#what a great day for me to remember that my most beloved ao3 fic is about trans!edward elric getting the love and support he deserves | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

xticklemeemox · 4 months

Text

The Love You Want: II, part one.

Summary:

II wanted to be acknowledged. To be seen for all the effort he puts into every part of his life. Sleep offers him that

Asks him to become a vessel, the Second.

Asks him to fulfill the wish of their First, Vessel, his wish to be loved.

There was something about Vessel that drew II in, like a moth to a flame. Finding out just how damaged Vessel is doesn't make II run, it makes him want to stay.

Part two of The Love You Want series, detailing II's acceptance of Sleep and transformation into a Vessel, and just how quickly the two came to care for each other.

They were destined for it, to love and be loved in return, and no amount of hesitation or fear on Vessel's part could stop the entwining of their souls.

Tags: hurt/comfort, self-harm, mutual pining, implied/referenced past domestic abuse, implied referenced past parental neglect, religious themes, suicide, murder, self-worth issues, Vessel Has A Bad Time™️, so does II but he's got Vessel =D, Temporary Character Death, eventual polyvessels. Eventual II/Vessel.

Ngl this fic was supposed to be more slow burn than this but II said nuh uh I will be loving and adoring Vessel and if anything happens to him I will kill everyone in this room and then myself

Word count: 10,223

Masterlist

Part one

Link to ao3:

Fic under the cut

They came to him in a dream as he was teetering on the edge of life and death.

He remembered choking, gasping for breath as his own blood bubbled past his lips as he coughed it up and back onto himself. There was a knife in his chest, his wallet nowhere to be seen. He hurt, knees bruised and palms scraped as his lungs burned with a fire he'd never felt before. A bruise blossoming along his jaw and the back of his head felt... wet. Darkness at the edge of his vision encroaching quickly. His life before this had been mundane, working a job he hated and focusing on his drumming hobby in his free time. Cutting through an alley to get home faster had cost him his life, but he was so tired, eager to get home after his boss kept him overtime promising to pay, when he knows the man just likes to see him suffer and not pay him his dues. He didn't let that stop him from fighting tooth and nail against his robber though, hopes they have to go to the hospital for the broken jaw and nose, and the teeth marks in his arm. Maybe he would've lived another day, but there's no point in dwelling on it now. He's dead, or close to it anyway.

They came to him. Asked him to be born anew as he floated in a vast expanse of stars, weightless as Their voice echoed around him, an amalgamation of every voice he had ever heard. "Will you be my vessel through which my message will be spread? I can give you everything you've ever wanted, if you accept me into your mind, your body, and your soul."

"You want me to be your vessel? To spread your message? Who are you? What about my cat Elvira? I can't leave her, she's my beloved pet." He raises an eyebrow, looking around him at the beauty of the stars as a small sense of wonder flows through him.

"I am Sleep, though that is not my true name. It cannot be spoken by any era of your race, ancient as it is. I suppose you can keep your so-called pet, though I do not understand its purpose."

"Sleep? Like, literal sleep?" Theres a pause, "Why do you want me?"

"In truth, I want you to be a companion of my first Vessel. Your musical abilities and loving soul wrapped in steel drew me in, and you would make an almost perfect fit as a vessel of mine. Alas, I did not need more than one Vessel, so I chose the most perfect one, my First vessel. But, he has experienced a great deal of pain in his life. In exchange for being my Vessel, my First, he has asked to be loved. With your help, I will give him the love of the world through his music in which he worships me and brings new followers. I will gain more worshippers from this, ultimately, with more than one of you. Admittedly, I have endeavored to grant his wish on a more personal level."

"What, so I'm going to help your first vessel with his music career and in return gain, what, exactly? What do I get out of this?"

"What is your wish?"

Thinking on it, the answer comes to him easily with a tilt of his head. "I wish to be acknowledged for my talents, I suppose."

"I can grant you that in more ways than one. Through your worship, yourself and my vessel will gain fame and prosperity. I foresee many worshippers will love you for your talents. My vessel will know your skill, adept in music as he is. His nature, his experiences, will allow him to acknowledge your talents and the effort you put into every part of your life."

"Why do you want to help this first vessel of yours so much anyway? You seem confident that he will acknowledge me. Not many in my life ever have."

"I cannot understand pain. I do not feel it, cannot even imagine it. I am hoping as his companion, you, and eventually some others, will love him in whatever capacity you all can. He has never once been loved in his short life, broken down by those who were supposed to love him, and in his despair ended his life, bringing him to me. You're a caring soul who can help him take care of himself, and he needs that most of all. There is no question of the lengths he will go to be loved."

"Show me him." He decides, warming up to the idea quickly.

He was alone in his apartment with just his cat for company. His last relationship ended amicably, but there was always something missing from every one he'd ever had. Maybe this way he won't be so alone.

"Very well."

The expanse around him shrinks down to a small galaxy in front of him, and in that swirling void of stars, a moving image forms. A masked man sits on the floor, leaned against a wall. No part of his face is visible but there is a mess of dark hair spilling out over the sides of the mask. Something hypnotizing about him, pulling him under with every passing moment. There is a pen and journal in his hands, and as the man watches Vessel, he can hear a beautiful, sad tune being hummed. Then, he begins to sing quietly, the lyrics on the paper before him forming a haunting melody.

"The daylight recedes in unison, this room buries the hours like death in motion, nobody else can pull me out, the fields of elation, quiet and loamy~"

His voice is gorgeous, bouncing off the walls with its strength and control. There is despair clawing it's way out from his throat, overcast by the bitter hope, golden tears dripping from the bottom of the mask. The first vessel lifts it enough for his lips to show and a shaky exhale falls from the onlookers lips as pale skin and bitten lips are revealed to him.

Angel bite piercings glint in the fading sunlight as the mask is put back in place. There's an aching in his soul, as though some part of him calls out to the sad man sitting all alone in a bare room, singing with the most beautiful voice he has ever heard.

Unable to look away, even as the image fades, the man speaks his answer before the God has any chance to say anything. There's something drawing him in. Something about that man. He has never felt anything like it, and wants to know him. He has to. Something in him demands it. Craves it. Aches for him. He would consider it scary if it didn't feel so right.

"I accept. I will become your second vessel. What do I have to do?"

The universe around him changes. Within a blink, he is laying on a beach. Sand surrounds him and sticks to his messy hair as he sits up quickly. The waves nearby are loud, crashing onto shore gently and receding. The sky above him is cloudy, dark masses swirling above and across the grey expanse, just barely visible in the night. Above him, a large moon hangs, its glowing rays never touching the ground he sits upon, like a barrier stops it.

He sits in a circle of candles, their yellow flame the only illumination around.

"An offering of your blood will suffice, and in return I will grant you some of my power as I did my first."

"A blood offering? That's it?" Raising an eyebrow, he can't help but think this all seems a bit underwhelming.

He's accepting a God into his mind, body, and soul, and all they require is a little blood?

"Much of my essence was given to the First, as was required. We are not being connected in quite the same way, so the requirements are different. Blood will suffice."

"Fine, what do I do?"

An ornate plate materializes next to him, and on it, a sharp knife with a simple wooden hilt.

"Do not be alarmed, and look away before too long passes."

The moon splinters at the bottom, six black eyes blinking open at once along its surface to stare down at him. From the gaping hole still slowly splintering apart, dark tendrils emerge, thick masses that taper down to a point, and they head right towards him. He only watches for a moment, looking away, down at the sand, like Sleep ordered. He wonders if his mind would have survived looking any longer.

"Offer every bit of blood you have to me. I will replace it with my essence."

"All of it? Won't that kill me?"

"You are already dead. You need to become something more than human. Do not fret, my first did the same thing."

"Did he also need to cut into his own arm and let himself bleed out?"

"No, he did not offer up his blood in the same way. If I had asked him to, he could have with ease. My first is quite used to making himself bleed."

Horror fills him at the blatant implications of what that means. He could tell the first vessel was depressed, had killed himself, but to be so in pain that he brought even more of it to himself on purpose? Steeling his resolve, he picks up the knife. This first vessel was likely going to continue following a dark path, and he wants to help steer him from it. His soul demands it.

He's shaking as he brings the knife to his wrist. This is a small price to pay for the power of a God, he tries to reason with himself. He'll be granted fame and finally be acknowledged for his talents and efforts. He'll be gaining someone who will see him for who he is, accept him. Sleep promised that.

"Will I remember any of this?" He asks, wincing as the first drag of the blade up his vein stings and burns with fire.

He continues as Sleep answers, blood spilling over his arm up to his elbow before he moves on to the next arm. The tendrils snake their way around his bleeding arm, and a strange feeling emits from the limb, a tingling like the limb has fallen asleep but the pain remains.

"You will remember only that I have asked you to help bring worshippers my message by helping my first Vessel. You will tell him the same, and your wish when you accepted. You will not remember anything else. I do not understand humans, but from what I've witnessed through their dreams and nightmares, I fear that if I tell him your purpose is to love him, he will never trust you nor accept it."

"Hm, that makes sense. He might have some issues then, but I'm perfectly willing to help him with them, if he'll let me. He's- I've never seen someone radiate such bone-deep sadness before. I want to help him."

Other arm done, he can feel himself growing dizzy. Its much like when he bled to his death before being brought to this dream by the god of Sleep. It unsettles him, to be so close to that feeling again, knowing his bloodstream was emptying on purpose this time somehow making it... worse.

"That is all I can ask for. I need him alive, as connected as we are, but I want him happy. I do not understand your human emotions well, but if his soul is singing in joy, then his chances of living rise exponentially. He- Is my First Vessel, and very dear to me."

Humming, the man sinks to his knees before the offering plate, weak knees giving out on him. Through blurring vision, an apple appears on the plate as the tendrils recede. One remains wrapped around his torso to steady him as he sways. "Eat the apple of Eden, taste the divine, and accept me into your soul. When you awaken, you will be at the edge of my domain in your human lands. My first knows of your arrival."

A nod is all he can manage as he reaches forth, picking up the apple and bringing it to his lips. The texture is as any apple should be, but the juice tastes of iron, and when he pulls it away from his mouth, blood spills over onto his hand, his own blood. He continues eating. The taste is wonderful, and no food he can remember tastes anything like it. He can't imagine anything ever will.

This is the taste of the divine, and he wishes nothing more than to bask in the flavor forever, but alas the apple is soon gone, all except for the core which has a strange texture he finds he doesn't care for. It pulses gently as he sets it down and he wonders what exactly it is.

Time is... strange here, even stranger still as blood lingers on his tongue. It flows slowly, like wading through knee-high mud and yet some moments, when his mind is particularly foggy, its like a river, fast, harsh, and unrelenting in its pace.

He finds he cannot remember his name. Cannot remember the faces of his parents. His- mothers? Did he have two mothers? He did, he knows he did. What did they look like? The image of them smiling at him slips from his grasp as he tries desperately to hold on. No, he can't remember. Can't recall any of his childhood friends, or his drumming teacher, he can't remember anything except his cat, and the pain of every failed relationship, be it platonic or romantic. The pain of no one ever acknowledging how much time and effort, blood and tears, went into perfecting his drumming, of- of how deeply he tried, with his entire being,, heart and soul, at everything he's ever done in his life.

