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norrisleclercf1 · 1 year

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Little Home

Pairing: Max Verstappen x Wolff!Reader

Rating: PG-17

Warnings: Angst, cursing, Max isn’t the best at communicating his feelings neither is reader, Fluff, smidge implied smut, etc.

Words: 1.7K

A/N: I suck at writing endings and now all I have left is the epilogue so sorry if this isn't the best, didn't plan on making this a series but I hope to do more in the future and plan it out better I hope you all enjoy!!!!

Part 1: Little Traitor

Part 2: Little Backstabber

Part 3: Little Heartbreaker

Wedding dress

"Will you marry me?" Time seems to stop as Max stares at you, not letting his thoughts or emotions be known.

"No."

Who would've thought one word could cause so much heartbreak.

7 months later

"Max! Hurry up, we're going to be late!"

Max groans, banging against the mirror before him as he stares at his reflection. Here he was wearing a 3 piece suit, dark navy blue, which almost looked black. With a maroon tie, he keeps fixing it even though it is perfect. Adoring the suit was this little lion pendant with 2 tiny chains connecting to the left breast pocket.

"Max? What is taking so damn-" The person finally freezes, seeing Max in his suit and smiling.

"My little lion." He turns to his mother, who smiles behind her tears as she takes in her son.

"I'm scared. I thought I could do this, but I don't know now." He bursts, making his mother laugh, and walks into his bedroom.

"Little lion, it's normal to be scared, but after everything you've been through, you want to do this but don't like the unknown." Max takes 3 deep breaths. He knew his mother was right, but you both tended to bolt when things made you scared, but you worked it out. He can still remember when he said no.

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7 months ago

"What do you mean no?" The walls started to close around you. After all of this, after what just happened, he was going to call it off now.

"I mean," He takes a deep breath before looking at you. "We need to take this slow again; you broke this off-" You go to interrupt him, but he holds up his hand, stopping you. "You had every reason to do because I did betray your trust, and I understand that. But, you hurt me too. You left and refused to talk to me. Before we say we're engaged again, shouldn't we talk about whether we're even a couple?" He asks, sitting across from you while you gap at him in shock.

"Are you fucking serious? We just slept together, and you didn't think to have this talk before?" You're ready to scream with how angry you're getting at him while Max sighs, rubbing his hands over his face.

"You're right. We shouldn't have done that; we needed to talk first, but...I missed you. That's no excuse for that; we need to talk now." You scuff, wanting to storm out, but he was right. You needed to talk.

"I'm tired of you blaming me for not contacting my father. Out of everyone in my life, you should understand where I'm coming from. Instead, you defined him and threw it in my face that I ran to him to hide." You blurt out, Max staring into your soul.

You hated when Max stared at you like this. It was baring you layer by layer and his way of analyzing you. You were an anomaly in his race data that he couldn't figure out. Unnerving is what it is.

"Maybe I was projecting, and it wasn't right. I shouldn't have done that; I lost sleep over it, but.....we should all grow up at the end of the day. From here on out, though, you hate the bastard. I'll hate him too, but you must start giving me real reasons." Oh, you wanted to slap him, yet he was right.

Getting over it when you've been hurt repeatedly is never easy. You need to grow from those life lessons to grow and learn from them. They were just periods at the end of the sentence of your life. They didn't end the story, only paused it. The part of your life you clung to was a chapter of the past. You needed to flip the page and continue on.

"You're right; I need to move on. You don't know how long it takes me to move on." Max drops his head, shaking it at your words.

"Jesus fucking, Christ, Y/n. Do you want to know why we keep arguing about this? You let it cloud your fucking mind. Yes, he has hurt you more than you can count. Yet you allow that to define you as a person, you hold that hate in you, and it's what's hurting this relationship. I'm imperfect, and I won't always be on your side. Y/n, I love you; I want to marry you and have a family with you. I'm not throwing you to the damn wolves and forcing you to suddenly be all roses with him, but fuck...give him an inch at least." You give a humorless laugh gathering up your purse and anything else.

"This was a mistake." Max doesn't even fight you as you walk out the door slamming it hard.

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"You're a princess." You smile at your brother in a suit similar to Max's but with a little bow tie.

"Thank you, Jack." Susie pats her son's head, watching you making sure you weren't freaking out.

"It's crooked." Susie fusses, fixing your tiara. The same one your father bought you and gave you as a wedding gift.

"Thanks." You give her a curt answer. Things have been tense between you two ever since you put limits on how much you wanted Toto in your life.

Yes, he was here today and doing his duties as your father, but that still didn't mean you had forgiven him for everything. Toto knew you would never fully forgive him, but he'd take what he could, and you were in therapy to talk and have someone who wasn't in the middle give you a clear answer to what you and the others felt.

"I'm glad you're doing this. You both have grown so much in 7 months." Biting your tongue, you nod and turn to stare at yourself in the white dress.

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5 months ago

"Don't." You warn Max, who just rolls his eyes at your antics.

Jack giggles, pointing the water gun at you. Max had given the younger Wolff the water gun as a present since you started watching him more and more. Whenever Susie or Toto couldn't watch him, you would since you both became very close.

"Jack, do it." Max eggs on, and you stare daggers at him while he softly smiles.

Things were starting to get mend between you two. Couples therapy was a segway into fixing this relationship. Both of you had issues, and they were showing more and more in your relationship. No one was perfect, but you needed to communicate better.

You moved back into your apartment with him this week, leading to Jack being here. He was spending the night with you two, and your therapist thought it would be an excellent activity for you two, playing house almost and seeing if you both could use your new tactics of talking to one another when it came to the young boy.

"Die!" Jack yells, causing Max to choke on his laughter as Jack soaks you with the water.

You try to protect yourself, but it's useless as you get drenched in the cold water. Wiping your eyes, you notice that Jack and his partner in crime aren't there anymore. The hairs on your neck rise, making you turn around only to get hit with water in the face.

"Uh oh," Jack whispers as you wipe the water off your face. Angry now, but it was short-lived seeing Max's smiling face, the one holding the water gun this time.

"Run!" Max yells as you chase after the boys. The house filled with laughter.

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"I love him, and we've worked everything out." Susie nods. Knocking stops Susie's reply as Toto opens the small door, barely fitting in the frame, and stops staring at you.

The dress was an elegant a-line lace wedding dress with long sleeves that hugged you perfectly. It had a train about 5 feet with very detailed designs of lace, and underneath, you had Max's initials sewed into it with dark navy blue letters. The tiara was paired with sundropped pearl earrings with a petite diamond necklace that paired nicely with the tiara and earrings.

"Gorgeous." You give your father a soft smile as he holds his hand out for you to grab, helping you down the stairs.

"Come on, Jack, we've got to get you to the boys." Susie brushes past you both, leaving you two.

"Papa-" Toto stops you by lacing your fingers together and smiling.

"Thank you for giving me this opportunity, and while Susie doesn't understand your boundaries, I do. I'm so happy you and Max decided to go through with the wedding. You both loved each other so much." Toto kisses your head as you stop behind the closed doors. Max was only 20 feet away, your future, your husband, your air.

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3 months ago

"You know, we never canceled everything when we called the wedding off." You giggle, turning to look at Max, who is lying on the floor, exhausted from his workout.

"What? Why'd you think of that all of a sudden?" Max shrugs his shoulders and turns to look at you.

"Do you?" He asks, the laughter dying in your throat as you ponder his question.

"That's how you ask me to marry you?" Faking anger, which has Max rolling his eyes but smiling at your antics.

"The first time I asked you was after fucking in the shower." You bust out laughing, knowing that was true, and make up some story about how romantic it was when he asked you.

Climbing off the couch, you walk over and straddle his hips before lowering yourself so you sit on his lap. Max's hands automatically find their way to your ass, squeezing it as he looks up at you.

"Yes, I'll marry you." Max leans up and kisses you gently before dropping back down and arching his hips up. You laugh, both losing your clothes quickly.

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"You may kiss the bride." Max doesn't think twice as his arms wrap around you before swinging around and dipping you, kissing you slowly, not caring as he explores your mouth.

Clapping, whistling, and everything else fills the venue as he lifts you back up, both laughing as you kiss each other again before facing the crowd.

"Presenting, Mr. and Mrs. Max Verstappen!" You look at Max smiling, you couldn't be happier to have gone through this, even if you were a little traitor in the beginning, but this quickly became your little home.

