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galaxythreads · 4 months

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Loki had no right to envy thor and praise the ground frigga walked on when odin was a shitty dad to all three of his kids

Alright! Time to talk about something that is not discussed enough: jealousy between siblings that grew up in parental abuse/neglectful situations.

As someone who grew up in an abusive/neglectful environment and has siblings, + knows many people who have the same set of parameters, jealousy between siblings is sort of natural byproduct because guess what!

Parents never, never, never abuse/neglect every kid in their family in exactly the same way.

My parents were awful to my siblings in ways they weren't to me, but I'm jealous of the good things they did to for them because they didn't do that with me (i.g. when I was looking for a job last year, i got yelled at every time I failed; when my sister was looking for a job, my parents were very present for her emotionally and assured her she was doing the best she could when she didn't get the job. Their patience was absurd to me) Stuff like that + bigger things. If we were neglected/abused in exactly the same way, my sister would have gotten yelled at, too, or I would have gotten support, but it didn't happen like that because parents don't DO that, even in healthy environments, parents are never the same parents to their kids.

Likewise in ways they were awful to my siblings, they were LESS awful to me, so my siblings are jealous of that. when you're raised in an environment where you have to fight for love and scraps of affection when your parents are in a parenting mood, you are always jealous when someone manages to get the scrap. Like yes, your siblings (often) become your closest friends and confidants in that situation because there's no one else who understands it like they do, but because the abuse/neglect is so different for everyone, it causes resentment.

So here's the thing: Thor, Hela, and Loki were not abused in the same way. Loki can have an amazing, healthy relationship with Frigga (he does not, but we can pretend for a moment) and Thor is fighting for scraps of love from her. (Parents and their parenting moods are weird) and Thor can resent Loki for that because he needs a mom too. Thor can get all the attention from Odin and have a healthier (it is not healthy) relationship with Odin, and Loki can resent him for that, even though he has a "good" relationship with Frigga, because he still needs a dad. Hela can have been banished and raised as Odin's sword and have NO good or even good-ish relationships with Frigga and Odin and she resents Thor and Loki for that because she needed parents.

But is all their trauma valid even though the WAY they were traumatized is different? Yes. Can we look at them and objectively choose the "worst" victim between the three of them? No. We can't. Because different things traumatize people differently. And why should we? it's not a competition. Even though parental abuse/neglect has a tendency to pit siblings against each other despite (usually) said siblings best efforts otherwise, it is NOT A COMPETITION.

Loki has every right to be angry with Odin over what he did to him even though Odin was terrible to all his children because IT! IS! NOT! A! COMPETETION! ABOUT WHO WAS ABUSED MORE! The most suffering victim doesn't "earn" the right to be traumatized. everyone was traumatized. Everyone gets therapy. They're just going to talk about different things in therapy and THEY ARE ALL STILL TRAUMATIZED.

I guarantee to you that if they were real people, Thor would absolutely be jealous of Loki and Hela. Loki would be jealous of Hela and Thor. Hela would be jealous of Thor and Loki, EVEN THOUGH all of them are being abused, it's just the fact they're not being abused in the same way.

And this is WHY I am always in awe of their relationship in canon because it is one of the best written sibling relationships under abuse I have ever seen because it is REAL. (The Umbrella Academy s1 did this spectacularly, also, btw) Sibling relationships under abuse are so so so messy because everyone is in survival mode and it causes SO MANY issues.

and guess what! Everyone IS jealous of each other

^ Thor's resentment that he wasn't taught anything by Frigga (listen to the way he says this, he is very jealous and bitter, i WISH they had poked this more)

^ hela jealous odin replaced her with Thor

^ loki jealous that Thor got more attention than he did from their parents + people in general (all this attention wasn't a good thing) (funnily enough, for someone who is said to be SUPER jealous, this is the only time in canon I can think of Loki actually admitting that he is)

so anyway, sibling resentment HAPPENS but everyone is still abused/neglected and it all sucks and EVERYONE deserves therapy. And hey, if Frigga decided to actually be a parent to one of her kids (she didn't) then I am HAPPY because at least SOMEONE got a parent, even though Thor deserved a mom just as much as Loki did.

