#I still remember his mom calling out his crush on national tv

[iwatcheditbegin]

The cuteness

#I still remember his mom calling out his crush on national tv #Genesis winning #my edit #imagine having Alicia as your mom and getting cards from Taylor #updated with higher quality gifs #I wish the coloring wasn’t impossible to match #I kept changing the coloring but the lighting was too different #eras tour la 3 #iheartradio awards 2019 #she gives such auntie vibes #I have like 3 versions on this going around and next time I’m waiting for the hq videos

[mikamel]

♤Prey♤

Genre: cop jungwon! × freader(oc)!

Type: thriller, slight angst

Warnings: gore, serial killing, profanity, mentions of blood, let me know if there's something else.

Word count: 3.0K

Synopsis: Jungwon has always been a goody-two-shoes cop boyfriend, but fought with a serial killer that's been wanted for years, then ended up heavily injured. Once he wakes up from brain surgery, his whole life goes upside down, or rather  Sungsoo's life does. 

"Who are you?"

"An angel."

"What's your name?"

"Satan..."

"It has been confirmed that the wanted serial killer from all of the deaths that occurred for the past two years has been captured. These killings shook up the whole nation as the victims were found mercilessly tortured and...."

The sound of the news on the TV faded as Sungsoo focused all of her might on hoping that her dear boyfriend would wake up soon. The whole country is also praying for his recovery, since he bravely fought and captured the serial killer that the police has been searching for years, just like the news stated.

"Jungwon-ah... please, wake up..." She said, with tears on her eyes as she grasps his hand on hers. He had a bandage around his head, an injury caused by the serial killer on the moment, having doctors to take him through several surgeries to prevent his death.

Even though she was highly proud of his courage and will to go against a dangerous person, she still felt resentful towards the fact that he could've almost died. She always thought the cop job wasn't his best fit, but she also knew how he truly cared for the civilians and did everything he could to protect them. She sighed, thinking how he was too nice and pure for his own good. There was little to no hope for him to survive after the attack, since his brain got heavily damaged by the amount of hits the criminal took out on him with a hammer.

Suddenly, she received a call from her mother, making her let go of his cold hand and answering the call.

"Hello? No, he's still unconscious... I know... Wait, you're here? Mom, I told you it's okay— I can do this. Huh? In the lobby? But— alright... I'll be there." Sungsoo hung up and looks down at Jungwon on the bed with a sad expression.

"I'll be right back, okay?" She says, expecting no response from him but hoping he at least is listening. She puts her phone inside her pant's pocket and rushes out the hospital room.

Minutes after she left, there was no sound but the ruffling of the blanket as the boy who was laying down on the rough bed slowly rises up, his hand now holding his head in pain, while his eyes slowly opened and looked around. He groans after the movement due to his recent surgery on his head, and then realizes there is definitely, another noise corrupting the space.

A bird on the room's window was chirping, taking a rest from its long distance flight, ready to go back to its nest. Jungwon then stood up, carefully walking towards the bird, with an unknown expression on his face. He approached the bird with his hand, waiting for the little animal to hop on his finger. After the bird took trust and swiftly grabbed onto the boy's finger, Jungwon lifted his other hand and hovered it over the little bird, soon after wrapping it tightly around the animal and crushing it between his palms. Without remorse, he turns around and drops the bird out the window.

"Ah... that's better. Silence."

♤

"Now, from the left eye, how many fingers do you see?"

"Two" Replied Jungwon, still not having hold of what is going on and why he is sitting on an hospital bed. Specifically, sitting in front of strangers.

The doctor nodded and lowered his hand proceeding to write on a board he's holding, probably the patient's record.

"Jungwon... do you really not... remember us?" Sungsoo nervously asked, hoping he would somehow change the answer he gave the doctor a minute ago. However, Jungwon looked over her with an unknown gaze, not taking long as he looks forward, his empty cat-like eyes staring onto the wall.

"No. I don't know who you are." He replied, not looking at anyone. Sungsoo lowered her head and slowly nodded, trying to accept the fact that he, indeed doesn't remember them at all.

