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frustrationinexcelsis · 2 years

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So, I just finished The Last Command, and boy was this a ride.

I’m going to use this post for my thoughts on both the book and the trilogy in general -- and, fair warning, heavy spoilers ahead.

I really enjoyed these books. I tried to pace myself through the last one, but towards the end I just tore through it.

More specific thoughts include:

Luke. Luuuuke. This is how you write Luke Skywalker -- like, if there’s one thing that should stand out from Return of the Jedi, it’s that this man is forgiving to an almost pathologic degree. This is a man determined to see the best in everyone, even if he has to dig through mountains of badness to get to it, and Zahn definitely understood that. It’s especially notable in regards to Joruus C’Baoth -- like, this man is a dangerous, evil lunatic, but what Luke sees is a sick man who needs help. Until the absolute last moment, Luke keeps trying to reach to him and get him to accept help -- for the simple reason that C’Baoth needs help, and Luke can give it to him. It’s obvious to everyone, Luke included, that it’s a long shot, but he keeps trying until C’Baoth’s final breath.

Seriously, this is an ideal to aspire to. If someday I’m quarter as forgiving and empathetic as his version of Luke, I will die happy.

(Some may wonder if I’m a little salty still about how Luke was portrayed in certain works I won’t name.)

(Some may be correct.)

Leia was also great. I love how quickly she saw through Mara’s denial, and seeing her get to show off her Force sensitivity is always a treat.

I also love that Han’s reaction to suddenly finding himself face-to-face with a master of the Dark Side is still to pull out his blaster and try to shoot him. No hesitation, just draw, aim, fire. It didn’t work this time either, but hey -- credit for the attempt!

Mara. Mara. She was wonderfully written. There’s some real interesting writing there in her struggle with her sense of identity and indoctrination by the Emperor. What I found especially interesting is that, between having spent her entire life as the Emperor’s servant and having his last order echoing in her head for the past few years, she has some real trouble with distinguishing between her own desires and the Emperor’s orders -- she’s spent so long with the latter in the former’s place that she’s never had the chance to actually explore her own desires and autonomy. Luke and Leia see through this a lot sooner than she does, but towards the end I think that she’s also in denial -- the impression I get is that, after the life she’s led, starting to think of herself as her own person is alien and intimidating enough that she’s reluctant to make the jump.

Also, going in generally aware of Mara’s status as Luke’s primary EU love interest, I was kind of worried that there’d be a rushed romance arc, and was very glad to find those fears unfounded. There is not so much as a whisper of romance or romantic feelings, or at least nothing that’s explicitly that. The majority of Mara’s page-time is given to establishing her character and working through her narrative arc as she works past her indoctrination and obsession with vengeance, and showing how she comes to eventually like and trust the other protagonists. There is, by the end of The Last Command, clearly some kind of bond between her and Luke -- but there’s nothing really indicating that it’s anything beyond the comradeship that you get between people who have gone through hell and back together. Obviously more is going to come in later books, but Zahn evidently chose to use the series to introduce Mara as a character and build a foundation for whatever future developments may come, and that was absolutely the right call.

(Like, seriously, it takes some good writing to make something like Luke giving Mara his own father’s lightsaber seem like something he would logically do with or without the presence of romantic feelings, but here we are.)

Fey’lya’s part was also unexpected. It does help impress the situation’s gravity when the last book’s shallow, selfish politician stereotype is suddenly so terrified of what Thrawn could do with Palpatine’s old toys that he’s suddenly all business, no political games, just get that mountain destroyed right fucking now.

Thrawn was a memorable villain, for sure. What I found especially interesting about him was how Zahn is careful to build him up as a hypercompetent figure, always in charge, with a plan, and three steps ahead of everyone else -- but partway into book two the reader is shown a major variable, Leia’s relationship to Vader, that Thrawn does not know, a vulnerability he doesn’t plan for. For the entire later half of the trilogy the reader is given a pretty good idea of how exactly Thrawn will fail and of the primary gaping flaw in his carefully tailored grand strategies -- that he’s a genius but not infallible, and that this, this right here, is how it will all come crashing down. I find that very interesting.

Also, in the last few chapters you can practically feel Rukh’s frustration seething through the pages -- he knew exactly what he was doing in that little “stealth exercise” he sprung on Pellaeon. Continuing to stand guard over Thrawn after learning the truth must have been infuriating -- but the Noghri needed vengeance over the Empire, not over Thrawn personally, and he had to wait until he could truly screw the Empire over.

