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slightlyrebelliouswriter23 · 2 years

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Hey Em,

I don't mean to bother you, but I've been feeling really bad about my writing lately. I'm usually pretty happy with what I write, but nowadays I've just been feeling burnt out and struggling with thinking that other people write so much better than me. Do you have any motivation? Just a few words to pick me up and help me keep going.

No pressure at all to reply, you're welcome to delete this if you want to.

Hiya nonnie! Oh, I'm so sorry to hear you've been feeling this way 🥺 maybe it'll help you to know that I understand this line of thought on a profound level, because I have lived it so many times. It can make you feel quite lonely, isolated even. Despite the fact that many writers experience this same notion at some point in their lives.

I don't know if you want a brief pep talk or a more long-winded explanation for how I personally sift through these feelings and cope, so I'll give you both, and you can choose to stay with me/this post for however long you want.

A Writer’s Guide to Not Writing

I. Pep Talk-

My pep talk to you is this: Your creative energy is precious. Your health is precious. Your words are precious.

Your words are not worse because you like someone else's writing, they're different. They serve an entirely other purpose, and that's good! The world of reading would be awful boring if everyone's writing appealed to one person's preferences. Turn insecurity into curiosity. Read voraciously. Try to focus on what you can learn from other people’s writing techniques and styles.

Your words are not worse because they’re not coming. Rest. Be kind enough to yourself to give your body time to do nothing without judgement. You'll still know how to write after. I promise you won’t forget. You won’t miss out on anything.

It'll be okay.

II. Why you feel burnout-

I go into how to prevent creative burnout in this post, but how do we cope with burnout when we’re already in it?

Burnout is what happens when you’ve either knowingly or unknowingly stretched your body to its physical limits. Not metaphorical limits, physical. This isn’t all in your head.

Think about it as a runner running a marathon and not recognising (or intentionally ignoring) the signs of dehydration or fatigue. What would happen to that runner? Their body would probably begin to shut down.

Burnout is your brain forcing you to rest because you've been working so hard, for so long, and/or in likely less-than-ideal environmental conditions. And while it's totally unfair of your brain to not warn you before entering the burnout phase, there’s not really much you can do once there. The more you fight it, the worse it tends to get.

You wouldn’t try to keep running after experiencing fatigue, either, so I want you to sit for a bit with the feeling of Not Writing. Know that it’s okay to not produce or create. And if you don’t vibe with the whole “do it to be kind to yourself” schtick, do it as a direct protest against a society that teaches us our worth is intrinsically linked to our productivity.

Give yourself permission to just exist.

In the ADHD community, we have a sort of mantra that goes “Follow the dopamine”, which essentially just means “Do what feels good to your brain in the moment and the motivation will follow”. I’d amend this mantra for the burnout writer community to “Follow the joy”. Find things (apart from writing) that bring you joy, and do those. Do things that add emotional value/enrichment to your life.

When you are content with Not Writing, that's when you'll know it's time to write again.

III. Why you feel jealous/insecure-

I also want to touch on feelings of jealousy and insecurity, because I often feel those things when it comes to my writing, too. No writer is immune.

The human brain is hardwired to notice differences and make connections. So it’s natural that we would see differences in other people’s work or accomplishments, realise that we like their work or want the skills/recognition that they have, and immediately link their success to the things that make them or their work different from ours.

But brains often make mistakes and link two unrelated things. Correlation does not equal causation. You’re not bad at writing just because you see someone else’s skillset and it’s different from what yours looks like.

To explain this further, I always think of jealousy and insecurity as being two sides of the same coin. The coin is fear. On one side, you have insecurity–which is fear turned inward. On the other side, you have jealousy–which is fear turned outward.

Both sides come from a place of perceived lack. Insecurity is a fear that you inherently lack something that others have, and you blame yourself for that perceived lack. Jealousy is a fear that you won’t ever get what others have, and you blame other people (either directly or indirectly) for getting in the way of that.

Both feelings are completely morally neutral, though, so it’s important not to attach judgement to them when they arise. But you also have to acknowledge them, or they won’t pass.

I’d encourage you to keep reading. And when you read other people’s writing, approach it with a mindset of curiosity. I often ask myself:

What makes this piece good?

What makes it engaging?

What, specifically, do I like about it?

How can I implement those things into my own work?

Are there any similarities between my writing and this work?

Is there anything I can learn from this person’s writing?

Become a student again. What better way is there to cure insecurity than to learn from others and build your own skillset?

If it’s fanfiction or any piece posted on a social platform, comment the things you enjoyed/admire about that person’s work! Showing genuine appreciation for other people’s talent by paying sincere compliments is scientifically proven to open up compassion pathways in the brain, which makes it easier for you to recognise what is good in your own work.

Kindness is a boomerang. Give and you shall receive.

✦✦✦✦✦

So, what’s the overall message?

Rest until you’re okay with resting.

Follow the joy.

Curiosity and kindness are medicines.

Your creative energy will come back.

I promise.

I really hope this helped! My inbox is always open to writing advice. All the love in the world to you, nonnie.

-Em 🖤🗡

Creative Burnout and How to Ward Against It

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#writing tips #writing advice #writing motivation #writer's block #writing #writer #creative burnout #burnout #writer's life #writers of tumblr #ao3 #fanfic #fanfiction #my advice #a writer's guide to not writing

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elyvorg · 3 years

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Still a Hero - author’s commentary (part ADHD)

Yep, it’s that fic of mine again, the one I still haven’t stopped thinking about even though I published it like half a year ago now. I’m finally getting around to doing a little bit more author’s commentary on it that I didn’t do back then, because these bits involve the idea that Kaito has ADHD, and at the time I hadn’t yet made my post explaining all the reasons why I’m sure of that and all the symptoms of ADHD that Kaito is definitely affected by. For the purposes of this post here, I’m going to assume you’ve read that. Heck, even if you’re not interested in my fic, if you enjoy my analyses of Kaito, please go read that post if you haven’t already! It’d mean a lot to me.

