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idreamtofmanderleyagain · 3 years

Text

Hot takes about Severus Snape are a wierdly decent glimpse into how a person with progressive values analyses things. Literally every time someone talks about Snape, it’s like this tiny window into how one-dimentionally people actually think.

Recently saw a twitter post that was a fantastic example. Here’s how it goes (paraphrasing):

Person A:“Snape is POC and Queer coded, that’s why you guy’s hate him uwu lol.”

Person B: “Actually I hate him because he was mean and abusive to children under his care uwu but go off I guess lol”

Both of these takes are designed to be dramatic and/or reactionary. They each use partial truths to paint very broad strokes. These are get-em-in-one-hit quips. This is virtue signalling, if you’ll excuse that loaded phrase. Nobody had a substantial conversation, but now everyone who sees their statement knows the high ground they took.

At least a hundred other people chimed in to add their own little quippy hot takes into play, none of which add anything significant, but clearly made everyone feel very highly of themselves.

So many layers of nuance and complex analysis is completely lost in this kind of discussion. On tumblr, you get more of this kind of bullshit, but you don’t have a word count limit, so you guys just spew endless mountains of weak overblown evidence backing up your bullshit arguments, none of which was really about engaging in a real conversation anyway.

Here’s the thing about Snape.

He is a childhood domestic abuse victim. His abuser is a muggle.

He becomes a student at a magical school that takes him away from his abuser and immediately instills in him the idea that being a part of this magical world is a badge of self-worth, empowerment, and provides safety and security - provided that he keeps in line.

There is a war is being waged in that world over his right to exist (he is a half blood).

He is a marginalized person within the context of the narrative, forced to constantly be in the same living space as the children of his own oppressors who are being groomed and recruited into a hate group militia (the pureblood slytherins). They are in turn trying to do the same to him.

He is marginalized person bullied by children who are also part of his oppressor group, but who have “more liberal” leanings and aren’t direct about why he’s being targeted (the mauraders are all purebloods, Sirius, who was the worst offender, was raised in a bigoted household, the same one that produced Bellatrix.).

He had a crush on a girl who is a muggleborn, and therefore she is considered even lesser than him and carries a stigma to those who associate with her. That girl was his only real friend. In his entire life.

For both Snape and Lily, allying themselves to a pureblood clique within their own houses would be a great way of shielding themselves from a measure of the bigotry they were probably facing. There would have been obvious pressure from those cliques to disconnect with one and other.

Every other person who associates with Snape in his adulthood carries some sort of sociopolitical or workplace (or hate cult) baggage with their association. Some of them will physically harm and/or kill him if he steps out of line. He hasn’t at any point had the right environment to heal and adjust from these childhood experiences. Even his relationship with Dumbledore is charged with constant baggage, including the purebloods who almost killed him during their bullying getting a slap on the wrist, the werewolf that almost killed him as a child being placed in an authority position over new children, etc. Dumbledore is canonically manipulative no matter his good qualities, and he has literally been manipulating Snape for years in order to cultivate a necessary asset in the war.

He is a person who is not in the stable mental state necessary to be teaching children, whom has been forced to teach children. While also playing the role of double agent against the hate group militia, the one that will literally torture you for mistakes or backtalk or just for fun. The one that will torture and kill him if he makes one wrong move.

Is the math clicking yet? From all of this, it’s not difficult to see how everything shitty about Snape was cultivated for him by his environment. Snape was not given great options. Snape made amazingly awful choices, and also some amazingly difficult, courageous ones. Snape was ultimately a human who had an extremely bad life, in which his options were incredibly grim and limited.

In fact, pretty much every point people make about how shitty Snape is as a person makes 100% logical sense as something that would emerge from how he was treated. Some if it he’s kind of right about, some of it is the inevitable reality of suffering, and some of it is part of the cycle of abuse and harm.

Even Snape’s emotional obsession with Lily makes logical sense when you have the perspective that he literally has no substantial positive experiences with other human beings that we know of, and he has an extreme, soul destroying guilt complex over her death. Calling him an Incel mysoginist nice guy projects a real-world political ideology and behavior that does not really apply to the context of what happened to him and her.

Even Snape’s specific little acts of cruelty to certain students is a reflection of his own life experiences. He identifies with Neville; more specifically, he identifies his own percieved emotional weaknesses in his childhood in Neville. There’s a very sad reason there why he feels the urge to be so harsh.

Snape very clearly hates himself, in a world where everyone else hates him, too. Imagine that, for a second. Imagine total internal and external hatred, an yearning for just a little bit of true connection. For years. Imagine then also trying to save that world, even if it’s motivated by guilt. Even if nobody ever knows you did it and you expect to die a miserable death alone.

There are more elements here to consider, including the way Rowling described his looks (there may be something in there re: ugliness and swarthy stereotyping). These are just the things that stand out the most prominently to me.

J.K. Rowling is clearly also not reliable as an imparter of moral or sociopolitical philosophies. I don’t feel that her grasp of minority experiences is a solid one, considering how she picks and chooses who is acceptable and who is a threat.

All of that said, this is a logically consistent character arc. Within the context of his narrative, Snape is a marginalized person with severe PTSD and emotional instability issues who has absolutely no room available to him for self-improvement or healing, and never really has. And yes, he’s also mean, and caustic, and verbally abusive to the students. He’s also a completey miserable, lonely person.

There are elements in his character arc that mirror real world experiences quite well. If nothing else, Rowling is enough of an emotional adult to recognise these kinds of things and portray something that feels authentic.

In my opinion, it’s not appropriate to whittle all this down by comparing him directly to the real world experiences of marginalized groups - at least if you are not a part of the group you are comparing him to. There have been many individuals who have compared his arc to their own personal experiences of marginalization, and that is valid. But generally speaking, comparing a white straight dude to people who are not that can often be pretty offensive. This is not a valuable way to discuss either subject.

Also, I believe that while it’s perfectly okay to not like Snape as a character, many of the people who act like Person B are carrying Harry’s childhood POV about Snape in their hearts well into their own adulthood. And if nothing else, Rowling was attempting to say something here about how our perspectives (should) grow and change as we emotionally mature. She doesn’t have to be a good person herself to have expressed something true about the world in this instance, and since this story is a part of our popular culture, people have a right to feel whatever way they do about this story and it’s characters.

The complexity of this particular snapshot of fictionalized marginalization, and what it reveals about the human experience, cannot be reduced down to “he’s an abuser so he’s not worth anyone’s time/you are bad for liking him.”

And to be honest, I think that it reveals a lot about many of us in progressive spaces, particularly those of us who less marginalized but very loud about our values, that we refuse to engage with these complexities in leu of totally condemning him. Particularly because a lot of the elements I listed above are indeed reflected in real world examples of people who have experienced marginalization and thus had to deal with the resulting emotional damage, an mental illness, and behavior troubles, and bad decisions. Our inability to address the full scope of this may be a good reflection of how we are handling the complexity of real world examples.

Real people are not perfect angels in their victimhood. They are just humans who are victims, and we all have the capacity to be cruel and abusive in a world where we have been given cruelty and abuse. This is just a part of existing. If you cannot sympathise with that, or at least grasp it and aknowledge it and respect the people who are emotionally drawn to a character who refects that, then you may be telling on yourself to be honest.

To be honest, this is especially true if you hate Snape but just really, really love the Mauraduers. You have a right to those feelings, but if you are moralizing this and judging others for liking Snape, you’ve confessed to something about how you’ve mentally constructed your personal values in a way I don’t think you’ve fully grasped yet.

I have a hard time imagining a mindset where a story like Snape’s does not move one to empathy and vicarious grief, if I’m honest. I feel like some people really just cannot be bothered to imagine themselves in other people’s shoes, feeling what they feel and living like they live. I struggle to trust the social politics of people who show these kinds of colors, tbh.

But maybe that’s just me.

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workingonit-currently · 3 years

Text

DOG

session starts a little late, maybe. And simply text tonight.

still waiting at the gate

Times does not spell well if Courage and Aleris are the only two available for this session...

Griss is still trying to kill himself

Apparently his house is about to go up in flames

Griss needs help putting out the flames and Aleris thinks Imogen sleep cast the fire. (again)

Courage tells Aleris they can use this as cover to enter the city without the guards

Aleris just calls the guards over to help

Aleris tries to end it with druidcraft

Griss and the guard run in to save his house and Aleris doesn't want them to die.

Griss' house is fire-proof but the recipes are not and all gone now.

Courage is suprised he doesn't just throw shit in a bowl with how weird his food tastes.

Aleris offers to give him some of her cookbooks but Griss takes that as an insult.

We hear horses and Aleris becomes enamored.

You see the other goliath guard from earlier, who you sent to grab Danald Gray Old, along with another man. He's wearing bright bronzed armor, has long, gray hair, and is short and well-built.

"Travellers! Present yourselves! I have brought our boss, Mr. Old!"

Aleris says she needs to get into the city quick

The old man knows ALERIS!!!?

Aleris asks him what he is

DGO is offended, apparently

He looks like he's going in for a hug so Courage steps away, she does not like.

Aleris still questions him. (and now my capslock is backwards so the light is on when I'm typing in lower case....0-0)

He's an founder or something and my computer has reverted to normal, wahay

He looks to be a short human or a tall dwarf

Aleris asking the real question of 'is he going to let us past?'

He's actually pretty chill and allows us in, allows us horses and stuff to.

He introduces himself to Courage and she is prickly

He says she could stand to learn manners as well and Aleris wants him to turn into a dog.

We give him the glare as we both get on the warhorse to ride into the city

Aleris says 'The horses told me they don't like went people sat on them'

Courage is connected to this horse so...

Aleris now refers to DGO as dog man and Courage shakes her head at his apparent treatment of horses.

He smiles at you, his smile more like a toothy grin full of barely hidden anger, before he swings up onto his horse. "Well then? If you're ready, I will show you the way. And watch your words. I am the founder of this city, you would do well to remember that."

Ohhhh Aleris is dunking on this dude. (like I thought, with just Aleris and Courage they get angry.)

He speeds off and Courage takes it as a challenge

Noooom!

Roll and a 7 so not so noom

Aleris feeds him apple and it's a 23 noom! He is speedy noom boy!

Stephen, after being bribed with an apple, achieves all his dreams and almost flies across the gray waste of the ground like he has wings on his feet. DGO's horse isn't far behind, but Stephen neatly outraces him to the gates of the city

DGO is annoyed and comes storming behind us as we pat and give apples to Stephen, our good boy.

He's angry we've disrespected him but Courage is acting all innocent.

lying me teeth off Where I'm from it's the mayor honor to make the guest race, and if he get beaten it's means he choose his guest well. But probably, don't have such tradition here. Since the city is still very young. - ALERIS IS A LEGEND! I love her! Well done Rian.

He glares at you, working his jaw, before his mouth stretches painfully into an anger-filled horrifying imitation of a smile. "Of course. My....apologies. You two truly are great guests. Clearly, I have chosen well." He grabs the harness on his horse, pulling it to a guard who takes it, startled, and he storms into the city. - We might have gone and messed up

People are parting for the mayor and Aleris is blowing Courage's attempts at being not seen by waving at people staring

Aleris tries to find druids

Aleris rolls a good perception check (I think repayment for all the terrible rolls last sunday.)

Aleris asks Courage what to do and Courage says to stick with the dog, he might lead them exactly where they need to go

'yes, that's the polite thing to do right?' - Aleris...you better not be thinking what I'm thinking....

You guys continue following him through the streets, all the way to a massive, bright white building in the center of the town. It looks almost like a massive, blindingly bright spike in the middle of the city, shedding light on anything around it. It is probably the brightest thing you've seen so far while down here.

Courage complements the house

Aleris says nothing because if she opens her mouth rudeness might come out

"It is my place of work, gallant knight! The Tallspire. It is the tallest and brightest thing in the city. I had it specially made out of veins of this bright, light-emitting stone we had found in some of the caves of Helmsbane cavern. This stone is said to ward off the god Helm; thus the name. Anyways, come inside, come inside." He walks to the doors and flings them open, walking inside and up a massive spiral staircase in the side of the tower.

More sucking up and Aleris being silent

You guys follow him up this massive spiral staircase for a good three or four minutes. You see thousands upon thousands of crates in nooks and recesses in the walls, all branded “oldliving oils—live until you’re old and gray”. He leads you all the way up to his office.

His office is massive, with a desk in the middle with stacks of papers on top of it. He’s got the Oldliving logo in gold leaf on top of the desk, and a few chairs around it. There are shelves upon shelves of books and papers and files.

We sit and think about how he's compensating for something

He snaps his fingers and an elaborate throne-sort-of-rolly-chair appears out of thin air, and he collapses into it with a dramatic sigh. "Now. Now that all the walking business is out of the way, I would like to talk to you for a bit, Aleris, person-to-person, just us two." He leans over the table, steepling his fingers, and looks at you expectantly, Courage.

Courage in not going anywhere for the moment though you can't remind me of noble knights when all I've been thinking about is Ed. I'm going to start thinking of ED.

She's my emotion support paladin, she doesn't leave me grab Courage arm, and hold on firmly

"Well, I'm afraid that if you wish to speak about your true family, little druid, it would be better for both of us if she were not here."

Courage asks about who she'll be with waiting

Aleris argues Courage stays

Daniel!?

"You can trust me, Aleris. I'm old, I would not even be able to hurt a fly. As for you, Courage...DANIEL!" He shouts out the door. You hear a faint "Yes, sir?" "DANIEL, COME UP HERE, WE NEED SOME COMPANY FOR A CLIENT!" "Of course sir, I'll be right up."

Courage is ready to fight this Daniel

Daniel is a cat, a tabaxi. Aleris' dog, Link can stay though. Courage is confused if she should skin the cat.

whisper back Don't I want to see where this is going. I'll sent you Link if I need anything. Ok?

Courage trusts Aleris so takes the cat's paw and walks out of the room. (did I mention she is nervous around cats.)

Oooh, DGO getting to the point and calling Courage a client

Aleris also doesn't like being called a client

"Of course. My apologies for assuming." He hums, placing a hand on the file. "We were recently visited by a group of a few travelling druids, wearing green cloaks, who were asking around for someone who went by the name 'Aleris'". He leans over the table to meet your eyes. "Now, I should say, I generally don't like druids. They infringe on some of the...projects I do, however these druids were willing to pay an amount of money to find you."

Oooh, Aleris might be getting kidnapped.

"Well...yes and no. I know where they are, but in exchange for that information, you'll have to help me for a bit." - Nope, Aleris is just being hired to help him for a bit in exchange for information, Yay!

Ohhhhhhhh, Aleris is showing the anger she has for being abandoned

Tricky DGO but Aleris is not agreeing to something she knows nothing about

"You wished to find these druids that are looking for you, no?" He grabs a bottle of some sort of amber, sweet-smelling liquid from the shelf, and snaps his fingers. Two glasses appear, and he pours some of the liquid into each one. "Stay for a while, let's chat about you for a bit."

Suspicious

Aleris tries to divert the conversation but he just wants to talk about her...weird

Aleris asks why he cares

"I do care! I care about our partnership, our friendship, druid. It's a symbiotic relationship. You help me, I help you, we become friends!" - I call horse-shit

Daniel, the cat, locks the room Aleris is in.

Courage asks why.

He shrugs. "Mr. Old told me to, ma'am. He's quite insistent on this with every client. Says it cultivates an air of 'privacy' and 'trust'." - Yeah, Aleris is totally going to trust him now. Rian states.

'You're the one that contacted me. YOU need me, not the other way around. I know I look like a naive little thing, but don't believe for a second that I need you. And if the other druids refused to help you there probably is a very good reason. And I quite would like to hear it.' - Aleris telling the truth!

You see his smile go back to that pained, angry grin. "Of...of course. They did not agree with...some of the lengths I had had to go to in order to make my essential oils, and so, when I asked for their help to make a new product, they left before I could convince them to stay. It's all in the name of business, Aleris, and I will give you a 20% share in the profits if you join me." He looks nervously at Link, who is quietly growling, looking nervously back at the door.

Aleris would like to leave

"Before you leave! Let us sit down! Introduce yourself a bit, talk about yourself. Have a drink." He slides a glass of the amber liquid over to you.

Aleris says goodbye and tries to open the door. (it's locked though.)

The door is locked, and when you look back, Danald Gray Old is holding a few bottles of essential oils. Courage, you hear the door rattle, and Daniel starts again, looking at the door, confused.

We roll initiative and we'll start off fighting next session.

#OXFalconMail #oxfalconmail #dnd #d&d #aleris #courage

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vintage-story-time · 3 years

Text

Her Mother's Lover

Chapter 1

Charisse Mantell was more voluptuous than the average teen-age girl, and

at eighteen, she liked to pretend she had a worldliness and knowledge

about sex which she really didn't have at all. As a matter of fact, she

knew less about the sexual relationships between men and women than the

average girl. Her mother was a famous singing star on television and the

plush nightclub circuits of Las Vegas, New York, London and Acapulco,

but had kept her lushly developing daughter safely stashed away in

expensive private schools. Although Minna Mantell was a talented and

voluptuous beauty herself, she was at the age where a fresh, sexually

budding daughter might prove to be competition . . . competition that

would show up her own somewhat fuck-worn tits and ass.

In the exclusive private school, Greystone, where she was now, she found

that being the daughter of a celebrity made the other girls look up to

her. After all, the daughter of the famous Minna Mantell, TV and

nightclub star - a beautiful, if somewhat tarnished, figure of glamour,

a pet of the international jet set and adored by her faithful fans.

After a while however, Charisse found that her natural shyness was

mistaken for stand- offishness and that her former friends ignored her

to the extent of pointedly not inviting her to their parties or sorority

affairs.

Her mother had often told her that even as the daughter of a famous

woman, she would encounter plenty of jealousy and envy, and that she

would be very foolish to let that sort of thing throw her. For some

strange reason, she had always been closer to her mother, felt proud to

be the daughter of Minna Mantell. So Charisse tried to "cultivate her

cool," In spite of the other girls' snubs. But in her heart she was very

hurt.

She would actually see a group of girls hurriedly change the subject of

their whispered conversation when she approached, and knew they must

have been talking about her or her mother. As she went upstairs to

study, she heard what surely was a dirty remark about her, to judge from

the peals of mocking laughter that followed her to her dormitory room.

She mentally resolved that "he who laughs last, laughs best' - and that

she would one day have the last laugh over these bitches.

The girl who seemed to hate her the most was actually her next door dorm

neighbor, a rather mean, but physically attractive seventeen-year-old

girl named Debby.

Debby's room seemed to he some sort of magnet for the other girls in

Greystone and they would gather there very frequently like a flock of

gaily chatting birds. And, as much as Charisse tried to deny it to

herself, she was secretly hurt that she wasn't asked to be one of the

group. It was just all that phony sophistication and woman of the world

airs that Debby affected that attracted the other girls, she kept

telling herself. Finally, one weekend, she heard them laughing and

giggling in Debby's room and made up her mind to find out what it was

all about. Even though there was a sinking sensation in her stomach as

she did so, she casually opened the door and entered.

As the girls saw who it was, the gaiety seemed to die down, and she was

greeted by furtive and somewhat resentful looks.

"Just what can we do for you, Miss Mantell?" Debby asked her. "Or did

you open the door to the wrong room by mistake?"

Charisse's heart skipped a beat and she flushed in embarrassment as she

replied, "No, I just thought I'd join the fun . . "

There was a sharp intake of breaths, then a hushed silence and then

Debby spoke.

"Come right in, maybe you can fill us in on details about . . show

business that we were discussing. After all, your mother is the fabulous

Minna Mantell, superstar of TV, nightclubs, and all that jazz."

Charisse walked into the room hesitantly and saw that there were little

knots of girls all over. Some were on the bed, some were on the easy

chairs and others even sprawled on the rug. As Charisse found a place to

sit on the sofa, the gay girlish gossiping and hysterical shrieks of

laughter began again.

"Please don't feel that I'm intruding," Charisse said to Debby, "but I'm

really at rather loose ends this afternoon, and you all sound like

you're having such a lot of fun . . . " her voice trailed off. She

flushed under Debby's sharp mocking gaze.

"By the way," Debby said slyly, "we were just discussing the sex life of

some popular show biz personalities - or don't you think that people

like Frank Sinatra or Robert Goulet or . . . Minna Mantell indulge in

that pastime?"

Charisse flushed and her lips trembled as she tried to reply

nonchalantly, "Oh I've heard a thing or two."

Debby pressed her advantage. "How about giving out with some of the dirt

about your mother? After all, you've sort of got the inside track."

Charisse kept silent as Debby continued her clever taunting. "Well,

we're all waiting breathlessly to hear something right from the horse's

mouth, as it were. Or would the opening at the other end of the horse be

more suitable to the subject of Minna Mantell's private occupations?" As

Charisse pressed her lips together and tried to keep the tears from

filling her eyes, Debby added, "I've got a little scrap book here that

mentions her." She opened a book filled with news clippings. "Here's

something juicy - "Hot Love on the Big Networks" - Mmmmm . . . 'Is a

certain famous TV star about to have her option dropped because she

drops her panties too much?"'

"So what?" Charisse said grimly.

"So the rest of the article is all about Minna Mantell's love life, her

husband's affairs, and some really swinging sex, marijuana, and LSD

shenanigans. Really, you must have such an exciting time at home! It's a

shame we can't get you to tell us about it."

"How can you even read such cheap gossip sheets? They should be banned

from the newsstands!" Charisse burst out. "My mother says everyone in

the public eye is besmirched by those scandal sheets!"

"Look here," Debby said, thrusting her scrap book into Charisse's hands,

just see if this guy doesn't know what he's talking about. For just an

idle gossiper, he seems to know an awful lot about your mother and your

father. You're not mentioned - yet."

Charisse didn't want to look at the scrap book, yet the pictures of her

mother with some slick young men captioned "Minna's Latest" or "Handsome

Remedy for Singer's Sore Throat" held her gaze hypnotically. The stories

were about love affairs, secret trysts, sex-swapping parties at her

mother's New York penthouse, the young girls her father consoled himself

with and other sexy tidbits. Charisse knew that it couldn't possibly be

true. The parties she had seen at her mother's apartment never had

anything more exciting than spilling a cocktail occasionally.

"I don't know where you got all this dirt," Charisse said angrily, "but

I can assure you that's all it is - just a bunch of low down dirt, made

up by a second rate gossip columnist looking for filler! Now I think

I'll go to my room. I think I want to play my mother's latest record

album to get the smell of your scrap book out of my nose!"

"Really, Miss Haughty?" Debby asked slyly. "Since we come from such a

bunch of blue bloods, I guess you wouldn't be interested in some other

choice bits about your darling mother?"

"I don't know why you're picking on me like this," Charisse said, with a

hint of a sob in her voice. "If you don't want my company I'll leave

right now!"

"Oh, no," Debby replied with a sardonic grin, "we'd just love to have

you stay. Our parents live such dull lives compared to yours. We're so

unsophisticated - why don't you wise us up?"

Charisse knew that Debby was trying to embarrass her in front of the

other girls.

"I just ignore cheap slander, wherever it comes from," Charisse said,

looking pointedly at Debby, "and now if you'll excuse me, I think I'll

go and play those records in my own room!"