"Don't worry, it must be from the shock of the surgery that his memories have been blocked. However, they will most possibly come back slowly, so don't worry." The doctor reassured the family. "We will need to run some tests before releasing him from the hospital, now excuse me." He smiled and left the room together with his two assistants that were silently taking notes of the situation, the room now remaining quiet.

Sungsoo stood right where she was at the whole time, her hopeful thoughts having a debate inside her head. He will be alright, right? He will slowly remember... then everything will be like before, right?. She slowly looks up and steps towards him, making him look up at her with a questionable expression. She then takes his hand on hers, it being removed not long after by him, still unsure if he should trust those people that claim to be very close with him. This made Sungsoo feel a sting on her heart, not used to see her usually sweet and caring boyfriend rejecting her touch like this.

Taking ahold of the situation, her mother decides to speak up, "Jungwon-ah... don't be scared, it's just me and Sungsoo, alright? My daughter and you have been dating for a while, she cares a lot about you. Once you're released, you'll be coming back with us, okay?" She tried to reassure him, even though they receive no reaction from him. Instead, he was analyzing her every movement. She looks old. He thought.

Suddenly, he shows a smile that Sungsoo has been missing ever since before the surgery. Her little heart sting disappearing and Relief taking over her.

"I'm sorry I can't remember anything..." He stops for a second, taking ahold of Sungsoo's hand. "But I'll try my best to remember, alright? I'm glad I got a good family at my side..." He lowered his head, his hold of his girlfriends hand getting tighter, taking her by surprise, but then proceeding to hug him, tears leaving her eyes once again.

"I am just glad you're alive, after all. I love you, wonnie..."

She received no reply from him, only the acceptance of the hug as he stared down at the hand he was holding.

Did he really have such an affectionate soul- mate? Did he really deserve her?

♤

"Oh, really? I must have been a good person, then." Jungwon shyly smiled, slightly embarrassed as Sungsoo and her mother told him the stories from his life before surgery.

"Aww, are you blushing right now?" Teased Sungsoo, receiving a neglect from Jungwon real quick, making her laugh and pinch his cheek.

"Yah, Park Sungsoo! Be more gentle with him, he just got a surgery. Don't play around too much like that, huh?" Scolded her mother, earning a pout from her and a 'alright sorry'. This made Jungwon's blood boil for a reason. He felt like he didn't like that at all. Even if he didn't remember everything about her, why couldn't his girlfriend act playful with him? He didn't mind it at all. It didn't even bother him or his head if she did. Why is her mother suddenly interrupting their moment? Who gave her the right? However, he smiled at her mother and reassured her about it.

"It's okay, she wouldn't hurt me at all. You're worrying too much ma'am." He chuckled afterwards and placed some more food on her plate, since they were sharing dinner. This made Sungsoo smile and feel warmth inside her. He hasn't changed at all, my sweet boyfriend... She thought.

After a while, they all finished eating and Jungwon offered to clean up the table, quickly earning a denial from Sungsoo's mother.

"No No, you go rest okay? I'll do everything don't worry." She reassured and started to pick plates up. Sungsoo stood up and started to help her mother, even though she also received a scolding to go and get some rest. She eventually gave up and went towards Jungwon, taking his hand.

"I will make sure our memories come back. I will help you, okay? I know it's not your fault this happened but... it makes me sad you don't remember..." she said, lowering her head. Jungwon sighed and tried to reassure her that everything's going to be alright, and that he trusts that she will help him.

Afterwards, they both went to rest, Sungsoo making sure she gets comfortable as she hugs Jungwon in her sleep. Suddenly, the lightbulb of the room gets turned on, earning an annoyed groan from Jungwon, also waking Sungsoo up.

"Oh, you two were here? I thought you'd be at the guest's room! Tsk tsk. Anyways I just forgot to take this laundry, just go back to sleep and don't mind me, yeah?" She entered and bent over to pick up the laundry basket full of clothes. Sungsoo didn't mind much and just did a muffled noise of acceptance to whatever her mother is doing. On the other hand, Jungwon was gripping onto the bedsheets under the blanket. He was beyond irritated at the way she interrupted them once again, also having the audacity to wake Sungsoo up from her beauty sleep. For some reason, ever since he gained consciousness, he felt a weird yet specific connection to her, wanting to protect yet analyze her. Her mother turned towards them and he just smiled at her, trying to be seen as apologetic as possible, even though his eyes were burning into her skull as she walked out the room, almost limping due to her weak body.

