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seriousbrat · 3 months

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Why do you like snape

Why? because he's an interesting, complex character and I love his dysfunctional friendship with Lily.

he's not "good" but that's not why I like characters, I also love James and Sirius but their flaws and growth are what make them compelling to me, just like with Snape. I don't care for a woobified version of these characters that makes them into harmless little puppies who did nothing wrong, nor do I like when they're made out to be unreasonably evil and irredeemable bc neither is true. this might get a bit long sorry:

I see Sev as a child as being caught between two worlds. On the one hand his Muggle father represents everything he hates. Violent, belligerent, ignorant, careless and cruel to his loved ones, (and this is my hc) overly obsessed with football to the point where Leicester City's losses had a profound effect on stability in the home. I think growing up with Tobias and seeing the way he acted, esp at the pub with his Muggle mates, had a lot to do with Sev's prejudice towards Muggles. Even kinder Muggles like the Evanses I think he viewed as lesser. He was drawn to Lily, yes she was pretty but she was also a witch, the only other connection to the wizarding world in Cokeworth.

On the other hand, his mother. I think Sev's relationship with his mother was much more complex. I do think he resented Eileen for not using her magic to stand up to Tobias (imo she was like Merope where her magic diminished in the presence of her abuser) and basically dooming him to life as a half-blood, but he did seek to connect to her, to her heritage as a witch. he viewed this as an escape route from the oppressive "muggleness" of Tobias and also as proof that mixing with muggles was a bad thing for wizards.

Interestingly enough I think Sirius did a similar thing in plastering his bedroom with muggle stuff to underline his differences from his parents, but the similarities between the two are another story

I think Sev viewed himself as constantly being held back by his blood, by his Muggle upbringing. He resented people like James and Sirius and his fellow Slytherins for their privilege, which had as much to do with class as it did with blood. Here's a really good post on how class defines snape as a character. (though idk where they're getting the black country, it was only ever confirmed to be in the midlands but still. great post)

Finally going to Hogwarts wasn't the great liberation he'd pictured, however. I mean in some ways it was but he was immensely unpopular from day one. Obviously James and Sirius were horrible to him, but he wasn't accepted by the Slytherins either at first. His friendship with Lily did not help matters, and I think sometimes he was a bit embarrassed about it, as was she. They stuck by each other though, and that's something

He was desperate in school to gain validation, recognition despite (what he saw as) his great disadvantage as a half-blood. So when Mulciber and Avery started noticing his talent and bringing him in, he eagerly accepted their friendship and (imo) Mulciber especially put in A LOT of work to radicalise him, preying on his doubts and insecurities and feeding into the worst parts of him. Not that it's all Mulciber's fault, Sev still made Choices™ but I think we underestimate how easy it is for children, young boys especially, to be radicalised into hate groups. It's sad and I think that's an interesting thing to explore, for me at least.

My headcanon but in SWM he called Lily a mudblood not bc he truly believed it, but because his slytherin friends were present and he couldn't bear being humiliated in front of them. Again this isn't a justification, but I don't actually think he had much against Muggleborns, though he did view Lily with a sort of paternalistic air. He thought she was hampered by her upbringing (not true) and related to her in that sense. No one talks about this but in DH he tells Phineas Nigellus not to call Hermione a mudblood. That's growth baby

ofc he was very prejudiced against Muggles. it went too far in his case, but I'd argue that a lot of characters in HP display a tendency to view Muggles as stupid or ignorant, even if it is in a good-natured, condescending sort of way. imo Arthur Weasley as a character is supposed to show that wizards are just as bumbling and clueless about Muggles. Importantly, I think Harry himself does this sometimes, because of how the Dursleys treated him

ANyway, I think a fundamental thing is that his love for Lily superseded all of this in the end. Imo he was trying to protect her, always, and despite his heartbreak at the loss of their friendship I think on some level he was relieved that their distance meant she was kept away from the likes of Avery and Mulciber. And also WEIRD hc but I think a part of him almost... trusted James to keep her safe. Yes this is all very condescending, but that's Severus imo

Obv the picture I'm painting isn't especially pleasant, but so what? He's miles better than the other DE characters that fandom fawns over. He was still a scared, insecure, abused little boy once, and that justifies nothing but ultimately he sacrificed everything to do the right thing. Yeah it was largely about Lily, but honestly he fucking hated Harry's guts and still did everything in his power to protect him. To me he's an incredibly tragic character and a compelling one. Not everyone has to like him, and there's a lot of reasons not to but I do.

#the football thing might not be very relevant but i think it contributes to his hatred for james #sev's an intellectual and he thinks sports are for idiots like his dad #sorry for this absolute essay i just find him so interesting #severus #severus snape #meta #anyway i cant believ that people are like barty and rosier were sweet little boys but FUCK SNAPE #like girl what are you smoking #i mean like whoever you want but its still weird

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intrulogical · 3 months

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Hi! I was looking through your various meta posts and I noticed a small thing you posted about possibly writing a meta on Patton's perception of mortality through his catholic lens, and it made me think about how I've noticed a lot of people(myself included) who are more fond of sides like Remus, Logan and Janus, tend to sympathize less with characters like Patton, while also understanding the purpose he serves(I'm not sure if my point makes sense but I am REALLY excited to explain this stuff). I've always, in particular, found the way the other sides(ESPECIALLY Remus) might view Patton due to this strict moral compass Patton took on, even if he's actively trying to remedy it now due to Janus' intervention. It's especially interester me since Roman valued Patton's opinion of him so highly(considering Roman's views up until this point were, at least to a degree, reliant on Patton's perceptions of selflessness), and I always wondered if it would make sense for Remus to have an opinion(or two... or five... or a million-) on that.

this is actually a good talking point! thank you for sending this in :D

dark sides + logan fans being critical of patton is honestly such a phenomenon. i definitely want to preface i don't wanna generalize fans' stances, but i've literally witnessed this thing happened in Real Time. i think it has something to do with lntao? because logan was incredibly villainized by the fandom during that time. the fandom's doing better now, but it really did struggle with the concept of Nuanced Characters back in 2019-2020, which i think brought upon the "logan + dark sides fans hates patton" schtick.

but like you said, i and a lot of other fans do understand why patton is the way that he is. he's such an interesting character because he has such a Grasp on thomas that no other sides have. i want to emphasize i do NOT intend of villainizing patton by saying he has a lot of power, moreso it's quite evident that this season's conflict focuses on how thomas' decision-making is more emotion-centric than it is thought-centric.

even the fact that patton represents morality is big on its own, because black-and-white thinking literally shapes how the sides are visualized. i don't mean it like, his sides are created vis-a-vis black-and-white thinking, moreso the reason why the sides are separated is because thomas upholds this type of thinking. virgil, roman, and thomas look up to patton as a guiding figure, which gives him a lot of power/influence. @orbmanson7 can probs explain it better than i do lol

but if you're asking me if remus would have something to say? YES. of course he would. the entirety of dwit confirms he has a gripe with how thomas is being so "demure" and "safe". remus and janus have always wanted to override thomas' black-and-white thinking, so they obviously have something to say to patton. hell, the reason they are suppressed is because of patton. i'm too dumb to explain it now but always return back to how patton is seen to be the final decider in a dark sides' "acceptance". him w janus is apparent enough, but in dwit we literally see him have to "give permission" to thomas to think icky thoughts.

i'm not saying patton is conceited btw. this shit always boils down to, think of sasi as a metaphor for how our brains work and it makes sense why the moral side is still iffy about accepting things he once pushed away and labeled as evil. and also istg pls no one accuse me of villainizing patton bc i acknowledge he's literally doing all this unintentionally. his arc is definitely gonna end w him being more open to changing his moral views, but yeah patton is a fascinating character to me and one of the best encapsulations of catholic-influenced morality

#asks #my analysis

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tiodolma · 2 months

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Did Merlin need to tell Morgana that he had magic too?

This question always bugs me. And it is true that I have written some stuff about it.. But it's been a year since I studied Merlin x Morgana dynamics. There's always countless ways to answer it, so many things to consider, so many issues both personal and political that have to be reviewed.

