is also deeper, anyway, it's just what I see.

NUMBER 3 - A DRAW: Episode 8 - The Fated Tournament! and Episode 9 - We Were Special Back Then (A.K.A. The month in which I was in an emotional crisis because of anime sk8t3r b0is 🍎🐍😭🛹❄🍵🌸 )

This is the point in which I got into the show, and the fandom (Yeah, haven't been around for too long). At this point the show wasn't the same, and I realized it when I caught up. Though there were some cool skating scenes in these episodes, the events that caught my attention were outside the road (Yeah, this was no longer just a skateboard anime, it's a whole lot more). Though I had been mainly focusing on Reki and Langa, I really liked having more backstory related to Joe, Cherry, Adam and Tadashi. Seeing how Adam went through a terrible childhood, convoluted teeange years to culminate in an adult with too much power for his own good and a twisted sense of "love", along with some extremely serious psychological issues was very interesting.

I acknowldge him as a complex villain, but that DOES NOT justify what he did to Cherry. This only proves that just because we know his backstory, we don't have to sympathize with him (Adam's just such a terrible person). On the RENGA side, we see Reki avoiding Langa after their rift, and how this affected both. We have Langa's sadness increase scene after scene, as well as his passion for skating dwindling as progressively. Reki on the other hand, just falls deeper and deeper in his depression, but also being unable to stop thinking about Langa, and he ends up going to S to see the latter's match against Joe. It's hard to see whether there's envy, jelaousness, frustration, admiration, pining or fear of being left behind in his mind. It must have been hard for a 17 y/o.

Reki also defends Langa from people speaking behind his back and shouting his name during the race boosts Langa's performance tremendously. This culminates on Reki realizing that the thing he actually wanted was to skate alongside Langa, not on the side, not as support, but together, he just couldn't. There's also the scene which may or may not confirm that Langa's feelings for Reki are more than just friendship! (Felt represented, for reals).

NUMBER 2 - Episode 7 - We Don't Balance Out (A.K.A. This was supposed to be a fun show!😭⛈️💔️)

I wrote a lot about the episodes in the previous spot, but this is the one that flipped the tables, the game-changer, and the one that hit closer home. It is a sad episode, no races there, it's just here for us to see how the circumstances affect the characters. It was hard to see how Reki, who at this point had been nothing but supportive and proud of Langa, starts to see him flying farther from him. Is it jealousness? Dissatisfaction? Is it fear of loneliness? Adbandoment issues? Is it feeling inferior? Frustration? Not being able to improve? Admiration? Care?

And on top of that a broken promise. I just can't imagine how hard is it for a 17 y/o to deal with all of those conflicting issues in his head, as well as the toxic competitive environment on the "S Community". This just came to show that he wasn't just the excitable, goofy sidekick character, he goes deeper than that, and makes him relatable. We also see a deconstruction of the cool, aloof prodigious character in Langa, as he just can't comprehend what's going on with Reki, and he's hurt by it, but still needs to figure out his own ambitions and desries. This leads to the emotional conclusion of the episode (which in turn left me in the aforementioned 4-week-long emotional crisis, thank you)

HONORABLE MENTIONS:

Episode 12 - Our Infinity! - The race was cool, the Renga hug gave me life and everyone had a happy ending

Episode 5 - Passionate Dancing Night! - Despite the beef between Langa and Adam being cool, we start to see Reki worrying about Langa and opening up to him, further deepening their bond.

Episode 2 - Awesome for the First Time! - There's just something special about sharing something you're passionate about with someone else. Watching Reki teaching Langa the basics of skateboarding was heartwarming

NUMBER 1 - Episode 10 - DAP Not Needing Words

After 4 weeks waiting, the anticipation for this episode was gargantuan. Reki's depression was hitting its lowest point, bordering in self-harm, and hurting others as well. Langa continues to look for Reki after seeing him briefly at the hospital while visiting Shadow and we get to see this loving scene where he watches videos of Reki learining how to skate. After confronting Tadashi and realizing that he loves skating because it's fun, he returns home to find out that Langa had been waiting for him but left shortly before he arrived.