Next morning, Jungwon found himself waking up on the bed alone, an empty spot next to him. He slowly sat up, yawning and stretching his body, soon after ending up groaning in pain, holding his head as he experiences pain coming from where he got the surgery. His vision becomes blurred, the only thing he's able to hear is a long ring noise, his breathing getting heavier and cold sweat drowns his face.

His body loses balance making him fall on his back. "Argh! Stop!!" He yells, rolling on his side, waiting for the pain to cease, his vision slowly going back to normal. Minutes later, he sits up again and let's out a long sigh.

"Just what is... wrong with me."

He finally finds the ability to stand up, suddenly hearing another annoying sound that triggers his headache.

"Ugh.. what is that loud sound?" He says through gritted teeth. He follows where the noise is coming from, opening the back door to find his girlfriend's mother cutting raw chicken with a big knife on top of a wooden board. He holds his head and steps outside, standing behind her.

"What are you doing so early in the morning?" He asked her. This took her by surprise and looked back at him, then throwing him a smile as she noticed it's just her daughter's sweet boyfriend.

"Ah, you're awake already? That's a bummer. You should rest more! I prepared breakfast already, it's on the table covered for you." She turns around and was about to start chopping again until Jungwon interrupts her.

"... where's Sungsoo? She wasn't in the bed..." He said the last part more as a murmur and waited for her response.

"Oh, she went out for some groceries I needed for dinner. She'll be back soon, it's just around the corner. Now go to eat! You need to be healthy again after the accident, okay? Go go" She rushed him with her hand, then turned around and started chopping the chicken again. Loud cuts, once after another.

Jungwon was holding his head tighter, his breath slowly becoming heavier.

Stop her... stop her... kill her... just kill her...

There was a voice that was eating Jungwon's brain, his eyes widened, and he stood there frozen, the voice again repeating its words. Kill her... Do it... she's weak... it's going to be easy... Jungwon groaned, a force on him wanting to steal the knife from her and—

Out of a sudden, there was a visceral sound that seemed to drive deeply inside Jungwon's bones. He held his head tighter, both noises summing up and driving him crazy. He ran inside the house, going unnoticed by the woman as she was busy cutting the deceased animal.

"The fuck is it now..."

Right away, there was the kitchen. He kneeled down and grasped his forehead with his hand, taking deep breaths and growling as the voice got louder and louder. The chainsaw... it must be coming from next door... He thought to himself. His eyes slowly looked up towards the kitchen counter, spotting a knife right on the top. His expression grew darker, almost as if he found relief upon such an object. He stood up, his hand approaching the sharp weapon and grasping it tightly.

He heads towards the window that faced the neighbor's house, climbing up on it and jumping down on the ground outside. He had a drive inside him, a guide telling him what to do with each step he took towards the loud sound that was eating him alive. He opened a fence entrance that led to a patio, and there it was, the nuisance that dared to wake up an instinct inside Jungwon. It got even louder as he approached the man, which rapidly noticed the visitor as he looked towards the boy. The neighbor pulled down his face mask and smiled brightly, not receiving the same welcomed expression from Jungwon, who was hiding a dangerous object behind his back.

"Oh! Yang Jungwon! What a surprise, I guess the surgery was successful! You look healthy, all of us were praying for your recovery! We are all very glad that you stopped that mons—"

He felt a fierce and sharp pain on his abdomen, coughing up blood, it landing on Jungwon's emotionless face. He dropped to the ground, soon letting the chainsaw fall. However, it was still running, it's prototypical noise driving Jungwon crazier.