Do we go the pro-Morgana route and immediately say "Yes he should have been helping her in every way that was justified?"

or do we go the Pro-Merlin route and value his self-preservation more than anything else and straight up say "No, he didn't have to, that wasn't his job"?

And at this 1 year checkpoint I want to review myself.

At the very least, Merlin needed political backing for his cause very very badly. He had a job and a life mission, which was to bring freedom to his people using a specific trajectory (arthur). However, At s1-s2 Only Morgana was the nobility in the right position to accept and countercheck his views on magic. It's a risky move, true. He's been told that she was going to go evil and be more dangerous, true. She might revealed him to be the sorcerer way too early, true ...But if Merlin really needed to get a move on in his grand scheme, telling her and working with her was the only practical option to get his movement actually off the ground.

They were already friends. She trusted him more than anyone else. She was the prime person who would have understood. They already were indebted to each other. I mean, what more could you ask for in an ally?

If that means him being exposed to rebels like Alvarr, Tauren, Morgause or Mordred, wouldn't it have been better in the long run? His actions would have been in constant review and scrutiny by actual suffering AND Fighting members of the magic folk. If Merlin was destined to help rule them all then he needed critics, he needed social pressure from the other magicfolk too. Morgana was the right bridge for him, magic and Camelot. She was the best point of diplomacy anyone could have ever had. This would have made Merlin step up to a better diplomat/representative role as the face of his sect too.

I am not saying that he throw caution into the wind and immediately assist the rebels do atrocities, no. But it would have put Merlin in a position of learning and understanding on why rebellion/revolution/arms struggle was the only option left for so many of them, and that simply waiting for Arthur to become king someday will always receive heavy amounts of backlash from other magic sects and important magic people. Merlin needed to understand the reality of his people living on the ground and how it matches with the thing he was fighting for.

To me, ultimately, it's a check-and-balance thing.

Merlin had to be kept in check, just as Morgana had to be kept in check. That's what they should have been for each other. That's why the truth was important and valuable in the series. That's why it was wielded by Merlin as a weapon. That's why Morgana chased after it.

"Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?"

"Who watches the watchmen?"

Yes. Merlin owed Morgana the truth. For the sanity and survival of all and himself, then he should have risked it.

#mergana #bbc morgana #bbc merlin #adventures of merlin #merlin critical #failure of negotiations #its an extremist vs extremist game #wars of truth and privilege who would win #i learned this concept from discworld btw

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quietly-by-myself · 1 year

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Shadow By My Fireplace - Chapter 32

Masterlist

Thank you to @darkthingshappen for cheering me on with this chapter.

This is a happy chapter

CW: reunion, recovery whump

===

Sacha sat anxiously on his handmade bed, watching his phone. The phone call wasn’t even an hour ago and it would take his mom and dad at least two hours to reach Syracuse.

He could hardly believe it. For all those years, he’d believed that he would never see his family again. He believed that they wouldn’t want him. He believed that he was ruined. Now, they were driving to come get him. They still loved him after all those years. Hearing his mother’s voice had made that clear. He wasn’t ruined, not to her.

Cyril had a sad smile on his face. Sacha knew what he was worried about - he was worrying about it, too. Neither of them wanted to leave the other. They were perhaps a pair of bonded cats - one who’d been beaten and left for death and the other who’d lost their bonded.

“Sacha, I- I wanted to say that I’m really happy for you.”

Cyril’s voice was full of an emotion that Sacha couldn’t quite pinpoint. There was an air of sadness between them, even if it should’ve been a happy time.

Would Sacha’s mom accept Cyril - the tall, gruff, tattooed ex-doctor with enormous difficulty accepting people into his big, broken heart? Sacha didn’t know. She might find him bizarre. After all, Cyril was much older than him.

Sacha wondered - would she accept his tattoos? His scars? What if she balked when she saw him? He didn’t look like her son anymore.

“Cyril, I’m, um, thankful for everything you’ve done.”

Cyril nodded. “If I can’t come with you, promise that you’ll call me once and a while?”

Sacha sat there, stunned. Silence hung between the two of them. “You- you want to come with me?”

Again, Cyril nodded, this time more shyly. “I’m sorry. It probably seems strange. I’d - I want to move to Hope or somewhere close. I could open a practice. I’ve always done rural medicine. Maybe I could help you or your mother with aches and pains.”

Tears formed in Sacha’s eyes. “You want to practice again?”

Cyril took a deep breath. “You’ve shown me something I’d forgotten, Sacha. The majority of people in this world are good. They’re resilient. They stand up against great evil. The bad aren’t worth saving, but most aren’t bad. After all, this whole world would be so fucked up it wouldn’t function if everyone was bad. So, I want to practice again. Especially near your home.”

“But- what about your cabin? Your garden?”

“I’ll sell it. You mean more to me than a pile of sticks.” Cyril looked around a bit. “It’s… probably better that I leave anyway. I’m at a different place in my life now. This represents a different time, now. I can plant a garden wherever there’s dirt.”

The two of them sat in silence for a while. Though Cyril most often took care of Sacha, Sacha couldn’t help but feel proud of Cyril. Cyril had softened a lot since he first met him. Whether or not that was because they’d grown inseparably close, Sacha didn’t know.

“I think it does for both of us,” Sacha eventually said.

Cyril nodded his agreement.

They sat in silence again. Amber came to them eventually and began to knead the blanket Sacha had swaddled her in when she was a vulnerable kitten. She almost looked like a full-grown cat now.

The ringing of Sacha’s full-volume default ringtone filled the room, shattering the silence they found themselves in.

“Sacha? Are you there?”

It was Sacha’s dad. Sacha’s breath hitched in his throat. He was suddenly reminded of how close he was to going home. It felt far in the future, even if it was less than three hours away.

“Yes, Papa, I am. Are you in Syracuse?”

“Yes, we’re almost out of the city. We got stuck in a jam.”

Sacha chuckled a little. It all felt so surreal, like he was in a movie. He could hardly believe that he was going home.

“Sacha? What’s the name of the person you’re with? We want to be able to thank him when we get there.”

“His name is Cyril. Cyril Galanos.”

Cyril looked up at Sacha, looking a little confused.

“Okay. Thank you. You’re, um, you’re safe, really, right?”

Sacha smiled a bit into the phone. “Yes, I really am.”

“Okay.” His dad went quiet. “Okay,” he added a little more forcefully. “We’ll be there soon.”

“Okay, Papa. I love you.”

The line went quiet. “I love you, too.” His voice was shaking. Then the beep came that his dad had hung up.

Sacha looked at Cyril. “That was my dad. They’re in Syracuse.”

Cyril nodded. “Okay. Will they need food?”

Sacha nodded. “I doubt they’re stopping to eat.”

—

Sacha heard the car doors shut before he saw his mom.

When he saw her, he thought he was going to faint. All the blood rushed to his feet. His heart stopped beating for what felt like a minute. She was black-haired like him with hazel eyes. People always said he had his mother’s eyes. It was true, too, he guessed.

His dad came out next. He was tall - something Sacha didn’t inherit - but had the same black hair and green eyes. He was starting to bald and he had gray hairs that Sacha didn’t remember. Luckily, his mom’s side didn’t bald.

Nothing could stop Sacha. He ran to the door, throwing it open, and ran into his mother’s arms.

He saw the moment when she saw him, the recognition in her eyes. The shock, the awe, the happiness, the sadness for the years they lost together - all of it came to her chest as she held her son.

It wasn’t long before both of them were crying. She held Sacha tightly, pulling him close like she would never let him go.

“We missed you,” she hiccuped a bit. “We missed you so much, Sacha. It’s so good to see you again.”

“I missed you. I thought about you and Papa every day.”

She hugged him tighter at that. Eventually, Sacha’s dad joined the hug, tears rolling down his face, too.

“We never thought we would see you again, Sacha,” his dad said, holding both Sacha and his mother tight.

“I- I still can’t believe I’m out.”

“Yes, and now you’re in my arms. You never have to go back. That much, I promise you,” Sacha’s mom whispered into his hair, rubbing it gently.

