#the moment i realised i was attracted to women (both times) i went: oh. bisexual. cool. fuck. now i'm oppressed.

[dawningfairytale]

how did i realise i was bi both so quickly and so slowly

#like #on the one hand #the moment i realised i was attracted to women (both times) i went: oh. bisexual. cool. fuck. now i'm oppressed. #and i wasn't like 'but i like boys and girls what could this possibly mean??' it was more. oh yeah no okay this logically has to be bisexua #and there was like wondering if there was split attraction in that (i don't think there is for me) but i was like. either way. there's #some non-platonic attraction for more than one gender #(also why i like bisexual bc i am bisexual and biromantic and i like saying that after coming to that conclusion #also i find it rolls off the tongue better than bi) #but GIRL #why did you get so excited to get this girl's phone number #better: why were you so desperate to get this girl's phone number #i know you were excluded and wanted to make friends but why these girls specifically #why did they make you feel like that #also the kiss dreams #like you have a dream where you make out with your friend in a dark closet. cool. subtle. #i think google said 'it could?? just be a friendship thing' so i ran with that but uh. i had a crush on her through my whole senior year #it was not just a friend thing #especially not given how much i liked it #also. why the dreaming about kissing an imaginary girl? which you also enjoyed? like. babe make it make sense #'yes i love watching glee s5 toxic and ikag but For The Outfits' are you kidding me #to be fair. never took an am i gay test. because i knew that was a common queer experience and I Was Not Queer #how come i knew that at such a young age? #there were. so many signs.

[f1-disaster-bi]

I know this is a weird ask so I get it if you won't answer it but was it hard for you to figure out you were bi? Like I'm not sure what I am and who I like and I think I just crave any affection cause I've never felt love from a partner so I don't know who I'm actually attracted to.

This absolutely isn't a weird ask. You can send me things like this anytime, and my dms are always open too anon

One thing I will start off saying is that you don't need to rush or label yourself. Sexuality is fluid. There is no timeline for figuring out who you're attracted to or if you're attracted to anyone at all. It is more than okay to explore a few different ideas before finding what is right for you and everyone has different experiences.

I often count myself lucky in that my realisation, when it hit, it was clear to me but anon, I was oblivious as hell about it until it did hit.

When I was 15 I was volunteering for a festival our town has and this girl working with me put her hand high up on my thigh one day when we were sitting together and looked me in the eyes to say something and I had an oh moment.

Before that I had no clue I was attracted to women. Looking back now, it is obvious I was always attracted to both. I would often get my mother to rent dvds (yes I'm old enough to have rented dvds as a kid), I would often pick movies with very attractive women as the main leads and claim they were the best movies ever made (they weren't, the actresses were just hot) but I would do the same with males too (hello that time I tried to convince everyone Shark Boy and Lava Girl was a great movie when really I just had a crush on Taylor Lautner)

Have I questioned myself since? Absolutely. After secondary school, I didn't date a lot of women because I went through some trauma with two girlfriends and I needed to take a look at me as a person. I dated a lot of people because I wanted to feel needed. It was all men and at some point I felt like maybe I was straight. Maybe I had wanted attention like people had accused me of when I was a teenager. Maybe I really did need to meet the right man but no, I have and always will identify with being Bi because I'm attracted to more than one gender.

Sometimes people try to force me to say I'm a lesbian, or refer to me as that, and it annoys me because I am who I am. I am a bisexual woman. I am proud of that and have been proudly out for ten years, and sure it was easy realising it, but it wasn't always easy accepting it because of what people said to me or because I was dating a man and somehow that invalidated my sexuality. It didn't, the same way me dating a woman doesn't mean I'm not attracted to men

Sexuality is a journey anon

I wish I had an better answer that could help you but don't feel scared. Don't feel you need to find yourself or label yourself straight away. If people ask, use an umbrella term or just say you're figuring it out because there is nothing wrong with that.

I have friends in their twenties who have only figured out they're Bi recently, and I have friends who have explored and changed as they got older because they rushed to label themselves when they were still figuring out who they liked

You are perfectly you, and you will always find support for being you. Espeically here on my blog and from me ❤️

[jazzistolkienfanfics]

I Though You Were American - Platonic!Durin Line x reader

IM SORRY- wait, no i’m not *smirks obnoxiously* VINE FOREVERRRR

@kumqu4t​ reader insert (she her pronouns)

-reader telling thorin, fili, and kili she is a lesbian

I AM SO LOOKING FORWARD TO WRITING THIS I LOVE MY LESBIAN BAES CAN I BE YOUR BISEXUAL BAE-

Type: Imagine Pairing: Platonic!Durin line x reader Summary: Y/N is afraid to come out to her family of sorts. Warnings: misunderstandings, ‘fuck’ Word Count: 825 words (small one!)

Y/N bit her lip nervously, not really seeing what was in front of her. She had more important things to focus on than the small village of Bree she, Thorin, Fili and Kili were passing through on their way to Bag End, Hobbiton.

Today is the day, she thought to herself. I’m going to do it today.

She couldn’t bear all the lighthearted (but relentless) teasing she got from Fili and Kili every time they stopped and there was some male of any species that the two deemed remotely attractive and, therefore, a perfect match. She just felt a sinking feeling every time, as she battled with her fear of coming out.

It hadn’t ended well before - the laughs and jeers and angry screams still echoed around her mind. She hated it. She hated how afraid she was to be herself around them, but the previous reactions chained her down with manacles of terror. 

“Hey, Y/N!” Kili smirked and Y/N rolled her eyes, anticipating whatever mischief he was eager to cause this time. “Look over there!”

He pointed at some revoltingly dirt-covered man, who leered at anything and everything in view. 

“Shut up,” Y/N rolled her eyes. “You guys are fucking annoying.” 

“No, we’re not!” Fili protested, his smile just as wide as his brother’s, and every bit as sarcastic. 

“Sister-sons,” Thorin grumbled, returning to them. “Leave Y/N alone.”

The two shut up rather abruptly. 

“I have bought lodging in a tavern for the night,” Thorin explained, tilting his head in the direction of a creaking sigh that pointed to ‘The Prancing Pony‘. “Go inside and settle down.”

Y/N followed reluctantly, wrinkling her nose at the potent stench of alcohol and neglect. The four took a table and ate their food in silence. Y/N looked up from her food at almost spat out the drink she’d just sipped.

At the bar, in a simple but adorable blue dress, was the prettiest girl Y/N had ever seen. Her hair was long and straight in a shade like a star-free sky, her brown eyes sparkled with a smile even from the multiple metres away, and her skin was a rich chocolate. 

“Mahal, she’s fucking beautiful,” Y/N whispered, though of course the Line of Durin had heard her involuntary reaction.

“Who?” Kili asked, craning his neck. Y/N smacked him.

“Oi, back off. I’m gonna go talk to her.” She went to stand, but Thorin grabbed her arm and sat her back down, arching one of his bushy eyebrows confusedly.

“After all the disinterest you’ve shown so far, why has this one maiden caught your interest?”

Y/N flushed, then brightened, then curled in on herself, full of worry. She’d realised it was the perfect moment to tell her father and brother figures that she was a lesbian, but then she remembered the previous reactions.

That’s not right. It’s unnatural. Why can’t you be like everyone else?

“I- I-” she couldn’t make the words come to her mouth. Everything inside her was frozen, stuck, whilst the world continued to stare at her with squinted eyes. She hated it, she hated it, she hated it.

Then, something changed her mind. Y/N stopped looked at Thorin for a minute (and his resting annoyed face) and directed her attention to Fili and Kili. They were both ... smiling. There was so much support and love and curiosity in their grins, it made the whispers in the back of Y/N’s mind vanish. 

She took a deep breath in. Finally ready, now.

“I’m a lesbian,” Y/N said, her tone rushed and words almost jumbling together. 

All three of them stared at her with identical confused expressions.

“What does that mean?”

Y/N had to blink rapidly at Fili’s question, then a tiny, hysterical laugh slipped out of her mouth. They didn’t know what lesbians were. After all her worry and stress ...

“It means I’m only attracted to women,” Y/N explained. “Not men.”

“Oh. Oh. That’s ...” Thorin began to say.

Y/N abruptly burst into tears. The three Durins flinched, quite startled by the sudden reaction. “Look, I-I know that a lot of people think it’s ‘unnatural’, but I want to love who I love and I don’t think that that’s w-wrong!”

She then found herself enveloped in a sudden hug by Kili. 

“I’m so sorry we were teasing you!” he said, the repentance very clear in his voice. “We didn’t know.”

Y/N closed her eyes as another tear rolled down her cheek, hugging the Dwarf back as tightly as she could. “I’m sorry for not telling you.”

“Don’t be sorry!” Fili said. “It’s understandable that you were scared, but we love you no matter what.”

Y/N stretched her arm out to the two on the other side of the table, and they gladly joined the embrace.

“Besides,” Kili said, his voice slightly muffled. “We’re, like, 90% sure that Uncle Thorin is gay.”

“Hey!”

Y/N, Fili and Kili laughed, glad that they were all happy.

lmao this was such shit anyways PLEASE KEEP REQUESTING!

#platonic #durins x reader #fili #kili #thorin #lesbian #x reader #the hobbit #submission

[monaownsmyass]

It’s Complicated/Uncomplicated - Part 1/2

Requested fic by @ineedskyecrandall (if you have any fic ideas or requests you’d like me to write, you can leave me an ask!)

