#theres always more to say yknow...

[kissycat]

I overuse ellipsis so much it's because of my pensive nature...

#p #theres always more to say yknow...

[unexpectedbrickattack]

experimentin w shit heehee

#fake peppino #arts #mine #horror #eye strain #guh #body horror #a lil tho but i just think thats a more commonly blacklisted tag than 'horror' #spooky month is the only time im like. i guess i should TRY to draw spooky shit #i always feel like my style is too loose and roumnd to convey it in the way i want to #but spooky month is like okay u can fuck around and fuck up and itll still be good. the spirit of spookyness n all that #i love horror so much but it feels so hard to grasp. like what is ACTUALLY scary yknow? #its very easy to say whats not scary but then its also so hard to stop urself from doing the same things lol #to be fair. stories and 'motion' (through the use of comics or animations) are far easier ways to convey things like suspense n stuff #still art is like. well that is an image alright lol #not entirely true tho; theres an artist i dont know the name of that did trailcam images that were photorealistic #and theyre sooooooooo fuckin creepy #like when i get around to doing more fp art i wanna use that and the lighting in it as practice #okay thats it i think; gonna draw furry shit bc i need comms yay yippeeeeeee

[mukuberry]

saying kazui's story is about homophobia isn't wrong, but it's focusing entirely on a small part of the overall picture. even if kazui lived in a world where being gay was accepted, he'd still be suffering, because it's so much more than that. the toxic expectations and pressure forced onto men all their lives, the level of responsibility and independence adults are assumed to have, the huge importance placed on family- these are huge parts of his character that i worry people overlook in favour of just talking about queerness

#i had more to say but i dont wanna take away from the main point here;; #even if kazui is revealed to not be gay‚ his story won't change all that much #obviously his queerness is still an important factor- its why he cant just 'try harder' to change and live normally #its something inherent to him thats always been there and meant he couldn't make his relationship with hinako work #but im worried ppl will focus entirely on that yknow :< #theres more than just what i listed but those are the main themes i can think of rn;; #milgram #kazui mukuhara

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

teen sugu is a wolf but geto is a fox . u wouldnt get it

#”ari are you thinking about suguru and his thematic connection to canines again” maybe 😔😔 #this is so important though i promise its important !!! #teen sugu is a wolf who pretends to be a dog right. domesticated. polite. hes mastered the art of the customer service smile #but GETO is a fox hes sly hes cunning hes always one step ahead #hes a little silly. etc etc. #and geto doesnt hide the fact that hes a fox either he showcases it openly #do u understand. do u see the vision. #if u hide ur true nature it becomes more and more untamed but if u stop feeling shame over it it mellows out #im not saying geto is more hinged than sugu bc he isnt but. theres smth to be said abt this… #like which is more twisted. a wolf who plays dog or a fox who plays god #yknow? #anyway enough abt sugu. gojo is a cat <33 a little kitty cat <333 thats all.

[randomwriteronline]

“Almighty Sinnoh above, below and all around me.”

Palkia hears the human, although that is not their name; but when one can see all places all at once, it is easy to understand when their attention is called.

“I apologize for the intrusion. I come to pray to you.”

Palkia listens. They always do, when they are called: Parent allows it, and Parent has taught them to hear closely when called by what is much, much smaller, and much, much frailer.

“I pray for your guidance and your gaze upon me.”

Palkia listens. This human does not simply think his prayers like others do. This human murmurs beneath his breath, as his thoughts are far too loud.

“Please, I beg of you. I ask for a glimmer of clarity.”

Palkia is as shifting as the waters: in the same manner as liquids do, they coat all that their infinity can touch. It is a small infinity, compared to Parent’s - but it is vast and wide nonetheless.

“Please, I beg of you. I fear this is not where I want to be.”

Palkia can reach as far as the oceans expand, below and above the ground. But they are not Parent; they cannot know all.

“Please, I beg of you. Please. Lead me home. Please.”

Palkia could ask for their sibling to answer the human, as they certainly could help. But what then? Humans are much, much smaller, and much, much frailer. If Dialga answers them, will this one be shunned by their people?

“Please, I beg of you. Please, lead me home, please, please, please. I beg of you, please, lead me home. I beg of you. Please. Please. Please.”

Palkia cannot do so. They cannot help, for they must only listen, not lead. Humans make their own fortunes, Parent said, and intervening may turn quite dangerous for them, as they are much, much smaller, and much, much frailer.

“Please, I beg of you... Please... Please...”

