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foreveranevilregal · 1 year

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Pepa with insomnia? And how it affects Felix?

I'm back! I know I took a bit of a break from writing, but I'm back to doing prompts. This was a really fascinating idea; I loved delving into how her anxiety spills into insomnia. It's more of a character study, but I really enjoyed writing it. Thanks for the prompt, and I hope you like it!

It was happening again. The dreams. One minute she was sound asleep, the next she was bolting upright, chest heaving from her jagged breaths. There would be no getting back to sleep. She swung her legs over the edge of the mattress, planting her feet on the ground.

He must have sensed the shift in the mattress; the way it dipped lower before rising abruptly. A hand reached out towards her. “Can’t sleep again?” He murmured sleepily.

“No,” she answered quietly. Her hand closed over his, giving it a quick squeeze. “Lo siento, mi amor.”

And sorry she was, she reflected; standing up and turning to face her still sleeping husband, whose body sprawled over half the bed, yet did not encroach on the space meant to be hers. Space that was rapidly cooling, leaving the hand resting there touching cold sheets.

She was familiar with the phenomenon, of course, having experienced it on the other side of sunrise. When her racing mind would finally run out of fuel and allow her to rest, she would collapse into bed. If she was lucky, her sleep would overlap somewhat with Félix’s. Usually, she would fall asleep just as he was rising. And then it was her turn to touch cold sheets.

Of course, they were never quite as cold in the morning as they were in the middle of the night when she would rouse.

Everything was worse at night. The darkness thick, enveloping her like an inky fog. The cacophony of jungle sounds all the more jarring without the noises of people going about their day to camouflage it. The thoughts in her head free to take over, unencumbered by the endless list of errands she would undertake during the day to stave them off.

Thoughts that were currently rendering her unable to sleep next to her husband, the way she should be. That caused her to wake up, trying to smooth out the deep shuddering breaths and calm her pounding heart. That hung the cloud over her head whose smothering presence she could feel more than see.

When her mind raced like this, she felt like a windup toy that someone had wound until the key jammed and then stuck in a box; rattling restlessly, unable to rid itself of the pent-up energy inside. Fortunately, though her mind felt trapped, her body was entirely free to move. So move she would.

Crossing to the other side of the bed, she pressed a gentle kiss to Félix’s cheek, whispering another contrite apology. They both knew that her sleepless nights rolled into miserable mornings, when she would show up for breakfast too late, gulping down scalding hot coffee just to keep herself awake through the meal. The coffee made her heart race, and she didn’t love the bitterness, but she’d learned to accept drinking it black.

She’d learned to accept a lot of darkness in her life.

Like how when she was a young girl, she saw things lurking in the shadows that danced on the walls. Things that her mamá insisted firmly were just a figment of her imagination, sometimes accompanied by a touch of exasperation. At a certain point, the idea that Pepa was too old for such nonsense got peppered in. Pepa had never wanted to make her mamá mad, and she knew how hard she worked all day to keep the encanto running smoothly. After a while, she stopped bothering her mamá with her nighttime torment. But she kept seeing them.

Things that Bruno told her were all manner of scary monsters, waiting to snatch her up. The wider her eyes grew in terror, the more he kept embellishing his stories, lips spreading in an indulgent grin until he would break down in laughter and say he was only kidding.

After Julieta realized this was happening, she scolded him sternly, telling him to knock it off. She tried to reassure Pepa, that the shadows were merely objects around the room leaving their grotesquely stretched imprint on the walls. It wasn’t a bogeyman, just a table and lamp casting an unfortunately distorted shadow.

When they turned 5, their casita had given them magical gifts. Bruno had gotten the gift of prophecy. His stories, though they had gotten rarer, were all the more terrifying now, especially when he made his eyes glow green while he was talking.

Julieta had gotten the gift of healing. Pepa had lost count of how many times she had begged her for an arepa or pandebono or something to heal her from the horrors inside her head. Even though Julieta always obliged her with whatever food she had on hand, it never helped.

Pepa got the gift of affecting the weather with her mood. It was small things at first, like a light drizzle when she was upset, or a few extra rays of sunshine when she was happy. But as she grew, her power did too, and soon, her stormy moods became literal.

Although Casita had provided them with their own magical rooms once they received their gifts, the triplets preferred to keep sharing. They had grown used to having each other around as they slept. Pepa especially craved the closeness, clinging to Julieta fiercely, as if her sister could protect her from the threatening shapes.

Eventually, they got too old to keep sharing and relented to sleep in their own rooms. But Pepa snuck in to see Julieta and Bruno more often than not. Mostly Julieta, but she also liked her brother more at night now that he wasn’t exacerbating her fears. Sometimes she would just curl up into Julieta and cry as sleeplessness took over her young self, relishing the comfort her sister would offer in return. But then the next morning, she would see Julieta with bags under her eyes, and her mother’s words would ring in her ears.

Pepa had to learn how to get through nights by herself.

The way she was doing now, she mused, wandering aimlessly through the hallways. Bright moonlight bathed the floors where it shone in through the windows. She climbed down the stairs gingerly, careful not to wake anyone else. Old wooden floors creaked under her feet, and she did her best to keep her footsteps light. The steps cast a strange shadow on the floor, a violent zigzag stretched so far that if it were a physical object, it would have snapped. But she didn’t fear shadows anymore.

Life had gotten a bit easier once she realized that the shadows weren’t figures lurking there just to scare her. It coincided with the triplets going off to school. Being around other kids, she learned very quickly what was normal and what wasn’t. Shadows, even weird ones, were normal.

Her gift, on the other hand, was not. Most of the time, she could keep it in check. Control it, even. Every time she made it rain on the crops, or sunny to dry clothes, people were always grateful to her and her Madrigal gift. But when her emotions overwhelmed her, when she felt the tears flooding her eyes… well… sometimes she actually flooded. Lord knows the floor of her classroom wasn’t in need of rain. Yet rain she did after failing her first test. And the courtyard didn’t need an ugly gash running through it, but she couldn’t control the bolt of lightning that crashed down next to her. In her defense, those boys shouldn’t have been trying to touch her.

Of course, the piéce de résistance of her long list of weather-related disasters was the hurricane she caused on her wedding day. Okay, it wasn’t exactly her fault. Bruno had provoked her. Again. It was his fault she caused a hurricane.

The shadows that haunted her morphed from literal to figurative. Her dreams were no longer filled with shadowy figures waiting to ambush her. Now they featured her schoolmates, laughing at her for crying so hard she ruined her notebook. Calling her names behind her back, many of which her mamá would have washed her mouth out with soap for repeating. Mocking her mercilessly for anything and everything they could think of, from her hair to, later on, how friendly she was with boys. Mostly from boys she wasn’t so friendly with.

She would always wake suddenly, panting hard, with a shadowy cloud overhead. Her heart would pound like a drum and her hands felt clammy and cold, like they did when she’d get sick all the time before Julieta got her gift. Sleep was impossible, so she’d toss and turn futilely until the sun rose above the horizon, heralded by the rooster.

Until she realized that, if she was already unable to sleep, there was no point staying in bed. After that, she would get up and wander around until she tired herself out enough to sleep again. People would comment on her tiredness, and she’d always make up some lame excuse. They’d also comment on how quietly she walked, and how often she’d startle them. It was an ability born of involuntary practice.

