#tw ritual abuse

[justanothersyscourse]

hi! i’m pretty sure we’re a polyfragmented system, but i’ve seen people say polyfragmentation proven to only occur because of ritual / religious abuse. my “i don’t think i went through anything that bad!” mindset aside, i’m certain i didn’t go through ritual or religious abuse. i can’t find anything about this, but is it true it only happens as a result of those? it sounds unrealistic for it to only have two possible causes, but i was wondering if you knew anything more about it?

RA is not the only cause of polyfragmentation. It is common for RA survivors with CDDs to be polyfragmented, though. There is not a lot of research or sources on polyfragmentation, but you might be interested in the ones below. TW for abuse.

The phenomology and treatment of highly complex multiple personality disorder:

In this study, only 35% of polyfragmented/complex systems experienced RA. All of them experienced "longstanding severe abuse," however. Ongoing severe abuse which continued into adolescence & adulthood was also very prominent (81%), as well as incest (92%).

Understanding and Treating Dissocaitive Identity Disorder: A Relational Approach

Janice is described as a polyfragmented multiple with “at least a hundred parts, many of them for particular purposes or roles, existing in many clusters and layers, parts behind other parts.” Her DID was diagnosed after a hospitalization, and it was discovered to be polyfragmented over the course of therapy. Prior to her diagnosis, Janice had a history of depression and suicidality which she felt like she didn’t deserve help for.

As a child, Janice grew up with a chronic illness and a neglectful, emotionally abusive family. She also survived a few instances of COCSA and CSA. Numerous stressful experiences extended into her adult life.

Incest-related Syndromes of Adult Psychopathology

Miss CL is diagnosed as polyfragmented MPD and described as having "five principle systems of personalities and many fragments." She spent a very long time in the foster system, living with over 10 different families, and was eventually adopted. Her adopted family was emotionally abusive. Her father & one of her brothers were alcoholics and her mother was sometimes physically abusive. She also survived two instances of CSA from people outside the family. She was in the mental health system for 7 years prior to being diagnosed with MPD.

#mod robo #polyfragmented #TW ritual abuse #TW abuse

[granulesofsand]

Subspace with Programming

🗝️🏷️ RAMCOA/OEA, CSA, ACSA, sexual themes, references to EEGs.

TL;DR We’re looking for a way to build healthy relationships with alters who have no base of safe-enough. We think subspace, sexually and not, will help.

We went to a presentation about altered states in BDSM, and they pulled up an EEG of the drop into subspace. This specific one was of a person suspended by piercings, showing the brain activity going up for rigging and suspension, and then dropping from tall yellow to short red as they slipped into the fuzzy subby state.

The presenters talked about a spike a while after the change, and that for this person it was a moment of processing. They had been using their subspace to grieve, and that was the moment they ran a list of important people they’d lost.

We got to talk to the researchers when they finished presenting, and we asked about altered states in people with already atypical states (age regression, developmental delays, systems).

BDSM in Healing

The author of one of the only recovery books about OEA talks about why their CDD clients shouldn’t participate in BDSM, and we’ve taken issue with that for a while. Similar to how autistic people do well with proper BDSM, traumatized systems also benefit from learning negotiation and safer sexual practices.

We’ve spoken to our therapist about the grey areas where it might be better to stay away (if a system has poor communication, if system members will take on sex or pain as a job, if there isn’t control over switching during scenes), and we agreed that there was no one-size-fits-all for approaching sexuality.

Most systems have an absolute boundary of no sexual interaction for littlies. In the book, there were two contrary opinions about that. One was that any sexual encounter resembling what the young ones survived was bad, because there was no way to prevent leakage from whoever was doing it. That was the author, Alison Miller’s.

The other was that sexual NPCs had allowed the young ones to meet their sexual needs from trauma, and the children could then continue their age-appropriate development. That was a survivor story, and they created the NPCs to give safe-enough touch that eventually led into safe touch (with no sexual component).

And I still come at it from a harm reduction standpoint; letting inside kids participate in sexual activities shouldn’t be the first step, or the second or the third, but there’s only so many angles some systems can try before that’s the best option.

After this point, orange paragraphs are details of abuse.

Harm Reduction

Our left sidesystem doesn’t have many obvious littlies. The group we came from didn’t find value in children outside of exploitation, and we were assigned adult identities. It takes several layers of peeling to find the childlike states in most of us, so we didn’t have as much fear of accidentally getting a child in front for sex stuff.

