#sorry if it’s not very comprehensive but that’s basically what she’s got going on lol. I tried to make it as shortened down as possible but | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

sketching-shark · 2 years

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Hey! I really enjoy your blog and I like reading your thoughts on things so I was hoping you could clarify on something? (Also I'm sorry if I misunderstood- it's also 4am and my reading comprehension could just be like, bad lol). But in a previous answer you mentioned something like "seemingly very light and cheery compared to og classic Xiyouji" in regards to LMK SWK contributing to writing jttw in the lmk world? I thought og classic xiyouji had a pretty good end though (with the tang monk and swk attaining buddhahood and I can't remember the others atm but they all got something). Again I'm sorry if I misunderstood? Also sorry if some of my words are wrong- 4 am and English isn't my strong suit. But thank you for everything!

Aw, thank you so much anon! I'm glad you've been getting some joy from my silly little posts. BUT ANYWAY what I meant by Journey to the West likely being more light and cheery in Monkie Kid than og classic Journey to the West was that even though it has a good ending there is a LOT of death, blood, violence, torture, warfare, etc. etc. etc. in Wu Cheng'en's work that for obvious reasons wouldn't be part of a kid's show. Sun Wukong didn't earn the title of "Buddha Victorious in Strife" for nothing! More specifically, there's been a lot of hints throughout the lego show that very important, and very violent, parts of Xiyouji were either heavily edited or even removed completely. As a number of people have pointed out, for example, in Monkie Kid the Six Eared Macaque seemed pretty nervous about even mentioning his full name to Qi Xiaotian (he is after all the dude who's infamous for trying to murder-replace the Monkey King!). But Qi Xiaotian, despite being a massive Monkey King fanboy, has no idea who this simian even is! This heavily suggests that the True and False Monkey King section of Journey to the West was either at some point removed or was never even included in the Xiyouji of legoland. The same is true with the Lady Bone Demon. Sun Wukong knew immediately who she was (having fought and defeated her before) but it seems that basically no one else did until she started to make her presence known. Even Tang Shifu--the character positioned as a literal scholar of all things Journey to the West related--first mentions the Flame of Samadhi being wielded by "a demon whose name I forgot," even though the battle between Sun Wukong and Red Boy remains to this day one of the most well-known fights in Xiyouji. And while this change is very understandable for a sequel to Journey to the West aimed at children, it must be remembered too that while the Sun Wukong of legoland stated that he gained his power and reputation through "beating up" a lot of yaoguai, in the og classic he just uuuuuuhhhh mostly smashed them into "meat patties," as is the classic's common phrase.

One of the things that makes Journey to the West such a fascinating work is the way people have been able to use it as the basis for both stories aimed at little kids as well as grimdarkiest works you can imagine. But Monkie Kid is potentially doing something pretty interesting by implying that many of the more morally complex, discomfiting, and violent stories were removed from the versions of this classic that made it into future legoland, the consequences of which have been pretty significant in a kind of "those who do not know history are doomed to repeat it" way. As it is, both Sun Wukong and Sha Dali (who it's implied is Sha Wujing himself) are strongly hinted to be recovering from some pretty painful past events, with the Monkey King inadvertently causing a lot of trouble by repeating many of his past behaviors from the journey by hiding his trauma behind a cheerful and carefree attitude and going to great lengths to not tell anyone what's going on while he runs himself ragged trying to solve everything by himself (unlike Sha Dali, who actually acknowledged that he needed professional help to overcome his trauma and anger issues and has been working quite successfully to keep his temper in check, one result of which is that he seems very comfortable and happy to work within a group).

I hope that that this makes sense and answers your question anon, but of course let me know if I need to go a little further into how I think the Journey to the West of Monkie Kid has been implied to differ in important ways from the Journey to the West of our own world!

#anon answered #sun wukong #monkey king #sha wujing #monkie kid #journey to the west #jttw #xiyouji

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publicstar0356 · 9 months

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I shall begin an all-new, all-homo blog! (I'm definitely not like 10 years behind on starting a blog lol).

I shall dub it JustSomeDude™! (I was gonna make it "Just Some Dude™", but when you Google that name you get a DeviantArt account that posts fat fetish art💀💀💀)

I talk about random bullshit here, basically whatever topic I feel like enlightening the masses about that particular day. And of course, because I am the most interesting man on earth, I'll also talk a lot about my life. You will listen to my whining, you will read my page, and you will consume product! Buy my merch!!!!!

Anyways, the inaugural installment of JustSomeDude™ focuses around the single most engaging, interesting topic of all the universes; The Big Sad.

Yep, I'm sad. Got broken up with by the woman I thought was The One, turned out she was the ½. Shit sucks bro. So please, all none of you reading this, beam to me your validation! Praise me this exact instant! I need all the shallow reinforcement I can get!

Ok, to drop the funni haha act for a sec and hit upon a more vulnerable note,a less funni, it truly is devastating to me. She was my first true love, I earnestly thought I would spend my life with her. Obviously, didn't play out that way lol.

It's been 2 weeks now. You'd think time would dull the pain, and what do you know? You'd be right. It's not nearly as bad as it was initially, yet I feel an agonizing emptiness inside my Self. I have navigated beyond grief over the idea of the relationship. I miss her and her specifically, not just the concept of having a girlfriend.

Truly and honestly, I have never had anyone else in my life comparable to her. I shared an intimacy with her that is beyond pre-relationship-me's comprehension. Obviously, having someone to do the sex with was cool and all, but beyond bodily pleasure, I miss her presence. I miss spending time with her, kissing and holding her in my arms, miss having my best friend, closest confidant, and favorite person all wrapped into one. I could go on an unbearably sappy rant about all the things I miss about her, like her freckles, beautiful brown eyes, her smile, her b- Wait a fucking second, I did again! Fuck!!!

Anyways, sorry about that. Just had to put my emotional side back where it belongs (locked and starving in my basement, right next to the 14 children).

Anyways, haha funni! Wanna hear a joke? My life! All you have to do is self deprecate to hide the pain! Afterall, if you refuse to acknowledge it, it doesn't exist. Much like Santa Claus, and the Federal Reserve.

I don't have a good seque into concluding this smattering of words, so I'm going to cheat and lampshade it. Am I being ironic? Am I using satire? Am I just being lazy? Yes.

Boom, instant segue. Basically, I will regularly add to this blog whenever I have something I feel like I need to express. I've found that expressing my emotions helps expel them, or otherwise they're remain entombed within my vessel, blighting the miniature clown people who pilot my body. I hope that people will read this, but honestly I just don't know. If a lot of people read this (which for clarification's sake, I absolutely don't expect to happen), I will be much more active and put significantly more effort into increasing the quality of my writing. I'm very good at revising my own work and drastically improving it, but it takes a whole lot of time, effort, and work. Anyways like, subscribe, and ring that be- wait, I'm a blog shill, not a YouTube shill. Fuck!

#writing #blog #random #writers on tumblr

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nimsabeef · 3 years

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davekat isn't a bad couple, actually

okay, i am bored and sleep deprived and i just went through @davekat-sucks's blog. this is a recipe for disaster. sigh. hope you don't mind me doing this ms. davekat sucks, its just that some of your takes were so frigid i just couldn't bring myself to ignore them. various thoughts under the cut

first off, id like to say that this not an attempt to blame you for making this blog, or for disliking davekat. you can ship whatever the fuck you want and express your opinion however you like. i actually really appreciate the courage. fuck yeah, go against the status quo. post about a controversial topic. fandom would be boring without people like you. but the thing is, your takes are so cold bestie. they are straight up frigid. i am so sorry but the sight of them got me freezing and shaking uncontrollably

why do you base so much of your criticism around hs2 and the epilogues whilst simultaneously claiming they're badly written and shouldn’t be canon? YES their characterisations were fucked in post-canon. that's the case for most characters!! it's kind of hypocritical to use post-canon as a basis to bash davekat and then turn around and completely disregard that when it comes to pairings like roxygen or rosemary. guess what! they were fucked over by post-canon too! and yet you're not going around claiming that johnroxy sucks, even though john basically abandoned roxy and cheated on her. you're not going around claiming rosemary is a horrible pairing because of the yiffy fiasco in homestuck 2. and you still like those ships. so do i!!

hs2 turned davekat into some kind of fanservice generator and robbed dave and karkat of most of their personalities, i agree. but that's because hs2 fucking sucks. they did that for most of the character anyway. why does it only matter to you when it's davekat? much to think about.

so yeah. im not going to address the criticism pertaining to the epilogues and beyond. im not defending them

another thing you keep bringing up is dave hating quadrants which, jesus fucking christ. it makes me doubt you have any reading comprehension skills. the label felt alien to him, yes. he initially rejected the concept because it seemed weird and off-putting, probably, and that's normal. most of the kids thought troll culture was weird at first. and! he didn't break up with terezi because he hated quadrants! he just doesn't like the polygamous aspect of it.

but let's suppose for the sake of argument that he actually, canonically, hates quadrants. what would that even mean? would that imply he would never get into a relationship with a troll, seeing as those would technically be quadrants? or that he doesn't feel any kind of quadrant-related romantic attraction? both of these were proven wrong by canon because: 1) he willingly got into a matespritship with terezi 2) humans can feel pale, pitch, and red attraction; they just label it differently. karkat elaborates on that in a conversation with john, probably around act6 act5. and davekat doesnt even fall squarely under any quadrant, so this is all pointless lol

one other point you brought up was that as soon as they got close to one another on the meteor, they stopped being active in the plot and disregarded all of the issues their friends were dealing with, proving that their relationship was lazy writing which caused their development to stagnate. this is a good point! but when you look into it, that's not really what happened.

the beta kids and the surviving trolls all began blending into the background during act 6 as the story began focusing on the alpha kids. most of them were sitting around, not particularly doing anything relevant, because there was nothing relevant to be done except for waiting. like kanaya, or davesprite, for example.

you mention that it was ooc for dave and karkat not to help terezi while she was getting abused. the thing is, terezi tried to keep her relationship with gamzee under wraps. she didn't really succeed at that, but people still didn't know exactly what was going on with them at first. karkat wasn't even told about it. he didn't even know she was dating gamzee up until very late into the trip. dave had just broken up with her and didn't know much about troll quadrants by that point, so he probably just thought it was all kismesis shit and didn't want to intrude. again, if he had known what was really going on, he probably would have intervened, but he only had a vague idea about it since terezi wasn't open about her relationship with gamzee. that is, up until the very end of the trip, and by that point dave and karkat WERE trying to encourage her.

you mention that they also didn't help rose with her addiction, but dave was trying! he spent a whole scene trying to get her to drink less! (the one right before the rosemary kiss)

but the thing is. most of the meteor shenanigans happened off screen, so we're not certain of anything. but again, for the sake of argument, let's assume they actually weren't even trying to help their friends. why would that matter? why would the fact that they weren't rushing to fix all of their friends emotional issues have any impact on their feelings for each other? they're traumatised teenagers, they make mistakes! theyre flawed characters!

kanaya didnt try to help terezi with the gamzee situation either. she didnt try to contact the ship either. instead, she spent most of her time with rose. does that make rosemary a horrible pairing? is it ooc for rose and kanaya? from what i've seen, this doesnt seem to be your opinion on the subject.

yeah that’s basically it. you don’t need to respond, but a response would be welcome. thank you for reading!

#davekat #hs^2 #homestuck #i dont wanna put this in the main tag #ill use the read more thing #sorry yall #conversing

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tendermiasma · 3 years

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i’m not even into overwatch anymore but i just wanted to say I ADORE your art style and hope to develop my own into a similar semi-realism leaning...have you made a post about your art journey? I’m assuming I just need to buckle down and do anatomy studies but any tips are very welcome!! Ty for your time <3

Oh man thank you! I’ve never made a comprehensive post about how I got to *gestures* whatever this point in my art this is, and I definitely sat here wondering what “art journey” means for me since I always feel like I’m stumbling around so I’ll answer as completely as I can. But a great way to develop a realism-minded eye is to draw from photos and life. Everyone in the world has said it over and over but it really gets it done, it’s not any more complicated than that. It’s how I started when I was little and it’s not something I planned, but the Legolas posters were right there so how could I not? Your own non-realism “stylistic” touch will bubble up whether you want it to or not and that’s a beautiful thing. It’s not something you need to look for because it happens on its own, whether it’s you seeing something another artist is doing that you like and assimilating it into your work, or it’s your own unique way that you absorb information from the world and use it to solve problems in the drawing in front of you. Some new artists also still have the idea that using references is cheating-- I’m not blaming them, sometimes this weird thing is circulated by more established people as well-- but this is a very small minority. Please use references. I’d be lost without them. The Castlevania team has a giant collection of references for faces of every character from every angle, props, etc. and I always have a second screen up with 10 different sheets of whoever I’m drawing. Feeding yourself info is essential to getting better. Look at how other artists handle something you’re having a problem with too. If they’re doing a similar pose or something, study their drawing and ask yourself what specifically, extremely technically about that drawing is convincing-- what marks are where, and what is the quality or direction of the strokes? Try it out on your own drawing. If you’re stuck, become aware of if you’re holding on too tightly to what you think something should look like. I have to remind myself this as well. Really try to let go of the idea you have in your head about how something works and simply try instead to draw what you see, even if it feels weird. The results are often pleasantly surprising.

