#ugh I don't want to do that again

[mlobsters]

supernatural s1e16 shadow (w. eric kripke)

aka the first time i had a full-tilt meltdown over this show.

#supernatural #eric kripke #spn 1x16 #sam and dean #sam winchester #dean winchester #mygifs #spngifs #sam and dean mush #how to feel about your brother #like watching soon to be exes-the relationship is clearly over and one flaying themselves open showing their squishy insides #trying to make it work but the other is gently shutting them down and saying it's over #wholly lost my shit about this. late enough in s1 where we know this is A LOT of (too much?) emotional vulnerabilty for dean #but also way too early in any show's run to expect this level of emotional vulnerability and guts being strewn about #truly threw me for a loop. but it certainly set the stage for where they would go with sam and dean over the years #Dean's little eyebrow raise to the “I'd do anything for you” and sad half smile “could be” just punch me in the gut #and that sweet open expression talking about being together and a family again. ugh. such a rarity to see that on him #and Sam's “i don't want them to be” absolutely crushing. in the kindest manner. #but by the end dean's got his walls back up. oh my heart.

[sysig]

Blind side (Patreon)

#Doodles #UT #Handplates #Sans #Papyrus #Gaster #Sans closing his good eye every once in a while and keeping his blind eye open - obviously he does so in-game as well so it's a style-match #It's just interesting in the context of him being textually-confirmed blind in Handplates hehe #There's a level of vulnerability there! Not more than closing both eyes around someone - and potentially also distrust! #''I'm baring myself blind right now but /you/ don't need to know that'' - it suits him ♪ #Especially when he does it around Papyrus! Because obviously Papyrus knows about his partial blindness #But when he's trying to be duplicitous - the way he looks at him sidelong with his blind eye when he's trying to lie unsuccessfully ugh <3 #And again-again it being about how much he trusts Papyrus! That he can be a little lazy or spacey and Papyrus will help him! #Also something about his entire right side being impaired - pawing around with his plated hand for something he can't see on that side #The dynamics! Internal and external! Very good like them lots #And then there's Gaster lol ♪ Throw him into the mix I'm sure it won't make a mess at all haha #I guess he's visiting? Just spacing out - he and Sans have a lot on their minds - separately haha #I do love how Sans pushes Gaster to be kind to Papyrus - very deservedly! He wants Papyrus to be happy of course #And he's obviously still angry with Gaster a lot but how might that present itself when Papyrus is Papyrus at Gaster hehe #Even just in that small jokey way of ''you tryin' to step on my turf?'' hehehe #Especially since the comparison wouldn't even come up if he had two functioning eyes hm?? Right Gaster???? Lol #Speaking of that scene and Sans' partial blindness tho ughhughuhg <3 <3 The fact that Sans stands with Gaster to his blind side #It's the vulnerability/distaste/confidence of it all! He's grown up so much it's all right there in how he holds himself #That he either trusts Gaster enough not to attack him - starting to believe him - or that he has enough faith in himself to protect himself #And only looking at him with his peripherals unless he looks directly at him hghhhgh I am Normal about shot composition I swear lol #Also I like how that last panel turned out lol - Sans just appears at the bottom of the steps like how's it going. care to gtfo thx

[skyloftian-nutcase]

I have taxes to do, who wants to study/work with me and the blorbos?

Zelda groaned as she laid face down on the bed. Her companion stared at her, bemused as he raised an eyebrow. "Uh... you good over there, Princess?"

Slowly lifting her head, she glared at him under a heavy brow and disheveled curls. "I hate paperwork."

"What paperwork?" Link asked, crossing his arms and growing even more bewildered. This was the first she'd mentioned such an issue on her Epic Search of The Hero that had to involve him.

"I promised my mother I'd help sort out a negotiation with the Zora," Zelda explained. "But I have to read all this stupid rhetoric and figure out what they're even trying to say."

"You... brought homework on your quest to find the Hero." Link surmised.

A loud snort emitted from downstairs in the small home that had been gifted to them. Zelda huffed, yelling down the stairs, "I have a kingdom to run, okay?! At least I'm doing my duty!"

Link looked between the irate princess and the shadows of their elder companion downstairs as he flopped lazily onto the ground beside his beloved dog. Friend barked happily, scurrying up the stairs and then back down, tail tucked in excitement as she made the lap two, three, four times.