When she got older, she started leaving the house; sneaking out silently to meander around town. Seeing her animal friends always helped her feel a little better, especially the dogs, to whom she’d give an affectionate pat on the head. There were a few spots she liked to visit when the worries got too loud, but her favorite was the river.

Her mother didn’t like her going near the river, always cautioning her against it. Pepa supposed she thought it was too dangerous, that Pepa would fall in and get swept away by the current, never to be seen again, or God forbid, drown. This supposition was never brought up to her mother.

However, Pepa was careful not to fall in (and unbeknownst to her mother, a strong swimmer as well). She’d sit by the bank, bringing her knees to her chest and wrapping her arms around them as she stared into the gleaming blackness of the river, broken up by starlight skittering across the surface. What she really loved about the river was that it was loud. Loud enough to drown out the roaring thoughts inside her head.

This was where she was headed now. She knew Félix would be worried if he woke up yet again to find her half of the bed still empty, so she hoped the thrum of the current would soothe her sooner.

Meeting him had been a godsend. Maybe she was the one that could produce sunlight at will, but he was the real sunshine. Many couples joked about how their spouses were the sun in their lives. In her case, it was actually true.

He’d moved to the encanto when the triplets had turned thirteen. He was a little older, and made his presence known from the get-go. Félix was outgoing, lively, charming, funny... He was able to calm her down when no one else could. She hadn’t even realized she was falling in love with him until one day she saw him holding hands with another girl and got the urge to knock her lights out.

Granted, the other girl would have been all wrong for him. Her friend deserved someone way better. Someone who he enjoyed spending time with, who made him laugh too, who could keep up with his dancing. Someone like…her.

He’d given her a pair of sun earrings after they started officially courting, claiming that when he looked at her, he saw the sun. But he was the real sun. If anything, she was the moon; absorbing brightness from him and reflecting it out into the world. It was a more apt comparison, in her opinion. He was an insufferable morning person, like Julieta. When his enthusiastic effervescence wasn’t getting on her nerves, it gave her the boost she needed to get through those awful morning hours before she fully woke up, even after the coffee kicked in.

And she was a night owl. She liked to stay up late, reading, until his snoring caused her to be unable to focus on what happened with María anymore. Then she’d set her book down and snuggle up next to him, feeling the warmth radiate from his body. At first, she slept a lot better just having him there next to her. But after a while, her night terrors returned once more.

It got worse after Dolores was born. The pregnancy had been so exhausting, she slept clear through the night. But once she was born, Pepa was back to being as twitchy as a mouse. Her dreams changed to accommodate her new fears of being a bad mother, of not caring for her child properly, losing her, hurting her, failing her. Félix, fortunately, was a heavy sleeper, and hardly woke when she did. Pepa would always take care of any nighttime baby business. It just made sense, seeing as she was already awake. Besides, Félix worked so hard…he deserved his rest.

In between caring for her babies, her sleep fluctuated; sometimes better, sometimes worse.

(Except after Bruno disappeared. Then, she would sleep all day and toss and turn all night. But she couldn’t bear to remember that.)

Félix had been wonderful to her throughout all of parenthood. He insisted on taking a more active role with Camilo, hoping that her insomnia stemmed from motherly obligation, and would always give her a kiss and whispered “sleep well”. But it was pointless. Worse, it was affecting him. Where before he would be the first one at the fields, ready to work, now he would lumber in last, stifling yawns the entire time he was there.

Pepa couldn’t stand to see him like this, so they went back to their earlier routine after Antonio’s surprise arrival. For some reason, he’d been easier. Sure, he had all the typical baby nighttime needs, but more often than not, it was his cries that awoke her rather than the twisted voices in her head chanting their litany of all her shortcomings. She guessed that she’d worked through those particular worries by then.

Eventually, her nocturnal turmoil resumed. It had become a sick sort of routine for them: Pepa waking in the middle of the night, Félix sleeping alone, Pepa stumbling into bed exhausted in the early morning just as Félix was getting ready to start his day. They slept alone more often than either of them would have liked, and she knew he missed her as much as she missed him.

Thankfully, it wasn’t happening nearly as often now. Losing her gift was ironically the best gift she could have asked for. Without a physical and destructive manifestation of her emotions, she’d been able to work through things that had been bothering her since she was a child. Even after it returned, she slept a lot better, and as a result, Félix did too.

She passed the church, its steeple distinctive even in the darkness. When she was younger, she used to pray to God to take the fears away. It didn’t seem to help much. Now she prayed for more important things, like the health of her husband and children. They were all doing fine. Perhaps God liked those prayers better.

A cobblestone jutting up made her lose her footing. She rubbed at her bleary eyes, looking up towards the horizon. The sky was still dark, lacking even the faintest tinge of gray, so she guessed not that long had passed. It wasn’t like she could look at the clock to check. Her feet had become uncertain in her weariness. Time for her to return home.

She slipped into the house unnoticed, climbing back into bed as quietly as she could, taking care not to lie on top of Félix’s hand still stretched over the empty expanse of mattress.

As soon as she was under the covers, his arm swung over her hip, pulling her closer to himself subconsciously. He mumbled something unintelligible and smiled in his sleep.

Pepa pressed herself closer into his body. He felt so warm after the chill of the nighttime air. Soon, he would warm her up too, and then they would be sharing each other’s warmth together, asleep in bed at the same time.

The way things were always supposed to be, and the way she hoped they’d stay.

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devirnis · 9 months

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ooo if you do combos - 20 & 45 with some Buck h/c?

thank you for the prompts! I hope you enjoy :)

When Eddie walks into the loft and sees Buck in nothing but a towel at the top of the stairs, he nearly drops his groceries.

But not in a fun way.

“Buck!” he scolds, hurrying to deposit the bags on the kitchen island. “What are you doing up? Why did you have a shower? You’re supposed to keep the stitches clean and dry!”

He catches Buck’s full-body eyeroll as he starts furiously putting things away in the fridge. This is exactly why Eddie dropped Chris off for an impromptu weekend with Pepa – he can’t leave Buck alone for twenty minutes before the man is already ignoring doctor’s orders.

“It’s been forty-eight hours,” Buck calls. “I’m allowed to get them wet now.”

“Forty-two hours!” Eddie shoots back.

Even from down in the kitchen, he can hear Buck’s scoff. “I don’t think six hours is going to make a huge difference, babe.”

Eddie scowls into the fridge as he places Buck’s oat milk on the shelf; he’ll be the judge of that, thank you very much.

It all started two days ago, when Eddie had roped Buck into helping him replace some rotting wood on Pepa’s front porch. The job itself had gone mostly smoothly – thanks in large part to Buck’s previous experience working construction – until the very end. Buck hadn’t been watching where he was walking, texting Bobby about something, and he’d stumbled right into the pile of old, rotten wood that they needed to dispose of. It had almost been hilarious, the cacophony of Buck swearing as the wooden planks bounced hollowly against each other, right up until Eddie had caught sight of the blood.

Buck had added a nasty cut to the collection of scars on his left leg. Eddie had cleaned it and dressed it as best he could in Pepa’s bathroom before taking Buck to the hospital for stitches, but he couldn’t shake the worry from the back of his mind about something nasty lurking on the decaying wood. His fears were proven warranted the next morning when Buck had gone to change the bandages and found the skin around the wound red and swollen.

After that, it was a trip to the doctor’s to confirm what Eddie already suspected: Buck had developed a mild case of cellulitis, because of course he had. Couldn’t just be a simple cut.

