#the large majority are still up

[fawnheartedly]

I'm watching Tericho's latest theory video and it got me thinking about the Prototype's true intention towards the player, and maybe why he killed Catnap.

Neither Huggy Wuggy, Mommy Long Leg nor Catnap attacked us right away. They lurked around. Well Mommy was more directly present. But all three starts off not being a danger. I guess Catnap putting us in the trash compactor was dangerous but seeing how he loves to play cat and mouse and can immediatly be seen lurking around, I think he knew we'd get away anyways.

Added to that, Catnap tells us to leave constantly through the chapter. Not just once, not twice. He wrote everywhere that we had to leave.

We know how eagerly he obeys tye Prototype, so we can assume most of the things he does, the Prototype asked him to. Probably same for Huggy. And Mommy could have been an outlier in following the Prototype but she seemed to be scared of him enough to at least not go against him.

So my theory is that the Prototype doesn't want us dead. He just wants us to leave the factory. He had two occasions to kill us himself, yet he didn't. All three main antagonists eventually tried to kill us in the end of each chapter but Huggy ended up seemingly dead (we know he's not tho), Mommy killed by us and then retrieved by him. He didn't had the time to punish them for trying to kill us. But he did for Catnap. And i think that's why he ended up killing him. Either Catnap wasn't supposed to end us or it was punishment for failing to drive us away without coming to harm.

Poppy and the Prototype are on opposed sides, that much is clear. Poppy wants us to uncover the full truth behind Playtime Co, the Prototype wants us to leave and forget about it all.

So that means there is far more to discover down that damned Factory. Things the Prototype doesn't want us to discover.

#poppy playtime #Poppy playtime theory #i'm so excited for the next chapter #so far the questions have been piling up and while this chapter awnsered some #the large majority are still up #tbh I think the children that where in playcare during the hour of joy are still alive #the prototype did awful things but he seems to genuinely care about the kids #tho that care seem to stop once the kid isn't a kid anymore so... #hmm... a mysterious character for sure #other than the high probability he's not Ollie #cause Ollie and Poppy are on the same side so it wouldn't make much sense #Ollie is probably a toy #or was indeed a baby in 1995 and was kept safe by the Prototype but decided to betray him and help us for some reason #other mysterious character #i think they're linked but not the same character

[yantao-enthusiast]

can some fucking people stop being to celebrities like “oh this person is either gay or queerbaiting because their personality is making me interpret them as queer because they act ‘stereotypically’ gay and that if you act like this you have to be queer. so we’re gonna either force this person to come out via peer pressure when they may not want to or be ready to or bully them for acting a certain way if they’re not queer because that’s the only way i can accept these people acting this way.” it’s really fucked up, based on toxic patriarchal values, and plain homophobic. analyze these parts about yourself and put a stop to it. it’s not funny. it’s not doing the lgbtq community a favor. it’s an asshole thing to do and you better be leaving that shit in 2023.

#this shit upsets me so deeply i hope you noticed #kit connor #harry styles #billie eilish #shawn mendes #honestly i’m not even a huge shawn mendes fan but what some people did when they were look omg he’s gay bc he acts 💅 #fucking disgusting #let’s not even start with how people made gross speculations about him and camila’s relationship #don’t forget the fact that billie had to come out bc she was put on the spot and she can’t just exist as a queer person #it really rubs me the wrong way all of it #and the kit connor situation is self explanatory #oh right i forgot to mention #taylor swift #like read the prologue please #also i feel the large majority of the community drowns out the g*ylors but it still clearly gets to taylor y’all #she’s stated multiple times she’s straight. stop insinuating otherwise. #even if she didn’t #the public doesn’t have to act like they’re entitled to sensitive details of someone’s life bc they’re famous. #gain some empathy. grow the fuck up #lgbtqia #lgbtq #queer

[prolibytherium]

First time watching Better Call Saul I was like, perpetually concerned they would make very boring choices for Jimmy/Kim's relationship so the thrill when they never Did That was just lifechanging for me

Like I initially was lukewarm about Kim's character because I was SO sure they were going to go the route where she's wholly reasonable/put-together/by the book. So that first scene where Jimmy runs her through a scam and he gives a out a fake name and you as the viewer are kinda thinking she's either just hesitantly playing along or entirely not into it, but then she calls herself 'Giselle' and starts riffing right along with him and you know she's not only playing along but 100% IN made me lose my mind. Rinse and repeat for basically the entire show

