#sorry for stream of consciousness typing up my thoughts

[bodyfrmabalcony]

actually sorry to be back at this again but i did have slightly more to say about tim and jason (see last post i reblogged)

that post does a lot of analysis that i enjoyed re: their read on what tim is dream hallucinating jason saying re: his own death and i had a couple thoughts i wanted 2 add to that. tldr they r saying that this is wayy more about tim than it is about jason and i super agree. i said something about jason's line saying he killed himself in my tim post from last week, but it was kinda reductive, where i said basically yeah that sure sounds like like a way bruce might describe it!! but i don't really think that's the whole story - my more genuine nuanced take on that is a little more like: it sounds an awful lot like what a scared kid might imagine that bruce saying about what happened to a robin who fucks up, i.e., not something bruce said about jason but something tim is afraid bruce would say (or think) about tim if tim went the same way as jason

being a martyr and a cautionary tale and a failure - his own or bruce's - are all stacked up on top of each other w/ jason, and tim just kind of. has all that. to deal with. the linked post gets way into how tim is reacting to his mom's death, which is so so interesting to me, bc tim is clearly soo scared of his grief disqualifying him from everything else he wants and feels like he needs to do. he's scared he won't be able to be robin bc bruce sees him compromised by his grief, so he's got to grieve Just Right, at the same time that he's basically trying to take on bruce's grief for jason. the kid is in the poster house for Grief Alters Your Life In Ways You Can't Control and he's still trying to grieve correctly. oof.

and back to tim's relationship to jason post-jason's death, it's so interesting in every direction, but specifically a big thing to me is that on some level jason is not real. like he is, obviously, but tim didn't meet him and he's never going to. he's not dick, a man tim can remember as a child and whose apartment he can break into as a slightly older child. he's not bruce, a guy whose basement tim can end up standing in if he tries hard enough. he doesn't! exist! you don't get to meet dead men! jason doesn't need to be pinned down as tim's hero or tim's fear or tim's resentment, bc the most important thing is that he's just a story. he's just an idea.

and then, of course, what do u do when the idea puts a knife to your throat. or puts on bright yellow tights to beat u up in front of your friends. things get really silly!! quoting my own tags on the first linked post just to have them here as well:

#i think constantly constantly about the car crash disaster of #all the things ppl did in their grief after jason died and then #jason comes back. and sees things he was never meant to see #and it's specifically sooo interesting for the ppl who got caught up in the grief but never even met jason #tim looking at the memorial case #cass sitting at jason's grave on his birthday with bruce #like wtf is jason supposed to do w all that grief from ppl he doesnt know for a person he only sort of was #and on the flip side! wtf r the ppl who grieved a story supposed to do when the story walks up to them! #and in some cases. walks up to them holding a knife. #anyway just thinkin

#just saying things about tim and jason once again #i could probably write a whole post about cass at jason's grave too but that's. a whole other kettle of fish #talking tag #sorry for stream of consciousness typing up my thoughts #anyway #tim drake #jason todd #oh god also x3 there's the whole issue where batman fear gas hallucinates jason and almost kills tim #idk how relevant that is but im thinking about like #the times tim puts himself in jason's shoes on purpose #the times he tries his ass off to be in some other shoes entirely #and the times someone else hallucinates him into jason's shoes and almost beats him to death

[faerievampling]

hey! i just found your blog and just read all your stuff,,,, i’m in LOVE. you’re such a good writer!!!

saw that your requests were open and please ignore if this doesn’t vibe with you, but could i please request astarion (ascended or otherwise it doesn’t matter to me) headcanons (or whatever format that’s easiest for you) with a F!reader whose really insecure about her looks and body and her sexual inexperience? like she puts on a really tough front for the world, but when it comes to physical touch and intimacy she’s really nervous.

i’m so sorry if this is way too specific or weird or whatever literally ignore this. thank you so much and i hope you have a wonderful week my love <3

Hi thank you so much. I love doing these and i love this idea and IVE GOT YOU. I hope you enjoy ❤️‍🔥 disclaimer this is kinda just my stream of consciousness and what happened happened lol

Pairing: Astarion x F!Reader

warning: 18+! Explicit.

When you first met Astarion, his devastating beauty and intense flirtations intimidated you.

He was so gorgeous, and you thought yourself incredibly average, certainly not good looking enough to reasonably catch the eye of someone as beautiful as Astarion.

Not to mention—Astarion was so experienced, and you were just the opposite. You had very few sexual experiences, maybe even none at all. It only added to your insecurities about your looks and body.

You hid these feelings well, so much so that Astarion seemed non-the-wiser. He thought maybe you were just cold to him; so he worked even harder to warm you up.

Earning your trust and thus your body became a goal of Astarion’s, and he lavished all his attentions on you.

It irritated you, only because you couldn’t tell if he was being genuine with you. It hurt to think that he was just playing with you.

When Astarion finally sleeps with you, it was something you had both been waiting on, both been yearning for. Because of your cool demeanor and general reserved disposition, it takes you a while to finally trust Astarion. Of course, you had desperately wanted him since you first met him, but you had self control.

Astarion is slow to explore your body, which only adds to your vulnerability. He focuses on your breasts, your hips, all the little erogenous zones you didn’t even realize you had: your ear, the crook of your neck, the back of your knees, the space just above your tail bone on your lower back, even your toes, which he would massage one by one, despite how much it tickled you.

He focuses on making you feel exceptionally good the first night you’re with him, almost like he has something to prove. He’s never had to work this hard to fuck someone before. Poor Astarion! Don’t worry, he will get you back by using your body to pleasure himself. After the first night, you’ll surely be his forever, anyways.

After he’s done exploring the outside of your body, he focuses inward, using his fingers and tongue to explore your entrances. Astarion wants to know all of you. He is definitely the type to want to use all of your available holes if you’re ready and willing lol.

He will want to know the parts of you that have been unexplored by other lovers. This may even be a big deal to him.

But you’re shy, and you try to close your knees, try to cover your breasts or your belly, hiding yourself from him. But Astarion is so genuine in his attraction to you, and his hard cock will speak for itself most of the time.

Whatever imperfection you may have, I imagine Astarion to worship it, and he might even help you learn to love this part of you.

If you’ve told him about your insecurity, he’s very careful to help you overcome it and feel adored.

If you keep your insecurity from him, which I would imagine an aloof and bull-headed Tav to do, he quickly finds out from your first time together. As soon as he pressed his lips to yours, he can sense your hesitation, your walls going up as his hands find your waist.

You quiver beneath him, maybe you even pull away; but Astarion only brings you closer, chiding you for shying away from him.

“You are so beautiful, love, why would you ever shy away from me?”

Whether your a virgin or simply inexperienced, Astarion is very careful with your body: he cares for you, he wants you, and he will use his experienced digits and tongue in you, likely making you come even quicker than he had intended.

He’s endeared by it, humored by it, not laughing at you, per se, but with you. Your innocence cute to him. It just made him want to ravish you further, to see how else your sensitive body responds to him.

I think all versions of Astarion would be into corrupting you and teaching you how to please him, and even yourself.

Since the two of you have come to know each other fully in both body and soul, Astarion would love teaching you how to make yourself feel good. I love the idea of Astarion teaching his darling in the ways of pleasure.

Imagine, years after being with Astarion, the two of you are so happy and known. You would have forgotten what you were so worried about in the first place, because your vampire reminds you just how beautiful and fair you are each and every day.

#astarion smut #astarion #astarion x tav #astarion x you #astarion x reader #astarion x female tav #astarion x f!reader #astarion x f!tav #faerievampling rambles #faerievampling asks answered

[shelbgrey]

Hi! Don't know if you're taking requests but I read your Greys fic 'that's why i don't go to the gym' and was thinking of a sibling!Reader or spouse!Reader getting admitted for some sort of brain injury/ car crash and Derek finding out as he is their doctor.

If you're not taking request, feel free to ignore this! Have a great day!

Hope you like it. Thanks for the request buddie😊

The Ballad of jayne(Derek Shepherd)

Paring: Derek Shepherd x Wife!Reader

Summary: after an argument Derek's wife gets in a car crash due to a storm and drunk driver. Derek doesn't know he's her doctor till last minute.

Warnings: blood, language, car crashes. Not edited.

Greys MasterList

“She was always something special

Diamond shining bright in the rain

Everybody dreams of angels

No one would ever know

How much I love you so”

Looking back now you can't even remember what started the argument. All you could remember it involved the treatment of a patient. That didn't really matter now, during your break you clocked out and decided to drive home.

It was poring down rain, but that wasn't unusual in Seattle I'm used to driving in the rain but as drove down the street I felt uneasy. I didn't know if was the feeling of something bad was gonna happen or the pure anger and remorse of the things me and derek said to each other. We're not the type of couple to fight very often, but tonight was one of those nights.

My thoughts was suddenly interrupted by the brightness of a Stranger's headlights swerving left and right behind me. The lights danced behind me like crazy and shined in my review mirror. The car picked up speed making my stomach turn. I looked both ways and sped up into another laine.

“come, on” I whimpered as the car slid back my direction. I sped up a bit as horns honked at the car I was fighting to avoid. Suddenly the tiers screeched and slid it the side. I gasped as stomped on the brakes. The car flew forward and slid left right into my car.

My heart stopped as I felt my car fly and did a flip into a ditch on the side of the road. I gasped in pain then it all went black as my car landed upside down.

--------(3rd pov)--------

Ambulance sirens filled the area and cops flew to the seen. Y/n was in between concessions and could barely hold onto the seat of the car that was upside down. Tears and blood streamed down her face as her right leg and head throbbed.

“help me” she whimpered.

A young paramedic quickly ran to the car and knelt down to look in the window. “h-hay... Everything is gonna be okay”

“I want Derek” y/n cried out losing consciousness. Her mind went to Derek afraid of there last encounter would be a fight.

“where's Derek?” the paramedic reminded calm and gave her a reassuring smile. “well, we will take you to him, is he your husband?” he asked. She cried and nodded as the pain rised. The paramedic nodded “okay, but first we have to get you out" he carefully opened the driver side door.