The doctor gave him a prescription for antibiotics to kick the infection and a list of at-home care instructions to prevent it from getting worse. Buck hadn’t been worried; Eddie, on the other hand…

Well. There’s a reason he insisted on staying with Buck.

He finishes putting the groceries away just as Buck comes down the stairs in a pair of sweatshorts and a t-shirt – his slight limp not going unnoticed by Eddie. Buck ambles over to the couch while Eddie washes his hands and then gathers the supplies the doctor sent them home with before scuttling over to join him.

When he drops to his knees between Buck’s legs, Buck’s eyebrows shoot up to his hairline. “Well hello,” he drawls.

“Don’t get excited,” Eddie says. “I need to cover your stitches.”

Buck huffs and slouches further into the couch, but obediently props his injured leg up on the coffee table. Eddie knows how irritated Buck can get being fussed over, and the fact that he lets Eddie mother hen him without complaint (mostly) makes Eddie’s insides go all fluttery. But that fluttery feeling flies out the window when Eddie runs his hand over Buck’s shin and finds the skin warm to the touch.

Shit, does Buck have a fever? If he does, that’s bad. That’s really, really bad. Eddie really tries to stop himself spiralling, but his mind can’t help but leap to worst-case scenarios: if Buck has a fever, that could mean sepsis, which could mean septic shock, which could mean organ failure.

Buck must read the panic on his face because suddenly there’s a hand on Eddie’s chin, gently turning him to meet Buck’s gaze.

“Do you feel any body aches or chills?” he blurts.

“Eddie.” Buck smiles softly at him. “I had a hot shower. That’s why I feel warm.”

“Right.” He lets out a long, slow breath, willing his galloping heart to calm down. “Right, yeah, that makes sense. Okay, I’ll bandage your stitches now.”

“Hmm, in a minute.”

Buck leans down, and Eddie pushes up on his knees to meet him in the middle. Their lips slot together gently as Buck’s hand slides around to tangle his fingers in the hair at the back of Eddie’s head, sending shivers cascading down Eddie’s spine. He lets himself get lost in the kiss, relaxing for the first time since he took Buck to the doctor’s.

Eventually, Buck pulls away, but not before planting a quick kiss on Eddie’s nose. “Thank you for taking care of me. But you seriously need to talk to Frank about your tendency to catastrophize.”

Eddie rolls his eyes, but doesn’t argue. Buck might have a point, given that it didn’t take much for Eddie to make the jump from warm skin to organ failure. He carefully covers Buck’s stitches with a new bandage before taping it in place to make sure nothing gets in to contaminate the wound.

“Thank you for letting me take care of you,” Eddie says, getting to his feet. “Now keep that leg elevated while I make us dinner.”

Buck shakes his head in fond disbelief, but reaches for the pillows without protest.

(also on ao3)

#911 ficlet #buddie ficlet #evan buckley x eddie diaz #myfic #Anonymous #ali answers

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foggyfanfic · 3 months

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Queer Madrigals

I'm about to post a couple future!fic for Encanto, so I figured I'd take a minute to talk about my headcanons when it comes to their genders/sexualities.

The Obvious: I've posted somewhat in depth about what I think Bruno and Isabela's individual deals are, so I'm not going to really talk about it here, but yeah. Using the labels I am familiar with, I assume Bruno is demi, bi, and nonbinary, and that Isabela is a lesbian who ends up marrying a trans woman.

The Married: I mean, we can sit here all day and speculate, but the only real headcanons I got are that Juli is demi and Pepa has made out with more women than Bruno.

Mirabel: I've mentioned this, but I didn't really talk about it. Due to heteronormativity I suspect it wouldn't occur to Mirabel to question her sexuality until later in life when the Pride movement starts up. I think she's bi, possibly also demi, but most definitely not very focused on her love life (another reason why she doesn't think too hard about her sexuality). She's got shit to do and if somebody wants to date her they better speak up about it because she's got too many projects going on right now to bother with mind games. Mirabel ends up with a man mostly by coincidence, I saw somebody do the numbers and its just statistically more likely that a bi person will end up with somebody of the opposite sex (the math didn't factor for gender). I try to keep all of my headcanons grounded to peoples lived experiences, and this felt historically accurate.

Luisa: I think that if Luisa were a tumblrina she would end up being CIS+, but would have to go through the journey of exploring her gender due to societal biases. In the context of 1950's Colombia, she spends her youth hearing abuelas and tias talking about how she needs to be more feminine if she wants a husband, and struggles with that for a while. Luisa sings "I glow because I know what my worth is" and that's the sort of thing somebody says when they're on the other side of some serious self doubt, so I do think she had to deal with a bit of misogyny and body image issues. The thing is, Luisa likes the way she looks, and she's proud of what a hard worker she is, but she also wears ribbons in her hair and skirts instead of pants to work in. Furthermore, I suspect every bi person in the village, male or female, has a huge fucking crush on her because if she was a modern tumblrina people would be responding to pictures of her with that "not to be a lesbian but oh my god" stuff. I headcanon her as being technically cishet, but culturally gay due to people being people about the whole Woman with Biceps thing, if that makes sense. Once she starts allowing herself some free time, she dates every bi man in the village.

Dolores: Morosexual. No offense Mariano.

Camilo: You know how gender is a product of your culture and different societies throughout history have had different ideas of how many genders there are and what it means to be a man or woman? I think being able to turn into a woman at will would have an effect on Camilo's relationship with his gender. Like, I don't know if he would be full nonbinary, because I have never met a shapeshifter and asked them how they feel about gender, but I can't imagine he sees gender as a rigid binary. Like I said, I try to stay grounded in my headcanons, and I have zero idea what the lived experience of a shapeshifter is, soooooo...?

Antonio: I have spent a long time weighing the options here, his association with animals makes me think he would be the least traditional Madrigal, so I would like to think he'd end up in the least conventional relationship. I posted a list of headcanons where I floated the idea of him being poly, but I like the idea of him being aroace better. I stand by the rest of it, though. He marries a lesbian, let's her girlfriend move in with them, and he's just kinda there. Like, the women consider themselves married to each other and he's just some guy who talks to birds. They're his best friends and thinks he's pretty great but the only time he has sex is when him and the wives want kids, and other than that he's just vibing. I arrived at this headcanon because I love the idea of him being sorta a reverse Bruno. Like, people think he has two wives so everybody assumes he's this total lady killer, they sing songs about how charming he is, rumors abound that he can make a girl swoon with a single smile, then you talk to him and he's just some guy. Occasionally, a woman will throw herself at him and he's like "No thanks" then starts having a conversation with her cat. Do you see my vision? Anyone? I don't care if nobody else thinks it's funny, because I'm giggling at my computer.

#encanto #queer Madrigals #mirabel madrigal #camilo madrigal #luisa madrigal #antonio madrigal #foggy headcanons #encanto headcanons

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im-just-a-br0adway-baby · 1 year

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Do you have any NSFW Pepa and Felix headcanon, also NSFW Julieta and Agustin Headcanon

I thought you'd never ask! Some of these can be read in a few of my fics of these two.

Julieta X Agustin

I mentioned in a previous headcanon post that they lost their virginities to each other, but both were for different reasons. Julieta wanted her first time to be with someone special, not necessarily waiting until marriage (she’s not as serious about that as Alma is), but with someone she knew for a fact she was going to marry. Agustin was just a dork that never kissed a girl before Julieta came along.

