#this one was for the ethel girlies!!!

[paddypubs]

jesus, if you're listening, let me handle my liquor and jesus, if you're there why do i feel alone in this room with you?

@mothercain

twitter version

#this one was for the ethel girlies!!! #mine #supernaturaledit #supernatural #spnedit #spn #dean winchester #mothercain #ethel cain #american teenager #dean edit #supernatural amv #dean winchester amv

[thedeadthree]

-`. LEGS 2024 SPOTIFY WRAPPED.

tis the season besties!! the loveliest lovely @leviiackrman tagged me to share my wrapped for this year!! ty jess !!!!!! <3 (and saw @shellibisshe and @statichvm do this as well!)

TAGGING: @griffin-wood, @ruinbringer, @unholymilf, @grapecaseschoices, @risingsh0t, @chuckhansen, @arduath, @queennymeria, @jillvalentinesday, @shadowglens, @jendoe, @florbelles, @faerune, @bloodofvalyria, @loriane-elmuerto, @gortash, @full---ofstarlight, @jackiesarch, @leondaltons, @aponibolinayen, @bbrocklesnar, @d-vx, @captmactavish, @confidentandgood, @quickhacked, @katsigian, @jacobseed, @celticwoman, @alltoowelltv, @fragilestorm, @nokstella, @dekarios, @mrdekarios, @socially-awkward-skeleton, @themysteriouslou, @villainthirst, @envergothash, @inkrys, @avallachs, @gwynbleidd, @amyreads, @minaharkers, @myrkulyte, @pheedraws, @cptcassian and you!

#only if you want to of course!! <3 #please please take this as your tag if i miss you!!!!! 🥀😭 #leg.tagged #leg.txt #t: about leg #TY JESS DEAR !! this was so cuute to do!!!!!!!! #ethel my bestie my top artist of the year am i shocked? we love to seeee!!!!! 🥀😌✨ #and that means LILIA GIRLIE OF THE YEAR <3 #the fact that a 70% of my playlist this year was songs from my infamous girlies playlists they truly won this year 🌸💕🥹 #ALSOO BESTIES LISTENNN TO NINA RN 🥀😤✨😌 nocturne my beeeeloved it’s SOO GOOD #d*epeche top song from when i was playing the lonesome dlc in f*nv and it fit SOO well for something i was brainstorming writing :) #s*potify said we know leg makes a playlist for every oc they have and they’re so right 🥀😌 #it’s the best thing and one of my go to things for capturing the energy of my babieees 🌸💕🥹 #GOLLY HOLLY I HAVENT DONE A TAG GAME IN A SECOND 🥀😭 i am gonna catch up on things i have missed it’s my end of the year resolution!! #and of coursee THEE tay <3 #ramin my third ​tell me u had a h*otd hyperfixation w/o telling me you had a h*otd hyperfixation 🥀😌✨🥴 <3 #health on my top five second ? third year in a row hehe YAY <3 #d*oja being number five but having only one song is inch resting to me #(i think it was bc it was on olgas playlist for a bit but it isn’t on there anymore i believe?)

[hopeinthebox]

i was tagged by the biblically accurate angels @cordiallyfuturedwight and @aprylynn for the september round up <33

i'm sure there's a perfectly reasonable explanation for this combination of tracks but i'm simply not privy to it. tagging favs if you fancy it: @thvinyl @btscontentenjoyer @spicyclematis @hoseeok @kimchokejin @jihopesjoint @eoieopda MWAH and always @monismochi !!!!!!!

#thoughts and/or feelings (delete as appropriate) as follows: #say you'll be there - and what can i say? it's a spice world and we're just living in it #de selby pt.2 - still has me by the throat. must be the domnhall gleeson of it all #pusherman - love love love but genuinely not a single idea as to where this one came from #talk tonight - potentially one of the dreariest oasis tracks and that's saying something #(i'm a manc so i can say this without risk of being clotheslined by a gallagher in town) #growing sideways - lord forgive me but i do believe it is the season of the sticks. i'm terrified that i might never have met me??? #500 psychic damage #teardrop - cover of the century. exceptional. no notes #don't let me get me - because missundaztood is an album and a half #linger - and i will be letting it!!!!! fuck #for us - she's the stand out for me. though don't worry i have already developed an unhealthy obsession with the entire album #american teenager - please for the love of god give ethel cain a chance if you haven't already. no one else is doing it like this #as for the artists. paolo nutini making a strong bid this month. i will always have feelings for you #also something something about every fleetwood mac girlie also being an abba girlie. can't fault that logic. #unrelated i need that stevie nicks barbie so bad i don't know what i'll do #tag #receiptify #mwah mwah mwah #thanks for coming <33

[hella1975]

assigning a character the highest honour like *adds go home by julien baker to their playlist*

#and by honour i mean pointing at them like TRAUMATISED! TRAUMATISED! TRAUMATISED! #like yeah relating to this song is a red flag actually. yeah it's one of the most personal songs in the world to me #and i actively am not allowed to listen to it some days bc it makes me significantly worse #even if im in a GOOD mood because of the layers upon layers of emotions ive associated with it #yeah i literally wont even blorbo post to this song even if it's accurate to a character because it's so personal #so they have to be REALLY FUCKING SPECIAL AND FUCKED IN THE HEAD to get this honour. enter touya #i made him a playlist im going crazy like yeah actually of course i was always gonna be weird about him #like he's got fire themes. he's got body horror. he just wanted to be good. he's ethel cain coded. he's georgia coded #he's got mommy AND daddy AND sibling issues. he's the only other character ive let even come close to mary on a cross #he's a waiting room girlie. he's an archer girlie. im tearing my hair the fuck out of my scalp #why does the first character ive latched onto this hard since CHUUYA have to be from mha of all things #like that's embarassing for me im embarassed to be here. and yet #touya todoroki #the thing that makes me sick about touya is yes the abuse he went through via his quirk and his dad etc etc #but also bc sekota peak happened when he was 13 right? and he's 24 now? that's 11 years unaccounted for #like ik it's confirmed his burns put him in a coma for 3 years and all for one and the dr guy just stapled his stubborn self together #which is something else i will YELL MY HEAD OFF ABOUT WHAT THE FUCKKKKK HE WAS A CHILD STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT #but im pretty sure it's confirmed that after 3 years he goes off again on his own? which still leaves him as a teenager? #like he straight up burns himself alive at 13 wakes up at 16 and reappears at 24 with dyed hair and piercings and a bad attitude #and im not supposed to wonder? or get upset? like i absolutely am leaning into the 'he was on the streets' angle bc i hate myself #and that's devastating and also what alternative is there logically like he has NOTHING #no home no money no name that he can feasibly use not even an appearance that will warrant anything but more cruelty #so youve got this child on the streets with injuries that absolutely cause insane amounts of pain daily he's literally STAPLED together #and he's completely alone and the only thing getting him through is this growing hatred and rage #like id set all my plans around killing the guy that put me there too actually just to fucking get me out of bed in the morning #I CANNOT STOP THINKING ABOUT HIM. WHERE WAS HE FOR THE PAST DECADE. HORIKOSHI PLEASE #I WANNA GO HOME IM SICK THERES MORE WHISKEY THAN BLOOD IN MY VEINS MORE TAR THAN AIR IN MY LUNGS #PIERCE MY SKIN NEEDLES TO WORN OUT RAGS THE FOLDS IN MY ARMS THE SICKENING BLACK AND I HAVENT BEEN TAKING MY MEDS #I KNOW MY BODY IS JUST DIRTY CLOTHES IM TIRED OF WASHING MY HANDS GOD I WANT TO GO HOME

[n-u-c-l-e-a-r]

Rip 2 griddlehark, u girlies of the 9th would’ve loved sun bleached flies by ethel cain

#I’m torn between who the real Ethel cain girlie would be #on the one hand ‘god loves you but not enough to save you’ #and the sheer daddy issues of it all #but on the other hand religious trauma is so Harrow #gideon the ninth #harrowhark the first #harrowhark nonagesimus #griddlehark #nona the ninth #ethel cain

[nightmaresonelmstreet]

In my heart I just know that Hayden has an Aquarius moon

#as an aquarius moon girlie myself i feel like my opinion on this is the only one valid #hayden anhedönia #ethel cain #astrology

[voguesriot]

NOBODY’S BUSINESS ✹ luke castellan

part one

( summary ) social media au where luke’s sudden spike in confidence turns a few heads, including the head of your ex who just loves to jump in other people’s business

( pairing ) luke castellan x fem aphrodite counsellor!reader , mentions of ex bf! hephaestus camper x reader

( notes ) this feels a bit rushed bcs i’m sick rn but i hope you guys enjoy anyway!!

♫ American Teenager by Ethel Cain

♡ liked by maxwalsh , silenabeauregard , and others

yourusername proof that percy doesn’t actually hate luke

seaweedbrain hey girlie!!! can you take this down like immediately?? not to sound to mean or anything but i can and will find you 😇

yourusername you’re such a cutie perce

seaweedbrain kys

sarahdawson totally wasn’t held at gunpoint for that last pic guys no need to worry

connorstroll we weren’t worrying but thanks anyway ig

sarahdawson sleep with one eye open.

lukecastellan 2/10 post

yourusername sorry for messing with your tough guy image 😔

lukecastellan actually it only loses points bcs there’s no pics of you

chrisrodriguez WOAHHHHHHH

sarahdawson HIS BALLS FINALLY DROPPED

clarisselarue bit sad to know they weren’t completely crushed after the red team kicked their ass icl

yourusername oh trust they were all whining about it the second i put away the camera

clarisselarue good.

GROUPCHAT — chb’s finest

clarisselarue: y/n what is max doing in your likes…

sarahdawson: HES WHAT

sarahdawson: oh he’s brave

yourusername: IDK HE JUST APPEARED

yourusername: like a bug

seaweedbrain: or a rat

yourusername: that too

lukecastellan: he’s on his way for training with me rn so i’ll go extra hard on him

silenabeauregard: homoerotic subtext goes crazy

yourusername: thanks luke but really you don’t need to do that

yourusername: like i’m over him now and i just want to forget about him altogether

lukecastellan: he deserves a hard time for what he did to you anyway

lukecastellan: you deserve way better than that

lukecastellan: i mean anyone would

seaweedbrain: great save bro

lukecastellan removed seaweedbrain.

sarahdawson: oh you took that one personally

DIRECT MESSAGES

clarisselarue: ok when did you get game

lukecastellan: idk what you’re talking about

clarisselarue: oh please spare me i’ve had to watch you make googoo eyes for the past two years you can’t lie you’re way out of this one

lukecastellan: seriously idk what you’re talking about clarisse

clairsselarue: ok fine whatever but HYPOTHETICALLY if you were to try anything with my girl i want you to know that i approve but trust if you go a toe out of line then you will be dealt with

read.

♫ My Love Mine All Mine by Mitski

♡ liked by drewtanaka, hazellevesque , and others

[ tagged: sarahdawson ]

yourusername you’re the only thing i’ll ever thank a man for

yourusername thanks max

this comment was deleted.

sarahdawson I SAW THAT COMMENT GIRL THAT WAS BRAVE

drewtanaka surprised sar isn’t screaming for photo creds for the second slide

sarahdawson bcs i didn’t take it……..

silenabeauregard WOAH WHAT

pipermclean yourusername hey sis can we have a chat please

yourusername nope i’m doing cabin checks rn #counsellorissues

wisegirll i’m doing cabin checks rn though???

silenabeauregard the plot thickens

lukecastellan glad to see you listened to my advice

yourusername felt bad keeping my beauty from everyone

lukecastellan it was a rough time without it

groverunderwood chrisrodriguez now THESE are moves

chrisrodriguez LOOK AT MY BOY GO gods is this what normal parents feel when their kids go to college

maxwalsh nice earrings

this comment was deleted.

seaweedbrain we all saw that comment right…

clarisselarue yes.

DIRECT MESSAGES

maxwalsh: hey can we please talk

yourusername: no

maxwalsh: please babe cmon you didn’t even hear me out

yourusername: because you tried to kiss sarah you fucking asshole

maxwalsh: no it wasn’t like that you don’t get it

maxwalsh: look can you just meet me by our old spot and i can explain everything

yourusername: no

maxwalsh: babe you’re not acting like yourself

yourusername: bcs it’s not her, she’s asleep rn and she’s not your “babe”

maxwalsh: who tf is this???

yourusername: doesn’t matter

yourusername blocked maxwalsh.

lukecastellan posted to their story!