“do you trust me?” y/n nodded as the tears got heavier. He smiled. "good.. I'm Tom" he quickly stood up and shouted for the other paramedics and a strecher.

“I'm gonna die” y/n cried. Tom shook his head. “no one is dying”

Y/n nodded still not fully convinced. As the sounds of equipment and metal being cut around her she thought realized how scared she was of dying. Her and her friends family had too many close calls. What if this was the end. She's was afraid of dying, afraid if anyone would care, afraid of leaving Derek and their twins behind.

I'm sorry Derek

It went black again as the firefighters successfully cut the car door off and the paramedics pulled her out to quickly stop the bleeding.

--------(Derek's pov)--------

“Hey, this is y/n I'm probably in surgery or sleeping.. Leave a message and I'll get back to you”

I sighed as I got her voice mail once again. She wasn't answering her phone or pages, which was usual. My chest tightened as I walked around her usual spots in the hospital and found nothing. On top of that no one has seen her since the hour before our argument.

Damn, I had no right to blow up on her. It was stupid. I deserve her silent treatment of whatever this was but now it was scaring the shit of me. I tried her cell once more but I got her voice mail again.

I shuttered as millions of sanaros(mostly negative) play in my head as I roamed the halls. I retraced mysteps until I came a crossed Meredith. Those two being sisters in all have been glued to the hip since intern year. If anyone knew anything it'll be her.

“Hey, Mer have you seeing your Sister?” Meredith looked up from her chart and gave me a concerned look at.

“I figured she'd be with you?” I shook my head with regret. If I didn't yell at her she'd be here I thought.

“maybe she's getting the twins” Mer suggests. I shook my head no. I had already checked there. Before she could suggest anything else Meredith's pager went off. She looked down and saw it was a 911

“crap, I got to go” she padded my shoulder and ran off. I sighed and went to the ER with a sliver of hope she was down there with April or Owen.

As I stepped out of the elevator I saw Amelia and a few others race with a strecher that was caring what looked like a car crash victim. I walked over and saw my sister Calling For a head CT for the male victim. She looked up and saw me.

“there's another one” she said pointing to the left. I looked over and saw the group was shouting and frantically moving around the blood soaked victim. I quickly put on some gloves and raced over were Richard and Meredith was.

“What do we got” I asked. Merdith stopped and looked up at me with tears streaming down her face. My eyes then looked to Owen who was stopping the bleeding with the same look on his face.

When I got closer my life crumbled to the ground. It was y/n. The woman who always had my back and the person I considered my partner in crime was laying on the stretcher.

Everything thing felt numb and the sounds were muffled as I pushed koracick out of the way. My body ran on audio pilot as I checked her eyes and head.

“Derek” Richard exlamims but I ignored him.

“Derek!” he snapped. I looked back at him with hate. “Derek we got it... Step away” he continued.

Koracick tried to get back in but I snapped. “you toach her, it'll be the last thing you'll ever do” he put his hands up in defense and backed up. Him and y/n were friends but I couldn't stand the guy. And if anyone was gonna even get near her brain it's gonna be me...No matter how much it hurt.

I looked around and snapped again. “What are you all standing around for!? She's needs a CT scan, now!” I got ahold of the strecher and raced down the hallway with Meredith and Bailey on my tail.

The tension highlighted as I scrubbed my hands in the sink. I felt the tears prick my eyes as the realization seemed to fall on me like a tone of bricks. I gripped the sink as the the thoughts of fixing the brain bleed ran through my head.

“Derek... If you don't want-” Owen said coming in but I slammed the faucet handle shutting the water off. “don't do anything stupid to her leg” I snapped and walked into the OR.

I sighed and stood next to her holding her hand as she went under anastasia. I gave it one last squeeze as moved up to her head. “it's a beautiful day to save lives” I mumbled.

"oh shit.. Mer's up there" Mark whispered he once noticed she was up in the gallery. He just looked up for a second and he wished he didn't. The realization That he was operating on his best friends wife, practically sister-in-law finally hit. "this is fucked up... This wasn't supposed to happen" he whispered as he watched Bailey dug into her chest.

“shut up Mark” Derek mumbled as he stared into the one Brian he never imagined he would touch or even see.

--------(3rd pov)--------

As the heart monitor beeped Derek silently watched her. “come on baby” he mumbled as he gently held her hand.

“I'm so sorry, come back to me” he mumbled as he held her cold hand his lips and kissed it gently.

She slightly shifted at his touch and her eyes fluttered open. He quickly shot up from his seat next to her and clicked on his flashlight checking her eyes. To his releaf everything was good.

“hay y/n.. Can you say something?” he asked softly. She let out a shaky breath and turned her head towards him. “ouch” she reached up to rub her forehead and to her surprise she felt bandges.

“what happened?” she asked.

“you were in an accident” tears pricked her eyes as flashes of the insadent replayed in her head. “it hurts” she cried. Derek took her hand and sat on her bed.

“your okay now... Your safe” he whispered. Tears pricked his eyes as he moved closer and rested his forehead gently on hers as relief washed over him.

“I'm so sorry... I thought I lost you and-” he started to ramble but her stopped once y/n's hands moved to the sides of his face cradling his face.

“shh.. It's okay, we're okay” she whispered as she wiped away his tears. “I had to operate on you and it was awful” he mumbled.

“it's okay now” she said as she slowly moved to the side and padded the empty area. Derek carefully climbed in the bed avoiding touching any tender spots on her body.

“just hold me please” she asked softly. Derek wrapped his arms around her gently as she rested her head on his shoulder. “I love you” he mumbled and leaned down softly kissing her.

“I love you too” she mumbled as she drift off to sleep. Derek on the other hand just watched her like a hawk. He wasn't gonna risk any post-surgery problems or risk losing her again. The anxiety kept him awake but in the end he knew she was okay. They were both okay and that all that mattered.

#Derek shepherd x reader #derek shepherd imagines #greys anatomy #derek shepherd #greys anatomy imagines #greys #Patrick Dempsey #Meredith Grey #mark sloan x reader #mark sloan imagines

[chubs-deuce]

Hi!!

hiii omgomg, i am literally hyperfixated/so obssessed w ur au rn. i found your blog/acc yesterday and i read all of ur posts AHHH omg… regarding dawn, what do you think her personality is if she grows up? would she be more of her mom or dad and in ur imagination what would her quirks be and etc? (sorry if this was answered already)

Jdjskskdkdksk OMG?? THAT'S SO FLATTERING ACTUALLY-

To answer your question, I've technically already outlined a lot of my thoughts on her personality as she grows older in this post, but that was technically to a barely related question and more of a stream of consciousness that turned into a ramble xD

But obviously I don't mind pulling out some more if you'd like to indulge me a little lol.

When she's younger she's a lot more like her father - mischievous, fun-loving, spiteful and to a harmless degree even a bit manipulative (as in it's never to anyone's detriment) - but as she grows older, there's a lot more of her mother's sympathetic and protective passion coming through too.

Dawn as an adult is temperamental like her father but ultimately well-meaning and has a strong sense of justice - though unlike Charlie she doesn't shy away from breaking rules to get her way if needed.

She's the type of friend in a group that would go to the cashier and declare sternly that you've asked for no pickles and then proceeds to scare the eyerolling jerk behind the counter into compliance >:D

Here's some quirks I can think of lol:

When Dawn gets frustrated or particularly angry, her ears start flapping/twitching pretty hard

She has her mom's ability to control and summon hellfire and sometimes when she's bored she'll just doodle with it in the air a little

She sings a lot (probably more than her mom if given the chance to) and does so with her whole chest lol.

Her dad taught her how to play piano but she likes using those skills for "evil" (i.e. Playing brief little meme songs and ad jingles)

Dawn loves sweets! Some of her beverage concoctions put even some of Charlie's worst hot chocolate builds to shame in complexity and overdoing it on the sprinkles

Dawn can, to a degree, manipulate soundwaves, though not radiowaves like her father. Her skills consist more of manipulating the sound of her own voice or the voices of others. She could hypothetically mimic voices and mute other people temporarily. So far Alastor is the only one able to circumvent this lol

Dawn doesn't have a good Pokerface

Thank you so much for this ask!!! <3 have a good one~

#charlastor fankid #charlastor fanchild #hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel oc #chubs ocs #dawn morningstar #chubs answers

[idontlikeem]

i'd like to talk about grieving, a little bit. as in the past, discussions of death and cancer below the cut, don't read if this will hurt you, etc....i'm having a bad day and i just need to stream of consciousness for a little bit. sorry.

so my mom died. if you've read my personal posts before or whatever, you probably figured that out. it happened on thursday february 15th around noon. luckily we had a bit of notice that it was coming, so i was able to drive down the saturday prior and spend time with her—three full days where she was pretty much still herself, and part of a fourth.

it's been a really hard month. like, obviously. but i think a part of me still wasn't quite ready for it. i don't know how.

my mom was first diagnosed with breast cancer in fall 2011. she had a mastectomy and went through chemo, and that was hard and scary, but it was i think technically considered stage one—a tumor that was definitely growing fast, but it hadn't spread out of the area, like not to her lymph nodes or anything, and with the treatment she went almost ten years totally symptom-free. right at the start of the pandemic, the cancer came back, but this time it was already stage four, and it was in her abdomen and uterus and intestines.

there was a time when we weren't sure she'd live more than a year. endometrial and other reproductive cancers aren't 'sexy' like breast cancer is, they're not widely studied and there aren't a lot of treatment options. when she had breast cancer i hated 'save the boobies' campaigns (and please never donate to susan komen), but now that my family has lived with another type of cancer that doesn't have tits as a draw, i hate them even more.

my mom made it four years, pretty much, since the first diagnosis. she did chemo, and radiation, and went on medication trials, and put her body through hell to try and fight it. she lived longer than i think any of us thought she would.

the problem with that is how long i've been existing in a state of grief.

i've had years to prepare for this. i've thought about it literally thousands of times—how i'd feel, how i'd tell people, what i'd do after. i pictured it, because i was trying to plan. i was trying to get myself ready.

turns out pre-grieving isn't real. turns out you can't get this pain out of the way by experiencing it in advance. much to my chagrin. i'm not sure there was a way to avoid it, though. so here i am, with four years of grief behind me, and not one second of it has made what's going on now any easier.

