#whatever at least i feel happy here

[mipexch]

comic about v2 and the goal they'll never fully reach alongside a dissatisfying conclusion. intimate rivalry and all (alternative ending comic. V1 dies instead of V2 during 4-4. V2 is narrating. V1 is dead.)

#high of victory drops to an overwhelming crushing feeling of what comes next now that youre done #if it wasnt clear v2 is trying very hard to put v1 back together after it kills them. very very poorly. weight of your actions hits #v2 #v1 #ultrakill #v4v #heavy implied at the very least. see as you will #i realize now that the writing is very disconnected and so are the drawings but bear with me here. do you see my vision #theres something going on between these two that is beautiful but also extremely codependent #at least on v2s end #tried to do those two descriptive pages in a way where it went like. 2 - 3 small details about v1. and then something very specific. some- #-thing theyd only know if they paid close attention to how the other acted or looked #took me a few days to put together and im pretty happy with it i think #feel free to dub or do whatever as long as you gimme credit where credits due #there are many ways to interpret v2 and this is one of them #gen art

[waketoearth]

20 POSTERS FOR JUNGWON'S 20TH !!!

#enhypenet #kpopco #malegroupsnet #enhypen #jungwon #heetual #how did we get here.. again.. how did i convince myself to do this again.. look.. if i never make another poster at least you know why #tbf compared to sunoo's i'm feeling better creatively bc i gave myself a bit more time blah blah blah i changed my background colour just #for these and i'm kind of digging F3F0DD idk.. like maybe i'm a yellow background girl these days.. ik poster ten is grey and now im lookin #at it with resentful eyes but idk if i saved the psd or if i have the effort to change it.. it will bug me.. no. idc idc stop asking abt it #next year riki will turn 20 and i will isolate myself for the last time.... kind of sad honestly whatever idc #UGH and poster nine is also not yellow i think it's F1F1F1 which is my go to off white.. WHATEVER what do you think about passionfruit by #nmixx lmk and thanks for looking at my posters please enjoy and lmk your fave if u have one mine is 4 or 5 <333 #also im sure the quality is awful sorry about it shrug emoji #z.enhypen #z.gfx #z.jungwon #happy jungwon day

[prince-liest]

more self-indulgent jgy abo headcanons

I read a fic so long ago that I no longer remember the fandom nor characters involved, but the thing about it that really stuck in my mind was that it was an abo-verse fic that used the concept that omegas have an ingrained biological need for physical (including platonic) affection, to the point where “touch-starvation” was a medical diagnosis

this is obviously extremely up my alley for ALL my blorbos, but consider jin guangyao in particular:

unlike the usual ‘omega pretending to be a beta’ trope, I think that once he is established at jinlintai, he would not really try to let people assume that he’s a beta. being an omega leads people not only into underestimating him, but also into offering him a certain degree of safety in providing a veil of stereotype-associated demureness, placidity, etc. it is more to his benefit for people to see him as a polite young man, perhaps even one who, yes, is a war hero - but people can’t quite imagine what kinds of things he must have done for that. surely nothing too bad.

but at the same time, this is the character who couldn't even serve tea to people as nie mingjue’s deputy without people making a show of wiping off their fingers after touching the cups. people know he is an omega, people judge him for being an omega on top of all the other things he is already judged for, but I suspect that most of the relevant and appropriate people in jinlintai avoid touching him unless absolutely necessary. in a world where casual contact is thoroughly commonplace just due to the socialities set up by their biology, jin guangyao has a personal space bubble of like 2-3 feet because he's the dirty son of a prostitute.

he walks through the halls, ostensibly the second young master of the tower, and feels like he is drowning in the physical manifestation of loneliness.

who does he have left? family? jin zixuan is not close to him, and frankly is likely an alpha raised by alphas to whom it would not even occur to that such needs need to be minded. jin guangshan certainly is aware, but is using it as leverage, allowing and denying contact as he see fits to manipulate jin guangyao the same way he does with his fatherly affection. there are his sworn brothers, but his relationship with nie mingjue is fraught: certainly da-ge wouldn’t withhold contact as punishment or leverage, but that doesn’t mean he wants to touch jin guangyao anymore, nor does he really understand how the necessity of it feels when he grew up with nie huaisang, an omega who has never been shy about taking whatever affection he wants. and er-ge... he just isn’t around enough.

