#then i take it way too hard when they say they dont like me when at least i stepped up to take their class

[winter-rosyfawn]

notes : (edited) this is a very rushed fic, im sorry but im jst soo desperate for this man i feel like i could go crazy over him! ❦ sorry if there are some misspelled words. im not someone who's good at english. reader's skin is not announced !

Geshulin x F!reader ♡♡ MDNI! Content Warning; Smut, curse words, kinda rough sex mentioned? breeding kink & possible future pregnancy cus im such a sucker for that.. pet names (love) fluff and a bit of aftercare at the end.

"a-ah! geshuu~! please.. slow down.." i said as Geshulin's cock speeding up inside my womb.

geshulin's chuckled. Looking into your eyes in a cowgirl position. he grabs youe wrist. while locking eye contact with you.

"oh, im sorry – love. You are just so irresistible to me. i couldn't hold myself back." geshu said.

"B-but geshuu! i- well i could say the same about you but dont you think you were doing so – Ah! rough?" i respond back at geshu's words.

"I know my love, and i am truly sorry. but– ugrfh! you are just so fucking good.." geshu said as his hips start to speeding up even more..

"geshu! geshu! i–"

"i know, love. i know. i fucking know." geshu says as his hands hold your waist tightly while bringing his hips to the air and back to the bed you were both in to.

"geshu.. i'm– Ah! im gonna cum!.." i said as tears start to roll down onto my cheeks.

"fuck, love.. Me too.. lets– ugh! lets cum together, shall we?" he said as he curled his lips into a sly smirk.

Geshu's hips start to Pacing up even more brutal than before. its been hours and your legs was nowhere to be found to even move. and now his hands locked up into your waist, Holding it in so hard that you'd sure it would leave a scar..

But all of your thoughts were vanished as you and geshu cum together. you threw your head to the back, tongue out while tears start to drop between geshu's legs.

And all of that went out of the window when you realize that he just cum inside you! and you arent on your birth control yet–!

"G-Geshu!" i said with a panic expression. Looking at geshu's rather-sly expression. it seems like he planned this...

"what?" he said, coldy. as he always do..

"y-you! you cum inside me?! i could get pregnant y'know.."

"well so what? i need a heir for the next general anyway. Its not like i would leave you for someone else if i really get you pregnant my love. not that anyone would gave me the most euphoria and ecstasy as you do." he said in the most calming-geshulin way possible.

Your cheeks turned.. red. but oh.. you were too tired to even think about anything anyway. your legs were all numb and now, you just want to take a good nap & cuddle with him.

after some minutes not hearing your respond, geshu's spoke.

"feeling tired my love?" he asked.

"oh geshu.. you know this, dont you?" i said.

pftt.. geshu giggled. "oh yes.. of course i do my love."

"come here." geshu said– no, command.

i start to crawl into his open arms, trying to cuddle myself in his grasp. as geshu's hands came to hug my back, while his cock stayed inside my womb.

both of us were so exhausted, and now all of that whats left was tiredness and the need to rest. as i melt myself in geshu's arms. the candle that has been lighten up besides me, were out. & with that, so is my time for the day... and now.. i really.. really.. need to sleep..... zzZzz...

#geshulin #wuthering waves smut #wuthering waves x reader #geshu lin #wuthering waves #geshulin smut #geshu lin smut #geshulin x reader #geshu lin x reader #tw.pregnancy #tw.breeding #smut #anime smut #game smut #Fluff #fanfic #wuthering waves fluff #wuthering waves headcanons #wuthering waves fanfic #fanfiction #headcanons #wuthering waves hc #wuwa smut #wuwa x reader #wuwa #wuthering waves geshu lin #geshu lin wuthering waves #wuwa geshu lin #geshu lin wuwa #geshu lin is my husband.

[sturnsbabie]

KILL4U -C.STURNIOLO

pairing: fwb!chris x reader

summary: in which reader and chris get high together and fuck then they talk about their feelings towards eachother.

warnings: swearing,smoking,m!recieving,p in v,creampie.

wordcount: 1.0k

just a short and sweet fic of chris based off of my fav lil skies song<3

ay,she say she wanna roll high,

ay,roll one and touch the sky.

chris and i were laying in his bed smoking a blunt together while i was sitting on his lap. we have been friends with benefits for four months now. at first we both agreed to strictly be friends with benefits with no strings attached.

but i clearly failed the no strings attached part because as much as i try to deny im falling hard for him quick. he also always gives me mixed signals so i can never tell whats up with him.

hes very possessive over me when were out hanging out with friends but then at times he just acts like im not there.

currently i was kissing on his neck as he was puffing on the blunt we were sharing with one hand as the other was on my ass.

i started to grind myself on him as i felt him starting to grow hard underneath me as i was placing sloppy wet kisses all over his neck.

“fuck ma feel s’good” he said groaning as i grinded my core down onto his growing erection.

i giggled as i sat up grabbing the blunt when he gave it to me taking a few puffs of it inhaling the smoke.

“wanna finish this while i suck you off?” i giggled.

