#tma angst

[fox-guardian]

hey guys did you know that um. did you know. first of all did you know i'm losing my mind, secondly, do y'all remember in tma how when someone reads a written statement, they don't really Stop unless they're interrupted? and they read the whole thing easy cheesy, no issues with reading whatever words are there? like. jon literally could read french for a whole statement and was Fine. granted, that's Jon, but like nobody else struggled with pronunciations and whatnot (that i can recall)

presumably, this is an eye thing. either as employees of the institute, or because everyone there is just also eye-aligned in some degree (melanie had the ghost hunting show, the eye is fond of martin, etc)

and then there's tim in season 3 ep 86

[Sigh] Statement of… uh, Benjamin Hatendi… Hateendi? Regarding a… [papers rustling] a blanket. Dead friend. Monster. Regarding his unavoidable and gruesome end. How he tried to hide. He couldn’t. Statement is from… 1983, March 2nd. And I guess… [long sigh] I guess I’m doing this one. Tim Stoker. Archival assistant… Archival prisoner at the Magnus Institute.

correct me if im wrong but i don't recall anyone struggling with pronunciations before this bit. but that's not even the biggest thing here, that's just a lil Taste, a lil Flavor.

note the phrasing there. "Regarding his unavoidable and gruesome end." why would he say this when the written text on the statement says this:

Uh, right. Benjamin Hatendi’s account of… [rustling pages] oh for… a, a strange encounter. Er, statement date, March 2nd, 1983. Melanie King recording. Apparently.

"a strange encounter". that's it. nothing about an unavoidable death, just a "strange encounter". Tim Why Did You Say That.

why would our dear timothy bimothy, who is being pushed to the brink, who is becoming rapidly more depressed and losing hope, say this?

this isn't the only time he's said some weirdly grim shit tho (ep 104)

There was never really any hope for me, though, was there? This was how it was always going to go.

and then there's this bit from elias apparently having Looked into tim (also 104)

TIM All right, hit me with your X-ray eyes then, boss. What do you see? ELIAS Disruption. An unpredictable, angry man with nothing left but the desire to feel in some way revenged. TIM [Sarcastic] Ooh, terrifying! Surely only magic could have let you see so deep inside my very soul.

"nothing left" but the desire to feel revenged. and tim doesn't dispute this, because it's true.

when he first joined the institute he did so in order to look for answers about danny, but then he stopped seriously looking. and now that the circus is back, this is all the drive he has left. not looking for answers, just wanting revenge. closure. an end, if you will.

this is Literally It For Him. a couple lines later he suggests elias kill him, he's At The Breaking Point.

he is so tired, he's lost all hope, and he's saying all this grim shit about "unavoidable death" and "this is how it was always going to go" like hmmmm sounds familiar doesn't it. DOESN'T IT (<- is going insane)

(ep 11) [....] despite the rapid response of the paramedics and how much of his medical history I had immediately to hand, there was nothing I could do to save him. (ep 11) I have no responsibility to try and prevent whatever fate is coming for you. Based on my previous experience, such a thing is likely impossible anyway,[....] (ep 121) There. That was it. That was our fate; where we would always be.

hmmmm sounds a bit like oliver huh? everyone's favorite ex-accountant avatar of the end?? right??

but then there's this last bit i have from ep 86.

why did he stop reading the statement

Statement. “My parents never let me have a nightlight. I was always afraid, but they were ju–” Ugh, this is stupid.

why did he do that. again, correct me if im wrong but when else has someone just Stopped Reading like that without someone or something else interrupting them? why could tim just stop himself?

my theory is this: at this point, tim is completely gone from being aligned with the eye. he no longer seeks to know what happened to danny, he just wants closure. he doesn't wanna do any statement work, and he keeps mentioning these tidbits about hopelessness and the inevitability of terrible events, specifically death.

the eye isn't compelling him to read the statements like it does the others, because it doesn't have as strong a hold anymore. the grip is slipping from him. and by the time the unknowing rolls around, maybe it's lost him for good. maybe he finally fell into a different power he never meant to serve, and yet, he does.

and maybe. just maybe. because i'm so not in denial. but MAYBE. he did die in the unknowing. but maybe he got better.

basically end!tim truthers rise up, this is how end!tim kayaking with his bf oliver banks can still win, etc etc I'm Going Feral <3

#ramblings with major #the magnus archives #tma #tim stoker #oliver banks #timoliver #lil bit uwu #tim stoker tuesday #end!tim #cursing #tma angst #ig #i hope this is coherent and makes sense im losing my MIIIIND im losing my Mind

[sydneighsays]

I drew some Jon cuz he's begrudgingly my favorite

[ID: Magnus Archives fanart of Jon Sims, a thin brown man with chin-length white-streaked hair. In the first piece, he frowns as he holds up a manila folder and says, "| know you guys hate me, but please stop hiding the statements.. I need them." The second piece shows him sitting on the floor of his office in front of his desk, biting his nails with a tired, distant expression. The lighting is dim and yellow. Captions show there's knocking followed by a muffled "Jon?"

