#this is my thought process every time

[lilybug-02]

#sneak peek #whew this next update is taking me longer than I thought I was going to #I have a two hour time limit for my drawing app. And I don’t always draw every day. So it can be a slow process. #and I also don’t really have future pages like- up and ready to make so it’s idnfdfvdvddv it just takes me a while #I wish I had a better upload schedule rather than just like once a month. But it just kind of be like that. :( #I’m a busy college kid. I’m truly surprised. I’m even still doing this comic. I’m glad I am.

[crybaby-bkg]

cw: Bakugou dies but comes back to life, “comes back wrong” trope, implied fighting, angst

When Bakugou died, you’re not sure how you went on living. Grief had taken over your life, sat you in the passenger side while it cruised off the highway into icy waters. And even then, you couldn’t find the energy to drown.

It’s why there’s a sudden uptick of energy when you’re promised to have him back. Some top scientists contact you months after his death, tell you to hurry down to the headquarters labs, come and rejoice for what you’re about to witness. And you’re horrified, to say the least.

“This isn’t my husband.” Are your first words when you walk in, watch the figure on the other side of the glass examine its own hands. It looks like your husband but—but his hair isn’t the right shade of blond all over. His nose bridge had a slight bump after a scuffle with a villain. He had a scar on his hand but—but it never looked like it was to sew a pinky beside the other fingers.

“Is that really my husband?” You ask next in disbelief, slowly entering the room. Bakugou’s head snaps up, his eyes a little brighter than you remember but—they hold so much emotion. So much memory, so much panic, so much guilt.

“I left you.” He mutters, his voice raspy and ragged, and you wonder if it’ll always be like this now. It makes you cry a little harder than it should, but you only embrace each other. He’s cold and his shoulders don’t hold the same mass and his back doesn’t carry the same scars. There’s one, jagged and rough, running down his back, and you think, you think that’s where they slipped a new spine in.

“Welcome back home.” You tell him, weeks after meeting him again, new and not totally—Katsuki. He’s stiff and he doesn’t immediately take off his boots when he enters, and it worries you. Makes you think if you’ve just let a stranger into your home, one that has stolen your dead husbands face. Makes you wonder if he’ll be as loving as Katsuki once was, or if he’ll become your monster looming over you with the guilt of not being able to rest anymore.

“I’ve missed you so much.” You whisper against his mouth one night, a little while after he’s moved back. You don’t know why you lay under him, why you let him nestle himself inside of you, why you let him hold you against his chest. Katsuki always ran his hands over your cheeks and neck whenever he held you like this, but this…man, only holds himself up with his hands resting beside your head. It’s alien, how he looks at you, how his hips are methodically measured with every thrust, how he kisses you every 8 seconds. You wonder if he’s more robot than Frankenstein monster.

“Why did you come back to me like this?” You ask him one night, barricaded in the bathroom away from him. You can hear his sobs on the other side, his pleading to be let in. He tells you he never wanted to come back if he had to be like this, that he’s sorry, please let him in, he misses the warmth of your skin, he’s never been so cold before, he’s never liked the cold.

“Is this considered cheating?” You ask yourself aloud one night, when Bakugou is forced back to the lab when he becomes too…un-Bakugou. To sleep with a man that is your husband in every way but? Your husband has been dead for a year now, and yet you stroke the chin of the man that tries so hard to be him everyday, but fails so miserably at it every time.

“I’ll come back to you right this time.” Bakugou promises to you when he’s strapped down to leave for the lab and before he’s sedated. But you don’t believe him—you never did. Your husband is dead, and this animated corpse has been nothing but a cheap mockery of everything you’ve lost and something you will never truly get back.

