#so. multiply layer my beloved

[obsob]

autism 2 autism communication

#mine #original #orange overlay pink multiply layer my beloved #what hve i done today.....done some face studies!! very helpful!! #i am . beginning...to find.....a way of drawing that feels comfy to me...ouh #i will hopefully do some portfolio drawing tomorrow hehe #im going to re do my website...how it is now is. ugly. i wouldnt hire me #what else is going on...ive ordered some wool bc i hve learnt how to KNIT #im so alarmed. im going to attempt to make a cardigan i am so deeply alarmed #i need to exercise and have a bath. mmm. i will play vid game and then chores and then exercise and then eat and then bath #hve a good evening my friends

[koko2unite]

finally drew something where I feel so good and full of serotonin after finishing it <333 life is great <3333 we are so back, babyyyy

#watercolor brush my beloved #where have you been my whole life #also shading and lighting is so much stress free without using multiply or color dodge layer #like #picking the color and just painting them is so much fun

[eviebane]

What hurts me most about Crowley & Aziraphale's relationship is they've known each other since before the Beginning.

What's the longest you've known someone? I mean, family you've known since birth. Friends since school. Your partner. Maybe 5, 10, 20, 40, 60 years?

Let's say 20 years, because I'm a YA and that's comprehensible to me. Think of endless memories; fights, absences, apologies, laughs, embarrassments, sickness, worry, the changes you've both gone through, the worst of times, the best, the world around you changing too.

Now multiply those memories by 300. For Aziraphale and Crowley, we arrive on the wall in the Garden of Eden - still not even their first meeting.

No one else could understand the things they've seen. Heaven, the stars, the Garden of Eden. Every biblical event, every war, every empire's rise and fall. They've known billions of humans but could never really get attached because they're gone in the blink of an eye.

No one else could understand what it's like to be part of an institution that engrains strong values and beliefs onto you, whilst walking the Earth and being amongst the humans that make you want to go against all of it in order to protect them, because ultimately you've always liked humanity better than Heaven or Hell and gosh, what's the point in running it all for just 6,000 years? And no one else could understand except the one person that's supposed to be your enemy.

But this enemy... oh gosh, well they're nothing like their side, at all. They're kind, funny. They're not a dick like the rest of their lot, and they don't judge you for where you come from. They push your thinking beyond what you've been told & you push theirs, and together you make a damn good team. You both want the same thing, deep down, but of course you have to keep up pretenses because they're still your enemy, right?

Then the day you've tried to ignore for 6,000 years arrives. Armageddon.

You think fuck this man, I'm ripping up the script and I'm choosing humanity over my lot. My lot SUCK. I don't belong with them! And hey, my best friend thinks so too, so why don't we finally FINALLY do this together.

We saved the goddamn world. Or for now, at least. We don't have a side anymore, it's just the two of us trying to protect this little planet. You get to do whatever you want now you don't have a job to do or bosses to report into. So you just kinda hang out with your bud and enjoy the new life you've created. It's not perfect but gosh, it's close. No one in the universe understands you better than this person. They've proved time and time again their trust and their loyality. You adore their company. You know they will always be there because they always have been and you have never once known that from anyone in your extremely long life, until you met them.

In a world constantly changing, they became your one constant thing you could rely on. Your rock that could never break.

But shit happens. It always does. And by the time it all comes crashing down on the peaceful life you've both carved out for yourselves, you finally talk about this unspoken layer of your relationship that has existed for thousands of years, but the timing is all wrong and gosh it could've gone a lot better, and then before you know it, the love of your very long life is gone.

The one you have known for a thousand lifetimes, for longer than the Earth itself, is just...

Gone.

For the first time in a long time, you're utterly alone. The other half of your soul ripped away. All broken & gone in a millisecond of time, and how could it be over so quickly, compared to the millennia you have shared together?

So I imagine the people I have known and shared life & memories with and loved and fought with and watched each other grow for the past 20 years. I think of the complete and utter emptiness and despair if I'd lost them.

Then I multiply it by 300 and I can barely breathe from the weight of it suffocating me.

Crowley & Aziraphale, my beloveds. Please don't keep each other waiting too long.

#crowley #ineffable husbands #aziraphale #good omens #aziracrow #goodomens #good omens 2 #gomens #gomens 2 #ineffable divorce #good omens thoughts #good omens meta #sort of

[the-ipre]

📚🙌📐!!

📚 How many layers do you typically use?

