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bookofmirth · 2 years

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I had thoughts about the acotar fandom and fandom etiquette and I'm not sorry.

I genuinely wonder if people wandered into the acotar fandom last year, after having read acosf, and didn't understand what corner of the internet they ended up in. Fandom is inherently very queer, in the broadest sense of the word. In the Judith Butler sense. Not just that there are gays everywhere, but there are disabled and neurodivergent and minoritized identities. We are here looking for more from canon, not just reinforcement that what we thought about canon was right. Fandom has existed for a long time to give stories to people who never saw themselves in the story, or who felt constricted by the mainstream, who felt like there wasn't a place for them in the media they consumed.

So when I see the acotar fandom being snide about "crackships" - though that's not an insult, it's just a description of how likely the pairing is in canon - and when I see the acotar fandom acting like shipping is a political stance/social justice cause, or when I see this fandom not understanding that you can ship things that have not been confirmed on the page, I have to wonder - where do these people think they are???

The most important thing about fandom imo is that there are no rules other than the number 1 rule: you are in control of your experience. That means that you block tags, or people, or follow tags, or people, or create, or consume, or whatever it is you want, but you cannot try to force your version of fandom on anyone else. If you don't like how someone else is engaging in the fandom, you block them and move on. It's that simple. There is no such thing as fandom police, it's every person for themselves. If you personally cannot stand the idea of Elain and Mor, then block that tag. If you really feel incredibly strongly about it, then block the people who use that tag. It's super simple, and it's been fandom practice for... literally decades now.

The acotar fandom has actually made this rule quite difficult in the past year because, for example, I have blocked upwards of 150 people on tumblr, and yet I know that some of those people continue to stalk my blog and make posts vaguing me. I've made my boundaries clear, those boundaries have been disrespected, and I know I am not the only one who experiences this. At least two times, people have taken me blocking them as a "challenge" to still try to interact with me despite the block. Thus far, my choices are to either attack those people head on, or act like they don't exist. I quite like pretending that they don't exist because those people are a waste of my time. However, I am not the only person they do this to and I know that turning the other cheek isn't that easy all the time, especially when certain people are so aggressive about being assholes.

The fact that people get mad at other users blocking them, that just baffles me. Again, blocking people is a time-honored and necessary tradition in fandom. You do not have to scroll through content you don't want, and having a presence in the fandom doesn't mean you have to allow all people access to your content! "This person blocked a bunch of us so we can't interact!" Yes, well, that's the point! They have drawn a line in the sandbox, you are not entitled to interact with whomever you want, and you should definitely respect the fact that someone has, for literally whatever reason they want, decided that they don't want to interact with you. The audacity of people getting mad about being blocked - is that harming you, somehow? Is that preventing you from screaming whatever you want to scream on your own blog? No? So what's the problem, exactly?

no 👏 one 👏 here 👏 owes 👏 you 👏 anything 👏

Disrespecting people's right to ship or headcanon or imagine whatever the fuck they want is another way that this rule continues to be violated. People are allowed to dislike/like whatever they want. Again, this is all about the only rule, you are in charge of your experience. Shaming people for what they like - whether it's a fluffy crackship or an abusive rarepair - is not okay. If you don't like something, then it's on you to block the content. It's not on you to show people the "error" of their ways because that's literally the opposite of why we are here!

It is not okay to tell other people how to exist in the fandom, and this moralistic high ground that people are taking in order to justify their shaming of other people is especially not it. That's the exact rationale that people are now using to say that in certain schools in the U.S., the idea of queer people existing is verboten. Why, oh why, do people think it's okay to come into one of the queerest space on the internet, and start throwing around morality-based arguments, when those types of morality-based argument are being used IRL to silence us??? Because people ended up in fandom and had no idea where they were (and apparently, still don't).

We exist in fandom (in part) because we already feel like there isn't a place for us in the mainstream. We are not going to allow a bunch of people who are so stuck up their ass in heteronormativity and whiteness and canon, to tell us what we can and cannot ship in fandom, a space that was historically made by and for queer people.

Example: if you don't like a specific ship, then you block that tag. The end. Maybe you talk about why you, personally, are not into it. We all have squicks. but you do not shame people for liking it, or try to tell them how and why it's bad that they like it. There is a HUGE difference between saying "here is why I don't like this" and saying "no one should ever like this!"

Fandom has etiquette, including tagging things appropriately, but the flip side of that is the understanding that tagging is a privilege, not a right. Fandom functions on the assumption that we are each looking out for one another by tagging content appropriately, but the second part of that assumption is that we do not tell one another what to do - if someone breaks rule number 1, then you decide if that bothers you or not. You cannot force them to comply, but you can block their ass. This is only tangentially related, but still relevant. It's still part of the whole "you are in control of your own experience" rule that we all live by.

I guess the whole point of this is to say: live and let live, y'all.

If someone draws a boundary, respect that.

Learn how to draw your own boundaries.

Stop being so freaking stuck on canon because that is not why we are here.

And have a gay gay gay gay day.

#acotar #acosf #fandom things #acotar fandom

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with-my-murder-flute · 4 years

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Hi everybody, thanks for the asks letting me know I made the top of @yusuftiddies’ list of Homophobes in TOG Fandom, you can stop sending them now.

So.

I can make mistakes and fuck up and own that. I am serious about listening to marginalized people. But... in this case, while @yusufstiddies generally describes factual events that happened and factual posts that exist, I have to say that I can’t actually apologize for the things I’m called out for because I don’t think they’re homophobic. The things he criticizes me for are things that come from a lot of personal experience as a queer bisexual cis woman, as well as a lot of reflection, research, and study. I believe in them really strongly and stand by them.

I’m really sorry if this makes TOG fandom too hostile, because it is not my intention to make this place so unpleasant that anyone feels driven out. I understand if my stance means people no longer want to follow me/read my stuff/participate in projects I’m involved with (though I’d rather hand off the Research Hub to someone else than see it go down with me). I’m posting this so people can know where they stand before they decide whether to keep interacting with my blog, or “deplatform” me as @yusufstiddies recommends.

I would recommend, for anyone who doesn’t want to see my posts, using Tumblr’s new post content filtering feature. If you type a username (like star-anise or with-my-murder-flute) into it, Tumblr will hide all posts featuring that specific string of characters, and therefore any post or reblog of mine.

To address the accusations against me:

I am an anti-anti: Yes. I’ve reblogged posts of mine about this before. I care passionately about preventing child abuse, but I think there are better ways to prevent child abuse in fandom (like concrete harassment policies so predatory behaviour can be reported and stopped early, and education about digital consent and healthy relationships) than attacking people who write “bad ships,” not least because the first people it hurts are abuse survivors trying to work through their trauma, and because the research says you cannot actually tell who’s a sexual predator based on what they write about. Fiction affects reality, but not on a 1:1 basis. My mainblog, @star-anise, has a really extensive archive of my writing on the subject.

I said cishet men aren’t more privileged than gay men: Kinda. What I actually did was question whether Every Single Cishet Man benefits from more privilege than Every Single Gay Man. If a man is cishet but gets beaten up because people perceive him as gay, he’s not exactly feeling the warm toasty glow of heterosexual privilege in that moment. Oppression is complicated and there are times when someone’s lack of privilege on one axis is way less important than someone else’s lack of privilege on another axis.

The post above also includes me reblogging someone else’s addition about how straight men can be included in the queer movement: I’m queer. @yusufstiddies has made it very clear that he isn’t comfortable with the word “queer” and doesn’t like it. Therefore I think it’s understandable that he might not understand that the queer community sees ourselves as a coalition of people dedicated to dismantling the structures of sex and gender that oppress us, not a demographic of people whose gender identities or sexual orientations can be neatly mapped. However, I would say that doesn’t make queer theory inherently homophobic.

There are also some related points @yusufstiddies didn’t level at me specifically, but I would like to address:

The constant focus on the unsafeness of cishet people:

I’m not cishet. I’m a bisexual woman who’s dated women. Sixth-light is a queer woman married to a woman. This is not an issue of non-LGBTQ+ people blundering their way into something they don’t experience the daily consequences of. This is an issue of people from WITHIN the LGBTQ+ community who sincerely disagree with @yusufstiddies about the pressures we experience and how best to deal with them. I think that even if @yusufstiddies were to filter his fiction input to only LGBT-written work about LGBT experiences, or even only trans-written work about trans people, he would still find a lot of things he finds upsetting or transphobic, because sexual and gender identities are really diverse and not everything will suit one person.

The contention that saying “’Queer is a slur’ is TERF propaganda” is transmisogyny because it dilutes the definition of “TERF”:

People who point out the phrase is TERF propaganda are not calling every person who says it a TERF, and we are not trying to argue that telling a queer person that queer is a slur is inherently equal to the kind of damage a TERF does when she attacks a trans woman out of transphobia. Queer people being able to use the word “queer” does not have the same importance as trans women being able to live, work, and survive in public. Rather, we are literally saying, “This is a thing TERFs say when they take a break from attacking trans women and try to recruit new members to their group, so it’s in our best interests to not give it too wide a currency.”

Some people have experienced the word “queer” used as a hateful word hurled against them and don’t want to hear it ever again. I get that. It happens. Where I grew up, “gay” was a synonym for “shitty” and it took me a lot of years out of high school before the word “gay” wouldn’t shoot my blood pressure through the roof. I actually do understand that and think that’s valid (and again, support using post content filtering for that word).

One of the things I do at @star-anise is argue with young people who are headed into full-on transmisogynistic TERF territory, and work at reeling them back and deradicalizing them. I use a tag called “weedwhacking” so my followers can filter out the sometimes lengthy back-and-forths we get going.

Something I’ve learned, interacting with so many TERFs and proto-TERFs, is that one way they frequently get recruited into harassing trans people was through discourse around the word “queer”. For one, it encouraged them to want to distance themselves from any perception of LGBT people as “weird” or “not normal”, which led to seeing trans people as “weird” and “not normal” and therefore not good members of the “gay pride” community. For two, repeating “queer is a slur” predictably causes a lot of queer people to react in a defensive manner, so by teaching young or new people to say it, TERFs can set them up to feel alienated from the larger LGBTQ+ community and more open to TERF propaganda.

The next issue isn’t mentioned in the original callout post, but I think it’s key to this entire issue:

@yusufstiddies has made several posts about what cishet people should and shouldn’t write. For example, cishets shouldn’t write Nicky experiencing internalized homophobia. Another is a detailed post of things cishets shouldn’t write about trans people, including which sexual positions only trans people are allowed to write. I would imagine that part of his frustration with fandom has been the lack of traction those posts have gotten. I know I very deliberately didn’t reblog them.

That isn’t because I don’t agree that the things he complains about are rarely handled well by cishet authors. I agree that there’s a lot of bad fic out there that contributes to negative stereotypes against LGBTQ+ people and is basically a microaggression to read.

I have two very deeply-seated reasons for my position:

LGBTQ+ identities are different from many other political identities because most people are not born identifiably LGBTQ+. It’s something we have to figure out about ourselves. And one really important way that we do that is using the safety of fiction to explore what an experience would be like, sometimes years before we ever admit that we fit the identity we’ve written about. So banning cishet authors from writing something is really likely to harm closeted and questioning LGBTQ+ people. It will lengthen the amount of time questioning people take before finding the identity that really fits them, and force closeted people to be even more closeted.

There’s a lot of undeniably shitty stuff in fandom. However, I fundamentally believe that trying to target the people creating it and forcing them to stop doesn’t work very well, and has the serious byproduct of killing the creativity and enthusiasm of the rest of fandom and resulting in less of the actual thing you like being produced. I think that it is infinitely more productive to focus on improving the ratio of good stuff in fandom than trying to snuff out every bad thing.

Like I said: I understand if this means former followers, mutuals, or friends no longer want to interact with me. I’ll be saddened, but I’ve obviously chosen this path and can deal with the consequences.

I wish this could have worked out differently.

#my stuff #the old guard

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solarmoonecilpse · 2 years

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I posted 418 times in 2021

178 posts created (43%)

240 posts reblogged (57%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 1.3 posts.