#I was writing this and then checked my dash and saw another post about this #and felt so guilty and almost didn’t post it aidjdkfj #but I love this trope too much to delete it!!!!! #I’ve written about this in my published book before and it’s one of my favorite things I’ve ever written #there’s just such a deep heartache about having to grieve someone #and then the grieving process being interrupted by the one you lost #and battling with their death even though you still look at them everyday again #but it’s just not right?? it’s not the same?? #they have the same face (kinda) but it’s truly not hem #not them* heck #it reminds me of a convo I had in a psych class about making a new cloned version of yourself #where the question was ‘is the clone/new version still you? or are they an entirely new person now?’ #and at first I said they’re still me you know? they have my face n body n memories #but my prof told me no!! after they have been cloned they are sentient and are now their own person making new memories apart from you #and I thought that was soooo interesting and it makes me fall in love w this trope every time #you’re my person but only a version. you’re who I love but a newer person. you’re not them. you’re everything I’ve missed about them #so heartbreaking I LOVE ITTTT #sorry I’m rapping it’s the sleep meds kicking in #okay bai #bakugou treats! 🍬 #—new treat in the streets! 🍫

[everysongineverykey]

very pleased to report that i tried literally counting sheep last night and got my first full night's sleep in like a week in a long period of sleepless nights!!

#not sure if i should say 'this works guys!' because while it worked for me #i'm not sure if it'll work for everyone #but yeah! focusing on counting sheep gave my mind one thought to focus on #so it could drown all the others out! much more effective than just trying to 'think of nothing' which i CANNOT do #and as i got further i began spacing out the counting. i listened to my heartbeat #and after like ten beats i'd count the next sheep #and in between the counting i found my mind drifting sort of aimlessly #vague noise i wasn't fully consciously thinking of #which i think is generally a good sign for me. cause i'm losing control of my thought processes and slipping into dreaming #but every time i'd count another sheep it was fascinating. #'one hundred and sixty sheep' and just like that the background noise was all gone. and my mind was quiet again. wow. #anyway i had a full dream for the first time in a while. my cousin was there. i missed school by accident and was disappointed. #love you all💙 sweet dreams and restful nights on planet earth even though it's ten am for me

[knightforflowers]

if you can’t tell what this is about, i’ve had enough and i want out

#the adventure zone #the adventure zone ethersea #taz #taz ethersea #ethersea #taz fanart #devo la main #something something reaching his breaking point when he was in the parish #like the final breaking point of a long brewing storm #atp I’m just drawing a Devo piece for every song on my playlist for him #enough by circusp is literally the Devo song of all time if I could make an animatic to it I would #this piece is as far as I can get in that pursuit #sorry for assigning vocaloid songs to Devo all the time I don’t do it on purpose #can anyone hear me #it’s so dark in here #romeo’s flowers #id in alt text #if you ever want more insight abt the symbolism n shit I put in my more abstract pieces you can find some explanation in the alt text! #I rlly like detailing my thought process behind some composition choices… #I hope others like it too hehe

[captainkirkk]

When I started writing 'lessons in tea making', I set out to make it a longfic that following ATLA Book 2 and 3 in its entirety but now its been almost 5 years and I'm realising that I'm probably never going to get around to finishing this monster of a wip

HOWEVER, I do have around 15k of chapter 2 collecting dust in my google drive so.... what's everyone's opinion on authors uploading (signposted) unfinished chapters....

#i can admit that the plot at the end of book 2 spiraled entirely out of control #it's the wall i will never be able to scale and i need to admit defeat #i have some of chapter 2 written but i also don't want to ruin chapter 1 for everyone #so.. thoughts?? #my posts #ficblogging #i'm usually strictly a one-shot writer #for a REASON #every time i get the urge to write longfic i have to remind myself that that's the devil talking #because the attempt will likely fail and kill me in the process #authors who effortlessly write 100k fics..... who did you sell your soul to and can you give me their number

[bloodshotgun]

what do you mean. he's right there

#saw #saw v #mark hoffman #sawposting #lmao #this has been my thought process every time i see this video so i decided to finally put it out there #daneil made

[franklespine]

how was anyone mean to sam in supernatural ever. he looks like a sopping wet puppy. how could they do it. he's the devil incarnate he's a monster he set lucifer free. what are you talking about. that's just a little guy.