Book: My Two First Loves, (after) Chapter 38

Pairing: Ava Lawrence x MC (Emma Price)

Genre: Fluff

Rating: G, none

Word count: 1,896

A/N: This takes place after Ava dropped MC off at her house after homecoming. Later, Ava asks MC out on a date. It’s technically a continuation of my previous Ava x MC fic (read here) but you don’t have to read it, all you have to know is that they share a kiss. Also, this wasn’t meant to be a two-parter but as I was writing I noticed how long it was gonna be lol so I split it up.

Tag list: @ineedskyecrandall @kamilahsayeet2063 @avalawrencefl @lovekamilahsayeed (lmk if anyone would like to be included or removed in my next fics.)

Part 2 here!

I watched as Ava's car drove away, sighing with a stupid grin on my face. God, I felt like I've been waiting for eternity for that to happen without even realising it. I quickly went to the bathroom to get changed and plopped myself onto the bed, sprawled out, that damn grin never leaving my face.

I stared at my bedroom ceiling, the fairy lights I had hung around my bedroom providing the only source of lustre. The soft glow dancing against my skin in a way that made me feel as if I were in another world. After that kiss, I'm pretty sure I was.

That kiss, it was all I was thinking about. How have I gone so long without kissing Ava? It felt as if I've always been craving to know the way her lips felt on mine. That made me think, have I always wanted this from her? Or was it a whim of the moment? So caught up in each other that kissing her was the only way I could express that intense feeling between us?

I thought back to all the times I've spent with Ava. I thought about how I accidentally tripped over myself while walking to class and Ava laughing at my clumsiness. Instead of scolding her, I was transfixed by the sound of her laugh, bright and dazzling. And that time she was comforting me as I cried into her shoulder, holding me and rubbing my back, reassuring me everything was going to be alright. I felt so safe and warm in her embrace.

Then there was that other time when we were at the beach together. I pushed her into the water and ran to shore as fast as possible while laughing. I remember my giggling stopped dead in it's track when I saw her resurfacing from the water, walking towards me like an avenging goddess. I felt nervous but at that time I thought it was because I was scared she was going to get her revenge on me. She did, by the way. Being much stronger than me, she dragged me towards the ocean and ultimately ended up lifting me and tossing me into the water.

I also thought back to the first time we had a sleepover. Both of us awkwardly trying to fit together on my single bed at that time. I've upgraded to a queen size since then because Ava started sleeping over a lot more frequently after that but at that time, we had to squeeze onto my bed that was definitely not made for two. I remember feeling anxious but excited and thinking it was because I've never been this close to anyone before, physically and emotionally.

Right before the kiss, I had recollections, moments with Ava flashing before me, passing by too quickly to process but long enough to know what I felt. However, looking deeper into them right now, I realised that that kiss wasn't because it felt right in that instance. It wasn't because we were caught up in the moment. No, it was because I have liked Ava for a while now.

My eyes widen in comprehension at my epiphany. I knew I liked her after kissing her but looking back now, it hit me that I've liked her for a long time, I just couldn't tell if it was just purely platonic or also romantic.

I’ve always liked Ava Lawrence, my best friend.

Just the thought alone made shivers run through my body. It all finally made sense now, all those unexplainable feelings I would just brush off as close friendship. I've never had a friend like her before. I mean sure, Mason and I had been friends since we were kids but I've never had this kind of connection with him or with anyone else. Except for Ava. So I'd just assume that's what inseparable friendships were like, but maybe not.

Okay, definitely not.

Still staring at my ceiling, I bit my lip as memories ran through my mind. The more I thought about it, the more I began to wonder how on earth I've never figured out sooner that I liked women in general. Subconsciously, my hand slapped down against my face at my oblivion.

"Ow!"

I probably shouldn't have done that.

I won't deny that Ava was the main girl that I always thought about but there were times where I would see a pretty girl and catch myself getting flustered or blushing or even acting shy. Well, I guess I know why now.

I rolled onto my side and looked at my phone. Noah and Mason had been blowing up my phone and I didn't even notice. I just continued to stare at the screen lighting up when a message would come in. I didn't feel like talking to either of them right now but that didn't stop my mind from spiraling once again.

Noah and Mason. My first two loves. I definitely had feelings for them, heck, I definitely loved both of them. But was I in love with either them? I cared for them both and I definitely found them incredibly attractive. But then there's also Ava, the girl that was always on my mind. Wow, this crap was confusing. But one thing wasn't, not anymore.

"I'm... bi?" I whispered into the dimly lit room.

As soon as I spoke it, it was like a flip switched in my brain. It felt right. This was who I am, this is me. I'm bisexual and it felt.. great. That dumb smile that I had as I watched Ava drive away found it's way back onto my face. Relief washed over me, incredibly comforted by the idea that I figured one part of the puzzle that was my life.

My phone lit up and buzzed again, the different ringtone catching my attention. It was Ava's personal ringtone. During our first sleepover, she insisted that we set special ringtones for ourselves on each other's phone. Reason being that even if we were near our phones but weren't on it, we could tell that the other was thinking of us, wanting to talk to us. The idea back then made me blush and it still worked it's wonders now. Years later, we still haven't changed it.

I immediately grabbed my phone off the nightstand and opened the message.

‘Hey, nerd, you still up?’ the message read.

Seeing the term of endearment made me let out an involuntary grin. I knew she meant it lovingly because I do the same to her.

‘Yeah, I was just thinking,’ I replied.

‘About?’

I paused. Should I admit that I was thinking about her? Screw it!

‘You.’

I saw her typing a reply and then stopping. I began worrying if I shouldn't have been so upfront before a message popped up.

‘I was thinking about you too. About that kiss.’

My heart leapt from my chest, the smile on my face grew wider as I read the message over and over again.

‘I miss you,’ I wrote back.

‘I just saw you, loser.’ I could almost hear and see her giggling at my text. The image caused butterflies to dance in my tummy. ‘But yeah, I miss you too...’

‘I wish you were here,’ I responded and I didn't realise how true that was until I typed it out. It suddenly felt much colder in my room, much too big despite having the smallest room in the house.

‘Me too,’ her text read back. I rested my phone against my chest and let out a deep exhale. I just wanted to hold onto her again like I did after our kiss. The idea made my heartbeat increase rapidly.

I lifted my phone and saw her typing again. ‘Not to ruin the mood or whatever, but I have to know, what do Mason and Noah mean to you? What do I mean to you?’

Funny how my heart went from pumping like crazy to almost stopping entirely. In fact, it sank down to my stomach. How was I gonna answer her when I didn't even know myself?

‘Ava... I care about them but I care about you too, and you know that. And I definitely see you as more than my best friend if that’s what you want to hear.’

‘More like what? Sisters?’

I scrunched up my nose. ‘Eww, that's so gross! I don't kiss my sister on the lips!’

Once again, I could hear her unadulterated laugh, a laugh that could brighten anyone's day. ‘Lol then be more specific.’

Of course she'd make me spell it out for her, she has always been so demanding and persistent. I admired that about her. ‘Fine, I see you as someone I could be with, romantically. As someone I could date. I can imagine us together in the long run. You by my side, as my other half. I can see you as my girlfriend.’ I hesitated before sending the next text. ‘But my feelings are complicated... ‘cuz I don't think you're the only one I feel that way about, and I don't know who's the right one for me.’

After I hit send, it occurred to me that maybe I shouldn't have done that, that I may have blown my chance at being with Ava. But then it hit me. I knew Ava wasn't gonna stop being my friend and I had two great guys as alternatives. So why did I care so much if she takes it the wrong way and stops pursuing me?

I saw the screen of my phone light up with another notification from Ava.

‘Let me help you uncomplicate your feelings then. Can I take you out tomorrow evening? On a date?’

A sense of relief washed over me, thrilled by the prospect that she still wanted me. I knew what she meant, but I just wanted to make sure. ‘We've been on many dates before.’

‘I know but I mean it this time. A proper date, not a friend date.’

My heart started beating so fast I was sure I was going to go into cardiac arrest.

‘I'd love that!’ I quickly shot back. I was elated that she didn't back down from wanting something more out of our friendship.

‘Oh, thank god.’

I giggled to myself, happy to be reassured that she was just as nervous as I felt.

‘I really want to hear your voice,’ I confessed.

‘Me too,’ she replied. ‘But it's getting pretty late, you should sleep.’

‘Ava :(’

‘Haha, sorry beautiful, but we have a big day planned ahead of us tomorrow so you should rest.’

‘You’ve already planned what we’re gonna do tomorrow?’

‘Let’s just say I’ve thought about it. Now go to bed.��

‘Alright, fine, good night I guess :(’ I typed back sulkily even though I was smiling so hard.

‘Sweet dreams, Emma<3.’

I send her back a heart in reply and finally put my phone down on the nightstand again. Once more, I found myself staring at the ceiling, wondering how the heck I was supposed to go to sleep now when my heart felt like a roller coaster and when butterflies were invading my tummy.

Eventually, after hours or tossing and turning, I finally drifted off the sleep with a small smile on my lips and Ava on my mind.

(More fics!)

#next part is their first date :) #ava lawrence #ava x mc #mtfl: ava #ava mtfl #mtfl #my two first loves #noah harris #mason jennings #this is for my fellow starving wlw players #choices: mtfl #mtfl choices #choices #choices: stories you play #pb #pixelberry #mtfl fanfiction #choices fanfiction

[bithewhat]

The ‘biness’ spectrum: Few days out of the closet

3-4 days ago I didn’t even realize I was in a closet, I had no inkling of it. The suddenly within the span of 24 hours not only there was a closet surrounding me, at the same time I stepped out of it, with all my fears. To be honest, within these few days I have just tip-toed near the door because it is terrifying. I hold on to the door as though that’s my only hope through all the confusion and understanding. This definitely is not true and not healthy- I cannot un-bi, I cannot deny a part which has existed for long inside of me. 