I have a funny relationship with studies. You seem to be looking at them like a chore and I feel the same way. It’s impossible for me to sit down and just draw something over and over, disconnected from emotion or a larger narrative. I think a wonderful way to “study” is to incorporate those studies into a project that you wanted to do anyway. I’ve used my minicomics to get better at background painting or specific figure poses that I needed for the story but wasn’t sure how to do. I’m a very “oops I need it now better learn TODAY” kind of artist, if that suits you better than buckling down and doing anatomy studies for hours. Both are great ways to improve, but you have options for how to get there.

In terms of how much time I spend drawing.. well lol it’s a lot. I almost typed “but I don’t do it every day” but yes, my jobs have made sure that I do (I tend to separate personal drawing and job drawing). But the truth is, to get better, a lot of very focused drawing time is important; how much of it is up to you and your schedule. You can sit down for 6 hours and doodle or you can sit down for 3 with an extremely critical eye. It’s about the volume of time as well as focus and I don’t have a clear answer for it, but I can point to one specific year in my life where I made artistic progress like I’ve never seen from myself since. I drew a comic with regular updates during that time and, looking back, the art was not good. But the point was, I was drawing for 7 hours a day after work, at least 5 days a week, and actively looking to draw things that I hadn’t done before or knew that I wasn’t good at, and the result was that every single update was almost like it was drawn by a different person-- readers noticed and commented on the progress as well. It was very much an art bootcamp and I wouldn’t have the skills I do at this point if I hadn’t done it. It’s important that you’re loving what you do if you do it for yourself! That’s how you get through big projects and continue to be excited with where you are. Love is one of the most important motivators and discipline-keepers in art, in my experience. Draw what sets your brain on fire and attack it wholeheartedly even if it’s really weird or niche, not what you think you should be drawing, and you’ll improve a million times faster.

Art journey in terms of what I’ve done with my life (if this is what you meant from the beginning I’M SORRY I’m just trying everything you might have meant) uhhh I haven’t been to art school. I have no idea what my relationship with art would be like now if I’d had any formal training and I don’t really dwell on it. I could either be a testament to being able to get by without it or an example of someone who has no idea what she’s doing at all and lacks many basic foundational art skills. I have an architecture degree. I love architecture, I love the language of space we build for ourselves, and I’m truly, deeply glad for that eye-opening and often grueling experience, but I think my current field is a much better fit. Before animation I worked as a graphic designer mainly drawing storyboards for commercials and internal-industry stuff-- lots and lots of quick colored sketches (one of our main clients was a big glass company and my god I never thought I’d draw so much glass in my life). I was able to do that job due to the skills I developed through personal work. Maybe I’d be a hundred times more powerful if I went to art school! Maybe I’d be completely burned out and bitter and not drawing anymore at all! I just don’t know. I have friends who have had both experiences. Whether you choose art school or not it’s best to keep tabs on if the art you’re currently making brings you joy. Joy and struggle aren’t mutually exclusive. Oftentimes I’m drawing something I care deeply about but it’s VERY FUCKING HARD and I’m frustrated but it’s worth it.

I also do everything while being very scared of the thing. I have a lot of deep-seated anxiety that I’m constantly trying to root out and my brain compulsively twists things around into why I can’t do something, why people secretly know I’m below-par and are just too nice to tell me, how I’m “tricking” people into thinking I’m better than I am, etc. It’s so bad that my first thought when I was initially offered the art test for my current job was to say no; not because I didn’t want it so badly it hurt, but because I thought I’d be too much of a disappointment. After completing the test I spent an hour figuring out the most gracious way to apologize for not being enough. It’s common, but not something to accept and we’re all working on it. I just thought it was important to mention because art is also a mental journey and forces you to do all this navel-gazey shit in order to advance, and feeling like you are Not Enough is rife in the creative community. The work feels entangled with my value as a person because art is a massive part of my life. Something I’m learning is that I don’t have to be confident or sure of myself all the time. This ensures that the process is usually painful and frightening. Often there’s no way to make it less painful or frightening, and I just have to hold my breath and do it. An oddly comforting thing to me the past couple years is to remind myself that the scary thing I’m about to do won’t be the scariest thing I’ll ever do. I implies both that this isn’t the pinnacle of my progress and also that I will inevitably get over it. If you continue with art you’re going to run into things like this and I guess if it was me it would’ve been helpful to know I’m not alone in it.

I hope that maybe answered some of your questions, maybe? If you have some specific questions feel free and I’ll try my best. Hope you have a good day/night!

#anon #asks

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pluviophile-imagines · 3 years

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Could I ask what your sexuality headcanons are? I love comparing mine with other peoples’!

Ok second half of this; this is just like. non-students who i Actually have thought about HJBAFV not at all a comprehensive list. Again disclaimer i write all these chars as bi in my fics, also i am bi myself so the vast majority are also bi, and also leaving a lot of these vague so u can imagine ur favorite ship or urself or w/ever

ok lets start this off with Aizawa. I think....... hes another one who's rlly unlabelled, doesnt super care to think it through and define it, but calls himself gay bc his interest in women is very, very rare and it's just way easier to say than explain all that. Definitely do buy into the idea that he had a crush on Oboro in hs but i do NOT buy into the easermic agenda sorry. Definitely not someone who goes looking for dates, but doesn't say no if someone asks him and hes interested (also im not gonna give her a whole section but i saw a hc a while back that the Ms. Joke stuff is literally that shes a lesbian and hes gay and shes fucking with him and i love that so much i just wanted to put it out there)

on the topic of the erasermic agenda: Hizashi's pan and knew it before HS, had a sudden & intense crush on Aizawa for the first month they knew each other and then immediately got over it in favor of a similar sudden, intense, and then immediately fading crush on Midnight. Hizashi and Aizawa r just rlly good friends imo; maybe they messed around for a bit in their twenties but it never went anywhere serious. He dates around a lot, not even necessarily to settle down just to have some fun

Midnight is aro/ace but does get in qprs & gravitates towards women wrt that. Most people dont read vigilantes but theres a woman in that, Kazuho, who i imagine she's been in a long-term qpr with; her relationship with aizawa and hizashi leans a little more towards a qpr than a normal friendship, too, but it's not rlly defined that way

All Might is married to justice queer but v much not interested in relationships. He and that one guy from the first movie are ABSOLUTELY exes and i won't hear otherwise; it's the only relationship he's ever had, and they broke up bc he had to go back to japan. He was heartbroken but did eventually get over him; his lack of romance afterwards is from genuine disinterest and not being hung up on his past. I can see him finding someone else in his later years, after he's retired. Definitely feels like he's not worthy of it tho

Hawks is bi but unfortunately didn't get to figure that out until like Now in the timeline...... if youll let my dabihawks history shine through i think dabi was the reason JHBASFGJHB he was basically brainwashed by the commission to become a hero so he didnt have time to Figure That Shit Out; he knew he was into women bc that was easy & what the commission expected from him but then he started this undercover assignment and met dabi and realized Oh...... Fuck. Hawks is hard tbh, bc i think between the control that the commission has over him and his own convictions as a hero he doesn't pursue any romance (tho he does get crushes or find people attractive) and most of his flings are done to keep up his prettyboy act, not out of genuine interest in being a fuckboy. Can't imagine him having a relationship until well after canon but I do see him being interested eventually

Onto the villains, Shigaraki is unlabelled but probably would call himself queer if asked. Definitely admires women more but isn't very interested in romance; AFO actively encourages him to pursue the things interested in so imo if he were he'd talk abt it more lmfao. I kinda see him as demi as well, not the type to fall immediately but requiring a friendship beforehand; tho unlike Bakugo as i said in my last post I dont think it happens suddenly but rather slowly. Y'all know im a big fan of shigaraki being absolutely whipped for his s/o so i do thing hes a big piner, tho he's also pretty bold and unashamed of his affections. I'm a big fan of him falling for a member of the league or a civilian; definitely can't see him falling for a hero unless the hero was already halfway to turning sides already. I think he's also attracted to intelligence and someone who pushes him to think more abt his ideology...... maybe im just projecting at this point JSHDFBVAJKSHD but my point is that the gender of his partner is definitely the least of what he considers/notices

Dabi is bi and, here's my bold take, demisexual; not interested in sex unless its with someone he loves. Absolutely doesn't even think abt romance for most of the years where he's on his own. He's got revenge to plan. By the time he joins the league that hasn't changed much, and he's demi so he's not interested in sleeping around, plus he rlly denies any attachment to people at all. As I said in that other ask tho I do rlly like the idea of him with Magne, so I think they have a fling for a bit before her death :( it's one of the things that leads him to isolate himself further, unfortunately, even from Jin and the other League members with whom his relationships aren't romantic. I can see him dating someone post-canon bc i think hes gonna be redeemed lol. It could be someone he knew before but they probably didnt date again bc he was v guarded; i think magne was rlly the only person he dated

Magne is pan and heres the kicker: I think shes t4t, which led to a little moment just before she and dabi got together where he was like "she wouldnt be into me :/" but she was into him anyway so all was good. She got around in her circles, mostly casual stuff tho she yearned for something more serious.

Spinner's bi & trends towards women but does occasionally get things for men and they're almost always intense. He thought he was straight for a while even once he joined the league and then suddenly got a crush on Shigaraki (around the time of MVA) and realized otherwise LMFAO he's definitely a hopeless romantic type, the whole mutant prejudice thing makes it rlly hard for him and i can see him being rlly happy with another mutant-type; i feel like as he matures he starts to gravitate towards them

Toga is canonically pan to my understanding, iirc her interest in Uraraka and Deku is the same (and romantic) in canon tho i might be wrong. Poor girl just needs therapy. I like the idea of the two of them becoming her friends over her being involved with them but i totally can get behind her having a thing with Uraraka (and maybe Tsu) at some point post-canon (presuming she gets redeemed), tho I think a qpr between the two/three of them would be longer lasting. And again presuming she gets therapy i can see her settling down with someone, gender irrelevant

Jin is unlabelled bc he hasn't much thought abt it, definitely had a thing for dabi and for hawks which does make me sad on both counts. I think he likes women slightly more abstractly/aesthetically and gets crushes more on men,. The dabi thing fades as they get closer and start to view each other as brothers. In his later years he doesn't rlly care about romance, I think he enjoys the experience of crushing but doesnt like dating people; his found family in the League is far more important to him. But i can see him falling head-over-heels for someone quite suddenly and having a bit of a whirlwind romance. Also someone for whom gender isn't much of a factor

Mr Compress is also queer and also hasn't rlly thought abt it. Definitely leans more towards women; he's like 30 but i like to think he also goes for older partners, 10 or 15 years his senior KJBADSJFHB idk he just has that Vibe with the way he calls himself an old man etc. A lot of the league i cant see sleeping or dating around much, i feel like they prioritize each other, but I do think mr compress gets around more than the others. i can see him having a bit of a fuckbuddy who he catches feelings for

Kurogiri is fun; as Oboro I do think Aizawa's crush was reciprocated, tho he wasn't around long enough for them to act on it :( he's bi, tho kurogiri isn't supposed to have personal interests. I like to imagine the brainwashing isnt as good as AFO wants it to be tho so I like the idea of him falling for someone anyway. I also like the idea of the heroes managing to undo the nomufication and I 100% can see him, aizawa, and someone else (someone he was involved with as Kurogiri) ending up in a triad as a result of aizawa and the third partner helping him through the aftermath of all that shit

Lady Nagant is a manga-only minor character but im in love with her so imma talk abt it. Shes bi and leans VERY heavily towards women, probably spent years questioning whether she was rlly bi or a lesbian before finally having a fling with a guy that she genuinely enjoyed. Has only ever been in long-term relationships with women and I v much think she has a gf at home who stayed even when she was arrested 🥺

Finally imma talk abt Natsuo bc i love that boy. He's one of the few unmarried chars with a love interest and he canonically has a gf. I do see him as IDing straight in canon ngl, but the kind of straight where he might actually be bi but his preference leans so heavily towards women and he grew up in a bad home so he just doesnt rlly think abt it bc hes v happy with women anyway. In shiganatsu thoughts shigaraki is the first man he has a thing for; i rlly can see the two of them in a triad with a woman specifically, who helps the two of them find each other and is the one who initiates bc its definitely a weird situation for natsuo

#ask.🌧#anon #pattering on the roof #char.🌧 multi #again these r just the ones ive thought about so sorry if i didnt bother with any chars u care abt ajkhsfbgsjdhfb #thank yall for asking LMFAO any excuse to ramble abt this shit #it does impact the way i write these chars #obviously #bc this is meta more than anything else and so is fanfic lol

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human-person234 · 2 years

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LOL ok here's a chapter, oops, my bad, sorry guys. Glad to be back.

I'm actually feeling quite motivated to write, so I'm optimistic about finishing this fic before I hit my next major wall, but no promises--I've learned my lesson about setting expectations too high for myself. I do, at least, have the next chapter partly written, and the rest of the fic planned out.