#thor meta #loki meta #hela meta #hela #loki #thor #odin's a+ parenting #child abuse #we do not talk about sibling relationships and abuse enough #it would have helped me so much when I was younger if I knew any of this instead I just thought i was a monster #turns out i was just 13 and exhausted

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ahxiang · 2 years

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with the focus on the revolving door again in ep 16, i just want to say a little smth abt the door as an autistic person myself.

i know some ppl are frustrated with wyw's difficulty in using the door, saying it infantilizes her and that "she's a 27 year old lawyer, she's seen a revolving door before, she knows how they work." but the thing is, it's not abt her being familiar with revolving doors at all. at least not in the way you think. it's not "oh look at this lady, she doesn't understand this door bc she's autistic." it's a sensory issue.

autism affects our senses and the way we process them. what many allistics don’t understand about autism is that we’re not just overly sensitive to sounds and bright lights. we can be underly (is that a word??) sensitive to stimulus as well and have a hard time controlling our senses. this includes all seven senses. that right, seven. there’s the five you know, but also two you probably don’t: the vestibular sense and proprioception. these two have to do with body awareness, balance, and spatial orientation. that’s why many of us walk “weirdly” (if i ever catch you saying someone walks weirdly i am coming into your house and punching you in the face) or are clumsy. we have issues with our bodies in relation to the world around us and often have a hard time balancing. i walk into walls all the time and miscalculate and walk into doorways instead of through them.

so it’s not that wyw doesn’t understand the social concept of a revolving door, but that they’re difficult to navigate through due to her vestibular and proprioceptive sensory issues. i myself have a hard time with revolving doors! so pls no more “this makes her look dumb” or “this is so unrealistic”. if wyw is bad representation and is stupid for having problems with a revolving door, then i’m an unrealistically stupid autistic that walks into walls.

#extraordinary attorney woo #eaw #sorry for the mini essay everything i write turns into a paper absjs also the bolding is so that it's easier to read for neurodivergents <3 #also i'm not gonna lie at first my internalized ableism took over and i was hard on wyw thinking she was making us look bad and stupid #and then i realized that *i* literally struggle with revolving doors and would have to get my dad to help me get through when i was younger #this show has honestly challenged my own internalized ableism and concept of what is and isn't acceptable autism symptoms to show #and y'know what? fuck the idea that there's a point where you're too visibly autistic! this show has made me love myself so much more #and has helped me through issues i didn't even realize i had! i didn't realize how much ableism i had internalized and held onto #it wasn't until i saw wyw do things that i had hated or berated myself for that i realized i was being too hard on myself #if i loved wyw then i had to love myself too! and on top of that seeing jun ho love her for who she was made me love myself all the more #i just really love this show flaws and all #tea talks #eaw autism science #1k

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sylphwing · 25 days

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hm. i do not like chilshi 🤔

#sylph.txt #everyone likes to joke abt how much of an epic divorce man chilchuck is #but i dont think he ever even refers to her as his ex-wife. i could b wrong bc it's been a while since i read it tho #idk a lot of his arc is him learning to b more open w others (which is essentially what ended his relationship)#and u can see how much he's grown in the chapter where senshi goes into his past #to me it would b a lot sweeter for him to take on these lessons and go back to her and make things work #it's been 4 years but he's remained loyal to her depite their issues. idk to me it rlly does feel like he still loves her he's just a fool #it's made p clear that he's a coward and that he's quick to run away so actually committing to her would b a nice way to wrap things up #we don't get to see much of his wife so i get y ppl r quick to put him w the only other man in the party #but like senshi knows abt his wife too like i do not think he's gnna b making any moves here bc he has morals lmao #(*only other older man in the party. laios doesn't qualify for old man yaoi to most chilshi likers)#(even tho chilchuck isn't old either but shh they don't care abt that)#when it comes to senshi the changeling chapter def helped him w understanding how old the rest of the party is #but he clearly still views them as significantly younger than him #i don't think he views chil as a child anymore but for the majority of their time together he did #and so going from that to in a relationship is uhh rlly weird to me!#senshi has always taken a sort of parental role upon himself #w him romance is no where as interesting as the platonic bonds he has w the rest of the party #similar to how romance is entirely unimportant to izutsumi in the succubus chapter #idk i def don't hate the pairing and there r some takes on it that i find funny #but for me i just don't see anything between them i think ppl just want an m/m ship to play with #that ao3 gap is only gnna get bigger lmao