My headcanon of ADHD-Kaito in DRV3 itself may or may not have been something the writers actually meant to drop a million hints towards and therefore may or may not be the official canon “truth” about him. But, since I’m the writer of Kaito in this particular fic, and I did have it consciously in mind that he’s ADHD while writing it, Kaito being (unknowingly) ADHD is officially canon in the Still a Hero universe, because I say so.

(And yeah, I doubt anyone even noticed this. Imagining that he’s ADHD doesn’t change anything about who Kaito is; it only adds an extra interesting layer to why he is this way. All I did was use that to help inform the ways I wrote him reacting to some of the things he went through in the fic.)

Chapter 2 – emotional dysregulation

The second and significantly worse half of Kaito’s self-torturing session, once he snaps and gets uncontrollably, painfully angry, was something I deliberately wrote as being some very nasty emotional dysregulation.

For the first half of this ordeal, when he’s thinking about breaking out on behalf of the kids to prove it’s possible after all, Kaito’s still basically in control of himself. He’s being stubborn and short-sighted and self-destructive and definitely making the wrong choice, but it’s still him making a choice and consciously deciding of his own volition that this is a good idea, that this pain will be worth the end result that he can totally reach.

This stops being the case after long enough, though – and it’s no coincidence that it happens right when it begins to sink in for Kaito on a deep, visceral level just how horribly helpless he is.

At that point, Kaito pretty much just snaps and loses control entirely, getting overwhelmed by a disproportionately-amplified rage that’s really just a defence mechanism for those other feelings that he simply can’t cope with. He drops any sense of the vaguely-rational mindset he had at the beginning that this is going to take a while and only gradually chip away at the frame’s integrity each time, and devolves into a completely irrational THIS NEXT SINGLE HIT WILL DEFINITELY BREAK IT. Which, of course, is incredibly counterproductive in that it only serves to make him feel even more weak and helpless furious when it repeatedly doesn’t.

Thankfully I don’t get the fly-into-a-rage kind of ADHD emotional dysregulation that often – but this also means that I can look at the very specific edge cases that do happen to trigger it for me and figure out that the root cause is almost certainly a completely immovable sense of helplessness. I’m not saying this is necessarily the case for every ADHDer who suffers from anger issues, but man does that make for some delightfully convenient personal experience for me to have drawn on when writing this particular scene.

I can also confirm from this experience that what sucks way more than the actual initial problem that the anger is triggered by (which doesn’t even have to be that big of a deal! ADHD loves to amplify stupid tiny things!) is the anger itself once it takes hold, how completely all-encompassing and uncontrollable it is. Nobody should ever want to feel that way. It’s different when you have a cause to be righteously angry about, like Kaito did at the beginning of this scene, but what I’m talking about doesn’t feel anything like that – it just feels ugly and painful and wrong.

Mind you, when this anger first takes control of him, Kaito does also choose to indulge in it rather than fight it, because he’s still stubbornly insisting to himself that any kind of pain is better than giving up. (Meanwhile, in other situations where Kaito’s gripped by this kind of too-strong anger, such as when he might end up hurting someone he cares about (oh hi trial 4), he’d probably be trying to fight it to some extent… but even when he does that, it doesn’t seem like it’s very successful.)

But even then, there’s some small, smothered, barely-acknowledged part of Kaito that really doesn’t want this at all. That part of him begins to feel more trapped by his own anger than by the contraption itself, hating the way he refuses to let up on hurting himself both physically and emotionally and really wishing he could control himself and just stop.

The problem is that the only real way to try and quell this kind of anger is to confront the true (and equally-amplified) painful emotions that the anger is just a cover for. Which in this case would, in theory, result in Kaito breaking down in a huge crying fit over how utterly trapped and helpless he feels. Yeah, no way he's doing that at this point in his arc, so furious self-destruction it is!

Chapter 4 – uncontrollable thoughts

Multiple times throughout the fic, but especially in chapter 4 when he’s attempting to sleep, Kaito tries to just think about nothing at all. He never truly manages it, because ADHD minds cannot ever think about nothing.

(…You know, even as I say that, there’s still a part of my brain going “but isn’t it actually because it’s not possible for anyone to think about nothing?”, despite that I’ve heard that actually that’s a perfectly reasonable thing for neurotypical people to be able to do. Sounds fake, but okay. My brain has never shut up even once in my life.)

The other problem here is the ADHD inability to properly control what we’re focusing on and thinking about. I’ve found that this gets even worse when I’m tired, dulling what little control I ever had in the first place. Instead of thinking about nothing, I just end up thinking about whatever random crap happens to be in the path of least resistance for my train of thought. This can be… not great when it comes to avoiding bad thoughts that it’s easy to spiral into focusing on when left unchecked.

I had this idea in mind a lot for this chapter as Kaito attempts to sleep. Usually, he’d be firmly trying to think about anything but what’s happening to him right now and how he’s feeling about it. When he’s this horribly exhausted, though, he has so much less control over that. So he keeps getting unwillingly bombarded by thoughts about the most immediate physical sensations he’s feeling – hungry, thirsty, hurting – and how much he wishes they’d just go away, even though that’s the last thing he wants to think about.