They were silent, hugging and crying and making up for the four years lost in precious, loving seconds.

“How did it happen? How did you get out?” his mother eventually asked, pushing Sacha back a bit so she could look at him.

“M- The man who kept me, he died of an infection. I was able to escape. He left my room unlocked.”

His mother smiled and cupped his face, right below the scar Emery had left on his cheek. When Sacha looked into her face, it was as though she’d aged ten years in the four he’d been gone.

“So, a miracle. God was watching over you.” She smiled warmly. “Your birthday is in two weeks. We’ll be able to celebrate it together. You’re even home for Christmas. I never believed I would see another one of your birthdays or spend another Christmas with you.”

Her face contorted with sadness as she started sobbing again, pulling Sacha close.

When all had calmed down and the stories and emotions of years had been passed silently through hugs, Cyril came from behind.

“Mrs. and Mr. Matisse, my name is Cyril Galanos. I found your son after he’d escaped. I’m a former doctor and I was able to help nurse him back to health.”

Sacha’s mom walked towards Cyril, smiling. “You’re my son’s guardian angel?”

Cyril took a moment of pause, then smiled a bit. “I guess so.”

Her eyes filled with emotion as she looked upon the long-haired, tattooed doctor. “I cannot put into words my thanks. You gave us our son back. I just… you saved him. You’re practically family for that. We will forever be in your debt.”

A twinge of sadness flickered through Cyril’s eyes as he smiled genuinely at Sacha’s mom. “You don’t owe me anything. It’s okay.”

“Please, allow us to have even one meal with you. I’ll drive you to my home and pay for your plane ticket and fare back.”

“Well, I- um, I cooked you and your husband food. I didn’t know if you’d eaten on your way here.”

“No, no, you’re too kind!”

Cyril smiled, opening the door to his cabin. “I insist. We can eat outside if it makes you more comfortable.”

Sacha’s mom moved towards the door when Sacha willingly went inside, patting Cyril’s shoulder. The bond between the two men was obvious. This was not the man who’d hurt Sacha. And he had been hurt. She could see it in his eyes and the way he carried himself now.

Sacha’s mom looked around, taking in the whole place. She noticed the handmade bed, the thick, warm bed sheets, the warm fireplace, the medical supplies, the glasses on Sacha’s face, and the cat that wandered around the place. Sacha had been cared for - that much was obvious. His dad went straight to the table. Ever since an accident at his work, well, Sacha guessed it was five years ago, he had a bad knee that acted up if he stood for too long.

Cyril went into the kitchen and served the food. Amber came from around the bend to Cyril’s bedroom to investigate the new people.

Sacha’s mom laughed a bit. “Is the cat yours, Cyril?”

“No, she’s all Sacha’s. Sacha raised her.”

“Well, then, I guess she’s coming with us.”

They all exchanged a laugh, then silence fell over them.

“Really, Cyril, if you think of anything we can do to repay you, let us know, okay?”

Cyril nodded, but looked pensive as he began to eat his soup. Sacha wondered what was on his mind and if, after tomorrow, he’d ever see Cyril again. The thought didn’t sit well with him. How was he supposed to choose between his family and the man who’d saved him? His brother.

That’s tomorrow’s problem, Sacha.

Again, that little Cyril-voice in his head told him everything would be okay. Sacha just had to believe it.

===

Tags: @whumpsday @i-can-even-burn-salad, @pigeonwhumps, @darkthingshappen, @pumpkin-spice-whump, @darlingwhump, @maracujatangerine, @just-a-whumping-racoon-with-wifi, @flowersarefreetherapy, @octopus-reactivated, @quietshae, @whump-blog, @inkkswhumpandstuff, @whumpycries, @whumpkinz

#whump #whump writing #whump story #whump fic #whumpblr #whump community #whump comfort #reunion #recovery whump #shadow by my fireplace #cyril #sacha

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justlarkin · 1 year

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lark.-san, can you explain two things to me 1- what are the different problems that world representatives or their worlds have to solve as such because when I look I feel that some may be similar I don't know I don't remember very well (I ask the question because I It's hard to believe that they created an entire world for nirai kanai and bora bora instead of merging it, not counting the few units as such, it's a tribe, they're not going to show more characters either, I think) 2_seriously simurgh threatens the mc all the time? You can translate it to see, I mean, you already translated Fuxi's and knowing him, it's obvious that you're telling the truth in the last publication, but I don't think simurgh is yes all the time, right? (looks awkwardly)

1.) So like the issues that the exiles would've left because of?

-Takamagahara has an issue with exposing everyone and we don't know enough about Amaterasu to know what her issue is.

-Wa no Kuni has an issue with racism against non-humans and Yoritomo has issues with his paranoia and jealousy towards Yoshitsune.

-Kamuy Kotan has an issue with never changing and sacrificing young children and Korpokkur has an issue with hyper-focusing on innocence.

-Eden has an issue with blind faith and striving for perfection and if I had to guess Michael's issue is his blind loyalty and his refusal to question anything in Eden.

-I'm not too sure about Gehenna, but ranking seems to be an issue there and I don't know about Mephistopheles yet besides his inability to understand humans.

-Garo Demana's issue is that there's only good and evil there, no middle-ground or in-between, so once you step out of line, you'll be villainized and chased out.

-I guess Penglai's issue would be the constant revolutions and floods, but idk if that could actually be fixed and Fuxi has an issue with not treating Nüwa as an equal because she's younger and his tendency to just watch things happen.

-Olympus' issue is hierarchy and that they only see value in those in Cronus' bloodline. Oh, also, the pettiness and incest ig.

-Great Spirit's issue might have something to do with the "united" mentality there which causes anyone who thinks or acts differently to be chased away or ostracized.

-El Dorado's issue is the sacrifices and Tezcatlipoca just doesn't know when to let go.

-I don't remember enough to comment on the Old Ones, but they were always destined for failure.

-Not sure about Tir na NÒg, but ig Balor has an issue with TAKING COWS THAT DON'T FUCKING BELONG TO HIM forcing fate upon his grandchild and taking their right to choose away from them.

-Not sure about Shangri-La, but Smoky God's issue was his obsession with saving Asura when he should've let go and realized that Asura was the only one capable of doing that.

-I don't remember Deva Loka, but I think Shiva was too focused on his training there and didn't actually enjoy anything.

-Utopia's issue is that people are destroying themselves (and others) to progress faster.

-Kitezh's and Perun's issue is that they refuse to accept death and seperation, so they pretty much hold people hostage there.

-I'm not sure about Nirai Kinai, but it seems like Teda's responsibility as the sun king is the issue because he feels obligated to never express love for a single person, which Kinmamon didn't like.

And I don't remember/know enough about the rest to comment.

2.) Simurgh legitimately threatens MC once, maybe twice, and any other times he does it's just half-kidding remarks.

#ask

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high-warlock-of-brooklyn · 2 years

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In the light of Midnights, especially Anti-hero, I'm going back to one of my favorite quotes of all time.

Everything I am, is all mine.

In case you're not in the TSC fandom, Magnus Lightwood-Bane says this exact line of dialogue to his demon father Asmodeus who laid claim over half his soul, half of his abilities and even half his emotions. Now Asmodeus is a Prince of Hell, and as usual to most fantasy series, there are a lot of fantastical elements involved here.

What is not fantastical however, is what Asmodeus represents in Magnus's life, and what this line truly means.

Magnus has had a traumatic life. I will not elaborate on it, but apart from childhood trauma, there have been abandonment issues in him, and his emotional attachment more often than not turn out disastrously. However, Magnus has always been a good person at his very soul.

Even then, Asmodeus represents a part of his life he considers tainted and corrupted, dark and evil. I do NOT mean Magnus himself, mind you, I mean the part of his past involving his father.

Magnus, if you don't know him, hides insecurities behind grandiosity. He's bold, loud, unapologetically himself. But he hides deep fears, unhealed wounds. Magnus took steps towards healing further, but at this point of the story, he's still not entirely there.