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wright-phoenix · 6 days

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. . . i'm too aro for this

#i saw someone talk about “obvious” romantic tension between phoenix/maya and athena/simon #and that the average cishet normie consumer would assume they were implied romantic #and i sat there for a full minute trying to process that #because literally all i got from these pairings was big sibling energy #and i realize everyone reads that differently but.#the level of being annoying and being annoyed between maya and phoenix....#and the whole “i gotta be a big sister” and the whole. maya is mia's little sister so by extention kind of also #taken under phoenix's wing after mia's death #the way they constantly joke about maya being childish bc she likes steel samurai (she isn't. edgeworth also likes it #he's just too stuck up to admit it. also liking “childish” things doesnt make u childish but i digress)#but anyway the joke abt maya being childish vs phoenix being grown up #furthering the perception of the difference between them and maya as a sort of younger sibling figure #and then athena and simon....#simon literally having been her babysitter somewhat. having played with her when she was younger #and when the Mom Murder Incident happened he cared for her and got her out of there #and took on the blame “for her” .....#all of that screams older brother to me the way he carried her away from the scene. she was just a child #IDK IS IT REALLY SUPPOSED TO BE OBVIOUSLY ROMANTICALLY IMPLIED?????????#WHAT......#i KNOW there are people who ship phoenix and maya or athena and simon and that's fine #but to me they were OBVIOUSLY sibling coded instead of OBVIOUSLY romance coded #😭😭😭#help meeeee #cas.txt #i cant tell if the post i saw was an outlier and tinted by Fandom Perception #or if that's like. a big general consensus and i just don't see it bc i curate my online experience #bc it could go either way. i can see it being an outlier that found its way onto my dash #but i could also see it as a bigger agreed upon thing that just never crossed my dash bc i only interact with sibling content 😭#either way it baffled me

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crescentmp3 · 1 year

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very bad news to the people who came for untitled comic content

#i havent made untitled comic content in at least a year maybe more #expect random shitposts ‚ sometimes art posts ‚ mgr:r and lots of other stuff #oh and just wait until my dad gets me the new games i really wanted i will become a Mess of hyperfixation on whichever game i play first #hang on let me get the list of games i wanted ( dont worry about how much it would cost hes gonna get someones help to pirate the games )#ahem ;#every metal gear solid game #elder scrolls v since i wanna check it out #hollow knight obviously #portal 1 and 2 . obviously #red dead redemption 1 and 2 since it seems cool #devil may cry since i really wanna check it out #elden ring since there was lotsa fuss about it #god of war since last time i played it i was eigjt #hitman games since i love stealth games and this seems cool #mirrors edge . god its so nostalgic for me i used to rewatch this one playthrough of it a lot when i was younger i cant wait #🌙rambling

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wat-zu · 13 days

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Absolutely love your art. I want to nom it.