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taglist: @welcometomyworldwithoutrules@gentlemonsterjennie1@callsignwidow@mycenterfold@clintsupremacy@notsosurehritika@whotfisvale@black-swan-blog27@severenswife@cinderellawithashoe@vita-di-moda@imchiarashelby1@hiphopdancer101universe@ironmaiden1313@1-800-imma-steal-your-bitch@xcinnamongirl@basicallyherondale@that-aesthetic-chic@omgsuperstarg@southerngirlnow@paprikabadger@mehrmonga@mqcherie@bibissparkles @callsignwidow @vixxen-lou @matildrry @mvclff1 @octaviareina @christianpulisic10 @alexander-hamilhoe @champomiel @daddyslittlevillain

#f1 #formula 1 #f1 fandom #f1 x reader #f1 x y/n #f1 imagine #f1 scenario #formula one #max verstappen imagine #max verstappen #max verstappen scenario #max verstappen series #little traitor #max x reader #max imagine #max verstappen fanfic #max verstappen one shot #max verstappen fluff

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genericpuff · 5 months

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All That Glitters is Not Feminism - An Analysis of LO's Brand of "Feminism" and What Remains of its Fanbase (A Prologue)

So I referenced a certain article in a recent reblog/ask response and I just need to talk about it because what the actual fuck-

This has to have been written by either a bot or a hater who's reached peak god tier level at playing the long con sarcasm game because NOTHING about this feels sincere or even factual. Much of it almost has to be read in a mocking tone for it to make any real sense.

It says "Lore Olympus" (literally in quotations) in just about every single paragraph over and over again and every single talking point revolves EXCLUSIVELY around Persephone, which I suppose comes as no surprise considering that seems to be all the comic - and its fanbase - cares about at this point.

I really love (/s) how Persephone's "evolution" is being naive and then 'blossoming' into an independent woman who relies entirely on the rich man who groomed her to solve all her problems.

Also all she's done since becoming Queen of the Underworld is abuse lower class people. That's the stuff feminist dreams are made of <3

While we're talking about the main leads, "poster child" is definitely a word for Hades, I think a more appropriate term would be "literal child". And boy howdy, 'god of consent' sure is a title to give the guy who ripped out a lower class satyr's eyeball and beat him half to death.

This man owns slaves, btw. And both he and his "powerful wife" are equally horrible to lower class people, especially women.

This is hands-down the funniest section of the article and we're only three bullet points in.

Thetis and Persephone have never even so much as spoken one word to each other outside of the courtroom that Thetis technically put her in after plotting against her for an entire season.

Eros is a man. Nothing wrong with that but it comes with the unintentional icky hilarity of implying that because Eros is the gay best friend, that means he's a woman.

They literally don't read this fucking comic-

Everyone always relies on this weird talking point of Demeter not being able to "let Persephone go"... y'all, she just didn't want Persephone to outright move to Olympus, she wanted her to commute. That was it! That was literally the only problem! She wasn't preventing Persephone from pursuing a higher education or telling her she wasn't allowed to work, she literally fucking encouraged it! And with the added later context of Persephone killing a bunch of mortals - and, ironically, the fact that Persephone was assaulted/put in harm's way by TWO SEPARATE MEN in the first two days of her time in Olympus - yeah, I don't blame Demeter for not wanting her daughter to move cold turkey actually LOL

Also hilarious that they claim Rachel has turned "tradition" into "innovation" when the only thing she's managed to do is set back modern feminism in her young adult readers by 80 years and re-establish misogynist brainwashing in her adult ones. Rachel, your fanbase was literally shipping a victim of abuse with her abuser just a few days ago.

oh boy this is uh

this is some cult shit ngl

and the "rewriting the script of Greek mythology" part is VERY concerning knowing what we know about Lore Olympus and who it was written by. This is literally cultural appropriation, full stop, and it exists because Lore Olympus - and works like it, made by people like Rachel - exists.

I can't even commit to the original theory that this was written by a bot because it all feels very pointed and intenetional. This is being written by someone who, at the very least, REALLY sucks at media analysis and writing, because the entire article is just "Lore Olympus, buzzword, Lore Olympus, buzzword, buzzword, Lore Olympus", it's like a white knight incantation for guilty virtue signallers who have zero clue what they're talking about. And at worst, yes, it's appropriation from someone who doesn't mind taking a culture's stories and myths and promoting their erasure by people outside of the culture like Rachel.

And that's it, that's literally the article lmao

*EDIT: There was a section here before addressing the writer of the article from a very opinionated POV that, while isn't unusual for what I do here, did feel necessary to remove after I was contacted by the article writer who addressed the flaws in their original article and is now seeking to correct them with revisions/an article rewrite. So I felt it only fair as a compromise to at least remove that section as it really doesn't have a whole lot to do with this post as a whole and can be removed without entirely ruining the flow of this analysis. If/when that article is rewritten, I'll be revisiting this post and my overall analysis !

And honestly, it's all really telling, because this does accurately reflect the state of the LO fanbase.

Not only do many of the people who defend this comic like it's their job not pick up on the blatant misogynist tones that are going on in its narrative (I can't even call them "undertones" anymore, they're no longer that subtle) but whether or not they even read the comic at all is up for debate with how much stuff they tend to get wrong in their own arguments and justifications. And this is something that's VERY regularly seen in the fanbase discussions, readers will constantly be unaware of things that happened because they skimmed through it at lightning speed just to see if Hades and Persephone kiss and so they can get the top comment on Webtoons so they can be "ahead of the fanbase". It's no wonder that Rachel has gotten used to getting away with retconning things because her fanbase didn't even read what she established the first time.

Rachel's fanbase was literally defending the romance ship of an abuser and his victim on the newest FP episode preview. When that FP episode came out two nights ago and Hera said, point blank, that he didn't love her but abused her, I could only think of that portion of the fanbase who was very audibly simping over Kronos in the IG comment section. Are they actually having their moment of shameful clarity now? Or are they just gonna move the goalposts and pretend that didn't happen?

I don't want to say anything bad about Shelby here because she really seems like she's fighting for her life on this site that she's trying to get off the ground, but a lot of her other articles also come across as very one-note while being peppered with buzzwords that make it seem like what she's talking about is "progressive" when it really isn't. Case in point, Lessons in Chemistry has been commonly criticized for not actually appealing to the demographic that its Mary Sue-ish main character is supposed to represent - women in STEM career fields.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again: Lore Olympus is not 'feminism', it's white feminism that is designed to appeal to predominantly heterocis white women who think the solution to misogyny is to willingly submit to it and accept the status quo - that it's "empowering" if the woman is smiling and having all her needs paid for by a man. Sure, I can accept that different women will be looking for different relationship dynamics, some women genuinely are happy being in a relationship where they support their husbands first and foremost. But can that truly be called feminism? Or is the real feminism the choices we make along the way that we should be given the freedom to make?

It says a lot about the folks who tend to regularly prop up LO on a pedestal like this as some "revolution in feminism" despite the contrary after spending more than just 30 seconds skimming the attention-grabbing art, and Shelby is just one of many. She's not the worst of the bunch, though.

That goes to someone else who I want to give proper light to in their own essay. Someone who definitely earned a good stern talking-to this past week and has, thankfully, had consequences dished out to her for her horrible actions towards queer POC writers.

If you know, you know. If you don't, buckle up.

#lore olympus critical #lo critical #anti lore olympus

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magicaldragons · 5 months

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order in the court!

a ryu si-o analysis

in view of the upcoming episode today, we're going to do a mini-deep-dive on ryu si-o, so grab a snack, a glass of water, get comfortable, and buckle in:

now, we'll be looking at his psychology based on what we know about him for sure + byeon woo seok's portreyal of the character

1. emotions

we can see throughout the whole series that ryu si-o is someone who 'talks' through his body and actions. his words are too straightforward and candid. he keeps his sentences to the point and includes many quotes from his childhood, which implies that he doesn't plan his words or think too much about subtext or manipulation through speaking, his words are just a means of communication to him. his real mode of expression is through his body language.

obviously, since his childhood, any expression of emotion which didn't show authority, or control would cause more harm than anything – meaning that anger is probably the only emotion he would never have had to hide, and he would've actively practiced seeming confident in all situations. We see his body language in public always coming off as very condescending: his stance, his posture, etc. and we know it's a practiced behaviour, because he sheds all these actions when he's by himself at home.