I'm not here to give a whole sob story or make excuses--I know I don't need to. Y'all are great. But if you're curious, read on, and I'll tell you the gist of what's going on and give you some more detailed thoughts on this new chapter and where the fic is headed.

I never stopped wanting to write this fic! Like, I think about it nearly every day. I certainly didn't stop reading fanfiction, although I delved into quite a few different fandoms over the last few months. But for whatever reason, I just couldn't write.

There was writer's block, definitely--I got frustrated with how the plot got away from me in places, how my lack of planning meant I had to dig for inconsistencies, how I got bogged down in the details.

But I was also mad depressed, and writing about suicide was not a good way to deal with it, at the time. Like, last year, when I wrote Wish I Hadn't Got So Much Better, that was cathartic, because I was feeling that way. Like, I was counting my pills. Read the fic. Idk. But then, I started to get a little better. I moved, and stopped breathing mold 24/7, and things were looking up.

But reading and writing about suicide were like picking at the wound, keeping it open. I thought I'd take a little time, recover, and then go back to it. I started looking for a therapist.

Then, someone who is very very close to me very nearly committed suicide. I dropped everything and hopped on a train (dedicated readers might remember Izuku's thoughts about Shouto in Wish I Hadn't Got So Much Better) and for a while, I was so focused on my best friend, I tried not to think about me.

But, like Shouta said at some point in this fic, there's something intoxicating about despair. It's dangerous, for people like us, who spend our lives fighting in its hold.

Anyway, I'm in therapy now. I'm not going to kill myself. But I got kind of close there a few times, you know?

But I've talked to my therapist (I really like her!) about how I use reading ansty fics as both catharsis and self harm, and she's helped me. I'm eating better. I'm starting a new job soon. We're past the darkest night of the year (literally--I hate winter).

And I started reading my own fics, and the comments. I remembered how much fun it was. I got caught up in the story again, remembered how many things I'd written that I didn't get to post yet. I thought of things I could have done better.

So I started a note on my phone, which was how this whole thing started in the first place, and today before bed I just...opened the document. It felt like such a hurdle every day of these past five months, and it was so easy??? But like my therapist said, I don't need to stress about what I "need" to do, I'll do it when I'm ready and capable of doing it. And I did!

I do think I'm going to make a few edits to the older chapters, but nothing major. I probably will do a comprehensive edit at some point, but eventually I want to get to some of the other fics rattling around in my brain. I want to milk as much pain out of this au as I can, first.

I thought starting this chapter would be hard, because of the gap. But I opened the document, and I'd already written a page at some point in the past few months. And it just started flowing? I only stopped because I have to go to sleep.

I really need to go to sleep. Just a few more things. Damn this post is too long. No edits, sorry.

I previously had a basic outline for the rest of the story, but I've fleshed it out a bit, and done myself some favors in terms of planning for consistency and saving myself work later on.

I also started a section in the outline labeled "painful nuggets to include" and it's just little snippets of ideas or phrases or details that are especially agonizing. I'm going to build the rest of the fic around those nuggets. I'm so excited.

Thank you for having me back! Happy to be here.

#bnha fanfiction #suicidal izuku #ao3 author #dadzawa #dadmic #my hero academia fanfiction #fic update #new chapter

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petersthree · 4 years

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I was looking through my blog and came across a follower celebration that I was supposed to do and definitely never did for some reason and uh. That’s definitely not happening now but I did want to just do something, so I thought - I follow a lot of great content creators, so why not highlight them?

A lot of people do multiple things even if I only put them in one category so check out their tags and their work. <3

Glorious Gifmakers:

@olisgifs makes such fantastic gifs (and she did this lovely header)! Her gifs are so thoughtful of the characters and who they are as people, and you can tell that she really loves all the characters. || Favorite set || Favorite series ||

@anya-chalotra has some of the most amazing gifs I’ve seen on this site. She experiments with such a cool style and every gifset I’ve seen of hers has absolutely taken my breath away, they’re amazing! || Favorite set ||

@tuafives honestly the fact that she believes in Hufflepuff Five already makes them a fantastic blog, but her gifs in general are just fantastic! The coloring is always so pretty and I’m obsessed with them. || Favorite set ||

@charmingqueenie I’m always hit with a blast from the past from her gifs in the best possible way. Some of the best Charmed gifs I’ve seen honestly, and her LNC series has my whole ass heart. || Favorite set || Favorite series ||

@inappropriateexplosions Experiments with such different styles and I love it! [meme voice] She has the range, dahling! I love seeing what different style she’s going to do next and it’s always absolutely lovely. || Favorite series ||

@challengerblue Her gifsets need more love and it is a crime, because LOOK at her edit tag!!! These are all such beautiful gifsets and I am obsessed with each and every one! The coloring! The scenes chosen! The talent! || Favorite set ||

@captain-flint Every time I see one of their sets: “Oh the talent jumped out huh?” Has so many lovely Buddie sets and Eddie sets in general and I love them all!!! || Favorite set || Another Favorite ||

@joel-miller honestly I’m getting repetitive here but I can’t help that every single gif-maker is just so so talented. Has fantastic sets and probably my only mutual who also gifs TLOU which??? I love!!! || Favorite set ||

@chloedoeslucifer has such lovely sets!! I’m a particular fan of her parallel sets because she picks up on SO many parallels that I didn’t even notice and it’s amazing. || Favorite set ||

@i-am-irondad Libby’s sets make me so emotional??? Such great Iron Dad/Iron Fam content in particular and it feeds my soul, I just love these sets and the found families that she gifs. <3 || Favorite series || Favorite set ||

@stevenrogered I think the one good thing about the “since you’ve been gone”/”in your orbit” feature is that I got to see their awesome gifs for SO many fandoms that I’m in (and also made me think I was following them for a very long time and I was so sad when I realized I wasn’t lmao). Just fantastic gifs all around! || Favorite set ||

@diegohargreves I love love love the coloring used in these gifsets! The yellow in particular is always fantastic and I rarely see it used in gifsets, so I appreciate seeing it - they’re always so vibrant and lovely sets! || Favorite set ||

@felicityollies has gifsets that I admire from afar now that I don’t watch Arrow anymore lmaooo but there’s always going to be a part of me that still ships Olicity and that part of me dies with how good her gifs are! Genuinely just *chef’s kiss* || Favorite set ||

@vaughnsgreenwood I also look at Dannii’s sets from afar because we don’t share many fandoms but her skills are just FANTASTIC. Also, even though I’m not going to watch the new Charmed her gifsets make me ship Harry and Macy so thanks for that lol. || Favorite set ||

@marcomardon graciously lets me call her Canada since I had very little reading comprehension when I read her blog, and also makes great sets! I love her stuff, especially when it comes to the rogues!! || Favorite set ||

Amazing Artists(/Graphic Makers):

@undead--hotmess has such lovely art! I’m so in awe of the talent, their paintings I’ve seen I’d say would look like real photographs like...it’s amazing || Favorite piece ||

@superbandnerd99 Okay real talk idk if she has more works on tumblr but I just need to share this one because it’s beautiful and everyone should see it and I’m 1000% updating it when she has the final piece out!!

@the-maidofmischief like some of THE best icons I’ve seen??? I love them all so much??? They’re so vibrant and colorful and absolutely beautiful and I’ve made it a mission to have basically all of her icons on my different social media accounts lmao || Favorite piece ||

@fengshuismirke her art is just. SO good. I was so blown away by a Martin piece that I’m tagging in here but I’m just in awe of her work!!! Check out her “my stuff” tag because she also writes! || Favorite piece ||

Wonderful Writers:

@ginnxtonic Ho boy. Ginny’s fics.....her writing is so good that I am now invested in the lives of AU children of Theon/Sansa in Game of Thrones. That’s how invested her fics will get you. They’re so wonderfully in character and she puts real heart and work into her fics and it shows. || Favorite work || Favorite series ||

@aprilthegayqueen has such wonderful fics! The ones I’ve read have been slice-of-life and character studies and I absolutely love them. They’re also in fandoms I haven’t been in for a while and they make me want to immediately rewatch. :’) || Favorite work ||

@zaritomaz hnnnng Mina has written some of my FAVORITE works of all time. She has such a talent for writing and it’s always just so beautiful, poetic, and lovely. || Favorite work ||

@nightskywriter has such lovely fics!! I personally have read through all her TUA fics and they’re *chef’s kiss* fantastic. She has a very fun style of writing and it really shines through! || Favorite work ||

@incendiaglacies Has such a long and varied history of writing and it’s awesome! I sadly don’t share many fandoms with her anymore but I’ve seen her Dream Movie challenge and I’m reading through her book and she’s just such a talented author with such cool ideas! || Favorite work || Check this out! ||

@hedgiwithapen the ANGST hedgi writes oh my goodness. I’m pretty sure a common tag on multiple people’s blogs for Hedgi’s fics is “dammit hedgi” lmao! Amazing stuff (even if they fill me with pain). || Favorite work ||

@deadtedkord Meg’s writing....it is just......so so good. They’re pieces upon pieces of just fantastic writing and literally any compliment I give here would not measure up to how awesome her fics are. || Favorite work ||

I’m sorry if I missed anyone, know that even if you’re not on here it’s bc I have no brain cells and that your work is awesome (and please send me your stuff, I love to see it)! Be sure to give these folks some love, tags, and comments. Thanks to all the content creators out there, you guys are awesome. <3

#janie's 6k celebration #so fun fact #this is like 2 years late bc i realized i'm close to 7k now and i was like 'hm what did i do in previous celebrations' and realized #'oh. did not do this celebration at all' but y'know #even better bc i get to highlight even more folks!!!!

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seedleaflesssapling · 3 years

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Ver 2.0? Turning Point?

I can't really identify to which point in my life that i started to doubt myself but im pretty sure that it was because of UP. Damn, that school, my uni. It do really have the ability to make you feel small; i was in a disadvantaged side when i entered it, you know. I was acquainted, no we did not really talked one-on-one, but i heard when we did introductions - Pisay, UP High, science comprehensive schools, Xavier University, who wouldn't be intimidated by that when you came from Col. Ruperto Abellon National School (who would know where that is? I was lucky enough for a teacher recognized it and my classmates be like 'ahhhhhh,' .....really?! I dont even know where xavier is, it just sounds cool). Another thing is that, i wasn't a stem shs graduate - a leverage(?) or excuse (?) that i always use for them to know that i am at disadvantaged side here, not their competitor, probably a NOBODY. They, being stem graduates, have capstone projects you never thought that they have at that age, but i would hear them saying that it was publish in this journal (whatever, idk the journals lmao, i dont even understand their studies 2nd lmao, but that was some smart shit you know, a shit that makes me feel pathetic for being too proud of my what? Correlational study from inconsistent surveys?!!! Wtf, wtf, wtf). But it was a very good peer pressure you know, i kinda turned it that way. Being left behind, being on the rock bottom, i have no other place to go but up. It wasn't the goal, like making or taking the top spot, i just need to survive.

Inevitably, the exams came. I had hard time adjusting chem but math was kind to me. Who would have thought that i would get two 1.0 at my math subjects for the first semester, the sem that i thought i would barely pass. I was even a CS for that sem. Who would have thought? Our first chemical engineering subject that involves computations was on the list the next semester and the first exam, out of 100 i got something like 20ish. WTF. THAT WAS MY FIRST FAILED EXAM. but no, never did cry but tears were flooding inside. So apparently, i have to focus more on this subject and i did. Some were still failing, but i raised my average up. We also had physics, my first ever physics. I really love physics that time or that sir rommel is just a very good professor. I got the highest score on our second LE, everybody else did fail. Small victories. Not that they lose, but i just won. But i heard one time they were talking about me re: passing the physics exam and even getting a high score. They were uhm.. a guy i really look up to cause his good, the other was a girl that idk but i think she didn't like me back then. They were friends but eventually the girl transferred uni because who cares why. i heard the guy saying something like sin.o gid na si franklin nga taas iya score man, maybe even worse than that, i still look up to the guy even until now. But wtf. I really took it in that time, like i wanted to cry but did not. With all that, i got a fair grade at physics. I still got 1.0 at maths that sem and even maintained being on the CS list. S M I L E. BECAUSE WE HAVE A MIDYEAR CLASS. VERY EXHAUSTING FOR SOMEONE WHO DONT WANT ANYTHING BUT JUST ADJUST, SURVIVE, AND FIND MEANING OF BEING A UP STUDENT. It was just one subject and it was math, but i got 2.0?!!! I have no excuse to that, i am very grateful for the family who accommodated me. After midyear class, i did got sick, it sucks, really sucks. I wanted to file an LOA for the next academic year, it is the only thing i can think of for me to go back on track (i haven't said that my parents pushed me to graduate with latin honor and i wanted to also for my resume to look good because everything else in me is effed up). I really wanted to pause and be free for a while but i also wanted to graduate on time (mostly because i want to give the bitches who dared to have expectations be put on my shoulders not the satisfaction, but the audacity to tell them 'i aint did it for ya') so i asked mama. THANK GOD, SHE DID SAY NA KUNG ANO LANG KAYA MO, AMO LANG DA IH 😭😭🤧🤧 so i enrolled, but went to school late, haven't attended the school opening but all is good. I did kind of reset, just enough for me to face school again.