#bcs #They're legit probably my favorite fictional relationship of any tv show if not All Time #I think I'm too easily impressed by my expectations being like pleasantly subverted but whatever #Like I kept thinking they'd do a cheating subplot somewhere and NOPE or have her decide it's all too much and back out but NOPE #(or at least not until someone dies) #I LOVE that they made her just as weird and fucked up as Jimmy while constantly persuading herself she's still committed to her morals #and doing the right thing. It's such good stuff #BCS and BRBA impress me in particular just with the way it's being written as they go and turns out SO GOOD #Like the fact that Kim and Jesse respectively weren't even supposed to be major characters but turned out to be like #completely show-defining (largely due to the performances of their actors) is so cool #Or the fact that Gus was supposed to just be a background character initially???Which is honestly hard to believe #(Got through my like 10000th BRBA rewatch so I'm cycling through BCS again now)

[loregoddess]

still a little miffed in this year of 2024 that the dev team for Age of Calamity made fucking Calamity Ganon (AoC edition, whom no one really cared about) playable instead of Astor, who was actually a major antagonist and looked like he would have been fun as hell to play

#HW set me up for unrealistic expectations bc we got SUCH a large and excellent cast of playable characters #and EVERY major villain was playable which was so much fun #although Three Hopes not getting ANY dlc to fill out all the missing playable characters from 3H still irks me a bit more #oracle of lore

[loppiopio]

Shuffle your favorite playlist and post the first five songs that come up. Then copy/paste this ask to your favorite mutuals. 💌

sorry i took so long to do this 🫣

....my playlist is just 67 songs that i've thrown on there because i like listening to them and most of it was either stolen from shiga's shizaya playlists or recommended to me from after the playlist was over.

#i said a thing #ask game #pythonteeth #ABSINTHE FIRE!! #everything else that came on i was less enthused about #but i still like to listen to them #these are all assigned some shade of red by spotify lol #including very very pale red (pink) #thanks for throwing the ask my way! #my taste in music can be anything that strikes me in the connection to my interests zone at the right place right time #hoping the music previews aren't as obnoxiously large as they look in this draft what the hell #okay they are #just on desktop though and it seems like they put an expand prompt over it so it shouldn't be a major issue #let me know if it takes up too much space on the timeline though please so i know

[unproduciblesmackdown]

and i draw parallels solely on the cinematographic basis of “when my man is no more than a millimeter away from perturbation at all times but you give the Whole Right Half Of The Screen 3/4 Closeup of Harrowing Recontextualizations” like that’s right. we’re living it up

#i mean i guess it counts lol. said generally similar cinematographic approachs for said very generally similar scenarios #(a) when a guy shows his hand (shit) & the Team Experience is in shambles & you're two sec away from shooting him for real.... #nemik not even being around for said ''oh so this guy is like that then apparently'' but Insisting on giving cassian his manifesto when we #all knew like oh f you're gonna get it lol. unsurprised but not unmoved that nemik's manifesto is the source of that Quoteth.... #paraphrasing closely from memory the frontier of the rebellion is everywhere even the smallest act of insurrection pushes our lines forward #the imperial need for control is so desperate b/c it is so unnatural tyranny requires constant effort it breaks it leaks.... #(b) when against all odds you busted out of island forever factory labor electric containment torture execution jail and made it to a phone #make a risky call home to relay to your mom that you're alive and all only to be informed that she is not #and both still like serving as [major turning points] naturally. end of ep six; end of ep eleven of twelve.... #love some drama. even on top of ''oh we knew you'd die but now we know you're dying'' and then like escalation on escalation like umm what's #our bestie here talking about. oh i see. oh he's getting quickdraw blown away right on really at this point; makes sense in this position; #still what a surprise lol truly....that we Aren't surprised maarva dies not only b/c it's heavily cued but also We find out at the ep start #like the one guy dying in prison while we Know that's coming but heaping drama on drama as the doctor tells them what happened on floor two #and we get yet more Acting Wins as andy serkis (lino?) #(nah looked it up & i spoonerized that lol. kino loy. i Only Just Now have one name per each of that heist team down i think lol) so anyways #andy kino loy serkis is getting to be the king of Harrowing Recontextualizations in that moment. ugh just great shit going on throughout #there was a Lot of great [i'm perturbed to harrowed] acting all across the board. its being by and large a cast of characters who are all #like wary and continually endangered with varying degrees of urgency. like the rec abt this series as [tfw depiction of police state life] #star wars /// #andor #truly cassian my [he has the face of a friend] cassian #he really does have this key energy of like your insta new best friend and comrade....nemik's delivery w/''i wrote abt you last night.'' Fun #again like also unsurprising he'd already land on cassian out here like ofc i'll give my crucial legacy work to that guy who just showed up. #and And I Insistingly....and he's right