Now, a part of coming out which I didn’t realise was- reclaiming personal memories. The moment I realised I was bisexual, my mind went back to all those moments when I developed a crush on women and mistook it for only infatuations (or a phase). My mind took my back to all those childhood indications/teen ‘infatuations’/ and adult ignorance which surrounded my sexuality. Thinking of those and knowing them has been increasingly overwhelming- not only because of the feelings they arouse, but the denial I underwent and suffocated under heteronormativity- which was only broken by a global fucking pandemic. It took a global pandemic to make me recognize and recognize my bisexuality.

These days have been eventful, because now when I look at women, my relationship with them is much better than it used to be. There’s no underlying frustration, jealousy, or dismissiveness. I  can now see a woman, and I can actually experience what I want to and enjoy the feeling. It is so freeing and real. My biness becomes real with each interaction between me and my body & me and others. But, after living as a heterosexual  for good 23 years of my life, this isn’t easy.

The thing that I have been struggling with excessively for over 2 days is validity of my ‘biness’. There’s this prolonged anxiety regarding how do I ‘show’ my ‘biness’, ‘perform’ my ‘biness’ because the pre-hetero part of me constantly looks for legitimacy (which isn’t required). I don’t fear the legitimacy which the outside world will demand from me. I am not afraid of the validity which a variety of different people expect me to provide them. However, this internal tangle between my previous and my ‘new’ self is debilitating. Surrounding myself with people from the community, talking about it with them and my loved ones has helped me immensely. Even researching and knowing bisexuality better has helped me articulate my anxieties & fears. 

Finally accepting my identity helped me realise that it is only 20% of the battle won. The rest 60% for me, is a battle with my former self, and the remaining I am sure will be stolen by the world. This battle with the ‘self’ is consuming and exhausting. There is no spectrum in terms of biness, I am not more/less attracted to a man/woman & I don’t want to feel obligated to find everyone attractive just because I am bisexual. This understanding and this grip is something difficult to get, especially after recognizing my orientation after so long. This toxic self-negating of valid experience, both previous & current, is exhausting. I don’t know why this conflict exists, but I know I have to fight it to be my true self.

After watching countless YouTube videos, cribbing with almost 4-5 people, and internally screaming- I believe, my bisexuality doesn’t need to be the only thing that defines me. Sure it is an important part of me, but not an all-compassing part of me. Like other parts of my identity, even bisexuality will be normalised, and it will get easier, where I will be able to form my opinions, my knowledge, and my own sense of it- adding further meaning to my experiences. The world wouldn’t be confusing and new to navigate, but spaces will be reclaimed by me. All it needs is a little time, which is a huge thing to demand from an impatient person like myself, but oh well. 

I eagerly look forward to this- a step towards a life where I have nothing remaining to ‘prove’ my former self and completely divorce my bisexuality from it- setting myself free.

#bisexual #bi #lgbtqindia #lgbtq #coming out #queer #bisexual women #queerindia

[ashtray-girl]

By Grand Central Station I Sat Down And Wept and its role in Morrissey’s lyricism

PLOT This is a short prose poetry novel in which author Elizabeth Smart recounts her love affair with married poet George Barker (even though she began writing it years before they met). Said affair lasted 18 years and she bore 4 of his 15 children, whom he had from several different women.

The novel is divided in 10 parts, so I’ll proceed by summing up each one of them while also highlighting the parts which I think are relevant to the Morrissey discourse.

DISCLAIMER: even though there isn’t much of a plot to spoil (the focus is placed almost entirely on the narrator’s feelings and in the way they’re expressed), I am gonna quote extensively from every chapter so keep that in mind if you intend to read the book for yourself.

PART I The protagonist is waiting at the bust station for the man she loves to collect her (she never names him btw) but when he finally comes he’s with his wife and it’s her that the protagonist sees first.

“But then it is her eyes that come forward out of the vulgar disembarkers to reassure me that the bus has not disgorged disaster: her madonna eyes, soft as the newly-born, trusting as the untempted. And, for a moment, at that gaze, I am happy to forego my future, and postpone indefinitely the miracle hanging fire. […] Behind her he for whom I have waited for so long, who has stalked so unbearably through my nightly dreams.”

It’s interesting to note the way she talks about her. Even though she’s wildly in love with this man, she never badmouths her. On the contrary, throughout the story she seems to have a good opinion of her.

“I see she can walk across the leering world and suffer injury only from the ones she loves. But I love her and her silence is propaganda for sainthood.”

You know what all of this reminds me of? The time Angie collected Morrissey at the station to take him to Johnny’s house, a few days after Johnny had knocked on Morrissey’s door and they’d talked about forming a band. Did he expect it would be Johnny who’d come and pick him up? Did he know he had a girlfriend?

“So we drive along the Californian coast singing together, and I entirely renounce him for only her peace of mind.”

I don’t know if the narrator shares Morrissey’s fascination with cars (I don’t even think the two things are necessarily related), but it’s worth pointing out how some of the most important and dramatic scenes of the book happen in a car.

“Why do I not jump off this cliff where I lie sickened by the moon? I know these days are offering me only murder for my future. It is not just the creeping fingers of the cold that dissuade me from action, and allow me to accept the hypocritical hope that there may be some solution. Like Macbeth, I keep remembering that I am their host. So it’s tomorrow’s breakfast rather than the future’s blood that dictates fatal forbearance. Nature, perpetual whore, distracts with the immediate.”

Look at this entire paragraph and tell me it isn’t the most Morrissey thing you’ve ever read. Also, does any part of it sound familiar? Well, let’s look at the lyrics for Shakespeare’s Sister:

Young bones groan, and the rocks below say “Throw your skinny body down, son"

But I'm going to meet the one I love So please don't stand in my way Because I'm going to meet the one I love No, mama, let me go

Young bones groan and the rocks below say "Throw your white body down"

But I'm going to meet the one I love At last, at last, at last! I'm going to meet the one I love

Then the protagonist gets to the couple’s house and her sudden proximity to the man she loves brings the feelings she’s been trying to repress right back to the surface:

“The Beginning lurks uncomfortably on the outskirts of the circle, like an unpopular person whom ignoring can keep away. The very silence, the very avoiding of any intimacy between us, when he, when he was only a word, was able to cause me sleepless nights and shivers of intimation, is the more dangerous. Our seeming detachment gathers strength. I sit back impersonally and say, I see human vanity, or feel myself full of gladness because there is a gentleness between him and her, or even feel irritation because he lets her do too much of the work, sits lolling whilst she chops wood for the stove.”

There’s an unmistakable feeling of impeding doom, as if she knows that even though nothing physical has happened between them yet, she’s sealed her own deal just by being there with him and it’s only a matter of time before the inevitable strikes.

“While we drive along the road in the evening, talking as impersonally as a radio discussion, he tells me: ‘A boy with green eyes and long lashes, whom I had never seen before, took me into the back of a printshop and made love to me, and for two weeks I went around remembering the numbers on bus conductors’ hats.’ ‘One should love beings whatever their sex’, I reply, but withdraw into the dark with my obstreperous shape of shame, offended with my own flesh which cannot metamorphose into a printshop boy with armpits like chalices.”

So there you have it: Meaningful Car Scene n°1. He confesses he had a homosexual experience (and he enjoyed it, or so it seems) and she’s jealous but not outraged or disgusted, which is quite a big deal if you think this book was first published in 1945. (It’s also worth noting that, in her later years, Elizabeth Smart had affairs with both men and women). Another thing I noticed as I was writing this is that sentence, “remembering the numbers on bus conductors’ hats”, which reminded me of that line in Phoney:

Who can make Hitler Seem like a bus conductor? You do, oh Phoney you do

It’s probably just a coincidence, but I found it funny nonetheless.

“He kissed my forehead driving along the coast in the evening, and now, wherever I go, like the sword of Damocles, that greater never-to-be-given kiss hangs above my doomed head. He took my hand between the two shabby front seats of the Ford, and it was dark, and I was looking the other way, but now that hand casts everywhere an octopus shadow from which I can never escape. The tremendous gentleness of that moment smothers me under; […] I stand on the edge of the cliff, but the future is already done.”

Meaningful Car Scene n°2. There’s a first attempt at physical contact and by now he seems to have realised she has feelings for him, so he’s trying to see how far he can push himself with her.

Now, I’m just gonna go ahead and say it: I feel like something very similar to this may have happened between Johnny and Morrissey. The reason why I decided to write this analysis is because, once I read the book, I fully realised the pervasiveness of its influence in many of the lyrics Morrissey wrote while he was in The Smiths (especially during the Meat Is Murder era) and in the first years of his solo career but, as much as people talked about it, I feel like they never went deep enough. The way I see it, Morrissey had every reason to relate to the protagonist, even though she’s a woman. Someone who falls deeply in love with a married man (with bisexual tendencies, it seems) and is quite concerned with the ethics of what she’s doing but at the same time is very certain of her feelings for him. The man, on the other hand, seems to have a much more ambiguous attitude, accepting her love but also wanting to keep a respectable façade by staying with his wife. If we assume that Morrissey did harbour romantic feelings for Johnny, it’s easy to see why he would choose this book as a way to sublimate them, especially if we consider how the queer factor would’ve made them even less acceptable in the eyes of society.

But going back to the book… what about the man’s wife?