Also, Hollow Heads Siblings my beloveds,,,

Theyre the doomed siblings ever its not even funny

#Oouugh i have thoughts abt the hollowhead siblings. How theyre so intricately tied to eachother since their birth but they'd be #Eachother'd downfall. Esp when it's Dark and his relationship with the others #Dark would never understand what chosen went through. Mainly bc i think chosen is used to fighting his internal battles on his own #While he was in captive as an ad blocker. He loves Dark. He's grateful for Dark bc without him he wouldn't be free #But Dark isnt exactly someone reliable enough for Chosen to get the necessary healing he wants and needs #But that won't stop Dark from trying to fix him. Creates the virus for revenge. As chosen watches his brother spiral and spiral #As he watches him drift further away. Unable to get him back without a shouting match. As he watches with his heart heavy and cracked at-#Their stiffed interactions and strained relationship. He can't remember a time where they shared geniune laughs.#Then tsc coming came and changed everything.#Because this is someone who went through Chosen's pain albeit a lil differently. Someone who knows. Someone who /understands/. And this-#Someone is so much more younger than them and had to go through that pain in such a short amount of time since their birth #He sees himself in them. And he's rather walk up to alan demanding to get his hands cuffed than let tsc fester in that pain.#So tsc became chosen's priority. Healed eachother in many ways than one and are at echother's beck and call if need be.#As for Dark. I think he'd manipulate tsc into using him for his revenge. After stalking out his code and finding out about his potential #And TSC cant help but fall for his manipulations. Since this person is very very important to Chosen and they want so badly to impress-#Them both. They agreed and overtime grew to love eachother. And overtime Dark shifted his goals just a tad bit. Getting TSC more and more-#Involved. Since hey if Chosen doesn't like touching alan with a 10 ft pole why not let this kid do. And TCS agrees to this thinking that-#This is it. This is can finally heal them completely. Finally out of sight and out of mind. Finally can't live without the pain lingering #And chosen watches them with a sense of deja vu. At loss at what to do and so so afraid to lose two of his lil siblings #Then shit hits the brick UBSJDBSJSN #They make me so ill im not even kidding when i said theyre so so very very doomed!!!!!!!!!#This is abt the au btw BAHHAHAHABHA

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cluescorner · 2 months

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Randomized Robins AU - Ages + Worst Trait Exercise:

Steph (25):

Says her worst trait is her murderous rages (she is exaggerating for dramatic/comedic effect, she’s killed 3 people tops and for very good reason)

Thinks her worst trait is her spitefulness (one of the few traits she definitely got from her father + one that prevents her from fixing her relationships and living her best possible life. She’ll refuse to interact with someone she dearly loves after an argument (happens significantly less after Tim’s death) or will say things she knows are hurtful just for the sake of having the last word. This trait will worsen in some ways as the list of people who have wronged her and those she loves grows, but will also ease up as she matures and realizes the harm it’s doing to her relationships with those she loves most.)

Her worst trait really is her spitefulness

Cass (26)

Says her worst trait is her self-righteousness (she believes that her goals are righteous and, as a result, she is righteous. Cass becomes very defensive whenever someone questions the mission and often does not second-guess herself. This is a trait she only develops later in life as she grows closer to Bruce/learns to understand herself more/starts to love herself more. But she knows she isn’t perfect and when somebody she trusts criticizes something she is doing she is willing to listen. She just usually isn’t the one to START the introspection.)

Thinks her worst trait is her self-righteousness.

Her worst trait actually is her obsessiveness (she gets it from Bruce and, while not as bad as him, she will easily become preoccupied with her night-life and the mission if someone isn’t there to pull her back. She will do this to the point of self-destruction and it hurts her relationships with the people she loves, especially Steph.)

Tim (24)

Says his worst trait is his spitefulness (he actively rejects the idea of mending his relationships with the older members of the family and this causes him to also lack good relationships with the younger ones)

Thinks his worst trait is his obsessiveness (similar to Cass, if he gets fixated on a task or idea he will neglect everything else in his life in order to dedicate more time to it. Unlike Cass, he will almost never be dragged away from it unless Pierrot snatches control of the body and forces them to take care of themself.)

His worst trait actually is how manipulative he is (the KING of guilt-tripping and using people’s emotions against them. He’ll do whatever he needs to do to get what he wants, he’s not above crocodile tears. And he will do it to whoever he needs (or wants) to with little care for how his actions impact others.)

Pierrot (Insists: “Age doesn’t apply to me! And even if it did, I'd probably be the oldest. Or the youngest! I’d never be a middle child, though.” Mental assessments by the Bats have put him around 21, with a margin of error of 3 years. Pierrot has called this “blatant character assassination by my eternal rival!”)

Says his worst trait is that he is an irredeemable psychopath without any regard for the wellbeing of others (this is a lie and everyone who's important to him understands this).