Now coming to Anti-hero, we see pretty clearly how Taylor portrays and writes about her fears. The Anti-hero, so to speak, is loud, brash, prettily made up. She throws Taylor off of the bed as they're bouncing, she smashes the guitar while Taylor is playing. She convinces Taylor that everyone will betray her eventually, and distorts her self image.

It's me, hi. I'm the problem it's me.

The line is repeated throughout the song. But the first time it's said, the counterpart says it at her doorstep, cheery and almost like inviting herself into her life. As if proud of her achievement of making Taylor miserable. As the song goes on, slowly but surely the same line gets sadder and sadder in tone until she concurs that everyone agrees with her self conscious images. Saying 'it's me' now is just painful.

But. But.

It's her. It's a manipulative part of her making her self conscious and anxious. But it's still a part of her. Just like Magnus's good deeds and bad choices are all a part of him. Now it can go one of two ways.

You can try to root out this part of you. You might succeed, you might not. But either way it's going to hurt and it's going to make you miserable while you do it. Cutting out a part of yourself sounds easy, but it's excruciating emotional pain.

On the other hand, you could embrace it and accept it so you can guide it to a change. That's what Magnus does. He embraces his darkness and his light. Magnus is not perfect as a soul, and he knows that. He's flawed, and he embraces his flaws as part of him. 'Yes I'm broken, but all the pieces belong to me.' 'Yes I'm hurting, but it's me who's going to make it better.' It's this reclamation of souls that's so important. It's accepting and embracing your darkest corners, because it's only you who can see them. So if you cut them off, if you chose to hide away, how can they ever see light?

#THESE ARE MY PERSONAL THOUGHTS #this is too much for 2 am probably #but I've been stressed about puja all day and I'm just exhausted #anyway #magnus bane #tsc #the shadowhunter chronicles #taylor swift #midnights #anti hero #jace.txt #assholish comments can and will be blocked

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keytonesworld · 10 months

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Christian Thoughts Again (Pride Month Edition-Read at your own choice.)

Something saddened me today in my church's sermon. We were covering Romans 15:1-6, talking about bearing one another's burdens in church congregations, and importantly representing Jesus. As the pastor was talking about this beautiful subject, a tangent about pride month came up.

Let me be clear. Do I believe homosexuality when practiced is a sin? Yes. Even as a bisexual woman, of course I will never celebrate pride month because I dont want to celebrate sin. That is my conviction, and with love and compassion for absolutely everyone, I will stick to it.

But the pastor started speaking a language of major hostility towards the community as a whole, calling them "the alphabet people" and "insane," because of their hostility towards the church and towards America. (which is a whole other subject in itself.) In all honesty, I thought that he spoke of them as if they were disgusting pests. Yes, Christ says that God created them male and female, and made a husband to cleave to his wife. Yes, the movement has turned into true insanity, far beyond just letting people love who they love. There is so much evil in it, and unfortunately, people will pay for it at the end of times. I do believe that.

But you know what Christ also said?

"LOVE your enemies, and PRAY for those who persecute you."

We don't have to accept their way of life, but we also, CANNOT, not should not, CANNOT, go around calling people names and being cruel to them. Pride month is when people need the love of Christ most. They need his Word, they need to know that it's ok to not put so much pressure on loving themselves and things that will never fulfill them, and to trust God with loving them instead. Not name calling and clear hatred. You think that's gonna make them any LESS hostile towards Jesus and maybe even repentance?

We need to do better, church. People might not listen to us, maybe even hate us for our beliefs, but we cannot go hating them back. That does not represent Christ.

In fact, Christ forbids that.

#christian thoughts #christian

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warsofasoiaf · 2 years

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Thanks! It WAS Lucas Simms, whose outfit is called Sherriff's duster. I am reading Saturnine by Dan Abnett right now, and it made me think of "Legion" and I originally wrote Simms' name as Lucifer Black (also, he's black). Speaking of Abnett & all the WTF stuff in his heresy novels (like the perpetuals & the Cabal and the primarchs' MOM?!?!), these are cool ideas, but don't these behind the scenes factions decisively intervening undermine the story of the Marines & Primarchs we signed up for?

Yes and no.

It's perfectly acceptable for lots of folks to be involved in such a momentous occasion, the Aeldari whose cycle came before most of all. The Cabal, for example, sees it as the moment to finally defeat Chaos at the cost of humanity as a species. I'm of the belief that the Cabal is completely and utterly wrong, since Slaanesh is tied to the Aeldar, not humanity, even as it is capable of corrupting the Emperor's Children and taking them into his/her/its own. I think that interpretation of the Cabal makes them much better. They're willing to destroy humanity out of the belief that they'll win, but they're convincing themselves of it because they've pitted themselves against something far older and far harder to take out than they really know. They're taking on a rot that has infected the Warp since the War in Heaven and in their arrogance, believe that they have a simple solution, and are willing to sacrifice anything (except themselves, of course) to do it. That makes the Cabal tolerable to me, they're all-powerful morons, a secret cabal convinced that they're right, only to die a miserable death as its members realize that these people simply don't know what they're doing.

I think Perpetuals are really boring. Done right, they could have been a link back to humanity, a time before the Emperor. It's something that we can see with Ollanius, the archetypal grunt throughout history. He's the type of person that actually could work as a Perpetual, someone who sees what the world was and what it is. His death would be a great loss, because it represents that final cut from a better past, from the Age of Terra and the Age of Technology where mankind was better than it is now. It's a real sacrifice for humanity even unknowing, as the better dies to protect the lesser evil. There's a soft limiter now on humanity, you're never going to get that better age back - so you either surrender to the lesser evil or you build something better completely cut off from the past, and risk that you fail. 40k is in many ways surrendering to the lesser evil. The Imperium of Man is the worst of humanity writ large, and the only thing that ameliorates it (besides the fact that it's fiction) is the Chaos is so much worse than that. Instead, Perpetuals are largely just dull, a smattering of missed potential in Oll's case and mostly just worthless plots in the latter case that could have been handled by non-Perpetuals.

I disliked the Erda plotline, largely because it did nothing. It starts off fine enough: Erda scattered the Primarchs because she feared their corruption by the Emperor. Alright, perfectly fine, we know the Emperor is callous given what happened with the Thunder Warriors, not the worst idea in the world to deny the master utilitarian his latest disposable tool. It's a bit rough going, since Erda never showed up in the story before and was never hinted at. From a Doylist perspective it's rather jarring, but the Horus Heresy series has been trying to do some great revelations. I might not like it but it's fitting with the themes of the series as a whole.

Here's where it gets bad: Erda's not a character, she's an exposition fairy that shows up, drops a couple of bombshells, then dies before anyone can call her out on her bullshit. She can't have her hypocrisy called out or laid bare, she can't be bothered to wrestle if she might have been wrong or there might have been a better way to go about it. We are never given the opportunity to explore it, because there's no counter to what she says, and no space to explore it. Why did she abandon the Emperor during the Primarch project, and not one of his many other pieces of bullshit? Because it was her project? That would actually be a character moment, a self-absorbed one but at least it's one - Erda only gave a shit because it was her project with her 'offspring.' But it's never said, and there's no suggestion that this was the case, so it's not a character moment.

If Erda cared about them being corrupted by the Emperor, why didn't she take steps to ensure the Emperor couldn't find them? Big E found Horus early and easy. Hell, why didn't she take more care so they wouldn't be corrupted by Chaos? Sure, the Primarchs and other humans made their own choices, but did she have to throw Konrad Curze to Nocturne? Angron to Nuceria? If she had a competing vision with the Emperor, that makes the hellscape of 40K more poignant. Unlike the Cabal, maybe Erda's vision would have at least offered something, a different way for humanity to fight Chaos and thrive in a galaxy as terrifying and omnicidal as the Warhammer universe. Or maybe she was as wrong as the Cabal was, but we at least get to explore the depths of her wrongness, maybe even have her experience regret when she sees what Fulgrim or Mortarion became by being confronted with it. Instead, she acts huffy, says "look, it's not my fault, they became what they became of their own free will," then dies before there's any challenge to that. So Erda isn't just a spontaneous exposition fairy dropping the Big Reveal™ on the side characters, she's also just a waste. You can be clumsy, you could have things to improve on, you could even be a flop, but if the character at least has some merit worth putting words to paper, then there's something to them. Erda could have been something, but she's not. She's a waste, a twist reveal that goes nowhere, gives the readers nothing, and then is unceremoniously terminated and never brought up again.