Vision darkening, he falls back, the tendrils letting him go with no amount of gentleness. Tears spill from his eyes, but he can't tell if they're from sadness or joy, the mix of emotions swirling inside him like that galaxy he floated in before.

"Rest now, II. When you wake, you must find I and my manor."

Slipping away into sleep, his name, his title, his position, sticks out.

Two. II.

When II awakens, who he was before ceased to be. He couldn't remember his name. The faces of his mothers. Of his boss who used to torment him day in and day out. Couldn't remember the face of the man who killed him for his wallet and the $20 bill inside. He remembered the pain, the agony, the fear. II remembered accepting Sleep, what they offered to him. Fame, recognition for just how much of himself he puts into everything he does.

A meow reaches him, a weight on his chest becoming apparent as his mind fully wakes up. Blinking his blue eyes open, II comes face to face with his fluffy black cat Elvira. She sits on his chest, her own face up close to his. Meowing again, she rubs her head against his chin and he holds her close as he sits up. On one side of him is a vast forest, and on the other a small, beat up old car sits, behind it a road leading off into a clearer space. The sun is low in the sky, the sunset casting brilliant colors of red, orange, and pink over the canopies above him.

A mask sits in his lap, a simple black cloth material with a strange symbol, Sleep's he realizes, printed in white over the face. Slipping it on with some difficulty while still holding Elvira, something settles in his chest. The mask feels right, like he was meant to wear it.

There is a pull in the direction of the forest, leading him off into the distance. So, II begins walking after a small glance back at the desolate car. The trees are easy enough to navigate through, but roots catch his feet every few minutes or so. At some point it was simply safer to let Elvira walk beside him rather than hold her in case he falls.

Silence surrounds him as he walks, except for the quiet sound of crunching underbrush below foot. He walks for what feels like hours, mind and body both lagging from the strain of accepting his new god, just barely managing not to fall. The light from the sun fades completely at some point, but II continues on into the darkness, following that tether in his chest. He stumbles more often, sticking closer to trees to try and balance himself. A stray root catches his foot and he goes tumbling over with a cry. Elvira meows from somewhere beside him and II closes his eyes and tries to brace for impact with his arms.

There is a cold hand on his arm, keeping him steady and helping him to his feet. Despite the unexpected touch, II's body does not jerk away in fear, nor does his mind devolve into terror. It should have, given the circumstances, but his body and mind seem to be in agreement with his very soul that sings at the touch.

The hand helps him right himself, grip strong but so gentle that II automatically leans into it just slightly. "I can see in the dark, do not fret. Come, I will lead you back to the manor."

The voice belonging to the hand is soft and soothing, calming whatever nerves had been building up in the silence. "I'm Sleep's first, my name is Vessel. Do you have a name yet?"

There is a quiet uncertainty, a hesitant fear in the other man's voice and II finds he wants to comfort him. Vessel does not need to be wary of him, and II is desperate for the man to know that.

"I've decided on II, like the number in roman numerals. This is my cat Elvira. Sleep said you would know of my arrival but I thought I was supposed to find the manor myself." II gestures lightly at himself, then around him for emphasis.

"I couldn't let you traverse this forest alone in the dark. I did, when I arrived, and it isn't pleasant alone. I walked in circles for hours, fell over every root there was, I think, before I finally found my way, though the pull in my chest tried to guide me. The walk here was much shorter this time." Vessel is quiet still, like he's afraid of being too loud, of disturbing the air around him with his voice.

His steps are quiet too, silent even, II can't even hear him or his breathing. The only indicator that the man is there at all is the gentle, guiding touch on his bicep. II should be afraid, but he isn't. He cannot even see the man, doesn't even know what he looks like. Was he given a mask like II's?

"I hope my cat doesn't bother- Oh shit, is she still following us? I can't see her." II panics, jerking his head around and squinting very hard at the ground like he'll be able to see in the dark suddenly.

"Calm down, its alright. I'm holding her in my other arm right now. A sweet thing isn't she? Not tried to bite or scratch me once."

Vessel's soothing tone, when he's actually trying to soothe, works wonders alongside his words. II laughs, calmer now, the loud sound startling Vessel into jerking back but keeping his hand steady, "Lucky you. Her name is Elvira. She bit me when I first rescued her. People don't treat black cats well, you know? Especially around Halloween. She was scared, some kids were being mean to her so I brought her home. Had to get a bunch of nasty shots to make sure I didn't get rabies. She's only a few years old."

II realizes he's rambling to this man he just met, about his cat no less. "Sorry, you probably don't care."

Vessel smiles, enjoying how the worry crinkled the edges of II's pretty blue eyes as the man realizes just how much he was talking Vessel's ears off, his hands dropping from where they were moving with his words. It's cute.

"No, it's alright. I've never had a pet. She's cute." Vessel laughs, more of a huff of air than an actual laugh, but it tilts the edges of II's lips up involuntarily anyway.

II wonders if he smiled while he did so, if his shoulders shook with the action.

"She can stay then? Sleep said it was alright." II smiles fully now, unsure.

It ends a little lopsided, endearingly enough, Vessel notices.

"Oh, yes, it's perfectly fine. We'll need to get her things though. The manor is empty. Most of the furniture was rotted or broken entirely so I threw it away. I'm sorry to say there is no bed for you or her to sleep on." Vessel sounds genuinely sorry, nervous even, like II was going to reprimand him for something that wasn't his fault.

"That's alright. This way I'll get to choose my own things! Do you have money to buy anything? I-"

II cringes, the memories of his death coming back full force, one of the only things he remembers from Before. Gasping out, II holds his chest with his free hand at the phantom pain of the knife searing into his flesh. Vessel startles, the arm on II's bicep going down to hold his hand gently out of instinct.

"Are you alright?" Vessel asks, desperate to know if II was okay despite just having met him.

Something within each of them was drawn to the other, small and unnoticeable as it was.

"I- I'm fine." II gasps out, shuddering violently, eyes going half-lidded as his vision is clouded with the sky he stared up at as he died, lost in the fear he felt,, the way the blood forced its way up his throat, burning like acid-

Vessel's hand in his brings him comfort, so he holds it tighter, hoping the other man doesn't mind. It helps ground him to the moment, walking through this silent forest with the first vessel of a God he knows next to nothing about. Vessel pauses, looking at their joined hands and up to where he knows his pulse should beat. Panic flares up like a flame in his chest, and Vessel rubs soothing circles into the palm of II's hand with his thumb to ignore it, push it down and away. II won't notice, lost as he is in his own mind, so it should be fine, Vessel assures himself desperately.

"I'm sorry." II starts as they continue walking as his shaking calms down, "I just remembered how I died... I was robbed, stabbed in the chest a couple times, I think."

Vessel strains to hear the other man as his voice goes down to a whisper, sad, with a hint of bitterness. "You never need to apologize to me for something like that. Its only natural to be haunted by your death."

II couldn't see it, but Vessel has averted his gaze, guilty eyes staring forlornly down at the fluffy cat he was holding. Nodding, assuming Vessel could see him, "How did-"

"I bled out." Vessel states, a certain unfeeling numbness to his voice that shocks II into silence.

The thumb still rubbing slow, gentle circles into his palm stills, righting itself in a proper hold, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you." II hurries to apologize, realizing that he shouldn't have asked.

"It's alright. I've had time to process and come to terms with it." Vessel lies, the guilt building up with every word.

Lying to II seems wrong, and Vessel hates that the words fell from his lips so easily. Though, Vessel supposes it isn't really a lie. Vessel has come to terms with his death, come to terms with his failure at ending his own life. This admittance lightens the guilt a bit, and Vessel breathes a little easier knowing he didn't truly lie to II.

When they reach the manor, the outside vines reach for Vessel as he passes over the threshold of the porch, the small area covered with the plants. II cannot see them, but he does feel them brush over his arm, can just barely see the outline of the manor looming above him. He's so tired, so quickly trusting of Vessel, that he doesn't even bother asking if they've arrived.

Vessel turns on the lights in the entrance hall, ducking his head momentarily as it burns his eyes, disguising it as setting down Elvira, and when he looks up, they get their first good look at each other.

Vessel's mask is startling upon first glance, but his eyes, pupiless blood red surrounded by pitch black sclera are beautiful though the eye holes are differing shapes and altogether difficult to see into. He's wearing a pair of plain black jeans with a black hoodie, the band name on it unfamiliar to II. His hair, a dark mess sitting wildly upon his head, curls around the edges of the mask and the underside of his jaw.

Vessel, taking II in, finally lets go of his hand, which he realizes is black as night. Both he and II miss the touch, neither really understanding why. II's mask sits perfectly over his nose, a piercing just barely visible under the cloth in his right nostril. The blue of his eyes are even more striking in the light. He is also much shorter than Vessel, a good few inches of height between them. His clothes are simple a t-shirt that shows off the tattoos on his arms and plain dark wash jeans, his shoes are chunky black boots and he has a multitude of silver chained necklaces of differing lengths dangling from around his neck.

They both look around the entrance hall awkwardly, suddenly realizing that they both had been staring intently at each other. Vessel decides to show II around the manor, and let him pick a room, all while explaining that they only have about twenty-one hours to get everything set up for II's transformation. Vessel warns him it will hurt greatly, but neither could've truly prepared for it.

All of the rooms are pretty bare, but II doesn't mind, Vessel explaining again but in further detail how the house had been empty of anything but dust, debris, and barely standing furniture. He listens intently as the first goes on to explain that the only lucky break they had was that each room had in-tact bed frames, a blessing from Sleep most likely.

Vessel hates how much he's speaking, sure in his belief that every word is grating on II's ears. The other man must be so annoyed with him by now. Once Vessel is done getting him settled in, he'll have to be as silent as the dead so as not to bother the Second.

II ends up picking the room closest to the upstairs sitting room, after only a brief glance into it. Elvira sits perched on the small windowsill, staring at the two men standing in the doorway. She meows once before hopping down to rub against II's leg and running off somewhere else. II laughs, and Vessel hangs on to the sound, the silence of the house dispersing with another person's presence.

The altar room is a quick affair, barren as it is. II reaches out to touch the sigil on the wall, and Vessel, leaning silently against the doorframe, shudders violently as the sensation slams into his own chest like a freight train. It wasn't painful, just- greatly uncomfortable.

Turning back around to look at the first, II manages to miss Vessel pulling himself together quickly as he gestures at the mostly bare table, "We'll need to get more candles and things for offerings. Incense maybe?"

"Yes, I figured we could get some things at the store. We should probably leave soon if we want to make it before the furniture store closes. I want to give you time to settle in before your transformation starts tomorrow." Vessel explains, eager to get II's curious eyes away from the sigil his heartbeat resides in, and II nods easily enough, understanding.

"Sure. We can head out now. I'm already feeling better than before, though I do have a headache coming on, I think." II smiles, but it falls into more of a grimace towards the end of his words.

Vessel winces, understanding entirely. The migraine he suffered before and during his transformation was the worst he had ever experienced, he is sure. He can imagine very well what II must be feeling.