Thinks his worst trait is his parasitic nature (he literally would not exist had Tim not suffered the way he did. Plus he is a living reminder of one of the worst things that happened to many of his loved ones. He is a parasite injected into a functional person's body and contributes to his continued suffering. This is also a largely incorrect judgement of himself, caused by his actual worst trait.)

His worst trait actually is his limited sense of self (he doesn’t really know who he is outside of ‘inheritor to the legacy of the Joker (a man he despises yet also views as a father)’ and ‘chip in Tim’s brain that became sentient’. He slowly develops an identity over the course of his life and relationships with other people, but he lacks the foundations of identity that most people have. Pierrot will often almost become a caricature of himself and what others perceive him to be because it's the only person he knows how to be. This causes wild swings in how he behaves and relates to others, sometimes to the detriment of himself and others.)

Dick (17)

Says his worst trait is his clinginess (he is a very extraverted person who likes to be around others, which mixed with his fear of abandonment after his parents died means that if he goes a few days without seeing/talking to a friend he will get very anxious.)

Thinks his worst trait is his anger issues (he gets ticked off very easily and will explode on people. He’s kind at his core and is usually very nice, but he has a temper that can escalate significantly. Spoiler (and later Twist) help him channel this anger into something positive.)

His worst trait actually is his anger issues.

Barbara (18)

Says her worst trait is her disability (internalized ableism, she thinks of herself as less valuable than the other Bats because she cannot be out there in the capes like they can. She will grow out of this as she matures and as she learns how invaluable her support for the team is.)

Thinks her worst trait is her disability

Her worst trait actually is her overly-independent nature (In an attempt to overcompensate for everything she can no longer do, she has resolved to do literally everything that she possibly can without any help from others. This results in many instances where she either takes on too much and winds up not being able to fully realize any of her tasks or where she makes her life and the lives of others significantly harder by refusing help when offered/not asking for it when she needs it.)

Damian (16)

Says his worst trait is his perfectionism (he is overly critical of both himself and others, taking any flaw or problem and amplifying it to an absurd degree. This is due in part to his life with the LoA (where even a brief misstep could lead to death), in part to how others treated him initially as Spoiler (any flaw was fixated on and used as a reason to either mistrust him or portray him as unworthy of the mantle), and in part due to the fact that he is Bruce��s son (the only person with worse perfectionism problems than Damian). Gradually, Damian has improved in this regard but it’s still a massive barrier to both his own happiness and his relationships with others.)

Thinks his worst trait is his perfectionism

His worst trait actually is his perfectionism

Duke (16)

Says his worst trait is his definitely-real secret evil side (says this as a ‘my dad is a villain so who knows??’ joke)

Thinks his worst trait is his impulsivity in his words (Sometimes he will crack a joke or say a remark without thinking it through, leading to a LOT of hurt feelings and drama. He’ll say something without thinking it through and wind up seeming insensitive. This isn’t done because of malice, rather because Duke is someone who’s quick to act and speak. But while the mantle of Insight and his awakening powers have helped him with his actions, they do not always help with his loose tongue. As such, Duke gains an unfair reputation in the media as an instigator and will accidentally cause family drama through what he says.)

His worst trait actually is his impulsivity in his words

Jason (14)

Says his worst trait is his bad manners (he grew up on the streets and has no idea how rich-people society works, which he’s pretty insecure about considering he’s now the youngest kid of Bruce freaking Wayne).

Thinks his worst trait is his reactiveness (Jason never got the privilege of planning ahead for various events in his life, so he instead needed to rely on being swift and harsh in how he could react to situations. It’s saved his life on multiple occasions and helps significantly in his role as Spoiler, but it can also lead to extreme overreactions (accidentally causing kidnapping scare after Jason ran away following a fight with Dick) and a struggle to plan things out ahead of time. As he grows more secure in his place in the family and in life, this trait will lessen but never fully dissipate.)