“shit ma dont tempt me with a good time.” he said.

i took a few more puffs of the blunt before handing it back to him.

i kissed him softly as i ran my hands up and down his bare chest. i started to kiss down his body starting with his lips then neck making my way down to his happy trail.

i slid his sweats off of him and his dick sprung out with his tip all red and glistening with precum.

chris watched me take him into my mouth as he was taking hits off the blunt. as i took him all the way in he let out a small groan.

he reached his hand down to my hair and started to push my head a bit as i was starting to deepthroat him.

he grabbed a handful of my hair and started to thrust up into my mouth letting out little moans and swears under his breath.

i moaned against him as i let him fuck himself into my mouth as i held onto his hips for support.

suddenly he pulled out of my mouth and looked at me. “want you to ride me ma.”he said.

i nodded and immediately took off my oversized hoodie and panties and slowly sunk myself down on him feeling him stretching me out.

i leaned my head back moaning as i started to move my hips on him.

chris took a few more hits of the blunt before putting it out and bringing me down to him where my head was in the crook of my neck.

he wrapped his arms around me and started to thrust up into me groaning in my ear.

“i love the feeling of my dick buried so deep inside of you ma.” he whispered into my causing shivers to go down my spine.

i moaned in response leaving kisses all over his neck as i was bouncing on him as he had his hands on my ass guiding me.

chris reached his free hand grabbing my face pulling me into a sloppy kiss as he started to thrust up into me again causing us to moan into eachothers mouths.

i felt myself starting to clench around him as i was grinding my hips into his.

“wanna give you backshots baby.” he mumbled.

i got up off him and put my face in the pillow having my ass up for him. he came behind me grabbing my hips and sliding his tip up and down my folds before pushing in.

i gripped onto the sheets as i felt him starting to pound into me causing me to let out a loud string of moans.

“pussy feels too good fuck.”chris mumbled as he slapped my ass a few times.

i felt myself starting to clench around him again as he was pounding into me bringing me closer to my orgasm.

“gonna cum baby!” i moaned out as he slapped my ass a few more times.

“go ahead baby cum all over my dick.” he said as he reached down inbetween where our bodies were connected and rubbed my clit a few times bringing me even closer to my orgasm.

i moaned out his name repeatedly as i felt myself cumming all over his dick.

“gonna fill you up baby.” chris moaned as he fucked me thru my high.

chris started pounding into me once again as i felt him starting to twitch inside of me.

chris stopped his movements as he leaned his body into mine kissing my back as he shot his load deep inside of me filling me up.

chris slowly pulled out as he watched the mixture of our cum dripping out of me as he took his finger shoving it back in.

“so perfect.” he mumbled as he laid down beside of me pulling me into his arms.

he placed a soft kiss on my forehead as he looked at me. “i love you.” chris said.

i felt my heart starting to race as i heard those words come out of his mouth. hes never told me that when we were like this, only once in a while in a friendship type of way.

“i love you too chris.” i said softly looking at him as he rubbed my back.

“no y/n i mean like i love you. im inlove with you.” he said.

“and i mean it when i say it chris, im inlove with you too. always have been.” i said placing a soft kiss to his lips.

“would you shoot for me? because i would kill4u.” chris said.

“i would do anything and everything for you and to protect you.” i said.

“and i would kill4u.” he said

𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓: @luvr4miya @chr1sgirl4life , @riowritesitall , @freshloveee , @jnkvivi , @sturnluver , @h3arts4harry , @joemamaaa42069

#sturniolo triplets #chris sturniolo #matt sturniolo #nick sturniolo #sturniolo triplets imagines #chris sturniolo imagine #nicolas sturniolo #christopher sturniolo #nick sturniolo imagines #christopher sturniolo imagines #chris sturniolo fanfic #matt sturniolo fanfic #chris sturniolo smut #matt sturniolo smut #matthew sturniolo #matthew sturniolo imagines #nate doe imagines #nate doe smut #nate doe

[msp9]

THIS IS MY LIKES AND DISLIKES OF CHAOS THEORY ⚠️Spoilers below cut⚠️

When i first finished this season, I too like some people, was skeptical about it. I get why some people say its bad, I just thought it was very different from cc. At points the characters didin't feel like themsleves, the way some of them were written and the designs gave me a real hard time to get used to them. Also i felt as if it was just too much to process at times so i rewatched it and my final answer is that its a good show the pacing is incredeble, the plot, the suspence and character development. i just had a hard time getting used to everything new? Ig. I'm still doubting whether its a 10 but sure thing is that it was a very good first season its a easy 9/10. So here are the thinks i liked abt it:

-THE WAY THEY POTRAYED EVERYONES TRAUMA/STRUGGLES , Sammy having anxiety, Yaz overcoming her ptsd, and KENJI. MY BOY. That must have been the best breakdown i've seen in animated series. Whoever wrote that scene. Wow. It was the best thing in the whole show honestly. His vision gtting blurry, having truble breathing. The panick. Wow. I CANNOT SAY THIS LOUD ENOUGH.

-Ben and Sammy duo? Hello? Im srry to say but you might just be better than Yaz and Ben duo. Idk i really loved them.

- "Benjamin."

- Showing Yaz is doing better. Despite her ongoing struggles, she has clearly grown and matured the last 6 years, and the way she calmed Sammy in the sinking van? Ig all those therapy sessions and college paid off. That scene is a clear illustration of the progress she has made. I mean sammy did say "i can tell shes still struggling" but there wasnt really a clear scene of her getting stuck in place as she used to. So my guess is that it was just Sammys anxiety and the fact that they didint talk much. Bc then Sammy was surprised how she kept herselve together. So yeah

-YASAMMY. NOTHING MORE TO ADD.

-UM SAMMYS CHARACTER?? HELLO? GLOW UP, CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT, i loved her sm. She moved up to my top 3.

