#the damage this is giving me. giving US

[astronomodome]

no this is how it went down, don't you remember

(inspired by some antics during @cherrifire's stream two days ago. im so sorry)

#the red winter glock is the funniest thing ever but it also gives me psychic damage #for context chat was talking about the concept of each life series player being given a gun with one bullet in it #like when and why would they use it #someone said ren would give his to martyn to shoot him with during the Altar Scene which is. correct. but. well #sillyposting #life series #third life #trafficblr #renchanting duo #inthelittlewood #rendog #i guess. sorry if this is too much but to be fair it's not too far off from canon #cw gun

[okkennymay]

It's been a very interesting year to say the least- those months still weren't 100% healthy but it was such a difference it was like living a different life, one not filled with constant dread and fear of the next monthly health episode.

It was unreal and I wish I'd made more use of of that time online while I had the chance, instead of being nervous of setting my body off and ruining a good thing going- but having past a new month my body completely imploding (only partially, which still sucks eggs), I can start to pick myself back up and keep going, hopeful once more! (´▽`ʃ♡ƪ)

To all of you who have watched fade in and out of existence since my return online, Thank you for always being so patient 💖 my god was my previous username ghost-chicky ironic as hell, s2g it would be more appropriate these days than anything 0w0"

#okkennymay #comic #I still can't believe it's been ten years since by conditions first reared their head #thinking back through what i've been through #honestly it is a fucking miracle and a half i'm still alive-there certainly were a few way way way too close calls but man what the fuck #As hard as life still is these days it's still a vast improvement to what it used to be- I only survived through sheer determination #and the love and care of my family-I'm extremely lucky in that regard and I don't take it for granted for a single second #which is why I never stop trying to be a successful artist online-they've always believed in me and I refuse to let them down #I want to earn enough to give them a easier lives-to be there to help them as they helped me-my mum especially #I don't care that I sound like a repeating record in my tags- Blame the brain damage destroying my memory #they're my tags i'll belt out my heartfelt feelings if I want to dang it

[that-homoerotic-blouse]

Apart from all the brutality there's one particular tiny detail about Ellie that just breaks my heart and that’s when Maria takes her to the movie screening in Jackson and you can see... you can see just how out of her depth is, how out of place. She doesn't know what do to, she's sitting in her chair restless and anxious, she clearly can't enjoy the movie, she's there amongst all those children and the true tragedy is that despite being a child herself she is not like them, not anymore, she feels like an outsider because all her past experiences, all of the shit she's been through has hardened her into a state of constant alert, fit for survival... but a normal life? Quiet and movies and popcorn? Suddenly that's beyond her. The way she is maladjusted becomes evident in that scene and after we see her wandering the streets alone, looking for Joel because she's just so deeply uneased in this normal environment and he's her only tether, and the way she looks so fucking lost I WEEP I AM EATING GLASS

#bit late for this but hey #episode 6 still gives me all the feels I just CAN'T #coping with the emotional damage one episode at a time #tlou #tlou hbo #the last of us #the last of us hbo #ellie williams #joel miller #bella ramsey #hbo tlou #hbo the last of us

[grasslandgirl]

"send your kids [dice] to camp" when one of the players has a big damage roll they need a lot of extraneous dice for is my favorite running cross-campaign d20 bit. maybe ever. I loved it so much in my first ever d20 campaign tuc (Emily and lou sitting next to each other talking about how their "kids" rolled) and its still going now in fantasy high junior year. the world is so beautiful

#SEND UR KIDS TO CAMP!!!!! #underrated t shirt idea: send ur kids to camp little front pocket logo and then a big thing w like. dice and smth about damage totals on #the back. Sam do u see my vision??? I'll give you my idea for free just send me a shirt in a good color (white w green lettering?) #god. I wish I knew how to graphic design I would just diy the shirt myself. anyone wanna make a design and I'll get my mom to criket print #the decals and send us all shirts ???? /not a joke #d20 #d20 spoilers #fh3

[getosugurusbangs]

for the palette challenge, bachira in bee yourself?