The Left still has programming, but ours is more focused on external presentation (amnesia, silence, reporting), and the traumatized insiders are hidden away.

The right side, however, is child-heavy. They also appear to be adults, but they know their actual ages are younger. The right is where our ‘good’ alters were placed, and that refers to the trafficked and ritually abused kids. The ones who respond to cues, who fit perfectly into the role the perps wanted.

Some of the young ones on the right are the sexualized pets, dancers, royalty. Also worth noting are the clumps of shattered fragments; the organs, the rotting body parts, the broken dolls. The majority of the Horrors (tm) happened to people on this side, and they’re all so heavily programmed that they continue responding when called.

Cues and Triggers

The ‘perfect’ ones, who weren’t shattered, show up at front for themes of bestiality, CSEM, and torturous sex. Since building trust, we’ve discovered who comes out for what (there’s a curtain of mist or smoke when people are hiding). We don’t try to expose them to any of those things, but there are situations that draw them out by similarity.

One of the most shameful events we’ve made front-accessible is when our family brought home the dog they have now. We were maybe 12 when it happened, in our bedroom, and we have the memory because a left-side alter wasn’t fully kicked from front. The dog was a puppy, he jumped on everything before he learned better. He was big enough for our size, and he hit a pressure point that cued out a younger alter. They got into position, expecting there to be adults with cameras to guide the encounter.

We were fully clothed for that, nobody else in the room, and the puppy wasn’t trained to do anything about it. The littlie was confused, the puppy was confused, the left alter was confused, and that was it. The puppy was immediately distracted by a noise outside, so we opened the bedroom door and he took off.

This happens with the littlies we can’t talk to unless they’re in the fronting realm, and who can only stay in the fronting realm while they have an active trigger. We have interventions, but those are focused on the safety of the ones we find. We don’t have a reliable means of encouraging alters to remain safe and work on their behaviors.

We’ve gotten better at having notecards and alarms that redirect them to notebooks and apps, and we have them learn how to summon a few creature alters to talk. More and more of the people on the right are working with us, talking to others and banding together.

Before BDSM

Once they start deprogramming, we look for the structures and controls that prevent them from moving around. After that, we bring them to a safe subrealm of wherever they were, have them decide what changes they want (while the older ones look into what changes they need), and rebuild their area. Sometimes we have to move them elsewhere because of environmental risks or other alters trying to reprogram in their area.

Movement is the easiest for us because we don’t have many low-level alters who care to stay as they were. Once we demonstrate safe communication, they pick it up on their own time.

It comes back to sexuality and trauma. We don’t make anyone do trauma work before they want to (or aren’t resistant to the idea), and that leaves some of us with programmed urges. There are rules specific to every area, which is why some of them are still actively violent, and try to herd people into healthier mindsets for every iteration.

It’s hard. We’ve tried forcing people into therapy (which went badly with every plan we’ve implemented), having them talk with a mediator (it’s apparently subcultural), banning violence (worked temporarily until they found workarounds), and restraining people (we can do it if they allow it, otherwise Big No).

Why We’re Considering It

Some of us (not just the young ones) seek out unhealthy dynamics, or have problems we can’t solve before each person is ready. Once we start, it looks like doing system therapy for that alter’s subsystem, and sometimes for the nested subsystems — which is the same process but on a plane none of us see.

We need genuine cooperation, or at least benevolent deceit. So we’ve been thinking about what that BDSM research would do for us, internally interpersonally and with NPCs. It would be the most developmentally appropriate alters first, seeing how altered states bode with our subsystem switching (I don’t think we can accidentally summon the littlies to internal places), maybe trying to use the university’s EEG equipment.

Then, if that goes well, trying the NPCs with safe-enough versions of what the older ones were doing (aiming to avoid sexual exposure beyond the environmental cues they already know).

There’s so many of us. Probably all of us have young self-states, and there are at least a few hundred actual littlies. The idea is to get the altered state that helps processing, led by another insider (or NPC). It’s harm reduction compared to how they are when we find them and how they remain before heavy healing. This might be a road to recovery without the same pits of previous diversions. Then we can get to the phase of actually educating them and showing them choices in states where they really get to choose.

Thinking feels like catching eels, so I’m gonna end this here. Point is, subspace sounds cool and we want to try it sexually for adults and nonsexually for children. We’ve had progress with pseudo-sexual methods with sexual alters before. Wish us luck.