End ID]

ID by princess-of-purple-prose

#fanart #the magnus archives #jonathan sims #tma angst #tma fanart #the magnus archive fanart #jon archivist #jon sims #pretty jon #hot jon rights #the magnus institute #the institute is a hate jon club #he needs a snack #statement #tma fandom #he's never done anything wrong #and if he did i forgive him #The Magnus institute equivalent of stealing his lunch money

[iwikpines]

Tim and Sasha

Close-ups under the cut!

#my tma art #it started as a tim sketch i swear #im actually pretty proud of this one #i don't... ship SHIP them but they story is very tragic #and i like tragic #gem art #tma #the magnus archives #tim stoker #timothy stoker #sasha james #timsasha #not sasha #not!sasha #angst #tma angst #magnus pod #tma fanart #tma spoilers #tma season 1 #tma season 2

[eyes-teeth]

i love this and hate this at the same time for a multitude of reasons but here. have some art that took 3 hours and 36 minutes :3

edit: FUCK I FORGOT JON’S BEARD

#my art #the magnus archives #tma fanart #tma angst #jonmartin #kinda hate their expressions. #i wanted something like #OAUGH #but ended up with #eueueueue #anyways #i like the rendering style :3 #jmart #jmart angst

[cult-of-the-eye]

Tim Stoker angst anyone?

Tap tap tap. His foot knocked against the floor, knee pressing against the table in those precious seconds of contact. Veins fizzed beneath his skin, pulling taut as if it was just about to break. Something clawed at his gut, pressure but not the good kind. It wasn’t right. None of it was right. Forces inside him pulled, pushed, pressed and grated until he was sure someone would find his remains splattered over the desk. 

At least they’d find them, he thought, miserably. Maybe that was his issue. He had never been good at pinning down his whirlwind of thought, racing past his synapses too fast to register. “What’s wrong?”, was always the most evasive. There was one constant though, one corner of his brain that was enlarged and raw, a locked chest made of a human heart. Danny. Most of his problems he could blame on Danny, it just took him an unfortunate amount of time to get there. Amidst shallow breaths and screaming muscles, introspection was far from his priority. 

“Tim?”

“Heugh. Yeah?”

Jon ignored his taut outburst of breath. Jon was very good at ignoring things.

“Are you alright?”

“I don’t know, Jon. Does it look like I’m alright? Do I look okey-dokes to you?”

He didn’t feel bad dumping sarcasm on Jon, despite him reacting like it was a bucket of ice-cold water. He didn’t notice the slight widening of his eyes. Nope. 

“Ok. I apologise for interfering.”

He turned to leave, head hung. How could an angle of a neck enrage him so much? It felt good, satisfying deep within his bones to mitigate pressure with another volcanic one. 

“Of course. Jon gets to have the moral high ground for checking in on his employees.”

“I don’t see what you’re implying.”

“Oh fuck off Jon. I mean that from the bottom of my heart. You don’t give a flying fuck about me and my well-being and if you did, well, that time is very much gone. Everyone’s gone, Jon and all you’ve done is shut yourself in your goddamn office and convince yourself that you’re all alone. You wouldn’t have been all alone if you had just talked to me. But you didn’t so all you have left is fucking creepy clown shit.”

The anger rose in his throat, almost choking on it. He stood from his desk, a sudden boost of dizzying energy. 

“So no. You don’t get to come back and pretend you care. You don’t get to ask how I am. You wanted to do this yourself? Well, be my fucking guest. Go get killed. Go get skinned by evil circus mannequins for all I care. Just leave me alone.”

His hands were bright red. All the blood rushed from his head into his palms, making them uncomfortably moist. The pounding that reverberated throughout his entire body was gone, leaving an absence, a double beat of a heart stretched thin. Jon could have left. He could have shouted back. He could have strode over and slapped him across the face. But he stood there, frozen, a look of deep sadness etched across his features. It ran a palm over his oversensitive veins, making him shudder with discomfort. 