“By day she obeys the voice of love as the stricken obey their god, and she walks with the light step of hope which only the naive and the saints know. […] He also is bent towards her in an attitude of solicitude. Can he hear his own heart while he listens for the tenderness of her sensibilities? Is there a way at all to avoid offending the lamb of god?”

As I said before, she doesn’t seem to be especially jealous of his wife, but that may be because at the moment she’s high on the secret attentions her husband is giving her, so it’s easy for her to feel sorry for this other woman who’s being cheated on right under her own roof.

I can’t help but think about how Morrissey and Angie had their own relationship and seemed to be quite close. I mean, that must have been a bit of a weird dynamic (for Moz at least), and I wonder how they worked it out.

“I never was in love with death before, nor felt grateful because the rocks below could promise certain death. But now the idea of dying violently becomes an act wrapped in attractive melancholy, and displayed with every blandishment. For there is no beauty in denying love, except perhaps by death, and towards love what way is there? To deny love, and deceive it meanly by pretending that what is unconsummated remains eternal, or that love sublimated reaches highest to heavenly love, is repulsive, as the hypocrite’s face is repulsive when placed too near the truth. […] I might be better fooled, but can I see the light of a match while burning in the arms of the sun?”

There’s another reference to dying by throwing herself off a cliff, but the really interesting part is what comes after. The narrator rejects the idea that spiritual love is the highest form of love, which is achieved by embracing its physical side instead. It’s not enough for her to have a platonic bond with the man she loves because she wants him in mind, body and soul.

While reading this, I couldn’t help but draw some parallels:

- “Dying violently becomes an act wrapped in attractive melancholy.” → “To die by your side is such a heavenly way to die.” - “Can I see the light of a match while burning in the arms of the sun?” → “There is a light and it never goes out.”

And then, opening the penultimate paragraph of this first chapter:

“I have learned to smoke because I need something to hold on to. I dare not be without a cigarette in my hand.”

This is one of the most obvious one. If we look at the lyrics for What She Said (which is based almost entirely on this book), it’s pretty self-explanatory:

What she said: ‘I smoke ‘cause I’m hoping for a nearly death And I need to cling to something.’

PART II This part is mainly about the remorse the protagonist is feeling towards the man’s wife, who has now realised something happened between the two of them.

“Her eyes pierced all the veils that protected my imagination against ruinous knowledge. […] Is there no other channel of my deliverance except by her martyrdom?”

It’s quite interesting to note how the chapter opens with:

“God, come down […] and tell me who will drown in so much blood.”

And then, on the next page:

“I am blind, but blood, not love, blinded my eye. Love lifted the weapon but guided my crime.”

Both of these lines reminded me of the lyrics for Yes, I Am Blind:

Yes, I am blind No, I can't see The good things Just the bad things, oh...

Yes, I am blind No, I can't see There must be something Horribly wrong with me?

God, come down If you're really there Well, you're the one who claims to care

It then goes on:

“… she whom I have injured, and whose agony it is my penalty to watch, lies gasping, but still living, on the land.”

- “Gasping, but still living.” → “Gasping, but somehow still alive.” (Well I Wonder)

PART III The narrator spends most of this chapter gushing about how in love she is with this man, who in the meantime has followed her back home to spend some time with her (though it’s not clear whether he has left his wife for her or not.)

“Even the precise geometry of his hand, when I gaze at it, dissolves me into water and I flow away in a flood of love.”

(I have nothing to say about this line except that I like it and that I can’t help but imagine Morrissey staring at Johnny’s hands as he picks the chords of his guitar, thinking these exact same thoughts.)

“When the Ford rattles up to the door, five minutes (five years) late, and he walks across the lawn under the pepper-trees, I stand behind the gauze curtains, unable to move to meet him, or to speak, as I turn to liquid to invade his every orifice when he opens the door.”

Yet another reference to his car. Also yeah, you’re wet for him, we get it.

“And there is so much for me, I am suddenly so rich, and I have done nothing to deserve it, to be so overloaded. All after such a desert. All after I had learnt to say, I am nothing, and I deserve nothing. […] It has happened, the miracle has arrived, everything begins today, […] all the paraphernalia of existence, all my sad companions of these last twenty years, […] all the world solicits me with joy, leaps at me electrically, claiming its birth at last.”

I can’t help but think about how similarly Morrissey must have felt after Johnny knocked on his door, after having spent his last twenty years in much the same way the narrator had, feeling lonely and isolated.

I mean, he even said so himself:

“He appeared at a time when I was deeper than the depths, if you like. And he provided me with this massive energy boost. I could feel Johnny’s energy just seething inside of me.”

“I was there, dying, and he rescued me.”

The chapter ends with this sentence:

“Set me as a seal upon thine heart, as a seal upon thine arm, for love is strong as death.”

Which kinda reminds me of that part in Rusholme Ruffians:

So scratch my name on your arm with a fountain pen (This means you really love me)

PART IV This is, in my opinion, the book’s most interesting chapter. What happens is, they get stopped as they’re crossing the Arizona border and once the cops realise they’re together but not married to each other, the take them to the police station, interrogate them for several hours about the nature of their relationship and then make them leave separately.

Once again, one of the most dramatic scenes takes place in a car.

I fully believe that Morrissey wrote both The Boy With The Thorn In His Side and later Late Night, Maudlin Street with this entire part in mind.

“They are taking me away in a police car […] They are prosecuting me for silence and for love […] They drove me away in a police car. […] For too much love, only for too much love. […] Are you not convinced, inspector? Do you not believe in love?”→ “They took you away in a police car / Inspector – don’t you know? Don’t you care? Don’t you know – about love?” (Late Night, Maudlin Street)

“They intercepted our love because of what was in our eyes. […] Did they see such flagrant proof and still not believe?” → “How can they see the love in our eyes and still they don’t believe us?” (The Boy With The Thorn In His Side)

I wonder who “they” were, though. I mean, we know that in the book, when she says: “They are prosecuting me for silence and for love” she clearly means the authorities, but what did Morrissey mean? Were “they” those same “people who are weaker/uglier than you and I” and those “evil people (who) prosper over the likes of you and me always”? And did he have some specific names in mind, or did he just mean society in general? As in: “They (the general public / the media / the music industry) can’t (don’t want to?) see we love each other because they’re not ready to accept that idea yet, but they’re more than happy to profit from us and our art, which is only made possible BECAUSE of that love.”

The penultimate paragraph before the end of the chapter feels especially relevant:

“All our wishes were private, we desired no more scope than ourselves. Could we corrupt the young by gazing into each other’s eyes? Would they leave their offices? Would big business suffer?”

PART V The protagonist comes back home feeling sorry for herself. Her family doesn’t approve of her relationship with a married man, but she refuses to apologise and spends most of her time contemplating nature and reminiscing about what happened.

Another quote which Morrissey probably used as inspiration for Late Night…

“Every yellow or scarlet leaf hangs like a flag waving me on.” → “Every hag waves me on / Secretly wishing me gone.”

PART VI The protagonist has an argument with her father, who’s worried about her state. Her mother doesn’t want to have anything to do with her anymore and even her brother is sceptical about the whole situation. She then reminisces about leaving Ottawa with him (she’s Canadian) and she talks at length about how they’re meant to be together no matter what. She also finds out she’s pregnant.

At the start, she mentions neighbours who warn her to stay away from him:

“The well-meaning matrons who, from their insulated living say, ‘My dear, I think you would would regret it afterwards if you broke up a marriage,’ ‘When you felt it about to happen the right thing would have been to have gone away at once.”

I wonder how many people around The Smiths were aware of Morrissey being in love with Johnny (because at this point, no one can convince me he wasn’t) and, if they were, how much did they know? Did they ever talked to him about it? Did they warn him about being cautious, about not revealing too much of his own feelings in his songs? And did they mention how bad it would look for him if he broke up a couple?

“The policeman grows fatter each day and rivals the new tanks. He blots out the doorway of the little café. A couple seeing him spills the milk at the counter, remembering what they did under the bridge last night. But the policeman is blind. He strikes only when he hears a loud noise. There are others, though, who have eyes like shifty hawks, and they prowl the streets searching for a face whereon an illegal kiss might be forming. No, there is no defence for love, and tears will only increase the crime.”

Here she’s talking about how, while in the midst of a war (the book is set in the 40s), the police (and society in general) seem to be concerned with futile things like arresting people who are doing nothing but love each other and it reminds me of a quote from Morrissey’s Autobiography:

“Men were draped with medals for killing other men yet imprisoned for loving one another.”

Later on, she makes a point of proclaiming herself ready to take their relationship as it is, without expecting much of a future.

“Though this is all there is […] I accept it without tomorrows and without any lilies of promise. It is enough, the now, and though it comes without anything, it gives me everything. […] But as long as the accessories are such now as to make me over-armed with weapons to combat the antagonistic world, even if a thousand programs go wrong, I won’t lament that past I was when I could see no future.”

She then tries to dissipate any doubts he might have about their relationship (because it looks as if he’s already starting to second-guess himself) by repeatedly reassuring him that she’s the one for him and that, as much as he tries, he can’t escape that fact.

“Remember I am not temptation to you, but everything is which inclines you away. Nor are you to me, but my entire goal. Sometimes you see this as clearly as I do now, for you say, ‘Do you think if I didn’t I could have…?’”.

I wonder… if Johnny hadn’t already been with Angie when he knocked on Morrissey’s door, would things have panned out differently for them? Would they have dared to take their relationship to the next level in spite of society’s backlash?