SARAHDAWSON replied to your story

sarahdawson: WOAHWOAHWOAHWOAH SLOW YOUR ROLL WHAT

CLAIRSSELARUE replied to your story

clairsselarue: “idk what you’re talking abt clarisse” oh i hate you so bad

SILENABEAUREGARD replied to your story

silenabeauregard: i’d know that silhouette anywhere…

CHRISRODRIGUEZ replied to your story

chrisrodriguez: i’m a bit hurt i wasn’t told in depth about this before but i’m too proud to pay attention to it GOOD FOR YOU MAN

MAXWALSH replied to your story

maxwalsh: so it was you who had her phone the other day

maxwalsh: wtf man

lukecastellan: womp womp

lukecastellan: you snooze you lose and you lost big time

♫ Nobody’s Business by Rihanna, Chris Brown

♡ liked by jasongrace , racheledare , and others

[ tagged: yourusername ]

lukecastellan and it ain’t what??

yourusername AND IT AIN’T NOBODY’S BUSINESS

clarisselarue ok edward cullen why are you eating her neck like that

silenabeauregard everyone i took the hammock pic thank me please 🙏😇

yourusername thank you beautiful angel

seaweedbrain cute i guess…….

chrisrodriguez I ALWAYS HAD FAITH IN YOU BRO EVEN WHEN EVERYONE ELSE THOUGHT YOU WERE A LOSER WITH NO GAME, I STAYED ROOTING FOR YOU

lukecastellan appreciate you bro

lukecastellan wait people said that about me???

wisegirll my favs 😭🫶

yourusername AWE ILY ANNIE

seaweedbrain oh i’m just dirt to you then? chill.

wisegirll you’re so dramatic percy

seaweedbrain oh so mental health matters until I’M the one hurt? cool.

lukecastellan and y’all were saying i had no game

seaweedbrain okay luke see that’s just not funny because your dad literally dances on a revolving stage for a living

lukecastellan had to bring out the dad jokes because you know i’m right?

seaweedbrain why is your old age pension ass beefing with me instead of talking to ur girlfriend… weird behaviour

sarahdawson too cute i fear

sarahdawson but you i must remind you mr castellan, i made it onto her feed first. you will ALWAYS be second to me. always.

drewtanaka anyone else hear weeping from the hephaestus cabin…

leovaldez it’s really depressing

leovaldez i think he just punched a hole in the wall

cbeckendorf he did

pipermclean LMAO WHAT A FUCKING LOSER 😭😭☠️☠️

( taglist ) @perseus-jackass @harrysnovia

#charlie bushnell x reader #luke castellan x aphrodite!reader #luke castellan x you #luke castellan x reader #luke castellan #percy jackson and the olympians x reader #percy jackson x reader #percy jackon and the olympians #pjo x reader

[princessbrunette]

playlists for the readers … ໒꒰ྀིᵔ ³ ᵔ ꒱ྀིა

bunny!reader ♡

just girly fun vibes — she likes her music catchy, pop-y and fairly relatable. rafe never lets her play her music in the car unfortunately, because he cannot be seen speeding down the road blasting the pussy cat dolls.

🎀 cassie — ditto

🎀 kali uchis, steve lacy, vince staples — only girl

🎀 frank ocean — sweet life

🎀 coco & clair — pretty

🎀 sabrina carpenter — feather

🎀 flo milli — never lose me

🎀 cassie — miss your touch

🎀 childish gambino, jhené aiko — pink toes

🎀 flo.rida, wynter — sugar

🎀 kali uchis — honey baby (SPOILED!)

🎀 angels — my boyfriends back

🎀 foxy brown, kelis — candy

🎀 lana del rey — music to watch boys to

🎀 jhené aiko — maniac

🎀 fergie — clumsy

🎀 ciara, 50 cent — can’t leave ‘em alone

🎀 shelley duvall — he needs me

🎀 nancy sinatra — sugar town

🎀 heidi montag — i’ll do it

🎀 nicki minaj, jeremiah — favourite

🎀 kali uchis — melting

🎀 lady gaga — boys boys boys

🎀 cassie — long way 2 go

🎀 the pussycat dolls — when i grow up

🎀 tom tom club — genius of love

🎀 beyoncé — freakum dress

🎀 gwen stefani — bubble pop electric

🎀 marina — primadonna girl

🎀 madonna — material girl

🎀 pussy cat dolls — stickwitu

🎀 leven kali, syd — do u wrong

🎀 kiana ledé — mad at me

kitty!reader ♡

listens to her music to feel cool n edgy. shes one of those people that think she’s a bitch but she’s not at all, just a lil grumpy. wants everyone to know she liked deftones before it was cool.

🐈‍⬛ pixies — is she weird

🐈‍⬛ arctic monkeys — mardy bum

🐈‍⬛ black box recorder — child psychology

🐈‍⬛ the smiths — pretty girls make graves

🐈‍⬛ ethel cain — crush

🐈‍⬛ mazzy star — she’s my baby

🐈‍⬛ radiohead — creep

🐈‍⬛ chris isaak — wicked game

🐈‍⬛ limp bizkit — rollin’

🐈‍⬛ the pretty reckless — makes me wanna die

🐈‍⬛ pearly drops — bloom for me

🐈‍⬛ deftones — root

🐈‍⬛ fka twigs — two weeks

🐈‍⬛ deftones — romantic dreams

🐈‍⬛ hole — doll parts

🐈‍⬛ margeaux — hot faced

🐈‍⬛ siouxsie and the banshees — she’s a carnival

🐈‍⬛ kip tyler — she’s my witch

🐈‍⬛ deftones — mascara

🐈‍⬛ soho dolls — bang bang bang bang

🐈‍⬛ enigma — sadeness

🐈‍⬛ DANGERDOOM, MF DOOM — perfect hair

🐈‍⬛ radiohead — idioteque

🐈‍⬛ björk — come to me

🐈‍⬛ the nbhd — fallen star

🐈‍⬛ arctic monkeys — crying lightening

🐈‍⬛ deftones — diamond eyes

🐈‍⬛ the smiths — girl afraid

🐈‍⬛ ethel cain — unpunishable

🐈‍⬛ mitski — townie

🐈‍⬛ gorillaz — kids with guns

🐈‍⬛ evanescence — taking over me

deer!reader ♡

she’d say her playlists are all over the place — but it’s organised mess. she has them perfectly collated and in her head they make perfect sense. don’t put her on the aux though, not because the songs aren’t good but because the vibes are all over the place.

🍪 shura — 2shy

🍪 minnie riperton — les fleurs

🍪 april march — chick habit

🍪 benee — kool

🍪 camille saint- saëns — … le cygne

🍪 the little dippers — forever

🍪 allie x, mitski — susie save your love

🍪 she & him — why do you let me stay here?

🍪 lesley gore — i’m coolin’ no foolin’

🍪 sza — prom

🍪 the penguins — earth angel

🍪 SALES — renee

🍪 cleo sol — sunshine

🍪 japanese breakfast — be sweet

🍪 kate bush — cloud busting

🍪 mazzy star — halah

🍪 the mamas & papas — dedicated to the one i love

🍪 scissors sisters — filthy / gorgeous

🍪 fiona apples — shameika

🍪 fleetwood mac — mystified

🍪 margo guryan — under my umbrella

🍪 erykah badu — apple tree

🍪 mort garson — plantasia

🍪 sza — sweet november

🍪 quadron — sea salt

🍪 corinne bailey rae — green aphrodisiac

🍪 sade — lovers rock

🍪 ella fitzgerald — moonlight serenade

🍪 cigarettes after sex — truly

🍪 tv girl — heaven is a bedroom

🍪 the velvet underground — femme fetale

🍪 clairo, coco & clair — racecar

🍪 james blake, rosalía — barefoot in the park

🍪 tame impala — nangs

puppy!reader ♡

never seen without her walkman — loves running around and dancing to her upbeat music. her playlists will remind you of days in the sun and dancing in summer rain.

🐶 her’s — love on the line (call now)

🐶 HAIM — summer girl

🐶 the la’s — there she goes

🐶 stacey q — two of hearts

🐶 faye webster — right side of my neck

🐶 bakar, summer walker — hell n back

🐶 beabadoobee — sunny day

🐶 dominic fike — babydoll

🐶 jungle — back on 74

🐶 pinkpanthress — attracted to you

🐶 duran duran — girls on film

🐶 shuggie otis — strawberry letter 23

🐶 sixpence none the richer — kiss me

🐶 matilda mann — bloom

🐶 HAIM — falling

🐶 311 — amber

🐶 earth, wind & fire — boogie wonderland

🐶 lorde — ribs

🐶 lesley gore — sunshine lollipops and rainbows

🐶 stevie wonder — all i do

🐶 the human league — don’t you want me

🐶 the turtles — happy together

🐶 pet shop boys — west end girls

🐶 clairo — bags

🐶 pat benetar — love is a battlefield

🐶 the psychedelic furs — love my way

🐶 scouting for girls — she’s so lovely

🐶 noisettes — wild young hearts

🐶 the all eyes i — beat goes on

🐶 tame impala — elephant

🐶 sublime — waiting for my ruca

🐶 mgmt — boogie down

#bunny!reader #kitty!reader #deer!reader #puppy!reader

[ikn0wtheend]

thoroughfare - modern!ellie x reader

summary: you knew ellie once and a road trip back home together complicates things more than it should. 

pairing: modern!ellie williams x reader

word count: ~4.5k

c/w: angst, fluff, mutual pining, language, implied sex, hopeful ending? loser lesbians as always.

a/n: um I do not know where this came from seeing as this is quite the diversion from ‘the record’ but I hope you enjoy it nonetheless. I was just listening to ethel cain’s ‘thoroughfare’ (as a girlie does) and I blacked out and apparently wrote 4k words of whatever this is. spoiler alert: they don’t even make it back home, they drive for like 5 hours. as always let me know what you think and if you’d like me to make this a series (I'm currently on the fence about it). <3

main masterlist & thoroughfare [2]

It was hot. The kind of hot that doesn’t give you a reprieve no matter how many layers you take off or how hard you fan yourself with your hand. It was sticky and miserable. You want to claw at your skin. 

Sitting on the sidewalk you waited for Dina to arrive, you hadn’t really gotten the full details from her. All she had said was “meet outside your apartment” giving you a specific day at a specific time. But you couldn’t complain, you were the one that had called her in distress, forgetting about timezones when she answered the phone half-awake.

Someone eclipses the sun from their spot next to you. You turn with your hand above your brow to get a better look at them and when you do your face automatically scrunches up. 

“Why the fuck are you here?”

“Why the fuck are you sitting on the sidewalk?” 

You stand up, brushing your pants off. “Oh fuck you, Ellie.” 

“No fuck you.” She retorts.

You were going to punch her. Right here. Right on this very sidewalk. You were going to draw your fist back and punch the freckles on her left cheek off of her face. You clench your fists. “I’m not gonna stand here and argue with you.” 

“You started it.” 

“You’re really gonna play the blame game?”

“Who the fuck calls it a ‘blame game’?”

“Literally everybody you fuckwad.”

“So we’re calling each other names now?” She places both hands on her hips. “You’re such an asshole.”

“I see you’ve lost your touch.” You mirrored her stance. “Asshole isn’t very creative.”

“Neither is fuckwad, you fuckwad.”

You throw your hands up. “Jesus Christ, you’re impossible.”

“No you’re imposs-”

Your phone rang interrupting Ellie from finishing, what you were sure was a very clever rebuttal, Dina’s name flashing on the screen. You quickly turn your back to Ellie and answer.

“Hey-”

Dina cuts you off. “Has she shown up yet?”

“Who?” 

“Ellie.” 

You sucked in a breath and pinch between your eyes. “Dina, please don’t tell me my ride across the country is Ellie.” You chanced a look at the girl in question, painfully aware of the way she raised her eyebrows to remind you she could still hear you. 

“Um yeah? You said you need a ride and that it was urgent and Ellie was closest.” Dina stated simply. As though she didn’t know that this was bound to create a mess, one you might not recover from. 

“Okay maybe I exaggerated when I said ‘urgent’, I would’ve happily of waited for you or Jesse.” The words rush out of you, eager to get her to understand and to undo this mess. 

“You were literally in tears when you called and like I said Ellie was closest. You’ll be fine.” She said flippantly. As though she wasn’t a first-hand witness to the shit-storm that had happened two years ago. 

“I don’t think we share the same definition of ‘fine’, Dina.” Her name comes out with a bite. 

You hear a long sigh. “Look just trust me on this. And hey maybe this will be good for the both of you, you’ll finally be able to talk about it.” 

“Did it even occur to you that I left because I didn’t want to talk about it?” 

“Fair point.” She concedes. “But listen I can’t come get you until next week, and that's being generous, so just suck it up and come home. I miss you.”

Fuck, you thought. You couldn’t stay here, not for another week, and hearing Dina say she missed you made you press the heel of you palm into your chest to try and calm the ache. It wasn’t the first time she had told you she missed you since you left, you heard it everytime you called. Sometimes when the time stretched thin between the two of you she would send you a text reminding you she was thinking of you. That she hadn’t forgotten. 

“Okay.” 

“Yeah?” You can hear the concern in her voice now. 

“Yeah. Thank you.” You clear your throat. “I miss you too.” You really did.

She throws out a number of goodbyes and ‘I love you’s’, words you return, before she hangs up. You take a deep breath before turning to look at Ellie again who was standing there with your bags in her arms. She looked silly, you thought. Adorable. You scowl.

“I can carry my own things you know?” 

“Just get your arse across the road and into the car.”

“Sir yes sir.” 

You think you hear a huff of laughter escape her, you think the heat is making you imagine things.

You’re avoiding looking at Ellie, instead you’re focused on the stretch of road laid out in front of you. The two of you had been stuck at a stand-still for the last couple of hours, neither wanting to be the one to break the silence. Maybe it had less to do with not wanting to and more to do with not knowing what to say. 

You knew her once, could tell anyone that would listen how loud she liked her music, the way she took her tea. You knew which side of the bed she preferred despite her protests that it was childish to have a favourite - it was the left. 

You knew her. You knew her. You knew her. 

You’re not sure if you still do. Her hair is different and her shoes look new - you don’t recognise the brand of air freshener hanging from the mirror. This time when you feel an ache in your chest it feels like something akin to grief. But she still looks like your life two years ago and the thought that you might not look the same makes you slump in your chair. 

It’s another silent hour before you make your first stop at the gas station, even so Ellie still gets out of the car without saying a word. You watch her for a second, eyeing the way she leaned back against the car with her arms crossed over her chest, before unbuckling your seatbelt and heading inside to grab some snacks. 

You take your time browsing down the aisles, glad for the chance to stretch your legs for a bit. There was something about gas stations that made you nostalgic, something about you and Ellie at a gas station that made you nostalgic even though she was outside pumping the gas. There were too many times to count when the two of you would make your way to the closest one at all hours of the night to stockpile on chips and candy for movie nights. You would walk through every single aisle and she would follow, not once complaining over the fact that you got the same things everytime and they were two aisles over. She would hold out a hand to carry the food and you would pay, swatting at her whenever she tried to sneak her card to the cashier who looked far too tired to even act amused. Ellie would say ‘thank you’ and you would tell her that it was on her next time although you both knew that was a lie. 