This leads to a heartful reunion, where words can't express their feelings, so they resort to do their thing, to skate, and that's where the feelings flow. This is when Langa tells Reki how he admires him tremendously and Reki understands that Langa'll be there by his side, and leaves his fears behind. With a mutual desire to skate together infinetely and a new dap, they rekindle their bond. People watched this show for different reasons, and though I like the skateboarding aspect because it looks cool, my interest leans more on the relationship aspect, and Reki and Langa's is so deep and intimate, and I liked seeing it grow from zero through different hardships (in other words, in all of the years I've been in a fandom, I had never shipped any other pair like these two, I needed to say that).

So I guess it's time to tag some people:

@pico-sour, @sleebycryptid, @elizabethslee, @itsamole, @kaorucherry, @blueflame97, @trieizieme, @tardiskitten, @lady-pendragon-9

So, if you've read until this point, thank you very much (I know it's not supposed to, but this post is yet again a very long "I love Renga" one, but it's what my heart wanted me to write 😅). I'd love to see people other than the ones I tagged showing their lists 😃

#sk8 the infinity #sk8 #sk8 reki #reki kyan #sk8 langa #langa hasegawa #sk8 renga #renga #lanreki #rekilan #top 5 #sk_8

[purlturtle]

I got tagged by @aflawedfashion - thank you!

Anyone who wants to do this too can feel tagged - I would love to learn more about any of my mutuals!

Here we go:

Four ships:

Bering and Wells - my forever OTP. Look, I am not a fandom-socialized person. I didn't know about ships and OTPs and all of that. All I know is that I saw them together and I loved them. Instantly and unconditionally. I loved them in a way I'd never felt about any pairing on screen or page before, or since. So when I go on in this list, the distance between them and the next entry is basically astronomical.

Kathryn Janeway and Beverly Crusher, and it's all @ussjellyfish 's fault (affectionate).

Jadzia Dax and Lenara Kahn. "Rejoined" broke my heart, and I want them together. Rabidly want them together.

Jadzia Dax and Kira Nerys. They were a surprise ship, but I'm glad I found them! I even wrote a little fic for them!

(edited to add: bad reading comprehension here, whoops! Anywho, have this fifth of four anyway:) Deanna Troi and Will Riker. Long before I knew what shipping was, I adored their story, both in the show and in the novels ("Imzadi" is so good, in so many ways). They are my go-to het ship; I'm 💯 sure they're open to all kinds of polyamory and fun sexytimes and shenanigans with all consenting interested parties, and they just support and love each other in the best, maturest way possible. They're also my go-to for "we weren't right for each other then, but we're right for each other now", which is a criminally underused trope! (See also Pete and Amanda from W13.)

First ever ship: as explained above, Bering and Wells or Troi/Riker, depending on your definition.

Last song: listen. I'm incredibly, impossibly impressionable. You even just so much as mention a song that I know, and hey presto, it's in my ears. Earlier this morning it was the Cat Bus Song from Totoro. Right now, due to a post on my dash, it's Carol of the Bells. In five minutes' time, it might be anything.

Last film: watched The Eternals on Friday. Was thoroughly unimpressed. A few good ideas, and some good acting (and I love love love that we got a female Asian lead), but yeah nah, that didn't hit the spot for me. Can't wait to see the new Death on the Nile though!

Currently reading: novels? I can't. Like, seriously, I'm burned out for reading stories that don't have characters that I know. So at the moment, fan fic. Since the last two years, really. Like, I got Priory of the Orange Tree lying right there, but I can't. I finished Gideon the Ninth and hated it. (I know many people love it and that's fine with me, but I. Just. Couldn't.) So, I'm making my way through the Sanvers Big Bang fics, and through other fics I'm randomly finding, and that's it. Loved Roadie's Mermaid fic.

Currently watching: I'm slowly making my way through Xena. Never really watched it in any consecutive or deliberate fashion, and am doing so now. I'm at the beginning of season 2.