And her anxiety? It was so well shown too

-the fight between Sammy and Yaz felt so natural and not at all forced. They both had valid points and in the end they did understand each other and were on the same page.

-Ben being Ben in almost every episode

- Yasmina's "boo."

-Brooklynns design?? Majestic to say the least.

- ingore what i said ealrier abt the acting out of character. They do remind themsleves they just grew

Well, all except Ben...

-Kenjis new voice actor, he did a real good job, as much as it doesn't sound like him, he really captured some emotional scenes very well.

- The robot lady. THEY REALLY SAID TAKE A WOMAN AND MAKE HER CREEPY ASF. I was genunanly creeped out. And the detail that at the ranch if u listen closesly u can hear the whistle. Hell nah that was scary.

-Benrius Ben and Darius friendship, okay actually u can't tell me u didint feel it too, the tention between ben and Darius cmon we all know what u are Ben stop making up girlfriends in Europe

-Brooklynn turning bad, or from what we are told worked for bad people ig. Personally as much as it shocked me, im sure theres a good reason as to why and i cant wait to hear more abt in season 2.

-I can now undertand what everyone meant in reviews saying "its more mature" not only in the more death and dinos but it woyud be kind of confusing for a younger audience to undertsand some stuff in this show.

-I really liked Daniels kon death, maybe it wasn't necesarry but im all in for that dark death scene.

-Lastly the comment Sammy makes when Ben asks how bumpy got pregnant, and the yazs smirk. Gurl i was suprised they added that but i loved it

Now, the things that i didint like and why:

- First of all, Darius being in love with brooklynn. I mean i get it but i also dont get it. In my opinion, there shouldn't have been a different reason as to why Darius was the most effected by her death. They were close and she died. Its okay to be really effected by someones death and not bc u liked them, and i also do believe that the reason for him not showing up the night she "died" should have been smth more serious. Then again i get it bc now he felt a lot more guilt bc it was for a not so important reason he didint show up and thats why he didint tell anyone. Well axtually it isnt that bad, but i just felt it was forced for the plot. This again could be bc i started to like kenlynn and now they turned the tables completly but sure.

-Brooklynns voice actor. I just couldn't connect her to brooklynn? She sounded a lot different, not a major bad thing it was just hard to get used to.

-Ben having a gf, or supposedly having one, u telling me this man has a gf:

I thought it funny but yk that man is a homosexual

- and lastly, Brooklynn being alive. This might sound bad but it made sense for her to die. And i was kinda lamed out that she wasnt dead. (Pls ironically enough, just weeks ago i begged for her to be alive.) But like the way everyone suffered bc of her death, going throught the 5 stages of grief, and the way the show was played. It just would have been better if she died, all those flashbacks, the emotional moments, i mean its not gonna be the same when i rewatch it bc i know shes alive. Anyways enough abt this.

Actually i have nothing more to add to my "bad stuff" list but i might come up with smth later. Bc i will be rewatchibg it obviously. Ig lastly i just wanted more episodes how dare they cutting the season of right there.

#jwct #jurassic world chaos theory #yasmina fadoula #jwct spoilers #msp9 yapping

[milkweedman]

Knitting a freehand bag and started wondering how often people even use patterns, anyway. So--how often do you use a pattern when you make things ? This include knitting/crochet/sewing/weaving/nalbinding/bobbin lace/tatting/etc but also things like woodworking, cooking, and baking. If you want to just pick the thing you do most often that's fine.

I personally do not use patterns as I find them far more confusing than just figuring out the construction of an item and simply making it. I do very occasionally browse ravelry for inspiration but have downloaded maybe 2. In the 5 or so years since I joined. And have followed exactly 1, which I modified every single aspect of. In my defense, dyslexia.

#poll #knitting #crochet #weaving #tatting #sewing #quilting #nalbinding #bobbin lace #cooking #baking #theres just SO MANY patterns out there and i kind of dont understand why... who is using them ??? #they are so hard to follow even when written well #i get that thats dyslexia talking and not true for most people but it still baffles me #i also dont follow cooking/baking recipes but in a different way #the issue for crafting patterns is that i cant read and so i cant figure out what the hell im supposed to do #but recipes are usually lists and dont have tons of abbreviations and dozens of steps #so i can kind of read recipes but i just like doing my own thing and also have been burned by recipes before #so even if i try following the recipe as hard as possible i will inevitably change some things #like what about the whimsy. also i will use a butter wash after taking this out of the oven i dont care that it says eggs #and while i dont do legos anymore i was the same with that too. we got a kit once and my sister loved following each step #oh my god. the worst. i would covertly make other things with the remaining pieces while she assembled the thing #i do think that were i not dyslexic i would still not follow patterns #like i said i just prefer to do my own thing most of the time

[wlw-cryptid]

Opinion on chubby butches/butches with stretch marks?

sweetheart. if my header werent what it is, it'd be "dad bod butches please call me"

#yeah i would say this water is pretty wet. what? yeah the sky is still blue too #i dont wanna joke on you too much. i know it can be hard to believe sometimes. but fat butches make this community what it is #chubby butches. fat butches. butches w thick soft arms and those rounded faces and warm tummies. theyre my friends. theyre my lovers #theyre Sexy too. i think its Hot to see a butch all shirtless with their belt n jeans kinda diggin into their stomach. i like how they can #stand kinda squared up and look Big. taking up space . i like how they feel on top of me #i like their hands! i like how bein kinda chubby can make fingers thicker. #she speaks #anon #asks #are you the same one that asked me if i like butches with top surgery scars. be honest #like. i DESIRE and SEEK butches who are thick and heavy. i think their body types add to the butch look in a way that makes my mouth water. #besides like. idk man im not super skinny either you know? and im disabled. when you have an alternative body type you just... its hard to #give a fuck about beauty standards like weight on other people. you feel me

[srldesigns6277]

.

