#we texted each other roleplay and also sent each other voice messages. and also did it irl . | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

youn9racha · 3 years

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Don’t Test Me

Requested by: @crzy-devil

Pairing: Jinyoungxmasc!reader (with a vag tho)

Words: 3.1 k

Warning: dom!reader, sub!jinyoung, consent being explicitly discussed, implied masturbation, mentions of pornography, implied dacryphilia, weapon play (fake gun), pegging, mentions of butt plugs, jinyoung in a short skirt, dirty talk, overstimulation

Extra Notes: wheewww finally my first got7 request ʅ（◞‿◟）ʃ don’t get me wrong, i‘ve been enjoying writing skz chan and changbin smut but i’ve been meaning to write some got7 but i wouldn’t think anyone would read it :( but yay finally i got something. i pray i don’t fuck this up, and i hope this is okay everything you want 😔

photo edit is not mine

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This is no way representative of the way Got7 act. They’re nothing but references of character, and in no shape or form is this how they act. And I am in no way romanticizing or glamorizing any toxic behavior exhibited, they’re just stories that is meant to be read. Readers discretion is advised.

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You and Jinyoung have an interesting relationship to say the least. Jinyoung is always thought to be that dominant guy who’s always protective of the people whom he cares about, especially towards his partner. While that is true that he is protective and caring, however no one knows who the real Jinyoung Park except you, or at least who he is in your bedroom.

It was no secret that you two are very open about your sexual needs to each other, and it may come to the surprise to anyone to know that a man like Jinyoung is more submissive than anyone would think. But you however didn’t think so.

Prior to meeting him, you may follow what everyone says about Jinyoung, but five months into your relationship with your boyfriend, you were shocked, yet pleased, to see him one day in adorning nothing but a skirt, a butt plug, and a leash, innocently yet seductively telling you to touch him. And ever since then, you’ve been the one Jinyoung looked up to and waiting for to ruin him.

Every sexual encounter with him were exciting and fun, but there was one incident that took the title of the most amazing sexual roleplay you both have took in and neither of you had any sense of regret. Even if you guys would have broken up—knocking on wood—, it’ll probably not top anything but that moment.

”(y/n!)” Jinyoung exclaimed in a sing song-y way as he walked into the apartment door with something hidden behind his back. He spotted you laying onto the couch, legs lazily splayed open as you looked up to the ceiling with half eyes open. It was clear that you were tired and wanted to rest, but Jinyoung didn’t care, “I’ve got something to show you..”

You looked up at him with a furrowed eyebrows, “what is it Jiny—ah!”

You felt wide awake when you saw Jinyoung unexpectedly pulled a gun straight into your face and pretended to shoot by making certain movements and sounds.

“Jinyoung, what the fuck?!” You exclaimed with your eyes popping out your socket with fear, leaning far away from him, only for him to get closer to you. Jinyoung saw the fear in your eyes, which made him laugh at my state. “I’m being for real, put the gun down!” Your heart was rightfully pounding, fearing not only for your life but at Jinyoung’s sickening laugh.

”Oh, relax, big baby, its a fake gun,” Jinyoung said with an eye roll.

You looked at the man on top of you with a baffled expression, he flipped the gun around and shoved it to you, “see, carry it.”

You looked at the gun, then at the man, then back at the silver object with a gulp. You took the gun out of his hand, and to your relief it was indeed fake, with it being very lightweight and looking at it up close. Props to whoever made this gun look really realistic, at least at a distance.

Jinyoung laughed at your relieved expression, “did you really think I’d bring an actual gun?”

You shrugged at him, “I wouldn’t be surprised to be honest,” you jokingly replied to which Jinyoung opens his mouth agape. Now it was your turn to laugh, “I’m joking, baby,” you patted his cheeks and he pouted in response, “you’re fucked up, (y/n).” He says that as he laid on top of you.

There was a moment of silence until you began questioning why he had the toy gun. Jinyoung fidgeted with his fingers, sort of hesitating with the words he wants to say. “Baby?” Your calling for him sounded more dragging rather than a questioning call, as your hold on him got tighter. “I kinda wanted you to use it on me,” He blurted, not baring to look at you, while you looked at him with a confused expression.

He didn’t see you but he can sense your confusion, “I want you to use it on your dumb whore..” and thats where your eyes widened. You knew exactly what he wanted.

You would lie if you said you didn’t have the thought of the idea, but that does not mean that you’re feeling one hundred percent sure about all of this. You both are experimental people, and enjoy trying new things at least one, and pain on both ends goes right up your and Jinyoung’s alley. But you wouldn’t go as far as bringing weapon into this, albeit fake, but still.

You thought of how weak he would look over you though, how he tries so hard to fight back but it fails miserably and pathetically. You easily find yourself slowly warming up but then caught yourself as you uncertainty was still in habiting your consciousness.

Your ears met with his gentle voice with him saying, “baby, if you don’t want to do this, I understand,“ Jinyoung held onto your arm in comfort.

“It’s not that I don’t want to, it’s just what if I’m gonna hurt you with the gun?” You held Jinyoung, which endearingly smiled at you. He admires how no matter how hard you go on him, he still can see how you’re very loving and caring towards him. The last thing you wanted to do is to harm your baby Jinyoung.

”baby, you won’t hurt me, you’ve held the gun. It’s fake and it won’t do anything,” Jinyoung rubbed your arms, reassuringly, “besides, we have a safe word, and if you did anything uncomfortable, I’ll just say the word.” You looked back at his eyes. His eyes were entrancing to you, its a contrasting blend of assertiveness, plead and child-like. You have no idea how can one have the capability to withhold such power like this, but knowing Jinyoung, you can see how it works.

You smiled back at him with a gentle caress in the cheek, “I’ll think about it.”

You’ve given yourself sometime to think about it. Jinyoung made it absolutely clear that he won’t do anything that would make you uncomfortable. For a typical submissive person, he still values your comfort, but that is regardless whether he is submissive or dominant, verbal and emotional consent holds a great value in your relationship.

You’ve scrolled through the internet and went on certain adult website to see what got Jinyoung that excited about all this. You did see the hype, but you were still unsure about it, so you just wanted to give sometime where the ice of uncertainty is melted.

While browsing, you saw a distinctive video. The thumbnail caught your eye, as it had a pretty boy in a pink skirt laid on the bed with his leg spread and what looks to be someone pegging him. The video was of the type you’ve looked it up but it was different because it seems to be more of a point of view type of video.

Your mouse hovered over the thumbnail, almost clicking it. You turned to check if Jinyoung was still in the house. It’s not that he cared about you watching porn, he knows that no amount of videos will match up with you taking him on the spot. But you didn’t want him to see you researching, as you wanted to surprise him in case you enjoyed it.

You’ve not seen his presence and you decided to text him, to make sure if everything’s clear and that he’s not close to your proximity whatsoever.

(y/n): hey babe !!

(y/n): where are you ??

Jinyoung immediately saw your message. The bubble and dots of his began showing up until his message was sent.

Baby boy <3: heyy !!

Baby boy <3: oh i’m hanging out with Jaebeom rn i’m also gonna spend the night at his place if thats not a problem with you :)

Baby boy <3: y ??? u need anything ??

you sighed with relief to not only see him respond back, but also that he won’t come back later. Never would you have thought to say this, considering that you’re overtly obsessed with the man.

(y/n): no !! i was just checking up on u !!

(y/n): its fine by me :)) have fun and tell jaebeom i said hi

Baby boy <3: will do ^_^ see you tomorrow baby

Baby boy <3: i’ll miss you <3333

(y/n): i miss you too darling xx

Once the coast was clear, you’ve turned off your phone, turned back to your computer screen and turned on the video.

The video startes off with the boy, who eerily reminded you so much of your boyfriend with his mannerisms and body type, calling out to the presumed viewer. He only wore a skirt, a choker, and what looks to be a jeweled butt plug. To say that the scenery wasn’t a turn on would an absolute lie. You almost moaned at the scenery as you‘ve suddenly started to see, instead of the actor‘s face, Jinyoung.

His pleading eyes were captivating you as you felt yourself getting wet at the way the man is looking at you. Suddenly a pink gun was put into the face of the boy and hearing him yelp in fear did something to you. You felt your organ began twitching at the way the boy looked up to the gun. Seeing how the gun was shoved into his mouth as he began making lewd movements and noises while getting his pretty dick stroked, it did all wonders for you.

You felt your hands going down your pants as you carried on watching the video. This may have awakened something in you, and you can’t wait to showcase to Jinyoung when he gets back.

You sat back in your couch waiting for Jinyoung. It was the next day, and you didn't have much to plan, but you decided to keep the fake gun near you for the sake of your role. It was almost nighttime and the clock kept ticking as you anticpated your boyfriend's arrival.

Jinyoung didn't know about the whole ordeal, he probably thought that you were gonna be out running errands, hanging out with your friends, or even just sleep. But what he won't expect is you sitting on the couch, lust blown in your whole system and hiding the gun he brought in. He never would have thought to see you with it, up until this moment.

While you wait for him to show up, you scrolled through your phone, mindlessly liking any posts that comes in your way. You didn't care on whatever is on your screen, all you wanted was Jinyoung bending over, ready for you. You smirked at the dirty thought, until you heard keys clashing against each other then one inserted into the locked door. In comes the prettiest boy you have ever laid your eyes on, he came in with a bag in his shoulder and adorned a baggy pink sweatshirt and skinny jeans. He smiled when he saw you on the couch, waiting for him.

Normally you would feel soft and warm over his appearance, however the sinister thoughts inhabiting you was clouding every other thought. Jinyoung extended his arm up to stretch after putting down his bag, as he came in and sat down next to you, eventually attacking with kisses as a greeting. Typically, you would laugh at his typically private yet adorable affections, but you could only look at him with semi blank stare.

He noticed the stare in your face, his face shifted into a worried frown, “whats wrong? you’ve been acting weird since yesterday.” You looked at Jinyoung with your hands in his face. You couldn’t help but smile at the clueless boy in front of you, “Jinyoung, have I ever mentioned you’re gorgeous?”

Jinyoung’s confusion starts to get even bigger as his eyebrows furrowed. Not knowing what to say, he just went along with, “yeah?” It was clear evident confusion and you weren’t dumb. You knew he‘d be confused, thats the point, you want him to be clueless and confused about the whole ordeal.

“What if I told you that you’re all I think about?” You whispered, as you began caressing his face. His face was still grimacing in confusion, however he would lie if he said that the thought of you thinking about him nonstop makes him feel good and excited. “I love you so much…”

“(y/n), cut the bullshit, whats goin—” Jinyoung has had enough with your suspicious act and decided to confront you, up until he felt something on his jaw, which he ended up cutting his words with a gasp. It felt something cold against his pulse, his eyes were dragged to the source only to see something he wasn’t expected to see, yet is pleased. It was the toy gun he handed to you. His mouth was open agape, and you said, “I thought much through about it, and I decided why not,” you had a loving and evil smirk on your face, and he simply just smiled back at you, “and besides,” you leaned closer to his ear.

”The thought of you begging for mercy does things to me, you do not understand your powers you have on me, Park Jinyoung,” Jinyoung shuddered at you whispering out his full name at him. He could already feel himself getting hard at your words, and the thought of the gun digging into his skin makes the process faster. You knew that he was getting aroused without you looking down at his crouch, so you opted to use your other hand and held his member, to which he let out a closed mouth moan.

“You know what to do..” you said after pulling your face out of his ear and staring straight into his face. He looked like a puppy with his eyes innocently sparkling at you. You slapped his thigh to get up to do what he’s doing, which you took him out of his trance, nodded at you and got up.

“I’ll give you five minutes,” you said loud enough where he can still hear as he walks, more like wobbling, into your shared bedroom, while you smirked at his adorable weak state. You looked at the gun and you knew were gonna have fun with your boy toy.

~~ Five minutes have passed, and you decided to walk into the bedroom where Jinyoung is at at a painfully slow pace. You felt like a lion going after a deer, ready to devour it on the spot, with Jinyoung being the deer in this situation. You dragged the gun against the wall as you got closer to your bedroom. You can already sense Jinyoung getting weaker and weaker without even looking at him. You hear heavy breathing coming from out of your bedroom, and you felt your lust is started to mix fury with it as you knew exactly what he was doing.

However you kept your composure and still have the smirk drawn into your face. You reached the door, and you opened the door to see a sight that both angered and aroused you. Jinyoung was dressed in a pink short skirt and a crop top along side with thigh highs, his whole cock was out as he was stroking himself as he was looking at himself in the mirror. Still in his lust world, he didn’t notice your presence up until you spoke.

“Who told you you can touch yourself?” You questioned with a crossed arm and a lean into the door sill. Jinyoung gasped his eyes wide open, his hand stopped stroking as he was looking at you with pleading eyes, “I-I’m sorry,” he gulped as you got closer to him, looking at him with a scowl. Despite him being slightly taller by a few centimeters, he still looks and feels smaller than you, especially at this moment.

“I couldn’t help it, I j-j—“ You cut his pathetic talk by putting the gun into his cheek. His mouth was wide shut as he fearfully looked at the gun then back at you. You glided the gun across the face as his breath hitches, you stopped the gun at his mouth. “Open your mouth,” you growled at him, which he didn’t respond at first as he was too aroused to function. You shoved the weapon not too harsh that it could hurt him, but not too light, to wake him up to, which he just moaned.

”I didn’t even touch you, and yet you’re already fucked up,” you commented as you tugged his bottom lip with the gun making him whimper. You tapped his face and commanded again, “open.”

This time he complied and he stuck his tongue out, you lightly inserted the weapon into his mouth as he wrapped his mouth around it.

