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jahiera · 9 months

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You mentioned in a previous Astarion analysis post:

"But, I think, given his behavior, his casual flirtiness, his "You want to lose yourself in me," (another line I can squawk about endlessly in terms of character analysis)"

I am encouraging you to squawk. I think you've got a really good grasp of his character and I love your posts!

UPDATE***written during EA

@littlemisstrancy Sorry for the late reply! I fell down another rabbit hole of replaying haha.... Aww, thank you! I'm so glad, a good grade in Astarion is a Normal and Reasonable thing to want to achieve. But YES, I find his entire sex scene to be extremely interesting (going off of what Larian said that, paraphrased, nonsexual intimacy with some will mean more than sex with others, because of the nature of the relationship.)

What I find most interesting about Astarion's romance scenes is that the scene itself is remarkably much more syrupy than he, by nature, really is. We can point to, "darling," "my love," as evidence of his tendencies for the dramatics, yes, but given that these are petnames he'll throw out to a Tav he hates as much as a Tav he enjoys, the surface meaning and connotations of dramatic flirtations and even more dramatic pre-sex speeches.... shifts.

The way we filter these interactions shifts because we have to filter what is, at first glance, a typical romance scene, through the lens of the character giving the spiel. If Astarion associates dramatic seduction and slinky purring as simply the easiest way to get what he wants--or, perhaps, more than that, the expectation, the only way for this interaction to occur, because hollow dramatics/play-acting have been likely the only pseudo-""romance"" he's engaged in in the 200 years he's been with Cazador, that changes the meaning of everything, including the line: "You want to lose yourself in me." <- sure laddie, just keep objectifying and disconnecting yourself from the experience itself and repeat the habits of behavior that you've learned from 200 years of being someone else's toy and tool where you weren't even a willing participant in what was happening, merely a mandatory one. that'll be really great. no backfiring here whatsoever.

Okay, sorry, under the cut the rest of this goes because I went off on three different tangents to try and tie them all back together again. This is mostly my background reasoning for above. WHAT DOES THE REST HAVE TO DO WITH TAV. Honestly I'm not sure anymore I started talking and then I didn't stop talking.

It feels like so much of the overarching realities of their circumstances fall away for Tav, but it also haunts the entire interaction with Astarion. Shallow charm. Winning over people. A pretty face opening doors. I'd chalk it up to sexy-video-game-scene-writing if it were any other game, but the other romance scenes aren't nearly so grandstanding and are written I think intentionally to subvert that, so this is an Astarion Thing, and likely goes deeper than that first glance. As it stands, Astarion barely even knows who he is now that he's outside of Cazador's control. "Another thing that I've lost." -- His personhood has been nonexistent, and he's been a tool, and he's been, for lack of a better word, dehumanized to the fullest extent for an insurmountable amount of time. So of course the thing he learned best is that the easiest way to get what you want, or get what you need, is to be easily projected unto. He can't keep the facade up for very long, I don't think, but in that scene his "don't ask too many questions just look at how hot I am" mindset is fully on to me.

The thing is that his circumstances with Tav here are entirely different than the ones he's been in before, but just because the circumstances are different doesn't mean that the behavior will be different, or that habits formed out of severe distress/torture in his own words will be so easily let go of. My ULTIMATE POINT is that charm and flirtations are things Astarion clearly separates from himself and his actual beliefs, and he treats what we conceive as "charming" behavior fairly flippantly--once again, that "my love," means... not... a lot. we just met 2 weeks ago, pal. And I don't think he's interested in using it like that anymore, because he's not making a super great effort to be perceived as likeable. It comes out mostly in scenes where flirting and charisma are expected of the interaction and then they're pushed to their most exaggerated format, when he isn't actually typically like that in other conversations. Dramatic and foppish, yes, and enjoys ridiculousness in several formats, yes, but not nearly so egregiously saccharine, at all.

If he is starting to give a fuck about Tav, or even the group, that's something else to grapple with, and it's still at this point I think partly wrapped up in the idea that Tav makes for a "good ally." His scenes where he says: "we're more alike than I thought" "You're stronger than I gave you credit for," feel more genuine and honest to me in some ways than his sex scene speech. His fondness for Tav and his idea that strength/power/security can be found by sticking close to Tav can be true at the same time, in an interesting dance between his growing connection to them and his general ideas on people, power, and control.