some days i forget. every time i'm on twitter or instagram, there are posts i want to send her, and then i don't know what to do with myself. for all that my relationship with her had its hard times, she was my mom, she was my best friend. i love her more than anything and i don't know what to do with myself now that she's gone.

i've been sort of just surviving for the last four weeks. my apartment is a mess, i'm barely leaving, i haven't been good at responding to people. so today i thought i'd at least clean up a little. i'd gone to target a day or two before i drove down to my parents', and i figured i would start with those bags, because they were just sitting there.

i'd forgotten that i bought valentine's day cards for my whole family that i wanted to send. one for each of my brothers, one for my dad, one for my mom. i never sent them, obviously, i didn't even bring them with me. i burst into tears when i pulled them out of the bag, and i've been crying pretty much all day since then. i'm never going to pick out a card for my mom ever again.

i also have a notes app file sitting on my phone. she wrote each of us letters, and my dad sent them out to us, but i haven't been able to open mine yet. it's the last new thing she'll ever say to me. how could i possibly be ready for that? how do i know when the right time to read that will be?

one thing my mom wanted was to die at home. she didn't want it to be in a hospital, and i get it. she spent a month in the hospital after christmas, and god knows how much time cumulatively over the last four years. the fact that she was able to push to get home is something i don't understand, because she was so sick—but she did it somehow. she was able to die in her bed.

and i was with her. like. i wasn't just at home, i was with her.

something they don't tell you about having someone die is you have to start arranging stuff before it actually happens. when we woke up on the 15th, we knew it was only a matter of time—her eyes weren't all the way open and her breath was labored, and she couldn't talk, although at first she still tried to say stuff. we sat there with her and kept her company and talked to her. hospice came by around 11 or 11:30, i don't even remember, and said that based on whatever measurements or readings they take (pupils? breathing? i don't know), it would be between 4-8 hours, and he recommended that my dad call the funeral home. because you have to do that first.

so my youngest brother was driving down from where he lives, my middle brother was in his room, my dad was in his room on the phone, and i stayed with her, because....well, of course, right? and i was just kind of talking, and crying, but trying not to...i don't know, beg her to stay? ask for more time? the nurse said she could still hear, they're pretty sure that hearing and understanding what's being said is the last thing to go, and i didn't want her to feel bad or guilty, or to hurt herself in an effort to stay longer even though there's nothing more that i've ever wanted in my life.

so i told her, you know, we'll be okay. it's going to be unbearably sad, and it's going to suck, but all the stuff we did as a family with her—we'll still do it. and we'll be okay. and there's nothing more important to us than her not hurting anymore, not being miserable and stuck and just...not herself. all that matters to us right now is her, and she didn't have to worry about us, because we'd be okay.

and she took in a breath. there was a pause. she took in another one. and she stopped. that was it.

i didn't even realize at first, not right the second it happened. the hospice booklet had talked about a 'death rattle', about how it happens almost all the time, but that it's more distressing for the people with the person dying than them, that they're not in pain. how the fuck would they know that, i'm not sure i believe it, but...it's what i was expecting. that didn't happen, though. she just stopped breathing.

the amount of guilt i felt for my dad being out of the room...i don't know if that will ever leave me. he said it was ok, because he was having to deal with stuff, and he'd spent a lot of time with her and it was fine, but jesus. how do i not feel like i stole that from him?

i've felt like a shell ever since. i'm back where i live, and i'm getting up and going to work and taking care of my dog and trying to stay connected to life, but...i don't know.

how is it that she's gone? how is this possible? how am i supposed to go the rest of my life without her?

i had four years to get ready for this, and i wasn't. i don't think there's any way i really could have been, but still. it doesn't seem fair that it was so hard for so long, and for NOTHING. nothing is easier now.

i'm sick of feeling sad, and hurt. i feel like i should be over it or something? i don't know, maybe just less actively affected? it's been a month. people's parents die all the time, right?

what am i supposed to do?

#personal

[mapletine]

silly celeb au concept sketches (wing photocard next week <3)

+ i have so many thoughts abt this au guys i need to be sedated (don’t open the cut unless u rly want more info bc. there's. A LOT. it will be a wall of incoherent rambling text im sorry)

ok first disclaimers: i know very little abt idols and even less abt modeling so!! if anything is horrifically inaccurate forgive me im stupid!! and also this will literally be stream of consciousness unedited so if it makes zero sense im very sorry

now we begin the madness

some background info: kite was scouted off the street (as he was walking off from pickpocketing someone LMAO) for his height and build, currently very sought after to model for many brands because he’s literally the same as the sketch models on paper so the designers don’t have to compromise on their clothing designs to fit the model, bc he just. looks exactly like the paper sketch. also the white hair is very distinctive!! and his prep/management team is his research team <3 he’s currently the face of several brands, including the zoldyck brand (i see the zoldycks as a very influential family in the fashion/modeling industry, kikyo was a former model until an accident, now she’s focusing on designing, all the kids are involved in the industry somehow, illumi is within the same agency (?is that how modeling works) as kite). he’s in his mid-twenties ish and hes 6'3" - 6'4" (190 - 193 cm)

wing and his idol group debuted a couple years ago (haven’t thought too much about the members, but im thinkin feitan maybe? kurapika?? shalnark?? idk guys maybe he’s a solo act) and they’ve skyrocketed to fame. uhh in terms of content they produce, thinkin something similar to wayv/bts type music (stuff that crowds just eat up LOL like love talk by wayv, luna by oneus that kind of music) and im thinking that wing’s debut look was REALLY BAD (they made the poor man blond) but when they put him back to his normal hair color he got rly popular. he’s had some bad eras where the stylists made him look a little goofy but… he’s good now (his best era was the mullet era). also he was trained by bisky who was a former idol who has retired and she's a legend in the industry… and wing is currently guiding an idol trainee (zushi lol). wing’s in his early-mid-twenties i think and he's 5'9" - 5'10" (175 - 178 cm)

ok and the main 4 fit into this uhh... i think gon is also an idol trainee along w zushi. and killua is currently modeling for a popular teen's clothing brand. i think i mentioned kurapika as being a part of wing's idol group but lowk i think maybe he's an actor instead. leorio is also. an actor. yeah ok there we go

uhhhh ok general thoughts:

i see them meeting at like.. the met gala or its equivalent and they meet when wing trips over kite’s clothes (he’s wearing something with a ridiculously long train and wing isn’t looking where he’s going), and at first wing thinks kite is super standoffish/rude bc he doesn’t apologize or offer a hand when wing trips… he just.. sorta stares at him on the floor for a second then clacks off in his very pointy shoes (he was flustered abt the very pretty stranger who just fell for over him. also he was STRESSED asf) (also the perspective that wing had probably didn't help bc bro was on the floor and kite was staring down at him from a height of like 6'9 with the heels)

afterwards there’s a bunch of pictures and edits of wing falling over all over the internet bc it was kind of funny… and ppl are telling him like “oh my god you tripped over yorknew’s top model the LITERAL FACE of fashion right now” and wing is like “damn i didn’t know also he’s a jerk”… and to kite ppl r telling him “oh my god the country’s MOST POPULAR IDOL tripped on you” and kite’s like “uhhh.. who?” (he doesn’t keep up with the entertainment industry despite being a part of it) and they both search each other up and they both have a moment like “oh my god i fucked up (also he's really hot)”

anyways they continue randomly (not at all random very much orchestrated by the people around them) meeting at things,,, there’s a very awkward apology from kite where he explains (sortof) why he didn’t help wing up… uhh stuff happens they fall in love and start dating LOL (i didnt think abt this part that hard) and for a hot minute there r paparazzi photos circulating of them together and the media is losing their collective shit

fast forward a little bit and they r like “yea we r together LOL” and then u start seeing kite at wing’s concerts in a spectator box staring very lovingly at wing on the stage and wing (and sometimes his whole idol group) starts showing up to fashion shows and wing looks like shellshocked every time kite steps onto the catwalk hes got kind of an awed stare on his face

ok future thoughts:

after abt two? ish years dating (engaged for 6 months out of those 2 yrs) they have an extremely private wedding with only close friends invited, and when ppl start noticing theyre wearing wedding bands (takes a while bc wing usually wears a lot of rings anyways, and kite wears his on a necklace and not on his hand) the media has a collective meltdown. again. (i am the media in this i think. i have meltdowns bc of them.)

um and eventually (around when him and kite get married) wing's idol group splits apart as they all go to pursue individual passions/careers, so now he's workin on his own music/vision. i think his personal music is much more peaceful and vibey than what his old group produced, more gentle love songs and poetic music and whatnot.

and kite steps out of the spotlight and is focusing on nature conservation philanthropy type stuff,, so he'll still step out and model for charity/fundraiser type stuff and he's the face of a large conservation foundation. (also bc sometimes he'll join like.. ocean cleanup initiatives or similar things and like. imagine ur volunteering to pick up garbage on the beach and u literally see like. anya taylor joy and her husband also out there picking up garbage or smthn. that's how the other ppl feel.) hes also a big advocate for no kill shelters and donates a shitload to them i like to think.

so yeah ok if u made it this far bless u!!! i dont really have any coherent storyline thoughts just this aggregation of random world building thoughts ok bye (btw if u have thoughts on this feel free to dm me abt them or tell me what u think in the replies or tags im brain rotting abt this stupid au so hard rn)

anyways im no writer (if u couldnt alr tell from this word vomit) so no fic but i may continue churning out thought fragments like this

#kitewing #silly celeb au

[butler-on-beale-street]

Can I request an Austin Butler imagine where the reader suffers a panic attack and he’s there to calm them down?

This is definitely more of a mini fic than it is an imagine, but I'd assume you wouldn't mind too much!

In a Train Car, Out of My Head | Austin Butler X Reader

Warnings: mention of panic attacks, disassociation, derealization. Fluff. A very supportive Austin. :)

Word Count: 1K

Rating: PG

“Baby, you don’t have anything to worry about,” Austin assured you, pulling you close to him as you waded through the tight crowd of commuters bustling through the New York City subway. 