So you allow your mind to wander and your feet to carry you aimlessly. You rely on muscle memory to take you where you need to go because all these gas stations are built the same. You pay and try to leave the memories at the automatic doors.

Ellie is still standing outside the car when you exit with a full bag, arms still crossed. You call her name and chuck a chocolate bar at her a bit more aggressively than you originally planned, because it hits her square in the chest and falls to the ground with a sad splat. Ellie looks at you irritated. 

“What the fuck?” 

You wince, shoulders up by your ears. “Sorry.” You say sheepishly. 

She rolls her eyes as she bends down to grab the bar off of the ground, you see the moment her harden gaze softens and as quick as it was there it was gone again. She rises slowly, flipping the bar around in her hands. 

“I hope they’re still your favourite.” You wring your hands together.

She nods. “Get in the car, we gotta go.” Before you can respond she turns her back to you and retreats to the car. 

You puff out your cheeks before blowing the air out and make your way back to the passenger side, dumping your bag of snacks onto the floor in front of you. You buckle your seatbelt and lift your head to see Ellie already looking at you, she raises an eyebrow in lieu of asking if you’re ready. You nod.

The two of you drive in silence for roughly another 30 minutes before the urge to speak hits you. The last time you were in this car, you and Ellie talked until you couldn’t breathe, saying whatever was on your mind and taking breaks to sing whatever song was playing. You fear that if you don’t say something now you might choke. 

“Do you remember the time Dina was learning to drive and she hit the curb so hard she started crying?” You don’t know why this is the thing your brain conjured up, maybe the combination of recycled air and the smell of Ellie’s cologne was getting to you. 

Ellie snorts in surprise and looks between you and road. “How could I forget. We had to drive home with a flat tire.”

You’re laughing now, “And you had to bribe her back into the car with the promise of burgers.” You throw your head back. 

Ellie’s laughing now too, a far away look on her face. “Yeah I did, didn’t I? Jesus Christ I thought she was gonna stand in the middle of the street all night and someone was gonna run her over, honestly I wouldn’t of blamed them.” One of her hands was off the wheel and gesturing wildly. “I don’t even know why she was standing on the road, the car was halfway up the sidewalk she should’ve stood there.”

Your laughter tapers off but a wistful smile remains on your face, you see Ellie look at you funny out of the corner of your eye. “What?” You ask softly, your eyes now on her profile. Pretty, you think.

“Nothing. Your laugh sounds the same.”

You struggle to maintain your composure. “Is that a bad thing?”

She shakes her head. “No. Just makes me remember.”

You don’t ask what exactly it was she remembers, because you think that it doesn’t really matter. She remembers your laugh and that's enough for you. It has to be, because you know you weren’t in the position to ask for more. 

 Ellie hesitantly calls out your name this time. 

“Yeah?”

“Why did you leave?”

The question was sobering, you were expecting it the moment you saw her yet it still made you flinch. “I couldn’t stay.” You say. 

You don’t elaborate.

She furrows her brow and you have the urge to smooth it out gently with your thumb and apologise for being the reason that its there. “Why didn’t you come back?” She tries again, voice strained like it hurt her to ask. Maybe it did.

You give her a smile. “I am now aren’t I?” 

“I don’t know, are you?”

Your smile falters. 

“Fuck you.” You snap, smile fully gone and replaced with something harsh. You quickly try and backtrack. “I’m sorry-”

“No it’s okay.” You both know it’s not okay. “I shouldn’t of asked.”

“Ellie-”

“Do you want to listen to something?” She interjects as she reaches over you to open the glovebox and pull out a stack of CD’s with one hand, you remember buying her some of them, she plops them down in your lap. “Take your pick. That Fleetwood Mac one is in there somewhere if that’s still your thing.” It was still your thing. 

You grab something different instead, something that you couldn’t immediately attach a memory to and put it in the slot and press play. 

You had swapped out the CD playing twice before you finally gathered the courage to speak to Ellie again, still embarrassed you had thrown your words at her face. 

“How have you been?” You wince at your own words.

She turns to look at you incredulously. “Is that really what you’re going with?” 

You huff even though you knew that it was a dumb question. “Fine. Why did you say yes to driving me home?” 

“Dina forced me.” She was quick with her response.

You let the words sink in before asking another question. “You still could’ve said no.” The Ellie you knew was much more stubborn than Dina, could often outlast any insisting from her.

You watch as she shuffles in her seat and sighs. “Yeah I could’ve but then she would’ve annoyed me about it for forever, so it was easier to just say yes right off the bat.”

Silence fills the air once more as you think about it. Something wasn’t right and perhaps the stifling air in the car was making you agitated or perhaps Ellie wasn’t telling you the truth. The sky was so blue out here, you think.

“Not everything has to mean something.” She blurts out in irritation.

You turn your head to find her already looking at you. “What?”

“I can tell you’re sitting there trying to pick apart what I just said.” She bites at you like you did her, eyes darting between you and the road rapidly as her knuckles grow white from where she clenches the steering wheel. “You do it so fucking much that you forget to fucking listen. Not everyone is trying to speak to you in fucking riddles you know? Maybe, just maybe, when someone tells you their favourite colour’s blue they just really fucking love the colour blue. It has nothing to do with the ocean or the sky, it’s just something that is.”

There was a version of you that she knew and probably was expecting, the same version of you that had snapped at her earlier. That was a small lapse, one apparently Ellie managed to bring out of you. But that part of you that resides somewhere in your chest wanted to yell at her, deny everything she had just said and say something back that would hurt her - hurt you too when you see the look on her face. But nowadays you’re mostly just tired. Besides, she wasn’t exactly wrong.

You click your tongue and hold her stare when she looks back at you. “You done?”

Her chest heaves. “Yes.”

“Good.” You look away. “Focus on the road.”

You hum along to the song playing over the sound of her deep breathing as she tries to calm herself down. When some time passes you open up a bag of what used to be her favourite chips, you were unsure if she still liked them, but you still offer them to her first. You hold the bag steady when she huffs and sticks a hand into the bag to grab some. You’re still mad at her and you’re sure that she’s still mad at you, but you couldn’t find it within yourself to care when she continues to crunch on the chips like her life depended on them. It was all so familiar.

Your anger had settled into quiet exhaustion when Ellie pulls into a 24-hour diner. It was iffy-looking but there was something oddly charming about it. You follow her inside and take note of the outdated furniture and the weird smell permeating throughout the room, you like it, you think. 

Ellie slides into a booth and sitting across from her you see her under the fluorescent lights. She looked more gaunt here, eye bags prominent. You still thought she looked good. You pretend to look at the menu when its placed in front of you by a young teenage girl, knowing what you’ll get but wanting to look busy. The waitress, Betty her name tag says, comes by with a pot of coffee in her hand, she fills up your mug first and goes to fill up Ellie’s when you quickly cover the cup with your hand. Betty’s look of initial confusion is replaced with a big grin. 

“So, what can I get ya?” Her voice is chipper. 

You open your mouth the speak but Ellie beats you to the punch.

“She’ll get the pancakes, extra strawberries, and I’ll just get some bacon and eggs please.” Her eyes widen. “Sorry-”

“-No, it’s okay.”

“I must be tired from driving. I wasn’t really thinking-”

“-No really it’s okay.”

The sound of both your voices overlap as Ellie tries to apologise and as you try to tell her that it’s okay. It’s okay that she still knows you. You see Betty out of the corner of your eye watching in amusement, but to be fair the diner was empty so this was probably the most entertainment the place had been in awhile. 

“Is that all?” Betty asks, grin still taking over her face. 

“She’ll get a diet coke.” You say nodding your head in Ellie’s direction. She looks away with rosy cheeks.

“Y’all are cute. I’ll be right back.” You watch as Betty practically skips away. This diner was oddly charming indeed. 

You’re fiddling with the handle of your coffee cup when Ellie’s drink is deposited in front of her. There was an outrageous curly straw swirling from the tall glass and the sheer disbelief on Ellie’s face made you want to laugh. You lift your mug to hide your face behind it. It was decided then that you and Betty would make great friends.

“You think this is funny don’t you?” The defeat in Ellie’s face is endearing. 

You take a loud sip of your coffee, eyes meeting hers over your cup. “I’m afraid I have no idea what you’re talking about.” 

She sighs. 

“It’s a straw Ellie.” You say, unable to hide the teasing in your tone. “If you don’t want to drink from it just drink straight from the glass.”

Ellie looks you dead in the eyes when she takes her first sip and you try to look anywhere but her mouth around that damn straw. She sucks the drink up and you watch the liquid travel around in its various loop-de-loops, Ellie releases the straw between her lips with an exaggerated lip smack. “Refreshing.”

You snort. “You’re making me jealous.”

She takes the opportunity. “Of the straw?” A single eyebrow lifts in question. 

“No you bitch.” You feel yourself begin to fluster. “I obviously meant of you. Because you got a cool straw and I got this chipped mug. I mean look at it-” you gesture wildly towards it, “-its bright pink and has like a million swirly things.” Swirly things? Really? Maybe Betty is better off remaining your waitress and not your best friend. It wouldn’t be too big of a loss, you didn’t know her that well anyway.

Ellie was laughing, very clearly proud of herself. “I’m just fucking with you.” She says. “You know that right?”

Right.

You avoid her eyes that were looking for yours, cheeks still warm. “Of course, no harm done.”

“Good.”

There’s a stretch of silence before you hesitantly break it. “Ellie?”

“Yeah?”

You pointedly make eye contact with her hoping that she sees if for what it is, an apology or an admission, either way you hoped she saw it. “I meant it when I said I couldn’t of stayed. Back in the car.” You hold up a hand to stop her from interrupting. “I know you’re gonna ask me why, but I don’t know if I can you reason.” 

She reaches across the table to grab your hand that had abandoned your mug. She looked feral in a way, eyes wild. “Try.” She begs. “Please.”

You nod and try to clear the lump forming in your throat. “I think I always wanted to leave, think you knew that too, but I wasn’t gonna leave without you and you weren’t gonna stay without me.” Ellie nods and you continue. “And I would’ve been happy, more than happy to continuing the life that I was living with you. You were my best friend. But do you remember when we got into the argument? The one right before I left?”

You watch as Ellie looks down at your intertwined hands and gulps. “Yeah. Yeah I do.”

“Yeah I remember it too.” You give her hand a squeeze. “I called you every name in the book and you told me that it was suffocating being my friend.” 

She grips you tighter as though she was scared you’ll pull away. “I didn’t mean it-”

“I know.” At the time you wished you had read between the lines to find the something in her words, in the same way she had berated you over in the car. Because she did mean it when she said it and you had felt the same way back but hadn’t put it into words. The two of you were suffocated by the love you had for each other that was disguised as being merely platonic. “But Ellie, I left because I was suffocating me too.” 

It seemed as though Betty had impeccable timing because there she was happy as a clam with your two plates of food. You look at Ellie looking at your hands still holding each other and you think Betty was either your saviour or your worst enemy. 

“Here you two go!” You and Ellie break apart. “And here’s your extra strawberries.” Betty gives you a wink and skips back to wherever she appeared from. 

Ellie looks between you and the food. You give her a smile. “Eat. I’ll still be here to talk about it later.” The words you said sounded awfully like a promise.

Betty comes back to grab your empty plates, coffee in hand as she pours you another. “Can I get you another diet coke?” She tempts.

“No I’m okay. Thank you.” Ellie says.

“No problem, holler if you need anything.” There she goes again.

Ellie calls your name this time, you leave your mug untouched. “What did you mean when you said that you were suffocating yourself too?”

“Everytime I looked at you I felt like I was dying.” It wasn’t a full answer, but you weren’t ready to give so much of yourself away. You feel the same way you did two years ago before you left. “Do you understand?” Please understand, you think.

She looks at you with something in her stare that feels holy, like a revelation. “Yeah I think I do.” 

The period of time between you meeting Ellie and now is often remembered in differing stages of hurt. The hurt in your hands when you clenched your fists too tightly that time in class when you saw her staring at a girl you couldn’t even name. The hurt on your hip when the two of you got matching tattoos. The hurt in your heart when you went away and stayed away. 

The waiting hurt and so did the leaving.

And the realisation that it didn’t need to hurt, especially for as long as you did, left you feeling unsettled. The hurt was familiar, almost as familiar as Ellie, and you didn’t know if you could leave it behind too. Didn’t know if you would survive it. But surviving wasn’t living and this hurt could feel different. Because maybe, finally, all this love will have a place to go. 

You stand up to go pay and Ellie doesn’t try to stop you like she used to. You leave Betty a big tip and she gives you a cheesy grin in return with her thanks. Ellie is waiting by the front door with her shoulders slumped and hands fiddling when you turn around. You walk towards her. 

“Let’s stop somewhere for the night, yeah?”

“Yeah-” her voice cracks and she clears her throat, “-yeah sounds good.”

When you arrive to the closest motel it wasn’t nearly half as charming as the diner you had just eaten in. There was also no Betty to greet you at the front desk, instead a ragged man who was staring a bit too hard at you told you there was only one room left available. He looked far too happy when he sensed your discomfort. 

Ellie places a foot right in front of where you’re standing and steps forward, obstructing your view. “We’ll take it.” She pays this time.

The man throws the keys on top of the counter and grumbles to himself. Ellie places a hand on the small of your back when you turn to walk away and you subconsciously lean into it before you feel her nudge you along. The two of you made the walk to your room in silence but you can still feel the heat from her hand radiating up your spine. You shiver.

Ellie taps your hip, a gesture you remember, to get you to move aside. She swings both bags she was carrying on her shoulder higher so she can open the door and you’re immediately met with the sight of a bed, there was other furniture in the room but the bed really stood out. 

There was one bed. 

It’s okay, you thought. You had shared a bed with Ellie multiple times, you practically lived at her house that one summer and all the summers following. 

“Are you coming?”