"It seems like you know me... well, I am glad we met again then." A smirk slowly creeped up Jungwon's mouth. Loving the clear fear and terror on the man's face, he crouched down, admiring his suffering. Once he tried to defend himself, Jungwon grabbed him by his hair and threw his body towards the fence, his back hitting against the wooden surface. He kept gasping for air, soon enough getting interrupted as Jungwon dragged him to lay him down on the ground, raising his knife with a sinister look on his face. He kept stabbing the man, his blood splattering over the walls and floor. It goes on, on, on, and on. Cuts, slashes, rains of blood. His screams were muffled by the chainsaw, Jungwon having zero worries of others finding out, enjoying the moment as his flesh cuts open, adoring the man's last breaths. Yes... Kill him... slice his throat open... The voices kept going and going. Jungwon having no option but to listen to them. He stopped for a moment and recovered his breath, throwing his head back and releasing a sigh.

"Ah... that felt great." He felt relieved, like a weigh was lifted off his shoulders. The blood ran down his neck, painting his light clothes red. He stood up, the lifeless body laying right behind him. He felt powerful, almost like he unlocked a new skill level in his life. He looked around, finding something or somewhere to plant the body. He didn't want anyone else to see his artwork but himself. Dragging the body, he left a trail of blood down the hill that he found behind the house. Afterward, he went back up to get a shovel from the patio. He dug a hole on the ground, soon after throwing the body inside and covering it.

♤

Sungsoo opened the front door and carried the shopping bags towards the kitchen. She sighed from the walk she had to do for the corner store. She placed them on the kitchen counter, turning around and finding her mother carrying chicken pieces on a plate.

"Oh? You're here already? That's good, I just finished with the chicken." Her mother said, placing down the plate on the counter as well.

"Yeah, I am tired already. Also, have you seen Jungwon? He was sleeping when I left and..." She looks towards the dining table. "... his breakfast is left untouched."

Her mother was confused, she swore he went inside to eat and probably went back to sleep. She tilted her head and sighed. "That boy... he probably went back to rest without eating! I told him to so he could be healthy." She sighed and continued to work with the food. Sungsoo furrowed her eyebrows confused, starting to walk towards her room, where she last saw him. He would usually be a morning person, though... She thought.

Once she opened the door to her room, she got surprised upon seeing Jungwon pulling a shirt over him, him turning around also as surprised by the door opening. Sungsoo's cheeks flushed red and she stuttered. 

"A-ah, sorry— I've just been looking for you and- just continue, I'll be back once you're finished." She said, turning around and was about to walk out. However, she got stopped by his arms wrapping around her waist, receiving a back hug from him. Her lips parted in surprise, but soon after her thoughts are filled with questions. Jungwon's voice halters, talking in whispers, almost as if he was in terror.

"I- I'm scared... I'm scared... Sun... I'm scared..."

♤

"This morning, a crime scene was found by Mr. A's wife, terror soon surrounding the neighborhood as she encountered her patio with blood splattered all around it, and the most shocking part, was a big red cross drawn on the fence, presumably done using the victim's blood.  The police have begun an investigation regarding her husband's disappearance.  This case has been seen to be pretty similar to the killings done by the earlier serial killer that was soon captured. There are doubts whether there is a copycat or a new rise of a psychopath that the nation needs to worry of once again..."

♤

Note: first completed post!! I made this fanfic based on a certain k-drama... let's see if anyone notices which one I made some references to 👀. Funny how the work I planned to post first is the total opposite of this one. Oh well, hope you enjoyed the ride this plot has 😔

#enhypen #yang jungwon #jungwon #jungwon × oc #jungwon × reader #jungwon fanfic #fanfic #enhypen ff #thriller #gore #kpop #killer #death

[outerbankspreferences]

Boat Day

2197

JJ MAYBANKS x READER (PRE RELATIONSHIP)

WORD COUNT: 2197

WARNINGS: underage drinking, drugs, language.

A/N: Y/N stands for Your Name and Y/L/N stands for Your Last Name. This is my first story, so send me some request!

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Summers in the Outer Banks are the best. The days are long, the water’s warm and the fun never ends. The best thing about living here are my friends. We call ourselves the Pouges. A handed down name on this island for as long as I can remember. The Pouges are the poor kids. Work for a living to help your parents, cause trouble to have great memories to look back on when you’re older, but most importantly, a family. A lot of us don’t really have one of those. Our parents are to busy working for the Kooks to have time to spend with us.