can i come over and stare at you like this

sketch because the drawing is cute without the questionable colors <3

#he’s a little freak #being forced to use these desaturated pinks and grays and shit is giving me psychic damage #i hate it so much #but i’ve got to commit #bllk #blue lock #bllk art #bllk fanart #blue lock art #blue lock fanart #bachira meguru #meguru bachira #bachira meguru fanart #meguru bachira fanart #ask game #my artwork

[otaku553]

On this day I have been dealt an unprecedented amount of psychic damage

#so for context #(this is going to be quite long) #I live in a house (college residence) and we do social events and stuff together to build unity through the trauma of academic pressure #one of these social events is darb talks/PowerPoint karaoke #where for darb talks you can give a presentation on literally anything you want #I’ve done a half hour long speedrun of Kirby lore #and I’ve also done a presentation on the undertake multiverse and sanses #expecting it to be haha funny for one night and then never brought up again #and so there’s another thing at this college called ditch day #and for ditch day seniors plan activities for underclassmen to skip class doing #it’s like an officially registered school event and teachers are obligated #to give us extensions for our problem sets and such #there is also fitch day #which is fake ditch day where you don’t actually get to skip classes and it only takes place in the morning #and these are usually just the seniors messing with us for their entertainment #so they did. a bunch of sans themed events. #not even undertake. themed #just sans themed #targeted specifically at causing psychic damage to me #there was also a fingers in his ass Sunday singalong at the end of it #truly a time

[byberbunk2069]

You awakened a memory that had faded. One that I can enjoy again. Another conversation I had once with a close friend. Honest, real, no ulterior motives...

#SongV #Song So Mi #Songbird #OC: Veil #Cyberpunk 2077 #Phantom Liberty #this gave me so much psychic damage #schmaltzy saturday lmao #So Mi turning to see Veil when she visited her in Brooklyn in 2064 instead of V in Pacifica in 2077 #thank you to @xsdjkl for giving me a screenshot of So Mi's text so I could use it as a caption #The V in the top two images is based on a friend's Corpo V but since I don't have her as an NPV I had to get creative

[svtskneecaps]

FRIENDS I HAVE BEEN PLAYING WITH SOME OF THE QSMP MODS AND I AM FROTHING AT THE MOUTH

BEHOLD THESE THREE PARTICULAR BLOCKS FROM THE FRAMEDBLOCKS MOD!!!!! FROM LEFT TO RIGHT, THE "FRAMED SECRET STORAGE", THE "FRAMED DOOR", AND THE "FRAMED ONE-WAY WINDOW"

FRAMED SECRET STORAGE, A BLOCK WITH SOME STORAGE THAT CAN BE CAMOUFLAGED TO LOOK LIKE WHATEVER BLOCK YOU DESIRE!!!! WANT TO BUILD YOUR WHOLE HOUSE OUT OF CHESTS AND STILL MAINTAIN AESTHETIC?? GO FOR IT!! HAVE SECRET CONTRABAND BUT NEED EASY ACCESS? HIDE IT RIGHT IN YOUR WALLS!!!

THE FRAMED DOOR, ABLE TO BE CUSTOMIZED TO LOOK LIKE A WALL!! THE TOP AND BOTTOM CAN BE ASSIGNED BLOCKS INDEPENDENTLY!!

SECRET TUNNEL!!!!!!!!!

THE FRAMED ONE-WAY WINDOW!! ANY ONE SIDE OF THIS BLOCK CAN BE MADE TRANSPARENT, INCLUDING THE TOP AND BOTTOM!!! the transparency can also be REMOVED, so if your friend forgets to look at the name of the block their crosshair is on, YOU CAN TOTALLY PRETEND IT'S A TOTALLY NORMAL SOLID BLOCK AND ADD THE TRANSPARENCY ONLY WHEN NECESSARY >:D

NEEDLESS TO SAY, I AM SO EXCITED FOR WHEN THE PARANOID MEMBERS WITH MANY SECRETS AND MANY THINGS TO HIDE DISCOVER THESE BLOCKS HEHEHEHEHEHE. AS SOMEONE WHO LOVES AND CHAMPIONS ESPIONAGE THIS CONSTITUTES AN ABSOLUTE WIN