#personal #sometimes i wish i knew what it was like to be someone people want to talk to #or at least had students who could listen to what i say for just five minutes #god i hate yelling then they say thats all i do when if i talked normally no one fucking listens #then i take it way too hard when they say they dont like me when at least i stepped up to take their class #a class that had already ran off one teacher #but no im too useless because i actually make them do work and tried to have rules #last year was hard but at least i felt fulfilled by the end of the year with all my classes #i have never craved the end of the year so much or as much as i have this year #its not even both classes either its just this one that makes me dread working with them as much as they apparently hate me #sadly i can understand why their teacher left #and i know im not the best replacement since im learning how to teach them as they learn from me #but im just tired #its only a month left but i am so ready to never see any of them again #but depression does as it does and makes me question if im even good enough to get another job #one actually teaching my correct subject that i love #i hope like hell that i get a job and one i really want because i dont want to have to come back to this school #*it has the most substitute jobs #i dont like being loud even if no one believes me i dont like being mean though i know when i have too i just dont feel good enough #if i was i think i would have a job by now i mean im 28 and its been 5 schools in 5 years #sorry being sad on main #if you read this #thanks

[liquidstar]

WOW I FINALLY FINISHED THIS SET. There were a lot of things I wanted to get right for them so I took some extra time but hopefully it was worth it! The guild for this set is Cobalt Heart- a guild with focus on maritime missions, lead by (of course) guildmaster Neptune. There was no other planet I could've picked for his namesake lol. They're the guild I jokingly call the most jockish, but some moreso than others. I really do hope I did all the characters justice, but if you wanna know more about the individual members, it's under the cut as usual!

Name: Neptune

Name Origin: The planet named for the god of the ocean

Pronouns: He/him

Age: 52

Guild rank: Guildmaster

Weapon: Trident

Ethos (Power): Ocean wave (Control over water- stronger with sea water)

Flaw power is based on: Originally based on his overly relaxed go-with-the-flow nature, but since becoming a father and guildmaster he's matured, and his power grew from simple wave control to more powerful control over the ocean's water. Waves aren't always peaceful, but he's become someone who understands their power and the responsibility needed for it.

Notes: If it's unclear, the marks on his chest are meant to be top surgery tattoos, but in cool wave shapes!

Name: Triton

Name Origin: Neptune's moon, aptly named for his son

Pronouns: He/they

Age: 24

Guild rank: 4 star

Weapon: Twin sai

Ethos (Power): Ocean breath (Underwater breathing as well as other aquatic adaptions)

Flaw power is based on: His ardent wanderlust, especially in regards to the ocean. They literally cannot leave it alone despite any possible better reasoning, which is when it becomes a problem.

Notes: Was his other parent a mermaid or did they just do the fish thing on their own? The world may never know.

Name: Otrera

Name Origin: A trojan asteroid named after the queen of the Amazons

Pronouns: She/her

Age: 32

Guild rank: 5 star

Weapon: Brass knickles

Ethos (Power): Preflexes (Hightened reflexes)

Flaw power is based on: Her overly-guarded and cagey nature.

Notes: But her brass knuckles are pink so its quirky when she knocks your teeth out.

Name: Naos

Name Origin: A star whose name means "ship"

Pronouns: He/him

Age: 21

Guild rank: 3 star

Weapon: Modified crutches

Ethos (Power): Helm (He can change the direction of inanimate objects. It's not limited to projectiles, he can change the direction of objects while they're in someone's hand too.)

Flaw power is based on: His avoidant tenancies, especially where more serious responsibility is concerned.

Notes: Honestly? Joined the guild to boost his playboy status.

Name: Aitne

Name Origin: One of Jupiter's moons, named after the personification of Mount Etna, a stratovolcano

Pronouns: They/them

Age: 27

Guild rank: 4 star

Weapon: Spiked gauntlets and armor

Ethos (Power): Molten Core (Lava manipulation)

Flaw power is based on: Their brash and destructive nature.

Notes: Likes all their food to be charred.

Name: Ariel

Name Origin: A moon or Uranus, named after an air spirit!

Pronouns: She/her

Age: 16

Guild rank: 2 star

Weapon: Baton

Ethos (Power): Harmony (Perfect balance on anything)

Flaw power is based on: Her own difficulty maintaining emotional balance under stress

Notes: She's a gymnast! And even though I didn't make the character named "Ariel" a mermaid, you can still see a scale pattern in her leotard!

Name: Maru

Name Origin: A white dwarf whose name means "Sky." It's orbited by the planet Ahra.

Pronouns: She/her

Age: 18

Guild rank: 3 star

Weapon: Claymore sword

Ethos (Power): Sky walking (She is capable of interacting with air as if it were a tangible object, creating leverage for herself to walk and balance on as if it were solid)

Flaw power is based on: Her somewhat vain tendency to place herself above others

Notes: Complete and utterly confident she's the cooler twin

Name: Ahra

Name Origin: A exoplanet whose name means "Ocean." It orbits the star Maru.