Publically, we see si-o mostly express anger/disapproval + his classic, almost devious smile he has around most strangers.

the only other emotion we've seen him express publically is: his fondness for nam-soon.

his only experience of friendship was through this boy, binbin, who made sacrifices for him and was probably present during his darkest times, including when they decided to runaway.

receiving that type of love, as a child, especially from someone he would have considered an equal, would have definitely impacted his views on allowing himself to receive love and knowing what it feels like. he clearly doesn't shy away from the vulnerability of the emotion, or the warmth of it, because i don't think he's ever personally seen it as a weakness. rather, he's seen it as something that gave him strength in a place that held him down.

and because he knows what it feels like to receive that sort of warmth, he definitely had no problem giving it to nam-soon.

we know that his feelings for her have developed from viewing her as the 'perfect weapon', and wanting to use her because it's so clear that, while he seems persistent in trying to keep nam-soon on his side, he wants her to choose him for exactly who he. he would truly tell/give her anything she asked for, even at cost to himself.

a man who saw her as a 'means to a goal' would have no trouble using force at any point, or treating her recklessly, but you see the care he holds for her and his instinct to protect her, even from himself.

at the same time though, because of his training, and maybe because of an experience we might find out about later, he knows logically, that relationships are pressure points that can be targeted. so it's definitely something he consciously chooses to display, and nam-soon's strength probably helped him be less hesitant in making his feelings for her obvious.

again, his expression of his affection is mostly proved through his body language, in his gaze, and how badly he wants to be relied upon to provide for her, because it's the only type of love that he knows: to need someone. Or rather, to be needed. verbally, he's very direct in his statement of emotions, as if he loses nothing to reveal them, and this shows that he does not associate expressing emotions like affection, interest, or even rejection with embarassment, which makes sense considering: nothing is truly embarrassing when you’ve spent almost every day of your life trying to be useful enough to be kept alive, which leads us to our final emotion:

fear, the one he holds the closest to himself.

it transforms him instantly, and brings back the ten year old version of himself.

we see his hands almost shaking when he goes to take a call from his contact in the mafia, and it means so much that he has such a tight lid on the rest of his emotions but cannot control this specific visceral fear he feels.

simultaneously, he views them as a type of parental figure, regardless of the damage they've done, and thinks of going against them as "rebelling" rather than escaping, which i also think has something to do with the outcome of his escape attempt in childhood.

fear is also the emotion he keeps the most guarded, because to reveal it, means death, quite literally.

he's very careful to put his mask back in place, everytime, and it's very clear if you look closely that the emotion fueling all his acts of violence comes directly from a place of fear.

the one time we've seen him show that side of himself, is to nam-soon unsurprisingly.

it proves how intuitively he had come to trust her, almost as if she were loyal to only him, and part of his mini-mafia – which is definitely a type of "with me or against me" mindset that's developed within him throughout all his years in the mafia.

#*taps gavel aggressively*#this is part one fam – there's more to come #if you're into that #strong girl nam soon #ryu si o #byeon woo seok

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blackaleycatt · 2 months

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Wild Hearts: Creature Chemistry

Dabio finally has enough and leaves Donita and the villain lifestyle behind him. Based off the episode "Mystery of the North Pole Penguins?"

youtube

Written by me and my friends at 3 am. Not meant to be taken too seriously lol.

Chapter 1: Enough

Fandom: Wild Kratts

Pairing: Dabio x Jimmy

Other Stuff: Implied ableism (not much), Dabio redemption arc, Dabio is a brony.

AO3 link

“We're gonna come over and hang out with you. We can play tennis together, and then have lunch, and then go to the movies and we'll have lots and lots of fun together.“

Dabio was still thinking about the phone call he and Donita had with the Wild Kratts earlier. He would never tell Donita but he really wanted the Wild Kratts to come over and hang out with them. He and Donita rarely hung out so he knew that Donita would never want to hang out with the Wild Kratts.

Donita would always call the Wild Kratts weird.

He'd never seen Donita hang out with anyone besides the other villains, and she didn't even really like being around them that much. She spent all day designing clothes for her fashion lines, shopping, going to the spa, and other stuff by herself.

He didn't know if she ever even had friends before.

Regardless of what Donita thought of them, Dabio kind of liked the Wild Kratts team even if they were on opposite sides. Despite everything, every time he and the Kratts came in contact they would still treat him and Donita with respect, though sometimes they liked to mess around with them.

He sometimes imagined what it would be like to be their friend or even be part of the team.

Even if he was disappointed that the Wild Kratts couldn't come over, he knew that their presence would put Donita in a bad mood, and he DID NOT want Donita to be in a bad mood for what he was planning on asking her later.

Nobody knew this but Dabio loved the TV show My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic with all of his heart. He had been a fan since he was very young. He kept My Little Pony figurines in his room but had them hidden extremely well fearing that Donita would throw them out if she saw them. He also had a My Little Pony blanket that Donita had seen but surprisingly had allowed him to keep on his bed. The first time she saw it she just rolled her eyes and scoffed.

Dabio would go on My Little Pony forums to talk to fellow bronies because he didn’t know anyone in real life who was a My Little Pony fan. Well, technically the only people he knew were Donita and the other villains.

While he was scrolling on a forum one day he saw that a pegasisters convention was being held in the place where he and Donita were currently. For this particular convention though any bronies or male attendees would have to be accompanied by a woman as a precaution to prevent any weirdos from showing up. There were, unfortunately, a lot of weird men in certain parts of the My Little Pony community.

If he wanted to attend the convention he had no choice but to have Donita take him.

Donita was currently taking a nap as she claimed talking to the Wild Kratts had drained all of her energy, while Dabio was stressing about how he was going to ask Donita if he could go to the convention.

He had everything planned out already. He had bought the tickets with his own money, had a costume planned, and found a hotel near the convention where he could spend the night if he needed to.

The hardest part was getting Donita’s approval…

[A few hours later]

Donita had woken up and was working as usual. Dabio decided that he needed to ask her now or never.

“Uh…uh D-Donita? I have question” Dabio stumbled over his words as he nervously approached Donita at her work desk. She had her head down, most likely working on some new designs. He knew that Donita hated it when he asked her for literally anything but this was just too important for him not to take a chance.

He must have been standing behind her twiddling his fingers for too long because he hadn't noticed Donita turn around in her chair. “DABIO!! WHAT DO YOU WANT!” Donita yelled as she struck him on the side of his chiseled face. If his head wasn't so thick he might have felt it.

“Um well you know my favorite show is My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic right?”

“You mean that children's show with the stupid horses?” Donita said with clear disinterest as she turned back around at her desk. Donita had heard Dabio obsessing over the show many times before and she was growing sick of hearing about it. He shouldn't be getting that excited about colorful horses at his big age.

Dabio felt very offended at Donita’s description of the best show to ever exist and could tell by her response that she was already agitated with his existence. “They are not stupid horses, they are ponies.” Dabio loudly corrected her but flinched in fear that she would strike him again. Luckily she just rolled her eyes.

“Ponies. Horses. Who cares it's still just a stupid kids show that you are far too old to still be watching” Donita basically shrieked.

Dabio wanted to defend himself and his beloved ponies but he knew fighting with her would lower the chances of him getting permission to go to the convention.

“I- I know you think it's just a stupid horse show but it means a lot to me. I was wondering if you would let me go to the convention here. Pretty please Donita?” Dabio had his fingers crossed behind his back. Donita just stared at Dabio. Her eyes went wide.

Dabio spoke again. “We can even go together. I saved up enough for two tickets.” Dabio said as he pulled out two small slips of paper from the pockets of his way-too-tight jeans.

“Please?”

Donita tapped her pen against the table in a rhythmic fashion before finally answering.

“No Dabio.” She held up a paper with graphite smudges, “Besides you're going to be too busy collecting animals and modeling for my spring collection to go anyways! Now leave me alone. I have a lot of work to do.”

“Okey dokey Don-”

Dabio paused

Why was he going to take this treatment again? The Wild Kratts never spoke to him like this. Hell, the other villains didn't even speak to him this way, but Donita did. Even after capturing hundreds of animals for her to turn into fashion statements. Even after being her personal bodyguard, driver, chef, you name it. Even after all he had done for her, she still treated him like gum on the bottom of her little kitten heels. All he wanted to do was attend a gathering where he would meet fellow My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic lovers like himself. Maybe he could even make some real friends. But Donita never cared about him or what he wanted. She only cared about herself and what she wanted to do.