“I’m sorry, Tim. And happy birthday…to Danny, I mean.”

With that, his legs gave out. He crashed back onto the chair, hoping the desk could cool his flushed face. He was back to an emotion he was comfortable with, one that he knew all too well. Thoughts collided like particles in a gas - he barely noticed Jon slip out of his vision. He was gone. And once again, Tim was alone. 

#tma #the magnus archives #jonathan sims #tim stoker #tma angst #tma fic

[neohart]

People’s sleep paralysis demons are usually strange shadow monsters

Mine is the constant thoughts of Martin and Tim being in a relationship (anytime before S5, pick your poison) and Jon gets jealous but doesn’t know why even though it’s obvious he has a crush on Martin (or Tim, or both if you want the whole skittle squad) and ends up falling into the Lonely

Anyways, did you know that a group of bunnies is called a fluffle-

#NeosTedTalk #the magnus archives #tma angst #jonmartim #jonmartin #jontim #martim #queued post

[aduckwhodraws]

S5 SPOILERS!!!

God I love these tragic little gay men

They consume my every waking thought

#digital arwork #small artist #fandom #tma fanart #tma #tma s5 #tma spoilers #the magnus archives #jonathan sims #martin blackwood #jon sims #jonmartin #tma angst

[thegaynessarchives]

Send me tma fics that will punch me in the stomach and eat my soul I need a good long cry ;u;

Or whump fics

Or jmart fluff that works great too

#tma #the magnus archives #the magnus institute #magnus archives #tma fandom #jon magnus archives #rusty quill tma #tma fanfic #tma fic #tma jmart #tma martin #tma jon #tma fluff fic #tma angst #tmangst if you will #cute tma #jonmartin #jmart #jmart fluff #teaholding #teaholding fluff #jonmartin fanfic #jonmartin fluff #jmart angst

[plaguescoffin]

#the magnus archives #tma fanart #tma the eye #tma john #tma jon sims #tma the web #TMA #tma sasha #TMA Tim #tma podcast #tma archivist #tma angst #tma helen #tma martin #tma distortion #tma time travel au

[the-magpie-archives]

Being stabbed is often seen as sexy, romantic, and clean. It's not, and it's definitely not the kind of death you'd want to give to somebody you love. But it's not like Martin had a choice there in that room, with one way to save everyone, to stop everything; and it's not like Jon had any other option.

Physically, stabbing someone isn't difficult if your knife is relatively sharp; but you still have to press through fat, muscle, tendons, organs. Whether it's psychological or genuinely feeling your knife tear in, you'll know what you're stabbing through.

Psychology, stabbing someone is a different story. To stab anyone takes a tremendous amount of effort, generally the human brain isn't predisposed to such a level of violence. But to stab someone you love, rupture their body with intent to end their life? It's excruciating.

Being stabbed isn't as painful as you'd think. At first. It's often compared to the feeling of being punched; the shock eats away at the initial nerve response. But realising you're horribly, critically injured? That's what really hurts. Feeling your blood spill out, knowing that the organs that give you life have been pierced, made obsolete. Knowing that everything you love may be over soon.

You begin to feel cold, fast. With an injury like that your body knows it's failing, and sends all the blood to the heart and brain, hoping to keep you awake long enough to get help; the body doesn't want you to die comfortably, it wants you to live. Cold hands, cold feet, cold face, shivering, and without hope. Can you imagine holding someone you love, bleeding and shaking from your actions. What could make that bearable?

They say that animals know when they're going to die, when they're beyond the point of healing; this, to a human, is possible, but so wildly ignored. You cannot ignore this wisdom when your blood is spilling onto the floor and your vision is growing dark.

Holding a person going through this, even if they say nothing, is to know the thoughts that race through their mind. The tension in their body as the shock reaches its climax, their desperation to survive peaking. The gradual loss of tension as they submit to their fate, and the eventual crushing weight of their unconscious body; the knowledge that you tore the life out of somebody. Your somebody.

Maybe it's a good thing Martin didn't make it out of the archives, because facing all that is incompatible with moving forward.