With Vessel leading through the darkness with utter surety in the destination and II no longer as weak limbed as before, the walk back to Vessel's car is far quicker, merely an hour instead of the two or three it took the first time. They held hands again, for II's benefit, of course. Vessel wouldn't want the other man to stumble and twist an ankle.

It's as they get to the furniture store a while later that Vessel's anxiety rises to the surface whereas it had once been simmering just under his skin, growing steadily in strength with every mile passed.

Parking the car about halfway through the parking lot, Vessel shuts the car off and lets II begin to get out. The other man pauses, realizing Vessel wasn't coming with him.

"Are you not coming?" II asks.

Shaking his head almost rabidly,

"I can't go into a store like this. I can't, I'm sorry." Vessel pleads, eyes wide, anxiety swirling in his gut, just the thought of getting out of the car nearly too much to handle.

"Is it your eyes? The mask?" II inquires, worried now as Vessel's shaking becomes clear to him, white-knuckled grip on the steering wheel not hiding the tremor in his whole body.

Nodding, Vessel agrees, though to which one II isn't sure, so he assumes it is both. "Stores- I get- I couldn't go in by myself. Before you arrived. Sleep asked me to do all of this before you got here, but I- Fuck, fuck." Vessel's voice breaks off into a whisper, guilt eating away at his mind for even admitting this much.

II must think him pathetic, useless. All of his past partners did, his parents, and they all made sure he knew quite well. But Vessel couldn't help the way social situations made him feel like the ground was about to crumble away beneath his feet, like the entire world's eyes were on him at every moment, like everyone was laughing at him just for existing. He's fucking worthless. He can't even go into a fucking store by himself, and clearly not even with another person who is dressed almost as unusual as himself.

II, who has remained silent up until this point, trying to figure out a way to comfort Vessel, to reassure him, is kept from saying anything just yet when Vessel speaks again, and his voice is so quiet, so desperate, II's heart clenches in his chest, "Please, just- just get whatever you want. I, I can help load it on the car when you're done, I promise. I'm sorry."

"But don't you need a mattress too?"

Vessel can't bring his eyes to meet II's own, focusing instead on his hands before him. "I don't need sleep, not like you do. Sleep said so."

Frowning, putting that aside for later thought, II counters, "You still need rest Vessel, whether you sleep or not. The bed doesn't have to be just for sleeping. It's not like we have anywhere to sit right now, you need a proper bed."

Vessel winces, recognizing II's point and agreeing silently but unwilling, unable to say anything, his mouth filling with cotton. "I'll be keeping my mask on, and if anyone asks or says anything, I can answer for us. We'll say we're off to a costume party or something."

"Okay." Vessel agrees quietly, slipping the keys and card into his pocket before slowly opening up the driver door and getting out.

II walks over to his side and grabs his hand, tilting his head and gesturing with it in silent question. Nodding, Vessel licks his dry lips, each step forward feeling like a death march. Vessel woukd prefer killing himself again, he thinks, instead of being around complete strangers out in public. Especially like this.

The fluorescent lights inside the store immediately burn his eyes and Vessel cringes back, ducking his head and staring resolutely at the floor. Leading them forward, II asks quietly if he's alright. Vessel murmurs his affirmative, eyes clenched shut as a headache begins to ache right behind them.

His hands have gone numb and Vessel is glad for II holding one of them, keeping some sort of feeling in the appendage. He wonders if the other man is going to say anything about the full-body tremble he can surely feel, wonders if he'll take his hand back, shake him off, or tell him to 'stop that fucking shaking or else.' It wouldn't be new to Vessel.

II let's go of his hand only once the entire time to try out a mattress, gesturing with the other as a saleswoman comes up to them asking if they need any help. When he asks what Vessel would prefer, Vessel spirals. II's letting him choose?

II, noticing the accelerated, short breaths Vessel is taking, pulls them over to one of the dimmer sections of the store, though its hardly any darker. "Breathe, Vessel, its alright. Do you want me to just get the one I picked for both of us? I'm sorry, I didn't think your anxiety was this bad. I'd never have asked you to come in if I'd known. I thought it was just from what we were wearing, but clearly its not. I'm sorry."

II, desperately trying to comfort Vessel, takes both hands now and rubs over his palms gently, trying to soothe, to help. Vessel forces himself to nod, a few too many times, but II doesn't mind. "I'll be right back so we can get out of here. How am I paying?"

Vessel begins shaking his head back and forth as II lets go of his hands. On instinct, Vessel grabs the hem of II's shirt but jerks back away just as quickly, holding his arms close to his stomach in a protective manner. "I'm sorry. I'll go with you, just don't leave."

II's heart shatters at the desperation in Vessel's voice, how small he looks even as he towers over II. The man can see that the first Vessel is trying his best to take up as little space as possible, hunched over into himself. Glancing around, II realizes some of the workers are staring though they look away quickly when II catches them. "I won't leave, I promise. Let's get this done quickly, alright? Then we can leave."

Vessel hands over the credit card Sleep gave him, and when II takes it, Vessel looks back down to the floor, hands held close, keeping a close eye on II's boots to follow him. When the second vessel doesn't move after a moment, Vessel looks up. The corners of II's eyes are crinkled with the smile hidden mostly by his cloth mask, a hand held out in offering. Hesitantly, Vessel reaches out and takes it, marveling at the gesture despite it becoming somewhat familiar at this point.

While II talks to the saleswoman again and gets everything handled, Vessel is lost in his head, focusing on righting his breathing, on the feel of II's hand in his own, on the faint presence of Sleep in the back of his mind. Slowly, the numbness in his hands that had spread up his arms fades, his trembling slowing before stopping completely.

As the workers go to bring out the mattresses to the front of the store, II looks back at Vessel in concern. The other man has been silent, but II is glad his trembling has stopped and he's seemed to calm down. "Are you okay now?" II keeps his voice low, gentle and calm,

Vessel nods, still not meeting II's eyes and he frowns, worried. There's no way II can expect Vessel to go grocery shopping with him. "I'm sorry I made a scene."

"Oh, Vessel, you didn't make a scene. Its alright, you can't help when you have a panic attack. Its not your fault." II reassures, regretfully looking away when the workers bring out the mattresses.

"There's bungee chords in the back. We can tie down the mattresses that way." Vessel offers, rubbing over his wrist scarring and newer cuts absent-mindedly, the urge to add more growing.

They get out the bungee chords and attach the mattresses to the top of the car, it weighs it down quite a bit but thankfully not enough they can't drive anywhere. Vessel feels some of his deeper cuts reopen, but doesn't let his alarm show. He's wearing his hoodie, it'll be okay.

"We need to go to the grocery store still. I'll drive since I don't think you're in a good state to do do. My headache isn't too bad." II states when they're finished.

Vessel apologizes quickly, voice weak as he hands over the keys without question. He feels like utter shit. This trip was to get things for II so he'd have all he needed when he undergoes the transformation into a true vessel tomorrow. Its turned into him just comforting useless Vessel.

"Vessel, you don't have to keep apologizing to me for things like this. Its not your fault, and really, none of this bothers me."

Vessel nods, closing his eyes against II's burning gaze, fearing the man can tell that he is only agreeing to drop the issue. They get in the car and sit in silence while II drives further into town looking for a store that sells both food and other things. He explains that they may as well get sheets and pillows and groceries all in one go, do they can get back home faster. Vessel marvels at the way II can already call the manor home. Vessel isn't sure he's ever really had a home. A house, a place to sleep, sure, but a home? Never.

Vessel expects II to have him go into the store with him again, but is surprised when he declines and II only smiles and asks him if there was anything he wanted. "Thats alright, I'll pick out some new things for us to try then. I'll be right back."

Only when Vessel is sure II is gone does he let himself cry. Silent sobs shake his shoulders, small breaths are all he can manage and Vessel really just wants to hurt, but he refrains. He can wait until they get back to the house and get II's things set up. He can, he has to. Vessel doesnt even want to think about what II would say if he saw Vessel ripping into his own skin with his nails.

'I had a fucking panic attack after going into a furniture store! A furniture store!' Vessel thinks hysterically to himself, loathing beating away at his brain as his sharp nails dig into his thighs through his jeans. His masked forehead rests against the dash while he waits for II to come out. He feels terrible, like a burden. Worthless, no, even less than that. II is going to leave, without a doubt. If he doesn't, then surely he will ask Sleep to rid themselves of his presence. Vessel isn't that important, his God could easily find other vessels.

Sniffling, Vessel lifts his mask to wipe away tears, and sits in silence until II returns, around an hour later. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you wait so long." II says as he opens the drivers side back door, stuffing a multitude of bags inside that he seemingly carried out by himself.

"You're fine, did you get what all you wanted and needed?" Vessel asks, and hopes II doesn't notice about the voice crack.

"Yeah! Bedsheets, a few blankets, a first aid kid, a few shirts for me and hopefully a couple that'll fit you, and some other essentials like underwear and shit. Oh, and snacks, to go with all the healthy food you just bought us." II smiles.

"The card's from Sleep actually. Didn't have any of my own money. Money is inconsequential to Gods, so they just made that card for us to use."

"Ah, well, I think we just singlehandedly fucked up the economy with illegal, undocumented money." II laughs, and Vessel smiles at the sound, though it falls when II winces and holds a hand to his temple.

"I'll drive back, II, you rest. I'm sorry you had to do all this. I should be able to do these things."

"Alright, that's probably for the best. Are you feeling better now?" II asks, and his pretty blue eyes are so hopeful Vessel finds himself nodding in affirmation despite not feeling much better at all.

The corners of II's eyes crinkle even further, causing his eyes to squint like he can't quite see. It really is endearing, and Vessel finds himself smiling back though he knows II can't see it. They switch places in the car, and II goes through his cd's before picking a Whitney Houston album. 'I Wanna Dance With Somebody' starts playing over his radio, and Vessel's lip quirks up as II starts quietly humming along, tapping along with both his feet and hands to the drums, mimicking all the hand movements with ease, as though drumsticks were in his hands at that moment.

"Do you drum?" Vessel asks once the song is over.

Nodding as he answers, II replies. "Yes, I play the drums. Its one of the reasons Sleep chose me. Do you play anything?"

A blush rises to Vessel's cheeks, but he answers truthfully. "I sing, play guitar, bass, and piano."

"I can see why Sleep chose you then, if our method of worship is to be music. You must be talented." II smiles lightheartedly.

"Just a hardworker is all."

Vessel insists on carrying some of the groceries when they get back to the forest where the manor resides. II tries to protest, saying he has everything handled, but Vessel manages to get at least four bags while II takes the rest. II pouts, the jut of his lip barely visible under the mask, but it causes Vessel to laugh again, the smalle shaking of his shoulders and the near-silent huffs of laughter exactly what II was aiming for.

The walk back to the manor is shorter, a little bit more of the ice broken between them. II talks more than Vessel, but neither mind when silence strikes. When the manor comes into view, a single light left on in the entrance hall the only indicator II can see, he sighs in relief. Over time, his headache has grown increasingly worse. He could not set down the grocery bags fast enough.

"Just a bit more II, just gotta get your mattress back here."

"Okay." II's voice is quieter now, and Vessel is quickly growing worried.