He knew that it was because of his disability.

Dabio felt so discouraged and embarrassed he wanted to just run to his room and cry, but he knew Donita would make fun of him for doing that too.

Dabio stared at the back of Donita’s head for a few seconds before taking a deep breath.

“Actually Donita. I have something else to say.”

Donita groaned as she turned around in her chair once more “What is it Dabio? It better not be about those damn horses again!”

“I think sometimes you are a meanie. I don’t like the way you treat me.”

Donita looked at Dabio in disbelief “You don't like the way that I treat you? Well, darling, you don’t have to like anything that I do. You just have to do it. Do you think I honestly care about what YOU want to do!”

“No Donita. How you treat me is not right. You act just like Gilda the Griffin. Always bossing around every pony no matter how much they do for you.”

Donita didn’t know who the hell Gilda the Griffin was but she was growing more and more irritated with Dabio’s disobedience.

“If you don’t like how I treat you go ahead and leave. See how long you make it in the real world without me to hold your hand like a toddler. You’re more of an overgrown man-child than Zach.”

With that Dabio was done.

“Fine. I will!”

Donita didn’t even care. She just turned right around in her seat again and got back to work. What she didn't know was that Dabio was completely serious about leaving.

Dabio went to his room to pack a bag. He packed his most valuable possessions:

His rare MLP figurines

His Fluttershy blanket

His tuxedo print t-shirt

His champagne toast bath and body works body mist

His Tamagotchi

A life supply of pizza Lunchables (in case he needed a snack during his journey)

As Dabio was looking for more stuff to pack he stumbled across a photo of him and Donita that he had in a bedazzled pink frame. Well, to be honest, it was a photo Dabio took of himself and then photoshopped Donita into, but the photo still had sentimental value for him so against his better judgment he packed it with him.

Time: 4:30 am Location: Donita’s Private Jet Day: Friday

Dabio heard Donita go to bed about 5 hours ago. He sat on his twin-sized bed tapping his foot anxiously on the floor. He still was contemplating running away but he was terrified. He hadn't been by himself in years and didn’t know if he was capable of surviving on his own

He checked his phone. He knew the private jet was parked about 30 minutes from the city. He was hoping that when he got into the city he could find a hotel. Somewhere Donita wouldn't find him.

Eventually, Dabio decided that he needed to do this now or risk Donita finding him awake at this hour. He got off of the bed, suitcase in hand, and headed for the door as quietly as he could.

Dabio was actually quite graceful for his size and was able to sneak out the door (which was still slightly busted from Chris ripping it off in the Sloth Bear episode) and down the stairs while making minimal noise. It's probably the first time Dabio has been able to walk freely without hauling around Donita like a sled dog!

As soon as Dabio was outside the made a run for it just in case Donita had heard anything.

And with that Dabio made his trek towards the city. The song “work” by Iggy Azalea was blasting in his off brand Temu AirPods

This song was very special to Dabio because the lyrics captured his current predicament and the artist is an immigrant such as Dabio is.

Walk a mile in these Louboutins But they don't wear these shits where I'm from I'm not hating, I'm just telling you I'm tryna let you know what the fuck that I've been through Two feet in the red dirt, school skirt Sugar cane, back lanes Three jobs, took years to save But I got a ticket on that plane People got a lot to say But don't know shit about where I was made Or how many floors that I had to scrub Just to make it past where I am from No money, no family Sixteen in the middle of Miami

Thank you for reading this mess. Critique is welcome.

Updates coming soon!

#wild kratts #fanfic #jimmy z #dabio wild kratts #donita donata #dabio x jimmy z #mlm #wild kratts jimmy #Youtube #Spotify #Wild Hearts: Creature Chemistry #wild kratts fanfic

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theambivalentagender · 11 months

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I love your comic!! What inspired you to share Zekes story?

There's a lot to this answer so buckle up.

I've always been a writer, ever since I was a little kid telling stories has been my entire life's goal. But its been a struggle, and for a long time I've felt kinda lost in trying to survive taking soul sucking desk jobs. It honestly destroyed any desire I had to create.

And then at the beginning of 2022 I got abruptly fired (for what I don't think are honest reasons but that's another story). And then I found myself just not being able to land a new job no matter what I did - I worked in a tech-adjacent industry and know others in similar positions also have had these issues. Weeks turned into months, and my mental health took a nosedive.

That summer I noticed one of my long time close friends kept popping up on steam playing Stardew Valley at odd hours in the morning. I'd heard of the game before, I loved farming sims, and I really needed a distraction. So I finally bought it.

Long story short, several hours into the game this motherfucker hits me up with this line:

So you can imagine what that did to my psyche. I got so god damn invested in the game. Like I do with any game, I started modding the crap out of it, mostly to add more lines for Shane. And then I found myself imagining my own little story with my farmer.

For a good while this was just a dumb headcanon story I had every time I played Stardew. But then I found myself actually plotting things out, connecting different aspects of SDV that were "unexplained" or "implied" with the story I was developing in my head. And then I realized - I was making a story again. I was feeling the exact same way I used to feel when I would plan out and write a play, or a short story, or one of my many unfinished novels. It was such a good feeling, and I started coming around to the idea that I shouldn't just keep this story in my head.

I dealt with a lot of self doubt over it of course. The last time I wrote anything like fanfiction was when I was 10 and it was a HP fanfic where I misspelled Slytherin in five different ways. Some part of me felt like it would be wasting time because I wouldn't make money off of it. Another part of me worried I'd be mocked for writing an entire self-indulgent story about a borderline self-insert character romancing a grumpy pixel man, when I was nearly 30 living in an apartment with a long term partner and shouldn't be doing such *childish things*.

I lurked around the SDV fandom for a long time before actually posting anything, and seeing other people, often people close to my own age, doing exactly what I was afraid of because fuck it, we're adults and we get to decide what that means, really helped. It also helped to see a positive community praising and supporting creators of all skill levels.

As for the money thing, I ended up "justifying" it to myself that if I made myself draw just about every day working on the comic (since I had decided to make it a comic rather than a fanfic), that would help me bring my art skills up to par with my writing skills. And, well, it would probably help my mental health if I had something productive to work on while I still looked for a job, because there's only so many times you can rotate between various video games.

I honestly didn't expect the comic to get as much attention as it has. But I told myself even if nobody cared about it, I'd make it for the one person who wanted to see this story play out - me.

#personal #asks #valley echoes asides

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erikiara80 · 7 months

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Time for some theory on the prequel!

What if the exorcism and the massacre happened the same night and this is one of the plot twists of the prequel?

I could be wrong, but I always found it strange that they angered the "demon" but he didn't attack them immediately. The soldiers hurt possessed Will, and a few hours later he sends them to die. And the exorcism happens the same night.

Also, Kate Trefry wrote both The Spy and The First Shadow. She was definitely thinking about the Creels when she wrote that episode

I think it's interesting that in S2 the massacre happens before the exorcism. Maybe this means that Henry was still himself before the exorcism, but then something changed?

Basically, Will was saved by the exorcism, but in 1959 the exorcism made everything worse.

Henry saying: 'She (Virginia) called a doctor, an expert' reminds me so much of The Exorcist.

Virginia calls a doctor, but we don't see him, but then Henry says that he was desperately trying to escape him. Martin Brenner. Maybe Henry is describing the "exorcism". But his and Victor's memories have been manipulated. Victor was found wandering on the side of the Highway, a parallel with one of the stories Terry investigated, so either they messed with their memories, or there's some time trickering going on, as a consequence of the exorcism.

Also, I'm not the only one who noticed that many things look staged. In his monologue Henry says that people perform in a silly play, day after day, some of the Nina shots look so staged that there's even the "curtain" falling and an opera song playing. And the prequel about Henry is literally a play where the characters will also perform in a play. In every season there are mentions of living in a bubble, dreams, fakers, and people ruining the game. So the fact that we saw the night of the massacre doesn't mean that that's what really happened.