So secondary: is Astarion a manipulator who's using this sex scene to control Tav emotionally and that's what he's got going on here? Eh... maybe yes and no? He wouldn't ask Tav if he wasn't interested--as seen by how he'll shut you down if he can't stand your guts. If he's using sex for that, it's up in the air, open to interpretation, depends on your HC, I can see both interpretations and I'm not going to claim one is more true than the other, since there's evidence for both "manipulating" and "not manipulating" and to me, the truth falls somewhere in the middle. I'm sure the thought has probably crossed his mind, but I don't actually think he's good enough at charm to follow through on that, which I will now elaborate on in INTRICATE detail....

Astarion isn't actually concerned about being likeable, or wanted within the group--or, rather, he may be concerned about it (because there's both safety and danger in a group setting), but he also isn't concerned about it enough to not advocate entirely for self-preservation and selfishness at generally every turn. He also isn't concerned about winning over the group enough to abdicate his firmest belief: that the tadpole is an advantage they should use, and a power he intends to keep.

And, if you relent to the group, he calls you spineless in the face of everyone else. So he's not afraid to insult you, Tav, either, certainly not to preserve some loose semblance image of ""charming,"" which he's already really bad at maintaining in general, because his brand of everything can just as easily piss people off as compel. Bad taste central.

Hell, his intro scene displays this best: He lures you in with a silly little lie that makes him sound weaker than he is ("You can kill it, can't you? Like you killed the others!") and then he strikes when your back is turned. Shallow charm is an accessible tool, he doesn't have the patience for long-lasting plots or extended slinky charm. Or if he does, and he's been manipulating all of us, he's not doing a great job, since half the party is making faces at him the whole time. Buuut....

During the mirror conversation, if you tell him vanity is a weakness:

(Text - Astarion: It's an indulgence, I'll grant you, but a weakness? A well-presented face can open a lot of doors.)

There is an awareness of beauty and charm that Astarion references often. He isn't really afraid to objectify himself for his own means, or being perceived as weaker than he is (except in certain circumstances). He knows these things are quite relevant, socially. Beautiful people are treated better. Beautiful people typically can get away with more. Actually I could probably approach this from a Class and Wealth related lens too, because his history as a magistrate probably also influences this mindset a lot, but that is. a THIRD separate essay.

He seeks to be strong enough to beat Cazador, at least partly through the same means that Cazador himself uses. The tadpoles give us absolute authority, in the end, and Astarion has zero qualms inflicting onto others what was inflicted onto him when we use them. But prior to the tadpole, what tools did Astarion have at his disposal? Very few, and most of them revolved around empty charm, quick-thinking, and trying to predict unpredictable moods and then enduring whatever came of those moods. That hollow charm falls under these kinds of tools, which gave him very short-term influence over at least the people he would lure back to Cazador. Likely the only form of control or power he had within all of that, and where he himself was without control as his entire being was under someone else's thumb. And those habits will likely persist for awhile, until he relearns who and what he wants to do and be outside of Cazador's purview. Which could mean anything, this is not to make him sound softer than he is or sweeter than he is. His vainglorious bitch syndrome is 4D chess of truth and not truth, empty cloying, vicious lashing out, and 10 degrees of identity issues wrapped up in all of that, so it's difficult to pin down just one thing as Real or Not Real, and I don't think even he knows what's Real and Not Real right now.

#Hi Sorry. Guess who can't shut up. That's me.#astarion #bg3 meta #bg3 #This is fairly incoherent rambling.... I didn't actually have an end in mind when I started talking so you can hear the #pepe silvia meme vc in the background here #COMPLEX CHARACTERIZATION indeed. I want to bite down and chew on him #I'm still not sold on any of this either -- my interpretation of him shifts with the wind and every other thing he says #But these are my first.. initial... thoughts anyways...#thank you again for asking! so sweet of you hgfhghf

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rude-harmonixer · 1 year

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I was originally going to write on Twitter but character limits are too much of a bother so here I am. This will probably be very messy but I'm dealing with media that probably 10 people are familiar with, so... Whatever!

