#theyre in my brain and wont Leave

[wispscribbles]

Ghost who's gone prematurely grey due to his lovely past (and Soap who doesn't mind)

#and other weird thoughts at 3 am ! :) #ghostsoap #soapghost #ghoap #soap x ghost #simon ghost riley #john soap mactavish #my art #cod fanart #taking a break from writing ghoap by drawing ghoap #theyre in my brain and wont Leave #wisp when drawing ghostsoap standing stagnant next to each other from the waist up yet again: is this art? #also would like to repeat its 3 am im sorry if this doesnt mke sense #googled about greying prematurely but gave up when it required reading words #so we just pretend this makes sense

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

epic fail <3

#howdy: im about to be soooooo smooth <3 #howdy five minutes later: *putting up a 'Store Closing: Everything Must Go' sign* #all he wanted was to give barns an opening for pickup lines... smh... #while i love the idea of howdy being rizzed as fuck #cause realistically he probs would be #i also like the idea that hes so Cringefail when it comes to romance #he's constantly tripping over himself #luckily for him barnaby loves him anyway! #either that or he Is rizzed. but barnaby is really good at misinterpreting everything he says #both are Amusing! #scribble salad #welcome home #laughingstock #barnaby x howdy #howdy x barnaby #theyre both Such Disasters in my mind #like they both try soooo hard to Convey Their Feelings and they both consistently miss by a hair #and yet half the time they're both still like 'haha nailed it' #babes you did Not. you didn't <3 #I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM THEY WONT LEAVE MY BRAIN I LOVE THEM-

[biblically-accurate-dca]

these are all kind of Bad but this was the best of the bunch so i am posting it :p

i've been trying to draw vanessa more... she is so important to me... sun is here too i guess

#my art #probably wont tag this until later i dont want this in the tags #im mainly posting this because i absolutely need to talk abt something its been bothering me for awhile #im gonna censor this stuff (i REALLY dont want this in the tags) so just bear with me #why doesnt the 🌞&🌜 fandom talk abt v/nessa more. why do we not do that #their entire character is meant to parallel her #there's like a million tiny parallels for them in the games. they were both teased in the hw1 dlc and are both associated with that #🐰 & 🌜's animations (and even their designs) have several similarities to each other #there's a lot of cutscenes and parts of sb where one shows up after the other does.. 🐰 going to the daycare after greggy leaves #🌜 dragging feddy away to parts and service and v/nessa immediately showing up there #the entire 6am ending sequence ??? #literally like the only reason v/nessa isnt more popular is bc like 90% of her character is hidden in unused content #and because 🌞&🌜 are the skinny handsome mysterious and tragic tumblr sexymen #and when they become so isolated from their source all of their parallels to her are used to instead repackage her character into a more #appealing design for everyone to fawn over and consume #.. im being dramatic but AuUGGHTHHF IT BOTHERS ME SO MUCH PLEAAAE3 pleaseee please i love her. #its so hard being in the 'i want to kiss this robot' fandom when you dont actually want to kiss the robot #i just think theyre an interesting character 😭 and also my adhd brain obsesses over them endlessly so im just stuck here HFJSJGJD #anyway these tags got way too long dont read these. im going to bed now

[sky-bee42]

I see people being like "I feel like I'm interrupting something when i watch fit and pac" recently but I see them and I'm like. "I need to study them under a microscope. I need to witness all of the sappy silly low-key cringe things they do together and I need to gather it all up and cherish it." I love them so much n it's fun to joke about how insufferable it can get but. I really love it. I spent almost all of my 25 minute subway ride home today watching the same 3 fitpac clips on loop bc I couldn't stop giggling to myself about them. These cubitos are gay as shit and it feels great seeing these characters who are so nervous abt messing things up but love each other regardless of all of the things that they've done/have been to them.