Joruus C’Baoth is... interesting. The impression I got was that he was doomed from the start, in the end -- he was powerful and dangerous, sure, but also unstable, erratic and deluded, too blinded by his ego and delusions to truly understand his enemies, his would-be servants and the world. He was always going to self-destruct or overreach and doom himself some other way; the only questions were the when, the how, and how many people he was going to take down with himself.

C’Baoth is also an interesting exercise in the concept of villain redemption or lack thereof. A hero being willing to offer redemption is all well and good, but it’s only half of the equation; the villain must also accept it. Darth Vader was willing to accept Luke’s hand in friendship when it was offered to him; so was Mara. C’Baoth was not -- he rejected every offer of reconciliation made, and in the end his death was of his own making. The only thing that makes a person truly irredeemable, I think, is their own refusal to accept redemption.

Now of course I’m going to have to deal with my usual depressive mood after finishing a great story, but talking about it always helps... and it was so artistically done.

#star wars #star wars legends #star wars legends spoilers #thrawn trilogy #the last command #luke skywalker #leia organa #han solo #mara jade #borsk fey'lya #grand admiral thrawn #rukh #joruus c'baoth #frustration reads #now there's the question of where to go next #I'm thinking probably the jedi academy trilogy as a logical followup #but then I might head back in time a little to tackle the x-wing books #then maybe I Jedi and then the hand of thrawn?#we'll see

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fantastic-nonsense · 2 years

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Timothy Zahn and Alan Moore basically have the same problem with big IP taking their work and fucking over everything they did with it after they leave, except Zahn used his social power to call out Star Wars for fridging his fan favorite female OC and leverage himself back into a position to rewrite his stories while Moore just spends his time calling an entire genre of fiction fascist

#timothy zahn #alan moore #comics #star wars #zahn's TFN interview where he called out Del Rey for fridging Mara Jade my beloved

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emperorsfoot · 8 months

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she’s 17 years old

#Mara #cat #my cat #cats of tumblr #Mara jade catwalker #old lady #she stole my pillow in these pictures #and because she’s so old I don’t kick her off anymore #I slept with my head on her cat bed (not pictured)#the old girl deserves all the luxury she demands #she’s been a perfect companion these 17 years #I was 20 when I adopted her #she was 6 months #it’s actually a funny story #she was drugged with human Valium #and fell asleep in my arms #I thought it was instant love and trust #I adopted her on the spot #then by the time I got her home she didn’t know where she was or who I was and she panicked #she became the cat from HELL!#she claimed the walls!#complete virticle climb #eventually she came to trust me #now she’s always at my side #if I’m home she’s next to me #I don’t know how to exist without her #I will not be okay when she passes #cats need to live forever

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saltpepperbeard · 2 years

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The way Leia naming her son Ben has even more significance now…

#Jodi rambles #Obi Wan Kenobi #Kenobi #Leia Organa #Ben Solo #THIS SERIES HAS ME GETTING EMO AT LIKE 8:30 IN THE MORNING LMAO #FROTHING AT THE MOUTH AT WORK #But GOD this thought just breached my brain and I was like 🧍🏼‍♀️#Because I always found it odd that they went with that name as opposed to like #The EU where Luke and Mara Jade go with that name for THEIR son lol #It always seemed more fitting because Luke’s relationship with Ben was apparent #BUT NOW WKDJWJDJW GOD #MAKES ME HURT

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lukeleiahan · 2 years

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Watched OWK and now I can't help but think about an AU where Obi-Wan does kill Vader after their last duell.

It's the hardest decision he's ever had to make.

Vader says that he killed Anakin, and Obi-Wan...

Obi-Wan believes him.

Maybe it's just that he needs to believe it, maybe it's just selfishness, but he does believe it.

And if Anakin is dead, truly dead, then Vader is nothing but an enemy.

Obi-Wan never wanted to be soldier, but the Clone Wars made a very good one out of him. He knows what to do with enemies.

Especially enemies that threaten two most important children just by existing.

It's just one swipe with his lightsaber, targeted to the neck. Vader doesn't even scream.

(Obi-Wan will wonder, for the rest of his days. Was this Vader, in his last moments, or was that Anakin, granting Obi-Wan peace? Would there have been a way to save him after all? It eats him, quietly, sometimes. But he is a soldier. And soldiers kill their enemies.)

He wants to bury him. It's Anakin's body as well, after all. But then he feels Luke's terror, and that's that.

After, he goes back. Anakin hated Tatooine, never ever wanted to return there. It would be cruel to bury him there. And no civilized world would want Vader. So he buries him there, on that small moon, under rocks. He doesn't mark the place.