I've recently found this site: https://nervetower.neocities.org/analysis.html

It has a bunch of translations and essays on the game Baroque, originally released on the Sega Saturn.

This specific bit of info has made me OBSESSED with thinking about the game.

Sure the game was literally written in burst of inspiration by drawing tarot cards because the writers had a deadline and writer's block at the same time, and the protagonist being canonically trans was only in a draft for the prequel material, but the game is surprisingly consistent with its themes and the symbolism can still be read through a trans lens.

And because it's not confirmed and ambiguous, the protagonist can be read through multiple gender povs.

But like, why is this such a big deal? Well, Baroque and its prequel material just so happens to have one of the most incredible anti-bigotry narratives I've ever seen in a game. Specifically anti-ableism and anti-eugenics, among probably some questioning of organized religion and how corporations use it to further alienate the public into a cycle of oppression towards marginalized people. etc.

The protagonist is mass produced and manipulated by the Archangel to "purify" whatever he deems should be "purified", using guilt (the Christians/Catholics favorite thing) to do so as the protagonist is made to not remember anything besides their immense guilt over something.

For the game to progress the protag must regain their memories and find out they're a copy of who knows how many other copies, a human made into a product basically, made to feel special because they won't be distorted by their desperate delusions to escape a world destroyed by corporate greed like all the rest and have the power to "purify" things, when in reality they're just emotionally and genetically manipulated into being that.

A perfect pawn.

Now where is the trans symbolism? Well, aside from how little bodily autonomy the protagonist has, here's where things really get interesting:

In Baroque, God is presented as a woman. Before the Great Heat (aka apocalypse), God's Sense Spheres (her omnipresence, transferring data like the world is a body) assured that no great distortion would come to the reality humanity lived in, God would feel pain and know there was a wound to heal. Then the Archangel, who's really just some scientist, started fucking with the population's mental health on purpose because he wanted to kill God and create his own perfect little world. That's the short summary anyway.

At one point, with a lot of brainwashing using God's screams of pain, he created the Order of Malkuth to help him. But later the members woke up from the brainwashing and organized a desperate attempt to stop the Archangel: they would fuse Koriel number 12 (presented as a boy) with God so she could communicate in data that humans could understand. What they didn't expect however is that Koriel 12 had their own problems, and with Archangel interrupting the fusion, those problems were very amplified.

Koriel 12's guilt over being alive and God's suffering made shit hit the fan for good with the Great Heat.

And that's how the protagonist becomes mute and receives the power of God and anim- I mean, "purification".

The game begins and despite Koriel and God being now two parts of the same being, the Archangel tells Koriel to go to the bottom of the Nerve Tower, where the "Mad God" is basically imprisoned, and "purify" her with a rifle (with ammo made from the embodiment of her pain hormones).

The Archangel is literally making Koriel kill a part of themselves that's already literally buried deep into a mind tower that goes down instead of up but still has the image of a tower instead of a hole. He's basically forcing Koriel to bury the closet with them inside it because the closet isn't enough apparently.

Koriel also can't speak for themselves anymore but their thoughts can be read by the Horned Woman, which she just says out loud without explaining anything and unless you're thinking about it you won't even recognize those are "your" thoughts being spoken by another person.

Jumping ahead, when Koriel gets to the bottom of the tower, you can either do what the Archangel tells you or can just walk towards God and unite with her.

When you do this after some dying and finding out, you'll receive the true ending, in which it is made clear that while it is in a state at which it's harming everyone, the "distortion" is actually the natural way of the world, everyone needs to cope at least a little to survive, the Archangel's eugenicist campaign was the greater problem here, not the people "distorted" into representations of their suffering and coping mechanisms by his actions.

This is primarily focused on ableism and particularly the stigma around mental health.

With a trans reading, it forms a bridge so it can also just mean bigotry in general too.

Why? Well, since the 70s or something, trans people basically have to be diagnosed with a disorder to be granted legal access to transition, that's even truer for Japan, which literally puts it on paper as a disorder. And overall, transphobia and ableism go very hand in hand.

This game is now the closest I've come across to finding a game that's secretly about trans people too like The Matrix.