Second year, it was fucked. I did really love coding on octave and doing sheets at ms excel though. On that year, we have formed the che 103 bagsak group. Together with two of my classmates on 103 and math 55, we became buddies after failing che 103 on the first LE, another 30 over 100 exam hahahahaha. We made bawi just enough for us to pass the subject hahahahahuhu. I have thermodynamics sub, i barely pass. Thank G na wala ko nag removal. If ever i did, i am so sure that i wont make it. My GWA for that sem was not enough for me to be a CS. Who cares? I still did, actually but mama was never been too pushy since then, even since after midyear, after getting that 2.0 grade from the only subject i am good at. Btw, my math 55 for first sem, second year, was 1.25. Not a 1.0 but still, it's good. Second semester that year was when pandemic hit so there's nothing much to tell. I was, sorry but i was really, glad to be away from school for a while, not until for a while became forever. Virtual university set-up was very hard. With too much from taking in whatever i see and hear on my surroundings, even just at home, everything is difficult. It is very hard to find motivation and discipline in studying when i was surrounded with people who do nothing. Even to this point i am writing, everyday is like a battle, but is mostly an internal one. Self vs self, a war no one knows who will win. So the confidence, the tower of knowledge i did build, exponentially went down. I did really well when i was in grade 10, i did my best that time and it can be seen at the achievements i had that year. Being consistently on top 1 the whole year, placing second on division MMC (even getting the highest score on the written elimination round for the whole cluster), doing well sa physics under maam andico, placings on cluster journalism competitions - it was like a record best, best record (?) Whatever. But it wasn't enough you know, i eventually came fourth like wtf. I had read from somewhere Newton saying like the two years when he did write the three laws of motion and the calculus stuff were the two best years of his life, and it kept me thinking that what if mine already passed? That it was when i was in high school?

But, back when i was in school, every time that i was belittling myself or even at random times that i would feel nervous for nothing, my classmates and close friends would say na:

Uno mo man ang Math, uno mo na na (it was a one or two time thing, what if chamba lang to???)

Ikaw man highest sa first le sa thermo (it was really an absolutely one time thing, i barely passed that sub)

Alam ka man sa physics (i was just invested on physics and maybe nachambahan lang na ang ginpractice ko solve kay parallel sa exam ni sir)

Alam ka, d ka lang confident (OKAY???!)

I was ignoring those shit cause who cares if i did really good that time. Yeah, it felt good but it wasn't fulfilling. Satisfied but not happy. But with recent events, i think i would be changing. This post will be a written contract that i will push to be better, to start trusting myself, and build that confidence glow behind me; to believe that i am bright and i can hack it, whatever it may be.

For coherence, i would itemize na lang all of the events that brought me to epiphany lol

It was Friday, 17 Sep, when Dean, in our plant design subject, gave an activity for us - to come up with solutions that would address problems he presented. 1 off grid island community (either you address the water, electricity, and phone reception/signal problem under a 100k budget) and 2 vinegar packaging with a 500 mL volume and should cost less than the cost of vinegar. The due's on Monday, 20 Sep. The challenge is that you should come up with an idea that is not the same with those who already turned in their proposed solutions. I haven't turned in mine until Sunday afternoon. We are 23 in class, hence there should be 23 proposed solutions for each problem. However, only 20 or 21 turned in their solutions and as a student who decided to do it three days after the sheet was given, i was at the second to the last of the entries hahaha. I have limited choice since a lot have been proposed. And ngl, i did entered my idea for the first problem at Sunday evening and for the second problem it was on the afternoon of the next day. Those were basic solutions cause who am I? Am just your basic guy.

Tuesday, 21 Sep (#NeverForget #NeverAgain), class again for plant design (PD). Dean discussed stuffs which im ngl, i did not listen because im bored (not until he said 'we'll have a 5-min break and we'll have a quiz after that' like wtf, how will we do our quiz???!). After the short break, I did study cause i panicked as hell, he presented the prospects of the course, that we will be divided in groups and that the leaders were chosen based on the solutions they turned in the activity previously given. So there's no quiz, i was calm the whole time after that until my name was called. Like wtf??! Your basic guy will be a leader???! Hello!!! So i chat people, asked them if it was a good thing (course it was!!!? So dumb right?!). And then, i asked another leader and she agreed to my argument that we should only be divided into six instead of seven as what dean has decided. So i chatted dean (pic below). I just accepted the role half-heartedly.

As leaders, we should be hiring people for our team and we should make pubs. I dont have a canva account to help me do pubs. I made mine at MS ppt HAHAHAHAHAHA but im good so its cute. We were assigned with projects and i get to have the 4-member team. The vacant roles were project maven and liaison officer for a 3-member team. In my pubs, i included scrummaster as position to be filled, cause who am i to lead?! So yeah, that's it. I did the pubs Wednesday and I submitted my resume Thursday (third to the last hahahaha but my resume's cute hahaha).

Thursday. So i had this invite by a classmate to join the Shell event long time ago. He was reaching out for someone to ask Dean for his approval because Dean did not replied to the email he sent. So, i volunteered. I really want this competition cause this will be my first and maybe last competition as a UP student. So i DMed dean and blah blah blah he asked for selection process. I relayed the message and apologize to them for being me because i was thinking that it was me who made him come up with the decision of having the team be selected. Like, wtf i was just asking for his approval. Getting kicked out of the team was not my intention. Those whom i chatted that night were telling me that it wasn't my fault blah blah blah. So i half-heartedly agreed to them.

Friday came, yesterday, the interview. I am very anxious for someone who will be the one asking the applicants lmao. I already have been interviewed before for college applications and somehow remember the feeling, nerve wracking, whatever. To calm my nerves, i listed questions which i never got to ask properly btw, but at least i have concrete ideas on what to ask. The first interviewee was my very closed friend and so we just laugh and laugh and laugh HAHAHAHAHA. IDK if dean saw it but who cares. And the next and next and next. 3:30 passed by fast and guess what??? YOUR BASIC GUY HAS THE MOST NUMBER OF APPLICANTS TO THE POINT THAT DEAN CUT MY LIST. IT WAS EXHAUSTING BUT VERY FLATTERING. I FEEL SO HONORED. i really thought and very scared at the thought that no one will apply to me but wtf, just wtf. Ranking my applicants was damn hard. 1 i have a dream team but one was cut by dean; 2 this could make my friends mad; 3 this will be the group for the whole year; 4 i am really exhausted. But still, i submitted the list. I was hoping for the people i chose to choose me back. Only two out of three did, i am forever grateful.

Still on Friday, the classmate who invited me to the Shell thing and Dean had a zoom call and discussed about the competition. That classmate told dean what i told him the other day that i might be the reason for the decision of having the selection process done. He told me this through a voice memo, katamad daw magtype. A voice message that i played over and over again. Dean actually find me interesting (?), Invested (?) Idk exactly but the classmate told me na 'may nakikita daw talaga sya sayo. Na grabe ka ka-practical as a person like yung ideas mo daw sa plant design napakasimple lang pero napaka practical to the point daw na madami nag apply sayo kanina. And then, you need more confidence lang daw talaga' so ig, you basic guy is a practical guy now. It's just flattering.

Now, whatever happens, i must meet those expectations right? This could be a lousy motivation but what is if there's none? I dont know why im writing this. I just thought i should get my thoughts out. Ver 2.0? Turning point? Let's just do good 😌

PS I put this on my bio on FB, guess im getting more public, and if you happened to read this because you saw the link on my bio, send me a message about you thoughts.

PPS if your initials are JTZC, these have been my week and i miss you even though you're not interested in me anymore, you are hard to forget

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grimreich666 · 3 years

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So once again we are to this point when it comes to the Christina + Ruby server drama. Now I realize I made a YouTube video that explained my disgust of certain Fanfic Writers writing community of Lovecraft Country that write for the Ruby and Christina fandom that's ran by Kswhateverspace and Hernameisjaye. Now know it looks like I bullied somebody but that's far from the case, as every action has a reaction. Now because the situation I wasn't going to go too much into it until, someone told me about the twisted mess both Kwhateverspace and the other admins were saying. And it had come to alot of my members attention that they done stuff with members in the past and it has clearly made people unhappy to a point where they aren't talking in thier own server. When it comes to the Ruby plus Christina server owned by Kwhateverspace, I joined with decent intentions and it thought it was a community that shared a love for Christina and Ruby, but it turned out to be a Sixth-Grade Mean Girls Special on Crack. I never wanted it to get to a racial points between servers, but it is looking like these white women with a Misguided Black Woman as thier Server Owner, obviously do not know what true racism is and how to handle their power as Admins and accept others opinions. And the saddest part is that not just me but other members have been kicked out for absolutely no reason and I don't know if anybody seen Kswhateverspace Blog. But everything on there is just about a lie, she claims that all of us violated the rules but nobody was given any warning before being kicked out. Now mind you I do know that the rules exist but the rules should have been implemented for more extremer conditions, but none of us members took it to that level. The issue that I have with the other server is their ability not to gauge a situation at any kind of frequency of balance as they just kick off people who they don't like. A friend of mine who's in my Discord now got kicked for absolutely saying a joke it was nothing that was malicious or ill intent to these people, and while I get that respecting their mental health as Fan Fic writers is a thing to do, me and others always supported before we started reading racist ass Ruby and Chirstina fics. This friend of mine was enthusiastic about reading their stories and very supportive and we all kept a good positive energy that could be see in my current Discord. The issue that the Admins on the Christina + Ruby Server is that they made someone's enthusiasm for a story seem like it was an issue with harassment and that was not cool eespically when she meant it in a LOL kind of way. There was no reason for her to get kicked off just like there was no reason for my other friends to get kicked off and there was no reason for ME to get kicked off. I understand people were all into safe spaces and making safe spaces but as Admins they should've addressed thier complaints to people in warnings, but the kicked people for simply commenting. Thus making thier own server and its members uncomfortable to be themselves and thats when becomes a dangerous place and if I hadn't of known that I would've never ended my own server to expose my friends to their toxicity. The issue between the Admins is that pride themselves on being Admins, but the lack leadership skills and comprehension skills necessary for it. For me as an Admin if there was an issue with a person's comments I would talk to them in Dm's and warn them. So for them to say that they're not big on public warnings that is fine, but when you do not privately warn somebody for a simple comment and for them to get kicked the next day something isn't right. Also how can a behavior improve if there is no communication between an Admin and their members? Me as an Admin I dont function that way, I always take the time if someone comes to me with a complaint to address the person on DMs. And if you read Kwhateverspaces blog on the issue and the screenshots nothing she says parallels to the intent in which these comments where said.

The issue that I have with this group is there ability to flex around their power an act like we had did something so wrong when we were simply just expressing our opinions. And we were well within our respectable means to address our opinions in the saddest part is that these admins are white within a predominantly black server and they do not get our way of culture.

Now as for the next member who was kicked it was totally uncalled for as she questioned why I was gone due to the fact that I told Hernameisjaye to learn her Black History due to the fact that she and another member Agent Sheryl did not understand why I did not think Christina was racist I had a whole You Tube Video about it. So they knew my opinion on it and why they chose to double team me on an opinion was so uncalled for. So when I made the comment that I'm sorry if I dont want to be black and militant to a character that I dont find as racist she flipped out on me, and kicked me I never called her anything I told her the truth and if you've seen my YT people know I could've taken it alot further with these Birdbrain Hoes. Nevertheless until a certain point I thought we were having a decent civil discussion, yet she took it out of context very fast when I said what I did and as for the Black History factor you could see that they were giving no concern to it and only cherry picking my words to make me seem antagonistic to them, as I was telling them about the harm that white women had done in history vs Christina Braithwhite. Now mind you I had told Hernameisjaye several times that she is entitled to her opinion and I was entitled to mine and it's as you could see on the time stamps. At one point I thought it was a civil discussion, that was until I got kicked out for it. It's clear that these Admins have no commonsense to read a room and come to a basic agreement, even as I was telling them they have an opinion and I have mine and I respect it. And yes I was mad for the kick and I did warn Kswhateverspace that I would be going to my platform with it and she even gave her approval of it as I do have the screen shots for that as well.

Hernameisjaye along with Agent Sheryl had been going on a Christina is racist rant for two days, and both were very antagonistic to those in the Serious Discussions Discord Server, who engaged her. I even went so much so to agree with her just to shut her up, yet she kept on at agonizing me and another member to the point of harassment. It was clear that they had spoken about us, before as they were so ready to kick us AGAIN WITH OUT WARNING US PRIOR. Now I will be continuing the Dandybear situation on part two. However I find it messy that these Admins cherry picked our conversations that me and the other member thought where civil and tried to turn it into something uncivilized on our end. This is the same kind of intent that always happens when it comes to black and white people, it always happens that a white person says something out of line and then when black person gets mad then they act as if the black person had antagonized and started the situation. Hernameisjaye is really sad at this point to try a tactic like that, and it's detrimental that shes allowed racism into her group, but has dropped the people that meant her no harm with there opinions as FELLOW BLACK WOMEN.