I added 352 tags in 2021

#danganronpa actor au - 52 posts

#kiyotaka ishimaru - 50 posts

#danganronpa - 48 posts

#actor au - 34 posts

#byakuya togami - 32 posts

#kokichi ouma - 29 posts

#mondo owada - 28 posts

#celestia ludenberg - 27 posts

#junko enoshima - 26 posts

#sayaka maizono - 26 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#also just knowing everything so that makes you start in the middle but youve already missed so much so you start at the begining but you al

My Top Posts in 2021

I watched critical role guys :) I want to cry :) so anyway heres a modern au-

Caleb: Who the fuck added me to a fucking group chat? Jester: >:O language Beau: Yeah watch your fucking language fjord: OKAY WHO TAUGHT BEAU THE FUCK WORD? Molly: 'The fuck word'. Yasha: Are you stupid? You guys use the f word all the time Beau: Oh my god they censored it Molly: Say fuck, Yasha. Beau: Do it, Yasha. Say fuck.

Caleb, walking into their house: Hello, people who do not live here. Jester: Hey. Beau: Hi. fjord: Hello. Molly: Hey! Caleb: I gave you the key to my place for emergencies only! Yasha: We were out of Doritos.

Caleb: We need to distract these guys Jester: Leave it to me Jester: Centaurs have six limbs and are therefore insects. Discuss. Beau, fjord, and Molly: *Immediately begin arguing* Yasha, watching in horror: Oh this. I don’t like this. I don't like this at all.

Caleb: I CAN'T DO IT! Jester, laughing: I CAN'T EITHER! Caleb: I CANT FUCKING DO IT ANYMORE Beau: WELL I'LL TELL YOU WHAT, YOU CAN EITHER GIVE UP NOW, OR YOU CAN FIGURE IT OUT. BECAUSE WE CERTAINLY CAN'T DO IT WITHOUT YOU, AND WE KNOW YOU CAN'T DO IT WITHOUT US. Caleb: Caleb: I appreciate it, Caleb: BUT LOOK WHAT WE'RE DEALING WITH- fjord: Caleb- Caleb: YOU GOTTA DRAW THE LINE SOMEWHERE! Molly: Caleb we gotta- Caleb: YOU GOTTA DRAW A FUCKING LINE IN THE SAND. YOU GOTTA MAKE A STATEMENT. Caleb: YOU GOTTA LOOK INSIDE YOURSELF AND SAY 'What am I willing to put up with today?' Caleb, motioning to Yasha: NOT FUCKING THIS

Caleb: Don’t worry, I have a few knives up my sleeve. Jester: I think you mean cards. Caleb, pulling knives out of his sleeves: No, I do not.

Jester: That’s one of my biggest fears. Like, if I ever woke up as a donut... Yasha: You would eat yourself? Jester: I wouldn’t even question it.

Caleb: Hey Jester, Jester: Yes? Caleb: Can a person breathe inside a washing machine while it’s on? Jester: Jester: Where’s Beau?

92 notes • Posted 2021-03-06 19:52:51 GMT

wow i really like posting at 3 am huh?

Taka: The most baffling acesexual moment™ is learning that those over sexual commercials (like when they advertise a soda next to a girl in a bikini) actually DO turn people on and aren't some weird pointless trope Murkro: T H E Y W H A T?

Junko: We were talking about LGBTQ+ stuff and Mono wasn't taking anyone's shit lol Rando student: But what if we dont feel comfortable working with that life style? Mono: Find a different career

Korekiyo: sleep makes me so mad tbh do you know how much shit i could get done if this flesh prison didn't require literal hours of laying there in a state of unconsciousness Korekiyo: that being said if you deprive me of my sleep i will Cry™

Leon: Lets be real here we all had a gay panic when Taka took off their shirt, dont deny it.

Mondo: Taka has to be really small but they are allowed to commit whatever crime they want. Gods duality.

Junko: ‘What time is it you ask me?’ I pull out my 2.7 metric ton grenade sundial and immediately crush both of your feet. I announce: ‘It is cloudy.’

Me at almost any taka ship:🥺❤❤❤❤🥺💕💖💖💖💖💖💖💕💕💕💕💕💕🥺🥺🥺🥺

97 notes • Posted 2021-01-07 08:42:54 GMT

sdskjdskljf actor au???

Toko: Oh come on, I wasn't that drunk. Hifumi: You tried to color my face with a highlighter because you told me I was important. Toko: BECAUSE YOU ARE

Taka and Toko: drops Byakuya off at the airport Taka: Have a safe flight! Byakuya: I don’t have a say in the matter. Toko, driving off: Die then.

Hifumi: [Sends the group chat a text at 3 am] Murkro: [Responds] Hifumi: Whoa whoa whoa what are you doing up this late go the fuck to sleep this isn't healthy!

Taka, texting Junko: I just walked into a party and some guy yelled dibs Mondo, texting Junko: I'M REALLY DRUNK AND A REALLY CUTE GUY WALKED INTO THE PARTY AND I YELLED DIBS

Taka: I am going to sleep now! Please do not make any loud noises! Leon: MEEP Taka: I ask for so little.

114 notes • Posted 2021-01-02 23:55:13 GMT

a fan: So what are your notes on making Molly and Caduceus?

Taliesin looking over his notes that just say ‘find a way to romance/befriend Caleb’: uhhhhhhhh

131 notes • Posted 2021-03-11 06:47:41 GMT

i now have a actual schedule!!! Yay!!!

Taka: Killing everyone on the among us game they were streaming. Celestia:

Fuyuhiko: I swing both ways ;) Fuyuhiko: With a bat. violently.

Kaito: My jacket has been disappearing lately :( Kokichi half asleep on his jacket: Spooky.

Sayaka: The floor is lava! Sakura: [Helps Aoi onto the counter] Peko: [Kicks Fuyuhiko off the sofa] Sayaka: As you can see, there are two types of lovers

Leon: Fuck you; ..unvirgins your olive oil.. Leon: WAIT NO. Chihiro: DID YOU JUST FUCK MY OLIVE OIL????!?!?!?!?

Mondo: Why is my underwear in the freezer? Chihiro: You were drunk and said “this is gonna confuse me so much tomorrow” Mondo: That explains so much.

164 notes • Posted 2021-01-11 19:47:21 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

#my 2021 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #HOLY FUCK MY MOST POPULAR POST IS FUCKING THAT!!!!!!#I THOUGHT THAT WAS MY WORST

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trashdorito · 2 years

Text

I posted 7,522 times in 2021

105 posts created (1%)

7417 posts reblogged (99%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 70.6 posts.

I added 188 tags in 2021

#best pile - 63 posts

#e3 spoilers - 20 posts

#iconic - 18 posts

#linked universe - 17 posts

#deltarune spoilers - 17 posts

#!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! - 14 posts

#me - 12 posts

#botw 2 - 11 posts

#age of calamity - 8 posts

#!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! - 8 posts

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#shrack sounds like when your cat throws up vodka right next to you and you need to wake up for the most important day of your life in 1 hour

My Top Posts in 2021

You know that feeling when the author gives this one character so much attention. Like, a lot of attention? Yeah this is the consequences of that attention

73 notes • Posted 2021-10-19 17:00:46 GMT

Four, my beloved,

WHERE DID YOUR BRAINCELL GO

83 notes • Posted 2021-07-25 23:32:58 GMT

Haha am I funny yet?

@ryssbelle @beabigshot I love both of your aus and the fact that both of them came from dreams and are now very popular is so funny to me

120 notes • Posted 2021-10-12 18:20:09 GMT

Ok I'm hopping on the ship rating train so this goes out to @botwstoriesandsuch since its their fault.

10. I have Teba x Saki here cause they're really adorable and Saki has to deal with her husband being a chaotic dumbass

5/10

9. Here is my only Daruk ship which is Daruk x him being aroace. Why? Oh because I said so.

6/10 no I am not projecting shut up

8. Revali x Mipha comes next cause HWAOC maked me like them. Revali beings caring and soft to her makes my heart melt

7/10

7. Did I fall in love with yiga husbands? Absolutely. I'm pretty sure Kohga fell in love the moment he saw Sooga with his huge ass swords that are definitely taller than him. Sooga didn't realize he fell in love until his dying breath, hoping Kohga got away safely

7/10 oops I'm sad now :-)

6. So here I got Zelda x Impa cause I really think they would be cute, since the game shows that Impa puts a lot of effort into caring for zelda. Zelda would also fall for the badass ninja.

7/10

5. Now we got Zelpha because I love them. Have you seen the way Mipha spins on her trident like a badass? Zelda sure has and she panicking. Did yall see Zelda destroy the fucking Calamity (after link fuckin jumped up 30ft to slice the fucker in half)? Mipha sure as hell did and she's having her bisexual awakening so she double panicking

8/10

4. Here i have platonic Robbie x Purah cause they're chaotic gay scientists who tease Impa for being their token straight friend (even though she gay for zel)

8/10

3. The only one Urbosa can be shipped with is the Queen of Hyrule. I personally think the queen and the fucker king rhoam were in an arranged marriage and the queen and Urbosa got married at Gerudo Town. The two talk shit about the King a lot (since they're married) so when the queen died of illness Urbosa 100% thinks Rhoam had her assassinated and absolutely wants to kill him but she has no proof.

9/10

2. One of my favorites: King Rhoam x Me hunting him for sport. Need I continue?

16/10 each extra point is for everyone who would hunt him with me. Points will always vary but will never drop below this number.

1. A surprise to no one: Revalink. Yes I love them. Enemies to lovers? Yes. The banter? I'd die. The puns? Abso-fucking-lutely. And I'm totally not projecting onto either of them why would anyone think that definitely not.

10/10

140 notes • Posted 2021-02-08 19:23:03 GMT

This is the other side of the meme I just made lol

191 notes • Posted 2021-10-19 16:54:07 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

#my 2021 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #of course my memes are what's my most popular #also two of my top tags are just !!!!!!!!! lol #ALSO MY FOURTH MOST POPULAR POST IS ABOUT FOUR OMG #my longest tag threw me for a loop what the fuck was I thinking with the cat vomit #also damn over 7000 posts #thats a lot #also ignore my top tag that's just how I save some posts to look at later #ALSO I HAVE 10000 POSTS HOLY SHIT

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bisluthq · 3 years

Note

So idk I am feeling conflicted bc you know how there’s a sect of the lgbt community who are all like “go listen to real queer artists and stop trying to make Taylor seem one of us through your lyric analysis” like.

I mean I get what they’re saying and it’s not even like Taylor presents as a great ally lmao but like... I feel like that argument just forgets that 1) closeted people exist and 2) straight people can write songs that can be analyzed through a queer lens

Like I mean there is a severe lack of out mainstream artists and I get we should absolutely support the ones that are Bc it makes it easier for closeted people to come out the more mainstream it is... but like... idk. I do think some people take Taylor’s sexuality too far and to consider her a gay icon is just like not it right now... but like her music slaps and you don’t have to be straight to relate to it. There are so many of her songs that I listen to and think of my ex gf when I do so it’s like? Maybe Taylor didn’t write DBATC for a woman but I ascribe it to one when I listen to it and like that’s the point of music you know?

Idk I get why some lgbt people are annoyed by her but like... I just feel like no one considers that being closeted is a thing and I think some lgbt people fall into the same default that straight people do and just assume everyone is straight unless they have a huge coming out announcement. And like that’s not fair to anyone tbh.

Yeah look I mean I have MANY thoughts on this:

1) shit doesn't need to be canonically gay in order for it to be relatable. Same as how straight people can and SHOULD relate to queer storylines too because WE ARE ALL HUMAN. No one is ever going to write a banger of a breakup song like Adele. Do I think she has a fruity bone in her body? I mean like maybe she's kissed a girl at a party one time but like all her songs are for her about boys. But they're not necessarily about boys for me. And that doesn't make them worse or less relatable. I'm allowed to ugly cry and listen to Turning Tables and I don't have to picture a bloke when I do that.

2) that's true for minority/majority art in general. Minority groups generally find ways to identify to majority groups, but I LOVE it when majority groups identify to my minority identities. Like yaaaaas goy straight bitches please go stan Broad City. The girls are SO Jewish and... so bi... but like I WANT YOU TO LIKE IT and relate. And most people I've spoken to feel that way regardless of identity. Like, obvi the point is not to appropriate but like yes I'm going to bop and sing to Formation and I'll not say the hair line when I'm singing it in my car - y'all should lowkey know by now Lemonade is like one of my favorite albums because I reference it that much - there are lines I skip but the PREMISE of like being with your group of girls is completely relatable to me. Do I get the nuance she's communicating? Cerebrally but obvi not like to my core, but it's a dope song, and I can have fun singing it.

