#yeah………….. I need my adhd meds

[medicalunprofessional]

So

, What went wrong ?

#nightmaretheater #caligosto loboto #psychonauts #sorry for making the most upsetting painful fanart known to man. Its my job #Some of this is.Personal. #some personal feelinfs… ya get me? #you even ‘this is just a doodle :)’ then spend several days on it #yeah………….. I need my adhd meds #Ughhhhh..^Ughhh collapses #Thank youuu……wheoevr is reading.send me tour willpower i need it ive got actual work to do in a few hours #Bbbbwbhehehagghh… ignore some of the weird anatomy thz #also shoutouts to all those teeth studies i did only for them to be so distorted you can barely tell what it is

[naamahdarling]

.

#my psych who prescribes my psych meds is a resident and is moving on in a couple of months #i don't even remember the names of them all at this point #this happens over and over and I cannot find a clinic that will put me with someone who intends to stay #thst will also prescribe my adhd meds #and my anxiety meds #and the real kicker is that twice now they have LIED about it and said they would #only to reveal after all the hoop-jumping that oops sorry they didn't really mean it #so it's a risk i have to take any time i leave #and rhen there's the issue of new people almost always wanting to DO something #but instead of talking to me about it they just decide that my meds need overhauling and pressure me to go off shit that works #but that they morally object to i guess #and my psych for some stupid reason has decided she wants bloodwork for my cholesterol and blood sugar stuff and im just like #what hell does THIS presage because if she harasses me about the results or tries to put me on drugs for that #I'll give her a nasty scrap about it #im not interested in those meds at all #and im certainly not messing with my diet since food is the only pleasure i get most days and even that is marginal at best #and removing that would just make me worse #but medpros for the most part really don't give a fuck about that #and so now im afraid - because i do not and cannot trust them - that if i disapprove of the meds they will retaliate somehow #which good luck proving that when management and oversight often don't even care if they course of treatment will HARM you #if it relates to being fat or having bad numbers #they just gotta pathologize! #so yeah im sick of everything and just kind of want to bury myself in a bog forever #i shouldn't have to deal with this

[in-tua-deep]

You know people don’t tell you this but apparently when you are actually on meds for your ADHD you suddenly gain the ability to just… make spreadsheets

Two years ago me barely even touched google sheets. Today me is constantly like “hmm you know what I could do with all this information I’m gathering? Make an intense multi tab spreadsheet as a quick reference guide :)”

Wild shit

#personal #adhd #spreadsheets #seriously though I have never been simultaneously more and less organized #currently my latest hyperfixation is my desire to get into doll customization #I have one spreadsheet dedicated to documenting doll YouTuber videos to reference for things like hairstyles #another tab for listing all the articulated doll brands I might want to look into getting #another spreadsheet dedicated to listing all my ocs and what supplies I might need for each #like trying to decide if I want to go nylon/Saran doll hair or yarn hair #a separate master list tab of YouTube video tutorials for specific things like making doll wheelchairs #so yeah!! my brain really has said ‘it’s spreadsheet time babie’ #genuinely though the first thing I really noticed about my meds is that I could like. actually work on organizing my thoughts #and apparently the way that manifests is: spreadsheets and lists #highly recommend

[badolmen]

My psychiatrist: sorry I need to write this down - I love how you describe your experiences; you’re not a box checker type and the language you use is really insightful

Me: this is good I’m getting a good grade in mental illness. normal to want possible to achieve etc etc.

