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jess-rewatches-prodigalson · 3 years

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It’s All In The Execution (S2, E1)

It happened. We got a second season. I’m living my best life...unfortunately Malcolm isn’t...

*** Content warning: brief mentions/allusions to depression, suicidal ideation, and Malcolm’s general poor mental health ****

SPOILERS AHEAD.

0:00 - OH HELL YES. I can’t believe we actually got a second season! <3 My heart is so full.

0:18 – “This ledge is taken.” …..ok so I have lots of feelings about this scene. 1) Malcolm’s lines are iconic in this scene and I love it. 2) WHY THE ACTUAL HELL WOULD JT, DANI, AND EDRISA AGREE TO LET A (LET’S BE HONEST) MAN IN A VERY BAD MENTAL STATE WITH A HISTORY OF DEPRESSION STAND ON A LEDGE FOR A CASE?!? Like seriously, Gil wouldn’t have gone with this shit. 3) As soon as I saw Malcolm on the ledge I believed he was seriously considering jumping. He showed passive suicidality most of last season and after Endicott – well I don’t blame him for being a little depressed.

0:26 – Damn. Malcolm is really manic in this scene. It’s reminiscent of the pilot episode in the sense that Malcolm really has no filter.

0:40 – Ok so Tom Payne deserves a freaking Emmy. This performance is gorgeous. Look at his facial expression when he says “It got real dark for me though. Family issues.” The look on his face completely convinces me that Malcolm is riding the struggle bus more than usual right now…..also am I the only one who thinks this ‘penthouse slasher’ is kind of unbelievable? He strikes me as too anxious and jumpy to be a serial killer.

1:18 – Is Malcolm even trying to hide the fact that he knows what happened to Endicott?!? I mean “I tried to fight it” can’t JT and Dani hear his usual ‘projecting his personal issues on the suspect shtick?’

1:30 – Did he really just scream “I am the Surgeon’s son” from a ledge?!? Dude – someone please give this boy a hug and get him to Gabrielle – like last month.

1:40 – Soooo… now Chester isn’t scared of the ledge? He looked like he was going to wet himself from fear a literal minute ago.

1:49 – OH OF COURSE CHESTER SLIT THEIR THROATS. JUST LIKE AINSLEY SLIT ENDICOTT’S. Chris Fedak really loves to inject Malcolm’s personal issues into the ‘serial killer of the week’.

2:23 – I’m sorry – the team let Malcolm on the ledge without tethering him first?!? No. No. No. I refuse to believe it. Dani, JT, and Edrisa care too much about Malcolm to let him do that.

2:28 – Why is Edrisa even on this stakeout?!? Did she fill in as the 4th team member while Gil was in the hospital?!? I love Edrisa – she’s hilarious but the fact that she’s in the field like this is absolute nonsense. Hahaha

2:32 – hahaha OMG. JT is like the big brother forced to hang out with his younger sibling and their weird friends. He’s think’s they’re all crazy but he’d also die for them.

2:42 – Yikes. Malcolm is questioning his moral code. This boy is headed for a real nasty downward mental spiral if someone doesn’t intervene quickly.

2:46 – Am I really supposed to believe that a rope tied to a radiator can hold the weight of two grown men dangling off a building?!? I mean – I’ll suspend my disbelief because I know it’s fictional entertainment but I found it really distracting.

2:48 – JT. Would. Not. Let. Go. Of. That. Rope. I REFUSE TO BELIEVE IT. If for no other reason than because he loves GIL too much to let Gil’s surrogate son fall to his death. I understand why this happened – tension and excitement for television in the first scene of a new season but honestly – this whole first scene is wildly unrealistic given what we know about JT, Dani, Edrisa and their respective roles on the team.

2:50 – Can we talk about JT’s facial hair for a sec? I like him with it (and without it). Part of me thinks he grew it because he’s trying to channel Gil while he’s temporarily in charge of the team.

3:08 – Honestly, the second Malcolm picked up his phone all I could think was “You moron. What if you drop that thing off the side of the building!?!?!”…then I remembered that he’s rich.

3:20 – “Please say it’s cancer.” Hahahahahaha OMG. I have a love/hate relationship for Malcolm with no filter. That’s freaking comedic gold.

3:57 – “I’m hanging in there.” Tom Payne is freaking incredible. Look at his facial expression here. Malcolm’s emotional pain is etched on that face. Ugh. I’m love.

4:02 – soooo no updated title screen. Interesting.

4:08 – Istg the writers only put Ainsley in this scene so she would be in the episode. I mean honestly – what kind of precinct lets reporters with a camera crew INSIDE?!?!

4:15 – hahaha I love JT in this scene. I love how he initially looks at Ainsley with a mixture of confusion, resignation, and fear. This is a man who does not like the camera.

4:16 – Side note: is it just me or is Ainsley acting very manic in this scene? Something about her energy reminds me of Malcolm circa 1x05 when he’s not sleeping and trying to convince everyone that he’s fine.

4:38 – hahahaha OMG. That wink.

4:48 – Even Malcolm looks surprised that Ainsley and a camera dude were let into the precinct.

5:00 – Ahhh the hand tremor. <3 Love that they’re still using that.

5:05 – also Malcolm is heartbreaking in this scene. Someone give him a hug. Look at how hard he’s trying to hide his pain, fear, and trauma. UGH.

5:33 - So we finally get to see it. The moments immediately after 1x20. Or do we? I have this crackpot theory (I posted it on my main blog, so you might’ve already seen it – “AllTimeBouvier”) that these flashbacks are only a fraction of the truth. I think Sophie walked followed Malcolm from the vet’s office to the hospital, then home. I think she hid when she heard Endicott’s voice due to fear but came out after Ainsley started screaming and stabbing. Besides – anyone else notice how the portion of these flashbacks where Malcolm is saying “Ainsley, focus on me. You didn’t do this. I did.” Only his right hand is ever in the frame. So it’s impossible to tell if he’s holding his cell (on the phone with Martin) with his left hand or if he just hung up and put the phone back in his pocket? I think that Martin either phoned Malcolm back or Martin heard Sophie’s voice and demanded to talk to her. I think Sophie disposed of the body while Malcolm took care of Ainsley like a good big brother. I think Sophie went into hiding and Martin is gaslighting Malcolm into believing that he disposed of Endicott’s body.

5:37 – Anyone else want to know what happened to the murder weapon? And Ainsley’s bloody clothes? Just me?

6:00 – hahahahaha Jessica is so extra. I love it.

6:29 – Wait. What? Why was Ainsley quarantined with Jessica? Ainsley has her own apartment. If Jessica forced Ainsley to come and live with her during quarantine – why didn’t she also force Malcolm? This doesn’t track for me.

6:40 – I love that Jessica brought Malcolm food (you can see the grocery bag behind Malcolm in one of the shots) and went so far as to actually lay out the breakfast ingredients for him. <3 I mean. It’s extra but it’s also sweet.

6:45 – Why is Jessica looking at Malcolm’s pill bottles? Is it just to avoid eye contact with Malcolm while she talks about Gil? Is she noticing that his dosage has changed (she’s extra so I’m assuming she knows exactly what meds he takes and how much of each). Is that part of the reason why she’s suspicious of Malcolm? His dosage has gone up and he’s clearly trying to hide his pain?

6:52 – I love how Malcolm interacts with Jessica in this scene. It’s so cute. They’re adorable. AND seeing Malcolm in casual clothing is always nice.

7:44 – “Oh about that.” Damn. Malcolm really can’t catch a break. Poor baby. : (

7:50 – hahaha Martin looks like a mountain man here. Completely deranged and un-groomed.

7:51 – Glad Mr.David isn’t dead or evil. I had fears.

8:35 – The tension between Dani and Malcolm seems to have lessened since 1x20. The trust seems to have been partially rebuilt. Partially. Dani is still suspicious.

8:38 – Well at least Malcolm’s still going to therapy.

8:41 – GREEN SUIT. HELL YES.

9:06 – “The ‘Drise knows.” OMG hahahaha I love this show. Look at how Malcolm looks at her hahaha.

9:17 – “I can fire these people right?” OMG. 10/10. JT REALLY SHINES IN THIS EPISODE. AND FRANK HARTS IS KILLING IT and the writers gave him so much well deserved screen time and great lines.

9:53 – Malcolm and Edrisa getting excited about murder is honestly so freaking cute.

10:34 – OMG. The way Malcolm perks up at the mention of rumours is hilarious. A learned behaviour from Jessica during his childhood?

10:45 – I’ll say it again. Chris Fedak was wasting Frank Harts in season 1. This dude is shining in this episode. I hope they keep giving him more lines and screen time than they did last season.

12:00 – I love seeing Malcolm this excited/happy but it’s pretty concerning that his passion is murder weapons.

12:04 – This scene is really interesting to me for four reasons 1) Where the eff did Dani go? I guess she’s probably on her way to see Gil? 2) Even though Malcolm is getting excited about murder he’s way less manic than he was earlier this episode. 3) I love watching JT deal with Edrisa and Malcolm’s nerdy excitement. I could watch it all day. So fun. 4) I love watching JT and Malcolm in scenes together. Period. I can honestly say that watching their friendship evolve is one of the highlights of this show for me.

12:30 – Heartbreaking. Malcolm had a few minutes where he forgot about Ainsley, Endicott, Martin, and the various traumas currently haunting him. Then he not only remembered but he saw Martin in himself. The crazy person collecting murder weapons. You can tell he feels embarrassed, ashamed, and sad. I genuinely believe that’s why JT says, “soooo weird.” with a look of sympathy and concern. JT doesn’t suspect that Malcolm has anything to do with Endicott’s murder at this point in time. Mark my words.

12:55 – Edrisa gets Bright. I will never ship them together but I really hope they get more scenes together this season. Their friendship is beautiful.

13:00 – Malcolm, baby, no. You don’t have to do this. Ugh. Poor baby. This is just going to make the night terrors worse.

13:10 – They trimmed Martin’s beard but not his hair between the first scene in this episode and now. I think they just combed his hair? Why?!? Was this a Michael Sheen request? I must know!!!

13:40 – hahaha OMG. Can we all just take a moment to appreciate how incredible Michael Sheen is?!? This man can go from downright terrifying to hilarious in a split second. Incredible actor.

13:55 – Sooooo Mr. David doesn’t know about Endicott? Because he’s definitely heard Malcolm and Martin discuss some pretty sketchy stuff over the years. I’m pretty sure he heard about the Sophie stuff last season didn’t he? Why is Martin finally trying to hide something from Mr. David?

14:03 – Look at Malcolm’s face. Ugh. He looks nauseous and scared. Someone hug him. Or better yet – get him away from Martin.

14:18 – Sooooo is Jerry going to be a problem later? Martin ‘cures him’ later in this episode so will he be able to tell someone he heard Martin and Malcolm talking about Endicott’s murder? Would anyone believe him?

14:40 – GO. TO. HELL. MARTIN. You’re not feeling it?!? Haven’t you caused enough emotional damage to your son. Stop. Trying. To. Manipulate. Malcolm.

14:50 – Question 1000 about how Endicott’s body was disposed of: Where the hell did Malcolm get that yellow jumpsuit on such short notice? And….those gloves – anyone else notice that they’re practically the same as the gloves he puts on in Izzy’s sex dungeon in a few minutes? ALSO – THEY FOUND ENDICOTT’S BODY IN ESTONIA?!? LIKE ALL OF IT OR JUST PARTS OF IT? WOULDN’T IT BE SMARTER TO SCATTER HIS BODY IN MULTIPLE COUNTRIES IF IT’S ALREADY IN PIECES?!? Unless maybe Endicott’s body isn’t in pieces because we all know that Malcolm’s memory of traumatic events is fuzzy at best.

15:07 – “Don’t. Say. That. Never, say that.” - I’m really proud of Malcolm here. He’s clearly in serious emotional distress throughout this whole conversation. He’s grappling with what he believes he did, what that means about him, his moral code, and his relationship with Martin. But yet – he found the strength to basically tell Martin to eff off.

15:20 – AMAZING. Right after Martin says “Estonia?” there are a few seconds where it genuinely looks like Malcolm is going to cry. It’s moving as hell, heartbreaking, and some downright kickass acting.

15:56 – Well, that’s not going to help Malcolm’s night terrors. But we definitely have confirmation that Jerry wasn’t as engrossed in the cartoons as Martin suggested.

16:20 – I love this scene. Gil is the whole team’s surrogate father – not just Malcolm’s. Sometimes I forget that. Also – the fact that Chris Fedak waited 16 minutes to show us Gil Arroyo alive and well is a crime.

16:28 – “He wouldn’t dare.” “I know.” How cute is this? Look at Dani’s smile. Ugh. I can’t decide if they know that JT doesn’t want Gil’s job because he loves working with Gil too much or he doesn’t like how much responsibility comes with Gil’s title. Probably a combination of both.

16:35 – Sooo has Malcolm not been visiting Gil? I guess because of COVID he couldn’t but now he’s just not? I mean – Gil would be able to tell how Malcolm’s doing just by looking at him.

17:05 – I’m sorry ‘multiple surgeries’?!? I want elaboration on this.

17:09 – So I googled “British musician Izzy” and the top hit was the guitar player for Guns’n’Roses (who looks kinda like this guy). I have no idea what that means but I found it interesting.

17:30 – Holy shit. Izzy is a nutcase. I love him. hahaha

17:55 – Soooo Malcolm keeps a spray bottle of some sort of magic “show me the blood” water? Nah – the writers wrote it into the show for this scene’s convenience.

18:05 – I love this. Malcolm’s nonchalant approach to his mother and Gil’s budding relationship. He’s like a little kid who doesn’t want to get his hopes up. He’s using the mentality of “If I don’t acknowledge it, it’s not happening. Therefore, if it goes wrong – I won’t get hurt by it.” It’s really sad and I wish he didn’t run away from something that will potentially be good but I also get it.

18:06 – I also respect Malcolm a lot in this scene and am irritated by Dani. Look – they both adore Gil. They’re both protective of Gil (and in Malcolm’s case Jessica). Here’s where they’re different: Malcolm recognizes and respects that Gil and Jessica are adults who can make their own decisions. Dani doesn’t. Dani is acting like a preteen trying to break up Dad and the new step-mom she isn’t sure of. Dani and Malcolm both have their hearts in the right place but I disagree with Dani’s response to the relationship. I also understand where she’s coming from given what we know about Dani’s bio Dad.

18:39 – It’s not supposed to be funny but holy hell. Malcolm putting his head on the floor to listen is hilarious.

19:00 – I’m getting major John Watkins flashbacks. Malcolm breaks down a lot of walls where serial killers once hung out. Is that supposed to be some sort of subtle comment on Malcolm’s character?

20:33 – Damn. Malcolm’s hair is long this season.

20:55 – aannnnnd here are the murder gloves from the Endicott flashbacks.

21:30 – Something about Malcolm dancing to this music in this supremely manic state is really upsetting to me. It just makes me uncomfortable.

22:13 – I’m so worried about Malcolm right now. Holy hell. Get him to Gabrielle. NOW.

23:00 – A skil saw. Pretty much a small version of what Malcolm thinks he dismembered Endicott with. Yikes. Fedak really loves making Malcolm project his issues on murder suspects.

23:27 – Yep. Dani totally thinks Malcolm killed Endicott. She thinks he’s gone dark side and followed Martin’s footsteps. This is not going to be good for their friendship or the trust that they’re rebuilding.

23:50 – One of my favourite things about this show is that it can go from dark and creepy to family sitcom-esque drama in a second. It helps lighten the show’s tone a little. I mean honestly – most of the fans are here for the family drama as opposed to the ‘killer of the week’ storyline anyways.

24:10 – I love this. Jessica admitting to Malcolm that she and Gil have been discussing him for almost 25 years. You can see that Malcolm is 1) a little freaked out and 2) a little touched. For a moment you can see how badly he wants Gil and his Mom to have a long-lasting romantic relationship.

24:32 – OMG. Why did Jessica call Ainsley about Malcolm’s mental state before calling Malcolm? Is that standard Whitly family practice? I have questions.

24:40 – Yep. Dani is Concerned and Scared.

26:46 – Sooo we all agree that Martin was trying to electrocute Jerry to death right? I mean “You really shouldn’t have done that Jer-bear.”?!?! And he’s literally a serial killer?!

27:25 – Mr. David is having none of Martin’s bullshit – so how did Martin get away with it? What does Martin have on Mr. David?

27:50 – “A miracle.” Omg. Hahahaha. I love this show. So. Much.

28:09 – “clearing her brother’s name. Not murder.” Seriously, the parallels between this case and Malcolm’s personal issues are more obvious than usual this episode. Almost to the point where I’m annoyed that the other characters aren’t really catching on.

28:35 – “What happened, his brain break?” I love the way JT can simultaneously tease and be concerned about Malcolm. Ugh. It’s beautiful (and hysterical).

29:07 – Not again. Please stop putting JT in front of the camera. I’m getting second-hand embarrassment and anxiety on his behalf. It hurts to watch (funny too, but mostly painful).

29:19 – Look at Gil. Hahaha he’s so amused by JT’s awkwardness in front of the camera – but you can also see how proud he is. <3 I love papa!Gil.

29:33 – “Police work is patience.” Cute 1x05 callback. And can we all just take a minute to appreciate how much Gil loves Dani. Just look at his proud Dad face!! <3 Warms my cold, dead heart.

30:00 – Oh yeah, Dani is suspicious.

30:04 – I love how Gil seems to be the only person who truly understands Malcolm and all his quirks. <3 I love how much Gil loves Malcolm. <3 I just…ugh. <3 <3 <3 • 30:11 – “I’m a good big brother.” That line cut through my heart. He shouldn’t have been put in this position – choosing between his moral code and his brotherly instincts. It’s not fair and the stress of it is literally killing him.

30:17 – “Messed them up.” Them!?!? I’m sorry Dani, when did you and Gil start talking about Malcolm AND Ainsley?!? Last I checked this was a 100% Malcolm conversation. …she’s not wrong though.

30:33 – “There’s nothing we haven’t talked about.” I love what that suggests. To me – that means they when Dani has a bad break up, they talk about stupid stuff like what they’re cooking for dinner and songs that make them happy. I love that it suggests that Dani and Gil have talked about Jackie. Malcolm might be Gil’s fake-son but Dani is sooo Gil’s fake-daughter. <3 I can just see him getting all overprotective when she gets a new boyfriend even though he knows damn well that Dani is more than capable of taking care of herself – he can’t help it, Dani is his little girl. <3 <3 <3

31:00 – Ugh….ok. So this scene. I’ve seen a lot of mixed reactions about it. I have a bit of a mixed reaction myself tbh. On one hand, I love that they have the type of relationship where they can openly discuss this. On the other hand – it feels forced and it really rubs me the wrong way. Dani is just way out of line here. She’s totally attacking Jessica and Gil is kind of letting her? I mean I think it upsets me so much because Gil isn’t even really defending Jessica. Also, that line about Jackie thinking the Whitly’s are cursed?!? Wtf is that?!? No. No. We know that Jackie loved Malcolm like a son. Jessica has said that Jackie was kind. What is this cursed nonsense?!?!? I refuse to believe it. And the fact that Jessica heard it all breaks my heart. Like – it physically hurts me to watch this scene for all of the above reasons. But I also kind of understand why we got the scene – to further explore the Gil+Dani dynamic and to add some angst to the Jessica/Gil romance.

33:00 – Oh hell yes. I love this danger.

34:10 – Amazing how calm Malcolm is while the killer is literally going through his murder weapon collection. Like he hasn’t been this calm all episode?

35:10 – Ahhhh here’s manic!Malcolm.

35:25 – “Is it my hair?” Okay so totally hilarious, but Dani is listening to this. Can she tell that Malcolm is clearly (and weakly) deflecting the comment about him being a killer like Martin?

35:40 – Malcolm is scared. :( Someone please hug him. This is the most honest he’s been all episode. My heart is broken.

36:20 – Soooo did Malcolm just abstractly tell Dani that he’s a justice killer? Nahhhh I’m totally typing out of my ass.

37:00 – He was on the Harvard fencing team?!? Why is that adorable?

37:34 – Malcolm just cut a dude 3x. No remorse. No more fear. He’s calm. I’m terrified. Does he like hurting the killer?

37:50 – I think Dani suspects that Malcolm killed Endicott. Yep. Definitely.

38:00 – Gorgeous. Absolutely gorgeous. This scene with JT and the cops is heart-wrenching. The fact that Dani and Malcolm come to his rescue is beautiful. The fact that JT is clearly terrified but not angry is perfect. I hate that this scene had to be made but I love how it was executed.

38:31 – Look at Malcolm’s confused, white, rich face here. He genuinely can’t believe that cops just racial profiled one of the only good people who ever accepted a serial’s killer’s son as a friend.

38:40 – I’m crying. JT’s fear (and Frank Harts’ acting) is so believable and completely haunting. I hear the subtext in this scene, “What if those cops killed JT? What would happen to his pregnant wife and unborn child?”, “How is JT going to financially support his family if he loses his job unfairly?”, “How messed up is it that a literal military veteran is terrified of fellow police officers?”.

38:44 – “You didn’t do anything wrong.” This line gives me hope. Malcolm isn’t too far gone. Malcolm still knows right from wrong and he still has a heart of gold.

38:55 – Ok. I LOVE that Gil magically shows up in this scene. BUT HOW DID HE KNOW TO COME TO THE PRECINCT?!?! LIKE WTF? Because Malcolm and JT look surprised to see Gil. Dani just looks relieved – did she call Gil?

39:10 – Gil is an absolute A+ human being. I love him. I will die for him.

39:33 – OMG. JT’s big watery puppy dog eyes have ripped my heart to shreds. <3 :(

39:45 – When I first saw this I thought Malcolm was hurt by Gil’s “and whatever Bright is”. But upon re-watching it – Malcolm looks surprised and so so touched. I’ll be honest – I don’t think Malcolm’s mental state would be so bad right now if he had had regular contact with Gil throughout COVID. Gil is Malcolm’s rock. His literal example of what a good man looks like – without him during a traumatic time Martin creeps back into Malcolm’s psyche.

40:15 – Sooo Martin is still definitely lying to Malcolm.

40:20 – Stupid little thing – there never used to be a toilet on Jerry’s side of the room. And what happened to all of Martin’s books and stuff? Did Claremont put it in storage? I mean he’s a serial killer? Jessica certainly didn’t store it for him.

40:37 – Amazing. As soon as Malcolm physically sees Gil he comes to Martin with a renewed faith in his moral code. (“I stop killers. I don’t help them.”)

41:30 – “Please don’t torture yourself for that.” Martin is right BUT that’s also why I hate him. Martin is manipulating Malcolm right now. He’s trying to convince Malcolm that he genuinely cares and loves his children. Thus destabilizing further Malcolm’s mental state.

41:36 – Also – both Tom Payne and Michael Sheen are acting their asses off here. *chef’s kiss* 10/10. I love to see it.

41:45 – Aaaannnnd there’s Martin the asshole. Completely screwing with Malcolm’s mind. Again. What a dick. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him.

42:00 – Look at how scared Malcolm is. I genuinely think Malcolm (whether or not he actually dismembered Endicott, I suspect he didn’t) feels good when he remembers doing it. This is BAD for Malcolm’s mental health. Yikes. : ( Poor baby.

Ok. So that’s the first episode of season 2. I really liked it. It wasn’t perfect but I’m excited for what this season might bring. Be back next week.

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therappundit · 4 years

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Best of the 1st Half: 2020′s Best Rap Projects (*so far*)...

“I’ve had, the halftime of my life...!”

*record scratch*

2020, WHAT THE F**K. 😳

Ohhh what a first half it has been. If 2020 ended today, it would still be one of the most historic years in a century...and NOT in a pleasant way. Years from now 2020 will be studied for the long-term damage caused by the COVID-19 pandemic, the potential breaking point (hopefully??) of this country’s ignorance to systematic racism and the need for a complete overhaul of our police departments, and of course, whatever the hell comes from the November Presidential election....and, not to mention whatever additional ‘tbd’ chaos rings in the second half of ‘20 that we haven’t even heard about yet!? These are trying times, folks.

My whole life, I have tried to use humor and entertainment to help me with processing high levels of stress and anxiety. This year, that process has felt more daunting than usual. I am writing less and less, and often find Twitter to be too dark of a place for me to navigate. It’s anything but a fulfilling “escape”. Still, I am constantly inspired by all of the new music that fills my headspace during life’s precious little moments, and it really keeps me grounded in the day to day.

At the end of 2019, I wrote the below in one of my posts. It took me back to a special feeling that I had, at a moment when the future seemed more like an opportunity, rather than a worrisome question mark. I’m going to work towards finding that place again, and I wanted to re-share this because it speaks to how the love of any art can be a healthy reminder of what we have to be thankful for in our daily lives:

“Regardless of how you feel about this list, I hope that you visit (or re-visit) any one of these pieces of strong work and find the same level of enjoyment that I did. I loved so much rap music this year and I could not be more excited about what the future holds. On a personal note, in 2019 I found myself even more in love with my wife, feeling luckier than I have in a long time, more satisfied with my hobbies and passions, and above all else, more in awe of my child (and anyone that ever raised a child) than ever before. I became a father for the first time in 2019, so as my baby daughter continues to fill my heart, I am beginning to wonder what she will think of her father’s love for this art form that has brought him so much joy over the years…I suppose time will tell.”

This list is long, because I think the talent that went into these projects is worth your time (and I put a lot of thought into creating this list as well...I do not work in the industry or know anyone that does, and I do not have any real platform - I just do this because I love the music).

