#sorry i wrote all of this for myself because i had an unhealthy obsession with this band in the past and i need to get over myself | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

steelycunt · 2 years

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ridi ridi hiiii !!! how are youuu how was yr dayyy i started mine off by rereading yr otiofad ficc did you know every sentence in it is a masterpiece did you know every word is like worthy of an auditoriumesque applause now yk i wanted to ask you to talk about that particular bit tho (if you wouldn't mind ofc !!) where sirius slams the book shut on an insect bc it's sooo like it's sooo !! it reads like premonition and also like r can't help but be wary of s and s can't help but be just like capable of harm regardless of intention & carelessly and i think it's sooo genius I think yr soooo genius for that and if you have more to say abt what that bit meant to youu + process of writing it + foreshadowing you wanted to get across w it etc. etc. i would be vv interested to hear <333 mwah love you loads xx

hello my lovely omg!!! my day was GOOD actually surprisingly good i am recovering from my illnesses and i played badminton and ate tangerines it was a very content day!! how was yours!! also warning you now in advance i wrote way too long a reply to this. like WAY too long NOBODY needed this im so sorry!! the very final paragraph provides like a little tl;dr you DO NOT need to read the essay that is under the cut!! im so sorry!!

okay firstly the idea that someone would not only read one of my little stories but read it more than once?? crazy actually!! insane!! so glad that it could be a part of ur morning n i would love to talk abt it!! hang on opening it in a new tab rn let me remember what it was i actually wrote huh lol

firstly with the flashback scenes in otiofad in general they had to serve two different purposes. they obviously needed to show the intense love and intimacy between the boys prior to The Incident, in order to juxtapose the post-prank scenes and serve as a marker for measuring the size of the rift in their relationship that its caused (which is why theres lots of kissing and cuddling and cloying monologues in the flashback scenes), but at the same time they had to demonstrate the little parts of their relationship which are a little bit fucked! a little bit unhealthy and obsessive. and they had to portray sirius as a person who has the capacity to do what he ends up doing. i didnt want to accidentally work against myself by over-idealizing their relationship to the point where it became difficult to believe sirius could be so thoughtless as to do what he does. like if ive just made you read fifteen hundred words of him being the Best Boyfriend Ever and then switch to him begging forgiveness for an attempted murder, his character becomes a little disjointed, and i really wanted it to feel like you're consistently reading the same people, just in very different circumstances. so the flashbacks very much needed to stress their intensity rather than their health as a couple.

im definitely roaming beyond the parameters of your question (but i promise it all circles back xx) but some of the sort of. i dont want to say red flag as much as cause for concern moments that i tried to include especially in the flashbacks include for instance: [Sirius says that sort of thing often, and with a confidence that Remus cannot ever fathom. Good god, how he would like to ask Sirius, them or me, that or me, and never fear the answer.] in the first scene, because i think remus' low self-esteem and his insecurity definitely affects their relationship + how he perceives it, which isn't anyone's fault as much as it is just them being young and imperfect like. theyre like sixteen here nobody had it together when they were sixteen right :-/ you have sirius utterly utterly obsessed with being in love with remus declaring that he doesnt want anything else from life and he's. sixteen years old. he's got no idea. like its that sort of rashness and impulsivity when he's speaking and acting which ends up fucking him over :-/

TO GET BACK to the bit you actually asked about (im so sorry for how long this is <3) the part where he closes the book on the spider. i mean honestly ur interpretation in the ask is pretty spot on!! its another one of the little stitches in the flashback scenes that sort of...slightly changes/sobers/brings the tone back down the reality a little, after theyve spent most of the scene cuddling and kissing etc. i'd already sort of tried (and i want to emphasise try at every point in this answer sfdghsh because i am not necessarily claiming that any of this was necessarily successful lol) to show sirius' capacity for being rash and obsessive, and the spider moment was just this tiny act of unnecessary, arguably cruel? violence that was meant to be jarring against the very over-sweet and gentle affection he's just shown remus. and although theyre acts of violence on such different scales, he gives just as much thought to sending snape to the willow as he does to squashing the spider. one of the things about sirius that i love soooo much is his relationship with violence and the way his anger translates into violence and cruelty (which remus mentions in the final scene when he says “You’ve got to stop being the kind of person who hurts people when they’re angry.��). its why hes SO fun to write angry because his anger is so distinctive lol. so the spider moment is just meant to serve as a little reminder of this random, mindless aggression that sirius carries around with him and that exists in tandem with all the affection we've seen him show remus, who starts in surprise when sirius slams the book shut. (i'll let u in on a super little fun (or not) fact that in my head when i was writing it i always drew a little parallel between the twitching insect leg thats left on the page and the similarly uncomfortable sensation of the eyelash that remus feels scratching his own eye immediately afterwards. thats not necessarily meant to come across n i expect it doesnt because i didnt develope the idea...at all...but in my head they were always a little linked teehee like even sirius' smallest acts of violence still have an effect on remus somehow xx)

but yeah!! apologies i didnt think this would be such a long explanation for a simple question fbhsdfhs im very embarrassed by this but like!! in short the spider was another little jarring moment designed to tether the version of sirius you get in the flashback to the version you get in the post-prank scenes, because ultimately he's the same guy with the same flaws both before and after the prank!! there was no reason for him to kill the spider like that and thats why hes so fucked. it was just his instinctive response to seeing it there.

#this is embarrassing im sorry. i wrote this more for me mostly which figures because this is fun for precisely nobody else xx #BUT thank you for the question layla i hope my answer somewhat makes sense xx at least this is what i was TRYING to do #regardless of whether or not i pulled it off yknow xx thank you for giving me a chance to give a little ted talk tho mwah love u xx #layla tag #telegram #otiofad

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andswarwrites · 1 year

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Day 14

We're almost halfway through the month and the last few days have been pretty heavy. If anyone read all four days' worth of “bipolar” writing, thank you so much and I'm so sorry. And if anyone has read all fourteen days' worth of writing total , besides S-, who reads everything I write, I don't know what to say. Anyone who reads my writing and enjoys it moves me to continue my craft, and I am exceedingly grateful. So today's thousand words is going to be about my love of storytelling.

We've already established that I love reading, and I love writing. I also love movies and TV shows, Youtube and/or Tiktok videos and online articles: stories can unfold in so many different ways. From an anecdote over coffee to an epic tale at the cinema, storytelling shapes and enriches my life. I love a story that makes me laugh or just feel good, that's why my go-to favorite shows are comedies and slice of life anime. I also love something that stretches my imagination or makes me reflect, and that is why I love science fiction.

When I was little, my parents would rent a few movies over the weekend, and that would be how we would unwind as a family, we'd watch together. After S- and I got married, we would rent movies too, but he would rent movies he'd seen that I hadn't and I would rent movies that I'd seen and he hadn't, so we could get to know each other's tastes. He only messed up twice: he had me watch Twelve Monkeys (1995) and Hero (2002). I would probably be able to watch them at this point in life, but then I was too sensitive, and those movies made me cry uncontrollably. S- was very distressed.

One of my very best friends took a cinematic course in college where she learned about film noir, westerns, and I can't remember the third genre. Anyway, she would come over and we would watch classic movies from One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest (1975) to In the Heat of the Night (1967). I was used to classic movies because my mom loved old musicals, but exploring everything from Hitchcock's works to Casablanca helped me to develop a taste for pacing, dialogue, jump scares and plot twists.

When S- and I were dating, I told him how much I had loved the movie Serenity (2005). When he figured out that I had seen the movie but was unaware of the show, he went out and bought the DVD box set and I watched it. Apart from some TV shows I had watched as a kid, like 3rd Rock From The Sun and The Pretender, oh, and of course Star Trek Voyager, I didn't watch that much TV. Our TV was reserved for movies; we didn’t have Cable.

So S- and I started renting or buying certain boxed sets of TV shows on DVD, from House MD to Babylon Five and Stargate SGI + Atlantis. I developed such an obsession with the Stargate world that I wrote a fanfic about Elizabeth Weir, called Weir's Gate. It's the only fanfic I have ever written. When we finally broke down and got Netflix, we started watching a lot of shows, and some of them were anime. Thanks to anime, I started reading manga, because I wanted to know how the stories continued.

Anime on Netflix led to anime on Crunchyroll. That was when my appetite for slice of life formed. From Laid Back Camp to Chihayafuru, I love to immerse myself in Japanese culture. We didn't keep Netflix. I know, what's wrong with us? Crunchyroll seems to suit us better, as does Disney Plus. If we start subscribing to all the streaming services out there, we'll go broke. We have to pick and choose. I'll be honest, even though I have a healthy (or unhealthy, depending on your point of view) love of science fiction, it wasn't until The Mandalorian that I started to have affection for Star Wars. Please don't hurt me.

So the point I am trying to make is that as time has gone on, I have found all these different formats of stories to entertain me, from musicals as a kid, because my mom had four VHS tapes that my sister and I would watch together, to science fiction and sitcoms as a young adult, and also anime, in healthy doses, as well as classic black and white movies: my tastes in stories are ever evolving. And that is only visual media. In my reading I have discovered authors like Ken Follett and Barbara Kingsolver. Plus we lived near a comic book store for a few years, so I accumulated TPBs and graphic novels!

My daughter recently introduced me to certain Youtubers who tell stories through their artwork, most notably Neytirix. One of her videos features her garden, and how she fixed it up with the help of her mom, and at the end of her video she shares the art piece that she was inspired to create from her experiences. Spoiler alert: it is breathtaking. Another artist who uses nostalgia in her storytelling quite a bit is Whatsupbeanie, who I first started following on Instagram, but now also follow on Tumblr.

Most of the stories I enjoy are wholesome. From Fred Astaire to Alina Tysoe, all my life I have gravitated to something visually colorful and uplifting. And yet. Sometimes I crave a story that will destroy me. Run me through, pierce me to my very soul. Why? I have no idea. And yet other times I want to escape to a completely different reality: far off in the future or far off on some distant planet. All of these tastes are reflected in my writing. We write the stories we would like to read. Or at least we should. Our stories should stir us first. When I cry while writing a scene, S- cries while reading it, I kid you not.

So to cap it all off, what I am trying to say is with each passing year I am honing my skill as a storyteller through my love of stories. I'm not copying or plagiarizing, I'm absorbing. I'm assimilating and creating my own spin. Because nobody can tell a story the way I can, and I can't tell a story the way anyone else can. I need to embrace my distinct perspective, my distinct style, my choice of words. A close friend told me recently that I can't write a weak character. That made me want to try. She also told me my weak character would turn out to be strong in the end. That is probably true. Some of my friends REALLY know me well.

#storytelling #personal #movies #shows

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headlessmind · 3 years

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(tw: abûse/p3dophilia mention // cw this is about j*mmy ur*ne / msi)

so i'd been a fan of msi since i was 13, their music was inappropriate at the time and it still is now... I knew that, it was kind of the appeal to me at the time (being an edgy 13 yr old) so when I was 14 I was obsessed with msi, and especially jimmy. I eventually saw them live and they stayed on after the show in seperate areas and I talked to each of them and got pics. my interaction with jimmy was cringe (bc i was 14 and obsessed w him) but he was not creepy towards me. i actually remember feeling the reality that to him, i was just a kid. (this was in 2012)

still, when i saw the news about the lawsuit i was not shocked. if i'm being honest, i'm just questioning what chantal thinks of this situation, whether she's able to recognize the potential validity of this? (to me there is pretty much no question that the claims are valid) this might be too personal but i've seen relationships with narcissistic abuse unfold and break and mend all around me and.. I can honestly just picture him as an abusive person. just listen to how the guy talks about himself. a few months ago I realized that i could never be with someone who is that self-obsessed and dismissive bc of my experiences and observing ppl around me. around the same time i realized that idealizing someone like jimmy is the exact same thing. i ended up listening to their music less and less, and I don't really miss it. msi has been a part of my life for almost 10 years which is.. just insane. it doesn't fucking matter what the band means to me tho. i feel for the person who was wronged. and i'm so disgusted that this fucker has kids because i honestly hope he goes to prison, just the whole situation is disgusting.

in my opinion these situations are good exercises in setting boundaries. (btw i felt similarly about ariel pink, and what I'm learning is, mostly when I get kinda-weird-but-in-an-actually-questionable way-vibes, it turns out to be right..) and so i'm not listening to msi or posting about them anymore and idc about them beyond them commenting on this issue. i obviously want to know how this will develop just bc i'd been a fan for such a long time and i just hope there will be justice. it's honestly sad that it's taken this long for this to come to light. it gave fans like me an excuse to explain away bad behaviour that was out in the open for everyone to see and critique. i feel sorry for defending his lyrics in the past now that i understand what he's really been doing, and i should have known much earlier than that.

if you're a fan of msi (esp if you're a minor), i know this sucks... it's hard to let things go that make you happy. i would suggest you take everything you love about msi and create something new out of the bits and pieces. i love their artworks, a lot of their style, and the fucked up new music genre they created(if i ever make music i will mash a couple genres). so i'm taking inspo from their style, music, colours, comics etc. BUT i fucking hate their use of racial slurs, p3do jokes/references, the lyrics about girls and women that literally damaged my 14 yr old brain irreparably, etc. sooo I don't reproduce any of that shit and i do my best to condemn it in their music and in all media. there are ways to take something positive from problematic media or media that was made by bad people. so that's why i'm not too upset at this point. i hope no fans are actually losing their mind over this (aside from the fact that someone was abus3d, the court documents are very upsetting)

IN CONCLUSION

if your gay spiky haired fav turns out to be a p3dophilic s3x offender, you just have to become the gay spiky haired motherfucker in pink fishnets YOURSELF !! (also: dear 14 yr old me, or anyone who needs to hear it, there is actually a lot they can do that i have not already done myself.)

#msi #tw msi #no more james #long post #tw sa #cw msi #sorry i wrote all of this for myself because i had an unhealthy obsession with this band in the past and i need to get over myself #sort of venting

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sendme-2hell · 3 years

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Rating the Books I read after Gideon the Ninth (in order) by how well they made me forget my Gideon the Ninth angst

I starred the ones that I actually recommend if you want something similar to gtn.

I was bored so I made this. Mostly just so I can look back at this and laugh at myself in a few months and remember what I’ve read.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -- - - - - - - - - - -- - - - - - - - - - -- - - - - - - - - - -

**Harrow the Ninth -Tamsyn Muir

Summary: A depressed girl has to navigate murder attempts by both the mom and the dad of her dead ex-girlfriend who she can’t remember. She tries to make soup and writes fanfic to cope.

How well it helped me forget: -100/10 but also 10/10

Rating explanation: This one gets a 10/10 because it did make me feel better about a *particular* GTN plotpoint which I was very angsty about, but tragically it did make me more feral. After reading it I reread both books so I don’t think it helped me forget my angst.

Similar themes to GTN: all of it, plus more memes

I Want to Be Where The Normal People Are - Rachel Bloom

Summary: Rachel Bloom who wrote the world’s most relatable song: “You Stupid Bitch,” and starred/created in Crazy Ex Girlfriend, writes about having anxiety, feeling like she’s not normal, and Harry Potter fanfic.

How well it helped me forget: 8/10

Rating explanation: For a few minutes I actually did forget about my griddlehark angst while I learned more about Bloom’s life and laughed at the painful relatability of it all.

Similar themes to TLT: ummm depression, feeling very out of place, memes

Fingersmith - Sarah Waters

Summary: The book The Handmaiden was based on. A girl is sent to become a Lady’s handmaiden to con her out of some money. She falls in love. Many plot twists.

How well it helped me forget: 5/10

Rating explanation: I was sadly still thinking about TLT the whole time I read this. I liked it but I actually like the Handmaiden better because the women spend more time together. Like in this book, I wish that Harrow and Gideon could spend more time together.

Similar themes: wlw enemies to lovers, at some point you realize the main character’s love interest understands what’s going on way more than the main character

Kindred - Octavia Butler

Summary: Very dark book about slave narratives. I cannot make a joke here, but this book is excellent.

How well it helped me forget: 10/10

Rating explanation: Again, I can’t make a joke. But Octavia Butler is amazing.

Ash - Malinda Lo

Summary: A wlw retelling of Cinderella with fairies and an emphasis on stories

How well it helped me forget:7/10

Rating explanation: This was really quick and fun and I definitely was rooting for the lesbians. Also it was nice it had a happy ending! If you liked Crier’s War (which I did), this was clearly an influence for Nina Varela.