#supernatural #spn #sam winchester #my thought process in any scene dean yells at sam ever #every single one #i just think #wow dean is really yelling at sam rn #how can he sleep at night after this #every time someone is mean to sam a fairy kills itself

[upsidedowngrass]

HELLO here is............ reference art for my liam design/interpretation!!!!!! a lot of these r ideas ive already had and/or included in my liam art already BUT !!! now its all in ONE PLACE!!!! :)

#hfjone #liam plecak #hfjone liam #hfjone backpack #my art #i feel like there was more i couldve added but i sifted thru my liam ref art and couldnt find any #but!!!! im very happy w how i draw him so this was fun to put all in smth :) #esp bc i was able to explain my thought processes on him a bit more!!!! bc i put. SO much thought into how i draw him #its why my design for him changed like every week for a few months a good while back. was adding n adjusting stuff SM #this is not even counting the bone diagrams i made. i am not including the bone diagrams #(theyre just for limbs but ive spent a long time on this already and im TIRED its been over 5 hrs and it is now 2 am) #BUT!! this will be queued for a good time !!!so i may not be awake when this is posted lol!!! #(also i am VERY much willing to discuss my designs if thats smth anyone wants to ask abt.... i have so many ideas) #additional fun fact that i specifically dont draw his shoulder ANY higher than his pocket bc thats as high as it goes on my design #ANYWAY im tired so im gonna queue this now

[neversetyoufree]

Phil Lester voice: They're Touching!!~

#extremely niche joke. but my thought process seeing this panel was like #I got genuinely excited about it #because they are touching and it's cute #and then I thought about phil making fun of him and d's fangirls by going ~they're touching~ every time they touched #in the old videos they were reacting to #anyway I'm living my cringe shipper life free of shame #but I do hear phil's voice in my head going 'they're touching!' every time I react to something like this now #liveblog #vnc #ID in alt text #the vanoé agenda #vnc spoilers #vnc 62.5

[autistic-butters-stotch]

this is my fav drawing i've made ever actually

#every time i paint stuff like this i go thru the exact same thought process every time. like #Oh My God This Sucks Never Make Art Again #to #I LOVE MAKING ART THIS IS SO COOL #south park #south park fanart #butters stotch #kenny mccormick #my art #sp bunny #bunny sp #south park bunny #kenny x butters #digital art #digital painting

[marymekpop]

⟢ highlight of the hour: flex x cop [11/16] ⟣

trust in us

#flex x cop #korean drama #ahn bo hyun #park ji hyun #fxchoth #mmkfav #mygif #oh i just know girlie's heart was about to jump out of her chest #like theres no way.... #but srsly fxc continues to impress every time #and in this ep i loved how it was jys comforting and supporting lgh #its so fascinating and interesting to see the ways they care for each other #they stay true to themselves in the process of providing support and comfort and help and its just so heartwarming and great #also these 2 were apart for like more than half of the ep and i thought i wasnt going to last #pls dont separate them ever again fxc writer #i need these 2 on my screen together at all times

[lemongogo]

can i ask.how u guys practice ur creativity <3 how u practice ur imagination or like.. how u experiment with ur art, how u come to ideas and how u develop them.<3 pretty please <3