1 for sketch, 1 for lines, maybe 3 for flat colors (paint by numbers style where i try not to have any of the big patches of color touching), and then an equal amount for shading (clipped multiply layers my beloved), and then one or two for background! if it is something more involved then there will probably be more for colors, and i love going ham with glow effects, but for a smaller thing this is the gist!

🙌 Draw a doodle with your non-dominant hand

[id: a wobbly colored sketch of Cres, a purple nautolan with maroon eyes and gold hoop piercings /end id]

cressie nooooooooooo-

📐 Whats your favorite kinds of lines to draw?

i love my bold dark lineart! and doing black shadows in the lineart to make it have more Emphasis, it looks so clean and neat to me in a way i really like

#ask #albatris #thank u for the ask :D!!!!!! #also if u want an example of the lineart thing i was talking about i will probably post something i drew last night with it aslkdjf

[ohboyitseisen]

your lancer edits are absolutely AMAZING!!! i've done edits for non-lancer stuff, so i'm curious, what is your process usually like?

Thank you! The process is, admittedly, VERY time consuming. (which is why i haven't done any recently, it's just a massive time investment) My workflow exists entirely within Photoshop I start off with an image of the base mech I rip off of Comp/Con, and I spend a few hours meticulously isolating every part of the mech by hand (polygon lasso tool my beloved). I found that the automatic solutions like magic wand tool & such just. aren't very effective when it comes to holding together detail. Too much or too little is lost in the process, and it usually requires manual touchup anyway, so I just decided to do the whole thing by hand to save the tedium. This usually takes anywhere from 1-3 hours? It's hard to say. But, the catch is, once i've done it once for a mech, I don't have to do it ever again. Once i'm done with separating the pieces i want to color/reuse individually, I move on to base coloring. I usually have some idea in mind, but sometimes I just freestyle it. I usually use pretty simple color palettes, and I work almost exclusively in Photoshops Blending Options panel to get those colors to work. Having a non-destructive workflow is..vital. Mixing types like Overlay, Hue, Color, and Multiply are my favorite toys during this process. I also make sure to give everything a 2px black stroke, usually internal, to better match with the base art & clean up any of my mistakes. When i'm ready to go for the more advanced edits (where i need to add stuff instead of just change things), I spend a little while scrolling through C/C like i'm at a shopping mall looking for parts. Anything interesting, I play around with. I like to rip various greebles off of mechs like the Tortuga, Caliban, Kidd & Nelson the most, but every one of em gets time in the spotlight. At this point, I have most of the parts I could need memorized quite well, and if something calls for a certain shape, I'll know where to find it & take it from. Trying to get each asset to fit the style of the base frame is quite easy, and adding a simple 2px internal stroke does miracles. When i'm happy with most everything, i'll play around with gradients to highlight the most interesting parts, give it a flashy name stolen from some album i've listened to Twice, and send it on it's way.

I have an upload of all my raw .PSDs available for download if you're curious- do be warned though, my layer organization sucks and i didn't plan for anyone else to be looking over my work.

I hope that helped!

#lancer #lancerrpg #lancer ttrpg #lancer rpg #mecha #digital kitbashing #photobashing

[diezmil10000]

Hi hi, hope you're doing well!! Wanted to ask if you could explain how you pick colours! They're always so appealing to look at... (If you could also explain how you pick blush colours it'd be great! I never manage to pick good ones, no matter how hard I try :'))

hi anon, i'm doing fine!! it's summer right now where i live and that's healing all my problems (⁠◡⁠ ⁠ω⁠ ⁠◡⁠)

i have recorded the process of some of my drawings and everything is posted in my youtube channel (in twitter too), so i'll drop the link here and try my best to explain the coloring part to you. the short answer is that none of the colors you see in my drawings are similar to those i initially picked.

i try to keep my lineart loose but i pay attention to the outlines so i can quickly select the outer parts, invert the selection and fill it with the bucket tool. my base colors are all 100% opaque and i don't use any fancy brushes here.

as to how i pick colors, i never use the color picker tool, i eyeball everything. that's important for me because i tend to make all of them warmer: the greens are dark yellows, the pinks are light reds, and everything that's close to blue is very desaturated. i do this even for drawings that turn out much different later, unless i have a very specific vibe in mind from the beginning. i also never use pure whites for anything, and if something is black i make it part of the lineart.