If you are an artist on this list, I want to thank you, because you helped me stay positive and focused on a brighter future that I hope will soon come to us all...because everyone has been through something this year, and we deserve better. So salute to you and many, many others. 🙏🙏🙏

- THE Rap Pundit

The “Rules” for my list of the Best Projects of Q1-Q2 2020:

- the album/mixtape/EP/project/whatever you want to call it had to be released this year, by June 26, 2020

- the project must have at least 6 songs

- these rankings are a combination of my own personal preference, my take on overall quality of the project (whether it speaks deeply to my sensibilities or not), and how the final product compares to other work from the artists’ peers that occupy the same lane/‘sub-genre’ of rap music

So here we go 👀...

1. The Price of Tea in China by Boldy James and The Alchemist

Sometimes the greatest albums are not the most ambitious or flashy, they are remembered based off the strength of artistic chemistry and execution. Basketball fans know the beauty of a perfectly timed chest pass to a teammate streaking towards the basket can be more impressive than a behind the back pass that’s simply done for the sake of showing everyone that you can do a fancy pass. Staying with that theme, The Price of Tea in China is The Alchemist doing his best John Stockton impression, serving to Boldy James’ Karl Malone, and by album’s end you realize that Boldy scored a quiet 40 points while making this rap shit look like an easy lay-up.

TPOTIC finds Boldy sprinkling every ounce of his Detroit seasoning into Al’s pot to yield one of the most Mobb Deep-esque collaboration albums since Mobb Deep was dropping albums. In turn, this project is not only Boldy’s greatest work, but it serves as a re-introduction of a veteran MC that is suddenly more relevant than ever. Much like what Freddie Gibbs and Madlib did with 2019′s Bandana, this project is a great lesson on what MC and Producer chemistry can sound like when both parties are 100% on the same page when it comes to message, tone, and aesthetic goals.

It would make sense that Boldy James would fall into the Griselda fold, because much like Westside Gunn, Conway The Machine and Benny The Butcher, he comes from a city with a rich rap music scene that still struggles to reach the level of exposure that the NYCs, L.A.’s, Chicago's and Atlanta’s have basked in for so long. He writes from a place of “been there, done that”, showing a rich attention to detail that separates his street tales from that of his peers in the same way someone telling a story second or third hand can’t match the level of detail that an eye witness has saved in the memory bank. Boldy has survived both real world and music business challenges to rise from the ashes of “hey whatever happened to so & so, he was about to blow” conversations to reach a new peak in his mid-30′s. He deserved this suite of incredible Alchemist soundscapes (Al is deep in his bag here, delivering some of his most low-key impressive instrumentals in years), and like his super-producer buddy, Boldy is looking down at us from atop an already prolific 2020 at its’ midpoint.

I’m not sure anyone can match the chemistry that Prodigy and Mobb Deep had with The Alchemist, but in 2020, The Price of Tea in China delivers some of the most brutally subdued, occasionally humorous, stripped down rap records since P was throwing TV’s at us like he had nothing left to lose. If The Price of Tea in China isn’t holding the championship at year’s end, it still deserves to be mentioned as an impressive work by one of the strongest title-worthy unions running the pick and roll in the genre today.

2. Àdá Irin by Navy Blue

Okay let’s be honest: the “sub-genre” that is often referred to as lo-fi rap music (whether you consider it an actual lane or not, I know you know what I’m talking about...which I suppose proves its’ existence, right?), is beginning to suffer from the same affliction that all other sub-genres tend to suffer from once the word is out that this is “the thing” that the kids find trendy right now. A lot of folks in this lane sound *exactly* the same to the average listener. I’m not even the average listener, and I often feel that way. The irony that comes with being part of the sound that’s supposed to be bucking the mainstream clone machine turning into a mini-clone machine itself, means that the window is in danger of closing to avoid over-saturation of the artists that are already thriving between the gravelly, whisper-welcoming walls of Soundcloud URLs and Bandcamp EPs being slid to their heady fanbase with zero promotion. So with that all being said...why give Navy Blue a chance?

Navy Blue lacks the name recognition of many of his peers (for now), but he has now been thriving in the lo-fi pocket for some time as both a MC and producer, a young artist that’s closely connected to the lane’s most famous figureheads (Earl Sweatshirt, and to some extent, Mach-Hommy), as well as less heralded trailblazers like MIKE and the whole sLUms collective. Sure you can check out Navy’s Soundcloud page to get a taste of his work, but with this Àdá Irin album, we don’t just hear raw snippets of a freshly discovered unsigned talent. With this album we hear Navy as a self-assured solo artist, capable of sharing an inspirational song with the likes of Ka and sounding like every bit of the veteran next to the iconic soft-spoken lyricist. This is a very, very impressive debut full length album that showcases the best that the (sub)genre has to offer: some experimentation, jazzy loops, the diary-like intimacy of words that sit like dust on an old basement book shelf, and the raw emotions that come from working through love, pain and loss in real time. In 2020 there may be nothing completely new under the sun, but it’s the aesthetic choices that Navy Blue makes with every verse and every instrumental that make Àdá Irin feel like a perfect balance of beauty and sadness. If you want to dip a toe in this water but you’re not sure you can get into the mumblecore-ish world of MIKE, MAVI, Medhane or Earl’s work from the past two years, this Navy Blue album might actually be the perfect intro.

3. A Written Testimony by Jay Electronica (featuring JAY-Z)

Not a lot of positive breaking news in 2020...but when Jay Electronica surprised Twitter with a few cryptic Tweets back in February, implying that he was dropping an album (and Jay-Z would likely be involved), the rap game was set ablaze with excitement, skepticism, disbelief, and hope (albeit with some measured caution there as well).

This is something that fans, and arguably the entire rap world, had been clamoring for for a decade, many long since moving on believing that Jay Elec’s debut album had gone the way of Detox, sharing “1a & 1b” status as the most eagerly anticipated projects none of us seriously expected to hear.

Then it dropped....and then it went. In a Twitter-run rap world, quality is too often measured by how long a piece of art stays within the “trending” mix, as opposed to...well, whether or not it’s actually good! The truth is, A Written Testimony is not just good, it’s very, very good, and while it’s not the “Illmatic 2″ that some may have been expecting, realistically it’s superior to what I imagined a new project from such a reclusive artist would sound like in 2020. If you at least try to table the expectations laid out when “Exhibit C” came out in 2009...I think you will find a project (it’s up to you whether or not you want to count this a “solo debut” or not, but at this point, it’s new Jay Electronica - can we just leave it at that??) stacked with memorable moments, quotable gems throughout, stellar production (this is one of the best produced projects of 2020 by far, not sure how/why this piece of the puzzle would receive anything less than acclaim), and some moments of questionable preaching made more palatable by a strong overall voice and package.

Jay Electronica raps with conviction throughout, and while the project feels brief, it lasts long enough to be more than a quick feeling, even if many feel that it’s not long enough to feel like a full album. If "Exhibit C" was the teaser then this is the redband trailer, flashing enough skill and details to resonate for far longer than its’ duration. Much has been said about the heavy hand of JAY-Z on most of the project’s 7 tracks, but let’s be clear, this is not Watch The Throne 2 (even though at points, it may feel like something along those lines). Yes, in impressive fashion, Hov comes through riding shotgun to show a deeper shade of one of his more complex dimensions, with many of his rhymes begging for dissection with every bar. However, AWT features a JAY-Z that’s rapping through Jay Electronica’s lens, not by any means where 4:44 or Everything Is Love left off. This is definitely a Jay Electronica album. AWT dives in and out of Jay Electronica’s beliefs in broad strokes that appear and disappear rather quickly, but even when certain verses raise more questions than provide answers, every song still has at least a handful of the gripping words that remind us of what made Jay Elec-Hanukkah sound like the chosen one in the first place (his tussle with writer’s block and hesitation to put out any art make for some of the projects most engaging moments).

If A Written Testimony is the last Jay Electronica album we ever here - which I truly hope it is not the case - it is still a memorable piece of work. So if you were one of the folks that moved on from it after the “surprise” of Jay finally dropping a project subsided, I hope you change that stance and revisit it once again.

4. Descendants of Cain by Ka

“Quiet and frigid disposition, growin' up in the cold / Surprised I ain't get high from what I was low enough to behold / Like when Pops shot at the neighbor's shop, put one in his head / He knew how he grew me, threw me the gun, a hundred, and fled / Didn't play, 'fore po' arose dispose of exhibit A / I was raised to age a few years in a day / If not elite, didn't eat if you didn't pray / As much as I heal, had to deal, all my scars are here to stay / Our senseis spent days peddling / Our heroes sold heroin.” - Ka, “Patron Saints”

He makes it seem almost too easy. If the writing wasn't so gripping, you might not even revisit it. Ka’s Descendants of Cain arrived with little fanfare, except for the collective awe of his humble but religiously devoted fan-base. The religious devotion is an important piece here, as Cain adds to Ka’s quietly impressive discography another strong album that leans on classic scribes as inspiration to spin poignant metaphors on Brooklyn street philosophy.

This time, the classic work is the Christian Bible, and Ka being the brilliant MC/poet that he is, seems to have little trouble working with the medium to preach without sounding preachy, and wax familiar-sounding nostalgia over wax that sounds as dusty as it feels fresh, rich, and urgent. Producing much of the album himself, along with a few trusted collaborators, the album’s strength is in its’ density, as each song feels like it requires a pause to unpack every bar...and to be honest, that’s exactly the type of attention this work deserves. If you missed this one in the first half of 2020′s feverish dump of new releases, you need to remedy that immediately.

5. Pray for Paris by Westside Gunn

If The Alchemist is the overall rap music MVP for his many contributions to 2020 thus far, Westside Gunn may deserve at least a few honorable mentions. From becoming the ambassador of Buffalo New York to stepping up as an ambassador of the underground rap resurgence, I don’t think any other rap artist has done more to run with the torch that Roc Marciano has been waving for a damn decade than the Griselda mastermind. If you happened to hear Gunn name-dropping to Peter Rosenberg on Rosenberg’s long-standing Real Late show on Hot 97, you know exactly what I mean. Shouting-out close allies and lesser known peers alike, Gunn’s presence proudly announced the underground movement’s invasion of the highly known New York City radio station. It felt like ECW invading WWE’s Monday Night Raw all over again. Of course Gunn’s voice was met with more ears than usual during that interview, since that appearance came hot off the heels of the release of his much discussed side project turned full-blown album, Pray for Paris.

By now most fervent rap fans know the story behind the album (a project that miraculously arrived to completion while Gunn was suffering from the affects of coronavirus), but for many Pray for Paris is the introduction to the story of Griselda Records and the world that they revel in. If Conway the Machine and Benny the Butcher are responsible for the Griselda team’s grittiest street tales, Westside Gunn’s success leans on his ability to blur the line between all-too-real violence and cartoon violence, splattered with elite luxury references and shout-outs for his fellow wrestling addicts. The song titles are merely scattered trains of thoughts that may or may not have anything directly to do with a song’s actual meaning, it’s like naming your child ‘brunch in Williamsburg’ just because it was the last meal you happened to have that day. An audience brought up on Lil Wayne as the God MC may be completely lost at the appeal, but audiences brought up on Wu, DOOM and Sean Price know exactly what vibe Westisde Gunn is going for.

At times Gunn can come across as more of a talent curator than a stand alone MC, so if this is the album that takes Gunn to the next level as a rap star, it would make him the most unselfish rap star to come along in some time. A rapper doesn’t jump on an Alchemist produced track with the likes of Freddie Gibbs and Roc Marciano and expect to leave with anything but the Bronze medal. The same can be said for his chopped and screwed contribution to “Claiborne Kick”, which clearly belongs to Boldy James. That’s not to say that Gunn’s verse is a weak moment on any of the joints on Paris, but the fact that he consistently surrounds himself with high caliber writers confirms that he is well aware that the quality of the final product will be determined by the team involved, not just the artists’ name on the album cover.

For someone that considers himself more of an artist than a rapper, he continues to paint intriguing collages with every album, featuring him at the center of an ever-expanding portrait of MCs, producers, singers, designers, and dancers. Pray for Paris is a typical Griselda project that also happens to sport the potential of something larger than most of their fanbase ever imagined. Yes we get the dark backdrops, elite underground production, and quotables throughout, but we also get a few additional shades, as Gunn dabbles with a “beauty and the beast” dynamic that cleanly pairs his violent imagery with fashionista pomp and circumstance (which no doubt helped draw the likes of Wale and Tyler, the Creator to this project). But t’s all less of a solo album to push a mainstream solo career forward, and much more of a cannonball through the mainstream wall, just to allow some sunlight to shine on his people...and his city, for that matter - because best believe, Paris may be the inspiration behind the project but Buffalo, New York is still with him every step of the way.

6. Alfredo by Freddie Gibbs and The Alchemist

A highly enjoyable surprise drop from two-thirds of the potent combination that gave us the fan favorite project that was Fetti (shout-out to Curren$y, though), Alfredo feels like the perfect treat to hold us over during these trying times. It feels rushed, but simultaneously sharp and activated. It has the feeling of a controlled experiment that was slapped together in separate rooms, rather than carefully curated by multiple artists hunched over the same mixer for days on end. Alfredo is more of a display of two power hitters putting on an impressive showing at a Home Run Derby, rather than the collaboration that has been slowly simmering for years...but that’s also part of the fun, because it feels like Al & Fredo (eh?) were just as excited to release it as we all were to hear it.

Neither party is reinventing the wheel here, but if you are going to have a rapper and a producer connect for an album of great rapping over great beats, you would be hard pressed to find a more natural pairing than these two. The Alchemist delivers with samples that channel the speakeasy jazz of an old piano, and Freddie is simply the king of hard-rap soul right now, so he excels on every song. There are moments of darkness, moments of hope, and moments of self reflection (Gibbs is a logical choice to swing haymakers back at cops abusing their power), all delivered by Freddie at a break-neck speed over Al's significantly less urgent production....as if Gibbs frantically spilled his guts to his buddy over the phone while Al was kickin’ back with a joint saying “uh-huh...yup, I hear ya man.” The final result is an effective one, if not a quick teaser of what a lengthier amount of collaboration time between the two might sound like. It should also be said that the guest verses on this album (especially those from Tyler, The Creator and Conway) took this album up a few spots on this ‘best of’ list. Alfredo is easily one of the strongest surprises of 2020.

7. Reasonable Drought by Stove God Cook$ and Roc Marciano

There is a tradition in the rap music biz that newer/younger artists are often shepherded along by more seasoned artists in order to insure that the less experienced artist is blessed with the built-in audience that comes with a co-sign. It doesn’t always work, but typically the initiation comes with a solid musical foundation on a debut project accompanied by a greener MC still finding his/her way. Not the case with Stove God Cook$, he is perhaps the most unexpectedly fresh MC to be cut from classic rap cloth since Griselda & Mach-Hommy began to build cult-like followings.

While Reasonable Drought (and seriously, how bold of a title is that for a debut!?) is blessed by the impressive production and mentorship of underground rap icon Roc Marciano, it truly is the lesser known MC himself that captures the imagination right from the get-go. When I say that in my life time, I cannot recall such a strong debut performance by a MC that I have heard virtually no work from prior to his 2019 emergence, with the help of minimal publicity/ad budget (if any? Cook$ was barely on social media until *after* his album had already been released) on his way to dropping an album with zero features...then you should take my recommendation very seriously. Fresh style, some of the most rewind-worthy quotables in recent memory (an Uncle Buck reference!? Bow down, people), and a new following built exclusively on the word of mouth of equal-minded folks that were blown away by a project many copped on a passing whim... it’s clear that this moment could be the beginning of an amazing, fascinating career.

Similar to Roc Marciano before him, Cook$ possesses a rare flare with his wordplay and delivery that makes even the ugliest tales of coke dealing and disrespectful criminal activity sound like the colorful exploits of a post-Blaxploitation hero. He delivers every bar with the uber-specific word choice of Roc, but the outgoing swag of a Max B. The man that has people that never touched cocaine in their life singing that they’re “smelling like a brick right now”, is smelling like a winner in 2020 and beyond.

8. Battle Scar Decorated by Monday Night & Henny L.O.

Last call to board the Mutant Academy bandwagon!

I have been saying that this deep underground collective of MCs & producers has been low key having a banner year all year long, and scrolling through this list you can see exactly what I mean. Henny L.O. is too good to be slotted as just a battle rapper, while Monday Night is far too strong of a presence to be considered a mere associate of the core Mutant team. When you think of Mutant Academy and their respective affiliated acts, think of them as a gathering of solo artists that happen to make dope rap music together, but all parties involved are capable of standing on their own two. I think that’s what consistently impresses me about their projects...hat, and the lack of filler material.

Along with a deep Rolodex of mostly under-the-radar talent, the hunger and confidence of a thriving Richmond, Viriginia rap scene is present on every track of Battle Scar Decorated. Much like many of my favorite albums of 2020, there is no reinventing of the wheel here, the triumph is in the execution. Monday & Henny tag in and out, each with the confidence that they have spit the best verse on the song before they have even finished. It’s that level of ability combined with a shocking amount of production talent that makes Battle Scar Decorated essential listening to anyone that wants to be reminded of a vibe that hasn’t been in abundance in the underground rap scene since L.A. in the late 90′s. It wouldn’t be fair to talk about how much I enjoyed this project without including the great producers involved, so a big s/o to: Sycho Sid, C.R.I.S.T.E.N, James Couch, Savvy, Heather Grey, and Ewonne.

9. Eastern Medicine, Western Illness by Preservation

Accompanied by a who’s who of underground hip-hop’s finest (Roc Marciano, Mach-Hommy, Your Old Droog, Quelle Chris, Nickelus F, Tree, Navy Blue, Billy Woods, Ka *and more* - I mean seriously!?), Preservation has assembled an impressively cohesive compilation album both sonically and thematically.

Incorporating record samples from his travels in China, Eastern Medicine, Western Illness feels born in simplicity even though it is anything but a casual collection of dope verses over tightly wound production. A quietly gifted producer, Preservation knows how to squeeze the best out of his guests without shouting the results through the speakers, the choices are more subtle but yield a high impact and replay value. Listening to the project feels more like listening to a secret, unreleased project, because it’s hard to believe that this much talent would gift this much high caliber writing to a compilation of songs...although that was not uncommon in the 90′s and early 00′s (ah, I’m showing my old age again). Perhaps that’s a testament to Preservation’s vision, a DJ/producer with a relatively small catalog built on curated quality (see his fantastic 2015 collaboration with Ka on Days With Dr. Yen Lo). Eastern Medicine has enough talent involved that it could have been a worthy listen even if it was just as a hodgepodge of donated loosies, so the fact that the final product is so much more than that makes it an album that warrants a great deal of more attention.

10. The Allegory by Royce Da 5′9″

No accomplished lyricist makes life harder on himself than Royce Da 5′9″. Be it his tendency to cram personal observations and disclosures in and around his punchlines, or experimenting production wise, the Detroit veteran is intent on finding new ways to approach fine wine music, tossing more complex offerings into his catalog over the past few years. Things are no different with The Allegory.

Not only did Royce once again pen an album that speaks to his ability to cope with his own past and present, he inserts himself in the producer chair as well, addressing the trials and tribulations of the increasingly problematic world around him, over backdrops crafted by only his hand a a few trusted peers. The effect is mostly successful, with the production exceeding the expectations of many (myself included), while the writing is at times both thought-provoking and in need of further exploration on Royce’s part. The guest features range from effective to scene stealing (not because Royce ‘s verse is outshined, but there are moments where it seems as if the guest is better suited over Royce’s own production than he is). If you’re Royce Da 5′9″ and you release an album titled The Allegory, no one should expect a simple quick fix of bars over easily digestible instrumentals. The highs come in abundance, and while the lows come in small trip-ups and the occasional skit that the listener probably could have done without, you get the sense that with some editing and further focus of his lofty goals, his sermons could have been sharpened into a more effective analysis of many of his topics (the music business, being black in America, history, conspiracy theories), resulting in an incredible album instead of a very good one. Nevertheless, it is all worth the ride to hear the latest work from one of rap music’s most gifted MC’s from the past decade. If The Allegory isn’t a home-run, it’s at the very least a strong base hit.

Top 50 (all belong in the Top 10-25, but...there’s only 25 spots in the Top 25, soooo):

11. Cold Water by Medhane

12. Shrines by Armand Hammer

13. Bag Talk by yungmorpheus & Pink Siifu

14. Try Again by ovrkast.

15. RTJ4 by Run The Jewels

16. Noise Kandy 4 by Rome Streetz

17. Innocent Country 2 by Quelle Chris

18. Weight of the World by MIKE

19. Sages by Henny L.O. & Ohbliv

20. Milestones by Skyzoo

21. Carpe Noctem by Big Ghost Ltd

22. Lake Water by SeKwence

23. At the End of the Day. by Fly Anakin

24. Sole Food by Deniro Farrar

25. The Oracle 3 by Grafh

26. The Blue Tape by Tree

27. lo&behold by lojii

28. Infinite Wisdom by Lord Jah-Monte Ogbon

29. FULL CIRCLE by Medhane

30. UNLOCKED by Denzel Curry & Kenny Beats

31. The Throwaways by The Opioid Era

32. Anyways by Young Nudy

33. PTSD (Deluxe) by G Herbo

34. Holly Favored by Monday Night & Foisey

35. THE GOAT by Polo G

36. Demon & Mufasa by Yhung T.O. & DaBoii

37. The Face of Jason by ANKHLEJOHN

38. My Turn by Lil Baby

39. No One Mourns the Wicked by Conway & Big Ghost Ltd.

40. Two4one by Jay Worthy

41. Free Drakeo by Drakeo

42. Alone Time by YL

43. Assata by CV$ a.k.a. Con$piracy & Teller Bank$

44. Thug Tear by Big Kashuna O.G. & Monday Night

45. Ways and Means by Rasheed Chappell & 38 Spesh

46. IMMORTALKOMBAT by Al Divino & Estee Nack

47. Young & Turnt 2 by 42 Dugg

48. Sleeper Effect by Sleep Sinatra

49. Juno by Che Noir & 38 Spesh

50. LULU by Conway & The Alchemist

THE REST OF THE BEST (all belong in the Top 50 releases of 2020, but..what can I say, blame 2020 for being such a stacked year for music/events I guess):

Black Schemata by yungmorpheus, The Smartest by Tee Grizzley, Polly by the Powder Keg by Chuck Chan & Pad Scientist, High Off Life by Future, Gotham City Album by Plex Diamonds, Memphis Massacre 2 by Duke Deuce, Poetic Substance by RIM & Vinyl Villain, Styles David: Ghost Your Enthusiasm by Styles P, MF Bloo by Bloo & Spanish Ran, LSD by The Leonard Simpson Duo & Guilty Simpson, Funeral by Lil Wayne, RAW UNKNOWN by Spectacular Diagnostics, Nezzie’s Star by Eddie Kaine, ShrapKnel (self-titled), The Bluest Note by Skyzoo & Dumbo Station, WUNNA by Gunna, Get Money Teach Babies by Heist Life & Spanish Ran, Open Casket by Killer Kane, 6 Rings by Yung Mal, The Beauty of It by Eto, Meet The Woo 2 by Pop Smoke, Fresh Air by UFO Fev & Statik Selektah, Vito by Vince Ash, GRIMM & EViL by GRiMM Doza, RUDEBWOY by CJ Fly, Rocket to Nebula by Killah Priest, EVERYTHING by Kota the Friend, NO Blade of Grass by V Don, Eternal Atake by Lil Uzi Vert, I’m My Brother’s Keeper by Yella Beezy & Trapboy Freddy, Carhartt Champions by Tree Mason, Viral Viral! by Dunbar, Rowhouse Whispers by Ray West & Zilla Rocca, Magneto Was Right #4 by Raz Fresco, DUMP LIFE by Tha God Fahim, Jay NiCE & Left Lane Didon, Burn One, Tap In, Zone Out by Dot Demo, FNTG: From Niggaz to Godz by Squeegie O, PANAGNL4E, Vol. 2 by Los and Nutty, Death 2 All Haterz 2 by Rigz & Symph, Thank You For Using GTL by Drakeo & JoogSzn, Adjust to the Game by Larry June, Martyr’s Prayer by Elcamino & 38 Spesh, BETTER by Deante’ Hitchcock, Attack of the Future Shocked, Flesh Covered, Meatbags of the 85 by $ilkMoney, No Cosign Just Cocaine 3 by Ty Farris, Hear No Equal by Chuuwee, MSYKM by Tsu Surf, Your Birthday’s Cancelled by Iron Wigs, Spring Clean by Curren$y & Fuse, Arctic Plus Degrees (The Sun Don’t Chill Allah) by Planet Asia & DirtyDiggs, Psychological Cheat Sheet by Vic Spencer, Glass 2.0 by Meyhem Lauren & Harry Fraud, Trust the Chain by Planet Asia & 38 Spesh, Director’s Cut (Scene Two) by Ransom & Nicholas Craven, and Son Of A Gun by Key Glock.

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love-skincareroutine · 3 years

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Jennifer Lopez Skin Care

New Post has been published on https://skin-care-routine.com/skin-care-routine/jennifer-lopez-skin-care/

Jennifer Lopez Skin Care

A. Everything You Need To Know About Jennifer Lopez’s Skincare Routine

That’s exactly how the triple threat maintains its coveted “JLo glow”. Few people have skin as fabulous as Jennifer Lopez. Her radiant and wrinkle-free complexion has been a source of admiration for the world for decades-and inspires fans to search Google for the answer to her beautiful naked face. It is complete and meticulous, but doable.