His worst trait actually is his reactiveness

#stephanie brown #cassandra cain #tim drake #dick grayson #barbara gordon #damian wayne #duke thomas #jason todd #batfamily #randomizedrobinsau #I'm debating whether I should tag this with the Joker Junior tag and those related to it for Pierrot #because like...it's not quite that. but it's also very close to that and is the direct result of that.#but Pierrot would fucking HATE to be tagged as that and sees it as an insult to his identity...which he already has problems with #so I don't think I'm gonna #anyways lmao I am totally projecting my younger self onto Barbara. How could I not? She's literally the reason I view my disability #the way that I do and she actively improved my mental health just by existing and saying some of the shit she did when I was in the #stages of accepting my own disability. So yeah I am projecting a lot onto her because I love her and see myself in her.#I'm mostly basing these characterizations on my favorite versions of them (ie Red Robin 2009 Tim and Birds of Prey Barbara).#so I'm taking the traits I like/think fit in this AU and discarding what I think either is bad or doesn't fit or if I just don't like it.#Damian's 'murder gremlin who is a meanie on purpose because he is a meanie' is entirely unappealing to me and also does not fit this AU #I prefer him when he's portrayed as a sympathetic kid (who is still an asshole) and not a demon child. So that's what I'm using.#same with Talia's 'abusive mother who is totally on-board with all of her father's bullshit and will kill someone for no reason' version #I have read enough comics to know what I like/what is most important and what I don't like/what is #BLATANT CHARACTER ASSASSINATION GRANT MORRISON YOU FUCK YOU SET TALIA BACK SO FUCKING FAR #I also decided to outline their WORST traits because I already know what I like about these characters/their best traits.#most people do. But what was a greater challenge was finding what would make their lives and those of others worse.#what would I hate about this person if I knew them IRL? What would I first suggest they get therapy for? What hurts them and why?#I found these questions really interesting in the context of this AU where some people are forced into completely different roles #the says/thinks/is was inspired by trying to answer that question for myself. I say my worst trait is my impulsiveness but when #I asked others in my life they answered 'oh so you said your weird thing where you don't ask for help right?'

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sqlmn · 4 months

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OC RNG stuff.

-Lucinda is engaged to the oldest prince in a family of nine where there are 8 brothers and then the youngest is the only girl. She adores her future husband. -Ink Blot is a really dumb mage who acts as a street performer using fake magic despite being an actual mage. He just wants to be the center of attention. -Ruby and Luce are from the same plot (thank you RNG I love the dream wardens). They're part of different pairs and basically just patrol to keep dreams in check. Ruby and Luce also don't really meet each other in canon. Their routes don't overlap but they both interact with the main duo which is Colette and Marcus. (Ruby wants to beat Marcus up while Luce wants to kiss Marcus for what it matters.)

#i really love luce hes just so calm and collected in front of marcus and colette to try and look reliable #but hes actually one of the younger wardens who is made to replace his partner's old partner #so hes with sil and sil is just watching him for the first decade like why is he so awkward #when will he warm up to me or the other wardens he meets why is he always so tense #and then something happens and luce is sent into a panic because he learns that marcus used to laugh with sil and the retired warden #hes like ???? WHY DOES HE HATE ME ? WHAT DID I DO? and sil is like the guy is older than me and doesnt do change well #thats all there is to it he got used to my old partner and youre a wrench in the comfort zone hell get over it tho #and when marcus laughs for the first time in front of luce it is SO over for luce he would do anything for marcus #but then you get marcus who is telling colette i have to say things took an unexpected turn with sils partner #i went from fine with robert to being abandoned by robert to do you think luce is cute cause i think hes cute #and marcus is very much IM SO GAY which is fair cause colette is like MM YEAH SAME #and then you guys gotta realize i love my silly lil prince group where the oldest bro has a really cool future wife #and then the second oldest is like hey bro im stealing your wife for the afternoon and lucinda is like i see i see #and then the second oldest and lucinda just spend the entire afternoon dancing and shes happy to indulge him #then the third oldest is the original main one where he and the castle witch are on a mission to help another kingdom #but like the fact the oldest has an arranged marriage with a woman he loves #and the second youngest is in love with the son of two castle aids #who happens to be 40 and very worn out with stress from having to turn the second oldest down all the time #then the third oldest has a crush on a prince from the kingdom hes trying to help but the crush is on like an 18 year old #so the 2nd and 3rd oldest are constantly bickering over what the other sees in their crushes #anyway hi i love my ocs (gestures to them)#and ink was a really minor character in the plot bc it was mostly me paying attention to a dumbass vampire #and this thief who had to help the dumb vampire get home bc he has no sense of direction and had been abducted