The whole “someone who thinks he’s strong” thing was meant to be this kind of idea, too. When Takehira says that to him at the beginning, it lodges somewhere deep in Kaito’s mind, because he subconsciously already feels like it’s the truth about him and is terrified of what it’d mean if it was. So naturally, on the surface, he stubbornly files it away as Not Worth Wasting Time Thinking About. But then it keeps popping into his head anyway, usually in moments where his mental defences are weakened, because an ADHD brain does not care what its owner doesn’t want to be thinking about and will nudge their train of thought down those paths whether they like it or not.

(Okay, so maybe all of this isn’t quite so specifically being caused by Kaito having ADHD. Probably anyone who’d been through what Kaito had would have lost a lot of their ability to control what they’re focusing on and thinking about by this point. …Unless the neurotypical equivalent here really would be to just naturally stop thinking about anything out of exhaustion, despite not being able to actually sleep? I wouldn’t know. But my point is that I had ADHD-related ideas in my mind to help me write this, either way.)

Chapter 6 – rejection sensitivity dysphoria

Kaito’s huge sobbing fit over believing he’s failing Shuichi and Maki was something I had very consciously in mind as the absolute worst kind of RSD-fuelled breakdown imaginable.

It might have seemed a bit excessive of me to have Kaito’s emotional pain completely eclipse the actual physical torture for so long – and he was sobbing uncontrollably for something like half an hour, maybe more, before it wore itself out – but, no, can confirm, RSD really is just that fucking awful. Imagine the already-very-legitimate pain of being convinced that his best friends are going to die because of him, but disproportionately multiplied by like a thousand. Next to that, the excruciating torture-poison is nothing.

(Well, maybe this would have made sense anyway, because the fact that the thought of getting his friends killed hurts even more than the torture is precisely why Kaito was obviously never going to break! But that wasn’t actually the main thing on my mind when I wrote it that way; I just realised that it fit that after the fact.)

I also drew off my own experiences of some of my worst RSD episodes (which were still not nearly as bad as what Kaito went through here, and which thankfully I haven’t had that many of) to help me write Kaito’s physical reactions to this kind of emotional agony. I hope I did a good job of getting across what it physically feels like to be crying that horrendously, uncontrollably hard – not just quiet sobbing, but straight-up loud, ugly, inconsolable bawling. In a way, writing it felt almost like yet another kind of torture I was putting him through.

#danganronpa v3 #kaito momota #kaito whump #torture #adhd headcanons #personal?#ramble #writing #as vaguely promised ages ago #for the tiny intersection of people who might be interested

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cclaudias · 7 years

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So ngl, this might be a huge reach but

I STILL DON’T THINK THAT’S OUR SHIRO.

Now before any of you judge or make any comment claiming this is a reach and I should stop, hear me out. I’ve thought about this a lot, and send a lot of time on this to make you people understand why I feel this way. And I’m normally not very good at that, no thanks to my brain and adhd. I’ve even explained how I think Shiro disappeared and what really happened.

To begin with, we didn’t really get a proper insight into anyone’s character this season and there was very little character growth. I’m so salty about that, but the season wasn’t that bad, so imma just not mention that again. Now about the Clone Shiro theories. There were a lot of them, and some of them stated that Kuron may not even know that he’s a clone. And I feel that this is what’s happening with Kuron here. I’m sure that Kuron himself thinks he’s Shiro.

But while memories make up an important part of your personality, it’s not everything. There’s a lot we learn from our own thoughts on certain things, the way we make observations which might be linked with our memories, but are not a part of our memories. That’s what’s going on with Kuron here. He has Shiro’s memories, he knows how Shiro behaves, he knows how he’s supposed to behave (since he believes he’s Shiro), but that’s the thing - he’s not Shiro.

With many memories, we tend to have feelings associated with them. Feelings are an abstract thing, so I’m not sure they were copied when Shiro’s memories were implanted in Kuron. But Kuron still knows how he’s supposed to be, because he’s living in Shiro’s life, in Shiro’s memories, with Shiro’s memories, so even if he doesn’t have feelings, thoughts or opinions associated with those memories, he still knows.

It’s kind of like with kids (and occasionally teens too). They tend to look up to certain people - parents, siblings, role models, classmates, celebrities, etc - and imitate them (knowingly or unknowingly). And they do it so well, when they don’t even have memories of this person, just the ones they’ve seen and the memories they were in. But Kuron here, has 25 years of Shiro’s experience and life and he might not even know he’s a clone. That’s actually really sad, because when all’s said and done, in the end he’s not Shiro. Even if they’ve “led” the same life. He cannot be Shiro.

This is gonna be kinda long, and I might be wrong but I wanted to put this out there.

So first let’s start with the scene where Black responds to Kuron:

While saying this Kuron sounded so much like our Shiro. Like Black’s Shiro. Not only that, like Shiro points out, people’s lives were at stake. Black forms the head of Voltron, she wouldn’t let people die because she wasn’t sure this person who claims to be her paladin, is her paladin.

When Black first found Shiro (Kuron), she was so exhilarated. You could tell that, even Keith was so happy, I think he must have felt her energy flow in, and I feel that must have been the only time he really “bonded” with Black, so after Black rejects Shiro (Kuron), he still keeps insisting that Shiro should take the lead. Because he knows. He knows how much Shiro means to Black.

Black found Shiro (Kuron), because of his memories. But then when Shiro actually tried to pilot her, she shut him out. This is what she was like when she found him:

[She looks so cute and pure and happy here wtf??!!]

Even Keith here has a slight smile on his face. AND HE HAS NO FRIGGIN’ CLUE WHAT’S GOING ON?? Can you imagine?! Black was so happy and excited, her feelings must have been surging through Keith and even though he had no idea what the eff was going on, he’s faintly smiling.