You don’t trust your words so you nod and step inside. You didn’t realise closing the door would make the room seem infinitely smaller otherwise you might’ve left it open and just dealt with whatever the consequences were. Because there was still only one bed inside of a really small room. You try and play it cool. 

“You’re taking the left.” Smooth.

Ellie agrees easily. “Fine by me.”

You watch as she throws the bags onto the bed and begin rooting through hers, pulling out an old t-shirt that you recognised and a pair of sweatpants. She makes her way to the bathroom without once looking at you. You huff and grab your pyjamas too, changing into them hurriedly and lying down on the right side.

Ellie turns off the light and joins you in bed, the two of you staring at the ceiling. You hear her breathing and it sounds like your childhood. It sounds like your future too, the one you dream but never talk about. 

You both lay there under the covers on your backs and you think about how close she is to you. You didn’t know how to tell her you missed her, there simply weren’t enough words in the English language to express it, so you remained quiet. You think a lifetime has past when she decides to speak. In a way it had because you feel a new you being created in this dirty motel room. 

“I hate you for leaving.” Without me. You hear the unspoken words this time.

“I know.” 

“I hate you.” She states, stance firm.

“No you don’t.”

“No I don’t.”

You don’t know who reaches for who first, all you know is that you turn over and there she was, consuming your senses in a way only she knows how. You think about her lips on yours and the way her tongue traces your bottom lip. You think about her hands gripping your waist tight and the way she sighs into your mouth, you think that you want her to do it again. You think that everything about this road trip was doomed from the start. You think that it’s a problem for tomorrow’s version of you to deal with. 

You stop thinking when she pulls you on top of her and tugs at your shirt. You sigh into her mouth this time. 

#ellie williams #ellie williams x reader #ellie williams x female reader #ellie williams x you

[ofthecaravel]

But You Look So Cool

A Danny Wagner/Sam Kiszka fic

Summary: Danny has a crush on a familiar face.

Tags: Fluff, cutesy bullshit, IDIOTS ALERT, literally just the stupidest goofuses alive, NSFW shit AHHHH

Words: 10.8k

A/N: Just trying to keep my Sanny girlies fed. Heavily inspired by Crush by Ethel Cain, everybody go listen to Ethel Cain right now or I will explode you with my mind