And this has greatly developed the brain worms 👍

#baroque game #my gaming ramblings #if you're insane enough please try the game #not the ps2 or wii versions tho they're terrible and even if you don't care about most changes you'll most likely care about-#it more than doubling the amount of floors from the psx version which already was bigger than the original and like #please don't do that to yourself the game is already not that fun don't subject yourself to those versions #spoilers i guess but really who even cares #it's not like the surprise really does anything in-game really #you'd just be very confused playing it 100% blind trust me #also there's a whole lot I didn't talk about this is just an incoherent rambling which some might decipher maybe #if you've read all this you're very based and I'm so sorry ahsbsjenzbx

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carefulfears · 8 months

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txf30 day 4: favorite dynamic (besides the obvious): scully/mulder/skinner

y’all mind if i ramble for a second?? there are so many connections that are so important to this story, but i always come back to these three. i think everything does.

i say that memento mori is the most loving episode of the series, but when i think about that one, it’s not even the kiss in the hallway that stays with me. it’s skinner coming in to work, the first time scully was in the hospital, and finding mulder sitting in his office. and he’s just been sitting there. bypassed the secretary (lol), and just sat and waited. he doesn’t have anywhere else to go.

and the way that skinner tells him, no. don’t do it to yourself under any circumstances. that he is not to risk himself to try to save scully. ultimately, it’s not mulder that made the deal with the devil, it’s skinner who didn’t follow his own advice. (gave up everything he has, to save them both).

and these are just two weirdos who work for him in the basement!! he doesn’t owe them anything. but he’s the one there, at the end, no matter what. he’s the one who comes to get them when they’re hurt, or lost, or need help. they’re his emergency contacts, the people who show up, the people who advocate for him. the people who know him. (the bigfoot division are a.d. skinner’s silly rabbits etc etc etc)

in iwtb, after six years away, it’s skinner who comes to get scully, on the side of the road, next to mulder’s flipped car. tells her that they will find him, that he’s okay, to breathe. it’s skinner that holds mulder on the ground, in the end.

when mulder went back to bellefleur, it's skinner that scully sent with him. that girl has never trusted a single soul to so much as breathe mulder's air, but "i won't let you go alone," is immediately followed by skinner packing the car.

like trish said last night:

i think telling scully he "lost" mulder was the hardest thing he ever did. skinner loves mulder too, but mulder is scully's entire world. and this time around, he won't let scully be alone the way mulder was.

(and the kindest thing scully ever did: squeezing his hand, saying "i already heard.")

(skinner returns the favor: he tells mulder about william, so that scully doesn't have to.)

my favorite moment in requiem is the final scene, the two of them crying together. the only two people. the only two people who know.

when she tells him that she's pregnant, he's the first to know. the only person to know, for most of her pregnancy. 18 years later, he's still the first person thinking of their baby, looking out for him.

honestly, it always comes back to sein und zeit for me. when after 7 years, after 27 years, mulder says that it's just too much, and he wants to go home. he wants time away from work. the sequence in the car: mulder in the backseat, skinner behind the wheel, scully on the passenger's side. for so many years, mulder had to be searching, so that he wouldn't be alone. but now he stands in front of two people who love him, and admits to needing a break. to wanting it to stop. he's guided, he's guarded.

skinner is a hardass. it's not easy to manage their madness. it's not easy to write the footnotes, to be the person waiting, in this particular story. but like he tells mulder, 14 years after they last worked together: not a day goes by where he doesn't just wish they were there, trying to make things better.

#i hate to tell you all this #but i think the x-files is about love #and THAT'S my favorite dynamic #the way that there is no favorite dynamic because it's all built on this system of connection and care #if you love scully you love mulder if you love mulder you love samantha and so on and so on and so on #mulder and scully appear to be such lone wolves against the world but they are SURROUNDED by support #there is never any problem they could face where they wouldn't have skinner with them and tlg behind them and doggett and reyes etc ahead #when it comes down to it even the 'bad guys' have something to offer.#krycek 'always prayed' that mulder would win. csm saved scully's life. (cried holding a photo of mulder).#that's even what the original finale is all about. mulder didn't want any of those people to risk their lives for him.#he told them to let marita go. he SCREAMED for gibson to not be involved. he said no- that doggett and reyes couldn't testify.#but all of them did anyway. to save him. even dead krycek's ghost passed secrets.#anyway IT IS ALL ABOUT LOVE YOU GUYS #but it's scully/mulder/skinner at the core ALWAYS and i believe that so much and i always think about them #whenever i'm watching #so i wanted to highlight that #sorry i'm actually a mess this week so today i offer you another incoherent ramble with no point

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cyanide-sippy-cup · 8 months

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Middle of the night but I gotta talk about some frustrations. 'Cause you know what pisses me off? The mainstreaming popularization of punk. Don't get me wrong, I love seeing it become more popular and I love seeing people discover themselves and the culture. I mean, I got into it from a young age with RATM, for crying out loud.

