#which is /fascinating/ if you ask me

[mrpsychokiller]

tex red vs blue is insanely transgender but im the only one who sees it that way because im crazy in the head.

what if there was a past version of yourself. a woman, a wife, a mother, with long hair and a sweet smile. and she died long ago. and you are her. but you are not her. you're nothing like her, but the people who knew her desperately want you to be her, want to preserve the memory they have in their minds of the woman they loved through you. but you never asked to be her, never asked to carry the burden of someone else's expectation of who or what you should be. you have a new name. you prefer to go by this one. people remark on how weird it is that it's a guy's name. sometimes the people who loved [the past version of] you call you by your old name. they are not referring to you when they say it. you live in the shadows of someone who's long gone, and you're something different now, but you don't feel like you're ever allowed to define yourself on your own terms, to be your own person, to control your own life, because you exist solely through the memories people had of you. and the longer she has been gone for, the more desperately people try to get her back, the less you resemble her and the less you know who you are, or if you ever even got to be anything at all. what i mean is that transition could have saved him

#🧃 #rvb #red vs blue #DONT ask me why i got up in a cold sweat at 7 am with thoughts on tex red vs blue. i miss her so bad #anyways i do think if anyone in rvb could ever be actually trans coded (which nobody is because theyre created by fucking rooster teeth) #its gotta be tex #but because i know a trans subtext couldnt ever possibly be intentional i also think tex is a fascinating subject on the #''dead wife'' trope and the way stories like this treat female characters #and how tex's existence somehow seems surprisingly self aware as she actively rejects being the Dead Wife #and its brought to attention how existing solely as the angst memories men had of their dead wives #actively denies her of agency as a person inside the narrative #but also more generally denies dead wife characters agency in any narrative theyre written on #tex's struggles as a character inside her narrative are also the struggles of fridged/killed off female characters outside their narratives #on a meta textual level by being written by men in male centered stories who dont allow the women they write to exist as people #tex is a fascinating character and i am fucking furious she exists in a that stupid ass show. ill save you girl. ill take you out of there

[twinstxrs]

thinking about how gorgug + kristen perceive both their own deaths & each other’s, and how that impacts their relationship. bc i feel like freshman year kristen was too caught up in her newfound knowledge of the nature of her own god to truly clock & process gorgug’s internal revulsion of where he went after he died, & freshman year gorgug wasn’t familiar enough with the complexities of other people to truly lock onto the sorrow buried within the chaos of kristen’s upward/downward/sideways spiral until she was seemingly on the other side of it. & i wonder if they’ve ever really talked about it (unlikely), or if they’ve just cracked very few jokes that didn’t land and decided to never quite do the work & dig through that part of their relationship. but there’s a kinship there; kristen specifically singles out gorgug to tell him she died again, and gorgug apologizes that he wasn’t there with her this time. gorgug takes one of the finger bones off kristen’s newly/long-time decayed corpse to have an anchor to something in the world. despite the fact that they were in different places after death, having been together during it means everything.

anyways what i’m trying to say is i think they should talk about it.

#thinking WAY too hard about a comedy dnd show when half these moments are played for laughs #dimension 20 #fantasy high #kristen applebees #gorgug thistlespring #me & the bestie when we both die a horrible death at age 14 & don’t know how to talk about it #me & the bestie when you said you thought you went to hell & i called it embarassing due to the culture of religious shame i grew up with #me & the bestie when death transformed me loudly with reckless abandon & death stole something from you you’ll never speak about #me & the bestie when i focus so much on what i gained to avoid what i lost and you quietly internalize your loss & cannot find the gain #when i died i asked for knowledge. when you died you cried wordlessly. i do not know which one of us is more broken. #kristengorgug my repressed besties #ok i’m done now but if ally & zac ever played a scene like this seriously i’d lose my fucking mind fr #sorry if this is like indecipherable but after fhsy they’re so clearly the two most repressed bad kids & that fascinates me #(in my opinion) #fabian still up there in 3rd place tho boy u r GAYYY u like MENNNNN #btw if any of this is wrong shhhh i haven’t done my pre-fhjy rewatch yet this is all from memory

[mediapen]

for anon: carlos, with his life split into two halves. how life feels cut when a major event occurs — before and after — maybe before and after silverstone ‘22?

[x] // richard siken, ‘straw house, straw dog’ // richard siken, ‘unfinished duet’ // [x] // jenefer shute, life-size // [x] // liz bowen, sugarblood // ethel cain, ‘strangers’ // warsan shire, ‘to swim with god' // the smiths, ‘paint a vulgar picture’ // richard siken, ‘saying your names’ // [x] // [x] // [x] // rainer maria rilke in a letter to lou andreas-salomé // phoebe bridgers, ‘garden song’ // [x] // [x] // r/Games // bhanu kapil, the vertical interrogation of strangers // [x] // [x] // [x] // [x] // cota, 2022 // [x] // clementine von radics, 'the fear.’

#carlos sainz jr #web weaving #cs55 #cs #m #i hope... this fills the prompt. #wanted to explore like. fulfilling the highest-stakes dream imaginable which you've worked towards for literally your whole life. ofc theres #a bigger dream still unachieved (wdc) but how do you handle it when the weight of your most realistic achievable dream is lifted #do you try to let it carry you? do you let yourself live in it for a little while? what if there's nowhere to go from here? #... what if you never get to feel like this again? #and THEN you immediately have the. like. most horrendous dnf a string of shit races ANOTHER horrendous dnf a FRUSTRATING dnf... #like how much do you want it now. what even is *it* any more. do you know. do you let yourself ask. #carlos is fascinating to me in ways i cannot will not speak on but i think like. he has an Awareness that he is willing to speak on that #nobody else is. and *i* wont speak on it because its real life but. anyway. #z #sorry for using the titsphoto in my defence. the concept of motorboating exists and we're clear on my feelings on it

[tangledinink]

Whats your opinion on alters (did/osdd traumagenic systems) formed from your aus? Since alters can't really control their source asking for a friend/lh

Go off, do your thing, feel free, etc etc etc. It doesn't bother me, if that's a concern. I've had a couple people tell me they have fictives from some of my AU's chilling in their heads and if anything I think it's kinda fun and funky and exciting to hear about? So far I'm aware of a Gemini!Mikey and a Swanatello out there in the world.