Let me know what you think!

~~~

Danny Wagner knew there was no shame in ditching the typical post high school route of moving across the country to start college. Well, maybe it was more like an affirmation he said to himself begrudgingly in the mirror after coming home from work and getting ready to go to class at the local community college. He’d escaped his parent’s house, not that there was anything bad to escape from, and now lived in a crappy one room apartment that he paid for by working a job that he liked an average amount. Every other day, Danny took classes at the community college. He couldn’t help but feel like he was wasting his early twenties saving money and starting small, even though he knew it was the smartest option for him, considering he wasn’t actually all that sure what he wanted to do with life. There weren’t a lot of things Danny was sure of about himself quite yet, but he had faith that it would all fall into place. It had to. Right?

Danny wasn’t sure when things would start to become clear to him, but he was pretty sure it wasn’t going to be during any of his classes. This was an endurance part of his life, he had decided. Get them done, get the associate’s degree, and THEN go from there. He was taking a pretty low course load so he could keep up with work and, well, his sanity, and this was a September where he was taking a whopping two classes. They were both pretty basic, a math course and a history course, and he didn’t expect much from them apart from taking the occasional nap and scurrying to do all of his homework last minute like he’d done his entire academic career. 

What Danny especially didn’t expect from his first day of classes was walking into his math classroom (only after double and triple checking he had the right room), taking a seat by the window, and then becoming acutely aware of the smell of cigarette smoke. As he dug his laptop and notebook out of his bag, he wrinkled his nose at the smell and prepared to meet whoever had drug this scent in with them. He could see someone had sat next to him while his neck was craned, and when he straightened, Danny looked to his right and was immediately seized by a cold jolt of surprise. The guy next to him was undoubtedly the smoker, but he was also undoubtedly someone Danny had gone to school with prior. 

It was Sam, Sam Kiszka, Sam Kiszka who had been on the robotics team and favored shadowing his older brothers over cultivating a group of friends. Danny had known him with a shaggy emo haircut, braces, and an arsenal of class clown cracks. He’d ultimately lost track of Sam during senior year, when news broke of his dad’s arrest and Sam had shrunk moodily into the shadows while his brothers disappeared into college life and made their own name beyond crime and scandal. 

Danny had a feeling that whole era of Sam’s life played a factor into the man he’d grown into. This new Sam sat slouched in a smoke soaked leather jacket with a ratty backpack and scowl playing on his face. It was weird to see him like this. Danny almost wanted to say something, but after Sam’s feline glare passed over him and quickly slid off, he decided not to. He was annoyingly aware of the effect it had on him, though. There was a nervous tremor in Danny’s hand as he opened up his laptop and logged in, staring at himself in the reflection of the dark loading screen and checking for eye boogers or frizz in a sudden attempt to smooth out his sleepy appearance. 

The smoke smell was dizzying now in such close proximity, equal parts overwhelming and delicious. Danny breathed it in and, instead of letting out an almost longing sigh, he let out a huge sneeze. In doing so, he knocked his forehead against his keyboard and scooted backwards in his chair in the same motion. Red faced, he looked up and saw almost every eye in the previously quiet room trained on him. Someone called out a ‘bless you’ and he thanked them with an embarrassed smile, finally looking over to see Sam’s assessment. Danny felt his face go hot all over again when he saw Sam was side eyeing him with an amused smile. When they made eye contact, Sam quickly looked forward again and his smile crumpled. For some reason he couldn’t pin, Danny’s heart fluttered.

His mind started racing as his anxiety made him more and more aware of Sam’s presence and every little move. Did Sam remember him? What the hell had he been up to the past two years? Danny had heard rumors that Sam slipped in and out of the county jail since his dad had been sentenced to death row, unconsciously mirroring his family legacy in some sort of effort to cope. But as far as Danny knew, that was just hearsay. As the professor started the lecture and Danny started to focus, his last thought was that maybe he and Sam would grow to be friends over the course of the class. 

--

Danny gave up on that hope after the third class. Even during icebreakers, Sam had barely spoken and seemed to daydream the entire class, taking bare bones notes and racing out the door the second the lecture finished. Still, Danny gave him well prepared smiles in the split seconds that Sam’s eyes would drift over him, considering that Danny’s eyes were now almost always on him. Danny himself was a little startled by how distracted he was by his silent classmate. They had exchanged zero words and yet Danny found himself driving up to the building with anxious butterflies as the days went on. He started fulfilling weird little compulsions he’d never felt before, like standing in front of the mirror messing with the way his hair fell, even though he always left it back in its wavy, brushed-out side part. Danny sat in class with his back straighter and his face hidden by his curtain of waves, using them as a cover to sneak glances at Sam’s frowning profile.

 In such a tizzy, Danny had spent the time after a family dinner to corner his sister and ask her for a second opinion on why he was feeling so crazy. He had scoffed when she’d begun to laugh in his face, looking at him like he was the stupidest person alive.

“What, you asshole?” Danny asked, shoving Josie’s shoulder as she stifled her laugh with a hand and used the other to grip his shoulder in comradery.

“You idiot,” she giggled. “You’re not being possessed by the devil. You have a fucking crush.”

Danny flushed and laughed at the accusation, rolling his eyes.

“Yeah, okay, sure, right,” Danny mocked, leaning against the doorframe of his sister’s room. “We’ve literally never spoken.”

“You don’t have to talk to someone to have a crush on them,” Josie explained.

Danny paused.

“You don’t?”

“No? What, is this your first year on Earth? Are you experiencing emotions for the first time?”

“Shut the fuck up.”

“Seriously! Have you never had a crush before?”

Danny thought about it. 

“Yeah, in, like, high school,” Danny answered. “I had a girlfriend, thank you.”

“Oh, please, you only dated her because she wouldn’t leave you alone,” Josie accused with a creeping smile. “Sounds like this guy is giving you the real deal. Congratulations, welcome to feelings.”

“What do I even do about it?” Danny whined, sliding down the wood panel and sitting hard. “This shit sucks.”

“Ask him out!” Josie insisted, forming a little heart with her hands. “Follow your heart.”

“You’re a fucking cornball,” Danny countered. “I feel like I should probably talk to him minimum one time before I do that. I mean, I don’t even know if he’s…you know, whatever. Would even be into me.”

“Oh, I bet he’s totally into you,” Josie assured. “When you said he smiled at you after you sneezed? Totally into you.”

“You’re just feeding my delusion.”

“I’m making up for lost time you spent fake dating a weirdo in high school.”

“Yeah, this is some real sentimental bonding we’ve got going on right now.”

“Come on, you wimp,” Josie said, tossing a pillow at Danny’s head. “Do literally anything. Don’t let him be the one that got away.”

“You’re so dramatic, fuck,” Danny accused, but smiled. “Fine, okay, I’ll talk to him.”

--

Danny did not talk to him. Danny really did plan on talking to Sam during their next class, but when Danny pulled into a parking spot, he found himself next to Sam and his grungy motorcycle. Worse yet, it was one of September’s warmer mornings with a humidity left over from a storm the next before, which meant that Sam was shirtless and covered in a fine sheen of sweat. He took off his helmet and shook his hair out, unaware of Danny’s jaw hitting the floor as he combed it through with one hand and dug a shirt out of his backpack. After allowing himself one more sidelong glance before he stumbled out of his car, Danny saw a scattering of tattoos on Sam’s wiry arms and hiding on his ribcage. The words died on Danny’s tongue and in his mind and he decided that maybe he’d wait another day, so he did. And then he waited for two more weeks after that, and even then, Danny couldn’t get himself to even breathe in Sam’s direction.

The only person keeping Danny accountable was Josie, and she regularly expressed her upset towards Danny’s lack of action. The siblings had a long standing tradition of raiding the convenience store by their house on Saturday evenings so they had a proper snack arsenal for movie night, and on the Saturday after the one month mark of Danny’s class starting, Josie followed him through the aisles and chastised him.

“Why do you even care so much?” Danny hissed at her as he absently looked through rows of crinkling bags of chips and pretzels. 

“Because this is the most exciting thing that’s happened to you since you graduated, you nerd,” Josie answered, plucking a bag of chips out of his hand and breezing by. “Plus, it’d be fun to have someone to razz you with.”

“Has anyone ever told you you’re a kind and gentle soul? Because they were lying.”

Josie laughed and they both continued a steady bicker as they swept the aisles. They settled in the candy aisle for a heated debate on what the “mood” of their candy should be that night. Suddenly, a raucous round of hissing and popping started up outside and they both startled, looking towards the sound. It was the sound of firecrackers, and the owner let out a disgusted sigh and stormed out from behind the counter. He’d seen the Wagner siblings in his store since they were little, and since they were the only ones in there, he quickly told them to not steal anything and then ran out the doors to investigate. The two of them exchanged an amused look and started a joking dialogue about how much stuff they could fit in their pockets when the bell on the door jingled again. They quieted, thinking the owner was back so soon, but Danny felt the wind get knocked out of his lungs when he looked behind him into the next aisle and saw a familiar helmet. He mouthed ‘shit’ and turned around again, Josie quickly picking up on the nervous twitch in his features and looking for herself.

“What?” she whispered, almost inaudible, following Danny as he scooted into the next aisle over to put an aisle between them. Danny gave her a look, and then jerked his head at the man once before widening his eyes. Instantly, her mouth fell open and she started peeking over the top of the shelves to try and catch a glimpse at Sam’s face.

“No way!” she breathed again. “He rides a motorcycle? Hot!”

“Shut the entire fuck up,” Danny seethed, feeling a chill run down his spine when he heard Sam’s boots in the aisle behind them. He moved quickly, a rustle of bags and wrappers as he did. Danny and Josie stood very still when they felt Sam stride into the aisle they were in, exchanging a look and then respectively picking up a snack and examining their wrappers intently. Danny took a brave look over at Sam and saw him pick up a bag of Skittles and then pocket it brashly in the joking way he and his sister had pretended to. Danny blinked in surprise; maybe Sam really was the criminal people made him out to be. Hopefully shoplifting was the worst of his crimes. 

Sam moved down the aisle towards them and looked up at Danny, the two of them exchanging a moment of tense eye contact before Sam’s dark eyes flickered over the Twix in Danny’s hands and then away again. Sam walked behind the two of them and then with a quiet ‘excuse me’, he reached his arm in front of Danny and plucked a Twix from the box. Danny stood frozen to the spot but leaned politely out of the way, trying to subtly stomp on Josie’s foot when she sneakily reached up and sank her nails into his forearm in a silent urge for Danny to say something.

However, Danny hardly got the chance to breathe before the owner walked back into the store with an annoyed huff, which caused Sam to startle and then hustle back past them and slip behind a display. Danny and Josie shared a confused look and tracked the top of Sam’s helmet as he sneaked around the perimeter of the store, clearly trying to make his way to the door without being seen. Unfortunately for Sam, they heard his boot knock loudly against a bottle and the owner looked up from his paper. His face immediately twisted into a fury.

“KISZKA!” he bellowed, slamming his paper onto the counter as Sam scurried down the first aisle and out the door, the bell banging loudly as the owner followed him out in a hurried jog. Danny and Josie quietly stood and watched the two men disappear around the corner in a flurry of yells. 

“Well,” Josie finally said as they slowly approached the counter and started piling their stuff onto it for when the owner returned. “He seems really nice.”

“Shut up,” Danny muttered, knowing his face was thoroughly flushed from both nerves and embarrassment. 

“No, really, I’m super excited for your prison biker wedding.”

“Shut up.”

--

On Monday, Danny was sitting at his table going over the Excel graphing exercise that had driven him nearly crazy the night prior when something was loudly dropped next to him. His reflexes were not as sharp from his lack of sleep and he jolted, calming when he saw what had been dropped on his notebook: a Twix. Danny immediately looked to his right and watched Sam fall into his seat, cracking his neck and unzipping his backpack like nothing had happened. Heart racing, Danny picked up the chocolate and caught Sam’s eye, holding it aloft with confusion crinkling his arched brows. Sam looked at the Twix like he was surprised to see it, sniffed absently and then reclined further in his chair. 

“It’s a bribe,” Sam finally spoke, his light voice betraying his cool, edgy facade. 

“Pardon?” Danny asked dumbly, trying not to stumble over his words.

“A bribe,” Sam repeated, looking at Danny like he was stupid. “It seems like you know what you’re doing in this class, right?”

“Barely,” Danny muttered, looking back at the admittedly correct graphs on his screen. 

“That’s better than how I’m doing,” Sam scoffed, loudly dropping his laptop on his table and pulling a bulky thermos out of his backpack. “I figured a little bribe would help to make alliances.”

Danny looked back at the candy in his hand.

“You stole this.”

“So, what? You and your girlfriend were talking about stealing.”

“That was my sister,” Danny clarified with a curl of his lip. “We weren’t actually going to steal anything, it was just a dumb joke.”

“Well, aren’t you a perfect angel?” Sam sarcastically batted his lashes at Danny and then rolled his eyes, cracking his knuckles aggressively. Danny bristled at Sam’s attitude, even though a small part of him was thrilled by it. 

“I don’t know how you think you make friends, but it’s not like this,” Danny snipped shakily, lifting his chin and looking back at his screen. He could feel Sam staring at him as he pretended to care about his homework. 

“You’re Danny, yeah?” Sam asked casually after a minute.

“Yeah.”

“I remember you from high school.”

Danny hesitated and met Sam’s eye again. Sam smiled, knowing he had Danny’s attention. 

“I didn’t do much in high school,” Danny laughed awkwardly, a little incredulous that Sam would’ve paid any kind of attention to him back then. Danny had friends, sure, but he coasted through classes and invested most of his time with the golfing team, playing video games and banging on the drumset in the basement. He and Sam had mutual friends but had never run in the same circles. 

“I remember you anyways,” Sam went on, picking at the skin of his thumb. “You weren’t the type of person to pass up the chance to help out. And I bet that hasn’t changed much. So, you know, if you could help me with an assignment or two, that’d be sick. Plus, I’d make it worth your while.”

“Will I continue to be paid in Twix?”Danny joked, flushing at Sam’s surprising comprehension of Danny’s character. Sam laughed, a sharp noise that sent chills down Danny’s spine. 

“You’re fucking funny, dude,” Sam grinned. “If that’s what you want, but I can get you whatever you need. Pick your poison.”

“Poison?” Danny echoed, blinking blankly. Sam’s eyes softened slightly as he realized Danny wasn’t picking up on what he was putting down. He looked almost endeared.

“Yeah, man,” Sam continued, his voice lowering as he leaned towards Danny. “Dope, coke. If that’s not your vibe, I’ll buy you a stupid six pack or roll you a blunt.”

“If I help you do your homework, you’re going to give me coke?” Danny hissed, leaning in as well. “You’re going from Twix to cocaine for trigonometry?”

“I have to graduate,” Sam hissed back, his voice urgent. “Not graduating is not an option for me. I’ve already flunked a class once and if I fail again my family will-”

Sam cut himself off with a groan and flopped dramatically back into his seat, crossing his arms and stretching his legs out. 

“Forget it,” Sam snapped, color rising to his cheeks as he let out a huff. “Forget everything I said. I’m fine, it’s fine.”

Danny paused as he watched Sam shift in his seat, his eyes clouding over as he stared down at his lap. If he didn’t know any better, he’d have thought that Sam might be starting to tear up. 

“Hey, man, I’ll help you,” Danny relented, his heart nearly hammering out of his chest as he said it. “Don’t worry about paying me back or anything, though. Actually, I’m more motivated to help you if you promise NOT to give me drugs.”

Sam stared silently at him for a moment, clearly waiting for Danny to pull the rug out from under him and tell him he was only joking. But Danny was sincere in his promise, and Sam’s tense shoulders loosened slightly. 

“Cool,” Sam said quietly, nodding once. “Are you busy after class?”