#Martin had to suffer through this it's only fair that we suffer too :') #I've gotta say though I think the end of MAG 200 Is one of the most romantic things ever #Like.... Martin said before that he wouldn't be able to kill Jon and he couldn't but he HAD TO #And he did... Because its what Jon wanted #Anyways yeah‚ eternal suffering or whatever!! ✨ #tma #the magnus archives #the magnus institute #jonathan sims #martin blackwood #Jonmartin #Jmart #Mag 200 #tma finale #the eyepocalypse #tma the eye #tma angst #tma analysis #tma spoilers #Oh my god there's gonna be so many tws for this #tw stabbing #tw knife #tw blood #tw injury #tw graphic description #tw grief #tw guilt #Uhh okay I think this is enough? Do let me know if I should add more 😌

[fox-guardian]

it will never not fuck me up that what happened to Danny stoker is never. NEVER. referred to as a death.

[ID: A section of the MAG 104 transcript reading: "[Bitterly] Statement of Timothy Stoker, on the disappearance of… of my brother, Danny, four years ago. June 14th, 2017." end id]

Tim's statement was about his disappearance, not his death.

[ID: Two sections of TMA transcripts. The first is from MAG 104 reading: "let me tell you what. If you want me to ignore everything that’s going on, forget my brother and everything that’s happened over" and the second is from MAG 119 reading: "NIKOLA: Once. A long time ago, before Orsinov made me. And sometimes, even now, for special occasions. Like your brother. [distorted] SHALL I?" end ID]

Tim asks Elias if he wants him to forget "his brother". Nikola says she still goes as Grimaldi for special occasions, "like your brother". Never once during his statement does Tim mention Danny dying. No one ever calls it a death. For Tim, you could say it was denial, or at least say that he couldn't bear to speak it out loud. For Nikola, you could just say that's just how she talks.

But then there's the fact that Nikola had said this to Jon in ep 101

[ID: A section of the MAG 101 transcript reading: "ORSINOV: Oh, don’t worry, it’s not for you. You won’t even need a coffin – we’re going to use every piece of you." end ID]

she was going to skin him, but would still find a use for the rest of him. presumably, she treats most, if not all of her other victims this way. but what, praytell, could that use possibly be?

perhaps mr archive man has an answer for us

[ID: A section of the MAG 118 transcript reading: "fill with waxworks. And I guess you don’t need skin to sing. (shaky breath) To join the choir." end ID]

HMMMM GOLLY GEE BATMAN I WONDER WHAT HAPPENED TO DANNY

ANYWAY with all this together it is going to Drive Me To The Brink Of Madness that it's implied that Danny, in some form or another, was still Alive at the unknowing. he didn't die that wednesday night in august when Tim had last seen him, oh no. he was still alive.

likely all the way up until the unknowing.

until Tim.... i shan't say

#ramblings with major #the magnus archives #tma #danny stoker #tim stoker #tma angst #cursing #ask to tag #this was supposed to be serious but i got a little feral and had to do a bit #two bits #but yeah I'm Feeling So Normal About This #have i made a post about this already?? possibly #do i give an shid???? naur

[sydneighsays]

Knowing Jon I can't imagine how guilty he felt seeing people suffering while he was feeling more love than he'd felt in a long time.

Sorry I'm no good at backgrounds.

#tma fanart #the magnus archives #jon archivist #jonathan sims #martin blackwood #jmart fanart #tma jmart #jonmartin #teaholding #Martin understands the importance of just being there #apocalypse boyfriends #no one can convince him it's not his fault #jon sims #eye-pocalypse #comfort #tma angst

[livingonaprayerstiel]

I’ll be finishing TMA today. My first time listening.

So, if I am emotionally worn out for a while, that’s why. I’m ready to have my heart broken.

#TMA #the magnus archives #jonathan sims #martin blackwood #the archivist #tma angst

[cult-of-the-eye]

Jon angst!! He gets a therapist. It makes him worse.

tw: grief, unhealthy coping mechanisms, scars

“So how have you been?”

The question is a completely anticipated one. Jon enjoys the structure of the sessions. The chairs are always facing each other and slightly uncomfortable, the sun is streaming through the window overlooking the car park and she always asks Jon how he’s been. And he always provides the same answer. 

“Alright.”

“Yeah?”

His hands smooth over the scar on his thumb. Soothing circles over what was far from a comforting experience. 

“It’s been…difficult.”

“In what way?”

Many. He wants to say. Abruptness and off-putting behaviours are out of place at a therapist’s office. She’s trying to help you, Martin would coax him through his thoughts like a feral cat out of an alley. 