He returns Lola to Leia, tells Bail of the Path, and then goes back to Tatooine. He meets Luke. He finds Qui-Gon. It's enough.

He thinks of telling Bail and Breha, of telling Owen and Beru. Of telling them what happened to Anakin. Of telling them Vader's dead. But what would that accomplish? It's over. It doesn't matter who Vader's first victim was. And so he doesn't.

Nine years later, he does not die aboard the Death Star. He guides the twins to safety. He holds them both as they grieve their families.

And once the battle is over, he sits them down.

"Let me tell you a story." He says.

#obi wan kenobi #i wanted to make this like super long #but i actually realized... killing vader doesn't accomplish that much in the greater picture?#like yes #the twins are safer and obi-wan is safer #and there's a good number of people who aren't murdered by vader #but like in the big picture #vader really was just palpatines attack dog #he can fairly easily be replaced by a generic inquisitor #just give that inquisitor the info that vader was anakin and you can have esb #it won't quite have the emotional impact but it's close enough especially with the twins knowing a bit more #they'd feel so betrayed by obi-wan #it's really only rotj where you have to start changing things seriously #i feel like that's where obi-wan dies in this one #like the twins and him go confront palpatine and obi-wan doesn't make it but the twins do #possibly an inquisitor turns... maybe the inquisitor is mara jade? that could be super fun #and instead of her it's obi-wan that dies that could work #i also wanted to save bail and breha #and owen and beru #but i felt like this is a good ending #master sass #au #my writing

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jayaorgana · 1 year

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I have so many ideas, just not for the art I'm meant to be doing. Hello yes teacher, I know it was not the assignment but would you accept drawings of no longer Canon Star Wars characters?

#i have a sketch of Mara Jade #it is digital and therefore not in the medium you wanted #I know this was meant to be about physical spaces but have you considered you just said space and that is where she lives???#pippa.txt

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curiouscrux · 2 years

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Shout-out to that coworker I had in my early 20s who had a lightsaber battle with me in the parking lot of the restaurant on Halloween. We do not talk anymore, but I cherish the memories.

#halloween #Star Wars #mara jade #was my character if I remember correctly #he was a standard jedi #food service #is a trip where no one is on the same page in life #but sometimes those overlap anyhow

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desireandduty · 11 months

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i fucking hate him for it . / via @notpr3y

Padmé freezes for a second in surprise, the only motion of her face being her eyebrows flying as high in her forehead as they'll go. This is... an unexpected turn of conversation from what had started out as light small talk. She had invited the younger woman out for drinks, wanting to get to know better the person who had so obviously captured her son's heart. "... who is it that you hate exactly?" she asked, once she had recovered from the urge to chuckle. It didn't surprise her in the least that Luke, with his cooler, calmer temperament, had fallen for someone with spunk.

#just putting this in a verse we had joked about on discord #where mara is getting to know her potential mother in law #yay happy ppl lived #{storias}#{ft: mara jade}#{verse: sometimes there are things no one can fix}

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ladadiida · 10 months

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𝐛𝐥𝐚𝐝𝐞 𝐱 𝐟𝐞𝐦!𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

heavily injured from a battle in the xianzhou luofu, you thought it would be the first and last time you see your stellarmate—but then you wake up in his arms, with him treating your wounds despite showing signs of disinterest in your bond when you first met.

𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐬 soulmate au, angst, unrequited love, mentions of blood and injury descriptions, possessiveness, blade's pov, him just taking care of you with a sprinkle of angst

𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞 stellarmate = soulmate (inspired from stellar jade so original i know) this is actually from the blade fic that i plan on writing but this can be read as a standalone! also, if you get the ts reference in this we are automatically besties. may blade wanters be blade havers

𝐰𝐜 1.8k

soaking the dirty piece of cloth in the cold water, blade let the icy liquid gather in the fabric before lifting it out and wringing it dry until it became nothing but an improvised damp towel.

it wasn't even guaranteed that it was clean enough to be put on your forehead, since the cloth was only ripped off from your dirtied skirt. however, he had no choice but to use it in the end. your body went into a shock after losing too much blood in a battle between you and some mara-struck soldiers, resulting into a high fever.

with the moon positioned at its highest point in the night sky, blade guessed that it was already midnight, meaning that he hadn't caught a wink of sleep ever since he fled the xianzhou with your unconscious body in his arms and warped to a planet he first thought of. this was nothing new. he could stay up all night and his body wouldn't feel anything at all.

blade approached your resting figure in the small cave you were both currently residing in. observing your face for a moment, which was formed in a deep frown, he brushed away the stray hairs out of your face as carefully as he could, then placed the damp cloth on your forehead.