Currently consuming: uh... like in food? Delivery Kung Pao (my beloved). We live in the 'burbs, and it's damn hard to find good delivery food here, but there's one place that has both good sushi and good other Asian dishes. They're one town over, though, so you need to order a lot with them to make the minimum amount they drive out for. So my wife and I often order sushi for that night, and then a non-sushi meal to eat the next day. And 9 times out of 10, it's kung pao for me and fried rice for the wife. And so when my wife was out (friend's b-day party) on Friday, I got that exact delivery for myself (including her fried rice for Saturday). And I still got some kung pao left! So that's what I'll have once I'm done with this post! 😁

Currently craving: well. Guess. 😂

So, I said anyone can feel free to do this - that's also because I'm always nerve that when I do mention someone specifically here, other mutuals will feel left out. But I'm really curious about what @magicmumu2 would say to these questions, and @strangesmallbard, and @galactic-pirates . So if you guys wanna do this, go ahead, if not, no worries!

#tag meme #ask meme #ask me #aflawedfashion #thank you; this was fun!

[igarbagecannoteven]

oh megs these are good ones i have a lot of questions. 1, 2, 7, 10, 20, 21, 28, 33, and 38 if you would like! -hazel

hiya hazel! thanks for sending these in i hope you're having a good evening!

1. which of your fics would you keep the basic plot of but rewrite completely? oooo that's a hard one! ig if we're talking about my posted fics (since i'm doing just that with some of my unposted fics lol) maybe roll the window down (let the air blown 'round you)? not because i think it's a bad fic or anything, i'm actually rather proud of it as a drabble, but i think it would be fun to take that from a little snapshot of a moment and expand upon it into a full length fic.

2. anything you'd like to write but feel unable to? i talked about one concept here, but another thing i'd love to write that i'm currently unable to write but am determined to get there eventually is my hotel california songfic concept. it will happen someday or i will cry but it'd be long and have a lot of moving pieces plus the plot is hard to puzzle out so overall it's just. not at my level atm. but i promise when i do finally become good enough to write it it'll knock everyone's socks off

7. your favorite ao3 tag? answered here and here, but my favorite unofficial ao3 tag is the "no beta we die like [insert character(s) with a canonic death]" it's just so fun and gets tailored for each fandom which i enjoy! (i'm down the rabbit hole of the batman 2022 fics and there's been a lot of "no beta we die like bruce wayne's parents" which is exactly my kind of morbid humor lol)

10. top three favorite fic tropes? slowburn!!! friends to lovers!!!!!! mutual pining!!!!!!!

20. do you work on a single project or many projects at a time? how does that work for you? i am currently working on well over thirty wips (it's grown significantly since the last time i counted so we could be around 40) and those are only the ones i'm *actively* working on so. yeah def many projects lol. it both works very well and not so well in that it's great bc no matter what mood i'm in to write a specific kind of vibe i have a wip ready and waiting to be expanded, but it also means it takes me even longer to finish things so. bit of a give and take thing going on lol.

21. can you accurately predict how long your fics are going to be? if you can, what’s your secret? answered here, but i didn't really go into the second part of the question so i'll touch on that! i can estimate shorter fics lengths largely because i tailor the idea to fit that word count (even if it's longer & less specific than a drabble/555 fic). generally this means the fic will take place over a short period of time with only one or two locations and with little need for exposition, as well as being okay with the reader only seeing a specific fragment of the character's/story's arc!

28. any writing advice that works for you and you feel like sharing? be kind to yourself and keep writing! writing is hard, and anyone who tells you differently is lying. but it's also a skill that can be honed over time as long as you practice it. if you let your insecurities hold you back then you will not get better at writing! so write something terrible! write something so bad you want to set it on fire and then write something worse! everything you write is part of the learning experience, even if you can't see it right away! and when you finish something or see a great line that you wrote, stop and say "hey! i did that! look at me!" because you deserve some love for your writing and there's no guarantee other people will give that to you! so you gotta give it to yourself first and foremost! if there's a writer whose style you want to emulate but don't know how, slow down when reading their stuff and look for the mechanics of the story! how do they make you feel this way? what about that line you loved makes it good? then take all that new knowledge and apply it to your own writing! after you've been writing for a few months/years, open up a word doc just to hype up how awesome you are and describe you overcoming writing obstacles like you're an action hero and then save it to read back on a bad writing day! don't be afraid to look your writing flaws in the eye! never delete anything permanently, you never know when you might want to look back on it/frankenstein it into something new!!