3) those are two important sidebars and bring us back to Taylor. IMO it's okay to like Taylor's music in a gay way in the same way we queer people like Adele's or even in the way goy straight girls like Broad City. Like it's okay if she didn't mean it that way and she didn't mean to speak to us but did via the human experience and that's like beautiful y'know and makes her a phenomenal artist.

4) it's also important to realize that yes Taylor could be closeted but besties she's not like... revolving her life around it. She has made a choice to live a hetty presenting life and - here's where we get to the kicker - she has fostered the bullying of queer fans who pick up on themes in her music and ship while having no issue with hetty weirdos. And that makes me HOPE she's queer in some way and not homophobic because if you are an ally and you're letting people speculate about EVERY boy you're in contact with but lose your shit when it looks like you kissed your female friend, ehhh that's on you. You're a bad ally and a bit homophobic.

5) which brings me to "why I hope she's queer": fundamentally because it'd make her less stupid and more likable, and it'd make her faux pas missteps more understandable because it was like ~personal and she struggled, and it'd make the signaling she's done (and don't start this I never include ship shit I always talk about sus statements and flag usage etc and it's in my nat talks gaylor tag) more understandable.

6) if she's straight eh people have just as much right to queer read her songs as we do with Adele and Lana. It doesn't matter.

Maybe Taylor Swift is straight. If so she has a LONG way to go in terms of allyship, and a long way to go compared to just about every pop star who has come before her. Like she's a problem dudes. She's a homophobe because she's allowed a fandom which allows folklore songs to be assigned to HARRY but freaks at Wonderland being assigned to Dianna Agron.

Maybe she's bi, and I wish society would allow for that but I don't think it does especially not in her case.

Either way I wish hetlors would get off truthering because it doesn't matter.

So someone thinks she's gay. Cool. Make like Elsa and let it go, why can't that be the case? Again, I am CONVINCED Blake, Scarlett, Emma W, and a host of other celebs are straight. I won't truther someone who's saying Emma and Bonnie shared rooms together because I'd be like "lol Bonnie has the range but Emma doesn't but fair enough" and leave it at that.

Being OBSESSED with this issue is weird.

And before some anon says - I'm not obsessed. Maybe she's straight, I think she could be bi, maybe she's a lesbian dealing with comphet. I'm not her and I don't know! But what I am veeeery convinced of is she ain't no gold star.

#nat talks gaylor #nat talks swiftdom

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aragima · 4 years

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hannibal questions! 🍖🔪

@nietzscheantrout @horrorlesbians and @hanniba1 wanted me to answer these hannibal questions and i wrote too much but oh well! thanks to all 3 of you ilu!!!

favorite episode and why: oh we’re just goin straight to the hard questions huh um OKAY so i think i can only do an ep a season - s1: SORBET SUPREMACY! you get to see the exact moment will looks at hannibal and thinks “.........shit. it’s him isn’t it. he’s The One. SHIT.” and that is so important to me - s2: this one is really hard maybe naka-choko? it’s so fucking gay and sexy. but tome-wan... but mizumono............ yeah idk - s3: torn between digestivo and the wrath of the lamb cuz they both hurt SOOO good much; i love will breaking up with hannibal and hannibal manipulating the situation so will can’t leave asldkjansk it’s so toxic we have to stan..... and for twotl i mean do i really have to give a reason every scene LIVES in my mind and it contains my favorite shot in the whole show:

that is LOVE baby! that is DESIRE! that is being ENTHRALLED!!!!

least favorite episode and why: i feel like they’re all so necessary that it’s kind of impossible to say but probably antipasto. i get sick of hannibal and bedelia’s shenanigans really quickly and as much as i hate to admit it... i miss will. i also think it was an extremely weak season opener and i blame it for getting the show canceled sjshshsgsg the resentment...

favorite side character: chiyoh or jimmy or actually wait— RANDALL TIER 🖤

if you could bring back one character who died, who would it be?: RANDALL FUCKING TIER. i want there to be a weird thing with him and hannibal and will going on. but also i love what his death did for will so idfk, other than him it’s gotta be beverly

dish prepared in the show that you would like to try eating/making: i was supposed to make hannibal’s osso bucco recipe like 3 weeks ago but it completely slipped my mind so i guess i’ll get on that my next grocery trip

which side character would you kill off?: chilton just because for god’s sake just let the man DIE ALREADY poor guy <- i’m taking ava’s answer because YEAH

was there any scene that you didn’t like to look at?: nah. the skin ripping scenes at the beginning of either kaiseki or sakizuki (idk i don’t remember, i hardly watch s2a) are particularly brutal but i tough it out

biggest ship: i mean do i even have to say

why did you start watching hannibal?: my wife, who was my girlfriend at the time, and her dad were watching it as it was airing and i was like “oh cool hannibal lecter origin story” but due to inconsistent access to the episodes i would just watch it randomly and that is... not the way to watch hannibal. i gave up around the end of s2 but knew hannigram was It regardless. i decided to watch s3 for the first time earlier this year just to have finished it and was like HOLD UP and did an immediate rewatch that left me... well, how i am now

favorite hannibal fic if you’ve read any?:

oh boy. yall ready for this? all of these can be found on ao3 obviously (i’m so sorry this is so long but i guess i’ve been asked to put together a fic rec anyway)

as soft, as wide as air by blackknightsatellite, the ladders series by emungere, blackbird by emungere, consenting to dream series by emungere, taken for rubies by emungere, at first meeting by emungere, protect me from what i want by @alienfuckeronmain, god of the cold, cold wars by highermagic, the abyss smiled back by highermagic, pomegranate seeds by highermagic, absolute zero by highermagic, in the truly gruesome do we trust by sidnihoudini, TKO by sidnihoudini, oh dear by lunarwench, each according to its kind by chapparral_crown, a flood in our hearts by nanoochka, let me sinful be by darlingred, uncomplicated by stratumgermanitivum & youaremydesign, good bones by @damnslippyplanet, like they do in babylon by @damnslippyplanet, your obedient servant by kareliasweet, past our satellites by shotgunsinlace, only the tender meat by isagel, the shape of me will always be you by missdisoriental, a white-walled room by rodabonor, spleen et idéal by rodabonor, the paper doll series by rodabonor, a common point of interest by rodabonor [i do NOT like a/b/o stuff but if i did... it’s this fic], just thought you should know by earthsickwithoutyou, the sacrificial lamb by princesskay, transcendent suffering by itsbeautiful, not something polite by moistdrippings, leave your message after the tone by onewhositswithturtles, holes in the floor of the mind by feverdreamblood, crossing caina by feverdreamblood, the archipelago series by melusine10, but seas between us braid hae roar’d by kareliasweet

have you watched any of the hannibal films?: yeah all of them except manhunter! i grew up watching silence of the lambs because my mom loved it and i went thru a big edward norton phase as a teen so i’ve seen red dragon like 10 times

have you read the thomas harris books?: no and i’m not going to lmao #fakefan

favorite murder tableau: if we’re talking just hannibal’s- the judge. if we’re talking Murder Bad But Kinda Pretty like in general probably the mushroom people or the totem

favorite blood spill: will imagining hannibal while he beats randall to death or The Gutting of Will Graham

what’re some of your headcanons?: - will is good at shibari (backed up in canon: his fishing knots, the firefly man’s full body hishi karada harness) - hannibal rarely listens to modern, non-classical music but he’s a björk fan and he saw one of her chapel performances during the vespertine era and was Moved - will listens to classic rock (zeppelin, the doors, pink floyd) with some classic country (patsy, merle, johnny) and blues (billie, muddy, bessie) thrown in. he’s also a sucker for early/mid-90s college rock/alternative/grunge - will plays the piano (because of the piano in his living room) and the harmonica (because he’s country white trash); he’s kind of shit tho - hannibal fell for will somewhere between “my thoughts are often not tasty” and “you won’t like me when i’m psychoanalyzed” (love at first sight! at last sight! at ever and ever sight!!!) - will’s circumcised, hannibal isn’t 🤪 - hannibal’s a gemini!!!! adaptable, creative, intelligent, outgoing, impulsive, etc - will’s an aquarius!!!!! analytical, a loner, temperamental, unique, compassionate, etc - will’s mom was jewish go read my fic about it https://archiveofourown.org/works/26774326 - hannibal is an agender man (tbh i think of this as canon, it’s just unstated/undefined) - hannibal can speak russian, spanish, and a teensy bit of portuguese in addition to the other languages we know he speaks (lithuanian, english, french, italian, japanese) - will speaks limited amounts of french; he learned it as a kid in louisiana - ED TW will sometimes has a Difficult relationship with food due to food instability by the way of poverty as a kid and goes through periods where it’s hard to keep himself fed, but hannibal is so good for him in that way because he keeps him from going hungry 😓 (yes this is me projecting but also it makes SENSE) - hannibal typically bottoms but THEY DEFINITELY ARE BOTH VERS and will never stops being surprised by how much he loves catching a dick. every time is like religious experience. okay? okay - they’re also both very kinky and switches but tbh.... will was made to Dom hannibal like that’s the reason he exists he could drag that old bitch around by a leash and hannibal would be in heaven HANNIBAL WOULD CALL HIM SIR - the first time they have sex hannibal comes like immediately but he isn’t embarrassed because he’s hannibal fucking lecter and hannibal lecter doesn’t get embarrassed - i have a hc for their favorite sex positions but i’m not gonna put that here because i don’t want yall calling me crazy any more than you probably already do but if you wanna know just DM me all i do is think about them fucking it’s a curse - okay no more dirty stuff abigail called hannibal “dad” on more than one occasion and it was half-joking but it also felt comfortable to her; she never thought to call will “dad” because he’s a weirdo and never knew her as much as he knew his idea of her - hannibal taught her to play piano at the cliff house - beverly is pansexual!!! - brian and jimmy kissed one time when they were drunk and they NEVER talk about it EVER - chiyoh is straight probably. i know, i know, everyone says she’s a lesbian and if she’s a lesbian to you that’s awesome! she’s a lesbian! but idk i just think she’s SO fucking straight and tbh i mourn bc that’s my wife. she could MAYBE be bicurious... - chiyoh is non-monogamous and doesn’t do serious relationships, she doesn’t like the idea of being tied to one person ever since she left the lecter castle - she helped hannibal and will escape after The Fall; she told hannibal she would continue to watch over him and i think she did, she got them a boat and got them the fuck out of there - MOLLY IS DOING SO MUCH BETTER WITHOUT WILL. SHE’S SO GLAD SHE GOT OUT OF THAT WHEN SHE DID. she has a good, long talk with alana and finds out all the shit about him and hannibal that will never told her (and it was a lot), gets drunk and burns all his shit, and then washes her hands of the whole thing; moves to a different state, gets a girlfriend, and never thinks about will again

okay i’m capping it there or i’m never gonna stop!! i’m not tagging anyone cuz i think everyone has done this by now lmao but if you’re a mutual who hasn’t and you want to just do it and say i tagged you!! mwah!!!!