“I uh– I. I–” You sputtered, attempting to explain the way you were feeling to him, but nothing came out. This part of the subway was particularly dim, the only source of light consisting of a few bursts of light pouring down the stairs from the busy New York streets, and several poorly-maintenanced incandescent light panels above your head. You took a moment to begin counting the panels as you felt your anxiety building. After a moment, you closed your eyes as Austin pulled his arms protectively around you. It was hard to discern rational thought from the screaming whistles, shouting people and the screech of the trains. Your only choice was to dissociate. One thing that this station had going for it was acoustics. Your brain couldn’t help but wander, perusing the obvious reason why buskers so often choose busy train terminals to set up impromptu performances. Somewhere deep within the labyrinth of the New York City underground, you could hear the brassy twang of a trumpet bouncing off of the walls, adding yet another dimension of noise. 

“Baby?” You felt Austin shaking you from your moment of dissociation. “Baby…” His tone lifted with concern.

“Huh? What?” You finally responded, pulling yourself out of the stupor. You were breaking out into an anxious sweat, and you were hyper aware of the sticky sensation covering your body. All of the noise drilled into you, scraping at your ability to focus. 

“Are you okay, baby? You look terrified.” You weren’t surprised that he could see your obvious discomfort. 

“I’m not used to this.” You almost had to shout over the noise. You turned your head out, bringing yourself to look at the crowd again. Your words were clipped and void of your usual tone.

 “Well, you’re not used to this type of transportation, at least,” Austin answered, stepping to your side, holding your hand as businessmen and women folded themselves sideways to snake through the terminal. “LA is a huge city, but the culture is different here.” You didn’t answer. Instead, you tried your best to pull your consciousness back into your body. 

The train arrived in a hurry. You didn’t have much time to sit there on the platform panicking. Austin pulled you into the train and into the least busy corner imaginable, which still ended up being packed like sardines. A baby was crying beside you and you watched as the mother tried to coo the infant back to sleep.

You didn’t realize it, but you were beginning to hyperventilate, feeling the increasing discomfort at the back of your throat begin to pull into more and more tension, your senses blurring with overstimulation. You felt your insides churning in some sort of undulating cold-heat sensation that was beginning to send you further into a panic attack. 

“Hey, hey.” Austin said, adjusting in his seat to face you, realizing what was happening. “Y/n. Open your eyes.” He said a bit too intensely. “I’m sorry, baby. Can you please open your eyes and look at me?” You heard him talking to you, his deep voice beginning to break up the disconnection in your head. You opened your eyes slowly, immediately squinting from the unnatural light streaming into the train car. “Where are you and what do you see?” He asked, running you through a diagnostic you had done many times before. 

“I am in New York City with you inside of a train car.” You answered slowly. “It’s cramped in here.”

“Very good. What do you hear?” He said, taking both of your hands. You felt his thumbs stroking across your knuckles. 

“Um. Uh– it is loud. There’s an annoying baby.” Austin looked over at the mother, watching her grimace at your comment. He mouthed a quick sorry before looking back at you. 

“What else?” He asked.

“There’s a metallic screeching I don’t like,” you admitted, feeling the vibration and shrieks of the car connecting to the track underneath you. “I can hear my heartbeat in my ears. Too many people are talking,” You said.

“How about touch?” What is touching you?” Austin asked softly. He was always so patient with you, willing to take you through this technique every time things just seemed to overwhelm you. 

“You are. You’re holding my hands. I don’t mind it.” You squeezed his hands a little, reassuring him that you appreciated him. “I feel the hard seat underneath me. It’s warm from previous passengers. I don’t like that.” You always felt free to be honest with Austin and you knew that he wouldn’t judge you. You watched his expression, noticing a small smirk of amusement beginning to grow before he sucked in his lips to attempt a more subtle reaction.

 “Mmhmm, what about smell now?” He added. 

“It smells stale and like body odor.” You answered honestly. “Also a bit like restroom cleaner.” 

“Can you taste anything?” He asked, arriving at the final sense. 

“No, not really.” You realized after a moment that although you still felt anxious, you felt like yourself again; you no longer felt like you were watching your body from above, like your movements weren’t your own, but someone else’s. 

“I’m with you. You are safe. We will be there in less than ten minutes.” He said, giving you information that comforted you. “We’ll get a car back to the other side later today. I think you’ve had enough public transit for one day,” he said, leaning in and kissing you softly on the top of your head. 

“C’mere,” he added, adjusting himself comfortably in his seat, opening his arms for you to curl into him. “You’re okay. You’re okay.”

If you would like to be added to my taglist, fill out this form!

taglist: @jolovesfandoms@frapppee@theliterarybeldam @butlersluvbot @belletjee @smckinney @sh3lov3dyou @iloverandymeeks @vcngexnce @calumbroutledge @gordonramsayswife@lolacoop-blog@butlersbitxh@shimmeringlights44 @cozacorner @anangelwhodidntfall @mpmarypoppins @stargiirl27 @twas-not-my-lips-you-kissed @kairoclerosis @she-is-juniper @stargirl25 @hounddogbutler

#my asks #nonnie #Austin butler #Austin Butler #Austin Butler Imagine #Austin butler imagine #Austin butler x reader #Austin Butler X reader #Austin butler fanfiction #Austin butler fanfic #austin butler #austin butler fanfiction #austin butler x reader

[whalehouse1]

@thefaeriefeatherdark Sorry, I just haven't had either the time nor the energy to write up a response to your thoughts on the AU and I apologize because this is basically stream of consciousness and not edited, but a few things about my 3 Superboys AU, which thanks to Jon is technically 5 but another time.

Okay, the Superboy AU has actually gotten worse thanks to Leah Williamson (long story, but now we have two Jons). But to answer your questions as best I can given my limited Super family knowlege. Connor is a Cadmus creation, he is straight up the series origins. Made by Cadmus with Lex's funding with Lex's and Clark's DNA. The main difference is he is the first attempt at being cloned and Cadmus lies and tells Lex the clone had deteriorated once he was out of his clone tube. If you want to add Contessa to this, you could have her doing this to spite Lex. I know nothing about her besides what you said in your post, but I'm sure she has good reasons to be spiteful to Lex. And you know to try to keep and groom a Superboy on her own.

As for Lena Thorul, I know nothing about her, but since I am a fan of random characters from Kara's original series (I want that trade if it will ever exist), I don't see any issue with her being involved. My only issue with Kara in your idea, is I hc her around the ages of the original Teen Titans from the comics. At most a year younger, only because I think it's funny that Dick will call her an old hag even though he's physically older, but she's older than even Clark by a decent amount.

I mean all three are Clark and Lex clones, so they will look alike, but as Connor and Kon do have other's DNA mixed in with them (Maik is the only 100% just those two's DNA), they're can be variation. I think Connor looks distinct enough, it could have just been the cartoon style, but he seems more muscular and taller. He's more of a football player, while Kon is more Baseball player in terms of general build (it's a very bad description, but the best way I can explain it without drawing it, sorry). And Maik is 12, he's baby shaped. But he's basically built thicker than Jon, but not really by much since again, babies. Connor doesn't have the earring like the other two do, but I think Maik in terms of appearance does get mistook as Kon's younger brother since they look a lot alike. Maik has much better fashion sense though, cause is it Kon if he is dressed well? Maik has the gray eyes from the movie cause they're very striking compared to everyone else's bright blue ones. I also just like grey eyes and there's not a lot of of them in comics. So Kon and Maik will look alike and will argue about who stole whose look, but it comes down to just their age and clothing. I think Maik will end up looking a bit more different when he gets older, but I think those two will resemble each other the most with the eyes and fashion being their difference sadly. As for their outfits, don't they all need those super awesome jackets? Connor sadly gets his black shirt and pants, it's boring, but you know which Super it is when you see this. I did liker Kon's outfit in Kelly's run and YJ98, but Maik's would start out as the same as in the movie, but I think he would keep a more subdued coloration in his outfit. I also think as he gets older, he would make his costume more punk-rock than just spiked shoulders. I'm not sure how exactly, but I like him having a music industry plant type of idea behind his creation and so I want to incorporate music styles into his older costume if that makes sense.

Well, we have how many Flashes now? It should be fine, right (laughing in DC's inability to give codenames to established heroes for mantle passing)? They would get new codenames, but I haven't thought that far ahead yet. Also their names would have to use some of their personality and stories (Nightwing coming from Clark's story, Troia coming from Donna's stay on the Greek Moon planet thingy, Tempest coming from his water magic, etc.). So that would take a bit to get a good codename for them. But them and both Jons would evolve into having their own codename. Kara at last could go for Superwoman (since as far as I know there isn't one running around (watch me be wrong and there's like 5).

Oh, I completely forgot about Matrix. I want to say since the goal of this AU is to give Ma and Pa Kent the biggest amount of grandchildren, I want to at first instinct say yes, but from what I remember about that, it's still just Kara just merged with another. Also, I just didn't enjoy the bits I've seen of it. But since I haven't read the whole story, I'm not going to say definitively no, but that was just a weird bit of Supergirl's history to me, but not enough for me to just, "yay, no" it. If you want those, ask me about Nightwing XD.