33. give your writing a compliment. (i'm referring to my own action hero writer doc for this one lol) i like that i'm able to tackle a lot of different kinds of stories and themes! you can call my writing many things but one-trick-pony is never one of them lol. also i love how i've grown and am still growing even though writing is very hard for me!

38. “this never happened” fix-it fics or “this happened but” fix-it fics? "this happened but" fix-it fics! in terms of writing, i like the challenge of having to wrestle around the flaws in canon so as to still create the story i want out of it! it's a lot harder to do imo *presses cheek against the glass of my percy weasley character breakdown that's been incomplete for several years and sighs* but it can be worth it in the end!

writing asks!

#wowza i went a little overboard in the writing advice section sorry about that lol #can you tell i just got out of my creative writing class? klsjdflksjd #these were really fun to answer thx for sending them in! #answering mail #hazel #long post #jsdlkfjdsldsjkjldsjg sorry

[houseofwolvesv2]

I was tagged by the lovely @annasvinyl to post 5 songs I've had on repeat lately.

I do these every other week lol

Also it's been 84 years but the myth the legend @smileandasong tagged me in two games, here we go

FIRST

Last song: emergency by paramore. I've been really going through it with their first record for a while, it's so good??? And they were like 16 years old when they made it ?? What??

Last movie/currently reading: I literally... don't... nvm.

Currently watching: I've been rewatching CSI, which has been a lot of fun. I forgot so many things about the show, including how gross most of their cases were lol and how much I loved all the characters 😭. Catherine Willows the love of my life.

Currently craving: ice bath lmao.

SECOND. Music tag

favorite song at the moment: judging from my on repeat playlist it's "I need my girl" by the national

a song you associate with your favorite ship: I don't know... demolition lovers? lol it would probably go with any fucked up ship I like.

a song that could be about you: STFU! by Rina Sawayama, clearly

a song you think is overrated: i'd say some songs on bullets i don't understand why everyone's going crazy over them, but bullets by definition can't be overrated, outside of our online echo chamber. Maybe fob's hum hallelujah, I was never a fan of it, but it seem to be a favorite for nearly everyone.��

a song that reminds you of a good memory: carry on my wayward son? 🤡🤡🤡 I'm only half joking. Hmm. Rome by Phoenix cause it reminds me of travelling, visiting new places, remember when we used to do that?

the last song you listened to: taste of ink by the used

a song that makes you laugh: the last time a song made me laugh... when I was rewatching an episode of csi and they played "all around me are familiar faces" completely seriously (of course that episode aired long before the song became a meme)

a song you want your mutuals to listen to: I'd recommend IDKHOW, if you never listened to them. I think they're neat. Razzmatazz is my favorite song, but most of their material is good.

tagging @ofalltheginjoints , @strangenewfriends , @lolalovesu , @exdeputysonso , @infintyonhigh , @lesbiancerseilannister , all of these, or some of these, or none of these, whatever you like besties <3

#long post

[blessedarethebinarybreakers]

What is your thoughts on feelings? Like, my dad and I get into this argument a lot, its mainly that you shouldn't let feelings dictate your life and you should let God have full control over it because your heart is in nature sinful. I agree with him to a certain extent, it's just that we're human and we have feelings for a reason. Idk but I'd really like to know what you think!

I’m with you -- by all means, we shouldn’t let our feelings control us; we should be aware that our feelings can mislead us or cause us to act rashly or lash out at others. But they are also important parts of how God fashioned us. God didn’t fashion us to be, what? thoughtless or emotionless automatons! or puppets God controls! 

God gifted us with free will because Xe longs for genuine, mutual relationship with us -- such a relationship cannot happen when one party controls the other. So God chooses to limit Hir power to let us choose our own path -- even while God continuously guides us towards the paths that will lead to our abundance.

And yeah, our feelings are influenced by sin, and by things like fear, and our limited perspective on any given situation. But they also help us recognize things we might not otherwise notice -- our needs and wants, what we are called to do and how we are called to grow... We are embodied, inspirited beings, and from the beginning God called that embodiment and that inspiritedness good (Genesis 1:31). So it’s good for us to learn how best to live as embodied spirits -- not to let our emotions control us, but to learn how to listen to them, what they can tell us about ourselves and our relationships with others and with God.  