Pronouns: She/her

Age: 18

Guild rank: 3 star

Weapon: Claymore sword

Ethos (Power): Wave riding (Creation and control of tidal waves to ride on, as if she was surfing them with no board. But she does have to be on them.)

Flaw power is based on: Her arrogance and recklessness

Notes: Completely and utterly convinced she's the cooler twin.

Name: Pipoltr/Pip

Name Origin: A star named for "a bright and beautiful butterfly."

Pronouns: Whatever really?

Age: 8

Guild rank: 1 star

Weapon: Giant lollipop

Ethos (Power): None yet!

Flaw power is based on: N/A. This doesn't mean they're flawless, but until their power develops they're really just here to go on fun little adventures.

Notes: This child hangs around with sailors all day long. The words they know....

#finn's ocs #finn's art #oc references #FINALLY POSTING THIS SET #there was a bit of a delay bc i wanted to make sure i got the crutches w naos right #i ended up not making just the crutches a weapon but like. with modifications based on a real self defense item i found #but slightly different for both fantasy reasons and also i think its patented lol #his pose is also based on a real self defense w crutches video that my friend sent me (hiiii thank you for that once more btw <3) #so like hes very much in motion here. thats not how he usually stands w the crutches lol he usually like. uses them as crutches lol #the little trigger on them is what releases and returns the blade in them btw #also as for the rest of the group! i think neptune is absolutely the most fitting of his namesake out of all the guildmasters #i mean they all have aspects of it but he's fully embraced it. despite what i said abt him growing into responsibility and all #hes still such a chill nice guy. just in general. it would take a lot to get him angry (and if you did the sea is NOT peaceful!) #and in a lot of ways triton is like how he was when he was younger. responsibilities dont matter he needs to go to the challengers deep NOW #also the reason i picked twin sai to be his weapon is bc i didnt wanna do a trident twice. even tho like thats kind of the typical motif #but sai are like. also a 3 pronged weapon. so i felt it kept the energy. but smaller and 2 of them #omg speaking of weapons i completely accidentally added a trans flag to ariel's baton design lol. but i left it in why not #i had such a hard time w her colors bc i wanted her to be flashy but also to make the leotard mermaid esque #also for it to not be too revealing. like leda (from the lunar flare set) can have an exposing leotard tutu sure but shes an adult #and i wanted to give ariel more of like an 80s home gym workouts vibe. with the legwarmers and scrunchies lol #and the twins!!! i wanted to make them samey but differeny. in a way i havent done w matching outfits before #bc the actual shapes of the clothes are very different but the colors totally match! #plus the twins are fraternal. i feel like thats obvious what w their different hair colors but there are more subtle things #like slightly different eyes. the height and weight differences arent part of that tho bc that can happen to any twins even identical #otrera i also had a lot of fun with. especially the blonde hair in an emo bang with like a pink sporty outfit #the crown logo references her namesake being a queen too! #she really was fun tho bc shes just no nonsense trusts nothing but her gut. and shes meant to be like an MMA type #aitne was also super fun but a bit tricky to make it clear that their eye is half lidded from the burns and not just like a drawing mistake #but i think i made it clear! its important bc their vision is also impaired on that side #and the burns themselves were most likely an accident on their end. remember they're brash and destructive. even to themself!

[the-acid-pear]

It's actually really funny how it is bc despite being an insane person with weird kinks whenever I see someone with kinks I DON'T share I'm instantly thrown off by it. Which is comedic to me bc you'd expect the freak to inherently Understand other freaks but no unfortunately that's not how it works necessarily.

#luly talks #i am way more open to shit when explained to me tho #like usually I'm outright Neutral about this like ok sure. #but there's things that outright are so confusing to me they turn me off #like i saw some mommy rp blog and she was just... acting like a mother #and it's like. super sweet of course! but... not turning me on? at all?? #like i don't get why you'd want a 2 in 1 deal for a mother and a gf can't you just get the two things per separate? #and this is coming from a man with severe mommy issues too! I'm a man who lost 3 mother figures (maybe 4 even. prob more) #yet i just don't get it? like. i don't know. #like i dont get it when it's so Genuine ykwim? like sexy mommy daddy age gap shit i do get. i love older people carnally. #but when it is a real intention to have this person fulfill the gap your parents left (I'd have said hole goddamn it that'd have been funnie #r) it's like. do. do you know how hard this can backfire? like i feel it's only more harmful. like idk #like i am no one to say it i am as explicitly stated a certified freak but i really think some people should stop fucking and take an hour #off to go to therapy. just a thought. #like i have my psychological issues mirror into my kinks too I've thought of this deeply (not the cannibalism that's simply me being hungry #although i did make a huge post about hunger but i DIGRESS) but i feel it's different #maybe it's bc im autistic and aro Who Knows maybe this is about intricate social and romantic rituals i just dont get in general

[girl-bateman]

Feeling a debilitating sense of dread and despair 🤨 Which probably means nothing😍👍