#qsmp #I LOVE ESPIONAGE I LOVE SECRETS I LOVE HIDDEN PASSAGES #HOHOHOHOEHOEHOEHOEHOHEHOE #reading through the mod notes apparently if you use phantom membrane on a block it allows you to walk through it like ghost blocks #how FUCKIGN DOPE IS THAT #THIS MAKES ME SO FUCKIGN EXCITED LIKE ACTUALLY I LOVE ESPIONAGE AND SECRETS AND HIDEY HOLES SO MUCH #if mr badboy 'paranoia incarnate' halo stops being deceased i hope he discovers these blocks bc he'd go CRAZY #cellbit would also like DAMN like DAMN #imagine if he'd been able to conceal the security door in the fear room behind a door that looked the same as the wall #jaiden being able to see through the fog using the waterframes couldn't have revealed the door >:D #this is so COOL this is so DOPE i'm in tears i love espionage i hope someone finds these blocks soon #also don't mind that you can't see my hand in any of the screenshots i found a scarf that gives me invisibility #WHICH IS ALSO FUCKING DOPE #the artifacts mod is actually so OP like genuinely #i have bunny slippers that make me jump the height of three fences and take 0 fall damage (i make bunny noises when i'm hit too >:D) #i have a snorkel that gives me 15 seconds of water breathing every time i surface for air #i have night vision goggles AND i have a CLOUD IN A JAR that gives me a DOUBLE JUMP so combine that with the bunny slippers and :DDDDD #and NONE OF THESE have durability and i can have them on AT ALL TIMES unless they conflict in slots ofc like no two in the head slot or smt #tho this is assuming that i downloaded the correct mod (i would have grabbed it from seeing it in a tooltip on a stream so jury's out) #(i don't remember what stream either lmao) #but yeah assuming these items exist on the server they're so fucking cool; i'm assuming they'll pop up in a shop later #since i haven't seen people find many yet #anyway not to be a fucking nerd or anything lmfao just got a lil excited #long tags #shut up vic #block game brainrot

[magpigment]

life can still be better, dragon child; you are loved by all and you have music in your soul. remember to listen to it, and you’ll know how precious you are.

anyway tallulah amirite

#my art #qsmp #qsmp fanart #qsmp tallulah #qsmp eggs #qsmp art #man. i’ve been having such major brainrot lately. i love the qsmp so much it’s not even funny #i like to imagine the eggs as ender dragon babies more or less because like. it’s minecraft. there’s a big dragon #and it doesn’t make sense if you think about it for more than three seconds cuz it’s the ENDer dragon #and they are not in the end #but give me a break it’s cool!! #it even ties in w the unity of the server being a prevalent theme along w the whole ‘the universe loves you/the universe is love thing’ #idk it makes sense in my head lmao #anyway! i wanted to mess w textures and colors and that’s what i did! #almost every color i used here was from tubes of watercolor that were in the retail section of the art store cuz they were either damaged #or not frequently bought #and i’m p happy w how this turned out!

[honestlyvan]

Let me be absolutely clear -- the problems with Tumblr will keep getting worse if the disabled minority and the trans people and the people frothing at the mouth at the opportunity to yell at a transphobe, keep @’ing staff and the developers on this site, tell them to kys, because in the meanwhile the transphobes and racists and white supremacists will keep using the actual tools Tumblr provides for blocking and reporting, further poisoning the datasets used for moderation, and encouraging the idea that using the official tools does nothing to basically ensure the only statistically meaningful data available to Automattic is poisoned, poisoned all the way down, poisoned beyond usability.

Hatespeech and bias needs to be reported for it to be considered statstically significant to act on from a developer point of view. Suicide baiting and spamming any of the official means of communication will get you eliminated as a spammer, even if you’re peppering legitimate criticism within your ventpost about how you hate the new thing. You are playing the TE/RFs game.

