#why yes i am being a petty bitch abt this | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

constantvariations · 10 months

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The most annoying problem of rwby is how it will say something like "the White Fang assassinates board members of the SDC" while never actually following up on it. We spend several seasons in Atlas and not once does this come up

Despite Weiss literally being the one projected to take over the company, she never interacts with the business and the danger attached to it. No board members popping in to talk to her or Jacques, no guards talking of upping security as a result of another attempted attack, no personal escorts for any of the Schnees whenever they go to the recital

The show says that Schnees and associates are under constant threat by the White Fang, a threat that should have escalated after the fall of Beacon, but nothing in the show's actions even suggest this. Jacques only complaint is about the embargo costing him money, Winter has washed her hands of the SDC entirely, Whitley's focus is being Weiss's annoying (affectionate) little brother, and Willow barely exists

Yet rabids will call you stupid and illiterate for asking the show to... show these things. Just because things are said or things like guards and spies are logical for situations like this doesn't mean that the story gets to slack off in implementing these elements

Shows are akin to a court case. You can't just point at someone and cry, "They're a murderer!" You have to establish a timeline, motive, and method, and provide physical evidence like the weapon used or footage of the person at the scene of the crime. No jury worth its salt would condemn a person on he-said, she-said

You want me to care that board members are being assassinated? Introduce me to them so I can either want them protected or pray for their death. You want me to believe that the Schnees are under constant threat? Have Willow be paranoid to the point of never going outside and never letting Weiss and Whitley go anywhere without a ton of security. You want me to worry about spies? Ilia would've been perfect here! Have her play the demure servant while we see her sneaking into Jacques's office to steal SDC documents

Not only is relying on distant dialogue and exposition a lazy way of establishing elements of the world, not only is it a surefire way for folks w bad memory/auditory processing issues (me) to miss out on important information, it's fucking BORING

#rwde #why yes i am being a petty bitch abt this #sorry that im asking this show to be a SHOW #if i wanted to listen to a story I'd be going to podcasts or audiobooks #also real classy insulting my intelligence then blocking before I could reply. we may be called rwde but youre the one who threw a tantrum #god why didnt ilia get to be a spy in atlas instead of getting wasted and ditched in the menagerie arc #you know how many people id kill for white fang spies all over the globe but especially atlas?#in ohar blake is literally a wf undercover trying to get close to Weiss to learn sdc secrets #god i wish i could work on ohar proper #twould be a dream

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lunargrapejuice · 2 years

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Hi~

I saw your latest rant and I just wanted to say that you are completely valid in your anger and irritation (not that you said you weren’t valid but like in case you were doubting yourself.... DONT)!! Your wedding is about YOU and your mother needs to get a grip smh... I get it tho bc my mom throws a fit every single time I tell her I’m not having a wedding kekeke don’t let your family get you down bc you didn’t do anything wrong... I say cut them all off!! But- dont.... dont listen to me LOL I did that and enjoy it wo them hehe but it might not be for everyone.... oh word vomit... I’m sorry 😭😭 I hope you feel better :-( it’s hard when family is mad at you esp when they’re petty bitches about it!! I hope it gets easier </3 hug your sweet dogs whenever it feels too overwhelming, I’m sure it’ll help!! ((Also, I love your recent works! Amazing as always!! -hurt/comforts#1 fan))

(P.S. I did end up NOT getting cyno bc I stupidly pulled for venti 😭 and got venti and qiqi within 40 pulls.... I fear I won’t have enough wishes for scara and I can’t decide if I want to wish for childe or not!

Also I loved kaeya in the wine event.... that was my favorite part heheh anything and everything kaeya bc he is my sweet angel and I love getting to know more abt him/getting to see him more!!)

thank you so much babes! 🥺💖 i don’t mind a word vomit i do it constantly lol i know my feelings are valid but i also feel so guilty about my feelings & it means a lot to hear from others im not just being a bitch or being crazy for feeling upset about this the way i am. my next move is to just ignore it, try not to let it get to me & when im feeling upset about it im just gonna go find my husband & be reminded of why i did what i did 🥰 he’ll always put a smile on my face ❤️ & MY DOGS YES - hugging my babies always helps 🥰

thank you for reading my recent posts, it makes me so happy to hear you enjoyed them! 🥺💖 i hope i’ll have some more hurt/comfort for you soon🥰

OH NO - CYNO 😭 & getting qiqi instead smh

ive heard that childe is one of the banners that makes the least amount of money & that always surprises me that people don’t really wish for him because he’s actually pretty powerful! my childe is lazily built at best but he does some awesome damage so i could only imagine what it’d be like if people built him better. but then saving for scara - they make it so hard to decide who to save your wishes for!

YESS OMG KAEYA IN THE EVENT - seriously that man has me smiling anytime his flat ass is on the screen heh WHEN HE WENT TO WINERY & GOT ALL FLUSTERED AHHH - i died, he’s so god damn cute. it’s always a good day & a good event when we get to see our pretty calvary captain heh🥰💖

#hurtcomfort anon #🌙asks

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troglobite · 2 years

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no y’know what it is

i feel like things are changing online

EVERYONE is sharing EVERY MOMENT of their lives and others’ lives and it doesn’t all look good, that’s been the case for a while

a lot of it is weird and embarrassing

and i just am sick and tired of everyone deciding “you posted it, so we can mock it”

please stop being mean to people

i thought i was a petty and judgmental bitch but CHRIST the people i’m seeing online just saying shit abt stuff that is, ultimately, innocuous

and then this push to look at everything through a lens of oppression/bigotry/social issues

yes, everything IS influenced by it

but sometimes ppl are just fucking weird to you and that’s it

and it doesn’t need commenting on

and i don’t follow people who do/say this shit, the algorithm is just recommending it all to me even though i show no interest and repeatedly say “i’m not interested” to deny most of these things

my point is the surge of “we should bring back bullying”

that’s what ppl are doing

and i’m having a terrible fucking day and it’s just hitting me that i’m fucking triggered by it

everything i did as a kid made me a target

and i don’t want to see INNOCUOUS STRANGERS getting BULLIED REPEATEDLY IN PUBLIC for bullshit that DOESN’T MATTER

why is everyone so fucking mean?

like someone on twitter that I DON’T FOLLOW but had to see ANYWAY for some fucking reason!

brought back that bisexual couch meme

yeah it’s weird/creepy

BUT A BISEXUAL PERSON/ARTIST MADE IT FOR THEMSELVES AS AN EXPRESSION OF THEIR EXPERIENCE

and this person on twitter called it

BIPHOBIC

a couch

is not

biphobic

ESPECIALLY

when the artist who made it IS FUCKING BISEXUAL

i’m tired of this

why would i ever want to ask for help or be vulnerable or ask questions or share art or DO ANYTHING? when everyone just behaves like that now.

no one acts like there are PEOPLE behind things on the internet anymore and idk what to do about that.

i really thought i was petty and mean and judgmental and i probably have fucked up

but it’s just wrecking my mental health, man. and really driving home everything i’ve learned over my life that ppl keep telling me isn’t true. but it is.

people are mean. i am not safe.