I want to share this quote with you, and recommend the book it’s from -- Learning to Walk in the Dark by Barbara Brown Taylor. It’s all about learning to faithfully embrace our emotions, from joy into pain, to listen to them and ask God to help us learn what all these many feelings can teach us. Here’s the quote: 

“What if I could learn to trust my feelings, instead of asking to be delivered from them? What if I could follow one of my great fears all the way to the edge of the abyss, take a breath, and keep going? Isn’t there a better chance of being surprised by what happens next? …After years of being taught that the way to deal with painful emotions is to get rid of them, it can take a lot of reschooling to learn to sit with them instead, finding out from those who feel them what they have learned by sleeping in the wilderness that those who sleep in comfortable houses may never know.”

________

Jesus, who is one of the Three Persons of the Triune God, experienced feelings -- the full range of feelings, from happiness to grief, from exhaustion to anger! Examples:

Jesus feels “deeply troubled” or “disturbed” in John 13:21 

Jesus feels compassion and tenderness over and over and over again -- towards people who are hungry, or oppressed, or asking for his help, or weeping, and more (e.g. Luke 7;13, Matthew 9:36 and 14:14 and 15:32 and 20:34...)

In Matthew 23:37 / Luke 13:34, Jesus seems to fill a mix of dismay/anger and tenderness, as he complains that Jerusalem has been the execution for many prophets and he wishes he could gather the people there “just as a mother hen gathers her chicks under her wings.”

Likewise in Luke 19:41, he weeps over the city. 

Jesus gets pissed off at a fig tree and in the temple (Mark 11:12-25)

Jesus gets frustrated with his disciples for not getting what he’s trying to tell them (Matthew 16:8-12) 

Jesus feels tired and thirsty (John 4:6)

Jesus is so full of grief at the death of his friend Lazarus and in viewing the grief of his friends Mary and Martha that he himself sobs and groans (often translated something about being “deeply troubled”) (John 11:33)

And let’s get some happiness in here! “At that very moment, Jesus overflowed with joy from the Holy Spirit and said, ‘I praise you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because you’ve hidden these things from the wise and intelligent and shown them to babies. Indeed, Father, this brings you happiness’” (John 10:21). Jesus felt so much joy that he was overflowing with it!

Jesus also speaks of his joy in John 15:11 - “I have said these things to you so that my joy will be in you and your joy will be complete.”

And I do believe that Jesus often felt happiness, and took the time to enjoy food, and nature, and good company. He was visiting people’s homes for dinner like. all the time. And speaks so lovingly of “the flowers of the field” in their beautiful “clothing” (Matthew 6:28)

Jesus apparently was happy, and eating, and drinking, often enough that some accused him of being a drunkard! (Luke 7:34)

Jesus experiences deep fear and agony in the garden of Gethsemane, an emotion so deep that he sweats blood! (Bible passages)

And the ultimate: Jesus feels so much agony and betrayal and pain and humiliation on the cross that he feels abandoned by God, and cries out “My God, why have you forsaken me?” (Matthew 27:46)

If we believe that Jesus never sinned, and he felt the full range of emotion, then how can feelings be sinful? If we consider him a role model, can’t we learn from how he experienced and expressed feelings? 

And God Themself is often moved to anger, to compassion, to grief, and more throughout the Bible. I invite you to pay attention to God’s feelings any time you read a bit of scripture -- you’ll notice a lot of them!

___________

Gonna link you to some other posts on my blog that go into this stuff in more detail -- and if you have more questions after checking some of those out feel free to ask!

Some posts about emotions from my FAQ and elsewhere...

Is it a sin to feel anger/hate? What do I do? Answer, Answer

See my #anger tag for more!

See also my #hard emotions tag

Also my #in the valley of the shadow tag

Here’s a nice post on “how to change your mood while honoring your feelings” 

And a wonderful post on listening to feelings like anger and jealousy without letting them control you

Posts with examples of feelings in the Bible!...

Quote with examples of biblical figures experiencing difficult feelings.

Here’s a post with some examples of biblical figures calling out to God with deep emotion.  

I recommend reading through the Book of Psalms for examples of faithful people feeling the whole range of feelings, from anger and loneliness and doubt to joy and connection and gratitude. Some of these feelings, like hate, shouldn’t be acted on, but the psalmist didn’t pretend they weren’t feeling that hate just because it’s “ugly” or dangerous -- they brought it to God instead. 