To say that the scenery was pornographic was an understatement. A man in his short skirt down on his knees sucking on a weapon as his superior is tugging on his hair, it was hot to look at, you and Jinyoung would agree. It was typical that Jinyoung is going dumb just for you, he’s willing to drop everything just to satisfy your needs. He loves you too much. And to see you enjoying his idea makes him feel really good.

~~~ ”Thats what you fucking get for being a dumb slut,” You thrusted your strap on onto your pretty boy’s hole as he grips into the sheets underneath him. His legs placed on your shoulder while your hips were moving in and out of him.

“I-I-I’m s-sorry! I’m not gonna do it again!” Jinyoung was a mess under you, he’s practically crying as he feels his hole getting stretched with pleasure. Tears rolling down his face as he feels his orgasm get closer. You can see that based on his face twist that he was getting closer so you stopped thrusting for the nth time, which caused him to whine and sob louder.

“Bad sluts like you don’t deserve to cum,” You leaned over, his leg still on your shoulder and squished his cheeks. His nose was tinted pink due to blissed out cry and the amount of times you’d edge him, and the fact you still resisted giving him what he want made him blush even more. You both love it, especially Jinyoung, who may love this more than you do. He loves getting edged and getting all this punishment. He was a walking masochist, and because he is what he is, you ended up loving it and use it for your advantage.

Despite his “apologies,” he always misbehaves just so he can get punished by his superior. He is a brat in disguise, and you love it. You love giving him the punishment that he ever so deserves, as much as you love degrading him and you absolutely love seeing him being at your mercy.

He simply looked up at you with teary eyes and says softly, “I’m a bad slut, but I’m your bad slut,” to which you smirked back at his claim.

Your Bad Slut. That’s exactly what he is.

#got7 fanfic #got7 scenarios #got7 imagines #got7 smut #got7 dark hours #got7 hard hours #jinyoung fanfic #jinyoung imagine #jinyoung scenarios #jinyoung smut #jinyoung drabble #jinyoung hard hours #got7 drabble #got7 fic #jinyoung fic

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bumackerman · 3 years

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DEAR ADULT READERS/CREATORS,

18+ (MINORS DO NOT INTERACT)

^ see that? there is absolutely no way you missed that disclaimer if you understand the proper way to read english. but, let’s say you did miss it... here’s this message;

if you are under the age of 18, do not interact with 18+ adult accounts, or content.

there. hopefully you got the memo. if not, then i guess, one day, you’ll have the great opportunity to be featured in this brand new series of exposing, purging, and reporting minors! i mean... yay you?

disclaimer!; do not send any unnecessary hate to any of these people! it does not solve anything, and it could get you in trouble. just report, and block. thanks.

featured today, we have (drumroll please)... @/matching-with-my-demons!

warning: this post is very long!

alright, so i don’t actually know for sure if he’s necessarily a minor, but i do know that he’s been lying his age, and many, many other details about his life, leading to him getting caught by yours truly.

from this point forward, i will be reciting a briefed account of what exactly happened from a collective point of view of all of the victims involved.

I. beginning.

so, (and i think all of the people involved can agree,) this person is a flirt. automatically. just giving everyone pet names, talking about doing stuff with us, role playing with us, you know. nothing too extreme. i wasn’t suspicious of him at this point. i mean, i was sure he was 18+. to be fair, he did mention that he was 21 turning 22. why wouldn’t we believe him? he was speaking like an adult.

II. little lies & suspicion.

now, i’m not saying that this is impossible, but at multiple times during our conversations, he’d mentioned that he was was fluent in seven languages. seven. it’s not entirely impossible, but you’d think that if english wasn’t someone’s first (of many) languages, they’d have some sort of accent, right?

not only that, but he stated that he was six years old when he moved to america from japan, and he hasn’t moved since. i know, i know, yeah, cool he knows a lot of languages, and he’s a foreigner. yadda, yadda. get to the point.

he said that he was of asian descent, and that his parents were both japanese, and they lived in japan their whole lives. where the hell is he learning all of these extra languages at the young age of 21?

if japanese is his first language, we can cut out the time needed to become fluent in it. next, i’m ignoring english, as he would’ve had from the age of 6 to 21 to become fluent in it, but somehow he claimed he wasn’t? (let’s not mention the obvious fake misspellings and misunderstandings of simple words.) how on earth would he have become fluent in (at least) five other languages in middle school-high school?

OTHER LITTLE LIES N DETAILS

- he claimed that he was a 6’7, 21 year old (cis) male.

- said he was a stripper, bartender, and a sex worker (we’ll come back to that later).

- sent a picture of “his” chest, but it was 100% from google or some shit.

- (not judging anyone who does) he said that his body count was 74, but literally no one asked?

- he texted us when he “got another body” tf? we don’t care. carry on, i guess. (said he went on for like 7 rounds but... what?)

- talked about getting a vibrator stuck in his ass n his roommate had to get it out for him, but once again, nobody asked. °-°

- said he could bench 200 lbs. not impressive, just thought it was worth mentioning.

- said he had the same birthday as bakugou, which, okay.. (4/20)

- he made multiple channels in the server where he could roleplay with certain people, which, i, and a couple other people never used.

III. the voice chat.

after a while of all of us messing around, the conversation started to get heated, and some of us were teasing him, including me. we decided to get on voice chat (his idea), and he started talking into the mic. all of us were very confused, as he did not at all sound like a giant of a grown man.

but, despite this, we all warily continued, until he left the call. when he left, everyone who was participating voiced their current concerns, and laughed out our nervousness. that is, until he re-joined and everyone muted. he continued doing what he was doing until he “broke character”, stating he was a voice actor and it was hard to keep up that voice because it hurt his throat. i would’ve believed him if he didn’t sound the exact same as he did when he was “in character”.

after that, we were a lot more concerned and on edge about his identity, and i started to focus more on the shit he was telling us, hoping to find out who the fuck this person really was. i stopped interacting with him in a nsfw way, and mostly observed what he was saying, just watching from the sidelines.

II. the pictures.

captions:

not only do the skin colors just not match up, the hands in each picture are totally different people. even if you take into account the lighting differences, the undertones should still be the same. these pictures are fake.

if you look at the fingers, you can see that the ones on the right are flatter, and shorter. if the hand on the left were to hold that phone, it would wrap all the way around the device.

from a common sense standpoint, we know that our palms are always lighter than our skin tone. the fact that the hand on the left is still darker, proves that these are different people. (not that we needed proof.)

also, if this guy is so muscular, why can he only bench 200lbs? and why is his wrist so skinny?

+ to me, the phone, (right image) and the quality of the picture, looks like a black iphone 4s. from what i can see, at least. meaning, if i’m correct, that picture is majorly outdated.

for both pictures, he flipped the image so that we wouldn’t be able to find it by just by reverse image searching. luckily, one of the people involved was able to figure that out, and told me immediately.

III. ID check.

like i said before, a lot of us were starting to get really suspicious, but at this point, i thought i was the only one that was sketched out, so i issued another ID check.

(be sure to click on the pictures. one of them is really long. also, when reading, read the date and times that messages are sent. i was trying to lighten the mood and be nice, but it was honestly so offensive that he thought i was legitimately dumb.)

so, obviously, these ID’s are fake. not only are the pictures the exact same, but the backgrounds are the same, the outfits are the same, the names are totally fake, and just, wow. i don’t really know how he thought that was gonna slip past me.

after i called both him, and @/yourmajesty-theking out, he went into his own discord and started ranting to some of the other people involved that he was freaking out because he didn’t have his ID.

remember how i said that he mentioned he was a stripper/bartender/sex worker? why the fuck don’t you have your ID on you if you claimed you were at work that day? you can’t get in without it. °-° just- everything he was saying didn’t come together cleanly. the timeline is all sorts of fucked up.

you can’t drive without an ID, how are you getting to work? you can’t get into a strip club without an ID, how are you getting in? you can’t serve alcohol without and ID, how are you a bartender? you can’t get an apartment without an ID, how are you living with a roommate?

he told us that he moved to america with his PARENTS, and somehow his grandmother is in america now? when did that happen? if you’re gonna lie, at least make it believable.

IV. conclusion.

anyway, do what you want with this information. the people in the discord all agreed that based off his voice and the evidence, that he couldn’t have been older than 15, and at most, 16.

though he hasn’t deactivated his account, the last time he was active was april 7, 2021 at 12:39am (EST) he claims he lives in cali, so i don’t know what time that is there.

thanks for reading. i’m sure i missed a lot of stuff, but for now, this is all i could put together. also, lmk if there are any spelling errors. i’m too tired to check.

like i said, if i get any hate for calling out a minor, you will be blocked/reported, and i will not hesitate to turn anons off for the time being. besides, saying dumb shit doesn’t affect me. just makes me laugh.

- bum <3

#18+ (mdni)#🍓. bum’s purge ࿐

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miaclemeverett · 3 years

Link

Wilbur, Fundy, and Purpled were interviewed for this great article on the Dream SMP and the Minecraft community! Full article below the cut.

"Minecraft" launched over a decade ago and the video game is as popular as ever. With over 126 million players worldwide, the voxel-based survival game drops adventurers into a world where they can craft, build, explore, destroy, and create to their heart's content. Aided by tools, blocks, and creativity, the simple sandbox world allows anyone on PC, console, or smartphone the chance to project their own feelings and creations directly into their virtual space.

"As long as you have the mind for it, you can really just do anything," 17-year-old "Minecraft" YouTuber Purpled, who has 700,000 subscribers, told Insider. "Because of how simple Minecraft is and how easy it is to build with it, you can create whatever you want."

In recent years, Microsoft's never-ending game has evolved into a tool for content creators to express themselves, leading to high-profile collaborations with some of YouTube's biggest personalities. By creating their own private "Minecraft" servers, creators have been able to craft ornate worlds and stories that they can explore in streams and videos, immersing fans in a cinematic-style universe.

Minecraft has a long history on YouTube

"Minecraft's" versatility has made it an incredibly popular game for content creators and influencers. In 2012, a change in YouTube's algorithm promoting watch time over video clicks led to a renaissance of "Let's Players" who recorded themselves reacting and playing their favorite games. "Minecraft" was one of the most successful, spawning some of the largest channels of the time like SkyDoesMinecraft (11.3 million subscribers) and Tobuscus (6.25 million subs).

Though the popularity of "Minecraft" remained fairly steady, content about the title waned a bit over the next decade either due to content fatigue or newer titles like "Fortnite" taking the spotlight. 2020 flipped the title back into the forefront, with both streamers and YouTubers capitalizing on the title's popularity.

The biggest breakout star for "Minecraft" in the past few years is Dream, an expert, faceless player with a neon-green avatar with over 17 million YouTube subscribers. YouTube labeled him the second overall content creator of the year and his streams consistently pull in a quarter of a million people.

In May of 2020, Dream decided to create a small, private server for his friends to play around in. This SMP server, or "survival multiplayer," started off with only a handful of content creators being invited. Soon, the server would expand to over 30 members, bringing in millions of views from fans who chronicle every moment of the lore the creators eventually created.

Viewership on Twitch of "Minecraft" content went from 17 million hours watched in January 2020 to 74 million in January of 2021, according to data from analytics company Rainmaker.gg.

How the Dream SMP grew from a private server with friends to a cultural milestone

Purpled has been playing "Minecraft" for the past eight years and is a high-ranking player in a multiplayer game mode called "Bed Wars." He had started talking to Dream in the summer of 2019, when the pair were both small, mutual fans.

"When the SMP was in its infancy, I just asked him if there was any room because he said how it's just for friends and if a friend wants to join, they can," Purpled said. "So I asked him, he said, 'Sure.' He sent me the IP and I was in."

The server was originally just a place to create and hangout, with no intention of creating an overarching story or plot.

Fundy, a 19-year-old Dutch YouTuber with 2.7 million subscribers joined when only a handful of other creators were on."I had talked to Dream on a few occasions, out-of-the-blue Dream sent me a message about a survival world that they had going on. It was very small at first," Fundy said. "I thought it could be a fun little side-project I could stream every now and then on Twitch, so I decided to join."

Fundy joined in the early days alongside Wilbur Soot, a 23-year-old YouTuber with 3.8 million subscribers. Soot, after attempting to create an "illegal potion shop" on the server, decided to establish a nation of non-Americans players called L'Manberg. Soot said he wrote a "treatment" for how the formation of his country would go, creating an official canon that fans could follow along with.

"I was invited into the Dream SMP near its inception but I only joined fully when I had an idea for building a country in 'Minecraft'," Soot said. "I write up a series of plot hooks and points that should tie together, however we improv dialogue and comedy throughout to take us from point to point."

These streams and pieces of content all had a canon that could be followed and consumed like a television show. L'Manberg eventually started a war against Dream for its independence, staging a rebellion chronicled in YouTube videos with millions of views.

These streams and videos aren't just randoms in "Minecraft" trying to defeat the end-game Ender Dragon — these are performers putting on a show that their fans can't miss. As the lore expanded, so did the rules needed to keep a sense of continuity and order. For example, each player only has three lives before they are removed and deleted from the server.

"It went from a casual survival game to a whole story-line filled with plots and twists," Fundy said. "Role-playing at this point is a key-feature of the Dream SMP, some parts are scripted, some parts are improv, and some parts are 'non-canon,' where it is just counted as a standard 'Minecraft' server."

The fan communities have risen up and made their voices heard

Over the next few months, the lore and world would continue to grow and so would the fan base. Hundreds of thousands of viewers would tune in for these streams, trying to keep up with the lore and content. To help catalog the story, a network of fans established themselves as lore keepers, documenting each moment for those that had to miss a stream.

The "DREAMSMP UPDATES!" account on Twitter has established itself as one of the most popular locations to find all this content and lore on social media. Starting in December 2020, the account has grown to over 147,000 users with just a team of seven administrators, ages 14-17, in different locations around the world, posting updates and stream notifications for fans. "Minecraft" is a game that appeals to all ages, but the audience for this content tends to skew younger, with 41 percent of Twitch's user base being 16 to 24, according to GlobalWebIndex.