#ramcoa #tw ramcoa #tw csa #tw acsa #tw cocsa #tw trafficking #tw ritual abuse #ec did #hc did #pg did #osddid #cdd system #multiplicity #adaptive system #traumagenic system

[disco-ciating]

tw’s in tags

can anyone give input on how they tell the difference between a conditioned response and a programmed response?

#tw programming #ritual abuse #tw ritual abuse #ramcoa #tw ramcoa #actually did #actuallydid #dissociative identity disorder #actually traumagenic #did system #didosdd #actuallytraumagenic #traumagenic system #we suspect we have both it’s just determining which behaviors are which we’re working on #tyia #replies or dm’s or asks are all fine in regards to answering

[justforscreaming]

Unsure of how 2 word this but do any RAMCOA groups ever put up sort of a front of programming that’s “debunked”/more associated with illuminati/antisemitism to cover up actual programming?

#ramcoa #organized abuse #ritual abuse #did programming #programming #ritual abuse mind control organized abuse #tw programming #tw: programming #tw: ritual abuse #tw ritual abuse #tw ramcoa #tw: ramcoa

[ramcoa-help]

#tw ritual abuse #ramcoa #ritual abuse #ramcoa tw #resources

[mercurys-in-retrograde]

I watched the sorority cult episode of king of the hill for the first time and I think the lsd made me feel a lot better about my eating disorder. Idk I guess like just explicitly saying that a cult will make you not eat and exploit people's body issues specifically to make them more susceptible. It helped me process that.

#tw ed ment #tw ritual abuse #but its about a healing experience so consider looking

[disabled-sysboxes]

[TEXT ID: this system is a RA system]

[IMG ID: a light blue rectangular box with the OSDDID flag - a flag with four stripes, black, blue, green, and yellow - to the left, and the text 'this system is a RA system' to the right]

[TEXT ID: this system is a RA system]

[IMG ID: a light orange rectangular box with the original OSDDID flag - a flag with three stripes, white, orange, and black - to the left, and the text 'this system is a RA system' to the right]

–

Like & Reblog if you use!

(Reblogs can be private)

#owner 🪐🫀 #disability userbox #system userbox #sysbox #disabled system userbox #actually DID #endos dni #RA system #ritual abuse (caused) system #tw ramcoa #cw ramcoa #tw ritual abuse #cw ritual abuse

[motionpicturelover]

"Mothers and Molestation: A film about child abuse"

Films I've watched in 2023 (64/119)

#films watched in 2023 #Mothers and Molestation: A film about child abuse #documentary #Mary Knight #tw abuse #tw child abuse #tw ritual abuse

[mischiefmanifold]

Do you have any resources for RAMCOA? Resources for like...the types of programs and stuff like that. We're going through things and trying to research and pinpoint things, but finding resources has been absolute hell. If you get this twice, I'm sorry. Our tumblr is kind of shit.

Hello! I have several resources that I think may be helpful to you:

This document (LINK) of "rare programs" and their descriptions, posted by @killercatboys.

Chapters 4 and 7 of Becoming Yourself by Alison Miller (LINK) discuss programming and chapter 7 includes an anecdote with specific programs and definitions. The entire book is really a great read and is geared towards survivors of RAMCOA, just be sure to take it slow and take care of yourself.

Common Programs Observed in Survivors of Satanic Ritualistic Abuse by David W. Neswald (LINK) - massive trigger warning for suicide, self-harm, and abuse.

Spin Programming: A Newly Uncovered Technique of Systematic Mind Control by John D. Lovern (LINK) - includes symptoms, implementation, and uses of spin programs; trigger warning for abuse/torture methods.

Healing the Unimaginable by Alison Miller (LINK) is geared towards therapists and professionals and includes more in-depth information about RAMCOA than Becoming Yourself does. Again, massive trigger warning throughout the book for RAMCOA.

Kinds of Torture Endured in Ritual Abuse and Trauma-Based Mind Control by Ellen P. Lacter (LINK) - partial list of torture methods used in RAMCOA; trigger warning for abuse, near-death, and torture.

Mind Control: Simple to Complex by Ellen P. Lacter (LINK) - describes twelve "stages" of mind control and programming, going from outward compliance to torture/trauma-based mind control; trigger warning for descriptions of abuse.