#idk i mean? i just think its very interesting and somewhat flattering to think that like #the characters ive created are impactful enough to ppl to exist in that way i guess???? #and also like #go off i dont control y'all do whatever you want. as if i could. y'all dont rlly control it either so! who am i to have a take anyway? #if you have an alter formed from one of my AUs then like!!! cool good for you i certainly cant control that and wouldnt want to. #i also dont have DID so like? i wouldnt consider myself any sort of an authority or anything in the realm #and like feel free to correct me if i ever say anything out of line on the subject #but lowkey im fascinated to know if there are any other fictives based on my silly comics and fanfics out there in the world #coz id love to know which ones escaped containment so to speak #asks #anon

[jinxed-ninjago]

I love it when I say "Harumi was never evil but her actions were" then get people accusing me of saying Harumi's actions are excusable because it reminds me of this twitter meme

"I don't think Harumi is evil but I'm also not gonna defend her actions because her actions are absolutely evil" "So you think Harumi's actions are excusable?" no i think she's a deeply traumatized person who lashed out violently because her adopted parents neglected her and she basically blamed lloyd for having ever been neglected in the first place which made her lash out violently even more

#lego ninjago #ninjago #ninjago harumi #harumi jade #tw child neglect #i say she blamed lloyd for the emperor and empress neglecting her because she blamed lloyd for her bio parents' deaths #which comes off to me like shes also indirectly blaming him for the neglect she suffered #anyway good vs evil is a nuanced topic and harumi is a fascinating character in that regard #youd think ninjago fans would know that good vs evil is a nuanced topic considering its 90% of what ninjago is lmfao #like yall theres a difference between 'excusing someones actions' and 'i used this scene to explain why harumi turned out how she did' #WAIT do i get accused of excusing harumis actions because people hate crystalized??? is that whats going on???? #because the scene i use to explain myself is from the second to last episode of crystalized??????? DID I JUST CRACK THE CODE????? #anyway. evil actions dont make an evil person. thank you for coming to my ted talk #and yes this is a hill i am willing to die on before anyone asks #ALSO ALSO something being justified doesnt inherently make it excusable. even then im just covering my ass. i dont think she was justified

[fictionadventurer]

All the tour groups in Springfield should be very proud of me for how well I refrained from sharing all my fascinating Lincoln facts.

#there were so many school groups! #a giant one came in RIGHT AFTER i entered lincoln's cabinet room #part of me was screaming 'children i NEED to tell you about all these idiots and their insane drama!' #a smarter part of me understood that would be super weird #so instead i regaled different individuals of my own traveling party after we had the room to ourselves #then at lincoln's tomb we lucked out in getting there during the ten minutes of the day when school groups weren't there #which meant we got a personal tour from a guide who seemed thrilled to have grown-ups to talk to #he and my dad chatted about fishing for a long while in the entry #it didn't feel disrespectful because it totally felt like the kind of conversation lincoln would have understood and joined in on #and then we went on our way but the guide then chased us down to share all the fascinating lincoln stories as we went along #(shout-out to lefty you were great) #and then a school group found us so we made a graceful exit #but outside a teacher was explaining to a different group about how robert was significant in his own right so he's buried at arlington #and the RESTRAINT i showed in not immediately informing them that he was present at three presidential assassinations! it was rather heroic #and then when we toured lincoln's house the guide (who accidentally made it clear he was a revolutionary war buff) #(which made it a bit hilarious he was stuck with lincoln) #asked for questions before we started and someone asked about lincoln's 1860 election campaign! #aka one of my SPECIAL NICHE AREAS OF OBSESSION! #you cannot imagine how desperately i wanted to tell him ALL ABOUT seward and thurlow weed #anyway it was fun to go back now that i actually know stuff about lincoln #but it was also a bit frustrating because now i know how much they leave out #(though there was cool new info and artifacts) #(the blood-stained piece of laura keene's dress was very morbid and very cool) #also it reminded me that i still have that book on the 1860 election i've yet to read and the hype is so real #presidential talk

[boxwinebaddie]

STAN HAS THAT K CHOKER RIGHT? DOES THAT MEAN KYLE HAS AN S NECKLACE? like he could totally stack his s necklace with his star of david one

aaaaaaaaa

you know i love a lil matchy-matchy moment~

and actually, i accumulated a lot of different asks actually, mostly, interestingly enough asking me about the same roundabout thing: if jersey wears rings, how he feels about jewelry, if he has any tattoos or other piercings, stuff of the like, etc.

but i never got around to answering those because i'm kind of a perfectionist and i get all worked up in my head about how i'm going to answer things because i want them to be perfect ( i keep trying to structure nsfw ask like it's a nine page research essay, smh ) buuut

basically, as we all know well, jersey is…Particular.

particularly abt himself and what is done to him/on him.