“People always ask about my skin,” Lopez told Hoda Kotb and Kathie Lee Gifford during a segment in 2014. “I must say that I have good genes. My mom and grandma had beautiful skin, so I was blessed that way. No I had plastic surgery … no injections, no filling, nothing. ”

In December 2020, the 51-year-old from the Bronx answered the prayers of those looking for Lopez’s skin care routine with the launch of JLo Beauty: a central line of products like sunscreen, eye cream and serum (available now) that help maintain Lopez’s charisma disease can achieve what “the JLo-Leuchten” was coined.

But what else does the star Hustlers do other than use their lineage religiously to achieve natural perfection? Read everything we know about Lopez’s skin care routine, compiling interviews over the years.

1. Jennifer Lopez uses SPF every day

Sunscreens are easy to discard because they are uncomfortable or boring, but the fact is that everyone with beautiful skin trusts them, including Lopez. It’s all about finding the right formula for you, whether it’s a high-quality formula that melts on your skin or moisture with UV protection added to it.

“I was never the type to sunbathe, which is why my skin was self-sustaining,” she told us Weekly for the January 2018 edition of the outlet. However, the icon of beauty does not always escape sunlight. “I like to sunbathe like everyone else when I go on vacation,” she told POPSUGAR Beauty in December 2020. “It’s not something I over-abuse, but that’s why a large part [of JLo Beauty] was sunscreen. . ”

“A dermatologist told me too young to use sunscreen and I asked myself, ‘What do I need sunscreen for? I live in New York. “But the truth is, that was an important part of my ability to look young, because I used it as a moisturizer every day. It helped me protect myself from the elements, and many people don’t understand that such a big part of looking young is wearing sunscreen every day. ”

2. Jennifer Lopez believes in this skin care ingredient

Interestingly, the skin care ingredient of the lonely island cast member is a staple of the kitchen: olive oil. “My mom used to say that olive oil is the panacea for everything,” revealed Lopez in a statement shared with GRAZIA USA. “And it’s a secret that I’ve used over the years because it really works.”

It is now an irreplaceable part of Lopez’s skin care routine. “Whenever my hair, skin or nails dried, I went back to the oil,” she said at a Zoom meeting with beauty editors, explaining that this is exactly why the main ingredient of her skin care line has become the JLo Beauty Contributes Olive Complex line: A mixture of four parts of squalane, fermented olive oil, extra virgin olive oil and olive leaf extract.

3. Jennifer Lopez always washes her face after exercise

The actress casually trains five times a week, so of course it’s not strange to be sweaty … often. “I always, always wash my face after training,” she said hello! in 2016. “It helps to keep my pores clean and my skin looking healthy.”

4. Jennifer Lopez never sleeps in makeup

No matter how much Selena’s student wants to end the day and go to bed, she never gives up on her nightly cleaning routine. “I never go to bed without my makeup on and use night creams to keep my skin hydrated,” Lopez told People in 2016.

And we should all take notes of Lopez when it comes to his consistent sleep schedule. “Ideally, I would like to sleep nine or ten hours,” Lopez told InStyle in 2016. “But, anyway, I always make sure to get at least eight.”

5. Jennifer Lopez takes care of her body

Lopez’s skin care routine is clearly solid, but she also pays attention to how she feeds her body from the inside out. “I don’t drink, smoke and I don’t have caffeine,” she said in Weekly in 2016. “It really ruins your skin as you get older.” What does not hurt the skin? Greens and H2O, which Lopez has in abundance. “We eat a lot of green vegetables, asparagus, Brussels sprouts, broccoli and kale,” she told the establishment. And instead of wine, she drinks at least seven glasses of water a day.

In May 2020, her chef, Kelvin Fernandez, announced that Lopez likes to start the day with green juice. She is not a big fan of fruits, but will drink a mix of “vegetables like spinach, cucumber and celery”.

6. Jennifer Lopez takes it easy on her days off

If Lopez doesn’t like makeup artist Mary Phillips and hairdresser Chris Appleton, she is probably keeping things simple and relaxed. “I am very cautious with my daily beauty routine. I have to wear a lot of makeup to work. So, when I’m not working, I usually wear little or no makeup, ”hitmaker Jenny From the Block told Instyle in 2018.

7. Jennifer Lopez gets occasional treatment

No, it’s not botox or filler, but a facial treatment that adds a little more TLC to her skin outside of Lopez’s skin care routine. Before appearing on the 2020 Super Bowl break program, the famous beautician Toska Husted did a facial with Biologique Recherche products. She is also no stranger to Dr. Lancers Signature Placenta Facial, an anti-aging treatment that “promotes the production of collagen and elastin”.

B. 11 Anti-Aging Tricks Jennifer Lopez Uses to Look Half Her Age

Jennifer Lopez’s impressive appearance at the Super Bowl LIV halftime show got everyone talking. Not only did her pole dance skills come to the point with someone-like an experienced professional-in her 20s, but her timeless beauty quickly earned her the nickname J. Glow.

So how does the star manage to make 50 look like the new 20 when it comes to flawless skin? Ahead of it is the A-Lister source with the secrets of youth care – from healthy habits to the exact anti-aging products in your beauty arsenal.

1. She gets her beauty serenity

Despite her busy acting schedule, new music, concerts, movie premieres, training with her fiance, outlaw Alex Rodriguez and the mother of her two children (Max and Emme), Lopez somehow finds time to sleep more than most countries.

“Tip number one is always to get enough sleep. I can’t stress enough,” she told InStyle in 2018. “I would love to sleep nine or ten hours, but either way, I always make sure I get it.” at least eight. ”

2. It hydrates and nourishes cleanly

Lopez believes that beauty starts from within. “Sorry, it’s true! I think drinking lots of water and fresh food with lots of fruits and vegetables (I always keep them with me) affects the quality of the skin,” she told People in 2016.

3. She doesn’t drink or smoke

You can see J. Lo outside the house from time to time, but you’ll never catch her throwing drinks back or blowing a cigarette. “She doesn’t drink, she doesn’t smoke. She lives a very clean life,” confirmed the groom in 2018, Harper’s Bazaar.

4. It also avoids caffeine

While Lopez is enjoying breakfast, she gets the decaf. “I haven’t had caffeine in years,” she told us in 2016 Weekly.

5. She has great genes

While she works hard to maintain her J.Lo shine, she also admits that she has a genetic advantage. “I must say that I have good genes,” she confessed today. “My mom and grandma had beautiful skin, so I was blessed with her. I am so happy.”

6. She meditates and uses mantras

In addition to his diet, Lopez believes that there is a connection between the mind and the body when it comes to beauty. “I definitely think that beauty comes from within – you need to keep your mind, soul, body and spirit in sync,” she told InStyle in 2016. “I firmly believe in meditation and when you are happy and have joy and love, you radiate beauty. ”

She also revealed to Harper’s Bazaarin in 2018 that she is a fan of daily mantras and affirmations. “I am young and timeless. I say this to myself every day, a few times a day. It sounds like fucking cliché, but it’s not like age is all in your head. Look at Jane Fonda,” she shared.

7. She washes her face after training

Lopez works – a lot! And after each welding session, she makes sure to refresh herself. “I always wash my face after training,” she told Hello! “It helps to keep my pores clean and my skin is healthy.”

8. It also cleanses the face before sleeping

As tired as J.Lo is, she never neglects her skin care routine. “I never go to bed without my makeup on and use night creams to moisturize my skin,” she told People in 2016.

9. It protects your skin from sun damage

Lopez believes strongly in the SPF, she told InStyle in 2018. “I try not to spend too much time in the sun,” she added. In an interview with People in 2016, she also revealed that she uses sunscreen every day to protect her skin.

10. She uses glycolic acid to shine

Lopez also revealed to people that she regularly uses glycolic acid to “achieve a healthy glow and clear skin”. Her contact person? L’Oreals Bright Reveal Brightening Day Moisturizer SPF 30 ($ 18; amazon.com), an affordable anti-aging moisturizer with SPF 30 to protect skin from the sun and glycolic acid, Vitamin C and Pro-Retinol to lighten and soften skin while reducing the appearance of fine lines and wrinkles.

11. It invests in anti-aging products for the skin

While she can spend hours in the makeup chair for presentations and special occasions, Lopez ensures that her skin can breathe. “I’m quite reluctant about my daily beauty routine,” she admitted to InStyle in 2016. “I have to wear a lot of makeup to work, so I usually do that when I’m not working.” wear little or no makeup. ”

While she tries to run out of makeup whenever possible, the star relies on structured skin care regimes to keep her complexion healthy and youthful-looking. She revealed Hello! Even some of her favorite skin care products. While most of her favorites aren’t * so * cheap, it’s worth checking out some of her proven products.

At the end of a long day, J.Lo relies on Lancer Skincare The Method: Cleanse ($ 55; dermstore.com) to remove excess oil, increase cell renewal and protect skin from future damage. She also loves the brand’s Lancer Skincare Eye Contour Lifting cream ($ 95; nordstrom.com) to help reduce dark circles, wrinkles and puffiness thanks to a powerful formula of caffeine, hyaluronic acid and peptides to brighten the eye area.

Her longtime makeup artist, Scott Barnes, revealed in a 2018 interview with Popsugar that the star bets on La Mer Moisturizing Cream (starting at $ 90; nordstrom.com), a popular cream that deeply moisturizes dry skin. “That’s the only thing that is in the makeup ward, no matter what,” he said.

And although she has an arsenal of luxury products, J.Lo confessed, in an appearance on Watch What Happens Live With Andy Cohen in 2014, that she was Dr. Hauschka’s rose day cream ($ 45; amazon. com) was a cheaper product. a friendly moisturizer that uses avocado and rosehip oils to hydrate, nourish and soothe irritated skin.

C. Jennifer Lopez’s Nighttime Skin-Care Routine Is Just 3 Steps Long

All products presented at Glamor are independently selected by our editors. However, if you purchase something through our retail links, we may receive an affiliate commission.

In case you didn’t know, Jennifer Lopez has a new line of skin products called JLo Beauty and she wants you to use it! What better way to demonstrate the effects of That Jlo Glow Serum or That Fresh Take Eye Cream than to really show what she is doing under her flawless makeup?

In the post-New Year video, Lopez is still wearing her stage makeup from a recent performance that she describes as “a lot of makeup”. The pop star starts her nightly skin care routine in three steps with her new cleanser That Hit Single. She applies only a quarter of the size of the Pinky Pearlescent product to her face before cleaning her makeup with her hands. “Wash 2020”, she joked.

For the remainder of her eight-minute video, Lopez demonstrates the rest of her routine by passing on to her $ 118 That JLo Glow Serum, which she says gives her “more shine than if I were wearing makeup”.

Lopez claims that she sent the product back to the drawing board about 23 times before getting the “firming and instant shine” effect she was looking for. Lopez then closed his video with That Blockbuster Wonder Cream.

Jennifer Lopez recently announced to Glamor that she never tried Botox. “I’m not that person. I have nothing against who does this. It’s just not my thing,” she said during Zoom’s call with beauty editors. “I’m more interested in a natural approach to skin care. I think, honestly, it starts with who you are on the inside first and it shows on your face on the outside. That’s number one.”

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sg2tiger · 4 years

Photo

It’s that time of year when I rise from my tumblr grave and come to post the end-of-year look at the games I played

As always, my lengthy ramblings can be found under the cut. I’m thinking of posting a more trimmed down version on Twitter (where I am also pretty inactive but have slightly more of a presence than Tumblr these days).

—————————————— Assassin's Creed Syndicate (Steam) FINAL VERDICT: Bretty Gud ——————————————

Coming directly after finishing Unity I moved onto Syndicate, knowing that it was to be the last 'real' Assassin's Creed game (with the next two moving to a more RPG-style and set in periods before the assassins and templars really existed in their current forms). I had actually originally planned to skip Unity after its terrible launch, and had purchased - and even started playing - Syndicate back in 2017...but my computer at the time was struggling with just the prologue, averaging 20-30 FPS. Once the game actually arrived at London proper, my framerate tanked to 11 FPS or lower, and I had to put the game on the backburner until I'd upgraded my computer enough to handle it.

Ultimately I'm glad that it worked out the way it did, and I did end up going back and playing Unity before Syndicate, because the games are definitely very comparable. Both are a return to the older games' focus on exploring urban environments after the past several moved the cities themselves largely out of focus, and the gameplay of Syndicate is basically a polished up version of the new system introduced in Unity. The controls were smoother and tighter, and much appreciated fixes were made to some of Unity's worst offenders, like having automatic cover behind objects now instead of doing it manually, and the 'enter' button prompt that appears when you're over a window to climb inside - something I believe I mentioned in my Unity review as one of the worst things (gameplay-wise) about that game. Also, the whistle button makes a return after its extremely baffling removal in Unity, making it actually fun and worthwhile to kill enemies from hiding spots once again.

Combat in Syndicate was decent enough once I got used to it, but personally I really did prefer Unity's style. Unity was the first AC game where combat felt genuinely tactical, and where it was possible to get overwhelmed and wrecked by enemies at ANY level, even postgame with all your upgrades and gear - thus, encouraging stealth more, and not letting it get to the point where you're swarmed by huge groups of enemies in the first place. Syndicate has some cool multi-kill moves, but I didn't even figure out how to properly execute those until the very end of the game (when I was replaying the highest-level fightclub over and over trying to get Robert Topping's rep level maxed). Aside from some fancy visuals on the killmoves, though, the combat felt watered down to me - press X to attack, B to dodge the enemy's heavily-telegraphed incoming attacks, and occasionally A on those assholes that block. I dunno, I just really enjoyed Unity's variety with stuff like the slower heavy attack, and ground execution, even if the skill points system to unlock them made them mid-to-late game abilities. In Syndicate, like most AC games before it, once you hit around the midgame point and have more gear and better equipment, you become a one-man (or woman) army and there's no challenge left - I remember I got a 124 hit combo without taking a single blow during one of the final bouts in the highest-level fight club, because it's just way too easy to play the hit, hit, dodge, hit hit dodge, blockbreak hit hit dodge game. It's my understanding that Origins changes the combat system yet again, though, so we'll see if I find that any more satisfying.

One of the main new things about Syndicate - and one I've seen a LOT of negativity about across the internet - is the rope launcher (AKA grappling hook). How realistic the steampunk-esque gadget it aside, gameplay-wise I actually liked it and thought it made sense, since London's buildings are significantly taller than anything in the past games. Here's my take on it - it's nothing new for an AC game to introduce a new traversal gimmick that's exclusive to that specific title and its setting, because it makes sense in that setting. Revelations had the hookblade, which in a way was like the proto-rope launcher. AC III had the whole 'treerunning' system because of its frontier setting, which had a very different feel to it mechanically than climbing around on buildings. And of course, Black Flag was all about ship travel. But aside from Rogue basically being Black Flag II, all of these things have largely been restricted to those specific games that introduced them, because they made SENSE for those particular settings and environments - like, just because the Ottoman assassins used hookblades to travel around Constantinople, Ubisoft didn't make the hookblade a permanent part of the AC hero's repetoire going forward. I feel like the rope launcher is no different...it exists to make traversal in THIS particular setting a little less tedious, because having to manually climb some of these buildings the old-fashioned way would otherwise be a nightmare. Besides, it's also completely optional and you CAN simply climb around the old-fashioned way if you so choose - aside from maybe the tutorial mission when you first get the thing, I can't think of any point where you were forced to use the rope launcher at all. Personally I really liked it - I don't think it 'killed' the franchise's iconic parkour system but rather integrated with it. Zip from the ground up the side of the building to a rooftop, then run and hop between the roofs and poles and rafters like usual, then zip across a large gap to a different rooftop, climb up and over a chimney, and jump across onto another roof. Sure, there's nothing stopping you from abusing the rope launcher to zip from place to place exclusively, just as there's nothing stopping you from not using the rope launcher at all. But that's exactly why it's stupid to complain about it. It's all about how much or how little the player feels like using it...and I mostly used it to fill in the gaps of otherwise standard AC roof running, mixing it in and integrating it with that gameplay, rather than replacing it. Maybe that's why I actually had fun with it.

The last new thing gameplay-wise I guess would be carriages. Once I got the hang of using them properly (gunning for first place in all the street races is very educational), it was fun enough, I suppose. I don't think the Grand Theft London jokes are lost on anyone, but personally GTA isn't my type of game so I can't say I especially LOVED the carriage driving either. I don't really care about the 'historical accuracy' of having video game horsecarts handle more like video game automobiles, I just don't really tend to like driving in video games in general. I also feel really guilty every time I crush an innocent bystander to death, which is VERY hard to avoid when you drive these things, so I think I spent a good while consciously avoiding driving unless necessary. Smashing through inanimate objects and causing wanton destruction is pretty fun, though. All in all not one of my favorite new features of the game, but I didn't hate it, either - which is a good thing given how many missions force you to get behind the reins.

As far as the story and characters go, Syndicate may not have been a marvel, but it was leagues above Unity. Jacob and Evie are likable enough, and while there's the usual share of forgettable one-note assassination targets there were also quite memorable ones like Pearl Attaway, Maxwell Roth and of course Starrick himself. I actually really liked Starrick as a character, though I felt it was a shame how little screentime he actually got considering he's the Big Bad behind the scenes of everything going on - I suppose that fit his role as sort of the businessman who uses his vast network of employees handle situations while he sits in his office and comfortably sips tea, but the out-of-focus nature he himself had in the story felt like a waste of such a charismatic character. It was however nice to see a return to the modern day story, even if it was still pretty far shoved into the background...it was at least THERE. And even Desmond got acknowledged for the first time in a while, which was nice. It's unfortunate that I know now the Juno plot was wrapped up in the COMICS rather than the actual games (something I really have no interest in reading but at this point feel like I have to just for closure), but if I had played Syndicate at the time when it came out I know I'd have been excited by a lot of the revelations that happened at the end, especially considering how far into the background Unity shoved the modern day and Juno storyline.

I think my biggest character complaint would fall to Henry Green, who's supposed to be your assassin mentor but felt like little more than a satellite around Evie for the entire game. When you first arrive in London and he gives you the rundown on how things are in the city, he reminded me of Yusuf from Revelations - someone more familiar with the goings-on than the player character, and a reliable companion and guide who the player can count on. After that, however, he felt pushed into the background and never really DID anything except, of course, accompany Evie on some of her missions. His whole thing is that he's not really a field agent, and yet the game forces him into the field JUST so he can tag along with Evie as part of one of the most forced obligatory romances I've seen in a video game. There is absolutely no chemistry between the two - Evie spends the whole first half of the game basically being defined by her work, and I NEVER got the sense that she really felt anything about Henry even when it became obvious he was interested in her. And then the game forces the whole 'oh Evie let her feelings get in the way and saved Henry and oh she's so conflicted because she's in love even though they've known each other for probably a couple of months at most but oh mixing romance and work is wrong but oh apparently Father and Mother were very much in love and it didn't compromise their work as assassins so it's okay and YES YES A THOUSAND TIMES YES I'LL MARRY YOU'. I was cringing the entire time - but of course, it's Ubisoft, so it had to be this way.

Speaking of Ubisoft's typical treatment of female characters, though, I DO have a few criticisms about Evie as well. We all know about the controversy Ubisoft got itself into for saying female characters were 'too much work' during Unity, and Syndicate seems like a pretty obvious response to that backlash. Giving her a co-starring role with her brother made sense, too - if it was ONLY a female protagonist, right after the backlash, Ubisoft would be accused of caving to pressure and find itself with another controversy. I think it was a smart decision to do it this way, and the story missions are pretty evenly split so you're forced to play as each of them about equally, even disregarding who you choose to play as during the open world segments (though Evie probably should have been doing something during Sequence 8 while Jacob was off blowing shit up with Roth).

My problem is more with Evie's personality...or rather, the way she's used in the story. Jacob, like most previous AC protagonists, is flawed. His flaw is his impulsiveness and tendency to rush into situations without thinking of the consequences...those consequences then becoming immediately apparent when Evie has to rush in and quickly fix his mistakes. Evie however is more focused and methodical, putting all her attention on hunting Lucy Thorne and the Shroud. Ultimately the message here, I think, is that both of the twins need EACH OTHER because when they work alone they don't see the big picture. However it felt to me more like Evie's job was just cleaning up after her clumsy brother, because she's so perfect and infallible and always right. It felt to me like in the backlash over 'no female characters' they overcorrected somewhat with Evie, because she comes off far less flawed than her brother. Arguably her flaw is that by focusing too much on the Shroud she ignores the rampant corruption eating away at London, but the story never really focuses on that angle...Evie just comes off as always being right when Jacob inevitably fucks up the next big thing. You could also say the whole 'oh no I put personal feelings before the mission' is supposed to be her flaw, but the story also goes out of its way in the end to say 'no, it's okay to do that, your father was wrong'...so, also not a flaw. Then what IS Evie's flaw? I really can't see one...and I feel like that makes her less interesting as a character. I certainly didn't DISLIKE Evie, but I feel like she just didn't have as much personality as her brother, whose flaw was more apparent and impacted his development more (feeling betrayed by Pearl, and how apathetic he got in the aftermath with Roth, in particular). Evie just...spends half the game being perfect, being right, cleaning up after her clumsy brother, and then falling victim to a romantic plot tumor. Since she was the first playable female assassin as far as most fans are concerned (it's okay, Aveline, *I* remember you) this just seems like a shame to me...a wasted opportunity to make Evie just as interesting and flawed and capable of making mistakes as her brother (and no, compromising the mission by RESCUING ANOTHER HUMAN BEING FROM CERTAIN DEATH is NOT a flaw, only sociopaths would consider that a flaw, and the game even makes it clear that it also does not consider it a flaw). I think Ubisoft was probably just too afraid to make their first major female assassin come off negatively, so they played it safe - TOO safe, resulting in Evie ultimately being more bland and uninteresting than Jacob was. Don't get me wrong, they absolutely fucked up on multiple levels with Elise in Unity, but at least she felt like an interesting and nuanced character to me...even if she DID get stuffed in the fridge.

Anyway...ultimately I had fun with Syndicate. Worth mentioning that I did NOT get any of the DLC, because the reviews for both the Maharaja and Jack the Ripper DLCs on Steam were extremely negative and didn't seem worth it at all...nor did (to me) the assorted extra missions or the murder mystery packs. Murder mysteries were an alright change of pace in Unity, but they were also way too easy and certainly not interesting enough for me to want to pay extra for. I've got 98 hours logged for 100% completing Syndicate sans-DLC, compared to 138 in Unity for doing the same + Dead Kings, but Syndicate FELT longer to me. The world was bigger and I felt like I spent more time playing around in it, and aside from my aforementioned complaints about combat I feel like it did just about everything better than Unity. I've seen a lot of generally mixed reviews around the internet and even some people saying they thought Unity was better, but I can't really agree with that. All in all Syndicate was a solid and enjoyable game, and may quite possibly be the last Assassin's Creed game of its kind given the direction we've moved into with Origins and Odyssey, so...perhaps someday people will look back on it more fondly.

—————————————— Assassin's Creed Origins (Steam) FINAL VERDICT: Recommended ——————————————

Within the first 5 minutes of the game (if not less), things already felt innately...off. I knew that Origins retooled a lot of the game to be more RPG-like, but I guess I completely underestimated the extent to which EVERYTHING would change. After all, Unity sort of kicked off the trend of having a basic skill point system and different purchasable weapons/armor, and Syndicate furthered it with an even more in-depth skill tree and the reintroduction of crafting. I figured Origins would simply further refine these RPG-like systems, and tidy up combat yet again, which had also seen some changes in both Unity and Origins.

In any case, one of the first things (literally) I had to do was find the options menu and change the default control scheme, which is SUCH a huge departure from the system the series has been using for 10 years that it left my muscle memory crying. Fortunately the 'Alternate' control preset is far closer to the classic and familiar style (with RT as the run/climb button, for instance), and the PC version at least also allows you to rebind the controls further...which I did (particularly to put the drop/parkour down button on B, as it was in Unity and Syndicate). Rebinding the controls too much *can* lead to some issues with overlap and even breaking certain functions (I can no longer dive underwater with B presumably because I set it as my 'drop' button, so now it does a dash underwater instead...so I do have to use the C key on my keyboard to actually dive now) but ultimately those snags are pretty minor. That said, the resulting new controls during chariot races being so heavily concentrated on the right side of my controller did leave my hand seriously hurting after my first racing tournament.

(I wrote a lot about my thoughts on this right after starting, coming off Syndicate and feeling the unfamiliarity of the game hard, and it comes off a lot like I’m rambling about the Good Ol’ Days of AssCreed and how different Origins is from that experience more than an actual review of the game. While I think a lot of what I ranted about is still valid, it’s also not really about THIS game, so I think I’m just gonna skip over a lot of that and get into my actual, I-finally-finished-the-game thoughts instead)

Ultimately I enjoyed it a lot, and I did 100% complete the whole game + both DLCs, but at the end of the day I have to stand by my verdict that it’s not really an ASSASSIN'S CREED game as we’ve come to know them for so long. Did I have a lot of fun taking out entire camps with the predator bow before anyone could catch me in the act? Very much. But that's about the only kind of SNEAKING I felt like I ever had to do in the game, compared to older entries that had a wider variety of stealth options. Bayek was definitely more of a warrior than an assassin, IMO. I feel like, for all the flak it got as a game (and much of it deserved), Unity was the best AC as far as stealth mechanics and mission options. Syndicate refined those and fixed things like moving behind cover, but with Jacob being more of a brawler that also meant there was a lot of that game you could easily do without having to be super stealthy. Bayek, and the push towards the more RPG-like systems in Origins, makes it pretty clear that we likely won't be getting a return to classic AC form any time soon, and while I enjoyed Origins a lot that still makes me very sad.