The problem is that when something becomes more and more popular, you get a lot of... unsavory types. And I'm not even talking about the Tiktok punks that do it for the fashion and the "cool factor" (ignore how punks weren't considered cool and actually disregarded and disrespected as a group of "radicals" and "unsightly" which is what makes punk punk to begin with) and talk about "posers" but then the moment you ask them about their favorite local band or even their opinions about the BLM protests or Drag Queen Story Hour the real them *cough* bigot *cough* comes out. I'm talking about how everywhere you turn, there's an increasing erase of the culture and history, and it's turned into yet another thing for cis white people to use to make up for their lack of culture.

Punk is based in queerness and blackness. Period. That is an undeniable fact. It is a culture started and rooted by black musicians which then bled into the equally black queer community. It is impossible, when you go through the origins, to separate the three. From the fashion to the music, we owe everything to them.

And it's just like what happened with the gay community. A massively marginalized group, technically allowed to live in society but not allowed to be our true selves. And then, like, you have super famous and historic movements lead by black activists through the 60s to 80s. And progress is finally made. Huge celebration. We're finally allowed in public, we start appearing on TV again. But then fast forward to modern day, and white people, like we've always done, we get our grubby little paws on it. And we scrub at it in all the soap we can until any instance of black or brown is gone. And then we claim it as ours. Everybody acknowledges where it started, but nobody celebrates it. In fact, we put down black people in our community. We appropriate their culture and their language, because stealing your voice is actually our way of celebrating you so you should be happy. We make movies of those movements, and we erase any evidence of them ever having been there.

And it's relatively the same thing here. The more mainstream it gets, the more people are doing it to be performative, the more we erase and cover up the "unseemly" history that makes it so beautiful in the first place.

And, like, I'm white and I'm pissed/tired. I can't imagine how black punks feel. Cause, like, think for a minute. Some group decides they want in but they don't like how it is, they want it their way. The "correct" way. So they begin to "kick out" everybody who they don't want, appropriate everything they like about it, and rewrite and recontextualize the history that made it. Isn't that, like, the textbook definition of fascism? The whole thing we're trying to take down? Like come on.

And to the white punk/gays who read this and got confused or upset. No, I'm not saying there aren't any white punks. No, I'm not saying there weren't white gays from the get go. Nobody is saying you can't be white and punk. The point of this post is, just, be a good person. Respect, acknowledge, celebrate the culture that created this thing we love. The gay community that we know is specifically a product of blackness and black efforts. Stop appropriating them, start learning how to celebrate them properly.

#this rant was brought to you by an aggravated sleep deprived person seeing two videos back to back being completely wrong #sorry if anything is misspelled or slightly incorrect or incoherent #I'm running on like four hours of sleep in about three days total and i wrote this at midnight #ish #punk #punk culture #queer culture #ramblings #ranting #the white washing of everything is horrific and i feel like nobody else in white circles wanna talk about it #we're so far up our own asses not only can we not see our own prejudice we don't even understand what it means

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ansy-tea · 3 months

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Y'all ever stopped listening to your favorite bands for about 2 years for reasons you don't even know yourself. Maybe it's because you're busy. Maybe it's because you thought you've acquired new tastes. You really don't know. But then suddenly you listened to one song of theirs again and now you're sobbing over how good the songwriting was? And now that you're not a dumb High Schooler without much experience you understand the lyrics even more?

Anyways that's me with Fall Out Boy right now lmao. It's high time I listen to their new album later.