#ra speaks #personal #she’s very sweet and I like how she approaches my brain struggles #like we both agree that official diagnosis at this point would only help if I needed it for specific meds #but also I feel like not being diagnosed gives me the freedom to describe how I process and deal with things #without a lens of ‘oh that’s just how ocd and adhd is’ #(my autism is a bit different bc of how strongly it affects me) #but my psychiatrist has suggested that I have some ocd tendencies (looking back on my bfrds uh. yeah. but also some of my ritual stuff.) #(as in yes autism tends to lead to specific routines/rituals but apparently mine have an ocd flavor) #anyways no point in this post really it’s just nice to not have my every thought and action pathologized and instead approached as a complex #and dynamic system of inputs and outputs

[moodr1ng]

another reason i think all drugs should be legal and cheap is i think i could do a better job prescribing my own meds than my psych does ngl. like im p sure one reason ive been feeling so dogshit recently is the psych meds im on that also do literally nothing for me (theyre supposed to be mood regulators. for my depression. i am severely suicidal months on these meds. like..?) but when i misuse my prescription drugs (opioids and benzos) i manage to feel much better and often can actually get enough energy and feel well enough to do stuff ive been putting off. i literally only cook for myself while misusing my prescription drugs. if i could just decide for myself what meds i take and when i would probably be doing much better and at the very least i wouldnt keep taking meds that do NOTHING but make me feel like trash.

#97 #substance use #me: when i take my sleeping pills early i stop having anxiety and i feel much better and often want to do art and cook and do my chores #and i feel like these would actually help me day to day not just for sleep but like. for my anxiety and constant malaise #my psych: yeah but theyre addictive! #like.. yeah i dont really give a shit? if they could help me live my fucking life i dont rly care if i get addicted #whats the definition of addiction anyway? if i actually medically need it is it an addiction or is it just that i need my meds? #like am i also 'addicted' to my adhd meds bc i cant function well if i stop taking them? #or is that just.. the meds fucking working???

[joelletwo]

can u be so so so so so so sooo kind and pray for me on this adhd-est of days that i get thru an easy but multi-step dinner process to make a meal of my dreams in time for sts. thank u.

#feels my boobs. oh yeah period coming for sure. #i was kjsdf straight up stupid today at work. i was also dehydrated but like Clinical brain off. i got accused of needing adhd meds lol

[fakemagicjaye]

I HAVE FIVE PAGES. LEFT. TO DRAW.

#i don't want to jinx it AGAIN but tomorrow........ i might have adhd meds #should the fucking stars align #vacillating wildly between #okay tangent but that “draft saved!” thingy that shows up ON TOP OF THE TAGS I AM CURRENTLY TYPING #DO YOU FUCKING MIND #anyway #vacillating wildly betweennn #there's no way you really have adhd you're using other peoples' struggles to justify being a shitty person #and okay time to draw i just need to look up every person i remember from elementary school on facebook #oh yeah name redacted has a beard that suits him so time to draw oh and name redacted IS cool even tho my shitty brother said he was like #a huuuuuge stoner well i didn't believe him anyway #time to draw i just need to find out if mika is on tour and if he's coming to canada and read his entire wikipedia page and time to draw #i just need to listen to his new song but the song youtube is playing next is not the vibe but i DO need to see a giant spruce beetle #not a cool giant beetle the kind that make a clicking noise and pinch you and strike a visceral fear into my heart #and i need to rewrite this later scene because i was thinking about it and thought of something better #and time to draw but first i need to write this tumblr post #this is because netflix doesn't have himym on there anymore #the concept of talking about himym ends all rambling bc i could talk about it for so long i don't even know where to start #thanks for coming to my ted talk

[punk-pandame]

so its agreed im most likely autistic and adhd so the only question now is: is the adhd autism-flavored, or is the autism adhd-flavored

#my therapist is so fucking cool #they're like yeah you probably have both of those i was wondering when i should tell you so im glad you asked so early #but they don't feel the need to force a formal diagnosis when it won't actually help me with anything #like i dont want meds or the kinds of work accommodations those diagnoses would afford me #but might get me discriminated in other areas of life especially since im multiply marginalized as it is #like they GET IT i love them #textpost #autism #brain no worky #adhd #shut up punky #i was gonna say i think it's adhd-flavored autism but then i wrote all these tags and whew boy okay maybe not

[galactichelium]

I will not do the exercises given to me by my physio, whether that be because I forgot or I'm having executive dysfunction, and then be like "Man why am I in so much pain?"