Still, I look forward to Odyssey whenever it decides to go on sale enough for me to grab it, because Origins WAS a lot of fun. I ended up clocking 192 hours in it, completing all the DLC, and getting every achievement, so clearly I enjoyed the game. It's more just a bittersweet feeling that the AC franchise as we knew it is probably dead, as Ubisoft moves further and further away from the franchise staples, and continues to bury the modern day story and conspiracy theory angles deeper beneath the historical storyline.

(I also had some rants about how Aya/Amunet would have made a better protagonist of a proper Assassin’s Creed game while Bayek was more the protagonist of a general revenge story and how Aya, as she was, was much like Evie in that I didn’t really like her much and feel like I could/should have liked her more if she was utilized better as a more robust character, but in the interest of not going off on this game forever I’m gonna snip that part as well)

—————————————— 7 Days to Die (Steam) FINAL VERDICT: Bretty Gud ——————————————

Another of the plethora of survival/building/crafting games that have been all the rage these days. Sorta like ARK, but instead of dinosaurs, it's zombies. Zombie games aren't personally my cup of tea, because I am a big baby, and the game has a lot of elements that I think would classify it as survival horror and not just survival/building/crafting. Solo, I would never be able to tolerate this game, but with a friend or two, I found it quite fun. It scratches a lot of the same itches as ARK but the survival aspects take more of a forefront, whereas in ARK once you've progressed to metal tools and flak armor the temperature and hunger management aspects become little more than a minor nuisance.

When we started out, we were right on the border of the snow biome (once my friend trekked from their spawn point and found me, that is), so the cold and just barely avoiding constant starvation (sometimes) was an ever-present threat. It really felt like we were being pushed to raid the nearby houses in hopes of finding scraps of food and resources to keep us alive. After a while we were able to gear up enough to move slightly further out to a more temperate biome, near a large cornfield, where we could begin cultivating our own crops. Once starvation became manageable we were able to shift out focus to other tasks, like expanding our base in preparation for the titular 7th day (though it was the 30th day due to adjusted server settings for us) - the Bloodmoon, where swarms and swarms of zombies attack your base and you have to survive the night.

This sort of PVE tower defense mode is something I've often wished was a thing in ARK (and no, orbital supply drops aren't the same thing) - PVP is too toxic for my tastes, but a constant problem in that game is reaching the eventual 'now what?' point where you're practically unfuckable and nothing is a challenge anymore. Having that sort of ever-present danger and challenge to look forward to (or dread, if done right) keeps PVE gameplay in this sort of game a lot more interesting because you can't just sit on your laurels and get complacent. PVE builds are generally more about making buildings that look nice and less about fortifying them with adequate defenses because those rexes that stomp through your front yard can't bite through metal, so why worry? I like having that balance, where I can build a base that I think looks nice and is functional with storage and crafting and whatnot, but I ALSO like the idea that if my defenses aren't up to snuff...I can kiss my ass goodbye.

So the Bloodmoon mechanic, while terrifying, is a big draw of this game IMO. There's also the other side of that PVP coin that sounds fun in theory but is not in practice (because real people are assholes): raiding other peoples' bases. Of course, zombies spawn randomly in the overworld and you can run into them any time during your travels and resource runs, but the map is also littered with abandoned houses and other buildings like stores, factories, hospitals and even creepy mad scientist castles. These places often have pretty good resources and loot, so you're encouraged to explore them...but of course they are also crawling with zombies. And the zombies are not always out in the open for you to get off a quick headshot on, either - often times they'll hide, inside closets or above ceiling tiles, to ambush you if you're careless. You really have to be prepared for anything, and willing to drop heavy loot and run away if the going gets particularly tough. To me this feels more engaging than just killing stuff out in the overworld, because it's like I actually have to conquer someone else's castle and that feels more like a concrete goal to me.

In general it feels like a fairly standard, but enjoyable, early access (but frequently updated) survival/building/crafting game. However, these little things kept me coming back for more once I'd grown bored of being the unconquerable dino king of ARK. Would I recommend it? Only to a specific audience, but that audience has probably already played it. For me the general survival horror atmosphere and frequent jumpscares in narrow corridors when a zombie jumps out at you from above the ceiling and shit is a lot...even playing with my friend, I basically played the support sniper role in combat while they had the frontline with melee weapons, and that didn't stop my heart from leaping out of my chest on many occasions. I remember that time we raided a huge pharmacy building on a day where it just would not stop raining...the rain sounds in this game are VERY realistic, and also very loud. I could barely hear my friend over the rain half the time, let alone the warning sounds of nearby zombies being drowned out by the storm. We had to stay the night, and well into the next day it was STILL raining...we had so many close calls in there, and even a couple actual deaths (fortunately we had temporary beds set up in a safe room so we wouldn't have to trek back from base). Once the rain finally stopped, and we returned to base and called it a night IRL, I felt such relief...I hadn't realized how much I was ACTUALLY STRESSED by the game in such a tense situation. Which...is that "fun"? Again, I think it depends on the type of person, and even then is probably very situational. I think I realized in the aftermath that I did not have fun that night, but when I was there in the moment, the tension was certainly immersive.

So yeah. It's a fun game if you have a good friend or two to play it with, and if you think you can handle horror elements and potential jumpscares. Which I can't. But my friend is very supportive and understanding of that so I didn't have to feel like a big baby when I got audibly startled during our gameplay sessions, so I really do think WHO you play it with can make a big difference, too.

—————————————— Ultimate Skyrim (Steam) FINAL VERDICT: Bretty Gud ——————————————

A bit of an odd thing to review, I know. Ultimate Skyrim is obviously not a game in itself, but as a modpack that completely revises the way the game is played I felt like it was worth mentioning...especially since it gives me something to pad out this very small list with.

I actually first heard about Ultimate Skyrim a couple years ago, but back then the install process was so daunting that even I (someone who can spend weeks perfecting my load order whenever I go to replay Skyrim) was put off by it. Plus, at the time, it was still in version 3 and I knew there was a version 4 in the works, so I figured I may as well wait for that before I gave it a try.

When I got the itch to replay Skyrim again, as I seem to every year once fall and winter come around, I remembered UltSky existed and check in to see that version 4 was out, had full gamepad support (essential for me), AND the install process was easier than ever thanks to the Automaton tool. So I thought, why not?

It was my first time trying Requiem, but I'm no stranger to some of the basic concepts the mod introduces, since some of my mainstay mods (ex. Advanced Adversary Encounters) make similar changes. Plus, a solid half of the UltSky pack consisted of mods I've played regularly, so I didn't think it would be that hard to acclimate to.

I was wrong.

Requiem changes much more than I expected it to, which, in hindsight, explains why practically every mod out there requires a patch to work with it. The constant stamina drain that you need to account for with buffs from food, made worse if you decide to go heavy armor...no natural health regen, and all potions being heal-over-time instead of flat instant heals...the perk tree really requiring thought and planning to budget your points right and not spread yourself too thin, and even getting 'locked in' to the type of standing stone you choose as your birthsign. All kinds of little elements piling up to make your early game a living nightmare.

I'll cut right to the chase here: I found that I don't much like Requiem. Now, I'm not opposed to challenge, and pretty much every playthrough I mod my game to MAKE the game more challenging because vanilla Skyrim is such a cakewalk. But it's the WAY Requiem changes things, the specific mindset and vision that toes the line between 'fun' challenging and 'you must be a masochist or hardcore minmaxer to enjoy this' that doesn't appeal to me specifically. I much prefer my usual combination of Advanced Adversary Encounters + Wildcat + Ultimate Combat + Mortal Enemies + maybe True Armor (I only played a little with it on my last pre-UltSky playthrough but I liked it) to make fights more deadly and tactical. Requiem makes combat more difficult, absolutely, but the vision is different, and it feels like minmaxing is the answer to surviving encounters more than strategy and skill. Like, if I don't have the right gear, or perked myself in a specific way, or else carry an assload of fortify potions (something I hate even in the base game but is made even more annoying to me through Requiem and UltSky's unpaused menu system)...then my chances of surviving are very, very slim. And to me that just isn't fun.

A deleveled world is kind of fun, though I'd never tried it before...that sense of progression where you can't just take on a cave of warlocks at level 2 gives me something to work towards, though it does also feel somewhat limiting as far as where you start. One of the appeals of alternate start mods and WHY they're among the most popular is that freedom of not having to go Helgen > Riverwood > Whiterun, but a deleveled world also makes me feel like I'm being punished if I get a random start up in Windhelm, and that I have to head down and chump it up in Whiterun anyway, because that's where the weak enemies who won't oneshot me are. I'm sort of whatever about that aspect though.

To me it's like...I can't agree with it being called 'the roleplaying overhaul' because having to focus so much on how I spend my perks, what spells I learn, my gear, which enchantments I use, having to carry at least 3 weapons at any given time and encumber my loot-loving ass because I never know if I might need a mace or a sword...the list goes on. I'm not trying to shit on it because there's clearly a huge community of people who love what Requiem brings to the table - they're just all things that don't appeal to me PERSONALLY when I can usually think of a mod that makes the same sort of changes to my game but does so in a way that I find more appealing, that's all.

So then...if I'm feeling this negative about Requiem (the very core of Ultimate Skyrim), why did I give it a positive rating? Well, because even if I don't love Requiem, I still think Ultimate Skyrim is fun.

I know that probably sounds ridiculous. But to me, I think considering Ultimate Skyrim as just 'that one Requiem modpack' is really selling it short. UltSky adds a lot on top of that core Requiem experience, and while some of that makes the struggle to survive the early levels even MORE hellish than base Requiem, I think it actually manages to bring the roleplaying and - dare I say - immersion - back to the table.

Of course, it's got a lot of the classic 'immersion' mods in there...iNeed, Frostfall, Campfire, even somewhat more niche stuff like Bathing in Skyrim. Needs mods I can give or take, sometimes I don't bother with them because the micromanagement can often feel more annoying than fun (I prefer cooking mods that make meals feel more worth eating with long-lasting buffs than mods that actually make me 'hungry', usually). I'd never used Frostfall before for similar reasons despite being very aware of it for years because of its popularity...I actually didn't dislike it though, and it really does make Skyrim feel harsher and like you have to prepare more for your journeys.

The thing about UltSky is that it's not just a big rec list of mods thrown together haphazardly. BelmontBoy has actually taken the enormous amount of time to patch all these mods together to make them work as one seamless, cohesive entity. Of course, it's not perfect - at the end of the day Skyrim was simply not designed with a lot of these features in mind, and the MCM configuration at the start of every new character you make is a huge pain in the ass. But once you get it going, the functions all fit pretty well together...planning my daily activities and general gameplay loop around the weather and time of day, making sure I drop into the tavern and have a bite to eat, deposit any goods in a safe chest and my (weighted) gold off with the bank service, and making sure I go to bed at a decent hour and sleep well.

Ultimately (heh) it makes Skyrim feel like a completely different game, and changes the way you play significantly. I may not agree with all of those changes, but I can't deny the appeal of having an easy to install pack that doesn't take me 3 weeks to perfect before I can play, and where the mods are all designed to work well with each other so unexpected conflicts don't pop up halfway into my playthrough when it's too late to fix them. The controller support and things like iEquip and EasyWheel are also conveniences that changed the game for me, and I will definitely be planning to make use of in future non-UltSky playthroughs as well...for that matter, I also found myself surprisingly enjoying the unpaused menus (though I disabled it for merchants because I got tired of their idle dialogue firing constantly while I was shopping).

Of course, being me, I did make some personal changes to my UltSky install (particularly things like Noxcrab's and kbeazy's Req and UltSky patches to tone down some of the more masochistic elements of Requiem), but the fact that it's as accessible and easy as it is to get up and running even for people who DON'T obsess over their load orders is a big deal, I think.

Is it the ultimate Skyrim experience? No, absolutely not. The ultimate Skyrim experience will always be the one you build yourself to your preferences, and don't have to make due with features you don't like. But I do really appreciate and respect the work BelmontBoy has done with Ultimate Skyrim, and I would absolutely recommend it to anyone who wants to try something a bit different.

Though I'm done playing it for the time being, I've still got another playthrough planned that I think will work pretty well with UltSky...it was a character I was really having fun with, but basically had to abandon due to mod complications fucking up my save and me not having the energy to troubleshoot. I think reviving him in UltSky would be pretty fun, so next time that Skyrim urge inevitably hits me, that's my plan.

—————————————— Ciconia no Naku Koro Ni: Phase 1 (Steam) FINAL VERDICT: Recommended ——————————————

Alright, alright. Ciconia’s not really a GAME, but as the first When They Cry in almost a decade I feel like it would be a crime for me to not include it on my list.

Worth noting, first of all, that I pretty much never buy games on day 1 at full price. I wait for them to go on sale for $20 or under, even if it means waiting a few years (which is why I'm usually so behind the times on the games I've played). But we've already waited 8 years since Umineko ended for the next When They Cry, when we didn’t even know if the franchise was gonna continue AT ALL. Besides that, the most fun part of a new WTC is getting to discuss it with people while it's exciting and fresh, and waiting around for a sale would mean missing out on all that. As it is, I didn't get into Umineko until a little before the release of EP5, so I missed out on all the live discussions for the question arcs while they were still new. I wasn't about to sit around and wait a year or more for the price to drop. Ciconia was a rare full-price day 1 purchase for me, and I finished it over the course of the release weekend.

Since I already reviewed the game after finishing my liveblog in the 07th Expansion Central Discord server, I’m going to basically reiterate and build upon what I said then when my thoughts were still fresh.

I enjoyed Phase 1 a lot and it definitely surprised me in how long it was, and how polished just about everything was (maybe except the small BGM selection, but that will surely be expanded in future phases). We had animations, detailed backgrounds and sprites, it definitely feels like a big improvement over Umineko in the presentation department...but it still falls victim to the same issue Umineko EP1 and Higurashi's Onikakushi had, something that Ryukishi seems to have trouble with in general - PACING.

To be FAIR, the whole setting of Ciconia did necessitate a lot more exposition than the previous When They Cry entries. Umineko and Higurashi took place in 1980's Japan - a time and place that actually existed. Ciconia takes place in the far future and had a LOT of worldbuilding Ryukishi basically had to establish from the ground up, not to mention taking place on a global scale featuring parts of the world that the average Japanese reader might not be familiar with, especially with how the factions of A3W also make those parts of the world so different than we know them today. So I DO understand why it had to drag on like that, to a degree, because Ryukishi clearly had a LOT he wanted to convey in both worldbuilding and social and political commentary (and a lot of what seemed like very clear Take Thats at people who missed and continue to miss the point of Umineko to this day, even after the EP8 manga adaptation should have cleared all doubts).

Even so...it's still hard to actually push through huge infodumps like that, before anything really engaging happens to hook you in. We had to learn about the state of the world and the factions and all the tech and just about everything and I do admire HOW MUCH worldbuilding he came up with here and how he managed to eventually explain just about all of it in a way that left me feeling like I had a pretty solid grasp on how the world worked...but at the same time, it was hard to just sit down and will myself to read through so much lengthy exposition.

I think if I had to compare it to Higurashi and Umineko's starting episodes, the beginning paced much better. Phase 1 was much LONGER than either of those two first installments, and it still managed to sprinkle a lot of intrigue into the early parts that made it a little easier to get into than, say, Higurashi spending an absurdly long time on the slice of life club game antics before the real meat of the story began, or Umineko going on and on ad nauseum about the family's history and financial problems when I'm just sitting here waiting for the witch to show up.

But while Higurashi and Umineko dragged their feet through the beginning, I think the worst of Ciconia's pacing was actually the MIDDLE section.

There was a point where it seemed that, after every genuinely interesting scene that left me curious and wanting more, I got teleported back to the bathhouse against my will to listen to the same 4 characters have the exact same conversation for 20 minutes before I could finally get back to the next interesting scene...only for it to happen again after that.

That endless pattern of:

>world is going to shit despite our efforts >we're just chess pieces and have no power >cheer up miyao you're having an impact on everyone and we can do it >let's protect the walls of peace together!!!! >shit goes wrong again, rinse, repeat

Look, I GET it. You're all comrades working together to support the walls of peace, and you're also treasured friends fighting against the corrupt and uncaring adults who don't understand or appreciate all you young gauntlet knights have had to endure for the sake of maintaining those walls of peace. And how no matter what they try to do to get you to hate each other or kill each other, you'll always be friends who will work together, to maintain the walls of peace!!! I GET IT. YOU DON'T NEED TO KEEP SAYING THE SAME THING OVER AND OVER. I KNOW that I am reading a When They Cry novel and that, to appreciate the full ironic pain that comes once these characters DO turn on each other and the cruel slaughter begins, I need to see them when they are insisting that they'll never hurt each other, but I'd rather SEE them bond than just be TOLD over and over that they're comrades supporting the walls of peace!!

The thing is, aside from a small handful (Cairo in particular), I DO feel like we got to see the characters bond. So why, on top of that, did we ALSO need to keep repeating walls of peace walls of peace walls of peace over and over again BESIDES? It felt like unnecessary padding at that point, when so many interesting things were going on, but we just had to keep cutting away from them to watch the same tired scene play out at least once per chapter.

It probably also doesn't help that Ciconia is a beast composed of two themes/genres I'm not really a big fan of - sci-fi/futuristic, and heavy political/social commentary. So the fact that the beginning was spent largely explaining all the futuristic sci-fi technology, and the middle was spent going on a lot about the political angle, may not have helped hold my interest as much. Not to say I didn't enjoy the story, just that those factors may have made it even harder for me to latch on than it may have been for other people. Still, I've heard a lot of people voice the pacing complaint for various reasons so I don't think it's ALL me, there.

In general, Phase 1 was a rollercoaster ride. I was really drawn in heavily by the conspiracy theory and mystery elements, but found myself grow bored during the more politically-charged parts. The social commentary was certainly topical and I appreciated the fact that Ryukishi had a lot he wanted to say (which almost seemed to be making up for how he kept Umineko vague due to it being 'difficult to talk about' certain key subjects of that story), but the parts about the strife between the factions over geographical and political issues were less engaging to me. The more conspiracy-laden bits of intrigue grabbed me a lot more - I felt a lot of overlap between that angle of the story and the early Assassin's Creed games (before the modern day got more and more shafted), with that strong angle of 'history is written by the winners and there's a whole bunch of stuff that happened in the past that is being deliberately covered up', and I really like that. The strong biblical undercurrent especially enhances that sort of mystique that makes ancient conspiracies so fascinating...the idea that there could be secrets from antiquity that have fallen into myth and legend due to the meddling of ancient sects like the Three Kings, seeking to guide humanity down what they consider to be 'the right path', regardless of how many lives are lost as they repeat their schemes over and over again.

For Phase 1, at least, there was a LOT going on, because so much had to be established. I imagine it'll get easier from this point now that all this stuff is out of the way, so we can focus more on how all these different elements intertwine. Hell, we spent all that time in the beginning talking about CPPs and Meow, but she basically faded off and became irrelevant halfway through the story. SURELY all that stuff was more than just Ryukishi talking some sense into the people who ignored Umineko's message, and will come into play more in future phases, but as of right now there's a lot of elements like that where it feels like we don't know enough to really speculate on how important it's going to be to the story. Right now there are so many things going on that it's hard to know what to focus on - content-wise, it feels like we got as much as 3 arcs' worth of Higurashi and Umineko. Of course, if Ciconia really is only going to be 4 phases long, that makes sense...but it does make it a lot harder to figure out what we should be paying attention to when SO much has happened already. The last 20 minutes of the game alone was far more of a mindfuck than anything in Higurashi or Umineko.

All in all I am very much looking forward to Phase 2 (which has already been delayed from its expected release of next May, though I already predicted that'd happen...does that make this a 'prophecy'?), and I've enjoyed discussing it all in the 07th Expansion Central Discord, so I feel like I got my money's worth already. Time will tell how Ciconia stacks up to the obsessive experience that Umineko was for me, but for better or worse, I have faith in Ryukishi to make this story a Hell of a ride.

—————————————— Kingdom Come Deliverance (Steam) FINAL VERDICT: Recommended (if the middle ages mysogyny doesn't put you off) ——————————————

I'd heard both good and bad things about KCD when it came out...people praised the attention to historical detail and realism, but complained about the plethora of bugs and performance issues (on PC anyway). I was a little surprised to see it offer a steep discount and free play weekend back in September, when the game only just came out in 2018, but I figured, why not give it a try since it's free? I ended up playing for almost 20 hours before the weekend ended, and found myself enjoying it more than I thought I would.

Coming right on the heels of my Ultimate Skyrim playthough, I was impressed by how much more enjoyable the RPG survival mechanics could be when a game was actually built with them IN MIND, rather than having to tack them on with mods. A lot of the core KCD features are similar to Requiem and UltSky - no auto-health regen, having to actually practice and train to get skilled using your weapons/armor, paying attention to your opponents in combat and not being able to win just by mashing attack, as well as having to keep yourself fed, rested, and so on. But since KCD was actually designed with all of these systems integrated, it felt a lot less clunky and tedious to manage them. I ended up being pretty sad that I didn't grab it during the sale before the free weekend ended and I found myself enjoying my UltSky playthrough a lot less after witnessing these kinds of 'hardcore' features done, well...better than Requiem does them.

The game went on sale again about 2 months later, and since it coincided with my birthday, I decided to go for it.

One thing I feel I've been getting more and more used to these days is the first-person perspective in games. It's always been something I've disliked compared to third person, and typically if a game gives me the choice I'll go with third every time. In crafting/survival games like ARK (which HAS third person but it kinda sucks), 7 Days to Die and even hearkening back to my Minecraft days of yore, first person was more tolerable and made sense because it's much easier to build things with a first person camera. It also makes sense for shooters because you get an unobstructed aim at your target - the same reason I'll usually switch into first for archery in Skyrim, even though I play everything else in third. But a full blown RPG in first, with no option to switch situationally, was still difficult for me to get used to. Once you understand the basics of how KCD's combat works and everything though, it's obvious why it wouldn't really WORK with a third person camera, so after a while it became second nature to me.

While I'm still not quite finished at the time of this review (just got out of the monestary and am wrapping up sidequests before getting locked into the final endgame story quests), I can say I've quite enjoyed the story so far. It's not exactly a groundbreaking premise - you start off in the Doomed RPG Hometown where you do your little tutorial missions and get a feel for how to play, then the bad guys storm through and slaughter everyone, including your parents, sparking the hero's quest for revenge. However, there's something about the characterization and the gravity of the situation (especially with Henry being a peasant and not a JRPG adventurer) still managed to suck me in. That scene near the beginning, when you're standing there on the castle ramparts in the rainy night, watching the lord of Talmberg try and deceive the enemy...and then explicitly disobey orders and flee back to Skalitz to bury your parents even though it's a foregone conclusion that it's a Very Bad Idea...there was something that just really gripped me and made me eager to find out what would happen next. Which, considering I was playing on a free weekend at this point, also worked really well from the standpoint of devs hooking you with a strong beginning enough to make you want to purchase the game.

Sure, with time, training, and enough money to buy some really good weapons and armor (or enough perseverance to win some in the weekly tournaments, like I did) you can turn Henry from a lowly blacksmith's son into an RPG God. BUT...it DOES take work to get there, and it feels believable as a result. You're handed a Really Nice Sword in the very beginning of the game but because you have no idea how to lose it you get your ass quickly handed to you, the sword stolen, and would be left for dead if not for the timely intervention of a neighbor. The thing is, though this event is of course scripted, it doesn't FEEL like the game is railroading me into purposefully losing a fight that I might have been able to win due to player skill...because at this point, Henry legitimately has no training!! No amount of savescumming (also made nearly impossible by the game's default save system, though I am using the unlimited save mod) or player cheesing could change the fact that a peasant who's never had to swing a real sword or fight for his life would get his shit kicked in by an actual trained warrior. Only after this event, when you have the opportunity to take lessons with Captain Bernard, can you actually learn proper (if basic, at first) sword techniques and work your way into becoming an actual man-at-arms.

That sense of actual growth and progression in Henry is a big part of what makes the experience fun, I think. You really do feel like you're a struggling nobody at the beginning, but as you work your way up in the world and become more respected by your peers and even the nobility, you start to feel like you earned it. You get to go from an unwashed peasant in dirty and torn-up clothes starting petty arguments with the local lord-to-be to a trusted and well-respected member of the local garrison, wearing your expensive and regularly-polished armor and listening to the people greet you accordingly. Does it have some of the power fantasy elements you'd expect from a zero-to-hero story? Maybe so, but they never felt like they were undeserved - all the respect my Henry got was due to his actions, and not just by virtue of being The Protagonist.

That said, there are some elements of the game that might not sit well with people. The game does take place in 1403 and its main selling point is its historical realism, and all that historical realism entails - but that doesn't mean the Medieval Misogyny is going to be tolerable for everyone playing it in 2019+1 and beyond. Females are generally cast in the roles you would expect of them during the time period and even the 'strong' female characters are still subservient to the men. That's how it was, and for a game that sells itself on its authenticity, it's a bit of a sticky thing to argue about. Likewise I've seen criticism about 'racism' simply because pretty much every character in the game is white...even though darker-skinned people would have been pretty rare to the area in that time period (possibly in Prague, but the game doesn't actually take you there, so that's a moot point). Still, while I don't think they're really fair arguments to make against the game for simply portraying things the way they were back then, it's still absolutely fair to say the game isn't for everybody and there's nothing wrong with people who might find the content offensive.