“Do you see me then as the too-successful one, like a colossus whose smug thighs rise obliviously out of sorrow? Or as the detestable all-female, who grabs and devours, invulnerable with greed? Alas, these are your sins, your garments of shame, and not the blond-sapling boys with blue eye-shadow leaning amorously towards you in the printshop.”

Leaving aside the fact that this man is garbage, she’s obviously anxious to reassure him that it’s not his bisexuality that saddens her, but the fact that he sees her as a threat.

Also that line, “grabs and devours”, will then be used by Morrissey in The Headmaster Ritual:

He grabs and devours He kicks me in the showers Kicks me in the showers And he grabs and devours

By the end of the chapter though, her words of comfort are starting to sound ominous:

“Only remember: I am not the ease, but the end. I am not to blind you but to find you. What you think is the sirens singing to lure you to your doom is only the voice of the inevitable, welcoming you after so long a wait. I was made only for you.”

PART VII The man has a breakdown and he’s interned in a psych facility. She tries to go and see him, but his wife is already there. He’d previously written her a letter, asking her to take him back. The protagonist leaves and when she comes back a few days later they leave together, but when she tries to confront him about the letter he refuses to listen to her. They have a fight and she ends up capitulating because he’s still ill and she wants to believe him when he tells her she’s the only one.

“My love, why did you leave me on Lexington Avenue in the Ford that had no breaks?” This line reminds me a bit of Break Up The Family, when Morrissey says:

Hailstones, driven home In a car – no breaks? I don’t mind

Which coincidentally is what’s happening in this chapter: the honeymoon phase is clearly over, he’s having troubles with his guilty conscience and he deals with them by distancing himself from her, even though she’s expecting his child.

PART VIII He and his wife move to London where the war is raging and, after a while, the protagonist follows them. She stays in a dingy hotel and he occasionally visits her to have sex with her, but by now it’s clear that he has no intention of leaving his wife for her, so they often fight and every day she’s getting more and more desperate and isolated.

The chapter opens with the line:

“His brother and his mother and his grandmother lie abandoned in death on the stones of the London Underground.”

This vaguely reminds me once again of Late Night…

You gran died And you mother died On Maudlin Street In pain and ashamed With never time to say Those special things

“Bombs are bigger, but the human brains they burst remain the same. It is the faces we once kissed that are being smashed in the English coastal towns, the hand we shook that are swept up with the debris […] and love still uproots the heart better than an imagined landmine.”

This paragraph makes me think of Ask:

Because if it’s not love Then it’s the bomb, the bomb, the bomb, the bomb The bomb, the bomb That will bring us together

In the meantime, their relationship is going sour and the protagonist feels they’re reaching a breaking point.

“When the ship cracks in the typhoon, we cover our heads and tell ourselves that all will resolve back to normal. But we are unbelieving. This time may not be like the other times that with time grew into cheerful anecdotes. […] O where does he stalk like a horse in pastures very far afield? I cannot hear him, and silence writes more terrible things than he can ever deny. Is there a suspicion the battle is lost? Certainly he killed me fourteen nights in succession.”

I can’t help but think about how Morrissey must have felt when Johnny told him he wanted to leave The Smiths. People around him (Stephen Street, Grant Showbiz) thought he was going to kill himself and the fact that Johnny then went on holiday and never made contact with him must have alarmed him even more. He’d first thought the situation could be repaired, but by then he must’ve realised the end was upon them.

“He did the one sin which Love will not allow. […] He did sin against Love, and though he says it was in Pity’s name, and that Pity was only fighting a losing battle with Love, he was useless to Pity, and in wavering, injured Love, which was, after all, what he staked all for, all he had, ungamblable.”

From what I gather, he went back to his wife because he felt sorry for her and the protagonist can’t accept that because in her eyes their love was everything that mattered and everything they had.

Now: as I said before, I think Morrissey was inspired by this book because he saw himself in it. I think he must’ve found many similarities between the protagonist’s situation and his own, both of them in love with a married man who doesn’t seem to know what to do with himself. Johnny and Angie split for a brief period in 1983, when The Smiths went on their first USA tour, and I’ve seen a few people speculate that if something physical happened between Morrissey and Johnny, it may very well have happened then. Morrissey may have taken advantage of the fact that Johnny was free and overcame his fears by making the first move. Or maybe, Johnny was the one who, once aware of Morrissey’s feelings for him, decided to take the bull by its horns. I don’t know. Nobody does. What I wonder is… once Johnny went back to Angie, how did Morrissey feel? Because I don’t think he was all that thrilled. Did he think he did it out of pity, like the protagonist of the book did? If something had happened between them on that tour, did he feel used? Did he feel mildly outraged? Did he resign himself to consider it a one-night stand and nothing more, even though his feelings for Johnny clearly went deeper than that? It’s also worth noticing how the references to this book start to spring up in his lyrics from Meat Is Murder onwards, that is, after that tour in 1983.

“How can I put love up to my hopes so suicidal and wild-eyed when the matter is too simple and too plain: it is her tears he feels trickling over his breast each night; it is for her he feels the concern; and the pity, after all, not the love, fills his twenty-four hours. Perhaps I am his hope. But then she is his present. And if then she is his present, I am not his present. Therefore, I am not, and I wonder why no one has noticed I am dead and taken the trouble to bury me. […] For even if he loves me, he is in her arms. O the fact, the unalterable fact: it is she he is with: he is with her: he is not with me because he is sleeping with her.”

For me, this might be the most heartbreaking part of the book. The protagonist knows that no matter what she tells herself, when he’s done with her he comes home to his wife while she’s stuck in a hotel room in a country which is not her own.

That line, “I wonder why no one has noticed I am dead and taken the trouble to bury me”, also crops up right at the beginning of What She Said:

What she said: “How come someone hasn’t noticed that I’m dead And decided to bury me? God knows, I’m ready!”

Which makes me think Morrissey must have somehow related to this part. “He loves me, but he’s still with her.” “He has martyred me, but for no cause, nor has he any idea of the size and consequence of my wounds. Perhaps he will never know, for to say, You killed me daily and O most especially nightly, would imply blame. I do not blame, nor even say, You might have done this or this rather than that. I even say, You must do that, you have to do it, there is no alternative, urging my own murder. […] If ever again he lets those nights happen, or dallies with remorse for past sins to others while sinning most dangerously against me, I shall be unrevivable. I shall, whether I want to or not, be struck dead with the fact. And he may clothe it in all humanity’s most melting colours, and pity, and sympathy, and call on love to be kind, and I too shall pray, Let me be kind, but it will be no good.”

This entire thing reinforces my first thought, which is: Morrissey and Johnny at one point had a one-night stand (“It was a good lay, good lay...”), except for Morrissey there were much stronger feelings attached to it.

As hurt as she is, the protagonist doesn’t blame the man for going back to his wife and she even encourages him, because she recognises that, at the end of the day, it’s the best course of action for everyone involved. What she wishes wouldn’t happen again are those nights, coupled with him badmouthing her to others out of remorse for his own actions.

If we once again consider the queer factor in the relationship between Morrissey and Johnny, it wouldn’t surprise me if Morrissey followed the same reasoning when Johnny went back to Angie because, as much as Morrissey loved him, he wouldn’t be able to give him the stability of a straight relationship. (That isn’t to say Johnny didn’t love Angie, btw. I’m sure he loved her deeply and he still does, but I also think at the time some internal conflict was present because, on some level, he reciprocated Morrissey’s feelings.)

That last line, “… and call on love to be kind, and I too shall pray, Let me be kind” reminds me of I Know It’s Over:

It takes strength to be gentle and kind

This can be applied to many situations, but I feel like it becomes especially relevant in the context of the love of your life leaving you for someone else, who you also care about.

PART IX The protagonist goes back home to Canada and has to face the invasive questioning of neighbours who see her with a big belly but no wedding ring. After a while though, she realises she must see the man she loves and so she leaves to meet him once again.

“I am lonely. I cannot be a female saint. I want the one I want. He is the one I picked out from the world. I picked him out in cold deliberation. But the passion was not cold. It kindled me. It kindled the world. Love, love, give my heart ease, put your arms round me, give my heart ease. Feel the little bastard.”

- “I want the one I want.” → “I want the one I can’t have.” - “Put your arms round me.” → “All I ask of you is one thing that you never do / Would you put your arms around me? (I won’t tell anyone).” (Tomorrow)

PART X The final chapter opens with the line that gave the book its title: “By Grand Central Station I sat down and wept.” He didn’t come to collect her, so she has a breakdown right in the middle of the station. The ending is kind of confusing. It looks as if she resigns herself to go back to him just to have sex with him, and she tries to convince herself everything is fine, but it clearly isn’t.

Elizabeth Smart went back to George Barker time and time again, even though their relationship was dysfunctional to say the least and they were both very damaged, egotistical individuals. He cheated on her repeatedly but she loved him nonetheless, so I guess it would make sense for the book to end like this as well.

“They obey the glint in the middle of my glazed eye, for it is the fierce last stand of all I have.” → “Gasping - but somehow still alive / This is the fierce last stand of all I am.” (Well I Wonder)

“I wanted only one thing. I gave you the full instructions. The name, I spelt it out in letters as long as a continent, even the address, the address that makes waterfalls of my blood because it is also her address. I said quite plainly and loudly: This is what I want. I want this, and I don’t want any bonus. Just give me this and I’ll pay any price you ask. I made no reservations. You took advantage of this. I never grudged. But, Sir, so what I plead is just – what are you stalling for? There is no more to give.”

This entire paragraph reminds me of Please, Please, Please Let Me Get What I Want.