Similar themes: wlw, the magic one + the fighting one dynamic

Station Eleven - Emily St. John Mandel

Summary: A deadly pandemic wipes out so many people that the world spins into chaos and no one can figure out how to use electricity apparently? But the book is really about fame and wanting to be remembered. Go figure.

How well it helped me forget: -10/10

Rating explanation: Ok that’s not fair. It helped me forget about Gideon and Harrow but it did NOT help me forget about Corona. It was technically good and a lot of people I respect love it, but either because I was still thinking about TLT or because it was about a pandemic, I couldn’t really enjoy it.

Similar themes: post-apocalyptic

Red, White & Royal Blue - Casey McQuiston

Summary: The Prince of England and The son of the president of the US are enemies. They are definitely enemies.

How well it helped me forget: 6/10

Rating explanation: This was such a fun read that it almost distracted me! Tragically I was in such TLT headspace that I kept pausing to read fanfics where Gideon and Harrow switch eyes.

Similar themes: Enemies to lovers, queer

Troubling Love - Elena Ferrante

Summary: In true Elena Ferrante fashion, an event spurs an Italian woman to do a lot of internal processing and have some flashbacks.

How well it helped me forget: 7/10

Rating explanation: This book was a bit disturbing so it distracted me in that way. Plus I love Elena Ferrante’s writing so much that it felt like coming home to an old friend. Unfortunately for me, this is Elena Ferrante’s least queer book. I know because I have now read them all. Her most queer book, The Lying Life of Adults, would have distracted me better. Also just using this space to tell anyone who’s still reading this (probably no one) to go read My Brilliant Friend (and the corresponding Neopolitan Novels). They are not similar to TLT except they are vaguely queer and about competitive friendships where the girls are obsessed with each other in maybe an unhealthy way. Ok so a bit similar. Genuinely my favorite books ever.

Similar themes: mommy issues, daddy issues, childhood trauma

On This Earth We're Briefly Gorgeous -Ocean Vuong

Summary: A Vietnamese immigrant reflects on his mother, grandmother, and his own life experience in the US. It is poetic and beautiful and will make you cry.

How well it helped me forget: 10/10

Rating explanation: This book is beautiful. It really changes how you think about the US. Plus really interesting stuff about the western way of telling stories. Cannot recommend it enough, though very little to do with TLT.

Similar themes: queer, stuff about language, childhood trauma, you will cry

**The Priory of the Orange Tree - Samantha Shannon

Summary: OK sorry none of those were good suggestions for what to read after GTN. THIS is what you should read after GTN. It is an incredibly slow burn wlw enemies to lovers. There are dragons, there is magic, there are very cool female characters who I am in love with. This is like Game of Thrones but if it was good, queer, and only one 800 page book.

How well it helped me forget: 10/10

Rating explanation: Enemies to lovers!!!! What more do I have to say? Also very cool world-building, interesting religious themes.

Similar themes: wlw enemies to lovers, religious themes, magic, very old wizard milfs, also mlm

*The Traitor Baru Cormorant

Summary: Baru is a very smart girl in a colonized island. She decides she will play the game of the colonizers, rise up in their society, and destroy them from within. How is that going, Baru?

How well it helped me forget: 100/10

Rating explanation: This DID make me forget TLT. The only book to truly make me. It made me forget so badly that I wanted my Griddlehark angst BACK. GIVE ME IT BACK I don’t wanna feel sad about Baru anymore. I cannot recommend it more, it is so good, but it did make me ugly cry. It also made me majorly depressed about colonization and the state of the world.

Similar themes: wlw enemies to lovers, ending will make you cry

*The Monster Baru Cormorant - Seth Dickinson

Summary: Baru is depressed, has brain damage, throws up a lot, is sad about (redacted), does some things without remembering them because there’s something going on in her brain. Sound familiar? It’s kinda like Harrow the Ninth but more depressing. Oh also a lot of new characters are introduced, old characters come back, a lot of setup for the next book. Euler’s identity shows up out of nowhere?!

How well it helped me forget: 10/10

Rating explanation: Again, it made me forget but only because I was so engrossed in this story. Also kinda depressed. This book is kinda depressing. But Baru is very fun to be around, and there are some other great characters. Marry me, Yawa.

Similar themes: again, this is just harrow the ninth on steroids, I am in love with every single woman in this series

*The Tyrant Baru Cormorant - Seth Dickinson

Summary: Baru makes a new bestie, reunites with an old bestie, and discovers a dead bestie in her brain!

How well it helped me forget: 1000/10

Rating explanation: I loved this book. There were a few scenes I reread >four times. This book makes the other books in the series worth it.

Similar themes: please see my venn diagram comparing tlt, baru, and A memory called empire for more information

*The Ninth House - Leigh Bardugo

Summary: A girl has seen ghosts her whole life and because of that, gets accepted at Yale even though she didn’t finish high school. Yale is like a hotspot for ghosts I guess. It’s dark academia, the girl has a secret, the narrator is pretty funny.

How well it helped me forget: 6/10

Rating explanation: I was trying to get distracted from TLT (and Baru at this point), but it’s hard to forget about Harrow and Gideon in a book called The Ninth House (hello?). It was enjoyable and there was some good humor. I’m curious about the next book in the series when it comes out. It is not wlw unless you squint (which I do).

Similar themes: debatably wlw body posession, nine houses, the ninth one being important, nerd boy who reminds me of pal, woman is revealed to be MUCH older than I originally thought, soul eating, revenants, tombs, necromancy, character named Mercy

The Bone Season - Samantha Shannon

Summary: It’s the future and London is a hotspot for clairvoyants. Paige is a woman who has a special gift and can jump into people’s bodies and possess them briefly (among other things, this is a terrible explanation). Because of this, she is sent to a secret part of the city where clairvoyants are trained to be monster fighters (but also like, kept there in captivity against their will). Unlike every other book on this list I honestly wouldn’t recommend. I know there are other books in the series. If you’ve read on and it gets better let me know. (I know no one has gotten this far reading this but still)

How well it helped me forget: 4/10

Rating explanation: This one was disappointing because I loved Priory of the Orange Tree so much. This book did not distract me from my griddlehark or barhu feels. There’s also a character named Warden so I thought about SexPal a lot.

Similar themes: enemies to lovers, ghosts, possession, queer but only background characters

****The Unspoken Name - A.K. Larkwood

Summary: A girl is in an isolated cult that wants her to die as a sacrifice (sound familiar?). A definitely not evil wizard helps her escape. She meets a cute necromancer who’s also kinda from a cult. She goes on some gay adventures, gets the help of a morally grey older necromancer (who I’m in love with), and fights with her frenemy.

How well it helped me forget: 10/10

Rating explanation: This is the most similar to TLT on this list. Gideon and Csorwe would be friends. Seriously I recommend this! And the second book comes out soon! And it’s not sad like TLT or Baru!

Similar themes: sword lesbian + necromancer dynamic, wlw enemies to lovers, cults, tombs, necromancy, character named “the sleeper”, also mlm

The Invisible Life of Addie Larue - V. E. Schwab

Summary: Adeline Larue made a deal with a demon in 1714 France, because she wanted to see the world and stuff. It backfires of course. She is immortal but no one remembers her. This causes all sorts of problems and makes her very angsty. The narrative flashes between her going through the years, and her falling in love with the only person who will remember her.

How well it helped me forget: 2/10

Rating explanation: I know people loved this book but I did not. I liked the last 50 pages, I’ll give it that. I wish it was more queer (it was a little queer).

Similar themes: as I said, a little wlw, immortality, demons, I guess falling in love with someone and them not remembering you now that I think about it

Sula - Toni Morrison

Summary: A story about two black women in the 1920’s-1960’s in an Ohio town. It is really great and interesting. It is a book about complicated female friendships (among so many other things that better writers not writing a list no one will read about their TLT feels have outlined) which I love. I was told I should read this after the Neapolitan Novels by Elena Ferrante and it did not disappoint. Same vibes.

How well it helped me forget: 10/10

Rating explanation: This was just a great book. Has really nothing to do with TLT

Similar themes: debatably queer

*Murderbot Diaries: All Systems Red, Artificial Condition, Rogue Protocol, Exit Strategy, Network Effect, - Martha Wells

Summary: Muderbot is an artificial construct who just wants to be left alone to watch tv, damnit! It doesn’t want to interact with humans, and it definitely does not want to talk about feelings. Too bad some humans want to become friends with it.

How well it helped me forget: 10/10

Rating explanation: These books were so good. They did help me forget! The books are really about having anxiety, making friends, and letting yourself have feelings. Also they are SO FUNNY. Highly recommend. In the way that I love Gideon’s POV, I love Murderbot’s POV

Similar themes: funny narrator, queer characters, space, people who don’t want to deal with their feelings being forced to deal with their feelings

*A Memory Called Empire - Arkady Martine

Summary: Mahit is sent a dangerous, evil empire to be an ambassador. Lots of beautiful writing about colonialism, assimilation, language, and culture.There is gay angst and funny characters. I am once again in love with a morally grey older woman character.

How well it helped me forget: 10/10

Rating explanation: Yes this book is great and did distract me from gtn (mostly. I did end up reading a great fanfic about wake, g1deon, and pyrrah in the middle but otherwise...). It is part of my holy trilogy of wlw books (this, baru, tlt) that I just read recently. The next book comes out on March 2nd so it will be a good distraction from waiting for Alecto. Like Baru, it made me feel like shit about colonialism but unlike the other two books in my trilogy (redacted but if you’ve read those books you know) didn’t happen. It had a not too sad ending.

Similar themes: see my venn diagram, but seriously what is going on with brain surgery in these books...

*The Luminous Dead - Cailtin Starling 9/10

Summary: A woman needs money and to get the money she goes on a risky cave dive. It turns out the only contact she has with the rest of the world is a woman who’s kinda a dick. It’s 400 pages of creepy cave diving and these two women talking to each other. It’s creepy and uncomfortable and I loved it. I did spend the whole book thinking it would be such a good story podcast.

How well it helped me forget: 10/10

Rating explanation: It did make me forget about tlt! There are some kinda boring parts but it pays off. The relationship between the two main characters is very interesting (though a bit fucked up).

Similar themes: wlw enemies to lovers, traumatised characters, shitty moms

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eirikaanemo · 3 years

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Venti’s a Superhero (GN)

1) You’re in law enforcement

The two of you have a pretty typical hero-officer relationship. He catches the supervillains, you cart them off to prison. It’s not a big deal and you don’t think much of it.

Or, rather, you wouldn’t if your co-workers would just leave things be. However, they keep pushing you to be the one to interact with him. Something about him liking to work with you specifically, which is ridiculous.

Sure he does flirt with you and drops the cheesiest pick up lines ever. And sure, he does smile a lot when you’re around. But it’s not like he’s serious about it, right? He jokes around by flirting with villains after all, so how do you know this isn’t a joke too?

It’s honestly kind of hard on you because you’ve found yourself falling for him. Who wouldn’t, honestly? He’s strong, charming, and just a really nice guy. It has nothing to do with the way he laughs at your stupid jokes or protected you fiercly the couple of times you were specifically targeted in an attack.

But when he shows up in front of the police station with a ukelele and sings you a cheesy love song he apparently wrote himself, you have to face the truth. He does, in fact, actually like you. The flirting was playful, not pretended. The cute superhero guy actually likes you back.

It’s kind of overwhelming honestly. So when he asks you on a date right after you’re kind of speechless. His face falls when you apparently take too long to respond and you have to chase after him as he walks away, dejected, to reassure him that yes, you’d love to go on a date with him.

“Why did you decide to wear your superhero costume on our date again?” You ask him, hyper aware of all the stares that the two of you are getting. The press are at the cafe doors, only kept out by threat of legal action from the owner of the establishment. Thank goodness they’re apparently a big fan of Venti and the work he does. Also, Venti is apparently a regular here. Who knew?

He takes a sip of his dandelion tea and glances out at the press nervously. “Well, I guess I’m just worried about doing an identity reveal for our first date. I was thinking maybe third or something.” You blink and a smile spreads across your face. “Oh? So you want there to be a third date before our first date is even over?” You tease him. His face flushes red. “Yeah,” he admits. “I can’t picture myself with anyone else. I’ve fallen for you and I can’t get up.”

2) You’re a journalist

You have always loved superheroes. They’re just so cool! Someone with a secret identity working a double life to serve and save the people around them? How awesome is that! And so when you move to Mondstadt and found out that they have their very own superhero, Barbatos, you are absolutely thrilled!

And, even better, your boss knows about your love of superheroes and assigns you to be the journalist representing the company on superhero related matters- including Barbatos!

So you take to your new task with gusto! This is exactly why you became a journalist! You will get all the best scoops and make your company proud. And if this involves showing up at all his fights and following him on patrol, well, that’s just doing your job, right?

Meanwhile, Venti, or Barbatos, is starting to be seriously concerned about your mental and physical health. Are you obsessed? Is this hyperfixation unhealthy for you? Are you overworking yourself? What if you get hurt from one of his fights? What is he supposed to do in this situation?

In the end, he decides to take a minute to talk to you about it during his regular patrol. He’s relieved to find out that yes, you are okay, and that you’re really just a super big fan. Eventually talking to you becomes a habit.

As time passes, you start putting less and less private details into your articles and stick to more public knowledge and juicy bits you get from battles and about villains. The stuff he tells you on patrol stays with you as the two of you get to know each other better. Soon you’re good friends, and maybe are edging into more.

It was a night almost like any other, except for how it wasn’t. This time he’d picked you up, bridal style, and flew both of you up onto a rooftop. Now the two of you are taking a well deserved rest stargazing together. “And there’s sagittarius,” you point to a constellation in the sky. You were fascinated with stars a couple years ago and had a wealth of information you could share with him.

“Sagittarius, huh?” He murmured. “Right there?” Now he was pointing at it too.

“Not quite,” you reply. You wrap a hand around the hand he’s pointing with and adjust it’s direction. “Right there.”

When you don’t get a response, you turn and look at him, only to find him as red as the apples he loves so much. It seems to get even worse when he notices you looking and he stutters a bit before he is finally able to spit out what he’s been trying to say for weeks.

“I really, really like you.”

3) You’re a fellow superhero

You are a superhero called Torque who has total control over cars. Your weapon arsenal consists of fifteen different toy cars that you can shrink and grow at will and use to knock villains off their feet. Sure they have more tricks to them, but you can’t give all your secrets away, can you?

Your specialty is evacuation, but you’re also good at keeping supervillains on their toes. Getting run over by cars doesn’t tend to be fun. So you can distract them from the other hero they are fighting. Because of this you make excellent back up and are often on call.

He is better in combat situations because of his aerokinesis. His abilities make him great for emergency response because he can get to the fights quickly and take immediate, safe action. The level of control he has makes him incredibly versatile too.

The two of you end up working together very often. He will show up early with you coming in not too long after. You will take over evacuation and protecting the citizens, allowing him to completely focus on the villain. As soon as you’re done evacuating, you join in the frey.

Your teamwork is legendary among the hero community and you’re a very popular duo in the eyes of the citizens. Famous for prioritizing civilian safety and quick takedowns, you’re effective and efficient. So far as most anyone knows, you’re just good friends, despite 80% of your fanbase shipping you.

In reality though, you’re already married. It’s a secret because you don’t want your identities to be compromised and your different relationship levels in and out of costume add another layer of safety to your disguises. If they knew, though, they would love how domestic the two of you are at home.

You slip into your home through the window. A relieved sigh escapes your lips as you close the window behind you, only for you to nearly shriek as someone suddenly wraps their arms around your waist and blows in your ear. Venti laughs from behind you. “Ehe, you’re always so fun to surprise.”

He smiles into your shoulder and holds you unusually close. The smile seems a little strained. “Today was close, are you okay?” He asks you. Oh. He’s talking about how you almost got hit today. Usually you’re fast enough to avoid hits like that, but you got distracted while evacuating and almost didn’t see it coming. “I don’t know what I’d do without you, so be more careful, okay?”

4) You’re a hostage he saves

The two of you know nothing about each other at the time. You’re a regular citizen of Mondstadt who was going about their business as normal until you got kidnapped.

It all went so fast. One moment you were walking down the street, the next you were being held hostage with a knife to your throat. While you’re terrified, he rescues you as quickly as the villain got you.