"You can tell they're all friends and it's a lot more lighthearted in general and it shows," mod on the "DREAMSMP UPDATES!" Twitter account eclaire said over chat app Discord. "When it's not lore you see them actually having good chemistry and it really pulls you in because it almost feels like being pulled into a friend group."

User SamHQ first started the fan account with a couple of friends from high school but the group quickly expanded after the account tweeted that they needed more fans of certain streamers to join. She is online and runs the account "24/7" but "it's just like answering a text."

"When I started the account I knew lots of people who couldn't catch up because of work or school," SamHQ said. "So I gathered friends to help and now people rely on us when someone's streaming or to catch up with the lore when they can't watch."

For the fans that run the update account, keeping up with the Dream SMP isn't dissimilar to following the Marvel Cinematic Universe or a long-running television show. Characters come and go, but the improv and roleplay stay.

"The Dream SMP did something really special — taking an original idea, creating new things that have never been seen on 'Minecraft' and incorporating them with humor and characters that you can become easily attached with," mod NotAlex said.

Though other SMP roleplay servers, like EarthSMP and SMPLive, have been created over the years, none have been as successful or popular as the Dream SMP.

Finding a fan base on the Dream SMP can lead to major growth.

For the performers on the server, addressing fans and their responses comes with the territory.

"The Dream SMP viewers are very important to the Dream SMP, and the fact that they openly speak their mind about how a certain stream went only helps the streamers improve," Fundy said. "It's basically an instant review of what was liked and what wasn't."

Like most major fandoms with a young audience, fanfiction of these streamers has popped up online. Dozens of Dream fics and drawings exist online, some going a bit far and putting underage characters together. Dream responded on Twitter to those "ships," writing that they shouldn't "ship creators that are uncomfortable with it, and especially not minors."

The Dream stans, or the super fans, also tend to be very vocal online about the SMP. Hashtags on Twitter like #dreamnotfound and #dreamfanart consistently break-through to the trending page, confusing those who have no idea this world exists. The most ferocious of stans sometimes overstep the boundary between polite disagreement and outright harassment. This vocal minority has sent death threats and waves of harassment at those who criticize or disagree with their favorite content creators.

The growth and future of these channels is in large part due to the Dream SMP server

The popularity of Dream SMP has helped grow the content creators that take part in it. Since joining the server, Purpled is gaining three times as many subscribers a month on YouTube and has been introduced to an entirely new fan base. His streams used to pull in 3,000 viewers but now his average is closer to 35,000 to 40,000 viewers.

"Some people think of them as obsessive or stalker fans, but those are people that really like to talk about certain creators and really get invested in things," Purpled said. "And it's really nice because they care a lot more and connect more with the creator than the content."

These creators understand the power of the fan base and know that they come for the content.

"I think the Dream SMP is popular thanks to the brilliant creators and funny improv moments," Soot said. "I think we'll be seeing the emergence of a huge wave of roleplay-centric gaming communities."

#wilbur soot #fundy #purpled #dream smp

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fakeloveaskblog · 3 years

Note

Hi Logan, how do I even start? Save this number, if you want to. I have been supporting Remy through texts for a bit. They have revealed to me some very troubling things in the past. Things like, their boyfriend kicking their cane from under them as a ‘joke’? Those kinds of things.

Virgil, that's his name by the way, also kind of yells at them a lot at times, and tells them they're worthless except for the use he can give to their body and that nobody else will ever love them. They believe they are horrible. They believe they deserve it. They appear to think their disability makes them only a burden to him and nothing else and while I have tried to convince them to the contrary I honestly don't believe I can when they're still trapped by choice in such a toxic environment.

I have tried to help and give them the tools to better their self-esteem and combat that, and send them nice text messages in general, but that hasn't helped in anything more than a superficial level. If you can do something, anything, or could take their case to someone who can something, I'd really appreciate that.

(Words: 2088)

(Talk of U!Virgil)

Logan: "That is...That is" He took a moment to gather himself "That is even worse than I had estimated"

"This must have been happening the other times we met them too right? And we didn't notice anything. We should have- we-" Patty mumbled out. Her voice was shaky.

She had just gotten home half an hour ago or so, she wasn't even fully out of her cosplay makeup. Logan had immediately pulled her into a hug which wasn't uncommon but he'd held onto her so hard it hurt and he’d been close to collapsing into the hug.

All it took was her asking if he was alright for him to tell her everything. He couldn't keep a secret from her even if he tried.

Now they sat in the couch. Logan had his head leaned on her chest and she had moved her arms around his waist. All they'd eaten was some of the leftover pie from Lo's date a few days ago because both of them were far too worked up to even think about cooking.

Patty pinched the bridge of her nose and tried to think "Okay well if they're being emotionally abused as what we know suggest then...I..is there even anyone we can contact that could help. I mean there's no- there's no evidence right? Or well- it's just- it's their word against Virgil's and if they won't even say Virgil is abusing them then there's nothing!"

"We can kidnap them" Logan pointed out.

"That we can"

Logan sighed “Do you think talking to them would even make a difference? They seem to already hate me so now it’s even less likely that they’ll listen”

“Well honey you can always try. They go to the same therapist as Janus right? So you can just casually ‘run into them’ right?” She gave him a loving kiss “I know my lil smarty-sweetheart can help them”

He sent her a tired smile “I’ll try”

Remy wasn’t as upset from the therapy session as they usually were. It had mostly been discussing how they felt about maybe being poly. They still thought they deserved a smoke break afterwards though so now they sat on bench right outside the entrance, they were on their third cigarette.

They had their head leaned against the back of the bench and was looking up at the greying sky and falling leaves so they didn’t notice when Logan sat down. He kept his distance to not startle them but cleared his throat to get their attention.

“Are you also waiting for someone?” He asked.

They glanced over to him “Girl go fuck yourself with a rake”

“Noted. I will put it in my calender. I for one am here to pick up Janus after his therapy is over for the day. Mayhaps I will show him some more star trek”

“Okay great gal. Then I’m just like waiting for Remus I guess” They pressed the cigarette into their leather jacket to put it out so they could leave as soon as they saw their cru- friend.

Logan inched closer “Is your bruise healing well?”

“Just ‘cause we’re in the same place doesn’t mean we have to talk to each other!” They snapped back.

“Exscuse me, I was simply worried about your physical health”

They rolled their eyes and crossed their arms before mumbling out “It’s fine. It’s whatever. I haven’t done it again so like forget it”

“I am relieved to hear that”

Silence fell over them. Remy refused to look at him. Logan tried to figure out what was the best way to ask them about Virgil.

“....Your boyfriend did not insult you once you came home right?” He asked them in such a soft tone as if any slight wrong saying would make them implode on themself.

“Girl there you go again with your stupid fucking bullshit. I don’t wanna like talk about it!....Not ‘cause anything happened but ‘cause I hate you! You don’t- we don’t- we’re not friends! Why are you just like forcing yourself in on my private life! It’s like- it’s like fucking stalking!”

Logan reached out his hand to comfort them but quickly stopped himself “I am sorry. I don’t know how to best formulate this but I sincerely don’t mean to upset you like, neither do I know how to not upset you. All I know is that I want you to be okay and that if my partner treated me like yours seem to do I wouldn’t be able to stay”

Remy’s hair fell in front of their face as they leant their head in their plams “You don’t get it” They muttered.

“I am sure I don-”

“IT’S NOT THAT FUCKING EASY! It’s not like I have any savings an-and I’m not able to keep a job and without Virgil I have no way to buy medicine and- Like do you just want me to walk out and become homeless and like starve to death? Is that it? Like even if I wanted to leave, which I don’t, It’s not like I have a choice!”

A quiet sniffle came from them. Logan gave them a moment to gather their breathe.

“I...I didn’t mean to make it sound like leaving was easy” Logan murmured “I understand that you have probably been forced to think like you have no choice but to stay. I am aware of how crippling manipulation like that can be”

He leaned closer and even though they didn’t look at him he still sent them his most caring look as he continued.

“But I promise you that there are other options. You aren’t stuck. I am willing to let you stay at my apartment for however long you need and if you aren’t comfortable with that I am sure Janus or Remus would let you stay as well. I can even pay for a motel if that would be better. Depending on what part of your disability is making you unable to work I am sure that could be fixed. For example a wheelchair could help! My point is that you do have a choice, even if it’s very understandably hard to think that”

Remy’s shoulders were shaking. Logan gently placed his hand on top of their bony shoulder. Every vein was visible through their light skin.

At just the hint of his touch they flinched away. They stumbled up from the bench and took a few steps away. They looked at him with reddened eyes.

“No. No. Girl you- you just don’t get it! That’s all!” They spat out, their voice was shaky as well “You haven’t like lived with me. Once you or Remus o-or anyone spends enough time with me you’ll realize what an annoying overemotional burden I am! An-and then I’ll get thrown out! Okay!? So-so it’s not really- I don’t actually have a choice ‘cause I’ll just get thrown out. Virgil is the only who will ever bother to deal with me for this long! ‘cause he loves me! And no one else will love me like he does. S-so just shut up!”

Logan stood up as well and took an unsure step towards them. They looked so weak, as if a single push from the wind would make them crumble.

“It’s okay. I hear what you are saying” Logan assured.

“An-and it’s like- Virgil needs me! And I need him! That’s like how it works! I can’t just leave him! What if- who will calm him down from his panic attacks?! And if I leave what if he gets s-so upset and like anxious he hurts himself! He’s said there was a chance he would!! I can’t risk it! I have to stay! He needs me! I-I need- I can’t- I can’t leave”

Logan nodded along “It’s okay. I understand. I understand”

“You don’t! You’re a idiotic bitch! I hope all your stupid fucking ties get destroyed in the washer!” Remy was close to yelling.

“Harsh but I see your point. To be honest everything you have said has made me even more worried. From my experience a relationship shouldn’t make you feel this way! It shouldn’t make you come up with reasons to stay! It shouldn’t hurt you!” Logan reached out to comfort them once more. “I promise it shouldn’t hurt”

“It’s not hurting me! YOU are hurting me!”

Logan was taken aback. He didn’t know what to say. His arms moved to hang helplessly along his sides. Remy opened their mouth to say something more but then

“Hey uh what’s going on? Are you roleplaying a death match?” Remus stood in the entrance to the building. He glanced between the two of them.

“This idiot is trying to destroy my relationship!” Remy exclaimed.

“While it is not my place to explain the full situation without their permission I can assure you that I am merely worrying for their mental and physical health and I am unsure if their relationship is good for them from what I’ve heard” Logan explained.

Remus barely even hesitated before moving in front of Remy. He moved his arms out and let them lean against him to catch their breathe, like he was a human shield protecting them from Logan.

Logan hadn’t seen Remus angry before and he didn’t look fully enraged, but there was a hint of anger in eyes as he sneered at him.

“Well I’m sorry Loganson but not every relationship is totally perfect and works without any arguments like you and your wife relationship apparently does!” He spat out.

“I can assure you that me and my wife’s relationship hasn’t been argument free but that doesn’t mean I have ever even thought about insulting her like Remy’s boyfriend seemingly ha-”

“You’re not Remy!” Remus snapped “You’re a guy who dresses like a 40 year old math teacher who is losing the children in the divorce! Leave them alone!”

Remy was bordering on cowering behind Remus. Their whole body seemed to shake as a few tears spilled down their cheeks. They met Logan’s eyes.

“If the bullshit you’re saying is true, which it like isn’t but if it was that- that means I’ve spent my whole life being abused” They forced out through tears “How can you Ever you expect me to live with that?”

Logan didn’t have an answer to that. He watched on as Remus placed his hands on Remy’s shoulders and gently guided them to turn away. He bonked their foreheads together and wiped their tears away.

“C’mon beanie-boo I can take you to the amusement park to cheer you up! Or we can find some lsd and get high so you can hallucinate beating the shit out of the stinky Log guy!” Remus exclaimed as they walked away.

A headache began to form in Logan’s head as he slumped back down on the bench. He stared out at the nearly empty parking lot. He didn’t understand what he did wrong.

He wished he could talk to Virgil. He wished he could see him eye to eye and chew him out for ever making Remy feel like a burden, for ever making them feel trapped. A part of him wanted to punch him.

He was so zoned out into the overthinking he didn’t realize how much time was passing until Janus got out from his therapy session. As soon as Jan saw his boyfriend he let up into a shining smile and hurried over to him.

“Hi dear! Aww did you miss me so much you had to come pick me up! How charming!” Janus hesitated before kissing Logan on the lips. It still made him all giggly.

Normally seeing him so giddy would have made Logan overabundant with happiness....but now all he could think about was if he should tell Janus about Remy’s situation or not. They were friends right? Could it help? Would they listen to their friend?

Logan’s head hurt so bad. None of it made sense. There was no logical answer. How Janus reacted could make everything worse. He didn’t want to ruin everything more than he already had.

“Darling? Are you feeling alright? Has something happened?” Janus asked while taking his hand.

“I....I....” Logan looked over to you.

Logan: “I am so sorry to do this but do you have any idea what to do? The human emotion and it’s reactions are so illogical I don’t- I don’t understand- I don’t know what to do. I’m sorry- Should I tell Janus about the suspected abuse or should I lie?”

#mini fic #or like a really long answer #logan sanders #remy sanders #sanders sides

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boleynhowards · 4 years

Text

i hate to make this, but: a call out post.

TW: toxic behaviour, mentions of sexual harassment, brief mention of suicide/depression, manipulation, anxiety/panic attack and bdsm choking.

Please keep in mind while reading this, we have minors who are under 15 that have asked to remain anonymous. They will be referred to as the minors when delved into each person's stories and their usernames have been blurred in relevant screenshots.

As well as this, so the screenshots don’t get confused, our names:

Amy - @boleynhowards (me) / i.cequeen on Instagram.

Maddy - @thenameisnoone / the_names_no_one on Instagram.

Jo - @thatbolxyngirl / historyeet on Instagram

The subject of this post is Tumblr user kakesparrlyn, or kraftingcereal on Instagram. I want to say that Kake has blocked me and @thatbolxyngirl ngirl on Tumblr, so they won’t see this unless they unblock me. This post is not to hurt anyone, but rather to warn others after our group went through an uncomfortable experience with this person.