But Debby grasped her by the arm as she made her way to the door. "Oh,

I've got lots of other interesting scraps on your mother, Charisse. I

used to be a fan of hers."

Turning to another girl called Sally, she said, "Get me the rest of my

scrap books from the closet and we'll see who's slandering whom. Your

mamma really must be quite a babe with the boys, and you don't even want

to tell us anything about her technique of getting men. That's really

all we want from you, some pointers on what makes Minna such a

successful sexpot."

With this, she flung the scrap books the other girl handed her right at

Charisse's feet. They opened to show pictures of her mother in various

poses and escapades, including a certain nude bathing episode in the

fountain of London's Trafalgar Square.

Charisse ignored the pictures and made to leave the room. She was

actually on the verge of tears and couldn't understand what had brought

on this attack on her and her mother. She had only tried to be friendly.

Why was Debby so intent on torturing her and demeaning her in front of

the others.

"Pick those books of mine off the floor, and read those stories real

good. Maybe you'll thank me for giving you the best education you ever

got at good old Greystone," Debby ordered.

Charisse couldn't believe that this was happening to her, or that the

other girls would go along with this hazing.

"I don't think anybody would like it much if Miss Finchly heard what the

girls in her class were trying to pull," she quavered with tears in her

eyes.

"I don't think you would like it much if we really did a job on your

whore of a mother and plastered this stuff all over the school," Debby

answered. "Believe me, every girl here will make you sorry that you were

ever born if you even think of squealing to the headmistress."

Charisse felt that Debby was dead serious and would really carry out her

threats. Maybe the best thing would be to play along and then get out as

quickly and as gracefully as possible.

"Okay," Debby said viciously, "now read us a few bedtime stories, and I

do mean "bedtime" stories about your old folks at home. And speak up,

I'm hard of hearing."

Charisse flipped the pages of the scrap book unbelievingly. Finally she

began to read in a whisper, "I need to have my men big - all over, says

songbird Minna Mantell . . . "

She was interrupted with a high pitched squeal of laughter from one of

the group, but continued reading with a kind of fascinated horror. "'I

believe love is where you find it, says Minna Mantell on Rome's famed

Via Veneto. Could it be that the handsome young Italian accompanying her

agreed with her back in her hotel room?"' Charisse saw a picture of an

oily, gigolo-type leading her mother's poodle, while her mother looked

up at him in obvious admiration.

"You girls don't understand," Charisse said, "these things are just for

publicity, just a press agent's idea. Why, my mother would never do

anything of the kind!"

"Oh, no!" mocked Debby. "Not in a million years - but do read on, it's

all so interesting, even if it is just a press agent's story. Some of

them sound like a press agent's nightmare, if you ask me!"

Charisse bit her lip and said nothing. She realized that she was being

persecuted, and just because she was her mother's daughter. Her mother

had told her there would be days like this, but Charisse would never

have believed her classmates could be so mean and hurtful.

Taking another scrapbook in her hands, Charisse saw her mother

practically bare-chested in a see-through evening gown, obviously drunk,

with a man who certainly wasn't her husband. She dimly remembered also

seeing this man apparently coming from her mother's bedroom one night

when he was a weekend guest, but her mother had just been amused by

Charisse's questions at the time.

Almost hysterically, Charisse leafed through page after page of the

scrapbooks. Why, these stories made her mother out to be the giddiest

type of gadabout - a celebrity who gave sex so freely that she was

notorious for it. And her father, according to these clippings, was a

weak nincompoop who was always shooing handsome young strangers out of

his steaming marriage bed. But no matter how he tried, her mother

managed to keep the bed sheets hot. And all the stories about her

parents were in the same vein. Her mother seemed the biggest tramp and

her father the biggest dope in the entertainment world.

Rather sadly, she said, "I'd like to leave, I've seen all the

scrapbooks."

She was so obviously hurt that none of the girls laughed or said

anything, except Debby, who couldn't resist pitching one last dart into

Charisse's sensitive skin.

"Hope you enjoyed our little get-together and liked my picture books. By

the way," she added, "do you suppose you could get your mother and some

of her boyfriends to autograph my scrap books? That would make them

really interesting!"

Keeping back her tears, Charisse walked into her own room, holding her

head proudly. As she closed the door behind her, she flung herself down

on the bed and let the tears come. How could they rub her nose in the

filthy offal of the gossip columns? How could girls be so cruel?

Especially when she knew that none of it could be true. Even the most

innocent action could be distorted as to make it seem evil by these

gossip sheets. Her mother had assured her of that. But why had her

mother always gone to such pains to get her to believe that there would

be false gossip about her?

Having found that her mother was the soft spot in her armor, the girls

in her section of the dorm became quite sadistic. There would be sly

questions, like "What does your mother advise putting on a broken

cherry?,' flung at her in passing. But she realized that if she answered

this sort of torture, there would be no end to it. So she just kept

quiet and made believe she didn't hear a thing.

Debby, as usual, was the worst. Since she had the room right next to

Charisse's, she developed the habit of barging right in. Somehow she

almost always seemed to come in when Charisse was undressing and clad

only in panties and bra. Once it was without the bra and Debby had

looked fixedly at her voluptuous breasts and hadn't made any of her

usual remarks about Charisse's mother.

"What a pair of titties!" she said in a rather surprised tone of voice.

She left the room when Charisse hurriedly closed the bathroom door.

A new idea had been forming in Charisse's mind under the constant

pressure of all the teasing she was taking from the others. She would

just pack it in, leave Greystone Finishing School. She would go back to

her mother, tell her what had happened and just look for a job. Maybe

she could even become her mother's secretary. It would be fun traveling

with her mother from one engagement to another. She could really see the

world.

She made up her mind that she would take French leave from the school

this coming weekend. She would say she was going into the meadow for

nature study notes and they wouldn't even bother to look for her. By the

time they missed her at bedcheck, she would have almost arrived at the

penthouse in New York. Central Park would look good to her from the

seventeenth story of the luxury apartment. Much better than Miss

Finchley's school up in the farthest reaches of Westchester County.

She was nervous when she told the biology teacher she was going to spend

the day in nature study, but when she was finally away from Greystone,

she felt much better. She liked her bio teacher, and felt sorry if she

would get into trouble over Charisse's disappearance.

It was a cloudy day, and a bone-chilling dampness made her hurry along

to the railroad station. Some of the town's swingers, young men on the

make, always used to watch in town for the girls from Greystone.

Charisse knew that some of the girls had let themselves get picked up

for beer drinking parties at a nearby bar and discotheque, but felt it

was really none of her business. She herself had gotten more than one

off-color invitation to join them, but now they no longer bothered her.

Her figure had really matured more voluptuously than she herself

realized. With her miniskirt tight around her shapely asscheeks, her

full titties jouncing joyously with every step in her loose bra and

tight sweater, she was a real hard-on producer whenever she passed a

group of men. Her asscheeks jiggling, her tits full and inviting, long

auburn tresses, blue eyes and a lightly freckled skin that was

startlingly white - all these sexy attributes really raised the steam in

any and all observing males. Her lush, wanton figure coupled with her

girlish naivet raised cocks wherever she passed.

She knew she was exciting the group of young street corner loungers as

she passed them - maybe she even gave her hips an extra twitch.

"Mmmmm. Wouldn't that be a nice piece of ass to ram"

"Wow, her nipples are bigger than most girls' tits!"

She heard these and other comments on her physical attributes with a

slight inward shudder. If some of these so-called swingers wanted to get

to first base with her, they'd have to take a bath first. They looked as

oily and as filthy as they sounded. While she was still a virgin, she

remembered how in the hygiene class the male and female sex organs had

been carefully described by the somewhat mannish Miss Tuttle. She had

made them all squirm as she described the foreskin on the male penis,

and the smelly, cheesy deposits which accumulated under if soap and

water weren't used regularly. She tittered to herself as she thought

every penis and foreskin in the corner could probably stand a thorough

washing. And she'd like to see her sadistic friend Debby forced to do

the penis cleanup.

Some other girls soon drew the group's attention and she hurried on to

the station. She looked behind her just to make sure that none of the

girls spotted her heading for the train. It would just be too ironic to

have the Greystone administration stop her at this stage of the game.

She was really sick of the place and all those giggling tormentors. She

knew her mother would tell her that those papers were all lies. She

would be her mother's secretary and go all over the world with her,

glorying in her singing triumphs. Somehow, she couldn't picture her

father doing much of anything, really being in the picture with them. To

her inmost self, she admitted that he was a well-meaning man, but a

weakling for whom she had no respect. Her mother was the strong vital

force of the family.

She waited impatiently for her train to come. She only had about a

fifteen minute wait, but it seemed like hours. The ride to Grand Central

took two hours, and all the way down she tried to picture the reaction

of her parents at her sudden appearance in town in the middle of the

term. Her father, like all weak people, was conventional, a square, and

would probably insist on her going back to that prison of a school. Why,

now that she thought of it, even its name "Greystone" had that

penitentiary sound. But her darling mother was different, she knew she'd

be glad to see her "baby" as she called Charisse. She knew she would

listen sympathetically to her story and maybe she would even start

training her for the position of her secretary right away. She would

tell her mother about the gossip columns and wanted to hear her mother's

throaty contralto laughing and telling her to pay them no mind. And now

that she was older, and would probably be living at home with her

parents, she could certainly spot anything that wasn't right. She wasn't

a child anymore.

The train finally pulled into Grand Central at six p.m. and Charisse

felt like a coward as she went into a phone booth. She really dreaded

telling either of her parents what she had done; they thought she was

such a dutiful girl. When the phone rang, there was no answer. Charisse

breathed a sigh of relief. They had probably gone out to dinner and

would make things easier. The doorman would let her into the apartment,

and she could be sitting in the living room when they returned. She

hoped it was a good dinner, because then at least they would be in a

good mood.

She dozed off on the couch while waiting for them to come home. She just

didn't know how she was going to explain things, but decided play it by

ear. It seemed as if only a moment had passed and she awakened to the

sound of her mother's voice practically screaming in surprise.

"Charisse, baby, what are you doing home when you're supposed to be in

school? Is anything wrong?"

Taking a deep breath, she told them there was nothing for them to worry

about and that she was perfectly all right. But, she told them,

Greystone Finishing School was just an impossible place and she couldn't

stand the other girls' catty snobbiness another day. If they sent her

back, she'd just run away, and maybe go to Chicago or Los Angeles and

look for a job.

Her father stopped her short.

"School is the only place for a girl of your age, and you'll just have

to go back. Why, Greystone is one of the most exclusive schools in the

country and you have no idea of the strings I had to pull to get you in.

I know better than you what's best, and back to school you're going in

the morning. I'll probably be hearing from the headmistress any minute

now and I'm going to tell her you'll be there tomorrow morning!"

Charisse realized with a sick feeling at the pit of her stomach that for

some reason her father didn't want her at home, that she was just a

pesky kid who was going to be in the way.

Then Minna came to her rescue.

"Oh, Charles," she exclaimed, "you're being too hard on the child: Let's

hear her out. That's only fair, and maybe she shouldn't go back if she

hates it so much."

Turning to Charisse she said, "But you must realize dear, that my

singing schedules and your father's TV production business just doesn't

give us much time to spend with you."

"But Mother, you always said You needed a confidential secretary - and

who could be more confidential than me, and I'd just love the job,"

Charisse interrupted. "I'd be the best secretary you could possibly

have!"

"Young lady-" her father began, but Minna shut him up.

"I'll tell you what we'll do, baby. I'll call the headmistress at school

tomorrow and explain that you're not feeling well and that's why you

left. We'll get you a leave of absence and you can stay here while

mother and dad figure out the best thing to do," Minna smiled at

Charisse.

"Who knows, maybe it would be best for you to be my confidential

secretary. The idea has its good points!"

Charisse flung her arms around her mother and hugged her so tightly that

Minna told her to let up a little, she couldn't breathe. It was the

maid's night out, so Minna took Charisse into the kitchen and made her a

tuna sandwich and milk.

"Get to bed early, Charisse dear," Minna said. "Tomorrow's another day

and our problems will look a lot simpler then."

As she snuggled into her own bed that night, Charisse felt she had done

the right thing in leaving Greystone. When her beautiful mother was

around, she felt warm and comfortable; her mother was strong enough and

capable enough to set everything right. Those cheap gossip columnists

with all their dirty pictures and obscene insinuations could never make

her believe that her mother was immoral. Seeing was believing and she

had never seen her mother in a single immoral action in all her life.

But her father was a weak man, and as a TV producer, he surely met up

with a lot of temptations - girls who would do anything for a break on

one of his TV shows.

#Her Mother's Lover #Chapter 1

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artificialqueens · 4 years

Text

Different People (Different Arguments), 3/14 (Branjie/Jankie) - Ortega

a/n: ayo!! so sorry for the update gap fam, but chapter 3 is here! soooo hope u all enjoy. p.s. i promise I love Nicky, Gigi and Crystal…but every good story has a bad guy right???

fic summary: Brooke Lynn is a political advisor for a government department where she has to contend with an incompetent Minister, maintaining her stone-cold bitch image, working alongside a press team of slackers, and the Prime Minister’s ever-so-slightly terrifying enforcer breathing down her neck 24/7. So when a familiar face from her past arrives as her new boss, she’s not exactly thrilled to add another problem to her ever-growing pile.

And then she admits she’s got a crush on her coworker.

Last chapter: Jackie became a breakout political star after she spoke out against the homophobia and misogyny in the media, and Brooke finally acknowledged that her feelings for Vanessa maybe weren’t as platonic as she’d thought.

In this chapter: When Shadow Minister Nicky Doll and her advisors arrive at DoSac for an informal, pre-election briefing, Jan tries to cope with the stress of seeing her old colleagues again. There’s more at stake, though, when Jackie reveals a secret that cannot get out.

***

Casting her eyes over the meeting room, Brooke attempted to focus on what Jackie was actually saying. She was trying her hardest, she really was, but it was just that Vanessa was wearing the red jumper today, the really soft one that made her look more cuddly and adorable than normal.

Brooke had a crush on Vanessa. She’d accepted that now. The way to deal with it was just to never act upon it, talk about it, or to admit it to anyone outside of her own head. She’d spent so long cultivating the perfect stone-cold, heartless bitch image and she wasn’t exactly going to do anything to taint that now. The most important thing she had to remember was that she didn’t need anyone- she had no desire to be in a relationship, to be tied down and have to answer to someone else all the time. She had a perfectly good bullet to get her off and if she felt like it she could always go and pick up someone random from a bar. There was always that irritating aspect when the afterglow had faded, though, if whoever she’d used for the night wanted to stay over, or heaven forbid see her again. Things were just better as they were, Brooke concluded. She couldn’t get attached, or hurt, or fall in love this way. If there was one thing she wasn’t, it was vulnerable. Getting into a relationship with someone put you in the weakest position you could possibly get.

She would know, after all.

Still, she was allowed to dream about it; an ideal world in which love worked out the way it did in books and movies, one huge cliché where Brooke and Vanessa were happy together and lived in perfect domesticity, had the best sex of their lives and went on adorable dates. It was simplistic and shallow and completely unrealistic, but perhaps that was all it was meant to be.

Gazing at Vanessa again, she was surprised to see her eyes already on her. She was even more surprised when she looked around the room and saw that everyone else was staring at her as well.

“Brooke Lynn?” Jackie asked, staring at her expectantly. She stood in front of a huge whiteboard with marker pen scribbled all over it- generic buzzwords such as “connectivity”, “inclusivity” and “diversity” sprang out to her, but nothing really indicated what Jackie could have previously been talking about.

“Um. The fiscal year?” Brooke guessed blankly. Jan laughed from across the table, throwing her head back and letting her blonde hair cascade down the back of the chair. Jackie didn’t find it as funny.

“For God’s sake, Brooke, this policy is only going to work if everyone pays attention and has some form of input other than just staring at me with glassy eyes like they’ve been goddamn taxidermied!” she sighed, sitting her pen down on the table and sliding into an empty chair. Brooke felt a pang of guilt- Jackie had been doing well in the two weeks that had followed her Von’Du interview and had received heaps of public support and attention. The perfect time, Bianca had insisted, to get some new ideas out there and into parliament.

“Sorry. Remind me of the premise?”

Irritated, Jackie rolled her eyes before Vanessa cut in with a sweet smile. “Issa scheme to get the UK to house more refugees and get ‘em into work therefore boosting the economy, diversifyin’ the nation and basically makin’ us look like good guys to the rest of Europe.”

Brooke shot her a grateful smile across the table, trying her best not to blush.

“Thank God someone’s been listening,” Jackie smirked. “We’re basically just trying to come up with a name for it. Or a tagline or something.”

Brooke pressed her pen to her lips, thinking for a second. Nina suddenly piped up from beside her.

“What about…Don’t be bigoted. Be uninhibited,” she said, her suggestion met with utter silence from the rest of the group.

“Well that was nice, Nina, but how about something a bit less…” Jackie thought for a second, trying to find the correct word.

“Shit?” Brooke shrugged, Jan once again letting out a peal of laughter. Vanessa was clearly trying to conceal her giggles from the other side of the huge table, while both Nina and Jackie looked unimpressed.

“Do you have any better suggestions?”

“No, and I’m not going to pretend like I do! I’m not going to just yell out any old crap like I’ve got shit idea Tourette’s,” Brooke shrugged, Jan now bent over in her chair from laughter and Vanessa now audibly giggling. Brooke couldn’t tell, but she could have sworn Jackie let out the tiniest snort of a laugh before regaining composure.

“Ladies, please, this is important! This is a good damn idea, if I’m allowed to blow my own trumpet, and we’ve got to get it out there sooner rather than later,” she insisted. A loud, harsh vibration from Nina’s phone startled them all.

“Bianca’s here,” she announced, trying to keep her tone bright. Before the girls even had time to react to the news, Bianca had appeared in the room in a smart, tailored black and white suit.

“Good morning to you all, shit Spice Girls impersonation act,” she smiled cheerfully.

“Mornin’, Bianca,” Vanessa greeted her.

“To what do I owe the pleasure?” Jackie quipped dryly, lounging back in her seat.

“Two things from me,” Bianca began, ignoring the Minister’s sarcasm. “The shadow minister’s visit, today at 11. They’re going to be talking to Nina and the rest of those brain-dead, civil-service puppets out there about what’s going to happen if they take office. Nina, your job is to basically communicate to them that they’ll be taking it out of my cold, dead hands.”

“Fuck, that’s today?!” Vanessa exclaimed somewhat involuntarily, earning her a steely glare from Bianca which in turn made Vanessa look as if she was seconds away from death. Reaching into her pocket and retrieving her phone, Brooke fired off a quick text to Vanessa under the table.

B: It’s okay. Snakes only eat once every few weeks x

As Bianca briefed Nina, Brooke watched as Vanessa looked down into her lap and smiled, a light blush colouring her cheeks very slightly, although that could have just been the light of the room. Satisfied that she’d made Vanessa feel better, she tuned back in to what Bianca was saying.

“…you tell them nothing. Except where the toilets are, but you lie about that.”

“So who’s actually accompanying Nicky today? I’ve heard nothing and I want to make sure I’m relatively prepared for whoever enters my department,” Jackie folded her arms across her chest, already defensive.

“You already know about Nicky. Privately educated daddy’s girl and massively out of touch with the electorate. Probably a lizard wearing a human skin suit, I’ve never particularly wanted to get close enough to her to check if that theory’s true,” Bianca shrugged. “The other two coming with her are going to be her advisors, Gigi and Crystal.”

“Oh no,” Jan suddenly exclaimed from her chair. Her face had gone incredibly ashen, her eyes wide and fearful. Suddenly Brooke was acutely aware that she no longer had only Vanessa to worry about. If Jan’s old colleagues and ex-friends bumped into her it wouldn’t be particularly pleasant, and Jan would no doubt be incredibly shaken. Crossing the floor was like a betrayal, pledging loyalty to one party after being aligned with another was treacherous, and so it was likely that Gigi, Crystal and Nicky still wanted Jan’s head on a stick.

“Oh yes. Gigi Goode, bit of a newborn as far as politics is concerned but she’s got impressive credentials. Graduated from Oxford University with a first class degree and a PhD in Politics and Business. Won the World Universities Debating Championships five consecutive times. She’s confident, clever, and has zero scruples. Knows every loophole in the world of politics,” Bianca reeled off. Jackie raised her eyebrows, clearly impressed.

“She sounds interesting.”

“Don’t even make contact with her, she’ll probably have you telling her the fucking nuke codes and all the department’s discrepancies within the first 30 seconds of meeting her. Crystal Harness is a different story,” Bianca frowned. “Not too good when it comes to actual political knowledge. Nina, you and her would get along. She’s a baby too, really, not been in the game long. Graduated from Oxford Brookes. Second class degree in Psychology and Sociology. Don’t think for a second that this is a reason to underestimate her. She is cunning and has intellect and knows everything about everyone, don’t let her see you break a sweat.”

Jackie looked momentarily terrified. “I didn’t realise Nicky had some kind of metahuman task force working for her.”

“They’re not that bad,” Brooke sighed, tipping her head back in her chair. “If you talk to Nicky entirely in cockney rhyming slang, she’ll just combust. Gigi is fine if you give her a fake smile or two. Crystal is basically simple. You’ve got nothing to worry about, Jackie.”

Feeling the mood in the room change, Brooke turned around in her wheely chair and was met with Bianca’s icy stare.

“What part of ‘don’t underestimate these people’ do you not understand? What, you think they’re here for a jolly little chat with Nina about worker’s rights and office hours? They’re here to get intel, and I want you all to be more airtight than some middle-aged white woman’s Tupperware. And no, that’s not a euphemism.”

Brooke watched as Vanessa wrinkled up her nose in distaste. She had such a cute little nose, and Brooke found herself imagining how perfect it would be to just kiss it gently before they both drifted off to sleep together in a little house that they shared. Frowning involuntarily, Brooke chased those particular thoughts out of her head. They were way too intense, too weird and commitment-y for her friend she had a stupid crush on. Remembering what Bianca had said earlier, she turned and faced her.

“What was the other thing? You said you had two things to tell us.”

“I’m getting there! Right, Jackie, I’ve got you a good photo op this evening. Some new charging points for electric car owners, it’s going to be the biggest one in the UK and a big step for climate change, yadda yadda yadda. We’re going to get you driving in a fucking Prius or something, charging it up and then driving out again. Pretty simple, but effective- what? What is it?”

Every head in the room turned to face Jackie, who looked as if she’d seen a ghost. Her hands were gripping the edge of the table, her knuckles white. She’d turned pale, her face ashen, and she seemed worried.

“Driving? No, I can’t drive, there’s no way,” she babbled, her usually calm and composed exterior completely destroyed.

“Jackie?” Jan prompted quietly, clearly concerned. Brooke shared a brief look of confusion with Vanessa. It was clear nobody had the faintest idea what was going on.

“I mean, you can drive. We have your drivers’ license, you sent in a photocopy as proof of identification when you received Darienne’s job. I don’t really see the issue here?” Bianca curled her top lip, completely unfazed by Jackie’s behaviour.