then i always color my lineart!! there's no trick to that, the layer is in normal mode and i just paint it with a darker color than what's below it. i usually add the shadows and highlights at this stage of the drawing too. you're going to kill me for this but shade with gray set in color burn or linear burn (never multiply). i just don't want to think about color variety at this stage because it makes things more difficult for later. sometimes i add textures and some basic color correction here (curves, color balance, layers set in overlay, etc.) but i mostly leave that for the next part.

as to how i choose blush colors, i usually pick the base color and move it towards the saturated end of the color wheel, and a bit more pink. sometimes i add a multiply layer and airbrush hot red over the base colors at low opacity. coloring the lineart with hot colors surrounding the blush areas helps a lot too :)

i also almost always duplicate the lineart, blur it and set it in linear burn (i paint this layer in a light gray). this adds a lot of depth to the drawing, especially if later combined with the bloom effect.

the key to why the colors in my art pop so much is that i don't enjoy drawing as much as i enjoy postprocessing pictures 😂🤣😅👌✌️👍 once i'm satisfied with the "base" colors i merge everything except the background, open a new canvas and go crazy with filters and textures. that's why i use ibispaint X even if i do the lineart elsewhere (krita), and even if it works a bit wonky with big canvases.

i do something different for each drawing here, so first i'm going to explain my reasoning so that you understand my process: i used to have a problem of using very strong colors that overshadowed my beloved lineart into which i had put a lot of effort, so my goal nowadays is to make everything look less contrasted without losing the visual impact of saturated colors. that way the lineart remains a strong point and not just a way to separate one color from another.

what i usually do is duplicate the new merged layer, set it to exclusion mode, add a gradient map and play with the opacity. then i duplicate that and do the same thing with another gradient or another blending mode. i tend to add like 3-6 layers of bullshit over my drawings, including textures and other filters like "bloom" or "sharpen". i understand everything that's going on there but i don't think too deeply about it, i just pick whatever looks best.

for the final touches i always pull up the saturation and contrast (since a lot of it gets lost in the process), and i usually have to manually change some colors (ibispaint X has a filter to do that) or tweak the curves. then i add chromatic aberration, noise set to overlay and little polka dots set to linear dodge.

here are some comparisons of the before and after of recent drawings. the 1st one is very subtle, but you can clearly see how much warmth and depth it gains it gets after all the postprocessing. the 2nd one is so different that i understand why you're curious about how i pick colors. i don't think i can replicate that look just from picking nice colors, there's a lot more going on!! the 3rd one personally feels like it had potential lost (i liked the yellow highlights), but the colors were too strong and all over the place, so the finished result looks more intimate and calm and i like it a lot more.

thank you for the interest anon, i'm very happy that you like the way i color things and i hope i have explained myself. good luck with your own journey!!

#ask #anon #diez's art thoughts

[intertexts]

ROS MY BELOVED FRIEND AND MUTUAL . I USE CSP AND I DONT KNOW HOW TO USE GRADIENT MAPS. WHERE ARE THEY. HOW DO I FIND THEM. I WOULD LOVE 2 LEARN

MAC MY BELOVED!!! GRABBING UR HAND!!! easiest and most delightful lazy digital art tool imo!!! they r SO EASY...

-grab a gradient map set from the csp store. there r a couple stock ones already in the program but adding new ones was honestly the most confusing part.

-open csp & go to layer > new correction layer (all the correction layers r so useful...) > gradient map. it opens a lil menu.

-hit the wrench button by the little dropdown menu + click add gradient set.

-all ur gradients will pop up! + u can scroll through yr sets in the dropdown menu. click on a gradient & then hit the "load to gradient bar" button thats the second from the left of the bunch of little buttons under the set.

-profit!!!!!!!! this illustration isn't great but the gradient map maps the colors 2 the tone values in ur drawing.... if i gotta do smth in color usually i will do it in black and white + gradient map over it OR do it in color & then use a gradient map at 40% overlay or multiply to unify the colors....the world is a beautiful place...

#if u put a noise layer or like airbrush or soft fuzzy stuff under the map it looks awesome also. i would use a better illustration #but theyre all on my tablet.... :(( #anyway CATKISS.GIF THANKS FOR LETTING ME OVEREXPLAIN SHIT <33333 #mac tag!

[radi0activec0smos]

September Doodle Dump GO!

I think I'm honestly gonna try and do doodle dump posts more often, especially since I've started college now and don't have as much time or energy for. Bigger pieces of art lol. Once again, everything under the Read More :]

(This is far from everything, but it would be countless reblogs if I tried to put everything in, so. Imma just be selective.)