“He hangs, damp with his impotent tears, nailed by one hand to Love and by the other one to Pity.”

This man is split between love and duty and can’t seem to be able to make a decision, with everyone suffering as a consequence, including him. That’s what the protagonist sees. What I see is a man who likes to have his ego stroked and doesn’t mind a bit of drama. It’s not that he’s unable to make a decision, he just doesn’t want to.

“Is it possible he cannot hear me when he lies so close, so lightly asleep? […] My dear, my darling, do you hear me when you sleep?”

These parts were clearly used by Morrissey as inspiration for the lyrics of Well I Wonder (which, like What She Said, was based almost entirely on this book – I even think they were written back to back.)

Well I wonder Do you hear me when you sleep?

“This is the very room he chose instead of Love. Let it be quiet and full of healing. […] It is the cursed comfort he preferred to my breast. The one who shares it weeps silently in corners, is tender unnoticed, and makes his necessary tea. ‘Have you seen my notebook, dear?’ ‘It is under the desk, my sweet.’ Give it to him, O my gentle usurper, whom I also have usurped, my enemy whom I have both killed and been killed by. […] He also is drowning in the blood of too much sacrifice. Lay aside the weapons, love, for all battles are lost.”

At last he’s made his choice and if we’ve learned something from history it’s that a man’s comfort will always be more important than a woman’s safety and peace of mind.

FINAL COMMENTS As I said before, one of the reasons I think Morrissey was inspired by this book is that he found its story to be relatable, but it’s not just that. The language, as you may have noticed by reading some of its quotes, is quite poetic, abstract and melodramatic, with a major focus on introspection and an underlying sense of pervasive melancholy. This is an artistic quality that both Morrissey and Johnny had in common, even though they expressed it differently: one through his lyrics, the other through his sound. Ultimately, I think Morrissey found By Grand Central Station… very useful creatively and personally. Creatively because it gave him the inspiration to write some of his best songs (also, here’s a reminder that both Moz and Johnny declared Well I Wonder as one of their favourite Smiths’ songs at some point), and personally because it provided him with an outlet to confront his feelings for Johnny, which I think must have been quite tumultuous. With a shortage of LGBT media which was even more prevalent in the 80s, queer people often had to read between the lines of straight stories to find something to relate to, and I feel like that’s what Morrissey did. Personally, after reading it I found myself surprised by the superficiality with which most people (biographers, reviewers etc.) talked about its role in Morrissey’s lyrics, because clearly there’s so much more to it than stealing a line here and there. It’s also about him feeling invested in a story because it spoke to him and it represented him, at least partially, in an era when anyone who didn’t fit in with society’s standards of what it meant to be a man or a woman might as well not have existed at all.

#the smiths #morrissey #johnny marr #marrissey #by grand central station i sat down and wept #elizabeth smart

[telling-our-stories]

Coming out stories

A heads-up. These are the original stories, however, they are anonymous. This wasn't intentional, I just screwed up and didn't tag. These stories, aren't mine, so if I've posted yours and you want it taken down. Please, just ask me.

Alright.

I am tired of people who are against the LGBTQ+ community. Its alright to have an opinion. It is not alright to put people down for being themselves. The first pride was a riot, a fight for what they believe in. I'm trying to do the same. I'm trying to gather the stories of the fallen, the ones who are still standing, the people who are willing to fight for everything they are. And I am fully willing to take a stand and fight to prove we exist. To prove that we're here, and we aren't backing down.

Hello, my name is Dustyn. I'm here today to collect stories from the LGBTQ+ community. There's a lot of people who are against us, which is exactly why we need to stand our ground. I'm not asking for a fight, I'm asking for your stories. My story is not yet finished, though I'm a bisexual trans male. Our stories are important, because they show who we are and how far we've come. I've struggled a lot in my life, but I've made it. So have others. Here are some of those stories. We'll start with mine. I've gone through many identities, mostly trying to figure myself out. I'm still doing that. My family doesn't accept me for me, but I have many friends who do. There are so many accepting people in life, and I appreciate all of you who are proud to be who you are. Whether closeted or not, you are all valid and amazing.

"Hello my name is Melissa and i am bisexual. My family didn't really have a harsh reaction to it other than the fact that they didn't understand it at first. That was most of my trouble was people saying that bisexual wasnt valid. Im sorry mine is so short but i think the moral is that you are valid. No matter what you identify as on any spectrum in the LGBTQ+ community. Also even if your outside of the LGBTQ+ community and your just an ally. We love you and you are all valid.”

"Salutations everyone. My name is Talan. I am non binary, panromantic and i am currently between asexual and demisexual. I was raised in a very christian household where my mother and father had very strict beliefs. They believed that being anything but straight and to me being anything other than my assigned gender was a sin, and many people still say that to me. When I came out to my dad he flipped, he took me out of school for a year and put me in online school. During this time in my life I had reached a dark time where i thought that it was never going to get better but trust me it does. I am still living with my dad who does not accept me and at this point we don't talk that much, but it does get better. We have gotten to the point where we can have a civil conversation with each other and im back in school. I have an amazing girlfriend and multiple qpps who i love very much. Everybody at school is very loving and supporting. Remember that family is not chosen for you, you make your own family. If you ever feel down than just know that there are so many amazing and kind people in the world who love you for who you are, no matter what that may be. You are loved."

“I'm glad you reached out to me, anything to help people understand more about the LGBTQ+ community. I am 19 now and I came out to my family at the age of 14. My parents were the typical ones who said it was just a phase and it would not last but here I am five years later and I made it through. There was a point where I had no one to turn to but then i met my amazing boyfriend. He helped me through the good and the bad and showed me that there were things to stay for. I am now in college and pursuing a career in photography at the University of Arizona. I hope that could help a bit!”

"Okay. Well. My coming out experience was definitely not expected in the slightest. I was in the 5th grade. Realizing that I liked both boys and girls was quite the revelation. I had a lesbian friend who was the first ever gay person I met or knew. I remember being backstage of a show I was in and just crying through the words, "I know I'm supposed to love guys, but I love girls too". After that. I didn't tell anyone else, until 6th grade. I was a track meet and a group of people I sat with was talking to my lesbian friend about kissing. I forget the exact conversation, but I spoke up and said I would kiss her. A Christian girl in my class was nearby and heard. She was disgusted. Therfore by the end of the week, I was completely outed to my entire school. It was ugly, but it got better over time I guess. I'm a junior in high school now. I have yet to come out to my parents, but at least I know that I am finally comfortable in my my sexual orientation and gender identify (demigirl, which I didn't figure out until a few short months ago)."

"Hey, I haven't actually come out to everyone yet but I have told a few people and all of their reactions were positive "oh you're bi? cool" and that was it. No "so do you like me?" or anything which was super great. So I was "straight" and when I heard about the LGBT community I was "straight" for about another five days. I did some thinking and realised I'd actually liked girls before, and shortly after came out as bi to a few of my close friends at the time. They were all supportive, bar one who said "you're just looking for attention lmao".Coincidentally, she had also come out as pan and had received the usual "you're attracted to pans?". I go to a Christian school, so it would be pretty disastrous if the news leaked out, but naturally it did. Not everyone knows, maybe about 10% of my grade. I suspect some teachers found out about how some people were LGBT (not many though, there's about 5 of us), because our dean of year gave the "you're too young to know that" talk. Mostly at school we get sheltered from all LGBT news and details at all, and my parents hadn't told me much about it either, even though they are supportive and would be okay if I came out as bi."

"I'm bisexual. I first came out to my elementary friends over the phone 3 years after we went to different middle schools. They were mostly all so accepting and I was so overwhelmed I hung up on them. I spent a few minutes laying on the ground clutching that phone to my chest, I'd never felt so loved. I cried and cried and cried because these people atleast the ones who accepted me see me different now but are okay with it. Two years later, now, I still haven't come out to my parents. I still need a few years but I'm a little bit more open at school now most of my friends accept me. Others were cut off, I can't do that with my family so they still don't know. Not as if they would take me seriously either way. I want to get past college get a place a stable life then maybe I'll be ready, just maybe. Thank you for listening to my story."

"I was surrounded by my Uncle and his husband for years. I always knew that gay people existed. When I was younger I never thought anything different of myself; I thought I was one of the boys.

 It never really clicked that I was the only one who saw it that way.

When I was 7, my mother and sister suggested I take dance I shot them down saying "that's for girls."

They didn't get it.

I wasn't entirely sure what came over me in that moment either but I know it felt right.

As myself and the people I knew grew up I realised I wasn't happy with the way I looked. I tossed it up as your typical dislike.

~every girl went through that at my age didn't they~

All the girls I knew were so happy that they were becoming women and I just sat in the back wondering why I didn't feel the same way.

I still didn't get it.

Once my depressed state got worse I decided to read into ways to love yourself and your body.

I started taking selfies, dressing up, wearing heels and makeup, forcing myself to sing even though I hated the way I looked and sounded.

It got worse.

I broke down when nobody was looking and acted like it was fine; like I wasn't praying that whatever I was feeling would go away for even a second.

And one day I looked in the mirror and I thought "this isnt right. This isn't me. This isn't what I want. Who in the hell is that person staring back at me?"

And I accepted it. That I would never be who I should be. That I would never be happy. Because nobody would love me. Nobody would want me. And nobody would accept me. Because if I was happy then that meant my family wouldn't have had the little girl theh thought they had gotten.

And up until recently no one knew that I broke down every night, that my thoughts got so bad I wanted to drown in my own tears so that maybe it would all be over. Because to me coming out to them was worse than death.