Palkia rubs their muzzle on the human’s shoulder; that is how Parent comforted them, when they and their sibling were still expanding so soon after their births.

The small, frail thing will not know it is them: it will be a trickle of water melted out of some snow, seeping into the dark cloth they never part from, sending a shiver down their arm.

#pokémon #pokemon legends arceus #palkia #submas ingo #random writing #benevolent and compassionate (if not always fully comprehending humanity) deities my beloveds #palkia and dialga are like. sort of herding dogs when it comes to humans yknow. feeling responsible towards them #the ancient hero showed arceus humans can be a handful and also very neat and arceus taught their kids that #giratina was brooding in the distortion world so they had to learn that later #i also imagine that being Constantly Expanding like time and space are probably translates to Wild Bone Pains for Newborns #i. dont pray. but ive been told that it can be very comforting #so even if ingo was maybe at first sort of forced to by idk.. gaeric. he might have later turned to it more genuinely in moments of turmoil #theres a way we say where i come from when you get this big sadness inside of you for no apparent reason #'avere/farsi venire il magone' which. i can only translate literally as 'having/getting the Big Wizard' #but yeah i imagine ingo might get it sometimes. just an intense melancholic sadness. and praying might help a bit #as i said: compassionate deities (who dont understand humanity but still want to help) my most beloved

[dishsaop]

does anyone have recommendations for fictional media that has like. actual lesbians in it. not like supergirl Two White Skinny Girls, One Blonde and One Brunette Kiss media, or "its implied lesbianism!!!" but just regular fucking lesbians

#i say lesbians but i guess i mean sapphic #im just like. tired of gnawing #and of men also. sorry men in my life i love you but on god if i have to pretend one more man is butch just to get #content that isnt m/m or m/f im going to turn into a horse and run into the wilderness until im saved from the glue factory by a plucky #young woman except instead of letting her have her formative summer where she trains me and bonds w me and wins a competition w me #im going to commit horse suicide in front of her & change her life forever. just because im so tired of bland CW-marketable women kissing & #digging for scraps in a refuse bin while brushing aside 7002993829292929939292929399394 gay and het romances #m text #i will also take nonfictional lesbians if its like a story #not to be whiny on main but one of the hardest hurdles i had to jump wasnt realizing i was a lesbian. i came out to myself and to friends a #lesbian multiple times. but i would always walk it back when a friend would express doubt or a male friend would ask me out #bc i dont and especially then didnt know very many lesbians in person. and so i had to turn to examples #and all i fucking had were fictional women who liked men. or fictional lesbians who were so cleaned and sanitized and prettified #(you all know what i mean right. the 2 skinny white girls one blonde one brunette. im not crazy right) #and i would be like. i dont feel things when i look at these fictional lesbians so i guess i belong back here #(this is also bc my gender ended up being fuckier than i realized but shhhhh) #I WAS GOING SOMEWHERE WITH THESE TAGS but theyre too long and im lost. #anyway the point is if people werent so fucking weird abt fictional or onscreen lesbians maybe thered be a lot more people comfortable bein #out as lesbian #like sorry but this awful ouroboros of 'all lesbians onscreen have to be cute and sanitized' meaning that people write and believe wlw has #to be cute and pure and sanitized (OR a 'badge of honor' bc good for u u doodled two women together or had it as a background in ur fic) #meaning that therefore all portrayals of lesbianism continue to be like this. is just #and im also gonna be honest theres probably a lot of good sapphic media im just in the wrong circles to have stumbled into lol. so #yknow. personal viewer bias here #but i still like swing wildly between overly brandishing my dykeness as a badge to feel like im proving im lesbian #and like. backing up under a blanket bc i dont wanna be weird or annoying or freak people out #but if people just Saw Normal Ass Lesbians. aough. #im going to watch revolutionary girl utena one of these days even if i struggled w the writing style the first few episodes #I JUST WANNA SEE AN OLD BUTCH ONSCREEN GET SOME PUSSY. #like it also doesnt help im mostly femme4butch so seeing 2 femmes on screen is like. okay cool so what. but only femmes are 'marketable'

[skeletalheartattack]

theres another member of zarbons species in the moro arc of dragon ball super! he transforms into a differentmonster form than zarbon

Yuzun! i know him! or well, i kinda know him. i'm not really caught up or invested in anything Dragon Ball related beyond Buu Saga, but i've learned somewhat about him.

i think he's pretty neat! and i'm really happy they expanded Zarbons race just a little bit with Yuzun. though you hate to hear how he went out... there's no peace for my mans race. i hate this solar system. fuuuck.