( okay, fair warning: the rest of this answer is very long and i just talk a lot about the former question about jersey/his attachments to material things and also physical-emotional things — people — you do not have to read all that...the short answer is yes, kyle does stack a stan 's' necklace with the star of david, i talk about it more at the end, but this intro part is a lot of exposition and information. so if your curiosity does not end there...perhaps i can further it below xx )

a lot of it ties into his ocd and this need to control every aspect of his life, not being able to put it in anyone elses hands but his own because he's scared of that improbability...that margin of error.

it keeps him up at night.

for that reason, even though he has a ton of health issues, diabetes, etc. he is extremely Defiant and Volatile in doctors offices. like, he will start throwing shit, rip ivs out of his arms, ask you to explain what you are giving him In Detail and will probably still refuse to take it.

tbh, the only reason he's taking any medication at all is because he really loves sheila and she is extremely worried about losing him </3

( jersey is a mommas boy, i said what i said! )

but he takes his own blood sugar, pricks his own fingers, runs all his own tests...he really does not trust anyone else w/ that kind of thing. which ties into piercings because he does...think that they're…lowkey, highkey *jersey vc* Hawt, i’m sorry; it's true.

i do think it's his...Thing.

the man really just wants a little hot topic emo boy accessory display for a boyfriend and he is right for that. cute, shiny, edgy. i respect it.

eye candy, arm candy, if you will?

( jersey is extremely partial to candy, ofc <3 )

and idk, maybe it's just a me thing, but to me, jerseykyle, specifically, is very conceptual and is intrigued by fashion and stuff, but because when he was overweight growing up, he was sort of just shoe-horned into all this oblong, ugly clothing, whatever would fit or they could afford. so he never really got to be able to wear things he wanted to, until about right now and it's been really liberating for him? idk? aaa

i love sleek, chic, dark academia, tired 1940s evil classics professor, thrift store couture jersey in his dollar store blazers and italian loafers. like my man is an off duty model, forreal. i am obsessed with him.

and actually he really Likes tattoos and piercings and dyed hair and thinks all the little rings are cool because you're like this living art form, this distinct individual, there's a uniqueness, a cool rebellion there he can’t create have within himself, so he combats/masks it as disgust and disinterest because he doesn't like to process his complicated feelings and also doesn't like forming attachments...especially...

...to things he's inexplicably Drawn to.

which is why, initially, upon even just bearing witness to raven of crimson dawn, kyle freaked out because he was like immediately Extremely Attracted to him because he checks all these little boxes in his brain, but his brain, of course, is corroded by mental illness and trauma, so he immediately projects extreme amounts of hostility in raven's direction because he is like you're all chaos and disorder, you're a mess, you throw caution to the wind, You’re Unpredictable.

when he’s actually obsessed w/ that capricious energy?

like he makes fun of stan for all his punk rock boy 'hood ornaments' and 'anarchical embellishments', but his heart starts racing every time stan winks at him and his little eyebrow piecing winks back, or he runs his tongue over that lip ring kyle got hyperfixated on, partially because it's pretty, which...rip, not even joking…

if stan comes out in the support rock, fuck a rockstar tank top, the tiny pants and sports that little lip ring chain thing that connects to the cuff on his ear...it does something seriously ( down ) bad to kyle's brain and stan is immediately getting Railed. soz if you were waiting for stan's autograph, hes gettin ky's all over his body. woops.

but!!! it's mostly bc stan had the courage and hedonism to put something through his lip and live with it. that he could get other piercings, get tattoos, let people handle him, put his life into someone else's hands, let them have control for a second, knowing they are executing the thing you want/need without you doing it...

it's literally All a control thing.

or rather, an inability to lose it.

because he's very particular, yeah, about what he likes and doesn't like, he won't wear any fabrics that itch or bother him, he won't buy something if the hem pisses him off, if he has to wear something he doesn't like, he will bitch and moan the entire day about it. and while it's good to have that level of self-assuredness, it's also kind of a self-preservation and self destructive coping mechanism for jerseykyle.

because he pushes everything out...

but doesn't let anything else in.

and a lot of that changes when raven/stan comes back into the picture, because when they were growing up, stan was this beautiful, glowing fixture of nonconformity, this pillar of strength that was twice as strong as he was, even though kyle was the fighter. because stan fought for self-acceptance and kyle fought for self-loathing.

and really...the reason why his ed developed in the first place was because gerald and society as a whole brainwashed him into hating himself and that people would only digest him if he was in small enough, beautiful, palatable enough pieces to eat so even though he acts out or throws punches: It’s All Within The Lines.

or the confines, rather.

of the person he thinks people want him to be.

but, idk, i'm talking too much. basically, gist is, kyle has a hard time handing over control to other people/being vulnerable and the final piece to that is...permanence.

a piercing...a tattoo...is Permanent.

i mean, sure, they close up and you can get them removed, but you are irreconcilably changed and altered. you are different now.

anddddd sigh, the jersey can't say i love you ask strikes again! because jersey can't say i love you because it's handing over control, because it's vulnerable because it's...permanent and he has extremely deep-seated commitment issues because of all of that.

which means he rarely, if ever, makes said commitments.

so when he Does...

it's a very special thing indeed.

because jersey has no tattoos or piercings on his body.

save for the sun/moon one he got on his ring finger for stan ( i can never decide if i want jersey to have the sun tattoo because he is the sun or if he has the moon one so he can wear rae around with him )

*** ( i also think it's possible he might get little hebrew things for his mom or idk, something very important later...i'll think about it more )

and...One ear piercing.

i was going to go at this in more comical and dramatic way in an old post, but basically, i think kenny/bebe/craig someone basically joked about there being reduced earring piercings at claire's and they should take kyle because he's the only one without pierced ears and jersey gets really defensive about it and everyone's like ooooh! kyle's scared to get his ears pierced, so the competitive and aggressive side of him that hates to lose briefly outweighs the neurotic side and is like "fuck you!!! let's go right now! i'm not scared of anything!"

and he gets there, stan's with him, and he is...freaking out in the little plastic chair with some eight year old girl next to him ecstatically getting her ears pierced for her birthday, bc he's going to have to let someone...do something to him/inflict something on him.