There’s just something special about being saved by a superhero. As someone who had been crushing on him for a while even before being rescued, it was all a bit too much for you to comprehend.

He happens to have just the biggest crush on you out of costume, not that he ever planned to tell you. But there was something special about being able to save you, being your hero.

If either of you thought your crush couldn’t get worse, you were dead wrong. The media is all over it, spinning dramatic love stories about how he’d apparently been especially careful with you and you’d given him the look.

You start following news about him more frequently and he keeps a special eye on you the times he happens to spot you on patrol. Daydreams about each other are more common now and your mutual pining reaches new levels.

You hear a sharp rap as something hits your window. It continues for a couple time before you get curious enough to check out what’s going on. Apparently someone’s been throwing rocks at your window. Opening the window, you peer down to see who’s there and nearly get hit in the face. Thankfully, Barbatos catches the rock before it hits you.

“Whoops, sorry,” he apologizes. “I didn’t mean to almost hit you. I was just trying to get your attention.” He pulls a bouquet of flowers from behind his back, cecilias. “I got this for you! Hopefully you like it as much as I like you!” The blush dusting his cheeks has nothing on the warmth that covers your face. Are you sure you are not dreaming?

#eirika writes #venti #genshin venti #venti x reader #genshin impact x reader #superhero au

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hunterartemis · 3 years

Text

Media Bias (Avengers X Alien!Reader)

It was a request from anonymous reader and since I have limited experience with tagging, I am going to quote the person’s request here:

“ Hi can you please do Avengers x reader where the reader is like Starfire from og teen titans (but the reader is green and the blasts are blue) and the Avengers go on a talk show and the host is being very mean to her. Thanks”

So, dear anonymous. I hope you enjoy!“

Words: a whopping 4100

Y/n, open the door” I heard Sam thudding away on my door as I buried myself in the layers of blanket and put the air condition humid enough to cause a mini monsoon.

“Go away Wilson and leave me alone--” I bellowed on top of my voice.

“Y/n it’s been more than 7 hrs, you got to come out... whatever happened in the morning you gotta let it go--”

“I don’t wanna let it go... I am a national embarrassment--”

You must be thinking, what is the situation you’ve been dragged into. Let me pause there and rewind 17 hours back to give you a complete understanding which lead to this complete mess.

People think our story ended and sealed with Thanos never got to see what we go through in the New York penthouse. With the ongoing Pandemic on board, people are desperate to see us even more, as if it is the new Thanos and we are to defeat it. There is no greater sense of helplessness than playing the puppet of courage without doing anything. So whoever wrote that “after the defeat of big bad, the heroes rejoice” was a big idiot.

And thus, I found myself awake after hours, sitting alongside the broad glass panel that showed the completely stopped-in-time, shining in the dark cityscape of once bustling New York. A fleeting sense of desolation plagued me as I remember my own world in the verge of extinction. My breath almost stopped in the great worry of my fellow living being in this planet; the one who saved me from destitution--

“y/n, is that you?”A calm and concerned paternal voice broke the train of my thought. I sharply looked behind my shoulder to see a disheveled figure of man standing in the dark. By the tousled curls and the slouched hem of the sweatpants, I knew was Bruce.

“Urh, you startled me!” I said with a dismissive voice. I felt almost embarrassed to realize what I was thinking moments ago. I took a deep breath and tried to compose myself.

“It’s you who startled me y/n, what are you doing up so late?” Bruce said with a groggy voice rubbing his eyes rather irritatingly. “We have an important event to attend tomorrow first thing in the morning” he slowly moved towards from the shadowy part of the room to the path of dimmed light from the glass panel and spared a long glance at my face. The way he looked at me sometimes irritated me, because it was an inalienable fact that he fell into the same category of humans who express an unhealthy obsession with my kind: a scientist.

“It’s not like I enjoy staying up like you Lowly Human...I am as stressed for tomorrow as you are!” I tore my face from his ken to express my displeasure. In reply, he sighed disappointedly, which sounded patronizing in my already agitated mind.

“I wish you’d stop insulting my specie whenever you get upset...” he gently put his hand in my shoulder, but soon he withdrew and stepped back. “And what is that god-awful smell?”

Any female whether she is human or not is very sensitive to criticism, especially about how she appears, thus Bruce’s comment was not only offensive but hurtful as well. I could not restrain my anger and annoyance anymore, and I stood up sharply to face him “I just happen to wet myself in the rain yesterday at my detour downtown and it turns out it has too much sulphuric acid and it is peeling my skin away... right before when I am about to go up close on television.” My hand subconsciously moved up to my cheek, where flakes were forming in my otherwise jade smooth skin. “And you are telling me to stop insulting your specie... I will when you unicellular cretins will stop ruining your own environment—“ I folded my arms defensively, gazing away from Bruce’s face “--as if I don’t get ridiculed enough for my chrorophyllic skintone, and now I am shedding like a common reptile.”

“Alright alright I am sorry...” Bruce threw up his arms defensively, and his small paces back and forth showed his discomfort more than anything, “do you want something for your skin, CeraVe or something? I can fetch you some ice if you want?”

His apologetic gesture made my whole effort defeated; but my pride disrupted me from being apologetic “Forget it... as if those human manures would work on my skin—“ I heaved a sigh and looked at him again “must we do the thing? I mean I am not the only alien that set foot on earth in this decade, why must I be walked around like a showdog in front of all the people?”

For some moments Bruce did not answer me. I almost thought he was ignoring me, but then I realised that he must be contemplating on every word he wanted to say and every word that was running through his brilliant mind. Out of anyone in the team, Bruce was the visual hole, the less than heroic material: even with the Hulk. And for this, the society made sure that he would be self conscious for the rest of his life for his other identity. My annoyance almost melted to sympathy when I heard him speak in a rather frustrated voice.

“Y/N, I know that you are stressed about this and frankly I hate this stuff too, but this is very important for the people: for your people as well as ours. Not all things that come from the space are benign and people need reassurance that you are not hostile. I hate this too, but it is for the greater good!”

“Greater good, greater good... it is always for the greater good!” The same old daily whining of lofty agenda made me sick “I am sick and tired of these Brucie, I don’t want to do this anymore... I am tired about people asking me weird questions and cretins posing as scientists trying to push probes on me the first chances they get-- I wish I could just disappear with the portal that brought me in this cursed place!“

Bruce came closer and grabbed my shoulders gently “Don’t say that y/n... otherwise we wouldn’t have the means to counterattack all those aliens—“ my silence might have given him the cue that he wasn’t doing a very good job at convincing. His wavering eyes fixed on my face once again as he spoke “okay, here is a deal: how about it is the last time you appear in public, hm? Once you satisfy them that you are part of the team, I swear people will leave you alone... they left the Hulk alone too once they understood that he is one of the good guys!”

“No but...“

“No ifs and buts... go, and have some sleep. Let me look in the lab if we have some squalanes and peptide solutions lying around—“ he said with a paternal affection and disappeared into the dark passage which lead to his room

“Thanks Brucie you are the best—“

I couldn’t help but to smile a little. Humans!

...

“This is a bad idea I am telling you--“ I told Bruce with an hushed tone as the makeup artist went on with a puff on my face for the millionth times. The rest of my team was behind me, getting the same attentions to their dismay. I could tell Bucky was downright uncomfortable as his makeup artist had a hard time getting not distracted by his bionic arm; and Wanda was downright glaring at the man who kept flicking the brush on her nose.

“relax y/n, you are smart and you are friendly, you are going to ace this and trust me people are going to love you--“ Bruce said with gritted teeth to make sure no one could tell what he was saying. He almost flinched as some of the powder made into his nose and the makeup artist followed him up with a q-tip.

“My face is itchy...“ I whispered again, trying not to gouge my face out with my nails as the powder sat on the flaky part of the cheek. If this wasn’t a studio I would have scratched my face like a lunatic and ended up as someone who was attacked by a bear in the mountains. And I was glad that I was standing beside Bruce who knew how not to go overboard with the things. Clint would have brushed them off, Wanda and Bucky would have panicked, and Sam’s gestures no matter how genuine would have made me laugh.

“Wanda already told the makeup artist to spray you with Squalane, your face isn’t half as bad as it were yesterday night“ Bruce then went on politely gesturing the makeup artist to spray the stuff Bruce brought from the lab in a clear bottle, and the look on the Makeup Artist’s face was between annoyance and bursting into tears.

“Brucie...“ “I don’t wanna mess it up--“ I said nervously as we walked into the couch and settled with the others.

“Trust me you won’t... “ Bruce graciously consoled me.

The cameraman cued and we were all gestured to look into the main camera as the lights in front of us adjusted accordingly. Within all hustle and bustle, the host walked in like a royalty, and by the looks of his face and those following him with makeup and refreshment, he had a really bad morning.

“We will go on air in 3, 2 and 1”

“Good Morning America, this is your host Justin Fallon and welcome to another episode of The Early Show. Today we have with us some really special guests. You might know them from News, the murals, the comics and the Merchs please welcome our own global superheroes: The Avengers. Welcome to our show” the host said with an uncomfortable friendliness and turned towards us.

"Thanks for having us with you" Sam answered graciously, with a little awkwardness. I could understand why; it was always Tony, Steve and Natasha who spoke in public. After such a terrible loss, he is struggling to fill up their shoes for the sake of our public image. He had been wrapped up into a pretty bad controversy recently for succeeding as Captain America and it had a pretty bad toll on him—to the point his speech kind of went from cheerful to composed in an unnatural way.

"It’s been way too long since our morning couch looked so colorful and it surely brightens up the day.” The host said with an obligatory politeness. Although the term was innocent enough but it seemed not so—I instantly froze up and million things started flying inside my head: was I looking good enough, is my patches showing under the layers of power and squalane. Turns out it was not me alone. From the corner of my eye I could sense the tension behind me from Clint and Bucky and I know it was different than mine. The host must have wanted the old team, and looked like he was stuck with the mediocre leftovers.

“Thank you...“ Sam replied.

“So here you guys are after averting the big wipeout crisis, in the quiet and chilling, so how does it feel to be in the pensive from being hyperactive all the time?“

“Well, at first it did feel kind of boring and lack luster, but slowly we are adjusting to it. With the ongoing Pandemic crisis I think we just have to adjust to the situation. In a way, I think we are all helping each other by staying inside and recuperating.” Sam answered diplomatically.

“That’s so nice” the interviewer said quite curtly and then changing the topic he sharply turned to Doctor Banner “I know of all you people Dr. Banner will find this Lockdown Leisure slightly more comforting, isn’t that so Doctor Banner?”

Wait, what was that? Was that even normal? Sam was sitting in the front and after him Bucky, then Wanda and then Bruce. Should not he come gradually? Breathe... maybe I am reading too much into this. Keep a friendly face, don’t think too much... the entire nation is watching... this is the one time I have to do things right! It’s for me, my team who housed me and my people.

I had to give props to Bruce for managing things calmly despite his claims about public speaking. He politely replied “Well theoretically it should be but it’s not like causes of anger cannot exist within the so called peaceful environment if you think about it, but I am glad you showed your concern” and like a pro, reached out to the glass in front of him to sip some water—like some real celebs in talk shows.

“Isn’t that true! So Solaris, how does it feel to be surrounded by the icons of the earth?”

I wasn’t really ready for the sudden attention. For a second I blanked out completely and gaped my mouth like a complete idiot. My stupefied face must have been quite prominent because the host tried to laugh it off lightly to divert the attention. I am still wrapping my head around the fact how some humans work so beautifully under so much attention—If I could choose between blasting off alien armies and speaking in talk shows, I will take the aliens instead.

“I..I--It’s quite fun... there is never a dull moment with them--“ I manage to utter, and thankfully it wasn’t a gurgling sound from a deep abyss.

“The thing is, being the most newest member, you sort of have a mystery around you, the kind of a Blue Comet sort--“

“Oh thank you— “ great going me, like a real talk show celeb—keep it up!

“So why don’t we break that down... Solaris, is that true that you came from a whole another galaxy which is not Milky Way?” the Talk show host asked, reading from a small piece of card.

Finally, something I can talk about all day: stars, planets and galaxy. I will have to slay this, I chanted inside and replied after drawing a breath “Yes that’s true. I am from Planet Auriga from Pleiades system. Our Sun is Alcyone, the second brightest star right after Aldebaran. You people call our system Taurus Constellation--”

“--so much astrophysics, take notes kids they might ask you at the NASA interview.“ the talk show host interrupted. It annoyed me greatly because I could finish the words I worked so hard to speak confidently. So that’s how Bruce must feel all the time when people interrupted him when he explains things. However the host went on as if nothing happened “For a near human creature in this planet, do you identify more with the Professor X’s troop or with the Avengers?”

Near human creature? My race is literally the most Superior in all of galaxy.

“I don’t really understand what you mean...” I said as politely as I could manage.

“I mean isn’t it hard to fit in when you are the only alien in the group--“

The flippant remark was rude and I tried not to wrap my head around it. I recalled Bruce’s words to keep cool and maintain a neutral face replied : “I mean I am not the only one, Thor is also not of the earth and he is a darling to be around. Alien or not I think I have learned a lot about myself and the ways of earth by spending time with this wonderful people?“

I could hear the audience clapping and cheering with my reply. A surge of pride swept across my chest and I smiled slightly at the audience.

“How sweet--“ the host said, keeping with the cheerful mood “as the outer world people are coming into the planets, we think a lot of things are shifting, do you find it hard to cope into the earth from where you come from--“

Finally, a thoughtful question, I made a solid eye contact with the host and replied “No, the atmosphere is pretty much the same in Auriga, but I think humans can do a lot better taking care of the environment. I know for a fact that millions of planets and their lifeforms were extinct because of excesses I see on earth.”

The thoughtfulness of the host was only for so long “The girl’s been around... if you know what I mean—“ he commented with a little wink, and from the audience’s laugh I knew he didn’t mean something polite or mildly positive. After the laughter subsided, he turned again to me “I dig the midnight blue hair... it is so contradictory and yet it works“ he complimented “because you know scale and hair are not something we see very often in our planet--“

Excuse me, what was that supposed to mean?

“--so tell me are the lapis cascades all natural? I mean they are not dyed at all?”

“No they are not... the special keratin bond that reflect the blue pigment of the natural light but they are actually transparent—“ I added objectively.

“So that means in the right lighting you don’t need to mow the bush—“ the host said with a curved smile on his lips, and the audience went on laughing in the same manner they did moments ago.

Even under the blowing airconditioner, I started t feel really warm around my neck “I really don’t know what you mean; you are making any sense at all! Do you guys need special light to mow the bush, do you do in the solstices or during the eclipses—“ this time I didn’t hide the fact that I was annoyed.

“--she is really really funny you guys--“ the host again smiled and acted like I was a stone wall and my reaction didn’t register in his mind at all. “So you are saying you don’t mow your bush at all?“

“I live in a New York Penthouse, there is no bush--“ honestly if this wasn’t a dumb talk show, I would have taught this impudent human a lesson.

The host looked a little uncomfortable as our eye contact lasted for several seconds. He cleared his throat and went on “Okay you guys, she just clarified that there is no bush, so let’s move on to your...your look... I am so fascinated by it, it’s so reptile chic--“

What’s your fascination with cold blooded animals? Are you asking to die like one?

“Um, thanks...?!”

“So how do you manage to maintain this--“

That was honestly the last straw. This host is impolite and rude and he leeches off the discomfort of his talk show host. When this realisation hit, all my self-control and self preservation went out of the window. The vacuum was replaced by the sheer annoyance towards the host who deliberately mistreated us since the beginning.

“Do you think that’s how I live, maintaining my skin and mowing the bush--“ my pitch rose from my previous composed tone “I mean what kind of questions are these?“

The host was still wearing his phony smile on his face, but I could see the colour slightly draining off his face “No I was just asking, because the audience wants to know--“

“I think the audience is smart enough to understand that they cannot get the green skin on natural blue hair, so can you move on to a more sensible question?“ I answered heatedly and defensively at the same time, and as I spoke I felt the aura of tension shifting from discomfort to sheer panic.

“Y/n... don’t do this--” I heard Bucky whisper very faintly from above.

“Solaris, don’t get me wrong, but we don’t always get a green-skin hottie on the morning couch, don’t be offended!” he said while he gestured covertly to cut the camera on the other side. I have to give this man an applause , I could tell he had busted all his courage but he kept the face of nonchalance too good to be true—no wonder he sat on this chair for so long.