#ask #shelbybunny #i like his design :) although its really hard to top zarbon's.............. <- sorry just those combinations of words turned off his brain. #understand okay? #i think his monster form is cool! idk if id be as weird about his monster form as i am with Zarbons :) but i like him #i dont know if Super would have this part in the anime... idk anything about super... but i imagine Yuzun having a surfer dudes voice #kinda like yajirobe's voice yknow #atleast that was always my first impression. though i guess i could see a similar regal voice coming from him #though ogh those wrist bands. i dont think anything for me could top Zarbons arm warmers #Zarbons arm warmers have always stuck out in my brain as like one of my favourite details. #literally would love to have some like... thick pink nylon arm warmers. thats how ive always imagined Zarbons to be #or a fabric similar to nylon. that smooth soft fabric yknow. that good shit. #i think if i wore those my brain would turn off because id be stimming those shits. #anyway :) yuzuns really neat. continuously happy knowing theres more of his race than just Zarbon #fuck frieza girlies. there'd be so much more of Zarbons race if it werent for that bitch bastard. #i'll never get behind the frieza zarbon dynamic. ive always kinda seen zarbon as being afraid of frieza #like its more obvious near his last few episodes in the show but. ugh man. #i believe what zarbon said in his final moments of saying he'd turn to vegetas side and go against frieza. #then that little bitch put a hole in him. horrible horrible. hate on planet namek. #anyway! thank you for the ask :) i appreciate getting to talk about Yuzun a little bit

[toastsnaffler]

sometimes I wish I was a more interesting + charismatic person just so I could keep conversations going bc I like sharing space with other ppl but they routinely lose all interest and leave once I run out of things to say/start talking abt things that don't concern them :-(

#and boy do I run out of things to say so fast when I'm talking to friends who ik dont give a fuck abt any of my interests... #theres only so much i can make small talk or ask them questions abt their own interests/lives yknow. man #it just makes me feel like im constantly competing with smth else for other ppls attention all the time + constantly losing #eg. when i say smth + my flatmate reaches for her headphones a little dark souls banner appears across my vision like INTERACTION FAILED #and i can feel my rsd + insecurities praying on it like the more i feel this way the more it prophetically fulfils itself #by making me less willing to try and take up space so i become a smaller and smaller person around others #it frustrates me a lot sometimes and i dont rly have the will rn to undo that and force myself to take up more space regardless #ik this sounds like a water is wet complaint like oh nooo woe is me people get bored of me when i talk abt boring things (!!) #but when im spending time w ppl i like i enjoy listening to them talk even if im not interested in the subject bc its Them talking #and if they care abt smth then its worth hearing abt!! to me anyway. but it rly feels like no one reciprocates that idk #oh well not that it matters. at least i like the shit im into so i can talk to myself abt it in my head or on this site lmao #and i like myself as a person even if other people dont so theres always that. ur no 1 should always be urself <3 #voicing this makes me feel so stupid + embarrassed urgh. i hate being anxious abt dumb shit i hate being the sort of person who worries #that their friends privately dislike/just tolerate them or whatever bc id never want a friend to worry abt whether i thought that abt them #and im not naturally a very insecure person!! i think im just feeling particularly vulnerable atm bc of the season + jobhunting so long #+ the fact im dissatisfied with my current social life + still feel very wobbly from not having other ppl i can trust or rely on etcetcetc #and thats just bleeding into other areas. and it sucks a lot. but theres nothing to be done abt it rn bc im not going to communicate it #to other ppl bc im not pathetic enough to make my anxieties someone elses problem + beg for pity attention im too proud for that 👍 #anyway. gonna play some noita + then i rly need to work out today bc thats probs part of why im feeling so shite #if ur reading this ignore me im just venting itll pass. i hope youre having a nice day :^) #.vent #.diaries

[trainingdummyrabbit]

its 5am thats good enough. anyway if i were to be odd and offputting like genuinely would u all be mad at me be Honest

#piktalk #''> > it kinda.. sucks.. but theres so many people here and it makes me nervous. like waaay more than im used to #i find myself tempted t just completely remake sometimes but thats not really feasible. #i Have to be a certain way bc thats what ive always been. its getting really hard though. #you cant just like... Stop; like that. youre not supposed to; you have to be certain; and im not. #i wish i could indulge in the relief of certainty but that comes with an intrinsic selfishness im not ready to weild. sighs. #i dont want to be this (but thats cruel to you And those who knew you) idk what i want to be (who says i can decide?) #idk who i Am either (youre just supposed to Know; and yet..) . yknow??? #i dont even remember what i am snd am not supposed to be saying. i want to start over but im not brave enough. #or safe enough really. this is a horrible time. sighs.