Thanks for the question, Anon.

SomethingLikeALawyer, Hand of the King

#warhammer 40k

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aeoki · 2 months

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SS Finals - Crown: Chapter 19

Location: SS Finals Live Stage Characters: Tetora, Subaru, Hokuto, Chiaki, Madara, Hiiro, Aira & Rinne

Rinne: “Gyahahahaha ☆ Hello everyone watching from home! Look, it’s your childhood bestie, who’s still being an idol, Rinne Amagi!”

“Are ya enjoying this year’s ‘SS’? No? Alright, then!”

“But of course ya ain’t! There’s someone out there who’s trying to ruin the biggest festival in the idol industry – ‘SS’! They’re the root of all evil!”

“No one’s gonna be able to greet the New Year with a smile unless he’s outta the picture!”

Madara: …What are you trying to do?

Chiaki: Umm, Amagi-senpa–

Rinne: “Shut ya trap, Bastard-Who-Delivers-a-Deadly-Blow-For-a-Job! You’re supposed to be on the side of justice! Takes one to know one – it ain’t ya turn right now!”

Chiaki: Uh, it is our turn, though.

Tetora: …Are you saying “Crazy:B” will represent the “White Team” instead of “Double Face” for the fourth round?

Madara: Uh, I haven’t heard anything about that, so I can’t just say yes.

Rinne: “I ain’t listening to what ya gotta say!”

“But yeah, how about we put your battle on hold and let me take the stage? That’s what I thought about doing…”

“But the people watching would just find that boring, huh.”

“It’s supposed to be an enjoyable and noisy festival – it won’t be fun just watching me having a grand old time, right?”

“Let’s switch things up. Hey, “Double Face”, could ya let me be in the fourth round instead?”

Madara: Hm? I’m not exactly willing to accept the request of someone whose intentions are unclear. Besides, that would mean going against what’s written in the “oracle”.

The representative for the fourth round is us, “Double Face”. That’s what the “oracle” said, right?

Rinne: “Then gimme that ‘oracle’! I’ll cross it out and write something new on top of it!”

“It’s not like the ‘oracle’ is law – there’s no reason for ya to follow it to a T, right?”

Madara: I suppose that’s true. The other units and I won’t be happy with that. We only did what was written on it because it would also benefit us, after all.

Rinne: “Gyahaha! And I’m here saying that we should break that premise!”

Hiiro: Nii-san! What are you doing!? Explain yourself!

Aira: Hey, the camera’s are on so don’t just get on stage, Hiro-kun! You’re gonna get yourself involved! Help me stop him, Akehoshi-senpai!

Subaru: Huh, me? How come? I’m actually pretty excited since I can’t tell what’s gonna happen…☆

Aira: Oh, geez! Each and every single one of you ES people are just…!

Subaru: Besides, I don’t think Rinne-senpai would do anything bad this time.

He talked to us earlier and gave us some information.

But I think he’s doing this to make sure his message is heard all over the world.

If that’s the case, then we should leave him alone. It might be something good for us.

Aira: ……? ……?

Hiiro: What do you mean, Subaru-senpai?

Subaru: Well, just watch. I’m jealous – that’s supposed to originally be our job, right?

Hokuto: Hmph. The title of the “previous ‘SS’ champions” is just a hindrance, and it’s stopping us from doing our usual thing during this year’s “SS”. That’s what I also realised during Hokkaido.

We have something we’re ashamed about, but this time, we’ll pass the baton on to the “arrogant rookies”.

Aira: No no, stop saying those confusing things and stop him! I thought Rinne-senpai finally turned over a new leaf, but if he does something again then–

Hiiro: Indeed. Nii-san has changed just a bit. That destructive air he had during the summer is gone right now.

Should I believe in him and watch? I’m worried, though…

Rinne: “You betcha. Just sit back and see how cool ya big bro can be ♪”

“No. Neither of you guys have taken to the stage yet, so any one of ya will do – ‘Trickstar’, ‘ALKALOID’...”

“Come on up here instead of ‘RYUUSEITAI’.”

“Let’s create a legend or make history or whatever as we sing and dance. How ‘bout it?”

Hokuto: Then, we’ll take you up on that offer.

Subaru: Hold your horses, Hokke~ Let’s let “ALKALOID” take this.

If we’re following the plan and “RYUUSEITAI” will be fighting against “Double Face”, then the “White Team” will just have “Eden” and “Knights” left.

The “General Leaders” will obviously battle it out last, so the unit that’s left by process of elimination is “Knights”.

It’d be pretty sad to see “Knights” – one of ES’ Big Three – go against newbies, right? As their seniors, the previous “SS” winners…

And as rivals of “Knights”, let’s take them on instead. “Crazy:B” is also a new unit, so let’s have “ALKALOID” fight them since they’re of the same standing.

Hokuto: Hmm. Now that you mention it, I think that would be the smartest decision. It was written in the “oracle” that “ALKALOID” would fight “Crazy:B” too.

Rinne Amagi tends to do whatever he wants, but he might go easy on his opponent if it’s his own brother.

Hiiro: Hehe. Nii-san isn’t that sort of person, though.

Aira: Hey, can you not decide that all on your own? Are you ignoring what we have to say!? You two are always like this!

Hokuto: Do you have a problem with that?

Aira: Obviously! I–I’m not ready to get up on stage, though…!

Rinne: “Gyahaha. Well, chat as much as ya want – Lil’ rookie Rinne here will fill in for ya.”

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ← Previous Chapter ᠂ ⚘ ˚⊹˚ ⚘ ᠂ Next Chapter →

#ss finals

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azsdiary · 6 months

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Love, Money & Power

Me, suddenly a behavioral and language analyst, watching videos in a Language i don’t understand to figure out what’s going on about my man. Real Kpop stan type behaviour:

What if- I’m just not ever going to find the words to describe bc I’m waiting for things to crash and burn just Incase so I don’t have to mention it?? I don’t think this will crash & burn. I think this will be wonderful, secretly. But I’m scared to admit that. That I have hope. That God really might be giving me back more than I lost. Like Job. I know God does that eventually but is this really it? I am okay to hope, yes? Romans 5:3-5 right? No shame in hoping from suffering.

Power:

This was after the alleged elevator slap when J cheated on B. To me it represents: Realising that you’re very much over anyone’s less-than-Gods-standard type behaviour. I am SoLange & Bey.

For example, God told me to go the hood and then told me I was there to meet with my producer-to-be and I should call him over. He brought me a random gift speaking about how he likes to just bless people yada yada asking if I’m allergic to nuts and I thought it was luxury chocolate (yall know I don’t play about thatttt) then he later admitted in passing that it was regifted bc he didn’t want it (Ummm?). The gift? BBQ salted nuts.

Then he played me a normal beat he made which sounded like any well made popular beat on the net, saying it was an adjusted version of one he kinda liked on YouTube - then said why should he pay for beats when he can make better ones?? But you just said your ‘better’ beat was just an adjustment on 90% someone else’s beat that you’re now dissing??… and sounded basic nothing new at all same old Catholic choir voices in the bg and an 808 or whatever - and then started raving abt this vision he had.

He told me since he met me everything has been falling into place for him (I’m not going to lie every man I meet platonically tells me this - I praise God that He works thru me that way) and then I get this feeling… like a drop in my spirit.

Money:

He suddenly switches mid music convo saying to work together I have to agree on some things first - then tried to get me to agree that God saying choose life not death actually meant choose to be rich not poor, and that being rich was the goal of the gospel. Jesus Himself wasn’t rich. But He didn’t care.

I remember the feeling - the moment I realised God brought me there to break up with him (as a producer). It was like the world warped and he looked so unattractive to me suddenly - moments before he would open his mouth to say the things that would actually show me I need to walk away.