I don’t really think Keith and Black ever really connected, you know. Because if they did, we would have been shown that scene, it was important. They showed us the scene where Blue and Allura bonded (I don’t really think Lance and Red have properly bonded either). It was just the first time she chose him, and then now. So Keith can tell how important Shiro is to Black. That’s why he was so confused when she rejected Shiro. But then the others needed him so he doesn’t say anything, but later on despite Black’s rejection, he keeps insisting that Shiro should lead. It’s not only because he knows Shiro’s a good leader, but because he knows that Shiro’s the only paladin who earned Black’s love and respect (there was Zarkon… when he was alive. Black: zombies don’t interact.)

I also think Black chose Keith because of Shiro. She didn’t chose any of the other paladins because, 1. She didn’t find any of them fit to be a leader (there was Lance, but atm, he was only thinking about this being “his moment” and that must be why Black rejected him. He was mostly leader material, but that notion was selfish and not leader-like at all. But if I’m right about Kuron, then we might actually see Black Paladin Lance. (I’m going to cling on to this hope with all my life.) and 2. Keith was the only one who hadn’t given up on finding Shiro. The fact Shiro thought Keith could take his place may have also influenced her decision.

Black obviously cared A WHOLE FUCKING LOT about Shiro. She chose him over Zarkon, protected him against Zarkon, gave him an insight about her past life. They were the ones with the strongest bond (because Shiro was an adult, more mature and they spend a lot of time together when Zarkon was tracking them through her).

And I know she accepted him now, but why reject him in the first place? Why did she cut him off in the beginning??

This was Black when they found Shiro (Kuron). She looks so animated and happy. The way she leans in towards where Shiro is...?? I don’t know if you’ve ever had a pet (I don’t have one either, I just watch thousands of cat videos on youtube), but this is exactly how they behave towards an owner they love so much.

In the beginning, Kuron was almost passed out and in an almost unconscious state, she probably couldn’t tell the difference. That he wasn’t her Shiro. But then when he’s conscious, she immediately knows he’s not her paladin. He’s not Shiro. So she cuts him off. But then the more Kuron interacts with the paladins, the more he starts behaving like the real Shiro, so Black may have started to doubt her initial observation.

He sounds so much like Shiro here. Because that’s who he’s supposed to be: Shiro. He might be someone else, but his whole life is painted in Shiro’s memories, and he might not be Shiro, but he’s a lot like him anyways. In this scene, Kuron doesn’t say this because he’s supposed to be like Shiro, he says this because, he genuinely cares. And that’s the saddest part.

I think Haggar (Honerva?? I don’t know what to call her) knew this would be most effective if the clone themselves didn’t know they were a clone. That was there would be closer to no chance of their identity being exposed, because they themselves think they’re real. But with someone’s memories alone, you cannot become them. And neither can Kuron. Do you ever just remember that Honerva is so fucking smart but so sick and omfg I hate her.

Kuron knows what to do in this situation because Shiro’s been here (sort of) when Zarkon was tracking them through Black, and even though they’re objective and situation was different, they both requested Black’s help in somewhat the same manner. Though when this happened with Shiro, they formed a bond, with Kuron she accepted him.

Either Black knows this isn’t her Shiro, but accepted Kuron because she must have realized he himself didn’t know he was a clone and because they were in a situation where they were needed. Or she might have begin to think that maybe her first (second, really) impression of Kuron might be wrong.

Another thing I noticed is that Kuron does have Shiro’s bayard, but he didn’t use it, once. In the season 2 finale, we see Shiro use the bayard, so by now shouldn’t he have used it at least once?? But he doesn’t. This is what a bayard is:

When Keith and Hunk used their bayards to form weapons for Voltron itself, their bayards manifest themselves in the form of their regular weapons: a sword and a shoulder cannon. So while it may be different (I might be wrong thou) but when Shiro’s bayard took the form of a sword during the fight against Zarkon, it should have at least an initial form by then. But, in season 4, Shiro (Kuron) doesn’t use it. Once.

This probably happened because Kuron is not Shiro, and even if he has Shiro’s memories, the bayard takes the form based on its paladin’s whole personality. Not just memories.

Not only that, just because Kuron started acting more like Shiro this season, it doesn’t mean what he did last season doesn’t matter anymore. If anything, Kuron’s growing. But I don’t know how much his behavior changed really. Especially the way he behaved with Keith.

Shiro behaved so differently with Keith. Like both a big brother and leader. He didn’t force Keith to make decisions, but instead explained to Keith why he thought he should make said decisions. He let Keith make the choice.

So why was Shiro (Kuron) pushing Keith into taking the role of Voltron’s leader. Telling Keith that he had to do it. Remember that time in season 1 when Pidge had decided to leave. Shiro told Keith that he can’t force her to stay. So why was he forcing Keith to?

Not only that, Shiro is the one who wanted Keith to lead. So in season 3 when Keith was doing just that, why was he revoking Keith’s orders, and calling him out in front of the team? Invalidating a leader in front of their team. The orders Keith were giving were acceptable and not Keith being hot-headed or putting the team at risk. But Shiro still opposed them. When he had no proper reason. I don’t know who that sounds like to you but to me, that man did not seem like my Shiro.

A lot of you picked on Shiro’s behavior in season 4 too. He was being a sort of shitty leader, even endangering the team’s life once. Wasn’t that the same reason he called Keith out for? And Keith hadn’t even really been jeopardizing the team’s safety. But Shiro was. It was very unlike Shiro.