[marenwithanm]

Hoooo the phantom hourglass brainrot is real rn. I can't draw or write anything to explain it bc I need to go to bed Soon o'clock, but please know I am. Gnawing on the walls thinking about it.

#the wind waker trilogy is so so special to me ♥️ #(gee its almost like if you actually give link and zelda time to hang out and develop a relationship they become more appealing characters) #what who said that? #now thats not to say i don't like the other iterations of link and zelda #its quite fun to extrapolate off of whats there #but that's just it you gotta extrapolate #like a link between worlds is fantastic and theres a lot of hints at Zelda's personality and such #but its just hints #youre just expected to be invested in her #which granted i am #but yknow not grear character writing #i hear skyward sword does this amazingly tho #admittedly i havent gotten past faron woods in that game yet #but ive seen some clips and theyre... so good???? #'do what ive always done for you sleepyhead... come wake me up' #IM CRYING??????? #anyways #rambling over lol #tetra #link #phantom hourglass #wind waker #loz #legend of zelda

[bmpmp3]

I NEEED to go back to making art that makes it ABUNDANTLY clear that theres something wrong with my brain BUT NOT in a cool or stylishly interesting way. i need to do it in a way that makes people say "hm." and walk away

#sowwy ive been kinda going through it in my fine arts major rn can u tell HJKSDHKFd #ive been feeling like. scared. and paralyzed by marketability and branding. #i cant stop thinking about how other people will see my art. but not like in a good way #when i was younger i thought about it in a good way. like hee hee hoo hoo the act of looking connected us hee hee #but rn i keep thinking about it in like this wretched like consumer product mindset? ouhhghhhhh el problema es el capitalismo #and like maybe this works for some people. to think like this. to make art like this. its what my professors push me towards #not intentionally. they dont say it out loud at least. im not sure if they know or not some of the irony #my professors are nice and pretty smart and talented and i like em. but sometimes i wonder like. the push for us as students to make like #marketable 'avant garde'? stuff thats safe but pretending to be weird and out there #i dont mean to sound pretentious. in general i play it too safe myself (spent too much time as an edgy 10 year old with my #parents freaking out over my shoulder because they think the fact that i drew an anime character frowning means something serious LOL) #but i dunno man. my least interesting art with the least amount of care thought or effort always gets so much more attention in school #nowhere else oddly. online? people like my more passionate but seemingly frivolous art (oc art etc. not frivolous to me but yknow how it is #same with irl artists and other industry people outside my school. whats going on in my school LOL #i know from experience i cant push myself into a supposedly marketable brand. if i try to make something sell it will not. #i dont know why. maybe theres an invisible essence buyers can tell when i didnt care jkfsldjdfrds #but my teachers LOOOOVE the stuff i put no passion in its so bizarre orz but i gotta relearn how to ignore half of their advice #i used to be better at it. but i also only used to ignore like a quarter of their advice. maybe i need to amp up how much im ignoring #that sounds mean. they have plenty of good advice. but also plenty of advice thats clouded by their own biases #and i gotta relearn how to sort out this stuff again. i forget every few months for some reason #you know i always think ouuhhhhh i act so neurotypical ouhhhhhhhhh im outgoing i talk to strangers all the time i seem confident #im so masked IM SO MASKED but then i go a couple weeks where every conversation i have has people looking at me like #i have two heads and neither of them are speaking their language. and then i descend into madness like this HJKLDSHJDS #i'll be fine i'll figure it out. i need to stop trying to get a good grade in being a 'cutting edge' conventional artist <3 #i need to just. draw my cartoon characters in peace 😔😔😔

[sundial-bee-scribbles]

3, 6, 14, 15, and 20

uhhhhh i'll just do these 3 b/c i've been thinking abt them lately

3. have they died before? as it currently stands, spencer's dead dead yeah and not coming back, lucian is also dead (stuck as undead in his main timeline and while he might've suffered a less terrible death in other ones he still is probably dead in those). in aurelio's case they tried to execute him but it didn't work so i don't know if that counts as a death technically? don't know if he's completely immortal either but he survived the execution so that's gotta count for something lmaoo?

6. what's their greatest fear? aurelio's is loneliness and i think lucian's would be death; at the moment i can't think of one for spencer but? i suppose fearing consequences would be very fitting for him.