"Do you, uh, need help?" Link offered hesitantly. He wasn't exactly good at treaties, but he'd had to read a few contracts for his business.

"That would be great, actually," Zelda quipped, immediately perking up. Link was starting to regret this. She added loudly, "Our friend can help us too."

"I can't read," came the dull reply.

Zelda shot to her feet. "That's a lie and you know it!!"

"I mean..." Link shrugged. "He does live in the woods."

"He still won't even tell me his name," Zelda moaned, rolling her eyes. "I know you're the Hero, you jerk!"

Another snort from downstairs.

Link sighed as he grabbed the parchment from the princess' loose grip. This was going to be a long night.

#writing #forsaken au #gerudo link is the only adult right now #then again mystery link knows the true dangers of the world: paperwork #I don't blame him for avoiding it #friend got the zoomies #who wants to do some work with me because I NEED to get these stupid taxes done #UGH

[coquelicoq]

kim dokja is fantastic bisexual rep. some of us are nonpracticing yet uninterested in vows of celibacy because we like to leave our options open. some of us are aro. some of us are idiots. some of us are all three. WE EXIST

#what some of us don't know about sexuality could fill an entire book (just got to that part 😂) #i adore how everyone in-universe is so obsessed with his nonexistent sex/love life & every time it comes up he's just like #ugh. this again? #and when he's asked what he wants to do at the end of the scenarios he's like i'd buy a big house where we all could live 🥺 #he loves them all so much but it doesn't seem romantic to me. he's just attracted to half his friends and loves everyone #but doesn't want to do any sex or romance about it. in my opinion #but it's very important that he IS bisexual. he's like YES i find all these people stupid sexy #NO that is not relevant to what i'm doing or want to be doing. whats not clicking #my bi rep can be a lil asexual. as a treat #orv #omniscient reader's viewpoint #kdj #my posts #bi #f

[stop-breaking-my-heart-dragonage]

It really gets me that since my canon Hawke is a mage, I'll never actually get to know Bethany.

Sure, I could just start an alternate playthrough with Hawke as a warrior or rogue and get to know her over the course of Act 1 before I have to decide if I want to take her on the expedition and make her become a Grey Warden, or leave her behind to be taken to the circle.

Except that's not my Bethany, just as it wouldn't be my Carver who died. My Hawke twins grew up with an older brother who was a mage. Their respective character arcs rely heavily on being the sole mage or non-mage of the siblings, so if my Hawke isn't a mage, they're not the same people... and unfortunately, we don't get to see the arc of the twin who shares Hawke's class. Y'know, because of the death.

The last time I tried doing an alternate run with a warrior Hawke, I had a conversation with Bethany where she said that Carver would've hated Kirkwall and probably would've gotten himself arrested the first day, and I sat there like.... I'm sorry? Are we talking about the same Carver?? Because the Carver I know would only get himself arrested for resisting and fighting back with any templars who tried to take his siblings away? He spent the entire first act being like, "Hey, don't do stupid shit or attract too much attention, or the templars will take you away!"

And that's when it really hit me that sure, I'm getting to know Bethany, but I'm getting to know a Bethany who grew up as the lone mage in the sibling group, and that's not the same Bethany that died in my canon run.

I want to know the Bethany who grew up with an older brother who also had the gift of magic but embraced it more than she ever did. I don't even get to learn much about her through dialogue, either. Carver doesn't talk about her nearly as much as Bethany talks about him when she's alive, and when someone does bring her up with him, Carver's usually super defensive about it.

I'll be running around and Bethany will just, "Yeah, my brother used to nail my braid to the headboard. I miss him so much. Hey, the Chantry, I lit a candle for Carver in there. Remember Carver's jig? He used to do that to make me feel better. I miss Carver so much."

Carver's just more reserved and defensive about his grief over losing her, and when he does willingly bring her up, you can feel him struggle to even get her name out; "These are blood mages, they're not like you or... Bethany."

That's why I love the Legacy DLC; Carver will talk about Bethany, and Malcolm, with Hawke without his guard up. At least he does with me, at that point I have his Friendship nearly maxed out so he's just softer in general.

But someone else brings her up, like Anders? Who was genuinely trying to be nice? Carver's response has the vibe of, "You didn't even know her, and you don't care about me, so you're only saying this because she was a mage. Just shut up, stop talking to me."