Some Indicators of Trauma-Based Mind Control Programming by Ellen P. Lacter (LINK) provides common indicators of TBMC; most survivors of programming will have many of these indicators, but their presence does not prove the existence of TBMC and their absence does not prove that one has not experienced TBMC.

Adult and Adolescent Indicators of Ritual Trauma by Ellen P. Lacter (LINK) provides indicators of ritual abuse in teens and adults; as with the last bullet point, their presence does not prove ritual abuse and their absence does not disprove it.

Child Indicators of Ritual Abuse Trauma in Play and Art by Ellen P. Lacter (LINK) provides potential indicators of ritualized abuse in children and pre-teens; as with the previous two bullet points, their presence does not prove ritual abuse and their absence does not disprove it.

#asks answered #anon asks #ramcoa tw #ritual abuse #ritual abuse tw #ramcoa #mind control #trauma based mind control #torture based mind control #tbmc tw #tbmc #ellen lacter #alison miller #ask to tag

[jahiera]

Please,,,, please more rambles about astarion and him healing and his slowly changing relationship with (-tav-) Sex and intimacy and choice and-

LISTEN BUDDY...

Okay gonna talk about the Grave Scene. this scene truly lives in my head rent free. I've been rewatching it a few times and every way it plays out is so touching. Especially the way he.. hmm... expresses himself here? There's such earnestness to him that frankly is unimaginable to the person we met in act 1. He really went from being both so sly & yet obviously lying ("[you trusted me...] an objectively stupid thing to do.") to someone who admits and lists the way Tav makes him... feel.... SAFE? and held? and I understand why it's not something a lot of people focus on but I actually am so heart-touched by how complex and intricate his journey to reclaiming sex and desire is at the end of this conversation. None of it is gratuitous. None of it is for show. The blending of the nonsexual intimacy, and openness (the grabbing of the hands, the showing of the grave, the raw admittance of so much vulnerable material he gives to Tav; all things he would never have even CONCEIVED of offering up in even act 2.)

("I've been dead in the ground for long enough. It's time to try living again." ... "With everything that life has to offer.")

It's an extremely nuanced and thoughtful approach to an SA survivor rediscovering & reclaiming what they want to make of their desires, their sexuality, in the aftermath of what was done to their bodies without their consent. It's so thoughtful & beautiful imo. Finally here at his grave, he tells Tav that they're someone he feels safe & accepted with, & he can experience intimacy on both sides with someone who has put forth the effort, the time, the willingness to learn and wait and watch and care for his own desires in a manner no one else EVER has.

("I feel safe with you. Seen. And whatever the future holds for me, I don't want to lose that.")

It REALLY... gets me in the heart here. It doesn't avoid the difficulties of sexuality in the aftermath of abuse, and it ultimately shows one individual's journey toward reclamation and reconciliation with autonomy on their own terms. That's so vital here, that he reaches out, chooses to make the step forward, HIS choice. There's no lingering gratuitously on the trauma, if that makes sense? the descriptions and vulnerability are raw; Tav is grounding person here, Tav gives him room to speak. The true balance of intimacy in verbalizing his feelings, intimacy in being close physically with Tav, intimacy in discerning for himself what he desires, intimacy in accepting touch, contact, affection, togetherness. It's all so... [BITES INTO FIST SCREAMING]. And the ending. Where he and Tav get to set off on another adventure. Get to explore who they are truly now, with each other, without any higher powers looming over and putting a yoke around their necks. I'm personally partial to the "finding a way for you to be in the sun," ending myself but all of them are just ... so delightful. He really SHINES in a way that exceeded my expectations so completely in act 3. he went from totally closed off and locked away and unaware of how to navigate his own personal relationships, no idea what a "relationship," even was, no idea how to express boundary or unravel his complicated ideas and feelings around his body, what it was forced to do for Cazador, to:

("For nearly two centuries I stalked the streets like a ghost while the person I was lay here, dead and buried. Now I need to figure out who I am. What I want.")

also laying a flower on his grave and all he says is "cute." but there's such a minor moment of tenderness there. I weep I wept I will weep.