your fever wasn't going down throughout the evening, with your body covered in sweat and hastily wrapped bandages. your shoulders were bare since your most grave injury was a stab wound near your heart, caused by a sharp blade of a mara-struck soldier, and so he was forced to rip open the top part of your shirt to stop the bleeding.

beside your now wrapped wound was none other than your mark. your stellar mark. blade can only stare at it. even when he was placing a bandage over your wound, he didn't dare touch the area where the mark rested on your skin. until now, he was still in disbelief over the fact that the aeons gave him a counterpart, his other half. after all the torment and pain, he, of all people, was blessed with a stellarmate.

he went over to the bonfire in the middle of the cave, where he was boiling medicinal herbs with water using a bowl he made out of stone. years worth of travelling between planets made him gain knowledge of which food to eat or which plant is safe to intake. emerald-iii wasn't a foreign land to blade; he had visited the planet before twice, accompanied by kafka.

speaking of his companion, blade thought back to the xianzhou while waiting for you to wake up and for the medicine to finish cooking. she must be looking for him right now, maybe even asked silver wolf to track him down. your astral express friends might be searching for you too.

he closed his eyes. the image of you lying in your own pool of blood appeared in his mind. blood was also dripping down the side of your mouth, and your eyes were already starting to close when he found you. the pain and rage and fear he felt all over his body was nothing compared to his never-ending death. and he felt his mark burning too, wanting to seek revenge to the people who hurt what was his, wanting to kill them clean with his broken—

"b—lade?" your broken voice came out in a pained wheeze. you coughed shortly after, throat dry and parched. blade turned around and looked at you. your eyes were barely open, but he can see your confusion and distress. "you're...h-here?"

"fool. don't try to talk. you are currently in a weak state." he scolded, glowering at you with his crimson eyes narrowed in slits.

you shook your head repeatedly, slowly lifting your shivering arms and wrapping them around yourself. "i-it hurts, blade..." you complained as tears lined up your eyes, fingers brushing against your wounded shoulder, "...and it's c-cold."

blade gave you a blank stare. he didn't know what to say to you. it was the first time you talked to each other properly, and the first time you were alone together. but it seemed like you were in a state of delirium, seeing that you weren't scared of expressing yourself.

you whined while sniffing, "so cold...why is it so cold?"

he sighed in defeat and shrugged off his tailcoat, leaving him in only bandages wrapped around his torso. he scooted over to you and covered your body with his coat. "we are in emerald-iii, therefore, the weather is constantly changing. endure it while i finish the medicine."

"medicine?" you asked curiously, pulling his coat up to your face.

blade clicked his tongue in annoyance. "one more question and i will abandon you here."

you were silent for the next minutes as you patiently waited beside him. he removed the stone bowl from the fire, and saw that the water has turned a greyish green due to the medicinal herbs. to further melt down the remaining floating leaves, he gave the liquid a quick stir by moving it in a back and forth motion.

bringing it up to your lips, he commanded, "drink."

moving your head forward, you sipped from the bowl, but you immediately coughed it out. after recovering from the series of coughs, you let out, "it's bitter—!"

"you dare complain when i boiled these herbs for hours just so they become pure enough to consume." blade snapped impatiently, "do you wish to be well or not?"

you nodded quickly, not wanting to anger him any further. "okay. i'll drink it."

it took you a few more tries before you get to take all the medicine down your throat, your face scrunched in disgust by the time you finished drinking it.

without warning, blade scooped you up and placed your head against his shoulder. he started taking off your bloodied bandages, and once it was all removed, he examined the wound. he already cleaned and stitched it up hours ago, but it was still bleeding. it can't be helped. the supplies were sparse and the cut was too deep, and with your fever adding up, he was not sure if you'll survive the night.

sweat began lining up his forehead. gritting his teeth, he took a fresh batch of bandages and started to wrap them on you again.

why? why was he doing this? why was he trying to keep you alive? each time the bandage circled around your arm, blade's movements became more frustrated and quick and rough. he didn't even notice you gazing at him with a dazed expression until you chuckled softly.

blade scowled. "speak if you wish to say something."