[fiapple]

other early buffy bi-coding includes: both her heart & spirit being initially coded as gay/bisexual (the writers weren’t sure which till tara came into the picture, & according to a semi-recent article, of which label pretty much until willow came out) & were intended as such, as the writers always knew one of them was going to come out.

#buffy summers #btvs #this is why i don’t consider the use of willow (a lesbian) to convey elements of buffy’s (a bisexual) sexuality biphobic whereas i sort of #do when that lens is applied to faith. in willow’s case her lesbianism is important like i cannot understate that but the writing choice #itself was influenced by the notion on part of the creators that willow being written as bisexual was the original intent & they changed #their minds because the lesbian representation was important & they felt with the way people thought of bisexuals it would make willowtara #get taken less seriously. so until willow came out she was very much a bi-coded character (STILL A LESBIAN & STILL MEANS HER & OZ WAS COMP #AS SOON AS THAT WAS CONFIRMED) #up until she came out- and it was largely if not entirely that before that point (bar the coming out scene) where she is used in any major #way to convey that aspect of sexuality with buffy- it becomes more general in terms of paralleling relationship struggle after that point #so willow being bi-coded & willow being used as a buffy sexuality figure were near entirely overlapping which negates the view of #bisexuality genuinely being part straight part gay rather than having to exist in dual spaces due to the way sexuality is dichotomized #also shout out to willow’s lesbianism for still retroactively working very well as a narrative way to convey that dual space even before the #choice to definitively make her such was made. her complicated lesbianism does so much for the themes girlie is carrying. #like a lot of people complain about that choice because of the fact we later got confirmation that it was made for reasons which were i #inconsiderate to both bisexuals & lesbians but ultimately willow as a lesbian works better overall than willow as a bisexual on a #storytelling level to me based on how sexuality in particular is ultimately positioned in the story by the end of s7 #like when i talk about pre-coming out willow being bi-coded it isn’t to detract from her present lesbianism or say she should be bi- that’s #flat out lesbophobic & i don’t fuck with it- it’s just acknowledging a reality that influenced how she was written prior to coming out 100% #where as with faith that’s not present especially because she is fully meant to represent buffy (a bisexual’s) sexuality rather than any #sort of dual space struggle- she (darkly) mirrors buffy’s rather than playing a role in it #which then (to me) does start to play into the half straight half gay idea when considering again that she represents buffy’s sexuality #specifically the repressed aspect is positioning a bisexual’s repressed sapphic attraction as lesbian rather than… repressed bisexual #*ie positioning #attraction. like especially considering eliza said she thinks faith swing both ways it kinda does make me uncomfy & feels really reductivist #which is part of why i plan to make that post #blah blah people are entitled to their headcanons. in context the headcanon kinda has a biphobia issue when ignoring faiths bi-coding & word #of saint paul confirmation on top of her narrative positioning irt sexuality that’s all i’m saying

[medievalwife]

i don’t care how much you guys try to rewrite history the pink pussyhat women’s marches were fucking lame 😭😭😭😭😭

#no i actually did not find it empowering when white gen x and boomer women wore those ugly ass hats to ~protest~ #like yeah yeah yeah trump is a creep but i guarantee a large majority of the women at those protests were married to rapists and racists too #and these women.. they cover up for their husbands. it’s like a cognitive dissonance thing. they’re ok with their husbands being predators #but they’ll still pretend that they themselves are ✨FEMINISTS✨ and the daughters of witches they couldn’t burn!!!!! #blah it’s so annoying i hate liberal white women more than anything

[spring-lxcked]

like half-asleep and abt to genuinely sleep and yet thinking abt giving in and giving william a movie verse even tho i know literally the only difference will be his kid(s) lmao