They’re always private about their sex lives. When Julieta gave the girls the talk, her own sex life was out of the conversation.

They also never have sex anywhere outside of the bedroom. If they’re feeling a little more adventurous, they would do it in the shower together.

Their first time having sex did involve an accident. Julieta and Agustin ended up bumping heads after Agustin attempted to get up after they finished.

Julieta was never angry at him for it. She found it pretty funny. And getting an after-sex arepa was the cherry on top.

Ever since then, they have been in several sex related accidents. Every time they tried experimenting, it would result in an accident. Agustin is just that much of an accident magnet.

Because of this, they mostly stick with vanilla sex.

Agustin prefers to be on the bottom, where Julieta prefers to be on top.

As an add on, both of their favorite positions are Cowgirl or Reverse Cowgirl.

Pepa X Felix

Both of them are EXTREMELY vocal in bed. Sometimes, they would have to remind themselves or even each other that someone is home whenever they’re about to go down on each other.

They LOVE to experiment. They would use blindfolds, tie each other up, you name it. The blindfold is Pepa’s favorite, though.

Pepa was a very rebellious child, so she lost her virginity when she was only fourteen. Felix lost his at sixteen.

Along with being super vocal, they also LOVE to do dirty talk with each other. Sometimes, they get so carried away that they may accidentally traumatize another family member if, on the off chance, they got home early.

There has not been a single room in Casita that Pepa and Felix have not had sex in. Casita would even get annoyed sometimes and push them to another more private room.

Pepa is very direct in what she wants and doesn’t want. This has massively helped her and Felix’s sex life because their communication and consent were extremely clear.

Pepa prefers to be the sub most of the time, mainly because she loves being taken care of, but she also has her moments where she wants to be on top.

Felix’s favorite positions are Cowgirl and Reverse Cowgirl, but Pepa’s favorites are Missionary and Doggy (she's a bit of a pillow princess).

Whenever they finish, they always kiss as a cool down. They also kiss as a warm up because they can never get enough of each other.

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buckleyblueyes · 3 years

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buddie + 42 and 96

The Big Damn Kiss + Scars (send me a mashup!)

So, I decided to make this a soulmate AU where every time you get hurt, your soulmate gets a scar in the place where you were hurt.

Twenty-something Buck is very concerned about his soulmate when he wakes up with a scar in his chest that looks too much like a bullet wound for comfort. He thinks the odds of actually finding his soulmate are slim to none--his parents weren't soulmates, Maddie didn't marry her soulmate, why should he be any different?

So he sleeps around. He has fun. He aches for something different, something real. So he lets himself fall in love with Abby, even though he knows she's not his soulmate. It doesn't matter, it can still be love even if it isn't his One True Love or whatever.

We all know how that one ends.

Meanwhile, Eddie never had the luxury of wondering about his soulmate because he got the first girl he dated pregnant before being shipped off to war. He has a lot of scars from his soulmate, in a lot of improbable places, so he concludes that he must be destined to be in love with a clumsy idiot, but that's as far as he gets.

He and Christopher still move to LA after Shannon leaves, but instead of joining the 118, he becomes an ER nurse. He wants to take care of people, and he already has medic training, so it just makes sense. He jokes with Pepa that his soulmate is so clumsy, they're bound to show up in the ER eventually.

Buck and Eddie meet when Buck is filling in for Hen as paramedic for a few shifts. They don't talk much, because y'know. They're both working and it's an ER. But Buck does make an impression by tripping and face planting into the pavement when he steps off the ambulance on the third day. There's no way Eddie could forget a 6'2 beefcake of a firefighter being such a clumsy idiot.

Eddie makes an impression on Buck for being the nice nurse who helped him back to his feet after he fell on his face, and for being just, like, super hot. Unfairly attractive. Buck begs Hen to never call out from work again because there's just no way he can face the hot nurse he embarrassed himself in front of ever again.

Of course, he does see that nurse again when his left leg is crushed under a flaming ladder truck. The whole experience is hazy, of course, but when he wakes up from surgery, Hot Nurse Eddie is there, in his room, sitting in the chair by his bed, for some reason? And to make it even weirder, he's not in his scrubs.

(Eddie gets off work just after Buck is admitted, and he's totally exhausted after a 24 hour shift, so he just showers quickly and falls into bed after sending Carla (who he met through work in this AU) home. He wakes up with a large scar running down his left calf and immediately knows what it means. After getting Christopher ready and to school, he heads back to the hospital and violates HIPPA to find out what room Buck is in and waits for him to wake up.)

"What are you doing here?" Buck asks.

Eddie rolls up his pant leg to show Buck the scar. Buck is shocked and still kind of confused, partially because he’s on pain meds, but mostly because there's no way Hot Nurse Eddie is his soulmate, he's not that lucky.

Eddie snorts. "Hot Nurse Eddie?"

Buck groans. "I said that out loud?"

Eddie nods, and smiles, and leans forward to capture Buck's mouth in a kiss. And then another. And another. Until Buck's heart monitor is beeping so fast his actual nurse comes running in to see what's wrong and scolds them.

"I always knew I'd find you in the ER," Eddie says when she leaves, taking Buck's hand in his. "But I kind of thought it would be because you're such a clumsy idiot, not this."

"Says the guy who got shot in the chest."

#buddie #yes I am a sucker for a soulmate AU why do you ask?

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midnightcreator12 · 2 years

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Let’s Talk About Encanto

I don’t care if I’m late to the party, I want to talk about the magic system and how it’s tied to the Madrigal family.

So Encanto clearly has a soft magic system, there are loose rules but the way it all works isn’t really talked about in the film.

So I’m going to throw in my 2 cents about it. Mostly about how the magic is connected to the Keepers (Alma and Mirabel)

So first let me break down the creation of the Miracle, Encanto and Casita.

The creation of all three of these are triggered by Alma’s pain and grief. Upon seeing her husband be murdered (may he rest in peace) she drops to the ground. This is of course her grief becoming so great that she physical couldn’t stand BUT she also curls over her three children. Pedro was just killed and all she has left is her children so she immediately shields them. She has soldiers barreling down on her, men who have already destroyed her home, killed friends and neighbors, forced her and her newborns to run and now have killed her husband. I think Alma was convinced she was going to die and the first thing she does is hold her children tight.

We know the Candle/Miracle was created from Alma’s grief but what if it was also from her need to protect the only family she has left? This is very well represented in the mountains that surround Alma and the refugees.

Casita can also be a physical manifestation of Alma’s need to protect what little family she has left. The flashback in the intro of the movie verses the one when Alma and Mirabel reconcile are very different. The intro is sad but it’s framed like a children's story, glossing over much of the painful moments and speeding up the timeline of events. Thus, the intro cannot be trusted as for WHEN Casita was actually made. We see it already built during the much more somber flashback near the end but it’s unclear of how long after the creation of the Candle this is. But I do think Casita was created from magic as well (the first time anyway). Because while the mountains kept the threat of the soldiers out Alma still needed somewhere safe to raise her kids. Casita’s common areas are pretty big so it’s not to much of a stretch to think she could have acted as the shelter for the refugees until they built more of the village.

So by this point, the base of the Miracle is Alma’s grief and her need to protect her family. She doesn’t know how or why but she makes a promise to herself that she’ll do whatever she can to keep their protection, their Miracle.