( which actually, i think, is what is really beautiful about j.k and r.s' relationship and dynamic, is that jersey teaches raven that you can't just let people do things you don't want them to do to you just because you feel like you should ft. his sexual trauma and stan teaches kyle that it is okay to let other people in, to do reckless things, to allow yourself to feel and enjoy simple pleasures w/o fear. ft. his ocd

lmao, is there a branch in my eye again? y is it Watering )

and ravenstan is like, mi amor, they are just your ears, you will be okay, i will hold your hand…

everything will be fine, i swear. :’) <3

and he gets hyped up, ready to go, the 16 y/o piercing his ears tells him she'll count to three and pierce on one.

...and she pierces on Three.

i'm not sure if it's bc she pressed too soon or because she thought that if she surprised him, it might make him less nervous, but it does not!!!! kyle FREAKS out!!!! his ocd goes haywire and basically has a nervous breakdown at freaking /claires/ bc she pierced his ear before she SAID she would and destroys the confidence that he built up to let himself be vulnerable.

it seems like a Silly thing...but i think it says a lot, yknow?

and though it was a serious blow to his ego, kyle only has...one ear pierced because he panicked and could not get the second one done. and it, to this day, is one of the only asymmetrical things abt him. which, i actually think is important to him coping w/ his ocd

( similar to how kyle, sorry slight nsfw, having stan have to ask for things if he wants them, helps him, in a seemingly innocuous way, build confidence in himself/not let things just 'happen' to him without his consent ) because having only one ear pierced means he has to deal with being lopsided and that, everyday the earth doesn't crash into the sun...means that he's okay.

also a cute thing about the one ear piercing is that i think kyle wears like this cute little gold sun dangly one that has a similar ambiance to the sun and moon glasses chain charms? it's his signature.

and other than showering, sleeping, etc. he only really ever takes it out when raven is going off somewhere far away :( and he switches it with a little stan silver earring ( idk kyle feels very gold jewelry bc of his orange hair and stan feels v silver bc of his blue eyes and stuff ) and stan sometimes takes kyle's with him on tour...AAAAA i'm sad

on the subject of rings, since someone else asked me, kyle does not wear rings even though he does like them/they're pretty because they're heavy, they clank against his pen when he's writing, the sound pisses him off...but he wears stan's lil silver emo boy rings when he's away and gaslit himself into liking the sound because the sound it makes against his pen reminds him of the sound it makes when stan is excitedly scribbling song lyrics and singing to him aaaaa IM :(

WHERE WAS I GOING WITH THIS AGAIN?

oh, yeah.

extreme mental illness.

so jersey never makes adjustments or accommodations for anyone, and when he does it's a big deal...but really...

it's because Stan is a big deal to him.

stan is EVERYTHING to him.

and kyle thinks it's cute that at every show and every concert, stan always wears the little spicy k charm on his emo boy choker ( and got the little even spicier inner thigh tattoo w kyle's name on it...anyways )

so, he starts wearing a little s around his neck for stan.

which, initially, i'm sure you're like...oh God.

jersey making an adjustment to his very specific cartoon character outfit alignment of things he wears every day, things he wears at home, things he wears specifically when going out depending on the environment...this sounds like a recipe for disaster. this is a big change for him. he's gonna spin out or short circuit his brain.

but...really? it feels as easy as Breathing.

because for one of the first times in his life, kyle got something that he didn't just get for him, w/ selfish intentions or bc he needs to be in control...he got it...

to make stan happy. :)

and it does make him very, Very happy, indeed.

which is really funny to me because jersey is super annoying and just starts wearing it and pretends like he doesn't know what's going on bc he's bad at ~gestures~. so stan comes home, sees it and immediately is like *big stan eyes* 'what are you wearing??'

and kyle is like, ‘oh, this? i've had it forever, it's was just in the back of the closet. why? is it wrinkled or—‘ and stan is like 'no, dummy. the NECKLACE' and kyle, playing dumb, trying to act nonchalant because he's kind of embarrassed abt having emotions is like 'oh, that. y'know. just something i'm trying out...' and stan is like

'kyle broflovski, are you wearing a necklace with my initial on it????' and kyle is like 'alright, woah there, mr. celebrity. but not eeeeverything is about you, okay? that s could stand for anything.'

and stan is like *genuine heart eyes wowza because kyle is being annoying but stan loves dumb annoying kyle that's why he wears his lil possessive emo boy k charm on his choker everywhere* 'okay, well the k on mine stands for kiss me or kiss me kyle or whatever you want just, come and kiss me please' kshdlkshd <333 eWW

anyways...they're Gay. they're in love. they having matching tattoos and earrings and wear eachother's intials around their neck. nbd.

but...in a very longwinded format, i hope this answers your question baby and hopefully some other questions you have abt jersey. i'm sorry that was a lot but i literally could talk about jersey forever, like he is so fascinating and bc he's our narrator and he's such an unreliable one, it's hard to understand how his brain works.