#—— ✧ ooc » #.tbd. #i've been against it mostly because i think by the time i adjust the verse to my liking it'll just. be game canon fkjdhfjas #like: i'm not a fan of him 'controlling the animatronics somehow' for example #but that singular change makes a large part of the movie entirely different #like the ending wouldn't have happened That Way because my william genuinely fears the haunted animatronics #claims otherwise obv but they both intrigue and terrify him #he won't face them during their active hours w/o thinking he's safe ( me when dumbass still gets springl.ocked ) #i'm thinking i'm thinking... but yeah if i make him a movie verse i'll come up with a Default AU for it #and then me and anybody else can plot stuff out as needed if they don't vibe with it #def a request-only verse tho #should note i'm a major fan of the whole 'mike's blacked out his real memories & actually is an af.ton' tho #both because he'll always be an af.ton in my heart AND because his memories were KDSHFSDFHDSJLA #sorry but i can't explain it. they screamed fake so hard i was shocked when there wasn't a Big Reveal. #like why were his memories like that. why is your family Generic Good Family Number 1. what is going on. #like to be clear if it was intentional it was really good lmao #ANYWAY 'would your william stab van.essa' if we're talking abt movie canon w/ her as his daughter? ehhhhhhhhhh #like in that exact scenario maybe but also he wouldn't be in that scenario if that makes sense #by and large i stand by my portrayal being unwilling to kill his kids pre-springlo.ck incident #like he's a real bastard but part of that is him believing he can always Pull Them Back To Him No Matter What #ANYWAY GOODNIGHT #will maybe rb this in the morning with more thoughts

[soldier-poet-king]

just had to explain the surrealist art movement and specifically dali’s metamorphosis of narcissus to my mother and it’s 11pm and im too tired for this shit???

#franposting #i dont even particularly LIKE dali #but i felt the need to defend his work from an intellectual perspective #bc like. i GET it/ surrealism makes SENSE in it's historical context esp post ww1 europe #and it's about weird symbolism and puzzles and not necessarily like. aesthetically pleasing artworks #do i want to hang it in my home? no. is it still super important and ineresting? yeah #hell i LOVE dadaism. again. art isnt JUST about aesthetics ok. #anyway tldr my brother somehow ended up with a GIANT ASS version of this painting after helping out at a church fundraiser #idk how it got there or why anyone thought dali was be appreciated or popular at my immigrant/working class/largely conservative parish. #\but like. alrighty then #lets dust out the nearly decade old art history lectures where my prof was an elderly british probably alcoholic but otherwise lovely #other than the fact i was the single italian-descent and everytime we moved to italian art she called on me like i knew stuff??? #she did the same thing to the single dutch guy in the class when we did northern renaissance #the VAST majority of the small lecture were WASPS so it was just #me n oliver out there like. no professor maam we DO NOT actually know anything #abt italian/dutch art #like oh here's a raphael. francesca you wanna talk about it #MAAM??? IDK SHIT. IM IN THIS CLASS AS AN ELECTIVE FOR FUNSIES

[holyluvr]

Ok. I’ll be nice to people and put the Schizo & Chihuahueño trauma-bonding-projection-comfort-love rant under a cut.

Maybe one of the reasons I like Chihuahuas is because of their misunderstood personified nature along with how often they’re abandoned, euthanized(only dog breed euthanized more is the American Pit Bull Terrier), and mocked reminds me of growing up being paranoid and how people think that they understand it once they read or are told about it yet usually fail to recognize and react mercifully to paranoia when it happens.

Chihuahuas are used as symbolism for anxiety once personified; their homeostasis requires a lot of trembling that we associate with fear, they’re tiny predators from a vast territory that’s dangerous to their proneness for dehydration and that’s always been full of stronger predators, they have to be more vigilant and better at hiding, they’re always on guard and guarding their supplies.

Chihuahua traits are then further misunderstood from a mixture of willful ignorance and genuine human inability to comprehend what they’re seeing. They’re treated without their needs met(can’t say most of them are “raised”)and often punished or forcefully have their boundaries removed consistently when they shouldn’t be, leading to them being “bad dogs”. Because they’re going to stress out and become unstable if they don’t feel safe and secure.