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the-bjd-community-confess · 3 years

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More Divaz confos

Mod: Round two of these, previously: link. There’s some interesting customer reviews in this batch (5 and 8) which may be useful to readers.

1.Vic3mage "the secret bjdivaz vip group is just pictures of boxes coming in and going out". Yeah, between the bitching about d0llshe, asking people to post on doa for them, dunking on ex-customers, posting pics of random doll parts that they can't identify which doll they're supposed to go with, whining about how little money they make, whining when ppl e-mail them, whining. Yeah, other than that it's just boxes, and alpacas u can buy off amazon anyway lol.

~Anonymous

2.The butthurt users crying and guilttripping under every Divaz confession who have never been seen before elsewhere on this blog are extremely unsuspicious and unproblematic and definitely unconnected to Divaz and unbiased in every possible way

~Anonymous

3.idk shit abt bjd1vas but v1cemage i can absolutely tell you the shit about ch0o is 100% accurate, fucker's got a long, long history of being an awful little man that stretches well beyond his involvement in the doll community. between the two i'd still trust bjd1vas over ch00 ch00 the fool any day!

~Anonymous

4.The Z3st and Div4s thing is really silly and both entities were being shady but did they really have to take the DZ waiting room down with them? :( He had even made a separate thread about it......

~Anonymous

5. RE: BJD Divaz

I’ve been a customer of BJD Divaz since they first started, when it was only run by Chart3rline. I even contacted other BJD companies trying to persuade them to work with Divaz as their US representative. Most declined because they didnt like D's commission fee, but I was able to persuade a few of them.

I asked them to purchase a doll off DOA because I couldnt afford the asking price, and while they did, I found out later that instead of agreeing to purchase the seller's price, they negotiated the price to be lower. This significantly cheaper price was not passed down to me. I paid the full price +the commission fee based on that full price. I am disappointed I was not told this. This is when I stopped viewing them as a "friend" and instead, as a business. I dont hold this against them, it’s context to what Im going to say later.

I’ve stopped purchasing from D after my recent order from them. This company usually takes 3 or less months to make a doll. I’ve ordered the doll from D and it took 11 months. They let me know it arrived to them in March and that it will be shipped soon, except it only shipped on July, and only after I sent them several "reminder" emails. Before people in the comments try to put the blame on me for not sending a reminder soon, please keep in mind that I acknowledged the email in March and confirmed everything and they keep stressing to not send them emails because they are busy, I’ve emailed once every month since. I’ve since switched to ACBJD and Ive been happy with communication and the dolls ordered. I imagine ACBJD gets the same amount of emails, but they dont berate their customers if they email more than once.

I regret when people wanted a D0llshe, but not deal with him, I always recommended D. I would warn people of ordering directly and instead go through D. They assured buyers they would be handling communication and all the efforts so they wouldnt worry, except they didn’t. A person that I’ve recommended D to, who surpassed 2 years, keeps messaging me for help because D wouldnt reply to their emails. She is respectful, sweet and a timid person, not a Karen. This person, emailed D without a reply so would email a week later, only to be told that their email would be pushed down to the bottom if emailed again. No response, so she goes to FB and IG, who both tell her to email because they arent the person running orders. Finally got a response that they would get their refund, after D0llshe sends D's payment, but minus the PP fees. 3 months later and theres no refund, only a promise of them getting it later. Why is the customer missing out on fees when they have no doll? Customer emails d0llshe and he says he cant offer refund, because they didn’t order through them, which is understandable, but when all options are out for a customer, do you blame them for chargebacks?

If anyone files a chargeback, D will be blacklisting them from every company they rep, as in blacklisting you from buying direct from those companies. I urge everyone who has negative experiences with D to email the companies they rep instead of venting on confession blogs, and writing your experiences on social media. Make it count and send letters to the companies they represent, and please provide proof because they will try to make you out to be a liar.

Speaking of, they made vague posts on cl0ver singing for charging paypal fees, and that they offer guarantees as an official dealer, except when offering refunds, to non delivered products I might add, they are keeping the fees, and offered no help with d0llshe, even before they ended their dealership with them. Someone on DOA was told to not email them unless the wait time surpassed 1.5 years. They are even so petty that they post screenshots with the full name and address (dox) of the customer on purpose and then delete it out a day later as if they just realized their "mistake".

Before you try to make excuses for them about the fires, keep in mind, I am dealing with a business. The lower price negotiation with the DOA sale, I am in no way obligated to give them a pass or treat them as a friend when they made it clear that our relationship is strictly business. Their issues, are not my issues. D0lk got dragged for not shipping in time, others, including artisans, got dragged for being so late with communication and sending back refunds for cancelled orders. Why does D get to be exempt?

The supporters are the worst part of this, because of instead of being honest so D can improve, they support them for being "real". For example, look how micemage words it, to make it seem like this criticism is from one person, when there are people on addicts who didn’t have good experience. Check the bjd dealers tag here, you will see the supporters in the comments going off on any and all criticism of D. Some have sane comments, but the majority are cult like and try to identify the person venting as if it’s one person. Addicts deletes threads with criticism asking people to instead direct it to their feedback group; which lets be honest, no one is going to do because its "not that bad", and most dont want to join a new group, which is mostly dead.

This is my first and last confession on D, I’ve emailed each company they rep and told them my experience as well as contacting the 3 month wait company, with screenshots of my order, how they handled it, and the excuse they used to put blame on the company for being so late (package arrived march to D, 4 months to be shipped is on D, not the company). I’m not using company or order details because I know they are petty enough to try to identify me and publicly shame me like they have to others. This and the threat of suing is why not many people like to go public with their experience. They just keep feedback neutral, move on and never deal with again.

~Anonymous

6. Listen, I can't take you seriously in regards to BJD!vas because you're posting on a confession blog. If you were serious, you would have posted in buyer beware groups, DoA reviews or the board to get things resolved, or you would have made a complaint to the BBB. And your language makes you come off more as someone with an agenda rather than someone who is trying to warn people. If shipping is the issue, stop buying with standard shipping and pay the extra price for express shipping. I saw one of you complain that it sat with them for 20 days; that's probably because you're not the only one and they more than likely have a queue to check and then ship out. Do mistakes happen? Yes, because we're human. I've been in this hobby for a few years now and it seems like most people know you're going to have to wait, sometimes even outside the expected wait time. And shipping something as big as a doll is a timely endeavor. I shouldn't have to say that.

My point is simply to stop complaining on an confession board and either take it to the places previously mentioned. Posting here behind the anonymous mask makes you sound like a petulant child who didn't get their way right away.