“Bianca, you don’t understand…I’ve not driven in ages, I…do you not-”

“Do I not what?” Bianca cut in, her irritation mounting by the second. “Look, I don’t really have time to stand here and argue the toss. This is part of your job. You’re doing the goddamn photo op. Christ, this was the girl who two weeks ago was desperate to get on prime time television. Now you’re shitting yourself at the thought of driving a bloody battery operated car. Get it done. 6 o’clock tonight. See you all later.”

As Bianca click-clacked out of the department, the mood in the room was still very tense. Almost frozen, Brooke thought, the tiny hairs on her arms standing up from goosebumps. Jan was the first to speak.

“Jackie, are you okay?” she almost whispered, her voice both deafening and quiet in the silent room. There were a few seconds (minutes?) where there was no response at all, in fact Brooke was almost convinced that nobody even breathed. Finally, Jackie spoke.

“Yep. All good. So, um, if you ladies can continue thinking up some form of line or title we can use or something while you’re finishing off that immigration data, and Nina if you can just forward me the protocol for Nicky’s visit again so I can read over it, then that would be great,” she said, her body almost frozen in place and her face wearing a fake smile.

Deciding not to push it any further, Brooke simply nodded and walked back to her desk. It wasn’t long before Vanessa was following behind, rolling her own wheely chair along to sit beside her.

“What d’you think all that was about?” she whispered, leaning her elbows on Brooke’s desk expectantly. Brooke couldn’t help but stifle a laugh- Vanessa could be such a gossip and it was one of the things that was oddly endearing about her. Trying not to be too taken in by her perfume and parted lips, Brooke instead threw up her defences again and rolled her eyes.

“I don’t know, ‘Ness. To be honest, it’s not my place to ask. It’s not yours either,” she chastised softly, hitting Vanessa gently on the nose with her pen. Wrinkling her nose and pulling away, Vanessa shrugged.

“You’re right, I know. Still, she was kinda rattled. Hope she’s okay,” Vanessa frowned, nibbling on her bottom lip.

“She’ll be fine. Honestly. Just go and do your damn job.”

“Hmm. Winding you up’s more fun, baby, but I’ll do what I’m told,” Vanessa winked at her, shooting back off to her desk in her chair.

Feeling her heart speed up, Brooke fleetingly wondered if maybe the feelings she had for Vanessa weren’t entirely one-sided. That was flirting, right? Brooke wasn’t reading too much into it? Or maybe she was. Reality brought her back down to earth with a bump, telling her what a ridiculous thought that was. Vanessa saw Brooke as a friend and a co-worker, and that was where her feelings ended. Brooke couldn’t let herself get carried away or distracted with the idea that Vanessa would ever treat her as anything more than what they already were.

Letting out a huge exhale of breath, Brooke opened up the immigration spreadsheet and was about to start working when there was a thud of two elbows on the empty space to her left. Turning slowly in an attempt to conceal her flinching, she was met with Yvie; head in her hands, black dreads cascading over her shoulders and a huge, smug grin on her face.

“Don’t even say a word,” Brooke warned her, clearly too late as Yvie began sniggering a laugh behind her hands.

“I wasn’t actually here to gloat, but now you mention it…” Yvie joked, lolling lazily against Brooke’s desk. “So you’ve not admitted anything to anyone else. In fact, you’re probably maintaining the fact that there’s nothing to admit. But you’ve definitely admitted something to yourself, because I think your face is so red that you could go stand at a street corner and act as a traffic light.”

“If you keep talking, I’m going to staple your mouth shut,” Brooke glared, grabbing the stapler on her desk for emphasis. It didn’t seem to intimidate Yvie at all, who was still grinning maniacally and completely unfazed.

“Hey, like I said! Not here to gloat at all. I’m actually not here to talk about your deep feelings for your coworker in any way. Just thought you might like to know that Akeria texted me this a couple minutes ago.”

With that, Yvie produced her phone and held it out to Brooke so that she could read the screen.

A: ahahaha yeah. Big Silk with the fuckin bodyshots man!! Don’t actually know how she made it in today. Also, 100% confirmed Nicky’s looking for stuff to take Jackie down with bc she’s still pissed about that dig in the Von’Du interview. watch ur back xo

Attempting to ignore whatever conversation that had been going on before, Brooke focussed on the important information. She wished she could say she was surprised by the shadow minister’s plan but in all honesty, she’d highly expected it. Sighing, Brooke handed Yvie her phone back.

“I mean, I’m not too worried. What can she possibly dig up? Jackie will’ve been vetted by Bianca already,” she shrugged, clicking on a single cell of the spreadsheet half-heartedly.

“She got pizza delivered to the office last week?”

“That’s not even- Yvie. Come on,” Brooke raised one eyebrow in disbelief. “The papers would be hard pressed to conjure up a paragraph on that. Jackie will be fine.”

Appearing to be satisfied, Yvie pushed herself off the desk and made to return to her seat, but not before turning back to Brooke with the same smug look on her face as before.

“You know, I don’t think anyone in the office could’ve missed that wink Vanjie gave you just there. Whatever you’re feeling, I don’t think it’s as one-sided as you think,” she smirked, making sure to keep her voice low. Unsure of what to reply, Brooke simply narrowed her eyes, picked up her stapler and clicked it twice in warning. Chuckling, Yvie sauntered back to her desk.

Trying not to even entertain the thought that Vanessa could like her back, Brooke continued with her work. All of the numbers suddenly seemed scrambled and jumbled up, making no sense to her whatsoever. Feeling as if she was about to scream with frustration she made to ask Jan for advice until she noticed her desk was empty. Come to think of it, Jan hadn’t actually left the meeting room with her and Vanessa. Bullshit if she was getting away with doing nothing while Brooke worked on this entire set of figures by herself. Getting up and smoothing her skirt down she made her way to the meeting room only to find it empty. Puzzled, she began to walk slightly aimlessly down the corridor, her curiosity piqued at the disappearance of both Jan and Jackie. It was unlike Jan to just wander off without telling either Brooke or Vanessa where she was going.

Reaching the photocopier and a dead end with no Jan in sight, Brooke was about to give up and ask Nina for help instead when she heard two sets of muffled voices coming from the stationery cupboard.

“I’m just panicking, I know. But I feel like I have good reason to. I mean, it’s going to be absolute carnage if this gets out.”

“It won’t, don’t worry. I still can’t believe Bianca missed that when she vetted you. But please don’t panic, it’ll all be fine! I’ll speak to Nina and I’ll get her to quietly cancel it.”

Jackie and Jan. What the hell were they in the stationery cupboard for, and most importantly, what were they talking about? Whatever it was, it sounded serious. If it was serious business, Brooke deserved to know. Making to burst open the door in a show of outrage, she stopped herself when Jackie’s voice spoke again.

“I just feel like such a failure. I should’ve known it would get out, I should’ve said something-”

“Hey! You are not a failure,” Jan’s voice cut in urgently. There was an odd sort of pause in which Brooke wasn’t quite sure what was happening. “You’re a good person, Jackie, and a kick-ass politician. You’re the best thing to happen to this department since I arrived, even if I do say so myself.”

Soft laughter, then Jan’s voice again. “You’re incredible. Don’t ever doubt that.”

Another pause. Brooke couldn’t quite bring herself to move, somehow feeling as if she shouldn’t be hearing this at all. Composing herself, she rested her hand on the door handle.

“Jan I…this might seem inappropriate, but-”

“Okay, what the hell is going on in here?” Brooke demanded as she flung open the door and revealed herself. Both girls seemed to jump back a bit, Jackie looking to the floor awkwardly and rubbing the back of her neck, Jan’s mouth forming a perfect circle as her jaw dropped in shock. They had both gone bright red, which Brooke thought was odd for two colleagues having a professional conversation.

“Jesus, Brooke, you scared the crap out of me,” Jackie breathed out raggedly, her voice spooked but holding an underlying note of irritation.

“I don’t care, you haven’t answered my question. What were you talking about? What’s going to be carnage?” Brooke replied, keeping her glare cold. Jackie kept her eyes trained on the floor, not seeming to want to look up anytime soon. Jan still hadn’t spoken.

“Close the door,” Jackie said finally, sounding a little shaken. Feeling the wind slightly knocked out of her sails, Brooke did as she was told and watched as Jackie steadied herself on the shelf and sat on an unopened box.

“Um. Do you remember I kind of went off grid after uni? A lot of people were asking after me and couldn’t really find me.”

With a pang of guilt, Brooke’s first reaction was that she hadn’t really cared. She’d been glad to see the back of Jackie at the time, if she was honest. Times had changed, though, so Brooke simply nodded instead. Jackie wrung her hands together, her face completely racked with nerves.

“I wasn’t in a good place. My mental health spiralled out of control pretty dramatically once I graduated, I struggled to find a job for a while and when I did, I got way too into it. I would work myself into a frenzy, I’d do consecutive days on two hours of sleep…at one point I was averaging a panic attack per day. I didn’t really, um. I didn’t really have anyone to talk to about things. I tried going to therapy but it just didn’t help. I don’t know…it felt like I was making progress just being able to know that I was visiting someone, I guess, but I wasn’t really. Anyway, you don’t need to know my sob story,” Jackie frowned, shaking her head repeatedly. “To cut a long story short, I was driving into work one day, trying to do twenty things at once as usual. It was idiotic, but I was on the motorway and a text came through from my boss and wanting to seem like I was organised and in control, I tried to type and drive at the same time…the motorway was quiet, there was nobody around me…fuck, sorry-”

As Jackie’s voice broke slightly, Jan crossed over to where she sat and rested a gentle hand on her shoulder.

“I crashed into the barricade in the central reservation doing fifty miles an hour. God knows how I’m still alive. The police obviously came along with the ambulance and the fire brigade and of course they wanted to know how it was that I managed to crash on a clear stretch of road with no other drivers around me. I’ve never been able to lie to save myself, so I just told them. I’d only passed my test the year before that, so they took my license away. That’s why I can’t do the PR thing. It’s illegal for me to drive. I got a fake license purely so I could take this job.”

Leaning against the door, Brooke felt she wanted to sit down too. This was so much to deal with. She couldn’t style herself out as not caring about this, because she actually felt sick to her stomach with guilt. She couldn’t believe Jackie had coped- or not coped- completely on her own through all this horrible mess. Even though there was no way she could have known, Brooke just wished she could’ve done something differently. She desperately hoped Jackie was better now.

“Jackie, I’m so sorry.”

“No, no, don’t be sorry. This isn’t about me being…enormously god damn mental in the head, or whatever,” she snorted a derisive laugh. “I’m more worried about how we’re going to placate Bianca. Jan said she’d talk to Nina and get her to cancel the shoot but Bianca’s going to ask questions.”

“Well it’s not your fault she didn’t vet you properly,” Brooke shrugged, how Bianca would feel the absolute last thing on her mind right now. “So she can just deal with it. How Bianca feels doesn’t matter. What matters is that you’re okay.”

Jackie looked up at her, her face grateful but slightly taken aback at this raw show of compassion. Truthfully, Brooke was also slightly shocked at how kind she was being towards her. She was grateful for the shout that came from the hall suddenly.

“Brooke? Guys? You in there?” Vanessa asked, as she opened the door and stepped inside the stationery cupboard that was ever-decreasing in space. Confused by the presence of her boss and the two other advisors, her perfect eyebrows became furrowed together. “There some meeting I didn’t know about?”

“Yeah, in the stationery cupboard. It was really important, girl, did you not get the memo?” Jan laughed affectionately. Laughing briefly at her own ridiculous assumption, Vanessa then tentatively looked at everyone else again.

“So…why we all here?”

Brooke briefly looked at Jackie, then sighed. “Jackie can’t do the PR stunt because legally, she’s not allowed to drive. She got done for texting while driving years ago and her license got revoked.”

Vanessa’s mouth dropped open a little as if she was about to ask how, then shut again as she clearly decided against it. “Does Bianca know?”

Giving her an affectionate smile, Brooke raised her eyebrows at her. “V. Come on. Use your brain.”

“Fuck, ‘course not. I’m so not with it today. So what’s happenin’?”

“Jan’s telling Nina to cancel it and when Bianca finds out, we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it. What’s important here is Jackie,” Brooke said decisively. Shocked again at the vulnerability she was showing, she smoothed down her black pencil skirt and sniffed once, trying to ignore just how close Vanessa was in the tiny space. “So that’s settled. Can we all get out of this cupboard and do some damn work? I feel like I’m suffocating.”

Without speaking, the four girls filed out of the cupboard as if the conversation had never happened. Brooke’s head was still slightly spinning as she slumped back in her chair, the excel spreadsheet now more confusing than ever. She was still attempting to take in everything that Jackie had just told her. It was so much to process, and Brooke couldn’t shake the guilty feeling that was settling in the pit of her stomach, the feeling that maybe there was something she could have done to help all those years ago. Sighing, she cast her eyes to Jackie’s glass-fronted office where the Minister was now typing into her phone, her face failing to betray anything about the heartfelt conversation that had just taken place. Why the hell did Jackie have to confide in her like that? Life would be so much less stressful if everybody just kept their guard up like Brooke did.

Still, she mused, everyone would probably be a whole lot more lonely.

Suddenly, Brooke’s phone screen lit up with three messages at once- two from Jan, one from Vanessa.

J: I would love to, that sounds amazing (: we could go for sushi?? Wardour Street has some really nice places! Xxx

J: whoops wasn’t meant for you lol sorry

Brooke would probably have been about ten times more intrigued and curious about Jan’s text if she didn’t have a text from Vanessa awaiting her.

V: I don’t care what kind of front you try to put up, you’re kind and caring and a total sweetheart x

Not even daring to look up and risk meeting Vanessa’s eyes, Brooke reached for a piece of paper on her desk and began to fan the blush that had just flooded her cheeks. Trying her best not to think about what Yvie had said earlier, she began to compose a reply.

B: You’re a cutie. Don’t tell anyone I was nice to you though, being a bitch is kind of my brand x

Risking a peek up over her monitor, Brooke watched as Vanessa picked up her phone and giggled, covering her mouth with one perfectly manicured hand.

God, it was going to be a long day.

***

They had arrived.

Brooke felt like a bird of prey as she stood beside Jan and watched from above as Nicky and her two advisors were greeted by Nina in the lobby. Even from six floors up Brooke could tell that Nina was hating the fact that she had to be at the very least civil to the three opposition members. Narrowing her eyes, Brooke watched closer.

Nicky was using the tactic she employed every time she had a television interview; gushing about how happy she was to be here, playing the humble, meek elected representative of the people. She was wearing an immaculate navy pencil dress with what appeared to be a Tiffany heart around her neck, and her sleek blonde hair was piled on top of her head in a bun. Following dutifully behind her were two others. The first girl Brooke heard before she saw- a cry of excitement at being in the building had been the very thing that proclaimed the arrival of the opposition. She was still making an obscene amount of excitable noise which travelled up the floors of the lobby as if it was riding the elevator. Squawker- or Crystal, Brooke supposed she should call her- was equally well turned out. She gave off a clear professional vibe in her button-down shirt, blue skirt and little heeled boots, and her curly red hair was swept over one shoulder.

“Gigi needs her roots done. See?” Brooke whispered to Jan, not taking her eyes off the three opposition members. Receiving no response, Brooke turned to look at her friend. Jan’s shoulders were tensed up as she trained her eyes on the member of the opposition in question. Her style was immaculate and she wore a pressed white shirt with huge sleeves and a pair of smart tailored black trousers with her high heels. Her long, blonde hair had been immaculately styled and blow-dried, and Brooke found herself wondering how or if she had the time to do that every day. Looking to Jan again she found her brow furrowed, biting at her long, painted nails.

“Jan, come on. Don’t ruin your nails, you’re better than that,” Brooke scolded, grabbing gently at Jan’s wrist and pulling it away from her face. Jan finally turned to meet her eyes before looking quickly back down at the floor again. “Hey. Talk to me.”

Sighing, Jan leant against the balcony, watching as the opposition were led away to the lift. “Sorry. I know I’m not myself today. It’s just this is really, really freaking me out. It’s not like this is the first time I’ve seen these girls since I crossed the floor, but to have them here where I work? It’s just a lot. It sounds dramatic but like…it kind of feels violating, if that makes any sense?”

Brooke nodded slowly. “I know you’re worried about it. But you’re being really brave about the whole thing. And hey, you kind of have an advantage, I guess! They’re on your territory, they’re not familiar or comfortable with anything here. Mainly because nothing’s engulfed by the flames of hell or costs over £10,000.”

Snorting a brief laugh, Jan’s face grew somewhat blank again. “I mean. Their tanks are on our lawn, though, they know we’re shook.”

Rolling her eyes, Brooke laughed derisively. “Jan. These private school bitches are not going to take power. You live in this country at the moment, do you really think the public are going to vote for people like Nicky?”

“Well, the public are idiots.”

Brooke gave a snort. “Jan, you can’t say the entire nation are idiots.”

“Yes I can, I’ve met them,” Jan deadpanned, signing off with a smile. Brooke relaxed against the balcony, comforted by the fact that Jan clearly felt a little better.

“Listen. One single day. One day of smiling and nodding like a puppet and just taking whatever crap or snide comments or shade they throw at you. You’ve handled so much worse,” Brooke smiled reassuringly, resting both hands on Jan’s shoulders. Comforted, Jan made to turn back to the department when suddenly she whipped her head back round.

“Brooke,” she murmured. “What if they find out about Jackie?”

“What, that she exists? I know it was a crushing disappointment to us all but they’ll get over it some day,” she deadpanned. Jan gave a colossal roll of her eyes.

“No, you bitch! The license thing,” Jan sighed in exasperation, raising her voice just a little.

Brooke paused for a moment. It was weird how protective Jan was of her boss. She was never like that with Darienne at all. Fair enough Jackie was far more competent but still, it wasn’t as if the two shared some deep personal connection or anything. Brooke thought about asking her about it, but instead decided that that probably wasn’t what Jan needed right at this very moment.

“Who’s going to tell them? Me? You? Vanessa? Jackie herself? We’re the only ones that know. Come on, Jan, think,” Brooke tapped the side of Jan’s head once, punctuating her point. “It’s not going to get out.”

Smiling slightly, Jan seemed to compose herself and took one deep breath. As if something had occurred to her, she let out a laugh.

“God, what’s happening to you, Brooke? First you’re nice to Jackie for once and then you listen to me vent for ages. Your cracks are showing,” Jan smiled. Brooke attempted to style it out by shrugging, secretly a little unnerved that her recent empathy was being noticed.

“Stop psychoanalysing me, psycho, and let’s get back to our desks.”

No sooner had both girls turned the corner towards their office when they came face to face with the three members of the opposition coming out of the lift, Nina leading them. Jan immediately froze in place, seemingly unable to move. Brooke wanted to do something, anything to reassure her but before she could even look at Jan, Gigi’s cold grey eyes met her own.

“Nicky,” she turned to her boss, her cheerful, light voice at odds with the stare she was giving Brooke. “You go on ahead with Nina. Crystal and I are just going to have a little catch-up with a couple of old friends we haven’t seen in a while.”

Brooke wasn’t easily intimidated and she swore that today would be no different. As Gigi and Crystal advanced towards them, she drew her shoulders back and tilted her head, not giving a single thing away on her face. She could feel Jan growing more and more timid beside her. Christ, if these girls were planning on giving her friend a hard time then they’d be leaving the department in an ambulance.

“Brooke Lynn. Jan! So good to see you both,” Gigi began, her smile smug as she rested one nonchalant hand on her hip. “God, how long has it been? When was the last time we saw these two, Crystal?”

“Gee, Gigi, I don’t know! Did they not serve us at McDonalds when we went to get nuggets a couple days ago?” Crystal chimed in, flashing a quick, amused smile at her friend. Brooke muffled a derisive laugh as she shook her head. She couldn’t quite believe the schoolyard bullshit that these adult women were trying to start in her department. Still, if this was the game they were playing, then Brooke would play accordingly.

“Clever, implying that we’re both in minimum wage retail sector jobs! Something which your party loves to shit on very often. I love it,” Brooke smiled sweetly, gently clapping her hands. Gigi gave a fake laugh.

“Ladies, relax! It’s just some classic cross-party fun, no harm meant by it. You know that, right, Jan?” she flashed her a false smile. Brooke watched as Jan, shoulders now so hunched she was practically concave, gave a meek nod in response.

“You know, we really miss you, Jan,” Crystal nodded somberly, her voice high and sweet and almost-but-not-quite masking the fake sincerity behind her words. “Nicky’s always saying how open she’d be to having you back if you’d ever want to cross the floor…again! Gigi and I miss you too. We miss our friend.”

With that, Crystal reached a hand out and touched Jan’s arm gently. Flinching a little, Jan finally met her former colleague’s eyes and gave a weak smile. Brooke felt a flame of anger sting her veins as she watched the whole interaction. It was the same every time Jan ran into these two- they would start with the bitchy high school bullshit and Jan would be unable to ignore it, growing more and more quiet and subdued with every passing comment. Fuelled by her anger and dislike of behaviour of the two girls in front of her, Brooke snorted sardonically.

“Friend? Spare me the bullshit, you’d stab yourself in the back if it meant you got ten more followers on Instagram. Now if you’ll excuse us, we need to get back to work. You know, being in power? But this has been lovely,” Brooke flashed her bright white teeth in a smile, which Gigi returned equally as insincerely. “I haven’t had the conversational equivalent of hepatitis C in a long time.”

“As always, Brooke, you’re a very funny girl. Quite the comedian,” Gigi gave a tight-lipped smile as she stepped to one side and cleared a path down the corridor for the two girls. Hooking her arm through Jan’s, Brooke began to leave and had taken roughly three steps when she yelled her retort over her shoulder.

“I’ve got a lot of jokes, but none as good as your boss!”

Still fuelled from the frustration coursing through her veins, Brooke steered Jan the rest of the way down the hall and into the small kitchen like a demented steam train. It was only after she flicked the switch on the kettle so hard she thought she might have broken it when Jan spoke.

“I know they annoy you, babe, but don’t be too hard on them.”

“Don’t be too…Jan! They were standing there making you feel like a sack of shit, I wasn’t going to sit back and let them rip you to shreds! God, I can’t believe you’re defending them,” Brooke cried, grabbing two mugs and two teabags so hard she felt they might crumble apart in her hands. Silent for only a moment, Jan began playing with the edge of a tea towel, deep in thought.

“They were my friends once though. Who knows, maybe…maybe they were being serious. Maybe they do want to be friends again.”

As the kettle reached boiling point, Brooke took one deep, calming breath and began pouring them cups of tea. Part of her hated the way that she’d been conditioned into going straight to the kettle when something was angering or upsetting either her or her friends, as if a ridiculous hot drink was going to help make things any better. Vodka, now that would go some way to really help the situation. If Brooke and Jan shared a 75cl bottle, they’d be able to get so wasted that those idiots from the opposition wouldn’t bother them anymore. The bottle would also be ideal for smashing over Gigi’s smug face. Too bad it was too early for alcohol, Brooke mused, as she handed the smaller girl a steaming hot mug of tea. As Jan gave a grateful smile and began to sip, Brooke found herself wishing she could knock some sense into her. One of Jan’s biggest strengths was very feasibly also her biggest weakness; her determination to always focus on the good in people, to ignore their flaws and instead choose to look at their positives. It was something that made Jan such a horrendous judge of character. Christ, she’d worked for the opposition for a year, after all.