And I can't even bring her up to Carver in dialogue options the way I can bring him up to Bethany. You can ask her what Carver would think of Kirkwall. During the Legacy DLC there's a humorous option to do Carver's jib for her when she's sad. She brings him up in companion dialogue. It feels like there's more opportunities there, and perhaps Hawke just knows how Carver is and doesn't want to prod. Honestly, maybe it's just me, but my game always feels like that vine-

Hawke: Do you ever want to talk about your emotions, Carver? Carver: No. Anders/Fenris/literally everyone else in Kirkwall: We do! Hawke: I know, y'all. Anders/Fenris/literally everyone else in Kirkwall: We're sad! Hawke: I know, y'all.

I'm sure the differences in the starting Friendship/Rivalry also play into why Bethany's more open about it than Carver is in Act 1, and they're characters who have different grieving processes anyway.

I don't know, maybe you have an easier time merging them through different playthroughs, but DA2 is one that I struggle with deviating from my canon path, I can't do it... Which means poor Bethany's always dead, and I'll never get to be mage siblings with her or see the Hawke trio take over Kirkwall together because DA2 is just a constant "great, so what can we do this week to make Hawke extra sad?"

#dragon age 2 #da2 #carver hawke #bethany hawke #i am once again having feelings about the hawke twins #and yes i know there's that mod that lets both twins live but it's not the same... and also i don't play on pc so i couldn't do that anyway #i just want the hawke trio to be alive and well okay is that too much to ask? #also it sucks that we don't get to actually see carver and bethany interact with each other #they only have a few interactions and that's it... #ugh it's 'sad about the hawke twins' hour

[edwardwonghaupepelutivrusky4th]

technically if it's not simmered in the champagne region of france it's a sparkling best boy friend

#you see actually this is an ingeniously relevant caption b/c of the concept of Authentic food tying into the film's main themes re culture #Clearly impeccable lol....anyway here's me using this blog as like a tumblr hosted imgur #also just now in the shower it occurred to me the parallels / overlaps with My Big Fat Greek Wedding. obviously also v different but #so your family & by extension their culture aren't the Normal & your father especially holds on to this distinction #& you don't just want to work at the family business forever & then you meet a nice boy & there's no problem there he's just nice #except then how to reconcile this with your relationship w/your family & your culture & thus also your identity btw.... #anyways how about that uhh #elemental #elemental 2023 #pixar elemental #ember lumen #wade ripple #fanart #always a time & a half trying to decide how to tag these kinds of titles. but somehow i survive #it's really a testament to the so precisely captured Cuteness of wade's design that it's like; trying to just do a shadow of it justice lol #it's So good. definitely went for the like expressive wobbliness...the wavy smile is just thee perfect detail all thee time. ugh #giving both of them that Flow while also ember is pointier & has the whole luminosity element....the chefs are kissing #love the Relationship when it's like yeah it's easy to make it agonizing when it's like ya both people have fun & like each other & enjoy #being together & find the relationship enriching & motivating...you Are a cute couple / again that the conflict isn't really even like ooh #will the won't they as a question of if they really like each other; & Definitely not a question of [these ppl hate each other actually] lo #like me saying i like romcoms sometimes when it Does mostly mean i'll watch mybigfatgreekwedding 500x in a row. it's on youtube btw #then you watch some random other romcom & it's psychological torture. random xmas romcomdram like gave me a headache fr.... #anyways really liked this film really had a great time i'm def gonna see it again soon #i loved both these characters & their relationship & the Elemental manifestation of Culture is really inchtaraesting #plus other metaphorical resonance ppl find...physical disability; queer experiences.... #it was also fun b/c their interacting & their arcs w/each other having that mutual Effect & Change from their dynamic was like #that also just feels like both of them / their relationship = my relationship with myself &/or both how i interact w/the world/anyone #definitely always describing myself in ways like ''i never x except for when i do always; readily'' like Crying for sure lol. I'm Both.... #probably a bit more wade? within Myself; by this point lol. i feel like maybe i'm the wade w/someone i'm more comfortable around #but that otherwise i probably come across more emberesque. usually. except for when it's the opposite except for when it's not lmao etc!!!!

[runawaymun]

.