~Anonymous

7.My only issue with BJD Divaz is how I never get any updates. Every email, they tell me to join their facebook page for status updates. I dont have a FB and I dont want to create one. I bought my doll through their website, updates should be posted on their website, or they could send me an email. That isnt asking much.

~Anonymous

8. Since there seems to be a lot of either "completely negative everything sucks" or "everything was sunshine and rainbows" confessions about bjd!vaz I thought I'd chime in with a neutral review.

PROS

-They were always polite and professional in their emails, and gave me very detailed answers to my questions.

-I got exactly what I ordered, so no mix ups or missing parts or anything like that.

-I think them being forthcoming about personal issues (only one person on staff, illness, the flooding isue etc.) on social media is good, since it keeps customers updated as to why there might be delays.

-If you live in the US their shipping is very reasonable.

CONS

-Reply times were varied. Sometimes it could take over a week, sometimes a couple hours.

-My order took about 10mo which, when comparing to other people who ordered through the same company around the same time, was about 3x as long as if I bought it direct and 2x as long if I had gone through a different dealer. I get some of the waiting time is out of their control, but it was kind of ridiculous.

-They dont necessarily ship the same day they send you a tracking number. I wish they said something like, "Here's your tracking number, our pickup is Xday so it should start moving after that" just so I could be aware.

All in all no major complaints. I got my doll and all that. Their lone employee is clearly overwhelmed. I hope they hire another person, if only to give the one a break.

Truthfully, I most likely won't buy through them again. I'd rather pay the international shipping and go direct, than deal with the extensive wait time. I'd still recommend them to someone looking for a very long layaway, though. I paid in full, but if I had a 12mo layaway I would've never known they weren't ready to ship my doll until month 10.

~Anonymous

#BJD #ABJD #BJD Confessions #TrueBJDConfessions #BJD Dealers

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rikorene · 4 years

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Your stuff is so super cute 🥺 can we get a headcanon on how the following dudes deal with jealousy? Kenma, Oikawa, Nishinoya and Bokuto? I would be very grateful and happy if you have the time and feel like doing this request~ thank you 🙆🏻‍♀️

[ a/n: the reason why i do super cute stuff is bc my readers are super cute and YOU'RE super cute so yes thank you for listening to my ted talk 😤💗 thank you for requesting btw! ]

Kenma, Oikawa, Nishinoya ;) & Bokuto dealing with jealousy || headcanons

note: the reader is gender neutral.

Kozume Kenma :

usually it wouldn't even bother kenma tbh. but boy, this asshole really did a number on him when he shamelessly flirted with you, not even paying mind that THEIR BOYFRIEND was literally behind his s/o.

of course, he would silently glare at the person until the person notices kenma's glare. laughing nervously the guy asked if kenma was his older brother.

you were abt to open your mouth but kenma answered for you, wrapping his arms around you and putting his chin on your shoulder as he kept his cold glare at the boy.

"i'm their boyfriend, dickwad."

you felt literal chills when he answered the guy who just awkwardly shuffling away from the tense atmosphere after mumbling a quick 'sorry'

usually kenma's pretty chill with handling jealousy but this put him in a bad mood. you had to assure him with kisses and cuddles afterwards to get him out of his bad mood. and he didn't mind at all.

OIKAWA TORU :

of course, with oikawa's outgoing and straightforward personality he will not hesitate to put the person he's jealous of back in his place.

if he was ever jealous of someone else he would act all pouty and cutesy, huffing while he would turn away from you and if you ask why, he'll reply "oh i dont know, ASK THAT GUY YOU WERE TALKING TO!" he would become a bit of a brat but would still melt if you hugged or kissed him.

if he ever saw you talking to a guy, he would come up with a smile, but on the inside he would be killingbthe guy in 500 ways.

his façade would usually do the trick and hide the meaning behind playful words and fake smiles well.

petty as heck.

but if the guy was downright flirting with you, 50/50 would prolly fuck the guy up. if the dude was making you extremely uncomfortable, oikawa would grab the guy by the collar and tell him "if i ever see you talking and even looking at them, i will not hesistate to put you 6 feet underneath."

but if the guy was just flirting and not getting the hint, he would still step in but won't resort to violence, instead, he would wrap an arm around your waist and pull you closer to him and say "oh hello, i see that you've met my lover." he would smile at him menacingly.

would be protective ALWAYS.

NISHINOYA YUU :

lmao we all know how this boy's gonna act.

if he was ever jealous he would voice it out, also insulting the person he was jealous of. "huh, that ugly ass thought you would give him the attention that he wanted? haha bitch thought wrong." or something like that.

but he'll be a real baby abt it too, constantly clinging onto you and be pouty with tears, and you, being the patient person that you are, would reassure him with kisses and cuddles.

if he ever caught you being hit on by some random guy, him and tanaka will be 100% on it. because if you were dating noya, tanaka would be the best bro to you, he would be as protective as nishinoya.

the two would come over and intimidate the guy while noya would put an arm on your shoulder as tanaka made faces at the guy.

"this guy bothering you babe?" and the guy would just walk away, thinking that the two was really weird. noya would laugh and brofist tanaka for doing a good job chasing away the dude.

and he would kiss you on the cheek.

sweet.

BOKUTO KOUTARO :

i am: whipped for this man.

when jealous, there could be 2 options. option 1: will be clingy and pouty, crying like a baby and would beg for assurance that you won't go to that guy. option 2: emo mode (on). he would be gloomy and sulky at the fact that the guy had made him jealous and would think that he wasn't good enough. he's more than enough, i love him.

if he went with the 1st option, it would just be soft bokuto hours. just cuddling, soft and sweet kisses on his face. you would spend hours cuddling and hugging him just saying how he would be the only one that you wanna love in this life time. and it'll cheer him up eventually.

the 2nd option is the one that you disliked more. it's not like you didn't want to be there for your boyfriend, it's just more troublesome than the first option. it'll take a lot of coaxing and hugs to get him out of that state, he'll just be silent as he would cling onto you and bury his head in your neck. 50/50 would probably fall asleep and wake up feeling okay.

if he sees you with someone that's flirting with you, he would step in. beefy bokuto would intimidate the guy immediately as bokuto would stare into his soul intensely, and before bokuto could even speak. the guy would leave.

later he would be all cuddly, saying that the guy stood no chance with your number 1 ace, and you would just giggle in response.

damn, i'm whipped.