The pressure form her is probably not to bad at this point as it is in the movie, seeing as her children wouldn’t get their gifts for a few years. But my guess is that when her children did get their gifts she had been helping to, basically, rebuild everything from the ground up. It was no doubt hard, the first few years were probably the hardest for the Encanto before the triplets got their gifts. All three gifts would have been a huge step in ensuring prosperity, Pepa making sure they had ideal weather for the crops, Julieta taking over medical care (a lot of people probably died those first few years) and Bruno foreseeing disasters so that the Encanto could prepare.

Alma probably already has a tight hold on the Miracle (metaphoricly) so the appearance of the gifts probably solidified her idea that in order for the Encanto to survive, the Madrigal had to support it. We hear her saying throughout most of the first act that they need to work to deserve the Miracle, her children getting gifts was probably the event that nailed that idea down for her. And each generation of gift after just solidified the idea more and more until ‘not being useful to the Encanto’ equaled ‘losing the Encanto’ losing her home. Which she can’t do again and does want her family to experience.

So it’s safe to say this family is starting to crack by the first of the second generation (Isabella and Dolores) the unhealthy dynamic is starting. Hell it probably started when the Encanto was established enough that Bruno’s versions were seen less a helpful forewarning and more as a curse. But by the 2nd gen Alma is definitely starting to pass on bad habits.

So why don’t the crack show up before the events of the movie?

These answers are semi clear in the movie. The cracks are visible by the end of Waiting on a Miracle, but we also know Bruno has been ‘patching’ the cracks. I say that in quotes because while the cracks are technically fixed and can’t been seen in the house anymore they are still VERY visible in the walls.

Same with the family. The cracks have probably been happening since Mirabel’s Gift Ceremony, maybe even before that. But we know that that moment created the first doubt in Alma’s mind that the family was losing their Miracle. This is also probably when Alma started pushing more, putting more pressure on the family to do more, to the point where the village asks for help with simple problems (Julieta healing a black eye despite that being pretty easy to handle, Luisa having to round up someone else’s livestock and moving entire buildings because, what? the view wasn’t good anymore?) The family spends the morning of Antonio’s gift celebration working in the village, should they take a break on such a big day as a gift celebration?

So the cracks are getting more intense. But why? The common theories are Casita is a) connected to Mirabel and show her cracking mental state, b) connected to Alma and show her breaking mental state, or c) Casita is connected to the entire family and is showing how the family is breaking apart.

I think its a combination of A and B. Casita clearly reacts to Mirabel’s mood and mental state, she’s probably been connected to Casita since her gift ceremony. But Casita is also still connected to Alma, as it reacts to her mood too. This is highlight best in Alma and Mirabel's fight.

The Casita was bright and whole again when Mira and Isa were just being sister for once in probably years. Mirabel is over the moon happy, she’s fixed the house, shes saved her home and family and their Miracle, she’s reconnected to her sister, she’s on cloud nine and nothing can bring her down. Then Alma come in.

Alma is instantly on the attack because she has spent years and years and years carrying the weight of her trauma and not addressing it. Mirabel not getting a gift had already put her on edge, thinking that the family’s Miracle, their home, their protection was wavering. When Antonio got his gift Mirabel went from the begging of the end to the odd one out. Something is wrong with Casita and the only outliner to Alma’s system is Mirabel. In Alma’s mind, Mirabel is a threat to the walls Alma has spent years putting around her family. This doesn’t make her treatment of Mirabel okay, it’s just my ballpark guess as to why Alma is so cruel to her when its clear she care very deeply. Basically, Alma is at war with her own priority's, has been the whole film, and its boiling over.

The more Alma yells and accuses, the darker the Casita gets, cracks slowly crawling back out and around the center of the house. This is Casita reacting to both Alma and Mirabel, Mirabel’s mood darkening as she told, basically, she’s not enough and Alma making cracks as she lashes out in fear and desperation manifesting as anger.

The whole Casita trembles as Mirabel is told she’s the reason their home is falling apart. As she looks at her sister, who both opened up to her, closing back up again, retreating in the face of Alma’s anger.

And this is Mirabel's boiling point. She has spent her whole life trying every day to prove that she is important to the family, that she can help support her family, even without a gift. And none of it has been enough for her Abulia, all she get in return is indifference and anger. And she knows it not just her suffering and struggling and trying to prove that they are enough.

So she draws a conclusion and strikes back. Her anger much more potent then Alma’s. Alma’s anger is born of fear of history repeating itself, Mirabel’s is born of realizing how much pain her family is in, how much pain the people she LOVES are in and the source is standing right in front of her. Mirabel’s anger shakes the entire Casita, shake the entire Encanto, create cracks as far as the village.

And it come to a head when Mirabel proclaims “The Miracle is dying becasue of you.”

Alma’s fear is the final nail in the coffin as her walls come down, and the Casita with it.

Everything breaks apart, the Casita, the village streets, the mountain itself splits. Everything that has been building and boiling and festering for years comes crashing down.

And all that’s is a frightened old woman and a child that just wanted to been seen.

The next couple of scenes are pretty clear cut so I’m going to skip to the end where the magic returns.

The Candle does not come back with Casita, so we must ask, what is the new source of the Miracle?

The Candle was made in a time of fear, grief and desperation. It became the foundation of Casita and Encanto but it was never going to hold up long term. So, to quote Mirabel, “This is our home, we need a new foundation.”

A foundation built on what the Encanto has become. It started as a fortress for refugees, desperate to escape an early grave. But as the years passed it became a home, a community, a place of peace and prosperity and family.

The new foundation is the family, not just the Madrigal family, but everyone in Encanto. The new foundation is love.

And it isn’t perfect, love is complicated and hard and sometimes people mess up even when they love you. But if they truly love you, they work to fix with you and build it back up.

Thank you for reading, sorry if its a bit messy, but have a very nice day. :)

#encanto #encanto theory #encanto thoughts #encanto textpost #midnight talks

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obvious-captain-rogers · 4 years

Text

Watching Eddie Begins makes me feel so frustrated mostly in part because there’s so much behind Eddie’s character that’s never directly addressed but you can see in Ryan’s performance.

Like- Eddie is feeling so isolated and frustrated with everything that’s going on with trying to adjust. Eddie just went through so many traumatic experiences and his family and Shannon just expect him to snap back to being normal and that just pisses me off so much. They don’t recognize that Eddie’s struggling. And he is struggling.

Two perfect instances: the fight with Shannon when Eddie reenlists. Right at the end when Eddie is trying to comfort Christopher but doesn’t know how- and granted, Shannon has a point that to Christopher Eddie is a stranger- and he tells her that she’s not the only one feeling alone. She just gives him a look and storms out without trying to help him at all. Eddie just got back from a warzone and there’s no way that he doesn’t have PTSD or at least some form of depression- and when he finally admits to it, albeit rather aggressively since he’s frustrated and very obvious scared, he gets blown off. The second time is right after Eddie comes home after the helicopter accident. Eddie’s frustrated because his mother is giving him a hard time over Christopher and, once again, adjusting to what being his father means, and Shannon starts pushing him. Which of course she’s trying to help her mother and her motivations aren’t bad, but Eddie’s trying to be practical. Shannon’s asking him to pick up and go to California for an indeterminable amount of time when they have guests- including Pepa and Abuela who have traveled- in their house. And when he rebuffs her, asking for some time since he just got back- she gets upset with him. Eddie’s posture in that scene says so much: he’s stiff as a board, he’s white-knuckling his grip on the counter, and his face is completely closed off. But the second that Shannon’s voice cracks when she tells him to take all the time he needs, his posture relaxes, but in a bad way. There’s guilt all over his face. But he walks away because he doesn’t know what to do- how to make it better. And personally I think that the frustration that he displays is more towards himself than at Shannon. Because I’m sure he feels helpless and like he’s drowning because he’s got no clue what he’s doing.