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ralvezfanatic · 2 months

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i saw a titkok sbt the bau reacting to seeing ur crystal collection but now i wanna read smth with them seeing ur random rock collection..

like i love collecting random rocks i find on the sidewalk !! literally js random pebbles or anything, if it looks cool I'm taking it

im too lazy to write this tho 😞😞 (idk what to write)

#i love rocks #they're so cool #rocks >>>#my dad would help out with my rock collection when i was younger 🙁#he'd bring me a rock/pebble he thought was cool when he went out #sob sob #𖤐 rambles #criminal minds #rock collection #rock collector

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qbebou · 3 months

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ok not to be like he’s just like me fr…. but chayanne is just like me fr…..

i’m also the oldest child with one younger sibling who needed a lot more care when we were kids and therefore was deprived of certain needs in favor of my brother. i also had a parent that was missing a lot and depended almost solely on my dad. obviously tallulah needs more help than chay, with her asthma and lesser fighting skills, not to mention she had only been playing minecraft for like a month? or two before wilbur found her. and chay knows that! he knows that she needs more help than he does he knows he’ll do anything for her he knows he has to be the strongest to protect her. my brother and i are only a year apart but i was forced to grow up very very quickly bc i was on my own a lot as a kid while my brother was sick. phil doesn’t worry abt chay when he runs off bc he doesn’t need to, chay can take care of himself. hell, he took care of all the eggs when they first left. but at the same time, it’s comforting to know ur parent is looking out for u even when u don’t need it. phil’s not a smothering parent, he’s attentive, but not smothering. but let’s be real he can also be emotionally constipated LMAO but that leads to situations like the argument and frustration between chay and tallulah when dapper was kidnapped. in his defense, he’s never been a parent before and had 2 children thrust upon him to raise on his own. he didn’t have a lot of time to adjust to parenthood like ppl in real life do, he suddenly had 2 children who had their own thoughts and opinions and emotional needs, he didn’t get the time it takes to LEARN abt how to provide that specific care and while some ppl have that innate knowledge there is a lot of learning and navigating when it comes to emotional vulnerability and regulation esp when it comes to children who are figuring it out as well. i feel for chay when he thinks he needs to be the strongest. i feel for chay when he had to make the decision to gather the eggs and leave. i feel for chay when he had to take blame for bad things happening. and i feel for chay when he realized tallulah doesn’t need him as much anymore. my brother and i are both adults now and we had a …… tumultuous relationship as teenagers for reasons that were both our own and caused by problems outside our control. but i still remember exactly how devastating it was the moment i realized that he was fine on his own. that he didn’t need me anymore. and it caused a rift between us; on my end bc i was frustrated and felt tossed aside and on his end bc he NEEDED to be independent to keep growing. i see so much of myself in chay and i desperately wish he and tallulah had a better mediator for their argument, or at least someone who could truly understand why they were so upset. i don’t think phil clocked that tallulah was so upset and adamant abt looking for dapper bc it was just her dapper and ramon surviving on their own. just bc phil didn’t witness it doesn’t mean it didn’t happen and it doesn’t mean that they don’t have a much tighter relationship than they had before purgatory. and when chayanne said everyone was blaming him for the decisions he made phil was quick to tell him that no one was blaming him but also phil doesn’t know that! he doesn’t know if any blame was put on chayanne when it was just the eggs together. chayanne made the decision for the eggs to run and they trusted him bc he’s the oldest and he’s strong and he can be a leader but by running he also put the eggs thru a lot of pain and fear that they may not have gone thru if they stayed with their parents. and even if the eggs didn’t explicitly say that they blamed chayanne im sure he blamed himself for every little thing that went wrong. we’ve already seen him open up a tiny bit abt how he was questioning his decision to leave. but phil told him that chay made the best decision he could have given the information he had at the time which is true! but when ur the oldest and everyone is looking to u, all of the responsibility lies on ur shoulders. chayanne has been carrying SO much weight on his shoulders for so long it breaks my heart.