My friends and I are not the type of people to make these posts, it hurts the majority of us to even think of doing such a thing, but we felt it was necessary for others to know. So this is posted here today as a caveat for anyone interested in this new group.

We are the old roleplay group that user kakesparrlyn (Kake) used to be in, and, to summarise, it turned wrong very quickly.

Kake proved to be a very problematic person to all of us by displaying lots of toxic behaviours. This included guilt tripping us, harassing the minors in our group, trying to roleplay NSFW with the minors, being easily offended when things didn’t go her way, acting biased towards personal opinions, and what is most appalling, sending sexual comments to the minors.

Whilst we would usually like to avoid conflict, we think it’s necessary to post this account of our stories. We wish for no one to fall to the mind and emotional manipulation and discomfort we have been through.

Starting off with one of our minors, Kake, who is an adult, has tried to roleplay smut with them. She requested if it was okay to roleplay a poly relationship for a ship she liked. With Kake not only being an adult, but also the admin of the group and play “adopting” said minor, the minor felt uncomfortable and pressured when needed to answer. She then requested a personal smut roleplay of her choice to another person to see if she, personally, liked a certain kink, choking, in front of the same minor.

The second of the minors was another one that she play “adopted.” Kake proceeded to pressure this minor into choosing a favourite friend, a week after meeting this minor. She was very adamant on getting this minor to choose her as her closest friend and didn't give up, even when the minor wanted her to stop, continuously insisting that she was the minor’s favorite.

As well as this, Kake gushed about her crushes on several others in the group to the same minor, including myself. In all, Kake made this minor severely uncomfortable, putting the minor in the middle of several conflicts, including calling the girls she had crushes on, choosing her favourite ‘mum’ friend and claiming she was the two crushes’ 'girlfriend.' On top of this, this minor played Catherine of Aragon in the roleplay and Kake forced them into roleplaying Aralyn, specifically an Aralyn that could have progressed into NSFW very quickly if the minor didn't shut it down.

The final minor, who also had a four year age gap with Kake, was guilt tripped and constantly felt forced to compliment her. They would feel panicked whenever Kake would send certain cryptic messages such as sharing private messages between herself and I which pulled the minor into the drama where they didn’t need to be. She would also occasionally say creepy things to the minor, calling them “hot” and then laughing about how creepy she sounded. Unfortunately there are no screenshots of this as it happened over a voice call.

This is only what happened to the minors under 15 who have asked to be unnamed to protect their safety. However, these atrocious acts do not end with them as they still continue with the slightly older minors, including myself, who have all agreed to be named.

The first person who has agreed to be named is @thenameisnoone. She was constantly guilt tripped and pressured to the point that she would have anxiety whenever texting Kake. When going through a tough time in real life and wanting to take a break from the roleplay, Kake begged them to stay and continued to message things such as “you are the only one who cares for me”. This added even more pressure onto her during such a hard time, and when she came back Kake ranted about how nobody loved her to them.

She also constantly needed to be in control of all group activities. A second group chat was made in which we played Minecraft and other games in. Kake was originally added to it, but left because she didn’t enjoy it. When @thenameisnoone mentioned how they were gaming instead of roleplaying, Kake would get extremely upset and say that nobody cared for her in the chat and constantly message @thenameisnoone about this.

Even with the explanation that she left the group and could rejoin if she wanted to, Kake continued to guilt trip @thenameisnoone and say she wanted to leave because ”nobody loved her, only them.” At the same time, she was texting others in the group chat an identical message.

More on her controlling side, she excluded some of the group members’ interests in roleplay whilst they obliged to hers by putting her own personal biases into the roleplay without consideration of others. This included instances where she would force an awkward age gap between Katherine Howard and Anna of Cleves in the roleplay because she didn’t ship Katanna.

As well as this, whenever trying to roleplay, Kake would force other characters into certain positions, otherwise her own character had a tantrum and forced the plot to revolve around said character. It made everyone uncomfortable and distant themselves from her and the actual purpose of the group (roleplaying). This made her continue to cling to @thenameisnoone. The final straw for them was when Kake openly dramatised her emotions by emphasizing her anger multiple times in the main group chat, nonstop, for @thenameisnoone jokingly becoming my fake wife.

Not only did this offend them because Kake was being hypocritical, but, unlike Kake, @thenameisnoone actually asked for the joke relationship and respected my feelings. The constant statement about Kake’s refusal to talk to them in front of everyone, and continuous repeated messages of how they are mad and hurt by this act of “betrayal” and refusal to move on for over a long period of time bothered them so much that they finally cracked and confessed what manipulation she has been put through by Kake to me. @thenameisnoone has now been dealing with emotional trauma from past experiences that Kake has reminded them of and could not focus on any schoolwork today until after an hour of me comforting them over the confrontation.

The second person involved who has given permission to be named, @thatbolxyngirl, wrote the next part herself which I will copy and paste into the post. (Hence the change of perspective.)

“It’s a shame that I actually have to write something like this and, to be honest, I didn’t even plan to ever write something like this. I’m just doing this because I don’t want this happening to other people besides me and the rest who sadly had to go through all of this. The situation could have been worse, but still, it’s been a really bad time for some of us. I’m kinda glad to say that she just ignored me, after she had a crush on me that is. I’m 17, so it’s not illegal, but very uncomfortable nonetheless for me. She still tried flirting with me after I said that I was not interested in her, or a relationship in general, at the time. She just continued to flirt with me and made her crush really obvious, and everytime I ignored it, she’d just write something like ‘No one will ever love me’ or ‘they are really oblivious’ and expected us all to, I don’t know, maybe pity her or something like that.

The worst of it was how Kake went into other chats to talk about me with the others in the group, asking them to hype her up in front of me, one of the people she asked being a minor. This repulsed me in an inexcusable way, to ignore my dismissal of a relationship with her and claim to the others I disliked her after she became romantically interested in another member of our group (@boleynhowards). It was an uncomfortable period for me, one I hope none of the people reading this have to go through.”

That’s what @thatbolxyngirl had to say on the matter, written from her perspective.

Finally, I’ll tell my own story. After waking up to find that I had been called Kake’s “girlfriend” during the night while I was asleep, I assumed she was joking around and went along with it for a bit. However, when she didn’t drop the joke after a long time, I sent a message to remind her that, at the time, I had a girlfriend and I was also 15, an illegal minor for her to date. I made sure to make it obvious to her that I was uninterested. Her mood immediately shifted to depressed and she began to post borderline suicidal things. When I saw these posts, I dmed her and tried to comfort her. After a bit of conversation, I confronted her about how it seemed that since I told her I was uninterested she was upset. She then told me that I got the wrong idea; that she didn’t like me, but she liked @thatbolxyngirl. I was relieved after this because she stopped flirting with me and dropped the pet names. This empty period was only short though as it was quick for her to begin to flirt with me once again, only this time worse. She began to pressure me into video calling her and in these calls she would make explicit sexual comments going from how I’m going to “fall in love” with her and also asking me three times to strip on camera for her. Like above, unfortunately there are no screenshots of this as it happened on a video call. When I rejected these requests, she was very begrudging about it as if trying to guilt me for my decision. By the end of her second wave of advances, she confessed her crush on me. I rejected her again, reminding her another time that I was 15 and had a girlfriend. She said she understood this and wouldn’t act on her crush, but later I found that was an empty promise as she continued to flirt with me. This got to the point where I began to distance myself from her as much as possible, which led to her trying to guilt me into doing things because she “loves me so much” as well as painting me as a villain to other members of the group by calling me cold and distant.

Not only did her behaviours make me severely uncomfortable and anxious around her, but they also made me doubt my own feelings, wondering if I was in the wrong for what happened to me.

That concludes what we would like to raise awareness about. Once again, we are not trying to spread hate. We were shocked when we saw Kake’s post about making a new roleplay group only minutes after she left our own. We feared of others going through the same experiences as us, so if you are interested in the new roleplay chat be warned. This could very well happen to you.

Whilst this has been hard and taken hours for us to write, we would like to remind you to please not show any hate to Kake; this is simply a post to protect others. Kake has been through some of her own issues that could have been reasons for her behaviour, but nobody is obliged, especially without a proper explanation for why, to go through this.

Thank you for reading this far, and we hope you can understand our need to post this.

Signed,

@boleynhowards, @thenameisnoone, @thatbolxyngirl and the unnamed minors of our group.

#six the musical #catherine of aragon #anne boleyn #jane seymour #anna of cleves #katherine howard #catherine parr #roleplay

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mistrose23 · 5 years

Text

Introduction to the dungeon (1)

Summary: Y/N reads rumors on social media about her boyfriend Chris Evans. The rumors are that he owns a sex dungeon. What happens when Y/N confronts him about it and what happens when she finds out that it is true?

DISCLAIMER: A lot of people are sending me messages about the fact that Chris Evans (the actor) doesn't own sex dungeon and that the rumors were not about him. I know this, but thank you. This story is FAKE and it is not based on anything real. The IDEA for this smut came from a conversation that I had with some friends after reading the FALSE rumors about Chris Evans owning a sex dungeon. This is nothing but a fantasy / idea for a smut. I just needed a excuse to write a smut

WARNINGS: Smut, language, dom/sub, rough sex, sex toys, BDSM, choking, etc. 18+ ONLY

WORD COUNT: 2947

Part 1 | part 2 |

It was late in the evening on a Thursday when I was sitting at my kitchen table with a glass of wine in my hand. Luckily, I didn’t have to go to work tomorrow and now I was waiting for my boyfriend who was coming over. As an actor, he works a lot and at irregular hours. He was still in the aftermath of the latest Avengers movie, even though it is finished now, and currently he was busy with a couple of projects. Yes, I’m dating Chris Evans.

We started dating a couple of years ago, when some mutual friends introduced us to each other. At first, I refused to go on a date with him, because why would a world famous, extremely handsome and immense kind and generous actor date me? A nobody? It took a lot of convincing before I went on a date with him. But the date was amazing and there were definitely sparks between us. So now, two years later, we were still together.

Right now, I was on my second glass of red wine, while I was scrolling through my phone. I decided to send a photo of myself to Chris, to tease him a little bit. I was only wearing some lingerie and a white blouse (that I stole from Chris). The blouse hung loosely around my shoulders, because it was unbuttoned, and I was very pleased with the outcome of the picture that I took. He could clearly see my boobs, my smile was inviting and because of the way that I looked into the camera, you could see a teasing glance. I sent the photo to him with the following caption:

“I can’t wait for you to come home to me.”

I grinned and opened social media. The fans knew that Chris was in a relationship, but they didn’t know who he was dating. When we made our relationship official, we agreed that we would keep it private. He was afraid that his fans would give me hate and that the paparazzi would bother me constantly. I was okay with it, only his family and close friends knew about me.

Within a couple of minutes, my phone buzzed. A smile crept on my face when I saw Chris his name on my screen.

“Sweetheart, what are you doing?”

An idea popped in my head. I hadn’t seen Chris all week because of his work. And I was a little bit needy. I tried getting myself off, but it didn’t work. I needed Chris. That is why I was so relieved that we could see each other tonight. The sex with him was amazing. In the beginning of our relationship, he was caring and gentle and our sex was mostly vanilla. But at one point, we started to experiment. We did some BDSM with roleplaying and we tried out dominance and submission. We both enjoyed it and I actually wanted to ask Chris to do more stuff like this, but I was afraid. I am not sure if he was into it like me (little did I know).

“What do you mean? I just wish that you were here with me. Especially in my bed.”

“O, god, Y/N. Stop talking like that, you know I want you. I’m free in 10 minutes.”

“Good. I can’t wait to have you all by myself. I keep imagining all the things that you can do to me and my body. With your hands… with your mouth…”

I got a reply almost immediately, but this time there was a photo attached. A moan escaped my mouth when I opened the photo. I saw Chris sitting is his chair on set, but the focus was on his lap and legs. Especially his lap. One of his hands was shielding his crotch, but I could see the obvious bulge.

“Making me hot and bothered in front of my colleagues. Don’t start something you can’t finish, honey. Otherwise I’ll have to punish you.”

I grinned. This was going exactly as planned.

“I was hoping you would say that. I’m looking forward to a little spanking. But first I hope that I can suck you off, to show you that I am a good girl. Maybe we can even explore other things.”

As I didn’t get a reply, I decided to go back to social media. I liked to go through the stuff fans wrote about Chris. Especially on Twitter, because sometimes the fans came up with the strangest and weirdest theories about him, but also other celebrities. After some searching, I found memes about him, people complimenting him about his performance as Steve Rogers and just fans appreciating him. But then my attention got drawn to a crazy tweet.

I read it a couple of times, because I wasn’t sure if I read it well. The fans were saying that Chris owns a sex dungeon? And he had spent nearly hundred thousand dollars on it? Oh lord. Of course, I shouldn’t have believed this, I mean, it’s a rumor made by a fan. Yet reading this, did something to me. What if it was true? What if he had a sex dungeon? The thought made my body shiver. Imagine all the things that he could do to me there… Oh my god. Should I...? I decided to call him.

‘Y/N, is everything okay?’ he answered the phone worried.

‘Yeah, I just had a question,’ I started, and I downed my wine.

‘Look, sorry that I didn’t answer your last text, the director needed me,’ Chris apologized.

‘No, no, don’t worry about that,’ I replied quickly. ‘I wanted to ask you something else.’

‘Sure, sure,’ he said. ‘By the way, I’m on my way to my car now, so I think I’ll be at your place in 15 minutes.’

‘Chris,’ I said with a slight tremble in my voice. I was afraid of his reaction. What if he got angry with me? ‘I read some rumor about you on Twitter and I wanted to know if it’s true.’

He sighed, and I heard him unlock his car. ‘Honey, you know not to believe everything they say about me on social media.’

I laughed nervously. ‘Yeah, I know. But, erm…’

‘Spit it out, Y/N,’ Chris encouraged me. ‘You know you can ask me anything, how ridiculous some things are.’