#incoherent rambles #ansy-stalks #confession: would yall kill me if my fave album of theirs is MANIA hAHAHAHHA—#LISTEN #NONE OF THE SONGS WERE A MISS— lord i remember how people criticized that album in its release and how fans are worried about the dubstep-y #vibe (me too cuz “yo idk much about music but how will andy & joe do this live im sorry im dumb 😭”)#then again none of their songs in their wholeass discography is a fricking miss anyways /absolutely biased #even their covers are fun to listen like I Wanna Be Like You??? That sht is on repeat lmao. I Wann Dance With Somebody?? good sht dawg #I think my second fave album is either Folie & Save Rock and Roll? Just cuz Folie is my vibe and SRAR were all dhxjkwjfiaokeixiw <33 #Every fan loves Infinity On High for sure— Golden & ILALWTWIATTGYO (me & you) makes me sob every time #broooo the raw ass line of “I saw God crying at the reflection of my enemies and all the lovers with no time for me”#and “the best way to make it through with hearts & wrists intact is to realize two of the three ain't bad. aaaIIINT BAAAAAADDD—”#for folie a deux there's not a damm instance where I did not feel sadness over What A Catch Donnie. Dawg. The way Elton John sings his part #too bro 😭😭😭😭#AND HOLYYY SHT THE AFTER(LIFE) OF A PARTY PHCCKKK I FORGOT HOW THAT NEVER FAILS TO MAKE ME HOLD IT IN HSJDJKSOSID #i would skip that song cuz it makes me so sad sometimes 😭😭😭😭#OKAY YOU KNOW WHAT LET ME RETHINK MY ORDER OF FAVE ALBUMS HAHAHAHHAHA #“I'm a stitch away from making it AND A SCAR AWAY FROM FALLING APART. APART. BLOOD CELLS PIXELATE AND EEEYEESS DILATE- KISS AWAY THE TEARS #AND KILLS ON THE MOUTH OF AAAALLLL. MY FRIIIEEENDS—“ PHHHHCCKCKKKSIEOS 😭😭😭😭😭😭#JDJAI WAIT AND THE ENTIRETY OF SOPHOMORE SLUMP #OKAY I NEED TO STFU IN THESE TAGS HAHAHAHAHHA #okay to defend my MANIA adoration (do people still hate this album? hope not). ***Bishop's knife trick.***#“I'm sifting through the sand.Looking for pieces of broken hourglass.Trying to get it all back—put it back together—As if the time #had never passed. I know I should walk away but I just want to let you break my brain and I can't seem to get a grip. no. no matter how I #live with it. thESE ARE THE LAST—“#I'm sorry. the delivery is just too delicious.#MANIA is a fricking mixbag of weirdly mainstream inspirational songs- to suddenly; drugs- to actually being unhinged- to one of the saddest #“im tryina redeem myself” song(s) (heaven's gate- church- and bishop's)#okay i really need to shut up 😭#aight. i will stop.

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lunearobservatory · 1 year

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Wearing your boyfriend's hat vs. putting your boyfriend's name on your shirt 🥰

#i'm watching every single states related episode on youtube for... reasons #and this made me giggle when i noticed it #kansas city by the mowgli's? it's more likely than you think #if this is incoherent i apologize i'm tipsy and scheduled this post for a random date and time #weeeee!!!#i hate gay people. look at them. horrible. awful. disgusting. the worst. can't believe this.#I LIVE IN A PERPETUAL HELL OF BENJAMIN BRAINARD'S MAKING!!!!!!!!! HOLY SHIT #mashing states together at the mouth like barbie dolls #anyone else out here feeling goofy and insane?#ben if you ever see this im so sorry babe look the other way #i haven't used that tag in a while but i feel like my batshit rambling deserves the warning #wttt #wttsh #welcome to the statehouse #welcome to the table #ben brainard #wttt kansas #wttt missouri

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secondbeatsongs · 1 year

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fuck I had an idea today for a meta I want to write, and then when doing research for it I realized that a reboot of the thing is coming out less than a week from now, so now if I write the meta it'll seem like I've timed this, but I haven't! I'm just weirdly obsessed with media that's almost as old as me!

so if I end up posting a meta about something from a few decades ago, please just let me have this and don't accuse me of marketing. I'm not being paid by reboot people. I'm just gay

#I had one hour of sleep last night so if I'm incoherent that's why #sbs rambles #sorry #this #weird day #weird day for brain