Casting another glance at her friend and deciding she’d visibly gained back a little of her confidence, Brooke grabbed her own mug off the countertop.

“Right, come on,” she said decisively. “We’re going to go back to our desks and drink these up and get on with our work, because these snakes that have slithered into the department don’t change a single thing about how capable you are as a professional. Okay?”

With a stifled smile Jan led the way back to the office, leaving Brooke wondering if she could still maintain the bitchy façade she always presented to the world if she was getting this good at cheering people up.

***

Sadly that wasn’t the only encounter they had to suffer with the opposition that day. Nicky soon appeared in the department’s offices with Nina, almost as a grand finale to the tour of Dosac she’d been given so far. She watched with narrowed eyes as Nicky made her way from desk to desk of the comms team, shaking hands and smiling in a sickeningly sweet manner that made Brooke want to hurl. Gigi and Crystal hovered behind Nicky’s shoulders like little cartoon devils and angels, except in Brooke’s opinion neither of them had many angelic qualities about them.

Attempting to ignore the gatecrashers in her office, Brooke turned back to her monitor. She supposed that maybe both Gigi and Crystal were pleasant people. Perhaps even Nicky at a push. They might still have been fun and friendly people to hang out with, after all, the politics they followed didn’t define them. Suddenly remembering a very obvious exception (Hitler), Brooke sent another withering glare the opposition’s way. Hit with another pang of doubt, she reasoned that comparing Nicky Doll to Hitler was perhaps an overreaction. Tuning out of the immigration stats that sat in front of her, Brooke instead found herself listening in to the conversation between Nicky and Nina.

“The space here is lovely. Very professional, very focused. There’s maybe about twenty-five percent that I’m not okay with, though. I think I’d prefer isolation booths for everybody to work in- it’ll keep everyone more on task,” Nicky asserted, Brooke noticing out the corner of her eye how Yvie and Scarlet both recoiled in horror at the thought of not being able to chat and keep each other going throughout the day.

“Okay, so you’d prefer isolation booths in addition to the longer working hours of 8.30am til 7pm, and only half an hour for lunch,” Nina confirmed. Her hair was twice as big and frizzy as it usually was, probably as a result of tearing half of it out in frustration after the amount of hours she’d spent with Nicky.

“Christ, does she want us chained to the phones as well?” Adore mumbled. Brooke immediately tensed up- if she had heard that comment, then Nicky definitely had too. Sure enough, Nicky whipped her head round and stared Adore straight in the eye.

“That’s very funny, but no. I would not be chaining people to phones, I would simply be employing popular and common tactics that are used by employers the world over. Something which you wouldn’t have to worry about, because I wouldn’t have you working for me,” she smiled fake-sweetly, her voice getting more and more clipped as she reached the end of her sentence.

Brooke found herself praying that the opposition would never reach any position of power whatsoever if they were going to have this tiny dictator running the department. Adore had slunk down into her wheely chair, as if trying to make herself invisible. Suddenly, Brooke heard Jackie’s office door open behind her.

“What the hell is going on out here?” she muttered as she reached Brooke’s desk, looking straight at the visitors to the department. Glad of an opportunity to relieve the tension, Nina once again plastered the fake smile on her face.

“Minister, may I introduce your opposite number, Shadow Minister Nicky Doll,” she smiled at Jackie, waving a hand at Nicky as if she was unveiling a booby prize on a game show.

It was interesting to watch how the two women regarded each other. Nicky immediately narrowed her eyes, pursing her lips together in a display of agitation at no longer being the highest authority in the room. She made no show of moving to shake Jackie’s hand, in fact she didn’t appear to want to speak to Jackie at all. Instead, Jackie herself made the first move and stepped forward once, twice, finally reaching a safe distance and holding out a hand for Nicky to shake. Her face was placid and gave nothing away. Almost Sleeping Beauty-esque, Brooke thought.

“Nicky, it’s so good to finally meet you properly,” she smiled calmly as Nicky gingerly took her hand to shake. “I hope you and your team have had a good day in the department?”

“Oh yes, it’s been lovely. Although obviously there are a number of things that will need changed once we get into power!” Nicky gave a fake little laugh, her eyes still hostile.

“Well. If,” Jackie wrinkled her nose in a smile, which Nicky returned sourly.

Brooke was suddenly distracted by a buzz from her phone. Yvie.

Y: Christ there’s more fake smiles in here than the outpatients’ at a fucking plastic surgery

If Brooke had been in the mood she probably would have been howling with laughter, but the tense, uncomfortable conversation was still taking place.

“I found it interesting that you chose to highlight my disagreement with Manila Luzon in your interview with Chad Michaels. I felt it slightly undermined your point about the need to raise other women in politics up when you yourself were clearly intent on taking me down,” Nicky continued to smile falsely, the bitter undertone to her words not going unnoticed by Brooke. Jackie kept calm, smiling lazily back and raising her eyes to the ceiling.

“Oh, I don’t know about undermining my point. In order to make a good argument, you have to present some evidence to back it up, and that’s all I was doing. I’m sure you understand it was nothing personal,” she said, giving a little nod.

Nicky flared her nostrils, her face now unimpressed as she swept a hand through her hair, rendering her bun a little messy. “Well. It was lovely to meet you anyway, Jackie, but I still have numerous issues to talk through with Nina. If you’ll excuse me.”

With that, Nicky turned on her heel, not even bothering to wait for a reply. On her way back to Nina, she stopped to murmur something in Gigi’s ear, which then resulted in Gigi marching round the corner. Brooke could have followed her up, but was too distracted by Jackie coming to hover at her desk.

“Numerous issues? I’ll bet she has numerous fucking issues, God. Let’s hope that lot never get into power, she’s more unhinged than a flat pack IKEA cupboard,” Jackie whispered, causing Brooke to splutter a laugh. Jackie smirked at her reaction, then her face grew suddenly serious. “Did you know if Nina managed to get that photo op cancelled?”

“She did it about half an hour after we spoke. Jan really got on her back about it, so it was pretty impossible for Nina to wriggle out of it,” Brooke explained offhandedly, trying in vain to focus on her work. Looking up, she noticed that Jackie seemed to have a faraway look on her face.

“She’s so good, isn’t she? Jan. She’s just incredible. So organised and on it,” Jackie said quietly to no-one in particular. Confused, Brooke simply nodded. Apparently remembering where she was, Jackie cleared her throat, smoothed her skirt down and returned to her office.

Around ten minutes later, Brooke thought she was making some real headway with the persisting immigration data. That was until she almost jumped out of her skin when she felt a hand come crashing down on her shoulder. Spinning around rapidly in her wheely chair she was shocked to see Bianca looming above her, her face grave as her eyes met Brooke’s.

“Bianca, holy fuck. You scared the crap out of me,” Brooke sighed, Bianca not even cracking a smile as her grip on Brooke’s shoulder tightened and she escorted her out of the room. Brooke’s stomach churned as she was led out into the corridor. What the hell was happening, or what the hell had happened, or what the hell was about to happen?

The bright white light of the corridor contrasted violently with Bianca’s expression, which was the personification of the wrath of God itself. She was silent for a moment, which prompted Brooke to tentatively speak first.

“So, um. Why did you want to see-”

“I want to know why a certain Sasha Belle over at transport now has the very same PR stunt I very nearly passed a kidney stone to secure for Jackie,” Bianca snapped. Her voice was cold and low, and Brooke felt goosebumps prickle over her skin just hearing her speak. She felt conflicted. Half of her wanted to reveal Jackie’s personal reasons for having backed out; it was a legitimate excuse and might even make Bianca feel some form of remorse, God willing. On the other hand, it was a part of Jackie’s life which Brooke was sure she wanted to leave behind, and if more and more people knew about it, well. That would make it increasingly hard to forget. Biting her lip, she tried to tell a white lie.

“She had personal reasons for backing out. We decided as her team of advisors that it would be best if she didn’t go through with it.”

“I don’t give a rat’s ass what deeply held personal fucking reasons she had against it, it is her JOB to go to photo ops, it is her JOB to give herself media coverage!”

“Well she couldn’t even if you wanted her to. Not legally anyway,” Brooke found herself saying, her voice too loud in the echoey hallway. Bianca raised her eyebrows a little, as if urging Brooke to go on. Slightly regretting having not simply kept her mouth shut, Brooke continued.

“Jackie had her driving license revoked. It was years ago- she was texting while driving and crashed on the motorway. So even if she wanted to do the damn publicity, she couldn’t,” she explained, sighing as Bianca’s face slowly took on a look of realisation. “I don’t know how you didn’t already know this, Bianca. Her license was fake, I don’t get how that slipped by you. I thought you did background checks on everyone that came within a five mile radius of the party.”

Bianca exhaled loudly, slowly running one hand down her face. She opened her mouth to speak, then shut it, then opened it again.

“When I asked you about Jackie, it wasn’t just a casual, out-of-interest enquiry. We were seriously fucking desperate. We had nothing on her, nothing on her at all apart from the fact that we knew she had a degree in politics and she’d been around the stock exchange for years. We were just desperate to get Darienne out of the party and stop the fucking spiral of madness she was driving us all down. Her position had become toxic, Brooke Lynn, nobody we approached about the job would touch it. So we needed somebody unknown, someone who wouldn’t know or understand who she was succeeding. That’s why we failed to do intensive background checks. I mean, we established that Jackie hadn’t murdered or stabbed anyone, for Christ’s sake. But everything else we had to skim over. We couldn’t have had Darienne in her job for any longer, it would have just…it would have just killed the party.”

Brooke could sort of understand where Bianca was coming from. Taking a calming breath, she suddenly felt the panic rise up in her throat again. “But Bianca, if this gets to the papers-”

Bianca cut her off, holding a single hand up in front of her face and looking down the corridor with suspicion. Wordlessly, she walked to the double doors at the end of the corridor and wrenched them open. Behind them stood Gigi, who jumped at the sudden movement.

“Oh. Hello Bianca. I was just, uh. Trying to find the toilets. This department is like a damn labyrinth, you know?” she laughed awkwardly, almost paralysed under Bianca’s glare.

“Do you want a massive cup to press against the door too, or are you good?” she quipped dryly.

Brooke’s heart began to palpitate nervously. Gigi had clearly been behind that door and listening for quite some time. How long, she didn’t know. But if she’d heard the reason why Jackie couldn’t drive, this was all different kinds, shades, textures and flavours of bad.

“Bianca, really. All I heard was that Jackie wasn’t exactly vetted properly. Which, you know, could be kind of a big story in itself, I think,” Gigi smiled cunningly. All at once, Brooke wanted to laugh. Attempting to get the upper hand on Bianca Del Rio was an interesting tactic, one which basically ensured you weren’t going to win. Deciding to step back, Brooke let Bianca take the reins.

“Oh, I see! You were looking for a story! Well here, here’s a great one for you,” Bianca smiled sinisterly, putting Brooke in mind of a predator about to pounce. “Did you know that Jaqueline Cox is sitting in that office there despite the fact her driving license got revoked? She crashed her car on the motorway because she tried to text and drive at the same time. Did you not know that?”

Brooke watched as Gigi’s face lit up at the revelation. She had to admit she didn’t really know where Bianca was going with this or what she had to gain from revealing the information to one of the Shadow Minister’s aides. As Brooke attempted to interject, Bianca simply turned and fixed her with a smile.

“You didn’t know that, no?” she asked Gigi again. She simply shook her head, delighted at what had just been revealed. “Oh, wait, of course…you wouldn’t know that! Because the only people who do know that are, um, Miss Cox…her three advisors…and me. If this information got to the press…I would know that it came from you.”

Brooke wanted to practically jump for joy as she saw Gigi’s face fall, growing very apprehensive as Bianca took two steps towards her. Her voice lowering, Bianca continued the onslaught.

“And I would rain down upon you so hard that your body would have to be re-assembled by crash team investigators-” she hissed. Gigi opened her mouth to defend herself and Bianca immediately stopped her. “- do not fucking interrupt me, girl. Now, you breathe a word of this to ANYONE, you fucking living toothpick, and I will-”

Already shaking with laughter, Brooke ducked her head out of the door and ran into the offices.

“Jan! ‘Ness! Come quick. Bianca’s going off on one at Gigi,” she stage-whispered, the two girls looking up, bemused but quickly following Brooke back to the corridor doors nonetheless. The double doors were fronted with a small pane of clear glass, which the three girls all peered through to see Bianca continuing to verbally grill Gigi, now far less composed than she was before.

“…I will eviscerate you, right? And I mean, I don’t have your education, I don’t know what that means. But I’ll start by plucking your eyes out and I’ll busk it from there. Okay? Glad we’re agreed. Have a great day.”

As Gigi stumbled back down the hall in a daze as if she’d just crawled out of an avalanche, the three girls on the other side of the door tried to compose themselves after their laughing fit.

“Bianca has such a way with words,” Jan mused, wiping tears from her eyes. “So why was she yelling at Gigi, what had she done? Looked at her?”

Brooke explained what had happened to the two girls, watching as their facial expressions shifted from confused, to fearful, then some semblance of reassured. There was still an aspect that was a little panicked, however, the knowledge that Gigi knew about Jackie’s past clearly worrying them both.

“Look, don’t give it too much thought. Bianca has it all under control. She always does,” Brooke reassured them, shrugging as she walked back to her desk.

“Guess I’m happy to trust Bianca,” Vanessa smiled, relaxing a little. “Hey, you ladies had lunch yet?”

“Not yet. Pret?” Brooke offered, Vanessa smiling beautifully and picking up her bag from her chair. Brooke didn’t miss how Jan simply nodded silently, her face still troubled, clearly not as trusting of Bianca as Vanessa was.

***

As the three girls sat huddled around Jan’s desk eating their lunch, Brooke watched as Vanessa scoffed down her messy meatball panini with marinara sauce and mozzarella cheese that oozed out the side and made long, inconvenient strings. She could have teased Vanessa for her shambles of a lunch but she decided against it, instead choosing to compliment her.

“‘Ness, how can you eat literally whatever you want and still look so good?” Brooke asked, attempting to look offhanded but still feeling like her guts were made of jelly as the words came out her mouth. It was hugely tiresome how much more nervous and self-aware she was around Vanessa now that she’d actually acknowledged her crush on her. It was much harder to pretend things were purely platonic if she gave her a compliment.

In response, Vanessa simply smiled bashfully and shrugged, her mouth full of food. “Hey, I always wonder the same thing about you, baby. I’d kill to look like you.”

“With these thighs? Girl, no you wouldn’t,” Brooke snorted, trying to keep herself from blushing.

“You got good thighs,” Vanessa insisted, making Brooke wonder just how much attention Vanessa paid to her legs. Snapping out of it, Brooke told herself that she was probably just being kind. After a beat of silence, Jan cut in.

“Well, I know both of you find me wildly attractive and are also madly jealous of my amazing figure, which is why neither of you have said anything,” she joked through a mouthful of salmon salad. Brooke gave her a playful shove, shocked when she heard a little cry.

“Jesus, Jan! It wasn’t that sore.”

“That wasn’t me. That came from Jackie’s office,” Jan said gravely, looking at the Minister’s office door where she could just see the blonde bun belonging to Nicky peering over the strip of frosted glass. Exchanging concerned looks, all three girls made their way over.

Brooke was the first to walk in and when her gaze met Jackie’s her heart sank. She was sitting behind her desk and had turned pale, her eyes frightened and huge in her face which had gone almost ghostly white. Turning her gaze to Nicky she noticed that the girl seemed smug in some way, as if she had the upper hand. In a moment, Brooke knew exactly what had happened.

Gigi had spilled.

“Miss Doll, you ain’t actually allowed in here. This is the Minister’s private office,” Vanessa began in a valiant effort to stick up for Jackie who was clearly past sticking up for herself.

“Oh, it’s quite alright. Jackie and I were just having a little chat. A little reminisce on the past, if you like. Well. Her past,” Nicky smiled, casting an amused gaze at Jackie whose face was ashen and defeated as she sat at her desk. Brooke suddenly felt herself overcome with fury.

“I hope you’re giving Gigi a big pay rise for that information. She won’t have much time to spend it though once Bianca finds out. I’d maybe give her two…three days left to live?” she hissed, her face contorted as she glared at the shadow minister.

“Brooke Lynn, is it?” Nicky addressed her, Brooke momentarily wondering how she knew her name. “Brooke Lynn. We all know what it’s like in politics. Unfortunately if someone has some information on someone else, it’s only natural that they’re going to exploit it. And that’s all that’s happening here! It’s not personal. Just professional.”

“Like hell are you exploiting anything,” Jan spat, her face dark. Come to think of it, Brooke had never really seen her so angry, but the tiny girl was like a spitfire as she narrowed her eyes at her old boss. “You know full well where to draw the line between personal and political information. If you leak this to the media then you’re more reprehensible than the party you represent.”

“I’m sorry ladies, but this is how you play the game, and I play to win. I’m not really prepared to discuss it any further,” Nicky rolled her eyes, picking up her bag from where it sat on Jackie’s desk.

Just as she made to leave, Nicky turned to see Bianca standing in the doorway of Jackie’s office, glancing with confusion at the scene in front of her.

“Bianca!” Vanessa cried, for once happy to see the Prime Minister’s enforcer. “We were just talkin’ about how Nicky maybe shouldn’t go to the papers about Jackie…? Telling them about her driving license? Tryin’ to think of a reason why this would reflect badly on her party in some way…?”

Brooke watched as Vanessa looked pleadingly at Bianca, willing her to do something, anything to spin them out of the situation. Bianca for her part seemed calm, upbeat even.

“Oh, I don’t know. Maybe she should! Good idea!” she shrugged, flashing a smile Nicky’s way as she turned and made to leave the room.

Vanessa’s face immediately dropped as if she’d been slapped. Jan’s expression was completely blank. Brooke didn’t know what to think. It seemed as if Jackie was holding her breath, and Nicky simply stood rooted to the spot, her eyes still on Bianca as if she knew there was more to come. Sure enough, Bianca reached the doorframe, stopped, and turned on her heel.

“Oh, shit, wait a minute! I know why she shouldn’t! Because you know, if she did that…she’d be dead,” Bianca said simply.

Brooke watched as Nicky blinked silently at her. Bianca continued to speak.

“To me. To her advisors. To her party. To the electorate. And the only job she’d get in power is for this government’s catering company sweeping up crumbs as a kitchen cleaner, because I’d call every journalist I know, which of course- that’s all of them! Isn’t it Nicole! And I’d tell them all that lovely little story I’ve had saved for a rainy day, about a certain Right Honourable Lord Doll- how is your Dad, by the way?- and how he enjoyed a lovely five years as a member of the Bullingdon Club at university, a club so fucking morally bankrupt they had a exposé film made about them! Of course, the homeless person your Dad had to burn money in the face of for his initiation- he didn’t enjoy it so much. Nor did the live pigeon he had to bite the head off of either. And I believe there’s also rumblings about…something about a pig, which I won’t go into. And so I’d quite happily email all these journalists any photos and soundbites and CCTV footage they wanted, because I’d say…I’d say that’s quite a big story. I’d say that would probably contest a Minister’s silly little eight-year-old car accident in the running order of the ten o’clock news. That’s what I’d tell her,” Bianca finally finished calmly, smiling a little at Nicky whose mouth was now hanging open like a goldfish. Turning to Vanessa, Bianca simply nodded on her way out of the door. “But maybe you should tell her!”

Catching Vanessa’s eye, Brooke couldn’t help but burst into a triumphant grin. Vanessa returned the smile, now completely relaxed knowing that Jackie had the upper hand. Nicky was still standing completely still and hadn’t moved since Bianca had left.

“I’ll, um. I’ll ask Nina to get your coat,” Jackie addressed Nicky pleasantly, sitting at her desk and pushing a single number on the phone as Nicky simply nodded wordlessly.

Brooke wanted to burst out laughing. Bianca had her enemies in Westminster, but she was also an absolute mastermind.

***

They had made it through the day. They always did, after all. They were a great team, Brooke thought, and God help them if they were ever disbanded in any way. Sitting in a quieter corner of the office with her head tipped against the head of the sofa, Brooke took a deep breath. It was often needed at the end of days like these. Jan sat to her right, curled up against the arm of the couch and simply staring into the distance. Thinking for a moment, Brooke turned her head and stared at Jan.

“Do you think Bianca really had all that stuff to back up what she said about Nicky’s Dad?”

Jan smirked and met Brooke’s eyes. “It’s Bianca. She’s a walking, talking database. She probably has shit on all of us. She probably knows stuff about us that we haven’t even done yet.”

Before Brooke could even try to get her head around Jan’s words, Vanessa joined them. She flung herself against the sofa dramatically, gently tilting her head so that it rested in the crook of Brooke’s shoulder. For a second she could barely breathe.

“I wonder what she’s going to do to Gigi when she next sees her. Can’t imagine I’d want to be in her six-inch heels right now,” Brooke continued, trying to talk through her breathlessness.

“We talkin’ about Bianca?” Vanessa murmured, nuzzling her head against Brooke’s shoulder to get comfortable. Christ, why the fuck did she have to do that?

“Yeah,” Jan smiled wistfully. “God, I’d be running for the hills if I was her. Alyssa’s charity ball is in three weeks, remember? I wouldn’t put it past Bianca to stage a live crucifixion as the night’s entertainment.”

Brooke felt Vanessa laugh softly against her side. She was such a warm, happy person, at least when she wasn’t stressing her head off at the latest party shambles. She was too good to be working here, but Brooke was so glad that she was.

“So you’re not going to be ditching us to run back to the opposition anytime soon then? Not going to be meeting up with Gigi and Crystal for a cute little catch-up coffee?” Brooke only half-joked, turning to address Jan again. She watched as Jan’s face grew a little dark, her brow furrowing as she let out a derisive laugh.

“I’m not fucking with anyone who attempts to sabotage Jackie’s career,” she said forebodingly.

There it was again, Brooke thought, this protective side to Jan which she’d never really seen before. She didn’t think she’d ever get over how strange it was.

Footsteps behind the sofa prompted all three of them to turn around. It was Jackie- she’d freshened up her makeup a little and had sprayed some deodorant or perfume or something that smelt nice. Reaching the sofa, she gave a warm smile to the three girls.

“Thanks for your support today, ladies,” she said sincerely, leaning on the back of the sofa. “It was a tough one, but we got there in the end.”

“Sorry that Nina couldn’t arrange an alternative bit of PR in time, Jackie,” Vanessa smiled apologetically. Jackie let out a small laugh.

“Are you kidding? That was a blessing in disguise. After the day I’ve had the last thing I want to do is go and feign interest in electric cars for an hour,” she shook her head. “Seriously though, thank you. You three are a total blessing.”

Brooke was surprised when she then turned to face Jan, her expression turning a little shy. “Ready to go?”

“Yeah, two minutes. I need to pack up and I’ll be good,” Jan smiled timidly back at her, her cheeks going a little red.