lan xichen is still the best option, and by the time they have the opportunities to see each other, jin guangyao is pressing nails into his palms to stop from just plastering himself up against lan xichen’s side, which surely would be humiliating for both of them. but still, he’s so aware of it any time they’re in the same room, meting out as many small touches as he can get away with without embarrassing himself. lan xichen slips his fingers over jin guangyao’s wrists as he pulls him up from a bow, intending warm affection. jin guangyao doesn’t want to let him know that it feels like being allowed to gasp for a single breath of air before his head is shoved back underwater.

(with nie mingjue, it is worse. da-ge is just as aware as jin guangyao is when they touch, but for all the worst reasons.)

it is the strangest blessing whenever jin guangyao sees nie huaisang. it’s embarrassing, a little - the knowledge that nie huaisang understands, unlike most people in jin guangyao’s life. but nie huaisang takes that embarrassment onto his own self willingly, never hesitating before making a fool of himself in the way that only a terminally younger brother can, and simply flinging himself into his san-ge’s arms. it’s nostalgic, too: nie mingjue isn’t quite so aware of how important touch is with how proactive nie huaisang can be, and so during his days as deputy, it was often nie huaisang who gave meng yao what he could not ask for.

the cultivators at jinlintai look down on him just as the ones in the unclean realm did, but now there is no willing young master to soothe away the tangible, physical ache of it. more often than not, jin guangyao tucks his hands into his sleeves to hide the way his fingertips shake.

anyway this is my petition for jiang yanli to take two looks at this situation and promptly wrinkle her brows just the slightest amount, expressing quiet concern to jin zixuan that it’s strange how she doesn’t see anybody touch his half-brother very much, does she? and jin zixuan is a little confused, a little embarrassed, a little off-balance - he doesn’t feel close enough to jin guangyao to be that casual, but he’s an alpha, he doesn’t get it until jiang yanli explains to him, with a beta’s patience, the value of family bonds to an omega as well as jin zixuan’s responsibility as a brother (older brother? younger? his father claims older, but there’s no way to truly know - ), and isn’t it wonderful, having a little brother?

and then someone pats jin guangyao over the head until he’s feeling a little less strung-thin and out of options, he realizes he has to keep jin zixuan and jiang yanli alive lest he actually lose his mind (sympathy for da-ge? oh no...), and etc etc things end happily ever after, the end, QED.

#the untamed #mdzs #jin guangyao #meng yao #xiyao #3zun #omegaverse #my writing #personal #I think other fantastic candidates for this affliction would be mu qing and jiang cheng #though liu qingge would also be a hilarious option that wouldn't be angsty in the least just HILARIOUS #because he would absolutely forget and then inadvertently try to meet the need through like #physical combat #until it became poor mu qingfang's problem #anyway don't ask me how the happy end happens I'm not actually writing a fic here I just like to dream #I'm a happy endings bitch okay #long post #also feel free to interprety whichever relationships in this post whatever way you want on the romantic/platonic spectrum #I'm not really fussed about it #abo #storytelling post

[danothan]

tough pill i have to swallow is realizing that “getting better” doesn’t mean “getting to do more things,” getting better for me means taking better initiative in protecting myself. and THAT means making sure i do LESS things

#sounds kinda obvious but i only just realized it lmao #feels like i have to grieve a lot of my goals now but no one said the healing process would be easy #danbles #and for anyone else that has a disability that prevents them from doing smth #or trauma that makes certain triggers limit their opportunities #or neurotypes that make it harder for them to love smth like they used to #or whatever else #i don’t want to make it sound like you have to give up on the things that make you happy #I’M certainly not going to #but a huge value of mine has always been experiencing everything life had to offer #and everytime that backfires (whether it’s burnout; triggering a flashback; triggering an episode; putting strain on my body; etc) #i always just thought to myself ‘it was bad timing’ or ‘i haven’t gotten better yet’ bc the endgoal was to always get to that point where #i could experience it. i want to try new things all the time. i want to feel normal and be included in everything #but if smth keeps Making Me Feel Bad then maybe there isn’t a version of myself that can take it on #it’s not resilience to put yourself in harm’s way #idk how well i’ll be able to put this into practice tbh. i rly rly like exploring different experiences #even negative ones are valuable to me #but the least i can do for myself is recognize that i might not always be the problem #maybe i’ve already hit the limit on all the self-work i can do. maybe it’s the environment or situation itself that’s the problem #fuuck guys ​i feel like i’m going thru a stage of grief here why is this shit so hard 💀

