weepingdreamersandwich

[weepingdreamersandwich]

Rereading my old journal entries is like revisiting the scene of the crime and going "see, that's why you're like this!"

#toxic relationship #toxic parents #oldest daughter #oldest child #journal #helicopter parenting

[weepingdreamersandwich]

I wonder if my parents realize that they've already lost me. That my smiles are fake and my eyes are constantly searching for escape routes. That I'm just biding my time until I can be free of them. I wonder if they know that I was never theirs to keep.

#strict parents #oldest daughter #oldest child #parent problems #helicopter parenting #parent issues #emotional abuse #eldest daughter #childhood trauma

[weepingdreamersandwich]

*Cody's turn to do the weekly 'make sure Fox is still alive'* Cody, driving: I'm nearly there, where are you? Fox: Oh I can see you Cody: Are you the guy lying in the middle of the road? Fox: Yeah, floor it

[weepingdreamersandwich]

i want to talk about strict parents and its consequences: lack of experience

Strict parents don't realize how much more harm than good they are inflicting on their child by isolating them from having meaningful experiences and ways to grow and mature by themselves, an important part of social relationships is being able to spend time with those people, but when these kids are withdrawn from learning and joining on the things their other friends do or when it becomes really difficult to just freely hang out with them having to make sure your parents know absolutely everything u are going to do where you will be etc, they are never able to learn social patterns and ways to maintain and develop a relationship and not only speaking about friendships but it also deeply affects their love life, they don't learn what their needs in life are because of this, because they were never fully exposed to it. Which will be a challenge to come at terms with your identity as a person, your morals and your values.

Speaking about love life, not being allowed to date is a huge problem because when that child grows older and having absolutely no experience whatsoever society will find a way to beat you down because of it and the feeling that everyone else around you has a degree on this thing but you are still learning how to count, its a lot of steps that only being able to make your own things and mistakes can give you but coming to an older age thinking that at this point what does it matter in learning that not dating is way easier and you feel unlovable or like something is wrong with you, that you will die alone because you kind of come to terms with that, despite that u deeply desire to have a family it just will not happen.

i don't understand how parents can think this is a form of keeping their children safe, it might look like its not that big of a deal because the consequences aren't visible and will never be because they are very discreet things that only the one who lives it and has gone through it will understand.

[weepingdreamersandwich]

[weepingdreamersandwich]

POV: Having controlling Parents

• You can't go out. Why? Because simply you can't, now stay in home all day doing nothing and degradating your mental health while everyone is out

• Everyone have cool stories about their adventures, and all you have is "Once I went to the market alone... AT 7PM!!!"

• You tend to try achieve perfection, and when you do your best and isn't enough, you punish yourself over and over again

• You don't even know what you like to do anymore, because every activity you enjoy doing your parents simply take it out of you, and when they don't, they complain over and over about it, but you can't let it go because it's one of the few things you enjoy still

• You daydream constantly about having a romance, going out to do simple things or having actual friends

• You never heard an apology from them, maybe once when they were drunk, but never sober

• You suffer from extreme low self-esteem and wonders if the world would be a better place if you simply vanished

• You hide your interests from your parents the best you can, and those tiny things keep you alive

• You imagine how it will be in 3 - 5 years, how freedom will taste, how you will finally do the things you always wanted to! But...

• But you also worry how much lost you will be and if you're going to feel something. You fear all those years of abuse have made you feel absolutely nothing, you fear all those years will make you be another person with nothing inside, someone shallow.

• You probably write stories with characters who 1) suffer from the same/worse than you or 2) are living their better lives out there

• They dare to take out of you the tiny things you have, going from objects to things you like doing/will be doing

• DON'T. EVER. QUESTION. OR. RESPOND. THEM. DON'T. EVER. NEVER. EVER.

• Do as you're told, even if you're extremely tired

• You're tired emotionally normally. You even feel suicidal

• They HATE your friends/partner

• I know how tough this may be... But for me and for you... We must never give up ourselves. We will get away from that and I have faith we will live in a place with wonderful stuff, I will finally be able to learn skateboarding, you will be free and we'll be watching the sunset somewhere... I believe that.

[weepingdreamersandwich]

Are you afraid of deciding on your own because you might fail?

Well, there are several reasons where you got that mentality, but you know it usually comes from your family.

Especially when they're controlling and narcissistic.

They don't let you decide on your life without their permission, be it buying a car, a house, deciding on a degree, your partner, even your fashion. They think they own you, and they should be deciding for you. This makes you dependent on their decisions.

Some might like that, but you know, that's not a happy life to live. Just following the path set by someone else. You are promised safety, you are promised success, but you look around and see yourself actually stuck. Not even your brain is functioning properly anymore.

You try to get out of their road, you fight them, and they will end up saying, "Fine! Get out! You'll come back to us begging."

That's actually a prayer for your failure.

A normal loving parent would pray that you stay safe, and that you become successful.

They don't care what will happen to you. They only care about the notion of owning you.

Are you still afraid to decide? Are you afraid to take risks? Well that's understandable, as you are just going out and are basically still a baby.

To gain confidence in your venture forward,

(1) You first must accept that failure really happens, and we must learn from them. Give yourself space for failure. A lot of people fail several times before learning the tricks of life.