#van stuff #the biggest reason we don't have an easily accessible 'report hatespeech' button is a) because people misused the old one #and b) because it's not satistically significant enough to be the first thing people want to report #this is like. COMMON fucking knowledge that moderation on Tumblr is 99% automated and extremely cheesable #and you now who are cheesing it? TRANSPHOBES!!! #Like this is not even a 'the developers won't care' kind of thing #this is a 'THE DEVELOPERS NEED HARD DATA TO JUSTIFY MAKING CHANGES' #if the ARE actively malicious then the data contradicting everything they're saying will FORCE changes #and if they mean what they say when they say they value the site for its vibrant culture #then giving them hard data to share with unconvinced people signing off on them having the budget to change things will ONLY help #the whole 'let's yell at staff every time anything happens' is a shibboleth #You're all being fucking exhausting #I want to quit Tumblr because if the userbase is gonna be like this!!! #If ALL I SEE for DAYS ON END is 'staff this' 'staff that' #that's JUST GIVING ME WORSE ANXIETY ABOUT THIS SITE GOING DOWN #'this change is bad for disabled users' YOUR NEEDLESS CONSTANT HOSTILITY AND PANIC RAISING IS ALSO BAD FOR ME A DISABLED USER #WHY DO I HAVE TO BE THE COLLATERAL DAMAGE??? #'Oh staff could make so much money if they only listened to feedback' you fuckers DON'T LEAVE FEEDBACK THOUGH #you just @ Staff and think that that's statistically meaningful data they can use #Fuck's sake #And that's not counting all the times staff *did* implement changes we wanted for years... AND YOU ALL STILL COMPLAINED #WE MODDED TAG VIEWING IN FOR YEARS AND NOW WHEN IT'S OFFICIAL YOU FUCKERS DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO TURN IT OFF #Fucking EXHAUSTING the lot of you

[absentlyabbie]

i've developed some interesting methods of handling having a relationship with my mother who made my childhood/teen years misery and committed more than a little abuse.

as an adult, we have a very different dynamic, her daughters (sister and i) have confronted her with a lot of her bullshit and the things she both did and enabled. for some she has been sorrowful and even sometimes apologetic. she's a better mother to me now than she ever was when i most needed one. so i'll never actually trust her again, and she'll never be much deeper than surface level in my life, but we have something mostly good now, and on my terms.

however, she is very definitely one of those "i don't remember it that way" and "i did the best i could" mothers in a lot of areas, and has also always been the type to (probably unconsciously) emotionally manipulate the people she's hurt into catering to her hurt feelings about it instead.

over the years i've learned to get really comfortable with just not indulging it.

is she having a bad day, seems sad and upset? i'll give her a hug, try to make her laugh. if she throws broad hints it's a surge of hurt feelings about having driven one of her children to cut her off? well i'm just gonna stand there and not acknowledge or entertain it.

"well, apparently i was a bad mother" or shit like that? i'm just gonna look at her for a second, and i might either shrug or even nod, but i'm not saying a damn thing. i'm not awkwardly, uncomfortably, painfully contorting to her guilt trip nonsense. i'm not apologizing or trying to soothe her or reassure her or minimize it.

like, yeah. you really were. you know it, glad to hear it. we've definitely had that talk.

best kindness, most generosity i can offer her in times like that is not maintaining eye contact to bluntly tell her "yeah, you were." she can go ahead and feel bad about it.

it's not on me to make her feel less bad. she should feel bad. and i am definitely not someone she gets to seek comfort from about it.

hopefully someday she'll inch past just "poor me, i'm so sad and angsty about it" towards, like, examining the whys and acknowledging what she actually did wrong and work actively to be be better. in a few places, some of that has happened.

but that's her work. her job and responsibility. she can do that shit on her own time.

i say all this to offer a shoulder of solidarity to others like me. if you maintain a complicated relationship as an adult with the parent who hurt you and did you wrong as a child, that is okay. you get to choose how and if to thread that needle.

but you don't have to accommodate emotional manipulation and guilt trip garbage. stonewall it. walk away if you need to. don't apologize. don't try to make it better. that's not on you and it doesn't have to be. it's okay.