#sorry let me rant real quick in the tags #cw personal #once again hitting an insurance pothole bc the psych says she accepts my OHP plan HOWEVER the therapy group she is contacted with says #THEY don't #they only accept the insurance if it's through my employer but NOT through the government?????????????? #so there's still some kind of payment??? #anyway I want to scream why is this so complicated #like will she take my insurance or not who's right here #anyway called her back directly and went to voicemail so now I've done all I can for now #why the hell is this so hard man #the person on the phone didn't know really how to explain #once again no one knows what they're talking about #like can y'all not communicate and figure this out? #AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH #i need to get an ADHD eval before my next PCP appointment in june so that they will continue giving me my meds #and the psychiatry through the hospital has a limited number of visits that insurance will cover #*contracted #not retyping all of that #and once again the only reason this is so stressful is because the psychiatry group at the hospital fumbled the communication ball last tim #and the psychiatrist I was with never put the ADHD on the chart #and now somehow it's MY responsibility to fix that> #UGH #like I am grateful to have some kind of coverage but holy shit is the US healthcare system in shambles #the bureaucracy is INSANE #i had to just sit down and put my head in my hands for a second #and then go 'right okay nothing i can do about that rn moving on' #uGH #literally said 'what the FUCK' out loud a couple times #like not on the phone after I hung up obvs

[sage-nebula]

Martha didn't get a Tennant Doctor because she didn't want a Tennant Doctor. Martha was the only one of RTD's companions who left the Doctor of her own volition, and only ever called him back on her own terms, when she had need of him.

Rose didn't leave the Doctor willingly. Rose was trapped in an alternate universe because it was either that or be stuck in a void with Daleks and Cybermen for the rest of time. And when she returned (primarily to warn the Doctor about the oncoming darkness caused by Davros but also because she wanted to be with him), she left with the Metacrisis Tenth Doctor and their own TARDIS because that was the only way to give her a satisfying ending from the viewpoint of the audience. (And even then, there are some fans who will tell you that nothing short of her being with the Time Lord Doctor in the prime reality is satisfying, but that just couldn't happen for reasons outside the narrative story.)

Donna didn't leave the Doctor willingly. Donna absorbed all of the intelligence of a Time Lord into her human brain, and this was going to kill her. She had to have her memory erased and be kept away from anything alien for presumably forever or else the knowledge would return and literally kill her. Donna begged the Doctor not to wipe her memory anyway, because she would rather have died than give up that life. Just like Rose, Donna had planned on staying with the Doctor for the rest of her life.

This was not the case for Martha. Setting aside the fact that Martha was treated like garbage for the duration of her season from a writing standpoint, by the end of season three Martha has realized two things: 1.) that she is goddamn brilliant and never deserved to feel like she was second best, and 2.) that she doesn't want the Doctor anymore. Unlike Rose, Donna, and Captain Jack, Martha leaves the TARDIS of her own free will, to pursue her own life and career outside the Doctor. Even Sarah-Jane says in "School Reunion" that she waited for the Doctor to come back for her; she didn't want to leave, not permanently! But Martha did. She chose to step away. The only other companion to have done this during RTD's run is Mickey, so I guess Martha wasn't the only one; still, she's the only one of the primary companions, the three women, to want to leave. She made that choice herself.

Now, does that mean everything about Martha's ending was perfect? No. As much as the "Smith and Jones" wordplay of her ending with Mickey is amusing (get it, like her first episode), it makes no sense when you consider that she was engaged when she returned in season four, and yet we never hear of that fiance again. I mean, I guess it's fine since it's not like we ever saw him? But what happened there? Why was no thought given to Martha's story there? What was she doing with Mickey in an active war zone? Why no mention of her in these three specials even though, last we heard of her, she was working with UNIT in a really important position? I like Mel well enough, but why couldn't Martha have been there instead? Especially since Martha and Donna had a preexisting friendship, and would have been delighted to see each other again?

With that said though, she doesn't need a Tennant Doctor. She didn't want a Tennant Doctor. Frankly, Tennant's Doctor doesn't deserve her with the way he acted ("Rose would know" right to her face, like -- dude, I get it, you're grieving, but that's fucking rude and Rose would NOT approve you using her memory to make another woman feel bad about herself). Martha's character arc was about recognizing her own brilliance and her own worth; standing on her own two feet as a PROPER doctor, Doctor Martha Jones, walking the earth and saving the world without a TARDIS or Torchwood or a Time Lord brain. Just her own fucking determination and brilliance.