#smthing i have always struggled w.is feeling like i can only draw things that r handed 2 me. #as in.an idea or concept that already exists #chara or conflict that already exists.Scene that alr exists. #and i think it can be soo limiting bc when i have that sort of creative desire but nothing 2 reflect off of it #i feel like im unable to do anything/get anywhere bc im unable to do that mental legwork myself ykwim #like comic artists r SOOO JAW DROP INSPIRING TO MEE bc not only are u envisioning ur own sequences/situations #but u are able to imagine even the most MUNDANE interactions within those scenarios u know #like the transitory panels and the quiet moments and the every day stillness #and i feel like.its not even a poor attempt on my behalf its like.i cant Even attempt it.like my brain is soo empty #and soo static and noiseless that i am like gauhh...... #i can practice lines all day long and practice colors and practice anatomy or Whatever bc its something concrete #and its in front of me and i can pry apart the physical technicalities until i understand it better #but my MIND???ABSTRACTION>? THOUGHTS .ough its so hard #and i really want to push past that but i dont know how and its so .. demoralizing to think that ill get there One Day but i feel #one million and two days away.and not making active process towards it. #i know the first step is to build ur visual library and i feel liek. idk i FEEL LIKEEE theres more 2 it that im missing #but also im depressed as hell n my job is killing my creative drive and the seasonal stuff isnt helping #so maybe i just need 2 give it time (true) but i also like.man i dont know. i want 2 do something w my hands #but everything ive been doing so far has felt soo .hard and fruitless and i definitely dont want 2 turn art into such a stressful thing #fruitless as in like.i dont get any personal satisfaction w it.idgaf abt monetization or algorithms or any of tht #but smtimes thats just what happens and i have 2 weather through and know ill be more equipped 4 this some other time #SAWRYYY IM ALWAYS GOING ON AND ONNN im nromal im normal<3 i just rly like art and it sucks balls whn it feels out of reach #sigh cry fart scroll.(:salute:)

[enitsirk]

A coward in love (w.i.p.)

#screams im going ham on this comic i cant wait to share it #wanted to put this up bc 1 i wanted to show u my hot hob and 2 im bursting at the seams over one goblin man #every time brennan explains hobs thought process i die a little (a lot) inside #ANYWAY peep the 5 page comic on here probably tomorrow #acofaf #a court of fey and flowers #fey and flowers #dimension 20 #my art #d20 #dimension 20 fanart

[rapidhighway]

every time I come back home I experience new mental illnesses -_-

#its not even bad rn it's been nice #there's just so much horrible stuff underneath it all though and i think i just can't handle it #i think im just grieving my entire life every time I come here #and I've been just having these thoughts i guess intrusive thoughts about everyone dying tragically for the laste few days and it's #NOT FUCKING HELPING #idk it's nice we're all nice and both is happening but there's always some new info dropped on me that they just. #expect me to process by myself and i just end up crying at night all the time cause like what am i supposed to do #yeah sorry for venting again i was getting a bit better at not doing tht but i neeed it rn ToT #k i think i just need to go to sleep and maybe ill forget everything tomorrow or something idk #vent #vent post

[commsroom]

my other thought about eiffel getting his memory back is that, like, eiffel is known for the understanding and compassion he's able to extend to everyone except himself. he externalizes and narrativizes so much that he forgets his own agency; he projects his desire for growth onto others. for someone like that, who's made himself an outside observer in his own life... for him to really see himself from the outside... maybe i like the idea that it could teach him to be kinder to himself, too. eiffel regaining his memory is about accountability. it's about eiffel not being able to run away from himself. but it's also about eiffel realizing that doug eiffel is just a person, all the good and bad parts alike, and being able to live with that.

#wolf 359 #w359 #doug eiffel #putting this in a separate post because it's something i wanted to say anyway + have been thinking about #it's so hard not to ramble about eiffel's memory because i feel like i need to give a full picture of my thought process every time #and that is just. not possible. #but ohh he matters so much to me.

[chiropteracupola]

sing me silence, my soldier / sing us gently into death...

#em draws stuff #em is posting about sharpe #sharpe #daniel hagman #rifleman harris #once again I've drawn something where the pose is borrowed off archaeological excavation photos - this one is the lovers of modena #to make a long story short I got real sad and wanted to draw them a bit more of a goodbye. a quiet moment and a gift to see them off. #see the previous post in my sharpe-watching tag for a longer thought-scramble to go with this thing #reached the end of the drawing process and had to ask 'why does this feel familiar' before remembering the emotional experience I had #some years ago while reading 'the apparitionists' and also the formative time that was ken burns' the civil war... anyway. that aside. #this was going to be printed out for dorm decor but I think I could not look at this every day it would be far too much #I could have had my pick of appropriate folk songs for the caption lyrics but no this is a modified version of something from seawife #o'er the hills and o'er the main through flanders portugal and spain. y'know. y'know.