At the end of the day this is still a game where you are forced to play the role of a male character - this is not a create-your-own-hero game where you get to define who you are and what you look like and 100% of your character's backstory and personality. It's the story of Henry, and while you're given a lot of opportunities to play Henry as a respectable Knight or as an absolute Scoundrel as you please, it is still HENRY'S STORY - not yours. This is a game where there are achievements for having sex, and an achievement for remaining a virgin. You can use the bathhouses to have a good time and get yourself an 'alpha male' buff if you so choose (I've not once used them for anything but cleaning my clothes because I am staying loyal to Theresa). You'll bump into quests where you'll see things like a lord not wishing to purchase well-bred horses from a woman simply because she's a woman, or the very insinuation that you might want to help give a down-on-her-luck woman a job as a water carrier (physical work!!) absolutely ludicrous. All kinds of little things like that, which are in my opinion pretty minor in the grand scheme of misogyny in video games, but again...while I don't hold it against the game itself for its portrayal of the era, I also don't hold it against people who might be offended by these things to not play the game.

If you ARE willing to look past some occasionally uncomfortable 'historical accuracy', though, you'll find a very enjoyable RPG with largely likable characters and engaging (if not revolutionary) storytelling. The game mechanics are well-integrated and it feels less like I'm being forced to eat/drink/sleep/bathe and more like I'm willingly adopting a realistic schedule and means of planning my days. Once you master the combat system you can definitely feel like an unfuckable God, but all it takes is one extra enemy being alerted to your presence than you planned for, or a single failed block, to ruin your day and remind you that you are still a normal human being and not a supernatural video game war machine. If that kind of thing sounds less like a fun challenge and more like frustration to you, this is probably also not a game you will enjoy. Personally I really like it, and when I do get my shit kicked in it feels like it's my own fault for being too cocky and ill-prepared (great example: I never wear my helmet when I'm doing errands around town and talking to people because it seems rude as fuck but sometimes I forget to put it on when I travel and if I'm unlucky enough to run into a bandit ambush my head is now a very easy target). And that feels FAIR to me, unlike games where I fail because I didn't minmax enough or seek out some specific piece of OP gear that would allow me to cheese the situation instead of making use of my own skills and abilities.

I think it says a lot that this is one of the only games where I have considered doing a playthrough in Hardcore Mode, a mode that some games will include that is clearly designed for masochists who hate fun. But somehow, the idea of KCD in hardcore mode actually sounds the opposite to me, forcing me to REALLY pay attention to the gameplay systems I've largely become able to ignore by the lategame (I've literally had the Balanced Diet perk active for ingame weeks because it's so easy to keep my hunger between 80-90 just by eating from food pots). Whether I actually go through with it depends on how easily distracted I am (read: very) because I may just want to move on and play other games by the time I finish, but I can still see myself giving it another go someday and trying for those last elusive achievements.

In the end, I feel like KCD is one of those games, like Shadow of Mordor, where I'd love to see other RPGs take a page or two as reference. KCD's historical realism is one of the main things that sets it apart from your typical fantasy RPG, but I also think fantasy RPGs could benefit from those realistic elements (not just the need to eat/drink/sleep but also stuff like longer-lasting injuries, not being able to heal mid-combat, or people actually remembering and being pissed at you if you just robbed them blind the night before). But until that day comes, I'll settle for a KCD sequel.

—————————————— Divinity: Original Sin 2 (Steam) FINAL VERDICT: Unfinished ——————————————

I shouldn't even be playing this, since I've not yet finished the first one (still plan to, someday...I think I was like 2/3 through where I left off), but I grabbed it a little while back in a sale and started playing it with a friend.

As of this writing we're only just about to get off the introductory island and presumably end the first major story arc, so it's not really enough for a proper rating. However, it feels more or less like the first game, with a little more polish. The gameplay is pretty much exactly the same, and the writing has that same level of not taking itself too seriously. Feels like the kind of sequel that's basically 'it's the same core game but with a new story to tell', which isn't a bad thing, since the original was already quite good.

One major difference is that the characters seem more interesting this time around. In the first game, aside from the main duo that were basically just your own blank slate characters, you only had four other choices for your remaining two party members. I picked the mage and the archer since my main duo were a rogue and warrior type and I didn't want role overlap, but while the mage had a pretty robust and interesting backstory I thought the archer was a bit dull by comparison...and apparently that's because she and the rogue NPC were only added to the game later, so they weren't quite as enjoyably fleshed out as the mage and the warrior (who I didn't take). And even then, their stories felt a bit more...background? Sure, their personal quests tied into yours and you'd unravel bits and pieces along the way to help them resolve their own problems, but it never felt terribly integrated into the adventure of my main duo.

This time around, all the characters on the cover art are possible traveling companions with their own in-depth stories...but what's more, you can also choose to play as any one of them (or go the same route as the first game and just be your own character without a premade backstory). For my game with my friend we chose to play as two of the default characters, and are trying hard to stick to roleplaying in line with their backgrounds (and, also, villainous scoundrels). The interesting thing is that when you go that route you occasionally get in-character dialogue options that correspond to your character's backstory, in addition to the usual options. So while you're on one hand roleplaying as the character however you see fit, you also have the chance to explore the background story the creators envisioned for a particular NPC at the same time.

Again, I'm not really far enough to judge things like the story (though I am already a bit sick of how much has revolved around the dude I killed in the first story arc of the first game, like a thousand in-universe years before this game), but overall it feels like pretty much the same game as the first, just...a sequel. And again, that's not a bad thing. It's also fun to be doing it this time around in co-op, since the first game was so very clearly intended to be played that way too, but I was going it solo and just controlling both of the main characters (which made the occasional chances for disagreements between them very silly). Basically, if you like the first game, you'll probably like the second, but if you were hoping for something a little bit different than the first, you'd be disappointed.

—————————————— Conan Exiles (Steam) FINAL VERDICT: Bretty Gud ——————————————

Once again, I've been pulled in by a free weekend.

I'd heard various things about Conan Exiles...praise, complaints, and a lot of jokes about dick physics. But I've also been vaguely interested in it for seeming like ARK, minus the dinosaurs, but with the kind of satisfying third-person combat mechanics I like. So when it had a free (4-day!) weekend just before the start of the Steam holiday sale, I thought, why not give it a try?

I'll tell you why not - because it's ARK, minus the dinosaurs, but with the kind of satisfying third-person combat mechanics I like. In other words, the perfect ingredients to get me addicted to yet another survival/building game.

Now, I know next to nothing about Conan lore, but I also knew next to nothing about LoTR and I still had a blast playing Shadow of Mordor, so I knew that sometimes not having an extensive background of the source material can be okay. Conan Exiles is apparently extremely faithful to the original stories, and there is actually a LOT of lore sprinkled throughout the game. It's not unlike ARK's explorer notes, except they're all in English so I can actually read and understand them (turns out it's more engaging to read lore about a game within the game itself than on a wiki - who knew!!). And despite being an open-world survival/building game, it's also apparently got a concrete storyline with a concrete ending, which is pretty unheard of in this genre, so that's kinda cool.

At the moment I've only been playing in singleplayer. For the duration of the free weekend I chose to play completely vanilla - I don't like to mod games until I know the basic mechanics (so I know what sorts of things I'd LIKE to mod), but I also didn't touch any of the multipliers or anything either. I found the defaults a lot more forgiving than ARK's, but definitely still grindy. Once I decided to buy I started installing a couple mods and bumped my multipliers a bit. By that time I already had my current base built (though I'm thinking of moving) so I started just flying around in admin mode and building other stuff, particularly with modded structures (the Egyptian-style building kit was a lot of fun to play with).

The building mechanics are basically the same as ARK's, but refined and generally feel smoother. The snap points can still be a bit finicky but things seem to go where I want them to a lot more often than with ARK, and I've had a LOT less problems with my ceilings. The fact that the base game includes triangle pieces and didn't need to buy out a very popular mod to include them is also a plus. There's a bit more variety in pieces, too, like several different styles of roofing - not to mention the wealth of decoration items in the base game. Because of that this game seems to have a strong appeal to roleplayers, but to me it strongly appeals to my childhood fascination with LEGO and building crazy structures that I would then furnish and decorate with my other small non-LEGO toys. With ARK, unless you're lucky enough to find a server with a bunch of eco's mods, decoration options are sparse, so I really do appreciate all the clutter items the base game gives me to play with (and of course there are also mods that add hundreds more).

Then comes the part where the game feels like a totally different animal from ARK - general exploration and combat. In ARK, the main gameplay loop is taming stronger and stronger dinosaurs to perform harvesting tasks for you and to fight other dinosaurs or players. You can station them around your base to keep it safe from intruders, or start breeding OP ones to take into the boss arenas. The whole appeal of the game is to tame and ride dinosaurs, so aside from your first hour or so trying to survive on foot that's basically what you'll be using for all your traveling and fighting needs.

Of course, one of the main gameplay loops in Conan Exiles is capturing NPCs and having them run your crafting stations and guard your base, not unlike raising your dinos, and you can even capture baby animals and raise them as companions. But while you can bring (one) thrall or animal follower along with you on journeys, for the most part you are alone in these harsh lands surviving by your own skills. The most recent update introduced horses, but the riding controls leave a lot to be desired at the moment so I've mostly just been walking across the land on foot...which is harsh, and makes you really think about what you need when you set off on a long journey from home (food, water, healing items, tools, weapons, stuff to repair your equipment with if it breaks...and all of that stuff weighs you down if you haven't buffed your encumbrance, so coming back with your arms full of loot can be tricky).

While it can be a bit of a pain when you're accustomed to mount-based traveling in games like ARK, it does also solve one of ARK's biggest problems IMO - once you get a flier, you will never want to use anything else, and you can just avoid 99% of the danger on the map by flying everywhere. It's a problem I've started going out of my way to circumvent, but in Conan Exiles it's the default state. Even if they flesh out and improve mounts more, I think it'd be a bit awkward compared to solo traveling because the map is designed in such a way that you'll have to climb a lot of places, and I think that makes it a bit refreshing compared to ARK's 'you can get almost everywhere better and more safely on a dino's back so why would you ever risk otherwise' gameplay.

There's also a lot of fighting, and in my experience mounted combat is almost never good in any game that attempts it - especially if said game (like Conan Exiles) has a robust system of combos and dodging/blocking for normal combat, but mounted combat basically has to boil down to wildly swinging your weapon while also trying to maneuver around and both HIT the enemy and also not get hit BY the enemy. Seriously, the only game that I've played that did mounted combat RIGHT was Assassin's Creed Origins, because there were also mounted enemies everywhere, the horse was very easy to maneuver, and you got different weapon animations on horseback so you didn't have to deal with weird hitbox issues while trying to flail your weapon around blindly like an idiot. Also your horse actually did trample damage instead of ghosting through anything that crossed its hooves. Rant aside, I feel like it's the kind of game that was so thoroughly designed WITHOUT mounts in mind that having mounts would only make it feel weird, and running barefoot across the sand is an inherent part of the experience.

What I was going to say before I went off on a tangent was that combat in ARK - because you rely so heavily on your mounts - basically boils down to 'one button to chomp, one button to stomp'. If you're lucky the dino may even have a THIRD type of chomp/stomp/tail whip. It's very much a mash-attack-to-win affair where the stats of your creature matter more than your actual skill, which, to be fair, it's a game where breeding creatures with ideal stats IS part of the appeal so that's fine. But it can get a little boring to just go around on a rex and kill anything with a few chomps, where your only other 'ability' is a roar that's basically just cosmetic and has no special function.

Conan Exiles' combat is more of an actual feature of the game than a simple consequence of 'needing' to be able to hunt and kill things for the sake of survival and resource gathering. It's all about mixing up your light and heavy combos, of which different weapons have different types and also attack speeds. Different weapons may also have different abilities, like inflicting bleeding damage or slowing your enemy down. Which weapon you choose can come down to personal preference or experience, or it could be situational depending on where you're going and what you're planning to fight. For the first half of my playtime I basically stuck to dual-wielding daggers (dat bleed damage) but reached a point where I wanted something one-handed so I could use a shield and block arrows, or hold a torch when delving into caves and other dark places and still see what was attacking me. So I picked up an axe off a dead enemy and, despite being a lower tier than my steel daggers, was doing WAY more damage. Suddenly I felt like a God, mowing down an entire pirate ship full of enemies effortlessly when before I'd have to dodge out of the way long enough to eat some food and recover my health a bit while the bleeding damage slowly ticked away at them. From what I've read online, two-handed swords or pikes are 'the best' weapons, but I'm quite happy with my axe and my shield, and it makes me feel very fittingly barbarian-y as I hack my enemies to pieces, see them driven before me, and yadda yadda that one famous Conan quote.

As far as story progression and whatnot goes, I've only done the first dungeon and basically I'm just running around capturing thralls, pets, and looking for cool locations to build stuff. While I do think it's neat that the game has an actual 'progression' and a conclusive ending, I'm not too worried about it because that's not the reason I (or assumedly most people) play games like this. I'll probably get to it eventually...then again, I had more than 1000 hours in ARK before I fought a boss for the first time, so we'll see. I'm already starting to get a bit bored with singleplayer since I've started abusing my admin powers a bit too much, so I'd like to look for a decent server soon that's got some of the mods I like, but also won't force me into roleplaying with strangers. Ideally I'd love to be able to play with friends, but I don't know if any of my ARK friends would like it because it lacks the dinosaur appeal...so I might just have to venture off into the world by myself and...ugh. Talk to people, I guess.

Either way I am having fun, and I can see myself probably coming back to it when I just wanna chill out and BUILD something, much like I do in ARK.

#sg2 plays video games #sg2's game reviews #now to figure out how to boil down these term paper essay tier reviews into something more fit for a twitter thread #usually I just write these for my own archival purposes anyway so it's not like I expect anyone to bother reading them #but I just can't be satisfied letting the images speak for themselves and I don't know how to NOT ramble and overshare about my experiences

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cardboard-moon · 6 years

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40 Things You Never Wanted To Know About Me

You probably already know me decently well or else you wouldn’t be reading this, so instead of rehashing the basic (boring) “getting to know me” questions I dug a little deeper and asked myself about what’s really important. Here is the result: 40 Things You Never Wanted To Know About Me. Enjoy!

1. What Parks and Rec character am I?

While I could argue for almost everyone on the show I’m probably most like Ben Wyatt: a white, brunette, and sad man who eats soup alone on a park bench (minus his love of math and rollerskate kink)

2: Top 5 books?

To Kill a Mockingbird, The Secret History, A Prayer for Owen Meany, The Help, 11/22/63

3: Top 5 movies?

Chinatown, Star Wars, Rear Window, National Treasure (nick cage can be good in small doses ok) and Nancy Drew (2007)

4: Top 5 shows?

Parks and Rec, B99, That 70′s Show, Mad Men, Arrested Development

5: Top 10 most iconic vines?

1) Chris is that a weed/Mary is that a police

2) Hi My Name is Trey I have A Basketball Game Tomorrow

3) Rebecca It’s Not What You Think

4) The one where the girl is just hitting elmo with a baseball bat

5) Anything Kermit but esp. the one where he falls off the building

6) You Know This Boy Got His Free Taco

7) 2 Bros Chillin in the Hot Tub

8) Waelcom to my Keeetchen we have bananis and avocadis

9) Whoever Threw That Paper Your Mom’s A Hoe

10) i spilled lipstick in your valentino bag (yOU SPILLED WHAHULAUG LIPSTICK IN MY VALENTINE WHITE BAG)

6: Where do I see myself in 21 years?

One of my dreams in life is to marry the heir to a prestigious winery out in wine country. I have a vision of myself at 39, waking up at 10 AM on a tuesday and standing on my private balcony in my state-of-the-art spanish stucco villa. i am drinking a chardonnay despite the early hour whilst i observe my grape empire in my silk negligee. the only event planned for the day is a portrait sitting for my rottweilers (4 of them), for which i have arranged spaces in the family’s private art gallery. i am aging well despite the harsh california sun and my partner and i have a trip to tuscany planned for the fall. it’s a charmed life and i never tire of eating grapes

7: Top 5 favorite cryptids

1) Nessie (Nessie is a true lady I believe in her)

2) Mothman (not real)/ el chupacabra (possibly real)

3) the kraken (definitely real)

4) Bigfoot (not real but a legend anyways)

5) the yeti (real only in russia)

8: Do I Believe in Ghosts

It’s a complicated topic and of course we will likely never know for sure but the short answer is yes. in my opinion though, what ghosts are is the important question: are they really the dead coming back to haunt the earth? are they just manifestations of energy that the mind interprets into recognizable shapes? hallucinations? or is it wish fulfillment and the reduction of tensions on a heavy conscience? our brains are capable of powerful things, but it begs the question as to whether if a human desperately wants something to be true does the human mind have the power to make it true? c. s. lewis mentioned once that he never understood the ghost debate since, given that ghosts are real, they have no real power over us or anything interesting to say. but i believe that just goes to show how the mystery is far often more important than the solution.

9: Best/Worst Month of the Year

Best: May/November (spring/fall in full swing, holidays, time off school, great atmosphere) Worst: August (too dang hot & start of school)

10: What is one of my embarrassing secrets

I didn’t learn how to tie my shoes until I was nine (velcro ftw)

11: What is my Dream Date

We go cryptid hunting in the woods and have a picnic in the dark; you supply dogs for entertainment and guardianship purposes, i supply drinks and the cryptozoological myths we are chasing. Afterwards we get gelato

12: Top 3 Presidents

(this is based solely on arbitrary opinion not policies) 1) Barry Obama 2) Lincoln 3) Millard Fillmore (his name is funny)

Honorable mention: jimmy carter (he was the only noncorrupt man in office for like 30 years before barry)

13: Top 3 Vice Presidents

1) John Adams, if nothing else but for the drama this man caused 2) Walter Mondale 3) the big boy JB

Honorable Mention: Nichard Rixon

14: Top 3 Secretaries of State

1) Madeline Albright 2) Henry Clay 3) Elihu P. Washburn

(note: secretaries of state have the funniest names, like Hamilton Fish (1869-1877) rest easy Mr. Fish)

15: Worst Activity they make you do in middle school PE

Middle school P.E. is the worst in general but I’m going to say either grading you on your shotput skills (?) or BMI (??) or just the tuesday run in general (luther kids know)

16: Top 4 Worst Scents

1) Washing a knife covered in peanut butter 2) Really cheap perfume that they sell in checkout lines at convenience stores 3) Olives 4) organic deodorant

17: Top 7 Conspiracy Theories

1) The Denver Airport is an underground military fallout shelter designed to protect the 1% from nuclear warfare

2) A Roman pope adjusted the Gregorian calendar so that his reign would fall on 1000 AD so we’re actually living in the year 1783

3) Paul McCartney is dead and was replaced prior to the Seargant Pepper album by a lookalike named Billy Shears

4) The state of Wyoming is a myth

5) Avril Lavigne died and was replaced back in the early 00’s

6) The Titanic sank because too many people went back in time to prevent it from sinking

7) Not to be cliche George Bush and the military-industrial complex orchestrated the 9/11 attacks (jet fuel can’t melt steel beams and all that)

18: Inside jokes with myself

I’m not usually a “gamer” but every year without fail someone introduces me to a game exactly at finals time and I get hooked and it ruins my gpa and study habits. This year it’s Stardew Valley, last year it was Dream Daddy and the year before that it was undertale and I blame Jojo for absolutely all of it bc they are usually the instigator. Anyway, every year I joke with myself about what game will derail my grades this year

19: Top 5 Worst Tactile Sensations

1) Putting tights or leggings on wet, hairy legs post-shower

2) Running fingernails along cardboard

3) Sweating in a turtleneck

4) Having wet, salty hair after swimming that drips down onto your back and makes the top of your shirt damp

5) Reaching into a bag of grapes and only finding really soft, slimy ones

20: Best Cat I’ve ever encountered

One time my friend and I were leaving Romancing the Bean and walking back to her car and the fattest, fluffiest, softest ginger cat I’ve ever seen came trotting up to us and flopped over at our feet. He was such a good boy!!! And so friendly with strangers!! He was very well groomed and just wanted some love, and whenever we stopped petting him he would jump up onto our legs and leave little wet paw prints everywhere, I wanted to kidnap him

21: Best dog I’ve ever encountered

All of them

22: Best squirrel I’ve ever encountered

My dad has befriended a squirrel named Nutty that likes to sneak into his office when the door’s open and steals peanuts. if the door is closed he’ll bang on it and scream until we acknowledge him

23: If I were a furry what would my fursona be

I do not know because I am not a furry. HOWEVER someone who is well-versed in furry matters told me once that I would be one of those long, nervous dogs like a greyhound maybe and tbh I could see it

24: Favorite/Least Favorite Disneyland Rides

My favorite has always been haunted mansion, except for the halloween season when it’s nightmare before christmas and then it’s thunder mountain. I just love the outside atmosphere of the house bc I’m a slut for that southern gothic architecture style. Worst is splash mountain because there’s no seatbelt and LOGICALLY i know I don’t need one but it doesn’t stop me from having a panic attack every time I get on and we go up the big hill as I worry about being flung from the toboggan across the park

25: Least favorite restaurant within 10 mile radius of my house

I live over by Porto’s so I am #blessed to be surrounded by some really dope food. However there is a hipster place a couple of blocks over in Toluca Lake that only serves bizarre food like fried chicken in maple syrup with waffle fries and it’s surprisingly bland, so the lack of taste combines with how expensive it is probably makes it the worst (it’s also forgettable bc I can’t even remember its name)

26: Rank of JBHS history department according to how good of a parent they would be

9.Mr. Bixler - I have never had this man so I can’t say shit. NA/10

8. Ms. Snowden - I’ve never had her either but I’ve heard enough about her between Burroughs and Luther to know that this woman is kind of scary, intimidating and uptight, all things I personally do not desire in a parent. 2/10

7. Mr. Hatch - I love Scott Hatch but he is a tremendous mess of a man. Judging by his wife’s instagram photos his idea of parenting is taking naps while cuddling his children and letting his wife do the rest of the hard work. Plus he seems like the type to be too wrapped up in his own melodrama and too busy hangin out with his best friend Edward Frankenbush playing Xbox to pay much attention to his kids. However, he did skip the first day of school to take his daughter to kindergarten so he gets points for that. 4/10

6. Mr. Lee - Mr. Lee is a very respectable guy who seems like he does a very good job providing for his family. He’s ranked as middle of the road because he’s a naturally private person so I can’t speak to his parenting tactics or personality much, however the few stories he shared about his daughter were very cute and he does the typical teacher/parent things like making her his screensaver on his computer. Overall, a very quality dad and man, 6.5/10

5. Mr. Fitz - Kyle Fitzgerald is similarly a mess of a man, but the difference between him and Scott Hatch is that he seems to make an investment in his kid. He always talks about current events in terms of what idiocy his poor daughter will have to put up with which shows his devotion to her well-being and survival in a confusing world. Also he brought her in to go swimming once while I was working at Verdugo and I got to see them having a great time on the splash pad and it warmed my heart. Great dad 7/10

4. Mr. Piper - Richard Piper is such a good father but in a detached way. He loves talking about his son and wife just as much as he loves talking about planes. The real kicker? When he talks about taking his son ON planes and geeking out over history together. He also asked all of his classes for people looking for tutoring work when his son was struggling in math which is so cute. Good guy Rick gets an 8/10.

2. (tie) Mr. Frankenbush and Ms. Hacker - Ed and Jan are both beautiful people. I know Ms. Hacker is #divisive but I personally am a big fan and would die to have her guidance in my daily life. She’s always interested in what’s going on in people’s lives and sure she’s definitely chaotic but it’s a loving chaos that’s only looking to help other people. I’ve not had the pleasure of having Mr. Frankenbush but he always is hanging out with his son Joey and they love coming to the Burroughs pool and playing water polo together; they spend a lot of time together since his wife works so much and they have such a buddy friendship. Both of these lovely people are super devoted and invested in the youth and would make great parents. 9/10

1. Mr. Clark - A god. We don’t deserve this man and I can’t sing his praises enough. Were were all lucky enough to be Greg’s children I don’t think evil would exist in the world. 11/10

27: Worst book I read for school

Hands down Tale of Two Cities since it’s the only one I’ve never finished. Dickens just doesn’t do it for me I guess plus I get really tired of the one dimensional characters and how much he romanticizes Lucy

28: Favorite little-known tidbit of history

When Richard Nixon went to Soviet Russia as Eisenhower’s VP during the cold war his secret service agents detected higher than usual amounts of radiation coming from Nixon’s hotel room, so they started talking loudly about it bc they knew the Soviets had planted buds and were listening. Within like an hour the radiation had vanished and they never heard anything about it again so man Soviet’s ain’t sly

29: 5 Places in Burbank That Are Definitely Haunted

1. Coral Cafe for obvious reasons, look up the ghost on youtube

2. The View seems like it would have some kind of el chupacabra-esque creature prowling around, maybe a mountain lion hybrid

3. Fry’s Electronics

4. The abandoned train station under the bridge

5. The LA river by the equestrian center

30: Rank of all the AP classes i took in order of entertainment value

9) AP Bio: I liked bio but the class wasn’t very entertaining. There’s not a lot of humor in bacteria and cells, and Mr. Van Loo is much more of a calming than a humorous and chaotic presence, so overall it takes the hit as the least entertaining class.

8) AP Stats: Math is similarly not very entertaining, but Mrs. Hollingshed’s erratic personality gives it the edge over Bio. Definitely more humorous than expected of a math class.