hope this helps. <3

uncle nina, keeper of the cryptid jersey whore-lore

#okay i am sorry #i know this barely answers your question #but i got a lot of similar questions #and i wanted to answer them in one big ask while i was feeling inspired so here is a bunch of jersey trauma lore #i hope it's fascinating i find it all super fascinating #because he presents like this perfectly in control orderly well maintained militant self-satisfying self gratified thing #but it's just a front for the fact that he's scared of change and is scared of not being in control or making mistakes #like he is put together but a breath away from falling apart #stan teaches him to sit down kyle teaches him to stand up #also sorry kyle having a fascination with edgy boy things and piercings and stuff in particular is kinda spicy to me #i luv him like he really is like that man is a satanic abomination and i want to do terrible horrible depraved things to him #like he really saw raven of crimson dawn and was like oy gevault i have never wanted to cut my lip open on anything #more than on that mans lip ring holy hell oh my god he is so shiny and ripped up and his makeup is so cool #he is a celebrity he has no original thought he doesnt think abt anything thats why he has all those tattoos and piercings #but also y do i want to trace my fingers down them every time i look at him he reveals himself more to me i want to learn more #kinsey scale gay 6 jerseykyle everyone but specifically for dramatic crybaby bisexual punk rock boys w/ piercings #which...i think is incredible bc i do not think people would expect that from kyle...but people also thinks he cannot feel #BUT HIM ADJUSTING HIS WELL REGIMENTED LIFE TO INCOPORATE STAN INTO IT I WANT TO SCREAM #HIM LEARNING TO LET OTHER PEOPLE DO STUFF FOR HIM AND BE OKAY WITH THEM HELPING HIM #I WANT TO START FUCKING SCREAMING I COULD TALK ABOUT THIS ALL DAY I LOVE JERSEYS CHAR DEV #ok final thot is he does sometimes do a gold jewelry ring moment or somethin if he's feeling like its important to the look #but they are very insignificant things for aesthetics easily taken off or removed...its the important stuff he has trouble w #and makes it all the more rewarding i think <3 #ily jers #okay last last small thing as far as like getting little piercings and random fun tattoos goes i just think he doesnt want any #boring king ik minus the ocd and stuff he just likes all his stuff to be very a-line and crisp doesnt like massive statements #like my man Is the statement like he has beautiful luxiourous curly red hair and green eyes and his nose a modern art piece #its too busy for him its distracting and u know thats what u have a hot rockstar bf for so u can pretend 2 read ur book #but the plot of the book is tracing ur sbfs sexc hip tattoos and helping him decide what belly button ring hes gonna wear #you know!!! The Plot!!! which kyles eidetic mem comes back but he does get distracted looking at stan a lot help

[uncanny-tranny]

happy transexual thursday!!!!

I've been on HRT for 1 month exactly as of five hours ago!!!!

and while some things have moved faster than others, if I weight the expected change in body systems over time by grouping changes to tissue types, and compare that data to the actual changes recorded, the results are overall amazing.

I'll share four things- one is an outlier, and the other is the difference to the average expected change not accounting for the outlier, one is the rate of expected change compared to observed change WITH the outlier, and the final thing is what the outlier is.

first, the outlier: 10 years of expected progress in one month in one tissue group. (probably more actually. data got a bit silly here, because I knew a hormone condition I have could speed this up so I accounted for that. just... not enough accounting for it :3)

second, the rate at which I'm transitioning compared to expected changes (not counting the outlier): 15 times as fast as expected!

third, as above, but WITH the outlier: 25 times as fast as expected!!!!!

fourth, the outlier: Hip rotation and widening! Thought I wouldn't get much, or that it would take a few years, but a perfect storm of hormone conditions made my hips expand and rotate as much as a cis girl gets over 8 years of puberty

this transgirl is speedrunning transition, and that's with the lowest dose the clinic could give me to check for liver issues if those might pop up!

I actually really relate to this in the "opposite" way, like, it just felt so right for me, and honestly, that is the most meaningful thing I've gotten from hormones <<3

#ask #anon #transsexual thursday #long post #i didn't really keep track of my changes like you (which obviously is fine) but from what data i've got... #...it's like my body took to testosterone like a duck in water. that's honestly so fascinating to me how bodies can do that #just feel so right with only a few adjustments? how is it that such a simple change can affect so much? #honestly all of this has taught me to look at everything with wonder and amazement #like how wondrous is it that your body has adjusted and is measurably different now?

[naomiknight-17]

I thought I was very open to different cultures' ways of dealing with death and funerary rituals and that the book I'm reading, From Here to Eternity by Caitlin Doughty, would be enlightening but certainly not shocking

Certainly, I would not be appalled or gasp aloud by anything any culture practiced! I've heard it all - funerary cannibalism, sacrifices, mummification - what could possibly shock me?

Welp

I got as far as page 56 before I was absolutely repulsed by a culture's death ritual, and I am now working through my feelings on that and trying to further expand my cultural understanding. I admit it though, I am not so enlightened as I thought. I got the heebie jeebies

There's like 200 pages left of this book. Who knows what else I'll encounter

#spoilers ahead #it's an indonesian area called Toraja so. look up their death practices if you want to know more #but the part that shocked me was that it is normal to keep a corpse in the family's home for weeks months or even years #before having a funeral and cliff burial #or cave burial. idk i'm not done the chapter #but the shocking part was that children not only helped care for the corpse (that's fine) but also slept in the same bed with it #which is just!! beyond what i could have imagined!!!! #seems horrific to my western sensibilities #but to them it's normal. the corpse isn't 'dead' until the funeral. the person is considered present but unresponsive #so it shouldn't be weird to share a bed with a sleeping relative #sorry i'm just. working through this in the tags here #it's shocking yet fascinating!! #death #funerary practices #toraja #ask to tag #caitlin doughty #ask a mortician #from here to eternity #traveling the world to find the good death

[taexual]

im getting real tired of oc acting like she has everything under control and is this amazing manger when all she does is order people around and can’t be serious when it comes to confrontations. i mean she yells and questions others for their behavior but they have to draw the line when it comes to her? that’s hypocritical. her saying that she was hiding behind the bet and only bc she was scared of jungkook‘s feelings being real is and was obvious from the very beginning but she also lied to herself again i mean let’s wake it up right?

how come YOU work with your ex boyfriend that is in a band that YOU are the manager of and allow YOURSELF to work with when YOU act like YOU don’t care about him, while YOU also try to control him for petty sht that has mostly to 65% nothing to do with the work environment. she always wants others to give her time and let her get her thoughts right before she has to talk but others for example jungkook has always an ultimatum like what is wrong with her and her entire mental health atp? im on jungkooks side with, that yes i as a reader am tired too if her acting like she doesn’t want to be with him when that’s all she wants but she‘s selfish (in my opinion no shade) bc she wants to see him beg a little more to avoid a) the confrontation about their fucked up relationship that happened from both sides and b) bc it makes her feel worthy of something again bc he didn’t care about her enough in those 4 years he was with others right? then yeah i wouldn’t give my time and energy to get that kind of person back and not bc jungkook wants to be better for her he needs to be better for himself and her never giving him that reassurance is unfair and disgusting bc she can want that from him right?