#qsmp #fitpac #i cant stop thinking about these gay cubes man #theyre in my brain and they wont leave #theyre not just living in my head rent free they kicked me to the curb my head belongs to them now #i need to break back into my own brain #and take it back from pactw and fitmc

[myighlou]

haha maybe one of the primary reasons that harry finally goes to therapy after the game (41st being a busy station, and harry not remembering a single thing, and kim transferring might not help too much with leaving everyone with a ton of free time) is how he realizes how much hes started idolizing kim. his own innocence right in front of him. staring up at him like he did a broken stained glass windown not so long ago. maybe his final push to prioritize getting therapy, not letting this all too familiar feeling take him over again. he might not remember exactly but hes seen what it resulted in first hand, hes experienced it. 

third times the charm, this time it might completely tear both of them down, untill there is nothing left. there is remnants of the previous two times within him and jean and in a bit of everyone around them. harrys bearly starting to connect the dots of his previous life but he knows for certain it would be the last time if he spirals into this obsession again.

(i like to think that a bit after jean and harry met and became partners at 41st, they dated for like a month max. harry was still reacently recovering from the breakup with dora and jean was there as a sort of savior from that. right person wrong time sort of thing ig? then broke up after realizing how fucking bad it was for both of them. maybe they still might be a bit bitter it didnt work out and maybe they still want it to but in the end it was better (not by much) for eveyone like this)

the ending where kim joins 41st (ive only played that one so far and havent watched any of the others yet, but man its been living in my head rent free) is such a catalyst for change within 41st. one of the top detectives from an other station is already going to be such a big help to lessen the stress and workload for the others already there. kims arrival, and harry seeking therapy (hopefully jean too that bitch needs it a shit ton too), it gives the whole station time to breath, to truly catch a break. with a slightly lessened work load on each of the members, they have time to focus on things other then work, to not have to drink themselves into amnesia on the job (*cough cough* harry- but imo jean and the others just as much, theyre more responsible on the job but its hard as fuck on them too, especially with harry pre game) 

within time, lots of time, they can all grow close again, harry can get to know each of them over again and things can not just go back to the way they were but better 

thats what i wanna think anyway, pls just let then be happy oml

anyway thats all i wrote this at 2 am pls dont mind if its fucked lmaoo

#slightly horrified of watching or playing any of the other endings #this is how i keep myself somewhat sane #theyre happy and theyre doing great and are all going to get better and theyre fine and #thinking ab this is the only thing keeping me alive atp after the game #anyway ya #dumping my thoughts into the void at 2am #disco elysium #harrier du bois #harry du bois #kim kitsuragi #jean vicquemare #de #theyre all ive been able to think ab i hate them #ALSO FUCKING DOLORES DEI #been thinking ab her too #inspired by a post i saw a couple days ago thats been just in my brain. it wont leave #ill find it then reblog it after posting this

[lesbicosmos]

ok i swear i posted something like this ages ago but i can't find it so fuck it im posting it now

so im rewatching torchwood with my mum rn and im also in the middle of listening to tma so i can't get the idea out of my head that the torchwood team and the archives staff are literally the same people in slightly different genres, like torchwood just deal with aliens instead of the supernatural

anyway here's the character parallels i can think of

jack - jon

both the boss of the group

everyone hates them at one point or another

burdened with a fate they can't avoid (immortality/being an avatar)

bisexual (jack's omni but that's under the bi umbrella so it counts)

really doesn't like their love interest at first

ianto - martin

in love with their boss from like the very beginning

tea man / coffee man

softie but also like...don't get on their bad side.

Tragic Backstory™

one of their first interactions with their jobs was because of an animal (myfanwy counts as an animal here, then the dog from the trailer/liveshow)

tosh - sasha

the reliable one

definitely queer

dead (sorry)

owen - tim

the flirty one

bisexual

probably the one who hates their boss the most

dead (sorry again)

gwen - daisy

joined the group later

ex-police

easily angered

bonus: if gwens daisy, this makes andy basira lmao

literally the only difference is there's no elias - there's no evil boss, jack's just an enigma