7) AP Econ: I bombed econ and business/money isn’t very entertaining but Jan Hacker made it so thanks to her chaos (love her though).

6) AP Euro: European history is incredibly iconic because, spoiler alert, Europeans are idiots and historically speaking everything that can go wrong, will go wrong. I just wish I remember it since I think idiot sophomore Lily slept through most of the class so needless to say I didn’t soak up much of the entertainment value. If it were up to me I’d take it over again and maybe stay awake this time.

5) AP Lit: Lit was just as much challenging and intimidating as it was entertaining, so it balances out. Mrs. Caluya is notably iconic and the books we read were all pretty interesting so it gets a high vote from me.

3) (tie) Gov/APUSH: History is always entertaining in my eyes since people do stupid things out of pettiness. These two tie for different reasons: Mr. Piper is a great teacher and that mock trial we did for the industrial age was great, but the subject was also extremely entertaining overall. I loved reading about how John Adams made making fun of him illegal. Gov was mostly just entertaining because of Mr. Hatch and how salty his is about the government. His sarcastic comments about how corrupt everything is gave life to an otherwise pretty lifeless subject.

2) AP Lang: aka the class with no curriculum, or the Kuglen Hour. I love Mr. Kuglen so much and he is responsible for 99% of the amusement in the class. I somehow learned how to be a better writer by listening to him complain about Trump and everything else under the sun for an hour every day so it was well worth it. Also who doesn’t like a class where you read Dave Sedaris for homework?

1) AP Psych: Without question, this is the epitome of entertainment. Psychology is just a mishmash of people trying to figure out why humans are as stupid as we are and why we do dumb things. Add in all the iconic psychologists and history and a class led by salty Mr. Hatch and you have a recipe for an entertaining year.

31: Top 5 Iconic JBHS teachers that I NEVER had (no particular order)

Mr. Peebles: A quirky man who I would have loved were I any good at math whatsoever

Mr. Arakelian: Band kids hate him but the stories I hear are so frickin iconic that I wish I could be an honorary band kid for a day and see the horror firsthand. If you have Arakelian stories please send them my way I’d love to hear about your pain

Mr. Frankenbush: A sad boi who everyone should get to experience and I regret never having.

Dr. Madooglu: He was so kind to me after the failed anti-trump lunchtime protest last year and he didn’t even know me. I wish I could’ve experienced him as a teacher.

Mr. Clark: The man, the myth, the legend

32: List of some iconic swim horror stories

Charlie breaking his hand after he lost a race and punched the gutter as hard as he could

Some idiot JV boys smearing poop all over the Burbank High locker room

The entire JV team getting Burroughs swim banned from Islands

Me almost passing out at the Los Amigos meet last year after I didn’t eat or sleep all day

Everyone always feigning illness or injury to get out of swimming the 4x100 relay

Getting in trouble for watching boys volleyball practice instead of doing the weight room sets

Every. Single. 5AM morning practice before school.

When coach martin finally figured out how periods work and suddenly we couldn’t use that as an excuse for not swimming anymore

33: What Office Character Would I Be

A mix between Angela, Oscar, and Kelly (we love our dramatic icons)

34: #1 Thing I’d Bring With Me to a Desert Island

Castaway for instructional purposes

35: What Would I call my memoir

Schadenfreude

36: 7 Best Buzzfeed Unsolved Episodes (no particular order)

This is one of my favorite shows so these are my recommendations:

1. 3 Horrifying Cases of Ghosts and Demons - one of the very first and best episodes; a 45-minute special where the Boys investigate the Winchester house in San Francisco, the Island of the Dolls in Mexico, and the Sallie House in Kansas

2. The Strange Disappearance of D. B. Cooper - A man going by the name of Dan Cooper hijacked a plane, demanded money and passage to Mexico, and then at some point jumped out of the plane and was never seen again. To this day no one knows his identity or his fate despite some of the ransom money turning up in a river somewhere.

3. The Haunted Halls of Waverly Hills Hospital - Ryan and Shane explore an abandoned asylum in Pennsylvania and some creepy stuff ensues. One of the best supernatural episodes

4. The Thrilling Gardner Museum Heist - An almost hilarious story (with reenactments!) about a seriously inept security guard and the loss of some of the world’s most beloved paintings. This was one of the first episodes after they started making money and the production quality is off the charts

5. The Scandalous Murder of William Desmond Taylor - Another excellent reenactment story about one of Hollywood’s first and biggest scandals, the suspicious murder of a leading film producer.

6. The Enigmatic Death of the Isdal Woman - A woman’s body was found suspiciously burned in the European wilderness and no one knows who she is or how exactly she was killed. Watch if you like espionage!

7. The Strange Killing of Ken Rex McElroy - An entire town seemingly rose up to murder a douchey, violent pedophile. One of the only episodes that’s actually happy?

37: 6 Things I would Have Changed About High School

1. Definitely would have joined yearbook as soon as I could

2. Wouldn’t have forced myself to swim for all 4 years; if the passion’s gone then you shouldn’t force it. It’s just a sign that you need to move on to better things

3. I would’ve taken more AP’s and maybe tried another stem ap class. I’ve always been self-conscious about how bad I am at math, but I’ve gotten a little better over the years and instead of being too afraid to challenge myself I would’ve liked to see how I could do and prove myself.

4. Worrying less about grades!! I killed myself over my grades for like three years and then I just kind of let myself go. I would have let myself have who knows how many more hours of sleep and taken the L on a couple of assignments; I’m still learning that my health is more important than perfection.

5. Meeting the right people! I wouldn’t have restricted myself to a few friends and would have branched out more by joinng stuff like JSA. It sucks meeting the right people your senior year and realizing that I was hanging out with the wrong people this whole time.

6. Spanish instead of French.

38: What Would I Name My Farm Animals if I had A Farm

I’d definitely name them all after female Shakespearian characters. My cows would be Hippolyta and Titania from Midsummer, my horse would be Desdemona from Othello, my chickens would be Gonereil, Regan, and Cordelia from King Lear and my goat would be named Gertrude from Hamlet

39: Most Useless Talent I Have

I have a really strong internal clock so when I don’t think about it too hard and guess intuitively I can usually predict how much time has passed/what time it is without looking at a clock. It’s really only useful for estimating how much time I wasted standing in the shower staring at the wall

40: Top Regret After Writing This:

Writing this instead of studying for my econ test in seven hours.

Thanks for reading!

#writer's project #thanks jen for assigning this i had fun

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dipulb3 · 4 years

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Behold: A color-changing smart bulb that isn't stupidly expensive

New Post has been published on https://appradab.com/behold-a-color-changing-smart-bulb-that-isnt-stupidly-expensive/

Behold: A color-changing smart bulb that isn't stupidly expensive

I’ve long held that connected lighting is one of the most sensible smart home upgrades you can invest in — in part, because it really doesn’t need to be much of an investment. Perfectly decent smart bulbs can be had for less than the price of a pizza, and once you buy in, you’ll use them each and every day, complete with the convenience and comfort of automated lighting that you can control with your voice.

Terrific value

Supports voice control via Alexa, Siri and Google Assistant

Fully featured app

Bright, good-looking white light tones, mostly accurate color quality

Additional bulb shapes coming soon

Don’t Like

Many color presets don’t play well with Alexa or Google

Not compatible with Philips Hue’s apps or integrations

Can’t trigger animated presets with voice

No Apple HomeKit support

There’s an exception though, or an asterisk perhaps, and that’s smart bulbs that can change colors. Even as the price of LED lights fell steadily over the past five years or so, color-changing bulbs from well-established names like Philips Hue and Lifx continued to sell at a steep premium. Even if you caught a good sale, you’d be lucky in most cases to get one for anything less than $30.

Things seem to be turning a corner in 2020, though — most notably with the Philips Wiz Connected Smart Wi-Fi LED. Available at Home Depot for just $13 each, it’s a full-fledged color-changer that needs no hub, and it supports voice control via Alexa, Google Assistant or Siri Shortcuts. Its colors aren’t quite as bright or vivid as you’ll get from our top performer in the color-changing category, the Lifx Mini LED, but they still do an admirable job at splashing accurate, eye-catching shades across your walls. Despite the fact that it doesn’t work with the Philips Hue app or with Hue’s immense list of third-party integrations, the bulb still finds plenty to offer via the surprisingly well-featured Wiz app.

All of that makes these bulbs a terrific and worthy value pick if you’re interested in changing up the colors in your home — and newly announced bulb shapes like a candelabra bulb and an outdoor-rated PAR38 bulb make it easy to expand your setup to include any fixture you like. If you’re interested in deeper integrations with third-party products and services, or advanced features that can sync your lights with your TV or with your music, then you’ll still need to spend up on something from Philips Hue, Lifx or Nanoleaf — but for simple, voice-activated, color-changing light that you can control and program from your phone, these Wiz Connected bulbs will do the trick for a fraction of the cost.

Light bulb basics

For the most part, the Philips Wiz Connected LED works like any other light bulb — just screw it in and turn it on when you want light. The default setting puts out a claimed 800 lumens of brightness at a yellowy color temperature of 2,700 K. That’s the same as you’ll get from a standard 60-watt incandescent light bulb, but since this is an LED we’re talking about, the power draw is much less — just 8.5 watts.

Those energy savings are worth noting. If you turned the Philips Wiz Connected LED on at full brightness and left it on for an entire year, it’d only add a little over $8 to your energy bill. For comparison, that old-fashioned, 60-watt incandescent would add almost $60 to your bill over the same stretch. Replace a bulb like that with the Philips Wiz Connected LED, then use it for an average of three hours per day — it’ll pay for itself in energy savings in about two years, then keep on shining for another 20 years.

The Philips Wiz Connected LED (center) is about as bright as a Lifx Mini White or Philips Hue LED at its default, soft white setting — but its colors aren’t as bright as those competitors.

Ry Crist/CNET

As for the brightness, I’m still working from home without access to my lighting lab, so I can’t double-check the specific lumen count just yet. Still, in comparison with other bulbs I’ve tested in the past, including the Philips Hue White LED, it’s easy to see that the Philips Wiz Connected LED does just fine at default settings. That’s much better than the original Wiz LED, which was released before 2019, when the Hong Kong-based startup was purchased by Signify (formerly known as Philips Lighting). That bulb was too dim at its default setting, and only hit peak brightness at an awkward white light color temperature of 4,200 K.

The colors are much less bright than the white light settings, which is to be expected. What’s important is that they’re bright enough to make an impact, and for the most part, accurate in tone — though, it struggles to put out bold shades of yellow or orange. In some cases, the presets used by Alexa and Google aren’t the greatest, either. Ask either assistant for pink, for instance, and you’ll get milky white light.

Color quality is mostly accurate, but the bulb’s palette has a few weak spots.

Ry Crist/CNET

Ugly-looking pinks aside, stalwarts like red, blue and green come through just fine — and if you open the Wiz app, you’ll find a color selector with dozens of different settings, including oddball Crayola rejects like “Razzmatazz,” “Free Speech Green” and “Gorse.” What’s extra odd is that Alexa and Google seem to recognize some of these settings (including a great-looking “Deep Pink”), but not all of them. Google Assistant seemed to recognize more of them, at least, sort of. When I asked it to jump to the “Macaroni and Cheese” setting, it triggered that ugly, milky white again — but that’s better than I got from Alexa, which just looked at me funny before adding mac and cheese to my grocery list.

The app also features a number of “dynamic” color settings that cycle through various shades. Some, like “Ocean” or “Forest,” follow a theme, while others just dance between random colors for romantic mood lighting, party-appropriate dance floor lights, or a simulated candle-like flicker. My big quibble here? There’s no way to activate these with your voice or via any third-party integration. You either have to turn them on in the app, or buy a physical Wiz remote and assign them to its customizable preset buttons.

The Wiz app lets you choose between a long list of simple and dynamic color presets, as well as timed fades and a full color selector.

Screenshots by Ry Crist/CNET

An app that’s filled with tricks

With a clean interface and plenty of guidance, the Wiz app is simple enough to use — but what’s striking about it is the number of features it boasts, some of which you won’t even find in the Philips Hue or Lifx apps.

You’ll start by turning your bulb on and beginning the pairing process, which requires you to connect to the bulb’s Wi-Fi network so the app can add it onto your home network. It’s especially simple because the bulb uses its color capabilities to signal you along the way. For instance, when you set the bulb to pairing mode, it’ll start pulsing purple once its Wi-Fi network is ready for you to connect.

With the bulb up and running, you’ll specify the room it’s in and give it a name. From there, you’ll be able to turn it on and off and dim it up and own from the home screen. To change the color, tap whatever color is listed as “now playing” to pull up a full list of preset options, as well as the color selector where those oddly named shades are located. I just wish Wiz would relocate this color selector to the home screen so you don’t need an extra tap and scroll in order to pull it up.

Tapping the little gear icon pulls up the system settings, as well as the specific light settings for all of your bulbs. There are tons of neat features tucked away here, including an option to customize how long it takes for the light to fade between changes, and also an energy use tracker. You won’t get either of those with the Philips Hue app.

The Wiz app features a bounty of interesting features, including scenes, schedules, energy monitoring, automated vacation lighting, custom fade durations and a “Rhythm Mode” that lets you plot out a day’s worth of repeatable lighting changes.

Screenshots by Ry Crist/CNET

Other features include the usual options for saving scenes and for scheduling lighting changes, as well as a “Rhythm Mode” that lets you set the lights to automatically cycle between up to five custom settings at different times of the day. The app starts you off with a circadian mode that automatically adjusts the lights between energizing cool white tones when you wake up and relaxing soft white tones in the evening, with a night light for when you’re asleep. If you’d rather build your own Rhythm that automatically triggers Party Mode whenever your work-from-home day is over, hey, more power to you.

What’s especially nice about the feature is the way Wiz visualizes it with a ring-shaped timeline. Once you plot a lighting change on it — say, lights on at 7 a.m. — it’s a cinch to slide that marker around the ring to make fine adjustments to the schedule. It’s similar to the Lifx app’s Day & Dusk feature, which plots lighting changes along a line graph. I like the Wiz approach even better.

The Wiz app makes it easy to connect with third-party platforms like Alexa.

Screenshots by Ry Crist/CNET

As for integrations, the Wiz app supports Alexa, Google Assistant, IFTTT and a handful of other, smaller smart home platforms. The app does a great job of making it easy to connect with them — for instance, when you tap the option for adding Alexa, it’ll switch apps and send you directly to the authentication page in the Alexa app.

The big, missing integration is Apple HomeKit, but you can still use Siri to control these bulbs if you’re willing to use Apple’s Shortcuts app, which lets you trigger your apps with custom Siri commands. It’s a more limited experience than you get with HomeKit, which lets you program and control devices from various brands in Apple’s Home app, but it does the job. For example, I created a shortcut that turns any Wiz lights in my bedroom on just by saying, “Hey Siri, cue the lights.” That’s probably not enough for anyone who’s already seriously invested in Apple HomeKit, but it’s enough for the bulb to say that it supports voice controls by all three of the major voice assistants, so I’ll give it a passing grade.

I also appreciated the Wiz Connected privacy policy, which does a better job than most of explaining the company’s data practices in plain English. Per that policy, the only info Wiz collects when you use its bulbs are unique product identifiers and diagnostic information, as well as things like a Home ID and specific user preferences from using the app. Wiz also says that it does not share user data with any third parties for the purposes of targeted advertising.

Ry Crist/CNET

The verdict

Color-changing smart bulbs are futuristic and flashy, and they make the smart home fun. That’s why they’ve always been so much more expensive than white light smart bulbs — not because RGB diodes cost a fortune, but because they can have a dramatic impact on the way your home looks and feels. For years, manufacturers have translated that into markup, positioning full-color smart lighting as a luxury.

That’s all well and good for manufacturers, but look back through the last five years of smart home coverage on our site and on others, and count how many times we’ve used pictures of bedrooms and living rooms lit with fancy colors to connote the connected living space. It’s an easy visual for the fun futurism of the smart home, and it’s become one of the first things people imagine when they envision the category as a whole. In other words, these things shouldn’t be seen as a luxury any longer. For many, they’re a staple of the smart home experience.

The Philips Wiz Connected Smart Wi-Fi LED reflects that reality better than any other color-changing smart bulb I’ve tested to date. At $13 each, it’s as affordable as the smart home gets, and with no need for a hub, you can connect it with Alexa, Google or Siri as soon as you screw the thing in. That makes it an excellent pick for beginners, and also a great choice for anyone who’s already invested in a voice-controlled smart home, and who would enjoy expanding the setup to include a fresh pop of color or two.

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fy-soukoku · 6 years

Text

I was tagged by the beautiful, @lovingnikiforov! Thank you, love!

1. How did you come up with your username and what does it mean?

My A03 username, like my main blog, is kidspawn02. My mom plays Dragon Age, and she called me kidspawn - based off of the creatures darkspawn in the DA games. Because... I am her spawn.

2. Which fanfic of yours has the most feedback? (bookmarks/subscriptions/hits/kudos)

Bookmarks - Five Times Dazai Didn’t Stay, And One Time He Did

Subs - Naga, Save Me

Hits - Naga, Save Me

Kudos - In Which Akutagawa Is Weak For Cute Boys

3. What is your AO3 profile icon, and why did you choose it?

It changes a lot - usually to a character I’m fond of. Right now, it’s Yuuri Katsuki.

4. Do you have any regular/favourite commenters?

Everyone who comments makes my whole life. I need a lot of positive reinforcement, so anyone who puts in the effort to comment is an absolute angel in my eyes.

5. Is there a fanfic that you keep going back to read again and again?

This world we live in

You Wouldn’t Do That, Right?

I’m a catch

Placebo

Droughts in Pink Deserts

6. How many stories are you subscribed to? How many do you have bookmarked?

15 works, 2 users (subs)

28 bookmarks

7. Which AU do you find yourself writing the most?

I don’t really have..... recurring AU, but I like toying around with Fairytale AU

8. How many people are subscribed and bookmarked to you in total? (you can view this on the stats page)

I have 156 bookmarks, and 107 subscriptions

9. Is there something you’d like to write about but are afraid of people judging you for it? (Feeling brave? If so, share it!)

Not really XD This fandom’s pretty wild - I’ve read fics about Atsushi with a barbed penis I think I’ve found the dark side XD

10. Is there anything you would like to be better at? Writing certain scenes or genres, replying to comments, updating better, etc.

I want to be better about writing smut - oh, and not abandoning my WIPs.

11. Do you write rarepairs or popular ships more often?

Popular ships - but I have a fondness for rarepairs.

12. How many stories have you posted on AO3 to this day (finished and unfinished)?

13. 8 complete, 5 WIPs

13. How many stories do you have saved in/with your writing program?

I can’t even count. I have way too many fics on my Google Docs. XD

14. Do you write down story ideas, or just keep them in your head?

Mostly in my head - if I can’t pump out a chapter, I’ll just think about it a lot.

15. Have you ever co-authored a story?

Yes - I wrote an OHSHC with my friend when I was like... eleven or twelve.

16. How did you discover AO3?

Hetalia.

17. Do you consider yourself to be a popular or famous author in your fandom(s) on AO3?

I think in BSD, and in the FE: Fates, but not in anything else. I have a fairly popular AOT fic, and a decently popular Death Note one, but neither of those made me.... like, well-known or anything.

18. Do you have a nickname or fandom name for your readers?

Not really.

19. Was there an author who inspired or encouraged you to write?

JK Rowling, and Rick Riordan. But my style is more inspired by Jennie Melamed

20. What writing advice would you give to a beginning author?

Just keep going. Someone will be there to appreciate your content - someone appreciates your content. Don’t let trolls or rude people get you down. You’re valid and have a strong place in this fandom.

21. Do you plot out your stories, or do you just figure it out as you go?

..... figure it out.

22. Have you ever gotten a bad comment on a story? If so, what did you do?

Yes. My first PJO fic. I deleted my Fanfiction.net account.

23. Is there a certain type of scene that you have a hard time writing? (action, smut, etc..)

SMUT. I CANNOT. WRITE. SMUT. L

24. What story(s) are you working on now?

Call It What You Want

This Too, Will Pass

What I Live For

The Holy City

25. Do you plan your next project(s) before you finish your current ongoing story(s)?

PLAN? I START THEM JFC.

26. Do you have a daily writing goal set for yourself?

I count it pretty good if I get a sentence in between homework and chores XD But I try to answer one ask relating to my WIPs a day.

27. Do you think you’ve improved as a writer since you first started?

DEFINTITELY.

28. What is your favorite story that you’ve written?

Five Times Dazai Didn’t Stay and One Time He Did

29. What is your least favorite story that you’ve written?

Making Shades of Purple

30. Where do you see yourself (as a writer) in 5 years?

Um..... writing.

31. What is the easiest thing about writing?

Metaphors - I love integrating metaphors into all of my works. It’s probably one of my favourite parts.

32. What is the hardest thing about writing?

Not getting sidetracked

33. Why do you write?

It’s always been my passion. No matter what other option has been presented to me, the idea of melding characters, ideas, creativity, and logic into one little drabble or a long, winding story. I also like that I can share a piece of myself with all of you. It’s the closest I’ve gotten to opening up to someone in a long time.

Tagging: @pitch-black-hearts @chuuyabelongswithhappiness @memosfromchuuya @fyodorsuggestions

#non bsd #shut up aku

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pumpkin-toast · 4 years

Text

Some OC Questions

This is gonna be long so I finally figured out how to properly use tumblr formatting to add a read more section

1. Your first OC ever?

My best guess is a little fellow called Scribbles

2. Do you have a personal favorite among your OCs?

Three actually - Gretchen, Flooken, and Quasar. All small and precious, all very overpowered.

3. Have you ever adopted a character?

Yes actually, several times. A Cuphead OC named Jess and a few fantrolls.

4. A character you rarely talk about?

I rarely talk about half of my characters because I have so many but I feel like talking about Blinkey. He’s an aquaphobic Enderman who wears a little grassblock themed raincoat in case it rains

5. If you could only make one of your OCs popular, who would it be?

I think it would have to be Pindle. I feel like she could make it big.

6. Two of your OCs that look alike despite not being related?

Icicle and Noelle, although I heavily based Noelle’s appearance off Icicle. And then there’s Spindler, Spindle, and Pindle, who all have basically the exact same name.

7. Are your OCs part of any story of stories?

I have a looot of stories. Too many, actually, which is why most of them are on the backburner and I’m trying to focus on just one of them for now. Here, take some concept art for it:

8. Do you RP as any of your OCs?

Yes, I have RP blogs which interact with a small circle of other RP blogs. Specifically I RP as Flooken, Kamyx, and Remund.

9. Would you ever be willing to give any of your OCs to someone else?

Only if I didn’t have a personal connection to them, which I do for a crap ton of my characters. I’ve only given away one character and that was because I didn’t have that connection. Somebody like, say, Flooken? I would never consider giving him up.

10. Introduce an OC with a complicated design?

I don’t really have any tbh. The whole point of my style is to be simplistic.

11. Is there any OC of yours you could describe as a “sunshine”?

Yes, Purity! She’s innocent, a bit naive, and a total extrovert.

12. Name an OC that isn’t yours but who you like a lot

A female serial killer character made by my friend.

13. Do you have any troublemaker OCs?

The Suits. All five of them. Oh, and also Note, and Hanret.

14. Introduce an OC with a tragic backstory

There’s too many to choose from

15. Do you like to talking about your OCs with other people?

Yes

16. Which one of your OCs would be best at biology?

Sophie, because she kind of is a biologist.

17. Any OC OTPs?

Graalu x Qiospe, Hana x Seven, Ragdoll x Dollface, Drobyme x Remund, Kayla x Camilla

18. Any OC crackships?

Spindler x Duplin, Entity x Spindle

19. Introduce an OC that means a lot to you

So hey, this is Gretchen. I really like her.

20. Do any of your OCs sing?

Lots of them sing. The first one that comes to mind is Kamyx, she usually only sings when she’s alone and my voice of choice for her would be Bryana Salaz.

21. Your most artistic OC

The only one that I can think of right now is Drobyme.

22. Is there any OC of yours people tend to mischaracterize?

I can’t really think of any, so I guess no

23. Introduce OC that has changed from your first idea concerning what the character would look like?

Almost all of my fantrolls. Because I recently redesigned them into humans for a non-homestuck related story

24. If you could meet one OC of yours, who would it be and why?

Flooken, so I could hug him and tell him everything’s going to be alright and buy him 2001 chicken nuggets

25. The OC that resembles you the most

Coffee or Cupcake, because Coffee was based off all the craps I don’t give and Cupcake is my optimism.

26. Have you ever had to change your OC’s design or something else about them against your will?

Yes, this is a funny story actually. So I had been adopting several fantrolls off a person on Amino because I needed fantrolls for a fansession and I was going creatively bankrupt at the time. But it turns out there had been a mixup and one of the trolls I adopted was actually adopted by someone else first, so I had to give her up. And then I just adopted another troll and gave her the same name.

27. Any OCs that were inspired by a certain song?

I’ve had backstories that I’ve fleshed out a bit more using songs, but I don’t think I have any characters that were inspired by a specific song.

28. Your most dangerous OC?

It’s a tie between Kamyx and Reaper

29. Which one of your OCs would investigate an abandoned house at night without telling anyone they’re going?

There’s no doubt in my mind it would 100% be Gabby.

30. Which one of your OCs would most likely have a secret stuffed animal collection?

Quinn, Pindle, Ivisd, or Cressida.

31. Pick one OC of yours and explain their Tumblr blog layout.

Okay, let’s go with Baxter.