Rose and Donna got Tennant Doctors because that was the way to make their final send-offs satisfying. Rose and a Tennant Doctor got to be in love and happy together in a parallel world, which is fitting considering that they were in love and never wanted to leave each other. Donna and a Tennant Doctor get to be besties and happy together in this reality, so that RTD has a convenient excuse to pull Tennant back into a story if he ever wants to again (since it'd be hard to explain why Tentoo came over, versus having Fourteen right there) . . . but also because, like Rose, Donna never wanted to leave the Doctor, she wanted to be with him forever.

But Martha didn't want that. Martha left on her own accord. She left with a smile on her face and her cell phone on the TARDIS console, so that when she said "here boy!" the Doctor would listen. She left on her terms, with him at her call, only there when she has use for him.

And honestly? Good for her.

#like it was a fucking waste that we didn't see Martha at all in these specials #or even get a mention of her but like #she wouldn't WANT a Tennant Doctor. she was the only one of the 3 who left willingly! #(and honestly who can blame her like fr . . . the shit she put up with bc of him) #(the shit in the Family of Blood episodes gave her just cause to beat his ass into next week honestly) #(she hugs him at the end but honestly she should have beat his ass. just started swinging) #(how dare he do that to her? honestly?? i'm not talking about the love plot bit bc while that was ugh it's like #small potatoes to making her as a Black woman have to WORK IN SERVITUDE TO WHITE PEOPLE #and like the scene where he grabs her arm and throws her from the room? BITCH????? #GOD i'm mad again just THINKING about it #she should have beat his ass so hard he regenerated right then and there. AGH. #ANYWAY #Martha Jones deserved better but getting a Tennant Doctor is not better #not for her. it would be like a punishment honestly #she walked away from him and then you put his sad boy ass back on her doorstep?? hello??? no thank you #doctor who #martha jones #dw spoilers #this probably sounds like I hate Tennant's Doctor but I don't #I just hate how a lot of season 3 was written wrt how Martha was treated #like Martha having very legitimate concerns in the Shakespeare episode about being a Black woman in that time period #and Ten mocks her for being concerned like ??? #ARGGGHGHHGHGHGHG #ABOUT TO FLING MYSELF INTO THE TV TO BEAT HIS ASS MYSELF ISTFG #A N Y W A Y

[kiriona-apologist]

playing outer wilds and keeping close track of time not to utilize every second but to make sure i can launch from whatever planet i'm on and match the velocity of the sun before it dies

playing outer wilds and flying towards the supernova once it starts expanding so that in a universe that wants suddenly, desperately to flee it, there's still someone who returns

playing outer wilds and wanting, sometimes, to just jump off one of the ash twins and fall into the sun so it won't feel guilty for killing me at the end, not that it could ever help it

playing outer wilds and spending a whole loop floating in company with the sun, just to feel how peaceful it is, just to take the slow path once or twice

playing outer wilds and the sun is a character on its own, villain and victim by nature

#girl help i'm playing outer wilds again even tho my computer can barely handle it #outer wilds spoilers #just in case lol #and i spent probably 16 minutes of a loop just floating in space watching the sun bc i didn't want to reset it but i was busy doing somethi #and just staring at the sun as it started to slowly get more red and then explode just #ugh #UGGGHGHGHGHGHHG #but in a good way don't get me wrong #outer wilds

[notajoinerofthings]

for lent i'm also giving up wasting emotional energy on people who have shown me time and time again that i'm not a priority for them.