As for the "it's gotten more complicated" it might actually be more fun for you, since you like the paternity bit more, but again I haven't had a chance to read Kon's solo yet (I've been reading from the beginning and I haven't made it to Superman comics yet and until the 90's, there's not really any writer who I'm just going to skip (I can't with Dixon anymore. He can write good plots, but he's such an awful garbage person and it bleeds through too much for me. And actually between him and Fitzmartin, I almost started to hate Tim, but one of his fans actually helped me with that), so I still have awhile and time is a dick. But to the actual point, Connor is the first actual clone, but he isn't "alive" to the world as Contessa is keeping him a secret from Lex and so Lex decides to cut his losses and tries again and that's how we get Kon, but Kon on top of Lex and Luthor's DNA also has Westfield's DNA in the mix. So he'sd the first clone the world gets to know. As for where Contessa and Cadmus is storing Connor, I'm not 100%, since I really, really hated the clone tube, so they probably have a facility underground that they "trained" him in so that he would be perfect for their nefarious schemes. He 100% will keep Wolf, I don't know if it would be from an Outsiders' mission or a one off mission with the Titans, but he's getting Wolf. And I'm fine with him on the farm, the Supers can come and go from there and since it's centrally located, it's not a bad place for him to join up with others. He doesn't have flight, but he's fast and can jump. Also he can get the stickers from Lex again and one of the heroes could probably figure out a way to replicate them without the addiction issue, there's enough scientist to figure it out. I know absolutely nothing about Indigo, but as long as she isn't going to take him to the Legion of Superheroes I'm fine with it (still bitter about that arc with Kara in the show, it just never sat right with me). But I do like your idea of him staying at the Outsiders HQ until Clark invites him to the farm. I think Connor has more of a relationship with the Kents than Clark, because Clark just doesn't know him and after Kon doesn't know how to deal with this new, but older clone. And he has to deal with raising Jon, so he can't just drop everything to help raise this kid he never knew existed. I think it makes him more understandable than what YJ did with him where he just came off as a prick. The powers are right, the heat vision and cold breath aren't as strong as Clark or Kara's, but that can be enhanced with the shields and that's ofc where the flight comes in as well. I do think he has the most strength out of the three in terms of raw physical power. Kon's TTK though obviously wins in terms of actual strength.

Now, because I just want to make things over complicated for no reason, I get you like cybernatics, but as I'm not a big sci-fi fan, when Maik was being cloned, in an attempt to see if they could remove the kryptonite weakness, they had some red kyrptonite in the room where they were cloning him. He still has the weakness, but instead it warped his Kryptonian abilities to an extent. So for example, he has heat breath and frost vision. His superstrength isn't as strong as the others, but (thanks to your boiling water Kara thing), I think he has the strongest durability out of the Supers. This wasn't meant to contradict you, I just think it's funny Kara doesn't want to get him hurt, but if he's not around kryptonite, the kid could get punched by every other Super at full strength and he'd barely feel it. He's still strong and could punch a hole through a solid steel building without a problem, but he's losing the arm wrestling contests. He is also the one Lex had the most see-over on though so he is the smartest since he was basically being taught by Lex approved tutors and that. He also since he actually is the one clone that "got to be a kid" and if the aging thing was retconned, I'm fine with it, he started out as an actual kid, so he and Jon actually are one year apart (Jon's a year older, kid Jon, not teen Jon, as I said it got complicated, but another day), and he would have absorbed some of Lex's "morals", so he could have a good character arc of growing out of that greed inspired mindset and learning to see humans as humans. I do think the Danvers would be a great set for this. The Kents would be too, and they 100% get to help with their grandson, but the Danvers had Kara, who was a teen when they adopted her, with (depending on the timeline) good or bad Kryptonian ideaolgies and previous connotations on Earth and its inhabitants. So they have more experience with that than the Kents. Also, since he and Jon are essentially the same age and Maik starting as an antagonist, that would be a good start for them since it would give a chance of kids figuring out things and influencing each other and given what Jon has been through, it's not like he's 100% rainbows, unicorns and sunshine. He's been through the ringer, possibly more than any other Super, 3 years under Ultraman torture will do that to a person. More so, being left for dead and having to watch that person living your life. But yes, as Kon would have YJ and Connor would be best (for me personally) for the Outsiders with helping out the Titans and YJ at times, Maik would fit in perfectly with the amount of child heroes that exist right now. He might feel redundant if he joined up with Damian and Jon and the people I have on their youth team I have, but what's the harm in having two supers? But even excluding that fact, there's a large amount to make a team out of. And heck, he could even start on my Damian team, butt heads with him (not hard to do) and take a few with him to make his own team and get some of the others Damian couldn't recruit. Even more fun if it splits up the West twins so Wally and Linda have to listen to who has the better team at dinner at least twice a week. And for villains, they would have to fit a theme for him to grow, so if I were to write stories for him, I would want to figure out a good balance for that. I would have to think of a few examples, but someone targeting him for being Lex's son, clone, "hero", "weapon" wouldn't be bad, someone who isn't able to control their actions for one reason or another, I think an evil Toyman would be good to as well, a villain who wants the spotlight (like Punchline, but not as annoying, sorry I just don't like her), he'd be very good for a social media type of villain or a eugenics villain. There's potential for others, but for villains, I think the moral theme for the story should come before their gimmick for a good story (can you tell I'm a batbrat?).

As for the DNA samples, I think it'd be a cute story that Maik and Jon are wanting to be the babies (the twins come in after this so it's all pointless), and also just worried that since Cadmus and Lex both have had access to controlling all three clones, with each one being a stronger control (Maik even having a microchip just in case that Kara made inert whether through Kandor or heat vision, doesn't matter, but one of those), teaming up and Jon using some lockpicking skills he get from Damian and Maik knowing the layout of the building, breaking and entering and destroying the DNA samples Lex has and scanning the building for anything he could possibly use for more DNA and eradicating it. It doesn't even have to be a stressful comic, just a fun little one of them having fun destroying untold and unsolvable property damage to Lex Corp. Everyone wins. And I'll give you this for the cybernetics and Lex being more involved with him, we can give him electric touch. So he could be a human taser or stronger. Lightning has been shown able to incapacitate the Supers, so it wouldn't be a bad thing for Lex to put into the one he has the most control over, until he defects. But now relooking at the timeline you gave me, I don't know if Contessa could have been around for all three cloning attempts. If so, Maik could be the one she doesn't lie about to Lex, but if she couldn't have been in charge for Connor, the pettiness isn't needed. But I do like them lying to Lex that Connor was a failure, so when he finds out he's still alive and functioning, he tries to be a "good" dad with the stickers and to give him resources that Connor knows better than to accept after the incident with the stickers.

#kon kent #connor kent #michael kent #kon el #maik el #superboy #superboy au #3 superboy au #the saddest part is the Jon thing isn't even hard to explain but separate post and I really want to write it #cause kid Jon gets to go ballistic on Teen Jon and Clark but Clark didn't do anything wrong #and it gets rid of the creep that is Jay #I just know I spelt Kandor or Candor wrong but I'm not looking it up I know comics change spellings #and I'm not saying Maik has to be tied into music #but I do like the idea of music being used for inspiration for him in a way but not the big thing if that makes sense

[happyhappysparkle]

gimme that Beautiful Hell and one shots (pretty please 👉🏻👈🏻)

Oooh fun, thanks for asking!

There's not a lot in my oneshots folder, but I fell in love with Heller about a minute and a half into Starfield, so I started writing a little Heller/Spacefarer thing. What can I say, I guess I love me a snarky boy with a rock collection 🤷‍♀️

Heller's never been the best or the brightest. He's always known it. He's good at his job, sure. Smart enough to know how to get ahead in it. He makes sure the folks under him work hard enough and work safe enough. Lin trusts him, and they get along. He's made a name for himself in her crew. Which is not hard, really, when the only competition is a bunch of half-drunk dusties from the kind of bum-fuck systems the rest of the universe forgot. Most of them just want to clock in, meet their quotas - just barely - and get paid at the end of the week. Guy like Heller puts in a little extra effort, shows he knows what he's doing, and the boss notices. So when a new batch of recruits filed in one boring afternoon on some boring old rock in the middle of nowhere, he was expecting more of the same. And that's mostly what he got, until he got to her. She'd been staring all around the place while she waited in line for processing. Fidgeting, antsy. So when the line had moved along and he called her up to the desk, he'd figured she probably wasn't all there. They get all kinds in this line of work, and she wouldn't be the first zone-head. But then he called her over, and her gaze snapped to his face. The green eyes she fixed on him were piercing. Intelligent. Way too damn sharp for her own good. It caught him off guard, and he glanced down at her file to cover it up.

Your Beautiful Hell is a Deacon/Sole Survivor thing about soulmates who really, really don't want anything to do with all that fate bullshit. It's pretty early stages, but here's a snippet from the first chapter, their first 'meeting' through the telepathic link they share. It's not a happy scene.

TW: Deacon has PTSD-type flashbacks of his wife's death. There's mention of blood, a dead cat, and Barbara's corpse.

He closes his eyes and tries to ease the link open slowly. The overwhelming emotions from her side flood through, crashing over him. Deacon inhales deeply, letting the burn of the smoke seep through him, focuses on the feelings coming from her end of the link. Pain. Her knees where they hit hard ground, the burning on her arm, same place as his. She doesn't seem to be injured. Freezing cold. Fear, panic, confusion. A strange chemical smell. Frantic thoughts. Ohgodohgodohgod... Nate, Nate, fuck...Open, come on, open up for fuck's sake! Oh god, baby, what do I do? What do I do? You'd know, you always knew what to do. What would you do? Oh fuck, oh god, I have no idea. I — I promise, baby, I'll find him. I'll find Shaun. Oh god, I'm so sorry, baby. I can't stay here, I — The stream of consciousness comes to an abrupt halt, and he realizes she's just become aware of him. There's a moment of utter silence, and then another scream tears through the link, wordless grief and anguish and raw fury ripping through her and, by extension, him. It punches Deacon in the gut, forcing the air from his lungs, doubling him over. He sees flashes. Barbara, their little farm. Evening sunlight streaming in through the windows. Her blood pooling on the scrubbed wooden floor of their kitchen. The stray cat she'd taken in, its limp body sprawled next to hers. He struggles to draw a breath, choking on air like it's water. Her thoughts flood into his head, panicked and angry and drenched in loss and sorrow. No, I don't want this, I don't want another, I had mine already, goddamnit. I want him back, I want Nate back and our baby and — The rest dissolves into incoherent sobs and he feels her shove the link away hard. It makes him think of being pushed from the top of a skyscraper, the sensation of falling rapidly away from her and the simultaneous promise of impact as the ground rushes toward him. Deacon chokes down a ragged breath, tears streaming down his face, and collapses into the dirt. Barbara's blank, staring eyes are the last thing he sees before darkness takes him.

#fanfic writing #my wips #fallout #fallout 4 #fallout fanfic #deacon #starfield #heller #vectera

[pancake-breakfast]

Will I get through all the chapters by the weekend? Unlikely. But at least I can get through a couple more tonight.

Stream-of-consciousness thoughts for TriMax Vol. 6, Chapters 3-4 below.