He’s got the default blog layout, burgundy background with black text. His icon is a purple eye and his header image is just a black fill. He posts about the weird crap he and his friends get up to, reblogs a lot of witchcraft, lots of divination and tarot cards. And also demons, he’s into demons. And then he has a more innocent side blog where he posts about baking.

32. Which one of your OCs would be the most suitable horror game protagonist and why?

Seven, because he’s a big scaredy cat but would probably be able to go through a horror game scenario if he had the proper motivation.

33. Your shyest OC.

Ivisd

34. Do you have any twin characters?

Totally. Kefi and Lypi, Noiche and Blanr, Blue and Pink, Quinn and Harriet. I even have a set of quintuplets.

35. Any sibling characters?

Yes, but if I listed them all we’d be here all week and this post is already too long.

36. Do you have OC pairs where the other part belongs to someone else?

Yes

37. Introduce an OC who is not quite human

Most of my OCs aren’t human actually but uh I’ll go with Seven

He’s the one on the left. No one really knows what he is but he looks human, although his eyes are a bit weird (he’s also blind). He’s pathokinetic, always wears a yellow raincoat, and his LI is a tsundere. He’s not exactly shy but he’s a scaredy cat and always very very fretful

38. Which one of your OCs would be the best dancer?

I’ve thought long and hard about this. And it has to be Lyric.

39. Introduce any character you want.

*ahem* I’m gonna do two

Aight so this is Entity (left) and Censor (right) and they’re my protagonist duo in my story. Censor is overly pessimistic and Entity is overly optimistic and they’re pretty much stuck with each other. They’re also both fugitives.

40. Any fond memories linked to your characters?

I remember playing Splatoon as some of my OCs and having lots of fun being terrible with their weapons.

41. Has anyone ever drawn fanart of yours OCs?

Yes

Qerri, Murck, Flooken, Flooken again, and Lyric

42. Which one of your OCs would be the most interested in Greek gods?

Lorelei, because she’s a god herself.

43. Do you have any certain types when you create OCs?

I tend to lean more towards making badass girls and fretful boys. I don’t know why it just happens more often than not. But I’ve been trying to push past it as of late.

44. Something you like about your OCs in general.

I just love them all. I view them all as my children and I love them.

45. A character you no longer use?

There are a few from stories I’ve scrapped and abandoned, but I still keep them around in case I need another cast member for another story. They’re just like understudies!

46. Has anyone ever told you that you treat your OCs badly?

Yes and I do. I may love them but it’s tough love.

47. Has anyone ever (friendly) claimed any of your OCs as their child?

Yes

48. OC who is a perfect cinnamon roll, too good for this world, too pure

My baby boy Flooken, the best boy of them all

49. Which one of your OCs would most likely enjoy memes?

Entity, that little shit

50. Freebie!

Oh a freebie?

So I’ve got this google doc. I talk about it sometimes but I’ve never actually showed it to anyone outside of a very small group of individuals, but it does exist. I call it Ramager’s OC-Palooza of Epic Proportions and Broken Dreams. It lists every single one of my countless characters, all organized into sections based on what story or universe each character belongs to. In fact it was lagging so much that I had to make a second doc (Titled ‘(P2) Ramager’s OC-Palooza of Epic Proportion and Broken Dreams’). Collectively the two docs have a total of 207 pages. These docs are where I store every bit of information about my characters, including pictures, themes, voice claims, and more. I have been working on it since October of 2019. I’m still adding to it everyday. It terrifies me greatly.

#this is a longpost #ramagersart #yetanotherOCmeme #ramagerocs #longpost

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cripplinganxietyflix · 7 years

Text

I saw IT.

The time has finally arrived. IT was released to theaters last Friday and so far, it’s broken a lot of records in a time when we’re all talking about a disastrous summer season for theaters (down 7% from the summer of 2016), and pretty piss-poor theater attendance in general. The $35 million dollar film made over $50 million in its first day in theaters and has generated $123 million in its opening weekend. IT can now lay claim to both the largest-ever opening for a horror film and the largest-ever opening for a film released in September. That’s a pretty big deal, but even before viewing the film, I wasn’t surprised by the success. The reputation the IT miniseries has generated over 27 years and the cultural phenomenon it sparked, in my mind, has played the largest role in selling $123 million in tickets. It isn’t the objective quality of the film driving this, but I’ll get to that in a bit.

In terms of millennials and based on my own anecdotal observation, the IT miniseries serves as a lot of people under 30’s first horror movie experience. Usually dad rented the two VHS tapes from Blockbuster because hey, it was on TV, it can’t be too bad. Or someone tuned in on a sick day in elementary school during a re-run. A lot of people in their early 30s and late 20s saw IT between the ages of six and ten, in the prime age for childhood post-traumatic horror movie stress. I would argue that the original IT has claimed the largest number of childhoods out of all horror films, maybe more than The Exorcist, Dawn of the Dead, or The Shining.

Speaking of which, I’m not in the demographic of adults that were scarred by IT as a child. I can’t precisely recall when I first watched it, but I was between 10 and 12 and by then I’d already had my shit wrecked watching The Omen on AMC home alone on a sick day when I was 8. To this day, the moments in the miniseries that spooked me were a few instances of weird practical effects, like the shower scene with the clown parting his way through a drain, but other than that, I came out of it mostly bored. The spider ending was pretty weak even for someone with arachnophobia. While Tim Curry did his best with an absurd premise and he did deliver a memorable performance, it’s hard for me to take the whole thing seriously. It’s a flamboyant, quipping clown, for fuck’s sake. On that note, I’ve never really understood the appeal of Stephen King, to be really frank. You can argue the absolute best adaptation of his work is Kubrick’s The Shining, and King himself has come out and said he dislikes it because of the liberties Kubrick took to make it a watchable, serious film. You can say what you want about that, but I look at that and compare it to King’s work on and praise for the 1997 Mick Garris miniseries adaptation for The Shining, and it’s hard for me to take him seriously. I respect his work ethic, but I don’t find the work itself appealing or compelling most of the time.

It takes some skill to make a cohesive film about an angry, child-murdering, supernatural clown that also can take the form of someone’s worst fear. The miniseries tried, and I think it was a mixed bag. The first half is pretty good and above average from what I would have expected for a TV special in the early 1990s, but the second half is quite disappointing. There are some good scares and quite a bit of effort made in terms of practical SFX, but it definitely suffered from the campy atmosphere and bad acting from the adults. The writing, particularly in part two, was kind of weak. The script wasn’t brilliant, and sometimes it was downright awful. The whole product is pretty cheesy and really didn’t age well. I won’t comment on the book because I read a bit of it in middle school and disliked it enough to put it down, and also because I don’t want to talk about the underage gangbang. FYI really refine your fucking Google search on that one if you’re curious.

Coming out of the newest incarnation of IT, I think it was about what I expected. The closest comparison I can make is something like The Conjuring- not brilliant, certainly above the average wide-release horror film, but far too reliant on jump scares and sudden noises. And of course, plenty of CG effects to take you right out of the moment.

That’s the first thing I want to talk about with IT. The CG is my biggest complaint. Maybe a couple of years ago I would have said that CG is a foregone conclusion to have a successful, major horror movie, but after Get Out made $252.4 million dollars earlier this year on a $4.5 million budget without any major computer effects, I no longer think that’s a valid excuse. Sure, IT is much more of a spectacle film, but that makes me feel even more disappointed in the pervasive use of CG. A few times, I suppose it was justified, but it largely cheapened the film. There are many sequences with Pennywise rushing the screen that look awful, even laughable in some cases. The woman in the painting was another good example of bad CG being overused. We already know that minimal CG used to augment or distort faces can be great for horror, and a very relevant example I can think of is the very slight facial distortions used for the vampires in the film 30 Days of Night. Special effects were used to slightly narrow faces, to tilt eyes a few degrees; and the effect is a very creepy, almost uncanny valley effect that benefited that particular film greatly. I think something as subtle as skewing a woman’s face would have been more effective than what we saw in IT, which looked like a low-end video game monster. But that brings me to my next point.

This movie has zero subtlety. Yes, a movie about a pun-making killer clown can’t be expected to be a subtle film; that’s not what I’m getting at. Subtlety is a really important aspect of making something scary. IT fell victim to the same plague that most other horror films can’t seem to fight off, and that’s the total lack of subtlety in the scares. I feel like I saw Pennywise at least every five minutes, if not more, and it very much diminished his presence. Instead of being selective when showing him to maximize the dread and tension when he is visible, the movie spends a good chunk of its time and budget showing him off. Even worse, they don’t often make it count. Whereas many of Tim Curry’s Pennywise appearances in the miniseries are very memorable and stand out well, there were 3 instances where they let Bill Skarsgård do his thing: once at the very beginning, once in the middle of the film when Bill, Richie and Eddie enter the wellhouse for the first time, and at the very end of the film when they vanquish him back into the well. I think that the vast majority of Pennywise’s appearances outside of those three were meaningless and only served to desensitize viewers to the scare he would otherwise be able to generate. It was like they crammed 4 hours worth of Pennywise appearances into half the time. I feel that the film offered Skarsgård very few opportunities to carve his own path and make his performance iconic and memorable, and that’s pretty unfortunate. I think he is more than capable of delivering a good performance without being smothered with a disorienting kaleidescope of bad and unnecessary CG. He shows up so often, and yet it felt like Skarsgård had so little time to make it count.

On the note of subtlety, we need to talk about jump scares, and what makes a good jump scare and what makes a bad one. Jump scares are not inherently bad in horror films, but they are often overused and they’re almost always sloppy. A really good example of a perfect, organic jump scare can be found in the first fifteen minutes of the film Suspiria. Don’t call me a snob, there’s a reason why it has its reputation. We see a frightened young woman standing near a large, dark window. The Goblin score is hammering away and giving you a bizarre anxiety about what is about to happen. She looks out the window into the darkness, like she’s certain something has to be hiding in it. And it makes sense, because minutes earlier she’s running for her life through the woods and you’re still wondering what she was fleeing from. She lifts a lamp to the window, and we look into the darkness, and a pair of yellow bulging eyes appear with a subtle invocation from the Goblin score. The music then quiets, the shot pulls away, and suddenly a hairy arm smashes through the glass and grabs her head. The movie has already spent several minutes generating tension between the images and the score, and when the jump scare happens there is no added audio effects to augment what is already there. We have the sound of breaking glass and the woman’s screaming to do that already. Often times everything a film needs to generate a jump scare is already present, but all too often, directors don’t make the effort to cultivate the atmosphere to precipitate an organic jump scare. The audience is constantly cued into expecting one due to the framing of the scene, and they add unnecessary effects like loud, sudden noises to make you jump anyway. It’s a huge cop out! You can actually see a real example of this right in the IT teaser, and they kept in the movie. I think it’s enough to see Pennywise’s glowing eyes appear in the darkness of the sewer as Georgie tries to retrieve his boat, but in the teasers, they’ve added a loud noise like you’re too stupid to know when to be scared. It’s so unneeded, and lazy, and it was all over the film. Every time something spooky was about to happen, you fully expected it, and they threw in a loud clattering noise to scare you so that they wouldn’t have to try harder to generate tension or anxiety or to truly take you by surprise. I fully expected this from a major studio horror film but was surprised by how heavily IT relied on this low hanging fruit.

The writing was pretty uneven, but when it was good it was great, and the comedic timing worked well. However, it seems like Finn Wolfhard and Jack Dylan Grazer’s lines had all the effort put into them, but everyone else was pretty unmemorable. If the other kids are great actors, it wasn’t always easy to see. There’s a moment when Mike says something along the lines of “Guess I really am just an outsider” as his excuse for leaving the group, and it was so out-of-place and dumb. I hated the scene with Beverly cutting her hair and saying “this is what you did!” Speaking of whom, Sophia Lillis was pretty terrible and often felt extremely ingenuine when delivering her lines. Most of the other kids were alright, but not great. My bar for great child performances in horror movies has been set by films like The Innocents and more recently The Witch, so maybe I’m asking too much. But I went into this movie hearing all this buzz about how the strongest part of the film is the kids, and I’m just not seeing it. Do not even get me started on Nicholas Hamilton, who played Henry the bully. I could not stop rolling my eyes.

If anything about IT impressed me, I respected its willingness to show child dismemberment and death. It certainly was surprising when it happened and I am always talking about how the last frontiers of horror are showing kids being murdered and child molestation, and this movie covered both of those things. Kudos for being daring, and kudos for doing an R-rated film horror film, especially when big studio horror always goes for a PG-13 to get that sweet, sweet middle-schooler and teenager money. I think that Bill Skarsgård tries very hard with the opportunities he’s afforded, and I appreciate that he tried to do something different than what Tim Curry did. I’m not sure if I liked the cutesy-ness incorporated into of some of that approach, but he tried, and it shows. Two of the child actors (mentioned above) were great and charming, and I really wish that the casting was more consistent. I like that it didn’t try to cram the adult storyline into the run time and as much as I’ve disliked this film, it’s probably a good idea to have a sequel for the rest.

But I think that’s it for what I enjoyed. Maybe I’m jaded and maybe I’ve watched too many horror films, but IT felt like a totally unnecessary venture. I think that most of the positive reviews are 1) reviewers that are used to seeing mostly garbage low-effort horror blockbusters and 2) people that are huge fans of the miniseries or book and were happy to see it get a facelift. That’s the only way I can explain the buzz to myself. I don’t recall being scared at any point other than being afraid I was going to see a 15-year-old’s character get raped by her pervy dad. I think if you’re a big IT or Stephen King fan, or you’re not a prolific horror movie consumer, you’ll probably have a fine time watching this film. If you’re a horror snob, or hold your horror to reasonable standards, there’s a good chance you’re gonna have a bad time. I’ve seen a lot of great, effective horror movies in the last couple of years, and literally all of them cost $2-5 million to make and had little or no CGI. I really wanted to enjoy this movie and I did get myself excited to see it, but having slept on it for a night I’m baffled by the positive reviews. I wish I had enjoyed it more. IT isn’t brave enough to do anything outside of an extremely conventional, predictable approach, and unfortunately for this viewer, slightly above average writing with expensive production quality does not make a great horror film.

★★ ½

#it #it 2017 #pennywise #bill skarsgård #horror #movies #reviews #stephen king

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swordsandparasols · 7 years

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What's going on with the Siamdang drama? I decided to skip since I've been burned by SSH dramas before, so I have no idea what's been going on.

Hoo boy, So, pretty much:

1. SBS thought they had a guaranteed hit on their hands with Lee Young Ae’s big comeback drama. Up until shortly before it aired, it was always meant to be a weekend drama, and while it got pushed back once or twice, the earlier possible slots were for the weekend. Then someone went “hey, we have a guaranteed, no chance of failure drama, why are we making it a weekend drama instead of primetime?” So they moved it to the Wednesday/Thursday slot without taking into account that, well, it was meant to be a WEEKEND drama, and not only do weekend dramas have a different vibe from primetime dramas, but viewers also have different expectations. If it had been a weekend show, there would have still been some problems, but I do believe that it would had had the ratings-or close to-that it was expected to have.

2. Even though Lee Young Ae apparently didn’t want to rely on nostalgia too much, SBS really really did, and played up the nostalgia in marketting, and in the show itself. On paper, it makes PERFECT sense why she’d go with it. It’s set in the same time period as Dae Jang Geum and the characters are familiar but not identical, it featured a character who rarely (never?) appears in sageuks, a romance between a couple in their late 30s, and a rather unusual and somewhat original spin on things. It isn’t the first series to combine modern and historical parts (and it should be noted that filming finished long before Goblin or Chicago Typewriter, which also feature reincarnation and historical and modern timelines, were ever announced) but it’s still an uncommon approach. Unfortunately, SBS opted too much for the nostalgia. Nods and homages to LYA’s previous iconic works are natural and expected, but SBS decided that people who liked LYA in an early 2000s drama wanted to watch her in an early 2000s drama in 2017. Personally speaking, while there were some not-great sageuk parts early on, it worked for me. It didn’t work for a lot of people because…well, even if you liked something 14 years ago you don’t WANT something that hasn’t progressed in those 14 years.

3. The series was hyped as a sageuk with bits of modern plot, and marketing really built up the nostalgia. In reality, the series was always meant to be roughly evenly split between the modern and historical plotlines. Unsurprisingly, when fans got something VERY different from what they’d been promised (the first episode was mostly modern parts, the second was half modern, half snippets from different points in the sageuk plotline) they reacted pretty loudly. SBS reacted by being SBS and making drastic edits. It should be noted that the ratings didn’t fall below what’s normally considered decent until AFTER the major edits took place. Most of the editing was removing large chunks of the modern parts. Unfortunately, it was constructed for the two plotlines to feed into and support each other. The sageuk plotline was perfectly decent on its own, but was obviously lacking something, and that something was the bulk of the complementary plotline in the present. As a result, while we’ll likely get resolution for the sageuk plotline, they cut so much from the modern plotline that I don’t see how they can fully resolve and explain everything in the final episode.

4. I’m not completely up to speed on this part, but it was apparently also expected to do well internationally, like Moon Lovers did, but the China ban pretty much killed that.

5. It’s SBS doing a sageuk? I mean, don’t get me wrong, more often than not, sageuk that doesn’t get stellar ratings sails through SBS unscathed. But then…well, they pretty much did the same thing to Moon Lovers with the heavy edits that made things a mess and did more harm than good, but at least they didn’t do so many edits that they dumped 2 entire episodes worth of plot. Then there’s poor Ja Myung Go, which had the misfortune of competing with Queen Seon Deok (and another really popular drama that QSD replaced early in its run, tough I forget that drama’s name) to which it bore some similarities. The ratings Ja Myung Go pulled in were low, but not actually terrible, but it was meant to be 50 episodes and they cut it to 39. IMO, having to condense the last 20 episodes into 9 episodes (and I can’t recall if they even had that much forewarning) pretty much ruined it. I loved that show despite not caring for the male lead at all, or being very invested in the romance, until the final handful of episodes, which I thought went downhill fast, and the ending pretty much ruined it for me. (Tragic is one thing, but I thought that went OTT with the tragedy, and actively ignored Ja Myung’s agency to have the tragedy, but that’s another rant.) SBS seems a little more trigger happy and panicky if their really hyped dramas don’t immediately perform as expected, and both Saimdang and Moon Lovers probably would have fared better in ratings if someone hadn’t hit the panic button and sent the editing department into a frenzy.

I mean, I’ve spent half the run of the show going “MBC wouldn’t have done this to us.” (I mean, in general, MBC seems more willing to stick with sageuks and let them do their thing even when they only have average ratings.) Sure, we would have had even more Dae Jang Geum shoutouts, but at least they would have given the show a proper chance.

6. I honestly have no idea if this is a factor, and I touched on it in a post last week, but Rebel: Thief Who Stole the People has been…not a sleeper hit, but it’s a show pulling in good ratings and a lot of acclaim despite relatively little promotion. MBC kinda threw it out there and it took off was better than the overlapping and way more hyped sageuks from SBS and KBS. But Rebel is, IMO, a truly revolutionary and progressive show in a lot of ways. Even if you don’t see it as revolutionary or progressive, there’s no denying that it deals with and addresses things other sageuks usually don’t, and is very different from what we’re used to in a lot of ways. At the same time, you have Saimdang relying on tried and true tropes for the sageuk, and steadily losing a lot of what set it apart thanks to SBS edits. A lot of people I know (as in, all of them that I can think of) who initially watched Saimdang but couldn’t get into it DO watch and love Rebel. Whether or not this holds true for Korean viewers, I don’t know.

I mean, I’m biased. People who follow me who don’t watch kdramas, or even those who do but don’t watched Rebel, are probably sick and tired of me talking about it. Someone out there probably isn’t reading this post purely because I post so many walls of text about the show that they have every possible version of the title plugged into tumblrsavior. Unless it goes south in the last few episodes, I’m going to say that Rebel is probably one of the best shows I’ve watched in the last few years, while Saimdang is pretty much my most anticipated drama of the last two years. Aside from the first few episodes, Saimdang did not live up to my expectations, though I do still like it for the show it is.

End rant. Sorry, you probably didn’t expect a reply anywhere near this long, but ti’s one of the things that gets me going these days. My friends in Line have put up with a lot of this from me lately.

#saimdang #saimdang light's diary #rebel thief who stole the people #rebel hong gil dong #kdrama #sageuk #apparently i use everything i can as an excuse to talk about rebel #people have no idea how many rebel posts i haven't made yet for fear of oversaturation #boo hisss SBS made bad edits booooo #probably would have been a more succinct way to put all this

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redrackham87 · 7 years

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COMMISSION ME TO CREATE YOU SOMETHING?

Hey everyone!

The short version is that due to continued unemployment, my financial situation is edging ever closer to Defcon Dire and a good friend gave me the idea that I might try opening myself up to commissions, so here we are. I’m hoping that someone out there just might be willing or interested in taking me up on this. :D

What I’m offering:

-fandom graphics (like these or these or these)

-fics (drabbles to 5k or so, to start, but we can talk if you want something bigger - my ficpages here and here)

-general graphic designer stuff (do you need a poster? A fake book cover for you story? This friend who needs wedding invitation designs and has a tiny budget? Etc?)

-heck, I’ll even do a hand-drawn doodle if you really want one (examples here and here and here. These are not high quality – they’re just fun, silly things, but you want to donate a little for one, I’m 100% game!)

INTERESTED? LET’S TALK SOME MORE.

(either check below the cut or go here)

~~~

If you’re interested in a FANDOM GRAPHIC:

This includes: computer/laptop wallpaper, banners, icons/avatars, forum signatures, art for your fic, art for somebody else’s fic, fanmix covers, general fandom graphics. (ficart examples here and here and here)

1. Fandoms: the list is long and mighty. I strongly prefer doing something for a fandom I know, but I am willing to branch out into fandoms I don’t know, as long as I can find decent screencaps of the characters or actors in question. (Note: I am not super great at doing heavy manips (ie. for AUs) though if you absolutely need a manip, let’s talk!) Crossovers welcome.

2. Pairings: pretty well any gen theme (about a character, quote, episode, show/movie/book, etc) or any het pairing including rare pairs, AU pairs, and crossover pairs (preferably no slash, but I might be to make it work). There is the odd pairing I’m completely against doing, so just ask me. :)

3. Restrictions: Nothing explicit, rated R. No incest, underage, or extreme age gap pairs (unless there’s timey-wimey reasons for it). I have zero clue how to do gifs/animated gifs and cannot offer those.

4. Timing & Process: a graphic typically takes me about 1-4 hours, give or take, depending on how easy it is to find caps, quotes, etc and how easily it comes together. I will create the graphic and send it to you for your approval.

Unlike my tumblr gifts each year, this is a graphic you are donating to make, so you can request any changes you’d like (within reason) and I will do my best to accommodate you! You get the final approval on it. Once the changes are complete, I will send you the completed file (jpg). You’re free to share it wherever, however, as long as I am credited where you can (ex. In your author’s note if it was ficart, on your blog if it’s a post on your tumblr, in the description if it’s a fanmix cover, and so on).

5. Pricing: for the most part, it will depend on the size of the item and time involved, but as a baseline:

-small graphic (icons/avatars, forum signatures): $5 per

-medium (fanmix covers, banners): $10

-large (wallpapers, ficart, custom posters, etc): $15-30, depending on complexity

~~~

If you’d like A FIC:

This includes: drabbles (5 to 500 words), fics 1-5k long. If you want something larger, contact me.

1. Fandoms: Supernatural, Avengers/MCU, Star Wars, Lost, Chuck, Better Off Ted, Star Trek, Doctor Who (2005), Man From Uncle (2015). These are what I’m most comfortable writing in, but if there is a fandom on this list that you have a burning need for, talk to me. (It’s been 84 years since I wrote Harry Potter, but I’d willingly give it a try again!) I may need time to re-familiarize myself with canon. ;)

2. Pairings: pretty well any het pairing including rare pairs, AU pairs, and crossover pairs. There is the odd pairing I’m against doing, so just ask me. :) Gen fic also VERY welcome! I can’t write slash, as it’s just really not my cup of tea. (That being said, I can write gen friendship and you are totally fine to read it however you want.)

3. Subjects/Themes/Genres: adventures and/or angst with or without a side of ship, genfic, hurt/comfort, humor, character study, mystery/suspense, sappy fluff, tragic death (canon or not), tropey fic like best friends to lover, sharing a bed, fake dating, found family, i hate you stop saving my life, unexpected broship. Anything time travel related. Also willing to try AUs - especially monster hunter, assassin/thieves/spies, fairytale, coffeeshop, apocafic (if you want an AU, let’s talk, because some AUs just don’t work for me) - and crossovers between my listed fandoms.

I am possibly willing to write an OC, but bear in mind if you have an OC as the lead or secondary lead, writing time will be MUCH longer so I can work that out. I will even be wiling to attempt some shorter, sappy or gen, non-explicit, reader insert imagine-style fics for SPN or MCU. Again, if there’s something you don’t see listed, just ask me! :)

3. Restrictions: Nothing explicit/smut, rated R. No incest, underage, or extreme age gap pairs (unless there’s timey-wimey reasons for it). Unending darkfic, super violence/gore, rape/abuse of any kind (*unless it’s just referencing a canon event), incest/threesomes/moresomes, kinky fic, horror, mpreg/pregnant/kid fic (just super not interesting to me and I wouldn’t do it justice!), crackfic.