#to her perhaps dubious 'credit' #this has shown genuine results #she has over the years pulled a lot less of that shit #of laying emotional traps to try and make me comfort her about how horrible she was to us as a mom #because she doesn't get the desired result #it's not an easy thing to make a choice to continue having a relationship with a parent like this #who caused you serious harm and painful long-lasting damage #especially not always intentionally generally not maliciously #the abuse was the abuse and it doesn't matter why #how she conducts herself now is what determines if i give her any chance to be any kind of decent mom now #and it's SO HARD at first #because that's your mom you LOVE your mom even through all the shit #you're hardwired to love your mom and you hate to see your mom hurt #instinct is to Make It Better #but that's not always the correct response it can be downright detrimental #to yourself and to her own personal growth towards being someone better #so you teach yourself to just Let Her Be Upset #she should be upset and in a case like this it may in fact be good for her #and it's just not my damn job to make her feel better and i don't mind making that plain #you grow more comfortable with it over time #hold your ground and your stance gets stronger with each step-back not taken #abuse mention

[actual-changeling]

if you do not follow/haven't seen my recent posts, i really recommend you read this one and this one before continuing, just to make it hit the right way.

also reminder that i have an ao3 right here (and it's not all pain, promise!)

sorry in advance :)

-

the more time passes, the easier it is for joel to talk about sarah. it still hurts, always will, an old bullet buried in his heart surrounded by scar tissue, but except for a few memories, words don't make him bleed anymore. tommy tentatively starts bringing her up once he notices that joel no longer flinches when he mentions her name, and it feels good to breathe life into their shared experiences, his brother the only one who comes close to understanding his pain but also the joy that colored their years.

ellie asks, too, just as hesitantly as tommy at first, but soon her curiosity takes over and not a day passes by without a question in-between sentences about his past. joel answers all of them, stories spilling from his lips and spinning themselves into a sarah-shaped web that he can share with her.

"she played soccer, right? when did she win her first competition?"

there's a few sports teams in jackson, and of course the soccer one caught her eye, making joel dread all the twisted ankles and bruised shins he was going to have to tend to. getting grass stains out of sarah's uniforms had always been a task and a half, and eventually they both stopped caring about it and just watched them pile up, turning white fabric a greenish-brown.

joel opens his mouth, the coffee cup in his hand hovering above the kitchen table, and then he stills, every muscle in his body turning to ice.

ellie's joel? is drowned out by the ringing in his hears, knuckles turning white and gripping the porcelain so tightly he can feel it crack in his palm, and he must have stopped breathing because his vision is growing fuzzy, black dots scurrying in his periphery.

joel lets the cup fall more than he sets it down, stomach turning, bile rising in his throat, because ellie asked him a question about sarah, his sarah, and he doesn't remember the answer.

it can't be, right? just a small gap in his memory, nothing big, it'll come back to him in an hour and he'll tell ellie about it later. but the panic squeezing his chest is real, terror slithering up his neck and curling around his ear whispering what else did you forget?

more than ever before, he tries to think back to all of it, from the first time he held her in his arms to the moment he buried her, and something odd happens to him when he finds that so much of it is. blurry. frayed at the edges, burned holes and white blotches obscuring important and unimportant details alike, memory an old role of film decomposing in the back of his mind.

the color of her baby blanket (blue, it had to be blue, he can't see), the first movie he watched with her, her favorite book in primary school, the way he did her hair on the first day of kindergarten, the friendship bracelets they made together, the posters on her wall, the dress she wore to her first dance (purple right? right?), memories surfacing as his panic cracks him open like an earthquake, and joel tries to cling to them, nails scratching at the parts that should be there but aren't until he tastes blood, desperation growing and growing because he is forgetting her.

"joel you're scaring the fuck out of me right now what's wrong?"

ellie's voice is distant, and he hates worrying her, hates the almost hysteric edge beneath it when she repeats herself, hands squeezing his shoulders, softly, first, then harder when he doesn't respond. all of the years that he didn't even know she existed, memories she has that he never will, all the firsts and buts and what ifs and failures that define a childhood, their innocent light fractured into vivid fantasies by the stained glass window of life. he has had all that and more with sarah, clung to it in the after to remind himself that she is real, that he is still a father even with his daughter buried by a nameless river.

it is all he has left of her, the childhood she never got to outgrow, and it's fading in a mind that has mourned her for longer than she got exist.

not for the first time, joel wishes he hadn't flinched, his brain worthless if it allowed sarah to fade away. without ellie bound to his heart, he would have tempted fate again for that alone.