#blood #long post #hannigram fic rec #hc

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bronanlynch · 3 years

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weekly (monthly?) media roundup

ok so I do want to actually do these on some sort of schedule but unfortunately, as you already know, brains,

listening: Malice in Wonderland by Fangbanger, which I found from a tumblr post that described them as band for “if you have a complicated relationship with gender, had a falling out with god, hate the government, or just think that vampires are neat" and y’know? yeah. my notes on this song from several weeks ago are that I might not know any of these people’s genders but I do know they’ve listened to MCR

youtube

reading: the new Cassandra Clare book, Chain of Iron. it’s boring and homophobic. in the first book of this series, we find out that the heroine’s brother is gay and in a relationship with a man who has no intention of ever coming out publicly because 1) the book is set in 1903 in England, it was literally illegal and 2) he’s trying to have a career in politics. the heroine decides that this means he’s ashamed of her brother and doesn’t deserve him, and she is present and active in their breakup conversation.

above is the relationship chart I made from the first book, it really hasn’t changed much except now the main guy and the main girl are married, the lesbians got back together and then broke up again, the main girl’s gay brother hooked up with one of her husband’s friend, who’s a Good Gay and therefore worthy of love unlike the Bad Gay ex who is constantly mocked by just about every character for. checks notes. caring about appearances and manners given that his life and career are based on those things. the brother and his new love interest break up because the brother still thinks he’s a bad person for ever having dated his ex. also the main girl has now platonically run off to Paris with her husband’s platonic soulmate who is allegedly in love with her but it’s really unconvincing that he’s not actually in love with her husband (he’s not for very stupid lore reasons, the whole ‘parabatai are magically prevented from being romantically in love, except for these two straight people, when historically parabatai pairs were two men’ makes my fucking blood boil)

you might ask why I still read these books even though they make me angry and the answer is the 1) the aesthetic slaps 2) some of the characters are fun 3) the premise has enough potential that it could be good if it was good 4) sometimes I need to get cathartically angry abt bad fiction bc it just. does not matter

watching: so many things that I’m gonna just. run through them real quick

Word of Honor: gestures vaguely at how it’s slowly taking over my blog

Sleuth of the Ming Dynasty: love a found family, eh about the politics, can’t believe I predictably got a new fave character within the last two episodes of the show because one of the main characters is betrayed by his second-in-command and I think treason is the sexiest part of a relationship

SamBucky show: in the original draft of this post I said that it was so boring that week (episode 3) that I completely forgot about it until I saw the draft below this one talking about how bad and boring it is. at least more happened in later episodes and they’re finally giving me some tasty queerbaiting but the premise and the politics are. wow. it sure is military propaganda

My Hero Academia: new season is fun, love a tournament arc. don’t love that they tell us right away that the double agent character is a double agent, it was more fun in the manga when you’re not sure if he’s a traitor or not for a pretty long time

Welcome to Demon School, Iruma-kun: new season is cute, there sure is some gender happening. there’s a tsundere bisexual catgirl

Backflip!!: I usually avoid high school sports anime for backstory reasons but my roommate wanted to watch it with me and oh boy these gymnasts sure are gay for each other huh

Joran: The Princess of Snow and Blood: my roommate pitched this to me as ‘cyberpunk but in the 1930s’ and there sure is dark lighting, lots of glowy neon stuff, and government oppression, which are the most important elements of cyberpunk apparently. not sure how I feel about it yet, because there’s a cool shapeshifting lady assassin with a revenge quest but there’s also a trans character who was revealed to be trans in a way that I personally did not enjoy. yes you can have transphobic villains but like. hmm. maybe the audience shouldn’t find out that someone is trans because the villain cuts his shirt away specifically to ~put him in his place. or maybe I personally am just sensitive to that but either way no thank you

on the other hand, the main character is sick as shit

The World Ends with You: god I love an anime about the power of friendship. I’ve only had these kids for two episodes and I would lay down my life for them

Nirvana in Fire: we’re only three episodes in and I did spend the first half of the first ep being like. oh god which of these people are actually important who am I supposed to care about here. and then by the end of the first ep I knew which ones I cared about and am now very afraid for their safety. do love the political intrigue though

playing: got through the first mission of Brigmore Witches. I love a good undercover mission, I wish I hadn’t been too afraid of like. alarms going off if I freed the other prisoners because I think Comrade Daud should do a jailbreak, and Lizzy Stride can call me anytime

also recently have played various ttrpgs including Firebrands, more Things, Eldritch and Terrifying, Link, and of course more Beam Saber (oh shit I meant to do my recap post for last session OOPS)

making: Zan and I made some real good chicken parm the other night, vaguely based on this recipe. by which I mean, we looked at the recipe to see how many eggs to use and how long to cook it and pretty much nothing else. the egg marinade step seemed unnecessary and I made the sauce the way I always make tomato sauce, which some day I should write down because it does in fact fuck. the secret is a shit-ton of oregano and basil and no chunks of tomato because fuck that. bad texture

Zan made the zucchini which also slapped, using some of the leftover bread crumbs

writing: I’ve posted a couple of things but most recently I wrote some rarepair femslash. this is the first fic for this ship on ao3 and the second ship in the f/f tag for this fandom that’s actually about the women in the show (as opposed to showing up in the f/f tag because it’s marked as “multi” or like. genderbent versions of the main m/m ship) but like. look at them. they’re terrible evil assassin women and they’re in love. anyway I’ve gotten over being embarrassed about having written a sex scene and moved on to wanting people to read my fic. there’s sparring as foreplay it’s a good time

#dreaming.txt #tuesday no problem extended universe

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romansleftshoulderpad · 5 years

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Love Sick aka “Five Times Logan Thought Roman Didn’t Love Him and the One Time He Was Sure He Did. (Number 5 Will Shock You!)”

Ships(s): Romantic Logince, background QPR moiety

Words: 4,513

Warnings: Food mention, swearing, caps, sex mentions, implied sex at the end, a character gets poisoned and is mentioned as “dying” a few times, (No one actually dies), Logan had Dumb Bitch Disease

Tags: @fandermom @patchworkofstars @poisonedapples @hogwarts-my-love @opaque-puppet @omni-hamiltrash @darling-elm @jynxlovesluck @max-is-tired

---

One

Baby, can’t you see

Logan had been hiding from his feelings for quite a while now. He had convinced himself that if Roman did not return his feelings then he could move on with no issue. But first, he had to convince himself that Roman did not return his feelings.

I’m calling.

When they enthusiastically recited Shakespeare together or debated whether or not the inaccuracies of Hamilton matter, or when Roman’s eyes light up every time he shows off a new poem he wrote for Logan, it’s hard not to imagine how wondrous life could be if he did.

They had been sitting together watching Bambi while Virgil and Patton hogged one end of the couch, pressing Logan into Roman’s side. Logan thought he could get over his feelings for Roman.

“I bet you those two will get together before the end of the week,” Roman said with a smile, the pastel colors of the television illuminating his face. Logan had been wrong.

Two

A guy like you should wear a warning.

It should have been illegal for Roman to be a morning person. Logan had hypothesized that it would be much harder to be attracted to Roman if every morning he looked messy and had bad posture. Unfortunately, by the time Logan woke up every morning, Roman was already clean and dressed after his morning run. He smiled, adrenaline still pumping through his veins, and his eyes seemed to sparkle.

Quite frankly, it was revolting how attractive he was.

“Aww️‍, don’t look so grumpy, Teach,” Roman said with a laugh, lifting Logan’s chin with his fingers.

Logan’s only coherent thought had been, “Boy if I wasn’t gay before.”

“Don’t talk to me until I’ve had coffee,” he muttered.

“Don’t talk to me until I’ve had seven,” Virgil said, sipping his mug from where he sat on top of the fridge.

“When the fuck did you get up there?”

“When the fuck did you become such a nosey bitch?” he asked through another sip.

“Kiddos, play nice,” Patton warned. “Your swear jar savings are going to fund my trip to Hawaii.”

Roman rolled his eyes and sat down next to Logan. He stole a sip of the teacher’s coffee, smirking as Logan blinked back in shock. “You have very pretty hair, Logan,” he said dreamily before mumbling under his breath, “bet it would be great for pulling at.”

Logan could have sworn that his face was on fire.

It’s dangerous.

He almost enjoyed it.

I’m falling.

Three

Roman and Remus had come back scraped and bruised from what Roman had claimed to be “a fight with a dragon witch and a manticore chimera” and what Remus had claimed to be “a bitch of a good time.”

“You look like hell,” Virgil said, wincing slightly as he saw the cuts on Roman’s neck and arms.

“Thanks, I just got back,” Roman laughed, coughing up a bit of blood. “C’mon it’s Heathers! I had to!”

“You are utterly ridiculous,” Logan said, his usual monotone cracking with worry.

“Come on, Teach, don’t get all soft on me,” Roman teased, wincing in pain as he laughed.

“After we have a talk about your impulsiveness, we really must discuss how you’ve picked up on Patton’s habit of hiding your pain with jokes.”

“Hey!” Patton yelled defensively.

“You’re getting better at dealing with that.”

“And we’re very proud of you,” Virgil said tenderly.

“Nonetheless, Roman is still a massive dumbass.”

Roman scoffed in offense. “Would a dumbass have saved that whole city?”

“Your brother helped,” Virgil countered, “so, yes. A dumbass would do that.”

“Would this dumbass do that?”

“So you admit that you’re a dumbass then?”

Roman hesitated as if his brain had been lagging. He sighed into his palm. “Shit.”

“Sit down, Roman,” Logan said softly, snapping his fingers and causing Roman to fall back onto the couch on the other side of the commons. He snapped his fingers once more, summoning a first aid kit and turned to Virgil and Patton. “A moment of privacy please?”

There’s no escape

“You’re going to have to take your coat off,” Logan said as he organized his supplies.

“Are you looking for an excuse to see me topless?”

“Aren’t you always?”

“How dare you!” Roman yelled in feign offense. “I am SHOCKED! I am OFFENDED! I am APPALLED!”

“Just take your coat off before I decide not to help you,” Logan warned. Only a second later he felt heavy fabric hit his head. He whipped his head around, retaliation on the tip of his tongue, but he lost all will to fight back when he saw Roman before him. A deep cut ran across his abdomen. Dried blood covered his skin both near and away from his wounds. Logan sighed, snapping one last time and summoning a washcloth in hand as well as a bucket of warm water by his side. “Just take a deep breath,” Logan said, “and try to relax.”

Roman smiled softly as Logan cleaned the small cuts and gashes on his arm. “You care about me,” he said, more matter-of-factly than teasing. “It’s cute.”

“Your blood loss is worse than anticipated,” Logan said, dipping the cloth in the bucket and ringing it out. He continued cleaning, trying not to think about how intimate the moment was or how beautiful Roman was, especially this close.

“Maybe so, but I’m still right.”

“I didn’t think you can be even cockier, but here you are.”

“Oh I can certainly be cockier,” Roman said with a wink, wiggling his eyebrows.

“You’re worse than your brother,” Logan said. He cleaned the washcloth once more and gently placed it on the large wound on Roman’s torso. He jumped back as the prince loudly sucked in air, biting his lip in pain. “I’M SORRY!” he yelled.

“NO- No, don’t be,” Roman said, taking in a deep breath. “It’s my own damn fault for not wearing proper armor.”

“I’m sorry,” Logan repeated.

“No hay necesidad de ser, luz de las estrellas,” the prince whispered softly, brushing Logan’s hair away from his face.

I can’t wait

I need a hit.

Logan blushed, shying away from Roman’s touch. “You sound like you’re exhausted, you always get flirty when you’re tired.”

“Not true.”

“I once saw you flirting with Patton’s cookie jar.”

“That was one ti-”

“And Virgil’s Nightmare Before Christmas posters.”

“Okay but-”

“And Virgil.”

“You got me there,” Roman mumbled. “But can you blame me? I was really into him at the time and you’d do the same if you had a crush!”

“Me? No way.”

“Ah, right, I suppose you are too cowardly to flirt.”

“I will literally reopen this wound.”

“Ouch.”

“Don’t test me, bitch,” Logan threatened.

“Okay, okay,” Roman laughed. “You’re not a coward.”

“Thank you.”

“You’re the romanced not the romancer.”

Logan rolled his eyes. He snapped away his cloth and bucket of water and began putting disinfectant and bandaids onto Roman’s minor cuts and injuries. “And what are you suggesting?”

“I’m saying someone should flirt with you,” Roman said.

“Oh yeah? And who’s going to do that, you?”

“If I must,” he teased with a wink, noticing the way Logan’s face turned red.

Baby, give me it.

Four

Logan was taking a lazy day. He was perfectly content to stay in bed, drinking tea and not think about Roman Sanders, thank you very much.

But we can’t all get what we want, which is why Roman came bursting into Logan’s room at that exact moment. “Entertain me,” he demanded, plopping himself into Logan’s bed.

“Roman, I’m busy.”

“No you’re not,” he said. “You have nothing to do other than entertain me.”

Logan put down his tea on his bedside table and watched in defeat as Roman wiggled until his head was sitting comfortably on Logan’s lap. “You’re ridiculous.”

“And you’re the one who was obsessing over my wounds the other day.”