4. Timing & Process: fic writing time for me varies enormously. As a rough baseline, after we speak initially about the idea, I’d like a few days to brainstorm and then present a vague outline to you for your approval. Once writing actually begins, I estimate taking a few days to bang something out, then editing begins. I can and will send you weekly email updates and/or snippets (and you are 100% free and encouraged to poke me constantly about progress!).

You are free to keep the finished piece to yourself or share it however you like, as long as I am credited as the author. This is for you, so I want to do what I can to make you happy. So in the event that I’m not doing something you like, we can chat about that!

5. Pricing: depending on the prompt, pricing will range anywhere from $10-$75. If you’d like to negotiate a price, I’m totally cool with that.

-under 500 words: $10

-1 to 5k: $30 – 75

-5k+ : talk to me

~~~

If you’re interested in GENERAL GRAPHIC DESIGNY STUFF:

This includes a very wide umbrella, so it’s probably a very good idea if we chat first. But some basic items that could be included here: posters, cards, invitation design (wedding, birthday, finale party, etc), fake book covers for your story project, labels, banners, nicely put quote on a t-shirt, etc.

1. Whether you need something for your blog or for some personal project, hit me up. I’ve got a hearty portfolio and experience with freelancing I can share with you, so come talk to me.

2. Restrictions: I can’t do your art/school project for you so don’t ask. I can’t print your item (that’s up to you on your end!)

4. Timing & Process: this will depend almost entirely on the project at hand, so again we’ll have to talk first. A simple project (ie. poster) can take as little as an hour, where as a set of wedding invitation options can take as much as 6 hours. Regardless, I will create the item and send it to you for your approval and keep you updated on general progress.

This is something you are donating to make, so you can request any changes you’d like (within reason) and I will do my best to accommodate you! You get the final approval on it. Once the changes are complete, I will send you the completed file(s) (jpg, pdf, etc). You’re free to share it or print however. I’d love some form of credit, though I recognize a physical printed thing doesn’t allow much for that, so do whatever you can. :)

5. Pricing: for the most part, it will depend on the size of the item and time involved, so talk to me first and I can give you a better quote (all prices negotiable). But as a baseline:

-small/simple (ex. simple poster, labels, quote on a t-shirt): $10 - 20

-medium (ex. fake book covers, smaller banners, simple invitation): $30 - 50

-large (ex. multiple invitations, wedding stationary set, set of cards, more complex/time-consuming projects): $50 - 200, depending on complexity and number of pieces required

~~~

If you’re actually interested in a HAND DRAWN DOODLE:

Congratulations! I honestly did not think anyone would be interested! XD

1. Fandoms: the list is long and mighty. I pretty much can only manage fandoms I know. Crossovers welcome.

2. Pairings: pretty well any gen theme (about a character, quote, episode, show/movie/book, etc) or any het pairing including rare pairs, AU pairs, and crossover pairs. There is the odd pairing I’m completely against doing, so just ask me. :) Also willing to do lowkey, non-shippy doodles of Dan and Phil.

3. Restrictions: Do not expect a note of realism. Seriously, you clicked on the example links, right? XD Nothing explicit, rated R. No incest, underage, or extreme age gap pairs (unless there’s timey-wimey reasons for it).

4. Timing & Process: usually, I just get an idea or feeling and sit down and doodle it. I could call it a sketch, but that’d be doing a disservice to sketches everywhere. XD It takes me anywhere from a few minutes to as much as a few hours to complete a doodle, depending on complexity. I would draw something up and send it you for approval and/or changes, if any.

5. Pricing: for the most part, it will depend on your prompt and the complexity of the scene, but as a baseline:

-simple doodle (one character, no background): $5

-medium (1-3 character, minimal or no background): $10 - $20

-large (3+ characters, minimal to moderate background): $20 - 40, depending on complexity

~~~

“Okay, I’m interested, what now?”

Message me. Drop a note in my ask, send me a tumblr message, a FF.net or LJ PM, and we can exchange emails and go from there!

~~~

If you have any questions about anything I listed or didn’t list, JUST ASK. :) I would love to chat with you about this project before you spend your hard-earned money!! I want to be able to create something just for you and hopefully help out my weeping, hollow bank account in the process.

Thank you!! :D

~Red Bess

#commission #commissions open #fic commissions #graphic commissions #come talk to me!#everything is negotiable #:)#redrackham87 #tumblr things #fic things #writing things #art: redrackham87

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slrlounge1 · 5 years

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The Sony FE 135mm f/1.8 GM, …Ready For 8K Video? | Lab Test & Opinion

Lensrentals.com has apparently tested the resolution (sharpness) of more than 300 different lenses. In fact, they usually test ten copies of a given lens, just to check if there are any inconsistencies, and ensure that the results from one lens aren’t just a fluke, good or bad.

So, when I tell you that the new Sony FE 135mm f/1.8 GM is the sharpest lens they’ve ever tested, that ought to be worth ten thousand Youtubers or Instagrammers who have ever said this-or-that lens is, simply, “very sharp”…

I mounted the first [lens], sipped my coffee and then lost my mind and started shouting various expletives…I hadn’t broken anything; I just saw MTF curves higher than anything I’d ever seen in a normal-range lens.

Now, for those of you who don’t know who Roger Cicala is, he is a rather hard person to impress when it comes to lenses. His optical testing method, known as OLAF, is likely the best in the business when it comes to cameras and photography.

Aspects Of Image Quality

DISCLAIMER: Of course, sharpness isn’t everything; there are so many other characteristics that make a lens great. Such a caveat must indeed closely follow such bold, high praise as, “sharpest lens ever tested”…

With fast-aperture telephoto lenses, two other aspects of lens performance besides sharpness immediately come to mind: autofocus reliability and bokeh. If those two factors let you down as a photographer, then sharpness alone cannot be enough reason to spend $1,898 on a lens. (You can currently preorder it; expected delivery is some time in April 2019.)

Needless to say, here at SLR Lounge we’re certainly looking forward to reviewing the new Sony 135mm! Initial reports are that it is indeed a great option in those other areas of autofocus and bokeh, so we’re eager to take it out for a spin at some weddings and portrait sessions, as well as potentially some other creative ideas. But, more on that later. Let’s look at the test graphs, since that’s likely the reason you clicked on this post in the first place. We’ll keep it simple and explain what you’re looking at.

Sony FE 135mm f/1.8 GM Lab Test Results

So, just how sharp does “sharpest lens ever” look, in an actual sharpness graph? Alone, the following graph may not mean much, because MTF charts don’t mean very much unless you actually understand the numbers.

I would try and explain exactly what the numbers mean, but here’s the thing: even camera companies themselves don’t use the exact same scales on their own MTF charts, and likely not the same testing methods either, meaning it’s just not very useful to look at one chart and assume you can deduce how sharp it actually is, relative to other lenses.

In other words, forget the numbers themselves, and just know this: the higher the colored lines are, the sharper the lens. The left edge of the graph reprsents the dead-center of an image, and the right edge of the graph represents the edge(s) of an image frame. So, as you might expect, a lens is usually sharpest at its center, and it gradually gets a little softer as you approach the very edges. That’s the important thing here.

Sony FE 135mm f/1.8 GM versus other 135mm prime lenses

Since a single MTF chart isn’t very useful to the average photographer, here’s how the Sony 135 GM performs against the Sigma 135mm f/1.8 Art, a lens which is already known to be incredibly sharp indeed, even on high-megapixel full-frame sensors:

In this MTF graph, the centerline in the middle represents the center of both lenses, and the outer edges of the graph represent the edges of each lens. The Sigma 135 Art is on the left, the Sony is on the right.

By the way, the colored lines, again in simplified terms, just represent various frequencies of fine image detail. Just remember that the higher the lines, the sharper the lens.

As you can see in the above graph, the two lenses are actually similar at the very edges, however, the Sony is just unprecedentedly sharp in the center of the image.

Here is the Sony 135mm GM versus the Zeis Batis 135mm f/2.8, another modern, very sharp 135mm prime lens:

The Zeiss Batis is, on average, a touch sharper at the very edges, but again, the Sony pulls ahead towards the center. But again, keep in mind that all of these lines are ridiculously high up on the graph. A “decently sharp” lens, in many cases, still has its lowest (purple in this case) lines just barely halfway up the graph, even in the center. Both of these lenses have crammed all possible forms of measurement into their upper ~1/3 of the graph. Simply put: both lenses are astonishingly sharp.

Okay, that’s enough graphs and lab tests. For even more geekiness about “lp/mm” and observations from Roger Cicala and OLAF, read the full article here.

What we should ask ourselves now is, what does all of this really mean?

What we’re seeing is the next generation of lens, that is ready to handle the next generation of high-megapixel sensors. Indeed, you could probably expect this lens to still “look great” on a 75-megapixel camera body! Which does imply that we’ll be seeing such cameras in the coming years.

There’s something else to keep in mind, though: if you’re shooting with “just” a 20, 24, or 30-megapixel camera, to be totally fair and honest, all of these recent lenses are going to seem jaw-droppingly sharp. Sony, Zeiss, Sigma, and Nikon have all delivered exciting new 135mm and/or 105mm prime lenses in the last few years that, in an effort to balance out the geekiness of MTF charts, I should probably jsut describe as “bonkers sharp”.

Would you still see a difference in sharpness between this lens and a much older 135mm prime lens, even on a ~24 megapixel sensor? Of course, but only if you’re using truly perfect shooting technique, but that is the case with any photography scenario where you’d like to see a difference in sharpness.

Why Does This Lens Need To Be So Sharp?

If the Sony FE 135mm f/1.8 GM is so sharp that it easily out-resolves the highest-resolution sensor Sony currently offers, (the 42-megapixel A7RIII, our final review of which is coming shortly!) …what is its real purpose?

In short, this lens is future-proof. Not only is it ready to handle an inevitable higher-megapixel sensor, but it’s also likely ready for 8K video! Maybe we’ll see a Sony camera body that offers 8K video in the coming years, who knows. (Note: we don’t have insider information, nor are there any rumors; this is just an observation on what such a high-resolution lens will be good for.)

Nobody should buy a lens for its future potential only. However, it has always been a good idea to invest in glass that can last you 5-10+ years, if you take good care of it. This indeed appears to be one of those lenses.

What’s Your Creative Idea For A Fast, Sharp Telephoto Lens?

All in all, camera gear is just mean to help you achieve a creative vision. Things like increased sharpness are only meant to allow your equipment to “get out of the way”, and let you do something really cool. The question is, what creative ideas do you have?

Since lab test charts aren’t very exciting to look at, I’ll share an image with you that has been in the back of mind for nearly 5 years now. It’s a still photograph, however, I really wanted to create a timelapse of what was happening at this moment. And that is, the Andromeda galaxy was rising in the night sky, and passing very close to the dramatic, iconic lip of Half Dome in Yosemite National Park. This is something I’ve been wanting to re-shoot with a “flawlessly sharp” telephoto lens:

Andromeda Galaxy & Halfdome, Yosemite National Park Sharpness and low noise were achieved in this image by stacking multiple exposures and blending the sky exposures with a single ultra-long exposure of Half Dome. To learn about photographing our own Milky Way galaxy, and nightscape photography in general, be sure to check out our Milky Way Workshop!

Andromeda approaching Half Dome, GIF animation Nikon 85mm f/1.8, cropped to ~135mm. Unfortunately, this lens has severe color fringing in addition to its relative softness, and was unsuitable to create a good timelapse. I hope to re-shoot it someday, with a lens such as the Sony 135mm f/1.8!

So, I’d love to hear your thoughts on all these amazing new ultra-fast telephoto primes that we have been seeing lately! What creative idea would you pursue, if you had an “insanely sharp” 135mm f/1.8 (or 105mm f/1.4) at your disposal? Low-light portraits, astrophotography, or…?

Take care, and happy travels!

from SLR Lounge https://www.slrlounge.com/the-sony-fe-135mm-f-1-8-gm-sharpest-lenses-ever/ via IFTTT

#IFTTT #SLR Lounge

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speedofcattle · 5 years

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Deconstructing RBC’s InvestEase Advertising Campaign

A quick glance at any number of ads these days can be a relatively simple way to gauge how much more dystopian things are getting. This morning, I looked up at the ads on the subway to notice that Marvel had decided to flaunt their wealth and power in the entertainment industry by buying out every single ad-space on the train to advertise Captain Marvel. Shortly after, I checked my email and saw one from Linkedin reminding me that though it might seem as if there are no jobs, there actually are, they’re just not located conveniently, geographically speaking; for example, there are many jobs in Amazon warehouses just outside of cities - well, why didn’t they say so in the first place? I’m sure those are jobs everyone wants right now!

Anyone who knows me knows I think a lot about advertising, and recently most of my writing about it has been concerned with how it happens online. However, I’ve also recently taken a strong interest in ads that appear in physical space since moving to a city whose transit system is plastered with such ads. One group of them in particular has stuck out to me as of late, and I figure it’s insidious enough that it’s worth deconstructing: This is the group of ads focused on promoting RBC’s “InvestEase”.

The ads in question are a series of images that all follow the same basic formula. They are almost always grouped together in a series on subway platform boards and appear at strategically-chosen locations of high traffic (as well as, conspicuously, high student traffic; I’ll get to that in a minute). What interests me so much about them is how blatant they are in their tactics and how consequently easy they become to deconstruct.

Let’s start with some basics on the ad series as a whole before moving on to look at the individual instances. The ads, as previously stated, are advertising RBC’s “InvestEase” service, which, if the ads are to be believed, make the process of investing “easy”. They appear to be targeted towards “young” people. Just what this vague category entails is not always so easy to define; the ads depict a series of people who look to range from their late 20s to late 30s, but given the ads’ recurring theme of “looking towards the future”, they may also be targeting those slightly out of that age range (eg. early 20s).

The target age range is likely what it is due to corporate anxiety over whether or not younger consumers will invest at the same rates as previous generations. Since banks rely on this for their profits, it is no surprise this anxiety would arise. I can still remember a couple years ago when a small social media campaign began against RBC attacking them for investing customers’ money in anti-Indigenous pipeline-related activities*. It seems that the strategy of these ads is thus to project their anxiety back onto the generation in question in an attempt to make investment a point of serious concern in their everyday lives.

But it can’t be too serious - young people don’t like that. So RBC has chosen to co-opt a specific format popular in young people’s internet humour: the ads take the form of memes. Not just any memes, mind you; specifically these ads fall into the genre of “reaction images”. This genre is typically comprised of two parts: a textual statement of a condition (most often beginning with “When…”, eg. “When you work three jobs but still can’t afford rent in your city”) and an accompanying image, usually of a person, meant to reflect what this condition “feels like”. This is the most recent form of memes in this genre that I’m aware of; the “ancestor” of the meme, so to speak, is likely the “tfw” meme from 4chan. Initializing “That Feel When” (eg. “tfw no gf” - “gf” being itself an initialism of “girlfriend”), memes of this type would take mostly the same format as more recent reaction images, albeit with the slightly amended text and a more limited range of accompanying images - typically one would see either “Pepe” or the “feels guy”**. My guess is that “tfw” memes gave way to the reaction image format partially because of the former’s limited range of accompanying images, partially because of its tendency towards cryptic initialisms that are not always easily understood by audiences of different ages/linguistic profiles and partially because of its association with 4chan in the first place, which has come to be seen in more recent times as a “toxic” site, one to avoid reference to in social settings.

There are three main things that interest me about RBC’s use of reaction images for this ad campaign. The first is that the actual images involved are not well-established stock photos or photos cultural icons, as most reaction images tend to be; they are instead uniquely-created content meant to better reflect the values RBC is trying to sell to encourage the use of InvestEase. The second thing that fascinates me is that these ads have managed to do something that many ads online have failed at time and again: they have successfully deployed a meme format without it coming across as overly “cringe-y” to young people. Now I can’t say that with 100% confidence, and obviously my deconstruction of these ads is probably only going to make them seem more that way - but on the other hand, I haven’t yet seen anyone post pictures of them online to mock them for trying to appeal too much to “the youth”, despite the fact that this is exactly what they’re doing. The third thing I wanted to note is somewhat related to that last point: the ads have also accomplished something (relatively) new by successfully bringing a digital advertising format (memes) into a physical format with almost no “glitches” or turbulence. This sets a precedent for other companies and I now wonder if we won’t see far more of these in subsequent years.

Beyond the youth target in terms of age, these ads have a couple other demographic qualities worth noting. While some of the ads depict people with worried expressions on their faces, most depict seemingly happy people. This is obviously an attempt to make investing (an inherently risky practice) less “scary” to younger demographics by showing that there’s “more good than bad” in it (“good” always being associated with cases in which the people depicted have “made the right choice” and invested with RBC). The gendered breakdown of humans depicted in these ads is not 50/50; each ad contains a picture of a single person, and while 5 of the ads depict men, only 3 depict women. While all of the women depicted would be considered “conventionally attractive” and relatively skinny, only a few of the men would be. Finally, while the pictures of men depict men of various races (including white, black and asian men), all of the women depicted are white. These demographics send messages: you can be a woman in a public place, as long as you’re pretty and white. Also, women are (inexplicably) supposedly less interested in investing than men. You can chalk up these messages to laziness or carelessness on the part of the advertising team, but I see a more likely explanation in the fact that women tend to make less money than men on average and women of colour make even less than that average; thus it’s actually more profitable to advertise to men and white women anyway, so why would RBC bother including a picture of a woman of colour?

Having concluded this initial analysis of the ads as a coherent series, let’s look at each one on an individual level and see what kinds of messages they deliver.

1 - This is a “happy” ad, as you can see by the woman’s smile. But it is not a happiness of immediate gratification; the text indicates that the subject won’t have to “live with roommates forever”. The happiness is based on the future projection that the woman’s decision to invest with RBC has paid off. The image depicts a scene of mess and disarray surrounding the woman, which acts as an abject “other” that can be contrasted with her “smart decision to invest in the future” (the implication being that it is the roommates, not her, who caused the mess). This scene is interesting as it involves a “transitional” state, one in which there is a suggested necessary “struggle” that the individual must live through in order to come out “richer” (quite literally) on the other side***. The abjection of the roommates as inherently sloppy creates a kind of essentialist narrative of life in which it is always more desirable not to live with roommates, an individualist paradigm that pits itself against more communal living. The spectre of “living with roommates forever” hangs heavy in this ad, effectively threatening a younger generation that is unwilling to invest with this prospect as a consequence of not complying with the ad’s suggestion.

2 - This is an “anxious” ad, obvious through the woman’s distraught expression. The statement that “your kids are growing faster than your money” invokes the anxiety to match it. It is telling that the only ad that mentions children is one that features a woman, reinforcing the social conventions that women are “natural caregivers” to children and that taking care of children is thus justified as being primarily “women’s work”. The association of the money with the children here has a few interesting angles to it; the most obvious is that investment is being portrayed here as not only something you do “for yourself”, but also for your children; investment is now part of the “maternal care” - if you really care about your kids, you’ll invest so you don’t end up poor and unable to provide for them. As a result, this is possibly one of the most threatening of the InvestEase ads. A different angle, however, may be seen by returning to the comparison between the children and the money; children may too come to be seen as “investments” for the future, which is why it’s important for the mother to “invest her time” in them, invoking a three-part chain of investment - the woman invests her money with RBC, which eventually pays back so she can invest in her kids.

3 - This is a “happy” ad, though only cautiously so and perhaps the most subtle of these. The woman in the photo is depicted as doing some kind of meditative exercise (possibly yoga; for the sake of short-forms, I will refer to it as “yoga” from this point on while later problematizing this notion). She is, however, not completely absorbed in the meditation - she is instead peeking at her laptop screen with one eye. The caption states that she has realized that “her money is working hard even when she’s not”. This particular ad sends several interesting messages. The first is immediately apparent in the open eye distracting the woman from her yoga practice; whatever “mindfulness” activity she is doing for self-improvement is actually of secondary importance to her - she is actually more interested in whether or not her investment is paying off. The mere fact that she is doing yoga is itself important. The ad is clearly trying to cater to a recent craze for any type of “self-improvement” activity that can nevertheless be separated from work, such activities typically focusing on achieving some kind of “peace” or “spirituality” (presumably because one’s work is so physically-demanding, or stressful, or unbearable, or nihilistic, or meaningless, etc.). The ad makes a clear distinction with its caption that such activities are “not work”, in spite of the fact that in many cultures today and throughout history, spiritual practices have been considered as having at least as much significance and requiring at least as much effort as a full-time job. This suggestion that yoga is not work is even stranger when I consider the fact that I saw an ad on the subway on the same day I saw this one that suggested “turning your passion into your career”; the ad’s example of such a career was a woman who enjoyed yoga so much, she opened her own yoga studio. This contrast between “mindfulness activities” as a means of relaxation/non-work that is fully detached from the labour market and these same self-improvement activities as a means of personal monetary profit through “entrepreneurship” is one that should be examined more carefully.

And what is to be said for the other half of this statement? We know that the woman is apparently “hardly working”, but why is her money “working hard”? This is a cut-and-dry case of Marx’s commodity fetishism, though with an interesting twist. The money in investment is, in truth, incapable of working itself; thus the money is presumably going towards building the capital and workforce of all the corporations who are expected to grow economically and provide a profitable return for the investment. All of this involves a great deal of workers doing actual labour with material resources, which is conveniently excluded from the scene depicted here in favour of the suggestion that the “money is working hard”. The kicker here is that technically there is a reference to labour in that statement through its implication of “hard work” - but the labour is the imaginary labour of the money the woman invested having somehow “worked” to “improve itself” so that it can move from being the price to being the product. It is fascinating to see how well this imaginary labour’s “short circuit” parallels the woman’s own self-improvement activities.

4 - This is a “happy” ad, as is made clear by the man’s smile and the optimistic caption. The man has apparently realized that he “doesn’t need a degree in money to invest”. As with other aspects of these ads targeting young demographics, it seems that the purpose of such a statement would be to make investment less “scary” to young people. This is emphasized through the use of a simplified “degree in money” rather than “degree in finance”, or “degree in economics”. This serves a secondary function in erasing the labour that goes into managing investments, as many workers who do have “degrees in money” labour intensively both to manage everyday investments and to help develop tools that make investment more accessible, like InvestEase. In contrast to the woman in [3], we see this man actively engaged in his investing (if momentarily distracted by his epiphany) while also relaxing in a bath; his leisure time is not used for self-improvement, which may be related to the social expectations that women are expected to do more intensive labour and discipline themselves to appear more desirable (eg. through means such as physical activities, of which yoga is one), while men are not held to the same standard. Thus the man is allowed to sit back and relax in a bubble bath, having only to worry about the growth of his money as a means of self-improvement, as men are expected to be the holders of material wealth (rather than embodied wealth) in society.

5 - This is an “anxious” ad, as indicated by the man’s apparent “freezing” in the middle of a daily routine. The man has stopped brushing his teeth as he realizes in horror that “his little brother has started investing before him”. This adds a competitive element to the ad, suggesting that there should be a kind of “race to invest” before a rival-like figure (such as a brother) begins to do the same. It also marks investment as a kind of “rite of passage”, making the spectre of the younger brother’s investment significant in a different manner; the mood invoked is almost as if the younger brother was getting married before the man in the picture, or beginning his first full-time job, or any number of other “significant life activities”. By placing investment in this context, RBC has effectively “naturalized” it as an activity desirable mainly because it is “what one does” by a certain point. The combination of the “sibling rivalry” competition and the “missed rite of passage” anxiety serve to justify the notion that competition is all-important in capitalism not only by economic law, but also by cultural convention.

6 - This is an “anxious” ad, visible in the expression of concern and distractedness in the man who has presumably just bought (or is about to buy) new shoes. The caption suggests that he “invests more in his shoes than his future” and is only realizing this now. This caption indicates a changing of values in the man’s life; like [5] and [1], it is a “transitional” image marking a turning point for the subject. There is something almost religious about this particular ad; the man’s epiphany here is directly related to a turn away from his material possessions towards something less physically tangible. The intangible object is described in the caption as “his future”, but in truth, this “future” is (as mentioned in [3]) tied directly to material labour and processes necessary for his investment to grow in the first place. Interestingly, the shoes the man is depicted next to are framed by the caption in terms of investment rather than personal enjoyment, implying that the man is buying the shoes with an expectation of some kind of similar “return” on them to that he might expect from an investment. I hope I’m not stretching too far here when I ask: surely not all personal-level decisions are made in this way?

7 - This is a “happy” ad, and one of the most obviously-so due to the celebratory gestures of the man depicted in his chair. The man’s computer screen shows a graph rising higher and higher along its x axis, presumably indicating the projected future growth of his wealth. The caption implies that this is an estimation of “what you could be worth in 10 years”. One thing that is immediately important to note here is that the most optimistic outcome has been strategically depicted; while investment is at root a mere requirement for anyone’s money to keep up with inflation so it stays at the same value throughout their lifetime, its growth to the degree depicted on the computer screen here over a decade is uncommon. Further, it is practically a cliche at this historical moment to remind people that they are “worth more than just the sum of their bank account” - and yet this ad seems to have no problem refuting such a claim by equating “what you could be worth” (and by extension, what you “are currently worth”) with your money.

8 - This is a “happy” ad, and what could probably seen as the “closing” ad in this series. There are few signifiers to communicate important messages here other than the man’s broad smile and the caption marking “completeness” of the decision to invest with RBC: “When you realize you’re officially an investor”.

*Forgive me if this is slightly inaccurate, my memory’s a little foggy and I don’t have the time to dig up the exact details of this campaign at the moment

**Not worth describing in this discussion. Those interested can search and find more about this easily if you don’t already know what they are.

***See any of Foucault’s discussions on the “discipline of the self” for more on this.

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