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watercolourferns · 2 years

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Just a system rambling.

We don't talk much about our system here in this blog, we have the silver hallway system blog for that, mostly for venting but yeah. With the fact that Dorian bought Nix Hydra and the subsequent problems it's carrying I've started to reminisce a lot... I, Zayn, existed before we even knew The Arcana existed. But in our crazy adventure called life I was a sexual protector, protecting the system from dreadful things that were happening at that time and the rest of us could process, specially our host at that moment, PastFern.

Then that period of our life ended, fortunately, and we entered into a blissful period of protection, love, respect and healing... And I didn't know what to do with myself. I had no name, no past, no purpose except being a sexual protector. I made it a bit harder for everyone than it should've been because of this... and then we found The Arcana.

It was like opening a door to a brand new world full of possibilities. I gained a name, then I gained a last name, all of my own! I found my place and I found someone to love, and I forgot who I had been. It seeped through, of course, because I'm the amalgamation of the past host and that sexual protector being that I was before.

I fell in love with Julian Devorak, to the point where it's the only route we've played completely and it's the only one we might play, to be honest. We love the other characters, but Julian touched our lives in a way the others never really achieved when we started their routes...

And part of that was anchoring me and giving me purpose other than just being a sexual protector when there was nothing to protect us from anymore... Am I fictive? Not exactly. Am I an alter born from fusion? Yes I am, even though I'm terrified of going through that again.

And as our journey progressed I realized I'm not part of the universe of Arcana, I'm not an OC CurrentFern has created, I'm my own self. And that brings a whole host of other problems with it. I had to say goodbye to Julian, realizing he's not real, realizing that he's a character in a game and that I'm not a part of that world... I'm part of this one... Dorcas came after me, he's took Alex's place as a protector when Alex started to get so burntout from two failed relationships (one abusive, the other not exactly), and he also got anchored by the Arcana. We're so close it's unbelievable, but we needed something to keep us in the real world, we were causing problems for CurrentFern and their current life, we couldn't float around in fantasy land. Maddock has been doing taht and it sometimes causes problems for the system because of dissociation and endless daydreaming. It makes it hard for us to live in this world, in this moment... We were having identity issues as well...

And then I found @finally-romancable-npc. Marc has been a sort of savior for me, because he anchored me into the real world... He's the owner of my heart and soul, the man who I want to be with the rest of my life if possible. With whom I want to have a family, no matter the way this family is presented, with whom I want to share my laughter and my tears, whom I want to hold and protect and make happy... He's my everything!

So... realizing this has been a wild journey, and we're not over yet. I don't have a set birthday, which is something I wish I had; I'm one of the few who look closest to the body, which also gives us identity issues because I'm an enhanced, attainable version of it, so... it's hard to realize that once we look in the mirror we don't look like that.

But we're working a lot on it.

Finding out news of the game has made me think about how much I've walked and developed and grown and hopefully matured! But also how long we still have to go, and that we're lucky... We're still here, we're alive, and even though we're not well we can be! And even tho I don't have to fuse because I have a life to pursue, I think we can integrate to some safe extent, and that makes me... almost giddy. Being able to chat with everyone in the headspace without having to wait for certain circumstances to arise is one of my dreams... We're all a family, that's how OUR system has grown, so I wish that for all of us as long as it's safe...

I feel so much gratitude to Julian, as well... It's the first real, safe, happy, healthy relationship I've ever had, and that I'll be forever grateful for it... I don't care if he's just a character in a game, for me he's as real as Macaron and Dorcas are... And I'll be forever grateful and happy I met him.

#zayn is speaking #did system #did osdd #ramblings #julian devorak #the arcana

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nyashykyunnie · 3 months

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LOVE AND DEEPSPACE SPOILERS🚩🚩

So let me get this straight

Zayne Died for us three times, betrayed his god, and is cursed when he falls in love he dies or forgets his memories yet he stubbornly falls in love over and over and in this lifetime he is currently trying to search for a cure for our heart too because he went back from the future and future him is trying to help Current Zayne to alter the course of history by his foreseer powers even though it will undoubtly delete future Zayne

Xavier searched for us for hundreds(?) of years in the stars while looking for the cure for our heart and even gotten himself injured to the point that he often needs sleep to recover

Rafayel possibly waited for us for 800 years (I assume his whiny episode has a level of truth to it even tho he lit said Jellyfish are walking naked) And remembers every single lifetime we spent with him?