“I wasn’t obsessing-“

“C’mon, you can play Doctor and like double-check my cuts or whatever,” Roman said. “Pwease Wogan.”

“You’re ridiculous,” Logan reminded.

“And I’m bored.”

“Boredom is no excuse to intrude on my important tasks-“

“You were gonna lay in bed for the next two hours and take a nap,” Roman said.

Logan looked down, blushing in embarrassment. He mumbled under his breath, “It’s true but you shouldn’t say it.”

Roman adjusted himself, moving up and turning over so that his chin rested on Logan’s chest. “You were just going to lay around anyway, what’s the harm in me joining you? I’ll even stay completely silent if that’s what you want!”

“If your only desire is to lay around in silence, why can you not do so in your room?”

Roman looked away in shame, hiding his face in his arms. “It’s lonely in there,” he mumbled.

Logan pushed Roman’s hair out of his face, smiling softly at the prince. “I... wouldn’t mind a cuddle buddy, if that is an adequate situation for you.”

Roman’s eyes lit up as he smiled. He quickly dipped under the covers and wrapped his arms around Logan’s torso. He nuzzled his face against Logan’s chest as he tried to find a comfortable position. Logan held back the urge to laugh as Roman’s hair tickled his skin.

Instead, he tried to return to his book, and in less than a chapter, they had called into a steady rhythm of synchronized breaths and heartbeats. It felt like they were meant to be next to each other, like long-separated puzzle pieces, as Roman gently stroked his fingers up and down Logan’s arm. It was soft and quiet and just a bit domestic. And Logan wished it could have lasted forever.

He sighed, leaning his head back, his book long forgotten as Roman’s strokes got slower and slower until he was sound asleep. “Bonsoir, mon chéri,” he whispered softly, wishing for the ache of longing to stop grasping at his heartstrings.

You’re dangerous.

I’m loving it.

Five

“You’re back early,” Virgil said cautiously. The twins had been on what should have been a two week trip to the Imagination. It had only been three days, and Remus was already standing in the Core Sides’ living room, with an arm awkwardly wrapped around Roman to support him.

“This dumbass had to go and get pricked by an enchanted rose’s thorn,” Remus said as he rolled his eyes. “Hasn’t stopped talking about being hot for teacher for hours.” He tossed Roman onto the couch next to Virgil before reopening the Imagination’s door, “He’s your problem now.” The door slammed shut before disappearing completely.

“Virgil?” Roman groaned, rubbing his eyes with his palm. “Where are we?”

“We’re in the Commons,” Virgil said softly, placing his hand on Roman’s forehead. “You’re burning up.”

“That’s because I’m so hot,” he laughed weakly before breaking into a coughing fit.

“I’m so not equipped for this,” Virgil said. “Some help here?!” He summoned Patton and Logan, who seemed very confused to suddenly be somewhere other than where they had been two seconds ago.

“Virgil, you don’t typically summon us,” Logan said. “What seems to be wrong?”

“It’s Princey.”

“And water is hydrogen monoxide, what else is new?”

“Logan!” Patton gasped. “Be nice!”

“He’s burning up,” Virgil said quietly. “Remus said he got pricked by something. Can flowers be venomous?”

“Flowers?” Logan asked.

“It’s only venomous if it bites you,” Roman mumbled, closing his eyes and laying his head on Virgil’s lap. “Logie taught me that.”

“Never call me that ever again.”

“I’ll watch over him, you two can figure out what’s wrong,” Patton said, scooping Roman up into his arms with a shocking amount of ease. Roman clung onto him, burying his face in Patton’s neck like a toddler.

It’s getting late

to give you up.

Logan and Virgil spent countless hours trying to find any real, logical answers. Textbooks lay scattered across the room as crumpled up papers overflowed from the recycling bin. “We- There’s gotta be some way to help,” Virgil said, biting his thumb.

“Take a deep breath,” Logan reminded, hiding his own pounding heart and paranoia. “Perhaps there’s one solution we haven’t tried.”

“I don’t know if there is a solution! Remus said they had been in the imagination and- and who knows/what’s going on in that hellhole!?”

“The imagination,” Logan repeated. He jumped up from his office chair and raced across the room, digging under a pile of journals and binders. “AHA!” he yelled, holding a red leather-bound book above his head. “What did he get infected with?”

“An... an enchanted rose- Logan, what is that?”

“A scientific journal!” he announced as his eyes lit up like Time’s Square for the first time in a night of dreary hopelessness. “The Imagination isn’t a realm like any real one, so the obvious choice is to study it.”

“So, it’s, I- What?”

“I haven’t had the proper time to go and catalogue all of the flora and fauna, but Roman’s friend- er- ‘Mortal Enemy’-” He made air quotes- “was very supportive of my investigation during my brief stay as her hostage.” He opened the book and quickly flipped through the pages muttering, “Love potion, love potion, love- AHA! Found you!”

“When did you get taken hostage?”

“Virgil, that information is hardly relevant, please stay focused.”

Virgil blinked back in confusion, raising his arms dramatically as he silently asked a million questions.

I took a sip from my Devil’s cup.

“Enchanted roses are the main ingredient in love potions and, truthfully, the only one that really has any effect. Everything else is basically an antidote for the rose’s lethal toxins,” Logan explained. His face dropped slightly. “Unfortunately, there’s no cure. The potions tend to wear themselves out but only because of the curative properties of the rest of the potion. If we could... create a potion without the rose... perhaps then we could brew an antidote. But there are too many complications, it’s unlikely we’d even be able to brew the first batch before his condition gets... a- and even so, we really can’t assume that a first trial would be the best and that could make him worse if he isn’t already de- Simply speaking, we need to find the best solution that takes the least amount of time and-“

Virgil tuned Logan out as he continued rambling. He picked up a book sitting next to him, it was an aged collection of Grimm’s Fairytales with enough silver and gold accenting the cover to make it seem more like something Roman would own than Logan. Virgil took and book carefully into his hands and aimed at his target.

“-of course I only care about him for Thomas’ sake, that the logical thing here and- OW what the FUCK?!”

“That’s a dollar in the swear jar.”

“VIRGIL!”

“The book is a hint, Dumbass.”

“That’s a quarter in the swear jar,” Logan mumbled angrily.

“It’s Roman. It’s a love spell.”

“And?”

“Haven’t you seen Enchanted? Put him on a fainting couch and kiss his gay face with your gay face.”

“VIRGIL!” Logan screeched.

“You look exactly like his stupid sash, wow.”

“I don’t know what- I haven’t the slightest idea what you’re insinuating.”

“‘True love’s kiss will break the spell’ or whatever it is Roman’s always singing about.”

“Yes, well, I don’t think we can contact Ryan Reynolds to help with this issue.”

“He is hot, but you’re dodging the real solution here,” Virgil said, rolling his eyes in exasperation. “You have feelings for Roman and you gotta suck his face to get the poison out of it.”

“FALSEHOOD!”

Virgil flinched at the sound and forced a yawn to pop his ears. “Indoor voice, please.”

“Even if I did somehow, hypothetically, have-“ he scrunched his nose in disgust- “feelings, it’s not like Roman would ever return such... meaningless chemical reactions.”

Slowly, it’s taking over me.

Too high, can’t come down.

“Are you feeling any better, Kiddo?” Patton asked, putting a fresh washcloth on Roman’s head.

“He’s so pretty,” Roman sighed dreamily, as if completely unaware of the poison flowing through his veins. “And smart too. Do you think he would let me play with his hair? And kiss him? I wanna kiss him.”

“I think you need some rest, Kiddo, you’ve been doing a lot of adventuring. And even brave knights need nap time.”

“But I don’t waaaaaant to go to sleeeeeep,” Roman whined. “I wanna keep talking about Logan. And how pretty he is. And how smart he is. And how wonderful he is.”

“You can gush more after you nap,” Patton said.

“Promise?”

“I promise.

Losin’ my head,

Spinnin’ round and round

Roman pulled a pillow against his chest and snuggled into it, quickly drifting off to sleep. Patton put a hand against his cheek as he took the washcloth, Roman’s fever had only gotten worse, and he hated to admit how much that terrified him.

Do you feel me now?

“This is a terrible idea,” Virgil said. “Like, probably the worst idea you’ve ever had. Ever. Don’t even try. Take a nap. Do literally anything else.”

“Do you have a better idea?” Logan asked, tucking the last of his books into his leather crossbody bag. He wore a long coat over traveller’s clothes that looked almost nothing like his typical wear save for the color scheme.

“Yes! Just spend some time with him holy shit.”

“Swear jar.”

“Logan,” Virgil reprimanded, his voice growing deep and echoey. “If you don't want to listen to me, fine, whatever, I don’t care, but don’t get yourself killed over something that you, yourself, said won’t work.”

“Then what do you propose instead?” Logan snapped. “Chicken soup?”

“If it keeps you safe, yes!” Virgil yelled. “Heaven forbid we actually care about your safety just as much as Roman’s.”

Logan did the last of his coat buttons and carefully tucked his bag under his arm, adjusting the strap to fit him neatly. “I’m going. I’ll use Remus’s door and I’ll find someone who can help me.”

“Logan, we need you here!”

“You need Roman!” Logan yelled. “Just... please, Virgil, let me do this. Let me do right by him.”

“You’ve really lost your mind, huh?”

“Well,” Logan mumbled under his breath as he sank out, “people do crazy things when they’re in love.”

Can you feel me now?

“Oh, and what do we have here?” Remus asked with a smirk.

“I am here to request that you grant me access to the Imagination,” Logan asked. “And that we make this meeting as brief as possible.”

Remus looked him up and down suspiciously before bursting out into laughter. “Logic going willingly into my realm? Ha! Oh Logan,” he said, pretending to wipe a tear from his eyes, “you are a riot.”

“Need I remind you that I’ve been to the Imagination before?”

“Yeah, with my brother,” Remus said, still laughing heartily. “You went because you have a massive crush, not because you actually like the place.”

“Falsehood,” Logan mumbled sheepishly. Were his feelings for Roman really so obvious?

Remus’s laughter died down but he kept an obnoxious smirk on his face. “You can deny all you want, Logiebear.”

“Don’t call me that.”

“It doesn’t change that you an oblivious fucking disaster gay.”

“Just open the door, Remus. I’ve had enough of this meaningless small talk.”

“No can do, Nerdy Wolverine!” he said with a smile. “No sides allowed. Gate closed. Your face will melt clean off!” His wide smile dropped slightly and twisted into something just short of contempt. “But Roman said we aren’t allowed to melt any faces off. He locked me out too.”

“Damnit,” Logan muttered under his breath, trying to hide the disappointment and guilt spreading through his chest. If Roman’s condition got any worse, he couldn't help but feel that it would all be his fault. “I must be going, Remus. I am sorry that this was such a fruitless venture.”

He sunk out and found himself back in the commons, just outside of Roman’s room. The sound of hushed whispers and the feelings of anxiety and guilt hung through the air. He leaned against the door planning a million apologies and trying to fight back the tears that formed in his eyes at every single one of them.

“I don’t know what we can do,” Patton whispered, his voice weak, like it always had been whenever he cried. “We don’t have any ideas or- or any clue what’s happening to him.”

“Patton.”

“Virgil, I’m scared.”

“I know you are, Patton. We all are. But we can’t let Princey know that.” In the brief silence, the air grew stiff and the feelings are guilt gripped at Logan’s head and chest pulling him down like an anchor into a sea of reminders that this time he just wasn’t enough. A swirling ocean of regrets and love confessions he’d never get to make. It drove him mad.

He slowly opened the door.

“Gentlemen,” he said quietly, nodding at them as a sign of greeting. “I was... unsuccessful in my mission.”

“Oh, Logan,” Patton said quietly. Logan never met his eyes, but he did notice the way Virgil and Patton’s hands were interlaced.

“Can I have a moment with him? A- Alone?” he asked nervously. “I just... I want to apologize.”

“Take all the time you need, Lo,” Virgil said softly. He gave Logan a tired thumbs-up before leaving him completely alone with the prince.

He sat on the edge of Roman’s bed, brushing hair out of the tired prince’s face. “Logan?” he asked with a yawn, rubbing at his eyes as he tried to see the man beside him.

“I apologize, Roman, I didn't mean to wake you.”

“Yours is a face worth waking up for,” Roman said.