Danny was supposed to have lunch with a friend, but in a split second he decided to cancel. 

“No,” Danny answered quickly. 

“Wanna go to the library and, I don’t know, you tell me what the fuck is happening in this unit?” Sam suggested, his voice lowering as he got to the end of his sentence. Danny couldn’t help but let a painfully endeared smile cross over his face as he pretended to think for a second and then nodded. 

“Yeah, that works,” Danny agreed casually and Sam mirrored his nodding. 

“Sweet.”

“Yeah.”

They looked at each other for a moment, letting a few awkward beats pass before Sam cleared his throat and turned his attention back to his thermos. Danny watched him unscrew the chunky lid and take a deep sip, causing Sam to visibly hold back a wince as his eye twitched and he screwed the lid back on. He looked back at Danny, who was regarding him with another look of surprise.

“What?” Sam whispered.

“Dude,” Danny said simply, unsure whether to be concerned or to laugh. 

“Shut up,” Sam replied, narrowing his eyes like an angry cat. 

“It’s 9am,” Danny went on, a giggle at the end of his words.

“Shut up,” Sam repeated. 

The professor got out of her seat and turned on her computer, signaling the beginning of class, and both of them fell silent as the lecture flashed on the projection screen. Danny decided to try and sneak one more look at Sam before he tuned in completely, allowing himself to relish in the anticipation that they were going to be spending the afternoon together. When he looked, he saw Sam was looking back at him, and they both turned away quickly and didn’t make eye contact for the rest of the class.

After an admittedly awkward walk to the library, Danny very quickly learned the extent of just what kind of student Sam was. His eyes wandered, his questions branched into a myriad of tangents, and oftentimes his conclusions made no sense. A particularly hard problem had Danny making Sam slowly backtrack his process to how he arrived at his answer, which made Danny even more confused and further infuriated Sam as he was reminded of how lost he was. 

And yet, Danny was exceedingly patient with him. When the light outside started to fade and they gave up on making any more progress, Sam seemed genuinely shocked that Danny had stuck around as long as he had. Sure, when he got home that night Danny gave an extra little scream into his pillow from how hard he had fought Sam to try and help him understand the unit they were on, but Danny really hadn’t minded getting to spend some actual one on one time with Sam. Between tense discussion and slow calculations, Danny had actually had a lot of fun. 

--

Danny finally admitted to himself that he was completely and totally screwed after the next couple of study sessions with Sam. The issue was that not only was Sam even hotter up close, but that he and Danny got along famously. When he wasn’t cussing out his textbook (or Danny, on occasion) or staring off into space, Sam was funny and quick witted and a surprisingly good listener. He had this habit of cradling his jaw with both hands while staring wide eyed at Danny and the textbook he was working off of, nodding occasionally and scribbling down Danny’s process with his bottom lip sucked in between his teeth. 

“You’re really getting it now, man,” Danny said proudly one afternoon, watching Sam’s flimsy mechanical pencil work its way down his notebook page as he linked together a probability. 

“Maybe a little,” Sam mumbled, flipping a page to check the answer sheet. 

“Seriously, you’ve made hella progress,” Danny went on, motioning at Sam’s paper with his own pencil. “You don’t even need the cheat sheet, I know that’s right.”

“Still gonna check,” Sam insisted, seeming to shrink under Danny’s praise. Danny frowned, watching Sam grow somber in the way he always did when he scoured his homework for problems. Normally, Danny just let him take his quiet pause, but this time he felt himself  saying something before he could stop himself.

“You know that you’re smart, right?”

Sam looked up quickly, looking almost disgusted by Danny’s compliment.

“Yeah, okay,” Sam mocked, crinkling his nose. 

“You are,” Danny continued. “You were smart in high school, too. I mean, you did robotics and debate and stuff, right? You’ve gotta be clever to do all that.”

Sam blinked, his look shifting from unbelieving to almost shy.

“You remember all that?” Sam asked, his voice oddly soft. Danny felt his face flush.

“Uh, well, yeah,” Danny stammered slightly, shrugging like it was nothing. “I noticed lots of stuff in high school. It was a lot more fun than doing my own stuff, I guess.”

“You did cool stuff, too,” Sam said hesitantly, looking back at his page. “Golf is…cool.”

“No, it’s not,” Danny laughed, and a smirk slipped onto Sam’s face.

“Nah, it’s really not,” Sam agreed, the smirk growing to a cheeky grin. “You know what I mean. You were a cool person.”

“Oh, am I not cool anymore?” Danny teased, basking in the realization that at least once, Sam had thought about him back then.

“You’re still cool,” Sam smiled, his eyes boring into Danny’s own as Danny’s smile grew wide and dopey.

“Cool,” Danny replied dumbly, seeing Sam’s eyebrow raise in his peripheral vision as he pretended to start on another question. 

“Not good with compliments either, huh?” Sam accused lightheartedly.

“I guess I just don’t get them that much,” Danny answered honestly. Sam immediately let out a sharp, one note laugh that earned him a dirty look from the librarian and a confused smile from Danny.

“What?” Danny asked. Sam looked him up and down once with an amused smile, but once he realized Danny had absolutely no clue what he found so ridiculous, his smile quickly died. 

“Nothing, whatever,” Sam backtracked, letting out another much quieter laugh as if to make up for the brashness of the first one. 

“Nuh uh, tell me,” Danny insisted, quickly swiping Sam’s paper out from under his hand and holding it hostage under his forearm. “What’s so funny, funny guy?”

“Nothing!” Sam doubled down, his usually edgy tone taking on a brand new whining quality as he tried to yank his paper back. The annoyed knit of Sam’s eyebrows gave Danny a small thrill he didn’t quite understand. 

“You tell me why you laughed or I eat this fucking piece of paper.”

“Oh, I would actually love to see that, go right ahead.”

“Come on, Sam, tell me,” Danny all but begged. “Why is it so damn funny I don’t get compliments on the reg?” 

Sam still refused to meet his eye, half heartedly trying to slide the paper out from under Danny’s arm with his fingertips gripping furiously. 

“I don’t know, I guess it’s just weird considering you look, you know…” Sam trailed off, his tan cheeks rosy as he stumbled to his point. “Looking the way you do, I’d think maybe you’d be fending ‘em off ‘on the reg’. Your words, not mine.”

Danny blinked, still vaguely lost.

“Looking the way I do?” Danny echoed slowly, and Sam rolled his eyes. Danny looked down at himself, trying to decipher whatever Sam was getting at. “Is there a big sweater crowd here that I was unaware of, or…?”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” Sam mumbled, finally pushing Danny’s arm back with one hand and grabbing his paper with the other. “Nevermind.”

Danny spent the rest of the night trying to understand just what Sam had been telling him, but it didn’t hit him until that last second before he finally fell asleep. Danny had sat up abruptly when the thought settled on him, his adrenaline jerking him upwards like a puppet so hard that his knee collided with his cheek. He fell back onto his pillow with a prolonged groan, pressing the heel of his palm to his sore cheek, feeling his blood pulse as he blinked up at the ceiling with the realization spinning in his head: Sam thought he was attractive. And he had said it right to Danny’s face without him knowing. As he began to drift off again, Danny thought he might be the stupidest man alive. 

--

Danny certainly felt like one when the next time he saw Sam, he approached him with sheepish energy and a big, tender bruise on the plane of his cheek under his right eye. Sam’s mouth fell open and he immediately reached up to touch Danny’s face, his fingers softly grazing over the bruise as his dark eyebrows drew together in confusion.

“What the hell happened to you?” Sam asked, his eyes suddenly lighting up as a snarky comment generated in his head. “Oh my god, did you get in a fight?”

Danny, realizing there was no way he could explain the true nature of his injury without sounding like an utter idiot, quickly nodded in agreement and tried to look remorseful. Sam’s mouth fell open again. The sparkle in his eye paired with his ability to be so quick to believe made Danny’s stomach flutter in adoration.

“Yeah, no biggie,” Danny said coolly as he slid into his seat, shrugging off his bag as Sam landed on his seat harshly, his eyes still stuck to Danny’s face. 

“Who did you fight?” Sam gasped. “Did you fight a cop? Oh, please say yes.”

“Yep, you know me, big cop fighter,” Danny agreed, sarcasm edging his voice as he shot Sam a sly smile. Sam slumped in his seat as he began to scowl.

“Oh, fuck you, don’t lie to me,” Sam pouted, crossing his leather clad arms. “Seriously, what’s with the bruise?”

“It’s stupid, I’m fine,” Danny laughed. 

“Do we have to cancel midterms studying later?” Sam asked, looking concerned. Maybe even disappointed. “I don’t wanna, I don’t know.”

“Are you worried I’m going to strain my small bruise too much?” Danny teased, butterflies fluttering again at Sam’s genuine worry about his well being. 

 “I don’t know!” Sam spluttered. “I want to make sure my teacher isn’t being held back from teaching me.”

“Sure, sure,” Danny smiled, finding a random surge of confidence and channeling it by mocking one of the first things Sam had said to him. “Aren’t you just a perfect angel?”

Sam immediately fell silent, rolling his eyes deeply and lolling back into his seat, turning away from Danny for a moment before flopping his head back towards Danny. 

“Maybe I am,” Sam joked, giving Daniel a theatrical wink before scoffing and shaking his head, reacting so heavily that Danny figured that he must’ve been genuinely flustered by Danny’s accusation. It was hitting him again now, that Sam might actually like him back. It still felt like a reach, but Danny let the satisfaction of the possibility straighten his spine confidently while Sam continued to sputter. 

--

By the time midterms had come and gone, Danny was beginning to become actually convinced he might have a shot with Sam. A lot of this was attributed to Sam suddenly and consistently indulging in a habit Danny was well acquainted with: kleptomania. 

“Sam, you have got to stop,” Danny said defeatedly after Sam dropped yet another grocery bag of snacks on the table in front of Danny before collapsing in the booth across from him. This study session was at a coffee shop, which Danny thought might deter Sam from his now expected habit of bringing Danny bags of treats and the occasional other small, random items. 

“Why? It’s funny,” Sam insisted as he did every time Danny questioned why the hell he was doing this. “Come on, laugh.”

“I am not laughing, thank you very much,” Danny said haughtily, sifting through the bag with two fingers. “Aw, come on, there’s even more than last time. Those poor store owners you’re robbing are going to start to notice, you know.”

“Whatever, as if they could prove it was me,” Sam scoffed with pride, cracking his neck cockily. 

“Security cams, Sams,” Danny remarked, tying the handles of the bag together. “Seriously, it’s just not worth the risk. I don’t know why you think I’m so desperately in need of a couple hundred granola bars.”

“Totally worth the risk,” Sam argued. “I have a great time doing it, and then you have a great time not starving.”

“Why would I be starving?”

“You said you barely even eat during the days you work. Boom, problem solved, shut up and eat your damn fruit snacks.”

Danny’s heart suddenly began to slam against his ribs as the feelings that accompanied Sam’s shockingly sweet intentions jolted every nerve ending in Danny’s body. 

“You started being a full blown klepto because…you didn’t want me to be hungry?”

“So?” Sam’s voice was sharp and defensive, but when Danny blinked at him, he saw Sam’s eyes soften for a fraction of a second and he knew. 

 “It’s just…actually very nice of you,” Danny said, his voice petering out slightly at the end of his sentence. “Now I kinda feel like a dickhead for yelling at you. Even though I still don’t think you should steal.”

“I accept your apology,” Sam answered jokingly. “So, which homework are we going over today?”

“Oh, we actually don’t have anything due on Friday,” Danny said. “I’m slightly concerned you don’t remember her saying that, but, yeah, we don’t technically don’t have to work on anything.”

“Oh,” Sam said simply, tensing and then relaxing in the same second. “So, we’re just…like, hanging out?”

“I guess,” Danny replied, masking his nerves by taking a sip of his drink. “I mean, we can look ahead in the book. Or you can, like, go if you want.”

“No, no, it’s whatever,” Sam said hurriedly. “I mean, I already ordered a drink, so.”

“Yeah, I mean, then you gotta stay,” Danny teased, still a little surprised by his own ability to flirt so quickly lately. “Maybe we can even attempt a conversation without talking about trigonometry.”

“Sounds like pulling teeth,” Sam agreed, arching a dark brow in amusement. “I’m down.”

“Should I ask you how your day was?”

“Definitely not.”

“What about your childhood?”

Sam bristled but somehow twisted it into a weak smile.

“I don’t know, you were there for a good chunk of it,” Sam smiled, and Danny melted a little. “You weren’t super involved or anything, but you probably know the gist of it.”

“Mm, I guess,” Danny shrugged. “Not enough to know how you went from being such a nice little nerd to…wherever you are now.”

“Is there something wrong with me now?” Sam snapped, giving Danny the stink eye.

“No, no, but you’re definitely a lot different than you were 5 years ago,” Danny went on and Sam swallowed, his eyes traveling in the air next to Danny’s head uncomfortably. 

“True,” Sam agreed sullenly. 

“I didn’t mean to, I don’t know, drag up anything,” Danny said nervously, taking note of the dark cloud settling over Sam’s head. “Just making conversation. I mean, I admit I am curious, but you can change the subject.”

“It’s…fine,” Sam sighed, shifting in his seat and finally taking off his jacket as he talked. “I mean, you know all the shit that went down with my family. I guess it’s just kind of a weird thing for an angsty little teenager to deal with, and doing spontaneous, adrenaline rush inducing shit is a lot easier to do than dealing with emotions. Way more fun, too.”

“I get that,” Danny said softly. “I was worried for you for a while in high school. You didn’t come to school for like a week straight once and I totally thought something bad had happened.”

“Really?” Sam asked. He looked surprised that Danny had remembered that, and he also looked a little guilty.

“I mean, yeah,” Danny stammered. It was true; it had been a little hard not to be on the lookout for Sam after his dad’s mugshot had been plastered on every newspaper in town.

“Well, I was fine,” Sam insisted, guilt still gracing his features. “With everything going on, I figured nobody would care if I stayed away for a little while. I was pretty much just taking tabs in the woods and eating at drive throughs and stirring up shit at random bars.” 

“That sounds like it sucks,” Danny blurted, and Sam looked startled by his candor.

“It did suck,” Sam answered plainly. “But it could have been worse. I mean, I only got arrested once.”

“That’s a miracle,” Danny joked and Sam laughed. 

“Honestly, yeah,” Sam agreed with a feline smirk. “I’ve gotten up to some pretty crazy things in my time.”

“I’d love to hear about them,” Danny smiled, cupping his chin in his hand in an effort to look tuned in completely to Sam. Sam laughed again and mirrored Danny’s cheesy motion with a higher notch of dramatics, making both of them chuckle before Sam launched into a highlights reel of the craziest things he’d experienced in the past couple of years. With every new anecdote, Sam loosened up more and more, his eyes staying round and playful as he gesticulated often and laughed between his words. Even though his stories painted him as some kind of a wild thrill seeker, the Sam sitting in front of Danny was exuberant, sweet, and kept collapsing into fits of giggles that made him snort and giggle all over again. Danny couldn’t help but stare.

-- 

   Suddenly it was November, and Danny and Sam put their heads together to work through the review packet they’d been given. The truth is that the review packet had all the basics of the units they’d gone through, and the professor had said that the final was going to be a collection of all the simplest concepts so there was no reason to unnecessarily stress, but Danny and Sam began to study like it was the bar exam. At this point, both of them were quietly aware that Sam would be able to pass this final without Danny’s help, and that their studying sessions didn’t actually involve all that much studying anymore. They’d go to the library or a coffee shop or any kind of quiet establishment, pull out their folders and pencils and calculators, and then not touch them for the next couple of hours while they chatted. On a few occasions, Sam would shut down when the conversation got too close for him, and Danny knew that during those times he was waiting for Danny to go, but he never did. He’d pick a new topic, broach it carefully, and wait for Sam to warm back up to him. That unthinking kindness was a big part of why Sam actually started to feel comfortable opening up to Danny, even if it was only a little bit. It was also why Sam started to feel like he would do anything to get alone with Danny, such as feigning that he absolutely needed them to start meeting up twice a week more than once. Right before the actual test, Sam even considered inviting Danny over to his place to…not study, he wouldn’t get away with saying that’s why he wanted him over. That’s why he never ended up offering. Part of it was shame, honestly. He didn’t like the imagery of Danny, bright and clean, standing in the basement he called home and pretending to like it. Or even actually liking it, seeing as he seemed to like everything Sam pitched to him, even when it was a tale of arson or getting an unseemly tattoo in an unseemly place. 