‘There is a rumor that you have a sex dungeon in your house,’ I said without thinking. ‘Of course, I know that is stupid and crazy. And now I don’t know why I’m calling you about this, but oh well.’

It was silent for a couple of seconds. Did I scare him? Did he think I was stupid?

‘Chris? I am so sorry,’ I muttered. ‘I shouldn’t have called you about this. Naturally you don’t have a sex dungeon, I’m stupid. Just the thought of you having that... did things to my body.’

Chris let out his breath that he was holding. ‘Y/N, do you mean that? What you said at the end?’

I gulped. ‘Y-yes? But why?’

‘Do you trust me?’ he said, ignoring my question.

‘Yes, of course!’ I said. ‘Why do you ask?’

‘Can you come to my place?’ Chris replied, again without answering my question. ‘I think I need to show you something.’

‘Chris…’ I muttered. ‘Erm, yes. I can take an Uber.’

‘Great. I see you then,’ and with that, he ended the phone call.

Oh lord, what could I except?

Twenty minutes later, I arrived at Chris’s house. I didn’t even bother to change my clothing, I only buttoned up the blouse and put on some jeans. After I paid the Uber drive and made sure that he left, I walked up to my boyfriend his house. I already had the keys of his house in my hand and unlocked the front door.

‘Chris? I’m here,’ I announced myself and I waited for him in the entrance hall.

‘Y/N?’ Chris shouted. There was the sound of a door slamming and then he made his way down the stairs. A smile appeared on his face. ‘Hey. How are you?’

I smiled as well, and I reached for him. ‘Good, how are you?’

He kissed me softly after he embraced me. ‘Great, now that you’re here. I missed you.’

‘Missed you too,’ I whispered, and I squeezed his middle. ‘I need you.’

I heard him chuckle and he released me from the embrace, but he kept on holding my hands. He took me to his living room and we both sat down on the couch. His eyes were fixated on mine and he took a deep breath. I had a feeling that now was the time that we were going to talk about our phone conversation.

‘I need you too, Y/N,’ he began. ‘But before we go to that part, I think we need to talk about the thing that we spoke about on the phone.’

I nodded and the look in my eyes were soft. ‘Yeah. Again, I am so sorry to throw that rumor in your face like that. I-I shouldn’t have done that. I hope you can forgive me.’

‘Y/N, no, it’s okay,’ Chris reassured me, and he took my hands in his again. ‘I don’t know how the press found out… but yes. It’s true, I have a sex dungeon.’

I was shocked. It wasn’t a rumor. My boyfriend, the famous Chris Evans, did have a sex dungeon. Here, in this house. My body shivered again.

‘You have?’ I asked him, just to be sure.

‘Yes,’ he nodded. ‘For a couple of years. Y/N, are you okay?’

‘Yeah,’ I replied, and I shook my head. ‘I’m just a little bit surprised. Does anyone else know about the, erm, dungeon? And did you take anyone there? To... do things?’

Chris nodded again. ‘Sebastian and Mackie know. And yes, I took a couple of girls there. Not any of my ex-girlfriends. They didn’t know about it.’

Now I nodded, but slowly. I’m processing all the information that I’m receiving. ‘Okay, okay. Did you do things with the girls?’

‘Yes, we did only the things that we agreed on,’ Chris told me.

‘Why didn’t you tell me about it?’ I asked him and I looked him straight in the eye. ‘Were you ever going to tell me?’

Chris gulped. ‘Yes, eventually. But I was afraid of what your reaction might be. I thought that you are not into those kinds of things.’

I chuckled. ‘What kind of things? The rough stuff? Tying me up? Use toys? Spank me? Choke me?’

Chris’s cheeks turned red, but I also saw that the color of his eyes changed. Did I turn him on? ‘Those kinds of things, indeed.’

I hummed. ‘Well, I can tell you, I am into that. And that’s why I was surprised of you having this dungeon. I didn’t expect it from you.’

‘What do you mean?’ he asked, and he raised his eyebrow.

‘Well, I-I mean...’ I stuttered. ‘You are you! A giant goofball. You are so sweet, and kind and I just didn’t know if you are into rough sex. I always thought of you as a vanilla guy.’

‘Vanilla, hm?’ he asked, and his eyes turned dark.

Without a warning, he pushed me onto the couch, so that I was lying on my back. He pushed my hands above my head and he was straddling me. A shaky breath escaped my mouth. Was he really going to..?

‘You think I’m a vanilla type of guy?’ he asked. He caressed my cheek with one hand, but then he forcefully grabbed me by my throat and squeezed a little, while he pressed small kisses behind my ear. His other hand laid on my right hip and he also put a little pressure there.

I moaned softly while he kissed me behind my ear, my throat and my sternum. Afterwards, I realized that I should’ve known that I should’ve answered Chris. Yet, I was too occupied in enjoying the pleasure he was giving me.

He squeezed my throat a little harder and he bit my softly just above my collarbone. ‘Answer me when I ask you a question, Y/N.’

‘Sorry,’ I muttered. ‘Yes, Chris.’

‘You like it when I do this to you?’ he asked, and he squeezed me again. Also, his grip on my hip tightened.

‘Yes, o god, yes, Chris,’ I told him.

His hand slowly traveled from my hip to my stomach and he made his way to my pussy. I stopped breathing for a second. My panties were already wet, and I knew that Chris felt it. He moved my panties to the side and within a blink, he put one of his fingers between my folds. I moaned loudly. Slowly, he moved his finger and a couple of seconds later he added a second finger.

‘You are so wet already,’ Chris whispered, and he kissed me behind my ear. ‘Tell me your fantasies and I might fulfill them.’

‘Oh my god, Chris,’ I said, I couldn’t think straight anymore. His fingers were doing wonders down there. I couldn’t form any logical sentences.

Chris made a disapproving noise and he released my throat. ‘I think I told you something.’

I whined. ‘Y-yes, sorry, sir. First, I’d like you to fuck me with your fingers, while you kiss my neck and throat.’

The blonde man grinned. ‘Like this?’ He began to pound his fingers in my pussy as his thumb rubbed my clit. Whilst doing this, he also started kissing my throat. Sometimes he bit me softly. I was gasping, and I kept saying his name in pleasure. His mouth ended on my breasts, where he kissed the valley between them.

‘Yes, Chris, exactly like that,’ I said out of breath. My bundle of nerves was about to explode. I didn’t know how this man did it, but every time he touched me intimately, magic happened. I could feel an orgasm being developed in my core.

‘What else?’ he whispered in my ear and his fingers sped up the pace.

‘Next-next, you slowly make a trail from my breasts to my core,’ I whimpered.

He grinned and brought his lips to one of my breasts. Slowly he began to suck on my nipple and as a reaction, my back arched. Chris his free hand pushed me down and then he let it rest on my hip.

‘Easy, kitten,’ he chuckled against my skin.

He switched to my other breast to give it the same attention. When he started to suck again, I whined, and I reached for his hair. I got hold of his hair and I began to pull it. His reaction was a slap against my ass.

‘Hands off,’ he warned me, and he shot me a glare.

I released his hair and grabbed the couch. Chris made his way from my breasts, to my stomach, to my pussy. He was still pounding his fingers in there and rubbing my clit, but when his mouth came close, he removed his thumb.

‘What happens next?’ he whispered against my pussy.

I took a deep breath. ‘You eat me out.’

Without saying anything else, Chris pressed a kiss against my folds. He removed his fingers, but soon they were replaced by his tongue. At first, he gave me little kitten licks, just to tease me. It worked, because I was squirming beneath him. I felt my orgasm coming, especially when he took my clit in his mouth.

‘Chris!’ I moaned. ‘I’m coming! Please, let me cum!’

Out of nowhere, he slowed down and eventually he removed his mouth from my pussy. ‘No.’

I was out of breath and I looked at him with wide eyes. ‘No?’

He sat up. ‘No. Bad girls are not allowed to cum. And I told you that I might fulfill your fantasies.’

When I examined his face, I saw mischief in his eyes. Oh, Mr. Evans. Two can play this game.

‘Really?’ I asked him with a low voice. ‘Maybe we should take this downstairs. I mean, bad girls should be punished, right?’

His eyes darkened and his grin grew. ‘Yes. Maybe we should.’

Chris pulled me from the couch and dragged me to the entrance hall. I followed him to the door that led to his basement. We held each other’s hand as we went down the stairs. We stopped at a door with an electronic lock. Chris typed in a password and the door clicked open. The blonde actor pushed the door open and I looked at the room in surprise.

It was big and surprisingly bright. Carefully, I scanned the place in front of me. There were so many attributes. I saw a big bed, a throne, one wall was covered with whips and sex toys and ropes, there was a sex swing, a bench and – is that a kneeler? Also, there were some things that I couldn’t identify, but I was positive that I would find out later, when Chris is done with me here.

Suddenly I felt Chris’s hands on my shoulders, moving slowly up and down my upper arms. He leant down and whispered in my ear: ‘What do you think?’

I shivered and I turned around. I locked eyes with him, and I saw that his eyes were full of lust. Mine were probably the same. Before he could do anything, I grabbed his shirt and pulled him close to me. I kissed him feverishly and before I pulled back, I bit his lower lip. Chris moaned and when I looked at him, I noticed some blood on his lip. I grinned widely.

‘I think we should start.’

#chris evans smut #chris evans x reader #chris evans reader smut #Chris Evans #chris evans reader #dungeon #chris evans y/n smut

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norgad-vcd · 3 years

Text

COPY: First Revision

Introduction.

What goes on, online?

Anything and everything. It’s a beautiful and vibrant mess of human interaction. Everything from trivial and thoughtless acts to the most sincere and genuine deeds. It’s grounds for the vicious and the virtuous alike. The internet is what you make of it; A tool as good or bad as it’s wielders.

What this book is

It’d take a thousand lifetimes to see it all.

How about a quick glimpse instead?

Hiya, I’m Tom! I’ve spent enough of my life online that I can confer some of my findings to you. This book is a smörgåsbord of experiences, phenomena, and memories I’ve been witness to and participant in during my time here. While not a full picture, it should help you navigate the ballpark of possibilities out there. My experiences are just one sample from billions; perhaps after this you’ll seek to venture out further into that world-wide web, or - at the very least - understand a little better those who do.

Heads-up

Listen a moment, before you go.

I am only one person. My field of view is limited, as is my foresight. Take my advice with a grain of salt, I can’t prepare you for everything. There’s so much more out there waiting for you, some good, some bad; be sensible.

Who am I, online?

Personas and the separation of meatspace and cyberspace.

Online, your real-life identity isn’t attached to you by default. Of course there’s places where the expectation is indeed a connection to real identities - like Facebook for example - but this is not a requirement. I’m not known as ‘Tom’ online, people know me by my username, and t.

It’s not a fake me, or a way to lie to people, it’s just an alternate expression of myself. We act differently to different people in so many social situations, - from time with family, to at work, and to hanging out with friends - the internet allows even more possible ways to express parts of ourselves. For me, it’s liberating to exist in a state that’s disconnected from the tangle of my real life self, and to keep the tangle of my internet presence away from real life as well.

Equal ground, just another user.

On the internet, nobody knows who you are.

Unless you divulge them, your identity, physical appearance, background, nationality, gender, race and so on are completely unknown; this is the great equalizer. Free from biases based on your physical self, you can be perceived as purely another person.

Still a person, despite appearances.

A clean slate can tempt some however to act recklessly. If an identity and stigma can be shed so easily, some people feel emboldened to act without the threat of consequences; verbally beat someone up, and then wash your hands of the whole incident.

It’s important to remember that people online are still people; while their faces might be obscured, they still have thoughts and feelings.

In general, talking to people online has the same potential as real-life to be great, awful, or somewhere inbetween. It’s just luck of the draw who you’ll encounter.

Who else?

I’m hanging out with my friends.

“Go outside and spend time with your friends!”

What a classic line. Truth is I’m already spending time with my friends, just on the computer. It can be hard to organise in person meetups sometimes, and meeting up online can be much more spontaneous. All it takes is noticing someone else is online and flicking them a message, Boom, instant hangout, and before you know it you’ve got all the boys bantering away.

Over the first lockdown in 2020 me and most of my real-life friends started a minecraft server together and played through it for the duration of our stint stuck at home. It was like a little clubhouse, each time we logged in and saw things change slightly since last time. We left each other notes and set up gifts and pranks for when people left and returned. It was a great way to keep in touch when we were otherwise very isolated from social contact.

Guest speaker, Josh

[Josh text]

In general, hanging out online is pretty great. It might not be perfect, and sure we could get a little more sunlight, but for what it’s worth it’s good for the soul and sometimes the best thing on hand. Friendships don’t care about how you nourish them, just that you do.

[WHY ARE YOU STILL AWAKE?]

I don’t know the names of some of my closest friends.

What about friendships that never were from real life, rather that grew from the internet.

I don’t know the names of some of my closest friends.

That doesn’t mean I don’t care about them; it’s just we all know each other by our usernames and whatever funny profile picture we’re rocking at the time. I still know their personalities, their sense of humor, what they like and don’t, and everything else you’d know about a friend. We still have inside jokes, favourite group pastimes, and all the rest.

This has caused some strange moments though. When I was younger and my parents would ask who I’m talking to on the computer, I wouldn’t know how to respond. Do I tell them “I don’t know” and spark images in their heads of catfishers and criminals? Do I tell them my friend’s username and get told “that’s not a real name”? There really wasn’t any good solution in my head at the time, so I’d just say “someone from school” and pray the topic of the conversation would change as fast as possible.

A couple of times an internet friend has accidentally let their real name slip in a conversation, and that instantly got met with waves of banter about how “you’re not an Alex” or whatever the name was. We’d quickly forget about it though, we still see each other as the identities we met each other with; someone’s real-life name doesn’t change how we see them. In that sense, I suppose usernames are like a self-determination thing; you get to pick a name for yourself, based on who you see yourself as.

Timeless zones.

Because everyone lives in different time-zones, it can often be difficult to pre-plan hangouts. Oftentimes me and my friends have planned to have a movie night at a specific time, and then once that time rolls around, one or two people are still offline, probably asleep. Oftentimes whoever was missing will come online several hours later and be sorry and upset that they held everyone up and wasted everyone’s time. Of course, we had all just postponed the movie night and just hung out and chatted instead.

Perfect is the enemy of good. Oftentimes we have to accept that it’s near impossible to have everyone hang out at the same time; it’d require half of us to be up at god awful times or to wake up at 4am for something. Instead of trying to plan big ‘everyone’ events every once in a blue moon, we try to have frequent but smaller hangouts. It might mean that we don’t get to see everyone at the same time, but it’s still workable. If we were to hold out till everyone was free at the same time, we’d never end up hanging out at all.

My version of the morning paper is skimming what my mates have been talking about in the group chat. Most of the time it’s pretty coherent and I can tell what was going on, but sometimes it dissolves into a mess of completely unrelated images and text that doesn’t read like a conversation at all. Using my expert detective skills I have deduced that our two culprits were actually talking in a voice chat, and were just using the text chat to show each other stupid pictures of dogs.

That time my friend went missing.