Logan blinked back tears but felt his face go scarlet. “Roman, I’m... sorry I couldn’t do better for you. I’m sorry for every petty fight we’ve gotten into. I’m sorry for being so stubborn. You deserve better than this.”

“Better than what, Logan?” Roman asked. “You can be an asshole sometimes, but I think that’s just another one of your charms. You’re stubborn but you’re also passionate. And brilliant. And so wonderfully handsome.”

Tears fell down Logan’s cheeks. “This isn’t you,” he whispered. “This is the poison talking.”

“What do you mean, mi corazón?”

“This isn’t you,” he repeated. “Because you could never return how I feel.”

Roman sat up weakly and Logan could see how he had grown skinny and pallid. If Logan didn’t know better he would think him to be a ghost. He placed a bony hand on Logan’s cheek and wiped away his tears. “You’re the smartest idiot I know,” he laughed. “I have loved you as the sun has loved the moon, bowing to its presence every night and watching in awe as you shine in the starlight. But perhaps you are the sun, for I am the plants, orbiting around you as you provide life and warmth. You are the universe, Logan, and I am a humble garden.”

Emotion overtook Logan’s body. His face stung as tears poured down his face and he quickly lost his composure. He found himself shaking with choked sobs, pressed against Roman’s chest. “This isn’t real,” he mumbled between weak breaths. “This is cruel.”

“Is love cruel?”

“It can be.”

“But love can be healing, too,” Roman said. He traced Logan’s jaw with his hand and ghosted his thumb, cracked and dry, over Logan’s soft lips. “Can I kiss you, Logan?”

“Are you really m- our prince?”

Roman smiled, pressing his forehead against Logan’s and looking down at the lips he had spent countless nights dreaming of. “I’ve always been yours, Logan.”

Logan’s breath hitched and he shut his eyes, afraid that if he opened them again he’d be waking up from a dream. He felt Roman’s thumb leave his lips and fall towards his neck as Roman’s lips met his.

Taste of your lips I’m on a ride.

Logan forgot about everything at that moment. He forgot about the guilt and pain. He forgot about the poison slowly killing the one he loves.

You’re toxic, I’m slipping under.

All that mattered was Roman’s lips on his. Roman’s hand against his neck and Roman’s fingers tugging at his hair in a way that drove him crazy.

With the taste of a poison paradise,

When they broke apart Logan’s heart was pounding but the bright smile on Roman’s face was infectious. Some of the color had magically returned to his face. He still didn’t look like himself, but he was no longer a mirror of death. He was the embodiment of hope. He was life.

Logan kissed him again.

I’m addicted to you.

Don’t you know that you’re toxic?

Over the days that passed, Roman slowly regained his strength. He was able to eat more which helped him regain the weight he had lost. The color came back to his face and within a week he was back to his peppy, annoying self. Every morning Logan counted his blessings.

“So,” Roman cooed, pointing at Virgil sitting on Patton’s lap on the couch. “When are you two oblivious love birds finally going to get together?”

“We’re the oblivious ones?” Virgil scoffed.

“We’ve been in a QPR for three months,” Patton said with his head tilted to the side and his face twisted.

“WHAT?! WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME?”

“Virgil said it would be obvious,” Patton justified sheepishly.

“You and Logan were too busy being gay fucks,” Virgil said. “We didn’t need your chaos tainting our civilized union.”

“Swear jar,” Logan said.

“And you owe me a dollar for the phrase ‘civilized union,’” Roman added.

“Sit your asses down so we can start movie night already,” Virgil said.

“Swear jar.”

“I’m gonna shove the swear jar about your-“

“VIRGIL!”

“Sorry, Patton.”

Logan laughed, letting himself fall against Roman’s side as the movie started. With his attention completely stolen by the feeling of Roman playing with his hair (which he quickly discovered is his favorite feeling in the world) he knew he wouldn’t be watching much of the movie.

He pressed a kiss to Roman’s cheek and rested his head against Roman’s chest, letting out a satisfied hum as he listened to Roman’s heartbeat.

And I love what you do.

Don’t you know that you’re toxic?

His eyes began to feel heavy and he found himself fighting between wanting to fall asleep in Roman’s arms or staying awake to spend every possible moment admiring him.

Don’t you know that you’re toxic?

But when Roman caught him staring and leaned down to kiss him, he knew that sleep could wait.

Intoxicate me now with your lovin’ now.

I think I’m ready now

I think I’m ready now.

“What do you think about staying in my room tonight?” Roman whispered, trying to prevent Virgil and Patton from overhearing.

Intoxicate me now with your lovin’ now.

Logan smirked, pressing kisses to Roman’s neck and teasingly undoing the top three buttons of Roman’s shirt. “Sounds perfect,” he purred.”

I think I’m ready now.

#logince #ts logince #sanders sides #sanders sides fic #ts roman #sanders sides roman #roman sanders #ts logan #sanders sides logan #Logan sanders #my logince liver

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l0chn3ss · 4 years

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l0chn3ss update

I feel like the last time I ever really active on tumblr was in the year 2016, so i want to address my absence between 2017-2020. Part of it is because I feel like I owe it to my friends and mutuals who I just basically left on read and another part is because I’ve always treated this blog as a personal blog that documents my life and my growth. I put off writing this for a long time but now that I have a huge paper due, now is definitely the time.

You are welcome to skip but I will address a few hard hitting questions I feel should be answered, especially since I feel like I departed like an anti-hero of a bad tv show.

Where I am currently: I am in grad school to obtain a master’s in library and information science. I have a full time job at different middle school libraries, though I work from home now. I also tutor kids on the side to pay for my tuition because I basically make minimum wage. Quarantine messed with my head at first, but now I’m feeling much better and I’m trying to reconnect with friends and close a lot of loose ends.

TLDR: I took an extended break because tumblr mobile sucks and my laptop needed serious repairs. I made a huge migration away from social media in 2018. I prioritized my education and in-person connections, which fell to shit because of my fandom involvement in the past. I did not like the direction of the main fandom I participated in and knew that many of the people I once respected did not respect me in return/ Us versus them mentality. I recognized that I treated my life on tumblr too seriously and took petty drama personally. I am sporadically on tumblr now because I genuinely enjoy the social connection and because I still like running fandom events.

Yes, you can reblog this. I’d love for this narrative to be heard.

Long version: To preface this, this post is being written to give myself closure and because I really am procrastinating on my final big paper of this semester. I’ll be tackling on the points in the tldr in a longer narrative that will appear to be in an expository fashion, which I recognize will be a source of contention, but my intentions are to throw it onto the table so that I can be freed. I can let it go and move on. I’m no longer a 20 years old who cared too much of what other people think and will think; I think differing perspectives are important and I want to give myself a chance to say my piece. That and I recognize that I lost the audience that I once had, so I doubt this will be an issue at all. It’s been 4 or what ever years, let’s just not.

Back in 2015-2016 there was a huge back and forth between three groups of people in the SE fandom. The reason why I’m not listing out the name is because I don’t want this to show up in the tags. I’d say that the three groups could be seen as quite literally the soma shippers (mostly white, demi sexual girls), lgbt centric bloggers (very kid or star oriented, very fed up with soma), and the people who were deemed as alright to soma shippers (c r ona, ste inm arie, jac k im centric people). There was a constant (and understandable) tension between the first two groups while the third was like the weird cousin that everyone in the social circles liked because they sprinkled in soma for the masses. Don’t argue with me on this-- this was literally how the fandom was in 2015 and you know it.

The main issue was that one group felt that they were being inclusive towards identities and sexualities while the other felt that they were not. I remember that one of the arguments was that soma WAS an LGBT ship because people headcanonned the members to be demisexual. However, the other side of the argument was that it wasn’t good representation of a gay pairing. Now that we can look back at this 5 years later, I have two things to say: 1, I now very much understand why the argument broke out because of how heated the topic is, and I do believe that I lean more towards the “other side” now that I’m not wearing rose tinted glasses, but 2, I need to make it clear that demi people are lgbt, but a headcanon is not fact and ship diversity was the main question at hand, not the ship itself. This argument lasted for weeks, destroyed my friendships, and no matter what I felt I did in the moment (which was to mend the fandom), it was taken as an insult.

(Side note: Somethings that I remember was being in someone’s DM’s to encourage them to participate in the large fandom events more, but once they twisted my intentions and rallied their friends, I became their enemy. I also became the mods’ enemy but then again, when was I not? I was made fun of for saying “queergender,” a term that is now currently being widely used, quite openly by someone I wanted desperately to be friends with. I was outwardly mocked by popular users who only apologized behind closed doors but didn’t bother to clear things up with their followers. Adults who were in their 30s quite literally attacked a 19 year old. It was in that moment that I realized I would never become friends with either side, and not because I didn’t want to.)

I bring this up because as I begun to stop writing soma fics, I also begun to see and understand why people moved away from it. It wasn’t the ship itself, it was the culture surrounding it. However, on tumblr we have the ability to connect intensely with the content we produce. Therefore, the ship itself began to be connected with the shippers and their attitudes towards outside pairings-- that attitude being tied into elitism.

I say this with every ounce of love I can because I once had the exact same mannerism. When you become so tied into one pairing to the point where other ships appear to threaten the existence of it and you react negatively towards it, you become rancid. The popular tag “everything is soma” takes a very dark turn. Even if readers consume another pairing’s work, they will be obliged to say “I ship soma more BUT that was cute.” They will read an entirely different topic and wonder why soma wasn’t inserted into it in the background. They will reject pairings that separate the two as if breaking them up is sin and an insult.

The only reason why I stopped writing my soma fics in 2016 was because I saw a real need to fill in the gaps of other pairings. I took what people were saying to heart and I wanted to change my ways and my perceptions. I saw the animosity of the ship culture and rejected it. I wanted to use what little influence I had to make the fandom just a bit more accepting. In 2016, I don’t think the fandom was ready for it. In 2017, they still weren’t ready for it. In 2020, I see hope, but I wonder sometimes if it’s masqueraded pity because of previous treatment.

In the middle of it all, I went from being the soma angst master to becoming the weird person everyone once knew. I was the friend that people excluded from group chats and I just “wasn’t the same.” Cliques grew extremely large in power in 2017 and exclusion hurt like a bitch.

The straw that broke the camel’s back and completely shut me down was in 2017 when I was graduating as a bachelor. There was a fandom event that I decided to go all in to. For context, there used to be a huge debate on how many times a person should enter in an event, but in my mind, the more exposure the better. My graduation and the event took place at the exact same time, which was cool, but what hurt me was what happened after.

I was lucky enough to be accepted into field school (when you travel to do outdoor excavating) for my major. I’m an anthropologist-- it was an honor. I didn’t plan in advance for it, and if anything, I thought that I would be committed completely to the events and my 5 or what ever entries at the time. I’ve always prided myself in communicating with others, so I made sure to let my partners in the event know what was going on. I was so excited to be going on my first ever excavation and no one at the time said anything otherwise, in fact, they all seemed incredibly supportive.

What I didn’t know was that I would be called out by name in the event feedback response by one person who felt that I didn’t take the event seriously enough and that I should’ve prioritized my time accordingly. Two of the mods let me know because it referred to me directly, though the name of the submitter was not included. It was not only a slap in the face, but a dumbfound moment that reminded me that wow, fandom content really is someone’s life out there. My enforced silence because of lack of internet in the woods actually upset someone and made them believe that I wronged them, because I put my real life ambitions first before a fandom event.

It was then when I woke up and I remember very clearly thinking to myself: I don’t want to be like them. I don’t want to treat my fandom life seriously. I want to participate in fandom for fun, not out of duty. I don’t want to prioritize this life because in the end, if I am hated for putting my work and education first, then I don’t want it.

(For context, I suspect that it was the same person who made a 200 note call out on me during the fandom tension. I respected this person immensely, but I also treated them like the flawed person I believe everyone is. I’m sure because of this, I’m pretty much trash in their eyes, which is totally fine. They have really cute cats so they can’t be all too bad. Don’t look into it too deeply.)

Once my month long field school was up, I was already used to not being on the internet or any of my social media accounts. I didn’t play my mobile games for a month. I didn’t read the news for a month. It was like going cold turkey on the internet, which reshaped my habits entirely. The only time that I had online within that time span was during the weekend, but I spent my time working on my projects and catching up with friends instead of being on apps.