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aquagustd · 2 years

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Yes thats true ! it definitely differs for writers. I didnt mean it as in i have no emotions for my characters but as in: when i set my characters up with other people, i dont feel jealous or sad or anything like that bc I AM the writer. i dont know how to explain it. Like, for example making my oc‘s hurt and cry, i cant bear it and i hate it. but writing oc‘s ex being ( really ) in love with someone else doesnt hurt me, idk why 🙄. But yeah, i am really interested in sora and her own story. I guess that we can come to an agreement and by what we have seen from her till now she seems like a bad person. so hating her at this point is in my opinion valid bc thats what the readers are given at this moment. This whole: i as the reader know things that y‘all dont so dont hate too much on her also makes sense. ofc it does. but we as humans act with what we are given and refuse to think abt why sora is how she is lmao. But yeah, maybe sora comes from a bad background ? maybe sora went thru things we don’t know abt ? or maybe sora is JUST bad. everything could be possible. But i have one question tho 😏 i dont know if your answer will be a spoiler or not but imma shoot my shot. Do you hate sora purely bc she is jk‘s fiance ? or do you hate her bc you as the writer know what kind of a person she really is ?

yeah, you get it !! most of the time when i’m not feeling emotion — it’s because i know how it’s gonna go. like that’s the reason why i’m not so sad about tae & oc taking a break. because it’s not the end for them 👀

about sora - we hate her 💀 but at the same time we don’t know anything about her. that’s why i keep saying. we don’t know how she & jk act behind closed doors and we still need more info to truly make a judgement on their relationship and her as a person. like hear me out on what i’m trying to say yk?

lmaooo okay listen !! i can be a very petty bitch at times 💀 like the pettiest bitch ever when it comes to certain things. and i solely hate sora bc she’s jungkook’s fiancée 👁

#petty when i CAN be !! not all the time #if i say more i’ll be spoiling it but yeah #anti sora club #fic: hie #squishies

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humanitittysswaggiest · 2 years

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Anyway lol this is an important update in my life kinda anyway its late and I want to tell the little gay people in my phone abt my life <3

BASICALLY

Backstory: In physics I did a stupid thing and chimed in a little in an 'argument' 2 people were having which led to like 5 people yelling at me for honest to god no reason SO my wonderful (white (yes that is important)) physics teacher takes it upon himself to ask these (white straight) girls if theyre okay bc I was being oh so rude to which these BITCHES (acc it wasn't rlly their fault and they felt bad but they're still bitches (also the fact that they felt bad shows how unjust this was 😤)) were like oh yeah she said she hates us bc we're white and straight. That was something I said LAST YEAR in response to them being racist and homophobic. So this physics teacher tells another teacher and I get called in for being racist and hetro-phobic it's rlly funny my teacher doesn't even know how to spell hetero.

I got a 2 hour fucking detention in which I had to write an essay on why inclusivity and diversity are important values which should be upheld in our community and me the petty bitch I am 💅 did it on how actual racism and homophobia r issues in our school

Then the deputy head read it bc he was running the det which was so scary and now I have a meeting with two safeguarding teachers to discuss how to make things better for poc in our school?? Either that or they threw the whole essay away lskskdhfrj

#Ask if u need me to tag anything <3

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notesofarichlycolorednight · 6 years

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41/50 for Luke and Tori please?

sorry this took me so long! i was having trouble nailing down a concept that i liked. of course that only led to me thinking too hard abt it

so without further ado, here it is! it’s mainly an all human! and crime!au, kept the greek names, with some mish-mash of other things thrown in there. idk really, it’s kinda a mess

half under a cut bc i’m a long-winded bitch

it’s not my Best, but the depression has hit hard and i have other projects i’d like to work on (if the depression will let me)

#41 first kiss#50 arranged marriage

Day 1

"Ugh, you expect me to marry a grifter." She said grifter like it was the worst of the four letter words, throwing the blond man across from her a distasteful look. And for a long time, he'd thought brown eyes always had a warmth about them.

He scoffed. "As if marrying into a house of fixers is any better." His ice-blue eyes shot the blonde woman across from him, his own glare. "Have you even been taught the tricks of the trade yet?" His voice had turned mocking.

Tori opened her mouth to respond with a biting comment, but her mother quickly grabbed her hand and squeezed painfully.

"It would be improper for her to be in such a state in front of her betrothed," Diana said with a perfected smile.

Luke rolled his eyes, missing the irritated look Tori had thrown at her mother.

"Why don't we talk about the details of the wedding in my office." Tori's father, Apollo, stood. Luke's father, Hermes, stood as well with a nod.

"We should let these two get better acquainted," Hermes agreed before shooting his son a pointed look, while Apollo did the same.

Diana stood. "Just as well, I will be meeting with a client soon."

"Yes, I also have a meeting of my own." May stood.

Soon the only two left in the room were Tori and Luke, both glaring at each other, refusing to speak.

Day 100

"Thanks a lot, asshole!" Tori picked up the nearest glass, which was only full of water and some ice, and threw it into Luke's face.

Luke gasped and shot up, his eyes freezing over as he glared at Tori. "What the fuck?" He shook off some of the water, his mark handing him a handful of napkins to wipe his face with. It didn't do much, napkins at clubs were horrendously small and thin. Across the table from Luke, a man also in a suit blinked in surprise and leaned away from Tori.

"You know this chick, Luke?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

The people at the tables around them had their eyes trained on the three now, and were murmuring. The waiters had stopped in their tracks, shooting the three nervous looks.

Luke swiped up his napkin and started cleaning his face, while the other man stood and assured the rest of the restaurant that everything was fine and to go back to their meal. Either he was particularly persuasive, or they wanted to pretend nothing had happened because the patrons went back to their dinners and the wait staff began moving from table to table again.

"She's no one," Luke finally answered, eyes half-pleading, half-threatening, but Tori ignored that. She'd been outright threatened by worse.

"Actually, I'm his fiancée." Tori held out her hand, brandishing her engagement ring to the other man, who was still standing. It was something that their parents had decided on together. Luke hadn't even seen it until he'd given it to her. Luke's eyes blazed and he opened his mouth to yell at her, but his mark spoke first.

"You didn't say you were married." The guy looked her over, and any other day would've earned a solid punch to the nose, but she was busy glowering at Luke. "She's quite the catch."

Tori was dressed up, as well, as you'd want to be in such a fancy restaurant setting. Though, her dress were rather plain-black, fitting, and only went down to the tops of her knees. She wore a pair of glossy black flats, and her hair was curled, pulled over her shoulder and held there by a large clip, embedded with diamonds. (Luke vaguely wondered if that was another gift that he'd bought for her.)

"I can see you're in the middle of the something," Tori said sweetly, her eyes flickering over to the other man, "but my fiancé and have a few things to discuss."

"It can't wait until I get home?" Luke asked, punctuating his words.

Tori's smile dropped as she turned to look back at Luke. "No." She looked back at Luke's mark. "You best leave. Now."

The guy took the last swig of his drink before stepping out from behind the table and going to Luke to pat him on the shoulder. "Better luck next time." The nodded to Tori before making his way to the exit.