Ugh, I have so many feelings about this episode.

#911 meta #911 fox meta #911 s3e15: eddie begins #s3e15 #eddie begins #eddie begins meta #eddie diaz #shannon diaz #christopher diaz #911 fox

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thesinglesjukebox · 5 years

Video

youtube

NEW KIDS ON THE BLOCK FT. SALT-N-PEPA, NAUGHTY BY NATURE, TIFFANY & DEBBIE GIBSON - 80S BABY

[3.62]

In which Generation X reclaims from the millennials their right to shameless nostalgia...

David Moore: She scattered clues around the house that methodically led both of us to screens on our birthdays, one screen on the first floor and another on the second, mine the endless scroll of Mario demonstrating the mechanics of his first platform adventure in a perfunctory loop, my sister's the boys on the muted VHS tape silently mouthing their songs with a desperate exuberance, the picture already fuzzy in the corners on our forbidding and ancient television, and we both swooned, me for mine and her for hers, neither screen permeating the other's world, at least not directly. With the slightest nudge, the images flood in, all from screens -- I forget other images, the faces that were never projected back to me -- while larger units of time dissolve. I can't tell you with any clarity whether our scavenger hunts happened at the same time, at the midpoint between our birthdays, or if they were separated by months or even years. I don't know whether they happened in 1988 or 1989 or 1990 or 1991, except I know it wasn't 1992, because Mom would have been dead then and time was different after that. There is something sacred and fragile about that period -- I was four, five, six, seven -- and then afterward the whole world stretched out and arranged itself, and childhood never congealed in memory the way that those four years did, and not just from being four or five or six or seven. My sister was two years older than me and the same thing happened to her. It was the end of the first part of our lives, and we didn't get to choose when to settle for living in the sequel. I wouldn't experience anything like that blur, its magic and madness and incoherence, until my sons were born -- two, three, four, five years old, and then you resurface and time relaxes and pulls itself together again. The boys from the video are now desperately exuberant men, back to pierce the cocoon of my memories, those four years that in popular reimagining are also ten years, that are the '80s and the '90s and occasionally the early 00's, too. The attempt misses with clumsy gestures that scream their inauthenticity, as so many crass parasites on our nostalgia do, though not all. At the same time, I also find that even the faintest cue in an unexpected corner -- in this case, those low canted-angle shots in the music video that pick up the glint of the stage lights -- can rip through the scar tissue of time and transport me back into those little tunnels we ran through to find the treasures Mom hid for us, which is where I was myself hiding until I snapped out of it with a sudden need to know if it was Debbie Gibson or Tiffany who now sounds a bit like Kesha. (It was Tiffany, obviously.) [4]

Tim de Reuse: Is this a heartfelt homage to the cheesy sounds of the Reagan era or a cynical parody that throws out a bunch of easily recognizable sound design tropes in hopes that comedy can be measured in references per minute? I don't know. I don't think anyone involved in making this track knew either. [2]

Alfred Soto: Crushed that this wasn't a mixed-up cover of K.T. Oslin's classic, I understood anyway that this isn't meant for us -- it's meant for the thousands of fans who book passage on NKOTB's cruise. But this syncopated Frankenstein does better than expected, and the top line former stars acquit themselves with enthusiasm if not quite inspiration. I wish I could say Joey McIntyre sang as good as he looks now, and someone must remind NBN that while "O.P.P." is Poppy Bush Interzone, "Hip Hop Hooray" is not. [5]

Jessica Doyle: I was a certified preteen in 1989-90 (it was not "tween" back then) and have the remembered overidentification with Mary Anne Spier and encyclopedic knowledge of the Duke University men's basketball team to prove it. So. First: Cheryl James sounds just as great as she did; Tiffany sounds better than she did; Joey McIntyre is approximately 5,000 times more attractive than he was circa "Please Don't Go Girl," a miracle none of us deserved; and I'm glad Naughty By Nature was willing to tag along but question the absence of Digital Underground, Biz Markie, and Sir Mix-a-Lot. (One of them, surely, could have provided a more on-brand base than "The Message," which was before our apparently-eagerly-remembered time.) But it's nostalgia. which is a strange force that warps and leaves distortions in its wake. (See, for example, our "1999" entry: 21 blurbs, 39 comments, zero mentions of Columbine.) I can understand it, a bit; I'm not fond of this whole growing-old thing either, and there's a certain defiant joy in the continuity. And maybe saying I'd rather stay 40 than go back to being 12 is just a marker of how good I've had it, and my unease is privilege talking. But it still feels to me that nostalgia is more dangerous than consoling. And potentially deliberately stupid: if you're going to celebrate music, celebrate it because the music itself was worth celebrating, not because it happened to be popular during a time that's now over. During a fit of old-school dancing silliness the other night in our kitchen, my husband and I queued up "Push It." As you youngs would say, it bangs. [2]

Will Adams: Even as someone who was neither alive nor even conceived in the '80s, the cynicism of this nostalgia summit is not lost on me. Legacy tours are one thing, but an entire recorded song that achieves even less than modern day remixes as far as recapturing ~how things used to be~ feels like a profound waste of time for everyone involved. [3]

Alex Clifton: I suspect I would like this more if I'd been born in the '80s or had listened to any of these artists growing up (this is the first NKOTB song I've ever been able to identify as such). But we got "2002" and "1999," so why not the '80s, especially since synths are still in vogue? Like a lot of '80s pop music, it's fun and a bit corny, but thankfully not Ed Sheeran-corny -- no "both of our lungs" here. [6]

Joshua Minsoo Kim: I admit the title is kind of clever, but everything else is a flattened hodgepodge of ideas and sounds from artists who are shamelessly trying to relive their glory days. I can't tell if I pity or admire them. [3]

Stephen Eisermann: A touch of gimmick, a hint of features, but mostly an excess of cheese. [4]

[Read, comment and vote on The Singles Jukebox]

#New Kids on the Block #Salt N Pepa #Naughty by Nature #Tiffany #Debbie Gibson #pop #music #music review #writing

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theworstbob · 7 years

Text

i’ma yell at the songs that debuted on the billboard hot 100 this year okay

So I’m gonna try to make this post every week because I’m trying to establish some routine for the tumblog, have some point to my social media? Which basically means I’m gonna keep track of every song that blows up enough to get on the Billboard charts and update the Top Ten of 2017 every week so I don’t have to endure the nonsense that was a Hot 100 of 2016 chart that didn’t have “Black Beatles” or “Bad & Boujee” YA GOOFED, BILLBOARD so anyway this’ll be a fun thing to do for two months

i’ma skip the 1/7 chart because there’s still christmas music on there? but i’m considering everything from that point on a 2017 track.

14 January 2017

71) "Moves," Big Sean

The more time I spend with Big Sean, the more I understand what other people might have been seeing in him that has kept him in the collective consciousness this whole time. Like, we gave him enough chances to practice, and he got good! It's impressive! Not everyone gets good!