“What’s your obsession with the skin colour?—“ I said heatedly as I stood up from my seat “Don’t you dare cut the camera... don’t you dare! Do you think you humans are the epitome of beauty from which point everyone in the galaxy should confirm? I am sick of this... Everyone, I am so sorry for your wasted time but no more of this!”

“Solaris--“ this time it was Sam’s voice that implored me from the sides. For a split second I felt bad for him, because as Captain America, he would have to take the heat from the public. But I was at the point of no return. If I back out now, I would be called a pushover and I would have to endure that image for the rest of my life in the earth.

“You know what, as you are so obsessed with my looks, I would love to show you another thing of mine that is blue--”

Blast

So long story short, Solaris goes to a morning talk show, Solaris encounters a rude host and Solaris blasts him with her Blue Sun Beam. Biggest disaster ever!

The thudding outside the door would not stop, and honestly their over attention was getting on my nerves “honestly, why don’t you go away... what are you, my royal nanny?”

“Very funny Solaris... now come out and get some food--” this time it was Bucky who spoke. Although he was the shortest to reply, but it made me well up. He had the shittiest history amongst all of us: hunted, betrayed, manipulated and now sidelined—how can I see my problems bigger than him.

“How can I... I ruined everything, all the reputation you built throughout the year, I blew it up within 3 minutes, how can I show my face to you guys! I was supposed to be the superior being--“

A moment of silence followed. But then the old familiar calm voice spoke from the other side

“y/n... It’s not about superior or inferior, you were just very very honest with your feeling! sometimes it’s good for the public, sometimes it is not. I mean look at me--I have struggling with my anger all my life and god knows the stuff I have wrecked in Hulk state. It’s okay to make a mistake... no one blames you!”

“Ha ha right...“ I replied sarcastically, feeling mad about how well Bruce understood my situation.

“Honestly, the way you acted today... Tony would have been proud!”

I could not hold myself anymore. All the feeling that has been plaguing me until now: embarrassment, guilt, confusion, sadness... all came down like a thundering rain with that one statement. I rushed and slammed the door open and jumped on Bruce to embrace him into a tight hug. At first I could tell Bruce was taken aback, but soon his firm arms snaked under my back to hold me tightly.

“I am so sorry... I ruined you all--“ I hid my face in Bruce’s shoulder. Suddenly I felt a gentle pat on my back, I straightened up and looked, it was Sam. His awkward cautionary expression was gone and he looked cherry as the old days “As Captain America, I cannot condone your behaviour, but as Sam... well, that jerk deserved it--“ he reached for his pocket and took out his cellphone “and hundred thousand people in New York agree with you“

I looked at him with a curious expression as he gave me his phone. When I looked at it, it was a tabloid video that had the clip of me blasting the host and it had—

“Stars in galaxies!... 100K likes?” I exclaimed

“And look down, there are comments too--” Bucky scrolled down from behind my shoulder to descend to the white space.

That jerk deserves it, he was literally harassing her...You go Solaris #MeToo

Solaris is so cool, I wish I was as cool as her.

Ugh, I hate that morning show host, if I was in her place I would have thrown him off the stark tower, #SunQueen

Racists never change, and We stan our color positive hero #SolarisRocks

Humans...

...

Okay, that took a lot of time because at first I didn’t know how to work on the request, then I had to go back and forth and rewrite most of it two times because I wasn’t convinced it was good. So I sincerely hope it’s good because I am freaked out as hell.

I also gave reader a name because she is inspired by an alien character in TeenTitans called “Starfire”. So I call her Solaris, and was constantly reminded of Solar of Mamamoo (TMI)

I don’t hate on Fallon, I just used his name because it is recognisable by American public and I also had to see a lot of Jimmy Fallon’s show to write about the Talk Show plot. I was also greatly inspired by Naomi Campbell, RDJ and Nicki Minaj’s interviews.

#avengers x reader #alien reader #skin color #teen titans og #starfire inspired #yay I got a request #rude talk show imagine #avengers x reader imagine

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bisluthq · 3 years

Text

hi nat! i know you don’t believe in kaylor anymore, but i wanted to send in my kaylor/joshlie theory, just as food for thought and fun speculation.

CW: ED

background:

back in 2017, i made a new friend. i quickly became kinda obsessed with her. i idolized how tall and skinny she was, her radiant sunshine-like presence, and the way she was so much cooler than me. something about her just drew me in like a magnet.

one day she told me that she was “bi-curious,” and i felt the unexplainable urge to tell her that i was queer too—so i did.

thus started our intense homoerotic friendship. we talked about everything, and she was rather touchy and flirty with me (we even hooked up a few times). but she was hung up on this dude who she’d been in a long-term off-and-on relationship with. looking back, i think she saw me as a willing participant in her experimentation phase—a source of casual fun while on a break from her ‘real’ relationship (plus, i came with the added bonus of helping her figure out her sexuality a bit).

meanwhile, i was serious about us because i was in love with her. as such, the relationship was obviously very unhealthy: neither of us had appropriate expectations of the other, and because of the imbalance in our level of commitment/love, she ended up inadvertently taking advantage of my friendship in ways that only increased my obsession with her. naturally, our friendship eventually imploded.

i think the kaylor story may look similar.

my theory on kaylor:

i think that kaylor had a very similar friendship as me and my friend. their connection obviously started out as pr, but they ended up getting along well and bonded. thus started their genuine friendship.

i think that their eating disorders were likely a strong source of bonding/connection for them, as this was the case for me and my friend as well. i wanted to emulate how skinny my friend was, just how i think taylor wanted to emulate how skinny karlie was. (remember the vogue best best friends video, in which taylor complemented karlie’s “shiny abs.”) this is obviously an unhealthy place to start a friendship: from day one, you are on uneven ground, where one person is essentially worshipping the other and seeing them as a god-like figure to emulate.

imagine that taylor in that sort of mindset with karlie. and on top of that, she’s attracted to karlie—obsessed with her skinny body, her sunshine-like personality, how sophisticated she is, how effortlessly successful she is, etc. she develops an infatuation with karlie. she wants to take karlie to big sur with her and play 1989 on the way, and she’s so obsessed with karlie that she wants to tell her the truth about the 1989 muse. (trust me, it’s feasible—i told my friend shit i’d never have even imagined confessing to another human, all because of how infatuated with her i was.) so taylor and karlie sit down, have an intensely emotional conversation about how taylor is bi, how the pressures of staying closeted gut her every day, how her relationship with the 1989 muse dianna was so full of strife due to closeting, etc. /// or maybe taylor feels that she must disclose her bisexuality to karlie before the big sur trip. she’s terrified that if she doesn’t tell karlie she’s bi, then karlie will somehow find out. and taylor’s afraid that then, karlie will be creeped out that a ~predatory lesbian~ invited her on a three-month sleepover, leading to the demise of their friendship. so taylor must avoid that outcome – so she must come out to karlie.

so, for either reason i described, taylor comes out to karlie. considering how scared taylor is to come out to karlie (since it might ruin their friendship, or karlie might maliciously out her to others now that she knows, etc.) and considering how generally poor taylor’s mental health was at the time, the coming out inevitably evolves into an intensely emotional conversation about taylor’s fears, insecurities, the pressures of being a closeted mega-celebrity, etc. perhaps karlie feels compelled to match the level of emotion and vulnerability, motivating her to tell taylor “i’m questioning if i might be a little bi too.” or perhaps taylor’s level of earnestness and rawness stirs up the illusion of intense emotions inside of karlie. so, karlie “comes out” to taylor – confessing that she’s questioning/bi-curious (for context, i think karlie is kinsey 1). /// (to show the validity of this possibility – this is how evangelical churches, such as the one shown in the 2006 documentary “jesus camp”, are able to convince children that they’re being overcome by the holy spirit, being prompted by god to break down in tears, etc. – psychologically speaking, when people are put into highly intense emotional situations, [such as taylor breaking down while coming out to karlie], their brains will feel inadvertent pressure to match the level of emotion. as such, their brains will either exacerbate existing relevant emotions, or create the illusion of relevant strong emotions. [this is probably especially true for karlie, since she is an empath and a people pleaser.]).

thus starts the “friends with occasional benefits” stage. karlie views the relationship as something casual, something that gal pals do sometimes, something fun to experiment with while she and josh are on a break, and maybe with the added bonus of helping her figure out if she’s actually a little bit queer.

but taylor falls hard. as i already said, i think taylor was infatuated with karlie’s personality, success, and skinniness. that’s why taylor is willing to engage in such an unhealthy and un-reciprocal relationship: she’s willing to tolerate josh’s presence, because her brain is so fixated on karlie that she’s willing to endure anything for her. taylor may even recognize that kaylor is doomed, but she’s so in love/obsessed that she can’t bring herself to care about anything other than the utter infatuation she feels in this present moment. (this was true of me and my friend – my friend would literally vent to me about her long-term on-again-off-again boyfriend, and i was willing to endure it because of how obsessed with her i was.) or maybe taylor’s somewhat in denial about josh. (this was also true of me and my friend – i had such a hard time conceptualizing that she had feelings for the man that my brain, to some extent, refused to fully grasp the reality of that.) or maybe taylor was even in denial about how intensely she loved karlie, convincing herself that she just really valued her platonic friendship (i also did this – it took me months to admit that i had a crush on my friend and admit that my level of obsession wasn’t normal gal pal behavior – even though i was already out to myself.) also keep in mind the eating disorder dynamic here – taylor looked to karlie as an idol regarding how to eat healthy, exercise, be skinny, and be successful. the mindset of people engaged in eating disorders tends to be obsessive and unhealthy to the extent of being willing to ignore reality / unknowingly refusing to accept reality, possibly including the reality of josh, if taylor feels like her skinniness is dependent on her connection with karlie.

so basically, karlie sees this as a gal pal fling, friends with the occasional casual benefit. taylor, conversely, is infatuated with karlie. one thing that really confirms this for me is kissgate. taylor was liking kaylor shipped tumblr posts shortly before kissgate – she obviously was feeling something for karlie that night. but karlie wasn’t committed to taylor to the same level – yes they (allegedly) made out, but karlie made out with josh immediately afterwards. /// to taylor, kaylor is a ship, an endgame. but to karlie, taylor is just a fun little pit stop, and she’s gonna go make out with her real boyfie immediately after.

eventually, the friendship inevitably implodes, leading to their breakup in 2016. some straw finally breaks the camel’s back on this relationship which was unhealthy and doomed from day 1.

now let’s look at lyrical evidence from repuation that supports my theory.

lyrical evidence from reputation:

ready for it

the bearding anthem. verses “he” are joe, as confirmed by the music video. chorus “you” is her fantasy idealized version of long-term kaylor.

there’s a reason that the “you” relationship (in the chorus) is happening IN HER DREAMS and not in real life – she pines for this committed and serious relationship with karlie, but that’s not reality.

but taylor has hope that it might happen – “i know i’m gonna be with you, so I TAKE MY TIME.” she imagines they’ll be friends-to-lovers, and she’s willing to wait as long as necessary for them to fully reach that lovers stage

this is a stretch, but “thief”/“robber” may refer to how she’s “stealing” karlie from josh lol. “touch me and you’ll never be alone” may also be a cheeky reference how taylor was like a temporary placeholder for josh – when karlie felt alone bc she and josh were on a break, taylor was like “touch me karlie, to keep you occupied while josh has left you alone. and oh yeah, if you end up in a relationship with me, then i promise that you’ll never be alone, bc i will commit to you, unlike that josh boy. i will be so much better than him, if you just let me.”

end game (but only the chorus/verse which taylor wrote)

“i WANNA be your endgame” – taylor is not in a committed relationship with karlie. as karlie sees it, they’re just fooling around. but taylor wants more than that: she wants to be karlie’s endgame.

“you and me would be a big conversation” bc they’re gay. (sorry joseph matthew alwyn, this line is not about you)

“i don’t wanna touch you …… like the other girls do” may be a reference to how karlie is gal pals with plenty of her female friends (example – her platonic yet very affectionate relationship with toni garrn). but taylor wants more than that – she wants their touches to be romantic rather than just platonic/occasionally casually sexual.

“i don’t wanna hurt you” – taylor fears that she’s bad news for karlie (a sentiment repeated in the first line of delicate, the bridge of i did something bad, etc.). this may be internalized homophobia – the predatory lesbian falls in love with her pure/innocent straight best friend and then corrupts her with homosexuality.

“but i ain’t tryna play” – taylor wants this relationship to be more than just the occasional fun/playful/casual hook up. she wants to be karlie’s end game.

“i hit you like ‘bang’, we tried to forget it, but we just couldn’t” may refer to the first time they hooked up. it was unexpected, just happened so suddenly (“like ‘bang’”). and they were just going to put it past them – sometimes friends hook up, it’s whatever. but taylor can’t move on from it.

“your body is gold” – self-explanatory. karlie is the gold rush girl, after all.

“you’ve been calling my bluff on all my usual tricks” reminds me of how i used to try to communicate my seriousness/love to my friend, but she’d laugh it off and assume i was joking. conversely, perhaps the “trick” is that taylor is pretending that she’s not super invested in karlie—maybe karlie is catching on to the fact that taylor is infatuated with her in a ~gay way~. taylor denies it, but karlie calls her bluff on that statement.

“here’s the truth from my red lips” – but in the music video, her lips aren’t red when she says this line. this may allude to all of the lying involved in her relationship with karlie (such as lying about just how in love with karlie she really was). or taylor may have her lips a different color because the truth has changed from the time she wrote this song to the time she’s filming the video – when she wrote this song, it was true that she wanted to be karlie’s endgame. but by the time rep era is here and they’re filming this video, the kaylor friendship is over, and it is no longer true that taylor wants to be karlie’s endgame.

i did something bad

just like in “ready for it”, i think the verses primarily refer to bearding (or maybe calvin/kimye, idk), but the chorus is about karlie.

“they say did something bad / then why’s it feel so good” – it is bad that she slept with karlie despite the fact that karlie is in a complicated long term relationship with josh. but the sex felt good ¯\_ (ツ)_/¯

“and i’d do it over and over and over again / IF I COULD” – this implies that taylor only did ~the bad thing~ a few times, and she was unable to do it more times, even though she wanted to. this lines up with my theory that she and karlie hooked up a few times (casually in karlie’s eyes), but taylor wanted it to be more than just a few times (she wanted to be karlie’s endgame). but they couldn’t get to that committed place of routinely having sex bc karlie was still low key hung up on josh.

this is a very unlikely reach but – “he says ‘don’t throw away a good thing’” – “he” might be josh speaking to karlie about their relationship.

in the bridge, taylor says that she is a witch being unjustly burned. the witch is burned because she is being accused of the sin of dark magic – this parallels josh accusing taylor of being a witch who committed the sin of sleeping with his girlfriend, or maybe even the sin of “corrupting” the pure straight girl karlie. furthermore, the bridge invokes religious imagery of purgatory. and tbh, religious imagery is almost always gay xoxo.

don’t blame me

“don’t blame me, love made me crazy” again implies that taylor has committed a sort of ~crime~, such as the ~crimes~ i just mentioned regarding the don’t blame me bridge.

“my drug is my baby” – the drug reference makes me think of dependency. the obsession and infatuation i experienced with my friend (and that i suspect taylor experienced with karlie) is sort of like a drug dependency – and just like a drug dependency, the need for each other is not reciprocal (the drug does not need you back).

“shaking, pacing, i just need you” implies that taylor does not have “you”, which is consistent with my theory that she wanted kaylor to be endgame whereas karlie was only willing to doing occasional gal pal hook ups.

“for you, i would cross the line” / “they say she’s gone too far this time” – sleeping with josh kushner’s ~innocent straight~ girlfriend certainly crosses a line, lol.

“i would waste my time” – as i mentioned in my ready for it analysis, taylor hopes that kaylor be friends-to-lovers. she’s willing to wait as long as necessary for them to fully reach that lovers stage, even though she recognizes that the relationship is doomed and thus a waste of time.

“my name is whatever you decide” – we don’t have to “girlfriends.” we can just be “friends with benefits” or “gal pals” or whatever name you decide, because i am so desperate to have you at all that i will accept you in any form.