#girl help i cant get out of bed i feel so so awful for no reason at all #literally my soul is gone or something #i have no desires and no joys and no sense of being blessed #which is crazy bc i love life and im so blessed ! usually. #ig i should do something abt it tomorrow if it doesn't get better #alternatively get back into therapy bc tbh... after that horrible sex thing ive felt kinda off #like even after i was able to eat and sleep and function normally without the tremors and head jerks and whatnot #like its not dramatic anymore but i kinda feel drained of life and joy #moments of genuine happiness and fulfillment are ... ? idk. i did feel happy once this week and that was nice but it didnt last obviously #but like ! im not depressed in a depressed way. i take good care of myself and i read my books and eat food and hang out with friends #i just kinda dont recognise myself ig. i mean i know ill get my spark back but maybe i need some professional help #idk !! it kinda feels very silly tho #like ive been in and out of therapy for more than half of my life. and being one year therapy free was a big step for me ! #so going back for this little ridiculous freakout feels like a setback #kinda like im making up things to be wrong with me just so that ill have someone to talk to ? or to have attention idk #it doesn't make sense bc i really was proud for getting bettter and i rly dont want to be in therapy anymore #but who knows 🤷‍♀️ #there is also this slight risk. just clinically speaking by purely looking at symptoms of certain things. with no stake in the matter! lol #that there might be something bad and [lets not think too hard about it] that lies as a root cause of my little mental breakdown #like according to my sex having friends losing your virginity is awful but not THAT awful and not in THAT way #and my friend kinda said i scared her with how i was acting when i talked to her abt it. like my demeanour and body language and whatever #and i do trust her to know whats normal versus concerning when i dont have my own stable grip of reality #plus. if i was an outside party and applied my psych education on myself. i would say its not looking super good #but i cant really do that bc im not some random patient. im me myself and I 😩✋️ thank you #but whatever. itll be fine. tomorrow will be a better day ! yay !

[bunnihearted]

🚬🧸🧃🎀

#anyway so yeah im so sick of hating myself. of missing out on things and being too scared to go after things i want when i have the chance #so sick of almost being 25 and having spent almost 6 years alone in my room missing out on life #and my mom and sister might be moving in the not too distant future #so i have to try to get my life together for real now!!! or homelessness will be awaiting me :D #what i will try to do.. is start going to the gym (w my mom so i dont have to deal w the anxiety of an unknown place by myself sksk) #i'll workout 3-5 times a week. every week. i like going to the gym so if i just get started i dont have a doubt i'll not be able to do it #i'll focus on finishing my english class. hopefully in december even if i have the possibility to get it extended a few months #then i'll start my other 4 classes in january #i'll be patient and wait for my ultrasound and get the gallstone situation fixed (latest in january if i need surgery) #(and i have to try to make sure i eat properly so i dont wind up with b12 deficiency... i cant eat anything without pain but i have to..) #also i have an appt at the psychiatric in mid october. and im still waiting on what my healthcare center says. hopefully i can get cbt #if possible i will really really try to apply for jobs as a personal assistant sometime between january-may #if i have a job instead of being on wellfare i will 1) have way more money 2) not feel constabtly anxious abt being rejected and homeless #i'll stop caring abt me being 'old' and a late bloomer. the planet is dying. who cares if im 28 and start university???? #i'll take my time to finish high school. and the thing is i really should get a job before starting higher vocational education #bc the program i want to start i HAVE to have a laptop. and theres no way i can afford that now. cant even save up to it #also need to find and put myself up on waiting lists for student housing/apartments so i can actually move #i hate this city and i need to get the fuck out of here!!!! #but the world is crazy rn and it's super hard to find places to live and find jobs but it's not impossible so i need to try #i cant live like this & i have no idea how tf i'll manage to be a normal person and have a life but i need to try bc what else am i gnna do?

[brightokyolights]

Why is being a living exisiting human being so very confusing 🙃

#my brain is genuinely the worst place on planet earth ahaha!! #anyways the story that is bringing this on is actually nice i suppose but im exhausted so. let me just get into it and perhaps the dilemna #will make itself more aparant. #basically i hate interacting with people. its exhausting. like genuinely just takes so much brain power and social battery from me. even for #simple things. anyways so im telling someone this in my usual jokey way “im being tortured and kept outside of my home where i could be #chilling with a book“ so the other person is like oh you cant stay inside forever and ever. but then goes on to say from interacting with me #theyd never have guessed that i have such a hard time with talking and hanging out with people. that i never make someone feel like im tired #them or dont wanna talk to them etc. and internally im screaming because like. that is something i stress out so much about because i strugg #le so much with my responses and tone etc etc. thats why its so exhausting for me because im just constantly focussed on what im Supposed to #be like. the other part of me was kind of pleased in a way because i feel so painfully awkward that it stresses me out that people can see #right through me and think that i hate them when its not that i just. hate human interaction because its so tiring. so hearing that was like #oh so no one can even tell and i am stressing. for nothing. dw though this info will not help my brain learn to stop stressing out though #lmao. anyways final point i suppose is that the person also says that even if i am 'awkward' i sort of use it to my advantage and it doesnt #come across in an unsavoury way. anyways idk what to do with all this info. because the way i feel on the inside is so. and i worry a lot #about people seeing that on the outside. but part of me sort of wants it too because i just feel like absolutely no one fucking knows me? #and while i guess that was maybe my goal i also hate it? i shall rb a quote after this. anyways. idk what im saying. i dont fucking know. im #just so tired. so fucking tired. #le text post

[layalu]

Hate how i got into the habit of (objectively!) criticising/pointing out flaws with my work to compensate being overpraised as The Gifted Kid TM & how it makes me sound like i'm being self deprecating