[karamazovanon]

your art is so amazing i cant stress this enough every time i see any of your drawings i want to rb it 763924 times and go feral

AHHH THANK YOU <333 this ask made my day so in exchange here is a super secret mitya wip that is part of a bigger thing...........

#idk why ive responded to 2 asks w mitya now. this is just the least shit wip i have rn LMAOOOO #thank u sm <33 i love seeing tags and asks like this it makes me so happy...... im glad my derangement abt 19th c literature sparks joy #anonasks #anonart #i feel like he looks different every time i draw him but WHATEVER #also trying to balance giving him his canonical big ol bug eyes vs not making him look like a fuckijg moe blob #im like that one simpsons meme. money (being nice) can be exchanged for goods and services (random art in my wip folder) #the brothers karamazov #also idk why my art style is so inconsistent i just work here man

[yourlocaldisneyvillain]

i wish there was a space for actual adults within this fandom. i guess i will have to create it, even if it's just me and other five people and a shoelace. i wonder how this whole thing is gonna develop!

#personal #the entire internet but also this fandom specifically is infested with ppl whose reading comprehension is lower than a 6th grader's #can't a gal enjoy a middle-aged actress without being pestered by toddlers with pitchforks #and i know i'm the pettiest bitch but i am ANNOYED esp when i see how old these ppl are. if you're over 25 you have no excuse daskjfhg #like i have cut my audience in half at least! if not more with this fic #but i'm happy bc i'm producing content i wanna produce #i wonder how my new fics are gonna be received #after i finish “particular” i have another thing coming up that ppl probs won't like lol #but i think it's important i post it #and then we have murder mysteries and gothic horror and wooooo you know #it's gonna be fun! and a bit disturbing! #wonder if imma be dragged on twitter again lol #but i sincerely hope no one will care lol #honestly i never expected ppl to care THAT much but i guess they did #it also annoys me that a concerningly small amount seems to care abt the actual quality of writing #and i'm over here agonising about Stylistic Choices(TM) lol #i feel like it flies over ppl's heads and they just wanna read abt larissa weems fucking them with a shapeshifted dick #which okay i guess but also what abt Literature #you could do smth creative with a shapeshifting character just saying. and include your magic cocks or whatever tf you're into #ah i am fuming in vain i will just write my lil fics and hope i don't get a new influx of kys messages lol

[hella1975]

so it turns out it was actually never that serious

#the exam literally went fine what the fuck just happened i feel like i just hallucinated that #like im not one of those people that go 'omg i did soooo badly :(' just to come out with top grades if i say it's going to shit #then it's becuase i genuinely wholeheartedly believe it #and my headspace before this exam was the worst it's been in MONTHS like i havent felt that bad for an exam since first year #and i sat down opened the paper and. remembered everything. like i literally just Knew the answers #im not saying ive passed bc am i fuck about to jinx it and i was still riding mainly blind bc i have NO idea where that knowledge came from #but at the very least there was a 35 marker that i KNOW i aced like i could picture the exact lecture slides it wanted me to discuss #and i had all of them memorised so at the very least ive got like. 30 marks. which is enough for me to pass the module #bc this exam is only weighted 75% and with my marks from the other 25% i only needed like 20 marks to pass this exam #which... makes it even more embarrassing that i failed it the first time but whatever!!!! #oh my god im so glad that's done im so happy IM FREE #just been in the kitchen dancing around to my little tunes and texting my friends <3 #im meeting up with one of them when she gets off work at 5 and we're going for drinks #so ive got until then to nap and chill and then ill go to the shop and get us some food and wine #and she's gonna come here for a bit & then we'll go. like actually look at me. im having people over at MY HOUSE im going out to buy us WIN #im literally a functioning adult living independently who IS she a misty memory #alas i do only have £23 in my account so this is gonna be such a slay seeing how i make that stretch for a night out #i acc could budget for england when it comes to alcohol i think like the way i manage to have a good funky time with MINIMAL funds #is downright impressive. it's a skill idc what you say #hella goes to uni