Luke stepped around the table, approaching Tori, but she held her ground. "What the fuck was that? You just lost me a mark." His voice was low, so as to not draw any more attention than necessary.

"I think you mean petty cash," she shot back. "Unlike you, I was actually working—meeting with a client."

"If he was scared off, maybe you should've been doing your job better," Luke retorted.

"I was doing my job, just fine until that cartel you pissed off last week showed up, looking for you." Luke's face paled, all anger at his soon-to-be-wife drained from him. He stepped back so he could scan the restaurant. Tori continued speaking, "Spooked my client, who took off, by the way. And now, they've come for you. I'd like to see you get out of this one, hot shot."

Just as she was finishing, one of the men came into view and immediately spotted Luke.

"We have to go." Luke grabbed Tori's wrist and started dragging her through the restaurant.

"There's no 'we!' This is all you!" She tried to pry her wrist from his grasp, but his fingers were locked like a iron vice.

"They know we're getting married. They'll hurt you to get to me. So yes, we." Luke rolled his eyes, annoyed he even had to explain this to her. What were her parents teaching her about the underworld?

He tried to drag her to a back exit, but another man appeared. So he quickly diverted his path to another possible exit, only, you guessed it, another man appeared. Luke was forced to enter the kitchen, pushing his way past chefs and some of the wait staff. They didn't make it a few feet before one of the men was in there.

Shots rang out. Luke and Tori instinctively ducked, and he pulled her behind one of the kitchen's islands. There screams as food went flying alongside pots, pans, bowls and plates. Those in the kitchen scattered until only shots rang through the kitchen, following the sounds of ricochet.

Luke didn't want to risk looking, but he guessed there were most likely at least two shooters now. And no way out. He and Tori were staring at a dead end wall behind racks of prepped food.

"We're trapped," he sighed, trying to come to terms with his demise. Who knew he'd go out cowering behind a table in a kitchen, sitting next to the one he was being forced to marry?

"I can take them." Tori said. Luke's head snapped over to her. She was grinning.

"Are you insane? Even if you had a way to stop them from shooting at us, more would show up!"

Had he had time to, Luke would've grabbed her arm and asked her if she was crazy again, but she moved faster than he anticipated. Faster than he'd ever seen her move, in fact. Although, it wasn't like he had paid much attention to her since the announcement of their "happy" engagement.

In one fluid motion, Tori pulled out a glock, already fit with a silencer, from her clutch and spun, staying behind the table but standing enough so she had a clear line of sight of the shooters.

It felt like Luke blinked, heard cries of pain, and suddenly the shooting stopped. Heart beating rapidly in his chest, eyes wide as a does, he carefully lifted himself to his knees and peered over the counter. No gunman to be seen. Tori had stood to full height, and was smiling at her work. Luke slowly stood, too, seeing that the gunmen were on the ground, groaning. Most likely due to the fact that they now had new holes in their knees.

"Mother is going to be very cross with me when she finds out you had to see that." Tori said, slipping her gun back into clutch. "Let's go husband, mine, before more show up." She started toward the back entrance of the kitchen, where two more groaning gunmen laid.

Luke followed in a daze, glancing down at the gunmen again as he stepped over them.

"You have…impeccable aim." He swallowed hard and was glad for the fresh air as he stepped out into the alleyway.

"Don't be impressed yet, my clip is low and more are coming. Let's go!" Tori grabbed Luke's wrist and began pulling him down the alley just as car lights flashed on them. The car screeched to a halt. Doors opened and shut. More gunshots rang through the air.

They broke out into a run as they exited the alley and onto a quiet street. Tori was leading him somewhere, but he was still a little stunned and was having a hard time gathering his bearings. They went through another alley, with footsteps hot on their trail. She took them a block down and down yet another alley.

"Are we going to lose them any time soon?" Luke asked, finally coming from his daze.

She glared at him over her shoulder. "You try running in a skintight dress. You're going to see me naked at some point in our marriage, I am sure of it, but I'd rather not it be in a dark alley surrounded by cartel members."

They kept running.

The men of the cartel somehow managed to keep up with them. They hadn't started shooting yet, but if they got even a foot closer, no doubt shooting would begin soon.

A few moments later, they were on a more populated and lit street. Houses lined the sidewalk, and cars passed perhaps a little faster than they should on a residential street.

Tori was scanning the apartments.

Luke glanced over his shoulder. He didn't see anyone, but he was sure they were only a step behind.

"I'm good picking locks, but I don't think I'll be able to pick one fast enough," Luke admitted.

"You don't need to. Come on." Tori led them up the steps to an apartment with a red door. "Take off your jacket and pull out your shirt from your pants." Luke did as she said, and she took his jacket, draping it over her shoulders before taking the clip out of her hair and putting it into the jacket pocket. She ruffled it, bringing it over both her shoulders. "Okay, now pretend to kiss me?"

"What?" Luke blanched. His blue eyes were wide and a blush was creeping up into his face.

"I know we hate each other, but right now it's life or death. So just…" Tori reached up and wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him forward, his head closer to hers. She inclined her head, but kept him a hair's breadth away from her, turning them so that anyone looking from the street wouldn't know they weren't actually kissing. She kept her eyes on the sidewalk, watching for the cartel men.

"Put your hands somewhere," she muttered. "On my hips. Caress my face. Do something with them."

Luke shifted and quickly put his hands on her hips, underneath his jacket that was precariously hanging off her shoulders.

And maybe he should've been more worried that their lives were at stake, and they were using a tactic that wasn't guaranteed to work to get away from them, but all he could really think about was Tori being so close. She was surprisingly warm, even though she was dressed in less. She smelled like honey. Her hair shined like gold in the streetlight. Messy curls was a good look for her.

They'd never been this close until now. They stayed as far away from each other as humanly possible, unless out. Then, they had to act like a happy couple, but at their shared home, Luke slept on the pull-out sofa. They rarely interacted, simply co-existing and skirting around each other, going about their respective jobs.

Standing there, adrenaline rushing through his veins, their breaths mingingly, so close he could feel the warmth of her body made him kind of regret not having taken up the opportunity to...act like a real couple when no one was watching. But that meant diffusing the animosity between them, and he wasn't sure that was going to happen.

Just as Tori spotted some of the men that were chasing them passing by, without really thinking about it, Luke reached up to caress Tori's face with one of his hands.

Tori blinked, startled, her brown eyes going to Luke.

"Luke, what—?" she started, but before she could finish he'd pressed his lips to hers.

Maybe she would've remembered that she hated him, if only because she was being forced to marry him. But his hand at her face was gentle. His arm that snaked around her waist and pulled her closer to deepen the kiss was firm and warm. His lips were a little chapped, but he was a good kisser. Before she knew it, she was curling one of her hands into his hair, the other arm wrapping around his neck to hold him to her.