“Okay. I’ll wait at the lifts. See you tomorrow, girls,” Jackie said finally, waving goodbye to Brooke and Vanessa before walking away.

Vanessa tipped her head off Brooke’s shoulder to lean forward and look at Jan, who was grabbing her coat. “Where are you two off to then, Miss Ma’am?”

Jan stopped in her tracks, as if she hadn’t really been expecting the question. “Oh! Um, Jackie’s just giving me a lift home.”

Brooke screwed up her face at her friend. “A lift home? In her car? That she drives? Is that meant to be a joke?”

Seemingly realising her mistake, Jan smiled and shook her head. “I meant her driver. Her driver’s going to drop me home on the way back to Jackie’s.”

Brooke sat blankly for a moment, turning to Vanessa and seeing her face hold the exact same expression. Vanessa laughed in disbelief. “Your flat’s five minutes away, you lazy shit!”

“Hey, give me a break! I’m exhausted, a five minute walk is still a walk I don’t want to do, and I’ll take what I can get,” Jan shrugged, grabbing her bag and making to leave. “Bye, girls. See you both tomorrow.”

Brooke gave a tired reply as Jan made her way out of the department. Sighing, Vanessa leant against the arm of the sofa, kicking her legs over Brooke’s lap and subsequently causing Brooke’s pulse to quicken by about 90%. They sat in silence for a moment, Brooke’s brain too full to even contemplate starting a conversation. Luckily, it was Vanessa that spoke first.

“Do you think something’s goin’ on there? Between Jackie and Jan?”

Brooke paused. If it were any other situation, she’d maybe have thought Vanessa was right. But this was work, and sometimes people got incredibly passionate about their party and the people that ran it. Jan had had to put up with Nicky, and then Darienne. It was only natural that now that she was finally working for someone competent of course she was going to want with every fibre of her being for that person to do well. Turning to face Vanessa, Brooke made a doubtful face.

“No, girl. Jan’s just loyal. She wants to see Jackie do well. That’s all I think it is anyway.”

Brooke watched as Vanessa knit her brows together, frowning momentarily then casting her gaze into her lap.

“You know-” she began, then cut herself off as she decided against saying whatever she had to say. Then, changing her mind, she began again. “I swear you’re so blind half the time, Brooke Lynn. I think you have your guard up so high you can’t even see when someone has feelings for someone else. It’s kinda…I don’t know. Anyway. It don’t matter.”

Brooke watched, astounded as Vanessa swung her legs off her lap and stood up. Her face was bright red, as if she was embarrassed in some way. Brooke felt she had to reply, but she had no idea what to say or how to respond. She simply blinked at Vanessa, as if her last ditch attempt at communication was morse code.

“I’ll, uh. I’ll see you tomorrow then?” Vanessa continued, smoothing down her dress and smiling as if she hadn’t said a thing. Going along with the façade, Brooke nodded slowly. “Bye, Brooke.”

As Vanessa’s footsteps retreated down the office and into the lift, Brooke just stared straight ahead and tried to make sense of what Vanessa had said, or what it even meant, or what the implications were. It had felt like she was mad at her in some way, although Brooke couldn’t figure out what she’d done. What had she meant by it all? It made Brooke’s head hurt.

She was still there when the cleaners arrived half an hour later, and she still hadn’t managed to unscramble her brain. Giving up, Brooke grabbed her coat and bag and made her way to the lifts, stuck with the feeling that somehow she’d left something behind.

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aprilfayelikes · 4 years

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So I’m reading TGCF... (part 2)

Welcome to the second part of my TGCF readthrough. This is my first time reading Heaven Official’s Blessing and since I find MXTX’s storytelling very fascinating, I figured, I might as well blog my way through it. I don’t know if it’s gonna be anything interesting, and I’m not used to composing coherent thoughts in English, so please don’t be mean. If it’s uninteresting, just scroll through. *WARNING: Really spoilery and will definitely be more incoherent than the last one, ‘cause I’m writing this while reading, so these are basically just random thoughts or me trying to guess the plot:)

Stick around if you’ve already read the book from chapter 32 to chapter 42.

Chapter 32

(Xie Lian is called back to the Heavenly Court. We meet the crown prince of Yong’An and the Heavenly Emperor, Jun Wu. They start to discuss what happened at the Banyue Pass, and turns out that they know about Hua Cheng.) - I really like how the word ‘awkward’ is missing from Xie Lian’s dictionary XD - But I still find the heavenly parts quite boring. I’m guessing the info dumps will pay off in the later chapters, but for now... I can’t remember a single name, na-ah.... - ‘The spotlight, it seemed, was on him’. MXTX knows how to end chapters to make you want more, that’s for sure.

Chapter 33

(General Pei tries to blame everything on Hua Cheng then on the Guoshi of Banyue. Literally on anyone. But fortunately, Pei Junior admits his wrongdoings. The crown prince of Yong’An sleeps through the meeting.) - And here comes even more info on General Pei, so I’m thinking he continues to be an important character. I don’t like him. - Xie Lian’s cultivation method demands purity of the body and the mind...? Hm... that’s unfortunate in a danmei. Or so to say, makes things interesting:D - Well, Pei Junior admitting everything was unexpected...

Chapter 34

(Jun Wu talks privately with Xie Lian and sends him on a mission to save a heavenly official the identity of whom they don’t know yet. The mission is to sneak into the Ghost Realm. Lord Wind Master partners up with Xie Lian) - ‘It may no longer be appropriate for you to investigate this case, so come, let me tell you everything about it... Also, it’s okay if you are friends with Hua Cheng, just be careful.’ Jun Wu acts all fatherly, but that’s just strange. Is he a good guy? Or am I just suspicious about anyone and everyone now?? (NHS and JGY ruined me) - Whaaat?! That’s cool~ I think I like the Wind Master! He disguised himself as a woman, because he looked cute:D Well done on representation:D I want to know more about them. - Also Xie Lian cannot get himself to enter his new palace is sad :(

Chapter 35

(The two follows a group of female ghosts to sneak into the Ghost Market, which is a strange and creepy place. They soon get separated, when the Wind Master gets pulled away by the female ghosts and Xie Lian gets assaulted by a very dead prostitute.) - This chapter comments on gender norms and biases and does it so effortlessly that I have to raise my hat to MXTX. So the Wind Master can appear as a woman, because he was often depicted standing next to his brother and somewhere, somehow people started to worship him as a woman, since a woman is looking better next to a man (’handsome and beautiful make a pair’). In the same style, people started to worship Ling Wen as a man, because a lady cannot be a civil god. It is a ridiculous concept, but tells tales about the prejudices in people’s mind. - It’s a shame, she couldn’t convince Xie Lian to cross-dress, tho :P - Ghost market! This is fun~ (That scene of a boar cutting up a wiggling human leg... chef’s kiss. This is exactly the weird and disturbing shit I’m here for. And of course I’m reading this at 10PM) - Pft... can’t get erect X”””DDD I can’t with this guy, really. Xie Lian has no shame at all:D

Chapter 36

(Xie Lian enters the Gambler’s Den, where he meets up with the Wind Master. The Ghost King, Hua Cheng also plays that night. When a father wants to pay with the life of his daughter another person pops up: the crown prince of Yong’An. The naive prince tries to stop the unjust betting, but gets defeated by Hua Cheng. The Ghost King offers him as a prize to anyone, who wins against him. So naturally Xie Lian tries his best...) - Hua Cheng is such a badass! Also that martial god he decorated the ceiling with is kinda cute, as well... but if anyone dies, that would be him. - That reveal made my heart race... We finally got to see him in his true form! - Xie Lian’s legendary bad luck enters the chatXD

Chapter 37

(Hua Cheng says Xia Lian’s dicing form is bad, and he starts tutoring him in front of the whole crowd. He also asks for a prize in case Xie Lian would lose. Our protag offers a half-eaten bun. He tutors him until Xie Lian wins.) - Okay, the flirting is INTENSE! in this one >///< I love them. Also... A half-eaten bun? Xie Lian, save the poor guy some face and at least offer your left hand (or your undying devotionXD) as a bet:D

Chapter 38

(Since Xie Lian lost a bunch before winning, Hua Cheng still asks for the bun, and eats it. Thus the crown prince of Yong’An, Qianqiu gets saved. But as they roam the city, Xie Lian sees a familiar figure) - AND HE ACTUALLY EATS THE BUN! I can’tX”””””DDDD - I like this Qianqiu guy, he’s cute. Not very useful, but adorable. - Oh! Could this be the kid, with the human face disease?! Another one of those cruel chapter endings.

Chapter 39

(Xie Lian notices the boy with the human face disease and starts to chase him, while Qianqiu gets into a fight, so they get separated again. Xie Lian loses the boy, and gets into trouble, but the Waning Moon Officer gets there just in time. This ghost officer works for Hua Cheng. He tells Xie Lian, that the Ghost King wants to see him, then escorts him to the Paradise Manor) - Yes, it’s him! The kid, with the human face disease. - Meet up in three days?? Not one or two hours but THREE DAYS? What are you planning to do for three days in the ghost realm? Also why exactly did we bring the other two along if we’re ditching them all the time, huh?! Well, goodbye cute heavenly officials. We’ll see each other in THREE DAYS. - Now I get it. We needed some space for Hua Cheng and Xie Lian to be able to meet.

Chapter 40

(And they speak and its cute. Hua Cheng offers to help searching for the boy. His officer finds him immediately. They interrogate him then take him in) - Let me note that Hua Cheng is really refreshing as ‘the love interest’ (or very good friend for now). Yes, he’s secretive and mysterious, but he’s willing to talk about himself, not restricting the protagonist, not being violent, helping out but not sheltering him, has a very distinct worldview, and is not scared to be emotional. Also he’s snarky and easily amused and makes fun of people, while being a badass all along. What’s there not to love.

Chapter 41

(Hua Cheng has to leave because his sword warns him of trouble. Meanwhile Xie Lian gets suspicious on the Waning Moon Officer, and on Hua Cheng, as well. He finds a room that only opens if you throw two sixes with dice, so he obviously can’t get into. Then Hua Cheng gets back to the Manor and shows Xie Lian his armory, and I’m in love.) - A bit of sneaking around is fun:) - That’s a very peculiar sword Hua Cheng has. Hm... I have my theories about the sword :) - Also about the Waning Moon Officer and his ‘tatoo’. - What’s with all of these masks, tho. (the officer, the white-clothed calamity, the people on the street....) - Nnnn... I don’t like Xie Lian being mistrustful. I get it, but still. - I’d be just as giddy in an armory as Xie Lian! I want to touch pretty swords, as well~~

Chapter 42

(Hua Cheng introduces his sword, E’Ming to the protag. The sword seems to be alive and is kind of cute. Hua Cheng holds a banquette for Xie Lian and during the banquette he gives him some of his luck. The Wind Master also sneaks into the Ghost Kings Manor, and as the night falls, the two starts to sneak around again.) - What the actual fuck, E’Ming is cute! >///< And we’re patting a sword and the sword likes it... Should that be symbolic, or...? - I want to borrow luck, too! I could really use some! Anyone? Do you have some extra luck which you could transfer? (Not necessary through hand holding) - Hua Cheng gets so irritated by the fact that Xie Lian’s cultuvation method forbids promiscuity. XDDDD Oh, poor you. This is gonna be though XD - And more sneaking around. I would feel bad, too. Xie Lian, that’s not nice.

#tgcf thoughts #tgcf #heaven official's blessing #reading tgcf #saját poszt #so i'm reading tgcf

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ikenugs · 4 years

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I was literally just thinking of what new thing I should fantasize in my head about, and that's when my dad called me to say good night. As like everyone in my family says, "Goodnight, love you" or something along the lines and gives each other a hug. So the Mc really missing the same practices her parents used to do, as she had an affectionate family. While also being too afraid to ask anyone about it, especially Nobunaga.

Ikesen Scenarios~ Goodnight Hugs

And here she found herself in the meeting room, yet again being dragged from the comfort of her bed and bearsace. Agriculture was a very important part of Azuchi's economic structure and was thought to produce some of the ripest crops around. Though along with that, to have the ability to cultivate the land, the farmers had to acquire the right materials and skillfully use them. The Oda had just received fertile land a little to the east, so this meeting was mainly about transporting supplies there and investing the money for the supplies. Though she didn't recall much that she learned in school on Japanese history, she found this sorta thing a bit interesting. Obviously, it's different reading it from a textbook you've been staring at for hours, then actually experiencing and observing farmers. Watching them plow fields instead of using huge machines that pollute the Earth, like they do in the future. She hadn't seen anything beyond Azuchi's bustling shopping area, aside from the woods and Honno-Ji. So it'd be nice to see more of ancient Japan. She was still very sleepy, and blah blah money, blah leader accounting financial stuff. And you could occasionally see the drool falling from her mouth, as she dozed off. Though she did brighten up when they began decided who would deliver the supplies. Which ended up being Masamune, as he was 'itching to get out and cause some mischief somewhere else' resulting in a whack from Hideyoshi. Besides that he glanced over at her with his signature cheeky grin, "Would you like to accompany me, Lass?" Now that wasn't an offer she could just refuse, again, a bit of adventure couldn't hurt. She wondered how different their lives were compared to Azuchi. "Well, that would be lovely, only if I'm not a burden." Which she could see the unmistakable glint of mischief in his eyes, and knew there was more than just and invite to deliver materials. For all she knows, that look could mean he's gonna set a tree on fire and tie her to it. Maybe throw a dagger at her while he's at it, so this was going to be some journey.

In a commanding tone, Nobunaga officially dismissed them all, though everyone lingered and chatted comfortably. Now that it was over, she couldn't stop herself from imagining the toasty feeling of her bed 'soon my love'. It didn't ease the thoughts that have been pestering her recently though, they were thoughts about her family, ones she missed dearly. She recalled when her father would knock on her door to tell her goodnight and give her a hug. Her loved ones always hugged and wished everyone a 'goodnight, love you', as she grew up in a very affectionate family. So, you could say that she was feeling quite 'touch starved', not in a thirsty way, but a pure one. All the warlords gathered in that very room, we're playing the roles of her Sengoku family, and she loved them all very much. But she missed her old family habits, she was even affectionate towards her friends and loved hugs. So even after being there for a month, it was difficult not to reminisce on her past (or now, future). She didn't notice that she had zoned out in deep thought, her gaze landing right beside Nobu's head. He silently scrutinized her, it seemed as though she wanted something.

"Is there something you need, Emi? You've been staring at me for the past few minutes now." Now she was alert, and apologized sheepishly. "I-im very sorry, I was just thinking about something. And was wondering......um.." Mitsuhide's attention was drawn to the flustered girl before Nobunaga and chuckled a bit 'what could she be on about now?' She tried to begin again, shakily, " uh.... Well, umm.. You see... I" He raised his eyebrow as if to say, 'if you're gonna say something then get on with it' She just started at his desolate frosty eyes, with lack of warmth. Asking him for affection may not be the best, maybe Mitsunari would be easier to ask? "Actually, uh.. I think I'll just go ask Mitsunari, instead.." Emi began to think away from the lord. 'What does Mitsunari have that I don't?' Is what went through his brain as he waited to see what would happen if she asked the sweetheart of their group.

With a blush still dusting her cheeks, she reached a hand and tapped on Nari's shoulder, who turned around with a welcoming smile. "Lady, Emi!!" She giggled at his innocent reaction, her conversations with him were a bit flowier. Yet again she became a little shy, but the friendliness radiating off of the sweet angel gave her the courage to continue. "Mitsunari, .......? Could you give me a hug??" He titled his head for a moment then spoke, "A..........hug?..Well, of course Lady, Emi!" He then embraced her tenderly, what a fricken cinnamon roooooooooooooolllllll.

"Is it comfort that you seek? Because I can't give that to you." Nobu said as monotone as ever, Nari's enthusiasm had drawn all eyes and ears. "So you just wanted to ask for an embrace, then?" She bowed her head a bit towards him and spoke what was bothering her. "Well, yes, but that's not everything. You see I was just missing my family, and we had a practice where before bed we all gave each other hugs and said that we loved each other. And whenever we did that... I got a warm feeling in my chest, it always helped me sleep." They all noticed the wistful look in her eyes, it was difficult to ignore the way her heart ached, a pleading for intimacy. It was a pretty lonely feeling. No one wanted to feel that way, and I guess the loneliness she felt could be understood by the lot. She couldn't see her family for at least two months around 61 days, it was a bit heartbreaking. She did have Sasuke and Bearsace other than the six there, but Sasuke was quiet busy doing Ninja stuff, and Bearsace isn't a person. She even tried expressing her emotion and passion in her sewing, but things like that were just momentary distractions from her inevitable feelings. Even though she was in a bit of a vulnerable state, Mitsuhide being the tease he is decided that this is perfect bait, and he couldn't just let this chance slip by, could he? He chuckled softly, and his eyes sparkled with amusement.

"So, if what my ears are hearing is correct, you want us to express our love for you and embrace you warmly as though you were our wives?" Emi immediately flushed, I guess in this time that would be something only lovers would do. "N-no, of course not, I just want a hug, as you guys are the closest thing to family I have here, " The unmistakable tear in her voice pierced the hearts of even the coldest warlords in the room. Her hair covered her eyes as she bowed down, she had said her family was so far you couldn't point it out on a map, but they were in different TIME PERIODS. But, she couldn't cry, a show of weakness like this one could cost her too many precious things in the Sengoku period. Her actions even made Mitsuhide loss his composure for just a moment, only a second though.

Hideyoshi frowned and looked seriously towards his vassal. "Mitsunari, " "My Lord, should we........?" "I believe it's time..." Mitsunari nodded in understanding. Ieyasu's face turned to one of dread, of pure horror. Mitsuhide raised a singular eyebrow, as Masamune grinned, Nobu remained stoic, though you could see the shine in his cold eyes.

Ieyasu quickly protested, "No........... You must be kidding me, no way. Nuh uh. I refuse to participate in that, not again." She looked up concerned, what could possibly be so awful to have Ieyasu practically running in the opposite direction. Well, actually there are lots of things, having to interact with Mitsunari, acknowledging his emotions, another one of Hideyoshi's lectures, the list just goes on. This time Nobunaga stepped in to assist, "Ieyasu, " He gave a stern unwavering look, "Do you dare.... Betray the Oda by defending the victim due to your lack of being able to process physical--" "Ugh, please stop. Fine. But if you ever speak of this again, you won't wake up the next morning." This caused Mitsunari to break out in a sweet smile.

After their interaction, each one, with Ieyasu a bit more hesitant than the others, began to surround the poor girl trapped in the middle. Even Nobunaga had arose from his dias. They slowly began tightening around her, closing in on their one and only target. 'Victim?! What we're they going to do to her?! Did her declaration define her as too weak?!' Suddenly, they all slowed to a stop, a calm before the storm, a glance passed around the circle, resulting in Emi's pulse to quicken to the pace of lightening. At last, the look ended at Hideyoshi, who gave the final nodding signal.

"GROUP HUG!!!" Rang around the room as the warlords pounced on her, squishing her tight in the middle. She opened her eyes only to see a cluster of the six samurai clutching onto her in a warm embrace. Correction, actually, five samurai, as Ieyasu lingered and watched. Masamune was the first to notice, "Come on Ieyasu, wouldn't it be nice to get in on the action?! Don't be such a sourpuss!" Ieyasu scoffed at his comment, though it did look comfy, and comforting. "Oh, Ieyasu-sama, why don't you come join us?! You'd surely enjoy it!" Mitsunari called to him, that sealed the deal, despite his snide comments towards Nari, he had a bit of a soft spot for the boy. Ieyasu sighed one last time, closed his eyes and walked towards the group. Ending up squished next to the very same angel, their cheeks almost touching.

After a few moments, they backed off only to uncover a beaming Emi. She actually thought they were going to like attack her or something, her heart felt so warm, she felt like poppers we're going off in her chest. In all her excitement she went around the room and hugged each one individually. Ieyasu didn't even deny her this time, her hug with Nobunaga was a bit odd, but still made her feel fuzzy and loved.

"Hey, why does Mitsunari get two hugs?" Masamune asked, "What if I wanted another one?" She smiled brightly again and began moving in for another hug, she never took Masamune as the overly affectionate type. At the last second, she realized his cheeky tactics. "You flirt?!" There was still this feeling on her heart, as they laughed away his attempts. And each said their good night's before the sweet girl skipped out of the council room. A satisfied look on her face. Nobunaga rested his cheek on his palm as he watched her go. Shortly after they heard the crash and concerned apology from their princess.

"What an unusual woman........."

Sasuke's whole face was beet red as he watched the whole situation play out. He could most definitely say he was jealous of the woman, +15 Jealousy gained! Fanboi mode activated! If there was ever a time he wanted to fall through the ceiling tiles, it was then, how lovely it would have been to join the group hug.

"Wow, who knew the Oda were such softies....." Whispered a soft voice behind him, he jumped a bit and had to adjust himself as to not actually fall through the ceiling. "Yuki?!" He had forgotten he brought his BFF along, his fanboi had placed him in his own little world.

Needless to say, she slept very soundly and happily that night..

_____________________________________________

I SWEAR, GET THE HISTORY BOI HIS VERY OWN PERSONAL GROUP HUG! Anyways, but just imagine this scenario, it's like so adorable. Also, Ieyasu had learned what that look meant the hard way, as he hadn't seen Wasabi for a few days and he was a little saddened by that fact, despite claiming Wasabi could run away anytime and he wouldn't care. As Mitsuhide could practically pick up anything, like the sneaky snake he is. It started with a whisper from Mitsuhide to a gasp from Hideyoshi, and with a look from his vassal, he was actually like AMBUSHED and HARASSED with hugs. It did make him feel better, though he'd never admit it lol.

Ieyasu and Mitsunari make such a cute pair don't ya think 😊 (whether platonic or not). Also I realize I forgot to include Ranmaru.. Forgive me for that...

#ikemen games #ikemen #ikemen sengoku #ikesen #ikesen hideyoshi #ikesen mitsuhide #ikesen mitsunari #ikesen nobunaga #ikesen masamune #ikesen ieyasu #ikesen headcanon #ikesen scenario #FAMBOI MODE ACTIVATED

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voltedyoongi · 4 years

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lee minho- neighbour au

(listen i’m imagining the apartments from big bang theory coz i’m binging it rn so if you dk what that looks like get on google)

-so you’d been looking for a place to live for a while now since your best friend had announced she was going to move in with her boyfriend leaving you high and dry

-after a month of searching, you’d finally found the perfect place and today was moving day

-said best friend was currently on holiday with said boyfriend and you didn’t want any of your other friends getting too close to all your stuff so you were all on your on

-you couldn’t afford a moving truck so you were spending the day driving as many boxes as you can fit into your car to the new apartment taking them up the stairs one by one before going back to your old apartment to repeat the process

-you had reached the third box moving escapade of the day when you bumped box first (literally) into a group of guys as you went up the stairs

-‘oh, shit sorry’ you apologise, ‘didn’t see you over the box’ you laugh lightly.

-‘it’s okay’ one of the two guys says, ‘where are you going to? can we help you?’