[novelconcepts]

i don't make resolutions, but if i did

it would be to finish this fic

(and to be kind to myself for however long it takes to actually do so)

#i'm finishing it if it kills me #i know i've been writing this makeout scene for 3 weeks but baby that can't last forever #if we want to get deep and dark and serious for a second i do think a lot of my struggles to write lately have to do with engagement #and how incredibly low engagement has been on the last few things i've written #which like. is what it is. i'm not entitled to anybody's time or comments or kudos. #but when you write stuff you're proud of and it feels like it's barely getting read it's hard to keep momentum. #this isn't intended as a woe is me or whatever it's just kind of like. there. hovering. #happens enough times you start to wonder if it's you. am i just writing for the wrong fandom/ship? #(too bad if so. they're in my bones i'm writing for them and no one can stop me.) #but yeah. if you ever wonder if authors do care or notice about hits. comments. kudos. buddy i am here to tell you #not only do we care and FLOURISH we also notice when those things drop off and readers vanish #and it is a giant bummer. and sometimes makes us wildly paranoid about why that might have happened. #so if you liked a fic today--not even one of mine. just. anybody's. share it. comment on it. #kudos at the VERY least (cuz frankly kudos is there to be an 'i got to the end and this was nice' feature. #so when you get 500 hits and only like 30 kudos? it feels like 470 of those people hated your work) #anyway. that got out of hand. lil' too raw lil' too honest. happens when you let yourself ramble at 11:30 instead of sleeping #to sum: let your local fic writer know if they've made you happy #and as we go into 2024 i am swearing to myself that this fic (and probably several others) are getting finished #come hell. high water. or dishearteningly low engagement numbers. #(and then maybe we...actually work on something original. cuz why not. new year same old me but i'll do my best.)

[blueish-bird]

sorry if I don’t remember your name or conversations/experiences or basic things about myself, every few weeks my brain gets factory reset and I have to relearn how to be alive

#lighthearted but also serious bc what is going on here buddy #been feeling weird as hell these past few months #like I can remember some stuff… but it doesn’t feel normal to forget the names of anyone I haven’t seen/heard the name of in a few days #or forget about basic interests and personality traits and experiences and feel like a blank slate every day #idk like ultimately life goes on and I’m happy to live in the moment but it would be nice to understand why my brain is doing this #just thinking #meposting #I think my brain just. does this sometimes when I’m stressed. which is annoying #I recall (lmao) feeling similar during earlier parts of life so this isn’t *new* it’s just unexpected and much more disruptive as an adult #I’m feeling better about it than I was. after like. acknowledging it. bc my mind has not always felt like a sieve it isn’t always this bad. #whatever #I’ll tag as dissociation just in case it’s related/reminiscent and ppl don’t want to see that #dissociation #me and her go way back… haven’t seen each other in years though #she wasnt all bad! coping mechanisms can provide relief and a sense of safety #and as far as coping mechanisms go it’s not the most unhealthy. though it ranks high in ‘socially stunting’ #I kind of miss the distance sometimes to be honest everything’s just So Much all the time #I’m so solid now #so stuck in the ruts of capitalism #fuck capitalism #I wish my imagination didn’t feel so dulled #sorry I love talking #and I don’t miss dissociation when I feel mentally present because I feel so Here with the people and things I love but rn? #it’s like a lose-lose bc I am not Here nor am I untethered. I’m heavy yet hold nothing #I enjoy being dramatic/poetic about it — I feel pretty fine. I just hope this isn’t a permanent and/or long-term state of existence. #like it makes me awful at my job I went from remembering a solid amount of the student body’s names (built up over a few years) to. like 5. #overnight it felt like. like Stressful Thing happened and I went to work and I couldn’t remember anyone’s names. #can’t believe I have to start from fucking scratch AGAIN I’d be better off quitting and working at a different school #bc at least then my lack of knowledge/remembering is justified rather than strange and seemingly rude #I’m getting better now but at the beginning of this it was blue screen in my brain all the time

[ereborne]