like i seriously need people like her to just either be direct or get out of that persons life forever. she sees that jungkook has other SERIOUS issues like his mental health and addiction to always downgrade himself as not worthy for any-little-thing but all she focuses on is „omg u did a bet now i can’t be with you and also bc nick wants me on the renaissance tour so ughhh idk everything is so heavy and omg i fainted am having so much stress ugh:((„ like shut the fuck up. she knew what she was getting into when she signed the contract for being a manager could she know how much stress she was getting into? no but that’s no here or there bc she allowed herself to not have a break that is on nobody but herself.

i have so much to discuss about her character but i really don’t want to just know that im tired of her and also thank you for writing something that’s truly new and fresh! i like this story it makes us think and have thoughts about the the chapters in general so yeah i hope you don’t get offended of how i view oc i don’t want to bash your characters ig it just that everyone has a different opinion in certain matters right? still thank you and have a great day! ☺️😊

omg babe you are having some very very interesting thoughts!!!! thank you for reading and for getting invested!!!!!!! 🥺🥺

the characters will have a discussion about a lot of the things that you mentioned soon--mostly in the next chapter--so i'm not going to elaborate much, but again, some very interesting points!! they are people with clear issues, and insecurities ranging from their past relationship to parental trauma to toxic friends. you know what i mean?? and i can't wait to show you what's nextttt!!!! 🤍🤍🤍

adding a spoiler bc i feel like it 🤌🏻

baby you said oc "can’t be serious when it comes to confrontations" and that is going to be one of the key plot points in the upcoming chapters!!!!

their whole relationship, they dealt with the chronic let's-not-talk-about-this illness, you know?? and jungkook is overcoming it! but now that's coming back to bite oc a little bit, because not only does she have to talk too, but she also has to face her demons from the broken relationship she had grown up in

#ask #anonymous #taexual; sleepwalking #when i saw this i was facetiming my friend #it was like 2am #and the way you sent me straight into orbit with your message babe #INTO ORBIT #i was still on a caffeine high at that time and you made me want to keep working on sleepwalking rIGHT NOW #i went to bed at 5am lmao #regardless of that though #i'm so excited!!! like throughout the progress of the story i've heard all kinds of things about both of the main characters #and some of the reactions have been very intense!!! which has been very very interesting and fascinating #i have the most fun when the characters are complex and the situations they end up in are messy #so reading about your emotions?? it's extremely valuable for me!!! #i love to know what thoughts cross your mind as you go along the story<3

[caffeinatedopossum]

Watching neon genesis evangelion and it's extremely relatable, to the point that I'm pretty sure I have quoted it exactly before without ever having seen it

#shows that make me want to write an essay #pretty sure i have existential and moral ocd and a lot of the dialog in the show is like my thoughts exactly #which is triggering but in a way where i feel i need to be triggered #i just keep watching these characters ask themselves questions and keep trying to give answers #but all of the answers are wrong. and im like. this is it. this is exactly how i feel #i feel like it has a lot to say about the inherent multiplicity of people too which i find fascinating as part of a did system #also if anyones wondering the part i quoted before seeing it (so not exactly a quote but you know) #was the parts about being human and being unable to ever truly experience togetherness. like youre alone trapped inside yourself #and thats just our reality. and id never heard someone else say that before

[phantastragoria]

do you have a favourite portrayal of a character in the gotg game!! who is it and why <3

Oh I think they're all great honestly!!! Part of why I love the game so much is that genuinely, the whole team + supporting characters are written with such obvious love of the source material and equal attention between them all. When I see comments of people saying who their favorite character was from the game and the answer always being different from each person I'm like!! That's how it SHOULD be!!! They're the Guardians of the Galaxy (plural) the focus shouldn't all fall on a singular character like most other GotG media usually ends up as 😭

The two (sorry I can't pick just one) whom I think benefit the most from the game though are Drax and Gamora because they're almost always sidelined both in-and-out of universe by most of the various writers (especially as of late) and in turn the viewers/readers. I've been told plenty of times that they're the most boring members of the "main" team, BUT IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE THAT WAY! The amount of love the game versions get (by the few who've played it at least) proves that 🥺

I've never really liked 616 Drax shifting to being a complete clown during the 90s and such (and even less so when the MCU followed along 💀) So I appreciate the game taking a bit of his seriousness from the DnA run and just making him struggle with nuance and context clues in a less exaggerated way (autistic Drax I still believe in u) and I feel the focus put on him and how losing his original family + the aftermath deeply affected him hits pretty hard here because it's treated very seriously and shown in depth, especially with how his family (wife) gets actual focus. I cannot tell you anything about Yvette in comparison to Hovat, who actually seemed to have had a personality lol (AND she was on their village's council like omg imagine having more to you than just being The Housewife) Though I will say I flip and flop on my thoughts about Heather being disconnected from Drax's life in this universe... The TLDR is that I think his arc here specifically works stronger when he has to come to terms with losing his entire family and accepting the life he currently has with the Guardians. BUT!!! I very much appreciate that Heather is still confirmed to exist within this universe, even if that means her dad issues would have to be dealt with in a different context if we ever get to see her.

Also? Shoutout to the writers actually bringing up the intense paranoia that always kneecapped 616 Drax but having that be a turning point in his backstory here, with that conversation he has with Peter where he talks about how he was becoming so paranoid of everyone being a chitauri/Thanos conspirator to the point of literally turning into an obsessed maniac like Thanos, and realizing that he desperately needed to turn his life around, it's so ough.