I was also completely fed up with tumblr’s mobile app at the time, so one by one, I deleted my apps. Good bye to tumblr, snapchat, what little I used of instagram, twitter, everything. The only thing I kept was facebook, which was because it is the main platform that I use to message my boyfriend. That meant that any friends I retained from the fandom (who I still contact now) were also friends who had the chance to add me on facebook.

This was the cause of my 2 or 3 year hiatus on tumblr, and therefore the fandom. I occasionally checked back every 6 months to do a few fandom events, but I have several unopened messages and notifications that I haven’t been able to get to. I open my instagram for a few days once a year, and I only go onto twitter if my friends tell me (through facebook) that they dm’d me a post there.

When I left my online persona behind, I quickly strengthened my in person connections. New drama that erupted every other day became replaced with starbucks and boba runs. Reality TV shows replaced fanfiction. Text messages replaced the tumblr activity feed (which still doesn’t work on mobile BTW). I study at cafes unironically with friends instead of typing alone in my room. Overall, it opened my world considerably.

I still like making fun of myself and I try not to take myself seriously. I still make self depreciative memes to send to friends but then double up with kermit heart pics. I’m still a plot bunny, I still write my fics, I still watch my anime, I still play video games, I still sleep at 4am, I still take my depression medication, I still love potatoes, I still use my voice for people who can’t find theirs yet. But I think I’m in a much healthier mindset now, even if I still make stupid shifty posts calling out bad behavior.

Nowadays, I’m working on my Master’s degree in secret. My parents don’t know about it because my mom doesn’t like that I want to go out and do unladylike things like getting an education. I tutor kiddos and I’m really good with younger children, but I’m not going to do anything with kids because I just don’t want to. Instead, I want to work at an archive or a museum to bring my library interests and my anthropology background together. If I had my dream job, I would be a marine archaeologist; however I love my boyfriend of 8 years whom you probably all remember and I really came to terms with my grandeur dreams. I’m extremely happy with living in a small town with loved ones now, and I don’t need to move somewhere far away from my parents to be content. It’s a huge realization.

From 2018 to 2020 I got into actual drama in person while I was job hunting. Adult people suck and honestly it’s kind of embarrassing how ill equipped some people are. Even so, I currently work in middle schools as a media assistant. One of those realms is the library, and honestly it’s like fulfilling a prophecy. As much as I love the social aspect, public schools are an absolute train wreck.

I’m going to wrap this up now. This post is meant to help me close the past and move forward because the fandom culture feels different now. Things from several years ago don’t need to resurface. I want to enjoy my life fully, and fandom life is one of those aspects that I truly did enjoy. I’m going to keep using my voice and act like a fool, but I’m also not going to be losing sleep because of this. People are going to talk about you no matter what, whether positively or negatively, and it’s important to not take it personally.

Idk, go enjoy yourselves. Do things for yourself. It’s more fun that way.

#nessingaround #this was cathartic #huge thank you to my friends who stuck by me and to my friends who welcome me back with open arms #big shout out to my disney girl gang and another big shout out to 'ma girls'#another thank you to my sweethearts on google hang out #and thank you especially to the group of se lgbt users from 2016 who truly did open my eyes to the severity of the fandoms actions #even tho u still hate me and have me blocked hahaha i consider this growth

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asagimeta · 5 years

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Batwoman: Don’t Believe All The Negativity

So Batwoman premiered tonight

It's about an out-and-proud lesbian, played by an out-and-proud lesbian, with several major cast members- INCLUDING the main love interest- being POC, and it's very gay, this is not your "Power Rangers- let me quietly hint at being gay for One Scene and never mention it again" type of representation, there's lots of kissing, "I love you"s, goofy initial carvings, and serious issues like homophobia in the military and lying about your sexuality to avoid persecution

This is Tumblr bait if I've ever seen it so imagine my surprise when I barely get a few scrolls into the tag and already see people hating on it for not being queer enough because Sophie is married to a man

Hahahha..... I'm pissed

Allow me to advise ya'll to sit down as I explain why this is the OPPOSITE of a problem

First of all I cannot believe that on TUMBLR of all websites I actually have to explain to people that being in a heterosexual relationship- even married- does not automatically cancel out your queer ship

Shows have been putting their charectors through divorces and widowing for decades and it isn't going to stop now, in fact, I'll be THOROUGHLY surprised if The Husband makes it to see the end of the season

But I digress

We'll come back to shipping later because right now I'm going to tackle the biggest problem I have with these "You guys are making her straight!!!!" posts I keep seeing: CLOSETING. DOES NOT. ERASE. QUEERNESS.

I cannot believe I actually have to say this at the home of ships like Destiel, Sterek, and whatever the fuck legion of ships that Voltron produced but being in a straight relationship does not make someone less queer, ESPECIALLY if the relationship is fake, and ESPECIALLY if they have been ALREADY CANONICALLY SHOWN TO BE QUEER

Look I ship Destiel and Sterek and Supercorp too but "closeting" is a THEORY for these ships- with Sophie, it's CANON, she was in a canonical relationship with another girl where she kissed her and said she loved her and planned a future with her and the only reason she's not still with that woman is because was threatened to be kicked out of the military for it, I cannot process how the home of "They're in a straight relationship because they're closeted" is actually trashing this

But even THAT'S irrelevant because I can already hear some of you screaming that you don't ship any of those things but listen to me: Closeted charectors are just as important as out-and-proud charectors are

We live in a world where people are STILL being murdered for their sexuality every single day, where kids are still being sent to conversion therapy, still being kicked out of their houses, still being forced to be in straight relationships out of fear for their LIVES if they aren't- and fear for their jobs, their families, and everything else

I bought my first pride flag yesterday and hung it up today and legitimately my first thought was "gee, I hope this doesn't attract any crazy Trump supporters who are going to light my house on fire" but I did it anyway because I have supportive parents and have NEVER made my sexuality a secret and anyone who talks to me for ten minutes is PROBABLY going to hear atleast 1 "lol I'm bi" joke and I haven't been threatened with bodily harm for it YET so I figure I'll atleast probably live through the night

Other people aren't that lucky

For as important as it is for out people to have our Kate Kanes, it's JUST as important for closeted people to have their Sophie Moores

Please don't take away from the fact that the CW is trying to give that to people just because it means The Ship isn't happening Right Here Right Now

Please don't try to take away Sophie's queer identity because of being closeted

This plot development gurantees us atleast a season of Sophie exploring her identity and circling back to the question of "Do I really value being a member of something that's going to hate me for who I am over the woman I love?", we're going to have a season of her exploring what her identity means to her and we're going to get a really great juxtaposition between one lesbian who's out and proud and telling the story of pining for a lost love and how to navigate Queer Problems being out, and another who's closeted and afraid and in love but doesn't think she can return and how to navigate Queer Problems being closeted

That's GREAT??????

Why are ya'll complaining??????????

That's not something that we get very often???????

Also by arranging Sophie's story this way the CW is trying to AVOID giving us the same problems we always complain about like tokenism and Burry Your Gays, let's be totally honest here, if Kate and Sophie started off in a happy relationship and stayed that way through the beginning of the show, then for Conflict Reasons something way worse was going to have to come along and ruin that- like, you know, probably death? Or cheating, or a petty fight, or Sophie being evil....

This gives us a really NUANCED reason for why there's a story of pining and trying to get back to eachother here

Much like Alex and Maggie in Supergirl, the writers were clearly trying to take care to give us what we needed from a plot standpoint WITHOUT shoving gross stereotypes and tropes down our throats or making one person out to be The Bad Guy in the relationship, because yes you can read Sophie that way, but I think anyone who's ever been closeted can probably sympathize with her about this, esepcially as we don't know the nature of her home life, yes she signed the Gay Lie Document so she could be in the military but we don't have any indication that that was her only reason for giving Kate up so easily

For all we know, going home with Kate may not have ever been an option to begin with

And it's really hard to blame someone for risking their life and the life of their partner for wanting to be Out, especially if they were raised to believe that queer = bad, but I'm getting off topic

Instead of doing what alot of superhero stories do and fridging Sophie- making Kate's reason for doning the cowl to be revenge for her dead lover, they gave us somethin much tamer, something that will last all season but without lowering the number of main queer charectors on the show, they used the same trope that The Straights always use about becoming a superhero For Love but they did us one better because The Girlfreind isn't dead like she would have been in.... SOME.... stories....

But I promised to get back to shipping and here we go-

Aside from the fact that they're priming The Husband to get killed off early on just by virtue of existing (an unimportant charector who will greatly emotionally impact the love interest and create an opportunity for her to pursue the main protagonist, possibly even becoming a hero or a vigilante in her own right for revenge) there's also the fact that Sophie is hardly Kate's only chance at a relationship

If I'm not mistaken, they've already cast Renee` Montoya, and Maggie Sawyer already has an established charector in the Arrowverse too, so if the actress ever wanted to dip her toes back into the superhero waters, she could appear for a bit of time as well- wich would also be prime subplot territory for the next crossover, considering her history with Alex Danvers on Supergirl

So even IF they damned poor Sophie to Straight Hell for the rest of eternity- and I HIGHLY doubt that- do you really think that a show on the CW that opened with a love story is just going to let it's lead go without a love story for the foreseeable future...?

They're giving us a queer-lead show, wich means that it's going to be open to the same "UGH" romance moments that every other show on TV has, they're probably not going to give us an easy ride just because this one is gay like we get out of the background relationships in other shows where the leads are straight and I honestly appreciate that

Sure, I'd love if Kate got the Yuri On Ice treatment where she was able to maintain a steady romance through the entire show with only very short-lived, very easy-to-resolve conflicts ever denting it- I'd love that for alot of shows actually, imagine all of the plot that could get done if the relationships weren't being killed off or broken up every five minutes- but I appreciate as a queer person that she's probably going to get a gallery of love interests just like every STRAIGHT protagonist gets and I'm happy for her, in that respect

But my point in all of this is just that... guys... we finally have it

We have a show lead by a queer actor playing a queer charector who isn't going to get straight-washed or muted down the line because issues of homophobia and her sexuality are coming up in the very first episode.... and ya'll are complaining because her love interest is in the closet and married to a dude to stay that way as if that ever stopped any ship on any show ever??? Really?

TL;DR: Batwoman is great and if she and Sophie WERE in a happy and stable relationship ya'll would just complain about the show being "boring" and not actually working to examine queer relationships so I guess there really is no winning with the people on this website

#Batwoman #Sophie Moore #Kate Kane #lgbtq+#Batwoman spoilers #DC #Arrowverse

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sophiemi · 4 years

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A Response to Hate + Wisdom, I Suggest Everyone Reads.

This is a pretty long post replying to some hate I got from a recent post I made about Mirajane Strauss and Laxus Dreyar, I linked it at the bottom of this if you would like to read it. I think everyone should read this post not only because its some piping hot tea, but there’s also a lot of other things I talk about in this that I feel like everyone should hear. Totally understand if you don’t want to read it though. Let me know what you think!

First here is what they/you said (in order):

Hi I just liked to start with I blocked you from send me anymore ask, but I’m letting you know if you change devices you can still ask me things or messages, if you DM (off anon) ill take your request seriously, but since you’re on anon I’m not gonna take you seriously, sorry. Especially after you were actually mean to me when I did nothing wrong, which is why I’m making this post even though I’d normally ignore it.