Because the smallest breed accepted into the kennel club association is scared from seeing the world as that large and powerful then hardly has it’s emotional needs met from owners refusing to try to get onto their level, viewing it as a behavioral problem when a pet Chi has strict boundaries or guarding, the bigger issue personification and devaluation of their species happens:

Chihuahuas have bodies shorter than 1ft that can easily sneak and hide where we can’t reach or see, legs that are perfect for them to outmaneuver or charge, and they have canines. While they’re more sensitive to fight/flight-mode so the reason may have different context overall,….a Chihuahua will use those canines just like any other dog, except they jump immediately to kill intent because they aren’t blessed to have the safety of anything lesser dished out.

It’s scary when it’s a Chihuahua because their sense of perceived threat is so large that their charges are desperate. That Chihuahua darted from under the chair his owner was in while snarling at you and snapping his teeth at whatever comes in contact with him like a mad dog because you stepped near his owner and his territory, and he isn’t sure if you’re going to hurt them.

Unlike a larger dog, a Chihuahua is both a predator and a prey animal, a Chi can’t take the chances of letting someone it doesn’t know for fact is safe closer to him or his loved one because to a Chihuahua, being touched by someone they haven’t decided to be loyal to is the same as letting themselves be killed. & unfortunately, people have been proving this irrational fear of theirs kinda true to them by reacting without sympathy or with focus only on their own hurt or disappointment as the human in charge. ♻️ A cycle worsens!

So Chihuahuas are abandoned, killed, then mocked and hated widespread using the very misunderstanding that hurts them and whoever they attack to justify that mistreatment.

Are Chihuahuas bad dogs or little dogs that are born into a big world that doesn’t understand or show patience and grace about it being much more dangerous for them to exist than the larger predators; including their families of humans, cats, and other dogs?

Did my Chihuahua know from senses and instincts that she was the same species as my Border Collie? Did she view herself as a weak and small, scolded failure that should have been like my Border Collie? Do human beliefs and mockeries ever reach them and affect them? Do the Chihuahuas and other “sassy” little dogs that hang around my work know that the 100+lbs dogs everyone fawns over, frolicking with no worries in the world, that keep naively trying to play with them by getting in their face by force are the same species?

Do people remember that they’re the same species and take that into account, how variable one species of mammal can be?

I almost hope to God and all that’s good in the world that people are somehow, despite contradictory evidence and testimony, correct when they hate on Chihuahuas.

I don’t want to think that the dog who grew up with me could have felt confused or wrong by the literal fact that she wasn’t my Border Collie and couldn’t do anything to assert her boundaries in a house with a Collie, multiple cats, and 4 humans.

I hope Chi’s lack the ability to feel alienation, self awareness of their size, comparison to others, injustice, senses to notice the hormones and weird familiarity of other dogs, and love— I really hope it’s true for their sake that they don’t feel that. They’re just bad dogs. It would be a less ugly story if that were true. People wouldn’t have to be uncomfortable with their actions or take responsibility for how they raise and care for vulnerable creatures if that were true.

But I know it’s not fully true, and I know my first 2 dogs were especially important to me and meant a lot to me for comfort because I noticed parallels with how people kept making “jokes” about them while claiming to love them, and how they treated a sick child who had never felt human enough like others, always dehumanized, but still always expected to act like a normal and “good” child, like good kids, normal, like your good sister, like your sister who wasn’t psychologically built all weird and fucked up like you:). psychologically different when it suits them, violent and cruel and unpredictably dangerous as a choice when it suits them, an annoying and pathetic joke with no worth when it suites them, full of potential and fun quirks when it suits them, but why in the world does it become more unpredictable with time treated as a weird, outcasted, “kinda”-animal? Maybe because you’re not treating Chihuahuas with the same basic respect for other dogs. Maybe because you never treated me with the same basic respect as other kids?

I always felt comfort of knowing that, even though Tito and Coco were dogs and didn’t understand the reasoning and senses of humans, even if they didn’t understand that their world was different yet based on the same expectations and needs as large dogs, they were still experiencing a similar mistreatment born out of ignorance and refusal to let go of ignorance and denial in favor of human pride, avoidance of responsibility, convenience/laziness, or fear of admitting to past mistakes/regrets. Or maybe you’re an asshole.