The Admins Kwhateverspace and Hernameisjaye claim that they want freedom for people to express themselves, but they act like bullies when the situation is not to their favor. Yet it was after the fact that told a lie and still continue to tell one after another member and I were kicked, that made the situation worse. You can read the screenshots of my responses on Kwhateverspaces blog or this one qnd you can clearly see I did nothing in the wrong, as I was coming at Hernameisjaye as one black woman to another. And if she had talked to me in DMs and cleared things out maybe I would've apologized for the comment even if I personally thought I wasn't wrong for it, as I had no shame in my game to apologize even when I'm not wrong.

YET the point I cant stand the most is that they overreacted to a statement I made, and yet they allowed a racist fan fic writer to stay in group. It is clear these Admins don't have thier heads on straight as they kick us out for having a simple opinion or objection to common discussion. Now I do understand there is a level of what Admins can take and what they cannot take, but when you do not make those boundaries clear and when other members make their boundaries clear when your antagonizing them, and you still keep doing it theres something wrong with you as a leader. All I have to say is look at the screenshots and out responses to ours.

#ruby x christina #christina braithwhite #lovecraft country #ruby baptiste #abbey lee #ruby deserved better #wunmi mosaku #lovecraftcountryedit

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wallofweird · 4 years

Note

hi fae, how do you feel about people saying that kevin only tolerates madison bc of kate and therefore they won't work? :/

Hi! Well, I think these people are definitely not watching This Is Us (or any type of television, for that matter) or living on Earth. Or seeing and unseeing things according to their pre-established opinions. Either way, that’s absolutely not true. On most of their interactions Kevin is polite, as you can see it here:

I love this part because there are at least three other guests closer to him but she is the first person he offers a glass of champagne... If you pay attention to the scene, he is holding THREE glasses. He gives one to Madison and he puts another on a shelf, I don’t know about the third, but there were definitely more women in the room that could’ve had that(those) glass(es), he just didn’t care, lol. Also, Rebecca is looking and smiling at him, but he doesn’t even notice it because he is too busy looking at Madi... I mean, another direction.

CREDIT: https://thisiskevison.tumblr.com (all the gifs above)

Kevin doesn’t look very happy with the idea of dancing and still he doesn’t protest.

CREDIT: https://madsdefencesquad.tumblr.com/post/616600065662926848/kevin-x-madison-height-difference

This gif doesn’t show it, but he turns his head and watches Madison as she walks away just like on gif number 4.

Siding with her during a conversation with Kate.

CREDIT: https://thisiskevison.tumblr.com (all the gifs above)

Comforting Madison.

CREDIT: https://madsdefencesquad.tumblr.com/post/618991372262916096/kevin-looking-at-madison-nothing-but-blue-skies

He isn’t smiling here, but does this seem to be a person that is annoyed with the other? He has soft, delicate, gentle eyes while looking at her.

And this whole thing about Kevin despising Madison and only tolerating her because of Kate is even more ridiculous because on this scene he is basically begging her to invite him to come inside.

CREDIT: https://madsdefencesquad.tumblr.com/post/616600065662926848/kevin-x-madison-height-difference

If he thought her company was so unpleasant, why would he accept it in the first place? He could’ve left and gone to Rebecca’s house instead, or come back after Toby got back from work, he could’ve called Randall, or Nicky, or simply gone somewhere else to make new friends because it’s not like struggles when he socializes with strangers.

And here is what Madison had to say about her night with him:

CREDIT: https://thisiskevison.tumblr.com/post/617836054621339648/do-you-want-to-know-why-i-think-i-slept-with

He made her feel comfortable enough to be her true self and he ended up spending at least a few hours with Madison. He spent the night at her place and only left the next morning... If her presence were so repellent, why didn’t he leave after the sex? Madison didn’t point a gun at him and forced him to stay. Even after he woke up, he kept lying next to her on the bed without a shirt on... Plus, there was the option of leaving without saying anything while she was asleep, but he didn’t do that.

Actually, the only time I believe Kevin was rude to her was at the hospital, but you have to analyze the context: his sister went into early labor, there was an endless list of possible complications to the baby and herself, it took hours until Kevin got some information, Kevin had been drinking, he was dealing with his failed attempt to connect with his uncle, the frustration of having relapsed after an entire year of being sober, feeling guilty for lying to everyone about it and the fear of losing Zoe because of those lies. He was going through A LOT. Those were probably some of the hardest hours of his life. Yet, at first he treated her just fine, it was the fact she wouldn’t stop talking (because that’s the way she was coping with the situation and usually what he does too when he’s sober, btw) that he said those things to her. Now, I don’t drink, but as far as I know people on hangover usually have headaches so it’s not weird that they will avoid noises and I remember Kevin saying a few minutes before that he was on hangover.

I also remember that he immediately regretted it and apologized to Madison, but she didn’t listen and left (I don’t blame her). And when she walked away he was hit by a dose of consciousness and realized his was being “an ass” and apologized to his family. She wasn’t the only one, he was snapping at everybody, because it wasn’t Madison, Randall or anyone else that was annoying him. It wasn’t personal. It was the stress of the entire situation that was making Kevin take it out on everybody. Plus, even though he didn’t specifically snap at Zoe, when he went outside to get some air and clear his head, she offered him company and Kevin shut her out.

CREDIT: https://thisiskevison.tumblr.com/post/618572824853069824/im-sorry-what-exactly-are-you-doing-here

By the way, Kevin bumped into Madison when he was getting out of the elevator and attempted to apologize for a second time.

Another scene people use as an ‘example’ of rudeness is this moment on the season finale, but I sincerely disagree. Here’s why:

Kevin was in the middle of a heated fight with his brother and that was almost getting physical when Madison arrived for the party.

And when she showed up at the door he just told her the truth: it wasn’t a good time.

Now, does that look like an angry, utterly annoyed and disdainful face for you? Because the way I see it, it’s just a guy who’s weary and not in his best state of mind, which is comprehensible since he was in a middle of an argument, his mother’s health is deteriorating, Randall had talked her into doing a clinical trial in the other side of the country despite her previous refusal and that’s just SOME of the heavy stuff he was dealing with at that specific moment.

However, Madison doesn’t bother and enters the place anyway.

And Kevin doesn’t yell at her, protest or leaves, he just lets her in and closes the door.

Again: does this look like he hates Madison so much like some people make it seem?

THIS is being annoyed and/or angry:

CREDIT: https://rostovarps.tumblr.com/post/165520445651/kevin-pearson-in-this-is-us-01x07-the-best

CREDIT: https://adyadintheforce.tumblr.com/post/177326964546/shame-on-all-of-us

And this is just being upset, tired, feeling like all your energy has been drained out of your body:

If you watch the scene, his face on the picture above and on this gif has identical expressions:

CREDIT: https://ltbelanna.tumblr.com/post/189147462109/this-is-us-4x08-sorry-im-sorry-me-too-see

And really, how did these people expect him to react? Did they expect him to smile, kiss her and propose a second round of hookup? His reaction made perfect sense to everything that was happening at the time.

Do they believe things would’ve been different if it had been someone else at the door, like Kate’s neighbor Gregory or somebody from her support group? Do they think that if it had been another person he would’ve hugged them, offer coffee and crack jokes? That the problem was Madison and not the situation he was in with Randall and Rebecca?

Anywaaaay, by the end of their conversation he had already softened up and was even slightly smiling at her.

CREDIT: https://millennial-mess.tumblr.com/post/613565105725194240/im-so-sick-of-chasing-ghosts-im-tired-of

CREDIT: https://madsdefencesquad.tumblr.com/post/620438418688704513/you-da-best

Sure, it wan’t a wide smile because it wasn’t like his problems had disappeared all of a sudden, but he had found a silver lining in the midst of everything.

And being exhausted, upset, annoyed, stressed or angry is part of the human experience and part of being in a relationship of ANY KIND: romantic, platonic, familial. Taking it out on someone can happen sometimes as well. It’s not always sunshine and rainbows. People are not perfect. People are not robots. They navigate through negative feelings and emotions too. It’s how things are in real life and also how things are on television, specially on This Is Us, which is a show that focuses on relationships and emotions.

Jack and Rebecca, Beth and Randall, Kate and Toby, Randall and Kevin, Kevin and Kate, Nicky and Kevin, Kevin and Sophie, William and Randall, Kevin and Cassidy all had moments like this... The list goes on. Would the same people define these relationships/friendships as unsuccessful and fake because of a few unfriendly moments? I doubt it, because what really defines a relationship as healthy and successful is the people’s ability to recognize their own mistakes, forgive each other, work on themselves as individuals and as friends/a couple/a family and getting even closer and stronger after facing the hardships. It’s not smiling, talking, hugging and kissing 24/7 because nobody does that. Maybe for a few days and weeks, but you won’t last even a month behaving like this, let alone YEARS.

And the complications are also what keep the story interesting and engaging. I don’t mean something like toxicity and abuse, but if couples, relatives and friends don’t disagree, argue and face problems out and within their relationship, the show doesn’t go anywhere. There must be conflict. There must be drama. And there must be happiness. It’s about balancing these aspects out.

If they want to watch something that’s always sunshine and rainbows and where the characters are always happy, they should watch a TV show targeted to three-year-old children, because honestly This Is Us has never been and will never be this kind of show.

And we know Kevin has a pregnant fiancee on season 5 and since This Is Us is not a soap opera, I seriously doubt Kevin will go out there impregnating multiple women with multiple children and multiple sets of twins. I reckon it’s safe to say it’s Madison. That means they will go through one of the most amazing and yet vulnerable and challenging experiences two people can ever face and instead of pulling them apart, it will only bring them closer to the point they will get engaged. For me, this sounds like a relationship that is DEFINITELY WORKING.

#kevin pearson #kevison #this is us #sorry I didn't have gifs for everything and this is long lol #anon

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ziracona · 3 years

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Please don't take this as offensive (im sorry if i come across that way, i hope not) but i really wouldn't take someone like Yourself to be a Fates fan. Fates and Fgo just tends to be filled with a lot of uh, Problems? For a lack of better words? The fandom and the content is just really REALLY weird to me. There's also like a ton of shows(games?), so im starting to wonder if I just started off on the wrong foot? Am i missing something?

I am a being of many interests. Lol, you’re good though. I very much get it.

Fate is...a weird mix? I don’t even think I can call myself a proper ‘Fate fan,’ because while I collect secondhand info like a lint roller takes lint, I’ve barely experienced any of even just the shows (which is an intentional choice). You are actually correct both times; it is both games and shows. And more. It started as a multi-path lite novel, which got adapted into anime, and more. There’s the big shows, which mostly connect to the original novel, plus a bunch of stories set in that expanded universe, in show game and more formats. I have no idea what you started on, but I wouldn’t be surprised if it was bad, because Fate tends to be a roulette wheel. Basically, the short version is that the reason for this is Fate swaps out like their whole creative team for every show and game and thing, and every fuckin /arc/ of Fate Go, so the quality will vary from “Huh. That was...something” to “Oh my god that was a waste of so many hours wtf that was /god/awful” to “oh worm??! This is kinda fun” to “i-is this a spiritual experience?”

So they’re all kind of connected but also not really? I can’t think of a good thing to liken it to, because it’s a weird way to do something, but even many stories with the exact same characters are written or adapted by completely different teams, so they’re kind of all connected in name more than anything else? It’s very much a consume and take or leave only specifically what you want kind of thing.

I can’t speak to the fandom because I’m not really...in it? And have only ever gone into the tags for gifs. But I would not be surprised if a lot of the most vocal ones are terrifying. It seems like that’s often the case in many fandoms regrettably.

Tbh I can’t honestly speak to most Fate media. The only game I have played is Go, the little gatcha phone game. Honestly, anybody who played/plays Fate Go too and wants to roast me for it has free rein. It’s ridiculous, and goofy, and often stupid, sometimes straight up terrible, but also sometimes kind of fantastic. Florence Nightengale tried to chop off all my limbs when she met me and beat a president up to ‘fix’ him. King David pulled the sickest tactical finess in the history of warfare. The game made fun of everyone who takes shipping too seriously and roasted them all in an event which gave me great screenshots for future use:

It’s a super mixed bag, which is sometimes actually fantastic, and sometimes so bad that I am like “I...want to commit assault against whoever just did the art alone.” But I just kind of skip the downticks and stick around for arcs that get the good writers. It’s goofy, but some of it has made me genuinely happy, and that’s extremely valuable to me right now. (On a good arc) It’s like, the right mesh of funny and serious and goofy and low key but clever for me to get really into but in like consistently a light and non-stressful way.

The only anime I have actually watched is Unlimited Blade Works, which I thought was phenomenal and it wrecked me as a human being. It’s also very beautiful and has some of the best animated fight scenes in anything I have seen ever, and I would wholeheartedly recommend it. I can’t speak to any of the others. And I don’t want to watch any of the other OG paths and no one can make me. But UBW lives rent free in my soul. I mean:

If you were a normal human being, you will probably watch this and go “Some of that was confusing, but it was pretty neat. 8/10 stars.” If you wanted to sincerely be a superhero as a kid or god forbid are like me and still haven’t entirely given up on that dream deep down, it’ll be a 13/10 but it will also crush your soul and leave it in little glass shards. Worth it tho. 13/10, would rewatch a 5th time.