Song of the Day: March 26

"Songs About Rain" by Gary Allan

#song of the day #you might think that this is the opposite of 'Groovy Little Summer Song' but nope! closer to same because (drumroll) #they are one of the very best categories of thing: Country Songs About Country Songs #I love them. I adore them #'Songs About Rain' is one of the strongest and best examples of type I have (also 'Cheatin Songs' by Midland. impeccable) #'and it sure ain't easin my pain / all these songs like / Rainy Night in Georgia / Kentucky Rain #Here Comes That Rainy Day Feelin Again / Blues Eyes Cryin in the Early Mornin Rain #they go on and on and there's no two the same / oh it would be easy to blame / all these songs about rain' #what a gift. what a delight. legitimately hard to sing this song in a mournful voice because it makes me so damn happy #anyway as you might glean from how this is posting at 3 pm my time: my sleep schedule is /fucked/ #I did have part of the bad conversation with my boss on Monday (immediately followed by garden times #which so overtook me that I spoke only about the garden and good spring feeling in my song post. what a blessing the garden is) #but mostly what happened is I said 'hey it is technically possible for me to make this but it will not help it will not do anything useful' #and my boss said 'but you can make it' and I said 'yes but we shouldn't. it will be a waste of time' and she said 'make it by Thursday' #and I said 'I absolutely cannot make it by Thursday. if I finish instead this better thing I've already been working on--' #and she said 'no we don't care about that thing. make part of the useless thing. by Thursday morning' #and I said 'if I bring you part of the useless thing and part of the good thing and I directly compare them in front of you--' #and she said 'we'll look at whatever you have Thursday morning but it's the useless thing we care about' #so the meeting is scheduled and I'm going to plead for the life of my better thing and probably the best I'll get is permission to do both #which is. I mean the useless thing is going to be a time-waster for sure but at least it won't be actively detrimental to anything? #it'll be fine I'll make it be fine. the inherent problems of when your boss doesn't actually know what you do for them I guess :/ #(also maybe. maybe if it comes down to it. maybe I'll just make the good thing for myself and use it to make my own life better #and someday maybe they'll ask for a project that works and then I'll be able to dramatically unveil it but either way I'll benefit from it #hmm maybe yeah)

[grahamdollton]

#my peculiar wife #i'm not rewatching speaking of sex atm i just found this in the vaults (my screenshot folder) #then again i might rewatch it today because i feel like shit and seeing him in such a..... state..... might improve matters #at least yesterday wasn't a total bust #and by that i mean i actually had a decent day yesterday which i haven't been able to say in ages #i left my cave and went to an estate sale where an incredibly attractive middle aged gentleman with silver hair let me have #these two big wooden roll top boxes full of cassettes (many of which are sealed blanks!) for five bucks..... #i haven't gone through them thoroughly yet but it looks like there's a lot of early appalachian gospel #can't go wrong there......... #the man kept calling me sir #sometimes it baffles me that i “”“pass”“” these days because my hair is so damn long and i keep my face clean shaven #so that's nice #with how depressed i've been sometimes i hate to acknowledge when i have a decent day or even a decent moment #because i almost superstitiously feel it will act as a magnet for my depression to swoop in and feed on it #and out of that fear my depression has developed this sort of..... personified stubbornness #where i both consciously and unconsciously avoid what might allow for an opening for “decent moments”.. pleasure.. joy.. whatever might #might grant me relief from pain even just for a moment etc #i don't know what i'm trying to describe here all i know is i feel trying to announce or acknowledge any sort of happiness i experience #feels like i'm directly endangering it #my brain is too scattered right now to try to articulate anything and i don't know why i'm doing so in the tags of a photo of #my peculiar wife james spader #just trying to exist again and not let myself be a hermit to the extent of harold smith which is very much the path i've been on for a long #long time #and i'm chipping away at that nonexistence in strange ways but chipping away nonetheless.......