“i’m insane, but i’m your baby” – acknowledging that this unhealthy relationship/infatuation she has with karlie is “insane”

“halo hiding my OBSESSION” – “obsession” (!!!!) (that’s what i’ve been saying kaylor was!!!). also, “halo” is a religious metaphor, and religious metaphors are always gay xoxo. and this is a reach, but as a victoria’s secret angel, karlie wears a halo.

“i once was poison ivy, but now i’m your daisy” – i’m sorry, but i’ll never get over the fact that karlie tagged the daisy as taylor, and then taylor drew a picture of a daisy in an identical position above the word “daisy” in the handwritten lyrics.

“for you, i would fall from grace / just to touch your face” – religious metaphors are gay xoxo!

delicate – unsure if this song is about karlie (i think it’s more likely about lily or even joe), but if it is about karlie, it does align well with my kaylor theory.

“this ain’t for the best” – doomed relationship due to josh, corruption of straight girl, karlie won’t commit, etc.

“we can’t make / any promises” – karlie can’t commit to taylor like taylor wants/needs

“is it cool that i said all that? is it chill that you’re in my head? cuz i know that it’s delicate” – is it cool that i have gay feelings for you, bestie, because i know we’re toeing a very delicate line between friends and lovers?

“third floor on the west side” – iirc, the master bedroom of karlie’s west side apartment was on the third floor

“do the girls back home touch you like i do?” – contrasting platonic girls’ touches to the type of touch taylor is giving her. (similar vibe to “i don’t wanna touch you …… like the other girls do” in end game)

“stay here, honey, I DON’T WANNA SHARE” – i don’t wanna share you with josh

“I PRETEND YOU’RE MINE ALL THE DAMN TIME” – implies that karlie is not hers all the time (because she’s josh’s)

“i like you …… i want you” – taylor is Yearning™ for a deeper/more serious relationship with karlie

look what you made me do

i don’t think this song has much substance, but it may draw on themes/emotions from the kaylor friendship break up.

“i don’t like your games” – i don’t like how you led me on, making me feel like we could be forever when, in reality, you were never going to commit to me because you loved josh

“don’t like your tilted stage” – this reminds me of the power imbalance i mentioned earlier: taylor was obsessed with karlie and idolized her. karlie did not reciprocate this dedication and infatuation. because taylor’s love for karlie is so much more intense than karlie’s love for her, the metaphorical scale is imbalanced, making it tilt.

“the role you made me play, of the fool” – you made me out to be a fool, ready to confess my undying love even though you could never reciprocate. // furthermore, the “role” may refer to how they had to act like platonic girl squad besties as per their pr arrangement (reminds me of how karlie publicly said “taylor and i are still besties” after karlie’s name wasn’t on the junior jewels shirt in the lwymmd mv, how karlie promo-ed the “Me!” filter on Instagram, the song closure, etc.)

“your perfect crime” – the crime of sleeping with taylor despite being low key still with josh

“i got smarter” – i began to realize how unhealthy this warped and imbalanced friendship was

“you asked me for a place to sleep / locked me out and threw a feast” – this may refer to karlie had a ~designated bestie sleepover room~ in taylor’s house, and that enty blind about how karlie used taylor’s credit card and that caused a feud lol

i do not think that “so it goes” is about karlie – it’s too reciprocal. i don’t think gorgeous is about karlie specifically – maybe lily or just women in general. and i agree with andy’s theory that getaway car is more so an exercise in storytelling than a song that contains substantive clues about her relationships.

king of my heart

we have the photos showing that taylor wrote/recorded this after facetiming with karlie to watch the sunset together. taylor wrote this right after that romantic coded date, presumably during a high point of their friendship/relationship – as such, this song is more idealistic than most other kaylor songs. taylor is hopeful about the future of a committed endgame kaylor. (but, we’ll also see that taylor does still have some insecurities about kaylor.)

“now you try on calling me baby like trying on clothes” – karlie is just “trying on” calling her baby. karlie is new to this whole wlw thing, and she won’t be wearing these metaphorical clothes (a wlw relationship) for long – she’s just trying them on. furthermore, “trying on clothes” may reference how karlie is a model.

“salute to me, i’m your american queen” – i think i remember from my ttb days (derogatory) that there’s a video clip of karlie calling taylor “the perfect all-american girl” whilst doing a salute.

“you move to me like a motown beat” may reference the “motown beats” instagram post where kaylor are putting on lipstick together

the fact that taylor includes the line “all the boys and their expensive cars … never took me quite where you do” may be a sign of taylor’s insecurity. i think this may be a message to karlie – ‘yes, josh is a rich boy with expensive cars, but look, we are so much better than joshlie is.’ calling josh a mere “boy” is also a funny little insult – he’s not a man, he’s just some silly little boy who can’t satisfy you like i can.

“body and soul” – i think it might be significant that taylor specifies body AND soul. they’re already connected by the soul through their close friendship – but now they’re connecting sexually with their bodies as well. conversely, this could reference how they’ve already connected bodily through casual gal pal hook ups, but now taylor believes that they’re starting to connect on that romantic soul level as well.

“school girl crush” gives me such unreciprocated crush vibes. maybe taylor’s crush was unreciprocated for a while, but she has reason to believe that their relationship is growing into ~more than just friends~, as she’s desired

“drinking beer out of plastic cups” – knicks game

“say you fancy me, not fancy stuff” – “fancy” could just be straight-bait to make swiftwyn beards look more convincing, or it could be a re-dedication of the song to joe (just how the bridge of dress re-dedicated that song to joe). (for context, i believe in swiftwyn beards-to-lovers.) but what’s important here is that “fancying stuff” made me think of how, as a model, karlie is like madona’s Material Girl. rich boy josh with his fancy cars can give karlie more “stuff” to satisfy her inner material girl, but taylor wants to show karlie that she can give her deeper fulfillment than that.

“this is enough” – this might be taylor reassuring herself that their relationship, despite being in a weird ~gal pals who hook up occassionally~ is enough. even though they’re not ~girlfriends~, the relationship is enough, because taylor believes that they’re working their way towards that ~body and soul endgame wives~ type of relationship.

“all at once” may refer to a seemingly sudden shift in the nature of their relationship – one day, they’re (infuriatingly) just gal pals who hook up, but all of a sudden, taylor has reason to believe/hope that maybe they’re starting to be more than that, maybe inching their way towards endgame territory.

i do not think that dancing with our hands tied is necessarily about karlie. it seems too reciprocal to be just about her; it might be an amalgamation of many relationships and how she frequently fears being outed.

dress

“a golden tattoo” – drake’s party. also, karlie is gold rush girl

“all of this silence, pining and anticipation / my hands are shaking from holding back from you / all of this silence, pining and desperately waiting” – once again implies that taylor does not have karlie the way she wants her. there’s “pining” because she wants more than karlie can give. and taylor is “desperately waiting” in hopes that maybe one day karlie will reciprocate her love to the full extent that she desires

“i don’t want you like a best friend” – self-explanatory

“carve your name into my bedpost” – taylor is making a request – ‘please commit, please leave a sign that you are committed to me forever, please be my endgame.’ note the dichotomy between this plea for karlie to take the initiative to make the carving, versus the statement in the first verse of how karlie inadvertently left “an indentation in the shape of” her. the indentation was not an act of karlie’s chosen will – taylor just so happened to fall in love with her, and now she’s asking karlie to reciprocate by making that carving.

“inescapable, i’m not even gonna try” – taylor is resigned to the fact that she’s fallen for karlie, even though the relationship might be doomed (as the next line demonstrates)

“if I get burned, at least we were electrified” – taylor is acknowledging that this relationship is low key doomed, and if anyone is going to get hurt, it’ll be taylor. taylor will be the one getting “burned” by the intensity of her infatuation, whereas karlie won’t be burned because she never reciprocated that intense love. /// going back to my commentary on “carve your name into my bedpost” – note how taylor frequently references karlie “claiming” her (with “marks”, “indentations”, “carvings”, and now “burns”), whereas taylor never states that she’s claimed karlie in any way. i think this may reflect taylor’s recognition that she has fallen much harder for karlie than karlie has for her. karlie does not bear marks, indentations, carvings, or burns from their relationship, because she was never as committed as taylor was. but taylor bears all those things because it is she who fell so hard for karlie.

“you kiss my face and we’re both drunk” reminds me of that trope where the gal pals only make out when they’re drunk because they’re convinced they’re actually straight. maybe karlie is one of those straight girls who only has so much capacity for wlw sex, meaning that it happens more often when she’s drunk than when sober.

i do not think that “this is why we can’t have nice things” is a direct karlie song. it may indirectly reference how karlie “broke” the “nice thing” that was their relationship by refusing to commit, but i don’t think that the song has anything substantive to show us about kaylor.

i’m not sure if i think “call it what you want” is a kaylor song. on some level, “fit like a daydream” does sound like eating disorder taylor idolizing karlie’s body, and it’s interesting to me how the subject of the song expresses virtually no devotion to taylor, whereas taylor spends the whole song telling the subject “call it what you want – call us girlfriends, gal pals, whatever you want as long as i can keep you.” this reminds me a bit of kaylor.

new year’s day

“don’t read the last page” because i know that this book has a sad ending. this relationship is doomed, and it’s going to end poorly. but let’s put that out of our minds – i’m to infatuated with you in this moment to think about how this will inevitably end.

“i stay when you’re lost and i’m scared and you’re turning away” – when karlie is “lost” (leaving taylor to go back to josh) or “turning away” from taylor to go back to josh, taylor stays. she’s scared that she’s going to lose karlie, but she’s still going to stay, because she’s willing to “waste her time” (don’t blame me) waiting for karlie to choose her.

“i stay when it’s hard or it’s wrong or we’re making mistakes” – taylor is willing to stay through the mess of their imbalanced and un-reciprocal relationship even when that inevitably gets hard. their relationship is “wrong” because karlie is josh’s, and maybe kaylor was a mistake because of joshlie, but taylor doesn’t care – she loves karlie too much, so she’s going to stay and wait for karlie to choose her.

“i WANT your midnights” – implying that taylor does not currently have them, because karlie is not reciprocating the level of love taylor is giving and wants in return.

“hold on to the memories” implies that this relationship will be ending soon (because it is doomed), leaving karlie only memories to hold onto.

“i will hold onto you” – this goes back to the theme of taylor’s obsession. karlie is her drug – she’s addicted to her, and she will “waste her time” eternally waiting for karlie to choose her because she’s that obsessed with her.

“please don’t ever become a stranger” – why is taylor worrying about this? because the relationship is doomed, and becoming strangers feels like this horrible yet inevitable ending that will be a part of “the last page”

thanks for reading, and sorry about any typos!

⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️

SUBMISSION

I found this as part of my Insta ask era but let’s look over this for thoughts. Haven’t read it yet but I know anon was stressed it got lost (it did because y’all talk too much but also don’t stop I love it).

#nat talks kaylor #submission

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dramionediscussion · 3 years

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I have a concern about Dramione fandom, which has been slightly troubling me lately. I am not saying that this is something that is going to happen, or is happening already. Naturally, I don’t think this is entirely unfounded either (hence why I am writing this), but I am just one Dramione shipper. If this doesn’t resonate at all, that’s totally fine! We are all aware of extremely boorish and fatuous anti-Dramione people, who troll, defame and accuse Dramione of being all sort of things. We are also probably all quite familiar with their claims about the ship and its shippers. You know, Dramione promotes racism, sexism, classism, unhealthy and abusive relationships, it’s all about bashing Ron, it’s just cuz actors are hot, we should all pay homage and tribute to canon relationships (and their shippers naturally), and offer respect and fawn over everything “canonical” for gracing us with all this HP bounty, and so on. This time I am not going to try to offer rebuttals, or deconstruct their arguments, or even psychoanalyze them more than absolutely necessarily. I am not even particularly upset about them (anymore). They are categorically wrong, their arguments are never insightful or thoughtful. Most importantly, they are disingenuous in their argumentation and especially about their own motives. I believe, the best course is ignore them totally. What I am afraid, that these endless arguments, relentless belittling, and even harassment of which they never seem to grow tired off actually might change Dramione shippers and community as well. Not in a conscious way, but constantly being on a defense can make people internalize some of these arguments. Or rather their premises and assumptions on which they are based upon. I don’t mean it, that Dramione shippers will suddenly wake up, and shout out that Dramione was actually all about abusing women all along, or anything like that. What I mean is, that people rather internalize certain assumptions, framing and logic chains, which are build into those arguments. In a defense, they start define what Dramione really means, what is ideal Dramione, what is acceptable or desirable in Dramione fics, in accordance of these attacks, by unconsciously defending their ship from slander. As an example, Romione people constantly accuse that Dramione is either all about mindless “Ron bashing”, and Dramione shippers rightly say that it’s not what Dramione is about at all. What I am afraid, that people might internalize the point, that “Ronbashing” is something truly heinous, and what should be avoided at all cost. And as a corollary to that, ideal Dramione fics are those in which there’s no conflicts between Ron, Draco and Hermione. Or the very least they are resolved in a conciliatory and harmonious manner. Or it is lazy Dramione writing, when Ron is “villainized”. Or another thing they say is, that Dramione just about glorifying and eroticizing abusive relationships. This might lead that some of us accept the framing, that describing or narrating something is totally same as promoting and celebrating it. If they accept it, then it’s quite easy to logically infer, that if Dramione is not defined by Draco abusing Hermione (it’s not), then it must be defined negatively as its opposite. Meaning that something cannot be genuine or accepted Dramione, if it contains an abusive Draco. Or as an induction from that, if a fic has an abusive Draco, it also must contain a redemption arc, and Draco has to change and make amends, and redeem himself as a person. That we start to define Dramione being really about redemption or redeeming, forgiveness, changing oneself for the better, etc (as contrary to their claim that its about abuse). Don’t get me wrong, I’d say the majority of Dramione fics contain a redemption story arc, and Draco either has changed or actively changes his views and behavior. It’s a common and wonderful theme, and almost all my favorite Dramione fics have those, and I like just for its own skae. Yet it’s not something what either makes or unmakes Dramione. There’s a minority of fics, in which Draco is never truly redeemed (usually a lust-filled obsession, with many many cognitive dissonances, which he never solves), and they are as Dramione as anything else, and some people enjoy writing them and some people reading them (or at least some of them). Also, a lot of gray areas, which can be quite delightful, thought inspiring and invigorating (and hot!). Speaking for myself, I’d say maybe 1/20 of my favorite fics have this dynamic or something close to it. Maybe 33% are more in that gray area. It doesn’t do any harm, there’s nothing ethnically wrong about it, I never idolize that behavior. If Romione stans have problem with that, they can go away, cry and tell that Rupert Grint body pillow all their troubles, because I don’t give a damn. People don’t emulate or model their behavior or preferences from YA fanfics or smut in that sense in any significant numbers. If someone does, I am sorry to say, but you probably weren’t going to make it anyway. It’s the irl version of getting a comedy death in a video game, like if a smarter-than-average mushroom hypnotizes you and makes you walk into a bottomless pit, or something like that. Your problems are deep seated and numerous, which unless dealt with, will be triggered by just about anything. Its pure happenstance whether it will be Harlequin novels, Dramione fanfiction, urban legend your cousin told you, or whatever. This could go on, but seriously, Dramione shippers have nothing to prove or even argue with those antis. It’s just bottomless pit of resentment, what they twist into moral arguments, which they think will signify us as the worst kind of people, and they themselves as the most virtuous. Their antipathies are petty and personal concerns, in which they feel like the universe and the abominable cabal of Dramione shippers have cheated them out of all that attention, writers, fans, fics, and deference they feel entitled to. It’s natural for humans to cloak often even most pettiest and nonsensical slights and resentments into whatever moral or ethical language and arguments the society they live holds sacred. If we would be living in the 1600s, they’d be scouring the Bible for anti-Dramione arguments, and denouncing Dramione as unchristian and sinful. By their stated “moral standards”, there are a lot more “vile” and “harmful” ships out there, but they aren’t functionally bothered by them at all. So, unless really prompted, they don’t even bother to denounce them, little alone wage this never-ending crusade against them. That’s because they aren’t popular enough to trigger that envy and resentment (Hermione with basically any of the worst Death Eaters). Or they feel that they don’t compete in the same niche as their ship does (Drarry as an example). I wouldn’t be writing this, if this discourse with Antis hadn’t affected me as well. There was a time, I wanted to understand what they were about, and I read a lot of their grievances and internal discussions. While reading I couldn’t help but to be on a defense all the time. Sort of refuting and counter-arguing against their points in my mind, while reading their diatribes (I tried to start a dialog couple of times, but I was always totally ignored, which I am thankful for them in retrospect). Conditioning myself with that for long enough, I did notice that I started to feel a bit hesitant about certain tropes and Dramione fics I hadn’t before. I was thinking about Dramione like a defense attorney, excepting to be attacked from all directions. It actually took me quite long to figure this out, and how the bile of HP fandom had in subtle ways affected my sense and tastes without my really noticing.