#and you know what #i might not like myself that much a lot of the time #but at this point in my life i do care about myself enough to say that i do in fact deserve that people who (allegedly) #care about me also show me that. and behave in a way that matches their words #and if they don't or don't want to. well. downgrade to acquaintance it is. don't expect me to open up to you ever again #and don't expect me to still be your agony aunt whenever it's convenient for ya✌️ #ugh but it's such a fine line to walk esp when everyone in this scenario is somewhat neurodivergent #i know people are depressed and anxious and exhausted and overworked and burned out. and i do understand the urge to self-isolate #trust me i do. but it also hurts to see that they usually still find the time and energy to interact with other people. never with me. #and i'm sure there are valid reasons for that. and maybe i should be more understanding. but it also just hurts #and it triggers a lot of insecurities (maybe i'm overall just a draining person and not fun to be around blablabla) #and i know that's mostly a me problem but also friends should not make me feel that way #personal #delete later

[spocks-kaathyra]

what if I kill myself

#/j /joke I don't care that much. I don't even care. it's not like I care or anything #<- guy who cares so so so much #it's. um. fine. there's. next year #what if I go to one of the fuckass horror cons he's going to....... guy who has watched like 2 horror movies #I'm still going to stlv. and I might still make pythas this summer... I'd just have to wait another year to wear him. #god what if I like. kill myself. shuffles away sadly. hits my head on a low hanging branch and bleeds out in the snow #<- referencing an unrelated post that the wording of resonates. #but what if he doesn't go next year.... what if I can't go next year..... what if he never goes to another trek con again......... #well. if that were the case. I would get into horror movies and go to one of those cons to see him LMAO #what if he never does any convention ever again. what then. what if I kill myself #fuck. god. fine okay. this just means I have an extra year to work on pythas. and if I never get to see him again. I can make peace w that #I've already met him twice I know I'm very lucky. I just didn't really get to talk to him..... I want to talk to him about asit........ #ugh it's like fine it's like whatever I don't even care. it's like fine I don't care #well. stlv cosplans r open then. definitely still doing hologram kira. but the other 3 r a mystery #maybe I do seven then... maybe gray tal again...... maybe emperor georgiou...... maybe spunnysuit v2 #narcissus's echoes

[rosecoloredknight]

When you say becoming a father??? Are you saying like SOON?! 👀

okay so

I've been looking into Single Father Surrogacy.

Now, I am still trying to understand the whole process of what it will initial, and different types of surrogacies because I honestly didn't know of these two above on the image, and that could only be it, but I'm trying to figure out or understand it better. I feel as though educating myself first is the right decision before I do anything else. I don't know what I'll have to do in terms of supporting said person carrying my baby, but I'm willing to fund everything and do anything required of me to make it happen.

I'll most likely start the application and inquiring process next year, but I am aiming for when I'm thirty-two or latest , thirty-five years old to make the single father surrogacy a reality.

I know it sounds pathetic or weird, etc but I've come to accept and be at peace at least that I might not find someone out there? You know, to love and create wholesome, small but meaningful memories with, etc.

I was also super okay in being with someone who already had children through prior relationship(s), heck I would have loved their kids as my own or at least treat them with so much love, care, and hopefully become someone they would be able to trust, etc. I was totally okay with that and all I would have asked said partner is one child from both of us or if not, them to be okay with me becoming a sperm donor.

However, I'm not going to go on dating apps ever again (although I might try eHarmony just to give these next two years a shot) and no one here where I live interests me so I know that I will most likely end up being single forever. And that's okay. I really am okay with that. 😊😊😊 Sometimes life is that way.

However, I am super lucky and grateful about the fact that I do still have an opportunity in becoming a parent without a partner through surrogate.

I know I said, I was okay with having a partner that didn't want kids, and I am, but only if they would be okay with me becoming a sperm donor so if ever, it would be used and I'll know that there's a little half me out there (if I'm not allowed to be involved in their life). I feel ready to be a parent. I want that responsibility. I believe in my ability to be a great father and so this will be the "taboo" measure that I'm willing and will take to become a dad. 😊😊

Sorry about rambling, but I'm passionate about this AND I just wanted to share a little more context to your ask.

Yes, I do have plans on becoming a father soon 😊😊😊

#thank you for the ask!! #my journey to fatherhood #i know i'm weird for saying all of what i said BUT... sorry 😅 #i am who i am #i might pin this #i wanted to do more research before i announced this here but oh well #i don't mind this being out and have y'all accompany on my journey to becoming a dad #😊😊😊 #okay thanks again for the asks sorry about the rambling #oh and sorry about the late response #i have been at work since 5am and have been adding bits here and there #i just got out and was able to proof read and finish answer this 👍🏼 #personal #ugh #i am so prone to typos #i was in a hurry okay!!! traffic is terrible in the weekends #oof