Anyway there was your long and unnecessary breakdown of me and fate. The TLDR is I’m actually just the “I have approximate knowledge of many things” guy from Adventure Time and know very little comprehensively. Go is stupid, but the times it’s great are worth the times I want to die to me personally, as a phone game. And UBW is high art and it hurt me in a way that was worthwhile because it made me feel truly heard even if in a painful way by at least one other person. And also it’s just kind of a killer of a story.

#ask #anonymous #fate #if this ends up in the fate tags please be nice to me I am very sad right now and I don’t know much about other fate so I won’t understand #and if you think one of the others is better or have thoughts unlike mine on go or something that’s cool and valid but please don’t yell #them at me I am so tired I just want to enjoy things that I find comforting rn :’-]

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lostinthewinterwood · 3 years

Text

Worldbuilding Exchange 2021

Hey there friend!

Apparently you share some of my taste in obscure novels with gaps in their worldbuilding—impeccable, truly. I’ve got some expansion on all the tags I’ve requested below, though if you want to just get started feel free to ignore all that; some of them are distinctly longer than others, but don’t worry, just because I didn’t use as many words for any given prompt doesn’t mean I want it any less!

Anyway, thanks for writing for me! And if any of you lovely people are inclined towards treating, I will happily accept treats in any medium for any of the fandoms, including media I didn’t actually request there :D

General DNW

· non-con/dub-con;

· explicit sexual content;

· incest (incl. adoptive/chosen family);

· a/b/o;

· mpreg;

· non-canonical permanent major character death;

· complete downer endings;

· hurt no comfort;

· heavy angst;

· on-page deliberate self-harm*;

· on-page suicide;

· gore;

· �� graphic physical trauma;

· character bashing;

· cringe comedy;

· fic-as-writer-soapbox;

· setting AUs**;

· unrequested identity headcanons;

· romance as the main plot.

*I don’t include things like, say, punching a wall in a fit of emotion under this. However, something like cutting would not be appreciated.

**This doesn't mean that I'd expect you to hew very narrowly to what we know for sure in canon; after all, this exchange is for worldbuilding. However, for this exchange I'd prefer not to have anything that fundamentally alters the character of the world--eg elements like a/b/o, or things like a post-canon zombie apocalypse in a canon where that doesn't really fit in with the established tone/genre/world, that sort of thing.

General Likes

– I really like plotty fics

– A focus on family and/or friendship, especially characters realizing they’re not nearly as alone as they think they are, and just generally characters who like each other and enjoy spending time together

– Found family; families of choice

– Character studies

– Worldbuilding (obviously lol)

– Canon-divergence AUs and missing scenes; things set pre- or post-canon; wriggling into canon and poking at it to see what it spits back at you, if that description makes any sense at all.

- for a list of unconventional media/formats I’ve requested before, along with some commentary on them, please see my fic in a box letter.

Mother of Learning - nobody103 – in-universe meta

Any or No Characters (Mother of Learning)

Kirielle Kazinski (Mother of Learning)

Original Character(s) (Mother of Learning)

Original Eagle Shifter Character(s) (Mother of Learning)

Xvim Chao (Mother of Learning)

Zenomir Olgai (Mother of Learning)

fandom-specific dnw: romantic and/or sexual Zach/Zorian; physical parental abuse within the Kazinski family; significant exaggeration of canonical emotional neglect/abuse/general family dysfunction

WB: aranean languages (Mother of Learning)

So, we get at best a very vague description of the aranean language in canon; I’d love something that somehow expands on this! A brief grammar? Some other kind of profile? An attempt to turn their idea-morphemes into words, or outline what they are more explicitly? Up to you!

WB: Folklore and Literature (Mother of Learning)

Over the course of the story we learn plenty of things about the world and about their magic system; we learn a lot less about specific cultural things that aren’t directly relevant to the plot, and that includes folklore and literature—they have novels, we know that much, but that’s about it. So tell me more!

WB: how language and gesture and mana interact to form spells (Mother of Learning)

For all that the novel tells us about many different spells, we never really get to see the mechanics of spellcasting, or the underlying form of the mana—tell me how it works! And there’s also the fact that when you know the spell better you can cut parts out; how does that work in combination with all of this?

WB: Ikosian as spell language: how comprehension affects outcome (Mother of Learning)

Unless I’ve embarrassingly forgotten how canon actually goes, they use Ikosian (possibly a more specific dialect? I don’t remember, I’m sorry) for their incantations, but iirc they don’t speak that day to day, and even if they do not everyone does—so, you know, how does comprehension of the incantation affect the outcome of the spell?

WB: Oral Traditions (Mother of Learning)

If we don’t get much of literature, we get less of the oral traditions of… well, anywhere, tbh. So tell me more there! If you’re looking for something more specific, I’d love to hear about witch, Khusky, morlock, or shifter traditions, but really anything would be great.

WB: the development of unstructured magic and shaping exercises (Mother of Learning)

We know that way back in the past, human magic users were less adept with unstructured magic; now, if they want to be, they can be very good indeed with it. How did we get from Point A to Point B? How did that develop, who discovered all this?

WB: the Winter Mountains (Mother of Learning)

There’s very little to be heard about the Winter Mountains in canon; all we really know is that the eagle shifters flew off there, and the place is Very Dangerous. So… what are they like? How are the eagle shifters doing out there? What else lives there?

Mother of Learning - nobody103 – in-universe meta, fanart

Any or No Characters (Mother of Learning)

Kirielle Kazinski (Mother of Learning)

Original Character(s) (Mother of Learning)

Zenomir Olgai (Mother of Learning)

fandom-specific dnw: romantic and/or sexual Zach/Zorian; physical parental abuse within the Kazinski family; significant exaggeration of canonical emotional neglect/abuse/general family dysfunction

WB: Architecture (Mother of Learning)

We get a little bit of the architecture in Eldemar, mostly in Knyazov Dveri, but not too much of it; I’d like to see more of it, and from anywhere in their world really.

WB: Artistic Traditions (Mother of Learning)

If we only get a little bit of the architecture, we get less of the art—we know that they have carved doors and Kiri does pencil sketches, and realism is a style they have (or Zorian wouldn’t be thinking about how realistic her drawings were without any hint of that being unusual were she not nine) but what else can you tell me? What does their art look like; where do these traditions come from; is there some art that’s respectable and other art that isn’t?

WB: Clothing and Fashion (Mother of Learning)

Now. We get a bit of architecture, less of art, and approximately three lines in the whole 800k about clothing, and none of it very specific, so you’ve got pretty much total freedom here—show me what’s going on!

WB: how language and gesture and mana interact to form spells (Mother of Learning)

See above section—I just thought this would lend itself well to art as well as meta!

The Rhianna Chronicles - Dave Luckett – in-universe meta, fanfic

Antheus Northstar | Serenir (Rhianna Chronicles)

Any or No Characters (Rhianna Chronicles)

Arwenna Songsinger | Arwenna the Wise (Rhianna Chronicles)

Eriseth Arwensgrove (Rhianna Chronicles)

Original Character(s) (Rhianna Chronicles)

Original Male Eldra Character(s) (Rhianna Chronicles)

Rhianna Wildwood (Rhianna Chronicles)

Worldbuilding tags:

WB: academic magic and spellcasting techniques (Rhianna Chronicles)

We don’t see a whole lot of traditional spellcasting that actually works—mostly we see Rhianna’s attempts, which tend not to go all that well, lol. Other magic we see is primarily from people who know what they’re doing and aren’t explaining things in detail. Show me some that actually works! How is it different for schoolchildren and old archmages? What are the rules and mechanics—they don’t make sense to Rhianna, but clearly some things work and some things don’t, so there’s something going on there at least.

WB: Eldra magic (Rhianna Chronicles)

Since our main Eldra character is Eriseth, we don’t see much of their magic—tell me about it! How does it work? How do they channel it, what do they use it for?

WB: Eldra society (Rhianna Chronicles)

Again, we don’t see a lot of Eldra society—we see a few characters outside of their social group, and the one meeting thing, but not a whole lot of their day- to-day life. What’s it like? What’s the role of men in their society; we know they don’t do magic, so what do they do?

WB: Wild Talents and wild magic (Rhianna Chronicles)

To be fair, we do know a fair amount about how wild magic is worked from canon; I’m interested in going farther—go deeper into things! What can or can’t be done? Why are some people wild talents—how does this happen?

WB: Wizardly College (Rhianna Chronicles)

We only see Wizardly College through Rhianna’s eyes; she doesn’t get all that much of a look at it, either. So tell me more about it! What’s it like if you’re actually involved, not just a visitor?

The Farwalker's Quest - Joni Sensel – in-universe meta, fanfic

Any or No Characters (Farwalker's Quest)

Any Storian(s) (Farwalker's Quest)

Ariel Farwalker (Farwalker's Quest)

Ezekiel Stone-Singer (Farwalker's Quest)

Misha (Farwalker's Quest)

Original Character(s) (Farwalker's Quest)

Scarl Finder (Farwalker's Quest)

fandom-specific dnw: works that rely on knowledge of later books in order to make sense--i'm not gonna care all that much about spoilers? but i haven't read 'em, so.

WB: Essence and the Trades (Farwalker's Quest)

In some ways, Essence—or at least how it’s presented in relation to humans—seems kind of like an inborn specific magical talent, but in other ways it isn’t; Zeke’s tree talks to him, and then later the stones, but the tree talks to Ariel too, if only a little. Scarl was a Storian before he was a Finder; Ariel’s feet drag her where she needs to go, but she can also learn the basics of Finding and could have been a Healtouch if she’d not messed up the plants. So how closely are they tied together, Essence and the Trades? How much of an affinity do you need? How much can you make up for lack of affinity with desire and skill?

WB: Folklore and Fairytales (Farwalker's Quest)

We know a fair amount about the history of this world as people know it, but less about their folklore and fairytales—they have trees that talk and telling darts and Essence and ghosts, they definitely have folklore about those, or other things too. Do they tell children stories of what lies outside the village? Do they have spirits or Good People who may or may not actually exist? Who tells these stories—is this still a Storian’s job, or is it the purview of anyone who knows them? Did there used to be more, before the Forgetting?

WB: ghosts and how they work (Farwalker's Quest)

Misha’s dead, has clearly been dead for quite some time, and he can do a weird assortment of things—can other ghosts do them? He’s the only one we really see, so we don’t know if he’s special or not. And how common are ghosts anyway—how do they come to be? What’s up with them, overall?

WB: how Tree-Singer Abbey came to be (Farwalker's Quest)

Clearly, Tree-Singer Abbey is very old. If I had to guess, I would say it must have been made either before the Blind War or right after the sight came back—but most likely, given that it contains the Vault, it’s from before. But Essence, as far as the characters know, wasn’t discovered until afterwards; nor were the Trades. So who built this abbey, up there in the mountains, with all the trees? Why build it there in the way they did? Was it never widely known that it was also the Vault, or was that forgotten somewhere along the way?

WB: the nature of trees (Farwalker's Quest)

…so. What is up with the trees, anyway, and have they always been this way, or did the used to be normal trees? How sentient are they; how much can they move; what are they like, especially among each other? Zeke’s tree tries to catch him, so we know they can move on their own; is that typical? Can they do it whenever they want, or only under duress? Idk man, I just want to know more about the trees, y’know?

Star Split - Kathryn Lasky – in-universe meta, fanfic

Any or No Characters (Star Split)

Darci Murlowe (Star Split)

Lana | The Prima (Star Split)

Max Lasovetch (Star Split)

Original Character(s) (Star Split)

Original Umbula Character (Star Split)

Vivian (Star Split)

fandom-specific dnw--all of this is for the narrative level (not addressing it is fine; having characters who believe or do these things is fine): eugenics apologetics; segregation portrayed as good for society/the people living under it; infantilization of disabled characters; portrayal of low-prestige dialects as being "bad grammar" versions of higher-prestige dialects

fandom-specific note: the “setting AU” dnw is here amended to “surface-level setting AUs” and is expanded on as follows: This is a pretty loose dnw for this fandom, given that the canon leans very hard on the line between straight scifi and science fantasy; it acts like it's grounded future dystopia, speculative but not fantastic, but... well. Based on canon events, I can't fully consider it as such--so as long as you keep the surface elements more or less the same, no matter what the underlying justification for them is we'll be good. Is your explanation Aliens Did It? sweet, go for it. or anything else in that vein. this world is your oyster.

WB: "tears in the mind"/ancient word memories in masked chimeras (Star Split)

Okay. Okay. So. Most of this book’s worldbuilding is plausible, you know? If not real-world plausible, at least future scifi dystopia plausible, right? But. The word thing. There is no reasonable connection as far as I can see between the genetic condition of masked chimeras and having sudden, unexplained epiphanies about the meanings of words—since the relevant aspects of language are arbitrary, and Darci doesn’t have any particularly detailed knowledge of Modern English (being herself presumably a speaker of Future English, although I have to assume that Future English is surprisingly similar to Modern English given the time scale since the poetry fragments she’s reading don’t seem to have needed any translation for her to understand them, which would generally not be the case with Modern vs Old English—and that is the time scale we’re dealing with here—anyway, let’s move on), there’s no way for her to come up with this? So please, just, explain how all this works to me?