Anonymous submitted: P.S. I wrote that previous submission, and I have to add, that I am not trying to say this is happening or pointing any fingers at anybody. There’s perfectly good reasons to not like any Dramione fic, as a Dramione shipper, in which Draco is irredeemable or evil. There’s perfectly legitimate reasons to prefer fics, which Ron is portrayed as a positive influence for Dramione. People can arrive to same conclusions or tastes from countless different routes and reasons. The negativity that the HP fandom and Romione shippers especially grace us just got to me in a way, that I wasn’t even cognizant about. It might be the case for others as well, if their own self-reflection so deems (or not).

------------------------

I agree with every point you’ve made. While it’s obviously okay to discuss why you like Dramione (or any other pairing), people also need to remember that they don’t have to justify why they ship Draco and Hermione together or prove (especially to haters as they’re not worth anyone’s time) that their OTP makes sense because even if it makes no sense whatsoever, it’s still fine to ship it as long as you can differentiate between fantasy and reality. I don’t know about you, but when I started shipping Dramione, it was like love at first sight. I didn’t think if they made sense, didn’t spend hours trying to make a list of arguments for Dramione, I just suddenly loved the idea of them together, believed they belonged together, and that was and still is enough. I don’t need to justify why I ship them, and neither does anyone.

It’s true that in most Dramione fics, Draco gets redeemed. It’s also true that most shippers prefer fics in which Draco gets a redemption arc, but we have to remember that there’s nothing wrong with enjoying fics in which Draco’s irredeemable or his relationship with Hermione is toxic. I myself read such stories from time to time. I like a good Ron bashing fic every now and then as well, and there’s nothing wrong with that either because it’s all fantasy, it’s all fiction, which, I believe, most Dramione shippers are aware of and accept. Hopefully, it won’t change, and no one will ever try to tell others what should and shouldn’t be written or what is and what’s not allowed in a Dramione fic.

- AgnMag

#dramione #anonymous #HP Fandom #submission

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animeyanderelover · 3 years

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Can I have your opinion? Which character is fit for 34 prompt? Because I want to request that but I don't know which character •́ ‿ ,•̀

Even I needed to think about this for a bit, but now I have a few in mind. Fiting characters would be Naruto, Sakura, Kushina, TenTen, Kiba, Hashirama, Gon, Killua, Pokkle, Finny, Alois and Dagger. But sadly you lit a fire inside of me and I felt the need to already write something with this Prompt. Feel free to request it with another one! I was between Finny and Dagger from Black Butler and couldn’t choose so I read the basic Hc’s I wrote for them. Dagger it is!

Warnings: Yandere themes, unhealthy mindset, unhealthy relationship, obsessiveness, delusions, clinginess, mentions of kidnapping

Prompt 34: “NO!! Please tell me what I did wrong so I can fix it, but don’t leave me!!!”

You were wondering what exactly you had done so wrong. Why were they all avoiding you? You had recently joined the Noah’s Ark circus, having a natural talent for bending your body in ways that some people had thought in the past that you had no bones and you had always dreamed about showing people your talent. You had been so happy when Joker had told you that you had been accepted to become a member and in the beginning everything had seemed good. You had quickly made friends with everyone in their, especially with Beast, Doll and Jumbo. Jumbo had been like an older brother to you and Doll had been like your little sister. Beast had been the person you could tell everything and she had told you quickly about her love for Joker and you had made it to your goal to bring both of them together. But since a few weeks everyone seemed to avoid you. Whenever you would try to talk to someone they would just quickly excuse themself and would walk away from you. Even your roommate had moved out of the tent!

At first you had tried to find out why they were avoiding you so intensely, but after some time you had given up. No one wanted to answer your question about what had happened and why they were avoiding you. Some had even started to panick when you had confronted them about it, looking like something terrible would happen to them in any moment. The only one who hadn’t avoided you so far was Dagger, but to be completely honest sometimes you wished he would. He was just so frustratingly clingy to you, always bombarded you with questions and complimented you on everything you did. At first you had found it sweet, but after some time it just annoyed you. Especially when he started yelling at someone because he thought this person did you wrong. You were of course thankful for him because Beast had once told you that he had been the member who had strongly insisted that you would join the circus and hadn’t stopped annoying Joker until he had finally agreed. But too much was too much!

Currently you were sitting somewhere outside the circus, having no interest in being ignored by the people in there. To be honest, judging by the grey clouds on the sky and the audible thunder in the distance it seemed like it would start to rain very soon, but you didn’t care. You just needed some fresh air. You sighed heavily, thinking about how happy you had been once with all of this. But now everything was ruined and what frustrated you the most was that you didn’t even know what it was. Even when the first raindrops started to fall from the sky, you didn’t make a motion to go back. You just stared sadly in the sky. Things had gone back to how they used to be when you were young. You had always been an outcast because of your abnormal flexibility and your parents had ignored your dreams of wanting to become part of a circus. You had never been accepted for who you really were. Recently you had even started to play with the thought of leaving the circus and trying your luck somewhere else. The only reason you had stayed here was because you had thought these guys were your new family, but it seemed like you had been wrong. You had already started to search for another circus and just yesterday you had found out that another circus had recently started looking for new artists. This circus wasn’t all that tall or famous like Noah’s Ark, but probably there you would be accepted.

“(y/n)!!! Where are you?!?!” A loud voice interrupted your thoughts and you turned confused around. Wasn’t that Dagger’s voice? Yeah, it was. The next moment you were able to see the young man running towards you with a terrified expression on his face, his makeup was smeared over his face because of the rain. “What are you doing out here?! You might catch a cold!!” He quickly lifted you up in his arms and started walking quickly back with you. “Uhhh...Dagger? I can walk on my own.”, you told him irritatedly. But he just ignored you and continued to carry you in his arms. You were even more confused when he didn’t let you down even after you had reached the circus. “Why didn’t you let me down? From here on I can walk on my own.”, you protested. “I’m bringing you to my tent.”, he stated firmly. “Huh? Why?” “Because you need someone to watch over you! What if you get sick and no one is there to take care of you?!” You scoffed and answered with dry humor in your voice:”Then blame my former roommate and Joker for it. I can take care of myself.” Once again Dagger ignored you and you just rolled your eyes. Might as well let him do what he wanted to do. At least he cared. As soon as you reached his tent, he immediately sat you down on his bed and started rummaging in his things before he pulled a towel out. He walked back to you, obviously wanting to rub you dry, but you grabbed the towel out of his head and hissed:’’I can do that myself!’’ You angrily started to rub yourself with the towel whilst Dagger was watching you. ‘‘Why were you out there in the cold?!’’ You glared for a short moment at him before you replied with a bitter voice:’’Are you blind or something like this? Didn’t you notice how everyone keeps avoiding me? I don’t even know what happened! No one seems to care for me anymore! Just like my parents and all these other people!’’ You turned your gaze towards the ground and just glared at it.

‘‘B-but that isn’t true!!! I care!! I care so much for you!!!’’, Dagger suddenly yelled and you flinched surprised at his loud voice and looked up. Dagger had a desperate expression on his face and almost looked like he was about to cry. You raised irritated an eyebrow. What had gotten into him so suddenly? ‘‘I don’t understand...’’, you said slowly. Dagger grabbed both of your hands in his and pressed them against his chest. ‘‘Can you feel my heartbeat?!” You could. His heart was racing against his chest and for a short moment you wondered if this speed could be considered as healthy, but you couldn’t ask him if he was feeling alright because he continued in a panicked voice:”My heart always beats that fast when I’m near you! I love you!! I’ve loved you since the first moment I saw you!” You were speechless. He loved you?! “But...I thought you loved Be-” He didn’t let you finish your sentence and yelled frustrated:”No!! I don’t love Beast!! I never did!! There was probably a time when I thought I did, but I realized that I never felt love for her! I only love you! No one else! The moment I saw you was the moment I knew we were meant to be together! You’re for me and I’m for you! Don’t you think so too??” You stared with wide eyes at him. What was wrong with this dude? What was he talking about? Meant to be together? Had he lost his mind?! “Uhhmm...” How were you supposed to respond to that? Would trying to reason with him be useful? Probably not. The look in his eyes told you that Dagger was caught in his own delusions. Well then, might as well try it the harsher way.

“I’m sorry Dagger, but I don’t feel the same.” His bright and hopeful expression instantly dropped. “W-what?”, he asked with a trembling voice. You bit your bottom lip, feeling a bit guilty. “Listen, I feel fluttered, but...I think you’re seeing it the wrong way. You don’t seriously believe that we were meant to be together, do you? If you do, then you’re just a dumb boy with your head up on some cloud.” With each cruel word you said to him he looked closer to starting to cry. “By the way, I wanted to leave this place anyways. I found out that there’s another circus looking for some new artists. So you won’t even see me again. I was planning to leave tomorrow.” Your heart clenched in your chest when you saw the tears dropping down his face, but this guy here needed to learn that his little dream land was nothing, but an imagination. Dagger needed to learn to grow up. “Goodbye Dagger.”, you said and turned around, planning to leave his tent. “NO!! Please tell me what I did wrong so I can fix it, but don’t leave me!!!”

He hugged you from behind and you felt his tears dropping on your clothes. You sighed. “Dagger, it isn’t your fault. It’s just that I can’t stand it to be always ignored by the other members.”, you explained whilst trying to wriggle free from his grip. But suddenly you were turned around by him. “You don’t need them! You only need me! I already told you that we were born for each other! But you don’t seem to understand that even after I made sure that no one would try to take you away from me!” You froze when you heard his last sentence, an unsettling suspicion slowly forming in your head. “Dagger,”, you started slowly, slight fear audible in your voice:”what do you mean by this?” “You’re perfect! Beautiful! Talented! You’re everything someone could look for! And I knew that they all would try to take you away from me so I needed to assure that they wouldn’t do anything! I just wanted you to help realizing that I’m the one you’re destinied to be with!” Realization strucked you and you started to shake. “Y-you threatened them, didn’t you?” Dagger quickly shook his head. “No, I didn’t! I just made sure that they wouldn’t harm you!” He slowly pulled you closer to him and engulfed you in a tight hug. “This world is filled with bad people...I just want to protect you.”

Now you were sure that he had lost his mind. “What the hell are you saying?! Are you insane?! Do you even hear the bullshit you’re-” Dagger cut you off by pressing his lips on yours. You could tell that he had wanted to do this for some time now because of the desperation in it. After a moment he pulled away, his eyes literally screaming lovesick. “You just don’t understand yet. But don’t worry, I’ll help you realize that you only need me.” It scared you how confident he sounded and looked. He really believed that shit! “But I do need to admit that leaving this place with you does sound good.”, he told you. “E-excuse you?!”, you shouted shocked. “Very simple,”, Dagger said with a huge grin on his face”like this I can bring you to a place where no one else will be able to take you away from me!”

#yandere black butler #yandere kuroshitsuji #yandere dagger

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andaleduardo · 3 years

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Where, besides Tumblr, can people find you doing fannish things? (Obviously only mention sites and usernames you actually want to be found at. Don’t expose your secret identities on my account.)

What other names have you gone by on these platforms, including Tumblr, if any?

When did you join the IT fandom? And what got you into fandom, to begin with?

What are your favorite ships, or characters, if any, and why? What do they mean to you?

In what ways do you participate in fandom? (ex. Posting memes, reblogging/commenting on content, writing fanfic, making fanart, creating fanmixes, etc.)

Do you have any in-fandom inspirations? Other members of the community that drive you? (And if you have the time/energy, in what ways do they inspire you?)

Name and link some of your favorite works, please!

Do you have any works of your own that you feel particularly proud of, or wish more people would’ve consumed? Please provide links if possible.

Have you ever participated in a fannish event (ie. IT Week, a fic Big Bang) or applied to be a part of a fanzine? If so, which ones, and can you please link them?

Without any form of bashing or lashing out, what is something you feel this fandom is missing?

We’ve talked about it before but I wanna thank you one more time for all the thought you put into these questions and for sending them to me, honestly <33

Okay this is probably going to be a long post I’m sorry in advance,,

- Besides tumblr and AO3 (it’s the same username) I don’t have any more fannish accounts, I have a twitter so I can keep up with the IT content over there but my account is private I don’t really interact there I just observe 👀

- Jesus what a good question, my first name on tumblr was eds-spagheds, that was also my first name on AO3, but then the second movie came out and I had to make good use of that iconic line

- Okay buckle up I love this story. So, It chapter one came out in 2017, but I hate horror movies with a passion, I never watch them, so when my friends asked me to come see it with them I said no, right. Fast forward one year. One random day in high school I think I caught the flu or something and I was feeling like absolute CRAP but me and my friend (the same one that invited me to see It on the cinema) had already made plans for that afternoon, that were: watch IT chapter one at her house. I tell you, I was laying on her couch having fever dreams while we waited for another friend of ours to show up, I was thinking to myself, I’m gonna go home, I feel like shit I don’t want to watch a horror movie that I’m gonna have nightmares about tonight. Anyway, I didn’t leave, they convinced me because they said “you love stranger things you’ll love this too”. The three of us sat down to watch the movie. Me, a dumbass, said this on the first seconds of the movie: “Can you imagine how bad it must feel to enter a fandom based on a movie? Like, with stranger things you can rewatch all the seasons but with a movie it’s just, the same 2 hours to obsess over and over.” No, I didn’t know there was a book, mini-series, or a second part. Yes, I got to know them all in the following months because as soon as I finished the movie I knew that was it for me.

- Okay favorite ships? We’re all tired of this answer but reddie. However, I like every single ship imaginable between the 7 of them, to me they’re all soulmates and I love all the dynamics possible. I lovE all of them, ships and characters. I think I related most to Ben, because of the unrequited love, body image and food issues. That part on the book about Ben’s mom feeding him unhealthy things and him trying to eat better and then the guilt trip? man, that hit too close. But like many people say, we all relate to every loser in a different way.

- Sighs. I don’t really participate anymore... First 2 years I was on fire with content, I did fanart and wrote prompts, one shots, full fics.. now I literally just reblog things and try to give love to the artists. I guess you can say I’m retired

- That’s a difficult question, all of the art I see inspires me, all of the fics I love inspire me, before, I guess they inspired me to create my own content for the fandom but since I don’t create anymore, they just, make my day really much better. I appreciate every single content creator of this fandom, you don’t know how much joy it brings me

- Okay okay!! This is impossible to get right because I will forget many many people for sure but over all this time there’s some works that really stick with me and that I think about every other day:

a (number) neighborhood of seven by BookRockShooter

I Might Be Dreaming (I Might Be Dead) by batwake

two falling sparks by zach_stone

Predicament Bondage by dgalerab

Now What I'm Gonna Say May Sound Indelicate by IfItHollers

& That's For All Time by tossertozier (rednoseredhair)

In Over Your Chest is Way Too Deep (AKA Surf Bois) by speakslow

5555 by weepies

- Yes! I wrote a handful of things but my absolute favorite one is this: Late at night when I like who I am, in the dark where I’m finally me

- No :( Sadly I never participated in any fandom event as a creator, but I love to see everyone’s work when one happens ! I bought the loser’s zine and it’s my most prized possession

- Hmmmm tough question, I think a little more empathy? There are so many kind and amazing people here but there are also some people who are... not. I see a lot of discourse over useless things like adults being in the fandom is somehow bad because the losers were once kids? like, are we forgetting this story follows these people from their childhoods through their adulthoods? And are we supposed to stop liking things after we turn 20 or? And when people who write Richie’s parents as bad parents are regarded as edgy teens who just want to cause Richie pain??? like what the....? so many people have only watched the movies and i’m sorry but in the movies there’s nothing that shows Richie’s parents as good parents, that’s only in the book, why do we attack these people then? maybe they relate to Richie and they have bad households, don’t we all project ourselves on our favorite characters?