And that was the first time they'd kissed each other, if you can believe that.

thanks for sending this in! it was fun to think abt, even if i had a little trouble deciding on my idea

#lucifers-favorite-child #asked and answered #luke castellan #my oc: tori williams #pjo fanfic #my fanfic #my writing

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starkissr · 6 years

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idk why

ppl want to be fake friends like i’d rather have real friends or no friends but i don’t get why ??? ppl rly wanna try n be my fake friend like no listen i’m sorry but i can’t be ur friend on the day u feel lonely n a stranger when ur thriving and omg!!!! this one rly just told me my expectations are too high bc get this! i asked her to consider me like o ok lol so you’re rly telling me in ur twisted idea of a friend I’m not allowed to expect u to care abt me like isn’t that only the literal definition of a friend my mistake??? bc i totally get having no expectations of ppl and all that but at the end of the day when ur then best friend decides to ignore ur existence then come back into ur life whenever they feel like it? like my problem isn’t that ur trying to come back into my life i’m open to whatever ok but when u can’t have consistent intentions to be a good friend u auto = fake aka nobody ???? i GET that ppl mess up obv i’m not perfect either but it’s just admitting that and actually understanding where u went wrong n at least making an honest effort of not doing it again that is SO CRUCIAL

wow wow wojeofiae and like it’s just soooo funny when ur pride is the fucking reason we’re not friends??? like if ur ego is what’s holding u back i rly don’t need someone so easily swayed by that bs in my life? so no i’m not gonna try or give a fuck abt u if ur idea of a friend is not aligned w mine like and if it isn’t that’s fine we don’t have to be friends uk but like idk it sucks tbh bc i’ve been sooo transparent abt how ur lack of words/actions hurt me so bad so u literally know but don’t do anything w this knowledge??? n still wanna try and talk to me like we’re friends after?? fuck no

it’s sad that 2 of my absolute best friends did this to me in diff ways but like this is the underlying pattern n it just hurts so bad when the person ur the closest to in the world and has learned the most abt u and has been thru sooo many ups and downs just one day decides that ur not important to them anymore uk??? like and when they come back later bc of c that’s what they always fucking do! they expect it to be like the old days and make u feel like ur fucking crazy for being hurt when they literally just left u in the dark. it was so painful to grieve thru that period without u bc i had to feel what it was like when u turned ur back on me and yes it was v fucking cold bc when i was ur friend it was all sunny days n that was a stark contrast but

also these past few days rly just make me wanna ask u why tf are u so fucking bipolar and a passive aggressive cunt to me one second and talking to me in ur bubbly tone like im ur friend legitimately 2 seconds later bc oh u just remembered u can use me for this thing or that??? i’ve literally never met an angrier or immature person? like ok obv i’m just off one on this rant so i’m gonna explain just how this girl tried me today! so she’s my roommate n keep in mind like i have told her explicitly my problem w her is that she hurt me when she didn’t communicate w me n went mia like i said this multiple times so no guess work needed n anyway today i was playing music in our room and guess what this girl does!!! puts her music on louder than mine! at first i was like?????????????? literally what? LIKE DID U RLY!!!!!!!!! JUST DO THAT LOL it was rly too much for u to tell me u wanted to play ur music???? i was honestly amazed and was like ok like obv this just sounds like shit at this pt n tbh all i wanted to do was just ask u why u felt that u didn’t want to tell me u wanted to play ur music? but then i checked myself and remembered ur words that i am expecting too much of u when i ask why u don’t care to communicate certain things so i guess it’s too much to ask u this too so like what now? n i just turned my music off after this internal resolution that u literally told me i can’t expect anything from u aka i can’t ever expect u to show up for me so like who is someone to u that is there one day and not the next?? like a relationship needs a degree of stable commitment and if i can never count on u why would i want to waste my time waiting on u to fuck up / my breath for calling u my friend?

the ppl i’m lucky enough to call my friends are ppl that i’m inspired by and i’m not saying ur an ugly person like obv u have parts of u that are so beautiful and that’s who i saw in u before but like if u keep showing me how ugly u can be don’t blame me if u singlehandedly broke my trust in u ??? AND ANYWAY LOL if ur reading this still the CHERRY on top of it all and what actually got me fucking mad is this !!!! girl!!!! asked me for a bandaid a breath after i turned my music off. like. o. ... .m. . . m. g. i just honestly couldn’t believe it n w her cheery ass tone like this is what i’m talking abt how u only matter to them when they need u!!! i was debating asking her abt the music thing now that she decided i was worth speaking to but literally it just wasn’t worth it to hear another one of ur excuses??? i would’ve loved to see what u would’ve twisted out of that situation tbh but i was also like ok like i don’t wanna help u bc ur a cunt but then i was like uk what! she wins if i’m a bitter person bc of her by telling her no so i let her have my stupid bandaid but talk to me like we’re friends one more time and i swear to fucking god !!!!! i won’t be so silent

n my friends are like r u gonna be friends w her after n i’m like ? what friend treats a friend like this ????????? like real q? this is not a friend. why would i say yeah i’ll be friends w her just to make her happy? no bitch my one requirement to be my friend is to act like a fucking friend and if u tell me that’s expecting too much of u like ok but u have to understand! this is my definition of a friend i can’t be ur friend then ! stop half ass trying!!!!!! either leave me tf alone or the moment u choose to decide (and actually act like) u wanna be real to me is when i consider u my friend again uk!! i’m not gonna hold ur shit over ur head but idk i feel like it’s bc they think that i will that they don’t try or honestly i don’t know their reason why but all i do know is there’s a blatant discrepancy between their words and their actions. for both of them but like the one who did this to me first even apologized to me and like i honestly rly appreciated that like it was only! a year and a half late lol but still i was happy but then they went ahead and did them and i haven’t heard of them since! like ok COOL so u just wanted to say we’re friends then go away again like that’s what i’m saying i don’t get it why do ppl want to be fake friends? what’s the pt????????? wow ok these are just the questions that i’m asking myself rn it like tears me apart that the ppl who know me best can’t bother to act like my friend when they wanna still have the perks of calling me a friend ! literally if any of them were to hit me up and put an attempt that lasts o idk beyond a single day to be my friend then i’m down i’m there but don’t fucking tell me i have high expectations for thinking ur my friend yeah obv i’m rly frustrated at everyone for complicating everything like clearly i care so much abt these ppl and that’s why i’m hell bent on trying to make myself feel ok for not taking them back bc as much as i love them i have self respect and literally it would just become an emotionally abusive relationship if i try to engage in a friendship where the friend would just let me down every day like i already have my own shit i’m dealing w why tf would i want to put myself thru unnecessary pain?