#AUGH. Hate how I need to do exercises just so I can be in less pain + maybe reach an average level of strength #I have hypotonia so. Even my 16 year old sibling of whom I'm ~3 inches taller than is stronger than me #And I have noodle arms 😭 Which look especially silly compared to my stocky torso #I still need to try the other things the rheumatologist recommended #CBT therapy and a med she wants me to ask my psychiatrist abt to make sure it won't interfere with my ADHD meds #She also suggested hydrotherapy but. I'm a bit more nervous abt that considering I'm pre-top surgery. #My binders SAY that you can wear them swimming safely + are chlorine resistant but they say they're a lot harder to take off wet. #Which I worry means I'd need to get someone else to take it off of me. Which like. Augh. BUT YEAH anyway. #Iron text #Edit: Sorry a little bit more actually #My next psychiatrist appt isn't until late this month. And I am. Afraid to go through all the things I need to do to get to therapy. #With the public healthcare system you can get I think 8 psychologist appts for free per year if you get a mental health plan w your gp #But I think it also depends on the psychologist? Some might require you to pay regardless? I'm not sure #I've been to psychologists before but neither of them were that great and I'm worried it's gonna be similarly difficult now

[drawnecromancy]

I'm either going to post a lot more or a lot less in the coming weeks for reasons outside of my control

#shortage of ADHD meds -> finding the One pharmacy that has my dose in stock -> they need the original prescription from the psychiatrist #and i either lost it OR forgot to get an appointment since last January which is A Problem #you're not supposed to forget to book your psychiatrist appointments while on adhd meds right? #lmfao. yeah uh anyway I'll either have so many bees I'll post a lot or so many bees I can't word anything at all

[sharkieboi]

it’s my weekend and I don’t have any appointments and it’s been snowing since like 2am so I’m having an indoor day to keep slowly organizing the new apartment and on purpose didn’t take my adhd meds (only have a few left and I’d rather save them for work if I’m going to have trouble refilling with all the weather closures) and Soup Brain certainly hits different when it’s not a workday. the lack of focus and memory still isn’t helpful but at least it doesn’t feel harmful when I forget what I’m supposed to be doing for an extended period of time.

#shhh sharkie #idk how to write anything simple without rambling so this is what you get #been slowly working on making big unorganized piles into smaller more organized piles and putting Away away what I can #it’s been a work in progress!! #at some point I need to go get furniture to replace what I left at the old place but we’ll get there when we get there #and to fill in new needs gaps #i’m still kinda mad I left the table cause I really liked it but I was so tired and frustrated trying to take it apart and it wasnt worth it #but anyway. I like the new place and it’s doing well for me and Sansa and I can’t wait for it to be acceptable enough to have people over!! #OH YEAH ANYWAY. SOUP BRAIN. #sometimes i wonder how i functioned at all before meds. my life is so much better and easier now. #it’s still difficult and sad and hard but! it’s so much easier to deal with all that stuff!! it doesn’t break me like it used to. #even on a day like today where i only took my anxiety meds and not my adhd meds #i haven’t gotten any of my written down tasks done (dishes and changing my sheets) but i have organized the crap out of several piles #(all of my costume stuff is in one box now! most of knick knacks are in the same box or on display!) #(I took out the trash! I put all the laundry in the laundry bag!) #little victories add up

[simsfromupthere]

i was trying to make some recolors for fun n to hopefully upload some of the good ones as cc here w/o having to open my messed up game and then i realised if i do i NEED to open n fix my funky game no matter what for preview pics 😭