What it was, really, was that Sam wanted Danny alone because he had a big, fat crush on him. When he’d first seen Danny in class, he’d recognized him from school, sure, but his first thought was that he was absolutely drop dead gorgeous. So gorgeous that he looked entirely out of place hunched over his laptop in a stained t-shirt that he assumed doubled as his uniform for work. Sam wasn’t stupid, he knew that his look attracted his stares, and usually he loved the attention. But he felt uncharacteristically nervous when he began to notice that Danny’s eyes couldn’t stay off of him during class. In fact, even after becoming friends and becoming arguably close friends, he still felt nervous under Danny’s gaze. He wanted to keep his eyes on him at all times, and as the last day of class drew near, he was worried he was going to lose it. Sam knew he had to make a move. He just wasn’t sure how.

--

“Come over.”

Danny blinked.

“Hm?” Danny asked with a closed mouth, looking up from his paper to see that Sam wasn’t even looking at him. Sam was regarding the motor oil under his nails with great intensity.

“Come over,” Sam repeated, slowly and theatrically. “After the final tomorrow. We’ll party and lay a semester of unrelenting torment to rest.”

“Oh,” Danny replied dumbly, suddenly feeling very warm under the collar of his green sweater. “Yeah, sure, sounds fun. Should I bring anything?”

“Nah, I’ve got enough liquor to be deemed a public fire hazard,” Sam grinned, finally looking at Danny to flash him his teeth. “You’ll probably have to crash for the night, though. We’re going to get pretty fucked up.”

“Oh, are we?” Danny challenged with a smile of his own. “I don’t know how wild a two person party can get.”

“I’d invite other people but they wouldn’t understand the true heart of the party like we do,” Sam explained dryly. “You can pick what we watch.”

“Sweet,” Danny sang, his knee bouncing from jitters under the table. He couldn’t stop thinking about the prospect of sleeping in the same room as Sam. “Do I get to sleep on the couch, or is it a pillow and a blanket situation?”

“Whatever you want, bro,” Sam answered coolly, looking back to his nails. “All I know is you don’t get the bed.”

“You must be so proud of your twin size mattress.”

“Hey, she sees plenty of play,” Sam purred, blatantly lying. He winked and Danny rolled his eyes, landing his attention back on his paper.

“If ‘she’ saw plenty of play, you wouldn’t still have a twin,” Danny accused, his stomach turning at the thought of anyone other than him in that bed with Sam. Sam scoffed.

“Hey now, mattresses are expensive as fuck,” Sam argued, reaching a defensive headspace where his arms crossed and his lip curled. Danny loved it.

“True, true,” Danny humored him. “So, do I get to ride home with you on your big scary motorcycle or do I have to follow you in my car?”

“We’ll see if your excuse for a car can keep up with my Harley. I’ve been meaning to ask you to drag race, anyways.”

“My sheer spite would make my car go faster than your tricycle.”

“Tricycle?!”

Danny laughed as Sam flew into a sputtering tirade of defending his motorcycle, counting out bullet pointed arguments on his fingers as Danny sat there with a dopey smile on his face. Danny wondered if Sam had caught on to the fact that he fired him up just so he could watch him fizzle down. At the same time, Sam wondered if Danny knew how much he liked that he did that.

--

Danny’s nerves began to run wild about halfway through his final. Not because of any uncertainty at his answers, but because as time passed, he realized just how soon he’d be at Sam’s. He was worried about what he’d be like after a few drinks and finding himself completely alone with the man he’d begun to fantasize about more and more every day. Actually, he hadn’t thought of much else but what he was going to do about this hangout time with Sam, or rather, what he wanted to do. A gentle, almost innocent crush had morphed so quickly in such a short time, and his feelings were quickly developing in a way that kept his head filled with images of his hands on Sam’s hips and how Sam’s neck might look when covered in bruises. As one of those thoughts started to drift into his mind, his thoughts whispering about how it was a very real possibility, Danny’s pencil began to fly over his paper as he hurried to finish as fast as possible.

Sam didn’t keep Danny waiting for very long after he did finally turn in his final and hurry out into the hallway. Sam had dressed pretty nice for once, in his own uniquely Sam way. He had on a rumpled white shirt with a dark green leather jacket, paired with dark jeans that boasted only a few scuffs and minor rips. He stomped after Danny down the hall in heavy workmans boots.

“How was it for you?” Sam asked, his body language bordering on giddy as they burst out the doors into a chilly, biting breeze that immediately reddened both their cheeks and noses. 

“Honestly? It was kind of easy,” Danny said brightly and Sam immediately let out a laugh, kicking an icy stick as they approached where they’d parked their respective vehicles nearby. 

“I knew you’d say that, ugh,” Sam complained. 

“What, was it hard for you?”

“No, it’s just more annoying when things are easy for you,” Sam explained. “‘Cause everything’s easy to you, so, like, duh, of course you thought it was easy.”

“Sorry for being smart?” Danny laughed apologetically.

“Yeah, you better be.”

Danny scoffed and Sam laughed, brushing a few stray leaves off the seat of his bike and straddling it. Danny’s breath caught slightly when Sam adjusted himself, his back arching for a few seconds before he settled down, fiddling with his gloves while Danny dragged his gaze away from the seat of his bike. They weren’t even at Sam’s yet, and he started to become really worried about his capacity for self control.

-- 

Danny worried again when they arrived at Sam’s grungy apartment building and he watched Sam flip his hair over his shoulder as he fumbled for his keys. 

Danny worried some more when Sam insisted on standing sideways in the doorway to dramatically present his living room to him, so that Danny felt his chest drag against his upper arm as he squeezed past. 

Danny worried the most in the moments right after the door closed. Sam pressed his back against the wood coquettishly while grinning softly at Danny, and Danny sort of floated out of himself when he felt his body turn on his heel and march right up to Sam. Sam’s eyes widened and his goofy introductory remarks died on his tongue as he looked up at Danny in puzzlement right before Danny gently palmed the side of his tattooed throat and brought his lips to Sam’s. And Sam, the rough edged, chain smoking, eye rolling, pain of a man immediately buckled at the knee and sighed into the contact, his rough hands grazing Danny’s neck before diving into his hair. Danny felt his entire body go blindingly white hot with nerves as he gasped and went in for another kiss, his jaw angling perfectly against Sam’s as he held him firmly against the door. Sam arched against the wood and into Danny’s touch, melting against whatever contact he could find on the taller man. After a minute of Sam writhing and Danny nearly blacking out from the pleasure of Sam’s soft lips on his own, Danny finally pulled away for a deep breath of air, maintaining frenzied eye contact with Sam as he watched him paw lightly at his neck and take gasping breaths. 

“Hey,” Danny breathed, his voice raspy and shaking. “I’m sorry, I should have-”

“Took you fucking long enough,” Sam cut him off, his shining lips splitting into a wild smile. “I mean, fuckin’ A, man. I was starting to think I was reading into nothing.”

“Definitely not nothing,” Danny replied quietly. “A very nervous something.”

“Well, the something is mutual,” Sam grinned, giving Danny a proper up and down with his eyes and chuckling softly. “Very, very mutual.”

“Cool,” Danny said shyly, dipping his head to try and hide his smile, as if he hadn’t just slammed Sam against a door to steal a kiss. 

“Come back,” Sam whined softly, grasping Danny by the collar of his corduroy jacket and pulling him back into his embrace. “Come on, don’t be a tease any more than you already are.”

“I’m a tease?” Danny asked with delighted disbelief, smiling into the contact of Sam beginning to kiss along his jaw and neck. “You were the one who was going to make me sleep on the floor tonight.”

“Oh, baby, you were never going to be sleeping on the floor,” Sam whispered in his ear, kissing his jaw and working his way up to giving Danny one, long kiss on the lips before speaking again. “I always get what I want.”

“You want me?” Danny asked against his lips, getting lost in the wide expanse of Sam’s dark eyes. 

“You don’t know the half of it,” Sam purred, cupping Danny’s jaw and pulling him into a series of slow kisses while Danny’s mind continued to reel at Sam’s reciprocity. With Sam biting his lip and kissing it better in succession, along with his willowy fingers tracing down Danny’s chest, Danny was honestly beginning to find it hard that this wasn’t a miracle from the universe. Or maybe some kind of dream that he’d fallen into without realizing. He couldn’t even begin to comprehend that this scenario was exactly what Sam had been picturing for their evening the entire time. 

Once Sam’s tongue made its way into Danny’s mouth, adding warmth and licking smoothly, Danny started to hurriedly shrug off his jacket and toss it blindly behind him before starting to work Sam’s off of him. It exposed the patchwork of tattoos along Sam’s arms, tigers and daggers and snakes in the traditional style popping against the white of his shirt. To his surprise, Sam’s hands left Danny’s cheeks and boldly slid up under his sweater, causing Danny to flinch and yelp at the feeling of Sam’s ice cold fingers on his warm skin. Sam giggled, still keeping their lips locked together as he grabbed at Danny’s waist and sides, his hands unable to stay in one place. Matching Sam’s reckless abandon, Danny suddenly bent at the knee and hooked his arms around Sam’s thighs, boosting him into the air. Sam hummed into his mouth, crossing his legs behind Danny’s back and snaking his hands out from under Danny’s sweater to tangle back into his curls.

“My bedroom is the door behind you to the right,” Sam mumbled breathlessly, fidgeting slightly against Danny’s firm front.

“That’s awful forward of you,” Danny flirted, taking a moment to breathe and appreciate the weight of Sam in his arms, holding him up with very little effort. This could come in handy.

“Well, do you want to fuck me or not?” Sam scoffed, a further blush flushing his face as he said it. His pupils completely swallowed up the warm brown of his iris as he stared expectantly at Danny, who had to take a second to concentrate on not cumming in his jeans right then and there.

“Yes, god, yes,” Danny answered quickly, immediately starting a slow, backwards walk towards Sam’s bedroom as Sam grinned wolfishly and descended on Danny’s mouth hungrily again. 

Eventually, they fumbled their way into the bedroom, Sam closing the door behind them before Danny dropped him on the bed and climbed over him. Danny considered continuing with his conquest, but he found himself looking up to observe his surroundings. Sam’s bedroom was small, with wrinkled posters and flyers for basement shows and concerts peppering the gray walls. There were clothes all over the floor, along with the butts of cigarettes and a myriad of worn out sneakers and boots. Sam watched Danny’s expression carefully as he assessed the mess that was his room, his eyes tracking the pattern on his quilt before smiling at Sam again. 

“It’s cute in here,” Danny declared, looking at a string of lights taped to the borders of the walls while Sam blinked in surprise at his words. 

“No, it’s not,” Sam muttered, looking around his room and seeing only the disregard for his own environment in the mess he’d created.

“Nah, it’s all very you,” Danny explained, looking at the room and seeing the person behind it all. He imagined Sam wobbling on a stool to paint the walls their moody gray, or pulling his quilt out of a box and smoothing it lovingly over the sheets, wondering if it had been made for him by a relative or hand picked from a thrift shop with a curated eye. It was all painfully adorable to him. It was all so…Sam. 

Sam saw the adoring shine in Danny’s crinkled, hazel eyes and felt all his seductive confidence fly out the window, only able to bat his lashes up at him and marvel.

“You really don’t think I’m a scuzzball, do you?” Sam asked with a note of amused realization, his sentence lifting into a slight one note laugh. 

“Never have,” Danny answered honestly, cocking his head at Sam while smiling warmly. “I mean, you can pretend all you want, but I know you’re not who you pretend to be. You’re just…”

“What?” Sam challenged, slightly defensive of the persona he’d worked hard to maintain over the years, and also slightly embarrassed that Danny had seen through it so effortlessly.

“You’re just you, I guess,” Danny shrugged as best he could while holding his weight on his elbows, still hovering over Sam’s reclined body. “And that’s not very scary to me.”

Sam was silent for a minute, unsure of what to say to that. Initially, he’d been annoyed that Danny was so nice to him, figuring the other shoe would drop at any time and he’d reveal his worst intentions. This was a pattern Sam was accustomed to. But Danny really meant what he said. He didn’t just see through Sam, he saw him fully, and Sam realized with a relieved jolt that he had never really been annoyed about it. He was grateful. 

But Sam was still very much in a certain state of mind, and his body reminded him of it when he looked down and saw how his crotch had lifted to press against Danny’s without his realizing. He figured maybe there was a certain way he could show Danny just how grateful he was. 

“Why don’t you show me just how scary you can be?” Sam invited lowly, his hand returning to Danny’s cheek as his thumb swiped over Danny’s bottom lip. This small action seemed to remind Danny of how they’d ended up here, and Sam watched with restrained delight as Danny’s eyes glazed over slightly. 

“What do you want?” Danny asked quietly, adjusting and hovering further over Sam, his look of genuine caring slowly morphing into something almost predatory as he smiled. His hair fell around them, the rest of the world falling away.

“I already told you,” Sam pointed out haughtily. “I want you.”

“I’m getting kind of tired of your attitude,” Danny fired back. “You know I want specifics.”

“Is that what you want? Specifics? Not me?” Sam grinned cheekily, enjoying pressing Danny’s buttons even more now that he was getting the idea that he’d be rewarded for it. Danny rolled his eyes and shook his head at Sam.

“Be that way,” Danny hummed, straightening and sitting hard on Sam’s lap, causing him to let out a strangled whine as Danny pulled his sweater off. “Guess I’ll just call the shots.”

Sam really wanted to conjure up a fiery retort, but his mind went fuzzy and blank at the sight of Danny with his shirt off, his broad chest exposed and his smile cocky and triumphant as he watched Sam flounder wordlessly. Sam became even more aware of the strain in his jeans when his eyes traveled downward and he caught sight of the trail of dark hair just over the waistband of Danny’s pants. 

“Do you even know how much I like you?” Danny started, casually undoing the clasp of his watch and leaning to the side to drop it on Sam’s bedside table while Sam propped himself up on his elbows. “I literally thought I was going to flunk the class because you were so distracting.” 

“I didn’t even talk to you,” Sam said simply, barely audible. 

“Didn’t need to,” Danny affirmed. “My mind did most of the distracting stuff.”

“Like what?” Sam prodded, tipping his chin up to stare unrelentingly at Danny in a pathetic attempt to regain control. Danny, taking advantage of this surprising burst of dominance that Sam seemed to give him, gently grasped Sam’s chin.

“Well, initially, I had all these ideas of how we’d end up kissing for the first time,” Danny explained. “Shockingly, none of them ended up being how it went, but I’m glad I had options. And, I mean, those ideas just sort of developed over time. I’d wake up and be all surprised that I’d cum in my pants and not on you.”

Sam’s jaw hung open and Danny shut it gently for him, his body pulsing with heat as his adrenaline raced in his veins.

“You gonna teach me some more, hm?” Sam finally managed to say, straining to try and steal a kiss. “Or do you want me to lead?”

“I’d like to see you try,” Danny grinned, pushing Sam onto his back. Sam, breathless, watched Danny move his hands down to Sam’s aching groin and begin to undo his pants, fingers shaking with anticipation. Sam pushed his hair off his forehead and pressed his covered dick into Danny’s hand after his pants had been tugged down to his knees, not speaking but letting a needling whimper escape that made Danny smile. 

“What are we going to do with you, Sam?” Danny teased, running his thumb up and down Sam’s concealed length.

“Danny,” Sam choked out as Danny took his hands off of Sam and began to unzip his own pants. The lack of touch was almost unbearable at that moment. “Come on, fuck me, please.”

“That could look like a lot of things,” Danny said absently, freeing his dick and palming it casually, letting out a slow sigh of relief. Sam stared unabashedly at Danny’s impressive and admittedly intimidating length. He’d fantasized about what he might expect, but the real thing was almost overwhelming. But he knew what he needed.

“In me,” Sam whispered, his tone bordering on longing. “Please. I can take it.”

“You can?” Danny questioned, trying to keep up his domineering tone despite the wind being knocked out of his lungs at Sam’s request. “Have you been getting ready for me?”

“Maybe,” Sam admitted quietly. He took a dangerous leap with what he said next. “But those randos don’t even hold a candle to you.”

Danny flinched, jealousy immediately rolling over him in cold waves as his mind started to conjure up disgusting imagery of Sam on his back for anybody other than him. It must have translated into his expression without his knowledge because Sam’s open mouth twisted into a smug smile, arching an eyebrow at Danny. It was a dare, and Danny dared to prove himself. 