#… #border collies are considered the most intelligent dog breed and trained as such. I agree HOWEVER #is the measurement of IQ fair? what is intelligence? for a dog? and has human bias of saying border collies are the smartest #lead to higher rates of border collies being trained by professionals and thus smarter to humans in large numbers? idk #I wanna see what traits they used and if they included diverse ages and backgrounds and took into account how many border collies are bred #to be working dogs. bc for SOME FUCKING REASON— IDK HOW SCIENCE FAILED IF IT WAS DONE RIGHT #BUT CHIHUAHUA ISNT ON THE HIGH IQ LIST. OK? GUESS WHICH BREED IS THOUGH. AND HIGH UP THERE. #LABRADOR RETRIEVERS AND GOLDEN RETRIEVERS. AND GERMAN SHEPHERDS. I’m sorry I’m not saying they’re lesser I’m just saying I don’t see much #true problem solving and some of the most wild mistakes and bad choices and huge problems caused by them Not Thinking But Good Intents!😀👍💀💖 #most of the high IQ list is working dogs. and many aren’t skilled at problem solving unless trained well and early so is IQ just still… #‘easiest to control/make how we want them’??? 🤦🏻 I know it’s not a good tool in general but my prob is how it’s still used as major. #anyway this was about stpd/schizo and my attachment to chihuahuas partially

[dissociationawareness]

Ya know... over time... ummm... Idk how to put this cus it's gonna hurt someone's feelings.

I used to identify as endo. In my teens when I started to realize I was multiple and I started trying to communicate with them... when it still wasn't apparent to therapists and I was labeled bipolar with schizo-affective or outright schizophrenic. Back in those days, I genuinely believed I was psychotic. Things were weird. I had a lot of hallucinations, I had a lot of switching.

I was still a kid. I didn't want to believe I had childhood trauma even though I knew the kids had memories that I didn't, even though for a time I believed they weren't in there... I believed they died... I believed a lot of things, a lot of things that weren't true. I held on, tooth and nail, to the idea that we were multiple because we were just meant to be that way. The voices in my head during this really spectacular thing I went through told me so, after all.

Shit came out in my teens, and my mother eluded to the place where it happened. I still denied it. We're multiple because we always were.

In my adulthood, through a fair amount of research, I learned a lot about DID and multiplicity. I'd already been to inpatient three times, on countless meds, diagnosed with just about everything except DID. I had spoken to some therapists about it, only one ever made me feel like she believed me (my therapist in highschool).

In my mid 20s, sometime after being formally diagnosed with DID (and learning how... not great that actually is in terms of accessing mental health services), I spoke with my aunt about what my mother had told me in my teens, and she revealed the thing I didn't want to accept: I am a survivor of CSA at a very early age, my parents knew and did nothing because they didn't know what to do about it. I had a bit of a mental breakdown after that, and I think that's really when I accepted that we were what others would call "trauma-caused" or "traumagenic"... and furthermore that even my hallucinations, which I'd had since childhood, were largely a part of PTSD which had been triggered by an assault at 13, bringing a lot of my dissociative symptoms to the surface and starting the journey to communicating and vague attempts at healing that were mostly aimed at trauma that occurred in my teens.

I fell upon Paul F. Dell's work on Structural Dissociation and something clicked. I had identified that I was always multiple because I didn't ever remember not having them... I just didn't always understand what they were, so for much of my childhood (and teens), I explained them through what language I had --- as ghosts or something supernatural. I was haunted, afterall, by my own skeleton.

It made sense, and still does, that yes, I always was multiple, and that's why the endo label appealed to me and why I secretly held onto it beyond accepting my early trauma. The reality is that the trauma didn't make us, the trauma didn't allow us to develop normally. The further reality is that the early abuse was only a piece of that - that other instances of sexual, physical, and emotional abuse at the hands of both adults and my peers played a role. Being neurodivergent and trans played a role. Being queer but devoutly Christian played a role. The fire that burned my childhood home to charcoal played a role. My parents fighting and separating played a role.

And here's my point. Trauma is a wide and deep category. Maybe had things been different, if I'd had a home life where my parents were more supportive, had I been taught to cope, had I been able to talk about what I was going through and actually process it, maybe I wouldn't be multiple. Trauma is a lot of different things but it's the surface of what's really going on in a child who becomes a teen and eventually an adult with DID.