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transradfem · 1 year

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the way that a lot of radfems react to the appearance of detransitioned women can reek of misogyny. evaluating women's bodies on their ability to arouse, to nurse, to bear and nourish children?

huge caveat b/c i KNOW everyone's gonna take my words and twist a different meaning out of them: this is not to say "DON'T TALK ABOUT THE NEGATIVE SIDE EFFECTS OF HRT/SURGERY/ETC", obviously it is important to keep talking about the harm the medical industry is doing. detrans women are also allowed to feel however they want about their own bodies, and they certainly don't need my permission! but it is just WEIRD to me that a lot of the comments masculinized women get are about how ugly/smelly/flat-chested we are.

#idk i'm rambling #radfem #trans stuff #pulling a butchviking and blogging high #so sorry if this is incoherent or poorly worded

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aroaceofdiamonds · 8 months

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So for those of you who haven't seen the news about Unity, they're going to be charging developers a fee of up to $0.20 per installation of the game (this varies by which version of Unity you are using, and isn't implemented until a threshold is met).

This is a huge blow for the indie video game industry.

So many games have been made using Unity. So many.

Cuphead

Beat Saber

Cult of the Lamb

City Skylines

Hell, freaking Pokémon Go is made using Unity.

By charging this fee, a lot of studios are going to suffer. Games are going to be lost. Cult of the Lamb will no longer be for sale as of January. The studios who will remain will be the ones with the money. It's going to be harder for people to get a foot into the development industry.

Fuck you Unity.

#unity #indie games #indie developer #honestly #for so long i wanted to get into the indie development scene #and one of the biggest engines in the scene have fucked up big time #i know a lot of people have been pushing for people to jump engine #but that forces developers to port their games over to a new engine which they need to learn how to use #so much needless energy if unity hadn't made such a shitty choice #developers shouldn't have to change and adapt in the name of capitalists and their pockets #this shouldn't have happened in the first place #rhi's rambles #sorry if any of this is incoherent or doesn't make sense #i'm just done

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ygdrasilly · 8 months

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i have some incoherent thoughts about god in the good omens verse and i need to get them out in some sort of legible written format. so sorry if you don't like this lmao.

(note; these are my personal thoughts that i'm putting into words please don't get mad at me)

rather than the loving and benevolent being that god is often portrayed as in media, she is very much the old testament version. all about testing people and wrath without reason. she doesn't play fair. she threw angels down into perdition simply for asking questions.

and honestly, as much as it hurts to see the blorbos/poor little meow meows hurt in the show, i actually really like this portrayal of her. given how a lot of christianity has been based upon or influenced by earlier/ancient religions (jesus' wine trick can be compared to dionysus, for example), i feel it's no small stretch to say that god herself was influenced by the creator deities of those religions.

if i use gaia as an example (though she was not the ultimate 'creator' in ancient greek mythology - that was chaos - it's close enough for the comparison), she was gentle and loving, as god is said to be. gaia is also brutal and tells her titan children to kill their father. god has shown a pattern of,,, questionable behaviour.

i do think god loves her creations and children in the go verse. i also think that her interpretation is close to the old greek deities, which influences things. the greek gods loved their creations, too, but they were firmly inhuman and so loved in an inhuman way, usually by turning their loved humans into a fountain, a plant, or an animal. god does the same thing (without the metamorphosis bit).

the greek gods would often test their favoured heroes (or champions). zeus also decided to drown the entire world because he got tired of humans (a mood), but allowed pyrrha and deucalion to survive and repopulate (though with stones, so no incest there).

god has obviously done all this as well. we know she tests her favoured humans (look at job). we know she drowned everyone in mesopotamia because she got tetchy one day.

i think she shows her love in the same way. inhuman, terrible, and horrifying. which is why i think when she tests the humans, she's also testing the angels and demons (particularly a certain earth loving pair). she loves them still, she wants to see what they'll do, but she doesn't tell them what's happening or what to do. a hands-off approach.

(also, contrary to popular depiction, i don't think god doesn't have fluffy white wings. she was the first being in an empty universe/void like chaos, right? so i think she has black wings. and i think she's an eldritch being like chaos or nyx. she certainly wouldn't look human.)