#its such a hard habit to get rid of #tbf its true im not the best at taking compliments but mostly im just. allergic to praise i dont deserve and/or that singles me out #and it comes up every now and then w irl ppl how i am supposedly constantly talking myself down #even though among my artist friends i am doing that the least amount! #like. guys. there is a difference between not giving myself credit and acknowledging flaws #bc belive it or not i can do that without feeling shit about myself! #and half the time im not even talking abt myself im talking abt others? #cus i hate when people talk themselves down and i will often chime in to say what i think theyre good at #and bc *they* start comparing themselves to me i will then counter with what they are better at than me #or that yeah maybe xy about mine is better but ive also got a lot more practice #and idk i genuinely dont belive that is being self deprecating??? #if anything you acting like im a prodigy or sth is devaluing the time and effort i put in to hone a skill #which btw being able to feel ok about my skillset including the goods and bads is also a skill i had to learn! #idk. #lay rambles #sorry for the rant this is just sth i get frustrated about way too often #this doesnt just apply to art but thats where it comes up the most #actually im not done sorry #this specifically was in the context that we got a project graded and the teacher graded us by comparing projects #(which is questionable in itself but i digress) #& then when it came to me i argued that the person he compared me to deserved a better grade and then listed a bunch of reasons #bc she visibly put in more effort and had included things i hadnt and i thought the grade was unfair #and i never once said i thought mine was bad or didnt deserve the grade! but i know i did not put much effort into it and that this showed #and yes it still turned out visually nice; i got pretty good at getting the most out of the least effort possible #and i acknowledge that this is also a skill! #but also pointing out the very visible differences in quality and effort is not? self deprecating?? or am i missing something??? #and then had 4 ppl calling me out later for talking down my own project smh #like guys at this point youre just projecting #ik im grumbling abt this way more than warranted lol but a lil venting never hurts

[rashfordian]

daily shuffle ting 📸

#im having a mid crisis when im not even middle aged n i dont wanna go back to school #good day and good night. i wanna sink into the floor #bc a football club i decided to support with my heart n soul has betrayed me n i dont even like to watch games anymore #also im reading a drarry fanfiction like im 13 again. #and my skin is awful. and and and im having a crisis n so many emotions that i dont even know where they stem from #i cant even smile properly anymore ive been facial training again bc ive slacked during covid n now — #i dont know how to my eyes have expresseds n i dont know how to smile or look like i care and i TOOK A HARDER HISTORY CLASS FOR NO REASONNN #I DONT EVEN LIKE HISTORYYYYYYYY #and i hate everything n ive been avoiding all my friends n texting ppl less n im just in a Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh #i feel worthless n disgusting n my first thought when i wake up is 'i gotta take my acnetame and maybe if i deserve it i can shave my legs' #i naired one of them— my right. she is smooth in ways she hasnt been in a while. my left? chewbacca #n my school changed my passwords for my canvas so now tmr at 1:30 !! I GOTTA WALK UP THERE N GET MY NEW PERSONAL INFORMATION #the clothes i bought i didnt rlly like. but i just wanted to leave the store n make my grandmother happy. now im going into the school year #with clothes i hate n they dont feel gpod and theyre Not the right texture theyre too tight. But not in ways i love theyre too Tight. #n i .s.msneenen all my shoes r blk !!!! theyre all blk !!!! #sjsndjddjd and my hair !!!! my hair!!!!@ sjdjdjdu #God i just wanna lay in my room take showers n rot #roll around and hit myself on my headboard so hard i go into coma n i miss my entire year #n then i fuck off to hershey for chocolate bars and chocolate bags #cant even scrapbook right itsall paint its all paint n aghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh im in agony bc im not even saying whats rlly wrong with me #im focusing on the little problems and not the one it stims from. Like a web but if the spider only hang off the edge n never the middle #n everyone keeps talking at me n when i respond they yell at me for everything n i get pushed to the side #bc they hate whatever i have to say for whatever reason n wtv ig i hate them back. always pushing me down fuck them fuck them get out. #n now my friend is texting me her stuff after never speaking to me unless she has a problem #Anyways. sorry sorry. im whining im complaining im really depressed rn n def not in the right headspace to post any of this #or talk to anyone who is reading this. this probably doesnt make sense i left holes in my sentences #so sorry super sorry #that is a photo of me as a baby btw. it is the only one. please love her and maybe tell her she has nice eyebrows. she'd love that #we always take rlly good care of our eyebrows. thats a rule. we just plucked them today #anyways. see you. ill post hp gifs later n forger i ever felt bad to beginning. all of the best.

[arcadequeerz]

Oh mind electric we're really in it now.

#Cade.Txts #i think about tht song all the time. #when they say: Someone help me / Understand what's Going on Inside my Mind! / Doctor I can't tell if I'm Not Me! #I felt tht shit #like man.................me too. #idk tht bit of lyrics has always kinda hit me hard specifically. #Anyways how is everyone doin. sorry I don't ;ost much anymore. #I am posting on my stimblog mostly now BHINJGFDNI if u wanan see stimboards check it out. #im doing a series of stimboards on my favorite pokemon #so far got two boards out already d:) #Wanna keep working on it but i should also make gifs of stuff. #been kind of stressed by shit lately thts unrelated. worried about bigfoot. #he's been acting weird lately. real sluggish n tired. his teeth are bad- n we need to take him to get them checked #but it cost like. 600 to just get a few teeth taken from our dog frankie. #s o. -slides stimboard commission post on my stimblog- /nf #dont like advertising it. feels weird making things for money but if he does need teeyh removed #idk any other way i could make money for it. #hes just got me worried. he's a old man- even tho i always forget he is- #thinking about losing him scares me. am probably rly over thinking shit- he's old course he sleeps n lays around a lot. #but im stil worried. #ANYWHO. stimboard grind 24/7

[transbee]

having did and being online in any capacity is so fucking exhausting because you literally can't go anywhere without seeing the most heinous takes about your existence or validity it's like. can we be normal. can we please be normal and Chill for like two seconds.