like everyone knows when ur being genuine or not. the recent one gave me a fake apology and it was so clear it was fake and last night she even admitted that it was n that she doesn’t think she needs to apologize and like i’m just like ......... so let’s just say i forgot that u can’t stick to ur word ok.... did u rly just have to remind me again?! this is what i’m talking abt it’s just painful and i can’t be ur friend if u can’t be real w me ok that’s all if anyone wants to be a human w me say hi like i rly don’t think anyone reads this so i was gonna delete my tumblr so long ago bc like whats the pt if no one sees u but then i realized how fucking cool that is and how liberating it is to just like put ur thoughts out into the interweb like journal writing is cool n all but on the off chance someone other than me does happen to see this then hi ur only looking at my deepest thoughts so i might as well know who u r lol but like if not (prob) then that’s ok i’ll just lol at myself when i reread this later! as stressful as this is like omg i’m graduating next week and i won’t have these kinda petty problems anymore and like that’s cool when that happens but idk i’m just not ready to grad f m u so ik as like annoying as this is and as stressed as i am abt my classes and assignments and finals and the future i’m eternally grateful for my education n like that’s why i don’t wanna leave! it’s the little things like tn i was at a coffee shop studying w friends n in the car ride back me n one of them were talking abt that one cute barista like he doesn’t matter but having someone to just say whatever the fuck u want w n confide in! it’s these little pleasures that i just love so much!!! n like i didn’t even notice but my friend brought to my attn like how he was acting kinda dumbstruck when he was talking to us n i was like lol fuck ur right that’s fucking hilarious n i had a new thing to laugh abt that i wouldn’t have if i had experienced it alone uk! like talking is literally what allows a relationship to flourish so w these 2 ppl where they just don’t communicate w me like that sounds like such a small flaw but the reason why it’s such a problem is that it literally stunts the friendships growth! how can we connect and etc if u can’t share what’s rly going on w me??????? or like why do u feel u don’t need to talk abt the truth?????? but ya as i was saying lol it’s ok i’ll just have to grind until i can get into my next school (hopefully, someone take me pls lol sos) but ya idk i suffer a lot during school but tbh it’s my fav ever so i’m so sad i’m graduating!!!!!! but like the only thing that’s making it ok is bc all of us are saying the same thing and it’s comforting that even tho we all dk what the fuck is going on i’m not the only one

so mostly sad bc i’m gonna miss my real friends here soooooooo much like w all my heart omg nothing will be the same again and i’m not ready! i’ll miss being seconds away and the fact that i can go over or call them like hoe get ready bc we’re going to the beach that’s down the street!!!! at my parents place the beach is half an hour away and i was in love but u had to drive like an extra 15-30 min to get to even nicer beaches n bruh let me tell u i rly did myself right by going to a school an actual 5 seconds away from the beach and granted besides us students it’s a rich white conservative person area but still it’s in a cute n clean area?? omg like this is just as good as it gets uk??? so ya blessed to be stressed

!?!?@#

#mind

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paint-music-with-me · 3 years

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Ep 9-10 of LBC2

I just...

At this point I just wanna finish the season cuz im so confused??? Okay the story isn't bad but the characters are off esp for TinCan's with Tul??? Like its either they tryna convince me Tul is the bad guy but then they show other stuff abt him being...not a bad guy?

But here's the thing, I love sympathetic villains. I'm down for it. But the mystery is not placed well for me to be like ohh Tul has his reasons for doing what he's done. No its more like Tul, wtf? You're being petty? I don't understand ANY of your motivations at all.... I am losttttt *cue violins in background* I am losssttttt

This whole fam business with Tin is just messy. At first, I could deal cuz oh okay so Tin doesn't Tul cuz he did this. Okay, Tul doesn't like Tin cuz he did this (even tho we dont even know what Tin did exactly?). But its getting complicated when they're also trying to give Tul some background on his story bc its too...contrasting. its not flowing well.

I love sympathetic villains, I do. But if you're going to do it, do it where it doesn't seem petty but actually makes sense for their characters. Tul was upset so he lashed out on Tin, fine. Is he trying to redeem himself? No. Is he still trying to ruin Tin's life? Yes. Why? Because he hates him. Why? Because.....we dont know and I feel like at this point if we find out, it wont....mean anything. It won't feel important.

At this point I think they're both being petty and I feel bad for Can for being involved bc he's already a naive guy and to be involved with the petty shit these two have with each other, its just...ugh not worth it!

Esp when you've given be Gonhin and im sitting wondering when he gon actually be important??? Like???

Also....

I WANT MORE OF MY SIDE CHARACTERS!!! like even now I want to see Kla and No's story which already fucking sucksssss so that must mean something in the long run ughhhh

Also! I WAS PROMISED TAR!?!? SO WHERE IS HE!?!? BITCH 👏🏼 WHERE 👏🏼 IS 👏🏼 MY 👏🏼 TAR👏🏼 I just wanna know hes okay and recovering and living his best life

#blabber time #ignore me #lbc #lbc2 #ugh #this show is getting on my nerves now and i #but im almost done #im trying to pass it by at work #jdksbskaab

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ilygsd · 6 years

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110918

the only reason i even like this ugly fkn cunt is because we’re so similar. or at least were, he’s grown a bit more than me so i obviously appreciate his help and experience and knowlege or whatever.

but fuck him in the fucking asshole, not only is he a white man, not only does he get triggered by ”i hate whites/men” and ”ppl listen to u cus ur a white man” and takes it SUPER PERSONALLY and accuse me of fucking attacking him and shit. hes acting like a fucking dick when we’re fighting and the thing is……. HE REFUSES to admit when i say we’re similar in the way we fight??? he’s like ”no, im not” and im like YES BITCH YOU ARE YOU’RE ACTING LIKE A FUCKING CHILD

he’s so fucking aggressive, manipulative, guilt tripping and just…. COLD. i swear what the fuck is wrong with him? i’ve met him 3 times, and we’ve fought 2 times. ive known him for like 2 weeks and we’ve already had 2 major fights??

the only reason im not fucking murdering him on the spot is because 1. im not a fucking idiot. i know my limits. i CANT control him, i CANT manipulate him. i dont have any power over him and 2. i fucking like him?? if i dont apologize he’s going to go on for fucking ever and eternity??? i like him and im actually genuinely sorry that he’s hurt even if he’s a fucking pussy who got triggered over smth as petty

like excuse ME!! the way he fights is REALLY triggering for me??? the first time i was terrified. it was like flashbacks and shit i cried for a whole day and i hadn’t even met him back then. i was SO SCARED and SO SHOCKED. because IT IS I who usually have his position. it is I who usually put people in their places, NOT the other way around. i HATE being scolded, feeling like a worthless little piece of shit

i knew that i should’ve blocked his ass because that can really be SO damaging to me. also there’s a risk im goong to explode as well and we’re just gonna trigger each other and fight to death…. but i didnt because i was too god damn curious of what he had to offer. is it really possible for me to be happy as well? is it really possible for me to heal and grow like him? ERHM well obviously he’s not in his ”complete form” yet, fucking psycho when he get angry, but he’s pretty happy and kind and positive generally

i worried so much about me draining him with my anxiety and issues but he said he wouldnt let me drain him. he said he always put himself first and the he basically would leave if i try to pull anything on him. why the fuck did i even worry about him when he’s trying to manipulate and guilt trip me?? I AM SO PISSED. HE REALLY TRIED TO DO THAT THAT STUPID MOTHERFUCKER.