Lets start with the general Miraxus stuff, that post WAS NOT hate. You have to be delusional and overly obsessed to believe that was a hate post, or that I was spreading “false information.” In the post I literally said they had good development and linked a master list of ALL their interactions. The entire post was about how even though I don’t ACTIVELY ship them (meaning they are cute and I agree they would be a good couple, but I just don’t get that feeling where I’m like “oh okay yes them” and I feel the need to stalk them, ((not everyone hates what threatens their ships)), and I’m not denying they are very cute, and have a lot of cute art and moments, it just doesn’t hype me up the same way other ships do.) So, this post was pro-miraxus, I’m literally saying they honestly deserved to become canon/canon-ish like a lot of the other ships did, so it was not “cross tagged” the post was about mira and laxus and thats what I tagged it, if you are talking about the part where i tagged “#I feel sorry for anyone who ships miraxus” that is literally me validating anyone hurt over the ending. Again, I’m not following the Miraxus tag or any account solely dedicated to that ship so I didn’t even know he drew a kid or them, that’s super cool, good for you. I wasn’t being “biased” because I’m not neck deep in any ship for Laxus or Mira, yes i think CanaJane is cute but I know its very unrealistic, this is why I was able to form this opinion that they deserved better. The post was about how Mashima baited Miraxus the entire series, then said “Never!!!!” even if it was Lucy’s inner thoughts, Mashima knew what he was doing. I was saying, “wow that probably sucked if you really liked them! I’m sorry!” If you believe my post was to degrade Mira x Laxus and hype Cana x Mira, then you need to take a step back and re-evaluate yourself, I understand you are probably like 13-14 but that’s still not okay to attack people because they don’t agree with you, and if you are older that 13 or 14 that’s just embarrassing. I also believe that Freed x Laxus deserved a better ending and I also don’t actively ship that either, Freed spent the whole series wanting to protect and be by the side of Laxus and they had no interaction in the finale.

Next, lets go to the part about you saying I’m a “slash fetishizer shipper” (also i literally had to look up what this meant) I can only assume you canajane because i said they “hit different” right? Let me just re insert what you said to make sure I reply correctly

Yes I think Cana and Mira are very attractive, and I think they are hot together too. Hi i’m into girls. I am the woke points. I agree people make lgbt people into a fetish and don’t actually respect them, but that’s mostly males thinking lesbians are hot while being gross out by gay men, I may be naive but you don’t often see that on anime tumblr where half the people are gay anyway, not to mention most are female. This next part may be controversial I’m not sure, but people don’t need a reason to ship characters and no one can tell them who they can and can’t ship (this does not apply to shipping a child with an adult), so you can’t say only gay people can ship to people of the same gender, sorry that’s not how it works, i understand you’re trying to get those “woke points” but you just look like a fool. But then next you said this:

Actual author content? Oh you mean like the post I linked that showed EVERY SINGLE interaction/moment/hints that Miraxus had? Like I said, they had good development, and my post was about how the AUTHOR should’ve given them a better ending. I’d just like to add there are many moments that the AUTHOR wrote between Cana and Mira that made me ship them, if the AUTHOR never wrote anything to where they interacted, I wouldn’t ship them? This post is not about that though so I’m not gonna go anymore into them.

“false information” girl what? where? I’m genuinely curious, I used screenshots of the manga to present to idea that Miraxus deserved better and that’s all I talked about so I’m confused what you been by this:

So I can tell you took the one line where i said I like CanaJane more than Miraxus and in your mind twisted my entire PRO-miraxus argument into and anti post, this kind of behavior is toxic, and “its not a good look sir”

Let also clarify something, cross tagging is posting about something and tagging things completely unrelated, this post was about mira and laxus and thats what it was tagged about. Cross tagging is often used in shipping wars, but my post was pro-miraxus so it makes no sense for you to repeatedly say I was cross tagging and that’s why you were mad, it’s very clear you were just mad because I said I shipped CanaJane and that clouded your judgement when reading everything else. If you wanna see real cross tagging look up any naruto ship and scroll for about 3 seconds. So, no I won’t be removing the tags because that makes no sense, but if it’s important enough for you to message me off anon then we’ll talk.

My final section of this response is how hypocritical you were. Like with he part, “I don’t hate you” To quote tiktok and nicki minaj, “don’t be tryna double back, I already despise you”

As you can see you repeatedly said I was mean, but no where in my post did I say anything like “Mira x Laxus is gross, its toxic, its dumb, its...idk...forced!”, i literally never said anything like that because like I’ve said in this post and in that one, they’re cute and they had good development. You were the mean one in your response telling me i had “no reading skills whatsoever”, that i had a “lack of respect”, said I’m “more than pitiful” and this isn’t mentioning all of your back handed pettiness throughout every single message you sent, you think you “look cool” but “hun”...”sweetie”...you just look dumb, but at least you are on anon!

Educate myself? girl this isn’t politics, you’re pressed over a post saying your ship deserved better than it got??? What am I supposed to do watch the anime, read the manga, well good thing I did. GUESS WHAT THEY HAD GOOD DEVELOPMENT i can see why you ship them.

The only rude person here is you, you came into my asks and attacked me because you were blinded for reasons I can’t figure out, and you hid behind the anonymous setting which clearly means you don’t care that much about Miraxus, you just wanted to be mean.

If you’re reading this, and you sent me the messages, message me off anonymous, then we can realistically talk about me taking off my so called cross tagging, I really don’t care that much, I’m just baffled you had to audacity to come for me so hard then “nicely” ask me to remove the tags.

If you’re reading this and you didn’t send me these messages, thanks for reading, maybe share this so people understand that this behavior is not okay. I know what I got was mostly just petty ranting, but there are people who send way worse to others and its just not okay. Just because these aren’t are real accounts like these are fandom accounts doesn’t make it okay. Thanks!

Here is the post in reference:

https://emillyjacksonn.tumblr.com/post/617804123843280896/miraxus-shippers-really-got-played

#fairy tail #ft #ask #askme #Mirajane Strauss #mira #Mira Strauss #laxus #Laxus Dreyar #miraxus #canajane #fraxus

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imaginesforyourfandom · 5 years

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Charmed- Alex Morgan Imagine

Reader POV:

I was pacing around my hotel room trying to clear my head. I had been avoiding Alex all day because I knew what she wanted to talk about our relationship and going public with it. She had talked about it with me and how she wanted to, but I sort of stopped the conversation without really giving her an answer. It’s not that I am ashamed of her or anything. That couldn’t be further from the truth. I love her with all my heart but coming out is risky. You never know how people are going to react and I know how important her career and being a role model is to her.

I heard the door open causing me to stop and look over at her as she entered the room. She came in and I could tell immediately she didn’t look happy. She threw the key card down on the table and looked at me crossing her arms. I raised my eyebrow at her knowing there was no way I was going to start this conversation. She sighed and moved to rub her head with her hands. I frowned not liking that I was most likely the cause of her irritation.

“We need to talk (Y/N)” she looked up at me with a serious look

“I know” I mumbled moving to sit in the desk chair. I leaned back and crossed my arms trying to make myself as small as possible. “Just get on with it”

“I know you’ve been avoiding me all day and I know why.” She sat down on the bed directly across from me and stared at me. “If you didn’t want to come out, I would’ve rather you just said so…”

“No, I do it’s just…” I looked down feeling my throat tighten a little. I didn’t want to cry but I just felt so overwhelmed. It’s stupid because I know she would understand, but I can’t handle the possible rejection. “I don’t want anything to mess with your career. You have worked way to hard to lose anything now”

“What the hell are you talking about?” I looked up at her to see her giving me a confused look “Why would I lose anything?”

“That’s what happens Alex” I threw my hands up in the air. I stood up and started to pace again. She remained quite as I went on my rant. “People’s careers have been ruined over this sort of thing. You have had too many obstacles in your career already for me to put another one in the way. You are a role model to so many and you know how many religious fanatics are going to come out of the woodwork to demand you be punished for this. Oh my god your sponsors. They’re all going to throw a fit when they find out.”

“Stop” I looked at her as she held her hand up. She stood and came closer to me taking my face into her hands. Instinctively, I wrapped my arms around her waist. “I won’t lose anything. You won’t ruin anything. You are not an obstacle. I don’t care what anyone else things. All I know is that I love you more than anything and I want to be with you forever.”

I stared at her for a minute before resting my head on her shoulder. She stroked the back of my neck.

“I’m sorry” I mumbled. She continued giving me comfort as we stood in the middle of the room. “I’m just trying to look out for you.”

“I know you are, but I can take care of myself. You know how many people will be ecstatic over us being together. Don’t think that I don’t know that you keep encouraging fans by liking their little edits.” I gave her a sheepish smile causing her to laugh. She pulled me in for a kiss.

“Are you sure this is what you want? Are you sure that I am what you want? I am fine with going public, but I need you to be sure..”

“I have never been more sure about anything in my life. I hate to tell you this, but you are stuck with me for a long long time.” I rolled my eyes and then moved to pick her up. She squealed a little as I laid us down on the bed. I kept my arms around her as she drew little patterns on my arm. “Please don’t avoid me next time. You had me super worried.”

“I won’t. I am sorry for that; I just didn’t want to let you down or hurt your feelings”

“I know, but I know this is what I want. You are what I want.” She turned to look at me and gave me a small smile. I leaned my forehead against her shoulder letting out a mumbled ‘okay’. We laid for a while and I felt myself drifting to sleep.

When I woke up, I was still wrapped around Alex who was scrolling through twitter on her phone. I let out a little groan and tightened my grip on her waist. She turned her head putting her phone down. She moved so that she was facing me.

“You have to get up soon.” She said poking my cheek. I let out a muffled ‘no; pushing my face away from her into the pillow. “Yes”

I turned my head giving her a small glare which caused the forward to laugh. She moved pushing me onto my back and straddling my waist. My hands went to her waist as she leaned down giving me a kiss. She pulled back with me leaning up to try to stop her from breaking it. She placed her hand on my chest pushing me back down. She gave me a mischievous smile before standing up and jumping off the bed.

“You should check your phone.” She said heading into the bathroom. I frowned pulling my phone out of my pocket. I had a ton of notifications. I sat up and opened Instagram seeing Alex had posted a picture of us. She had tagged me in the photo.

The picture was of Alex and I standing together. She was standing in front of me with her hands on my face while I was pouting at her. I had both arms wrapped around her waist. The photo was captioned “my own special dork. A little appreciation for the most important person in my life. I love you baby”. I immediately went for the comments and saw comment after comment of fans freaking out that our ‘ship’ was real. There were a few negative comments, but they weren’t about us being gay. They were about how we were both in a relationship now instead of single.

“I love you too” I said to her as she came out of the bathroom coming towards me climbing into the bed. I leaned in to give her a kiss. “Also, I am badass. Not a dork”

“You’re my dork” she grinned as I rolled my eyes. “Also, I don’t know if you look at the comments, but I think we just became everyone’s favorite couple”

“oh please, because we are cuter than krashlyn?” she gave me an offended look and a slap on the arm.

“Yes, actually we are cuter than krashlyn. How dare you not think we are cuter than krashlyn…” I laughed at her and leaned over to give her a kiss on the cheek.

“You’re the cutest thing I have ever seen.”

“Don’t try to charm me. It’s not going to work.” She crossed her arms at me as I smiled. I stood up and headed for the door.

“Okay I guess I will see you later.”

“No!” she flew off the bed pulling me back into her. “Don’t leave. I take it back. You can charm me anytime.”

“I was planning on it.” I gave her another kiss “I plan on charming you forever.”

“You better…” She mumbled giving me another kiss before smiling at me. “I don’t plan on letting you charm anyone else anytime soon.”

“I love you Alex” I leaned my forehead against hers

“I love you too” she gave me another kiss on the cheek before pulling me in for a hug. “I’ll always love you.”

“I should probably post something too though” she gave me a look before nodding her head slightly.

“If you want to. You don’t have too though” I nodded my head letting her go and sitting on the bed so I could grab my phone.

I opened up Instagram before going through my photos. I had a photo that christen had taken. It was of me spinning Alex around, but she caught the photo just as Alex and I were making eye contact. I selected the photo making sure to tag Alex. I captioned the photo “in this moment, I saw my future in your eyes”. I made sure to keep my phone hidden from Alex before posting it.

She picked her phone up as soon as she got the notification and looked onto my Instagram. I heard her let out an aww before turning to me and walking over giving me a kiss.

“You’re the sweetest” she mumbled against my lips.

“I mean it Alex. Every time I look at you, I see my future. I see us growing old and having kids.”

“A dog?”

“Yes, there is a dog.” She smiled before curling up into my lap. I wrapped my arms around her as I laid us down.

“Sounds nice” she said leaning her head onto my shoulder. “We should start soon.”

“Yeah we should.” I mumbled giving her a kiss on the head. We were silent for a few minutes before I realized that she was falling asleep. I made sure we were covered before I let myself drift to sleep.

I don’t know what the future holds, but I know if I have Alex then everything will be just fine.

The End.

#alex morgan #alex morgan imagine #alex morgan imagines #happy birthday my love #loml #uswnt imagine #uswnt imagines #uswnt

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