In fact, Victor doesn't mention the exorcism, but he talks about the massacre, and when he says that he thought that the demon would take him too, we hear Alice's screams and the Demogorgon. But there isn't any creature in the flashbacks. Unless it's not an actual creature, but another type of monster. Dr Brenner. That would mean that he was there, more evidence that we didn't see what really happened.

Brenner is in the play, so we're finally gonna see what he did. We need some answer before S5!

Then there's the parallel with Hopper. The two cursed fathers in prison. Hopper hears the Demogorgon too, after he tells Enzo that the curse started when he was 18, (in 1959), and he mentions Uncle Sam. So this scene seems to imply that Sam Owens is connected to the curse.

Other parallels between the prequel and 2x06.

Hopper, Joyce, Bob are in 2x06 and in the prequel. Owens is in 2x06, he is connected to the curse, and has parallels with two fathers: Hopper

And Walter Bishop, who also has a son named Peter (Henry's fake name was Peter Ballard) I wrote about other parallels with Fringe here, including Mike's memory of the first time he and Will met. I have so many thoughts on Owens and his role...

Not sure who has Mike's role in the prequel. I thought Scott Clarke made sense, but maybe it's Patty. I don't think Henry is in love with her tho. And maybe that's the point. Patty is falling for Henry, but if he doesn't reciprocate, if he doesn't really trust her, maybe that's why she couldn't help him in the end. Will and Mike, on the other hand, have a deep connection and trust each other completely. And that helped Will to communicate with them.

I know that Mike and Will have been best friends since they were little kids, and Patty and Henry just met. But after a certain monologue people believe that between Mike and El it was love at first sight... So the prequel could show that, no, it doesn't work like that.

Other people have already talked about this shot. Cross, gates. And now we know that Bob was the son of a preacher. Another connection to the exorcism.

Also, if the exorcism and the massacre happened the same night, maybe the word Friend behind Will here is a reference to someone who tried to help Henry in 1959.

I have a crazy theory about Brenner, the exorcism, the demogorgon and why there's so much blood in the lab, but for now I'll just say this: if Brenner is in the shed scene, in Will's mind, when Joyce says that his birthday is on March 22, she would be right, because Matthew Modine was born on March 22, 1959.

If they really did it, they're insane, lmao!

#byler #st the first shadow #the first shadow #henry creel #will byers #mike wheeler #peter ballard #st parallels #st theory #stranger things

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faesystem · 5 months

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I believe it is quite critical to have conversations surrounding the different presentations of CDDs. Even truthful information about how some ways CDDs can present can quite easily transform into misinformation when other presentations are ignored.

(Example, "DID is a covert disorder." It can be, yes, but saying it like that implies that it is only a covert disorder.)

Covert and overt are good umbrella terms. It is, like many things, a spectrum. I believe it is honestly far better to discuss covert and overt symptoms as opposed to covert and overt systems. The majority of systems will be some combination of the two.

With that said we are an overt system. We use that label because it accurately represents our experiences with the world and helps us communicate them.

Examples of our overt symptoms include:

- Incredibly distinct voices and speech patterns that we cannot mask without dissociating. (This has actually lead to many alters being *unable* to speak verbally without dissociating.)

- Amnesia causing us to have absolutely no idea where we are, who our family is, ect. (Obviously, it is a bit hard to tell how often this happens. We were speaking with our mother the other day and she told us there were two instances of us forgetting who she was that she knows of. We had no idea that had happened twice.)

- For a long time, we would essentially always know who is in front due to how distinct we are. (A recent event has interrupted that, as we typically do not actually have any fully formed alters fronting at the moment. Just fragments. It is being worked on.)

- Skills do not always transfer between alters. (Can't think of any at the moment, but it's definitely a thing.)

- Sort of related, our handedness changes between alters. While they still tend to write better with our right, they do not do nearly as well as alters who are right handed.

Yet, even as a self identified overt system, we have plenty of covert symptoms as well. In particular in regards to passive influence.

As far as I can remember (which, well, if there is blackout amnesia I may just be unaware), even on the rare chance we do have blackout amnesia, passive influence tends to give alters an idea of what is going on.

We have complex splitting patterns due to being polyfragmented, and every new subsystem has very poor communication at first with the rest of the system. It is typically the first few times alters from this subsystem from that they cannot remember anything, but they get a gut feeling about it. They do not remember our mom being our mom, but they know she is. They do not remember what a phone is, but they know how to use it. They do not remember being friends with that person, but they know we're friends and how they're meant to act.

Our passive influence often times means we can 'unlock' memories even through amnesia once there is some sort of cue. For example, if alter a was told to do the dishes, alter b wouldn't necessarily remember that unless something reminded them of the memory.

Passive infulence also makes our skills transferring pretty unnoticeable a lot of the time. We tend to just switch if a skill is needed, but some examples include alters getting frontstuck during exams and having no memories of the classes. They will get the knowledge that we learnt in the classes.

I just think we need to have a lot more nuanced discussions to be honest.

#Mod Tim (He/Him)#Sysconversation #Syscourse #<- Not really discourse but I think that cesspool would do better with some conversations in there too.

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queerprayers · 1 year

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I'm actively discerning & struggling with clarity; what would you say, for you, is the "gut" difference between "actually becoming a nun" & "just needing fellowship, space to pray, & freedom?" Like what's the key aspect that makes it Not a call to literal vocation? If I am understanding you correctly! Thank you nevertheless & I hope God gives & guides you to exactly what you need. 🙏

(re: this post)

Great question, beloved! First, I'll remind you I'm not Catholic, so my understanding/associations of monastic life may be differently informed than yours. If anything I say doesn't match up with your understanding/beliefs about the topic, while I always encourage an open mind, you'll probably get more specific/relevant answers from a member of your denomination/community.

Alright, so, I wrote that post deciding that I probably didn't want to be a nun, but I did want community, time and space to practice my religion, and freedom from capitalism. There are limited options for someone who wants those things, especially in the US, so monastic life has been very appealing to me in recent years. And I do think I could be happy and create a fulfilling life as a nun! But I don't think it's what I'm meant for, at least right now, and I'll try to explain why.

I will say that for some people, there might not be a difference? Like in a perfect world everyone would have community/prayer/freedom, but we're not there, and I'm sure there are people who have turned to monastic life as a way to find those things. And that's not a bad thing at all! If you desire/are fulfilled by certain things, and monastic life is the only/easiest/best way in this world to receive them, then by all means, pursue that life. Historically, those have been some of the reasons people (especially women) enter monasteries/convents—besides it being the best option in a lot of cases for unmarried people, of course. But marriage and being a nun aren't the only two main options for women anymore (thankfully), and I pray every day for a world in which people can find community/prayer/freedom in all walks of life.

Confession: I made that post after watching The Sound of Music, because I've always loved Maria and really connect with her. Spoiler alert, but she doesn't end up a nun. She tries really hard, though! Honestly, that's kind of the dream? Be a nun for a while, then meet a perfect, handsome, put together, rich person who comes with children, and marry them, while making Nazis' lives harder.

I'm really interested in getting married in the future, and while that doesn't rule out monastic life as a Protestant, it is something I have to be conscious of. Maybe that can be our retirement plan? If my future wife is Christian, perhaps we can join an order once we're a bit done with normal society. (I think if I was born anytime before this century, I would already be a nun. If I couldn't have a human wife I'd marry Jesus immediately.)

The main difference for me is when I'm craving monastic life, it's because I want a break. Because the world is too much, and I'm not finding the space/time to pray, and I'm lonely. Now these aren't bad reasons to become a nun, and I don't want to diminish those factors, but for me those feelings are temporary, and a sign that I need to reach out to more people, and talk to my therapist, and put time in my schedule to worship.

Because of this, it seems like in my life the desire to become a nun is a kind of escapism, an impulsive alternative to more destructive ways to give up on life. This is absolutely NOT the case for everyone, and I don't want to imply that, but that's how it is for me (at least right now), and I'm proud of myself for (and thank God that) I'm realizing and honoring this. There may come a day when that desire is a recognition of where I would be most fulfilled, though, you never know.

I'm not sure I have a definite way for someone to tell what they're called to do. I do believe that there isn't one thing we were made for. If an angel came to you and gave you a mission, by all means go do that, but if that were the case you probably wouldn't be asking me for advice. As for the rest of us, God has given us so many diverse gifts, and how we use them is (amazingly but also terrifyingly) up to us! There isn't one path you need to find and all others would be abandoning God's will. There are many ways for you to have a beautiful life.