Note: Several references to Stampede's aesthetic choices below.

Chapter 3: Cross X Assassins

Goshdarn, we had to start out with Legato, didn't we? This is pre-spider-smash Legato, but still.

Legato's idea of a game sucks. There's a reason Vash didn't want to play. A GOOD reason.

A;ALJSDF;LAJDL;F This sopping wet cat... I want to wrap him in a towel like a burrito and hope he doesn't kill me and feels marginally better about the world when he inevitably gets free. That's the best anyone can do for him, really, and more than he deserves.

Oh, look. Elandira's already got him wrapped up like a burrito.

He remains alive out of sheer stubbornness to get Knives-sama to someday notice him.

Elandira reading El Gato like a book here.

Hahahahahaha, now he's literally sopping wet.

"They anger me to the point of madness!!" You don't say....

Oooooh, Double Fang I know. Trip of Death is new.

He looks soooooo bummed that he doesn't get to go play with them. I'd feel sorry for him if it wasn't for **redacted**.

Man, all these people and their bikes. Are bikes like this practical in sand? My family was never one of those "go to the desert and ride around" types... but from what I remember, that was mostly done on quads. Eh, I guess bikes are what Nightow really wanted to draw.

LOL, they have so many guns....

That gate looks like a church door.

I don't trust this dead-eyed kid.

Dude. Don't do drugs, kids.

Pffftthahahahaha, Legato's so happy that things are going sideways with the meeting. Only he gets to be the special one!

I'm actually really looking forward to learning about the Eye of Michael. They didn't come up in '98, so their presence was a surprise to me in Stampede.

Cross assassins, indeed.

So much for their fancy gate.

Ohhh, that is definitely a ship, isn't it.

Ok, so the dead-eyed kid mentioned this place having three towers... and the more I look at it, the more I'm getting crucifixion imagery vibes. Like, you have the prominent one in the middle that's Jesus's cross, and it's flanked by the smaller ones a little further back that were the crosses of the thieves. Maybe I'm stretching a bit. I dunno.

His ability to retain all his clothes after roiding out is impressive.

"Joe Tooth," huh? That's a terrible name.

Eyyyy, look at all those familiar-looking crosses! I'm sure that's not ominous or problematic in the slightest!

Elandira was supposed to be hosting this meeting, but Legato's taking charge again.

So much for the newcomers. Check out that mask, though. Now I know where Stampede's inspiration came from, especially given that Nightow asked them to up the tech in the series.

Ew. Ew ew ew ew. Surely there was somewhere better for him to keep them? What the hell happened to his tongue? I have a lot of questions and I'm not sure I want the answers to any of them... but man, is this boy dedicated to his terrible, terrible game.

Chapter 4: Death Omen

Ahhhh, what a great title page of Knives! Like, he's got all the blades out, but his face is so calm, they might as well be groceries. A wonderful contrast that highlights his casual relationship with extreme violence.

So, apparently, Stampede got the inspiration for its Knives ass shots from Maximum, too.

Also, who's letting him wander around in public??? He shouldn't be allowed out and about. No, Elandira does not count as a responsible babysitter.

Arrrrrgggghhhh, he's doing that thing where he looks too similar to Vash. A sad Vash. He looks like sad Vash.

This guy gets it. That's the doctor, right?

Elandira, getting off on the prospect of violence.

I like how you can tell who it is just by the silhouette here.

The doctor knew Knives as a boy? Just how old is this man??

Goshdarnit, Vash is wanted for the death of this guy, and he's just prancing around all alive like it's NBD. Rude. At least have the grace to be dead if you're gonna be involved in a plot to frame someone for killing you.

This is actually really poignant. I think it's the first solid suggestion we've had that Knives wasn't born a genocidal maniac.

Sooooo many plants. Stampede took heavy inspiration from this, too.

Look at these skrungly boys being skrungly.

Body horror time!

Her hair....

Knives doesn't look like he's in a forgiving mood. Can't say I blame him, all things considered.

Good to see him doing the "My name is Millions Knives and I have lots of blades" thing, I guess?

Yeah, I'd panic a bit if I saw a giant scythe manifest in the middle of town, too.

Looks like Knives is having some trouble controlling his angel (?) arm, too.

HIS HAIR!!!! D:

Of course, he immediately starts putting two and to together with Vash's hair. Now if he can just make the connection that Vash using all that power is his fault.

Goodbye, Conrad. We hardly knew thee.

Vash senses something's wrong with his brother. I wonder if he can guess what.

You know, that really adds some weight to the chapter title, Death Omen. The Death Omen is the dark hair, but Vash has been carrying that around since Fifth Moon.

Archive

Trigun Volume 1: Covers + 1-3, 3 Detailed Thoughts, 4, 4 DT, 5-6, 5-6 + DT, 6 DT, 7-8, 9-10 || Volume 2: Covers + Extras, 1, 1 Supplemental Research, 2-4, 5-6, 7-8

TriMax Volume 1: Covers + 1-2, 2 DT, 3-4, 3 DT, 5-6 || Volume 2: Covers + 1, 2-4, 5, 6-7 || Volume 3: Covers + 1-3, 4-5, 6-7 || Volume 4: Covers + 1-2, 3-5, 6-7 || Volume 5: Covers + 1-2, 3-4, 3 DT, 5-6 || Volume 6: Covers + 1-2, 2 DT

#trigunbookclub #trigun maximum #volume 6 #pancake thoughts

[scamuel-likely]

Week 2 of writing workshop with @books @bettsfic:

Paying Attention

Observations:

The walk down from my house into the town is one my feet take to as naturally as a falcon to flight. This is a walk I do daily, my battered trainers hitting pavement, sweeping across tire-streaked tarmac, and then hopping onto pavement again. After that initial road is crossed, I jaunt parallel to it until I come to the ever-familiar buildings, that pop up daily in my life like fan favourite characters in a sitcom. The shop where I was yelled at by a crazed employee, the pub that used to be one of my favourite restaurants, the tiny park where I recognise a student who is smoking a spliff behind a tree, the hairdressers where I see Paul in the window and turn away, so he doesn’t have to see my shaggy, messy, in-dire-need-of-a-cut hair. My college sweeps past me, all red bricks and empty classrooms; two weeks until they’re full of whispered laughter and overworked lecturers. After this, I stop. I stand at the maw of the high-street, watching shops spill out before me.

My brother and his girlfriend are sitting in a coffee shop somewhere within that sprawl. Probably the one next to the cinema.  Not wanting to interrupt some romantic middle-of-the-afternoon meet, I instead head to a new place that’s opened in the recent student housing development by the college. It’s directly opposite the angry, pockmarked, cinderblock of a building that is the disused bookshop. I eye up seats through the utterly spotless floor-to-ceiling windows and pick one that has a decent view of the whole place. A plush leather chair pulled up against an ovular table. Perfect for writing and avoiding eye contact from my fellow denizens.

I enter the shop, walk to the counter, and grab a rhubarb & apple sparkling juice. The guy behind the counter has short-cut dusty hair and awesome piercings. He’s wearing a little chain with a silver boot hanging on it and I really want to ask what it’s about but instead I ask for an apple shortcake. He hesitates for a second, comes around the counter to my side and starts looking at the cakes. He can’t find the pastry and I start to think I’ve conjured it up and I’ve made a fool of myself in front of this really nice guy. But then I see it and point it out to him. He apologises profusely and I do as well. He calls the cash machine a queen, and I laugh, but I’m so conscious of how awkward I must seem. I pay for my stuff and dash away to my seat.

I can hear the clicking of a uni student’s acrylic nails on a MacBook.  

I start to worry if this coffee shop experience is too similar to the example prompt on the Betts post. I shakily sit and start to type stuff and I’ve gotten to this point, and I don’t really know what my observations are, really. I’m just sort of stream-of-consciousing this shit and no one wants to read that. The couple who I sat next to have gotten up and left and I try to recall their conversation.

Okay, nothing.

It’s hard to snoop on people, and I’ve been listening to music this whole time so that probably (definitely) hasn’t helped.

No, no I can do this.

He was talking to her about this person that he works with who always sits too close to him, or something to that effect. He had to take a call and she looked out the window, which I thought was funny because most people these days whip their phones out if they have to wait. But she looked out the window. At the empty road and the beaten-up, cherry red ROAD CLOSED sign lying by a grassy verge smattered with dandelions. Maybe she was doing this contest. Unlikely but you know. If she is, then hi! Also sorry if I got the conversation topic wrong. Also, doubly sorry if he was your best friend or cousin or something. I assumed y’all were a couple but like then again that was a random assumption based on literally no evidence, save for proxemics.

If I was making this as a film, I would first put the camera over the road looking in, to get an extra sense of detachment from the scene occurring within. I'd pan along the window, positioning various characters so they'd all be visible; like a little diorama. Everyone would wear one specific colour each. Just for fun. And for style. We cut to an extreme close-up of laté art slowly dissolving into a mist of milk as a manicured hand stirs a teaspoon around the deep, bowl-like, earthen coffee cups this shop uses. Smoke drifts from a barely smoked cigarette sitting neatly in a glass ashtray. A folded newspaper sits in the centre of the table. We pan from this up to the face of our protagonist; an elegant elderly woman with silicone-framed glasses and a charcoal pinstriped suit. A handbag rests on her lap. Within it is, oh, I don't know, classified documents. Of course, there's no smoking in this cafe, and probably no documents in that handbag. She finishes her coffee and leaves, wearing not a sleek grey suit but a frumpy off-white cardigan.

The only others in the shop now are two people on their computers, same as me. I’m on the other side of the place to them and I’m stealing glances over whenever I can. One of them has stickers all over her Mac and I wish I could get a better look cause there looks to be a trans flag over the Apple symbol, but it could just be my colour blindness playing up again like it did earlier when I was looking at these 80s Japanese robots of my childhood. It turns out one of them was, like, green, not blue. Honestly eyes, why have you deceived me so?

The other computer person gets up and leaves the shop, glancing back at the MacBook girl, something left unsaid lingers in the air between them, static and tangible. She gets up and leaves a few minutes later, shrugging on a pink parka. I should probably go soon too. One fleeting glance at the counter to catch the eye of the barista, but he’s gone, eddying away in the wind of missed opportunities, down and down till he becomes just another face among many.