A quote on Jesus’ suffering

You also might like my tag #the human Jesus

For the idea of God having full control over our lives + free will stuff...

I’ve got a video on the idea of God’s control and “let go, let God” type sentiments

A post on God self-limiting in order to enable our free will

A post on how God is not abusive, and thus will not force or control us

The rest of my #free will tag 

#feelings #emotions #control #hard emotions tag #free will #Anonymous #the human jesus #jesus' emotions

[badboysdoitbetter]

— winner | sc

pairing: takeshi wakatsuki x reader

fandom: kengan ashura

genre: angst, fluff; friends to lovers!AU, mutual pining!AU, fighter!reader, dense!reader

tags/warnings: a little violence, some L bombs, a disgustingly cute ending (this ones kinda cringey ngl), not much else :)

word count: 1.5k

synopsis: takeshi is in love with you; the only other fighter who’s been in the kengan tournament for as long as he has. it’s a shame you’re too oblivious to realize it...

        "This next fighter needs no introduction, but I'll give it anyway!" said Sayaka Katahara, a girl you'd gotten to know over your many years in the Kengan matches. "With a record of 308 wins and 5 losses, she's been the longest-standing female fighter in the Kengan Tournament!

"Her signature move is knocking out her competition before they even see her coming! Although, with that body, it could be seducing her competition into submission."

You blushed and began fixing your skin-tight outfit, pulling down your spandex and adjusting your bra. "If you haven't heard of her, which I highly doubt, here's (Y/N) (L/N), better known as the 'Angel of Death!'"

Running into the view of spectators, where cheers immediately erupted, you held out your arms out beside you, so they were parallel to the floor like you had wings.

It was like the crowd got impossibly louder, and you even saw people standing up in their seats and pumping their fists in the air. Smirking, you knew your signature move would get them riled up.

"(Y/N)! (Y/N)! (Y/N!)" You stopped in the middle of the field, greeting your opponent.

This is going to be an easy match.

It was. Within the first three minutes your 6'3", 390-pound brick-of-a-man adversary was on the ground, unresponsive.

"The Angel of Death strikes again!" You stepped away from his limp body, limping to where the other fighters you'd met waited to greet you.

"That was awesome!" Cosmo Imai, a 19-year-old boy you considered your child, wrapped his muscular arms around you. You winced when he pushed you back a little, as you'd stepped back with your injured foot. "You were like whoosh, and then you were like BAM, and he went ah! and then it was over! Can you teach me how to do that?"

"Stop bothering her, idiot! (Y/N), I gotta admit, you look pretty good in that getup!" Takeshi Wakatsuki smirked at you, and you blushed hard.

Why does he tease me every chance he gets! Doesn't he know how I feel about him already? It's like he wants me to know I can't have him.

"Thanks! I work really hard, so I'm glad it's paying off!" Giving him a bright smile, you shook off your thoughts as you began limping away. You may have beaten the human-brick, but it didn't mean he was weak. "Sorry, but I have an interview to get to!"

"So, (Y/N), how does it feel to be one of the longest-standing competitors in this tournament?" Your interviewer, you'd forgotten her name as soon as she'd said it, asked inquisitively.

"Well—"

"Alright," She cut you off, ignoring the fact that she'd just asked you a question. "I think we all want to know what's going on with you and the other longest fighter." You raised a brow.

"Who?"

"You know! Your old pal Takeshi."

"Huh? Oh, Takeshi and I are just friends, Miss!" No one looked like they believed you. "I swear!" Holding your hands up in front of you, the interviewer took one look at your closed-eye smile and replied.

"Oh really? We've got some clips of you two that tell us otherwise. Roll the tape!"

As the tape began to play, you and Takeshi appeared on the screen.

When were they able to capture this?

The two of you were training before one of your biggest matches that had a high reward for your company, and you were about to shit yourself out of pure nervousness. Takeshi was across from you, calm and collected, sparring with you so could practice your hits.

You went to attack, and he could have knocked you out right then and there, but... He didn't. Instead, he took one of your "Angel Kicks" right to the face, giving you a sore foot and him a minor concussion, but it did wonders in calming you down. You hadn't known it then, but you won your match because you believed that if you could beat the "Wild Tiger," you could beat anyone.