79) "Seein' Red," by Dustin Lynch

I was gonna make a stink about how typically red lights mean 'stop,' and that is a notable omission in a song about a dude who fantasizes about red, but you know what, this is about as inoffensive as bro country gets. It's not good? But it's not obnoxious, and that hits the ceiling I have for bro country. I would like to point out: in the pre-chorus, bro says "drive this Chevy like a Cadillac." Fun fact! The Cadillac-brand automotives are manufactured by General Motors, which also manufactures Chevrolet-brand automobiles! That is so weird how, in this simile, two cars being manufactured by the same company are being compared! Probably just a coincidence.

80) "iSpy," by KYLE ft./Lil Yachty

This is the bounciest trap single I've heard since "Trap Queen." "I'm just like DeRozan/If I shoot it, it goes in." And just like DeMar DeRozan with his anachronistic game based around an elite mid-range jumper, I don't know how this song works so well, but goddamnit if it's just a pleasure to hear! Both parties have really nice self-deprecating senses of humor, and the hook is the sort of daffy most novelty singles could only dream of achieving. This song is charming! I never thought I'd describe a trap song as charming, but I absolutely fucking love this. What a peculiar little treat!

90) "Think a Little Less," by Michael Ray

I was gonna do this whole thing where I inferred certain beliefs Michael Ray has about women's right to their own bodies given that he has a 100% serious song called "Real Men Love Jesus" and wonder why someone who isn't pro-choice would insist a woman "kiss a little more, think a little less." But you know what? Maybe Michael Ray's cool. Maybe we owe Michael Ray the benefit of the doubt. So I'm not gonna do that whole thing. I'm just not gonna talk about this song anymore because hoo boy is it ever not worth talking about.

95) "No Flockin," by Kodak Black

Imagine making the beat for this song and realizing it has to go to Kodak Black. Hey: I have an idea for a reality show, and y'all can tell me if this has been done, but it's 14 unsigned rappers in a battle to determine who gets to be the first to rap over a new Just Blaze beat, and like in the first episode Just Blaze brings out whatever hip-hop luminaries are at a stage in their career that they have to appear on reality shows (P. Diddy for sure, I bet they could get Cee-Lo, and I can't imagine Salt or Pepa saying no) to affirm that this isn't just some beat Just Blaze made ten years ago that he's pulling out for that executive producer credit, anyone who gets this beat has a hit on their hands, and with the right rapper, it's a no-brainer instant classic. 14 unsigned rappers fighting for one Just Blaze beat in the reality rapping competition we so sorely need.

96) "Timeless," by A Boogie Wit da Hoodie ft./DJ SPINKING

The way the drums come in is really cool. The way he goes off-beat in the bridge, I don't know how into that I am? But I respect that he is making choices.

98) "Way Down We Go," by Kaleo

Gotye 2017 is pretty cool! Nothing will ever top the original, of course, but still a far sight better than Gotye 2015.

99) "Hate U Love U," by Olivia O'Brien

...wait is this j -- okay, well, i guess it's enough to know we can calculate gnash's VORP. this song goes from a 3 to a 6 without that dude.

100) "Shaky Shaky," by Daddy Yankee

This is garbage, but it is incredibly acceptable garbage. It's jubilantly insipid.

21 January 2017

92) "Sober Saturday Night," by Chris Young ft./Vince Gill

So as far as bro country dudes go, this one actually has a decent voice. If pressed, I might be able to pick his voice out of a lineup a week from now! That doesn't mean this song isn't dreck -- oh wow, you stopped partying because a girl left you, how terrible, he's not even drinking! you guys! so sad! -- but, y'know, it's nice to have some variety.

93) "Beibs in the Trap," by Travis Scott

Hey! A song I already know and mostly enjoy! Awesome time-save, right there!

94) "I Got You," by Bebe Rexha

...no thank you

95) "The Weekend," by Brantley Gilbert

oh god this chucklefuck. "Tick tock, I'm on the clock, and I feel like this job's just 9 to 5'n my life away." Brantley Gilbert is 32. He released his debut album when he was 24. Assume he went to all four years of high school and graduated at 18. His Wikipedia page says he has been an active musician since 2005, when he would've been 20. I never knew any 19-year-olds with office jobs but, okay, let's give him the benefit of the doubt, afford him the chance to have worked a shitty temp job while he was gigging or trying to make songwriting happen. He has six years, from when he was 18 to 24, to have worked a 9 to 5. Like, you would think this wouldn't matter to him these days, right? Because he's 32 now, and he has a job he probably likes as a county music star, he has a purported net worth around $10 million, you'd figure he wouldn't be thinking about the time he wasted at his dead-end job. So unless he's just had this song hanging around since he was 23 and is just now getting around to it, how am I supposed to believe this tattoo boy truly ever felt miserable at a 9-5? See, the problem with bro country is, it's dishonest. It comes from a deeply cynical place. This song does not come from a place of deeply felt experience or bold artistic statement, it is a song about something that happens to other people that he and Big Machine can then sell to those other people, and that is just such a profoundly disappointing thing. I promise one day I'm going to talk about something I love as much as I talk about something I don't much care for.

100) "Water," by Ugly God

I love this name you have chosen for yourself! The song... Well, still. What a good name to have picked! You are wearing a sweatshirt that says Hentai and I am proud of what you have been able to achieve in your life's time.

28 January 2017

1) "Shape of You," by Ed Sheeran

"Hey, 2010 Bob!" "Well, hello, Bob! from the future! Been a couple days!" "Been a couple years, actually." "Ha!" "Time travel jokes." "Well, what'd you come here to tell me? Last time, you came from the magical world of 2013 to tell me about all the new Pokemon you had. What does the future have in store?" "In 2017, the best male pop stars alive will be, in order, Bruno Mars, The Weeknd, and Ed Sheeran." "...Um?" "Also Trump becomes president." "What, like Donald?" "I also have new Pokemon for you!" "Oh, dope! But like Donald?" "Oh yeah, and he like instantly becomes a monstrous dictator, too." "...The Apprentice dude?"

6) "Castle on the Hill," by Ed Sheeran

Like legit tho, it's 2017, Ed Sheeran dropped a song with heavy (heavy) U2 influence, and I 100% don't mind it. I also laughed out loud at "Me and my friends have not thrown up in so long, we're so grown." Like this is all he's ever been, but he's a lot better at it now than he was when he started, and he’s become, like, kinda dope?

77) "Location," by Khalid

Always good for someone's long-term prospects when the song gets a Wikipedia page before the singer or any of the five other credited writers, or the three producers. Are the three producers and six songwriters all separate entities? I don't know and won't bother verifying, because all Wikipedia tells me is that nine people worked on this song, and also that when Khalid "heard the beat play, the words flew out," two information bitlets that don't conflict at all. The end product isn't the worst thing I've ever heard, I might end up with this dumb song stuck in my head for a jillion years, but it is just kinda... like, there. There's no climax or anything, it's just, "Send me your location. I'll wait. ...There it is. Coo'." Like fuck, dude, have an emotion or something.

89) "Drinkin' Too Much," by Sam Hunt

There is no way of knowing if I actually heard Sam Hunt's "Drinking Too Much" or not. All's I know is, I'm like 90% sure I heard a bro-country/trap song, and I am not okay with it. Absolutely not. Fuck you, and fuck whoever gave these songwriters a Future tape. This is unacceptable. I don't know who told you you could, but you shouldn't have.