He was acting like a shitty leader. Jeopardizing the team’s safety. Brushing off a team member’s suggestion(like an ass):

Like oh my god, the last screenshot SCREAMS: NOT SHIRO. Keith had pointed out something so important. But he just brushed it off. I don’t remember Shiro doing this in the first two seasons. So why now?

He acted like an ass to the team the whole season. Almost getting them killed, brushing off their suggestions. That does not seem very leader-like to me. And definitely not Shiro-like.

He’s definitely not the Shiro from season 1 and 2.

I also wanted to link this point made by @lanceskincare. She’s made an excellent point and I wanted to add it.

See, I don’t see the point in the creators changing Shiro’s character design, tbh. Why would they change it for no reason? There must have been a reason they changed his character designs so drastically and argh that ugly ass haircut.

Also, Shiro’s mental illness was a huge part of his character plot. So what happened to it in this season? In the previous season, in the episode where Shiro escapes, he had a lot of time alone. And we’ve seen what our Shiro is like when he’s left all alone, especially with triggers. Shiro had literally just escaped the place from where his PTSD stems, and he didn’t have a single panic attack or flashback. Again, Kuron only had Shiro’s memories, not his feelings. Not the feelings of terror and horror from Shiro’s time with the Galra. None of the fear associated with those memories. Nothing.

So with all this, the real question is how Shiro disappeared in the first place? Especially despite the close bond him and Black had. Shiro even had a flashback and panic attack when he was piloting Black once, so Black would know how much being in a Galra ship terrifies him. Yet, it was from inside Black’s cockpit, that Shiro vanished. Black wouldn’t do this to Shiro, ever. She was happier with Shiro, and obviously cared for him. So if it wasn’t Black then who? And how?

It was Haggar. I don’t know what you think about this but hear me out.

First let’s just go over the events of his disappearance. They were fighting with Zarkon, and they were overpowered for one moment. But then Shiro used his bayard, which was connected to the lion, which formed a sword and they managed to beat Zarkon. But right after they land the blow, there’s a huge purple explosion:

(This screen cap is after the explosion because everything went white after the attack and anime visuals)

And then all the lions are scattered:

Black flies back on her own back to the castle after that, and Shiro goes missing here.

Now in these course of events, did you notice anything odd? One, the lions are scattered, with shouldn’t really happen because we’ve seen Voltron land huge blows without this happening. Which means there was an internal damage. The head goes missing, the one who forms Voltron. Shiro.

Two, you realize after what this happened, right? After Shiro used the bayard. I know there was an interval where they attacked but I’ll explain everything eventually.

So sidetracking a little: Honerva. We know that she was always an inquisitive person. Someone who was always eager to, and strived hard to learn more. The quintessence she was working with made her lose control over this curiosity. She became hungry to learn more. Thirsty for any information, any knowledge about anything - but particularly about quintessence.

We also know that Zarkon had the Black Paladin’s bayard for 10,000 years. And the Red Lion.

Now I know that the Red Lion had his particle barrier up all the time, but this is Honerva we’re talking about. We know what she’s capable of. If I’m right about the clone thing, this probably wasn’t a big thing for her. She’s pretty well-versed with quintessence.

I just think it’d be more suspicious that Honerva had the bayard for 10,000 years, and didn’t mess with it once. That doesn’t seem very much like her to me. If she can meddle with the dead, she’s ready to do anything imo.

So this is what I think must have happened (I’m not sure about the timelines but I’ll mention that too):

Honerva found a way to bug the Black Paladin’s bayard in such a way, that if it was used from within the lion, it could teleport or carry it’s user to where ever she had planned for it to. She had Red, and he had the particle barrier up so she must have found a way past both the particle barrier and the lions’ inner walls. I mean, this is Haggar and 10,000 years, so I wouldn’t really call it a reach.

Now, about when she might have done this. I’m not sure if Haggar was doing this with Zarkon’s permission. He had only one lion and I don’t think he would have let her mess with it. But yea, like that’s gonna stop her.

But in the beginning, I think she must have started it with Zarkon’s acknowledgement and permission. This project must have started right after the fall of Altea. While Altea was what they had considered their greatest threat, this was the beginning of the Galra Empire, and they did not have any allies. Without allies and a hell lot of opposition, I’m sure Honerva must have considered something like our paladins, she isn’t stupid. But I don’t think she expected it to take 10,000 years. Whatever opposition they were expecting was in the beginning, so that must have been when Zarkon let her mess with the bayard and experiment on Red. I’m sure this is where she bugged the bayard.

Or, this must have been where she had planned to bug the bayard. The way the Galra Empire rose, I don’t think they must have faced heavy opposition. At least not anything they considered a threat. So she must have laid off these plans. But then the paladins showed up. And Allura.

If Haggar could craft such powerful monsters in such a limited time, she had plenty of time, even after the paladins’ first appearance to mess with the bayard. And that’s what she did.

That’s how Shiro disappeared.

Black wasn’t responsible from the beginning. She must have been so confused herself. There was a huge explosion of quintessence when Shiro attacked Zarkon. But it wasn’t all from Shiro’s attack alone. It was Haggar’s magic too. The magic she had bugged the bayard with, and the magic she kidnapped Shiro with.

But I could be totally wrong about this, you know. I just don’t think it makes sense. Haggar had the bayard for 10,000 years, and she does nothing? That doesn’t seem like her at all. And I’m positive Black had nothing to do with Shiro’s disappearance.