If you want to minimize your failures, do research, observe people going towards the same fields, and always have a backup plan.

(2) Don't tell them what you wanna do. You might be compelled to tell them your next steps because either you're used to that, or you just have a big mouth, or you wanna prove that you have a vision. No, don't do that. They will implant a seed that you cannot do it. It will come off as 'I did it this way and I'm successful', making you doubt your process.

You have to accept that people have their own process. What worked during their time might not work for you, heck maybe it didn't actually work and they're just lying, because if it worked and trusted their own process, they wouldn't be too controlling and emotionally immature.

(3) In your venture forward, think about establishing your own place. Quite materialistic, but having your own place is a mental assurance that you have your own place to stay, and that you will not come back begging (as you are very afraid of that). It will be hard at first, all these legalities, real estate prices, and decision makings are complicated. You might get scammed if you don't research enough. But stay strong and well-informed. Always ALWAYS research. Why am I emphasizing research here? Well, because they never taught you these life skills, so you are parenting yourself now. You can do it.

(4) Let's talk about energy. Children with controlling narcissistic parents are always surrounded by negative energies. Do you often have consecutive strings of bad luck? Like printer not working when you need it most - kinda thing? It's a long psychological explanation, but you must invest to get out of that envelope of energy (it's just perception on life, but you know). To gain confidence and trust in yourself, you must look at the things you always get lucky at. You also need to venture out and believe that you get lucky on important things. For example, whenever I book Airbnb, I always get the best cheap places. Before, I would be afraid to decide on a place. I was even scared of ordering on Jollibee counter. Now, it makes me think that I'm good at deciding about this, leading me to believe that I can choose the best real estate, I just have to believe in myself. I just have to pray.

Remember, they are praying for your failure, so your prayers for success must be stronger. It's also helpful to attract friends and partners who believe in you.

This is the year that you must notice where you're headed in life if you stay. You must notice the negative energies so you learn how to escape it. You must gain confidence to walk your own path.

Happy New Year.

[weepingdreamersandwich]

cal please chill out, you're making it hard to teach

(donation doodles! // tip jar)

[weepingdreamersandwich]

in light of recent news, and in fear of losing one of the only things that brings me joy in my stupid baka life, here's all episodes of puppet history.

pls rb :)

[weepingdreamersandwich]

I'm writing course evaluations, and I'm wondering if I should mention that my professor almost ran over me with her car. Decisions, decisions.

#college #gradschool #professor evals #current stressed grad student #future stressed grad student #student #student life

[weepingdreamersandwich]

Rex joins the party!

#captain rex #star wars fanfiction #star wars #clones #sw tcw fanfic #eldritch #eldritch clones #starwars fanfic #clone medic kix #arc trooper echo #arc trooper fives #echo #tcw fives #tcw echo #tcw jesse #rex has a bad day

[weepingdreamersandwich]

Had a dream last night where there was a show that was kind of like the Bachelor, but set in the African Savannah. It was called Bouquet or Breakfast, and there were lions everywhere. Also, one of the thumbnails was of a lion winking at the bachelor, so they were in on it, too?!? So coming next fall: Bouquet or Breakfast. In this dating game, its eat or be eaten.

#weird dreams #one time i dreamt #the bachelor #funny #weird #lions

[weepingdreamersandwich]

Chapter 4 is up!

#star wars fanfiction #starwars #star wars #eldritch clones #eldritch #eldritch star wars #commander ponds #mace windu #jedi #clones #ao3 link #sw tcw fanfic

[weepingdreamersandwich]

inspired by boop day, reblog this post if its ok for people to send you random asks and interact on your posts with no judgement. i want to talk to people.

[weepingdreamersandwich]

Chapter 2 of Six is up!

#starwars fanfic #sw tcw fanfic #eldritch #eldritch clones #commander wolffe #plo koon

[weepingdreamersandwich]

Jedi Padawans have the classic sitcom bag-of-flour baby assignment to ensure they're prepared to look after young ones in emergency situations

this assessment is not one of the many canceled or postponed during the war

which means that when Ahsoka is abruptly deployed dirtside along with her Master, Grandmaster, and the 501st, she had to scramble to find an appropriate babysitter for her sack of flour

desperate, she tossed it to Commander Cody, who was staying aboard the Negotiator to oversee the campaign, with only a frantic list of the required steps to take care of it while she was gone

when she returns several days later, Cody has painted the sack 212th gold and constructed a sling to carry it around on his front while he keeps his hands free for work

judging by the rank pins attached to the front, the sack of flour is now a lieutenant

once Obi-Wan's heart eyes abate enough, though, it becomes clear to him that Cody and the 212th troopers have not understood that the sack of flour is not, in fact, a literal Jedi tubie

and none of the Jedi or their siblings in the 501st have the heart to correct them, so they let them keep the thing, stomping on the feet of anyone who tries to ask too many questions about their new mascot

once the war ends, Obi-Wan discreetly replaces the sack with a Jedi chrecheling in the middle of the night, having resigned himself to raising another too-young-Padawan

Reva, for her part, is all to happy to gleefully coat herself in flour for the occasion

[weepingdreamersandwich]

HAPPY REBELS REMEMBERED DAY!!!