The next clip started to play. This time, it was after another big match, and it was your 5th loss in total. Disheartened, you sobbed as you ran from the crowds, all of whom were cheering for the real winner, one of Metsudo's "Fangs."

Takeshi took you into his arms as soon as you were past the crowd. He didn't break away as you tried to shove him to get by or let you leave as your body wracked with sobs. He held you in his arms and told you to keep going, to keep fighting, and you did. That's what got you to where you were today.

He does that to all of his friends, I bet. I'm not special to him, although I wish I was...

"(Y/N)? Hello... (Y/N)?" A hand waving in front of your face pulled you out of your trance. "Don't even try to deny it anymore. There's obviously something happening there, and I want to know the deets!"

Overwhelmed, you stood up and limped out of the interview as fast as you could, trying to wobble as far as you could to get away from there.

Why can't he love me like that, the way I love him?

"(Y/N)? Oof—" Falling onto someone while you weren't looking, you were met with steely blue eyes staring back at you.

"Takeshi, what are you doing here?" He saw your black and blue leg, and he noticed that you were stuttering through your sentence, but what killed Takeshi the most was the tears staining your otherwise-perfect cheeks.

"Are you okay?" Your eyes widened.

"Um, yeah, why?"

"You don't look it..."

"Well, I'm fine. If that's all you came to ask me, I need to get to my room." You went to move around him, but he stopped you.

"Oh, how'd your interview go?"

You sobbed even harder.

He doesn't even know that I'm crying about him.

"It went fine. Excuse me." This time, he moved out of the way and let you pass him, watching as you quickly turned the corner of the hallway to get your hotel room.

The only thought Takeshi Wakatsuki had as he walked towards your room was that you were an idiot.

He watched the interview, and he'd seen the way you reacted to his caring attitude towards you. He saw the longing in your eyes when you denied being anything more than "friends."

Takeshi wasn't cocky, or overly-confident, but he was observant. He knew you liked him back and didn't understand how you didn't realize he felt the same way...He thought it was pretty obvious.

Hearing a knock, you opened the door to see the man you were crying over.

"What are you doing—" Not waiting for you to finish, he pulled you towards him and locked his lips on yours. Not waiting very long, he could feel you return the kiss with just as much passion.

As he pulled away, he told you what he came here to say.

"You're an idiot."

"What?" You looked at him dumbfounded.

"I take every possible moment we're together to can to show you how much I love you, and you can't even figure it out when another person points it out to you? (Y/N), I let you give me a concussion because I wanted to be happy, for christ's sake."

Your mouth was agape, and you couldn't bring yourself to reply. "Now, I don't even know if you like me, but it sure as hell seems as if you do, so this time, I'm going to make it as clear as possible.

"I LO—"

You put a hand over his mouth, stopping him from finishing his declaration. As you pulled away, he went, "Why'd you do that?"

You smirked, regathering your thoughts as you let out those three little words.

"I love you."

Time seemed to stop between the two of you, and you almost cackled when Takeshi realized what you did.

"Seriously? You had to say it first, didn't you? Even though you wouldn't have confessed if I hadn't figured it out before you did—"

"Takeshi," You started, "Did you seriously think I'd lose to you again?"

"You know what, (Y/N), the scores 2:1, and I'm winning."

"What do you mean?" He laughed as your face went red, "You won during our fight, and I won now! Since when was it two to one?"

"That may be true, but I won something even better." You scoffed.

"Oh yeah, and what's that?"

"You."

#Takeshi Wakatsuki #kengan ashura #kengan ashura imagine #kengan omega #kengan omega imagine #takeshi wakatsuki x reader #sen hatsumi x reader #gaolang wongsawat x reader #gaolang wongsawat #saw paing yoroizuka x reader #saw paing yoroizuka #ohma tokita #fanfiction #imagine #haikyuu #anime #manga

[abalonetea]

Congratulations!!! 800 followers?? That's HUGE!! You deserve everyone and more!!! I'm so proud of you and I'm so happy to call you my mutual and my friend. :) You go girl!!! For the celebration, I'd like to request the AU ramble, please. May I ask for a Damatys AU? I feel like Bolte and Emery would really get along because they are always fighting for something, but I'm curious to see your thoughts. Congratulations again!!

thank you so much! it means the world to me that i’m able to share my work with so many people, and to have met so many cool people like you! and! of course! i adore everything that i know about Damatys so far….so behold, my attempt at a Damatys au!