"are you real?" you murmured weakly, your hushed voice cracking in between words, lacking the usual gentle tone yet it was still tinted with naivety and awe that it made him freeze. all the frustration and anger was washed away and was instead replaced with confusion to your question.

your eyelids kept drooping down, not allowing him to see the beautiful shade of your warm eyes that reminded him of the brightest stars of the xianzhou sky. it was fine; as long as he gets to hold you like this, your head against his shoulder, your bare skin against his with the moonlight shining over you, then everything was fine.

feeling his heart skid to a stop for a thousandth time that night, blade can't help but to slowly reach out, and although his bandaged hand hesitated to land on your skin, afraid it might tint your innocence with his sins, he allowed himself to caress your cheek. it did not surprise him at all when your face fit perfectly in the palm of his wounded hand, your warmth proceeding to seep through his thin and bloodied bandages. a stray tear suddenly fell down your smooth skin, and this time, he didn't hesitate to wipe it off with his thumb.

"what do you mean?" he whispered, leaning in closer to you. you didn't answer for a minute, your breathing growing heavy.

then you laughed. "i don't know," you said, "i feel like i just made you up."

more tears escaped from your eyes as you continued, "you wouldn't...boil some strange herbs for me, or wrap me up in your coat. or treat my wounds, or even talk to me. you wouldn't want to be near me. you wouldn't do that."

"i have no time for your nonsense." blade replied with the intention of sounding harsh, but it came out weak instead. you smiled at him tearily, placing your hand on top of his.

"we are going to be unbound soon." you assured him, and blade swore his stellarmark was stung the second you said those words, "and as soon as i get well, i will immediately seek the aeons and get our marks removed. then you wouldn't have to see me ever again."

he swallowed, speechless for the first time. unbeknownst to him, he was slowly pulling you closer to his chest, his fingers digging into your skin in an attempt to keep you all to himself. his breathing grew uneven as he thought of you walking away from him, forgetting him, not thinking of him, and you belonging to someone else that wasn't him. his heartbeat grew irregular at the thought of not seeing you again.

blade had the sudden urge to cover up his mark and protect it from the world. it was his. it was his and his alone, and no one was going to take it away from him. not even the aeons.

"but do you want to know a secret?" you continued quietly, your smile growing wide, "if the aeons would give me a chance to pick a stellarmate again, i would choose you."

yes. he was going to keep this mark. and he was going to keep you. ever single person who will lay their hand on your skin will meet the sharpness of his sword, and every single one who will stand in between your bond shall face his wrath.

"i would you choose you, again, and again, and again, until you want me back. until you love me back."

the second you wake up from your delirious state, he'll tell you of his new plans, and he imagined you in disbelief, surprised and hesitant and hopeless but you'll nod and you'll take his hand, and you'll run, run, run, and leave it all behind.

"oh, look at the moon," you exclaimed, pointing a finger to the crescent shaped light, and he ignored the way your breaths were growing shallow each time you talk, "look at the moon, blade. it's so pretty. the moon is so pretty."

blade pulled you closer to his chest and rested his chin on top of your head as a sinister grin started to grow on his lips, along with an unfamiliar flame beginning to ignite in his amber crimson eyes. you were his. you were his.

and not even elio can change that.

#blade x reader #honkai star rail #honkai star rail x reader #blade hsr #blade honkai star rail #honkai star rail blade #hsr blade #hsr x y/n #hsr x reader #hsr x you #hsr #honkai star rail x you #honkai star rail blade x reader #honkai star rail imagines #hsr blade x reader #hsr blade x you #angst #honkai star rail angst #ਏਓ ladadiida

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erikatsu · 7 months

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HOLD ME LIKE A KNIFE — BLADE

ᥫ᭡ your love for one another is desperate– fleeting while holding onto the hope that immortality doesn’t have to end.

❥ pairing: blade x fem!reader ❥ cw: angst. established relationship. the mara is trying to strike blade. mentions of past marriage. reader is a vidyadhara and nd coded. selfship coded. reader is referred to as “sweetheart”. ❥ series masterlist.

nights like these you wished you could turn back time. oh, the things you would give to make him whole again, but nothing could undo the damage that had been done centuries ago. the moon was shining through the window of the room you shared with him on the stellaron hunter’s ship, being outshone by the lamp on the bedside table as blade drew in sharp and ragged breaths. your heart clenched in your chest while you ran your fingers through his dark locks in an attempt to comfort him, brushing loose strands away from his clammy skin.

take a deep breath, it will pass. you had to repeat these words to yourself as you tried to keep him calm. it was the first time since you had left the xianzhou that he’d flared up, and unfortunately kafka was not around to help you. of course, this was not your first time handling his affliction but it had been a long time since then. if you let your mind wander to the past, you’d only end up blaming yourself once again. if you had found him before she did, or if you had found him as the signs of mara in his newly immortal body began to manifest you could have stopped it from getting to this point. although now, it was all history. he would never again craft anything with his now inept hands, the high-cloud quintet was no more, and the friendships he once cherished had shattered before his eyes.