Production services for accepting a false gospel? “We all have our own belief systems” he said. I said “it’s not my belief system it’s the direct Word of God that says we should learn to abound whether rich OR poor through Christ. That love of money is the root of all evil… so being rich can’t be the goal of the gospel.” He agreed that if the prosperity gospel was real that this would be the exact convo he would try and have with me. Why didn’t that open his eyes?

It was a very manipulative end. He implemented many gaslighting and trapping techniques such as asking me to let him land or to hold on when he never lands as a way to get me not to answer anything he said. Ineffective on me ofc. Or like when I was leaving and he said ‘wait just one question then you can go.’ Then the question was just restating his argument so by answering it I’m just being dragged back.

The moment I realised he understood the truth I showed him and rejected it, I was gone.

Getting up and walking away from that conversation was easy because I’ve come to a place where anything against God is easy to leave behind. But it was sad to leave a soul there too.

Just another music attempt horror story. 7 years consecutive inability to make any music has been hard. I wasn’t even going to try again ever after year 5. But then God really helped me out in a situation and I said what can I ever do to repay you and I promise He literally said ‘start your music career’ ?? I was like but we weren’t going to do that fr anymore.

Look y’all I’m not saying I’m the worlds missing Link musically or the next Whitney - just that my music would help a few ppl who are missing Godly influence in a certain genre. What I haven’t created yet will greatly help a small number of ppl. And those ppl still need that help according to God.

I realised all he was was a notebook. He never had any ideas he just asked me all my thoughts and gave them back to me. I do the same when my friends need to make a hard decision by themselves and just need someone to help them see what they’re thinking. He added not much.

I spend a lot of time reassuring myself I’m human and I’m enough as I am to go forth w Gods plans. I feel ugly these days even when I think I look beautiful. I guess I just feel lousy - it’s been a lot to handle recently 3-4 ppl tried to slime me out (trick me) of money etc in the last 2 weeks. It’s been hard. Everybody thinks I’m rich though clearly ahhahaha.

I know I say that I pray for the return of the 2013 swag era but what I actually pray for is the relaxed attitude from it. The time I should have spent being a teen then, I spent being a toddler. I’m only a teen nowish. That’s okay - we’re getting it back

Love:

I was just looking for a good funnyish action movie. Then this scene where Alicia and Common fall in love in seconds and you can just feel that it’s real - it was the realest most honest love I’d seen on screen for a long time (minus the m*rder talk) for a long time. And the best thing about it I didn’t even go looking for romance I wanted an action comedy and was gifted it. (Smokin’ Aces.)

All this time I thought I wasn’t attracted to anyone bc their face wasn’t enough for me and then I fell for sb the hardest from just seeing their back- no face needed. Isn’t that the weirdest? (This clip contains swearing Use of the n word, and most main curse words I did not find a clean version of the clip)

youtube

And that’s me too. That’s really how I am. I don’t care if we just met, I’ll die about me for the Gospel’s sake - and I’ll die about you, instantly. Because of who he is, in Christ, who he’s chosen to be and how incomparably valuable he is to this world.

And that’s not desperate and that’s not delusional, that’s honest open and real. That’s real recognise real, and real protect real. No questions asked.

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otakusheep15 · 1 year

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hi im the same anon :)

honestly that hc u have is pretty solid and i even had a thought that he might be autistic. Did he had a life similar to silver where he was isolated from most people. Also its interesting how he comes from sunset savannah instead of the shaftlands despite him being based on the snow white story not the lion king. Do u think because of his origins he couldnt really fit in with most of the people ( and the most people being beastmen) but wasnt really accepted so he started copying or trying to find out how they get along the best. But at the same time, it makes sense for rook to be from there since the place is filled with beasts and he is based off a huntsman after all.

'his off-putting nature stems from a lack of social skills.' yep i agree as well honestly a lot of unsettling stuff he says or does wouldnt be so unsettling if he expressed them in a more appropriate way.

also someone told that they hc that rook is a noble which makes sense considering he is elegant enough to be a prince (if we change his haircut tho) and if he is a noble maybe like malleus he didnt grow up around the people he probably should at his age or no people. and because hes a noble nobody dares to approach him and he couldnt really reach out or connect to them. but at the same it doesnt because i dont think the huntsman would've been a noble. If he was, why was he sent to do the dirty job not his minions

also i have heard that many people consider huntsman as a false antagonist. as as he tried to kill snow white in the first place, but he actually did it out of fear of queen grimhilde aka the evil queen, who threatened to execute him if he would fail. so i think they went with that interpretation and gave rook light magic.

"an interesting character design to him, both in looks" i mean his looks is interesting...but should i be worried about your taste in men.

"at least a side story that delves more into his character." yes i hope so too uk like obey me they have a side after finishing the main story theres a part where u could go to the opposite storyline and find out about the bts. id like something like that and maybe that showcases him going through his development.

side note, im still a student who is mandated to take the subject english language even if i want to drop it. I citied them because thats the way we kinda do stuff when we have solve questions etc and thought hey wouldnt it be easier if the person understood it in more context and thus using the way to use the method ive learned in school.

I love the autistic Rook hc actually. Honestly, I think most of the characters could be labeled as autistic, but maybe that's just me. I think it would be interesting if he grew up similarly to Silver. I do remember during the Halloween event Rook mentioned one time where he got lost in the woods and spent time with wild animals, and the story seemed like it could have been based off of the Jungle Book, but maybe that's just me. But, either way, that story does seem to indicate that he was either neglected as a child or just liked adventuring on his own. As for why he lives in Sunset Savannah, most of the characters are pretty scattered about in terms of location. I know Cater, despite being a card soldier, lives in the same place as Vil and Jack, so Rook definitely isn't an outlier. I think him being there might represent how the Huntsman abandoned his home with the Evil Queen after helping Snow White. Maybe his parents (or just Rook himself) moved out to the Savannah at some point during his childhood, but that's only a small theory of mine, and I doubt it's true.

The headcanon of him being a noble is interesting, but I don't think it really works. He just doesn't seem like the type, and him being the huntsman doesn't line up either. I personally like the idea of him just lacking proper social skills much better. Also, when I mentioned his character design, I more meant how he looks despite living in the Savannah. Like, I wouldn't think someone who lives his life would look so prim and proper lol, not that I find him attractive. However, as I was writing this out, I did also remember that Rook was in Savanaclaw during his first year before moving to Pomefiore because of Vil, so I think that might be the reason.

As for a side story about his past, I wouldn't mind a vignette of him talking about his past. At the very least, I'd like for him to elaborate more about him switching dorms. From how he spoke of it, it seems like dorm switching isn't a super rare thing, but it still seems uncommon, so I'd like to hear more about it.

But, yeah, overall, Rook is an interesting character, and I would love to know more about him. He has such potential and I usually enjoy his type in other games/anime, so I'm sad I don't like him more. Hopefully we'll get more about him at some point in the future.

(Side note: it is very late when I'm writing this rn, so if any of this sounds weird or grammatically incorrect, I'm sorry lol.)

#twisted wonderland #rook hunt

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publicdomainbooks · 2 years

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CHAPTER X.

Other opportunities of making her observations could not fail to occur. Anne had soon been in company with all the four together often enough to have an opinion, though too wise to acknowledge as much at home, where she knew it would have satisfied neither husband nor wife; for while she considered Louisa to be rather the favourite, she could not but think, as far as she might dare to judge from memory and experience, that Captain Wentworth was not in love with either. They were more in love with him; yet there it was not love. It was a little fever of admiration; but it might, probably must, end in love with some. Charles Hayter seemed aware of being slighted, and yet Henrietta had sometimes the air of being divided between them. Anne longed for the power of representing to them all what they were about, and of pointing out some of the evils they were exposing themselves to. She did not attribute guile to any. It was the highest satisfaction to her to believe Captain Wentworth not in the least aware of the pain he was occasioning. There was no triumph, no pitiful triumph in his manner. He had, probably, never heard, and never thought of any claims of Charles Hayter. He was only wrong in accepting the attentions (for accepting must be the word) of two young women at once.