#I do get why I've seen the interpretation that he's totally sexless after it all & far be it for me to stop people from #interpreting it that way; interpretation and all that; but I personally really love & appreciate the narrative's conclusion here #in which sex is treated as thoughtfully as it can be; real and tangible and /yes/ an avenue of true togetherness beyond #like. getting off. that's not what it's about at all. (and the way this contrasts his post-ritual ending with all the SHOW...) #there's so much genuine intimacy & beauty here both nonsexually & at the end when it's reclaimed like whaahhaahahhahhhhh #it's hardly nonexistent in media for sexuality and SA to be something explored thoughtfully but I admittedly HAVE NOT #seen it explored this thoughtfully in a major RPG video game before. not to this level and not in this way. #SA survivors re-finding bodily autonomy ohhh boy I have. feelings. #sa tw #sa mention #abuse tw #bg3 meta #bg3 spoilers

[granulesofsand]

Foam Facade

🗝️🏷️ child abuse, RAMCOA examples

Someone just told me about our last family therapist. She did not believe anything about what we said. She was insistent that “even parents make mistakes”.

Sure. Parents make mistakes like swearing or hitting their kid every so often when they lose their temper. Parents make mistakes like encouraging disordered eating. Parents make mistakes like trying to sweep extrafamiliar abuse under the rug.

Parents who ritually abuse and rape their children did not slip up. It’s not a whoopsie moment when you force a kid to survive being hunted through the woods for days straight. You can’t accidentally disembowel your kid’s friend in front of them.

To be clear, if your parents did just fuck up, from slight neglect to remorse for abuse, you don’t have to forgive them or make up. You can, if you want to. Or you can cut them off, or be angry with them from a periphery, or decide to ignore the trauma to salvage the rest. You are an acting member of that relationship, and you have choices.

There have been times where we considered trying to fix our family. We call that a fantasy. It would be nice to start over and do it better, but we can’t do that until our family actually separates from the group. They have to deprogram, too, but they definitely can’t be reprogramming or plain programming anyone.

We couldn’t tell that therapist most of our real reasoning. What we did tell should have been enough. That was another log on the fire of our shame, because we have always been the problem. Fawning abusers are still abusers, and no one owes forgiveness.

I don’t think our family will be getting better anytime soon, but we didn’t need her trying to touch up the foam facade. It’s not real, no matter how badly we all want it to be.

Sometimes abusers have reputations, or are pretty, or make a lot of money. None of those things make them safe people, and no amount of genuine safety makes it the victim’s responsibility to tend to their perpetrator. Mistake or not, we deserve better than a painted face.

#ramcoa #tw ramcoa #traumagenic system #adaptive system #tw childhood trauma #tw csa #tw ritual abuse #tw sa #cdd system #ec did #rebreaking bones

[theforlorn]

Do you have any advice for systems who are finding out that their system may be programmed?

Coming to Terms With Being Programmed

When you first begin to realize that your system may indeed exist due to even more cruel and strenuous situations than is typical it can be incredibly stressful and terrifying. Realizing in the first place that you have DID or OSDD can be incredibly difficult and in some parts scary. Though many feel comfort and safety within their system including myself, the initial experience of discovery can be jarring. Realizing you had endured a continuous amount of trauma long enough in your childhood to develop these kinds of disorders can be incredibly scary to realize and it often comes with beginning to remember bits and pieces that makes you realize you had been believing a lie about your own past for possibly decades. When you add on top of that a realization that someone wanted this for you- someone actively went out of their way to induce dissociative amnesia and differing alters in order to take advantage of that and force you to do things for them, it can be overwhelming.

It's incredibly hard for a lot of people to finally come to terms with being a programmed system. It took me so much time and pain and tears to finally reach the stage of acceptance that I did. And even then I sometimes struggle with doubting myself, even when my therapist reaffirms the fact that my DID was purposefully induced in me by my traffickers given the way my system functions and alters exist specifically for my abusers own purposes and goals- I struggle.

I may not have all the answers but I do have some advice for people.

Advice For Not Fakeclaiming Yourself

This part is something that, as stated previously, I personally struggle with. And you know what? That's okay. These things are hard and it's okay to not fully be healed yet. In my case I am still very young and only a little over a year into therapy for my DID and trauma.

Remember that it isn't actually that crazy or unreasonable for someone engaging in more extreme levels of abuse to be aware of methods such as programming. Though programmed DID (aka a purposefully induced case of DID and/or OSDD-1) can only be induced in childhood, OSDD-2 is a dissociative disorder which is also known to be the result of programming aka brainwashing and torture. These things are well documented.

An unfortunately true fact of this all is that sometimes very bad people especially those involved in organized crimes or cults, tend to share information or learn about tactics from various places. The information on how to torture people and force children to develop DID is already out there- bad people can get ahold of it because they seek out these kinds of things.