I don't blame anyone who runs away and joins a convent to escape from life, but ideally we learn about ourselves and participate in general society, deciding what kind of life we'll create—and perhaps end up in a convent somewhere down the line.

What relationships do you seek? Do you want to get married/have children? Who do you want to live with in the future? What gifts do you have? Do you write, sing, draw, run, speak, cook, work, comfort, heal? You don't have to be a genius at anything, and maybe your gift right now is resting and having lunch with your friends—that absolutely counts. How have you brought love/God's will into the world? How do you want to in the future? How would becoming a nun/monk help you fulfill these things? How would it limit you?

Monastic life gives you community/relationships, but may also ask you to forgo certain other community/relationships. It gives you a set purpose and duties, but there will be other purposes/duties you have to give up. Just like any job, relationship, or home, there are sacrifices you have to make, and beautiful things you can fulfill—and this would be all three!

I'm sure you know this stuff, but just in case: Many religious orders offer retreats/temporary stays, and this could be a great option for you! It could let you know whether you just need some time, or whether this is the life you want to follow. Also, keep in mind that there are usually multiple years when joining an order before you commit/take vows. There is no shame in realizing it's not a life you're made for. (Watch The Sound of Music if you need that affirmation.) And every community is different, so make sure you know your options! Cloistered vs. un-cloistered, for instance, is a huge difference.

We all need community, and time, and freedom. But we need those things and find fulfillment in so many different ways. I don't know if I've given you the answers you're looking for, but I pray that you make your decisions with honesty, caring for yourself and the world, and dedicating yourself to God every day, whether in or out of an official religious order.

<3 Johanna

#asks #summary: i'm an aspiring failed nun #i asked my dad what the opposite of cloistered nun was and he said free range.#what is the point of his religious degrees if this is the answer i get.#i just went with un-cloistered #and sorry this post spoils the plot of the sound of music but the movie came out in 1965. so if you haven't watched it that's kinda on you #everyone go watch it tho!

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quantumized-insanity · 1 year

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My thoughts on the death of Twitter.

Twitter is dying, hell it's pretty much already dead. I personally never had a twitter account, but it was important. With facebook arguably falling out of favor with the latest generations, twitter was the defacto social media platform for large swathes of people from every demographic and age group. It was a conversation space, and yes it could be hostile, toxic, and prone to mobs, but it also had intimately human moments. It holds so much of our culture, records of developments that will just fade to mild fluctuations in magnetic fields, as the hard drives that once contained crystalized pieces of our human journey, become nothing more than rubbish.

The internet is like an ecosystem. There's a balance to it, a push and pull. It has currents,tides and jet streams, complicated interconnected relationships that not even we as the participants fully understand. And now, one of the single biggest occupants of an ecological niche we do not even fully understand, is about to disappear. Not die, disappear. Because death implies decay and return, as if more than a decade of human communications are going to go somewhere, or return somewhere. But there is no place for it to go to, or return to. We are losing so much historical data, so much that we won't even know what we're going to miss until it's far too late.

And that's just about the historical records issue, because when twitter goes, there is one part of the platform that will need somewhere to go. The people. To paraphrase Aristotle, "Nature abhors a vacuum". Twitter is dying, and it's not going to leave anything behind except its users, and the people who built it. I cannot say what will happen next, but there are hundreds of software and firmware engineers without a job, and several hundred million people without a platform.

I was looking over an article on where Twitter users planned to go next. There were lists, and discussions of using mastodon, and explorations of discord group chats. I felt like I was looking at the build up to our mini apocalypse, and I was there for the tumblr exodus. I watched as the entire platform panicked, as we all ran around like chickens with our heads cut off. It felt like the entire platform was collapsing, and then I watched, as the platform shuddered, and groaned, and it held, but I remember watching communities talk about where they would go. I admit that I was genuinely scared, because I thought that this gestures vaguely might be over, and now I can't help but to think of twitter, and its users. Because for them, it really, probably, is over.

Imagine the level of panic that we went through during the 2016 ban, except instead of tens of thousands, imagine hundreds of millions of people, hundreds of thousands of communities packing up their bags and discussing their best options for survival. The absence of twitter as a platform is going to drastically all sorts of dynamics, and the energy from hundreds of millions of panicked people is not something that just fizzles out. The death of Twitter is going to have ripple effects we can't even being to understand yet, but this is an end of an era. Something big is coming, and while I can't pretend to know what it is, or what's going to happen next, this feels important. This feels like a moment that people are going to talk about in history books one day. We are watching the future unfold before our eyes, and we are cursed to not understand what it all means until it's over.

#twitterpocalypse #twitter #muskpocalypse #alice rants #quantum posts #history #history in the making #one for the textbooks #long post #holy fuck what even was that #I really just fucking wrote that huh #wow #Whelp

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verdantmeadows · 11 months

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I don't know how to explain it well but as an intellectually disabled I kinda hate the intellectually disabled (especially autistic) community on Tumblr and online because they mostly use terms like high/low support, high/low functioning, and I mean I guess I'd rather they use the term support than functioning, but I personally find the terms offensive and also cruel to other autistics because it implies they don't need as much support or can function better when neither of those are really true things?

I've seen posts where people say "this is about high support autistics" or "low supporting autistics don't add onto this" which just....separates our community???? And you can't define autistic people by low or high support!!!! People don't fit in boxes! And a lot of people who think they're low support have only been low support because they've been traumatized into a position where they must care for themselves

I don't know, I just don't understand the terms at all and they make me angry on behalf of the autistics who get called low support and told to stay out of conversations about autism and such

I feel like it's just another way to divide the community and another way that people go "look, I have it worse than you!"

Oh and also a lot of them use concepts like levels of autism and severity of autism and belittle autistic people who are on lower levels or have less severe autism which is so offensive??? Like, so many posts from autistic ppl within the ID community are just complaining about low level or not severe autism which is just....so cruel, we're one in the same

I don't think level of support is inherently bad to be clear, it's nuanced, and it can be useful to say, I need a lot of support every day, or, I can get by with minimal support. But it's frustrating when people use it to say, I have it worse than you, or, we struggle with the same problem but I have it worse, or asking if you're high or low support when those can't easily be defined. And also, most people would benefit from more support, but they don't have the choice of having that. High functioning and low functioning don't make sense because autism is a spectrum that isn't a binary that goes from low to high. Support also doesn't make sense because support isn't a binary that goes from low to high. Functioning and support are much more highly individualized and highly situational and often come from places of trauma or learning to cope without things you need I guess

I've been completely unable to find fellow intellectually disabled people who don't belittle or act above people they view as high functioning and low support. That's my frustration here more than anything. And also the fact people try to ask me what my level of support is when I don't know how to answer and shouldn't have to

#book of kells

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oatbugs · 2 years

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heyo, i just saw your tags about the fear of being manipulative. as someone who used to have that fear real bad but has overcome it, i just wanted to give u some insight, in case it helps. so, a few things..

your ex, and whoever else instilled that fear in you, is/was likely projecting. they tried to make u think that you were the problem so that any mistreatment they gave u felt 'deserved.' *that* is toxic manipulation.

manipulation is not inherently bad. HERE'S WHAT I MEAN BY THIS. manipulation just means to skillfully handle/control something. if i type on a keyboard, as i am now, i am manipulating my fingers. if i take my dog on a walk, i am manipulating my dog. it sounds silly, but i mention it b/c i feel like 'manipulation' as a derogatory term gets thrown around a LOT these days, which can freak out those of us who have been mistreated/abused. there are so many people online saying things like 'if you like [insert popular interest] then you are a manipulator.' you know what i mean? and shit like that can really feed into the fear. manipulation is not always deliberate or negative.

this leads me to my next point. toxic manipulation of another person is deliberate. the term 'skillfully' in the definition, in my opinion, implies this. if you are not trying to profit off of somebody (metaphorically, albeit literally as well), you're not necessarily manipulating someone. abuse thrives when there is an imbalance of power in the relationship - one person has more power than the other, particularly at the cost of the other person's freedom/autonomy/wellbeing/safety/happiness/etc. manipulation seeks to maintain that control and power imbalance.