“Shut up before I make you,” Danny snarled, challenging Sam to call him out for being all bark and no bite. But Sam obediently shut his trap, lowering himself slightly on his elbows and spread his legs ever so slightly, inviting Danny in without a word. 

--

“So…was I better than those other ‘randos’ stretching you out?”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake, I was joking.”

Sam’s whole body was in absolute, delicious agony, his face buried into the crook of Danny’s neck. He attempted to even out his breathing, his throat raw and his chest tired after all the pornographic moans and whimpers that had escaped him when Danny had driven into him with varying amounts of mercy over the course of what felt like hours. Sam’s shoulders were already blooming with a score of bruises where Danny had left teeth marks, anchoring himself to Sam in animalistic moments of passion when he threatened to finish far too early. Danny’s body was aching too, his abs and hips tense and his shoulders in their own pain from holding himself up for so long. It had been worth it to keep the sight of Sam’s gasps and fluttering eyes, and he was certain he had enough material in his mind's eye to keep him satisfied in his own personal endeavors for weeks. Danny brushed his fingers lightly up and down Sam’s spine, his lips pressed to the crown of Sam’s head as they laid in silence, recovering. 

“Do you want to hear something crazy?” Sam said, his voice muffled by Danny’s scorching hot skin. 

“Sure,” Danny replied, giving Sam’s hair a quick kiss after he said it.

“I used to have a crush on you in high school.”

“What!” Danny blurted, attempting to push Sam’s shoulder up so he could see his face, but Sam buried his head even further into Danny’s neck. “Explain!”

“I just did!” Sam laughed, his voice still muted. “It wasn’t anything serious but, yeah, I guess you were kind of my hallway crush. It’s no big deal.”

“Wow,” Danny said dreamily. “And look where you are now. How exciting for you.”

“Shut up!” Sam groaned, finally lifting his head and giving Danny a fake frown, his face glowing and flushed. Danny mocked his frown back to him, laughing at his expression and tucking a sweaty strand of hair behind his ear.

“I definitely thought you were cute,” Danny smiled. “I was super into emo haircuts.”

“I hate you,” Sam deadpanned, looking unamused.

“Is that why you just let me cum in y-”

Sam pressed his palm over Danny’s mouth, muffling his subsequent laugh. Sam let out an exasperated sigh and leaned over to reach into an opened drawer of his bedside table, items rattling out of sight until he emerged with his prize: Marlboro Reds. Sam bit down on a cigarette and slid out another to offer it to Danny, who wrinkled his nose at it initially but took it between his fingers anyways, studying it while Sam pulled free the lighter and rolled onto his back next to Danny.

“You ever smoked?” Sam asked, lighting his cigarette and taking a deep inhale while Danny shook his head no. Sam blew out a thick cloud of smoke before rolling onto his front, taking the cigarette out of Danny’s hand and sticking it in Danny’s mouth himself. Danny wanted to protest, but froze when Sam leaned over and pressed the tip of his lit cigarette to Danny’s, both of them silent save for the crackling of the paper and tobacco as Danny’s cigarette began to glow. He took a hesitant inhale, letting the heady warmth settle on his tongue before he began to cough, sitting up sharply and choking on a cloud of smoke while Sam chuckled and patted him on the back.

“You’ll get there,” Sam assured him through laughs.

“I don’t know if I wanna get there,” Danny wheezed, letting the cigarette fizzle between his fingers instead of taking a second drag. 

“You don’t have to, just figured I’d give you a taste of the wild side,” Sam grinned, the cigarette dangling attractively from his bottom lip.

“You’ve given me more than a taste of that,” Danny said with a wink. Sam chuckled again, blowing smoke out of the side of his mouth as he stared with glittering eyes at Danny.

“I like you,” Sam said simply, conjuring the innocent butterflies in Danny’s stomach. 

“Thank you,” Danny answered shyly and Sam immediately slapped his arm.

“Say it back!”

“I like you!” Danny laughed, slapping Sam back. “You knew that!”

“Yeah, but I like hearing you say it,” Sam hummed proudly. 

“You’re weird.”

“You’re weirder.”

“You’re the weirdest,” Danny teased, taking another more careful inhale of his cigarette and releasing it with only a mild clearing of his throat. “Ooh, look, I’m learning.”

“Maybe I had something to teach you after all,” Sam smiled. “I guess I never really needed to bribe you into helping me, huh?”

“Not at all,” Danny said. “But I’m enjoying the reward of just you.”

Sam’s smile widened and Danny smiled right back at him. It suddenly seemed so ridiculous that there had ever been a time when he was afraid to speak to Sam. How could he have looked at his puppy dog eyes and cute shaggy hair and not dragged him into his lap right then and there? Danny figured he had time to rectify that, doing just that and catching Sam in a smoky kiss, suddenly thrilled about all the things that they could continue to teach each other.

--

#you have to listen to crush by ethel cain while you read this btw #caravel nation law #gvf #greta van fleet #danny wagner #sam kiszka #sanny gvf #greta van fleet fan fiction #greta van art #but you look so cool #i couldnt make myself write full smut but i tried #karoufiction

[xanderwithanx]

I was at the gay barbershop, and the girls were fawning over the new T Swift album, so I shut my whore mouth. Now was not the time to be a hater; I wanted to be friends with these fun lesbians. I pirouetted the conversation into Ethel Cain, and all was right with the world.

One girl mentioned TikTok, and neither me nor my butch barber partake in the wretched app. They're an Instagram girlie, so I (shamefully) told them I got trapped in Tumblr when I was 16 and haven't yet found the door.

With a wistful look in her eyes, the barber's cute besuited friend told me that Tumblr "used to be so full of porn". "Yes," I said, "I remember the porn." She stopped sweeping up a stranger's hair to say, "No, you don't! That was way before your time!"

Babygirl, you ever have your barber's Swiftie friend accuse you of living pornless existence? She was cool, though. I want to be friends with everyone who's ever been in that room.

#I'm just saying shit

[hella1975]

“found you just to tell you that i made it real far and that i never blamed you for loving me the way that you did when you were torn apart”. huh???? what???? what was she thinking when she wrote that???? would’ve been bad enough if she was writing about a romantic partner esp after the entire album follows the brutal end of a seemingly loving relationship but NO ethel cain woke up one morning and said ‘the very last verse of the very last song of the album is gonna be simple; a daughter reaching out to her mother one last time.’ HUHHH???? ‘I made it real far’ INSANITY ‘I never blamed you for loving me the way that you did’ YOURE SAYING THAT TO ME??? A GENERATIONAL TRAUMA GIRLIE???? GTFO

#rori this is your fault I could have gone my whole Sunday not listening to strangers and instead we’re here #this entire song just. wailing and scratching the walls #am I making you feel sick. being devoured and killed and my only thought is if I taste good #i tried to be good am I no good am I no good am I no good #ethel cain

[elisiassideb1tch]

⟡ Elisia Brown/Enid Rhee Playlist ⟡

So, this is a mixture of different genres of music that remind me of my fav girlies Elisia and Enid !! And songs that I feel suit them well, or that they'd listen n' vibe to! They both have quite a bit in common imo. (not to mention they're both isfp's with trauma and trust issues-)

Also I'd like to add a TW. Quite a few of these songs are depressing (very much s1 Elisia) and contain topics such as substance abuse, self-harm, eating disorders, etc. My dms are always open if anyone wants to vent/rant/or just talk :). I love y'all, and I'm proud of you!

Anyway, I hope you all enjoy !! 🫶🏻💖

(Also, here is My Masterlist, which is still being edited and updated. It's a wip!!) °♡✧⋆

~｡ﾟ•┈୨♡୧┈• ｡ﾟ~

₊˚.🎧⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧▶• ılıılıılıılıılıılı. 0₊˚.🎧⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

Bea Miller - Feel Something

Cavetown - Sharpener

Beabadoobee - Tired

Slayyyter - Clouds

mxmtoon - fever dream

Billie Eilish - What Was I Made For?

Billie Eilish - TV

Billie Eilish - Bellyache

Nessa Barrett - Die First

Doja Cat - 4 Morant

Mars Argo - Runaway Runaway

Alex G (ft. Emily Yacina) - Treehouse

The Cardigans - Step On Me

Conan Gray - Comfort Crowd

Conan Gray - Little League

AURORA - Runaway

The Smashing Pumpkins - Today

Peirce The Veil - A Match Into Water

Pierce The Veil - Bulletproof Love

Foo Fighters - Everlong

Against The Current - Weapon

Linkin Park - What I've Done

Alex G - Pretend

Awfultune - redesign

Mother Mother - Arms Tonight

Mother Mother - Burning Pile

Mother Mother - Alone And Sublime

Mother Mother - Oh Ana

Frances Forever - Paranoia Party

Olivia Rodrigo - Jealousy, Jealousy

Olivia Rodrigo - Making The Bed

Olivia Rodrigo - Pretty Isn't Pretty

Olivia Rodrigo - Ballad Of A Homeschooled Girl

Olivia Rodrigo - Love Is Embarrassing

Cults - Gilded Lily

Cults - Always Forever

ROAR - I Can't Handle Change

ROAR - Christmas Kids

t.A.T.u. - All The Things She Said

Pixies - Where Is My Mind

Pixies - All I Think About Now

GIRLI - I Don’t Like Myself

GIRLI - Dysmorphia

Halsey - Gasoline

Halsey - Control

Ethel Cain - Ptolemaea

Jon Bellion - All Time Low

Princess Chelsea - The Cigarette Duet

Steve Lacy - Dark Red

girl in red - Serotonin

M.I.A - Bad Girls

Rebzyyx - Painforever

Maejor (ft. Keri Hilson) - Gamez

Twenty One Pilots - Chlorine

Twenty One Pilots - Screen

Twenty One Pilots - Car Radio

Mitski - A Pearl

Mitski - Francis Forever

Mitski - Why Didn't You Stop Me?

Mitski - Burning Hill

Mitski - Drink Walk Home

Mitski - Washing Machine Heart

Mitski - Nobody

Madison Beer - Spinnin'

Madison Beer - Dear Society

Madison Beer - Stay Numb And Carry On

Madison Beer - Effortlessly

Maggie Lindemann - Self Sabotage

Maggie Lindemann - Take Me Nowhere

Maggie Lindemann - Novocaine

Maggie Lindemann - Girl Next Door

Maggie Lindemann - Would I

Maggie Lindemann - Loner

Maggie Lindemann - Knife Under My Pillow

Maggie Lindemann - Different

Melanie Martinez - Mrs. Potato Head

Melanie Martinez - Soap

Melanie Martinez - Orange Juice

The Neighbourhood - The Beach

The Neighbourhood - Middle of Somewhere

The Neighbourhood - R.I.P. 2 My Youth

The Neighbourhood - Softcore

Paramore - Tell Me It's Okay

Paramore - All I Wanted Was You

Paramore - Thick Skull

Paramore - Decode

Paramore - Ignorance

Paramore - crushcrushcrush

Slipknot - Custer

Slipknot - Duality

Nirvana - Smells Like Teen Spirit

Nirvana - Stay Away

Nirvana - Drain You

Nirvana - Lithium

Nirvana - Heart-Shaped Box

Nirvana - Dumb

Three Days Grace - I Hate Everything About You

Three Days Grace - Painkiller

Three Days Grace - So Called Life

My Chemical Romance - I'm Not Okay

Taylor Swift - You're On Your Own, Kid

Taylor Swift - This Is Me Trying

Taylor Swift - Seven

Taylor Swift - August

Taylor Swift - Cardigan

Taylor Swift - Lover

Taylor Swift - Paper Rings

Taylor Swift - New Romantics

Taylor Swift - How You Get The Girl

Taylor Swift - 22

Taylor Swift - Red

Taylor Swift - The Lucky One

Taylor Swift - Love Story

Taylor Swift - Timeless

Taylor Swift - Look What You Made Me Do

Lana Del Rey - Dark Paradise

Lana Del Rey - Summertime Sadness

Lana Del Rey - Cruel World

Lana Del Rey - Is This Happiness

Lana Del Rey - Flipside

Lana Del Rey - Happiness Is A Butterfly

Lana Del Rey - Get Free

Lana Del Rey - Heroin

Lana Del Rey - High By The Beach

Green Day - Brain Stew

Green Day - Give Me Novacaine / She’s a Rebel

Green Day - Still Breathing

Green Day - She

Green Day - Boulevard Of Broken Dreams

Green Day - Lazy Bones

Deftones - Bored

Deftones - Hole In The Earth

Deftones - Minerva

Deftones - Beware

Deftones - Change (In The House Of Flies)

(Literally any Deftones songs. Especially off the albums Saturday Night Wrist, Around The Fur, and Adrenaline imo !! I feel Elisia would especially love and listen to Deftones, Slipknot, Pierce The Veil, and My Chemical Romance too!)

Now, here's some of my fav wlw songs that remind me of Elisia and Enid ! -`♡´-

girl in red - we fell in love in october

girl in red - October Passed Me By

girl in red - girls

girl in red - i wanna be your girlfriend

Beabadoobee and girl in red - eleanor & park

FLETCHER - girls girls girls

FLETCHER - Becky's So Hot

FLETCHER - Her Body Is Bible

FLETCHER - Suckerpunch

GIRLI - More Than a Friend

Maggie Lindemann - Love Songs

Maggie Lindemann - She Knows It

Clairo - Sofia

Dove Cameron - Boyfriend

Frances Forever - Space Girl

Clara - Girl Like You

Sarah Barrios - Thank God You Introduced Me To Your Sister

Pomplamoose - Oh, Pretty Woman

Studio Killers - Jenny

Katy Perry - I Kissed A Girl

@enid-rhees <3 @ofcutsandoffire <3, thx for helping me out w/ this! Love y'all 🫶🏻

If anyone actually listens to these songs, beware, it's very much an emotional rollercoaster- it's a wild mix of depressing songs and upbeat songs, and everything in between lol. Also, most of these are Elisia coded, so yea :⁠')

I still feel like there's more songs I could add to this list, but can't think of them atm. So whenever I find a new song, I'll update the playlist!

Divider credits: @cafekitsune

#enid rhee #enid twd #twd #the walking dead #elisia brown #elisia brown tagged #tagged #katelyn nacon #playlist #maggie lindemann #madison beer #deftones #slipknot #green day #lana del rey #melanie martinez #taylor swift #nirvana #i fucking love them #shes so hot #and gorgeous #and stunning #the way i love her sfm #elisia supremacy #enid supremacy #wlw #bisexual #lesbian #lgbtq #fypシ

[pink-evilette]

thanks so much for the tag! @20thcenturystarlet ♡

1. What artists (musical or visual) have made a big impact on your aesthetic & continue to inspire you?

Lana Del Rey (alwaysss), Mika Ninagawa, Ethel Cain, Loona, Mitski, Olivia Rodrigo, FKA Twigs, Marina and the Diamonds, Věra Chytilová, Marina Abramović, Troye Sivan, Sofia Coppola, Petra Collins, Junji Ito (and I'm sure there's more but I can't think rn) ♡

2. Who is an artist (musical or visual) who is a newer discovery to you that you're obsessed with right now?

I recently discovered the song 'ceilings' by Lizzy McAlpine and it absolutely destroyed me (I'm obsessed). and for visuals I'm loving Kyoko Okazaki's work right now (I'm thinking of a tattoo inspired by her art soon) 🎀

3. What films or TV shows have made a big impact on your aesthetic & continue to inspire you?

(let's go this will be a big one)

Lolita 1997, Clueless, Moonrise Kingdom, Submarine, X, Heavenly Creatures, Blame 2017, Orphan, Wild Child, Daisies 1966, The Secret Garden, Legally Blonde, The Princess Diaries, She's the Man, Pride and Predjudice 2005, Sucker Punch, Helter Skelter 2012, American Honey, The Love Witch, Assassination Nation, Bones and All, Pearl. 💋

4. What is a film or TV show that is a newer discovery to you, that you're obsessed with right now?

I recently watched Sugar & Spice for the first time (I have reblogged it lots already I know lol) and it was so funny, very similar to Drop Dead Gorgeous if you like darker comedy high school movies!

5. What is a fashion movement, era, or item, that has made a big impact on your personal aesthetic?

90s fashion is my FAVE always and I love everything from that decade, I also love the 1960s 'Dolly' fashion, Kinderwhore, Gyaru and anything girly, but with a bit of edge to it. Anything with frills, lace, pink, mini skirts and cute prints have my heart 💓

6. What is a fashion movement, era, or item, that you're currently obsessed with?

at the moment I'm really excited for autumn so I'm looking forward to wearing turtlenecks and plaid skirts again, plus the twilightcore aesthetic is one of my faves for the season!

7. What is a book, poem, essay, etc. that made a big impact on you?

Lolita absolutely, blew my mind when I first read it and I never knew books could be written in such a way. when I was about 10-14, Jacqueline Wilson's books were everything to me and especially the ones meant for older kids such as My Sister Jodie, Love Lessons and the Girls in Love series were my favourites (also she's a queer icon so hell yeah). and Flowers in the Attic by VC Andrews introduced me to the gothic genre and I fell in love with it ever since. Recently, Sula by Toni Morrison was a book that pushed the boundaries of what I even thought could be possible in Literature and I adore her writing!

8. What is a "classic" coquette trend that you'll never let go of?

Heart shaped sunglasses! they will never die ♡

I'm tagging whoever wants to do it ♡

[bi-kisses]

In some more lighthearted news, there's a current "drama" on radical feminist tumblr surrounding the musician Ethel Cain, mothercain here on tumblr.

First off, I just wanna say I only discovered this drama while blocking a radfem and seeing a post about "radblr vs ethel cain" with aggressive misgendering.

The meat of the issue is that Ethel made a post about how lots of women see being a woman as being this holier than thou trait where females are inherently beautiful and dainty but really having a vagina doesn't make anyone less of a disgusting slug. Which is incredibly valid and true.

Now, she even went on to clarify that the post was directed at the coquette Lana Del Rey nymph girlies who tend to harass her and even MORE specifically, she made it crystal clear that it had nothing to do with radical feminism or terfs because she doesn't engage with their perspectives whatsoever.

And yet. Radfems have begun this one sided brigade against Ethel Cain where they misrepresent her argument and spit viciously about how she's just some sad pathetic male who is hopelessly jealous of the sisterhood.

It's frankly hilarious just how pressed they are about this trans woman artist who couldn't give less of a shit about them and never even said anything about their ideology to begin with

#kisstalks #radfemisms