It was another typical morning on the banks. I was getting ready to go out on the boat with my friends. It was a rare day that we all had no work and nothing to do. I was packing my cooler full of food and drinks because it was my turn to feed everyone. I was wearing my favorite t-shirt dress and I had my hair in a low ponytail and sunglasses on, my go to when it was this hot out.  I was walking onto the back porch the led to our dock right as the boat was pulling up.

“Top of the morning to ya’ sailors.” I greeted my friends. John B was at the wheel slowing down so I can hop on, Kiara was taking the cooler out of my hand and Pope was still reading. I turned to the back of the boat and saw JJ laying there, hat over his head. “What’s his problem?” I ask motioning to JJ. “He drank a little too much last night, and is now nursing a hangover.” John B explains. “Isn’t he always hungover? Here JJ I have something that will fix you, it’s my moms favorite cure.-“Oh yeah, what is it? Advil? ‘Cause I already popped like three of those before you got here.” JJ responded not moving the hat. I pulled another drink out of my cooler. “No silly, it’s to keep drinking. Can’t get a hangover if your always drunk.” JJ moved his hat slightly, looking up at me squinting, sits up takes the drink and smiles. “can’t argue with that logic.” He responds.

I finish passing the rest of the drinks out as John B steered towards the marsh with sun on our backs warming up to be a good day. As we get to our usual spot, Pope throws the anchor down and looks at me “What kinda’ sandwiches did you pack Y/N?” as he rummaged to the bottom knowing I kept them there so they would stay cold. “I packed PB&J for me and you, cucumber for our dear vegetarian Kie, and ham and cheese for these dorks.” He smiled, I always pack everyone’s favourite snacks. “That’s why we keep you around” Pope responds. I gasp, “what?” I ask dramatically. “and here I thought it was my charming personality and good looks.” Everyone starts to laugh, “Sorry sweetheart, but I already took that roll” JJ says to me with a pat on my back. I can’t help but laugh out loud. “Yeah whatever helps you sleep at night J” Kie says laughing with me. “wouldn’t you like to know” he says with wink. My heart flutters. That wink kills me every time.

I’ve had a thing for JJ since we started hanging out together. My family moved here in the eighth grade and I became friends with Kiara. We met volley ball tryouts, quickly becoming friends as if we’d know each other our whole lives. She introduced me to the Pouges, and the rest was history. When Kie started her Kook year, Pope helped me find my way around the school, and lucky for me, JJ always not to far behind.

After we’ve all had something to eat and smoked a couple of blunts it was time to go swimming. Everybody starts taking there clothes off, and jumps in. As I’m taking my dress off I can feel JJ’s eye on me. That’s when I remember I’m wearing a new bathing suit. It’s a simple pink bikini but it shows a bit more of my cleavage then normal. “That’s so cute Y/N! Where did you get it?” Kie asks while my head is stuck in my dress. “At that boutique-for fuck sakes-you know the new one-“Here let me help” I feel a pair of hands grip the dress and a small laugh, and I know the second I hear it , that JJ is coming to my rescue. My breath hitches when his hands brush against my back side. The heat of his hands linger for a minute, “You’re a dysfunctional mess Y/L/N, probably lose your head if it wasn’t attached.” JJ spoke, everyone laughing along with him. “Real comedian you are Jim Carry, I’ll have to come to one of your shows-anyways as I was saying, I’m borrowing it from the boutique that just opened on Main Street.” I tell Kie, “Do they know you’re borrowing it?”. She knew me too well. It was small habit of mind to shoplift clothes. We couldn’t really afford new ones, and I hated asking my parents for one. “No they don’t know I’m borrowing, but I’ll fix the tag when I’m done with it and return it. No one will the wiser” She scuffs at my answer. I take that opportunity to jump in the water with them.

After swimming and another round of snacking and smoking the sun is starting to set, and we are turning the boat around to head home. “Hey Y/N, do you work tomorrow?” JJ asks me. We work at the country club together. I work in housekeeping, and he works in the kitchen doing a little bit of everything. “Yeah I do, 8 to 4 cleaning the discharges. What about you?” I ask him knowing where this is going. I always pick JJ up on my way if we’re working the same shifts. Someone was to make sure he makes it there. “I go for 9 and work a 12 hour shift, think I can bunk at your place? Is your mom working night shift?” My mom is a nurse at the E.R. and when she’s not home I let him spend the night with me. My dad is away on a fishing trip so no one would know he’s there. “Yeah she’s leaving for work at 7 if you want to sleep on the couch. Just don’t smoke in the house this time. My dad could smell the weed when he got home” “sure thing”.