And here I am years later. My family knows but they don't care. They don't try to comprehend that this repression it kills me all the time. So I gathered my money got myself exactly what they told me they would never let me have and I lie. I go behind their backs and I live like the man I really am online. I bind my chest and I hide from their sight and when they ask I say it's just their eyes.

Because if they knew - if my mother knew - they would rather me suffer day after day than be who I am."

"heyo, i read your post and id like to put something to it.

i am a part of the community, havent came out to my parents yet, because i know for a fact id be sent to a psichologist or thrown out. but i am me online

an old friend of mine is a trans guy and found me a few weeks ago. he said he saw that i support LGBT+ and it was so comforting for him. a friend who i haven't talked with for 9 years!after he told me that he lost half of his family for being himself, his dad ignores him since, but he has a boyfriend and got his life together

and that i could be a little comfort for him is really nice. even the people who are closeted can be helpful in the community."

"Well, my mom took it well. I had gotten stuck in my closet and then she got me unstuck and I told her I was queer.

My brother, we were sitting in the car and he told me he always knew, but I had to keep it a secret from my dad or else bad things would happen.

My friends hugged me and started to use my name and pronounsSo coming out to my dad and stepmom, it wasn't even a coming out but a forced outage.

They took my phone away the night of a Panic attack that I still have nightmares over and searched it. They read all my messages.... everything.

I wanted to scream for it to stop, but I knew it wouldn't. They told me that they loved me, but I had to stop being me and I have to go back to being a girl who was cishet

But once you have a taste of freedom of who you really are, you can never go back ...I couldn't hide again. I just had to wait till I could spread my wings and be free somewhere else."

"Ok so for the thing you tagged me in, I don’t exactly have a coming out story yet, and I’m not sure of my identity entirely. I’ve tried out tons of labels and am sticking with queer at the moment just cuz it takes the stress off of picking an extremely definite word to describe me. I came out as queer last year, but I don’t consider it a coming out story because 1) I only told my friends and not my family, and 2) queer doesn’t completely define me. In real life, I’m doing my best to go back in the closet, but I think my “friends” may have told other people who spread rumors around my school, so it’s been difficult. A bunch of people make random references to me liking boys (I’m amab) and it made me uncomfortable enough that I started telling them I’m straight. I’m planning on staying as far in the closet as possible until people get more accepting and I understand myself fully."

"It's not a coming out story (mostly) but it's a realization of sorts.

Yesterday our Social Studies teached asked us to form groups and discuss a contemporary issue that we would present at the front in a few minutes. Long story short I suggested LGBT+ community and rights, which my group mates accepted. I live in a really conservative country (with at least 81% of the entire population identifying as Christians) and that's an extremely taboo topic. It ended up leading the teacher asking us to raise our hands if we believed the lgbt community should be allowed Civil Union, not considering religion an all. I was so afraid to raise my hand, but it was what I believed in and I couldn't live with it if I didn't show it, so I raised my hand. I didn't really do this as a member of the community, I wasn't thinking of myself. I was thinking of a world where this is accepted in my country, where I can go outside and be open and love whoever I wanted to, and I guess the idea of standing up for what I believed in was what pushed me to do that. A big majority of the class was against, and I was just so afraid even though some small logical part of me knew they would not do anything.Today, our Civics teacher had us grouped again to make a live news report and once again, my group (international news) got assigned lgbt+ community because of our listed problems yesterday. I suggested interviewing a member of the community and basically came out to two people I knew were trustworthy (nearly all three other members in that group but thank God I think the third one did not hear) and we agreed that I could be used if I only had my voice recorded and edited to not sound like me. Just a few hours ago I found out that one of my classmates, who I thought was a nice sweet boy, turned out to be a big homophobe. "Sodom and Gomora and Liberals are teaching unnatural things" kind of guy.I guess that broke something in me, because another thing I was really passionate about for when I grew up was this certain job, though no one supported me. I used to want to do that so much the idea of anything else repelled me, sometimes the idea of the other more "acceptable" jobs brought me to tears. Somehow this one admission that I thought everyone should have the right to at least a civil union and finding out my classmates didn't believe in that crushed something in me hard enough that I lost the passion to do that job I wanted. It makes no sense how this connected with that apart from the fact that neither are things I have been or would be supported on, but I guess seeing that this world isn't really safe made me lose hope.I felt scared to raise my hand, almost like I was actually coming out (which I now realize I'm absolutely never doing to many of those people) and the realization that some place I thought was a safe space for me, because all of those people in that class, I thought I could trust them. I've been with them since before I could spell "friend" correctly, they're family to me, I believed I would be safe and accepted, and then came to find out that wasn't quite the case...But well, basically I was terrified then crushed to find out that I could have outted myself to a group of people who would not take my news lightly

Found out some people I thought were friends thought people like me were broken

Found out some people I used to have the biggest crushes on didn't even believe in letting people have a civil union."

"I’m very excited to see brave people like you ready to start a revolution, so I thought I’d share my, sorta, coming out experience.

So I have divorced parents meaning I’d have to come out to four parents. This happened mainly last year. I was pretty sure I was bi, (tho I now identify panromantic demigirl) I knew my dad and stepmom would be great with it, and they were. But when it came to my mother, well, she wasn’t really homophobic, but she had different ideas about how a gay person should behave. She outed me to her after overhearing a convo with my friends. She then told me I was too young, and gave the “its a phase” talk. She knew I was fairly open about it because I lived by a motto to “be so myself that other people feel brave enough to be themselves too” But she believed a gay person should keep it a secret. Nowadays I don’t believe in the process of “coming out” I am open about my sexuality and gender but I don’t do formal coming outs. I always believed that if straights don’t have to, neither should I just because I “don’t fit a default” My mother wants me to come out to my stepfather even tho he already knows. I thought sharing a coming out story that also showed you should never feel obligated to come out. My mother guilt trips me about it, but I remain rooted in my beliefs that I shouldn’t have to come out, which I think is valid.

Hope my story can help anyone and just wanna say you are so so valid, amazing and powerful and should never feel pressured to be open if you don’t want to. Long live the revolution!!!🏳️‍🌈."

"Hello! I read your post about collecting LGTBQA+ stories and I thought Id share my brief experiences as a bi girl from Germany ^^

Tbh I never made a big deal about coming out, as I personally feel it goes to show that we're revealing a wierd secret, and Id like my sexualtiy to be something normal, not a main identifying characteristic. And everyone of my friends or classmates that I mention it to appear to have no problem with that whatsoever, and as far as I know Im not percieved as predatory either.

My family, however, is a whole different matter. While Im sure that my mums side of the family would be perfectly fine and my parents know already, when youve heard your fathers parents talk about eastern europeans and other immigrants using only slurwords and your uncles parents have expressed their absolute disgust about seeing a gay couple enjoy a nice picnic at the park, you get very cautious about who you tell. Especially since I dont want to put the supportive family in the position of having to consider whom they can talk to about this.

Another thing that Ive noticed after my exchange year in Sweden and seeing my first pride, though not having the time to attend, on my way there in Copenhagen, is how little support my country gives to this community from a social perspective. At my swedish school, all the teachers had a rainbow keyband from a *seminar about LGBTQA+ people*, something Im sure Germany would never do, and all of them kept it. There was no question whether you support us or not, it was an acceped part of social life and no big deal; we even did a private introduction round for pronouns!

And then I came back here. During pride month, there were no rainbow decorations, the most I saw of a parade was two discarded paper flags on the ground afterwards. When I vented about this to my ally friend, she only said that "some people and companies just like to stay neutral". Try all of them in Germany, but sure.

I know our community has come far, but I can also see that it isnt fsr enough, and that is the fight I am still fighting.

Hope this helps ^^."

"Alright. Mine isnt that interesting but I'll do my best :)

I came out as bisexual when i was in the sixth grade. It wasnt a huge deal to my mom. She said okay and we went on with our lives. Around the end of that year, i told her i thought i was trans and she said i wasnt. I came out to her again six months later and she said the same thing. There was a lot of yelling. Mind you, she isnt transphobic at all. The third time... she was so done with me. She yelled and so did i. It took four different times for her to accept me, and even then, i had to do the last time over text because i was scared of her reaction."

"So, my name is Ell. I identify as queer and demigender. I don't know what to say here really early than it's important to find others like you when you're not as close to your family as you used to be. Because of your identity. My family is more accepting than most, but still. The community online is so so important to me, and this project makes me really happy. So thank you. "

"I was at sea world and my mom was in the car I was talking about how my dad was super homophobic. My mom says that my dad acts like it’s a disease I said will if it is then I have got it, My mom is understanding and says that she will love me no matter what."

"So, I’m non-binary and bisexual. That’s a big no-no in a latino family like mine, it’s always grow up, get married with the opposite sex, and have kids. I don’t know why I felt that I could just say anything to my mom one day and she immediately objected. “Are you sure you’re not a lesbian or just confused? You can’t like more than one gender. Also, what’s this about a non gender? You’re either a boy or a girl, that’s it.”

Thankfully after a lecture and me apologizing (though I did nothing but tell her more about me) she let the subject go. I’ve never told my dad because I know mom just will get in the way and say I’m lying again, but at least my friends are understanding and almost completely LGBTQ+."