Anyway, that’s all from me, if anyone reads this far I’ll be impressed but I had a lot of fun with these 👉👈

#long post #asks #so many good questions aA #It 2017 #It 2019 #the losers club

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falsegoodnight · 3 years

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Hi Ris! First of all, I want to tell you that you are such an incredibly talented author and I enjoy your works so much. I'm curious as to how could you write a lot in short amount of time? I mean, can you explain a bit about how do you plan your fics, if that makes sense? Sorry to bother you, have a nice day❣️

hi!! ahh thank you so much!! i’m so glad you enjoy my fics! <3

so for your question, i got a bit carried away so i’ll be adding a cut so you can read more!

just a quick ramble:

first of all, i just want to say that there’s going to be people that write really quickly and people who take more time to write but that difference doesn’t have any holding over one’s worth as a writer or anything like that! in other words, there’s nothing wrong with taking your time when writing a fic/story so i hope you keep that in mind and don’t be too hard on yourself when you’re struggling! every writer is different - it’s the same as how some writers have tons of ideas and some only get a good idea once in a blue moon or how some writers can write dialogue or a different element of a story easily and others can’t. it’s just a characteristic and not a representation of your success/achievement!!

that little bit is hopefully unneeded but i wanted to include it just in case!!

anyways, even though speed is relative to your own person and it’s different for everyone - there are factors you can control!! and you’re right in that planning is one of them!! if you have a detailed outline (or basis for how the story is going to begin, progress, and then resolve at the end then you’re going to have less struggle when it comes to writing the story because you know what you’re characters are striving towards!! obviously, some writers don’t use outlines and i can’t speak for anyone because this is what’s worked for me but it has helped me a lot so if you haven’t tried an outline before, i’d definitely recommend doing it at least once!

i’ve talked about it before but my outlines tend to be super detailed!! once i get a basic idea of a fic, i like to delve as deep as i can into the characters/plot/world. the first thing i’ll do is type out my idea in full detail so i don’t forget anything important and so i can see it all in print. then i’ll usually make some character profiles for each of the main characters (usually just louis and harry but sometimes i’ll include small ones for side characters!!)

an example format:

louis:

- age:

- job/career: (if they’re in school or it’s a fantasy/paranormal then this could be something like ‘student, english major’ or ‘witch’)

- background/history: (everything important to the story but also a lot that’s not dhjdk)

- positive traits:

- negative traits:

- character growth: (if i want to include character development, i always write that down!!)

then i begin my scene list which is basically a numbered list of every scene that takes place in the story!! it’ll usually start with a beginning scene, maybe a few scenes i know will take place somewhere in the middle, and also the ending scene (which is typically one of the first things i figure out when outlining the story!) and as i get more ideas and dive deeper and deeper into the story, this scene list grows longer and longer! some scenes are more outlined than others depend on how self-explanatory or complicated they are!

it’s also important to note that outlines are fluid, in that you can tweak/change them anytime you want! even when you’re 3/4ths of the way through a story and you decide you don’t like the ending you initially had and have a better idea! i can’t count how many times i’ve changed things in the middle of the story!!

having a super detailed scene list helps me know exactly what’s going to happen in a scene so i can just write it instead of spending time trying to figure out what’s going to happen in this scene while i’m in the middle of writing it!

and if i’m writing a fantastical/paranormal world, then i also always write down every detail of the worldbuilding that i want to include in the story - but also a whole lot of information i don’t end up including! knowing your story and your world is KEY to writing something quickly!!

i could go way more in detail if you wanted but i won’t ramble this time!! if you want more insight into outlining, i’d be happy to do a longer post one day (i already plan on it actually - i’m just lazy haha) but basically, planning has definitely had a huge impact on my writing productivity!

it doesn’t work for everyone though!! so here are some other things that contribute to my productivity:

- finding as much time as possible to write

as a full-time student with a part-time job and other responsibilities and just a life in general, it’s difficult to find time to write! but i try my best to carve out even just ten minutes per day to write and when i get that time, i take advantage of it. i think we all know that there’s time in our days that we usually just let get away from us - whether that means scrolling through social media without actually retaining anything, staring aimlessly at the ceiling, or just sitting around and doing nothing - i’m not saying that’s a bad thing or anything (i do all three all the time) but i am saying that it’s possible to stop yourself from letting that time slip away and instead choose to channel it into getting down a few words! even if you only write eleven words, that’s eleven more than you had before!

it sounds a bit obsessive but here’s what i’ve been doing when i wrote my last few fics: waking up thirty minutes earlier every morning before class so i can start my day by writing (honestly this is one of my favorite things to do because it helps wake me up and also gets me feeling productive when i’m usually just groaning and complaining about exhaustion - ofc not everyone will be the same), staying up late to write on my phone while in bed (again, i have unhealthy sleeping habits so maybe this isn’t a good tip but the point is that i take advantage of free time hdjkdk), and my favorite thing to do to get out words quickly:

- writing sprints

this is honestly one of my favorite things to do whether it’s a ten minute sprint or an hour long one! just setting aside a time dedicated to getting as many words as possible on paper (don’t focus on whether they’re perfect, just write - everything else comes later!) is always beneficial to me!! i do this frequently!!!

setting goals also helps for goal-oriented people like myself!! well, goal-oriented and competitive people such as myself haha. i love a good challenge to reach a certain word count (or even a goal like finishing a certain scene!) so if you’re like me, this could help a lot!

- accountability

this one can relate back to the writing sprint/competition thing if you do a sprint with someone else (super fun!) and keep each other accountable!! you can even just tell someone close to you that you’re aiming for a certain word count in a certain time and then tell them to check in with you! the satisfaction of being able to tell this person that you succeeded rather than didn’t (once again, not that that’s a bad thing!) can be particularly motivating!

- incentives

again, if you’re someone like me who works on reaching goals and reaping rewards, then this could be really beneficial! rewards can be anything from candy (i used to let myself eat a sour patch kid for every 100 words i write and let me tell you, that really helped hdjkd) or letting yourself watch an episode of a show you want to see!! they can be big prizes for smaller chunks of words or small prizes for bigger chunks of words - it doesn’t matter!! just do whatever gets you motivated!!!

also:

- get rid of distractions

i use sites like blocksite to keep myself from getting distracted by things like twitter/tumblr/youtube so i can focus!!! they have things like passwords so you can’t deactivate the block so if you have someone around you that can put in a password to make sure you don’t get tempted, taking advantage of that when you really want to get some work in is always good!

this is also something i do for assignments and other things in day to day life so just a helpful resource in general!

---

yeah so those are my main tips for writing a lot - do keep in mind that i’m naturally ambitious and also that i enjoy (or enjoy the results of) doing all of these things (even the harder ones!!!) but that may not be the same for everyone!! and not everyone writes as much or me, or even wants to in the first place! and that’s fine!

the most important thing to do is to cater to what you want. the goal you’re aiming for, the progress you want to make, etcetera.

at the end of the day, progress is progress - no matter how miniscule it may seem to you!! and also, quality is always better than quantity in my opinion!!!

this is way longer than i intended but i really hope it helps even in the slightest and if anyone else that’s a writer sees this and wants to rb with their own input (or comment!), feel free!! <3

#asks #:)#writing advice #writing tips #my writing tips #to save

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the-fiction-witch · 4 years

Text

Cheerleader

TV SHOW ACCUSED

COUPLE JAKE X READER

RATING SMUTTY

I sat trying to think straight everything was hell right now, I just wanted to go home and crawl into bed.

Someone sat beside me but I thought little of it till there was a tap on my shoulder so I looked up and saw the blue and black uniform of the cheerleaders

"Uuuuuuhhh hi" I blushed seeing y/n she was one of the cheerleaders one of the more thicker girls in her blue and black striped cheer uniform her hair up in a ponytail with a little blue headband to keep the hair out her yes

"Hi Jake" she smiled

"What uhh what's up?" I smiled trying to act cool

"I wanted to ask you something" she smiled "do you have a date yet for the dance at the end of the month?" She asks

"Uuuuuuuuuuhhhhh no" I blushed

"Well then, I was wondering if you maybe wanted to go together? Like as a couple?" She asks and I felt my heart beating out if my chest as well as somewhere else throbbing with excitement

"Are uhh are you sure?" I asked in disbelief

"I'm sure I wanna go with you" she smiled

"Uhhh okay, I uhh I'd love to" I blushed

"Great" she smiled she grabbed a pen from her bag and grabbed my hand she giggled playfully smiling at me as she wrote on my hand, as soon as she was done she kissed my cheek and headed off to class giving me a little flirty wave as she went I couldn't help looking at her go, I was mesmerized by her beauty and her little cheerleader skirt… a cheerleader is into me! Hell y/n is into me! I looked at my hand seeing her name and her number with a little heart at the end I quickly grabbed my phone from my bag putting the number in as the bell went so I put my phone away and headed into class

"Hand Mr Murray" a teacher told me as I got inside and he instantly spotted my hand

"I'm going, I'm going" I sighed going to a sink and washing it off before sitting in my seat

"What did you have in your hand?" Dan asked as she sat beside me with his stuff

"Nothing" I lied even if I couldn't stop smiling

"What was it Jake?"

"Well...let's just say a certain someone might have given me her number" I smiled

"Your kidding? Who was it?" He asked I didn't answer "ohh Don't Tell me it was y/n? That fat cheerleader your obsessed with?"

"She's not fat, she thick there's a difference"

"How?"

"Fat is unhealthy, thick is it's... you know in the right places"

"Like her ass and her tits?"

"Exactly"

"Doesn't this all seem… I don't know too good to be true? I mean how long have you been crushing on her? And all of a sudden she just turns up and gives you her number? Doesn't that sound a little off?"

"I'm not going to question it, I'm just going to enjoy it" I smiled.

I sat on my bed after dinner throwing my stuff in the counter and grabbing my phone

Me - Hey it's Jake? From class?

Y/n <3 - yay! I've been waiting for your message I was rather hoping it would have been sooner

Me - sorry busy day…

Me - so how are you tonight?

Y/n <3 - okay I guess, just getting cosy for a movie with my blankets, some popcorn, and my teddy bear

Me - that sounds heavenly

Y/n <3 - It is X

She then sent a picture, I opened it and saw her laid on a purple bed in her cheerleader uniform with a little teddy bear tucked up in her arm, she looked so innocent and yet so sexy that uniform looked so much tighter then earlier I had to I physically stop myself from touching myself as I knew how hard that little picture had made me my cock throbbing every time I looked at it but I knew I had to respond I didn't want her to think I was jerking off to her

Me - you look really cosy

Me - and very beautiful x

Y/n <3 - awww your too sweet Jake X

Y/n <3 - I'd be more cosy if I wasn't so lonely

Me - why are you lonely?

Y/n <3 - my parents are out so I'm all alone

Me - aww I'm sorry y/n, I wish I could help well I'm here I'll chat all night if you want

Y/n <3 - or maybe you could come... keep me company X

I was almost hyperventilating she wants me to come over, her parents aren't there as could do anything…

Me - Sure I'd be happy to come over tonight

I sat wait biting on my fingers as her little typing bubble popped up

Y/n <3 - great, see you soon X

She then sent directions.

I quickly put my phone down and ran what may have been the quickest shower if my life even if I scrubbed as much as I could, I got dressed into some decent clothes and made sure I had body spray and even after shave getting some bits in my bag and heading downstairs

"Where are you off to this time of night?" My mother asks from the sofa watching her show

"Out, with my friends" I lied

"Don't get into trouble" she sighed so I grabbed my key and headed out the door before she asked anything else heading down the dark paths

Me - on my way x

I followed the directions she gave me and I arrived at a fairly nice house with a few lights on I went up to the door and rather nervously knocked dan's words flooding back to me maybe something was up I mean we hadn't even been talking long when she asked me over it did seem a little fast the door opened and I saw y/n stood in her blue and black cheer uniform with her blue and black thigh high socks her hair loose but the Alice band remaining her make up perfectly matched her uniform and I did my best to tug my shirt to cover my Bonner

"My my, don't you look handsome" she smiled

"Uuuh thank you" I blushed "you uhh you look beautiful"

"Aww thanks Jake" she smiled pulling me inside the house and locking the door behind us she giggled playfully holding my hand

"Y/n, I have to ask you something?"

"What is it Jake?"

"Is this a big joke? Like the other cheerleaders are going to jump out bad laugh at me or something? Because… I really like you y/n, I've liked you since we where little"

"What Jake no what would you think that?"

"You gave me your number this afternoon and I'm already here in your house"

"Sorry I guess it was a little rushed I just didn't want to be lonely tonight that's all, and I'd rather you then one of the jock boys" she explained

"But why me?" I asked

"You wanna know?" She asks and I nodded "I have a thing for skinny boys" she whispered

"Hu?"

"Ummm for skinny little blonde nerdy boys" she giggled

"Really? So the huge muscular guys from track?"

"Do nothing for me" she shrugs "so you wanna come play video games in my room while I sit on your lap and let you grope my boobs?" She asks

I smirked grabbing her waist and kissing her deeply "oh my God your an angel, you might actually be an angel sent from heaven either that or I'm fucking dreaming either way don't stop please"

She giggled grabbing my hand and pulling me up to her bedroom we cuddled up on her bed often kissing and stroking across each other playfully I had tried playing videogames but she was far to distracting

"Your loosing again" she giggled

"Ummm I don't care" I groaned pulling her sweet addictive lips back to my own my hand has say rather contently on her waist the whole time we had been kissing but I tenderly moved up gently squeezing her boob "uuuummmm… " I moaned I to our kiss but she pushed my hand away "what's wrong?"

"Play your game" she giggled handing me back the controller and she sat herself squarely on my lap her back against my chest her legs either side of mine "ooohh Jake your so big" she smirked moving her hips a little to gently grind herself against me

"Umm stop, stop, stop" I told her grabbing her hips so she couldn't move

"Why?" She whines

"You do that I'm gonna cum in my pants" I told her

"Awww but I wanted to play" she whines wiggling her butt on me almost giving me a lap dance

"Ooh god y/n, please…" I groan rolling my head against the wall she stayed still and let me play a while nuzzling into my chest as she got comfy on me often pulling me to kiss her making me loose

"Aww you keep loosing'

"I keep getting distracted by a beautiful girl" she laughed turning to the game off and her tv sitting at the end of her bed watching me

"I wanna play something else" she giggled

"What?" I asked her

"Let's play Fantasy" she giggled

"Okay? What's Fantasy?"

"You tell me a fantasy? And then we'll go and act it out" ahs smiled

"Any Fantasy?" I asked and she nods "anything I want?"

"Anything"

"Okay…take your bra and panties off and stand in your kitchen against the counter" I told her

"Okay" she giggled going to slip her clothes off but I stopped her

"No, leave the uniform on" I growled

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demonboidies · 5 years

Text

𝓼𝓲𝓬𝓴𝓵𝔂 - 𝓪𝓬𝓬𝓮𝓹𝓽 𝓸𝓻 𝓭𝓮𝓬𝓵𝓲𝓷𝓮

pt. 1

word count: 1,273

it was old. but not dingy looking. actually, old but classy old, y'know? the building looked almost like a haunting house, but it was more welcoming than one from a horror movie. you could see the lights were on, so the question of someone being home was now answered, after all, at least 1 of the 7 tenants had to be home. at least, or else you'd have walked up a whole bunch of stairs for no reason.

you pressed the white button which you presumed to be the doorbell.

inside the house, seven heads shot up.

"she's here!" one yelled excitedly, bouncing on his feet.

"shh! she can't know we were waiting!"

"no! you shh! she could hear us right now."

"just go to your rooms idiot and let me handle her. don't even think about coming downstairs while we talk."

you waited patiently, peaking into the glass window of the door trying to catch a glimpse of the inside. as your eyes were finally able to see a peak of the inside, a pair of brown eyes met your own. the way the sun hit it made it look lighter, which made you grin at the male.

in a second, the door was opened and a tall, handsome young man was smiling at you.

"i'm sorry for taking so long, had to get the others in order." he grinned and welcomed you inside. "we can talk in the dining room."

he led you to the large dining area, a long table greeting you with more than enough chairs to feed more than 10 people. "so i take you're interested in our offer?"

you smiled weakly, pulling out the letter in your bag. "before talking about things like that, i would first like to know your name," pointing at the smiley face at the bottom you chuckled, "this doesn't really give me much to know about you, or whoever had written it."

he looked at the smiley face himself, almost like's never seen it before either. suddenly, a deep chuckle left his throat making you blush at the sound. it was so...manly.