A while ago, someone in one of my friend groups noted that someone hadn’t been online for two weeks. Dread set in. We all knew that our friend was very prone to getting ill, and we didn’t want to say it but we were worried she might have died. Since we don’t know each other in ‘real life’ it was entirely possible that someone could drop dead one day and we’d never get any confirmation; just left wondering what happened. We asked around in common friend circles, and nobody had heard from her, coming up on about three weeks at that point. We had to do something.

Multiple friend circles of people from all around the world, scrambling to find any scrap of information about our lost friend. One person had ‘maybe’ an address that they sent something to once, but it might have been an old house. We found about three different possible legal names, and had no way to be sure which was right. We ended up sending a letter addressed to three different names ‘or the family of’. It was a desperate shot in the dark, but we were worried sick.

It turned out she was alright, but she had been stuck in hospital for a while and didn’t have access to a phone. We all had a laugh over how everyone overreacted, but it really did scare me. I’ve learned to really value the time I get to spend with my online friends; next time might not be so lucky, and if something were to happen it’s hard to ever get closure on it.

Wider World.

Community

One thing the internet’s really helped with is connecting like-minded individuals. Before the internet, if you had a niche hobby, you were probably the only person you know in your town with that hobby. Kinda lame, yeah? Nowadays, you can reach across the globe and connect with everyone who’s into the same stuff as you! Mainstream topics can have gargantuan communities, but what I find even more interesting is the weird obscure hobbies and groups, the kind that would never survive without the internet.

My personal favourite is the community around the video game ‘Space Station 13’; it’s a simulation roleplay game that’s been kicking around for about 18 years at this point, kept alive by a cult following of obsessed players. The programming sucks, and the controls are horrifically obtuse, but it’s got a charm that I can’t deny. It’s not for everyone, and I think that’s great. It’s not for everyone, but thanks to the internet enough people can still get together that they can enjoy it.

Someone sends me a funny picture. There’s three layers of delight. The first - of course - is that the picture is funny. Beyond that, there’s also the impulsive knowledge that I know who else I could send it to that might like it; it’s a chain letter that for once isn’t a scam. And the third layer is knowing that whoever sent the picture to me first got it sent to them and thought “Hey, I know who might like this”!

Random people

Strange patterns can emerge after lurking and watching from the sidelines.

In the rules discussion channel of a board game group I’m in, I swear sometimes it’s like I’m stuck in a time loop. I watch a random person ask a common question about the game, and then someone else will get the rules clarified for them. A few hours will pass, the conversation drifting elsewhere as people drop in and out. Suddenly, I spot it; the same question from before, but from a different person. Like clockwork, another nameless devout will rise up and deliver the answer. And again. And again. It’s like a two-line stage show where the audience is also the cast, over and over and over.

Since profile pictures and usernames are self-selected you do get a weird little keyhole view of who you’re talking to might be like. This person has a picture of a cat as their profile image. Is it their cat, or did they just think the cat looked nice? Their username is ‘Millie’, is that their real life name; maybe? Or what if it’s the cat’s name? Are they pretending to be their cat? Are they a cat?

Getting popular, online presence & all eyes on you

Having a large presence online - that is, having other people follow or be ‘fans’ of you - is a mixed bag. For me it’s been really good in allowing me to get my art out there and get clients, but it’s also weird. It feels a bit like I’m up on a stage sometimes, everyone’s watching me. I’ve lost the feeling of being ‘just another guy in the crowd’. What if someone reads something I posted the wrong way? Do I keep being aloof and carefree, or will that hurt my image. Should I care?

Getting weird; parasocial relationships, doxxing, and personal armies.

People with large presences can feel familiar, friendly, like you’re already friends.

I’ve caught myself falling into this in the past. Parasocial relationships. There was an artist I really admired the style of. The brain’s great at filling in the details you want to be real. I realised that I had it written in my head that this person was super cool and the best and that it’d be really cool if we hung out. All extrapolation. While it’s entirely possible that they were everything I had imagined them to be, until it’s tested it’s all just imagination and fantasy. If you’ve never talked to them, how could you know?

Guest speaker, Chai

[Chai text]

Connecting with meatspace

Back down to earth. What happens when the digital and the physical self have to intersect? The two identities are from the same person, but they’re not the same.

My family found my twitter.

One time, my parents sent me a text: “Lucy showed us your art, looking really cool Tom!”. How. I’d never sent my family any of my online profiles. I check my Twitter; sure enough in front of my eyes the screen tells me my sister has followed my twitter account. Abject horror. How much did they look at? What did they think? Should I start looking for a flat?

It’s not that I had anything to hide, it’s just that it felt… misaligned. Like two worlds coming together that shouldn’t. I’m sure for them it was just “Wow, look at our son go!”, but for me it was a wave of confusion and dread.

Visiting internet friends. (They weren’t murderers.)

One time, I was lucky enough to have a few of my internet friends visit in real life. I was showing them around my house, when I ran into my mum. It hit me. Who do I even introduce these people as? We all know each other by our online names and had been using them in conversation minutes earlier, but that would make no sense to my poor mum. And so, awkwardly, one by one my friends rattled off a set of names entirely alien to me. We all kept straight faces as each of us discovered “Wait, this person’s called WHAT?”.

We all promptly forgot each other’s names within about two minutes.

LDRs

Thanks to the internet, I met my partner.

Almost four years later, we’re still going strong. It helps a lot that a lot of our common interests can be done online, chiefly gaming and watching shows. But even the other stuff, we can still do together in some aspects. We always say good morning and goodnight to each other on the phone, and fill each other in on what we’ve been up to that day. If we go somewhere and see something cool, we can still share pictures and videos. If I make a really nice dinner, I can send them the recipe and they can have a taste (though that last one might depend on their cooking skills).

Of course, it’s not identical to an in-person relationship, and it can be more stressful. You have to put a lot more effort into reaching out to each other and making time to hang out and talk; it won’t happen by accident. We’re both really looking forward to being able to move together, but until then, being together apart isn’t all that bad.

Signing off.

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xurkitips · 6 years

Text

On Conveying Personality Through Chatroom-style Dialogue

A friend of mine shared screenshots of a roleplay he was having via a Discord server, wherein the style was chatroom/texting based. Each character would have a different style of typing completely unique to their person. Though unfamiliar with all of them, I could see what their personalities were like

Like real human beings, a character very much so has a “voice”. I mean that both in the literal sense, through their manner of speaking and what they say, but also through their self expression, interests, and actions. This carries over into the digital realm in ways we may not even notice. Text messages may not be verbal, no, but there are ways to show inflection.

There are many, many ways to show meaning through text. Here are some that I’ve picked up and utilized with my own characters:

Sentence structure

all lowercase sentences VS Grammatically correct

Lowercase gives off the feeling of someone familiar with others or willing to become familiar. It lacks the tension of formal writing, complete with its capitalization and proper periods ending sentences, and feels very casual and approachable. It may also be a sign of someone who doesn’t care much about perfection, a lazy person, or an easy going individual. Seems like a lot of internet regulars prefer this kind of typing style.

“im dying

‘deafening horrorcore rap’ ok i listen to literal noise and idk what this even is”

Using a properly capitalized and punctuated style is very formal, like one would see in a book, an official email, etc. It’s more serious and stern than lowercase is and may imply an older, more mature person typing...or maybe just someone trapped on their phone at the mercy of autocorrect.

"I am always happy to see you, even if you are not feeling your best.“

“It's nice here.

Quiet.”

There’s a certain respectful steadiness to it as well. It can be calming to read at times.

Punctuation VS Lack of punctuation

End-stopped lines come with both a pause and a bit of a pointed and direct feeling. It strengthens both lowercase and grammatically correct styles, but in different ways. In conjunction with “proper” writing, it’s less noticeable, merely giving the reader a moment’s pause. In conjunction with lowercase, especially if the one typing isn’t keen on using periods, it can come off as stern, serious, passive-aggressive, or angry.

“whatever.

it's less excruciating than it would be without it.”

Removal of punctuation is a different story. Typically just shown with lowercase, it leaves it with that casual feeling intact, or like one’s sentences are more like quick thoughts or questions. Removing them from grammatically correct sentences does ease off some of the tension, implying someone with a more neutral-positive tone while still being more mature.

“I’m not terribly good with conversation”

And then there’s the run-on sentences from those who type small novels per response. Usually complete with multiple and’s. It’s a sign of nervousness, enthusiasm, or oftentimes a younger character...

“actually i don't know much about it i just happened to see something online and it's apparently only manufactured overseas exclusively for this one particular shop and they made the original design and initial product i guess”

Oof.

Proper spelling (or lack thereof)

The better the spelling, the more the likelihood of the person being older, calmer, or neutral. There’s also a sense of being well educated or careful about one’s typing. Perhaps a confident air may exude from what they say, too.

“Can you come help me for a moment?”

Those who make a lot of mistakes will simply confuse words for other words, forget apostrophes, or type too fast to notice things missing or in the wrong location. Some just don’t really care enough or are too tired to deal with it. Too much focus and people know what they mean anyway. Probably.

“i laug hso hard hes come runin

he thougt i aws dyin”

It can also happen in very emotional situations, in bouts of laughter, crying, rage, or when one is drowsy, medicated, or sick. It tends to stand out when one’s style is suddenly very, very different and tips others off to something being wrong.

Younger characters, especially kids, also make spelling mistakes all the time depending on their age, whether due to sounding out words or just in a hurry to reply.

Short sentence fragments, single words, and lengthy paragraphs

Sometimes people with rapid-fire thoughts, who are excited, busy, stressed, or angry, will take to quick and short responses (sometimes of many fragments in a row). These show a similar feeling as do lines of poetry. Stacking small fragments on top of one another adds emphasis. The reader has to read them one by one rather than as a straight sentence. On its own, the word or fragment stands out and becomes more important.

"well

yeah thats

what i was tryina do

but i mean”

I’ve seen it used used for storytelling from one person to another in larger chunks of things, quick responses, for poetic value, and in irritation or passive-aggressiveness.

In full sentence conversations sent in short bursts, it’s also allowing the reader pause to read each comment without it feeling like a novella. Though it can also feel like someone is obnoxious, rambling on and on as the notifications keep coming, or has a lot to talk about and keeps thinking of more.

Then there are those who type rather large responses all at once instead of hitting the enter key with every sentence:

"Whoever did it was quite thorough; either the power in that area of the lab was cut while we were distracted or they tampered with the security cameras, because that footage is missing. But, we have some theories now. It had to have been someone with direct access to the laboratory. I hesitate to place blame on any of my coworkers...they're all my trusted companions and friends! And yet...”

It’s concise and a solid, complete story in one spot. Could be someone who loves to talk, could be someone who didn’t want a response before they were done talking. It’s also commonly seen by middle-aged texters who want to say everything they can all at once.

Exclamation points and Question marks

Simple one here. Question mark for a question or confusion, exclamation point for emphasis or an exclamation. But when a person adds multiple to a sentence it can convey more of the person’s feelings;

“are you okay??”

Here is someone who is very concerned. Multiple question marks can imply things such as worry, stress, disbelief, and shock. There’s a sense of hurry and tension. Perhaps the person on the other end is frightened, easily afraid, or tends to have an overwhelming reaction to things.

“oh!!! it’s nice to see you!!!”

!!!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

Meanwhile, multiple exclamation points convey much more friendlier, happier tones. Often such things as surprise, excitement, happiness, friendliness. Users typing !! as a punctuation (like I tend to do) may do it as an assurance or to show how thrilled they are to talk. Occasionally !!!! is tacked onto an angry statement to be more of a shout, but I see it less and less.

Chatspeak and Internet habits

Shortenings of words have been a regular thing for ages. It’s easy, convenient, and gets the point across quickly. But the internet has taken it to a new extreme, where sentences can be almost entirely compromised of them.

“wtf r u talkin abt?? gdi man idk wuts even happening rn”

A character wanting to be quick to respond, always on the ball, always involved, may be more likely to utilize and understand chatspeak. They’re the social butterfly of the group. It’s also a sign of a long-time internet lurker who’s aware of what the lingo is, and how to use it. A complete lack thereof points toward either an older user or someone who’s unused to social media.

The more memes, the harder someone is trying to fit in. Or maybe they’re easily amused or just absorbed things from their friends without thinking about it. The comedian of the group is going to know the best ways to use them.

Smilies and Emojis

:D D: :DDD // :3 3: >:3 :3c // :o :O O:<

These kinds of smilies have always struck me as the most friendly. Whether used in devious ways or with genuinely heartwarming intentions, the playful, lightheartedness of the user really shines through these.

"not a bad way to spend a lazy day :D”

“it's also my birthday :3″

It’s got just the right vibe to punctuate a sentence that’ll leave the reader feeling that the person likely means no harm or wants to be friendly, positive, or encouraging. I’ve met a lot of people that use these and turn out to be very kind or considerate people.

:), ;), ((((: and related

A long time positive, friendly smiley.

"You said you've known them a long time? I think they would understand. :)”

And yet these days I tend to associate it with passive aggressive statements, plotting, slyness, devious behavior, or anger. Older users may be inclined to use :) as a means to show their emotional state, but newer users seem more inclined to do the opposite. The more parentheses there are, the more upset the person, it seems.

“man don’t u love it when the power’s out in the middle of the night it’s just (((: really great thanks (((((:”

Then the ;) smiley comes off more specifically flirty and a bit playful. Doesn’t seem to change much there.

“if i find a good chance 2 hook u up ill do my best ;)”

The bane of my teenage existence. It’s a more old school sign of laughter, rarely seen in today’s world due to falling out of favor and becoming associated with, “LOL Rawr XD Tacos I’m So Randoom,” culture. But time to time you do see it. Mostly with sarcasm but sometimes with genuine intentions.