I never coped with any of the things I went through as a kid. I never processed them in any substantial way. I never healed. My brain was too full of PTSD for it to be able to do the things everyone else's brains did: unify the sense of self.

In this respect, we're all multiple as children. Being a parent, I see this everyday in my 4yo, who has two others: D & Monster. This is developmentally NORMAL for his age. It IS NOT at my age, 34yo. He is what is literally an endogenic multiple. I am not anymore. And I am not because I passed the threshold (7-10) without reaching that milestone because of PTSD, which universe willing, he will unify when he's old enough.

So here's what I'm getting to.

You can identify as Endo, and I'm cool with that. I can accept that you feel this way because I felt this way once too. I will happily accept you into spaces I inhabit that are intended for multiples. If you're multiple, you belong here.

I do have a problem with blogs promoting this like it's this... ugh... how do I say this without upsetting you? I think it encourages people to avoid processing and healing. I think it encourages people to avoid their feelings and ignore that shit in their childhood effected them. I think it encourages denial and a misunderstanding of what DID and OSDD are. I think it's harmful to everyone.

To have DID, to really be multiple past the threshold... you have childhood trauma - major and repeated stressors that you were unable to process and cope with. It's the only way this developmental milestone doesn't happen.

That doesn't mean you were physically or sexually abused. It really doesn't. Neglect is trauma. Bullying is trauma. Moving a lot is trauma. Being an outcast is trauma. Struggling with symptoms of neurodivergence or mental illness as a kid with no idea why it's happening or why people react to it how they do, or having sensory issues that no one accepts or helps you navigate (etc) is trauma. Being in a car accident is trauma. Death of a family member is trauma. Being constantly ignored is trauma. Not having enough food is trauma. Parents separating is trauma. Major illness is trauma.

There are so many fucking things that are trauma. It does not matter that you don't think it was ever "bad enough" to cause DID. Clearly it was. All it has to be is a thing child you felt couldn't be addressed, that child you couldn't cope with... so you buried it and it took up so much of your brain, that you were unable to unify (or at least completely).

You have trauma. Maybe it's not the shit movies were made of. Maybe it's not the kind of trauma that other people will readily express sadness or anger about, but it's still real and it still effected you.

No matter how you want to address your multiplicity, or how you desire to identify... you owe it to the kid you once were to tell them it's ok to feel however they did about whatever it was, and it's ok to talk about it and express those feelings.

I want you all to understand that this is a piece of healing you all need to look into - not because you need to magically unify as an adult (frankly, I think that's entirely misunderstood too), but because clearly SOMETHING effected you to make you who you are today, in all your multitudes, and you owe it to your future self to accept that you, like every person on this planet, has experienced trauma. You owe it to yourself to learn to accept that even if other people don't understand, your emotions exist for a reason and it's good and right to accept them and find outlets, which child you was unable to do.

And this goes ditto for anti-endos... or whatever the term for that is. And furthermore that those who identify as trauma-caused (etc) need to at least attempt to accept that plenty of folks who identify as endo... have DID/OSDD just like you. You can feel however you want about their identity, but the gatekeeping is toxic and it's harming the community, including survivors.

Hopefully the nuance isn't lost on... anyone.

If you need clarification on something, feel free to ask.

#dissociation #actuallydissociative #hey yeah I know we haven't posted here in a long time #but I am posting this here in hopes that you'll put some stock in this #I would like to note that when we made this blog was a different time in our lives and I still largely stand by #what we posted forever the fuck ago about structural dissociation #I would also like to say that as we've gotten older... a lot of the things we feel different about... though mostly juxtaposed #we've been thinking about coming back... and we mostly stopped because frankly moding a blog #that ends up getting a bunch of interaction is... it's a lot when we're constantly still trying to stitch our brain together #a lot has changed guise #DID #actuallyDID #OSDD-1 #being a parent is wild and seeing structural dissociation in action in a phase of life where it's developmentally normal is so interesting #hubby calls them 'imaginary friends' and I just kinda snicker #sometimes I worry but that's because I too am still unpacking the idea that we're always supposed to be one #but we're not... we're just not always supposed to be many because others are supposed to become facets of our personality #and I'll be very interested to see how unification happens when he gets to that age #in the meantime I just gotta put a lot of effort into supporting him and I guess hope that nothing major comes along that gums up the works #i guess??? being a parent is complicated 😅