First off, younger Wounded Warrior hcs :] (This ties in with my hcs that they're a defector from the King's army, this was in their early months as a Wasteland soldier after escaping)

Cannoneer my BELOVED (plus silly sibling interaction lol)

Well. Uh. You know how I'm all for Wounded/Slouching. Yeah I added Shipwright to the mix. I'm not sorry.

I like to imagine Rainier (my Slouching) does makeup from time to time :] (to add to that, I actually hc that they do drag as a hobby, but. I also haven't made how they look in drag yet because I'm currently struggling with how the fuck they'd style their wigs)

Remembrance Guide my BELOVED (i've named them Uvadus <3)

THIS!!! This was my first time using multiply layers and I'm happy with how it turned out, even if it's simplistic :3 (It only just hit me that both Uvadus and Mur have EXTREMELY similar expressions between their doodles dear god)

And, lastly, some modern au doodles for Murtagh (my wounded warrior) <3

I personally hc them to have chronic pain from injuries and other issues they sustained during their time in the army in canon, and that naturally transferred over into me hcing that, at least in a modern au, they absolutely would use a wheelchair to get around as they find it most suitable for them. Crutches are another option but aren't used as often, and if they do, it's either mainly around the house or for shorter distances.

#jupiter's radiation || art tag #the words of the stars || ramble tag #sky: children of the light #sky: cotl #sky cotl #sky: children of the light fanart #sky: cotl fanart #sky cotl fanart #wounded warrior #slouching soldier #slumbering shipwright #cackling cannoneer #remembrance guide #season of remembrance #season of the little prince #season of abyss #sky cotl modern au #why the FUCK do i keep putting so many tags #it's gone 11am on october 1st i am a tad bit late but also this works anyways #college is kicking my ASS rn #but i think i'll survive #but MAN why are the days so long for accounting #fucking dies #oh my god the quality of the coloured ones got CRUNCHED wtf tumblr

[adelphenium]

I love your style sm! I just wanted to know how you learned anatomy and how you add the texture to your art 🫶🫶

ahh ty! honestly i wasn't very disciplined when it came to learning anatomy in the past bc i just wanted to do what felt right to me....... ended up with a lot of freaky mannerist type characters with long necks and impossible limbs....

in the last few years i've been trying to practice more with reference pics! i also did a bit of people-drawing on the subway for a while. yet lately i've noticed that i've reverted back to my lazy ways and i don't use references as often as i should, so. i'm always in the process of still learning how to navigate anatomy!

for texture, i like to use brushes that have a lot of crunch built in.. i want to call it aliasing but idk if that's the actual word for it :0 i also like to add on patterns to clothes (halftones my beloved) with a multiply layer!

#me dispensing art tips like i know what i'm doing.. yeahhh #ask!

[catholic-saint-tournament]

SO TRUE about the trinity homilies!! I've gotten really bad ones and really 'meh' ones, and only 1 good one in my lifetime so far. any particular favorite articles online or things like that about the trinity that you favor?

BE STILL my beating heart. I'll give you some of my thoughts and then a list of book recs. Most of the articles that come to mind are academic ones that are behind a paywall - I tend not to read much of popular press, but you might find something if you search Catholic Women Preach, go through America Magazine, or even Youtube.

My thoughts:

The Trinity is one of the greatest mysteries of the Christian faith. A mystery meaning something to be pondered, rather than solved. It's a lot like trying to understand love, because love is so beautifully layered and complex and diverse. Who can fully comprehend the mysteriousness and depth of the human heart and its capacity for loving another? Take that and multiply it by infinity for God, who is love, who is loving itself, who is the act and existence and being of love, who loves into creation, loves unto death on a cross, and loves in sanctifying us and giving us strength. It's the noun of love, while verbing the act of love, and gerunding as the being of love. Love is boundless; there is the lover, the beloved, and the love itself. This is the Trinity in short: it is the lover (God), the beloved (Jesus, and through his humanity, all of us), and the love between them that is poured out on all humanity (the Holy Spirit). What a profound, beautiful mystery that reveals the diversity of God, the unity of God, and the outpouring of God Godself unto all of us.

Book Recs:

Catherine Mowry Lacugna, God for Us: The Trinity and Christian Life, 1993.