Really don’t feel you need to stay within the scifi world conventions here lol, especially since this element pretty much… doesn’t.

WB: disability in the Bio Union (Star Split)

We don’t see much of how disability works here—Darci doesn’t seem to consider herself disabled, and there’s no other character who could really be interpreted as such. Given how very eugenicist the Bio Union is, I have to wonder how they deal with disabilities they can’t engineer out of existence—tell me how it works!

WB: divergence/difference between Genhant and Original dialects and mannerisms (Star Split)

So we can see the effects of a long-term social separation here; the dialects used by Genhants and Originals seem fairly different. Darci observes that Originals’ grammar “might not be as good” but obviously that’s her perspective, being a kid who speaks the prestige dialect; the grammar within their dialect would be no better or worse than Genhant grammar in their speech. And the Original dialect seems to also include more specific nonverbal communication; if they’re talking less, but (presumably) communicating similar amounts, then they must either be able to convey more information in the same amount of time through their speech, or their dialect includes informal signed elements—Vivian doesn’t seem to parse it as such, but although Darci observes less dialogue from the Original kids, Vivian’s conversations with her uncle aren’t presented any differently than Darci’s conversations with other Genhants. A tragically unused opportunity, in my opinion.

Show me how these two dialects differ, in more specific ways, rather than just telling me they do! Tell me about potential miscommunications! Is there a lack of documentation of the Originals’ dialect due to its low status? How does this affect scholarship on it? Are the hand gestures elements of the language in some way, or are they nonlinguistic?

WB: growing up as a Laureate's umbula (Star Split)

So… how does this work? They try to replicate the childhood as closely as possible, but obviously it can’t be perfectly done. Do the kids grow up knowing they’re clones, that they’re meant to be Important Person The Second, Just The Same, or is that hidden from them? What happens if a Laureate’s umbula decides they don’t want to follow in their predecessor’s footsteps; what if they want to forge their own path in life? Is that allowed? No one forced the Laureate into being what they became, after all.

WB: growing up as an Original (Star Split)

Things that are not entirely clear in this book include the answer to the question of how much of the high degree of segregation we see is socially and economically enforced, and how much of it is legally enforced. This is interesting—clearly, the original divergence was economic, with the wealthy being able to afford genetic enhancements and the poor not being able to afford them; however, it strikes me as slightly unrealistic that there would be no Originals in Genhant schools or at non-scholarship Genhant summer camps, etc, if there was no segregation on a legal level. Of course it would be more difficult for Originals to become wealthy enough to afford these, but the fact that none of them seem to have reached that level is very revealing; that tells me there’s far less social mobility than we have in our modern society (which isn’t very mobile, much as we may like to think otherwise) or there’s legal discrimination and segregation keeping things this way or both.

…and with all that being said, I’d love to hear something about what it’s like to grow up in the underclass of this society. We see most things from Darci’s point of view, and she, being a thirteen-year-old who’s basically comfortable in her own life, doesn’t really see that much. What’s it like, being raised as an Original? What sort of expectations do Original parents and schools have for their children? What sorts of jobs do they typically do? Do they go to university? Can they go to university? Are there summer camps for them, or do they only get to do things like that on scholarships? What’s it like, being the Scholarship Kid due not only to your family’s finances but also your very genetics? How does that change your dynamic with your other Original friends, when you got a scholarship and they didn’t—what do they think about that? I’d assume they have less obsession with Genetic Predetermination, since they don’t get a map of their probable life at conception… how does that work, in this society that runs on genetic predetermination for so many things?

#exchange letters #worldbuilding exchange #requested: mother of learning #requested: the rhianna chronicles #requested: the farwalker's quest #requested: star split #requested: art #requested: fic

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headcanonseverywhere · 4 years

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Petty Teen Drama (on Mallory’s part)

Plot: Mallory confesses his feelings for Ava and she rejects him, but he doesn’t take it very well.

I wrote this on google docs, but i thought i’d post it here as well :) (also don’t mind the title, I couldn’t think of a better one lol)

Fic under the cut cuz it’s a long one :P

Ava made her way to the back of the Hermes cabin per Mallory’s request, but she couldn’t understand why they had to meet so secretly? Drew teased her that maybe he was going to tell her he had feelings for her, but Ava wasn’t so sure. Although Mallory had always been nothing but nice and friendly to her, it never crossed her mind that he could possibly have romantic feelings for her. Either way, Ava agreed to meet Mallory at that location, and when she arrived, she saw him standing there very awkwardly, shifting his weight from one leg to the other, while constantly running a hand through his messy, curly brown hair.

“Hi.” she greeted him, and saw him perk up and hurriedly groom himself.

Why was he trying to make himself look presentable when they were just going to have a chat? Could he really…?

Nah. Ava thought to herself. No way, we’re just friends! Mallory’s like a brother to me, there’s no way he’d ever see me any different than a sister...right?

He walked closer to her, constantly wiping his hands on his pants, and laughing nervously.

“Hey.” he said. “How’s the weather?”

Mallory smacked himself on the forehead, and Ava grew even more worried. He was more nervous than usual, that couldn’t be a good sign. Ava could hear Drew’s taunting voice in her head.

“I mean, how are you?” Mallory corrected himself.

“Um, I’m...good.” Ava decided. “How about you?”

“Great, how about you?”

Mallory smacked his forehead again, and turned around to curse at himself. This time Ava was just as nervous as he was, and she began to look around her, trying to find a way to get to the bottom of this awkward conversation they were having.

“Is there something you want to tell me?” she asked.

Mallory quickly turned to face her, and his face suddenly grew serious. He fixed his posture--which was the first time she saw him not slouching--and cleared his throat.

“Yeah, there is.” he admitted, and looked down at his fumbling hands for a while. “There’s something I wanted to tell you for a long time now…”

“...What is it?” she asked, carefully.

Mallory met her eyes, and the look on his face told her everything. Drew was right.

“Ava, I love you.”

She stared at Mallory for a while, trying to process what she had just listened. Mallory did in fact had feelings for her all this time, and she never noticed. All that time when Drew teased her, calling her a geek-magnet, and all of those other times in which her friends and half-siblings dropped hints at her made complete sense to her now.

She felt terrible that she never noticed, but at the same time she felt helpless because, as much as she didn’t want to hurt his feelings, Ava knew she could never correspond to them. She had feelings for someone else, to a tall, handsome boy down at the Apollo cabin, who always had a song in his heart, and a warm smile on his face. His name was Jasper Salvador, and her heart was his, even if he didn’t know it yet.

Mallory still looked at her, and she could tell that he was still very nervous as he waited for her response. Ava let out a heavy sigh.

“I’m flattered, Mallory, I really am,” she began. “But, I don’t feel the same way. I’m so sorry.”

Her heart broke as she saw his face melt into a frown. She really, really didn’t want to break his heart like this, but she had no choice. She couldn’t pretend to like him back, that would’ve been much worse than a rejection.

“I know you must be hurting, but I hope that we can still be friends!”

Mallory looked down, trying very hard to hide his tears, but Ava could still see them, and it pained her very much. But he suddenly lifted his face to meet hers, and he still looked hurt, but this time there was a hateful look in his eyes, which took Ava by surprise.

“Are you okay?--”

“Of course you’d reject me,” he muttered. “And here I am thinking you were different.” “What?”

“You’re embarrassed by me, is that it?!” he cried. “Is it because I’m not hot, like--like Ivan, or Kai, or--or March, or Jasper?!”

At the mention of his name, Ava’s eyes grew wide, and Mallory’s expression turned into a look of disdainful comprehension. At that moment, Ava knew he had figured it out that she had feelings for Jasper, and it hurt her even more.

“I knew it.” he said. “Of course you’d go for that guy, just look at him!”

“Mallory, you’re being so unfair!” Ava retaliated. “That’s not it at all!”

“It doesn’t matter, you just showed me that you’re just like the other bitchy girls here at camp!”

Ava paused for a moment, appalled by Mallory’s rude statement. She couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Her heart was shattered into pieces by a guy she thought he was her friend. She couldn’t understand why he was being so cruel to her, all because she didn’t reciprocate his feelings?

Tears swelled in her eyes, she wasn’t going to stand being this humiliated any longer.

“I don’t know why you’re being like this,” she said, her voice cracking. “But if you think you’re going to find love acting like this, then you’re so wrong.”

Ava turned at her heels and marched away from him, wiping a few fallen tears away from her face. While she maneuvered through peeping campers--who were all curious to know what had made her cry--Ava only had one person in mind that she wanted to see right now, and as she finally got to her destination, she saw him.

Jasper was sitting at the dining pavilion, along with a few other campers who were still lingering after lunch had ended. He was strumming his guitar when he noticed Ava approach her, he smiled up at her and her heart skipped a beat. Even when she was feeling down in the dumps, Jasper’s smile managed to lift her spirits up, even for a little while.

But he frowned as she got closer to him, since he noticed her tears as well as her pained expression. He set his guitar to the side, and met her halfway across the pavilion, wrapping his arms around her into a hug as she collapsed onto him, sobbing loudly despite the sound being muffled by his shirt.

“Ava, what’s wrong?” he asked her.

They both sat down at the table he was sitting at, and as soon as she calmed down, she told him everything that had happened, from Mallory’s confession to his horrible reaction towards her rejection. By the end of her story, Jasper looked just as confused as she was when she experienced it earlier today.

“He called you that?!” he asked.

“Yeah…”

They were both silent for a moment, until Ava spoke up again.

“I knew I’d hurt his feelings,” she confessed. “But I wasn’t expecting anything like this! He basically painted me as this shallow person...”

“That guy’s insane---is he still at the Hermes cabin?”

“I don’t know, maybe.”

Jasper remained silent while Ava continued to wipe her tears, she looked up and saw just how furious Jasper looked, which was something she’s never seen before. He glared at the direction of the cabins, and his knuckles had turned white from balling up his fists too tight.

“Jasper, are you okay?” she asked.

He looked down at her. “Wait here.”

And with that he got up and left, heading straight for the cabins. Ava got up as well and followed him.

“Jasper, what are you gonna do?” she asked him.

“I’m just gonna go talk to him.”

“Don’t do anything stupid!”

“I won’t.”

Ava stopped at her tracks, watching him walk away. She felt anxious about Jasper’s sudden decision to talk to Mallory, especially since he looked so angry. She hoped that nothing bad would come out of it, but something in the back of her mind was telling her otherwise.

#ava torres #mallory bachmeier #jasper salvador #pjo ocs #my fics #my ocs #friends' ocs

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yikesola · 4 years

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Hospital Update—

howdy! did i emo post about feeling sick and going home from work and then didn’t post for a few days except to complain and say “i’m okay! i’m in hospital but i’m okay” 😦

oops, i guess i did

so if i worried you with that i’m truly sorry, and i want to emphasize the i’m okay bits of this story and the fact that i am still definitely okay but still definitely shook up and exhausted and processing that this week even really happened. so i’m gonna try to go over what went down and y’all aren’t allowed to make fun of me if it’s not as funny as my usual writing, deal? deal!🥰 i just have had a verrry shitty time with the fact that so much that happened is a blur and i kinda depend a lot on my interpretation of events, and i want to write it down so i have some kind of record before i lose even more details— and that can mean that while writing this out it’s gonna actually be a litttle tmi, and more medical mumbo jumbo than you care about, but hey what level of social media isn’t dripping in performativity? what else am i gonna do, besides type this out? watch more family feud? wait for my next potassium horsepill?

so i legit just thought i had a flu last week, thought i’d need to just sleep off the nausea and fever and body aches and tummy troubles, have some soup, have some sprite and gatorade, have some saltines, have some tylenol. i had been complaining for a few days about not feeling well and thought that’d be the worst of it as i never really get sick and when i do i never do much about it other than being a pioneer woman and suffering through it. and this post would be soooooo boring if that were the case— don’t worry, it was not the flu.

so something cracked in my blood after i went to sleep to try to feel better, and my body did that autoimmune thing that bodies do where it said “hey..... something’s trying to kill us. what if we died first?? that’ll show em!” and my blood platelets started eating themselves. not ,, good.....

meanwhile it was the next morning and i was supposed to get ready for work but i still felt like shit (because my body was torpedoing itself) so my dear memere coming to check up on me saw me wild and vomit-strewen, except i wasn’t actually wild at all i was just shutting down blood-utilizing organ by one and imagining that i was this wild Romantic mrs rochester in my burning nightgown while my aunt and memere quibbled over whether they could get me into the car to try urgent care. in my haze i heard that and my dumb ass was like “is it that necessary??” and luckily my dumb mouth wasn’t functioning at the time bc she didn’t say nothing and instead my relatives called an ambulance. our little mountain town has its own hospital, that’s a nice part of the story! it’s a nice little hospital!

the paramedic was lovely and tried to get me sweatpants because it’s november. i didn’t listen to her because my fever was insane and i was more concerned with making sure my cats weren’t in the way of the gurney 🤪#yikesolabranding

i had the same paramedic in the ambulance with me when they sent me to the hospital in the big city and i spent the whole 90 minute drive talking about how much i love those fucking cats

that’s beside the point, but i want to be clear about who i am at my core apparently, always talking about the gals 😻

so i get to the hospital and this is the first black out. i guess technically second because of when it all started, but let’s pick up with me waking up in the hospital. i have nine plasma. i have a fever of 105. i’m being given a blood transfusion, thanks high schoolers who wanted to get out of running the mile in PE that day!