14&15. are they trans? / are they neurodivergent? up to interpretation.

20. will they recover from their trauma or will it consume them? i actually think, given enough time after the main story events, aurelio might, eventually. but the whole point of spencer & lucian's storylines is that, no they dont lol: i'd say their stories focus on the effects of not allowing yourself to move on from your trauma and fixating on it to the dangerous point of destroying everything around you and yourself (ESPECIALLY in lucian's). there is the small chance that maybe in one alternate timeline lucian does actually somewhat recover in some part, but for his main timeline nah

#ask #my ocs #aurelio #spencer #lucian #lol i wasnt actually expecting to get one of these?? i wouldve done all the main protagonists but we are NOT ready to unpack all that yet #aurelio and lucians fears are kinda funny given how they ended up ahjkskh. and spencer's def would be too given his circumstances #but tbh he's kind of a shit person so like. lol. SORRY HKJSHK he becomes less sympathetic the more i think about his story 😭😭 #see for 14&15 i have other ocs where its more explicitly implied/stated but for these guys im hesitant on officially saying anything b/c #like. keep in mind they kill people so 😭. i dont want people to jump to the conclusion that im demonizing trans and/or nd people #i do welcome alternate readings of my stuff and if u wanna make ur own personal hcs but my og intent is never to be demeaning/hateful :( #im always just scared of people taking things the wrong way in my stories oof. theres a lot of complexities/nuance yknow #i do know there's certain details in aurelio & lucian's stories that you could piece together and interpret them as trans possibly? #which wasnt the og intent but they are there so again up to personal interpretation; spencer i feel is most likely cis tho lmfao 😭 #funnily enough tho some other charas in his story sorta got their genders transed during development?? #again ALL of this though is under major development so a lot of stuff definitely isnt final. lots of story things in my head #i spilled tea all over myself and my computer in the process of answering this 😭😭😭

[gemwolfz]

DO NOT LET THE GEM SHOWER

IT WILL LEAVE THE WATERS THINKING ABOUT WANTING TO EXPAND ITS ARTSTYLE WHEN IT NEEDS TO DO MATH

#i would like to do more with human versions of the keroro platoon #but i just. dont draw humans much #and so all my human characters are just. the most barebones default character shit #(shrek voice) gem doesn't even draw tiddies! #for instance. its always skinny. not extreme twink stuff but. #but. lookat for instance tamama. #tamama is very very physically strong and also loves loves sugar and sweets #that frog is not thin. that frog has something approaching a strongman build #and i would like to portray him in that way. but i need to practice that. #and then you go over to HAIR #cause if you look at my colored drawings of giroro and dororo #youll see that i gave them dark skin while at the same time just keeping whatever generic animesque hair they had on paper #which. tch. it's FINE... #but i can be cooler than that. #to say theyre aliens and its not that deep would be THE PATH OF COWARDS #(theres a critical lack of variety in the way i draw hair in general anyway so) #basically i need to break out of my 'guys who look like me' bias. yknow how it is. #i could make them in the sims to better portray my vision but then with the sims i have to make faces :/ #i hate cas. i open cas and suddenly i have never seen a human face in my life. #im trying it anyway though #(face in hands) i have a precal test tomorrow im supposed to be studying #but... my vision... i need to manifest my vision!!

[tomwambsgans]

i'm just gonna say it. on the app that could reasonably be called Misinformation: The Website, where you have no good reason to believe almost anything that anyone says, where people are known to play genuine fucked up long cons where they go so far as to fake a disability, or stage scenes of verbal/emotional abuse with their partners, or make some other incredibly serious claim only to eventually come out and admit that they lied or faked it to be *interesting* or whatever... i think it's wise to take the anecdote of a single random person with a grain of salt

#if it was in any other format on any other website yknow #but it's just not even framed like an 'i'm coming out to talk about this' type video #tiktok is genuinely a platform of ANY attention being good attention to the point that 'always believe victims'. as awful as it seems #has to stop applying. because ppl fr make the most heinouse lies on there and are PROVEN to have lied #like there simply has to be a layer of suspicion here cmon. i'm worried and anxious too but i'm not gonna take one video as FACT #i'm frankly shocked that the masses are doing just that rather than just saying 'wtf i hope this isn't true' #if there's some other stuff beyond the one video that i just haven't seen yeah please send it to me i guess #but if it really is just the one video i really don't understand why this is happening #ntm how vague the story even is? #its literally 'he wanted to have sex and i said no and i heard he had sex with someone from my hs' #no names no reciepts no anything except proof that they did meet #theres plausible deniability of her even corroborating the story that anything happened to anyone else #bc she didnt even say that she heard FROM the other girl herself or anything #literally all this is rn is a story from someone who wanted to say that nick isnt babygirl #like sorry but im gonna need to hear a bit more before i do anytbing drastic

[possumteeths]

when i was in middle school i was just obsessed with having white skin. i googled a thousand things, went to the asian beauty store to get skin bleaching products. I took weird fkn lemon baths and stuff. And like i guess I never realized how fucked up that was?