He knows his God said they had twenty four hours, but they're already down to eighteen hours left and with every passing second, II looks a little bit worse. The trip back to the car for II's mattress is easy enough, its managing to get it back to the manor while II feels worse and worse that makes it difficult. By the time they manage it, II has to sit down by the footboard of his bed, back against the wall with his head tucked between his knees. Vessel turns the lights off in the house and begins making the other man's bed with whatever sheets he finds first. They're not washed but the package was completely unopened so it'll have to do.

Fluffing up a pillow or two, Vessel finishes with the bed and crouches before II. The second vessel doesn't lift his head, doesn't even move. "Hurts." He murmurs, and Vessel barely hears it.

"I know." Vessels voice is low, aimed to soothe, "Can I pick you up?"

II shakes his head, insisting he can get up to his bed himself, but when he gets to his feet, he sways, holding his palms to his eyes as the movement causes a sharp stab of pain that continues even after he manages to still. Vessel half leads, half carries II to bed and tucks him in under the covers. II is nearly asleep by then, head aching something fierce, but still, he reaches out blindly for Vessel, grabbing his hoodie hem as the man turns to leave. "Thank you. I'll see you in the morning?"

Vessel nods before realizing II can't see him before verbally responding. II falls asleep with a small, barely visible smile and Vessel sighs as he shuts the door behind himself.

That done, Vessel goes to put groceries away and sort through whatever else II got. Going through the shirts and figuring out which is likely his, putting the first aid kit in the downstairs bathroom, groceries in the cleaned out fridge. Its nice that Sleep at least made sure there was running water and electricity. It's quick work, and Vessel finds the silence in the absence of II to feel... well, wrong. So he hums, so quiet it barely stirs the air around him, but it helps all the same. Making his way through the house in search of II's cat to feed her, Vessel eventually finds her in the large empty room on the ground floor. Though, its no longer empty.

To one side of the room sits a beautiful but old grand piano, a light wooden color with a matching bench. To the other side of the room is a drumkit complete with a pair of drumsticks.

"Thank you, my God."

'Enjoy your gift, my vessel.' His Gods voice whispers in his mind before they are gone from his head, though their presence lingers as it usually does.

Sitting down at the piano, Vessel lets a single finger press the G note key, but it was so discordant after it rang through the room, Vessel couldn't help but wince. Vessel looks around the room and finds a tuning kit pretty easily, thanking Sleep once more, and gets to work. Its hours of work, and the sun is rising by the time he's done. He sits to play for maybe an hour or so before a knock on the doorframe causes him to slam a few keys all at once.

When Vessel turns, II is leaning on the doorframe holding his head with one hand, a pained smile beneath the mask. He stands right away, making it over to the other man in record time, and begins leading him back upstairs. "I'll make you something to eat, you just lay down."

II doesn't protest about all the care Vessel is showing, visibly in pain. The hours leading down to the beginning of II's transformation are long and drawn out, feeling like a timer ticking down to a bomb setting off. Vessel had warned II that the process would hurt, but he didn't truly realize how much it would affect him leading up to it. Vessel remembered being in pain before his as well, but its worse seeing II going through the same thing and being unable to do anything about it.

Thankfully, he's in bed when the transformation begins, Elvira laying by his feet. Vessel is with him, holding his hand and rubbing soothing circles into his palm worriedly. II is grateful, so grateful. Vessel could have just left him be in wait for the process to begin, but he's been fretting silently, an aura of worry stemming off his body so potently II could almost see it. II would try to reassure him if he could manage to speak past the pain, past the fire roaring through his blood, pounding away at his brain.

II is aware of everything, every change being made to his body and soul. He can feel something crawling over his itching, burning eyes, feel the way his Gods essence slowly takes over his lifeblood, transforming it into something more. Every atom is screaming as his soul changes to the whims of his God. He has no idea how much time has passed, it feels like its stretched out infinitely and yet mere seconds at the same time. It's torture. If II thought accepting his new God was painful, this is light-years worse. Nothing he has felt, in this life or the next, will ever compare to the sheer agony this process is wreaking upon his mind, body, and soul.

The only constant aside from the pain, is Vessel's touch, the calm of his voice. Vessel is so gentle, so apologetic as he removes the mask from II's head. He hums near silently as he wipes at II's sweaty forehead after putting him back on his back so he doesn't choke on the sludge that drips from his lips, its taste foul.

The only passing of time II is aware of is the position of the sun as it passes by his room. Vessel never turns the light on, so II relies on the bright rays, thankful the too-thin curtains have been pulled shut. It must've been at least a week now, in constant agony. II wants it to end, he needs it to stop, please Sleep, make it stop.

"Sleep, I don't understand why even asleep, he looks so pained. Is something wrong with his transformation?" Vessel asks, brow furrowed beneath his mask.

II wants to ask Sleep the same. Something has to be wrong for the process to feel like this. The voice of his God is far too loud as it echoes in the room, bringing nothing but more pain as it mingles with II's migraine.

"Nothing is wrong, my vessel. This was how your body reacted as well. The second vessel rests, but he is not asleep. You handled your transformation beautifully while awake, so I did the same to the second."

Vessel breathes out a shaky sigh of disbelieving horror, unaware of how II, conscious as he is while his body is still, knows he would do the same.

"Will it take as long as mine?" Vessel asks finally, after minutes in silence, through trembling lips, and II watches, unable to move and too in pain to really process at the time, as Vessel lifts his mask to wipe golden tears.

Golden tears. Vessel has tears of liquid gold, striking against the pale skin of his jaw and the blush pink of his lips, staining the other man's hands and clothes as he wipes them off on his jeans.

This isn't right. Vessel could easily justify letting himself suffer, he was used to pain. It's been a constant his entire life. But this man before him didn't deserve this, sleep should be his sanctuary during this process. Why won't his God just let II sleep? There has to be something Vessel can do- wait. Vessel makes a decision and calms his mind as much as he is able, needing to concentrate. There's a thin thread of something niggling at the back of his mind that's been there ever since his transformation. Reaching out a hand and laying it on II's sweaty forehead, the creases from pain ease under his touch. If Vessel could just- yes, just like that. Connect with II's consciousness and force him to sleep, properly sleep, instead of whatever this is that Sleep has put him under. There's an ache in his brows that wasn't there before, but he ignores it after chalking it up to the beginnings of a headache.

II's dry eyes move, eyelids shuttering before falling shut. Pain spikes through his head and Vessel winces, but when he unscrews his eyes from being shut, II has calmed. His forehead no longer creases in pain, his breathing just that small bit calmer. Vessel is glad. So glad.

Vessel lets himself rest, curling up at II's side, careful not to touch, while the other finally, finally sleeps. His mask and II's sits between them, and Vessel lets himself sob into one hand while the other holds II's. Fuck, he finally feels worth something. Even as his brow aches and the room spins and nausea rocks in his gut, Vessel keeps himself silent, something he does well. His shoulders shake minutely, and he sobs, but no sound leaves his lips but the barest hint of harsh breathing. When he is calm, Vessel thinks he may go write a song. But right now, he is so tired, and all he wants is to sleep but he physically can't. His body aches, and a headache pounds behind his eyes, a chill sweeping through his limbs.

Within hours, II is awake again, and Vessel can feel it. In the back of his mind, its like a light switch has turned on and that fuzzy bit of something comes into focus and then there is pain. Such agony that Vessel shoots up and back, knocking over both himself and the piano bench he had been sitting on. In seconds, he is up the stairs and in II's room, at his side, knowing without a doubt that it is his presence Vessel is feeling. With no small amount of effort, Vessel forces him back to sleep and breathes a sigh of relief at the peace that settles in II's mind, even as the headache that had finally went away begins to creep up on him again.

"Sleep, what's happened? Why can I- Why can I feel II's presence and his emotions? Its strange, and feels wrong, like- like an invasion of his privacy."

"I have bonded you to the Second in mind and soul. I thought you would like to be able to navigate your human emotions better if you could feel each others. Do you not like my gift?"

"N-no, its not th-" Vessel blanches at the hurt he can hear in his Gods voice, trying to explain himself quickly to lessen it.

"Fine then. I was to explain how to give you some modicum of privacy, as you humans seem to strive for that in desperation, but you are not thankful for my gift. You will figure it out for yourself."

"No! Wait, I beg of you, please- I'm-"

Sleep's presence is gone before Vessel can finish, "... sorry. Fuck."

Running to the altar room, Vessel takes the ritual knife he keeps by the plate and draws it vertically over his wrist. Blood spills onto the plate almost immediately, and whether Sleep makes their presence known or not, Vessel needs them to understand.

"I am thankful for your gift. I- I just- II doesn't need to be privy to how fucked up I am. He doesn't deserve to and... I'm scared. Of what he will think of me. This is- This was a very sudden gift, and you've already given me more than I deserve."

Sleep lets their presence be known, voice no longer as hurt as Vessel's blood continues to drip down his arm and splash onto the plate. It is faint, but Vessel is relieved they have come back at all.

"I have told you, my dearest vessel, that you are deserving of everything. I will not take back my gift, and in time, the other vessels will be bonded with you and the second in the same way. That is all I will say on the matter, now leave me to rest. I- I have overextended my powers to give you these things. When the time is right, I will ask for an offering, one not of your blood, but perhaps of the music you have made."

Vessel crumbles to his knees, clutching his arm to his chest. Affirming his Gods wishes, Sleep leaves him. These- all of these things- II, the piano, this bond, these things are gifts from his God. His God thought well enough of him to give him things without asking for anything more than worship in return, and only when they need it. Vessel couldn't be more grateful, as apprehensive as he is about this bond he and II have been struck with. He supposes he'll just have to figure out how to limit his emotions from traveling over to II's side. It can't be that hard, can it?

II is awake for even shorter periods of time over his transformation as Vessel learns to use this new power with more and more ease. With every use, the ache in his brow grows worse, little by little. Vessel grows adept at closing the door of his mind that leads out into a hall where II's resides. Its strange, to picture a hallways with doors in his own head, so it takes work, but Vessel gets it eventually. With practice, it becomes easier to manage.

In his waking moments, Vessel was there. II felt every careful touch, gentle caress, heard every kind word and encouragement. He heard Vessel cry and sob, out of pain or despair, II isn't sure. He just knows it breaks his heart every time. When he wakes and there is less pain than usual, II is struck with an emotion that he can tell immediately isn't his.

II has never felt such strong self-loathing, even at his worst. There is also this other presence in the back of his mind, much like how Sleep's lurks. Within seconds, that negative emotion is gone and replaced with terrifying calm and Vessel appears at his side. Was- was that Vessel's emotions?

"Its okay, you don't need to be so confused. I'll explain when your transformation is over. Go back to sleep, II." Vessel's hand is cold against II's too-warm forehead and if he could, II would lean into the touch but his body still won't obey him.

Sleep is a welcome thing as the brief reprieve from the pain ends almost as quickly as it started.

Finally, two weeks into his transformation, II wakes for the final time, feeling better than he had in what felt like forever. Vessel is nowhere to be seen, but II can hear the piano, which has been a near constant thing in his moments of consciousness, stop. There is relief in II's chest, even as he sits up and takes in the new state of his body.