After a short struggle, however, Charles Hayter seemed to quit the field. Three days had passed without his coming once to Uppercross; a most decided change. He had even refused one regular invitation to dinner; and having been found on the occasion by Mr Musgrove with some large books before him, Mr and Mrs Musgrove were sure all could not be right, and talked, with grave faces, of his studying himself to death. It was Mary’s hope and belief that he had received a positive dismissal from Henrietta, and her husband lived under the constant dependence of seeing him to-morrow. Anne could only feel that Charles Hayter was wise.

One morning, about this time Charles Musgrove and Captain Wentworth being gone a-shooting together, as the sisters in the Cottage were sitting quietly at work, they were visited at the window by the sisters from the Mansion-house.

It was a very fine November day, and the Miss Musgroves came through the little grounds, and stopped for no other purpose than to say, that they were going to take a long walk, and, therefore, concluded Mary could not like to go with them; and when Mary immediately replied, with some jealousy at not being supposed a good walker, “Oh, yes, I should like to join you very much, I am very fond of a long walk;” Anne felt persuaded, by the looks of the two girls, that it was precisely what they did not wish, and admired again the sort of necessity which the family habits seemed to produce, of everything being to be communicated, and everything being to be done together, however undesired and inconvenient. She tried to dissuade Mary from going, but in vain; and that being the case, thought it best to accept the Miss Musgroves’ much more cordial invitation to herself to go likewise, as she might be useful in turning back with her sister, and lessening the interference in any plan of their own.

“I cannot imagine why they should suppose I should not like a long walk,” said Mary, as she went up stairs. “Everybody is always supposing that I am not a good walker; and yet they would not have been pleased, if we had refused to join them. When people come in this manner on purpose to ask us, how can one say no?”

Just as they were setting off, the gentlemen returned. They had taken out a young dog, who had spoilt their sport, and sent them back early. Their time and strength, and spirits, were, therefore, exactly ready for this walk, and they entered into it with pleasure. Could Anne have foreseen such a junction, she would have staid at home; but, from some feelings of interest and curiosity, she fancied now that it was too late to retract, and the whole six set forward together in the direction chosen by the Miss Musgroves, who evidently considered the walk as under their guidance.

Anne’s object was, not to be in the way of anybody; and where the narrow paths across the fields made many separations necessary, to keep with her brother and sister. Her pleasure in the walk must arise from the exercise and the day, from the view of the last smiles of the year upon the tawny leaves, and withered hedges, and from repeating to herself some few of the thousand poetical descriptions extant of autumn, that season of peculiar and inexhaustible influence on the mind of taste and tenderness, that season which had drawn from every poet, worthy of being read, some attempt at description, or some lines of feeling. She occupied her mind as much as possible in such like musings and quotations; but it was not possible, that when within reach of Captain Wentworth’s conversation with either of the Miss Musgroves, she should not try to hear it; yet she caught little very remarkable. It was mere lively chat, such as any young persons, on an intimate footing, might fall into. He was more engaged with Louisa than with Henrietta. Louisa certainly put more forward for his notice than her sister. This distinction appeared to increase, and there was one speech of Louisa’s which struck her. After one of the many praises of the day, which were continually bursting forth, Captain Wentworth added:—

“What glorious weather for the Admiral and my sister! They meant to take a long drive this morning; perhaps we may hail them from some of these hills. They talked of coming into this side of the country. I wonder whereabouts they will upset to-day. Oh! it does happen very often, I assure you; but my sister makes nothing of it; she would as lieve be tossed out as not.”

“Ah! You make the most of it, I know,” cried Louisa, “but if it were really so, I should do just the same in her place. If I loved a man, as she loves the Admiral, I would always be with him, nothing should ever separate us, and I would rather be overturned by him, than driven safely by anybody else.”

It was spoken with enthusiasm.

“Had you?” cried he, catching the same tone; “I honour you!” And there was silence between them for a little while.

Anne could not immediately fall into a quotation again. The sweet scenes of autumn were for a while put by, unless some tender sonnet, fraught with the apt analogy of the declining year, with declining happiness, and the images of youth and hope, and spring, all gone together, blessed her memory. She roused herself to say, as they struck by order into another path, “Is not this one of the ways to Winthrop?” But nobody heard, or, at least, nobody answered her.

Winthrop, however, or its environs—for young men are, sometimes to be met with, strolling about near home—was their destination; and after another half mile of gradual ascent through large enclosures, where the ploughs at work, and the fresh made path spoke the farmer counteracting the sweets of poetical despondence, and meaning to have spring again, they gained the summit of the most considerable hill, which parted Uppercross and Winthrop, and soon commanded a full view of the latter, at the foot of the hill on the other side.

Winthrop, without beauty and without dignity, was stretched before them; an indifferent house, standing low, and hemmed in by the barns and buildings of a farm-yard.

Mary exclaimed, “Bless me! here is Winthrop. I declare I had no idea! Well now, I think we had better turn back; I am excessively tired.”

Henrietta, conscious and ashamed, and seeing no cousin Charles walking along any path, or leaning against any gate, was ready to do as Mary wished; but “No!” said Charles Musgrove, and “No, no!” cried Louisa more eagerly, and taking her sister aside, seemed to be arguing the matter warmly.

Charles, in the meanwhile, was very decidedly declaring his resolution of calling on his aunt, now that he was so near; and very evidently, though more fearfully, trying to induce his wife to go too. But this was one of the points on which the lady shewed her strength; and when he recommended the advantage of resting herself a quarter of an hour at Winthrop, as she felt so tired, she resolutely answered, “Oh! no, indeed! walking up that hill again would do her more harm than any sitting down could do her good;” and, in short, her look and manner declared, that go she would not.

After a little succession of these sort of debates and consultations, it was settled between Charles and his two sisters, that he and Henrietta should just run down for a few minutes, to see their aunt and cousins, while the rest of the party waited for them at the top of the hill. Louisa seemed the principal arranger of the plan; and, as she went a little way with them, down the hill, still talking to Henrietta, Mary took the opportunity of looking scornfully around her, and saying to Captain Wentworth—

“It is very unpleasant, having such connexions! But, I assure you, I have never been in the house above twice in my life.”

She received no other answer, than an artificial, assenting smile, followed by a contemptuous glance, as he turned away, which Anne perfectly knew the meaning of.

The brow of the hill, where they remained, was a cheerful spot: Louisa returned; and Mary, finding a comfortable seat for herself on the step of a stile, was very well satisfied so long as the others all stood about her; but when Louisa drew Captain Wentworth away, to try for a gleaning of nuts in an adjoining hedge-row, and they were gone by degrees quite out of sight and sound, Mary was happy no longer; she quarrelled with her own seat, was sure Louisa had got a much better somewhere, and nothing could prevent her from going to look for a better also. She turned through the same gate, but could not see them. Anne found a nice seat for her, on a dry sunny bank, under the hedge-row, in which she had no doubt of their still being, in some spot or other. Mary sat down for a moment, but it would not do; she was sure Louisa had found a better seat somewhere else, and she would go on till she overtook her.

Anne, really tired herself, was glad to sit down; and she very soon heard Captain Wentworth and Louisa in the hedge-row, behind her, as if making their way back along the rough, wild sort of channel, down the centre. They were speaking as they drew near. Louisa’s voice was the first distinguished. She seemed to be in the middle of some eager speech. What Anne first heard was—

“And so, I made her go. I could not bear that she should be frightened from the visit by such nonsense. What! would I be turned back from doing a thing that I had determined to do, and that I knew to be right, by the airs and interference of such a person, or of any person I may say? No, I have no idea of being so easily persuaded. When I have made up my mind, I have made it; and Henrietta seemed entirely to have made up hers to call at Winthrop to-day; and yet, she was as near giving it up, out of nonsensical complaisance!”

“She would have turned back then, but for you?”

“She would indeed. I am almost ashamed to say it.”