Another thing (this is may definitely be a stretch but): they removed Keith from this season entirely. We know that Keith and Shiro were very close. So I think Keith would have eventually been able to figure out that this is not his big brother. I can tell when my siblings are acting fishy, but if they act completely different, yet not so much, I think I’d be able to tell they were a clone(this will probably never happen in real life lol, thou just in case, I know I’d be able to tell). It’s the same thing with Keith, if he was there longer, I think he’d have figured out that this Shiro is not the one who taught him so much. Who didn’t give up on him. Who made Keith realize that family wasn’t formed only from blood relations, but also through bonds.

And then Lance. I feel Lance might figure this out (with or without Keith). He’s come from a big family, he’ll know. He might already feel something’s off, but Shiro’s Lance’s hero. He means a lot to him. He looks up to Shiro. So maybe that’s why he’s shrugging off Shiro’s odd behavior.

Maybe they stalled off the Clone Shiro arc, because it would be coincidental with Lance’s character arc. Because Lance standing up to his role model, his hero, will be a huge step for him. I feel Keith going to be there a lot for Lance next season. Especially after all their development in season 3. Maybe after they both figure this out, one of them will try to subtly bring this up, and the other will pick up on this and realize they weren’t alone. This might also simply be wishful thinking, so yea... But I’m clinging on to Black Paladin Lance with every last bit of my soul.

I don’t know, but I strongly feel Lance’s character arc’s gonna be with the Clone Shiro arc. And then we might even get Black Paladin Lance (and co-leadership Klance).

These are just what I felt and me putting it out there. It’s okay if you disagree, it’s just observations I made about Shiro and where they were going with it. I just don’t feel that this Shiro is our Shiro. Everything about him seems off.

Also, let’s not forget ALL those metas and observations made about Shiro and Kuron when the previous season came out. Those, imo, are still valid.

Because why make Shiro disappear and then never talk about it or what happened?

Remember when Shiro first came from the Galra? He lost his memories from that time, and there were so many instances where the creators kept emphasizing on Shiro trying to remember them. So why doesn’t he care anymore all of a sudden.

Not only that, Shiro hasn’t had one flashback or panic attack since he’s come back. I’m not saying he should; mental illnesses are painful and terrible, if anything I know that. But I don’t see how someone can be transported to their source of trauma and come back magically healed. He’d been transported back to the Galra, from inside Black’s cockpit, to his source of trauma, and he’s never once thought about it? If it was the real Shiro, the Shiro who had PTSD, he would have been justifiably terrified to even go near Black, let alone into her cockpit.

Or are the creators just going to pretend Shiro suddenly became a terrible leader, developed a terrible fashion sense and had his mental illness miraculously cured? That’d be terrible plot line, and I believe in them, I know this isn’t something they’d do. In fact, in a whole, this season (besides the first two and the last episodes), seemed more like a filler. Or something they did to reduce how heavy the previous episodes were, since you know, season 3 and season 4 were supposed to be one season.

There’s this thread on twitter by @koganya on s3/4 Shiro that I totally agree with.

tl;dr: We’re going to get a proper Clone Shiro Arc (and possibly Lance’s Character Arc and Black Paladin Lance) next season, where they might even deal with Shiro’s mental illness.

On another note: if anyone has any ideas or thoughts about this, ones that you’d like me to know or add here, feel free to message me. I’d love to hear others opinions on this.

Edit: So I was thinking about why they would possibly drag this Clone Shiro thing, and I realized that they weren’t. Season 3 and 4 were originally meant to be one season. This whole thing was set up in such a way, that in the beginning when they found Shiro we’d feel he wasn’t our Shiro but then the later half was supposed to make us dubious. But since the season was split, we got the first half much earlier, and had a lot of time to over-analyze the shit out of this.

Honestly this was such the stupid observation wtf am I doing??!! Lmao, I’m sorry, my brain compelled me to put this here.

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pika-ace · 6 years

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ITH Witness Protection AU

AAAAAAAAAARGH!!! @fight-me-fool718 STOP MAKING SUCH GOOD OCS AND MAKING UP GOOD STORIES FOR AUS!!!

So yeah, this basically started out as a kind of Sherlock AU but it then became thing, starring another one of Bird’s OCs and this time she’s a French Private Detective named Eliza Abbasi, and she’s here in the barrio to solve a mystery! (And yes, she is very different from Eliza Hamilton, but there’s nothing wrong with picturing her doing these things ;))

So it starts out with Usnavi contacting Eliza all the way in France, because he needs her help on a case. What happened? Well, Sonny’s disappeared and kidnapping is suspected. And Eliza’s kinda like Sherlock, so the case has to be interesting for her to take it. Luckily, this one is. Usnavi and Sonny were in the bodega or in the barrio together when the lights went out for a second and came back on, and Sonny was gone without a trace. It was like he just blinked out of existence. So Eliza flies Usnavi to her place in France, where she lives outside of Paris in a decent sized farmhouse with her pet goat and five chickens (the goat is named Mr. Darcy, and the chickens are named Sir Archibald Drew III (a rooster), Lady Beatrice, Clara Partridge, Martha, and Marianne [and yes they’re all named after Jane Austen characters]). Usnavi explains his case to Eliza, and she decides to take it, and they fly back to the barrio. And yes, Eliza is an observer like Sherlock and she can say and reveal some things without thinking, meaning she totally noticed that Usnavi had no parents hence why he’s so worried about Sonny and if she wasn’t Sonny’s only hope, then Usnavi would’ve thrown her out right there. ‘It’s clear that your parents’ deaths has given you a very strong sense of family, particularly with your remaining family, which would be your cousin; if you had any other close family to speak of you would have kept in closer contact with them and judging by the lack of pictures of family members on display, that’s not the case. And I suppose that this elderly woman’s passing has also contributed to your hold on Sonny.’ *points to picture of Abuela* ‘Her pictures are very numerous and very well kept, meaning she meant a lot to you, and I know she’s also deceased because of just how well kept these pictures are; was I close?’ ‘…Look, I don’t know how you knew that out, but I came to you to find my cousin, NOT figure out my whole life’s story!’ Now the whole mystery isn’t quite set in stone but the basic premise is this: the bad guys are a mafia-like group, and they’re VERY widespread. And through sheer bad luck, Usnavi either came across them doing something bad and called the cops, or he somehow, unknowingly, got his hands on some VERY important info that they need, putting Usnavi on their hit list. And they decide to use Sonny to get to him, hence the kidnapping. So there’s a lot of self-denial with Usnavi since he’s suspected the reason behind all this but refused to believe it until Eliza gets him to confess about what happened. ‘Your cousin is going to DIE unless you grow up and tell me what you know! Do you WANT Sonny to die?! Your only family, practically your son, your everything, you want to lose him because you’re too damn scared to tell the truth?!’ So the climax rolls around and Usnavi goes out to confront these guys alone, without telling Eliza, hoping he can just get them to give Sonny back, but of course, things get complicated. They bring Usnavi to their lair, tie him to a chair, and bring out a bound and gagged Sonny, and basically, they’re gonna kill them both to ensure they’re silence but do it very slowly, but Eliza swoops in just in time to save the day (this is taking inspiration from the Sherlock episode with the Asian acrobats/assassins).