Every time I come across the term porcelain skin I want to throw something. Bodily descriptions in books these days are much much better than they were when I was twelve but fanfic is still very much in the past. Obviously i’m not inserting myself in everything I read, I like to be like fifteen steps away from the story but someone exceptionally beautiful is always described with such white centric terms and often the stupid term porcelain skin. Its annoying and stupid and can we stop saying this dang phrase lol.

#even the whitest goddang person isnt porcelain #im pale as hell compared to the rest of my ppl and its just kinda weird to think back and remember that I was once so ashamed and #embarrassed of my skin color id cover every inch of my body and had long ass hair to hide my face #and everyone was like lol ur goth but like nah! its much worse #i also understand this might just be a me problem but like i think there is something to be said that something beautiful or lovably fragile #is always goddamned described with white ass terms #Also u need to be conscious of the way u describe side characters when ur main character is ~porcelain~ and white #If ur mc is so cool and badass sexy u need to be so conscious of the way they speak and the terms they use and the terms you use to describe #their thoughts and actions #U need to be conscious of how u describe side characters as well its just important to understand the indirect ways that your privelege has #affected you #Yknow also its important to understand the way the world has shaped your thoughts and your person esp when ur a white person writing a poc #I dont rlly feel like idk explaining this in detail but I guess im saying that people need to be more conscious of the way they indirectly #come across and the way that certain terms are outdated and just about harmfull #if ur describing a corpse sure use porcelain skin lol but dont have every instance of bodily description circle around their whiteness #and especially dont have poc characters described in any less affection #if ur white mc is porcelain and beautiful and ur supporting poc character is described rough and u talk abt their scars and etc its weird #cause like CLEARLY everyone on this earth doesnt have perfect perfect skin #its much more interesting to describe ur characters skin and the minor imperfections they have because it tells me about them #it builds something yknow? if ur character is porcelain then theres nothing that tells me abt the character other than that you as an author #find this to be fitting as a descriptor and it says a lot #and like this goes for poc also like poc can write just as harmful things as white ppl #Anyways I read a mass effect fic that described sooo many things soooo bad

[jonny-b-meowborn]

gays will have silly little dreams where they meet the mechanisms (the actual immortal pirates from space) and get a lil flirty with at least one of them

#i mean tim obv #in my case #i never have dreams where they appear as the real life actors its always as if the immortal pirates were just real #and in like 90% of those dreams theres a vaguely awkwardly flirty vibe between me and tim #like its always kinda. he is this almost inhuman being that also happens to be in a band so hes aware that people will get celebrity crushes #and im the one with a celebrity crush on him #and you could say this has fanfic energy with how im allowed to like flirt w him without being perceived as a stalker type of fan #yknow #its realistic in how this is never taken seriously and im very awkward but its very unrealistic in how its just okay for me to do #and unrealistic in how its reciprocated for shits and giggles and his ego or whatever #i love having gay little dreams #lmao #i mean i guess its pretty tame in my case #like im assuming that aa lot of people have more like. serious dreams? yknow i mean actually dating the celebrity/fictional crushes #and all that #honestly im not sure if ive ever had a dream where i was actually with my celebrity/fictional crush #it always has that lil bit of realism where i know its not possible to be w them and im always almost as shy and awkward and anxious as irl #and honestly i prefer it that way #y'know with the way my brain works #how i often feel like the people i think about can see my thoughts and all that delusional bullshit #so its nice that even in my dreams where i have 0 control over anything i still dont really cross any boundaries #so i dont feel guilty afterwards i dont feel like i violated anyones boundaries #i know that dreams are absolutely not my actual thoughts im just sayin that its good for my paranoid brain #its just that in my dreams the celebrity/character likes me in some way and thats pretty much it #anyway i love making a meme shitpost thing that can be enjoyed by everyone and then in tags i say things that i should only tell a therapist #hhshdjdjshxbsjnd #the mechanisms #bee buzz