the whole time he’d been gone, the only thing he’d been able to hold onto was you.

you didn’t think you could forget how intrigued kafka was by you. your name was one that she had never heard before, and it didn’t take her long to figure out why. if she knew of you, your memory would’ve been taken from him, and if she’d done that, well… kafka wasn’t sure how different things would be now. but, she figured since elio hadn’t said anything, you were alright for the time being. besides, she figured you must mean a lot to him if he had brought you back on top of keeping your existence a secret.

you sighed, leaning forward to place a gentle kiss on the top of his head. you knew coming with him would be difficult– that things would never be the same as it was so long ago. the man you knew then was not the man currently lying in your lap. his hair, his eyes, the way he held himself, the way he spoke, even the way he looked at you and held you. nothing was the way it used to be. snow white tresses had turned to a dark blue– leaving you curious if it naturally changed like it had when it went from black to white with age, or if it was something that happened instantly. the lilac of his eyes now mimicking the colors of a flame. that arrogant smile of his, along with his boastfulness had long been replaced by empty looks and humbling silence.

there was a time that you remembered when you had avoided him like the plague. despite being well known throughout the luofu, you kept to yourself. a lot of people found that odd and you often ended up as a topic for gossip or the butt of a joke. when yingxing first showed an interest in you, you didn’t think he was sincere. but he worked hard to show you he was serious– learning more about the vidyadhara and their customs. you don’t think you had ever been more touched than when he’d given your very first jade piece to you, nearly shocking you to the point where you couldn’t speak.

he’d always been so thoughtful with his gifts, especially with everything he hand crafted– much like the ring you still wore on your hand. even after he’d left the luofu, you refused to part with it. you wore it to keep others away, and to remind yourself that there would always be hope. while you had been sad and angry over what had happened and what he had done, you were more upset that he kept it from you until he no longer could. instead you had found out through jingliu when she came to get you for help subduing the former high elder and what he created. you still couldn’t bring yourself to call it what it was– an abomination, a monstrosity. even though it was ultimately a tragedy, it did set the vidyadhara’s on a path that most of them had longed for. the path that broke them free of their rebirth by introducing other species to their dragon heritage. a path that you once wanted more than anyone.

you frowned, knowing that thinking of the past only brought up all the emotions and dreams you once had. dreams that you would now never get to achieve because you had left the xianzhou behind when ghosts from the past had come back all at once.

it was a difficult decision. on one hand, you had someone to take care of. granted, it was technically a punishment that the preceptors had given you for transferring the soul of the dragon monster into an egg, but you still loved and cherished her as if she were your own. it wasn’t a punishment to you, and bailu had long proved she could handle herself. but when it cane down to it, it was her who encouraged you to leave. she knew bigger things awaited you, and she knew what love could do to people.

you leaned forward, brushing his hair back to lay a tender kiss on his forehead. you pulled him closer to you, his breathing growing more ragged when you wrapped your arms around him. he clung to you, and tears filled your eyes at your lack of ability to do anything. you couldn’t guide someone with out a soul, and you knew that because you always tried yet got the same result– failure. it wasn’t that you wanted the yingxing you knew back, not at all. you would always love him no matter who he was. what you wanted was for him to be free of the phantom pains and the real pain caused from the mara. vows were vows, and until he died a true death, not even that could part you two.

you wanted more for him than becoming everything he hated. he was so proud back then– arrogant. rightfully so you believed, but you did like to humble him. he’d reached many feats as a mere mortal, from becoming a master craftsman in his youth to becoming the furnace master of the luofu. if he had been born a native of the alliance, he would have been head of the entire artisanship commission. he so worked, much harder than anyone else. and you could sense that fighter in him still, barely hanging on as he struggled everyday against the mara.

it was as if he’d heard all the thoughts running through your head, he slowly sat up. you let him go, meeting his eyes to see if he had succumbed or pulled through. the vibrant reds and oranges had dulled down to their normal colors, telling you that it was in fact subsiding. you nearly breathed a sigh of relief, but he spoke before you could.