#yes this makes jurgen leitner a weevil. #this probably has the nichest audience ever but idc the parallels wont leave my brain #imagining the torchwood crew trying to deal with the fears is hilarious tho #theyre somehow even more dysfunctional than the institute staff #torchwood #tma #the magnus archives #jack harkness #ianto jones #gwen cooper #toshiko sato #owen harper #jon sims #martin blackwood #sasha james #tim stoker #daisy tonner

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#hello to anyone who happens to b interested in the saga of my life... also maybe the irl person i gave my url to... hopefully my blog #didnt freak her out too much lol. anyway so its been a busy week? 2 weeks? month? year? life? its been a lot. my parents helped me move #across the country from the desert to somewhere that's beautiful and green. my dad is so jealous of me lol its so so so pretty and theres s #so much to do. will i do any of it? that remains to be seen but im gonna try to be better about that sort of thing. try to get some help #with the thoughts in my head that keep me from doing and enjoying most things. its weird like im decorating my new room which i love. the #location and living situation seem ideal and i really hope i can stay here all 5 years of my program but i was picking a lot of bright #colors and now it feel uncomfortable. like if i wear things that r too bright or my room is too bright without dark contrast it feel weird #like if im wearing it it kinda makes me feel sick. idk what thats abt. anyway. ill try to heal my brain and im just so happy to b out of the #southwest. i was so so so excited when we were leaving thr city and even more so when we left the state. i cant believe im here. in December #it felt like a million years away and i really truely could not fathom how i was gonna survive that long. my thoughts were so distorted. but #i did and here i am. and in like a month i should b starting my phd program and my parents were telling me how excited ppl r for me and #jealous of where im living and im glad. im glad they're excited. i think i am too but its under a layer of: if i get excited it wont happen #im not allowed to b excited or it wont happen. which is irrational but ya kno. anyway so that's yeah. im so happy to have a fresh start and #the town seems super cool. a liberal blip in a sea of... not that so theyre very visibly pride forward haha and i think itll b way easier #for me to get around without driving. and im gonna try to make friends. i need someone to tell me where to get tattoos haha. so yea im happy #but exhausted and i dont wanna go back to work and so so greatful to my parents for being wonderful ppl idk how bc both of them had fucked #up childhoods. like my mum will say the saddest shit and im like bro this is y i don't wanna talk to my grandma fuck her and my dads parents #r so fucked. like my nana is the reason im so fucking control freaked out but i kno i have issues and she has no insight and thinks shes #better than everyone. anyway hopefully i can get back to drawing a posting more now. ive been drawing it its been in a sketch book #like an actual sketch book for sketching big ideas thst r gonna take fucking forever to draw 😭 #so that's all. just uprooted my whole life. thats all. but in a good way :-] #unrelated

[agamemnion]

weep now. tomorrow, we call for war // agamemnon, menelaus

#agamemnon #menelaus #greek mythology #my art #i like my menelaus happy #but sometimes utterly defeated #and sometimes enraged #adds flavor. adds spice #im gonna be annoying srry #but sometimes i think theyre codependent on eachother #no one comes out of that house healthy #aga being. its us against the world menelaus. #and menelaus running to aga cause aga is constant and will always be next to him and wont. leave. #srry brain rot #anyway i love them and i want to chew on both of them like a squaky toy

[lazaruspiss]

not sure how i manage to be bad at making a self insert lmao, i always end up developing them into an entire OC in the end

#ramble tag #smth smth all art is self insert to a degree bc u cant help but leave pieces of urself in it #and also i have no proper self image. idk if thats bc of the identity related dissociation or what #unrelated but ive been trying to get more comfortable w the whole. roomies in the brain thing #which is hard bc reading related resources and support makes us shut down a bit so we never get more than a few sentences in lmao #thats like so dumb. i already know guys. we can read about it i promise it wont hurt! #forever thinking about the time a therapist said DID and immediately walked it back bc it was way too soon to call that lol #i still dont call it that bc its hashtag complicated #me looking at that one section of our notes app: have i met literally any of you people #i explained it to my coworkers at my first job like #''ok u know they 'there r 2 wolves inside u' thing? imagine that but many wolves. here let me draw a chart real quick-'' #we took turns more back then for some reason #i miss vie. p sure theyre fine i just havent seen them in a bit.