Out of the already many great conversations throughout the game, I think the ones with him are the most poignant. My favorite scene in the whole game is Drax and Pete's little moment on Knowhere... makes me go wahhh

(l also love that out of everyone on the team, it's his headspace that we quite literally get to go into. You KNOW that if this was any other media it'd be going into Rocket or Groot's head and likely treated as a joke.)

And oh my god, Gamora...

I find it so extremely refreshing that her role in the plot doesn't revolve purely around the men in her life, and instead, it's nearly exclusively her connection with other women. Or in the most direct obstacle she has to deal with, being how she starts projecting to the millionth degree on Nikki's situation for reminding her of what happened to her and Nebula. I find that infinitely more fascinating as a reading of her character rather than just dating drama or her arc getting completely overtaken by a man's instead.

And especially in her friendship with Mantis, who, despite having all these futures she's constantly seeing and having to navigate, still makes time to do her best to help her 🥺 From saving her life and being the one who put her on the path to healing on Lamentis, to getting her to join the Guardians and still checking in on her when she's able 😭 Friendship between women can be so powerful... u love to see it (🏳️‍🌈)

I also find it nice that there's this emphasis on her recovering mentally, and the comparison between Thanos essentially teaching her to just Deal with the shit in her life through very simplistic meditation versus the priests of Pama actually teaching her something to help soothe the mind :^( and that she still has moments of relapsing essentially. I find that to be a realistic take on recovery because that's just part of the journey since healing is not linear... and I think it's very sweet that she finds comfort in collecting something ---girly--- like dolls. Love to see a person reclaim a part of their childhood that they weren't allowed to experience. And how she's allowed to make BAD JOKES?? Imagine a woman being written to have multiple dimensions, crazy and absolutely unthinkable, I know.

There's this extremely specific theme in relation to Gamora across media that's been rattling around in my brain since first playing the game. When near the end during the revisit to Knowhere, she's about to completely lose it when Peter tries talking -for- her on what she's so upset about before immediately shooting him down, and she explains what happened between her and Nebula and she starts crying. It really struck me right then that she's never given a moment to cry elsewhere (or in the 616's case, the quite literal inability to.) aside from her shedding a Single Manly Tear (Original Sin) or a single moment out of legit fear (MCU 💀) because she's a hashtag Strong Independant Woman who can't be vulnerable etc etc. But for her to cry in front of the people she's come to care about, It gives her a moment of true vulnerability that I don't think she's allowed ever in most other media.

That and all of the above hits hard and is what makes me genuinely believe that the writers cared about her in the narrative and tried to do right by her when every other bit of media really hasn't nor cared to the majority of the time since the 90s :'^/ Brings a tear to my eye that she's allowed to just... exist in the narrative on her own merits and not on what she can provide to someone else's story.

#lex thoughts #gotg thoughts #universe: eidos game #gotg2008 #sorry for asking for a question then immediately disappearing for a month 💔 I'm on the most stressful roadtrip ever #i 🫶 you for asking about them though the Eidos gotg are my everything and i won't shut up about them if given the chance #very funny to me that all these important moments happen on Knowhere. Strange things can happen at the end of the universe. #The end page of W&tIW 09 is the only other Gamora moment of vulnerability across media that i can specifically pinpoint #But it's more self reflection in a way of a heavily traumatic experience that I don't feel ever truly got resolved within the 616 IMO #And I find it a specific point to be made when Gamora is/isn't allowed to feel or literally denied things that are stereotypically- #-categorized as -feminine- (which is dumb to assign gender roles to a simple human emotion such as CRYING.- #-But you get what I mean I hope) We play fast and loose with gender around here pardner I think all of the gotg should cry more #but in Gamora's case specifically it Hits Different knowing her past and treatment throughout media #i could also heavily go into the way the game adapts Peter's character in relation to his element guns but that's an essay for another time #just because -i- find that extremely fascinating doesn't mean i think he should particularly be the main focus (and he isnt) #bc pete rocket and groot are the ones that already get all the attention (even if i dont agree with how they're written elsewhere) #i just find it more engaging for the other two main characters of the team that always get sidelined by the writers actually being put in- #-the spotlight with equal attention given to them for once to be sooo -shakes fist #sorry for the intense word salad i hope i make sense lol ESSAY/RANT OVER .🤐

[bitegore]

i'm doing that ask game thing but also speaking to your mind as someone else who has the same brain disease: make art that makes me wanna throw up. make art that people actively hate. make art with real blood (don't actually do this no one appreciates it) and dirt. my goal has been to create art that's noise and makes people feel bad and you should too imo

this is really funny because i had an actual irl real life phase where i enjoyed mixing blood into my watercolors. it's fine, honestly. nice shade of brown. good for certain things. and the entire field of postmodern art would be so sad if they couldn't use blood

i love making art that is so sucks and no one likes though. i loooove making art that pisses people off. i have so much fun with it

#red replies #dqns #'what do you think the imaginary coolest drawing i could ever do would look like' ask game #i should work on Disgust as aim #usually i aim more at like. fuckin. erotic/aversive flinch #which isnt really disgust #it's adjacent #like - trepidation i suppose? fascinated fear #what makes you keep looking when you know two cars are about to crash and blow up and everyone involved is going to die #well. not what makes me do that. i just do that because i think it's hot. but the rest of you. i want you all to FLINCH #throw up though... that's a different one.