Karl Rahner, The Trinity, (Milestones in Catholic Theology) English transl. 1997

Anne Hunt, The Trinity and the Paschal Mystery: A Development in Recent Catholic Theology, 1997.

Sarah Coakley, God, Sexuality, and the Self: An Essay 'On the Trinity', 2013.

John Zizioulas, Being as Communion: Studies in Personhood and the Church, 1997.

St Augustine, De Trinitate, find it online here

Leonardo Boff, Trinity and Society, 1988.

St Thomas Aquinas, Summa Theologica, part 1, q.27-43, read online here.

I'd start with Catherine Mowry Lacugna *IF YOU ARE FAMILIAR* with Trinitarian theology as a whole.

If not, try Richard Rohr's The Divine Dance: The Trinity and Your Transformation. Rohr is great for laypersons and those looking for an intro into various parts of Catholic theology, spirituality, and mysticism.

#saintmod answers #saintmod is a theologian #trinity #holy trinity #the holy trinity #triune god #book recs #catholic book recs

[kafus]

What's your drawing process? (program, brushes, layers, ect)

alright i can finally answer this now that i'm on my computer and have my art program open lol

i use krita! i've been using it for 7 years now and the sheer amount of hotkeys i use is so embedded into my brain and muscle memory, i don't think i could use any other art software unless it controls exactly the same at this point (sorry this is the millionth time you guys have seen this doodle i did it's just still what i have open. i never closed out of krita after finishing it LOL)

i think my process is honestly pretty standard for digital art when it comes to most things, i do a sketch (not pictured here but i usually sketch in black and then just lower the opacity of the sketch layer), either clean that up or do lines on top on a different layer, flat color underneath, then use a mix of layer settings on new layers to apply light and shadow if relevant. multiply and overlay my beloved

might be obvious from my brush palette over here, but i am really simplistic when it comes to brushes... i rarely have to venture outside of this group. lately i've been using the slightly rougher brush in the bottom left for lining for the sake of some texture but almost all my art is made with these brushes alone, even my more rendered and detailed stuff. iirc these are all default krita brushes lol (not pictured is when i occasionally swap to the pixel brush for pixel stuff)

sometimes i do experiment though, like this piece i did months ago was done entirely with a translucent pixel brush on a single layer LMAO

funny thing to note as well is even in my rendered stuff with a lot of layers i never name my layers so i'm constantly switching layers on and off to find the right one like a dumbass. i should really start naming my layers fdsjioojsdf. oh and highly recommend double checking work for values by putting a saturation layer set to full grayscale above everything and flipping it on to see the piece without color sometimes... i do that a lot

feel free to ask if you had any other questions about how i actually... draw? the way this question was worded made me go in a more "how i interact with my art program" direction and not how i actually draw if that makes sense but i'm not sure if that was actually your intention

#kiki was here #asks #anonymous

[sasorikigai]

( 𝐆𝐑𝐄𝐄𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆 ) + ( 𝐅𝐀𝐂𝐄 ) + ( 𝐒𝐀𝐅𝐄𝐓𝐘 ) ( for any of their verses )

𝐂𝐎𝐌𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒 || @sonxflight || accepting

( 𝐆𝐑𝐄𝐄𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆 ) ; one muse strides up to the other and suddenly embraces them tightly after experiencing something distressing

( 𝐅𝐀𝐂𝐄 ) ; one muse takes the other's face ( cheeks , chin ) when trying to comfort them

( 𝐒𝐀𝐅𝐄𝐓𝐘 ) ; one muse takes the other to a calm area where they feel more comfortable opening up

▬▬ι═══════ﺤ 🔥 || Every once in a while, they tend to go to the darkest of mines to collect some charcoals - like a ravenous boa, jaws disarming and welcoming those caliginous specters feeling the roughness of their claws made of steel. They are more than capable of breaking ancient stone of their fortified hearts, piling up, building mountains of corpses beneath all these lean, excessively used muscles and scarred guts, from the adamantine bone to the marrow. Perhaps Hanzo Hasashi's own eyes have belonged to the Nether's devil, able to see from afar. Deceitful skins singing the sweets of saccharine melodies and dancing with the severing swings of fire, ignited to burn anything and everything to naught. In this life, they were born to burn bright, until the emotions they contain bubble over, collapsing in on themselves and eat them both whole. It is all-consuming to be in their skins; both of them shattered and broken countless times. But pulling out those glass shards hurt more than pretending they are not there.