[mangotelevision]

ronance <3

#these two wont leave my brain #i dont know why #theyre all i've thought about for months #they wont leave me the fuck alone #ronance #robin buckley #nancy wheeler #robin x nancy #stranger things

[dandyshucks]

i keep thinking abt the name Pepper this past week and idk why - cannot tell if it's a name I want to have or another part who's surfaced (maybe split? its entirely possible w the high stress lately) or a name for a character 🤔 it'd be fun to be able to use it for a s/i or maybe create a f/o oc with it though 👀

#but also if it is another part then fhfkdl augh. sigh. #and if it is someone else then theyre verrrrry blendy and co-fronting w me a lot which is... weird #idk!! i will have to just keep thinking abt it i guess and see where this leads to #its an interesting name though :] I've never rly thought abt it much before but all of a sudden it popped up and wont leave my brain sdjskl #dandy.cmd

[the-trans-dragon]

Rendered inert by the crushing of fear of doing things with mediocre skills rather than with precise perfection and efficiency -> Rendered inert hesitant by the realization that I am being Very Visibly Autistic by doing things with precise perfection and efficiency -> just accepting that everyone is looking at me and thinking "oh my god, I didn't know we had THAT kind of weirdo in our community. We need to make that kind of person illegal" which *isn't true* but it's way easier to cope with, than trying to to convince myself that most people are neutral and busy being the protagonist of their own lives and not thinking about writing a memoir titled "This Fucker Is Ruining My Life By Existing Near Me: Plotting Their Demise"

Haha sorry that was just gonna be silly and lighthearted but i lost my way and ended up in Brain Troubles Land <3

#sorenhoots #hm :) i was making good progress on my Social Fears until my state nefariously and purposefully wrote bills to make my wellbeing illegal. #god. i dont know why i keep forgetting they do that. like ive watched them do it to...well...people without citizenship. my state is Extra #Passionate about No Immigrants. >:( and i didnt *forget*... its just hard to make coffee or go buy water while actively *remembering* the #manmade horrors beyond my comprehension. and then its like 'you are being paranoid. not everyone in the store is wishing you were dead.' and #like. true! not everyone. but #someone might be. and it might be someone with the power to make it happen. i mean theres at least ONE person like that here. someone #wrote that bill. and okay maybe 80% of people are neutral about me and not actively wanting to illegalize my wellbeing. but *NEUTRAL* #people can be just as deadly. the neutral people wont fight for me. and so i guess i KNOW that 'not everyone in the grocery store feels #self-righteous disgust at my existence' but it feels like it doesnt matter. it feels like things would be the same even if they did. #neutrality feels like...exile. so maybe its just easier to say 'everytime i leave the house- someone makes me feel unsafe and like a plauge #of humanity' than to explain why neutral intentions hurt if they allow my rights to be taken. #pfff. if ONLY i was *just* a plague of humanity. my entire local society would accept me with open arms! theyd publicly shame anyone who #didnt support me! theyd FIGHT laws restricting my capacity to exist! #ugh. cmon brain. theres good stuff in thr world. look. a fucking flower. goddamn. that is a fucking good flower. im so glad to exist at the #same time as flowers. theyre pretty new! fairly recent #especially compared to photosynthesis or multicellular life. thanks for existing little flower.

[unimportantweirdo]

am i having a crisis about my graduation? yes but not in the way you'd think

#im not proud of myself #im also not not proud of myself #basically i have everyone telling me that theyre proud of me and that the day is all about me and how i should be proud of my degree #and proud of all the shit that i went through with covid #but im not #im neutral about it #my brain wont let me be proud i guess #i survived? sure #so did everyone else #i got a 2:2? great #other people got better #i just feel nothing about it #and i dont want to pretend that i care about it #im going to graduation because my mum would be so upset if i didnt #id be fine with them just emailing me my certificate and leaving me alone #theres nothing special i wanna do or a way to celebrate #what am i gonna do? go out partying with my friends? what friends? i hate drinking why would i celebrate that way? #i dont know #ive been crying over everything being unfair for a while now #im tired and i want to hug someone #@ moots can i have a hug?