[n7punk]

update on my inbox: there was one anon on the page and that was it (you'll see below), but there was a "next" arrow, so i hit that and it took me to THIS page with a back arrow, but when i hit the back arrow the button disappeared and this is just what it looks like now. if i hit the envelope button to open my messages "fresh," it continues to show me this page (notice the 11 next to "unhinged era," indicating i have 11 messages waiting in my inbox)

if i open a totally new tab and try to open my inbox i get this again:

but at this point we know that next button is a lie and there's ten ghost messages.

anyway i dont do fighting or PvP games in general and usually only hear about them when 1) Blizzard has a human rights atrocity or 2) LoL gets another banger added to its soundtrack, so no i don't know anything about them XD seriously League has no right getting so many amazing songs. I'm not just saying that because they have multiple PVRIS tracks (it doesn't hurt, though)

#the way my inbox works now is just fascinating to me i wonder how long it's been like this #im guessing a couple months? it would make sense if whatever change they made so that anons had to be logged in also did other stuff #btw does ANYONE else think they have this problem (especially anyone old school) because it's baffling to me #WAIT I LOST THE ''i wrote the next chapter'' ''i wrote you out of my will'' MESSAGE NOOOO #ask #anon #since im answering that one in this post XD #HEY WAIT UPDATE ON THE INBOX THING #i can still view those messages on mobile #i just cant interact with them #which is actually the issue i reached out to tumblr support for years ago that they couldn't fix #no wait UPDATE UPDATE #only four of the ghost messages are displayed on mobile #i dont know where the other 6 are or what they are

[ekingston]

Ma’am… I am about to hit the hay, I am a little tipsy, and you drop this depressing seed in my brain?????

“they like to do it in a chair with their legs spread wide”

i’m so sorry for the late response i’ve been turning this over and over in my mind and have come to the conclusion that i am unable to understand how you find this idea—of Lena Luthor particularly. playing the cello. and having other such inclinations—depressing, instead of? exceedingly inspiring?

#by which i of course mean #deeply fascinating #hauntingly stirring #brightly evocative #etc? #lena plays the CELLO #sorry guys #but #this is a weakness i mean to bestow on all of you #ask me things! #TSOS #stnballoon

[moe-broey]

So I’ve been loving all your FEH stuff! Your art is very very pretty it looks like candy and I want to eat it to become all powerful. But now I got a question! Got any thoughts on Anna? She also gets pretty sidelined by the plot which is a damn shame because I find her dynamic with Askr siblings FASCINATING. With all their complications with making friends, Anna seems like the only friend Alfonse and Sharena have successfully made and I would kill to know how that happened.

EXTREMELY THRILLED TO HEAR THIS HAHAHA esppp thank you!!! That is SUCH a compliment... deeply honored to have my art achieve edible-looking status 🫡

ALSO. I'VE. BEEN ROTATING THIS IN MY BRAIN SO BAD. The unfortunate thing I'll be upfront about is that I don't have a lot of thoughts about Anna, aside from like, appreciating her gimmick and finding her funny.

But I DO agree she does have a fascinating dynamic with the siblings. Like. I think it's so interesting to see how Anna is their superior, as the commander and leader of the Order of Heroes, while at the same time Alfonse and Sharena are literally the prince and princess of Askr. Which IS par for the course for the Order of Heroes to have royalty in their ranks, but still!! It's a dynamic I can't quite put words to, but it is SO interesting to see how it plays out. (Also worth mentioning though, I feel, Alfonse and Sharena wanted to join the order not as royalty but as themselves, as people. What they stand for, believe in, and want for the future, ect -- so their status doesn't always play a huge role, but, you can't erase it completely, esppp as they ARE the prince and princess Of Askr)

AND ALSO. All that said, Alfonse isn't afraid to call Anna out when he feels her schemes are getting slightly unethical LMFAO. Despite each of their status/titles/roles, they do feel like they're on equal footing. And with Sharena, her relationship with Anna is very friendly -- but I feel like that's also just how Sharena is LMFAO.

In my head though, the way I see it, each of their relationships with Anna do feel professional in nature? Which isn't to say it can't be personal as well, I do think each have bonds with each other. But espp when I've revisited Book 1, I got the sense that Anna is more of a boss and mentor to the siblings -- esppp when Sharena starts crying recalling the disappearance of Zacharias, Anna is quick to resolve it in a professional way and also take the responsibility she felt as the commander to all three of them (WHICH. ALSO. WILD TO THINK ABOUT. Like what IS the timeline here???? I WANT TO KNOW SO BAD.)

(also also that moment Was from Book 1, so maybe I'm not accounting for character development here, I only revisit books when I'm feeling VERY autistic about something specific in particular LMFAOO)

AND HONESTLY IF I. THINK TOO MUCH ABOUT THAT I go insane, like. I know it's just a consequence of Zenith being In A Mobile Gacha Game, and the point isn't really the world of Zenith itself it's to get all the guys from the mainline games to make money LMFAOO BUT. Askr feels so lonely and empty, actually. Like I feel like we have a more fleshed out/more world building for Embla than we do Askr! A LOT of fascinating family stuff there actually. But in Askr it's just Alfonse, Sharena, their parents, and Anna. That's it. And honestly I HAVE to wonder, like! Where did Anna come from, anyway? I know each Anna has their own lore, so I suppose she could just be from Askr, herself. And I guess it wouldn't matter any which way, but I am just so. I WANT. LORE. AND TIMELINES LIKE. When did Anna become the commander. How long has she been the commander. You've given me a whole new thing to violently chew on wood over HAHAHAH

#ask answered! #i'm. so sorry if this does not answer your question at all HAHAHAHAH #someone else vaguely related ESPPPP w engage and how the entire roster is like royals and their retainers #save for the VERY few exceptions #like. there are no retainers in askr. which really does just fuck me up so bad like. #alfonse and sharena do only just have each other. up until zacharias and anna. and then just anna. #and again just a consequence of mobile game but... i find it so fascinating. that askr being built on openness #is just such a lonesome place. #anyways i would not be surprised if i missed some stuff here i was really struggling to articulate it HAHAHAHA #STILL. will be thinking about this forever now thank you 🫡 #fe anna #fe alfonse #sharena