His hands have turned the same deep black as Vessel's, up to the middle of his forearm where little tendrils of ink reach up towards his elbows. Instead of his usual nails, longer, sharp nails like claws lay. When II glances at his window, there is no light streaming through, and yet he can see perfectly. His mask lays beside him, but II leaves it off. He needs a damn shower, desperately.

"You're awake, for good this time." Vessel's voice is as relieved as II feels, breathy and hopeful.

II looks up at his doorway where Vessel stands, still as a statue with his arms held close to his stomach, and II realizes he can feel the relief in his mind as well where Vessel's presence has grown stronger.

II smiles at Vessel, and for a moment, Vessel is struck by just how beautiful the other man is. For the first time, Vessel can see his eyes crinkle and the way a single dimple appears, and awe floods the bond for a moment before it quiets to something smaller, less all-encompassing.

"I'm sorry." Vessel starts, then begins to explain about the bond, nervous and apprehensive.

II listens, nodding along, a bit concerned at the calm over the bond when clearly Vessel is not calm at all. Sleep has bonded them, made it so their emotions are apparent to each other when they wish it, and Vessel sounds scared.

"Alright, I'm fine with this."

"Y-You are?"

"Yeah, I've always believed in communicating what I'm feeling anyways. This will just make that easier. I understand if you don't want to do the same, and I'm completely fine with that. I'll just be an open book for you, you won't need to doubt my intentions." II smiles again, and Vessel is struck with the heavy need to cry again.

So little time spent with this man and he's been nicer, more considerate of Vessel, than most anyone ever has in his entire life. It's jarring, and Vessel doesn't know how to act around him, so Vessel decides to do as he would if II weren't so kind, as the safest option.

He'll isolate himself, hide away. Hide his emotions, his pain, keep to his room.

Its better this way.

If only II thought the same. If only Vessel didn't silently ache with the want to be loved that he breaks beneath it so easily.

#ii sleep token #sleep token fic #vessel sleep token #sleep token #polyvessels #ii x vessel

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zealouswerewolfcollector · 11 months

Text

Maiar Hate This Simple Trick

I wrote a sequel to @elentarial‘s Desperation and Defeat for @tolkienremix. Big thanks to @welcomingdisaster for beta! Please make sure to check out the original fic too (and the rest of fics in the collection!)

2234 words, T, background Celebrimbor/Narvi and Celeborn/Galadriel

On Ao3

Compilation of miscellaneous notes and letters sent between the high lords and ladies concerning a particular incident of note occurred in Ost-in-Edhil in the eleventh century of the Second Age.

From Prince Celeborn of Doriath to Lord Celebrimbor of Eregion

Dear Celebrimbor,

You might not be aware of it (I lay no blame on you for ignorance born from inexperience), but when you assumed the leadership of Eregion, you also took upon yourself the burden of responsibility for the safety and comfort of all its citizens.

Regretfully, my safety and comfort were threatened when the Maia, who hails himself Annatar, chose to visit me uninvited to inquire of the whereabouts of my beloved wife and, most disturbingly, to complain about certain facets of your Dwarven colleague. (I have made my views of your association with that individual perfectly clear, so I shall not repeat myself here.)

Celebrimbor, mayhap the Noldor seek knowledge everywhere, but we, the Sindar, have certain reservations. Thanks to your Maiarin suitor, I now know more of Dwarven anatomy than I ever wanted or needed to know.

I beseech you to keep this Annatar creature on a short leash if he ever returns (which I doubt as the Dwarf’s physique seems to have thoroughly intimidated him). Perhaps more importantly, I implore you to advise your Dwarven friend to dress modestly. I shudder to think of the response an unexpected encounter similar to what he had with Annatar might elicit in your Sindarin citizens.

I remain at your disposal if you ever need advice concerning governing the realm.

Yours in friendship,

Celeborn

Celebrimbor’s notes:

???

Ask Narvi

Could he not walk for a few minutes and speak to me?

Find out when and why Annatar left

From Lady Galadriel in Lothlórien to her cousin

Celebrimbor,

I will keep this brief. I am happy that the pretender has been ousted from Eregion. However, I am very unhappy that he had the gall to come to me with his lies. With all the ousting experience that you have, would it be so difficult to dissuade him?

But perhaps I give you too much credit. The deceiver likes to add a kernel of truth to his lies to make himself seem more trustworthy, and from what he did not say, I reasoned that Narvi played a great part in his exile. I hope you understand that you should always keep Narvi by your side. Even when the time comes for him to pass to Aulë’s Halls, I strongly advise you to acquire another Dwarven companion after the appropriate mourning period.

Please convey my most cordial greetings to Narvi. Aside from my husband, he is what I miss most of all about Eregion. But if you believe you can come begging me to return now that the imposter is gone, I must disappoint you. I have left for good.

Keep Narvi away from Celeborn, but do try to visit him from time to time. He is lonely, and you are his kinsman, however distant.

Your cousin,

Galadriel

P.S. Celebrían sends her love.

Celebrimbor’s notes:

[a sketch of a ring]

From Lady Galadriel to her beloved husband Celeborn, Prince of Doriath

Dearest,

How fare you alone, without your wife and your daughter? Enough time has passed for my wrath to abate and allow me to admit that I miss you. Oh, if only you were not stubborn as a Noldo* and joined us in Lothlórien! It is reminiscent of Doriath of old, or it could be one day if we both put our minds to it. Were you here, we could run bare and free as we did in our youth under Melian’s singing trees.

Do you remember, beloved, how I took your hand and asked you to show me the magical corners of your home? You wove a garland from the golden beech leaves in Neldoreth and put it over my hair. Your touch was as soft as the grass beneath my feet. In the cold waters of Esgalduin, we pledged our eternal love to each other, witnessed only by the nightingales and Eru himself.

In Lothlórien we may regain some of what we have lost. The song of the trees is different but no less sweet. When the mellyrn seeds grow into trees, we shall have something even Melian did not. If you close your eyes, do you see you and I walking under their bright leaves? Do you see yourself taking my hand and asking me to show you my best-loved part of the forest? I see it, beloved, I do.

[omitted two pages of descriptions of Lothlórien and three pages of intimate nature]

Incidentally, the detested Maia paid me a visit recently. I will not tire you by repeating what he said. It was the same old lies he had bored me with in Ost-in-Edhil. I am surprised he insisted yet again he was an apprentice of Aulë, knowing that I knew for certain he was lying. He seemed rattled, for the lack of a better word, as much as someone like him can be rattled. I am quite sure it was due to his expulsion from Eregion.

Dearest, I need to know exactly what happened, what affected him so, and how it can be turned against him and those of his ilk. I have already written to Celebrimbor, but it is highly unlikely he will write back or be aware of the details of the events that transpired. Thus, it falls to you to find out. Begin with Narvi the dwarf. If you are fortunate, it will end with him. I suspect he has played the greatest role in the pretender’s defeat.

Once more, I want to emphasize the importance of your task. I care not what you have to do. Even if you have to grovel before Narvi, do it. I need every detail. I know you find his dalliance with Celebrimbor offensive, but if you wish to have any chance for us to live as a husband and wife again, you will do this for me. If you are successful, I might even consider returning to Ost-in-Edhil with our daughter. I have not told her I am writing to you again. It upsets her greatly not to have you with us. I have no desire to remind her of it.

If you have any doubts, reread my letter, dearest. I know you will do what is best for our family.

Your loving wife,

Galadriel

* Margin note from Celeborn։ the Noldor do not own the concept of stubbornness

From Elrond, King’s herald, to Lord Celebrimbor in Ost-in-Edhil

My dear Celebrimbor,

Are you as surprised as I am to realize that ages have passed since our last meeting? I cannot lament my duties, and I know that you, too, bear yours gladly, but surely we should strive to find more time for those we hold dear. More and more frequently, I find myself wanting to turn to you for advice or for a simple conversation like the ones we used to have so long ago. I am not the only one who misses you for you have touched the hearts of many people before you moved East.

[omitted five pages of detailed reports on mutual friends]

Dear Celebrimbor, please do not think this is the only reason I am writing to you, but I need your help with a matter that might prove greatly significant. I must begin with a story that will certainly sound very familiar to you. Several years ago, a Maia came to Lindon, claiming to have been in the training of Aulë and offering his aid and counsel. The King was tempted, as was I, and as I am sure anyone would be. However, soon I came to mistrust the Maia and his words for the promises he made seemed designed to gratify his listener and often changed depending on who he was talking to, but in such a way that the listener failed to notice. Moreover, I perceived he did not favor me much, which would not trouble me, as you certainly know, if he did not speak so sweetly to my face and then whisper to the King’s ear that I was contemplating usurping him.

Fortunately, this was what made the King reconsider accepting the Maia’s offer for Ereinion Gil-galad knows me better than I know myself and has never questioned my loyalty. The Maia was asked to leave Lindon, and we did not hear of him again until weeks ago when he reappeared in Lindon and flung himself, repentant, at the King’s feet. He swore he regretted his mistakes and had come to atone as well as reiterated his offer to help preserve the beauty, power and youth of the Eldar for ages to come. Presently, I received a letter from Lady Galadriel, cautioning me against trusting the Maia and recounting a compelling story about a Dwarven friend of yours, who is seemingly unperturbed by Maiarin wiles. I shall copy her letter here, so you can read it for yourself.

[omitted Galadriel’s letter]

My dear Celebrimbor, I fear the Maia has truly learned from his mistakes and shall henceforth be even more careful in his actions. Even if he does not sway the King, there are others he may influence, and if his intentions are verily as malicious as I suspect, we might be facing a disaster once he succeeds. Therefore, I ask you to share the tale of your Dwarven companion with me and the King, so we can know how to fight this evil. Please spare no details. Perhaps you may not agree or may think I am exaggerating, but finding out how to counteract a rogue Maia might be the most noteworthy discovery of our age.

The King and I shall await your response eagerly.

Forever your friend,

Elrond

Celebrimbor’s notes:

Ask Narvi

Ask Elrond to get to the point at least by the third page

[a sketch of a ring]

[a sketch of Narvi unclothed]

From Celebrimbor to Narvi

My love,

Celeborn has finally taken his leave. What a strange speech he gave! Unnecessarily belligerent too if I may say so. And how long! I could have worked instead or spent time with you. I must remedy the time missed. Consider this note an invitation to dinner. I am going to have it in the forge, so we can work as well as eat.

Besides, I have a favor to ask of you. I have received several letters, all concerning the same matter. I suspect you are more knowledgeable about it than I am. Perhaps you could draft an answer and subtly remind my friends and kin how occupied with work you and I are.

However, I should ask you to explain to me first exactly what happened. The letters suggest an odd sequence of events, although amusing. But I should like to hear from your lips how you banished poor Annatar.

Is it a long story? If so, perhaps you should not wait until dinner and come to see me immediately. I have truly missed you. All of you.

Your Shorty

From High King Ereinion Gil-galad to his herald Elrond Peredhel

Greetings Elrond,

I hope you are well. I am puzzled. I have received a strange letter from Celebrimbor. It contains drawings and measurements detailing the anatomy of a Dwarf. Celebrimbor claims it can be used as a weapon. It was sent at your request. Care to explain? I am not interested in any genitals, including Dwarven. I have no idea why Celebrimbor thought it a good idea. I have little time for it.