“i’m sorry.”

your eyebrows drew together in confusion, “you shouldn’t apologize for things out of your control. and don’t bring up past actions, it will make it worse. you bear far more of that guilt than you need, and because you can still feel that i know part of your shattered soul is still in there, somewhere.”

he looked away, “sometimes i forget how well you know me, especially now.”

your lip quivered as you tried to give him a small smile, “while you may have changed, i made you a vow over seven hundred years ago. whether you are blade or yingxing, i will always choose to love whoever you are. and even though this is so hard, i know i am not whole without you. but i don’t expect you or even ask that you return these feelings. i just ask that you let me in enough to be able to guide what’s left of your soul away from the mara if i need to.”

blade met your eyes again quicker than you had anticipated, nearly startling you. he shook his head, cupping your cheek and running his thumb along your skin, “i fear you may not find it, but instead the monster that lies within. i’d never forgive myself if something happened to you because i do love you. in this life or the next.”

“i’m not afraid,” your nose burned as tears fell, nearly choking on your words. “i would do anything to not see you suffer.”

he had no rebuttal or denial. instead he pulled you into him, letting you silently cry into his shoulder. you knew he could see the toll this was taking on you, and while this conversation was not much it was progress. your heart ached on days like these, but before he’d returned to the luofu it was in seemingly unfixable pieces. despite being a completely different person, he was your entire world. you knew unconditional love, you felt a sense of belonging, and you were selfish all because of him. he made you a better person, or at least a better version of yourself.

you like to think while he most definitely fell first, you fell even harder. maybe it didn’t matter now with how the two of you were holding onto one another like lifelines– terrified the other would slip away if one of you let go. but you would take all of this over a world without him, and you would always be thankful for this second chance.

“i love you,” your voice was muffled by the fabric of his clothes, but he still heard you.

instinctively, almost like muscle memory, he gently kissed the top of your head and whispered, “i love you more, sweetheart.”

#blade x reader #hsr x reader #honkai star rail x reader #blade x you #hsr x you #honkai star rail x you

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seelestars · 8 months

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hihi!! so i saw the dan heng meets child fic and really liked it! so may i request something similar with blade? basically blade meeting the child he had previous life (as yingxing) reincarnated, they died before yingxing and were reincarnated, they still have the same genes so they are still blade’s child, blade finds them at xianzhou luofu since jing yuan took them in bc they lost their mother and blade is a stellaron hunter now

➴ ✫ * ✧ BLADE MEETS HIS CHILD !!?

a/n : i debated between posting this or not bcuz I RLLY HATE HOW IT TURNED OUT but i couldn’t just leave this req hanging when i had already finished it so😭

blade couldn’t shake off the familiar feeling when he saw you.

even though he has long forgotten most of his past, he can’t help but feel like he recognizes you.

“..you better not try anything, criminal.” you eyed him suspiciously, one hand on your sword in case anything happened. you were put in charge of watching over blade for his time in the shackling prison. you also felt a sense of strange familiarity around him… one that made you lower your guard a little. he might be familiar, but he’s still capable of many dangerous things, you reminded yourself before tightening your grip on your sword.

once the two of you made it to the cell he was supposed to stay at, you quickly locked it after he got in. you made sure his sword wasn’t on him when you locked him inside, along with any other weapons he may have had. …all of this and you couldn’t help but wonder, why was he so obedient? you’d expect someone like him to put up more of a fight.

what you didn’t know was that blade was currently lost in his own thoughts too. he was desperately trying to remember who you were, and why his heart warmed near you. why did you bring out the fatherly instincts he only ever showed to silver wolf? and even then, he only expressed a fraction of that to silver wolf. he stared into your eyes blankly, as if trying to decode all your secrets. his stare was so intense you felt a little creeped out. it was only when he further observed the sword you wielded when memories flooded his head again.

“happy birthday.” yingxing patted you on the head, a soft smile on his lips as he looked down at you. “hehe~ thank you! sooooo~ since it is my birthday… I expect you to have a gift prepared for me!~” you had a mischievous glint in your innocent eyes as you looked at him expectantly.

yingxing chuckled at your antics, before nodding along. “yes yes, of course. I know you really adore my crafts, so I made a little something for you.” he revealed the sword he had been hiding behind his back. the sword was made out of jade and a bunch of other materials, it was obvious the sword had taken a lot of time and effort.

“woaaah~ this is so beautiful! thank you papa!“ you beamed, your eyes lighting up at the sight of the sword. your hands immediately reached out to grab it, letting out a small ‘oof’ at its weight. “now with this, I’ll be able to have the same swordsmanship skills as miss jingliu!“ you giggled playfully, caressing the tip of the sword to its hilt. “mmm, we’ll see about that.” yingxing laughed, ruffling your hair. he had great faith in the person you’d become one day.

oh. so that’s why your sword looked so familiar.

it was the same sword he had made for you when you were a child.

blade refused to believe it. he refused to believe how you and him once shared a close bond, how you comforted him whenever things went wrong. how sweet you were when you went, “don’t cry, papa! have hope that tomorrow will be a better day!” with a pure smile on your lips.