Home now. The sun sunk as I rose up the hill, casting longer and longer shadows. My original plan for this wasn’t to be the world’s most awkward observer but instead, to call back on memories of last week. I had sat down in my rocking chair, ready to sequester myself away in the observations of a past version of me, one who had done the humorous and dichotomic thing of paying attention in Bristol University’s art gallery, but not the art. As of last Wednesday, I had noted everything from this gallery that had caught my interest, save the paintings and sculptures that adorned the walls. A strangely chipped bit of marble flooring, the milk-bottle glasses of a janitor cleaning a statue, the vivid way a teacher described Monet's paintings to his bored-looking gaggle of field trip kids. But when I tried to go more in-depth, to construct a narrative from these lot, I found I couldn’t. As much as I wanted to stipulate if the janitor was half-blind from a car accident, or if the teacher had tried and failed to be a painter, I found I couldn’t flesh these out. I wanted something fresh, something more tangible.

And so I left that Bristol Wednesday behind and forged forward, an expedition to write in real-time. I think the only thing this has really made me attentive towards is my own inner monologue, and my tendency to overthink things. Which is not too dreadfully interesting for you wonderful Tumblr people (Tumblrians?). Maybe I've wasted an hour of my life jotting random things down. Maybe it's helped me put things into perspective.

Addendum:

Victorian single-glazing has convinced me to write one more, less utterly prosaic, observation:

The screams of cars, a cacophony of petrol and steel. Jarring, at first. Soon, it'll be background noise. A harsh accompaniment to the soft dawn chorus. A polluting alto to the chattering soprano of birdsong. Great gas-guzzling juggernauts, screeching wasp-like motorbikes, thrumming sleek electric sportscars. A mirror to the sharp call of a red kite, the light twittering of sparrows and the lilting tones of bluejays.

#tumblr writing workshop with betts #week 2: paying attention #creative writing

[moonjxsung]

Okay I have a weird ass question for you, but I’m so curious after seeing one of the writers I follow using dark mode to write 🥲 also it’s been a while so this is gonna be unnecessarily long sorry.

You already said everything is light mode for you (AS IT SHOULD BE) but what font do you use when you write I feel that’s also really important to know like are you an Arial girlie or a Times New Roman girlie

I’m also so curious about your writing process aaah I was just remembering some things I learned during this creative writing class and how everyone has a type of writing style. I myself create a separate document with everything I intend on writing for the story, so like a brainstorm of the plot, then I go on to write on the main document. And I thought everyone was like that but this guy in my class just went into the document and wrote with no plan and I????

Another thing I do is because I have mild dyslexia, I have a TTS voice read my story back to me so I can notice any mistakes. It is incredibly weird to have an AI voice reading you some shit but alas.

Do you have any weird quirks like that? I find your writing is always so good and polished, I always wondered how you managed that without a beta reader (especially on your longer fics!)

Anyway, sorry for the long ask 🙃 I’ve been super busy at work so I still haven’t read your new fic, but I’m planning on sitting down this week with my cat in my lap and drowning in your words 🩷

Hope you’re doing well Star 🧚‍♀️

~🌷~

HI BABY I MISSED YOUUUUU !! 👼🫶

I AM SOOOO SCARED TO ANSWER THIS U GUYS ARE GONNA CLOWN ME SO BAD 💔💔

Okay number one I use light mode for literally everything and my phone is always on full brightness and usually full volume. As it should be 😔 and I am ALSO a default settings girly at heart, which means I just use whatever the document opens up to. Arial font size 10 I think? I just open the document and rawdog everything like nothing gets adjusted it just…. Is there 😔 and I start typing 😔 I ALSO wrote Reckless Convictions with absolutely no plan, I just went based off a poem I wrote for my ex and the rest was stream of consciousness 🏃‍♀️ when I publish my fics I just read them over maybe once or twice and then check for errors when I copy over to here. I should probably develop better habits but I’ve just been doing it this way since my One Direction wattpad days so it is what it is 😭 my sister is always saying she doesn’t know how I can still stand to look at my phone with the god awful settings I have everything on LMAO

(Hope everything’s going okay at work bby!!! Sending you all my love!!!!!!! Xoxoxox 🎀💓🩷💕🫶👼)

#🌷 anon #ask

[abominableastronaut]

alone and ghost for whichever OCs youd like to talk about 👁👁

I’ll go with oriana (my rogue trader) and ffion (my tav) for now. they’ve been on my mind a lot lately (everyone putting up with my stream of consciousness about oriana tysm for your patience)

alone: How does your OC deal with loneliness? Have they ever been completely alone before? How do they act when there's no one around to see them?

oriana lives in a world where being truly alone is difficult. even when she’s in the privacy of her quarters with no one around, and she’s personally checked for any kind of tracking or listening device, the paranoia still follows her. despite (and a bit because of) that she’s lonely. the events immediately preceding her shipping off to the expanse also had her in isolation a lot, so left alone with her thoughts she tends to overthink and catastrophise

ffion is a lot better at being alone. she roamed a lot pre-bg3 and loved it. she’s the type to be entirely self sufficient and happy using wild shape to explore the wilderness by herself. after bg3 however she finds things a bit too quiet at times. she’ll find herself talking to someone (a joke for karlach, a pause for a quip from astarion or a comment from lae’zel, a little druid2druid comment for halsin or jaheira, a little aside to wyll or shadowheart, and so on). another reason to spend more time with them, really :)

ghost: Who or what haunts your OC? What happened? How do they live with their ghosts?

oriana has so much. sorry girl I keep finding out things about the setting that make it worse for you. her background negative experience is shadow of torment, which lives with her throughout the game whenever interrogations (or the threat of imprisonment/law enforcement, though that is more from my rp choices than game flavour text) come up. it deeply affected her, feeds into the loneliness as well, and won’t ever really leave. even her greatest success was marred by coming on the back of losing her captain/the one person who consistently stuck up for her, as well as a large number of her colleagues. she tries to plan contingencies, keep the people she loves best safe, and learn from everything, but it keeps her up at night long after she should have turned in for the day. I could go on but we’d be here forever

ffion has the folk hero origin and spent several decades pre-game travelling and helping people when she came across them. she’s pretty accepting about the cycle of life and that you can’t save everyone, but any time she made a mistake or was too late is something that sits with her. she’s somewhat spiritual and not one to let regret stop her from trying again, but it does make her cautious about her choices. every person in the game she couldn’t save also sits with her, along with her ending choices, but that burden is a shared one and is easier for it. she also pushes her own feelings back on those losses at times to try and keep the group spirit up and momentum going

#silenthillmutual #ask memes

[darlinguistics]

head scrambled full of thoughts about korean tenses and wishing i paid more attention in my pragmatics class

this was stream of consciousness and became longer than i expected so ill put it under a read more cuz not everyone cares about korean lol~

ik im a linguistics major but these are not well-researched intellectual sounding thoughts so forgive me if im unclear or just straight up wrong lol but- i feel like there is something morphologically and semantically significant about the verb endings in korean that include -ㄹ/을 vs the ones that keep the stem vs the ones that use -어/아/해 vs the ones that use -야 but im only smart enough to notice it and not smart enough to really understand it, and too lazy to fully investigate it lmao

but like it makes sense to me that 거예요, 게요, 까요, 래요, etc all use the ㄹ. 할 거예요, 할 게요, 할까요.. like semantically, that makes sense to me somehow. maybe im projecting patterns where there arent any but they all seem similar in being like,, i dont know conjectural? subjunctive? i actually dont know how id categorize them. but kinda like the way that 'ㄹ 거예요' is more accurately a 'probability' form than a 'future' form, thats how i view all of these tbh. they all are used for kinda abstract concepts. do you want to, do you think, will you do this- those types of sentiments. it makes sense that they go together to me. are those endings not compatible with past tense, is that what im picking up on maybe? maybe the ㄹ is just related to the 를 object marker and im overthinking that too. idk. sometimes i think thats it but then we just learned future non modifiers and those ALSO use ㄹ -- 먹을 음식. idk IDK

and then what else is there, you use 어/아/해 for 주다, 드리다, a lot of compound verbs in general. that also just makes sense. and the 어서/아서 makes sense too (but now that i think of it do both the sequential and causal uses of that not include tense? i know sequential doesnt but is the rule different if its causal? i forget). only in the final main verb tense gets marked, like 주다. and the 'helper' verbs i guess are tenseless.

you do mark tense in things like -지만, -겠-, -기, -네, -지 though. which is weird. i dont see the similarities in those as much so maybe thats just,, random-ish lol. but those endings do get added to the main verb of a clause and the main verb needs to have a tense i guess, is that the rule, omg did i figure it out lmao?? omg and i forgot about 면 and 면서 but i am NOT confident in that yet lol

해 줘 - you wouldnt mark tense in 하다 because its only a helper, the crucial part is 줘 which would take on a tense

일어나서 학교에 갔어요 - you dont mark tense in 일어나다 even if it would be a past event, because its not the main verb (idk if theres a proper term for what im trying to say i havent done syntax in a while lol but main verb will do i guess). iiii dont trust myself to accurately remember the differences between complements and adjunct phrases rn syntactically but i feel like that might be relevant here...

so if its a helper verb 어/아/해서 (sequential at least), 어/아/해 주/드리다/compounds if applicable ig (i havent studied compound verbs much yet sorry lol) -> stays in present tense and tense is only marked in the main verb that comes later (like 주다)

and if its,, i'll call them the 'probablity and co.' forms lol, or maybe the 'ㄹ forms', -ㄹ + 거, 게, 까, etc. -> tense isnt marked because,, i mean tense is just past tense really and these dont really happen in past tense, theyre kinda their own tense? idk this shits complicated.

and then the other ones, i call them the 'stem ones' in my head because they use their stem form plus the ending, 지, 지만, 겠, 네 -> idk. these are still throwing me. something about them preserving the verb stem makes me want to also think they dont mark tense but thats not always true. present tense is 하지만 but you can do past tense 했지만. i dont know why that throws me off as much as it does. 겠 can mark past tense after it too, thats not that complicated, same with 네 i think? i actually forget woops. i need to review my notes lol.

i dont know man, idk how many of my followers also study korean but i wanna talk more about it like this cuz it helps me internalize how things work if i over analyze them like this lol but i dont just wanna be an echo chamber, so if fellow beginners wanna chime in or more advanced speakers want to correct me or explain things, i am more than open <3 but ill keep rambling anyway lol

#langblr #korean langblr #lingblr #will that tag ever catch on #studyblr #🌟.txt #korean

[bluiex]

hello bluie i have been dealing with the writer's block plague but today i've just decided im not doing that anymore. have some stream-of-consciousness type fic set loosely sometime after scar turned red in limited life in the clocker's base

----------

Grian sighed a lot these days. He sighed mostly about Scar, and the nonsense he'd gotten up to lately.