“xDddddDDD

It was a good joke. XD”

A character using it genuinely comes off more playful, and to me, personally, as an older person who’s genuinely unaware of the associations with the smiley itself trying to show how they laughed without using LOL.

Letter/Character smilies

Y’know, things like .w. and ._. or owo, where the letters or symbols make a face. These are fairly popular, it seems. I don’t like using them myself, but know a few who do use them.

"I'm sorry that they can be mean qmq”

It’s a different feel from the others. There’s something soft to it, almost a gentleness. When these or Japanese characters are used, there’s more whimsy. It’s cute and almost a bit feminine. It may convey an open person or give the impression that said person is easier to talk to.

Though honestly I can’t see uwu and owo as anything but heavily sarcastic. I’ll be honest with you.

Emojis

The first rule of Xurkitips club is that we don’t talk about Emoji Movie. Just putting that out there riiight now.

Used sparingly by most for fun and for emphasis. Characters may use them to be lighthearted, aesthetically, joke, or to make a conversation more flavorful. The use of emojis may determine a character’s personality; I find that characters who use hand emojis like 👌 are rather laid back, those who use 🙃 do it passive aggressively, and we all know what kind of person uses 🍆.

Then there’s what in common terms known as, “The DudeBro”:

[MFKNSTARBOI]: the thing i never undstood about hair is why people buy shampoo like regular soap not good enough for you LMAO 😂😂😂

[gostones]: .

[BIGDICKTOYOTA69]: what the fuck man

[ahogekun]: do... you not use shampoo

[MFKNSTARBOI]: aaaah you guys got sucked into big shampoo as well 😔

[MFKNSTARBOI]: When it comes to horses 🐎 the stars in the sky ✨ or just man to man no bullshit advice 👬 IM youre guy 😤😂

I think this one speaks for itself.

#writing advice #milo's writing advice #writing tips #CRY THROUGH😭💦💦THE PAIN😢😩😩BUT KEEP GOING👀💯💪THE HUSTLE 😈👌NEVER ENDS🕛🕧🕟🚫STUDENT ATHLE

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guardmesherlock-rowan · 6 years

Text

Monster Mash up GMS

MC was settling in, the blanket pulled around her, a happy movie playing on her tv, a warm mug in her hands when her phone buzzed. It was from Sherlock. MC raised an eyebrow at it, he had insisted that she was not to bother them tonight. That they had previous Halloween plans that sadly did not include her. However now a strange next with an address sits in her inbox from Sherlock. As she prepares her question she receives another.

“It is important to me that you come to this address.”

[link for more on mobile]

The Mansion was enormous. Bigger than it seemed when she was driving up. The cab left very quickly after she paid, leaving her seemingly alone. MC entered with her she had grabbed an overnight bag, who knows with Sherlock what kind of case he would be working on and if they would be here over night; presumably so by how he had rebuked her efforts to make plans for after his. “Sherlock?” It was her first Halloween with them since they had helped her solve that little murder party hiccup, several months had passed and she found herself good friends with everyone. So she had been excited to spend Halloween with them.

She had been ready to accept that she wouldn’t be able to get to do what she wanted when even George insisted that she stay home, that is was a ‘guy’s night’. So the invite was a pleasant surprise, though troublesome. Even more so as she walked the halls, calling out for Sherlock, John, George, anyone, and was met with silence.

“Guys?” Anxiety that she was trespassing crept up her spine. Maybe it wasn’t too late to call another cab. .

“MC?” Mycroft’s voice wafted from over her shoulder. “What are you doing here?” His warm eyes slowly drifted up and down her person as she turned to face him.

“Sherlock asked me here, see?” She held up the phone, letting him inspect it and double check the phone number listed.

“So it seems he did... but you really shouldn’t be wandering around here alone. It isn’t safe.” His hand brushed against the small of her back directing her in the direction she had just come. It was there for the briefest of moments before he took a step away from her, coughing lightly into his hand. “Does anyone know you’re here?”

“Well there’s Sherlock... but I wouldn’t thought he’d have told everyone before asking me to come.”

“Yes he would’ve.” Mycroft lead MC into a large room, primarily filled with a long table with only a third of the seats available filled with people she knew. Though it was surprising to see even the ‘M’ group so close to everyone, John and Jack were even sitting next to each other. Glancing around the room the only people missing where Hercule and Mikah.

“MC? My dear it is a pleasure to see you again, but why are you here?” Jeremy was the first to stand up from the table, rushing to her side, his blue green eyes swimming with confusion as he smiled at her.

“Did Sherlock not tell anyone?”

Sherlock stared at her curiously, “me?” His coat was hanging behind his chair, he checked the pocket and pulled out a phone. After a few moments his eyes narrowed, “this isn’t mine.”

“I wonder how this happened?! That seems to be my phone, but that must mean...” James Moriarty gaped wide eyed at the phone, “it seems I sent MC that message from your phone by accident.”

“Accident?” John leaned across Jack to yank the phone out of James’s hand.

“Of course I would never ever ask such a fragile little robin into such a dangerous place such as this... but since she is here I guess it’s up to me to make sure she stays safe. Isn’t that right gentlemen?” James grinned at everyone as he sauntered up to MC, wrapping an arm around her shoulders.

“Dangerous? I don’t...” MC shook her head, barely noticing as something slipped over her head, weighing heavily on her chest. Looking down she say a perfume cage necklace. The porous stone inside seemed to give us a sweet but smokey odor. Even though it wasn’t unpleasant Mycroft winched a little taking a step away from her.

“There we go, safe as a box of kittens.” James shifted her hair to have the chain flat against her neck, he ran his hands along the metal, and it seemed like he would follow the chain all the way down to the pendant when Jeremy coughed a warning.

“What would this keep me safe from?” MC chuckled at their strange and peculiar behavior.

“Monsters of course!” James smiled briefly, stepping quickly out of the way as George attempted to push him. Leaving him to stagger momentarily in front of MC.

“I could’ve done that too!” George exclaimed glaring at James. “It doesn’t take a master to create a protection charm.”

“No, but I’m sure everyone else feels more at ease with the sunsetting knowing that I made that mix instead of you.”

“Hey!” MC chided James, “I don’t know what’s going on here, but please don’t pick on George like that.”

“It’s okay MC, I know what he means, and I guess he’s right. Even I wouldn’t be confident in my ability to protect you.” George clamped a hand down on her shoulder.

“Protect me from what?”

“Us.” John barely whispered the word, but it carried in the silence. From the big windows at the end of the room the setting sun cast the room in shades of orange and red. In the strange light it seemed like everyone features shifted, exaggerated. George and James stood on either side of her, watching the others who all seemed to watch and stare at MC. While being used to having attention on her when on stage, or even when having a discussion, it was hard to know where to look.

She turned to Jeremy who was still particularly close and wondered what that bruising color was along his neck and hairline. He flinched, a look of anguish on his face as his hand flew up to his ear. In that motion it looked like his nails were sharper, and was that webbing between his fingers?

A strange jolt passed through MC as she glanced at them all again. Mycroft was breathing heavily as he stepped out of the room, loosening his tie. John and Jack stretched their jaw in an uncomfortable manner. Sebastian pulled his hood up higher. Quickly MC passed James in her rush to the window. She pulled on the cord, dropping the heavy drape and blocking out the colors of the setting sun. Only a lamp in the corner indicated any electricity, the rest of the hall was lit by candle light as MC turned at took the in the sight. Most of the guys had turned away from her, trying to hide their faces. All except Sherlock who watched her closely as she neared the group.

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you.” George pleaded. “Let’s just get you set up in a room for the night and we can all talk about this in the morning, yeah?”

MC glanced around, finishing up to set her eyes on James, “why did you text me?”

“It seemed such a shame not to share this night together, plus if you are going to spend time with us I thought it would only be fair if you knew the truth.” He smiled looking over her shoulder, MC didn’t have to turn to know he was looking at Sherlock.

“What’s the truth then? And if everything is so dangerous why did you bring me here.”

“Don’t worry, I will protect you from the monsters. I don’t want to ever lie to you MC, so here we are. Truth time.”

“Monsters?”

“Like us.” Jack murmured the words, leaning as close as he could. MC jumped, leaning away from him as he flashed what looked to be fairly long fangs in her direction. “Now... as long as you wear that, we can only get so close to you even without malicious intent, but if you take it off tonight... I don’t think anyone could make any promises on how tempting it would be to snatch you up.” Jack pointed at the charm that James gave her.

“Jack leave her be and get over here.” John shouted across the room, his usually emerald eyes seemed to glow red that she could see even at a distance. John lifted some sort of cooler he had sitting next to his chair. “MC, please go with George. We have some things to take care of before we can talk about this any further.”

“Very funny.” MC rolled her eyes, “are you guys really going to pull a practical joke like this? But I do admit, the quick make up change is amazing.” MC approached Jeremy, amazed at the fin like ear he was now sporting. She reached up to touch it, the material felt so real under her fingers. Suddenly she heard the zap and saw Jeremy jump.

His raised his hands away from her hips, he had been reaching out to grab her when a sudden shock sparked between her fingers and his ear. “Right right, no touching. But i’m afraid this is all very real MC. Those two are vampires.” He indicated towards John and Jack, she could see John trying to keep Jack from opening the box. “Mycroft is a.. sorta vampire...” Jeremy searched for the right words.

“So what, Sherlock’s also a vampire?”

“We don’t know what he is to be honest.”

“I’m normal.”

“So you say.” Jeremy chuckles as Sherlock looked mildly offended. “Sebastian is a werecat. Go ahead and show her the ears!” Sebastian stood up and walked out of the room using a door at the very end.

“Don’t worry about him,” James stepped up, pulling her into a side hug. “How about I show you to my room and I’ll catch you up there?”

“Your room?” George pushed his way between them.

“And what about you two?”

“Idiots. Morons who don’t know how to keep quiet about secrets.” Sherlock shouted from across the room.

“Wizards, they’re wizards.” Jeremy smiled taking it upon himself to translate for her. “And I’m a merman.”

“Uh huh. So you guys get together on Halloween and roleplay? Okay I guess that can be fun.” MC chuckled at their silliness, shaking her head. “But I should probably go put my things in a room.” She held up her bag.

“Let me show you.” George offered her his arm, and as she reached out for it Sherlock stepped in between them.

“It is my family’s estate, I can show her to a room.”

“Oh your family owns this?” It was hard to keep the surprise off of her face as she wrapped her arm with Sherlock’s. Though it would be hard to guess if what he would say was truth, or all part of the roleplay.

He smiled, leading her out, “for quiet some time now.”

MC glanced behind her as the door started to swing shut, still giving her a glimpse into the room as John let Jack throw open the color, pulling out a pouch designed to look like blood. She didn’t take them for the types to really get into character like this.

(sadly I had to cut it off here as my carpal tunnel is acting up, please let me know if this is a story you’d like me to continue in the future)

#secret monsters au #guard me sherlock #halloween #sherlock holmes #john watson #james moriarty #mycroft holmes #Sebastian Moran #Jack Stillman #Jeremy cassell #george lestrade #vampires #wizards #werecat #mercreature #merfolk

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aussadstuff · 5 years

Text

My thoughts. Part One.

Before we get started, this isn’t me deciding I want to die. This is me deciding to vent to the world. Take my words with a grain of salt, or a pound for a pound. If you’re struggling through the same things I am, I encourage you to continue. Continue to live. You may not realize it, but you have someone. If you’re here because you’re lost. You’ve lost the person you’ve cared most for, for a certain amount of time. Keep going. Not keep looking through blogs. Keep living through life. I know it’s hard. I’m going through it right now as we speak. I dated this boy. We’ll call him Sebastian, not because that’s his name, but to make it harder for the people I don’t want to worry about me to find this and worry. Sebastian and I were dating for a little over a month. I’ve learned many, many times that I fall too hard, too fast. We knew each other for a month maybe two before we decided to go out. We lived thousands of miles apart. We met through an anime roleplay group, I played the punk disaster lesbian, he played the sparkling, joyful, dumb blonde. We both were in relationships with rare-pairs (Meaning our characters were in a relationship that wasn’t well liked in the fandom). I wasn’t meaning to fall for him. We started talking over the channels voice chat, while he got into cosplay. He was cosplaying one of my favorite characters, a character I also have a cosplay of. I heard his voice for the first and my first thoughts weren’t “oh. This is a new person whose voice I don’t yet recognize” like I do with most. Instead, as I sat there, listening to him talk about his cat, his makeup, even his mom, I thought to myself. “This... This is the voice of a boy who has to be attractive. His voice is adorable and I don’t think I would mind falling asleep to it, every evening.” I never, NEVER voiced this thought before we were dating. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying I regret saying or thinking what I did. Nor do I regret the things I feel to this very day. I guess what I am trying to say about this, isn’t that you should regret what you had, not when it made you so happy at the time. I’ve always had self-worth issues, things that I find horrible about myself, my voice, my appearance, even the things I say sometimes. But Sebastian never once made fun of me, not for a single thing. Instead, he helped me. He helped build me up, see myself as something better than I used to think. I was feeling confident, I was feeling pretty, I was feeling like I could do anything I wanted like I could walk the thousands of miles between us and see him, and he would still welcome me with open arms. Sebastian taught me some French, along with the help of our mutual friend Alex. Alex helped me learn how to not only spell flirty things in French but also how to pronounce things, like “J’adore toi, mon citrouelle.” Which is I adore you, my pumpkin. It hurts me to write that, even now.

Let’s go back to how it started. He sent pictures of himself in cosplay, and I instantly got a crush, but I again never voiced this. For the longest time, I thought he was strictly gay. I don’t remember now if he was bi or pan or demi, but he was one of those. He was several years younger than me. I’m a senior in American high school (So, grade 13 I believe for everyone else. I could be wrong though) and he is a freshman in the American school system (So. Grade 10 I believe? But again I could be wrong). One day, no one else was able to get into the group voice cat, at least not for long, the others would pop in and out depending on what they were doing. He convinced me (though it wasn’t all that hard with that sickeningly sweet voice of his) to cosplay the older brother of the one he was cosplaying. This was the first time we were completely alone together, talking by ourselves. I had fun, even as I probably poisoned myself a little by putting acrylic paint straight onto my skin, near my lips and my eyes. We started calling just about daily after that, and one day, the subject of original characters (or ocs for those who don’t know) was brought up. I jokingly mumbled something about having 20 plus underdeveloped characters for this particular series. He was almost like thrilled to hear about them. For about 3 nights I made up personalities and headcanons on the spot, reasons why they were with who they were, what their past was, etc, etc. All because he was excited and I thought he sounded adorable. I knew then that I wanted to help him stay happy. It wasn’t until one night roughly a month and a couple of days that I, in a half-awake, very flirty state, when we were getting ready for bed. I was flirty and in my half-awake state decide that I should tell him how I feel. So, I said, “Oh and one last thing Sebastian/If you were into girls/And given the chance I would date you in a heartbeat/Therefore You are attractive/You are worth it/You are perfect just as you are.” It wasn’t until the next morning I was made aware of his feelings as well. I won’t quote him, because even looking for what I said hurt me. Seeing the endless messages between us roll past. I’m the friend that tells everyone that they love them, and at some point in time I realized that when I said it to him, I meant it.