-‘4B, and it’s fine really if i put my back out i’ll have an excuse to lie in bed all day’

-the two boys smile at your comment, nodding, ‘well we’re across the hall if you need us’ the second one says, ‘just knock if you need any help, those boxes seem heavy. i’m ‪jisung by the way, and this is jeongin’

-you smile gratefully, secretly relieved you wouldn’t have to lug boxes all day if you really didn’t want to.

-and that’s what it came to, you were tired and moody when you packed the last round of boxes into your car and got to your new apartment block. you grumpily hauled a box of pillows up the stairs to your apartment before glancing at 4A nervously, where jisung had said he and jeongin would be.

-it wasn’t that you found them particularly intimidating, they’d seemed lovely, it was more the notion of interrupting the evening of people you barely knew to ask them for strenuous help.

-alas, you really couldn’t be fucked to drag up the remaining five boxes, one of which was filled with books.

-so you reluctantly skulked across the hall and prepared yourself to have to socialise.

-you knock on the door, your nerves on fire, only nulled by the fact you were constantly reminding yourself jeongin and jisung seemed like really sweet guys who wouldn’t make a fuss of carrying some boxes.

-the door swings open and you internally freeze.

-a handsome man had answered with cute dark hair and a loose white t-shirt.

-‘shit shit shit’ you think, had you gotten the wrong apartment? were you about to completely embarrass yourself searching for two random men who didn’t even live here? no, surely not...they had said they lived across the hall from you...

-he looks at you expectantly and you kick into action

-‘erm sorry i’m looking for jisung and jeongin, they said they’d help me move some boxes upstairs from my car and to come across the hall...’

-‘oooh’ he chuckles, ‘sorry they’re not in right now, jisung doesn’t even live here’ he scoffs.

-‘oh sorry’ you mumble, ready to trudge down to your car and break your body with the last of those boxes

-but before you can turn he’s marching out his apartment to the stairs, he stops short of the third step and looks at you expectantly.

-‘you coming?’ he asks, as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world

-‘where are you going?’ you answer cluelessly, it not quite clicking in your head

-‘downstairs to your car, that’s where the boxes are right? unless you’ve parked on the roof.’

-‘ye right’ you retort, matching his tone dripped in sarcasm ‘i can park my flying car on the roof but i can’t carry five boxes.’

-he grins at you, before walking down the stairs prompting you to follow in his wake

-you don’t get a chance to interact with him on the way down as he’s marched ahead so the next conversation you share is once you reach the pavement outside your block.

-‘which one’s yours?’ he asks, eyeing the cars around.

-you point to your small red car across the street and he grins

-‘why are you smiling?’ you tease him defensively, he shrugs still looking at your car ‘it’s cute, but i don’t think you could fly to the roof with it.’

-‘nah not quite,’ you grin back ‘maybe just the fifth floor’

-‘i admire your ambition’ he plays along, but before you can reply he’s halfway across the road to your car and you’re trudging after him.

-you press the button on your keys and unlock the boot to reveal the boxes.

-‘here we are’ you sigh ‘if you could help me on two trips, we can both take two up and then i’ll run down and grab the last, that would be great.’

-he nods, looking down at the boxes before taking the heaviest one, the one filled with all your books.

-but he doesn’t seem phased at all by it’s weight when it’s in his arms, he’s either very strong or very good at pretending not to be in pain at the hands of your literary collection

-you grab another, lighter, box and put it on the ground to close the boot. you pick it up and then to see that minho stayed and watched you do so rather than striding ahead again.

-‘not so fast this time?’ you ask, as you two walk across the road back to your building.

-he shrugs, but you don’t miss the way he flinches slightly at the weight. ‘didn’t want you left behind unable to carry your stuff’

-‘hey!’ you exclaim playfully, ‘i’m not that weak’

-‘alright sure, you’re strong as the hulk, just stop pouting’

-‘i never pout’ you pout- prompting him to scoff, but smile.

-you’ve made it to your building's entrance now, meaning you’ll have to conquer the stairs next. there’s not enough room for you to walk side by side with the boxes, so you opt to go in front of him.

-‘don’t you want you falling on me when you collapse under the weight of the box’

-he doesn’t answer so you turn around to look at him as you walk up, he looks back up at you like a deer caught in the headlights.

-you gasp jokingly, ‘did you just check my ass out?’

-he sees red, and looks down at the box in his arms, ‘no’ he mumbles, but you can the tips of ears are tomato coloured

-‘you totally checked out my ass’ you grin, stopping walking to make him look at you

-‘so what if i did?’ he says in a tone yk he wants you to take as a sarcastic quip, ‘take it as a compliment and keep walking’

-you do as he says, changing the subject but grinning from ear to ear.

-you put the boxes in your apartment and then go back down, friendly banter bouncing between the two of you the entire time, he even goes down alone to get the last box to let you start unpacking earlier.

-you’ve opened up your box of books when minho brings your box in, he places it on the floor before coming over to you and the box of books

-‘let’s see what was so worth me almost breaking my arms to get up here’

-you chuckle and let him lean forward to inspect your collection, ‘hmm...’ he muses ‘i approve.’

-your first instinct is to make a sarcastic comment but instead you hold back

-‘thanks’ you smile

-‘that’s okay’ he smiles back ‘i need to go set up i have some friends coming over, but i’ll catch up with you soon yeah?’

-‘yeah...thanks for all your help minho’

-‘that’s okay y/n’

-surprisingly you were doing a very good job unpacking, normally you'd procrastinate doing anything till you absolutely had to or until you died...whichever came first

-but today you were oddly eager to see how your new apartment would look all finished, and it was going well

- a pile of empty cardboard boxes had cultivated on your floor so you decided now was a good time to take them downstairs to the bins.

-you were on your way down the stairs when you bumped into none other than jisung and jeongin

-’hey!’ they grinned at you, prompting you to grin back, in a good mood having unpacked so well

-’i see you managed to unpack’ commented jisung, nodding towards the collapsed boxes in your clutches

-’yep’ you smile, and im almost all done unpacking my stuff too, i’ve done well’

-’maybe you deserve a treat?’ jeongin says playfully, to which you raise your eyebrows

-’i like treats’ you reply, pushing him to tell you what he had in mind

-’we’re having a little get together in our apartment right now, once you've gotten rid of those old boxes you should join us’

-you ponder the idea before eventually nodding, ‘that would actually be really nice...i’ll be right up’

-you ran across to your apartment to change into something a bit more appropriate, a tank top and shorts weren't going to quite cut it today

-you slid on some comfy yet sleek jeans with a white crop top that highlighted you figure oh-so-casually

-you brushed your hair quickly and then made your way across the hall for the second time in a day

-you knocked but before you could pull your hand away the door had swung open and you were met with an overjoyed jisung

-he grabs you by the arm and pulls you in shouting happily about your arrival, had he somehow managed to get drunk in the short time it took for you to change?

-he wraps his arm around your shoulder, a beer in his hand

-’guys meet y/n! y/n meet the guys’

-you glance around nervously, there were 8 other guys including jeongin and minho and a few had girls sitting on their laps who you assumed were there girlfriends

-there was a chorus of ‘heys and his’ in response to your introduction but you couldn’t help but notice that minho hadn’t said anything, instead sifting through the takeout container on his lap

-jisung’s breath stunk of beer as he howled out at the silent boy ‘minhooooOoooo say hello to my new frienddd’

-you stand there awkwardly before minho looks up smirking ‘oh, we've already met.’

-’you guys know each other?!’ questions jeongin, to which you nod

-minho pats the arm of the big armchair he was sitting on, still smirking at you, ‘come sit with me y/n, everyone else here is a little bit drunk’ he playfully whispers loudly, nodding towards jisung.

-you smile back at him, the banterous connection you guys had shared earlier rising to the surface. you awkwardly perch on the arm of his chair and he begins to quietly tell you everyone’s names so you don't feel too lost.

-as the night continued the boys and girls around you got more and more drunk, leaving only you and minho as the sober ones. normally you'd be drinking alongside with them but you felt weird getting drunk with people you barely knew, and it didn't really matter minho was there to be sober with you.

-the two of you stayed perched on the armchair together, chatting between yourselves happily and pretty much ignoring everyone else

-at one point one of the boys had knocked into you sending you toppling onto minho’s lap,

-’changbin!’ he hissed at the raven-haired giggly boy who was tripping and giggling away from you two already

-’sorry’ minho apologised, rolling his eyes but moving up on the chair so that you didn't have to get off. instead you had your bum on the cushion of the chair with your legs over his lap, and the conversation continued.

-eventually, the party died down, the guys with girlfriends were stumbling around with their mouths attached to each other most definitely pursuing something further

-’well’ you sighed, rising from minho’s lap ‘i’m gonna go back before babies start to be conceived.’

-he stands up with you, smiling at your comment. ‘not a bad plan, i’ll walk you to my door’

-you make your way through the pairs of people either making out or having ‘single person banter’

-’well’ you finish as you get to minho’s front door ‘it was very nice being the only sober one with you’

-’ditto’ he grins back, nodding along.

-’bye...’ you say happily, before walking across the hall to your apartment

-you were alone in your apartment for approximately half an hour before there was another knock

-you trudge tiredly to open the door but wake up as soon as you see who it is

-’minho? what’s up?’

-he stands there nonchalantly, but there’s hints of nervousness in hs demeanour

-’erm...’ he smiles half heartedly ‘you know how you said people in there were gonna be making babies? well they’ve kind of already started in my room...think i could crash on your couch for tonight?’

-’hmmm’ you muse playfully to which he grins and rolls his eyes, sticking his tongue into the side of his cheek to convey his annoyance. ‘of course you can’ you laugh opening the door and nodding him in ‘but only because you carried my books upstairs’

-’ah of course’ he plays along, walking inside ‘we’re even now’

-’well...i don't know, i think you still owe me one really’ you cheek, closing the door behind him.

-‘oh yeah?’ he quips

-’yeah.’ you reply defiantly

-and then he’s kissing you.

-he’s clearly had something to drink since you left because you can taste the alcohol on his lips, but something tells you this isn't some tipsy fluke

-when you pull away he grins, nuzzling his nose against yours. ‘now we’re even’ he chuckles.

-he give you another quick peck before pulling away and walking to the door

-’wha- where are you going?’

-’oh, i lied about my bedroom i don't need the couch. i’ll see you tomorrow y/n’ he smirks before leaving

-and with that he was gone and you were alone with your thoughts and the taste of alcohol from his lips on yours.

it was getting a bit longgg but i can write a part two if y’all want lmao just tell me

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ruffboijuliaburnsides · 4 years

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Know You Uncomfortably Well: 5, 8, 9, 12, 23, 24, 28, 33, 35, 38, 46, 50, 67, 86, 87 (you /did/ ask for it, my friend :p)

haha I did indeed, and you are ridiculous. *cracks knuckles* HERE WE GO!

5. What is your favorite color?

Purple! Specifically purples along this sort of palatte:

8. Where are you from?

Arizona, originally! But upstate new york is legitimately where my heart lies and where Birdie and I ultimately plan to return to one day.

9. How tall are you?

5′4.75″ ...It’s actually closer to 5′4.5″ but well it all comes out about 164cm in the end.

12. What was your last dream about?

So I don’t tend to remember my dreams very well, but they always tend to be very cinematic and don’t always even involve me, though some of them do. Always there’s a plot, even if I can’t remember what the plot is.

The last one I still have some vague memory of I was living in some sort of fascist sort of 1984-ish state, but all slick and 2000s modern and stuff. And I was in a resistance with Penn & Teller for some reason? And somehow they were still celebrities? It was bizarre.

23. Have you ever met any celebrities?

I have! I think there’s only two that weren’t like. Popular Christian Musicians From The Late 90s/Early Aughts, and those were Alice Cooper (who was very nice and thought the story I told him about how when my mom was in college he performed near her and she hopped the fence at the tiny local airport his private plane had landed in and stuck her gum to the bottom of it before going to the concert was VERY funny).

And the other one I actually knew before he was a celebrity but I think it still counts? But I was kind of quasi-adopted as a little sister sort of person by Kellan Lutz’s mom? Uh, he was in the Twilight movies, I forget the guy’s name, the big jock one of the Cullens? I also babysat his younger brothers, and Kellan taught me how to play Pokemon Snap in his living room. This was when he was in high school, obviously - he was a year older than me and I thought he was super nice. I basically lived at their house for a couple years.

24. Baths or showers?

Depends on what I want/need out of it. If it’s just “I want to get clean and maybe warm”, showers every time especially if there’s not a good deep tub available. If I want to soak to help my joints/muscles hurt less or if my spoons are low for standing, then baths.

My kingdom for either a LARGE tub with a separate shower that fits a shower chair, or one of those walk-in sitting tubs with a shower attachment.

28. What type of music do you like?

ALL KINDS. Seriously, I have yet to run into a type of music that I don’t like ANYTHING from that genre, though I’m pickier about some things like heavy metal or country. But I really like kind of. Indie Rock circa the early aughts? Not even rock, just like. Indie rock/pop/folk/country/whatever that weird thing that was going on like. Norah Jones, Ingrid Michaelson, Rilo Kiley, Neko Case, Sara Bareilles... idk there’s a similar through line to a lot of them? ...Maybe it’s just they’re all girls man idk XD But also Give Me Mountain Goats. I love The Mountain Goats.

I just like songs, generally. Fuck genre, often even fuck artist bc there are many artists who I only really listen to a couple of songs from and don’t really get into the other stuff they do.

Also filk. Seanan and Vixy & Tony and SJ Tucker and all sorts of fun fantasyish folk.

33. What do you typically have for breakfast?

I mean, often “nothing”, or “I grab some crackers or a boost shake to get me through until lunch”. I don’t actually like eating right after I’ve woken up? But sometimes I’ll have cereal or toast.

35. Have you ever tried archery?

*sobs into hands* OK so when we were living in Florida, my friend Dorian and I actually used to go to an archery class every week, and it was SO FUN. But then he got a new job and couldn’t do it anymore, and he was my ride and I tried going alone but it just wasn’t the same, but I did graduate to the intermediate class before I stopped going. I MISS IT SO FUCKING MUCH.

I’d really like to take it back up again, but I don’t have anywhere to practice or anything, so it’s difficult.

38. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep?

I think 72 hours, if you don’t count 10 minutes of being conscious but just *grazing* the edges of sleep and then getting woken up again before I could actually sleep.

When the insomnia passed, I slept for like 16 hours straight with two quasi-conscious points when I went to pee.

46. What is your personality type?

Like, from a test or just in general? In general I think I’m a pretty optimistic but dreamy person. Creative, not great at motivation, prefer working alone or with one trusted partner I already know to groups, like my alone time, etc. I did take a couple personality tests to answer tho!:

(from here)

50. Left or right handed?

Right handed but I keep trying occasionally to cultivate left handedness in myself. Something I’ve been trying to do since I was like 11 (I never stick at it long enough for it to work, ftr) initially because I was deeply paranoid I would get leukemia and have to get my right arm amputated (I was a weird kid) and I wanted to not have to re-learn how to write while dealing with all that, but then moving forward just ‘cause it would be cool to be able to do, especially when like, I’m trying to do an essay test and my hand is cramping up.

67. Can you name all 50 states of America?

Well, I didn’t think so and i probably couldn’t do it without a map or a list of what I’ve already named, but I took a test and got 100% sooooo...

86. What are you allergic to?

Tylenol and cantaloupe! Also possibly aspirin. None of them like LIFE THREATENING but tylenol has increased in severity of symptoms every time I’ve taken it since I was little and the last time I tried I got a REALLY itchy throat and mouth and it felt like things were swollen and making breathing not DIFFICULT but at least very mildly obstructed, so it’s probably for the best not to take it again, y’know?

87. Do you keep a journal?

I don’t. I used to, when I was in high school I had like four thick journals that had like, those fancy cloth/beaded covers and handmade paper that was really popular for a while in the early aughts? Including one that had a leather wrap cover that was entirely in tengwar and cirith from Lord of the Rings - not from a website, but my own interpretation of the charts and linguistic information provided in the Lord of the Rings appendices. So that no one could read my diary.

I’ve lost the journals and the tengwar chart I’d made but I can more or less rebuild it with the variety of options you can find online, but it’s a sort of mishmash and I definitely didn’t stick to one language’s usage of certain letters, and I developed certain shorthand quirks - some of which were used by tolkien and some of which weren’t - that would make it very difficult to transcribe that journal even if you were working off the specific variant of the tengwar alphabet that I’d been using. I don’t think even I could do it anymore tbh, if I were to find that journal. In my defense, it’s been nearly 20 years since I kept it, so. XD

GET TO KNOW ME UNCOMFORTABLY WELL

#askbox meme #holy shit dude SO MANY QUESTIONS #the library alcove #audience with the gods

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metalchick19-blog · 5 years

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The Bowers Gang: Ship #8 - Belch Huggins

Request: I’m really tiny like REALLY. I’m 5’ feet (or 154cm I don’t know if the inches are correct). I’m redhead but not a true one because I dye them. I wear a lot of bands shirts or horror movies ones, and a lot of high waist skirts or dresses with belt and chains and a black hat all the time. My shoes are platforms from the new rock brand and sometimes I wear Santiag but it’s really rare. I always have a leather chocker around my neck with spikes on it. Peoples call me dog because of that but I don’t care because I feel good with it. I wear A TON of makeup (only because I love makeup so fucking much), and that’s usually black lipstick with red eyeshadow and eyeliner that’s all. I also have tattoos on my right tight and on my left arm. I literally can’t live without music and my favs bands are Aerosmith, Guns N’ Roses and Slash. That’s so basic I know, but I love them and I always want to dance and sing when I listen to their song, because they makes me feel so happy. I also love witchcraft and paranormal. I do believe so much in magic and ghosts and I love to walk around old abandonned places and talk about ghosts, aliens, demons ect, because for me it’s so fascinating and interesting. I’ve already played Ouija and it worked and I freaked out but loved it. Peoples think I’m a witch actually but I’m ok with that. I love watching horror movies so much, but I hate blood and gore, wich is pretty contradictory I know. I’m also scared easy even if I love all theses witchy/paranormal stuffs. Last thing is : I’m getting angry REALLY (too much) fast, and that’s a big problem because I have so many issues because of this. I do cry so much too because anger makes me cry and shake but I do love cuddles so much (not all the time but that feel good sometime to have someone who can give you hugs, that warm your heart). I do a lot of sex jokes too and my friends hates me for that but hey, it’s funny.

All the guys were attracted to you at some point, because they’re each turned on by different aspects of your style (Henry by your makeup, Patrick by your red hair, and Victor by your skirts/dresses)

But Belch (who knew he had to have you the second he saw just one of your epic band t-shirts) wound up coming out on top, because he’s the only member of The Bowers Gang with a proper respect for the greats

The greats being Axl Rose, Saul Hudson, and Steven Tyler

All the other guys might pretend to be metal-heads (because bad boy aesthetic), but Belch is the only one who legitimately deserves the title

Seriously - he’s never more confident than he is when he’s talking about his music obsessions (i.e. rock, metal, and the development of those genres), and you’re one of the very few people in the world who ever gets to see him like that

Belch dominates the floor talking-wise, and his entire body language changes; for just a few minutes, he seems to lose all pretense of being meek or uncertain

Aka: You get to meet confident Belch who knows what he’s talking about, and that’s a friggin’ miracle

You guys have insanely long, thorough debates as to which current bands should be considered “real” rock bands

These talks can last for hours at a time (because you’re both just passionate like that), and tend to take place around Belch’s kitchen bar

The two of you just sit on your stools (next to each other, like the adorable humans you are) and crack open beer after beer, completely losing track of time listening to each other’s rants

Usually neither of you notice how long you’ve been talking until the sun starts to set through the kitchen window - you’re just that into what one another is saying

Belch shows you his vinyl collection (over 500 records, all alphabetized)

This is great because 1.) that collection is Huggins’ pride and joy, which means you’re definitely his person if he wanted you to see it, and 2.) because everything sounds better on vinyl, and you never knew it until he showed you

You come over to Belch’s place almost every day after initially finding this out, because you need that ear-sex feeling of the music pulsing all around you (*Steven Tyler’s voice pulsing all around you* - definitely a mood)

... And Belch honestly loves it, because watching you dance around his bedroom is literally the highlight of his life

It was hard to get him to dance along with you the first few times you asked (he would just do a few awkward, timid movements before laughing and sitting down) but he now does it with you almost all the time

And when Huggins dances... he dances hard

We’re talking the robot, the sprinkler, everything

... Which you’ve explained to him are not moves that should be done when listening to death-metal, but he just keeps saying he “knows you love it,” and persists in doing those moves

... You do kind of love it, though

What can I say? You’ve led the man to his free spirit (and the world thanks you for doing so)

Belch also takes you to some well-known sites around town that are famous for tragedy (The Black Spot, the Ironworks Factory, etc.) so you can do paranormal investigations there

He actually almost took you to the Neibolt house once on Patrick’s suggestion, but decided to back out at the last minute because it was a Hockstetter idea

... Yeah, even Belch knows better than to trust Patrick with his physical well-being

Typically all the guys tag along for these paranormal activity trips though, because even though Belch wants to look tough for his girl, he doesn’t like the idea of scrapping with ghosties by himself

... It’s truly a hilarious sight to see

Ghost-hunting missions typically entail you and Patrick being at the front of the pack (you trying to “make contact” as Patrick actively fucks with your process) while the rest of the guys trail lazily behind you

Henry complains at least once every 3 minutes (”my fuckin’ legs hurt”/”why are we still out here” x10), Victor looks quietly at the scenery, and Belch just tries to look brave (but can’t hide how hard he’s listening to whether or not anything responds to your prompts - he’s silently praying nothing does)

Sometimes things do come through though, and it changes the atmosphere for everybody

... that is, everybody except for Patrick (who would refuse to believe in the occult even if he was levitated by Casper)

All arguing/off-handed banter comes to a stop, and the guys act way more on edge for the rest of the night

Typically involves a lot of mildly nervous looks around on Victor’s part, and flinching in response to loud noises on Henry’s - Belch is a combination of both

After close encounters like these, you all tend to walk back to the car in a much tighter group than before

Henry and Victor press in on the sides, and no one says a word

... Except for Patrick, who makes joke after joke about how big of pussies you all are, and challenges all demons in the near vicinity to fight him

He’s never been fought, but it sends you all into a frenzy of “shut up!” every time

All the guys love that they don’t have to change their regular movie aesthetic for you

Literally everything they ever watch is some type of horror, so you’ve never been more well-suited to a group of people

They don’t sit down and really watch things together very often, but they usually have a horror movie and/or violent TV show on to serve as background noise for their conversations (”Tales from the Crypt,” ”Friday the 13th” re-runs, etc.)

Regardless of whether or not you’re with the guys though, Belch always covers your eyes when he knows the next scene of the movie that you’re watching is about to be especially gory

...Seriously.

The dude physically covers your eyes.

He even flung himself across a room once (in front of the gang and everything) just to child-proof your vision before you could see the fish hook scene in “Hellraiser”

Mostly because he knows you don’t like gore, and he tends to remember when it’s about to happen at the very last second - it’s all our teddy bear can think to do to save your innocence

Now, bro - it’s totally fine that you have a temper

I can’t imagine where that would be less of a problem

Even though Belch tries hard to keep you feeling calm and collected (because he just cares about your inner peace), he’s low-key enthralled by the way you look when you’re angry

... And all the other guys just find it entertaining as hell, because they’ve never met a 5-foot powerhouse such as yourself

You get into arguments often, though.