“…where did you get that sword?” blade asked suddenly, his eyes narrowing at the sight of the familiar sword. he had to admit, you were a spitting image of his past self too, it’s only thanks to his mara that he only remembered who you were just now.

“oh, so you finally spoke, huh?” you scoffed, deciding to indulge his curiosity out of boredom. “this… well. I got it from a blacksmith. they said they found it abandoned, buried deep in the dirt.” you shrugged, not bothering to give more details on the swords origin.

…right. why did blade expect you to tell him it’s real origins? there’s no way you were his child. you died ages ago.

blade remembered the sorrow he felt when you died, and how it felt like it was just yesterday when you had died. the tight hold he had on your weakening body. the tears he shed.

how could you have been so strong through it all when you were younger, more naive than him? how could you weakly wipe away his tears with a smile on your face, still trying to comfort him like you once did.

“have hope tomorrow will be a better day.”

blade didn’t understand why you had chosen those as your last words at the time. he thought you would start crying and rambling on about how you didn’t want to die with the little time you had left. he didn’t even realize how in his eyes, he saw you as fragile and weak.

if you had truly died, why did you look exactly like how he remembered you? except, more mature and grown of course. but he could still see the innocence you had in your eyes, he could still sense your determination, he could sense everything that resembled how you were as a child.

it took him a while to realize tears were rolling down his cheeks. he thought he had gotten rid of all of his emotions the moment he decided to become “blade”. so why, why did he yearn to be with you again?

your words snapped him out of his trance, a worried expression on your face as you spoke. “..hey. you may be a criminal, but I just.. can’t stand seeing someone all emotional. ..is something on your mind? you’re crying.” you spoke awkwardly, not quite knowing how to deal with someone sad in front of you.

blade quickly wiped his tears, not wanting to show any vulnerability in front of you. “im fine.” his words came out harsher than he meant for it to be, his gaze turning sharp again as he looked elsewhere. he tried his best to stop himself from reminiscing over the time he spent with you, instead choosing to think of the plan the stellaron hunters had made to execute on the luofu.

there was an awkward silence between you two, but it was peaceful. somehow.

you got tired from standing around for some time now, plopping down on the floor outside the cell with a relieved sigh. “..so.. not gonna say anything else?” your boredom eventually made you want to learn more about the mysterious man you had behind bars.

“..what is there to say?” blade grumbled, though there was a part of him that wanted to talk to you more. he was never good at socializing and talking though. but he felt strangely drawn to you, having a feeling that you were the reincarnation of his past child he once knew and loved.

you stifled a laugh, finding him amusing. leaning closer against the bars, you decided to lead the conversation for a bit.

“errr.. hmm… what did you even do to end up here anyway? im pretty sure this area is of the highest security. like for the bad bad people.” you asked curiously, subconsciously sticking your fingers through the cell bars.

“…none of your business.” blade eyed you suspiciously when you stuck your fingers through the bars, calming down slightly when he saw how you made no further moves. he crossed his arms, leaning against the wall and staring into space.

of course that was his response, you don’t know why you expected more from him. you had tried to ease the tension between you two with some small talk, except… it didn’t seem to be working that well. you hated how quiet it felt, trying to come up with a solution.

most people knew not to ask you for solutions, knowing how ridiculous they could get at times. so… why didn’t you stop yourself when you started rambling on, as a solution to the silence?

it was always a habit for you to start ranting about things, a habit you desperately tried to change. even now, when you’re talking to someone that could probably end your life at any moment.

before you could properly realize it, you were already running your mouth about some random story that had happened to you. you quickly shut your mouth once you realized what you had done, an embarrassed look on your face.

only to realize… blade was listening to you intently?

blade seemed to have his attention on you, something that puzzled you. “..go on.” he mumbled, his expression unreadable. the odd thing was, he didn’t seem to mind how you were rambling on about something so random. he had even leaned a little closer to you to better hear what you were saying…!

you tried to hide the shock on your face, clearing your throat and continuing to talk about random life stories. you stuttered occasionally whenever you remembered you were causally having a conversation with someone like blade like this. well, could this even count as a conversation? he wasn’t saying much in return..

blade hummed lowly as a response, urging you to continue. he figured you made pretty good background noise, blending in to the world around him as he surrounded himself with his thoughts. he’s not sure why, but he quite likes you. …maybe he’ll ask kafka and the others if he could come see you more often after the mission.

#hsr x reader #honkai star rail x reader #blade x reader

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