They both have grabbed each other's heart and cradled it, pluck it from the precarious rot of their branches that are their ribs and hold it so tenderly, careful not to dig into its core. Peeling off each layer of flesh to reveal the beating vessel underneath, not like savage and merciless warriors who shreds and tears away the beating flesh of the enemies, only to leave with stained hands of dripping sanguine, but uncovering each layer gently like a deer who laps gently at the river mouth. As Ryou Sakai's familiar, yet nearly inaudible steps close in and Hanzo's heart collides gently with his lover's own, the world seem to go still. Enough, no more, the weary axis breathes, sick and exhausted with endless spinning, which tends to overseethes and quiets for a spell.

Demoted and ossified, or fortified, Hanzo cannot quite figure it out, if stillness be a strength. One moment stands and views itself at length, but a tenebrous shadow in his heart and soul seem to multiply and embrace along with Ryou, who remains pensively silent. "I always question myself whether which ecstasy to embrace; the ecstasy of hope that will manifest my soul to fly unimpeded into the sky like warmth from the hearth or the ecstasy of fate, simply to accept the freedom the plunge from the sky offers in the swirling flames and blood far below. as unfathomable despair and grief deepens to no end," the warm cradle of his hand cups around his beloved's cheek; as Hanzo still experiences his own zeniths and nadirs of his despair and grief, as sometimes he'd feel something unholy bursting from beneath his ribcage and crawls at the seams of his flesh, anguish feeding on his consciousness. Speaking a manifesto of his demon's hatred and his absolution; a vindictive specter condemned to hate the world with eyes tutored to vengeance.

Every inhalation he takes in is made with care, as if Hanzo might guide Ryou along with the beats of his heart, holding the same, evermore steady and strong rhythm. Amidst the Shirai Ryu's vast expanse full of interweaved people, they stand; both captive souls in a shifting world of unknown and unpredictability, as leaves rustle, waters whisper, but failing to silence this dissonant jail in both of their minds. As transcendent hues paint the sky above, a quiet surge of whirling flame transport them both to a shadowed trove of their shared personal quarter. Despite the despair manifesting as a relentless loop and a haunting refrain, Hanzo hopes that his unnerving presence will end this unending bane, at least for temporarily. "I sincerely hope the discomfort of haunting disturbance fades, as I remain consistent warmth throughout such vacant hollowness and depression. I will always meet you with an everloving warmth and understanding against this ancient disquietude." ▬▬ι═══════ﺤ 🔥 ||

#✗ the ineffable testimony of spawned hellfire (scorpion) #✗ seeking reconciliation with his own humanity (iii) #(hanryou) #sonxflight

[philhoffman]

There’s a scene in the final hour of Magnolia in which Phil—playing the hospice nurse Phil Parma, nearly an angel, the role PTA wrote just for his beloved friend—administers morphine to a dying man to ease his suffering. Phil is crying and wipes the tears from his cheeks. He kisses the dying man softly then steps back, closes his eyes, takes a deep breath to find some peace, and lets it out. He is so beautiful.

Philip Seymour Hoffman died nine years ago today. This loss is too big, too overwhelming, too impossible to put into words or get your arms around. It’s hard to write about someone you love so much. It’s something we will never recover from, losing this beautiful, special soul. But we spend our lives trying to find ways to bear it and keep going.

Phil was so generous in life. He demanded it of himself—to go on stage or set every day, every night, and give himself fully and honestly. To his work and his art, his family and friends and audiences. He’s given beyond what I could ever repay. This pain is his gift, too. It was not easily given nor received but it’s what we have, what we’ve exchanged.

Every year the grief grows—it becomes something more ferocious on the bad days, something physical and frightening and overwhelming that steals the fucking air from my lungs. But on the good days it’s a more gentle reminder. It infuses the world with an awareness, a sadness, the tenderness of missing you in this moment and the next and yet knowing you’re always with the people who you loved and who loved you. “your hand isn’t in mine, but I feel/it there—when I am asleep, awake,” Renia White wrote.

A community inevitably formed around Phil—in life and even in death, because he burned so brightly, pulling others into his orbit—and I’ve been fortunate to get to know so many of them. The friends I’ve made, the people Phil knew and loved in his life. I love them for the wonderful people they are—and that tenderness reminds me of him. It’s multiplied exponentially, this affection and joy. You brought us together and now we can all celebrate you and each other and life together. You’re the heart and soul of it all, as always—the solid center. You are a brilliant director, Phil. We’ve always known that. You’re still directing us, in your way, and it’s your best work yet. Thank you for letting us be part of it.