#good omens #i'm not tagging it anything else bc i just know someone will get mad at me for my word salad #i just had a lot of thoughts and had to get them out so theyd stop bouncing around my skull and upsetting my single braincell #anyway sorry for my incoherent rambling #also i only reference greek mythology bc that's the only religion i can confidently say i know #also if i get anxious enough i might delete this later #good omens god #*my posts

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pompompurin1028 · 1 year

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Fyodor is just... there huh

I really hope it was meant to be more symbolic than literal. Idk the fact that he seemed to disappear when Fukuzawa turns around makes his presence there seem less concrete. V's goals are no doubt similar to what we have seen the DoA to be and the DoA also has five members, and I like to think that Fukuchi is behind the silencing and all the pulling of the strings more than Fyodor. It would also make more narrative sense since if it was actually Fukuchi pulling the strings behind V, having seen the interaction between Fukuzawa and Oda, he probably would know that they would fail, and he would have access to the jail cells. But of course the anime cannot reveal that Fukuchi is behind the scenes, since it will ruin the current manga arc so they had to kind of use Fyodor to convey that instead, since we know his goals already from the previous season which parallels V's.

basically, V = DoA, Fyodor being there is may be just a narrative device to help the audience link the their methods and for confirmation of V = DoA, he may not actually be there, Fukuchi is more likely to be behind V at the time

#this is extremely incoherent I'm sorry #that's just my theory #I mean Fukuchi is literally right there... so #but if this is true this raises the question... how long had fukuchi been planning this?#kat rambles #bsd manga spoilers #bsd #bungou stray dogs

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sureuncertainty · 10 months

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i’m trying so hard to just rip the bandaid off and come out as trans to my family but IDK HOW TO PHRASE IT AND I CAN’T CALL THEM AND TELL THEM i’ve been trying to come out for literally years now and i never know how but they’re coming to visit next month and i have to tell them by then bc everyone here calls me percy and it’s kinda dumb that I haven’t told them yet at this point, like they probably KNOW ALREADY but I just can’t seem to do it I just freeze up I just can’t oh my god, at this point it’s hardly even anxiety (although that is part of it) it’s also just... FRUSTRATION at not being out and not being able to be, like I wanna change my name on social media and get my personal instagram account back, I wanna just be open, i just literally don’t know how.

it’s been like 5 years since I realized I was nonbinary, I’ve been using the name Percy irl for like 2 years now, I’ve been not using my birth name for even longer, I live on my own away from my family and my entire community knows me as trans and I’ve put this off long enough but at this point it’s not going away and my parents probably KNOW already I just need to tell them so I can change my name on social media and not have them be like what. i just literally genuinely do not know fucking HOW like do I be casual about it? do i send them a text? Email them? I cannot do it over video chat or over phone, like I literally just Won’t if i try to, I have so much trauma from the last time i came out but THIS IS JUST RIDICULOUS AT THIS POINT I GOTTA TELL THEM HOW DO I DO THAT I’M A FUCKING ADULT AAAAAAAAA

if anyone who is an adult trans person who came out to their family late (as in after they moved out of the house completely) has any advice for me please please please help me I am begging (but only if you fit those criteria, otherwise I don’t want any advice you have i’m sorry)

(and if anyone tries to tell me “you don’t have to come out!” or whatever, save your breath PLEASE that’s not what i’m asking at this point it’s fucking STUPID that i’m not out to them as trans and I’m TIRED OF IT I’m tired of living a stupid double life i just want to be able to be myself fully and then if people don’t like it they can get out of my life but i’m tired of not telling people)

#win rambles #this is incoherent i'm sorry #i just.... need need need need to tell them it's like..... burning inside me it's so frustrating #i know i need to i just don't know how #and i don't even know what i'm scared of!!! of them being disappointed in me? they already are they've been since i came out as bi forever #ago and moved across the country with my partner!!!#i think i'm mostly just worried they're gonna be offended that I dont' use the name they gave me #and also there's the whole they still kinda think i'm christian thing #which idk how to even APPROACH that whole discussion #i think maybe also part of it is that when i'm not out to them it's fine if they misgender me but then once i come out to them then they'll #be misgendering me on PURPOSE and i don't want to have to deal with that #anyway i'll probably delete this later it's super personal but if anyone has advice please

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