during our first fight it worked because i was SO SHOCKED, as i said. and i was SCARED. but fuck him in the asshole he really- he really tried to FUCKING DO THAT TO ME

he accuses me of being disrespectful of his limits when he goes fucking bananas, everythings happening so fast i cant even process what just happen, i dont even have the time to apologize cus hes all over and everywhere. and he’s so fucking threatening. he’s like ”if you dont…..” and he doesnt realize what the fuck he’s doing?? i apologize because 1. i hate these fights and 2. i like him i dont want to hurt him but he’s like ”i have nothing to apologize for”

STUPID FUCKING CUNTBAG YOUR UGLY TECHNIQUES ARE WAY OVER MY LIMITS, YOURE DISRESPECTING ME 101919X MORE THAN I EVER DISREPSEXTED U BY CALLING U A WHITE MAN.

(also can we talk abt how this motherfucker understabds that whites and men are privileged but he still doesnt get why reverse oppression isnt a thing and that it is GROUPS that are privileged and NOT individuals??? like he’s that fucking dumb)

that shit actually HURT!!!! i think he’s really immature during fights, i think he’s really fucking pathetic and i’m glad i’ve come to that conclusion rather than beating myself up. yes, i now understand that this is probably what it feels like for the counterpart when im fighting with them and im fuckig sorry that im acting like this psycho

BUT!!!!!! what really HURT was that he HONESTLY TRIED TO MANIPULATE ME. if i hadn’t called his ass out this time he would have gotten away with it AGAIN

bitch, he’s fucking 23 years old. he’s 4 years older than me. he also KNOWS!!!!!! i have a stupid crush on him and he STILL!!!!! TRIED TO GUILT TRIP ME, TRIED TO MAKE ME OBEY AND SUBMIT TO HIM, GET DOWN ON MY KNEES AND BEG

im so pissed and a part of me wish i would just have exploded but i couldnt because it was fucking 1 am and my family was asleep and i couldnt fucking shout at someone over the phone. also it actually made me feel a bit superior and mature when i was all calm and he still was upset (even though he wouldnt admit it, stupid proud brat. his voice changes distinctly). okay YES, i MAY have patronized him a little but also NOT!!! i was just really tired and sad and i still liked him so like….. i was just upset and trying to calm him down

its kind of hilarious how i had to tell him to stop sounding so aggressive and he was like ”im not” and i was like ”yes you are” and so he actually KIND OF stopped and it was easier to talk to him. wow i feel so powerful lmao. omg in really not any better than him am i? i know im not because no matter how much he denies it…….. im literally exactly the same when i fight 😔😔 i tell myself i wasnt like that because i didnt WANT to, because i want to be MATURE but a part of me honestly thinks its just me knowing my place. i like him more than the likes me, he can use that to his advantage, there was no reason or possibility for me to dominate him.

im still very pissed though and just because i like him i still REFUSE to follow him like a little puppy. ive been so worried ALL this time that i wouldnt be able to keep up with him intellectually, that he was too good for me, too smart and too kind. PFFFFFFFT!!! im sorry but i swear i was just idealizing him or smth. its his fucking voice and scent, its like a drug it makes me all calm and dizzy but objectively…. dont fucking let him manipulate you. if he ever makes you feel like yo should apologize and that tou did wrong, ask yourself WHY. an east escape is not the right answer. call him the fuck out. i think and hope he avtually would appreciate it as well……. even though he’s so fucking stubborn and proud OMG HES SO PROUD I CANT, I AM PROUD TOO BUT NOT TO HIM. or maybe a little since i now refuse to fucking message him, maybe a little bit manipulative but no, im still mad, the way he acted lady night was fucked up. why does he have to be so proud with ME???? is it because he doesnt feel as emotionally connected to me as i do? yeah probably

that stupid motherufcker…. when i told him ”instead of threatening me that you’re gonna hung up if i dont ’respect’ aka BEHAVE accordingly…. you could just say ’hey im not comfortable talking right now, i need to hung up’ AND HE WAS LIKE ”but we’re not that close-/but we’re not that emotionally-” or something like that and i was like……. is this dipshit clown really serious?? ”uhhh its more like COMMON SENSE AND RESPECT” and he was like ”yeah maybe…” YEAH MAYBE? NO YOU KNOW IM FUCKING RIGHT

god that piece of shit really thinks he has me wrapped around his finger or something. im attracted to him but what he doesnt understand is that he’s still a plain white man. he had NO IDEA how much im controlling myself by even letting myself fall for a white man. does he really think he can like…. i sont know?? i fucking asked him. because i said ”i dont demand or threaten you” and he was like yeah i know. and i was like woahhh…. wait a second….. ”do you think i dont because i like you? do you think i would just follow you whatever?” and he was like ”im not gonna answer that”

oh my god he really thought didnt he. stupid ass white boy really thought i would choose him over myself or any of my siblings of color. smh poor jack.

im going nuts. okay…. if he EVER pulls something like this again i wont be so sure i’ll be able to handle this on a mature level. the worst thing is though that i HAVE TO. because even when i DO, he’s so fucking ptronizing. like te WHITE MAN just jumped out???? if i were to lose my shit……. ITS SI FRUSTRATING AND ITS EXACTLY WHY I CANT BE WITH A WHITE MAN. i was avtually very fucking calm and he STILL managed to make me feel like i was the ”bad guy”.

ughhhh im fucking insane. this…… whatever the fuck our relationship is cus this boy is apprently only interested in me what the fuck that now even means?? okay so we can like hang out and be physical and cuddle and shit but we’re not a couple and its NOT limited to being exclusively us. apparebtly i should still feel flattered though?? cus he doesnt find anyone attractive and he needs some sort of chemistry??? im sorry boy but i am NOT flattered. you do you, i get it, it takes time for you to fall in love with someone but im obviously still much more emotionally invested. that not your fault. thats my problem. my abandonment and attatchment issues. honestly im so fucked i cant even differ my feelings. my feelings for him are strong but idk what they are. some days i feel like platonic friendship, other days an older brother, a romantic partner and sometimes even a dad/parental figure. like im that fucked up i just need a STRONG BOND i dont care what

i low key hate myself for how i ended the call yesterday. thanks to that, now i cant bring this up again. its too late. the fight is ”over”. i was like ”i still like u bye goodnight sweet dreams” but now im like ”i hate u ugly bitch”.

god my head

#diary #jo

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