So Sonny is saved and the police bust his kidnappers but things don’t go right back to normal. Turns out this Mafia is WAY more elaborate than they thought, and it’s very likely they told the other branches ahead of time of what was going on, meaning that Sonny could still be in real danger. So Usnavi and Sonny have to go into witness protection, and it’s decided that Sonny is to go to France with Eliza. They give him his fake identity and he becomes Robin Dupont, the adopted son of Jean and Marie Dupont, staying with his Aunt Eliza as his parents suffered a terrible accident and are hospitalized in critical condition. So Sonny does his thing, learns to respond to his new identity, and is taken to France with Eliza (and no, Chip can’t come :( ). So Sonny is taken to his new home and is introduced to Eliza’s two wives (yeah she’s polyam!) Lottie (she’s black, Jewish, and a professional chef), and Aminah (she’s Indonesian). And as expected, Sonny goes through a VERY bad homesickness phase, which is also mixed with his emotional trauma of being kidnapped. He spends a lot of time alone and is very quiet, and doesn’t fit into his new school at first while he tries to keep up his new persona as Robin and not Sonny (this school is pretty fancy and has uniforms so you can imagine Sonny feeling pretty isolated). Luckily, Eliza’s basically a VERY snarky mom (she knows how to deal with haters ‘Go back to your own country!’ ‘Your wife just left you yesterday; I can see why.’) so if Sonny’s not living up to the right standards of the school, Eliza can talk her way out. ‘Ma’am, your nephew has been disrupting the class.’ ‘How so?’ ‘He keeps tapping his desk and cannot sit still!’ ‘And? The kid’s got ADHD, and went through a lot of stuff, he can’t help it.’ ‘Ma’am, he’s a distraction to the students and teachers alike!’ ‘Not my fault your faculty’s inadequate, and it’s not his either.’ But while Eliza’s a snarky mom, she’s also never BEEN a mom before, meaning she let Sonny read up on her past cases and learn from them, meaning he now knows how to kill a man with a toothbrush. So Sonny’s still closed off; he’s in a new place, new school, nothing like the Heights, and he can only write to Usnavi once every few months and is pretty miserable, but luckily, his three new surrogate moms are able to reach him, when Lottie makes Sonny a dish that Usnavi would make for him. Lottie makes the dish expertly, and it’s so similar to how Usnavi would make it, that Sonny starts crying as he eats, and Eliza just rubs his back as he finally lets out his pent up emotions. So after that, Sonny continues adjusting to his new life, but it’s still a lot. School is fine, but France is NOTHING like New York. The summers are milder, winters are colder, and he’s living with a family that is VERY well-off, making him able to go around and NOT worry about money (something he’s NEVER known), and he’s not used to how quiet his new home is at night, since he’s used to hearing the bustling city at night. But he slowly grows used to it, and even goes with Eliza and helps on cases, becoming the Watson to her Sherlock (Eliza also teaches Sonny fencing as that’s her sport; Usnavi was NOT pleased to hear about that). Plus, after a few months of living there, Usnavi was able to convince the people to send Chip over to live with Sonny, so Sonny has his dog to keep him company and he can make friends with all the chickens and the goat. Sonny’s also been making friends at school, as well as Lottie’s own nibling (niece/nephew), Sammy, who’s genderqueer (feminine presenting), lives in Spain, visits Lottie for the summer, and is actually just as politically aware as Sonny is. They spend hours ranting about the things wrong in their countries and in France. ‘TRUMP IS A TERRIBLE PRESIDENT!’ ‘MACRON IS GOING TO SHOVE HIS FOOT UP THAT RACIST CHEETO’S ASS!’ So with Sammy to be himself around, Sonny FINALLY comes out of his shell and things couldn’t be better. And to sweeten the deal, when Christmas rolls around, even though Eliza and co don’t celebrate it, they arrange for Usnavi and a good chunk of the barrio fam to have a surprise visit for Sonny. There’s much joy and tears :’) And I forgot to mention, that since Sonny’s in France, that means he learns French pretty well, along with German from Lottie and Indonesian from Aminah (they spend a lot of time just talking since she’s the stay-at-home member of the house). Which means that Sonny comes home with a bit of a french accent and two new languages under his belt. Speaking of Sonny coming back, that basically happens when Eliza and Sonny discover the last link to the mafia that kidnapped Sonny (they’re based in France), so their series finale is them ending these bastards once and for all so Sonny can finally go back home.