"i'm sorry about that, it must've been one of the tenants. rather playful he is. my name is Kim Namjoon, Namjoon or Joon is fine though. i'm sorry for my friend's mistake...can't believe i missed it before mailing it to you." he looked down ashamed of his slip up, scratching behind his ear. "he meant well, i'm sorry if it creeped you out in some way."

how could he have guessed it creeped you out? well, who knows maybe he thought the action of his 'friend' was odd himself.

"ah, no, it's fine. simply curious as to who wrote such a persuasive letter," you took in a deep breath. "i am interested in the job after all. i just want to go through the facts of payment and requirements."

he nodded in understanding. "ah, of course. well, we can pay you well as well as provide food and housing. we do live pretty far from the town and it would be more efficient if you had stayed with us, here. and the specifics of payment would be about $9,000 a month. possibly more."

your eyes had budged. and he noticed. and he let out that manly, attractive chuckle. his shoulders shook slightly with his movement.

"you mean, like a thousand? a month?"

if you were being paid that much in a month you could easily live off this job for the rest of your life!

"yes, ma'am."

"y/n is fine, Namjoon...but you are absolutely sure that i will get paid $9,000 a month, along with housing and food if i choose so?" it seemed too good. it couldn't be real. all due respect, he seemed trustworthy, but that much money seemed suspiciously high. your inner gut was telling you 'no.'

"yes, and we are absolutely sure we can suffice that amount of money for as long as you want. we do not play with the proper treatment of you if you were to stay and work with us." he said, pushing his rimmed glasses higher up his nose. "that is if you choose to stay, which we do hope you do."

"i-" you cut yourself off, not wanting to decide too early. you needed questions answered first.

"how come i've never heard of this place, do you guys simply like privacy? and it seems you are the only one home, where are the other 6?" you inquired, putting out the simple questions first.

"ah, the other 6 are here, they are just shy. it's been a while since we've seen a be- female..." you failed to notice the pink dusting his cheeks, he had caught himself before he said 'beautiful.' that sure would've scared you.

"okay, i understand that."

"as for why we're so isolated from others is simply because we enjoy our privacy. there was a point when we were in high school when we wouldn't have any private life. it really damaged us, so we're living here now. although, i should mention that most of us have our own jobs. some of us even work in the city, including me." he spoke calmly, his words sounding so perfect and smooth. he was reeling you into saying yes to his proposal. and it was working. the word was almost going to roll off your tongue at this point.

"so what do you say?" he questioned after a moment of silence. he was internally yelling for you to accept. but he would have to stay quiet for now.

"i think...i need time to think."

sadness was on his face.

"i need to make sure i am willing to completely dedicate myself to this job. and i thank you for answering my questions and concerns, i am very much leaning towards yes." you assured. "but don't get your hopes up, please. i just need a few days to think this over, Namjoon." with that you stood up from the table, him following your actions.

"ah! okay, we understand. do contact us again if you are sure you want this job." he said kindly, although you could hear and see the disappointment in his eyes and voice. he walked you to the door, waving you off with a kind smile.

you returned to your household, collapsing onto your couch with a stressed look. you really needed this job, but there was a part of you yelling out that it was un-safe. but doesn't everyone feel like that with new, unfamiliar things? especially jobs, yeah?

after mulling over the thought of accepting, you came to a conclusion.

"taehyung, i swear if it's because of your stupid smiley face she doesn't accept this, i will personally mutilate you."

"whatever. it was cute, she seemed to like it." the male blushed at the thought of you liking something of his. "i can't believe how pretty she is in person."

"you should see her up close, so magnificent."

***

knocking on the door of the familiar door, you fiddled with your thumbs. in a few seconds, the door was opened wide by Namjoon himself.

"ah, you've come back...and with good news, i hope?" his voice was light and happy, which caused you to smile. when you realized your actions, that including some staring on your part, you coughed behind your hand, regaining your stoic expression.

"yes, and i came here to properly tell you..."

a/n- aha, cliffhanger-sorta-kinda-not-really. anyway apologies on to how short this chapter was, i can assure the next one will longer tho!!

#yandere bts #yandere #yandere kpop #bts imagine #x reader #sickly ff #sickly bts ff #bts ff #yandere bts imagines #yandere imagines #yandere x reader #bts x reader #ot7 #repost from wattpad

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homenum-revelio-hq · 4 years

Photo

Welcome (again) to the Order of the Phoenix, Christie!

You have been accepted for the role of MARY MACDONALD! We loved how readily you embraced the harsher sides of Mary -- and how you wrote her embracing those aspects of herself, as well -- and we're so excited to see the fire and fuel she brings to the Order of the Phoenix! Things are going to get hot for enemy and ally alike with your Mary on the dash, and we can't wait to see it!

Please take a look at the new member checklist and send in your account within 24 hours! Thank you for joining the fight against Voldemort!

OUT OF CHARACTER:

NAME & PRONOUNS: christie, she/her

AGE: 20

TIMEZONE: bst

ACTIVITY LEVEL: Uni’s started once again and I did go through a period of ‘oh snap how is that going to work‘ but that being said, I believe I’ve finally found my balance once again and feel confident enough in taking on a third character. I try to join at least one sprint a week, but then even when I can’t do that, I usually try to have mini sprints by myself.

ANYTHING ELSE: nope, nothing

CHARACTER DETAILS:

NAME: Mary Lizbeth MacDonald

AGE: 20 soon-to-be 21 (3 April 1961)

GENDER, PRONOUNS, and SEXUALITY: Cis female, she/her, ‘don’t know, don’t care’. She’s not particularly interested in romance and whenever she feels any sexual frustration, boys seem to do the trick just fine. She doesn’t care to explore her sexuality beyond that.

BLOOD STATUS: Muggleborn

HOUSE ALUMNI: Gryffindor

ANY CHANGES: Nope! All good!

CHARACTER BACKGROUND:

PERSONALITY:

Many seem to think that Mary’s angry – and they’re right, don’t get her wrong. She’s fucking pissed at all the thumb twiddling, at the idiotic fanatics obsessed with slaughtering her kind, at the moralists looking down on her methods from their high horses. But she’s also not an idiot; she knows that anger kills and that if she’s not smart about this, it’ll kill her too. So she lets it drive her, lets it fuel her, but never lets it control her. She’s smart like that.

She also knows most would prefer to think of her killing Mulciber as a heat-of-the-battle, spur-moment decision, but that’s not what it was. When she looked him in the eye, his wand on the ground somewhere in the distance, Mary felt a moment of perfect clarity wash over her. She was perfectly capable of taking him in, she was sure of it, and for a brief moment, she considered it too. But then the corner of her lips twitched, pulling at the tissue of her scar, and her decision was made. If that makes her ruthless then so be it; God knows they’ve got enough soft-hearted plonkers in their ranks already. And if they need someone to hold their hand and pat them on the back for a job well done, they can fuck right off. The Order isn’t an after school special nor is it an extracurricular to join for the ‘experience’ and Mary certainly isn’t here to coddle anyone. She says it as it is, straightforward and blunt, and it’s sure as hell not her problem if people can’t handle the truth. She didn’t join the Order to make friends who’d braid her hair. She has a war to fight and everything else comes second.

That isn’t to say she’s a stone-cold bitch, though, as many times as she’s heard that. She has people she cares about, of course she does, but isn’t that the point? How can she claim to love her family, her siblings, and just sit around and wait for them to get killed off? How can she claim to care about the fate of Muggleborns and not join the fight against those who try to murder them? It’s not her passion and heart that people should question, it’s their own. Because if they cared, they wouldn’t be wasting their time judging her, they’d be fighting tooth and nail, like she is. Call her bold, call her desperate, she doesn’t give a flying fuck. If she has to, Mary will take the mud from her veins and throw it in the eyes of the Death Eaters; anything to buy another second, anything to win.

BRIEF OVERVIEW OF FAMILY:

There’s no question of whether or not Mary loves her family – of course she does! She loves her mum, who once tried to braid her hair but only managed to tangle it up so badly that they had to cut some of it off. She loves her dad and his terrible, stupid jokes that she doesn’t get half the time but snorts at regardless. She loves Adam too, how can she not? They had their dual act perfected; ‘I wash, you dry’, ‘I help Mum, you help Dad’, ‘I take Sarah, you take John’. And Sarah and John, the babies of the family. Except they’re not babies anymore, are they? Mary loves them too, with her entire heart and more, but she missed John’s first day in middle school. She missed Sarah’s first boyfriend. She still sees them as those tiny bundles who cried a lot, pooped a lot, and refused to ever let go of her hair, but that’s not who they are.

It’s better this way, though. The less contact any of them have with the Wix World the better. Maybe one day, when the war’s over, Mary will be able to go home and apologise. She’s not sorry, but it’s not like any of them know her anymore. They’ll believe her. And they deserve an apology, anyway. It’s the least she can do. After that… she’s not sure. But it doesn’t matter. She’ll cross that bridge when she gets to it.

OCCUPATION:

Barista at a teashop in Diagon Alley. Yes, she’s very much aware of how ridiculous the mental image of Mary MacDonald serving tea is, but it’s a pretty sweet gig. The pay’s good, the shifts are flexible enough that she can structure her daily routine around the Order as opposed to her job, and if all that takes is serving a punch of grannies tea and biscuits then Mary will do just that. Who knows, maybe one day the old hags will even take a hint and stop telling her what a pretty girl she is, but shame for that ugly scar. Her boss sometimes gives her crap for not smiling and playing along, but considering Mary hasn’t spat in their tea just yet, she thinks she’s handling it perfectly well.

ROLE WITHIN THE ORDER/THOUGHTS ABOUT THE ORDER:

Being in the Order was never about sitting around and moralising, not to Mary. It was an outlet, it was a purpose, it was an opportunity, but never passivity. And the fact that all they seem to do nowadays is talk doesn’t sit right with her. James Potter is dead and that’s shit, she gets it. She misses him too. But unless the Order wants everyone else to join him in the afterlife, it’s time they got their shit together. And none of that vagueness, Mary’s talking plans and action. Immediate, if possible. Before the Death Eaters get even stronger.

That’s one thing she brings to the Order, at least. The push, the harsh truths, the pressure. The Muggleborn perspective, if you would. Because of course all those noble Purebloods can afford to babble at length – it’s not them being slaughtered. They might care, sure, they might want to help, but that doesn’t change the fact they don’t understand. The clock ticks differently for them, more slowly, quietly, while Mary can barely hear her own heartbeat over its deafening noise. Hell, they might be out of time already. Not that that changes anything; there’s only one path to take and Mary feels as though she’s running ahead while her fellow members leisurely trudge behind.

But being part of the Inner Circle’s given her a voice. They have to listen to her now, she gets to have a say in the decision-making, and that’s not nothing. She advocates for action, for fighting, but she also understands that if they do that, they’re going to have to fight smart, not just blindly charge into battle. It’s not as strange as it was once was, to coordinate with multiple people, and while Mary would still only ever leave her survival in her own hands, she’s accepted that she’s a part of something bigger now.

On paper, it should work. They’ve got some crazy smart people in their ranks (and some downright crazy people, but that’s neither here nor there), they’ve got some great duellists, and that should make up for lacking in numbers. So in theory, they’ve still got a shot. And if you ask Mary, it’s about time they got off their asses and started returning the favour.

An eye for an eye isn’t quite right. She’s always been a fan of walking the extra mile, after all. When Mulciber marked her face, she ended up taking his life. And now they’d killed James. What does that say about the Order, if they let that go unpunished? Might as well line up and paint targets on their foreheads, if you ask her.

SURVIVAL:

Mary’s tough, is all it really comes down to. She’s dead set on surviving (ha, exactly the kind of stupid joke her dad might make) and has no qualms about fighting dirty or making tough calls. Can’t afford to, really.

But thing is, she’s good at the whole surviving thing. She’s good at covering her tracks, at making sure no one sees her entering or leaving her flat, at taking care of those who take an unhealthy interest. She’d say she’s made for it, almost, but how fucked up would that be, to be made for war? Then again, what does she know about fucked up. She’s a murderer, plain and simple, and maybe it should bother her how much it doesn’t bother her. Sure, she’d had the whole breakdown-in-the-bathroom after that mission, but in the end, she’d looked at her reflection in the mirror and there’d been nothing but satisfaction there. The bastard had deserved it; if war means Mary has to play jury and executioner then so be it.

RELATIONSHIPS:

She’s heard all that crap some members spew about the Order being a family and whatnot and she’s just not buying all that. Her family is miles away in Bristol; these people here are closer to being her coworkers. And yet. It’s them she talks to daily. Not her mum, her dad, her siblings, but the Order. She’s grown fond of some of them, she can’t deny it, but that doesn’t mean shit. It’s still Mary MacDonald against the world, just as it’s always been.

Lily Evans: When Mary said Lily needed a wake-up call, her boyfriend being killed isn’t exactly what she’d meant. She’s sorry for Lily’s loss, of course she is, but there’ll be time to grieve later. Now, Mary’s curious if maybe Lily will finally see what she’s been talking about this whole time. And if that still doesn’t open her eyes… well. Nothing wrong with a lost cause, only it takes up space.

Caradoc Dearborn: His fighting club is a good idea, Mary can admit as much. She’d even offered to join and teach those airy-fairy softies how to duel. Her only question is, will all that training finally lead to some actual fighting? She certainly hopes so.

Regulus Black: Mary had never liked Regulus back in school, and she doesn’t like him still, but that doesn’t matter. He’s got important information and valuable insights, and Mary wants to know. Spending time in his miserable company is just an unfortunate bonus.

Remus Lupin: Apparently, Lupin’s a werewolf, but unless that’s going to somehow help him in a fight, Mary couldn’t give two shits. He hasn’t gone and tried to kill them all just yet which is more than she can say about Voldemort so in her book, Lupin’s still alright.

Frank Longbottom: Mary’s got no actual proof of this, but she just knows he’s holding Alice back. Why else would she be so distracted as of late? Love sounds nice and all, but things like that are precisely why Mary doesn’t touch it with a ten-foot pole.

OOC EXPLORATION:

SHIPS/ANTI-SHIPS:

Love is so far down on Mary’s priority list that she can barely even see it. So of course I’d love for her to have to deal with a situation where she finds herself interested in somebody beyond just sex. But those things just happen naturally, I think, so I’ll just say that if the chemistry is right, I wouldn’t mind exploring just about any ship with Mary.

WHAT PRIVILEGES AND BIASES DOES YOUR CHARACTER HAVE?

A Muggleborn and a woman! Hide your darling little sons with their perfect little bowties, it’s the nightmare of every Pureblood mother. Really, they’re not even worth Mary’s mockery, but she gives it freely, she simply can’t help herself. Even outside of being bigoted and prejudiced, their entire little society is so damn funny to her. Twats, all of them.

Other than her clear bias against Purebloods, and perhaps contradictory of it, Mary isn’t all that fond of meek Muggleborns either. What good are they if they’re just going to be proving Voldemort right? They can use a wand and they can fight; that’s more than enough in Mary’s book. But some prefer to run away, like cowards, and she has no respect for people like that.

On the other hand, from a more Muggle perspective, Mary isn’t as liberal with sexuality as one might believe. She has no problems talking about sex, but when sexual orientation comes into play, it’s a bit of a different matter.

There’s a reason she hasn’t explored her potential attraction to women, after all. The way she sees it, sexuality is as much of a statement as anything else, except right now, there’s no need to add that on top of an entire war. She finds it needlessly attention-seeking, the people who are so open with their preferences that they almost seem to flaunt it.

Moving onto privileges, Mary just doesn’t get why Muggleborns would feel the need to flee because she’s healthy, athletic, and good at duelling; she doesn’t have the perspective of somebody who’s been driven to a corner, helpless. Furthermore, she has a job and an apartment, she’s secure in her position in the Order, and she already has a body count which gives her an additional confidence boost. She’s got it well when compared to other Muggleborns, but she would be pissed if somebody mentioned that.

WHAT ARE YOU MOST LOOKING FORWARD TO? I just really love it here. That’s it, plain and simple. And as soon as I figured I could balance another character, my fingers were already itching to fill out the app.

PLOT DROP IDEAS (OPTIONAL): Nothing comes to mind right now, I’m afraid.

ANYTHING ELSE? Nope :)

#homenumaccepted

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