[nerdie-faerie]

The universe is actively working against me doing laundry at this point

#student living #Tag talk #was behind on laundry cus my brain is a traitor finally go to do laundry only for my laundry card to have disappeared #staff werent in when i went to residence office on thursday email them on friday when theyre still not there #get a reply that i have to wait until monday. STILL not in office on monday so email the staffs personal email she says she'll leave a #spare in reception on tuesday go there on tuesday theres no card and still the offices are deserted #we had room/flat inspections today and i happened to be in the kitchen while she was doing it so i asked her about the card #she says she forgot and she'll bring it to me after she's finished my block which she does bless #BUT! we only have 2 of each machine and one dryer was occupied when i went to switch which is fine EXCEPT #go to turn the machine on and it start spinning only to stop when the door pops open push the laundry away from the door try again #nope. latch is broken. other machine is still near the beginning of its cycle #go to log a maintenance request while i wait and the damn site wont work im gonna scream

[seungbo-today]

.

#i love seeing other peoples art!! theyre all so pretty and talented!!! #and then i look at mine like... 🫤🫤🫤 #i Know i can draw #just sad its not as good as others #like... it doesnt stop me from drawing anyway #or wanting/trying to improve but :( #i get a lil envious i guess #it's weird #I'm emotional mess ignore me #like my brain is like oh theyre better at this your friends will leave u!!! they wont like ur stuff anymore #but thats not true! people are allowed to like both mine and theirs at the same timeeee!!!!!!!!! #we bring different things to the table!!! we have different style!! different ideas!!! #its hard to shut the negative brain up even tho i KNOw better #Anna happy brain vs sad brain fight in real time #🐝

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#i was rereading thru my last dyslexia assessment and its really interesting. i took it 5 years ago #which is before i really figured out how to be a person and it does match a lot of my struggles #as u might expect. like very very bad short term memory and delay in ability to call words to the surface #the last one might explain why i constantly struggle to find the words im looking for. and obviously my ability to read and spell are very #bad as well. but they dont actually drill down on why. its weird. theyre screening for problems but dont ask what the problem looks like #from my end. like my eyes dont track well across a page and i find it it difficult to read passages because my brain is constantly #interupting me with unrelated thoughts and daydreams. and you woudlnt kno that from reading this report. makes me wonder how nuanced an #understanding of dyslexia we actually have. i should read dyslexia papers bc i find it really interesting #it also makes me kinda sad bc the person assessing me made notes like: very attentive and focused. obviously anxious when under assessment #like aw poor anxious freak lol. i also clearly did not fucking understand what they were asking on the executive function assessment #bc i answered that i had no problems there and i clearly have problems with just about everything asked abt and i kno i did then as well #it must have been academicly originated and like i can do school. im good at school. but everything else is a disaster #to clarify. i wonder how much assessment of how dyslexia is experienced when assessments are just looking got indications that #its happening. bc if u kno its there as a teacher it doesnt really matter what it looks like to u. but i personally find it v interesting #and im sure brain ppl do to. id do a dyslexia brain study. come at me neurologists #also questions like: r u able to stay organized? me: of course! i only exist in like 3 locations so even if i lose things theyre easy to #find in the massive disorganized pile of things i leave behind #its very funny to me reading that report as i take these measurements where my workspace looks a disaster and im constantly losing my pen #and forgetting what i need to do. then suddenly remembering. like can i stay focused? yes. i stay so focused that i burn my brain to dust #ay ay ay. at least i still feel ok abt my measurement taking. tho my ability to sleep is already in decline so im sure that wont last long #bc thats how it goes. an up mood where maybe i wanna run around in circles screaming a bit but its all good. not getting a ton of sleep and #doing too much. then burning out and losing stability. pulled forward by my own compulsive thoughts #but for now were good. and someday ill do a dyslexia deep dive bc i really really wanna kno but also i cant read which makes learning hard #when u want academic info lol #unrelated