[sleep-nurse]

the impulsive urge to slightly change himawari's hair again

#sunflower rambles #this happened like 4 times by now but i don't care SHE'S MY SONA AND I DO WHAT I WANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #its. probably not a big change i just mainly dont like the pigtails anymore #but that means i have to update the ref again.....................ugh #i'll think about it

[babacontainsmultitudes]

[just venting a bit into the void you understand you understand 😌] Lately I've been feeling very caught between "I have a lot of thoughts on Sparrow and Normal and all that with the ending and teen talk and feel like I need to get them out and voice them for my own piece of mind and resolution" and "I am lacking the strength and energy to actually sit down and write it all out and kind of really just want to fully move on to other things (AUs, fics, anything else)" but my brain can't seem to commit to either and that's quite frustrating cause it's just left me very restless. *Sigh*. Idk! Just needed to complain about that a bit ig, it's silly but this is what has been ailing me as of late.

#Then there's also a part of me that's like “does anyone even care at this point? haven't I already talked about them too much?” #but I have seen many a take that irk me... #and perhaps at the center of it all nagging at me is that persistent conflation of love and pride #Less about that in Normal's mind so much as in Will's and the fandom's 🤔 #Also that reoccurring issue of the fandom going ''Normal thinks this therefore it is The Truth'' though I believe I've discussed this befor #And... Hooks Will could have grabbed onto but didn't... Quite a few of those... #And the double standard/negativity bias in fandom of ignoring that Sparrow says both that he loves and likes Normal while doodlerized #But not treating those with the same legitimacy we do the pride thing. And ignoring Sparrow's demonstrations of love and change... #And what the love wolf scene actually implies about Sparrow (as I see it) with his own explanation of the pride thing in mind #But also!!! Also on Norm's epilogue and how despite everything taken at face value (i.e. no teen talk influence) I don't actually hate it #and I think it's plenty salvageable #And gah also that like *regardless* of how things turn out with Normal and his dad- #Well I haven't listened to much of the teen talk just the directly Sparrow-relevant clips #so I don't know quite how cynical Will is or isn't about Normal's future #But like. UGH. What I'm trying to say is even if things didn't find resolution vis-a-vis his dad #(which tbh I could go either way on- it's the meta misinterpretations of Sparrow that Bother me not so much Normal's) #(Well that's complicated. Again it comes back to the love vs. pride thing gosh this is so vague of me lol) #With all the positive influences in his life (and just the fact that life is long? and therapy is a thing?) I just don't see Normal- #being Miserable for the rest of his life. Like. I mean I won't elaborate here really but damn it no he can absolutely turn out alright stil #blugh #BUT YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN THAT'S A LOT OF STUFF AND THAT'S ONLY VAGUE RAMBLINGS ABOUT *SOME* OF IT #Like I'm proud of a lot of my essay posts (which I'm hoping to eventually compile in a masterpost eventually actually) but they take a whil #And if my heart wants to do other things... Ah idk... #ANYWAYS a vent to vent a vent to vent

[scribefindegil]

been having some really bad curse days again and I ammmmm So scared about the winter.

#i haven't been able to do nearly as much this summer as i could last summer #but i have been able to do Some Things #a non-zero amount of things #but it was when Nate was gone for DragonCon last year that i took my really bad turn #and went from being able to sit up on the couch and mess around on the computer for most of the day #to being almost entirely bedbound #so feeling like i'm having another downturn around the same time this year is. scary. #i know curses like mine tend to be somewhat cyclical #but i don't want to feel like i did in January again #it was really really bad #and most of my friends have some level of seasonal depression so their capacity to help in the winter is a lot more limited #and Nate tends to struggle a lot when he's in school so. ugh. #like. there's not really anything i can do! i'll weather it!! #but it would be nice to enter the fall with less Dread :( #curseblogging

[dykekakashi]

it's time

#making a little joke cuz i don't want to so fucking bad #idk why i get like this it's just. ugh lol #idek how to go about this #even searched the wrong thing looks like i should see a psychiatrist instead #well i'll throw up #it just feels fake. everyone and their mothers has an adhd diagnosis now #i'm not making light of it i'm just always like am i actually struggling bc of smthn in my brain or #are life expectations just actually unreasonable #i don't know anymore but i do know i feel like my life is slipping out of my hands lately #maybe this isn't even what i need #see i'm talking myself out of it again