There are not enough words in the world to say what Phil Hoffman means to me personally. Nearly every single thing in my life that I can reach out and touch right now is thanks to him in some way. The films and plays and art and life I’ve experienced because of him. He’s a blessing, every shade of him. Layers of coats and scarves and cigarette smoke. The bump on his nose, the mark in his forehead where he was smacked with a golf club once. The way he’d laugh with his whole body, rocking back and forth like he couldn’t physically contain it all. A relentless, agonizing, earnest pursuit of the truth. Eyes that could disappear into any role and pierce any heart. Freckles, everywhere. His thoughtfulness, the way he’d stop and think and truly search for an honest answer if the question deserved it. Bear hugs that could heal. Support that meant the world to so many. His city. Acting—with so much raw talent and hard work he made it look easy, but he never made it easy on us, forcing audiences to recognize ourselves and confront the hardest questions. His temper (redheads, huh). His playfulness, that grin. The way he’s been here all along. Music and pancakes in the kitchen.

He’s gone and that will always be wrong. Addiction is a black hole. But it doesn’t get to claim him. That’s not his whole story, it’s not even the end of his story—there will always be part of Philip that is whole and safe and protected, as David Sheff said of his beloved son who also struggled with addiction. I’ll never stop fighting for that part of him, the pieces we carry in our hearts. From Rilke, one of Phil’s favorite writers: “It cannot end this way because it does not end at all if it was something strong and beautiful. It continues to work its effects in unceasing transformations.” You were strong and beautiful and you are, to this day, unending and true.

Phil once said, “The richness of life is all the good and joy and thrill of it, but also all the disappointment, hurt, and heartache of it. And that all of that is what’s great.” I think he’d want us to feel our grief deeply until we come out the other side with the good and the joy and feel human again. It’s not a one-time journey—it’s daily, sometimes—but it’s worth it. You’ve hurt me and you’ve disappointed me and you’re the best person I’ve ever known, beloved. Anyone lucky enough to know this feeling—this ferocious love—would tear the world apart and put it back together for you. To love to love to love.

I miss you every day, Phil. When it gets too painful and it hurts too much, I imagine you taking that long, free breath you always sought and finding the peace you deserve, and I know you’re okay. Thank you for everything. You’ve taught me how to live and even when it’s hard, even when there are days like today when I can’t think straight I miss you so much, I will live for you. Your heart beats with mine. I love you, Phil, I love you forever ❤️

#angel of the cosmos #you've made all the difference in the world i'm so proud of you

[phantomswolf]

here, i answered the art questions

1. Art programs you have but don't use

aseprite, krita (nightmare to draw in), i used to have a totally 100% absolutely-not-pirated copy of photoshop but not anymore

2. Is it easier to draw someone facing left or right (or forward even)

depends on the day, but usually the left. i hate doing side profiles tho

3. What ideas come from when you were little

A LOT. but my story Nightfall has been a work in progress since I was 11

4. Fav character/subject that's a bitch to draw

GORO AKECHI PERSONA 5

5. Estimate of how much of your art you post online vs. the art you keep for yourself

i hardly post most of my art on Tumblr atm, but that’s because almost all of it regards the Kirby Gemini AU and my partner and i are making a blog for that. so, as a percentage for the last few years, i’ve probably only posted maybe. less than 1% of my work?

6. Anything that might inspire you subconsciously (i.e. this horse wasn't supposed to look like the Last Unicorn but I see it)

honestly a lot of old emo art fksbfjfbd jhonen vasquez was a huge inspo to me for a while

7. A medium of art you don't work in but appreciate

PLUSH MAKING AND FURSUIT MAKING god i wanna learn but i don’t think sewing is my thing

8. What's an old project idea that you've lost interest in

i’ve had a lot, but i wanna keep them to myself in case I wanna salvage bits and pieces

9. What are your file name conventions

Depends on the day and the art piece but usually shit like “sorry if this looks gay”, variations of AWOO, “normal”, “k i l l”, “straight people”, etc

10. Favorite piece of clothing to draw

Uhhhh armor (i say like a fucking freak)

11. Do you listen to anything while drawing? If so, what

this nightmare of a playlist

12. Easiest part of body to draw

Uhhhhhhh depends on the day, usually the face

13. A creator who you admire but whose work isn't your thing

iunno, i don’t think abt that

14. Any favorite motifs

A LOT. i cant think of any specific ones rn but i guess. religious imagery is pretty baller. that and super dark palettes with bright neon highlights and accents