they throw their dartboard tests and decide i have TTP—

basically, they just need to trick my blood into calling off the attack. how are they gonna do that? they’re gonna confuse the blood, overwhelm it, overcrowd it. they’re gonna get me to the fancy city hospital and treat my veins like frosting piping bags.

it’s snowing— no helicopter for me. i have a catheter at this point btw, and this is one of the parts that i know is tmi but ....... ladies and friends, y’all ever had a catheter?? 😩🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪 i’m dying and legit think i’d rather piss myself to death, it hurts that bad. we take an ambulance down to the valley, i complain enough about the catheter that they finally take it out for which i apologize incessantly (something that’s probably more annoying than the original complaining but i could die in my own piss comfortable and happy so whatever let’s not worry about it.) i pass out again.

i wake up in ICU. i’m assured i am neither pregnant nor have AIDS. good news✌️ especially considering some family history i won’t dive into here. they’re saying the catheter word again and that scares me bc ow, but don’t worry! this one is going in my neck :) it’s how we’re gonna save my life—

we pump thirteen (13) bags of plasma into my neck via dialysis. it works so well they decide they’re gonna do it for a week! i am weeping through the entire 90 minute procedure btw, and apologizing for it. i’m a Fun Patient!

i pass out again.

i wake up to another assurance that i am still unpregnant and don’t have AIDS. hmmm glad those ones stick!

my aunt is begging me to rub my two brain cells together so i can unlock my phone. i do, which is interesting considering when asked the year i repeatedly answer 1992 and 1994. but my 4digit phone passcode? try and wipe that from me, bitch ass stroke

my aunt calls my dad. he is less of a jerk than he could be :) he thinks my uninsured ass should move to the hospital he works at in california. fucking comedian

i text some friends waiting in my hospital bed. it’s a messy text. if you’re a friend who got one of those texts, bless your reading comprehension abilities and please know that my intention was to say something like “i don’t want to worry you, I’ve checked into the hospital but am okay” but it was like in pooh’s grand adventure when pooh bear spilt honey all over christopher robin’s note that literally said “DONT worry about me, i’m NOT going far away” and read it as “worry about me, i’m going far away” and basically i should’ve taken the opportunity to pass out again instead of trying to text lol

i did call one friend instead of text and she was at dinner with her husband, so sent a little “call you back later!” before listening to the voicemail and the poor dear felt very bad for blowing me off, though i promise i did not feel blown off, i shouldn’t have called at dinner time like a damn telemarketer!

so i wake up again and it’s been two days 😞😞 whoopsie! they’ve done more plasma, i’m stable, and my brain is coming back. I’m BORED. i’m trapped in my body and can’t move and in incredible pain! i’m covered in bruises. i’ve vomited on myself. it’s time to pump me with more plasma. while they’re doing the 40min prep work for that, i am drenched in confusion, like that camouflage spell in hp5. i start screaming apologies (even when my brain is broke i can apologize, social feminization is a hell of a drug) to my doctors who ask me who the president is and i become the “don’t make me say it” meme. that made us all feel a little better.

they pump their plasma. my episode passes. i have a violet allergic reaction all over my body. they pump some benadryl. it goes away.

i can eat solid food! by “solid food” i mean strawberry jello. they tell me to order food of more substance. i order a meatloaf, and pass out before it arrives. i feel bad, eat it cold. i have Never had a better meatloaf, although if i’m being perfectly honest she was closer to a salisbury steak. genuilnely, *chefs kiss*

it’s day five, it’s time for me to leave the ICU. this fancy new room has a toilet :) and a shower! i finally get that vomit out of my hair. my aunt brings me my glasses; they’ve been on my bedside table this whole time

day six is a petulant day ..... idk why but my neck catheter was killing worse than usual and the plasma treatments had been slowly getting more bearable but then this day ,, wasn’t. and suddenly this all felt like a lot of hoops to jump through. and i had some “this isn’t fair🥺” moping as though not being dead isn’t wicked cool enough on its own. whatever, i’m feeling a lot better today, and y’all were really nice about my grumbling so thank you for that, without an ouce of facetiousness🥰

day seven, thanksgiving! i’m finally awake early enough for breakfast. i have fruit loops and laugh at mr amazing’s pain. i have hospital turkey for thanksgiving. it’s as bad as hospital turkey has to be, i can’t blame it for that. my memere sends two blank text messages. she’s 84, so i interpret them as “happy turkey day” and “love you”

i have what is supposed to be my last plasma treatment. before they pull my neck catheter out, they decide it willl not be. i’ll have at least one more in the morning. they’re still not comfortable, but i don’t cry through all 90minutes now. only like ,, 70 minutes of it🤙 maybe i’ll break under an hour tomorrow.

that’s all for now— at this time discharge is looking like monday or tuesday. my TTP recovery is likely, just a matter of time. i’m having a really hard time looking at my phone screeen (typing this has taken on and off 4hrs of dizzy and break) but so look forward to getting back into things that make me happy like japhan content and all the fests and kiss prompts i was working on before this. thanks for listening to this poor approximation of what i remember of my hospital experience! ✨✨🥰 sorry idk how to add a damn read more

#me talking #my face

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onceuponatimewithhaleigh · 4 years

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Time to catch up!

I'm so sorry I kinda vanished! Well, I didn't kind of vanish. I straight poofed. So I'm going to catch you guys up on what's happened since the start of August. Quite a lot has gone on, and I needed to kinda - I don't really know? Mentally I was just gone. Like August happened? I don't remember it. But anyhow here we go!

My Skin Spot:

Not cancer! My doctor so politely told me "Sometimes spots just pop up as we... get older." So. Guess I'm just gonna have some serious blemishes the older I get. Haha! I mean, not going to lie, I'm salty about it. But I'd rather be 'getting old' than have cancer. So that's all good!

Meeting with Dr. Lak:

Doctor Lak is my future surgeon for my gastric bypass. She's really really nice. Super friendly and super supportive. She got me all setup - so I have a slue of appointments made. Due to my insurance, I have to see a dietitian for six months consecutively before I can have the surgery. I also have to pass a nicotine test. So - I have to quit smoking ASAP. Which, I need to anyhow. (more on my smoking at the end lol) but overall she was absolutely fantastic!

College(Part One):

Before classes started I talked to my amazing Academic Advisor, Kathrine - and I told her some of my interests and my plans for after college. And we both kinda poked around at my minoring in Photography. To me, that wasn't really enough, so I am now a double major!

OBGYN:

I haven't said anything here, but I have plans in becoming a mother as soon as my health permits. Now I am not in a relationship, nor do I plan to be. I want to be a single mother. Some people think I'm absolutely bat-shit crazy for that. But I think, for me that is the best thing. I have an extremely supportive family, and I have zero doubt in my mind that my child will be loved as much and so much more than they'd ever possibly need! The issue here was A. my weight. B. my family has a history of fertility issues. C. I have PCOS. D. I don't have a partner haha, Kinda need two to tango ;) That all being said, I had mentioned this to my OBGYN, who retired randomly on me in March(with no notice - canceled pre-existing appointments, and with no doctors accepting new patients). I had been telling him about bad pains I'd been having for a while, and he never really listened to me or made any move to investigate. I did my own research, as well as spoke to people about it - and thought I may have Endometriosis. I brought my thoughts to him. He shrugged and said "That's probably it." and made Z E R O effort to figure it out. After three months of pain being horrible to the point sometimes when I was driving, I'd have a flare-up and I'd have to pull over because the pain was so bad I couldn't breathe or see. Then he retired. Then there were no doctors accepting anyone new. So. FINALLY - August 10th I get into a new OBGYN, Dr. Curtis. The first impression was "dudes young and super hip this is gonna be weird..." I'm weird when it comes to doctors, but doctors messing around down there I'm even weirder LOL. I feel like if my OB was a woman there's some weird competition 'Mines prettier...' I have no idea don't judge me xD I told him my wants and things and he told me sadly some older doctors just don't care. they're very black and white. And he was spot on. He told me I probably don't have endometriosis. Put me back on birth control, told me to have the gastric surgery, and then he'd get me in for an exam, and he'd get me to a fertility clinic. He supported me 100% in wanting to become a single mother. He did say that I was the youngest he'd ever seen himself, but he had no issues moving forward with me doing that. Told me a year after surgery, he'd get me to a clinic and we'd get me a baby xD

Dietitian:

My dietitian's name is Andrea, and guys, I love her. She is so goofy as scatterbrained it makes me giggle! I learned a lot during that call though! (all my appointments with gastric have been on the computer/phone) So, this hospital does post-surgery stuff differently than any others in the area, and they've found it's got the best results. So after surgery, I'd usually be on a liquid diet for 6 weeks. Which is standard. Nope! Not here! After surgery, I'll be on a pure protein diet. Not shakes- PUREAED MEAT. How gross right? Meat slushie anyone? Gag lol She goes "Everyone seems to love the pureed eggs" and I literally gagged in the call xD This is gonna be the death of me. Another thing that had me completely shook was that with a stomach the size of an EGG after surgery, I still have to drink 64oz of water a day. She said I can only drink 2oz at a time. So I basically have to take a shot of water every 10 minutes ALL DAY LONG. But! I can't drink anything at all for 30 minutes BEFORE I eat, I can't drink WHILE EATING(which I have to eat 3/4 a cup over 45 minutes-_-), and I can't drink shit for 30 minutes AFTER I eat. So. This shit's gonna be wild man. I'm excited but anxious as hell. And for the rest of my life, I'll be taking vitamin supplements.

Weight:

Currently, my weight is 417lbs

College(Part Two):

So. Friday(Aug. 28th) before the term starts, I have a massive breakdown. That Monday the first week the course was available to look at. We could submit anything, but we could go in and do the work and submit it later. Well. I got in there in my Introduction to Liberal Arts(IDS-100), and boooyyy did I overreact. :) I freaked out. I got overwhelmed because my IDS-100 professor is a very longwinded man. The email I had gotten made everything seem way way more complicated than necessary. And I basically went into spiral mode.

'is a college education reallllyyyy that important?'

'What's the point?'

'I'm gonna fail anyhow, so why try?'

'My family will think I'm a failure...'

'I shouldn't even try, so I don't fail.'

A whole slue of shit thoughts went through my head, and I took it, man. That little demon in my brain just bitching "Never good enough. Not smart enough! Failure." And I sat there and took it like a little bitch. I got so bad I called my advisor, Good ole Kathrine, and LUCKY FOR ME; she was busy and didn't answer. I had the ability to talk to another advisor, but I didn't wanna sob into a stranger's ear so LOL. I called my dad when I was balls deep into a panic attack, and he came down and talked me out of it, and then told me he'd sit with me when I do classwork so he can help if I need it. Which, It's not really that I need help, I was worried about my comprehension of the information I read in class. Because I'm a very visual learner and one of those that talks shit out. And being online, I'm alone in my room so uh lol But yeah. He talked me down, got me all calmed down. Then the next day, my advisor called and asked why I'd called and she apologized for not being available and I laughed and told her straight "It's better you were busy, Cause I'd have dropped out." and she was shocked. Told her all of what happened and what was going on in my head and she told me she was gonna set up weekly appointments with me after each module opens. a new module opens every Monday. and she said she was gonna call me every Tuesday. I went on a spiel about how I feel ridiculous cause I'm being a burden. And she squashed that thought hella fast. So long story short. I am so blessed to have a support system between my dad and my wonderful advisor Kathrine. Lol

Boooo:

I gained a new allergy and lost an old one. I have no idea how that worked. But. No longer allergic to Soy. But now have a TERRIBLE reaction to all dairy products... Which fuckin blows because I live in Wisconsin, and I L O V E cheese. -_- Cheese hates me. :(BYE GUYS!

Whoops!

Forgot about the smoking bit, this is an Edit lmao Basically - TOTALLY thought I could drop smoking cold turkey cause that's how I'd done it every time I'd quit smoking before. Welp. Not this time :) I was a raging bitch, and a HORRIBLE migraine that was so bad I couldn't do ANYTHING. And to top it all off, I had a panic attack lol So. It's the time of year I usually start to quit anyhow. I'm so weird. I'm a seasonal smoker. Living in Wisconsin I am NOT keen on smoking in below zero temperatures in winter. I'd like to keep my fingers. This year I started smoking earlier than usual because I was out of state where freezing winter temperatures were a minimum of like, 37*F and I'm like *cackles in Wisconsinite* CHILDS PLAY!!! So, I started smoking again in December lol Anyway, now- my dad's in control of my smokes. He gives me my daily allowance in a ziplock bag which made me laugh so fucking hard because just like I actually said to him "I feel like you're my dealer and I'm sneaking something naughty!" lol Right now I'm aloud 10 a day. Which is probably 3-5 less than I usually smoke a day. So. I'm kinda feeling it. But my dads controlling them. So this should be fun. :) That's all! Bye guys!

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