The letter is enclosed. Do what you will with it. Please keep me uninformed.

Ereinion Gil-galad

High King of the Noldor

No notes left on the letter, but contemporaries speak of one of the loudest sighs ever uttered by Elrond Peredhel.

From Narvi in Ost-in-Edhil to King Durin III

Esteemed Sovereign,

As per your request, I am sending my regular report on the happenings in the Elven realms. Not much has changed since my last letter. My collaboration with the elf is going smoothly. The work on the Doors is nearly complete. Some Elves here remain as conceited as they have been when it comes to Dwarves, but I never fail to answer them in kind.

Celebrimbor has proven himself an excellent partner in all senses. With your permission, I would like to invite him to Khazad-dûm, so you can make sure of it yourself. I do hope he will not be too popular. I have no desire to spend my life fighting off competitors.

In related news, the sacrilegious villain I have written about in my previous letters is gone from this realm, hopefully for good. I did not want to take credit for it, but some elf-lords have realized it was my doing and are now clamoring for my advice.

My king, I find it necessary for you to know how to dispose of him too. If the elves continue denying this miscreant, he may appear before the doors of Khazad-dûm, trying to get into your good graces. Forgive my forwardness, my king, but in that case, I suggest you and your guards welcome him in the nude. I assure you the sight is guaranteed to make him flee to the shadows he has come from, never to return.

Your servant,

Narvi

#silmarillion #celebrimbor #narvi #galadriel #celeborn #elrond #silm fic #tolkienremix #zwc fic #my first fic that takes place entirely in the second age #this also passes my personal mae.dhros bechdel test

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piratefalls · 7 days

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20 questions for fic writers

tagged by @ninzied! thank you friend!

How many works do you have on ao3?

40!

What's your total ao3 word count?

169,903, which is a shock to me because it really doesn't feel like that much.

What fandoms do you write for?

previously teen wolf/sterek and hawaii five-0/mcdanno, currently taking my first stab at rwrb/firstprince

Top five fics by kudos:

(Waiting) Until the Sky Falls Down on Me (sterek)

Today and Every Day (sterek)

I'm Gonna Give All My Secrets Away (stanny)

Man, Interrupted (sterek)

it's my (pants) party and i'll cry if i want to (sterek)

Do you respond to comments?

i do my best! sometimes i'm terrible at it, but i try!

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I don't really do angsty endings! I'm a HEA kinda girl.

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

probably either Today and Every Day or it's like taking a guess when the only answer is yes because they both end in proposals lol

Do you get hate on fics?

never hate, but i've had a comment here and there that wasn't necessarily appreciated

Do you write smut?

not really anymore. i got myself to do it because it felt like the only thing that got traction and maybe if that was good enough it'd be a gateway to the stuff i enjoyed writing (and, frankly, stuff i spent far more time on). and i don't think i'm particularly good at smut anyway lol. but if given the choice between smut or funny/introspective i'm gonna go with the latter every time.

Craziest crossover:

I haven't done a crossover!

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

so idk who remembers this but a while ago there were people who would post people's fics to Goodreads and one of mine wound up there and those reviews hurt my feelings enough that i quit writing for a while after.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

not to my knowledge!

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

haven't, but i think it could be fun with the right partner!

All time favorite ship?

this is an impossible question and i can't choose. i love them all equally, just for different reasons.

What's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

good lord my person of interest post-canon fic. will anyone read it? very unlikely. is it the principle of the thing? yes.

What are your writing strengths?

i genuinely have no idea. i've never given it any real thought. i mean, the build of what i write is some form of introspection mixed with humor, so probably those things.

What are your writing weaknesses?

plot and world building. i'm useless at it, for the most part. and like i said above, i don't think i'm great at smut. it's passable at best.

Thoughts on dialogue in another language?

i love it. though i do miss the days when people regularly utilized that hover function that would show the translation if you left your mouse over the phrase for a few seconds. way better than having to scroll down to the notes for the translation.

First fandom you wrote in?

teen wolf. much simpler times.

Favorite fic you've written?

I don't have a single favorite so I'm gonna go with a few for different reasons

humor: Got Your Body On My Mind (I Want it Bad) - mcdanno & co get sent to a sexual harassment training seminar. chaos ensues.

character analysis: Written in the Scars on Our Hearts - steve mcgarrett and all the ways a person can be touched and the

most cathartic: & lift him back up again - working through my own grief by making a character sad

crack, my beloved: it's my (pants) party and i'll cry if i want to - every time stiles orgasms his dick sounds like a party horn. there's glitter come. i might have been hammered.

tagging @wellhalesbells @priincebutt + i feel like doing an open tag for anyone who wants to share what they love about their work!

#about me

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4th-make-quail · 4 months

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Asks for a Fic Writer!

Tagged by @eemamminy-art and @nateharmonica thank you!!

1. how many works do you have on AO3? 138! Which is weird cos it feels like only 2 minutes ago I was excited about hitting 100 lol

2. what's your total AO3 word count? 401,149 total

3. what fandoms do you write for? My top 5 written for fandoms are FFXIV (27), Resident Evil (26), FFXII (15), inFamous (13) and FFXV (13)! But I have a load of others as well - atm it's Baldur's Gate 3, alternated with my perennial beloved FFXII

4. what are your top five fics by kudos? Point of No Return - Resident Evil, Chris/Wesker, time travel fix-it fic Aphrodisiac - Overwatch, Reaper/Soldier 76, collaring and gloves kink Like a Drug - Resident Evil, Chris/Wesker, STARS era drug bust Filters - FFXV, Prompto/Ignis, 5 things fic about Prompto's photo taking Between Death and Ascension - Magnus Archives, Jon/Gerry, post season 3 fix it that got immediately jossed upon s4 releasing lol. Honestly I'm amazed this one is here, considering Jon/Gerry is a bit of a rarepair. Or at least, it was back then!! I have no idea of the current state of TMA fandom (and don't wanna know, ugh lmao)

5. do you respond to comments? Always as a rule, but usually quite a long time after I get them lksgfg

6. what is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? Has to be From the Flames of the Fire, I Feel You, part 4 of my Sartauvoir/Basch series, because it's the fic where Basch dies at the end, and it finishes off with a notice from Noah about the death and funeral arrangements. I cried on my lunch break at work writing this fucker lmao

8. do you get hate on fics? I've not had anything since my ffn days, where I got a very mean comment about OOC. I mean, it was true, but MAN.

9. do you write smut? if so, what kind? It's very rare that I don't write smut! I think the yuletide fic I wrote was the first time in years lol. Either way, I like to write kinky porn with feelings and character study shit

10. do you write crossovers? what's the craziest one you've written? Not any more, but the craziest crossover with the most specific-ass audience was a British Comedy RPF crossed with FFX, where David Mitchell is a summoner and Charlie Brooker and Robert Webb are his guardians. It's called Spira Infinita, and I never did end up finishing it lmao. Oops. Either way, I had a blast writing it and I still think it was fucking good, all 9 kudos of it!! God... this just made me remember I also wrote a brooker/mitchell crossover with mgs. I was on some shit back then I tell you what

11. have you ever had a fic stolen? Not that I'm aware of! I'm not big enough for that, I think

12. have you ever had a fic translated? I thiiiink someone once asked me, but I forgot which fic it was tbh!

13. have you ever co-written a fic before? Yes!! I co-wrote one of my fave Ashe/Basch/Vossler fics with my friend when we got assigned each other for an ff_land exchange - Five Moments of Desire. It was really fun, we had a great time!

14. what's your all-time favourite ship? GOD this is hard!!! I think Nero/Credo tbh, I never get tired of thinking about them, even as sadly underrated as they are. Also Sartauvoir/Basch is highly up there, I've never been seized with such an insane streak of inspiration for a ship. They got me in their clutches and no mistake!!

15. what's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? I don't actually have much in the way of wips, but I do have 5k of a Sart/Basch AU where Sart channels his fenex summoning to bring Basch back to life, but it stalled a little due to a combo of scheduling for other things, other ships taking over my brain for a bit, and honestly the general lack of fandom for them? I have a few close friends I met because of the ship, but getting such low response to things is really demoralising and makes it hard to continue. I DO want to finish it for sure, but atm I am too gripped by other ships so idk if it'll happen.

16. what are your writing strengths? I think dialogue for sure, and characterisation.

17. what are your writing weaknesses? Fight scenes x_x Which is annoying, because I love them and have a lot of sparring/fighting related kinks!!! I persevere, but I hate every moment of writing them lol

18. thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? Uhh nothing I've ever done! I think it'd be fine if you're fluent in that language OR if you have a trusted friend who is, who can give you actual sense-making sentences, but otherwise, do not!

19. first fandom you wrote for? Baby's first fandom was handwritten Redwall/Discworld crossover in reporter's notebooks as a very young child, but my first fandom-fandom was ffvii, where I wrote a frankly terrible Reno/Vincent fic! And idek why cos I don't ship it at all? I think I just had a boner for both of them and wanted to get it out. It is still on ffn alas, but eugh.

20. favourite fic you've written? Honestly I think it's my SartBasch series, Body Politics. It caters directly to my own id, and I think it's really good! I actually planned it out as a cohesive series AND actually finished writing it! Proud of myself lol. And I just.... *clenches fist* love those old men.....

----- tagging people, if u wanna do this, then consider urself tagged!!

#quailfic #ask quail #thank u for the tags!!

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blasphemous-lies-and-deceit · 4 months

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20 Questions for Fic Writers

Tagged by @ollieofthebeholder

How many works do you have on Ao3? 65

What’s your total Ao3 word count? 905,117. That's...more than I thought

What fandoms do you write for? Currently TMA, previously RT/AH, the X-Men alternate timeline movies, Good Omens and a few other fandoms

What are your top five fics by kudos? Awake and Unafraid, Cold as Cryospace, Beauty of a Secret, Put Your Mouth Where Your Money Is, and Borderline

Do you respond to comments? Very rarely, because I am still kinda shy and not at all good at responding to positive feedback or kind words (besides just keysmashing)

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? You know, as much as I love some good angst, I don't really do angsty endings. I think the closest is A Snowy Night just because it was prequel to canon so it couldn't end without separation

What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? They've all mostly got happy endings. Best I'd say is Awake and Unafraid

Do you get hate on fics? If I ever did I don't remember it. If I did I deleted the comment because I'm not dealing with that shit

.Do you write smut? If so, what kind? The very slow kind, because it takes me forever to write smut. Like I'm fighting for every damn word.

.Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written? Outing myself as 2013 tumblr cringe, but I wrote a Loki/Sherlock crossover series long before Bendy Cumby was cast as Doctor Strange. It was fun

Have you ever had a fic stolen? Don't think so

Have you ever had a fic translated? No one's ever asked me, so idk

Have you ever co-written a fic before? In high school I did hand-written RP with a few friends, but that's it.

What’s your all time favorite ship? Hard to say all time favorite because I love them all equally. Right now its GerryMichael but JonMartin are still very dear to me

What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? Besides my active WIPS I need to finish my TMA/Addams Family crossover or my beta will kill me

What are your writing strengths? Once I get a character's cadence in my head I can write their dialogue pretty accurately. Also I've unlocked the great writing secret of "I will write what I want to write" which helps sometimes when I get stuck or can't commit to a fic direction. Also when I have shit writing and need to fix it, I don't feel guilty about changing what I wrote to something better.