Once upon a time, Scar thought it was endearing. Now, he can hear the condescending tone right out with every heave of breath.

To the point that, now, in yet another death game, Scar was sick of it.

Grian sighed. "Scar—" "Are you going to keep doing that?" Scar interrupted, carrying on with feeding the cows. Cleo was going to be home soon, and she really needed the levels from them, so it was his job to make sure there were— "Doing what?" Right. Play stupid. Wasn't that supposed to be Scar's job? Play the harmless idiot who's more of a danger to himself than those around him?

This wasn't third life anymore. Those days of a boiling desert were over. And how sad, that because they only ever had one another in that horrible place, that it drew them close.

Scar imitated Grian's sigh. "That." "Breathing?" Scar could almost hear Grian rolled his eyes. "Scar, honestly, you're being so nitpicky right now. I'm sorry that I can't be more patient for you, I've got too many things going on right now." Grian was never patient. Always too quick to strike, too eager to take the kill. He was just lucky that it paid off more times than not. Double life had taught Scar that.

The insanity of a beautifully-timed stalactite piercing Ren's skull didn't completely overshadow Grian letting them die to his own hubris and a Warden's shriek. Careless.

Scar picked at his fistful of wheat. "Is there something I can help you with, Grian?"

Grian huffed. Scar wanted to shove Grian into the cow pit and pray he got trampled to death. "I was only coming to ask if you're okay, but since you don't seem to be in the mood to talk..." "When are you going to stop that?" Scar snapped, swiveling around to stare Grian in the eyes. The latter flinched back, mostly out of surprise.

Scar wasn't supposed to be scary. He was supposed to be a distraction, the bait you threw out. Someone expendable.

"I, I don't know what you're—" "Do you ever stop? Any of it?" Scar didn't have any patience of his own to spare anymore. "You play to win and so do I, but even I don't treat my teammates the way you do.

"I don't get it, do you hate me? Do you have a problem with me?" Grian blinked, shaking his head in disbelief. "Scar, no, of course I don't hate you, you're just letting the game get to your head. It's not real, none of it is, you know that." "That's not what you said in the cactus ring," Scar hissed. "That, that was different!" Grian said hastily, his face turning pink at being called out. "Listen to me, you're upset about this now, but soon it'll be over, and we'll go back home, and everything will be normal again." Scar tucked the wheat away, his face contorted in barely contained outrage. "It might be 'just a game' to you, but not to me. Not to anyone else here."

He drew his sword. Grian took a cautious step back. "Scar, don't be stupid, calm down." "You don't get to decide that for me anymore," Scar said, and as the words came out of his mouth, his face twisted into realization.

Grian couldn't control him anymore.

Scar stepped closer, the sword tight in his grip. "You don't get to decide my actions, my alliances, my enemies, or my plans. You don't get to chose my friends, or my traps, or the things I get to care about." Grian was so caught off guard that he hadn't noticed the cool, stone wall now flat against his back. He did see the sword pointed squarely at his neck, and the deadly glint in Scar's eyes.

"Scar, we're allies too now, remember?" Grian stuttered, fingers itching to grab the axe at his hip. They were alone, he could argue self-defense. It wouldn't get him more time, though.

"I know. I'm not going to kill you, Grian." Scar tilted Grian's chin upwards with the point of his sword. "That would be too boring of a kill for you. Don't deny it." Grian bit his tongue to keep from arguing. "Then, what's your point here?"

"You said it yourself, this isn't real," Scar said, his voice trembling. "It's only a game. Nothing matters here, really, right?"

Grian only eyed him over with a wary look. Scar's heart was pounding out of his chest. There was more than one way to kill someone, even if it killed him a little bit too.

(Then again, Scar's heart broke a lifetime ago, cookie crumbs still clinging like sand to his clothes.)

"Well, in that case." Scar swallowed. "I'm breaking up with you."

It pained Scar how easy the words were to say, as though he meant to say it a million times over, a million lifetimes ago.

Grian wanted to laugh. He wanted to keel over, arms against his stomach, and laugh the words Scar had just said out of existence. Because this was such a stupid place to break up with someone, and over what? Some hurt feelings?

Scar seemed to notice, because he swiped his sword against Grian's neck to bring him back to reality.

The blood staining his blade reflected the scarlet in Scar's eyes, but they didn't bring the same warmth they once did in the desert. No, they weren't warm at all, like something, or someone, had sapped all the life out, and left a cold husk behind instead.

"I'm breaking up with you," Scar echoed, pulling his sword away and pointing it towards the front door. "Now. Get out."

YES SCAR YES SCAR FUCKING END IT WITH HIM WOOOOO!!!!

Jay thank you this is so fucking good- I'm glad you decided to kick writers block

#bluie gets an ask poggers #long post #scarian ficlet

[thefirstknife]

OK... So I was told when I first started getting into lore that back in D1 there were lore tabs (called grimoire notes or something? IDK, I only started getting into lore once D2 was out) that said specifically guardian's could have children. But then I also got conflicting information that there is no such thing. Now I know that you, personally, have stated that we don't really know. So I guess what I'm asking is, do you think there's merit is literally reading every single grimoire note from D1 to see if there's anything that could tell us one way or another? Because I'm the crazy who will do it and hate my life cause, I'll be real with you, the old stuff was a little dry. Also, if you know what lore tab they might be thinking of that is actually ambiguous, but 'seen in the right light' could be misconstrued as saying definitively they can have children. Also is there lore that would have started the thought process that they /can't/ have children, because that actually seems kind of a stretch to suddenly jump to. I would be more likely to believe they CAN then they CAN NOT as they are brought back from death perfectly fine and healthy. So unless there's lore saying they CAN'T then I'm a little baffled by it. Sorry if this was meandering? Also, thank you for reading through that trainwreck of stream of consciousness xD

Old grimoires don't go into this question so you won't find much digging through them. It hasn't been discussed much back in the day, not that I can remember at least.

This has always been up in the air. Guardian health and body-status in general. Like, how .... "alive" are they really? Given that they're immortal and paracausal and all that. We don't have any firm answers, but there have been some hints recently actually.

For example, in the second lore page from the new lore book, Triage (still not available on Ishtar but linking for the future), Safiyah doesn't let Zavala's Ghost heal him and instead she shows him how to tend to the wound. That means that Guardian bodies still work relatively normally, as Zavala was bleeding and his wound acted like it would for anyone else. He just has a Ghost that can patch that up quickly.

"This isn't necessary," he says, but lets her continue. She produces her hooked needle, the hemostat, the polypropylene thread. Tools that fit easily in her hands; precious resources for an immortal man.

"I'm going to close the wound," she says, and touches his arm lightly with a gloved hand. "I will make six sutures. It will take four days, maybe five, to heal."

So without using a Ghost, a Lightbearer needs the same type of medical attention and healing time. This suggests to me that their bodies still work exactly the same.

As for children.... It's a very tough question to answer because even if Lightbearers' bodies work normally otherwise without a Ghost (need to be healed, can scar, become disabled...), bearing children is a whole other thing.

There is only one direct mention of this, but it's unclear. Iron Forerunner class item from Season of the Lost:

"You'll never have a son," his Ghost had said, "but it isn't too late for you to take an apprentice."

This is Saladin's Ghost telling him to take Zavala as an apprentice because he will never have a son. Does that mean that Saladin, as a Lightbearer, physically cannot have a son? Or that he as a Lightbearer should not make children because he will outlive them? As I said, it's unclear. We can't tell if this is something that's just phsically impossible or if Saladin's Ghost is just telling him it would be a bad idea to have a biological family given that he's immortal.

Or maybe it's just Saladin himself who simply cannot have children? As in, maybe he couldn't have children before he was a Lightbearer too.

This is interesting also because we now know that Zavala had a family with a mortal woman. And lore on Tymbal Lucidae mentions also that he had a son. However, it does not specify if the child was Zavala's biological son. Frustrating.

At first I thought that the previous lore for Saladin was as clear as they could get with telling us that Guardians can't have children, but this new lore with Zavala is making me question that. Obviously, Hakim (Zavala's son) can be adopted, but the ship lore mentions that Zavala was there since the child was an infant. The framing makes me think it's not an adopted kid:

Early evening stretched out before him; his son's infant silhouette traced into the violet sky. The air thrummed with the cicada's song. Hakim traipsed through the meadow as a child, stood a boy, and flickered forward through adolescence in rotoscoped evolution until, when he stepped in front of his father, he was almost a man. Zavala laughed to himself with prideful disbelief at the sight of his son.

We will likely get more info on this through the Triage lore book, but we'll have to wait a few more weeks. And hope that Bungie gets a bit more specific about whether or not Zavala actually had a biological child.

We'll have to wait to see the full story of the Triage lore book and Zavala's life with his family to get more answers. And that is IF they give us a direct answer. At this point, it all hinges on how they tell us more about Hakim and whether he was Zavala's biological son. Only that, for now, will fully answer this question for good.

#destiny 2 #saladin #zavala #lore vibing #long post #ask #i will tentatively say that it may be possible that they can biologically have children after all #but it's just frowned upon due to the whole immortality business #on the other hand. i am also kinda skeptical about it because it doesn't seem to me that the traveler would allow for it #the lore is very specific about the guardians being considered 'dead' #it just doesn't vibe with me personally that the light would bring them back from death and allow them to be able to have kids #but that's my vibes only. we'll have to wait and see for an official lore answer