...Often.

So often, in fact, that the guys eventually stopped letting you finish.

They tend to let you go back and forth with people you’re arguing with for a while, but if it becomes obvious that you’re not really going to fight the person, they eventually decide to move on with their day...

... at which point either Henry or Patrick will pull you away by your choker.

... Yes, by your choker. Like you’re a little dog.

Patrick did it first (”Come on, killer! We’ll find you some other crotch to bite later.” *Annoyingly satisfied Hockstetter cackle*), and Henry just followed suit afterwards.

It’s a thing now; you’ll have to accept that.

Belch gives you the best cuddles that have ever been cuddled

Seriously - because of your size, you can curl up on his gargantuan male body like a cat

Pick any cuddle position - you guys can cuddle it better than hibernating bear cubs

And you’re high-key cuter to watch, too, because your love for one another just rolls off of you both in waves

Just so wholesome, and so very adorable

Overall, you fit into the group well, and cultivate a refreshingly genuine connection with Belch

He gets to be who he really is with you, and that means more to him than anything

#henry bowers #patrick hockstetter #belch huggins #victor criss #The Bowers Gang #the bowers gang headcanons #it

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mannatea · 5 years

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Kent/Lyn, 12 & 35. Hector/Farina, 50!

Thanks for indulging me, but sorry it took me 90 years to get to it. ;P I made it extra long to remind you of the good ol’ days!!!

Kent/Lyn:

12. who do they confide in when shit hits the fan (besides each other)?

I feel like Lyn is the kind of person to have multiple go-to people, depending on the situation at hand.

She strikes me as an understanding and accommodating friend: there are some things that she just wouldn’t burden Florina with/that Florina might not be comfortable with discussing. Rank probably matters a little bit, here, because some issues don’t leave the room (or at least they stay only with the people in the room), like state secrets or the equivalent, but Florina’s perfect for regular friendship things (especially softer emotional discussions), reminiscing about the good old days, and some good old-fashioned harmless venting.

For angry venting, there’s always Sain and Wil. Sain is the right choice if she wants someone to get angry with her—you know, the supportive angry rant-with-you kind of friend who echoes your sentiment and allows you to have a dialogue with emotion! Wil is best if she wants a more neutral opinion/listener who will offer to help/give advice after the rant is over.

Depending on the setting, Wallace is a good choice for some ranting, too, but I love the thought of him being kind of like an uncle figure to her; he fills in some of the gaps about her mother she never really knew were missing, and had a real love for both of her parents that shows in the way he speaks of them; something she kind of holds onto because nobody else gets it.

Hector’s better for a sparring match than dialogue, but sometimes that’s what Lyn needs to get her mind off of things. I like to imagine he kind of ‘gets it’ when she needs to get out some frustration or something; it’s not anything she needs to talk about, but in absence of that, Lyn is the kind of person who still has to do something. If she’s looking for a word-fight she’ll go to him, too. He’s good for that, and he doesn’t (usually) take it personally.

Eliwood is a hard one to pin down, because it’s hard for me to imagine they’re really that close; I don’t think he ‘gets’ her the way most of the other characters do? He tries, though, and that counts for a lot. Also, he’s a lot like Florina in that he’s trustworthy: a good confidante. If Lyn ever needs personal advice (relationship or otherwise), I think Eliwood would be the right guy to go to for her. He wouldn’t tease or poke fun at her, and that information would NEVER reach anyone else’s ears. Ever. He’d offer diplomatic/polite advice with a smile and with an attempt to understand the situation and any important details first. He’s good at asking the right questions most of the time.

It’s been a long time since I deeply considered Lyn’s relationship to Hausen, but I think right now I’m sort of high-key imagining that they’re almost, like…fake-close? It’s not that they don’t love each other, because I think they do in their own ways, but being related or being interested in getting to know someone isn’t just a ticket to a close relationship. Not only do you have to want that, but you have to be compatible AND willing to take the time to cultivate what’s there. Lyn and Hausen both have tons of the latter, but I’m not so sure they’re compatible.

Her friendship with Kent still matters of course, so his place in this mix is probably a bit of everything, but he’s a high(er)-ranking individual she can confide in about information the others aren’t privy to…and he’s also a very good confidante (he’d rather die than betray her trust). She wouldn’t angry-vent at him too much because rather than just get emotionally hyped with her (Sain) or listen to her and offer calm, friendly advice (Wil), he strikes me as the type who wants to Fix It Right Now—even when that’s not necessarily the appropriate response. He may also kind of freeze up and Not Respond At All (when he doesn’t know how exactly he’s expected to respond), almost as a defense mechanism to avoid Responding Poorly.

–

Then you have Kent. Besides Lyn, he uh…really only has Sain.

But hey, that’s actually pretty much perfect for Kent. He’s never struck me as the kind of person who enjoys societal pleasure of any kind overmuch. It’s not that he finds it painful so much as maybe awkward? Most of his life has been in service and when he was younger and more impressionable—at the age where you learn to make friends and all that—he was more interested in impressing the adults in his life. Thus, he has only ever had one or two people to talk to about more important personal matters.

Again, it’s probably for the best. A couple of very serious and important relationships is about his maximum capacity. I don’t think he could maintain a slew of decent casual friendships (the way Lyn can), but also his bar for friendship and what constitutes a friend is very high.

Fiora is a good option for some general commiseration re: failure if he would bother to open up about it, but I don’t think either of them would do so easily. Still, they’ve both been commanding officers and I think that alone gives them something to talk about and discuss. I also feel their general morals line up, so if either of them need a rant about something other people would judge them for, they can go to each other.

Fiora and Sain are both great in that they would have Kent’s back if he needed it, so depending on how shit hit the fan, he could lean on either of them (but more easily on Sain just because that friendship has been years in the making; boon companions and all that).

He has decent relationships with some other people, though. I like to think he still looks up to Wallace, thinks well of Wil, and is on friendly terms with Florina, but I imagine his general acquaintances either stagnate or suffer because he’s not good at multitasking emotionally.

That isn’t necessarily a bad thing, though.

(I didn’t really mention Farina because...eh. I enjoy their interaction and I love writing it, but without a lot of very meaningful buildup, I wouldn’t even consider them friends.)

35. do they have any regrets (regarding the other, or just in general)?

This is a delicious question and a perfect one for Kent and Lyn. Let’s assume their paired ending:

I always take the endings (paired or otherwise) with about a grain of salt. You know: more like suggestions!

Kent and Lyn’s ending makes a reasonable amount of sense (you may have noticed that some endings just don’t ring true to characterization), but it also manages to be ridiculously open-ended. I guess at least it’s “happy.” (Unlike Canas’s. Damn blizzards.)

Anyway, Lyn abdicates and/or never assumes the throne (I guess there’s wiggle room there), Caelin’s totally fine with being absolved into Ostia (you know this is gonna happen), and they’re so chill about this that they don’t even mind Lyn running off with a former vassal. Maybe they didn’t want her ruling in the first place?

Eh, who knows.

The wording leaves room for questions/interpretative differences and all that, but the basics of it boil down to: they both go to Sacae.

This means they both give up things to go there, but we can’t pretend Kent isn’t the one making the bigger/more obvious sacrifice. He literally gives up everything except Lyn. Which, okay, the scope of it isn’t easy for a lot of people to grasp, but like, imagine leaving everything you’ve ever known and moving somewhere else with what you can feasibly carry with you on horseback.

That might not be too hard. Lots of us have moved across a country or even overseas.

Now imagine doing this, but doing it knowing full well that you may very well NEVER AGAIN hear from the people you’re leaving behind.

And not just that, but you’re leaving everything familiar to you. You don’t know the roads, the trees, the shape of the land, the colors, the smells.

Let’s talk Best Case Scenario! Even if, in good ol’ Fire Emblem-land, where farmers can be knights and all that, Kent comes from a farming background, he’d have left that behind before age 10. Again, on the BCS track, let’s say he retained a bit of that knowledge! Great! He knows a little about living off the land!

But he doesn’t know how to do it the way Lyn might know how to do it. So we have to go back to Lyn. She’s still pretty young herself, and her culture was big on group work; it’s not like anyone did the big chores alone. So Lyn almost surely has at least basic knowledge of what to do/what needs done, but 1) never would have done all of it, because roles were outlined, and 2) after a couple/few years away from it, and without the chance to grow into her role as a woman within her society, how much of the really important survival stuff does she actually remember? (Some of this depends on how old you think Lyn is and if her society felt she was an adult; either way she wouldn’t have been an adult for very long IMO, not enough to function in her society as such.)

There’s tons of stuff to explore here!!!!

Lyn in Caelin has the same problem Lyn on the plains has: she still doesn’t get to become an adult the way she always would have imagined she would. Her culture isn’t dead, but with less than ten surviving people, the chance of it fully dying out within a generation is huge. She can pass some stuff on to a child, but not everything. It’s not the same. She’s going to have to mourn this, and it may not hit her until she’s out there again and the reality of what’s missing hits her.

She could join another tribe, maybe—in theory, it might be more complicated than that—but their customs aren’t going to be the same. Heck, they might not even speak the same (exact or similar) language. (Would they even accept Kent with her? This could be something Lyn is sacrificing to bring Kent with her.)

Anyway, Lyn gets a little of what she wants going back to Sacae (at least freedom), but she doesn’t get her culture back and she doesn’t get that lifestyle back that she misses.

Kent’s making the bigger sacrifice, though, because nothing about Sacae is familiar to him.

Depending on what they try to do and where they go, it’s really easy to imagine regret existing in little bits and pieces.

Kent strikes me as the sort to very rarely have *deep* regrets. He may oftentimes ‘regret’ doing or saying something, but the bigger decisions he makes are done with conviction and never with haste, so he usually stands by them and his heart allows him peace.

That said, there’s no doubt he has regrets. I like the idea of him having a few regrets about situations where OVERALL he feels he made the best choice, but the regret stems from the negative things that happened because of that choice (having to fight his former peers/allies/teachers, for example, or fleeing and leaving his men to possibly die when Laus attacked). You know, he wanted to have his cake and eat it, too, but he couldn’t have both.

And then we have his relationship with Lyn.

I bet he low-key would have regrets about going to Sacae after-the-fact. Not the *actual* going, and certainly not in loving Lyn, but in not spending more time with his family beforehand, in not being more prepared, not asking enough questions, not bringing more supplies, not learning more of the language(s), et cetera. So much can go wrong out there without a support system. Kent’s not stupid and he’s not helpless, but he only has control over so much, and accidents happen. If they ended up in dire straights and there was little he could do to help...or was even actively hindering progress, he’d blame himself and it’d be a whole mess where he feels like he can’t contribute and he’s worthless, and then he’s depressed and miserable.

Lyn surely has regrets in general (re: her culture and her parents and all that), but I don’t think she regrets anything deeply easily (something she kind of has in common with Kent). It usually takes a lot for her to get that lingering gut-wrenching regret feeling. But you’d better believe if Kent ended up miserable she’d feel it. She’d hate being the cause of anyone she cares about’s personal pain, but it’d be a little extra awful if she’s fairly content out there and Kent isn’t.

I rambled too much and my head hurts so I’m not sure if any of this makes good sense, but I think there’s a lot of room for regret within their lives and even their relationship—especially if things go poorly for them. Not the loving part, of course, but the part where they pursued something and because of that their partner isn’t happy anymore (or accepted anymore, or whatever).

Hector/Farina:

50. if one of them were to come back after a long time, who would come to who? would it go well? would the other person take them back?

The only one who would probably ‘come back after a long time’ is Farina, because Hector’s pretty much tied to his canton after the end-game, so I gotta go with that.

As to if it would go well or not, well, I’m pretty sure I’ve RP’d like 30 variations on this theme (LMFAO), but the biggest factors are: their relationship with each other, and time.

If Hector was kinda into her and she acted like she was fine with that and then flew off for 10 years and came back trying to act like nothing was wrong... Well, it wouldn’t go well. I mean, not at first anything. (Nothing a good RP couldn’t fix, though. :B)

At that point in time, though, for an example to work with, it’s hard to say if Hector would ‘take her back.’ He may be unable to do so officially (married, busy running a country that’s falling apart at the seams, he has a daughter to worry about) and/or emotionally unwilling to let her back in. (Though this depends a lot on their former relationship and how she left/if she ever wrote to him or visited, if feelings were confessed, a lot of what-ifs, tbh.)

It also depends on how lonely he is. It gets clear that Hector and Eliwood get super busy and don’t even get to see each other regularly after the end of the game, so it’s possible that Hector would desire contact with someone who Gets Him (or at least Gets What He’s Been Through). The FE7 endgame is pretty much the opposite of FE8′s: it’s like nobody even knew it was happening and they gotta go back to their cantons like they didn’t just fight a whole ass dragon; he might be happy to have someone he can talk to about that again (in the event that his former vassals may no longer be in his direct employ and/or Farina fought by his side that day).

#markoftheasphodel #answered mail #fe7 hour #long post #sorry binches i warned ya

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deeeelightfuldee · 3 years

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What’s the earliest you could go to bed at night and feel okay about?

in my best dreams id love to go to bed at like 745/8. but my brain doesnt shut down like that, and i tend to be very productive at night. Maybe one day tho

What is you favorite type of lunch meat?

uhhhhh turkey

What time of the year do you dislike the most?

summer heat.

Do you put ketchup on your scrambled eggs?

ew no.

What is your favorite color to wear?

so I have historically worn a lot of darker colors but I’m trying to be intentional about making my life romantic and I need to introduce more color.

Are you an overachiever?

in most respects, yes

What physical feature do you wish you had (i.e. freckles, curly hair)?

smaller size, sharper jawline, thicker hair (not a LOT thicker, just mildly)

What fictional character (i.e. Bambi, Scarlette O'Hara) would you marry?

mr. darcy omfggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg.

Did you ever go through a phase where you wrote bad poetry?

no. never

What is your favorite thing about your life?

that no matter what, God has always provided and had a better plan

Have you ever painted a picture of somebody?

as a kid, all the time.

Did you enjoy your past relationships?

in most respects. each of them was good for a time.

Name a comedy that you like.

four christmases

Could you wait until marriage for sex?

that was the plan

What was the last thing that impressed you?

ummm that the plumber was able to get the roots out of the drain as easily as he did.

When was the last time you were in a pet store?

last summer. We were going to get benny a little bro/sis but with covid everyone was adopting animals like crazy out here.. so the ones they had were on these enormous wait lists where you would go thru an interview, a HOME INSPECTION, and had to bring all your other animals in to meet said rescue. it was ridiculous.

What nationality is your last name?

dutch

What’s your favorite kind of chips and dip?

ems crack dip with uhhh the wavy lays

Who was the last boy that you saw cry?

uhh hm. hmmmmmmm... I honestly can’t recall

Does your mom know you do surveys?

I dunno, tbh

Have you ever had a serious injury?

I mean, somewhat. Not anything I discuss tho lol

What was the last thing you achieved?

surviving vid!

Would you enjoy being famous?

i doubt it. I’m pretty introverted and even though I get along very easily with people, my batteries charge best when im by myself or home. I would very much like the income though lol.

What’s under your bed?

I plan to go thru it soon! I’m trying to gather all my kile memories and I know I have like jewelry paperwork, cards from flowers, letters, etc. that need to be pulled. :(

Do you enjoy travelling?

Love it.

Have you ever belonged to a club? If so, what was it?

absolutely. thats a long, long list. lots of academic, Christian, honors, volunteer, and youth group types.

When was the last time you drank strawberry milk?

oh geez, maybeeeeeee 15 years?

Have you ever managed to collect all the fast food toys in a set?

no. that was never my thing.

Do you have a clock in your room?

No. My old cable box had the besttttttt time light. I miss having a small clock. I mentioned this to mom how we spent like forever looking for replacements after we changed cable providers. We didn’t want red or green, but the white. Now this makes me want to find one for my room. mom has a google device so shes set lol.

Did you have a good driver’s ED teacher?

I had the most phenomenal teacher. tho when it came to actual driving appointments (after the class periods) I often got paired with this older fella who constantly berated me over being homeschooled and telling me he was going to report me to the state. eventually I stood up to him, handed him the HSLDA contact card (home school legal defense association) and encouraged him to report me all he wanted. he stopped attacking me finally. it was awful. but the other gentleman was hilarious and fun.

Which of Britney Spears’ songs is your favorite?

ohhhhhh mer gersh i love so many of her songs. this answer would definitely change depending on the week but this week its a tie between gimme more and circus.

Does mind over matter work for you?

in most respects

Are you paranoid?

i can be at times.

What is the best thing about winter?

OOOOOoo good gravy this is a long list. I love the calm. I love the way the air is thick and cold and how quiet it becomes. I love hearing the sound of snow falling. I love the glitter haze it leaves. I love the way it feels like the house wraps you up in a warm hug when you come in from the cold. I love the way candles and a fire in the fireplace make everything so cozy. I love the glow of twinkling lights, white and colored, just casting the most beautiful and dreamy cast on the neighborhood. I love the food and drinks that make you feel full and ready for a deep sleep. I love the clothes and the bundling up, the scarves, the hats, the mittens. I love the music and the way no matter where you go, there are carols playing the sweetest love songs. I love the way decorations come up and people display their much-loved memories in the form of ornaments on their trees. I love seeing the elaborate wrapping styles of packages around the tree and filling up the stockings. I love seeing the snowmen and igloo designs displayed with pride in the front yards around town. I love the way the world gets dark so early, yet.. there is light reflecting off the mounds of snow. I love the way the early night allows for early comfy flannel pajamas and thick wool socks and sleep. I love the curling up under a giant mound of blankets and reading a book. I love thinking about the joy on other’s faces when they open gifts that were cultivated for their happiness. I love the rereading of the beloved passages of scripture where we recall the reason for the season. I just love it all.

Have you ever been truly in love?

yes. 2 times, how lucky I was.

Are you currently planning a trip?

I was not. I probably could stand to be home for a bit.

How many plants are in your home?

honestly, no clue at this point. I’ve been locked away coming up on a month. I dunno how many we have right now.

What is your favorite possession?

hmm. boy this is hard. It used to be my ring kile got me. I feel weird saying my favorite things are from him lately, so maybe my stained glass lamp.

Have you ever felt like you were too nice and way too often overlooked?

I am a nice person majority of the time and I would say I have been overlooked from time to time but I definitely do not behave nicely in order to be noticed.

What movies have tripped you out?

eh, I’m not entirely sure.

Did you rollerblade as a kid? Do you still rollerblade?

nope. I was so prone to breaking my ankles that it just absolutely was not for me. I tried a couple times, but couldn’t grasp the hang of it.

Would you ever settle into a relationship that wasn’t right for you? Do you know friends who are in relationships just so they have someone to sleep with at night?

no. this life is way too precious and too short to be spent laying next to someone who isn’t right for me. I have no intentions of settling. I do know of friends who have settled just to have someone near. It makes me so sad. The thought of settling like that just destroys me. Not to mention how unfair it is to the other person. Idk. Just sad sad sad.

Would you take a dirty picture of yourself for someone you are dating?

no nudity.

Do you use earplugs or a sleeping mask when you sleep?

no. I would be way too distracted by that. I also don’t like things touching my face.

What summertime treats do you love?

ummm watermelon. popsicles.

How picky are you when it comes to choosing who to kiss or not kiss?

oooo boy im so ridiculously picky about it. In fact, one guy i was seeing for a few dates... i was like unsure of him and he wanted to kiss so bad and I just avoided it everytime lol.

What do you hate most about moving?

I’ve only done a temporary move. I don’t know that it’s the same.

Do you feel that having sex anywhere but a bed is more exciting?

I think that I’d be down for it if I were married, but I think its most intimate when its in private lol

Do you drink 5 hour energy drinks or any other kinds of energy drinks?

Nope. It’s just not my thing. I’m never lacking that much energy.

Has anyone ever whistled at you?

yes.

Do you like scarves?

love them.

Is your father homophobic?

I’m not sure. I haven’t got a clue.

Do you take gummy vitamins?

sometimes. its my preferred method

Have you ever applied make-up on a guy, for any reason at all?

not that I can recall. ohhhhhh maybe when i was in theater and we needed to put like color on their faces to ensure they wouldn’t be washed out by the harsh lighting.

Who would you like to meet before you die?

no one. those who want to meet me, should meet me lol

If your dream was to be a model, and a big opportunity came up, but you had to be nude, would you take it?

nah.

What’s the most ridiculous conspiracy theory you’ve ever heard of?

oh there have been so many. I just ignore them. I don’t see sense in letting my mind be corrupted by that

If Heaven and Hell exists, where are you going when you die?

heaven!

Who is the person that you are afraid of losing, above everyone else?

mom!

What is one thing that pisses you off pretty much everyday?

the bathroom lol

Is there anyone you know that you feel should consider therapy?

everyone. everyone and anyone would benefit from therapy.

Do you like any of the songs on Twilight, or the actual movie/saga itself?

I’ve never seen it so I couldn’t tell ya.

How old was the first person you kissed?

at the time? I was 16 he was ...... 19

Will you be a strict parent one day?

strict? no. I’ll have rules and such but I’m a very loving caregiver... not to be cocky

Last person to stand up for you?

I wish i could tell you. I’ve never been the kind that requires someone else to protect me like that. but man, it has to feel good to know someone else is willing to go to those lengths.

Have you been to a baby shower?

many times.

Who were you with the last time you went to the movie theater?

My sister

What’s your favorite high school memory?

hmm, there are so many i loved.. probably the trips.

Do you like relationships, or do you prefer to be single?

i love being single, but miss the connection from a relationship

What is one adventurous thing you’d be willing to do?

hot air balloon.

What subject at school did you absolutely hate?

freakin math

Italian food or Chinese food?

Chinese. ugh, I’d kill for some if they had GF soy sauce options

Do you like to make flash cards when you study?

sometimes, it depends on what I’m using them for. often I’ll just write like Question Answer type patterns in my notebook and then use a coversheet. I hate losing notecards.

Has anyone ever told you that you’re a good singer?

yeah but I don’t sing like that anymore.

Do you ever watch TED talks, live or online?

I used to a lot,not anymore so much.

I dare you to write the name of a person you strongly dislike.

no thank you

Biggest trouble you’ve ever gotten into at school?

none really on my behalf. one girl completely plagiarized my work and that led to some drama, but beyond that nothing.

Do you own one of those “professional” DSLR cameras?

no, I’m not that sort of wealthy.

Does it bother you when you see a 6th grader with a bunch of gadgets?

I mean, part of me thinks that its just kinda sad for the kid to not have simple pleasures instead of needing all the finest gadgets,

Did you buy yearbooks every year in high school, or did you not bother?

n/a

Do you have Restless Legs Syndrome?

Jalapeños: yay or nay?

yay most of the time.

Did you ever play Minecraft?

uhhhh only when my nephews ask me to for like 5 mins lol

Did you ever have a Club Penguin account? Were you a member?