[peachcitt]

just want to tell that anon to PLEASE read bone tea. i'm currently reading it for the THIRD TIME because it's so insanely good (and i get ridiculously impatient in between updates for your other fics). it's so brilliant i could ramble forever about the plot and world building and slow burn but my favorite thing is your characterization of adrien and marinette. they are both so Good and it sincerely makes me want to be a kinder, more considerate person. that's how i know it's good writing :')

omg okay previous anon this one’s for you

but this is crazy to me thank you for reading bone tea so many times what the heck!!! and it’s like. that’s all i wanted. when i was writing bone tea i was just thinking about the magic of kindness and love…..how two people try so hard to be good and succeed just from the effort. i still have so many feelings about bone tea

thank you<3

#ask #pippipiddlydoodles #bone tea #this is also crazy to me because like. even though i will probably forever consider bone tea as my magnum opus #i wrote the majority of it while in high school and for a large portion of it i was just thinking and writing as i went #of course from the very beginning i had big plot points that i always planned to do #but for all the little beats and episodes and scenes i was just. coming up with it week by week #and it still created this work that i love so much and that other people also love!! like that’s crazy!! #and i was just writing it as i grew up too so as the story matured and grew so did i and then i made the story grow and fit me too #just. so much of that fic is me. it means so much to me that other people love it too

[enderspawn]

how can people even tell if someone has a fever without a thermometer. like i try it myself and put the back of my hand to my forehead and im just like ‘hm yep that’s skin temperature! anyway.’

#LIKE. even when I’m Running a fever it still feels the same to me as when not? #or at least the same Enough that I can’t tell them apart BFNSND #to be fair the majority of the fevers I get TO like. use as comparison are mild and max out around 100F so. it’s not an Extreme example #(for ref so Celsius folks don’t gotta look shit up normal human bodies operate around 97-98F) #(so like. it’s Truly not a large amount of degrees) #og post #personal #anyway even If I do have a fever rn im 100% okay #i got a covid booster yesterday so it would just be the effects of That settling down and is totally expected

[mieczyhale]

the possum filter is the best thing snapchat has ever given me

happy halloween, turtles and goblins~

#i had to throw my costume together out of stuff i already had so shh #i still got compliments - on my costume and my 'significant other' (the kid gestured to the skeleton. he's going places) #THERE WERE SO MANY CUTE COSTUMES #AND SO MANY DINOSAURS?? #we had about 8 or 9 dinosaurs come through over the course of the two hours we handed out candy #one was a duo - a little kid and his little dog #there were two horror families which were major hashtag goals #there were also a lot of ridiculous costumes which was SUPER fun to see #people got real creative this year #except josh #yeeeahh he didnt dress up #he couldn't think of anything apparently #still lowkey bothered by it - halloween is My Holiday - but he brought me wine in a large travel cup #the kind with a straw so i wouldnt mess up my makeup which was thoughtful #anyway i've gotten maybe 5 hours of sleep over the last two days and it's almost 7 AM and yknow what?? im just gonna keep being awake #there's other pictures from yesterday but they're either not ones im posting to socials or looking at them makes me mad. so. lmfao #skdhsksfk end completely unnecessary rambling tags jfc my guy #maison speaks

[solemntitty]

stomach rolls benign. possibly even good

#if i say it enough i will believe it abt myself #like im genuinely happy i gained weight bc like uhhhhhhhh #jamie has made a statement #personal #being underweight should be more regularly classified as a fucking health condition instead of fucking uhhhhhh no one ever worrying abt it #genuinely was scared of getting majorly ill and dying bc i didnt have enough fat #as well as i always had vision go dark when i got up suddenly #dont have that any more!!!! thank god!!!! #i think my worst bmi (idk what else my measurement was ik its a shit measurement) was like. 17 #in college lol i looked. unhealthy but it was 'pretty' and desirable to look Like That #which is FUCKED and i still thought i was fat at the time and was like. suuuuuper afraid of gaining weight #but also knew i needed to #had mild ED maybe???? idfk but now im chonkier :) and dont feel like a fucking large breeze could bowl me over lol #body image cw #ed tw #i guess #being 5'6“ and 109 pounds is Not Good For Anyone imo #like i know its 'not technically underweight' when youre at 18 BMI but again. the whole major illness thing