#HEADS UP: this accidentally turned into a huge rant/vent feel free to get the hell out el oh el #i try reallly hard not to talk about it too much here because you can. offhandedly mention the mere concept of did or osdd or any #dissociative disorder and its like. people will not shut up about how its not real or how its people being delusional or kids being cringe #like. can we go. two seconds without treating people with mental disorders like a spectacle. please. you dont have to have a ''take'' on it #idk and i also avoid online did communities bc theyre the most exhausting spaces you can ever be in and theres constant fighting about #literally anything and everything. like. maybe i would like to find a space to meet other people with similar experiences to my own. #and we dont get that!! we literally cannot get that. and this goes for a lot of mental health related stuff but like my god #and im very lucky to have other people i know in real life who also have did so i can in some amount have that support system (hah.) #but it is EXHAUSTINGG that people cannot go literally a day without saying something stupid about systems #or i can be following someone for years and unprompted they will saysomething heinous thing about did and hide it behind something like #get a load of how weird and cringey kids are getting online these days. #and CHRISTT thats a whole OTHER issue i REALLY dont wanna talk about because it has its own whole set of nuances but like jeeeesus #is it really so hard for people to grasp that brains when exposed to traumas at a young age will be affected by it in weird ways. #idk man ive been seeing a lot of offhanded disregard for systems recently and it's so normalized and it's starting to get to me i guess #i wish people could just go well this is something i dont understand and dont need to have an opinion on and move on with their lives. #what the hell ever this is all to say having did has impacted my life in a lot of complicated and intricate and hard to explain ways and it #sometimes painful and awful but other times is an incredible experience and ALSO. most IMPORTANTLY ! #i should be able to make jokes about BEING FRIENDS with SHADOW THE HEDGEHOG!! in REAL LIFE!!! #and not have to deal with SUICIDE BAIT IN MY INBOXX BECAUSE OF IT!!! #WHATEVERRR !!! RANT OVARRR I HAVE NOODLES TO MAKE AND EAT #.... WITH my friend SHADOW!!! #.txt #and btw this isnt about anyone ik here so dont worry im not upset with any mutuals etc etc and all that. #in fact i love getting the chance to chat about it n it can be fun to teach stuff to people who know how to like...be normal about it LOL #<3

[whomturgled]

i have so many feelings and i hate it

#and regrets of any time ive acted up or feel like in hindsight it wasnt cherishing the time i have w them as i shld be and #and things i want to do with them still and ways to love them and be loved and understand their way of loving and #i think we can be so good together and. i miss them. and i hope they miss me. #i really hope theyll miss me soon and want me again and . ik its maybe a little messed up but i want to believe and trust and #its hard and it hurts but. i really feel theres a great connection and if i need to chill out a bit and remember myself more thats fine #and on me for getting so like. moody recently. altho i kinda feel like part of that is med changes but u__u still i need to be able to like #be better and i think they make me better and so happy and. im so comfortable with them and i love them and i wld want to make it work #even if it had to be distance but i dont think i want to just be their friend like maybe but it would hurt a lot bc i love them so much #and i hope they wanna be with me too still and will allow me to romance them yknow flowers and adventures and love and take care and... yea #and maybe some of this was just them going thru a lot rn and im sorry for adding pressure to it and i want to be the comfortable respite an #auurgrgghfhdhdhhfhfdhh i miss them #i just keep thinking abt them like ill have periods of not but then i do again and. idk. #theres also a lot of complicated feelings and thoughts and its like i want to like. idk. know some of their friends n stuff n. :^( idk #i dont feel well from the stress and emotions and ow of it all #i really hope it isnt just a way for them to let me down i really hope they come back eventually like i wanna believe they will but #ourgsghthfhdhfhghghdhdhwkelftk4bfbhwiwjtjejAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA #i love them a lot. and need to listen more abt more alone time stuff bc it is good for both of us but not like this u_u #ok sorry for rambling i needed somewhere to write feelings so here we are #i guess part of me is hoping theyre thinking abt me at least a bit and maybe will check this and see it and be like wow i do miss them too #but ik thats silly and eitth3u2ieigjtb4jirifjwji24jgntn aahhhhhhhhhhh. i say a lot of things wrong esp when scared or overly emotional and. #urgevshehrhtjrjeitjtnjeeitjtjwjeiigvjiw9384847rhfbwjoe4j4n4j289djrnrnf #i just really really hope they come back soonish and like want me and are like yes i do want you sorry for that but not a huge sorry bc #like i understand where theyre coming from and. and. yeah. idk. soon doesnt have to be today or tomorrow but maybe a week or 2 idk #i just realy miss them and it hurts and i really dont want them with someone else or to just throw it all away andni want to prove i can #like. idk. love them and be better and more positive i guess we've both been dealing w a lot of stuff and i do need to learn to accept and #more patient w how we communicate differently and we do have to face that but its a difficult topic to confront ig and aurh4hwhshhrlffff #i think they love me i want to trust and i really hope they dont try to make any decisions for me or like based on what they think best 4 m #bc i get to decide that :^( #when i said let down i meant like. leave my life and never talk to me again and stuff.. ;^(. idk how to feel abt some things but. idk. idk. #theres so many feelings and that all is just a pretty vague tip of the iceberg ugh