#lex.txt #qsmp chayanne #qsmp tallulah #qsmp #i have so much more i could say abt chayanne tallulah and their relationship but unfortunately ! i am not allowed to write more than this #please excuse my rambling run on sentences and lack of proper punctuation #i type the way i speak in my head and usually that means no pauses no breaks everything flows like word vomit i apologize if things #don’t make sense #i think if this was happening when i was younger i wouldn’t have all these feelings but like #my brother has a toddler that i’ve been helping raise since he was born #that is MY baby i spend the most time with him he’s the closest to me out of anyone #and i think that if i didn’t have any parenting experience i would also handle things a lot like how phil does #i think the several years of therapy have also helped with my parenting LOL #anyways i wrote this a while back and it’s been sitting in my drafts #chay is so sacrificial and i think a lot of it comes from phil putting pressure on him to be strong #he literally said he should’ve been the one to die instead of empanada!!!!! he thinks the eye attacks are his fault #i just wish he could be a kid and do the things he wants to do without worrying that he or his siblings will die #poor sweet boy :( he shouldn’t be carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders but he doesn’t think he has the option not to

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quaranmine · 11 months

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hi it's me at the lookout :D

things of note:

-the terrain around this particular tower is a bit more rocky/extreme than i envisioned for grian's tower, but the environment in general is very similar. the geography, biome, etc isn't too different from wyoming, which is just to the north a few hours

-it is a good thing grian is very acclimated to all this after living in the mountains for a few years because the altitude kiiiiinda kicked our butts. i thought this trail would be fine for my mom since it isn't very long but i didn't really take the elevation in consideration. she did not make it to the tower, unfortunately.

fortunately...we have radios, because my dad gave them to us. i'm living the firewatch dream by radioing my mother from the top

-this lookout is staffed!! i think it's the only remaining staffed lookout in Colorado. it has been continuously used for over 100 years. unfortunately, it was Sunday, and nobody was on duty. I did see the lookout though at the cabin below, because she was talking with some search and rescue personnel who were out training. She stayed in her cabin though, or else I would have spent like half an hour asking her questions.

-this lookout is not a live-in one, it is a 10x10 ft cabin on top of the rocks. there's a huge staircase to get up there and at the bottom is the cabin the lookout lives in. that is also the set up that Philip Connors talks about in his memoir Fire Season, but both lookouts in the game Firewatch are live-in ones. thus, so are Scar's and Grian's.

^ very steep staircase

also, this lookout bears a STRIKING resemblance to the Thorofare Lookout in the game (which would be Scar's lookout in the fic)

^ firewatch game vs a photo of this place from google images because i don't have one at this angle. iirc, the thorofare lookout in the game wasn't quite as steep/insane to get to as this one though. there's stairs but not THAT many

i do not know if the kitty i saw was fjord or fiona, but i was so surprised and excited to see they had cats! previously in all my research i had only seen lookouts having dogs. Jellie the lookout kitty is in good company up here!

i had an excellent time :D i didn't even plan for this to land on the 100th day of the challenge ofc that just happened. i had this trip planned way in advance and when planning it i found this trail and decided to go. had no idea that it was day 100 of my writing challenge, which is also basically the 100th day of writing this fic

<333

#im. so tired #god help me #actually god help my poor mother i thought she would keel over #no like she did have me. actually and genuinely concerned #normally she can handle stuff like this #but i try to be mindful cause i am younger/in better shape so i know i can do things easier #so when i plan stuff for the two of us i try to do shorter trails and stuff for her sake #but i did NOT see this one being so difficult #it was the altitude mainly. she could have done it normally #but we are humble creatures who live at ~600ft above sea level. extreme exertion as 9000+ft is quite a bit #when you have only been here one (1) day #hc_firewatch_au

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