You are not alone in this- there are others.

You are not taking away anything from other survivors of various situations by suspecting or believing that your own abusers engaged in similar methods and induced a specific dissociative disorder in you when they knew you could dissociate.

Advice For Acceptance Of What Happened

Acceptance is another key part in all of this, and it is once again a very difficult thing to achieve and hold.

It is okay to still love your system even if it comes from someone choosing to induce it. Alters can still grow and change it takes a lot of time.

It's just as okay to hate your system or alters in your system. Some alters can exist to do harm to yourself and self-destruct. Some may just be cruel or ruin your relationships and that can suck to deal with. Especially for systems where alters are created by an abuser- this can happen and you're not bad or evil for it. You're dealing with the fall outs of torture and that never is an easy thing to deal with.

As much as you may be permanently changed from what happened to you- you are still your own person. They can never take away the fact that you survived. You made it through despite everything and nobody can take that from you either.

Getting therapy if possible is definitely helpful and a great thing to do

In general having friends who know about some of what happened and what you're going through is helpful. It helps you still feel like even in the face of everything you still matter (because of course you do).

#cult survivor #trafficking survivor #ramcoa #ritual abuse tw #mind control tw #organized abuse tw #organized crime tw #purposefully induced DID #hc did #programmed did #programmed system

[suwisuwii]

Astarion's story made me think a lot and reflect on how freedom after a lifetime of captivity and abuse can be difficult to get used to. I think most people who have never experienced that don't realize how intense of an experience it is.

I might go into some details on my own life experience as a survivor of ritual abuse and human trafficking, I still don't know to which degree as I'm trying to organize a pool of thoughts, so scroll past if that's triggering to you. It's going to be somewhat lenghty.

I started really "living" around 3 years ago.

To give some context, the approximate timeline of what happened to me:

--- birth-18 y/o: grew up in a cult, I was ritually abused on a regular basis as a child, developed DID (I wasn't diagnosed until adulthood) I endured physical and psychological torture. I mean forced food purging, forced food poisoning, waterboarding, scalding with boiling water, smothering with pillows until I almost passed out... I could go on. I lived behind a wall in the living room and my wardrobe was a bin bag.

18 y/o: I ran from home after my father threatened to kill me. I was poor (I left with 50€ and nothing more) and answered an ad that offered a job in a pub and a place to stay. It required me to travel to another city, so I spent some of that 50 for the train ticket. Desperation makes you do some careless things. I was picked up by what would become my pimp (we called him "the entrepeneur" ). I travelled all across italy like that. Spent some days in a place and then was sent off to another. The day I escaped, I didn't know where I was.

19 y/o : I escaped! I had been sent to a new brothel, and noticed the club owner flirted with me the whole night in between customers. Once the night was over, I seduced him, stole some money and RAN.

The brothel was in the countryside, but I eventually found a bus stop. I got on and asked where I was.

19y/o to 28 y/o: I got into a relationship. Forced pregnant, had a child. Forced back into sex work because my partner took me to his home country and we were both unemployed and he had no intention of finding a job, 3 months after I almost died giving birth and had an emergency c-section.

---END TIMELINE

That has been my life up until 3 years ago. I'm 31 now. The pandemic gave me an out (won't go into details). I broke up with the guy. I ended up in therapy suicidal because I felt I had no purpose (not because of the breakup, I did it and it was my choice). I was free. It's all I wanted, right? I DID NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH MY FREEDOM. I was useless. I still struggle with it. I remember the first time I went shopping for food and my mind went blank! I did not know how to shop for food I liked. I didn't know what to get. I always bought things for others. I always ate the scraps and the leftovers. It seems like such a silly stupid thing but once I was done and came home, I looked at my full fridge and I cried. I felt a mix of things. Guilt, selfishness? Also happiness, I was grateful. But freedom felt like such a big, black abyss with nothing to hold me from the fall. I am discovering who I am and coming to terms with it. I have bodily autonomy.

I think Astarion's scene with the mirror, where he looks in and can't see himself, holds a second deeper meaning other than just "a vampire that doesn't have a reflection".

I am now free to do whatever I want to my appearance. But I've always mirrored what other people wanted of me. Hair colours, clothes, style, makeup, weight. I was never in control of it. And now it's so hard to look in the mirror and know what I'd look like if I was me. I don't know. Who do I want to be? It's easier if someone else told me what I look like so I could just be that.