100) "If the Boot Fits," by Granger Smith

BRO COUNTRY CLICHE COUNT Well the word boot is in the title of the song (1), and it's also a part of the chorus so we’ll make that (2), and apparently people come to his shows holding fucking cowboy boots (3) uh-huh yeah totally real America right there, the song begins with the phrase "small town" (4) and a patriarchal admonishment to have the daughter home by midnight (5). Granger Smith, you are 38, you should not be dating women with CURFEWS. Christ. "I wanna watch the sun rise through the pines with ya." Campin' sounds country as fuck (6) and watching the sunrise, it's not specifically a bro country cliche? But it's still a cliche (7). "My carriage is a 4x4 400 horse Chevrolet." Are yo -- okay, (8), and you know what (9) because he specified the horsepower and (10) because he specified the brand, ARE YOU... sure? Granger? Jordan Schmidt? Andy Albert? Mitchell Tenpenny? Frank Rogers? Are you guys okay with what you're doing? Do you go to bed satisfied that you have put good in this world? Are you sure this is what you were put on this earth to do? "My carriage is a 4x4 400 horse Chevrolet." My stars! "Let me show you how a country boy treats a lady." (11), man, that's just a classic. This song isn't even three minutes long, and it manages to pack in that much bad. I don't even care that I spent so much time thinking about something I hated, because you know what, bro country is still a scourge must needs be purged from this earth. Bad things happen when people like me say nothing. MAYBE THERE ARE BETTER FIGHTS TO START BUT THIS 38-YEAR-OLD BOY IS WASTING EVERYONE'S TIME.

4 February 2017

7) "Paris," by The Chainsmokers

Consider Armando Galarraga. He had, quite literally, a negligible major league career from 2007 to 2012. There is a statistc called Wins Above Replacement, or WAR, which purports to calculate exactly how many wins any major league player is worth as opposed to some schmoe a team could pluck from the minor leagues. Armando Galarraga ended his career having accrued 0.4 WAR, going by the website FanGraphs' calculations of the stat. For four years, Armando Galarraga essentially was the replacement player, the guy teams played because they didnt have anyone else. But on 2 June 2010, he was perfect. Not perfect. FanGraphs assigned his game a score of 94, Galarraga only posting three strikeouts, getting most of his outs via grounders. But perfect in the way that baseball defines it, in that he pitched a complete game and retired all 27 batters he faced, plus an extra batter because Jim Joyce made a mistake and baseball, in 2010, didn't afford opportunities to review close calls. No one disputes that Galarraga retired every batter he faced, we all collectively agree Armando Galarraga pitched a perfect game, and this player, who otherwise had a completely unremarkable career, never even pitching in the post-season despite playing for a highly competent Detroit Tigers team for three seasons, did this one beautiful thing and made himself unforgettable. The next time he pitched, he threw five innings and gave up a two-run home run to Mark Kotsay, and no one was disappointed because they were pretty sure they had an idea of Armando Galarraga's true talent level. This song is meh, is what I'm trying to say.

43) "T-Shirt," by Migos

Fun fact! Production of this track was handled by an entity named XL and the duo of Nard & B, who also produced a track for Future's 2014 album Honest called "T-Shirt!" This "T-Shirt" is a different song from Future's, I listened to both and can confirm that they are different, but my question to you is: are they?

77) "Not Afraid Anymore," by ft./Halsey

Why does having sex with Halsey sound like God and Satan fighting for control of all that is? Like, the grand sense of self-importance which Halsey brings to the table really served "Closer" well, because that song needed someone to insist that we're NOT. EVER getting older. The way she growls those words to the end? I could cry, it’s so good. But on this song, it's like, y'all know sex is fun, right? It doesn't always have to be like this? You're prolly gonna have it again, maybe calm down about it for a second? And more importantly, was I supposed to come into this song knowing what "hit the sin" means? I Googled that phrase. It doesn't even yield the AZ Lyrics page for this song. This phrase doesn't exist, dawg. Is. Is it the butt? You need to explain these things which did not hitherto exist!

88) "Despacito," by Luis Fonsi ft./Daddy Yankee

The thing about Latin pop is, it's a world I only understand through what gets shown to me on the Billboard charts, and that's unfair to that world, because Latin pop is a much nicer vision of the world than American pop. This is such a nice song! The way he sings DES. PA. CI. TO. is incredible, Daddy Yankee doesn't get too "Shaky Shaky" on this (I'm not even gonna try to judge Daddy Yankee as a rapper given how out of my depth I am in terms of any music evaluation, but he seems on point), it just, it hums along at a nice clip. Also the English translation of this song I found says this song has the line "We will do it on the beach in Puerto Rico 'til the waves scream 'Dear lord!'" THIS IS A SONG ABOUT FUCKING SO RIGHT THAT YOU MAKE THE OCEAN NERVOUS. GOD YES.

95) "Not Nice," by PARTYNEXTDOOR

So, here's the peril of wanting to listen to and have opinions on all the new pop music, apart from forcing myself to have reactions to things that may not be reflective of my true feelings: I will sometimes have to look at this and think, well what do I do about this? It's a nice song. I really dig the beat. I don't mind the dude's voice. The lyrics aren't wholly offensive. But like. I gotta say something about it, right? "Um, maybe I will try the party next door, thank you for the suggestion." That'd be a killer line, but I don't dislike this song! But no one wants to hear “don’t dislike.” I have to go one way or the other. Kaizo level or troll level. 1000 degree hot knife or Frozen Ana Elsa Trolls. I can’t just be a person who hears something and forgets it. Everything has to matter. This needs to matter for it to be content.

98) "Black," by Dierks Bentley

I've long defended Dierks Bentley as one of the good ones, but, um, you know it takes two people to fuck, right dude? Okay, insist she make your world go black. What are you gonna do for her? Whatcha bringin' to the table, Dierks? I used to work guest service at a Target store, and my man, if you wanna do an even exchange, best believe you oughta bring your receipts. "DRUNK ON A PLANE" NOTWITHSTANDING I do not for a second think the quality of your dick is so unimpeachable that you can make demands like this!

99) "Down," by Marian Hill

This is nice! Like, in the alternate universe where Harry Potter didn't blow all the way the hell up but still got big enough for a CW adaptation, this would definitely be the theme song. That's what this song is, a quirky jam for a very British teen soap. I really dig this, this is a refreshing change of pac -- Oh. Oh, okay, so that's a thing you decided to do. Alright. Well, we had some fun here. I appreciate that you are trying to accomplish things, and I acknowledge that others may find you succeeded.

So these are the top ten singles of 2017 so far:

10) “Seein’ Red,” by Dustin Lynch (yeah it’s bad, but there’s only like 17 songs, there’s one song on this list i’d be 100% okay with still seeing in the top ten in december) 9) “Moves,” by Big Sean 8) “Down,” by Marian Hill 7) “Timeless,” by A Boogie Wit da Hoodie ft./DJ SPINKING 6) “Beibs in the Trap,” by Travis Scott 5) “Castle on the Hill,” by Ed Sheeran 4) “Way Down We Go,” by Kaleo 3) “Shape of You,” by Ed Sheeran 2) “Despacito,” by Luis Fonsi ft./Daddy Yankee 1) “iSpy,” by KYLE ft./Lil Yachty

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