[capseycartwright]

Did it take you long to come to terms with being bisexual? Im a girl in a fairly small town in Ireland where bisexuality is barely even heard of much less accepted ("that's just greedy" being the common reaction) and lately I've been questioning but my head is a mess and I don't really understand what I'm feeling. Sorry if this isn't the sort of asks you like getting but you seem so at ease with your sexuality

hey anon! this is a totally fair question, and i’ll be honest - i didn’t really feel comfortable with any label until about a year or so ago. i think at some level i always knew i was attracted to both men and women, you know? but i didn’t really want to be bisexual, or anything other than straight, because being 100% certifiably straight would be infinitely easier. 

it’s something that had been on my mind for a long time, honestly? like i would think about it a lot, and wonder if i was bi, or whatever. i guess the more i thought about it, the more comfortable i got with the idea of being attracted to both? like, i did a lot of reading about the kinsey scale, and bisexuality, and the more i read, the more i felt like this was the label that fitted me best, but i had no intentions of ever coming out, if i’m honest - i wasn’t comfortable with the idea of being out and proud, until one day i was? i know that sounds mad, but i just sort of realised one day that i was fine with it. i was on a night out in august before university started up again, and i was chatting to one of my lovely friends (who identifies as gay) about love lives, and he was like “oh we have to get you a boyfriend this year” and i just went “…… or a girlfriend” and something just felt incredibly right about saying it. 

i guess i got more comfortable with my sexuality because of the friend i came out to. like, i cannot sing his praises enough, he is a gem. i panicked the next day because i was like!!!! shit omg someone knows (no one knew at this point) but he was so supportive and kind and would just always be my listening ear. i owe him so much because he just gave me the support and confidence i needed to be more comfortable with my sexuality (like i could easily turn this post into a thirty page essay about how he is the very best person i know) and i guess thats how i started to feel more comfortable with the idea of being bi, you know?

its a constant process, anon. theres some people in my life i’m still not out to, because i’ve not found the words, the right moment to want to tell them, but i’m getting more and more comfortable with it every day. it’s never going to be easy, you know? but i’m so incredibly lucky i have the most spectacular support system in the world, and they’ve all been so chill. i fully came out to two of my best friends in mcdonalds and we just… kept shit talking about people we went to school with.

this is probably all terrible, terrible advice, anon. people are always going to be biphobic, and thats tough - i’ve had the chairperson of my uni’s lgbt society tell me bi people are just gay people who are afraid to come out. it’s horrible, but you’ll always be up against it with some people - but you’ll have support from so many people, and thats always what’s made me comfortable with my sexuality.

i hope that helped a little, and come chat to me any time if you think it might help!!

#in which i ramble #asks #anonymous #sexuality tag

[i-like-your-genitalia]

I want to know as much as I can about you, could you please answer all of the questions from the pride month questionnaire?

1. what is your sexuality?

I identity as bisexual at the moment ♥️

2. what do you identify as?

I identify as female (my designated/biological gender)

3. how long have you been aware of your sexuality/identity?

I realised, or identified myself as bisexual when I was 15, so that 3-4 years ago!

4. do you have any preferences?

I would say generally I go for guys, but it changes all the time sometimes I feel more attracted to women and other times to men. I would say on average 60% to men 40% to women.

5. share a positive memory about coming out!

I think all my friends were just chill, one of my good friends came out as bisexual and then transgender. And I’m not sure if they still identify as bi or if they identify as gay. But that was kinda the first of my friends to come out, and it wasn’t a big deal. So when others in the group came out. It was kinda just “oh cool, join the club!”

6. how do you feel about pride month?

It’s awesome, I think having a month where sexuality’s and identities can celebrated in the open and appreciated in awesome! For so long those in the LGBT++ community have been taught to ashamed of who they are. And having a month were it’s celebrated is fantastic!

7. do you participate in pride related events? any other events?

Unfortunately no, I’m not out with a lot of family, my sister and a few cousins know. But it’s not something I want to risk at the moment! So I as much I want to involve myself in pride. I can’t at the moment

8. how do you feel about lgbtqa roles in media?

We need more, it’s amazing how far we have come, but it would be awesome to see more and a bigger variety. And I think accurately depicted by the media as well!

9. do you feel pride in who you are?

Yes, it’s amazing to feel comfortable and have a support group who can help you through some of the crisis of coming out, or changing your identity or sexuality!

10. who has been your supportive idols in your self discovery?

Not gonna lie, when I first came out I had no idols. Just my friends in real life and on tumblr. There have been a couple of people who’ve helped by reblogging or posting informative writing and learning now to help with coming out and such. But I don’t have anyone specific

11. tell us about your first crush?

Girl Crush or Boy crush???

My first guy crush that I remember was in year 10, and he was the one where you stare from afar. I had an art class with him and I sat facing him and his friends. And it was awkward because everyone knew I liked him but I didn’t like speaking to him or interacting with him.

My first girl crush was on a friend I had, she was one of the first girls I was aware I was attracted too! But she was straight so there was no desire to take things further than a crush and it faded after a while! So I went from being friends….crush……back to being friends! And they wasn’t any romantic feelings lingering!

12. what sort of advice to have you lgbtqa teens?

Don’t be afraid to change your mind, labels aren’t everything! Yes they’ve helped with explaining who you are, but don’t feel obligated to stick to it. Just because at 16 you feel as tho you identify as bisexual or lesbian or gay, doesn’t mean that at 27 you’ll identify the same.

Also with coming out, especially during pride month! There is a huge pressure to come out, don’t ever feel like you “need” to come out. Especially if you are in a household that could potentially become unsafe if you did!

13. have you come out to friends and family?

I came out to my sister, and a few cousins. And the majority or my friends know I’m bisexual! So I’m not necessarily closeted, but I don’t put it out for every single person to know!

14. how do you feel about the term “coming out” ?

I have no feelings about it really, it’s a convenient saying for finding the ideal sexuality, or identity for yourself. I know some feel negatively towards the saying. But for me it’s a simple, well know phrase that is easy to use when talking about my bisexuality and discovery.

15. do you believe there is a “closet” to come out of?any tips on coming out?

For so long, the LGBTQIA community has been forced to hide who they are, because of the prejudice and hate of others towards them and their “lifestyle” and the closet is that place. I feel like there are better terms with less negative connotations than “closet” and “coming out” to do with the identifying of your sexuality and gender. However it’s part of our history as a community and maybe we should take control and take away the negativity that comes with the word closet and closeted. But I mean our whole community is based on unashamed of who you are. And I don’t think it’s shameful to be in the “closet” as long as you aren’t being homophobic or transphobic or all the other sexuality and identity phobias while your aren’t able to come out yourself..

I think first of all no pressure, for some being in the closet can do more harm than good, whereas it’s the opposite for some being out would cause more trouble than they are equipped to deal with. So I think do it when you are ready, don’t feel pushed or pressured to either remain in he closet or to come out! And I think start with the safest person, maybe a close friend or sibling or a parent. Don’t feel like you have to leap out and let every person know! It’s an anxiety inducing process! So start off with those who are low risk and then build up to those who are high risk. Because then you’ll have that group of being who love and support you. And it’s what you need when you get rejected for being who you are!

16. what’s your biggest pet peeve when it comes to lgbtqa characterization in media?

1. They die2. Portrayed as stereotypes, that don’t show that the lgbtqa as a diverse group of people3. There aren’t enough healthy and accurate portrayals of the community

17. what’s your favorite parts of lgbtqa characterization in media?

I think that they are proud of who they are, even when they aren’t particularly proud of themselves as individuals but as a community.

18. what did your teachers say about the lgbtqa community in school?

Well my health and P.E teacher was lesbian so we probably got a bit more of a lesson on sexuality then most. But it wasn’t a big throng yet when I took it as a compulsory class, it was very briefly covered but not in depth.

19. do you practice safe sex with the same sex?

I haven’t had sex, but yes, safe sex is key to any sort of relationship, straight or gay.

20. what’s an absolute turn off for you in people?

Racism, misogyny, all the phobias related the sexuality, identity and genders. And I think the lack of a desire to change ones opinion, and stay stuck in a imbedded and wrong way of thinking!

21. what’s an absolute turn on for you in people?

People who are inclusive, happy, always keen to learn and change and grow! Definitely those who are confident but not arrogant!

22. how do you feel about lgbtqa clubs/apps/websites?

I think they can be awesome places to get support, information and get to know people like you! In a “safe environment”

23. how do you feel about the term “queer” ?

I personally don’t mind it, it’s a good blanket term for those in the community or don’t come under strictly one label! Or who aren’t quite sure where they fit in the community just yet!

24. how does you country view the lgbtqa community?

Well New Zealand was definitely open and okay with it and it’s similar in Spain! I think you still find people who are against it whether or not you live in a LGBTQIA friendly country

25. favorite lgbtqa actor/actress?

Kristen Stewart ♥️

26. any tips for heterosexual people on how to handle lgbtqa events/news?

Don’t make it about you, if it’s something bad (like the pulse shooting) things like “my heart goes out to the families and friends who lost someone” “what a tragic loss of life” “this is such a horrible crime/incident” and if it’s a positive thing (gay marriage becoming possible) “congratulations” “it’s exciting to see progress” “I’m glad they achieved what they wanted” and most of all if you have the desire to make it about yourself or say something homophobic then keep your mouth shut!

27. what’s the most annoying question you have ever gotten?

“If you are with a girl, doesn’t that make you lesbian?” Or “if you had to pick one would you chose girls or guys?”

28. how do you feel about receiving questions about your sexuality/idenity?I don’t mind, I’m happy to talk about it!

29. what is your romantic affiliation?

I’m romantically attracted to both females and males!

#sorry guys I wasn't 100% sure of what the last question meant so hopefully I answered correctly #my asks #answered asks #ask me anything