#kill me. kill now. me a kill needing a lot right now #i might try to do it when my brains better bc atm its absolutely waaaay too cluttered to focus on fixing my ts4 game #like im mid adjusting my ADHD meds so im not takinf any atm theres NOOO way i can focus on trying to fix this hell games lmfao #i also am in a depressive epusode soooo thats fun too #which suuuucks cause i have so many good recolor ideas aaaaaaaa #and i cant even open my game to run CAS so i cant even take preview pics in CAS -____- #so yeah im gonna try to as soon as my brains a little better n i have adjusted my adhd meds #but for now its still slim pickens TS4 content wise i genuinely apologise 😭 #im rlly sorry like no joke but also rlly tired just exhausted #legit i apologise #but also like cmon #i just want to play my silly life simulation game and its like NOOOOOOPEE #i hate this game #pain. suffering even #nonsims #im losing it #non sims #shitpost #shit post #shitposts #shit posts #text posts #textposts #textpost #text post #jester posting

[astranite]

Today I encountered The Horrors. 

(had to make a phone call and send an email I’d been putting off.)

(There are still more Horrors to come)

(whyyyyyyyyyyyy?????)

#really dont like the way being an Adult and getting my shit together involves The Horror #and how tumblr only sometimes lets me edit my tags #still more things ive got to do #what is this actual responsibilites nonsense #isnt it enough for me to simply stuff around? #i know i need to do the things #and on some level i want to do the things because they will benefit me #and i know there are consequenses for not doing the things #but i have not done all the things #why am i like this #oh yeah adhd #and i forgot to take my damn meds #even though id literally left them in the most obvious spot possible on my desk #maybe i should leave them on top of my laptop thats an idea #where was i #ah yes complaining to the void about the Horrors #at least i did do two things #but i did not study and there are deadlines approaching but i dont know when becasue i dont remember #and i just need to do it #but its painfully boring and anxiety inducing and i hardly know where to start #and it would involve sitting at my desk and Concentrating #so im on tumblr #hello friends welcome to my mess #AstraStuff #and now i have to go to the dentist becasue i have teeth which is just another responsibility #so yeah

[thelastspeecher]

spent like a whole half hour just calling pharmacies to see if they have my ADHD meds in stock and boy howdy am I glad I managed to call one right after they received a shipment of it bc this shit is, as they say, bananas

#I switched to a different pharmacy from my regular one back in the fall #not for my anxiety meds tho. no. just for ADHD meds. bc my regular pharmacy has had them on backorder for like six months now #and then last month I had to call around OTHER pharmacies bc the one I had switched to for my ADHD meds was now out as well #tbh the only reason I tried this NEW NEW pharmacy which happened to have my meds #was bc last month the doctor's office suggested it #tho even then the guy on the phone was like ''yeah get the script sent over NOW #bc I don't know how many pills have been promised to other people'' #seriously this is fucking INSANE and I'm BEYOND frustrated #esp bc like. a lot of people with ADHD can self-medicate with caffeine if need be #BUT I. CAN'T. #I have a heart condition that requires me to take it easy on the caffeine now #gone are the days where I'd forget my meds and just drink Mountain Dew to get through school #I can only do like. tea. #and only every other day. #so if the pharmacies around here FULLY run out? #.....I don't know what I'll do #speecher speaks

[thelightofthingshopedfor]

a coworker recently complimented me by saying I’m calm under pressure, which

a) thanks, but also b) lol. lmao, even

#no this isn't an ADHD thing #this is a 'you have no idea what the inside of my head is like' thing #it's a 'thanks that's the anxiety and maybe trauma' thing #my boss has described me--more than once--as 'zen' #which is....... #I probably don't need to explain why that's funny #yeah I'm so zen I have constant headaches and neck pain and also digestive problems #I barely know how to relax #I can't sleep #I'm on 5 different brain meds #I haven't seen a therapist in months because I have some serious frustrations with mine BUT I keep second-guessing myself about them #AND finding a new one is overwhelming #hell I don't really do much of anything because it's all overwhelming #I try to be polite and diplomatic because I'm actually still a little kid who's terrified of being yelled at #only this time with worse consequences #reading the news fills me with helpless rage #I actually think my mental health is getting worse and not better #but yeah sure I'm zen