[takis-scribbles]

So my account got flagged, which sucks because I didn’t even get to go full feral over akaren before getting thrown in super tumblr h jail 😔

#like at least let me earn my jail card u_u #ngl i was feeling like John Travolta in pulp fiction l m a o #the consequences of posting Rengoku booba ig #so lesson learned #rengussy era coming with a vengance lads #narrator: he learned nothing #but also hi !! #been at a loss for inspiritation lately but! I made some new friends in kny fandom to enable all of my bad terrible no good ideas ! #will post pending art and new art hopefully before my soul sucking job starts jsjdnd #happy New Years yeah it’s tomorrow but I’ll probs forget to make a post #here’s hoping for a better year 🤞 #this is the year where I’ll take better care of and be kinder to myself and jsut post whatever whenever

[welcometoteyvat]

normal programming interrupted I will be Not Normal for quite possibly the next 2 months all the way until 4.4 release

#you know who this is about. 嘉明ga-ming my son. #my reaction to him is best described by the 'i want to see it grow up healthy' 'deranged stick figure bouncing off walls' 'hands are used t #forfeit all mortal possessions to him' and other incomprehensible memes #yeah im going crazy. i think its also very heartwarming that ive seen like 10 diff people say they feel seen or that hes like a little sib #and a mostly (????) positive response to the name. mihoyo maybe you won. ppl are talking about canto names at least (???) #although i do have major flashbacks to yun.jin voiceover release era its ALWAYS the voice or the name #whatever. i'm jumping anyone who makes fun of him <3 #might make fun of his outfit but mostly so happy he's here at all KJSKFJDKS the concept arts made it.... #ramblings!

[thesmokinpossum]

I've been in a really good and productive mood lately so I kinda half expect my ex best friend to send me some crazy bullshit through social media real soon tbh

#i'm not trying to make her sound like some insane evil demon from hell because that's neither accurate nor fair #but like...girl *ALWAYS* come back at me with some shit at the most inconvenient time #either when i'm already super low or when i'm super happy #it's like she got this 5th sense that allows her to figure out when would be the best/worst moment to write me angry paragraphs on ig #so yeah i honestly expect it to happen in the next few days i'm not even kidding here #y'all are probably like 'well just block her then' and you are right but like...i'm physically unable to do that lmao #so yeah whatever happens is at least partially my fault but whatever #this very well might not happen i feel like she's kinda over it over it #knocking on wood i guess

[biracy]

Tbh I should probably take a break. I almost definitely won't but I should, yknow

#idk i don't have much 'real stuff' happening irl besides like. job hunting and college applications. so it's hard #but i think if i at least ease off some time on here n read a little more n watch more movies i might start to feel better #haven't really liked where my head's been at lately it feels like whatever persona is The One Who Blogs is 'taking over' more #to put it in a very dorky comic book-sounding ass way LMAO but that's how i feel! like i'm losing my own 'voice' yknow #my mental health is Bad my physical health is also Not Great n i kinda feel like ass. if i'm being honest #idk i feel like i'm crashing from whatever high i've been on for the past couple of days n i'm not Really super happy w myself #except the media literacy posts those were good. but like the more discoursey stuff i'm not proud of #again sorry to like. publicly vent LMAO i'll be fine i'm good. i'm trying really hard to pull myself out of this #but again. sorry abt the Shite i was posting earlier today i wasn't really in my own right head #just kinda wanted 2 get all that off my chest idk if it's clear that i don't really have anyone i feel like i can talk to right this moment #i'm very socially isolated irl and i'm so scared of becoming socially isolated online too just bc i'm an idiot who doesn't think b4 he post #NOT to make it sound all about me or whatever but it's true. i'm very very scared of losing people n right now this is My Space #i'd forgotten just how bad it felt. in this Specific case it is kinda my fault tho LMAO don't worry i've apologized as best i know how #okay i'm done. i'm done. i'm gonna go watch tv and go to bed i hope #open mick night

[theloveinc]

saaame i miss 2021 tumblr everyone left and its so sad

yeah. like, I don’t mind people left but… since no one really ended up replacing them, it’s just a bummer that we got used to all that content.

#I have more thoughts too #thoughts people wouldn’t like #about how authors basically just do whatever they want now #which is great and I’m happy for them! #bc you should just write what you want #but it changes the dynamic on here greatly #and we haven’t all … gotten used to that shift #hence why there’s so much discourse around interaction now #but that’s neither here nor there I guess #cuz it’s no hard feelings as usual #but same :( I miss it/them too #I’m sure we’ll find something equally as fun one day tho! #or I hope so at least #I really do love it here #caitie answers #anon