It felt good for Astarion to be "reflected in someone else's eyes" because he still doesn't know who he is. He can't see who he is, because he has been made a vampire. Because of what was done to him.

I hope I explained my point, but anyways, this was more for me, to let out some thoughts. It's 5am I probably have more to say, but I need some rest. I feel better letting some of this out.

#astarion #rambling #tw: #ritual abuse #violence #torture #abuse #child abuse #human trafficking #personal stuff #literally this is just me writing down some thoughts on why I can relate to astarion #and explaining what happened to me

[eclipse15]

Sources and explanations on HC-DID, TBMC and RAMCOA methods + what makes an HC-DID system

HUGE TW: VERY GRAPHIC DESCRIPTIONS OF TBMC AND RAMCOA METHODS AND EFFECTS

Mind control methods sources (note: you need to make a free account to access. Again; it’s free):

RA specific mind control method source:

Organized abuse sources (includes some RA sources) :

Explanation of fronting triggers and alter manipulation; has personal experience included:

If you don’t wanna read the graphic shit, skip to “summary:”

Within the context of dissociative identity disorder, these resources spell out a lot of what happens to HC-DID systems and how our system works. If you look at the methods used in cults as well as general mind control methods, one thing across the board is that it unfreezes, changes, and refreezes the ego(s). What does this mean for HC-DID? Well, due to the intense RA and OA trauma they were formed under, when parts are formed they are very disoriented. Perfect for this technique, especially since dissociation already aids in identity disturbance. This is where fronting triggers come in.

Most systems know that triggers bring parts to the front. Programmers also know this, and use it to their advantage. One way is that they utilize the above MC methods while a part is being formed/subjected to trauma. Example: Mr. John Doe is an alter that was formed in a rape, and during that the programmers chanted a long number string. Now whenever they need him out they chant the string the brain will be reminded of the rape, forcing him to front. Once they have a control over who fronts when, the programmers utilize their MC techniques. Isolation is already there, since DID of any form makes you isolated from your other parts.

Speaking of isolation, it’s very very easy once they have control of fronting since if they don’t want a part to see anything they won’t see it. That means a parts whole world can be entirely revolved around rape, c0rn (ykwim), being sold, etc. For example, Mr. John Doe fronts when a certain repeat client is raping the system. That’s the changing part.

The re-freezing part is also easy once you’ve got that stuff down. You make sure the part fronts a lot when their assigned role is needed by the programmers, making-like I said-the world revolve around their role. It’s all that they have, and to them it’s all they ever will have.

Summary: Since they are disoriented and controlled via RA/OA trauma and MC techniques at formation, it unfreezes the part. After that they can control when they front via association fronting triggers, and make them believe the world revolves around their assigned role. This is the changing of the part. After that, they make sure the parts world revolves around their assigned role and only that role-refreezing.

That’s pretty much it for this post. It doesn’t cover all of programming but that’s the gist on how it works. Thank you sm for reading, hope you have a great day. Bye

@crowsquackity since I promised I’d mention y’all

#tw tbmc #tw ramcoa #tw torture #ramcoa #tbmc #organized abuse #ritual abuse #hc did #polyfrag system #polyfragmented #polyfrag #actually polyfrag #did alter #did osdd #osddid #dissociative identity disorder #did system #actually mentally ill #endos dni #did introject #did fragment

[killercatboys]

PSA TO THE SYSTEM COMMUNITY: stop using number names. it's disrespectful as fuck to us ra survivors. it's not cool or quirky, it's not funny, it's mocking what we've been through. I was programmed into using my number. I was *abused* into thinking my number was the only name I can ever use or think of using. and you make my suffering seem like a sick joke. stop doing it.

#osddid #osdd #did system #ra system #tw programming #tw abuse #ramcoa #ritual abuse #tbmc

[oiouoiiiokkm]

Hello. I’m pretty newly discovered HC-DID system. I’m adult. And I wanna make friends and find community around ramcoa but I’m pretty scared. I’m autistic.

I escaped my own hell two years ago. Now I’m safe and trying to start living. My life before escaping was only surviving. Now I learning how to live in out word, how to heal and live as system too. Hello?

#ramcoa #polyfragmented #ritual abuse #trauma based mind control #hc did #tw ramcoa #plural #polyfrag #ramcoa system