“Happy for her, to have such a mind as yours at hand! After the hints you gave just now, which did but confirm my own observations, the last time I was in company with him, I need not affect to have no comprehension of what is going on. I see that more than a mere dutiful morning visit to your aunt was in question; and woe betide him, and her too, when it comes to things of consequence, when they are placed in circumstances requiring fortitude and strength of mind, if she have not resolution enough to resist idle interference in such a trifle as this. Your sister is an amiable creature; but yours is the character of decision and firmness, I see. If you value her conduct or happiness, infuse as much of your own spirit into her as you can. But this, no doubt, you have been always doing. It is the worst evil of too yielding and indecisive a character, that no influence over it can be depended on. You are never sure of a good impression being durable; everybody may sway it. Let those who would be happy be firm. Here is a nut,” said he, catching one down from an upper bough, “to exemplify: a beautiful glossy nut, which, blessed with original strength, has outlived all the storms of autumn. Not a puncture, not a weak spot anywhere. This nut,” he continued, with playful solemnity, “while so many of his brethren have fallen and been trodden under foot, is still in possession of all the happiness that a hazel nut can be supposed capable of.” Then returning to his former earnest tone—“My first wish for all whom I am interested in, is that they should be firm. If Louisa Musgrove would be beautiful and happy in her November of life, she will cherish all her present powers of mind.”

He had done, and was unanswered. It would have surprised Anne if Louisa could have readily answered such a speech: words of such interest, spoken with such serious warmth! She could imagine what Louisa was feeling. For herself, she feared to move, lest she should be seen. While she remained, a bush of low rambling holly protected her, and they were moving on. Before they were beyond her hearing, however, Louisa spoke again.

“Mary is good-natured enough in many respects,” said she; “but she does sometimes provoke me excessively, by her nonsense and pride—the Elliot pride. She has a great deal too much of the Elliot pride. We do so wish that Charles had married Anne instead. I suppose you know he wanted to marry Anne?”

After a moment’s pause, Captain Wentworth said—

“Do you mean that she refused him?”

“Oh! yes; certainly.”

“When did that happen?”

“I do not exactly know, for Henrietta and I were at school at the time; but I believe about a year before he married Mary. I wish she had accepted him. We should all have liked her a great deal better; and papa and mamma always think it was her great friend Lady Russell’s doing, that she did not. They think Charles might not be learned and bookish enough to please Lady Russell, and that therefore, she persuaded Anne to refuse him.”

The sounds were retreating, and Anne distinguished no more. Her own emotions still kept her fixed. She had much to recover from, before she could move. The listener’s proverbial fate was not absolutely hers; she had heard no evil of herself, but she had heard a great deal of very painful import. She saw how her own character was considered by Captain Wentworth, and there had been just that degree of feeling and curiosity about her in his manner which must give her extreme agitation.

As soon as she could, she went after Mary, and having found, and walked back with her to their former station, by the stile, felt some comfort in their whole party being immediately afterwards collected, and once more in motion together. Her spirits wanted the solitude and silence which only numbers could give.

Charles and Henrietta returned, bringing, as may be conjectured, Charles Hayter with them. The minutiae of the business Anne could not attempt to understand; even Captain Wentworth did not seem admitted to perfect confidence here; but that there had been a withdrawing on the gentleman’s side, and a relenting on the lady’s, and that they were now very glad to be together again, did not admit a doubt. Henrietta looked a little ashamed, but very well pleased;—Charles Hayter exceedingly happy: and they were devoted to each other almost from the first instant of their all setting forward for Uppercross.

Everything now marked out Louisa for Captain Wentworth; nothing could be plainer; and where many divisions were necessary, or even where they were not, they walked side by side nearly as much as the other two. In a long strip of meadow land, where there was ample space for all, they were thus divided, forming three distinct parties; and to that party of the three which boasted least animation, and least complaisance, Anne necessarily belonged. She joined Charles and Mary, and was tired enough to be very glad of Charles’s other arm; but Charles, though in very good humour with her, was out of temper with his wife. Mary had shewn herself disobliging to him, and was now to reap the consequence, which consequence was his dropping her arm almost every moment to cut off the heads of some nettles in the hedge with his switch; and when Mary began to complain of it, and lament her being ill-used, according to custom, in being on the hedge side, while Anne was never incommoded on the other, he dropped the arms of both to hunt after a weasel which he had a momentary glance of, and they could hardly get him along at all.

This long meadow bordered a lane, which their footpath, at the end of it was to cross, and when the party had all reached the gate of exit, the carriage advancing in the same direction, which had been some time heard, was just coming up, and proved to be Admiral Croft’s gig. He and his wife had taken their intended drive, and were returning home. Upon hearing how long a walk the young people had engaged in, they kindly offered a seat to any lady who might be particularly tired; it would save her a full mile, and they were going through Uppercross. The invitation was general, and generally declined. The Miss Musgroves were not at all tired, and Mary was either offended, by not being asked before any of the others, or what Louisa called the Elliot pride could not endure to make a third in a one horse chaise.

The walking party had crossed the lane, and were surmounting an opposite stile, and the Admiral was putting his horse in motion again, when Captain Wentworth cleared the hedge in a moment to say something to his sister. The something might be guessed by its effects.

“Miss Elliot, I am sure you are tired,” cried Mrs Croft. “Do let us have the pleasure of taking you home. Here is excellent room for three, I assure you. If we were all like you, I believe we might sit four. You must, indeed, you must.”

Anne was still in the lane; and though instinctively beginning to decline, she was not allowed to proceed. The Admiral’s kind urgency came in support of his wife’s; they would not be refused; they compressed themselves into the smallest possible space to leave her a corner, and Captain Wentworth, without saying a word, turned to her, and quietly obliged her to be assisted into the carriage.

Yes; he had done it. She was in the carriage, and felt that he had placed her there, that his will and his hands had done it, that she owed it to his perception of her fatigue, and his resolution to give her rest. She was very much affected by the view of his disposition towards her, which all these things made apparent. This little circumstance seemed the completion of all that had gone before. She understood him. He could not forgive her, but he could not be unfeeling. Though condemning her for the past, and considering it with high and unjust resentment, though perfectly careless of her, and though becoming attached to another, still he could not see her suffer, without the desire of giving her relief. It was a remainder of former sentiment; it was an impulse of pure, though unacknowledged friendship; it was a proof of his own warm and amiable heart, which she could not contemplate without emotions so compounded of pleasure and pain, that she knew not which prevailed.

Her answers to the kindness and the remarks of her companions were at first unconsciously given. They had travelled half their way along the rough lane, before she was quite awake to what they said. She then found them talking of “Frederick.”

“He certainly means to have one or other of those two girls, Sophy,” said the Admiral; “but there is no saying which. He has been running after them, too, long enough, one would think, to make up his mind. Ay, this comes of the peace. If it were war now, he would have settled it long ago. We sailors, Miss Elliot, cannot afford to make long courtships in time of war. How many days was it, my dear, between the first time of my seeing you and our sitting down together in our lodgings at North Yarmouth?”

“We had better not talk about it, my dear,” replied Mrs Croft, pleasantly; “for if Miss Elliot were to hear how soon we came to an understanding, she would never be persuaded that we could be happy together. I had known you by character, however, long before.”

“Well, and I had heard of you as a very pretty girl, and what were we to wait for besides? I do not like having such things so long in hand. I wish Frederick would spread a little more canvass, and bring us home one of these young ladies to Kellynch. Then there would always be company for them. And very nice young ladies they both are; I hardly know one from the other.”

“Very good humoured, unaffected girls, indeed,” said Mrs Croft, in a tone of calmer praise, such as made Anne suspect that her keener powers might not consider either of them as quite worthy of her brother; “and a very respectable family. One could not be connected with better people. My dear Admiral, that post! we shall certainly take that post.”

But by coolly giving the reins a better direction herself they happily passed the danger; and by once afterwards judiciously putting out her hand they neither fell into a rut, nor ran foul of a dung-cart; and Anne, with some amusement at their style of driving, which she imagined no bad representation of the general guidance of their affairs, found herself safely deposited by them at the Cottage.

#persuasion

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