If I had the chance? I would take it back. Not because I regret what I said, no I meant every word of admiration I spoke, every loving thought I had, all of it was true. I just want want to take it back so I could have avoided the pain and the sorrow I currently feel. He broke up with me but mere days ago. It has taken quite the toll on me. I’ve had trouble eating, sleeping, I’ve even had trouble keeping liquids down. I still love him. I do. But my mind is stuck in three places. Wishing I never admitted how I felt, Wishing I fought the breakup or convinced him to stay, or Wishing he never went to France. Sebastian left for France for a French Class trip. We were coping with the time zone difference. While it was 4 p.m. here, it was nearly midnight there. We were doing the best we could with what we had. However... Things changed. Not in days time, not with my notice, but it changed. Abruptly. The day after the Notre Dame fire, he left me. He didn’t die. He just... dumped me. Now, please bear in mind, I asked him when we started dating if the distance between us would be an issue. He said he didn’t care. He wanted to be with me. Well, along those lines at least. The point was that he okay with the distance. But the day after Notre Dame burned, he left me This next thing will be the only thing I quote him on in this entire blog. “I am so greatful to have you in my life and i love and appreciate you so so much, not being able to see you in real life is hard, and I miss you all the time, but i don't know what I'm missing because I can't see you, and that sucks so so fucking much I've been thinking I miss you because I haven't been able to talk to you as much but it feels the same even though I am thousands of miles away. I need you to know that being with you has made me so so happy but as a relationship not being able to see you makes this so hard and I think I'm too in love with you to stay in this relationship because it hurts to much” I cannot stress how much this one message hurt me. I read it over and over and over until I could’ve recited it from heart, assuming my now broken and deflated heart was still able to function. But my anxiety, the only thing that had given me a small heads up when he texted “we need to talk” (Okay so maybe I’ll quote him some more), wouldn’t let me sleep. Not until I knew the real reason. People don’t break up because they are “too in love to stay”. So I texted him, crying in the middle of the night, hoping to god he just ignored it so I wouldn’t have to cry as I saw his name flash on my screen.

I texted, “I know this probably isn't what you want to see when you wake up and I understand but... I just gotta know... Is that really why you don't want to be together anymore? Or was it something I did? Something I said? I know I'm being a bother and annoying but... This has been nagging me for hours and my anxiety just won't let it go. I'm sorry. I'm not gonna try to get back with you. I understand that you weren't happy and You're doing what's best for you but. I just gotta know. I'm sorry.” To which he responded before the night was even over, “[Au] nothing you ever did was remotely wrong in any way, and yes that's the only reason why, you don't have to be sorry, something about seeing how easily things can be destroyed and coming to France I don't know it was just terrible having to see that, I was so happy with you, so so happy, it's just is realizing that a long distance relationship isn't sustainable for me”. Please, don’t take this and think that Sebastian was a horrible person. He wasn’t he was sweet and amazing and by far one of the best boyfriends I’ve ever had. I guess in the end. This isn’t me telling you my thoughts.

This is me, trying to figure out why. Why I let myself be lead on. Only to be hurt in the very end, because of some accident, some error that occurred during the construction of a building nearby.

Why if it was an issue to him, why didn’t it bother me, someone who love cuddles. Who wants to be held. Who wants affection from their significant other. Why was I okay with it? Why was I perfectly fine with sacrificing all of my favorite things from relationships to be with him. Why could I cope but he couldn’t? Why could I tell people that I wasn’t interested in a relationship because I was in one if in the end I was left for something I tried to make sure wouldn’t be an issue? Why I’m hurting so bad, when I never knew what his affectionate touch felt like, what a passionate kiss tasted like, what irregular patterns his heart would beat as we laid together sounded like, the way his eyes light up when he gets excited looks like, what really loving him, giving my all to him, and him giving his all to me felt like.

Why do I feel like I’m drowning in sorrow?

When I never got to drown in his physical and emotional love at the same time.

Why do I still yearn for him to come back, asking to have me again, saying that he was wrong and he can’t live without me? Why do I still crave to see a voice message from him, telling me he loves me, speaking to me in that dumb freaking language I learned for him? Why do I still want to record love songs and send them to him, despite hating the sound of my own voice? Why do I still want to be able to fall asleep and know that he is mine, and I am his? Why do I still want to make plans for the future, knowing that we no longer have one? Why do I still want to know what his arms feel like wrapped around me as we lay in bed together, ignoring the morning rays of light for just a few more minutes together? Why do I still hurt even though I’ve been through so much? Why can’t I catch a break? Why do I still want to message him, begging, pleading, doing anything I can to get him back, even though I physically shake trying to hold my tears in because I know it’s never going to happen? Why is he still all I can think about when I know I should loathe, want nothing to do with him, why I still love him? Why I still love him even though he hurt me so much? Why I can’t help but sit here and hope and pray he never sees this and never realizes he is Sebastian, because I don’t want him to know everything I’m thinking about this? Why I can’t help but tear up thinking that maybe he does, and it hurts him just as much as he hurt me? That I want to hide this from him, so he can find the person he wants, he needs and be with them so that maybe his life with them is better than anything he could’ve had with me? Why did I share so much? Why did I tell him about my issues, about my fears?

Why did I tell him about my fears, but not the one I’m living in now. The fear of being utterly left, broken and shattered of what I once was. Holding up a mirror to those unsuspecting people, who think I’m okay. That I’m just a little down because I’m trying to move on. That I have cried every day since it happened and I loathe crying almost more than I loathe myself. That every night I’ve been so tempted to take all of the military grade muscle relaxers so that my heart doesn’t kill me from the pain I am in. So that I don’t die of a broken heart.

Why did I let him in?

Why did I open myself up to this pain?

Why does the color of his hair, the color he loved so much, hurt me still to think about and breaks my heart all over again every time I see it?

Why do I still want him to be mine? Even though I would never want him to come back to me if it meant him not being happy. Why would I still give up everything I own to see him in real life? Why I would give up my soul for just one chance that I know wouldn’t last? Why I would give anything to hear him mutter that same stupid phrase, using my full name just one more freaking time?

All I want to hear is...

“J’adore toi tellement, [Full First name].”

One last time.

I guess that’s all for now.

Until next time,

~Au

#trigger warnings #suicide tw #depression tw

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today-tomorrow-thedayafter · 7 years

Text

Close Call

a little face time

Hello Mr. Magazine

1 Sep 2016

Text by NIKOLAS MALONE

“Hey,” he says between strangled breaths. “You still there?” “Yeah! Yeah. Yes.” He grunts and seems content with this answer.

“My parents aren’t home and my room is super dark so you probably can’t see me jerking off, but I promise I am, and I wish you were here fucking me right now,” I whisper while I text my friends and tweet about the dream I had the other night where I cut off my fingertips with kitchen scissors and found baby carrots instead of bones.

It is five-hundred-thousand fucking degrees in my room. He’s breathing heavily into the receiver and has been asking rhetorical questions for the last 15 minutes. He begged me to FaceTime him while he jerked off and I obliged, initially because I wanted to call his bluff but then his dick was out and there was no turning back. My pants are off more instinctively than anything else. I somehow feel guilty for not wearing sexier underwear for the occasion. I lose track of his grunted promises to hold me down and make me his “bitch” while I examine the plaid on my stupid briefs, which I am confident came in a pack of five or more. “Yeah? Yeah? Yeah?” “Fuck yeah. I can’t wait for you to cum. I love how you sound when you cum.”

He moans and I think to myself, I am the most creative person of all time and no one is out of my league.

Eventually Twitter bores me and I close my eyes, folding my hands on my chest like a pharaoh in a sarcophagus, listening to all the things he would “do to me.” It was sloppy and there wasn’t a lot of continuity – one second he was fucking me in his bed, then in his dad’s office, then his friend was watching us at the movie theater, then we were college roommates.

“Aren’t you glad you lucked out and got assigned a roommate who wanted to fuck you so bad?”

“Oh, fuck yeah, thank God. I don’t even have to worry about finding a good time to masturbate!”

Still, his shaking voice made every sexual promise feel meaningful. He sounded sad, almost pensive, like he was reaching into the deepest corners of his mind to give himself to me. Despite this, I continued glancing over to see him jerking off – relentlessly, angrily, violently. It wasn’t even him – just a dick being jerked off across the length of my phone. An unknown, mysterious dick.

We started talking during a brief stint with mono – two weeks of bedrest in my empty home. Relieved to be away from school but lonely and desperate for attention – my mom had stopped

responding after the 40th corgi picture I sent her – I took to Tinder to have my ego stroked for the better part of the five hours I spent awake each day. He was my third match, and his profile included pictures of him passionately playing a tambourine. His middle name was Grant, which I informed him was the last name of my favorite president, whom I also thought was hot. He was fresh out of college, and as such, had a laundry list of corny pickup lines and sly little tactics to get guys to sleep with him. He asked if he could call me (because texting felt impersonal and he was a romantic), he was in-between jobs (but had just stripped and redone an entire apartment and made some joke about how good he was with tools), and told me that he “loved my mind,” which almost fooled me until I remembered that the most revealing thing I had shared with him was that my favorite president was Ulysses S. Grant. “Hey,” I say a little coldly. “Yeah?” “We should try something.” “What should we try?” “You should call me.” “I’m on the phone with you right now, what the fuck are you talking about?”

“No, like, you should call me call me. Like a phone call. You can’t see me, I can’t see you, we just talk to each other.”

“You want to have phone sex? How very 90s of you.”

“Yeah, I mean, it’ll be like having sex blindfolded, you have to rely on all your other senses.” He laughs. “Except I’m not there with you, so we can’t rely on any of our senses except one,” I work hard to convince him in a low whisper. He’s silent for a second. “What if I want to see you cum?” “Yeah, but like, think about it, what’s really that great about cum?” “Okay, I’ll call you.” He hangs up and the void his dick leaves is filled with a heavy silence.

The break between our two calls sends me into a sweaty panic. I have made a huge mistake and should not have done this. I consider the consequences of declining his call and all of his horny follow-up calls and emojis. Would he text me? Would he hunt me down? How difficult is it to really block somebody’s number? Before I can rationalize any of my thoughts my phone is vibrating and sending earth-shaking tremors through my mattress and body. His contact picture flashes on the screen – he looks sweet and unassuming, frozen in time with his tambourine in hand forever. I answer the call. “Hello?” “Hey.” “So… how are you doing?” I ask, and immediately feel stupid. He laughs, either out of kindness or horniness, but I appreciate it either way.

“I’m just thinking about getting you and that tight little body alone, all to myself.”

Almost instantly my mind starts racing. He has to be making fun of me. Are we doing roleplay or something? There is nothing tight nor little about my body – both he and the thighs I squeeze into my skinny jeans know it. Angered, I decide to fuck with him back.

“Maybe I don’t want you to have me alone. Maybe I know that your average-sized cock can’t please me like I need it to.”

“Oh, really?” His voice dips into a low grumble.

“Well how about I hold you down by your neck and your mouth while I fuck you. We’ll see what you have to say for yourself when all you can feel is oh-so-average, won’t we?”

It is five-hundred-thousand fucking degrees in my room and I hate myself and I hate him. I spit into my hand loudly. “Ohh, shit, was that you spitting for me? You playing with your dick now? You like being held down?”

“Yep,” I say nonchalantly, wiping cold saliva across my chest.

“I could never be a poly gay,” I tweet. “I’d always feel like I was a contestant on the Bachelor and that’s just not a level of stress I can handle.”

I begin dozing off to each rhythmic, breathy grunt. Falling asleep to the sound of him jerking off is like falling asleep to a storm. If I zone out hard enough, his moans are like thunder, and his words sound like rain, rain that is threatening to “destroy my ass” and wants me to call it daddy. Soon, my eyelids flutter. The next morning I wake up to a text message.

The emojis paired with his name are the flame and the construction worker. “Nice.” it reads. I am too mortified to reach out to him for a week.

He accidentally butt-FaceTimes me on Thanksgiving. (The logistics of a butt-FaceTime are beyond me, but I swear to God it happened.) I answer and don’t hang up for a very long time. I hear his family, or his friends, maybe. Apparently it’s his job to make the crescent rolls for the table and he’s about to go out and buy the dough. In a moment of strange empathy, I decide that I owe him. From his pocket, as he walks through the grocery store, I detail my most private, vile and disgusting sexual fantasies and desires for him in a whisper that he’ll never know. I tell him everything I’d let him do to my body while I hear him ringing up $20.40 worth of crescent rolls. Of course it was crescent rolls – just enough commitment to the holiday with just the right amount of culinary inadequacy. He was just like me. Satisfied, I hang up.

Several weeks later, in the middle of the night, I get lonely enough to give him a surprise call.

“Haven’t heard from you in a while,” he teases. “And you know nothing good ever happens after midnight.”

“What choice did I have? I couldn’t stop thinking about you.”

“Something tells me you just can’t stop thinking about me after dark. Which is fine. Why don’t you come over tomorrow and we can give you what you want?”

I close my eyes and think about the guy who bought the crescent rolls.

“That sounds like fun,” my lips going through the flirtatious motions. “It will be fun.” “Tomorrow it is then.” “Just shoot me a text. Or send a picture if you’re up to the challenge.”

I muster a half-chuckle and the line drops out. His voice is gone but his little portrait that I screenshotted, cropped, and edited from Tinder remains, and his eyes follow. I let the warm glow of his contact picture light up my face, inhaling the manicured mess of hair, the cigarette perched in his mouth, the stupid fucking tambourine.

I exhale and block his number.

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