What are your writing weaknesses? Shit writing. When I put the words on the page and it doesn't read the way I want and is missing my personal touch. Editing that is a bitch.

Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? I've made that mistake before when I was younger. Now I'd maybe reach out to a native speaker before trying google translate, because my personal standards are higher and because google is shit these days

First fandom you wrote for? I think it was the Fullmetal Alchemist 2003 anime. Something for an ex friend

Favorite fic you’ve written? Awake and Unafraid my beloved. Because I'm deeply proud of it, both the story itself and all the details I worked into it. Its the longest thing I've written, has the highest hits and kudos, and most importantly, its the fic that I wanted to write and it turned out beautifully.

Tagging @moonisthedoor, @pitviperofdoom @robyn-i-guess and anyone else who wants to participate

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the-bad-batch-baroness · 5 months

Note

Ooo, curious about those! From the ao3 wrapped: 3, 10, 15 and 29!

Remember to hydrate!

Mireeee, my beloved 💚 Yes, of course I will answer these for you!!!

3. What work are you most proud of (regardless of kudos/hits)?

My vampire!Fox fic "Queen of Hearts". It is arguably the best fic I have ever written, and my longest one-shot to date. I love everything about this fic. The setting, the plot, the characters, the tension, the world building, and the hidden themes are all top tier.

10. What work was the quickest to write?

So, anything from my 100 Follower Celebration would be the quickest work I ever wrote. Those had a max of 100 words each. Some of them took longer than others because I would teeter on 98 or 102 words and have to figure out a way to shave it back. The most popular drabble from that event is "Let's Get Physical."

15. What WIP(s) are you taking into next year with you?

*cracks knuckles* I thought you'd never ask. This answer is for all my readers who are desperately waiting for me to update my series fics. (Fics are listed in order of importance for updating/writing) "Infectious" - Plan to update in the first quarter and complete by the second "A Man's Worth" - Plan to update in the first quarter and complete by the second "Beloved" - Plan to update in the first quarter, but no plans to complete in 2024 (This fic will be a long series. I already have 20 pages of notes written for it) "Of Frogs and Clones" - Plan to update in the first quarter and finish by the third quarter. NEW FICS Mermaid!Tup x Reader AU (series) Hound x Reader (one-shot) Cody x Reader (one-shot) Phoenix Squad (one-shot)

29. Favorite line/passage you wrote this year?

Ooooooh, this is a tough one!!! I have so many favorite lines that I've written!!! Maybe I'll have to give you a few... I love all of the banter between Fives and Kix in Chapter 1 of "Beloved", but this was my favorite: “Contraception isn’t one hundred percent effective,” Kix explains. “Abstinence is, but we both know you don’t have any of that.” There was a lot of great banter and humor in "Fortunately Unfortunate" but this was one of my favorites: Violet’s jaw drops and she turns to you. “Are these guys for real?” “I assure you ma’am,” Sinker says. “We are, in fact, real clones.” You start to snicker and Violet throws her hands up in defeat. “You know what, I’ve had enough for one day.” She takes her dusty and torn apron off and tosses it on the ground with the rest of the debris. “I do not get paid enough to deal with clowns!” “Don’t you mean, clones?” Boil asks. “I meant what I said!” Violet yells back as she navigates around the debris to the exit. And then there's this scene in "Queen of Hearts" that I adore: “Fox!” you yell. “What are you doing in my bed?” Fox doesn’t move, but mumbles into the pillow. “Sleeping.” “Why are you sleeping in my bed?” you demand. Fox nuzzles the pillow gently. “It’s comfy.” Your mouth falls open at his answer, but you really aren’t sure what you were expecting. “How did you even get in here?” “The door,” he murmurs sleepily.

AO3 Wrapped Asks

#tbbb converses #tbbb writes #AO3 wrapped

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monkiedude · 1 year

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@brendaonao3 tagged me to do this! Love you, old friend.

3 ships

Hangman/Rooster my beloved!!!! I don’t know if TG:M was just at the right place at the right time or what, but I haven’t been this invested in a ship in AGES. Just. Enough canon to work with, enough blank space to play with, you could make me believe they get together just about any way and I’d buy it and thank you for it. (Plus the raw material GP and MT bring to the table doesn’t hurt. Hnngh.)

I tend to be pretty fandom-monogamous, but two other fave ships I’d revisited pre-TG:M:

Arthur/Eames (Inception). Coincidentally (?) LOTS of parallels to Hangman/Rooster. Two supporting characters in a team that has to work together to pull off a mission. Total opposites in many ways that you know would make them total complements if they could get over themselves. MAJOR bitter ex energy. This ship also has some of the most incredible fic I’ve read for any fandom, ever. The canon-compliant stuff is great, but the AUs! Dear god, the AUs. It is my very fervent wish that we start getting TG:M AUs like that. (Plus the raw material that TH and JGL bring to the table doesn’t hurt. JGL’s wardrobe alone.)

Kirk/McCoy (ST:AOS). Oh, man, I was super-obsessed with this one back in the day. Much like TG:M, I saw the first movie WAY too many times in the theater. In general, I’m not big on ships that start as best friends, for whatever reason, but I vibe with this one. Plus Star Trek is just a fun universe to play in (although, again, some of my fave fics for this ship are AUs too, god, there is one kids-to-adults one that focuses mostly on HS and I re-read it still, all the time). I’m sad about this ship, though, because most if not all of my engagement with it was on LJ, and I know that a lot of the fic hasn’t made it to AO3. (I love K/M in TOS too, fwiw. DeForest Kelley’s McCoy in Wrath of Khan after the Kobayashi Maru, draped across the floor, actually begging for a compliment from Kirk…SO fruity, god love him.)

First ship

JC/Joey (popslash). I still stand by it and will not take questions at this time.

Last movie

In truth, the OG Top Gun for the zillionth time, while I was multitasking doing laundry and a crossword puzzle. Before that, it was actually Whiplash for the first time, as I continue in my quest to watch Miles Teller’s back catalogue, and a rewatch of Tombstone for the first time in at least a decade, for Val Kilmer. Next up is a rewatch of Jerry Maguire, probably for the first time since it was in the theater? (I have a huge embarrassment squick, so I remember not loving it, but I’m also in a Tom Cruise phase, so needs must.)

Last song

Sturgill Simpson’s cover of “The Promise,” which I didn’t know existed, but now do thanks to a completely captivating Hangster WIP. Before that, some random new-ish country songs as I continue digging for songs that Jake thinks about playing for Bradley on acoustic guitar. Suggestions welcome.

Currently reading

I mean, the real answer is Hangster fic, but I also just started “Girlhood” by Melissa Febos and am getting ready to be furious about it.

Currently watching

Other than the movies mentioned above, I just finished rewatching Bridgerton s2, which I unironically love. Oh, and trolling YouTube for Miles Teller interviews. (Glen Powell is my guy, but sometimes I find him to be, like. Overly polished, and kinda performative, in interviews. Miles is a fucking loose cannon and I find him fascinating.)

Currently consuming

Diet Dr. Pepper. Should actually eat lunch at some point.

Currently craving

Trying to remember if I have stuff to make a Jungle Bird, but I think I’m out of Campari. Boo.

I literally don’t know how to tag people, I’m such a fossil, but this was fun! Am I doing this right? @greendaze, @daggerspared, @saint--claire ?

#sorry not sorry i treat my tumblr like lj #ramblings #someday I will shut up about TGM but today is not that day

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moinsbienquekaworu · 11 months

Note

Salut my beloved!

Une petite question pour toi: as-tu une liste de recommandations de snarry fic en français?

(Et aussi: comment dit-on "my beloved" en français? J'aimerais les bons mots utiliser, et je ne pense pas google translate est 100% correct lol)

(Et aussi aussi: oui j'ai pris un cours de français, mais that was several years ago, alors pendant je t'écris le message me tout seul, j'utilise beaucoup google translate!) (If that counts!) (Et seulement je appris le vouvoiement alors j'écris V Formal lol merci de me trouver mignon 🥺)

MON AMOUR MON BIEN-AIMÉ!!! I went and found the fics I used to like back in Ye Olden Days of me reading fic in french <3 sorted by order of which one I remembered first, except my forever faves are at the top of the list because I love favouritism. Most of the links are to FFnet unfortunately, if I found the fic on AO3 I linked to that but french Snarry mostly seemed/seems to be on FFnet.

I'll say it juust in case but some of those I still consider masterpieces and some of those I think weren't very well written in retrospect. That means possible grammar/spelling mistakes and dubious plot/characterisation choices, but it doesn't mean I don't think the fics aren't worth reading ever at all. Sure most of them I cringe at if I reread them but they were important to me. There might be obscure slang or incomprehensible language mistakes though, sorry for that Tomas.

@zeawesomebirdie it posted before I finished the list so here's a tag to make sure you see it haha

• Le Sang des Innocents by Tabourette (280k, 48 chapters)

Le sang, ce liquide carmin qui maintient en vie mais qui peut aussi causer la mort. Une chose si banale mais pourtant chargée de pouvoir. Il nous relit les uns aux autres, nous enchaîne, fait basculer des vies, bouleverse des destins.

-> The summary is incredibly obscure and I love it. It's half a vampire!Severus/blood source!Harry (in french fanfic they're usually called chalices but I don't think there's an equivalent in english) and half a Remus/Draco, which you really get used to actually. It's the one I've been meaning to translate for years. It's absolutely incredible. If you don't like vampires at least give this one a few chapters. The first half is relationship establishing and halfway through the 'real' plot comes bursting in and it's great. Unforgettable, all time fave. AND this one I know doesn't have typos or mistakes.

• Puppy by Mandy Mandala7338 (174k, 15 chapters)

Après la guerre, le Survivant se sent de plus en plus seul et incompris. Sa vie lui échappe, il ne contrôle plus rien, surtout pas ses sentiments. Pourtant, des gens s'inquiètent pour lui et un homme va décider de l'aider. Il fera découvrir à Harry des facettes inconnues de sa vie, ce qui, à sa surprise, va lui plaire plus que prévu. Slash M/M. BDSM

-> Blueprint for who I am as a person and I'm not joking. This fic did 14yo me's BDSM education (I know shhh I know) it helped me with my adolescent feelings and it never left my heart. When I saw the summary for Pacify I went 'hey that sounds like Puppy I should give it a shot!' because yeah the premise is similar, though it isn't executed the same at all. If you are also fascinated by stories about kink written by people who know what they're talking about this is probably the best you'll find in terms of french Snarry. Good grammar as well!

• SAS, Son Altesse Sérénissime by Nanola Meylhann (195k, 28 chapters)

Depuis plusieurs siècles, la famille Rogue règne sur Poudlard, une principauté prospère. Pour le prince, tout va être chamboulé lors de sa montée sur le trône et un secret millénaire va être déterré, mettant en péril les croyances du r��gent, ses choix et ses décisions.