I didn’t.

Do you know anyone that seems to not have any common sense?

yes. some people just seem very... unaware.

What do you think is the biggest injustice that was ever done to you?

assault

What type of person angers you the most?

those who feel it is OK for them to assault another person in order to gain what they want or to release what they desire to release

If you could change your appearance, how would you alter it?

I’d want to be smaller. thicker hair. probably invisalign so I can correct my bite.

Describe your first relationship?

he was ... fascinating to me. He allowed me to have my guard down. He made me laugh, he made me blush, but he made me feel like I was constantly safe. He was wounded from his previous marriage but he was.. so worth mending. However, we were long distance and he just wasn’t able to do that. He needed more than I was able to offer him at the time.

Describe your last relationship?

OK so relationship is such a widely defined word. I’m going to describe the last person I was personally committed to. He was my other half. He was pretty vain and conceited when I first got to know him. Constantly concerned with his work and nothing but his work. However, along the years he developed into the most kind, generous, patient, extremely loving man. He changed all sorts of his former ways. He began investing in his character and taking the time to better himself. It was so incredible to watch. We created a bond where he was my world. I thought I was his. but we ended over him having a relationship for years that I knew nothing about. it’s weird, this quote from jane eyre reminds me of him...

“I have a strange feeling with regard to you. As if I had a string somewhere under my left ribs, tightly knotted to a similar string in you. And if you were to leave I'm afraid that cord of communion would snap. And I have a notion that I'd take to bleeding inwardly. As for you, you'd forget me.”

Can you honestly say that you always practice safe sex?

I didn’t get the option to do so when it was happening.

Why do you think your most favorite film touches you so deeply?

ps i love you just tears me to shreds over how effing painful it is to lose someone you love.

What do you want people you meet for the first time to think about you?

that I was kind and friendly, warm and inviting.

Do you feel protective over someone?

yes. my loved ones. my family members. my close friends.

What perfume/cologne do you wear?

ummm either very sexy night, or refuge.

What was the color of the bridesmaid dresses of the last wedding you went to?

a very deep, dark red/maroon. super lovely

What is your favorite way to eat chicken?

CHICKEN SANDWICH< preach

It is your birthday. You hope the cake is:

omg i crave regular birthday cake. gluten free cake so far has been quite disappointing.

What were you doing at 8pm last night?

nothing.

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codyboolman · 4 years

Text

How To Save A Relationship When She Wants Out Fascinating Useful Ideas

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30 Days To Save Your Marriage

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5 Ways To Save A Relationship

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#How To Save A Relationship When She Wants Out Fascinating Useful Ideas #Can We Avoid Divorce

0 notes

mitsukiis · 6 years

Note

19 - 21 :')

42 character development questions!

you and haru are going to make my brain super strong ;;w;; this also got pretty long again but i hope it’s cohesive…most of it was written at night and i started getting tired in some places….;; again sorry for the rambling askldjas i don’t know how to write good

19. How do they behave within a group? What role(s) do they take? Does this differ if they know and trust the group, versus finding themselves in a group of strangers? Why?

this one is a little bit easier than the others bc mitsuki already has a job! mood maker!! though it’s no fun to just stop there :v he gives yamato advice (maybe more of his philosophy) and talks to nagi when their restricted from IDOLiSH7 work. i don’t know if i can describe it right so i’ll just say mitsuki also takes on a big brother “““persona”““ for everyone too. with a group of strangers things are going to be awkward (for lack of a better term) at first; being the MC on “An ID♡LiSH Night With You!” helps of course. what’s better than keeping the conversation going ahah.

i mean with such high energy you’d expect him to get along with a lot of people!! ;w;

20. What kind of individual relationships do they have with others, and how do they behave in them? How are they different between intimate relationships like friends, family, and lovers versus more impersonal relationships?

im actually going to start with iori/familyi just barely touched on it in the last ask but even though mitsuki believes iori to be the “better” brother, he still cares and respects iori. he wants to protect him. OF COURSE THAT DOESN’T STOP BROTHERLY ANTICS like mitsuki using iori’s ticklish nature against him or THIS LITTLE GEM FROM STORY 1 CHAPTER 9,1Mitsuki: That’s right, I forgot. Today is the most important day…… I got a very important first-time experience today!Iori: …..and what’s that?Mitsuki: Comforting my crying little brother with a hug!Iori: Wa……–Mitsuki: It’s fine, don’t worry….your older brother is here!Mitsuki: You worked hard, didn’t you Iori? You worked really hard.Iori: ….., ……s……stop it! It’s embarrassing……i just want fun iori and mitsuki antics ww it could be very soft and sillyi think it’s also important to say that i think he gets along pretty well with their parents (i mean they drink together…that takes Guts) and their grandmother

of course with the rest of i7 i could go on for AGES bc THERE’S 6 OF THEM + STAFF (i.e banri, tsumugi, otoharu) SO I HAVE TO KINDA WING IT.for the other younger members, he definitely has a Big Brother vibe–Izumi Mitsuki: We finally got everyone together, despite how busy it’s been lately. Izumi Mitsuki: Tamaki, I’ll be watching TV in my room, so if you get hungry just eat what’s in the pot. Make sure to leave some for everyone else, though.Yotsuba Tamaki: Okie.Izumi Mitsuki: Don’t play too many games!Yotsuba Tamaki: Okay.

and

【MITSUKI】： No, that’s not it at all. Look, it’s because he coughs a lot.For me personally, being able to check on Riku’s health gives me peace of mind.【TSUMUGI】： Is that so……. How has his condition been recently?【MITSUKI】： Ever since it’s started getting colder, it’s been worse than before, maybe.When it sounds painful I’ll get up to go check on him, but every time I’ll bump into Iori in front of the door. Iori always tells me to go back to sleep and sends me back to my room, though.【TSUMUGI】： You’ve been looking after him, then, Mitsuki-san.【MITSUKI】： ‘Cause I’m right next door—. I’ve studied a variety, and I’ve set up a variety of countermeasures, so if anything happens I’m always telling him to contact me without hesitation.That’s why, it’s alright.

kinda help describe what i mean. he wants to protect them too ;;the older members are little bit trickier so i’m cherry picking yamato bc REALLY this could on Forever ;; but the best i could do was from the rabbit hoodie rabbit chat (5/5) (any part really but this one had All the Boys so…)

【YAMATO】： I heard a bunch of embarrassing stories about you from your friends, Mitsu.【MITSUKI】： Get smashed and forget everything, you old fart.

btu also【MITSUKI】： Honestly you guys—!【YAMATO】： What’s honestly about it. Mitsu, you’re a bit lacking in awareness.【MITSUKI】： ‘Bout what?【YAMATO】： Awareness of how much you’re loved.【YAMATO】： For just whose sake do you think all of these people are gathered in this damn cramped living room for?【MITSUKI】： You bastard……..【MITSUKI】： Stop trying to make me cry even though you’re completely dead drunk……..

please call an ambulance bc im actually flooding the house with my cryingthis is the happiest group of boys i’ve ever seen i love ;; ;; ;; ;; ;;

21. What kind of relationships do they tend to intentionally seek out versus actually cultivate? What kind of social contact do they prefer, and why?

THIS IS THE ONE THAT I REALLY STRUGGLED WITH BECAUSE I REALLY DON’T KNOW WHAT I WANT(ED) TO SAY;;w;; i had to...look up social contact....perhaps i’ll try to make this quick since i’ve already taken so much time doing everything else,,,

most relationships would be for good will and friendship. of course mutual respect and love are very important too; without good chemistry, it wouldn’t be as fun!!you could say the mitsuki’s cultivated relationships already have all that though ;w;

#me: cites more sources bc im wea k #cries how do i #aaa i took too long didn't i ;;#im not very good at this #{mun meme}#nijinookakera

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kaniacqueen · 5 years

Text

Leverage International: The Diner Job Ch. 15 Blown Open

The booze was flowing and the party was getting rolling. “Alright, guys, I know it’s early, but it looks like things are getting going. Anybody getting a good foothold?” Parker asked as she ran a couple empty wine and liquor bottles to the back.

Savannah finished filling a few glasses and answered as she paced back to the kitchen to check on another round of canapes. “Eliot’s got Yavetz engaged pretty well. I’m picking up on the fact that his crew doesn’t really approve of pursuing Tazze e Ciotole. They’re more interested in restarting Blue Suns from Italy.” There was an obvious tone of disgust in her voice.

“Okay, yeah, we can work with that. Dissent and we didn’t even have to create it,” Parker mused as she opened another bottle of wine.

Eliot raised his glass to his lips and spoke as quickly and quietly as possibly as possible. “This kid Borroni that’s kind of sitting off to the side. He’s technically the lowest man on the totem pole, but he’s well liked. I think he and Yavet’s right-hand, Zetticci, have a history, grew up together some kinda way, closer than the others. If we can get him get him engaged directly...”

Parker had already caught on. “Hardison, you--”

“Already on it,” Hardison said with glee as he mixed himself a generous drink with gin and plopped down next to Borroni with a painted look of disgruntled exasperation. Parker slid into a cluster of the ladies that accompanied several of the crew but had now broken off in their own group to gossip. Enough alcohol was flowing that they could integrate themselves into the gathering rather than supervise it. Eliot leaned over, put his hand on the back of Savannah’s thigh and pulled her into his lap. If he was going to sit through this Neanderthal’s party, he was going to enjoy himself at least a little. He could see masked contempt on Yavetz’s face, and he enjoyed that too.

Liquor flowed, manipulations ensued, and dissent was cultivated, slowly but surely. It wasn't quick enough to incite a bottle-breaking brawl, but Eliot watched the faces around him get more and more irritated as they glanced between comrades and Yavetz.

Hardison had a few others roped in with Borroni, including the growing attention of Zetticci. Borroni got to his feet and made his way towards Yavetz with intent. Zetticci stopped him on his way. He didn’t appear to be interfering so much as colluding. He then got to his feet as well and stepped up to Yavetz with Borroni and a few others as well. “We decide it's time to tell you this. We do not like that you try to buy Tazze e Ciotole.” It appeared they were speaking English for the benefit of the non-fluent American owners. “Many of us grow up with Tazze e Ciotole and we do not want it to become place of business. This is place to feel at home. Most of time businesses under control of businessmen like you, they burn out quickly. People, they do not like dealing with businessmen like you. People will not come to Tazze e Ciotole if you buy it. You will ruin this town we call home.”

As Zetticci spoke, Yavetz face became redder and more bulbous. He spewed a string of vulgar Italian profanity, some of which even Eliot didn’t catch as he made obviously offensive gestures. He poked at Zetticci’s “Why you tell me now after all these years, you no like the way I do business, ah? You think I don’t care enough to take care of Tazze e Ciotole? You think is not my home too? How you can--”

Yavetz was interrupted by his date and a few of the other women getting to their feet. “So it's true. You want to take over Tazze e Ciotole? Is not just silly rumors? You want to turn home into your business, ah? What’s a matter with you, Kilmer?”

Then there was the sound of a wine bottle being forcibly broken and the last of its contents ejecting onto the floor. The four Americans stealthily stepped back to let the fight ensue for a brief period, just enough to scare Yavetz before they broke it up. As politely as possible, they cleared the “party guests” and started cleaning up. Eliot held Yavetz back, making sure he could watch his crew leave. The former boss man was visibly shaken.

“You alright, Kilmer?” Eliot asked, condescension sneaking into his tone.

“I feel I need a drink,” he answered.

Eliot looked around, shook his head, and patted the man on his shoulder. “I think there's been enough drinkin’ tonight. How about tomorrow?”

Yavetz slumped. “Perhaps you are right.”

“Do you need me to call someone for you, buddy?”

He shook his head and pulled out a phone that was a bit dated. “Thank you, friend, but no. Despite the beliefs of your guests, there are still a few out there who are loyal to me.” And with that half bit of information. Eliot decided to worry about it later and help finish cleaning up.

The cleaning finished and Eliot waved Hardison and Parker out the door, looking around for Savannah. He knew she had helped clean up, but suddenly she was nowhere to be found. He went in the kitchen with no results and circled back to the dining room before calling for her, “Savannah?”

“I'm up here,” she told him. He looked up to the source of her voice. She was a little ahead of him, lounging in the rafters. He took a few quick steps, jumped, and pulled himself into the rafters with her.

“What’s up?” he asked.

She sighed and pulled her good knee close to her chest. They say there a while in silence until she sighed and said, “Eliot, I want to be with you but I'm scared.”

He gave it a moment before asking, “Of what?”

She ran her fingers through her hair and stared at her feet. “Eliot, I have never done anything like this. Not with a man. My only experience with romance was Dani, and we were kids in a fucked up boarding school seeking solace in hell. Up until a few years ago when you drove that truck into my life, I never envisioned romance in my life. This is all so new to me. I don't know what I’m doing. And I see Parker and Hardison moving forward and taking these huge steps, and I don't know if--”

He shook his head and put his hand up as if to physically cut her off. “Savannah, we’re not Parker and Hardison. They've been together a lot longer than us, they've known each other longer, they danced around each other. We don't need to follow them. We don't need to compete with them. Our relationships are separate. I'm not going to chase you down with a ring just because Hardison proposed.”

There was a restrained sigh. “That's actually comforting. I just...I don't know. I'm still so terrified that I'm not doing right by you.”

Eliot pushed some of his hair back. “Well, I feel like you’ve been sending mixed messages. I mean, you won't keep your hands off me, but you clam up when I ask you to talk.”

Savannah’s cheeks flushed and she pressed her face against her bent knees. “I didn't want to push you away, but I didn't know how to tell you I was scared. I figured if I...was affectionate, you maybe wouldn't freak out.”

“It didn't work,” he said flatly. Then he broke and started laughing. She laughed too, then her eyes got glassy as the laughter died.

“Eliot, I was a fugitive for over a decade and this still feels like the most terrifying thing I’ve attempted. I dealt with chemical hallucinations of war and watching everyone I love die, but this, I'm unsure. I just...I worry that--”

He touched a finger to her lips and took her hand. He shook his head. “I love you,” he said deliberately, trying to emulate her ability to speak volumes with as few words as possible. Her face softened. She understood him. In some way. She brushed his hand from her face and leaned in to kiss him. She leaned a bit too hard, and her began losing his balance on the rafter. She reached for him; he reached for her. Both their free hands reached for the same beam to keep them from falling, pinkies brushing. They were safe.

#Leverage #leverage fan fiction #Leverage International #Leverage fan fic #Eliot Spencer #Alec Hardison #Parker

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berevityandquiet · 7 years

Text

the breakup

i’ve been talking about this fic off and on on twitter.

i was really, really inspired by Obsession by mcgenji on ao3 - i looovvee that fic, it’s got such an amazing grasp of emotion. it’s a real breath of fresh air in writing in my opinion.

this is, of course, an unedited drabble bc when have i ever finished a fic.

He tells him “it's over” over lukewarm cups of coffee.

Time doesn't really stop as much as it does slow. It's late evening, there are a few clouds in the sky. It may rain soon – the weather's been fairly temperamental lately.

“I'm sorry.” Genji says quietly. He won't look Jesse in the face – eyes studying the grain on the wood table, tears dripping down his cheeks.

Jesse hears the reasons why. The standard “it's not you, it's me.”, the “I still want to be friends”, the “I just don't think this will work.” He hears ten dollar words that just scream “boredom” and “dull”, and christ it hurts and yeah, in his brain, he knows that's not what Genji's saying.

But it's what it feels like.

“Please understand-” Genji starts again, starting to look up, but it's all Jesse can do to not just walk out.

So he puts his hat back on his head and slaps on the biggest grin he can and says

“Aw, it's all right – I gotcha.”

“You do?” Genji continues to cry – Jesse wants to. Wants to curl up in bed and bury his head in his dog's fur and cry until he's bled dry, but he doesn't. He grips the back of the chair and pushes it slowly back in place.

“'Course I do. Friends?”

Genji actually smiles. Soft, watery-eyed, and miserable, but he does smile and says, “Yes. Yes of course.”

And Jesse takes his leave under the guise of “Gotta run, gotta go to an appointment.”

He walks home in a daze, enters his apartment, and doesn't leave for three days.

- - -

“I'm sorry.” Sombra says softly – there's no mockery in her voice. Instead, it's...sad , “You guys were so-”

“Somb. Please.” Jesse grits out, gripping her thigh. He's got his head in her lap, staring at the ceiling, his beard wild and unkempt, “Please just...don't.”

And so she doesn't – she turns on Netflix and they spend the night quietly watching crime documentaries and eating greasy pizza.

- - -

The first few days are hell.

The next month is hell.

Genji wants to be friends, so they stay friends. A week after The Incident (so-dubbed by Sombra), Genji texts him hello.

It takes him half a day to respond. But eventually, he replies “Hi!” with a smiley emoji. All he wants to be is left alone, but Genji was part of his life for years.

He's still in love, he repeats every night, staring up at the ceiling and running the moment over and over and over in his head. So many things left unsaid, so many loose ends. In his dreams he drops to his knees and begs and as he brushes his teeth, he daydreams lines: “That's fine, fuck you too” or “Yeah, I was getting bored too” or even “Please, please don't let this be the end for us.”

He sits in his room and listens to more Mahler than his healthy. That is, until Fareeha storms his apartment, steals all his cd's and tells him he's not allowed to listen to the “sad stuff” anymore.

And then he listens to Debussy.

And Davis.

And Frank – and Parton. And Collins and Gabriel worms their way in, calling to the Solsbury Hills and the Odds respectively. His house virtually becomes a museum to music, because that's what he's always clung to in times of hardship. Clung to it when his parents divorced, clung to it when his dog died, clung to it when he lost his arm and he clings to it now, as he throws away pictures of Genji and him, deletes them off his phone. He can't stand to look at them anymore, can't fight the metallic-y, blackberry taste in his mouth. Dolly sings about Jolene and here he is, sobbing about a lost love – the irony is palpable.

- - -

The first month is bad. And then it becomes... okay.

- - -

“Look, you've been stuck in your house all week.”

Lucio stands in the doorway, a crutch wedged in the space between. He won't go away, no matter how many times Jesse tells him he doesn't want to go out, “It's not healthy man. You're gonna die in there and stink up the joint.”

“Thanks.” Jesse grumbles, half hidden behind the door.

“You know what I mean.” Lucio frowns (and wow, it looks so...unnatural) “I know you're in a bad place, but you've gotta walk outside sometime.”

“I walk outside.”

“Walking back and forth to work doesn't count.” Lucio rolls his eyes, “As your friend, I'm giving you fair warning – you either come with us, or I send Jamie in here and you'll have to fend him off.”

“You are such an ass.”

“You'll thank me.”

The threat of having Jamie “Junkrat” Fawkes rolling into his apartment is enough to make him toss on some jeans and join his friends for a night.

And so they paint the town red.

First by going to the all-night grocery shop and pushing Hana in the cart through the isles, laughing amongst each other at the bizarrely overpriced items and buying way too much candy. And then sit at the towns square, hanging on the fountain, shooting the shit, and throwing pieces of candy at one another. Hana turns out Queen too loud and a passing police officer frowns at them, but it's summer and the entire town's outside enjoying the clear sky.

Sitting with his friends, watching the stars crawl across the sky, the ache goes from a sharp stab to a dull ache. He almost feels normal again – Jamie falls into the fountain and they get yelled at by the same passing officer who tells them “Act like adults!”

They all snigger behind their hands as he storms off – he's on one of those roomba things, what are they called again?

(“A segway, dummy.”

...he'd had that fight Genji.

It was entirely in jest – but it was their second date. They were going to this high-end Italian place that Jesse had to fight tooth-and-nail to get a reservation at. Jesse couldn't remember the name of the machine, so he juggled between “them scooter motherfuckers” and “them roomba fuckermothers” and Genji...

Genji had laughed so hard he had to stop and catch his breath.

In the end, the Italian food was so bland they'd left the restaurant and got McDonalds and sat in the booths and stole each other's fries)

It...didn't hurt as bad to remember that. Stung, just like an old paper cut stings when you turn it wrong but...not as bad. Jamie shakes the water off and gets drops everywhere and Jesse takes a moment to look down at his phone.

Genji S. - 10:45 PM

You guys look like you're having fun.

Jesse looks up, looks around and catches Genji's eye as he walks out of the bakery across the way. He's out with Angela, both of them ladened with brown paper bags.

(Probably full of those donuts he likes so much, Jesse thinks briefly)

Genji smiles and waves at him.

Jesse forces a smile and waves and turns back to the group, trying to swallow down the lump in his throat. He doesn't invite them over – neither do his friends, who all wave and yell “Hi!” and Genji...

Genji waves back and follows Angela back to his car.

It's an awkward moment – they're all friends, technically, all part of one group. They're not taking sides – neither Jesse or Genji would want that.

(But deep, deep down, Jesse hopes they would pick him. Genji probably thinks the same.)

Lucio swipes the phone from Hana and tells them that he's been working on a new tune and quickly turns to his youtube page, blasting his music.

The papercut sting spreads.

But Jesse's okay.

- - -

“You sure I can't drive you home?”

Jamie's boyfriend is tall and intimidating, but his voice is soft as he speaks to Jesse.

“Naw. I only live five minutes 'way, I'd be wastin' yer gas.” Jesse waves him off, plopping his hat back on his head, “'Sides, it's one hell of a night. I wouldn' wanna miss this for the world.”

Jesse sees Hana and Lucio's car pulls out of the parking lot and Jamie is dozing in Mako's passenger side seat.

Mako nods and then Jesse's alone once more.

- - -

On the walk home he pays Pearl Jam and walks around his neighborhood until all the lights in his apartment die down.

- - -

The one thing they never tell you about a breakup is that it's really no different them coping with the death of a loved one.

It's the death of a relationship. The death of something you grew and cultivated for a significant amount of time – of course you would need to grieve.

And just like grief, you don't just go through each step in a row. Occasionally, you go back and forth, ping ponging as your brain struggles to cope.

Jesse's finding himself in anger now – that bitch, that whore, after all he's done, all he's given up. He storms around his apartment and throws books off of shelves, grabs a bottle of whisky and slams it on the floor.

He curls on his couch and clutches his pillows as his dog slinks up to him, terrified, and licks his bare arm. In one motion, Jesse reaches out and grabs the pup up, burring his face into Soldier's fur.

It's one of those lines that play in his head over and over and over, until he can't take it anymore.

We can still be intimate.

Like that's all Jesse wanted in the first place. Like that's all he cared for when they were together. Like that was what Jesse wanted from Genji in the first place.

We can still be intimate.

The idea makes Jesse sick.

And moreso, it makes him angry.

Was that really all Genji saw in him? The entire time they dated, did he really think that's what Jesse cared about? Not about his family, not about his hopes and dreams, no, just his ass?

Jesse cries into Soldier, falls asleep with the dog licking his tear stained face.

And in the morning, he gets up slowly, opens his window to the sounds of the street, and cleans his apartment up as best he can.

#mcgenji #i'm keeping my line separators here bc i've noticed when i added a horizontal line in this theme it won't show up #gotta find a new theme i guess?#i wanted to post this so i could work on other fic #just gotta wipe a little dust off this blog brb #unedited drabbles

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