asking to get your needs met by someone is not toxic manipulation. so many of us who have been mistreated have been led to believe that it is, that we're bad people for wanting to feel safe and fulfilled in our relationships and in life more generally. but every person in this whole world has needs - you included. we all deserve to see those needs being met. abuse makes us think that some people's needs matter more than others, therefore we dont deserve to ask for more, to 'take' from others. but that is not the case. you are allowed to ask for more. you are allowed to inhabit space. you deserve safety and communication and fulfillment and honesty and all good things.

lastly! the fact that you are (painfully) aware that you dont want to sound manipulative is pretty solid evidence that you're not a manipulative person. again, toxic manipulation is deliberate, and so often abusers are aware that they are making the other person feel like shit yet they dont care because they have something to gain from it. if you are super conscious of the other person's feelings and you genuinely dont want to hurt/manipulate them, i think you're doing pretty alright. you clearly possess a lot of empathy and compassion, and that's important.

okay maybe one more point. you deserve to turn that empathy and compassion inwards, the same stuff you show other people. it's not selfish. i used to have a supervisor at work who told me 'you're not selfish, you're being self-ish.' what he meant by that, was that i was honouring myself and taking myself into consideration. it was a silly ol saying but it had some truth to it. besides, we can show up a lot better for other people when we take care of ourselves.

you deserve relationships that dont fuckin suck. i dont know u very well but. ive been there. abuse can really fuck you up. and if you are anything like me, there's a chance that that voice that tells you 'youre being manipulative!' was strategically put there by your shitty ex in order to maintain that power/control over you. it's fulfilling its purpose, and you deserve to break free from it. i dont think you are a manipulative person. you're a person who has been hurt, and you are doing the very best you can. please take care of yourself, you're going to be okay <3

HI UR FIRST 4 POINTS YES OK I HAVE BEEN TOLD THAT BY MY THERAPIST A LOTTTT and he talked to me extensively abt like . how the term manipulation is being misused a lot and sometimes ppl just do stuff u dont like and it's not on that person to find out, it is on u to communicate u don't like it and it's not manipulative for a human being to have differing opinions and feelings etc...however i have not met a single soul i talked to abt this (before i received these asks) who believed accidental manipulation was not a thing and like . manipulation as it is being used in a misleading manner,, so it's rly cool to hear abt it !!! but yh i'm referring to the toxic/bad kind but i'm rly like . if i worry abt it then im probably not doing it which means i shouldnt worry abt it which means there is now no guarantee that im not doing it . anyway i'm probably overthinking !!!

but ! i rly rly value ur input thank u so much ! i think the honouring yourself perspective is rly important and i'm glad you're telling me abt it bc i didn't rly think of it that way ! and yh ur right i deserve to feel cared for in a way that doesnt suck and i deserve to like !! not be hurt ! i feel like i should move past this fear while remaining conscientious of its general principle - if i figure out how to do that i think things will be a lot better :) thank u !!!!

#asks #anon #archives #a lot of this is #so important and valuable and good reminders #so i have to save it to read later

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honeyandsickle · 1 year

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I've been thinking about Ramshackle Glory songs lately. Right now I have "Bitter Old Man" stuck in my head. There are many threads one could follow with this song. This one sticks out to me currently.

I was born a bitter old man Who got his heart broken in Catalonia, 1936 Things haven't felt right since I know this place wasn't safe for anyone [...]

The narrator is established as keenly aware of their own mortality, and sullenly resigned. Perhaps a better word might be disillusioned, inferred from the heart-break from the Spanish Civil War. Without assured success, why bother? Notice, however, the use of past-tense.

But I swear to God, I'm gonna die Full of naive optimism; A teenager's heartbreaking conviction that Things can be different, oh yeah Things are gonna be real different when we're finished 'round here

Jumping to the present, the narrator establishes a near opposite outlook. They were a bitter old man who has aged into a starry-eyed teenager. Instead of heart-break over a past failure, there is now resolution that they will be successful in the future. A resolution implied to be unrealistic, but in a way that makes it all the more admirable. This change in mind-set arguably is a key source of healing for the narrator.

If "[t]hings haven't felt right" since their heartbreak, then to grow, they must address this ennui. The subversion of the sense of aging creates a sense that narrator needed to 'grow up' in order to discover, seemingly for the first time, their child-like optimism. The narrator is not naive to embrace this innocence. No, the narrator has the experience to plainly know that this optimism will cause further heat-break. And the narrator was never presented as incorrect; indeed, everyone is mortal, the Spanish Civil War did see the fall of the Catalonian communes.

But fuck it! If it's holding you back, then why grasp on to it so tightly? Presented is a choice between being miserable and right or resolute and perhaps misguided.

[...] I always wanted to die young Now I feel younger every day And I just hope I die younger than I am

Here we can see an immediate connection to the narrators current resolve, and how it steers their life. This optimism has a rejuvenating effect for the narrator. Where they once wanted to die, they now have a source of life. They have become the master of their own life, and through this their own mortality. Where one would normally begin to tire with age, the narrator will draw strength. The failures of the past used to haunt the narrator, but now they only look forward.

[...] Cause there were years I was ready to die But it's only been recently that I've been willing to live

This further confirms the growth to a revivified person. One thing that stands out, however, is that the narrator has now repeatedly mentioned spans of time spend miserable, including, presumably, their youth. What the narrator does not do, however, is mourn this time. It was not time lost. It was growth necessary to arrive at today. A today the narrator has grown to treasure. A today that leads to a tomorrow. A tomorrow that you are happy to let become today.

And I swear to God, I didn't plan For things to end up this way I had a teenager's conviction that I would be different, oh yeah I was gonna be real different than the person I became

The current reality for the narrator is one that would be completely foreign to their younger self. They gave up before they even arrived, and now here they are hoping to take in as much life as they can. When they were young, they were the bitter old man. Imagine the future a bitter old man envisions. The next milestone might just be death, or so one might presume. But this is not the reality of the situation!

Not only was the narrator not, in actuality, a bitter old man, but that life is the opportunity to create milestones other than death. If you are alive, you can create and pursue; you can live. Instead of thinking to the known failures, pursue, naively if necessary, that tomorrow that is better than today. Learn through this that today is the better tomorrow for the last day you lived through.

But now living's a struggle Except when it isn't, yeah I woke up this morning and I wasn't in prison But I can't promise that I'm far from it I'd still kill a man for a cigarette But with friends like you, who needs homicide?

Of course, just because you hope to live to see another day does not mean that it is easy to want that or easy to achieve that. One should still be aware of what they have achieved, however. What once seemed impossible is now being done, and so what now seems impossible might one day be done. Growth is not done in discrete steps. And it may be precarious. But it is worth pursuing. And when one might falter, others will help.

Perhaps that's naive optimism, but I think the song tells us that that's ok.

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a-god-in-ruins-rises · 5 months

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just going to use this as a springboard to muse/rant about paganism, christianity, and animal sacrifice.

the arrogance of christians knows no bounds.

they have the audacity to say we worship demons then say we're worshipping them wrong. according to who? according to them and how they think our religion is supposed to work. and of course these rules they come up with for us are supposed to, by extension, entail the truthfulness of their own religion.

that's what they're getting at here: "somehow they have accepted that the era of animal sacrifices ended....for some unspecified reason." they are, of course, implying that the "unspecified reason" is the crucifixion of jesus. so they think that we don't do animal sacrifices because some part of us knows that we don't need to because jesus put an end to all sacrifices.

and on top of all that, they assume that because /their/ religion is draconian and dogmatic that so too is our religion. they conjure up this idea that we have burdensome rules to follow and if we don't then we're somehow betraying our faith. this again feeds into their own christian narrative. they want to be able to say "oh boy you follow this really demanding religion where you NEED to be having bloody animal sacrifices. why don't you come join christianity where jesus died so you don't have to do things like that anymore?"

they are totally detached from reality and have no genuine desire to understand.

but i'll explain a bit for those that do want to understand.

did ancient pagans do animal sacrifice? broadly speaking, sure. it was a common feature of their societies. but you know what else was a common feature? animal slaughter in general. like....for food. and at the end of the day, that's what animal sacrifice was. it's just animal slaughter but with prayer and ritual attached.

nowadays animal slaughter is done in industrial slaughter facilities. most people will go their whole life never seeing an animal slaughtered irl.