*Red will eat anything and everything that Ava’lyn puts in front of him, no matter the flavor combination. and if food is available, Bolte will happily cook with Ava’lyn, and maybe even suggest some other combinations that might be a touch more palatable to a broader audience?

*side note with that, because nothing Ava’lyn makes could be too sweet for Red. he has a horrendous sweet tooth. those garlic honey cookies? yeah, he loves though. 

*Red adores the creatures that live in Damatys. he can’t tell you a lot about them and, honestly, doesn’t even know the proper name for them all. but he’s just an all around animal person, and thinks that even the more violent ones, you know, they deserve a chance at a good life too.

*Locke on the other hand knows everything there is to know about a near endless amount of creatures. he loves them! he loves them! and he loves getting Blue to read him books about animals! 

*Emery and Bolte meet when they’re in their teenage years. Red’s a little older than they are, and probably working at the time. they don’t hit it off right away - Bolte doesn’t give trust easily, and in his experience, everyone’s out for getting themselves into better straights.

*they meet up with each other periodically. that happens when you’re both growing up on the streets in the same place. eventually Red happens to be there at the same time, and he takes an instant liking to her. the way he sees it, people got to stick together if they want half a chance of coming out alright? so Red slides food or gold her way when he can, and they sort of just. try to make it through life together.

*as Bolte realizes that Emery’s not going away and not going to try and bring him or Red down, the two of them start getting along way more. there are very, very few people in the world that Bolte cares about, but she’s one of them.

*Jaxon and Locke are really good friends. they probably didn’t meet until they were both older, and they bound over a shared enthusiasm for the world and a lot of needless energy. whenever Blue is busy or too tired to keep up with Locke, he can be found doing something with Jaxon.

*Locke probably shows Jaxon how to paint, and even though Jaxon is better at putting together pictures that make sense, it never bothers Locke. he paints because it’s enjoyable, no matter his skill level at it

*Bolte first meets Diane when she gets too far apart from Aiden somehow, and of course he can’t just leave this kid out there? we’re going with a total au here, so let’s say that Bolte is one of the first people they meet up with, and he helps Diane get back to Aiden, and that’s that, folks. Aiden’s clearly lost and he’s got a child with him, and Bolte has a thing about kid’s, so

*that’s how Aiden and Diane get their first guide through Damatys

*i know that Aiden has no knowledge of weapons or things like that, and you might think that Bolte would try to change that but, no. Bolte treats it the same way as Red, who’s also not able to participate in battles. which is he just fights for them instead, because why would he want to make someone else deal with the consequences of a battle?

*Red loves going to the bar with Ava’lyn! they get into drinking contests a lot, and Bolte usually makes Emery come with him to collect her

*Locke does wonders for the more hurt, hardened characters. he’s great at bringing the lighter side out in people, and gets along very well with Aiden because of that. no amount of sulking can dissuade him, no, no, they’re going for a walk that doesn’t relate to all this saving the world nonsense!

*Blue doesn’t really have any clue about what’s going on. he’s only there because Locke decided to tag along after meeting Jaxon and Aiden, and where Locke goes, Blue goes. he’s also not really interested in learning about all the detailed nonsense? tragic backstory who? sorry kid, he’s not really interested in that, but? why not just listen to this joke, instead, or maybe come slip in a nap with him somewhere?

*that being said, this is an active choice Blue is making because he doesn’t like thinking about all the danger that Locke is putting himself into. if an actual fight or battle arises, Blue’s right there with all the rest. he just doesn’t want to hear about all this ultimatum and final moment stuff. call it blissful ignorance, if you want, he doesn’t really care

*Blue will read to Diane when he reads to Locke. Locke never minds hearing kids stories, so.

*Red also makes up stories to tell Diane, but he never reads books and always makes it up on the spot. don’t ask for repeats, because he can’t pull that off.

thank you for celebrating with me, friend!

#bookish tag #au of an au #celebrate together