But that doesn’t mean goodbye for good. When Sonny grows up, he TOTALLY goes back to visit, maybe with Eliza being able to get Sonny into a college in France, to help his education go even further. And that’s all we got. :)

#in the heights aus #witness protection au #sonny de la vega #usnavi de la vega #barrio fam #eliza is my second fav OC next to nadia #all these ocs just end up making sonny so much better #this is my new fav #i know i say that a lot but this is my new fav that's ORIGINAL #and if you want for info on eliza ask bird

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newathensrp · 5 years

Text

OOC Information

Name: Nana / Nalani/ Nayeon

Age: 19 years old

Pronouns: They / Them

Timezone: Eastern

IC Information

Name: Igarashi Sasuke

Age /Years At Camp: 25 years old / 11 years

Pronouns: He / Him

God: Ares

Powers: ADHD, Fighting Skills, Dyslexia, Physically Enhanced, Telumkinesis, Weapon Conjuration, Weapon Curses, Necromancy (limited), Odikinesis, Powerful Scream (limited), Pyrokinesis (limited)

Personality:

Sasuke is the life of the party. Not literally since he doesn’t party or drink…or hang out with coworkers who gossip about the single hot moms and dads who come through the school everyday. Sasuke also sleeps around, but it’s always on his own time. He also makes a variety of dad jokes he tells to kids that are old enough to understand them. So, none of his 5 to 6 year olds, but definitely his 12 to 14 year olds. Sasuke also has anger issues, which is why he doesn’t drink. At all. Somehow the whole “Your Father is a god, so now I have to train you to be able to take down a highly skilled soldier that’s been through 3 Afghanistan tours…or at least a CIA Agent.” He has a thing for pretty. Like, an immense thing for short and pretty. He’d sleep with anyone, really. Almost anyone, but pretty much anyone who was pretty.

Appearance:

Sasuke is Japanese ( American? Greek? ) 6’2 with various scars that he never bothered to treat properly. His eyes are a combination of red and brown, giving them a sort of russet color that people could have sworn sparkle when he smiled at them. His hair is long, straight, and black and due to his job, he keeps it in a high ponytail most of the time. There are times when he does let it down…like to sleep. That was about it. When he was a teacher, he usually wore jeans and brightly colored shirts. His usual were consists of expensive sneakers, ripped pants ( whether they be jeans or joggers, they’re always ripped ), and shirt with some logo on it it, and a jacket thrown over it. It’s almost like he never grew out of his high school fashion, which is great because he’s seen the way people his age dress and he is NOT impressed.

History:

He supposed it all started with his mother, as things usually do with scenarios like this. Boy meets girl, boy falls in love with girl, boy and girl make baby ( unknowingly ), boy finds out he and girl make baby ( unknowingly), boy skips town with the intentions of never being heard from again. This is a little more complicated than that, though. Ares met Igarashi Chinatsu, a Staff Sergeant that was in charge of training new recruits in the United States military. It wasn’t her smell that attracted Ares, nor the color of her eyes or the shape of her body. No, it was the way she cut down men twice her size and could scream “Pansy!” at the toughest of men. It was the way she took him down while he was posing as another sergeant opposite of her. That got his attention, and he did have a thing for men and women who could cut him down without batting an eye. So, blah, blah boy meets girl at a secure Army base, boy gets knocked on his ass a few times, girl gets knocked on her ass a few times, boy and girl may or may not fall in love ( depending on who looks at it—and if taking slices at each other with knives was considered love, they may have to change the Urban Dictionary definition ), girl gets pregnant, but boy is long gone before she even knows. Girl goes on medical leave only for boy to come back 6 months into the pregnancy and open the surprise can of surprises! Boy, also known as Ares ( the god of War ), tells Chinatsu everything, which ends with him getting several kitchen knives thrown at him because in three months she’s gonna have a baby who will be a target for monsters and possible prophecies ( but don’t worry about the last one! last time they had one of those, someone named Perseus Jackson took care of them…both times ).

Fast forward 14 years and those years are just filled to the brim with fist fighting, ADHD, dyslexia, a whole lot of training. At 36 years old, Chinatsu was teaching her son every form of martial arts she could drill into him before it was too late. She wasn’t an idiot, not at her current rank of Command Sergeant Major. She knew the only reason Sasuke ( after the ninja Sarutobi Sasuke, not Uchiha Sasuke…whom by the way should have ended up with Naruto since every clue in the metaphorical book was hinting at it! ) was because of Ares. The god of War would be considered a laughing stock if his son couldn’t master even the most basics of martial arts. Nothing to fear, though. Sasuke took to fighting and brooding like the other Sasuke took to leaving the Leaf Village and threatening to destroy it—fairly easy.

It was hard for her, dropping Sasuke off at Camp Half Blood at the young age of 14. It was hard, but there…he could be himself. He could fight and train and push himself past his limits with no precautions because that’s just what it takes to survive. At the age of 18, he graduated from his high school with High Honors and went directly into college. If there was one thing that made Sasuke unusual, it was his love for kids. Kids were among some of the best people he could be around, so he decided to do that permanently when he graduated from his university with a B.A. in Education, first going from middle school and deciding that he’d rather be with kindergartners. At the start of their learning. They calmed him down immensely.

He taught. And he taught. And he taught and he loved each and every one of those kids as if they were his own. So, it can be imagined how furious he had been when a monster got hold of one of his kids.

#percy jackson rp #pjo rp #oc rp #percy jackson #pjo #original characters #roleplay

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