-

"who hurt you" too many people to count and luckily tumblr lets me make it everyones problem

#alex writes tlou #the last of us #tlou #joel and ellie #joel miller #joel and sarah #ellie williams #sarah miller #ficlet #i am so sorry but also not at all #please leave your pain in the tags or comments or my inbox i enjoy reading it #keeps me going #at this pace someone should take tumblr away from me before i give myself or someone else a stroke #anyway i promise this is like the worst it will get #at least today #who knows what my brain spits out tomorrow #but im really on a roll today! #time to read some fanfics and then probably write for my own so i can inflict more psychic damage in the future #if you see me use :) you know shit is about to go down #hi mutuals who i am directly stabbing with this ily

[putting-takizawa-in-places]

Jar.

...

#seidou takizawa #putting taki in places #I had to use his pop figure bc that makes this a very possible thing someone could do and that gives me the most psychic damage #but also DO NOT CREATE THE 'OWL POP FIGURE EXPERIMENT'

[crimeronan]

funniest thing is people just unanimously deciding that characters are siblings and despite it not being canon like at all, if anyone ships them together it's literally incest and they're all disgusting freaks who should be burned at the stake. it's SO silly

i remember when i first looked into luz-hunter art i was super startled to see how insistent the siblings thing was in wider fandom, and even MORE startled to see that romantic shipping was often treated as incest. it wasn't until i remembered that most people ship things monogamously that i realized the ENTIRE "luz/hunter is incest" thing Literally Only Happened because of luz/amity shippers feeling threatened & needing to make luz/hunter Problematic. and that to make luz/hunter Problematic, they had to reach for incest because luz & hunter have in common literally all the same things that luz & amity do.

like i legit FORGOT that monogamy was a thing and was sitting here like "but..... but hunter/luz/amity just MAKES SENSE......???? WHY ARE PEOPLE SO ANGRY....."

bitch. it's the compulsory monogamous ship wars.

Duh.

#replies #toh #fun fact: if you ever see a fandom behavior that makes very little sense to you based on the source characterization/story #look at it thru shipping goggles. it's literally fucking always about shipping. #hopefully not using the common ship names will keep this from showing up in ship tags bc i try not to tag like. anything discourse-adjacent #luz/amity shippers: he tried to kill her... no god dammit we can't use that one uh #he's a cutthroat asshole and mean person. NO SHIT. uhm uhm uhm he'll never understand luz's love of books- FUCK ME #like guys it's fine. you can polyship and you can also leave people alone. relax. #the assumption that shipping something non-canon means that you hate the canon and want gay people to die has done like #so much damage. to wider fandom. relax. go do some real life activism. find local mutual aid networks. give a few bucks to someone in need

[neproxrezi]

trying to make generator VE-20B functional let alone useful is going to be the death of me

#okay so like. let me autism about this piece of my mech. gimme a moment. #there is a generator for the mech that gives you like absolute maximum Energy Firearm Spec #what this means is that it makes your energy based guns (sadly not melee) do great damage and charge up faster #however. it has pretty poor energy capacity #and you need good en capacity to USE energy weapons #because every weapon and piece of the mech. uses energy. #i'm desperately trying to make it usable with the KRSV (to my knowledge the most over the top insanely powerful energy weapon) #but what this is leading to #is a goddamn WILD GOOSE CHASE all over my mech desperately trying to optimise it within an inch of its life #all for this one thing #that i DON'T EVEN THINK WILL BE WORTH IT #compared to running like quad laser shotguns #but i've aaaalmost got it working #my big issue. my white whale. is i want FOUR energy weapons #which i thiiiink i can do... the other ones will suck but i THINK i can do it #dibi #armored core

[sm0kingcrack]

redrew the fanart i did in 2019 before chap 2 just wanted to share smirks

#it 2017 #it movie #richie tozier #eddie kaspbrak #beverly marsh #bill denbrough #stanley uris #ben hanscom #mike hanlon #losers club #reddie #feel free to repost or use elsewhere just give me credit also tell me maybe but u dont have to #my twitter is @luci_moose #peep the water damage #ignore the imperfections some of my markers are at the end of their life sorry mikes cheeks #tumblr do not fucking kill the quality #the top is the new one btw idk if u could tell