15. *Where* do you draw (don't drop your ip address this just means do you doodle at a park or smth)

my room for digital stuff, but i usually bring a sketchbook with me if i’m going out

16. Something you are good at but don't really have fun doing

oughhh coloring and shading

17. Do you eat/drink when drawing? if so, what

usually water. hydration is important 👍

18. An estimate of how much art supplies you've broken

traditional, i have no clue. too many. digital supplies uhhh i didn’t break per se, but two art tablets have given out (my first one lasted years, but the second only lasted a few months coz it sucked booty hole)

19. Favorite inanimate objects to draw (food, nature, etc.)

TREES.

20. Something everyone else finds hard to draw but you enjoy

expression work!

21. Art styles nothing like your own but you like anyways

my partner’s style!! i love it so fucking much

22. What physical exercises do you do before drawing, if any

i do a lot of hand stretches. carpal tunnel was too much of a bitch not to

23. Do you use different layer modes

all the time! always for shading and for glowing bits. multiply and add glow layers my beloved

24. Do your references include stock images

sometimes yea lol. i don’t use refs as much as i should tho

25. Something your art has been compared to that you were NOT inspired by

Too much for me to be happy about it.

26. What's a piece that got a wildly different interpretation from what you intended

i drew a vent piece and people took it as me just being edgy. wild times

27. Do you warm up before getting to the good stuff? If so, what is it you draw to warm up with

somedays i do. usually just shitposts or my sona

28. Any art events you have participated in the past (like zines)

i have participated in 1 (one) collab

29. Media you love, but doesn't inspire you artistically

uhh ace attorney and persona

30. What piece of yours do you think is underrated

is it weird to say a lot of my works? like the finished ones. iunno, i feel like i get overlooked a lot and it’s a cowabummer

#phantom rambles #art talk

[marronbunnie]

9, 23, 26, 30 :3

HI!!!!!! :3

9. What are your file name conventions

i usually draw on ipad so i don't even name them HSIDVHWOEFI whatever the default procreate and medibang names are ... on pc though it's usually the subject's name spelt incorrectly i.e. jyoosh, josh, jyushey, juice, etc...

23. Do you use different layer modes

YES DARKEN LAYERS MY BELOVED i use them soooooo much theyre so good for touchups for me in particular who tends to accidentally start with really desaturated colours and gradually darkens/saturates them as i work on it lol... otherwise i'm not huge on multiply or the other usual suspects just bc it doesn't work super well with my palettes, if i start from grayscale i'll usually use just use gradient maps and wing it from there but occasionally i will throw a hue layer over the top at the end of a piece if the colours don't look very harmonised

26. What's a piece that got a wildly different interpretation from what you intended

i don't really think i draw anything with enough story or symbolism for it to be interpreted in any way other than "wow! nice!" SDKJVN but i'm not a huge shipper so sometimes when i draw two charas for funsies and get ship tags i'm like huh... this reads as ship art? which i don't mind but it's just like an oh. i guess so! kind of moment

30. What piece of yours do you think is underrated

TBH... nothing in particular i think the social media netizens have been very kind to me over the past few years and a lot of the things i post get a lot of love so i'm very grateful ;w;...

if anyone wants to check something underrated out though they should take a peek at this CHUUOKU AU ZINE I PARTICIPATED IN which is really awesome and is only one order away from the first stretch goal!!!!!!!! I DREW JIRO AND JYUSHI TOGETHER FOR IT BTW!!!!!!!!

#kerfuffle interrogation #shameless zine promo

[tearlessrain]

1, 14, 23 for the artist asks :3

thanks! (ask meme)

1. Art programs you have but don’t use I only use Gimp for exporting dds files and generating bump maps, if that counts. photoshop elements 10 is also still languishing on my 15 year old laptop but I can't use the laptop for art at all anymore.

14. Any favorite motifs I fucking love wings. so much. and solar eclipses. I also tend to wind up assigning an animal and/or celestial body to every oc I've ever made but that's not really one motif so much as me needing everything to have a motif.

23. Do you use different layer modes Yeah I'm a huge fan of overlay and multiply, and I'll mess around with others if it works. I do also just paint everything in normal layers sometimes but overlay my beloved.

#ask meme #did you know if you hit ctrl enter instead of shift enter it will just fuckin post #because I sure do now