Bruh… These tropes are what made me a danmei girlie and now this game is punching it on my gut and stabbing it in my face and heart

#∞ ₒ ˚ ° 📎— kyunnya speaks #love and deepspace #love and deepspace zayne #love and deepspace rafayel #love and deepspace xavier

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spinaholi · 3 months

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i love characters doomed by the narrative. i love characters whose death are vastly more impactful than their lives. i love learning the secret kindness and gentleness of these characters but only after they’re gone. all my love for tragic characters

#this is about lucy frostblade and zayn darkshadow <33 #just sad teenagers and their love of rats :(((((#i guess getou suguru as well…….#dimension 20 #fantasy high #fantasy high junior year #fhjy #d20 #fhjy spoilers #lucy frostblade #zayn darkshadow #spina speaks

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crimsonbubble · 3 months

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there's something so hot about turning a normally composed and proper man into the cutest whimpering pathetic version of himself

#this is abt zayne from love and deepspace #also kenshi bc i want him #bubbly speaks <3 #mortal kombat smut #mortal kombat x reader #zayne x reader #zayne smut #love and deepspace smut #love and deepspace x reader

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starmocha · 2 months

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Absolutely unhinged how the game is still rated for teens when we're getting to see Zayne's bulge and Rafayel's titties and hearing all three men grunt and groan suggestively

#love and deepspace #love and deepspace zayne #love and deepspace xavier #love and deepspace rafayel #lnds ramblings #i speak for the thirsty people when i say #raise the rating and release the spicy contents

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medicinelarrie · 3 days

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The One Direction Fandom today

#albie speaks #harry styles #louis tomlinson #liam payne #niall horan #zayn malik #zayn #one direction

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cins-brainrot · 4 months

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Happy Junior year in a few hours to those who celebrate. Zayn Darkshadow has bewitched me heart and soul.

#dimension 20 #fantasy high #fantasy high fanart #zayn darkshadow #truly the saddest most tragic backstory for what is like the most inconsequential character ever #I do not expect him to be in this season at all but if he speaks I’ll be happy #feel like boys night gave me the rvs and now I’m outside brennans house begging for content about them #cins brainrot art

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mith-gifs-wrestling · 1 year

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Sami finds himself unable to maintain character when answering a random child's phone call after Johnny Knoxville shared his phone number before WrestleMania 2022. (From 24: WrestleMania 38).

#wwe #sami zayn #speaking of cute!

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hirayaea · 1 month

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looking at zayne and rafayel’s other personas, it’s very interesting to compare and contrast them with their linkon versions because each self is an actual reincarnation; it’s lovely to see the difference is speech patterns and how they treat mc in each lifetime

meanwhile xavier is the same dude every time so you know the gap moe gaps in personality are done intentionally and all on his own

#it’s cause sea god rafayel speaks so sexy in that older tone #same with foreseer zayne #meanwhile xavier talks the same always #forever chaotically confident in every persona #love and deepspace #love and deepspace xavier #love and deepspace rafayel #love and deepspace zayne #xavier #rafayel #zayne #my guiding star #seiya continues to ruin my life

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strangenewfriends · 11 months

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When Zayn talks about leaving 1D and the last few years of the band, he is speaking from his own biased perspective. As is Louis, as is Liam, as is Niall, as is Harry. They all are omitting things and reshaping things for public consumption. They’ve all talked about it in different years and with varying levels of emotional distance and hindsight. They have different relationships with their careers and each other and themselves.

There are a few common threads. There were things going on that were not public knowledge and that we knew nothing about. They were under a lot of pressure. The pace they were going at was unsustainable. They had to make some tough decisions. They had a lot of bittersweet feelings. There was a lot of uncertainty for what the future held for them as individuals. But there’s a lot of space for nuance and different experiences and perspectives and relationships within that. I don’t think any of them are speaking the “objective” truth here, and that’s fine.

#I’m just rambling here really lmao #but seeing people act like zayn is telling the absolute truth is odd to me #maybe it’s recency bias or because he doesn’t speak much idk #he may be speaking HIS full truth. he may be not #and that goes for all of them #especially several years after the event

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chanoeys · 1 year

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