but the ancients probably saw it pretty frequently, even outside the context of sacrifice. it was just a normal part of life. and if you're going to kill an animal anyway, why not make a sacrifice of it? this isn't a major leap. so yeah animal sacrifice isn't this great big evil thing like christians try to paint it. unless you're a vegan or something i guess. but then that's a separate argument.

anyway, there is no evidence that every individual had to regularly make animal sacrifices. animal sacrifices were a regular part of life, just like animal slaughter in general was a regular part of life. but there wasn't some guy going around every morning making sure you ritually slaughtered your daily chicken or some shit. not to mention lots of people lived in dense cities far from any farms or woodlands, so access to live animals suitable for ritual sacrifice would have been limited. just logistically speaking this idea that everyone was /required/ to do this makes no sense.

and that's an important thing. our religion is rational and reasonable. christians want you to believe it's burdensome and demanding but it's not. religions evolve and adapt to changing circumstances. even if it was obligatory back then (it wasn't) that doesn't mean it's obligatory now. in the sense that it was obligatory is in the sense of tradition and community. that is, it's obligatory like it's obligatory that you go to your cousin's wedding. you're not going to go to jail or go to hell if you don't go but it's a social expectation that you do go and people might be hurt or think less of you if you don't.

but these "obligations" and "expectations" are decided socially and would obviously vary from community to community and locale to locale and time to time.

plus, other sacrifices will always suffice. i've heard that sometimes breads in the shapes of animals were used as substitutions for live animal sacrifices. and i know that there are some famous ancient greeks who were vegetarians and others who were openly critical of the practice of animal sacrifice. so obviously not everyone would have participated. plus, most major animal sacrifices were public sacrifices done by public priests acting officially for public cults. the extent to which private citizens were expected to be offering bulls and deer when they're poor and living in the middle of a city is unknown but i think it's safe to assume that it wouldn't have been very much.

i know there are many banquet scenes in ancient greek literature and sometimes animal sacrifices are made and sometimes they're not. so obviously there was variability. again, christians just need to stop projecting their own ideas about there being only one acceptable dogma and any deviation is unacceptable.

anyway, in the end, it's known that the gods like animal sacrifice and it's probably good. but it's going above and beyond what is required of you. if you have animals and you're going to slaughter them anyway, you may as well make a sacrifice of them. but if you don't have them then it will be okay.

#apologetics

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say-duhnelle · 1 year

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Gonna sound like a white republican dad here for a second but there really does seem to be this mindset among large swathes of internet (esp. Tumblr/Twitter) leftism that in their ideal communist future, keeping society functional is going to be Someone Else's Problem and the only contributions they will be responsible for are helping consume its bounty and maybe growing a little weed in their closet - the Henny Penny's friends mentality. Like... sure there's probably a fair amount of jobs in the current structure of society which are a bit redundant, and exist more because we have weird hangups about just giving people money/resources to survive, than because they actually contribute to anything. But 1) I think it's a much lower proportion than a lot of people are implying and 2) a sane restructuring of society would regroup us so a lot of this excess now works in fields with chronic shortages like medicine and education, yes? Not necessarily those exact people, but a shift in where the manpower is concentrated.

Unless we are on the brink of some really insane breakthrough, in your post-revolution utopia folks are still going to need to eat, sleep somewhere safe, and stay clothed, healthy, and sanitary, and I sure as shit hope we still have education, technology, transportation, entertainment and access to some of the finer things in life because if not, then... what was the fucking point of it all? (You want your movement to make things better for the have-nots, not worse for literally everyone because you have that much spite for the ruling class, right?) And whether you like it or not,

all of those things require distinct, concentrated effort to create and maintain and

due to economies of scale, that effort is generally vastly lessened when we (by whatever means or incentives) split the population into groups which specialize in each one, a concept known currently as "having a job".

I'm by no means saying that the current way of doing things in the US is the ideal model of a society, but I think the people who are unironically basically saying "my role in the commune would be to fuck your mom" and call the rest of us bootlickers for actually taking the job we currently do seriously either have a dangerously limited perspective, or don't realize that what they actually want is not communism that is equal, but instead an opportunity to be the oppressor for a change. Call it infighting, but I don't want people with such a skewed take on reality leading any revolution that affects my life, because that's how you wind up with a new regime that's worse than the old one and has several entire agencies devoted to researching and developing new human rights violations it could commit against dissenters.

A variation I've seen is this idea that the less savory, yet essential, tasks could be rotated through the populace so that everyone only has to contribute a few days a year. As if sanitation, construction, and agriculture aren't sciences that require training and education to do properly, that most normal people would not retain if they did not use it on a regular basis. As if healthcare and education don't function better when patients or students have rapport with their providers and the providers have continuous knowledge of each individual's case and how it's progressing. As if every single one of these areas would not see trouble with the bullheaded folks we all know are out there who would just outright refuse when their turn comes up, or deliberately do a bad job (think potential jurors in the selection room, the one example of this sort of system which we currently have in American society, and how they often answer the lawyers' questions - and that's just the pre-interview, not actually doing the job!).

Controversial statement perhaps, but I don't think the base model of "we're going to assign everyone a main Task to get really good at as their contribution to society. Some Tasks are really shitty or difficult, but need a lot of people in order to do them at the scale society needs, so we're going to provide a greater reward for doing them as an incentive to get more people to take those Tasks on" is fundamentally wrong; I think it's in the application that we've perverted it - namely, that it's often not the worst/most difficult Tasks actually getting the best rewards, that the ratio of extra reward is too high for some, and that the concept of a stock market exists.

Idk. Some Nobel laureate economist or darling of Marxist philosophy out there probably already came up with a dozen reasons why everything I've said here is full of bull - this is just the way I see things right now.

#personal #politics

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terminated-baeddel9 · 1 year

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I absolutely do not think Jazabaedel should die. But I think she should consider the weight of her words. She didn't make that joke with her transmasculine friends, she made it at the expensive of people she was trying to hurt. You must understand the difference between those things. Having a breeding kink is fine, but you and her both know why seeing those words without context, from someone who is trying to hurt you would be extremely triggering to a group of people who have a great deal of trauma around that very subject. I suspect the understanding of that trauma was in fact, a large part of that joke. It wasn't a cool one to make and she even admitted that.

And yes, I am very upset by the fact that you implied that we would actually just laugh and not feel hurt by that joke if we just were part of our communities. It makes it seem like you think that Trans men exist outside the queer community, and need to ask for permission from gay men, trans women, anyone else any time we feel something. We are our own people with our own experiences and every day I see people undermine those experiences as less than concerning. And we're dying! We get pushed to the margins and are dying. We get raped and abused and then misgendered in our deaths so that no one even acknowledges that this is happening to us. Every day I see people online who are ostensibly pro trans engage with literal terfs (not in the sense of terfjacketting trans people, I mean self proclaimed gender criticals) because they don't want to listen to trans men and learn the dogwhistles they use for us. I've seen a massive uptick of this. And I see the trans men who call attention to get laughed offstage.

I understand the same is true for trans women, and I would never stand by while someone made the same kind of jokes about y'all. I don't even agree with terms like transandrophobia for this reason. I just don't understand why you think our struggles are so meaningless.

how do we know she wanted to hurt people? was the context not simply someone made a post? a post she saw and understood as a joke? Also, do you believe jezabeaddel was not nescient of this trauma you talk about and was in fact trying to weaponise peoples trauma in a post? I was taking something @transandrophobia-collection said that started these anons who wrote, quote:

#honestly if that person was such a mess that they might have died for being deleted thrn sorry#but i dont give a shit since what they wrote was still extremely transandrophobic and disgusting.#i dont think they should kill themself obviously but i'd have a very hard time feeling bad for them if they did

my consern was not specifically the potential vexation here, it was about indifference.. thats not what allies do, we mourn even the worst of us who die (if not today, maybe on trans day of remembrance) and we communicate with our community to make sure we arent ejecting members out to cisiety.

to address more of your ask: people who speak truth deserve defense and will need it coz ppl will not like it, your assumptions about what i think of trans men is no approximation to what i think.

furthermore, im, agree with your last part, if we are doing activism together we should not be forced to go through a meat grinder of bigotry just to participate in fighting for whats right

Lastly, theres parts to this ask trhat simply cannot be addressed more directly than "this is vastly assumptive and its start can be addressed". so yeah...

... i just dont understand how you can be so sure about this person... like, were you mutuals? did you follow them?

#jezatalk anon

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