“I guess, I just-”

She nodded. It wasn’t tea and soft looks but it would have to do.

“I was in the supermarket and I thought I heard Tim’s voice. I left things…badly and it was completely my fault, but I…I don’t know. I just really believed it was him.”

“That must’ve been tough.”

Such a cliche, therapist thing to say. They can’t empathise so they just provide sympathetic looks and synonyms for difficult. Martin’s not exactly here to stop him from hating her in his mind. 

“What did you do?”

Jon took a second to remember. The whole scene felt like thinking through fog. Pulling his memories out of his brain with a pitchfork. How he felt stayed with him. It wasn’t too different to how he currently felt. 

“I…froze. It was like…it was like all the bones in my body were…calling out for something.”

“Yeah?”

“But I knew I couldn’t reach it, so I froze. I think, my body made the decision for me.” 

“It sounds like your fight or flight response kicked in. It’s a way, as you’ve put it so well, of your body taking care of you.”

His body had weathered damage after after. It bore scars of worse and better times and Jon could barely stand to look at it some days. See the way they curved around him, more gentle than any hand had in a while. It disgusted him. 

“Maybe.”

“You’re allowed to disagree with me, Jon. This is an open space. You can share how you feel with no repercussions.”

“It isn’t quite an open space when you don’t know anything about me.”

Martin would be so disappointed in him. But Martin wasn’t here. 

“Did I say something to upset you?”

Jon groaned in frustration. His hand ground into his thumb, in dizzyingly strong patterns. 

“You didn’t say anything to frustrate me. I just- I need to have something and I can’t get it back.”

“That makes sense, Jon. I understand your reaction.”

He nodded, curtly. A small jolt of the head. Barely passing for an acknowledgement. 

“What is it that you can’t have?”

Sasha. Tim. Martin.

“Sleep. No chronic pain. A good cup of tea.”

“Would that make you feel better?”

-

It was that question that played and replayed through his head. He walked to the tube, tossing it around in his head like one of those tennis balls that Tim always had. The effectiveness of this therapy couldn’t be discerned so soon, as Georgie was quick to remind him. But this was the first time something could be accused of sticking. 

The tube was packed. That’s why he got off early. Sensory issues had been playing up all day, he had felt it from the moment he woke up. Walking was clearly the best option, here. And if he stopped for a couple of minutes to catch his breath, who would blame him? His cane could immediately clear up any suspicion around that. The house in front of him hadn’t had people in it for 6 months and 11 days exactly. No one would even notice how scheduled these rest breaks had become. 

She was right. A good night’s sleep and some paracetamol wouldn’t make him feel better. 

Getting them back, however, would. 

#tma #the magnus archives #jonathan sims #martin k blackwood #tim stoker #sasha james #georgie barker #tma fic #tma angst #jonathan sims has a cane #jonathan sims has chronic pain #tw grief #tw mental illness #what if this man went to therapy #what if it made him worse

[neohart]

*wakes up suddenly*

Jon overhearing the assistants talking about how under qualified he is and being mean about but don’t really mean it but Jon doesn’t know that because of plot and autism. And maybe Elias

*falls back asleep*

#NeosTedTalk #the magnus archives #tma jon #tma season one #tma angst #these are thoughts I get only when playing the sims for some reason

[ven-of-the-valley]

⚠️Major TMA Spoilers⚠️

(Also minor swearing if that bothers anyone)

I feel evil, but I had a thought—

I love the ending of the Magnus Archives, I’m a whore for queer tragedy, but what if Martin didn’t actually die?

Like, by some miracle, Georgie and Melanie find him alive in the rubble, and he barely survives.

His plan is ruined, he’s killed the love of his life and has to live the rest of his life with the consequence of that cold, dark, loneliness. And somehow, on top of everything he’s been through, this new loneliness is so much more painful than being trapped in the literal embodiment of isolation.

He knows that even if he were to die now, it would never be the same. He would have been the one to survive. That whatever happened to Jon, he would never get to know.

And if those who know what they’ve sacrificed flood to thank him for ending the hell of their world, he alone will have to stand and take the praise. Pit in his stomach with the knowledge that the true hero is lost.

Their world is saved, and his world was the price.

And the tragedy of it all would be his alone to bear.

#Magnus archives #the magnus archives #tma #tma podcast #martin blackwood #Jonathan Sims #jonmartin #jmart #tma angst