-> The worldbuilding is kind of insane honestly. Does it make a lot of sense no did I love it yeah. Here Severus is the prince of an imaginary principality and Harry is his ancestral curse-mandated soulmate who had a shit life and starts the fic as a prostitute. The writing is good but Harry doesn't speak very formal french in it so it might be hard to understand in parts.

• La guerre des contrats by Rose_British (70k, 20/?)

Albus a abusé de son pouvoir pour fiancer Harry à Ginny. Il n'avait juste pas prévu l'existence d'un autre contrat…

-> This isn't a "learnt to love your forced spouse" arranged marriage fic, it's a "kick Dumbledore's ass as a power couple" fic. Lots of contracts and legal stuff and grey!powerful!Harry and going to Gringotts, you know how it is. This used to fascinate me. On hiatus but I really hope the author comes back to it if they can!

• Une Histoire de la soumission by Mayunaise (95k, 13 chapters)

"C'est grâce à ce livre que j'ai enfin compris ta relation avec Snape. Tu devrais rester à l'écart de lui. Il est dangereux", dit Hermione. "Mais Snape est mort !", cria Harry. "Justement." Comment Harry, à cause d'un mystérieux grimoire intitulé Une Histoire de la Soumission, développe une obsession folle et désespérée pour feu Severus Snape. 8e année - HPSS - COMPLETE

-> This is a gem this is an anomaly I read it once years ago haven't touched it since and have only vague memories of it but I KNOW I'm right. Its vibes are intense and unforgettable. There's some kind of weird stuff in the flashbacks Harry lives through when he's into the book, fair warning.

• Cloîtré and Les âges sombres by sioban parker (36k & 12 chapters, 38k & 10 chapters)

COMPLETE. En 5e année, Harry réalise avec stupeur que, dans une vie antérieure, il était novice dans une abbaye. Et que Snape était près de lui… UA médiéval et monacal. HPSS !

Suite de Cloîtré. Pour l'inquisition, le maintien de l'ordre social et religieux est l'objectif premier. Malheur à ceux qui s'écartent du rang. HPSS médiéval. COMPLETE

-> I won't lie my memories of those two are extremely vague but the summary sounds dope haha. Also I dowloaded them and I do believe I thought highly of them so yeah? For sure medieval Snarry in an abbey is a choice but I love authors who try weird stuff and Severus does have medieval monk vibes in a way.

• Mardi Gras and Le Carnaval by Archimede (14k, 61k & 4 chapters)

OS. Durant toute la journée, Severus avait dû supporter ses incapables d'élèves ainsi qu'une rébellion de Gryffondor. Aussi, quand Neville l'avait invité à dîner chez lui le soir, il n'aurait jamais cru que la soirée soit aussi mouvementée… ou pas.

Suite de "Mardi Gras". Depuis la soirée de la chandeleur, Severus est sur le qui-vive. Draco et Neville veulent se marier et Harry lui en fait voir de toutes les couleurs. Mais ce n'est pas tout ! Il doit aussi se rendre au carnaval du petit Teddy et subir un repas avec les Weasley… Mais qui a dit que Severus Snape, Serpentard de son état, se laisserait faire ?

-> Vague memories of these but they're fun memories! I love when they do things with other people <3

• La vie d'un calice by kelokelo (235k, 42 chapters)

Harry calice d'un Rogue vampire ? Vous n'y croyez pas ? Et pourtant…

-> Okay this one I had to include because it meant a lot to me and I was obsessed with it but also it's um. Well. It's not very well written. It has grammar mistakes and weird characterisation and some truly deranged turns of phrase and bad plotlines. But it was part of my french Snarry experience and leaving it behind because it's kind of bad would feel mean to me. Probably not good if you're not sure of your grasp of french though. Also you can see the use of the term "calice", chalice again, which, well, I had a vampire phase, what do you want.

• Héritage by emeraldcryst (188k, 23/?)

Un héritage ça plait toujours non? Quand on ne s'appelle pas Harry Potter peut être…

-> I was really into vampires but I also loved creature inheritance fics lol. Another one that's not up to my current standard but that I remember fondly, if very vaguely. It's up to you if you want to read kinda bad Veela Harry :')

• Extermination by Crapounette (105k, 10 chapters)

Dolorès Ombrage a lancé une campagne d'extermination des nuisibles nocturnes. Premières victimes : Remus et Tonks ainsi que le vampire Severus Rogue. Ayant tenté de venger Remus, Harry Potter est jeté à Azkaban où il retrouve le vampire. HP/SS Vamp/calice.

-> ALSO a fic that is kind of not very good in retrospect but that I still love. It aged extremely badly with the way JKR has been behaving because it's a story where Umbridge tries to genocide all the impure creatures like werewolves and vampires and puts them into camps before Harry and Severus save the day. Yeah. Listen when I was 14 this rocked my world! If you're allergic to exaggerated stuff (like Umbridge suddenly having enough power to put people into camps in like 2 months) and uke/seme-like dynamics you probably won't like this one but it's close to my heart. If you want to read the sex scenes (they're not that good but why not) the site she was posting the full versions on went down so eh. There's screencaps saved to the web archive but I don't have the URL. What I do have is homemade epubs with the full text, so you can hit me up if you want those I guess? (anyone btw. You're the only person possibly interested but if someone else wanted to I'd send them the epub as well)

• Joyeux Noël, Professeur !, Bonne Année, Professeur ! and Joyeuses Pâques, Professeur ! also by Crapounette

-> the series is about celebrating holidays but I'm just giving you those because they're also a little not good but at least they're short, I figure that's good if you want to start somewhere.

• Dégrisment by Agathe Laplante (27k, 7 chapters)

Harry Potter se réveille dans une cellule de dégrisement sans aucun souvenir de sa fin de soirée de la veille. Et il aurait, de loin, préféré ne jamais retrouver la mémoire.

-> The plot goes by a little fast but 1) perfumer Severus and 2) I love when people address the consequences of Harry's childhood & adolescence, even if they rush it a little.

• Les Jolis Pitits Dessins by Lychee (18k, 5 chapters)

SLASH SSHP Qui n'a jamais griffoné de dessins cochons sur ses brouillons de devoirs, mmh? Harry n'échappe pas à la règle. Sauf qu'il s'agit d'un devoir de Potions et qu'il rend le brouillon sans s'en rendre compte… Terminé

-> One of my first Snarrys I think! The "pitits" in the title is just a cutesy way of saying petits.

Then I have a few translations that could interest you, since if you have a doubt the english original text is right there. The english texts are all on my reclist that i've been planning for a good year so I don't want to be too detailed in my opinions since that would just be repetition when I finally post it, but I'll still talk about them because I cannot be brief about fanfic I like.

• French translation by Nyfna of Cambiare Podentes: Invocare by JordanGrant (212k, 33/50)

Une nouvelle prophétie fait son apparition, elle promet la mort pour Harry Potter et l'esclavage du monde sorcier, à moins qu'Harry lui-même ne consente à devenir l'esclave sexuel - de façon irrévocable et pour la vie - de Severus Rogue.

(A new prophecy comes to light, one that promises death for Harry Potter and enslavement for the wizarding world, unless Harry himself consents to being sexually enslaved--irrevocably and for life--to Severus Snape.)

-> I think it would be funny if on your path to learning french you used the same fic as me but the languages were swapped. Also the fic is great obviously. Changed my life and such

• French translation by Hesymi of Emancipation by BadGirlgoesworse (151k, 43 chapters)

Qu'est-ce que les gens dépendants sont censés faire lorsque ceux en qui ils avaient mis toute leur confiance les trahissent ? C'est simple, il suffit de trouver un moyen de devenir maître de leur destin.

(What are dependents left to do when betrayed by those they trusted most, but to find a way to become masters in their own right. Set after Department of Mysteries fiasco in Order of the Phoenix.)

-> very uh. Powerful!grey!Harry? Also mostly bottom Severus, if that interests you. The characterisation is Something and there's some bashing but y'know how it is, read it when I was young and I'm fond of it, etc etc. I also find it funny how the french translation has like 20k more words, truly we talk too much.

• Courtiser Harry Potter, french translation by Devil Pops LRDM of The Courtship of Harry Potter by Diana Williams

HPSS Selon une tradition millénaire, un sorcier peut demander la protection d'un mentor plus âgé. Le nouveau professeur de DCFM cherche à séduire Harry Potter, forçant ainsi Severus à entrer en compétition pour conquérir le cœur du jeune homme. /COMPLETE

(Another teacher's interest in Harry Potter forces a reluctant Snape to compete for the young man affections.)

-> Snarry classic, won't get into details, etc etc, it's great honestly. If you like mentor/apprentice vibes this is not exactly that though (because Severus is well-adjusted enough to realise that's a bit weird to have that power over a 17yo. Thank you Severus for having morals)

• Sans Voix & L'ombre de l'autre par Bliblou, translations of Speechless by thesewarmstars and The Shadow of the Other by atypicalsnowman (29k & 9 chapters, 34k & 6 chapters in french)

-> Bliblou seems to have deleted their account at some point, but I have epubs if you're interested? The original fics are dope, if you decide you want to try and read them in french as well hit me up.

And as a bonus for you, here is one singular Tomarrymort I found in the pile, and a Drarry recommendation, juuust in case, because I used to be into Drarry before Snarry swept me off my feet.

• La loi de l'Amour by Rose_British (128k, 33 chapters)

Pour garder son contrôle sur Harry, Dumbledore prévoit de le marier de force et fait instaurer une loi de mariage pour camoufler ses traces. Sauf que tout ne se passe pas comme prévu…

-> Like La guerre des contrats, it's Dumbledore bashing, but this time Harry is with Tom. It's not arranged marriage either because he's already dating Voldemort and then he's arranged-married to Tom Riddle, which is pretty funny. What turned me off the first time is the Severus/Ginny, but I think I might give it another shot honestly.

• Nothing else matters by Rose Malefoy (346k, 39 chapters)

Deux hommes, deux continents. Une vie faite de relations éphémères, sans contrainte et sans engagement, dans laquelle ils n'étaient pas censés se retrouver. Et surtout, ils n'étaient pas censés s'aimer. Si proches peu importe la distance, ça ne pourrait être plus près du cœur, croyons éternellement en ce que nous sommes. Et rien d'autre n'a d'importance . HPDM/DMHP - EXPLICITE.

-> Now I know I know, that's a huge ass novel to present you with when you didn't even ask for Drarry. No offense if you don't want to touch it, that would be fair, but this fic also is really cool. I'm giving you this one because it's the most memorable of the author's works for me, but she's also written a few OS that aren't as big, so if you want 'shorter' quality works and you're fine with the ship I recommend looking at her profile.

AND THIS CONCLUDES IT! Thanks for asking, this was a blast from the past. I mean look at all these summaries that say don't like don't read.... incredible. The Snarry reclist will hopefully be coming this summer but it's going to be a MONSTER. Absolutely huge. So. Hope there's something readable for you in there, otherwise there should be some good short stuff on FFnet or AO3 (or I can rec you actual books that aren't thousands of words long lol)

#merci de m'avoir demandé mon amour!!!#i want to reread puppy... i want to translate le sang des innocents and dispatches from the division... i want to finish the reclist.....#oh the pain #harry potter #snarry #wow i have an asks tag now #wow i have a ramble tag now #fandom nerdery

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