John B stops at Kie’s first, she’s the only one with a curfew for being out late one to many times. “Alright losers, thanks for the day, I’ll talk to you guys tomorrow. John B are you still coming by the wreck in the morning?” Kie asks him and I look at Pope, I can see him roll his eyes under his sunglasses. I was under strict orders from him not to say anything about his crush in her. “Of course, do you think you’re dad will still want me picking up shifts there, it’ll get DCS off my case for a little while.”. Kiara’s dad offered to help John B out after Big John went missing a couple of months ago. DCS was been on his case about his uncle and the bills. “He said he needed the help with the summer season starting, Charlie Hanson quit last week for his band so we’re short a dish washer” Pope finally looks up from the book he’s reading, “I’ll sleep at your place tonight and help you write resume out for him.” John B smiled at Pope. “Thanks man, I really need your wisdom” Everyone laughs. Kie gets off the boat and waves goodbye to everyone. “Next stop the Y/L/N home” JJ says, “I’m so tired I could fall asleep right here” He motions to the front of the boat. Dramatically laying across the hard plastic. It’s grown colder now that the sun has set and with that wind picks up. I’m only in my dress from earlier, cursing myself for not bringing a sweater. “Christ John can this bucket of bolts go any faster, I’m freezing my ass off” I ask with a hint of sarcasm. Moments later I watch JJ sigh deeply and throw a towel over in my direction. “You’re lucky I was too hungover to go swimming, that should keep you warm. We’re almost there.” After a short distance and many laughs we’re finally pulling up to the dock. I look up to my house, and see that my mom left the light outside on, she knew me to well. I hated walking up the yard in the dark. JJ grabs the cooler and waves goodbye to Pope and John B as they sail away.

I wave goodbye to them and turn around to see that JJ is already half way up the yard. “JJ wait up, I only have little legs!” It was our inside joke, we both love watching full house, and he was quite taller then me so I could never keep up. He was quiet the short walk up to the house holding the door open for me. As we walk into my kitchen, I lock the door, and turn the outside light off. “Do you want the first shower J?” I ask him walking to the closet to pull out the extra blankets for him to sleep with. I could hear him opening the fridge. “No, you take the first shower and use the hot water. I don’t want to listen to you complain about me using all the hot water again.” I couldn’t argue with that. My house had shit warm water. Normally enough for a quick shower, and then taking forever to reheat. After putting the blankets on the couch, I look at JJ coming out of the kitchen with just his swim trunks on. “I’m taking a cold shower anyways, it’s hot in here.” He comments taking another drink of his water. I smile and nod to him, walking to my room to get some clothes. I grab the towel from the closest hallway and a pair of pajama’s walking into the bathroom. I start the water and hop in washing my hair and body. Once I’m done I get out of shower throw my hair in a bun and get changed. I walk into the living and JJ is siting there rolling a joint and watching tv. “Did your mom upgrade from cable because I don’t remember you having this channel” he asked not looking up from his joint. Eyebrows knitted together in concentration. “Yeah she complained about the bill being to high, and they gave some extra channels for being loyal customers or something like that” I look at what he’s watching. National Geographic. “JJ since when have you liked national geographic? What are you even watching? Is that Naked and Afraid?” You hit the guide to confirm that he’s actually watching it. “Yeah, I thought it was actually going to show them naked, not blur all the good stuff. Too PG if your asking me. What’s the point of calling the show Naked and afraid if you don’t actually see them naked?” He did make a good point, honestly I never watch any the television, always opting for Netflix. “I don’t know why the call it that. But you should go shower, its getting late and we both have to work early. Do you want me to wake you up when I get up?” I ask walking into the kitchen to get myself a drink. “No you wake up at the ass crack of dawn, just wake me up before you go I’ll sleep in the car until its time for work” JJ calls as I hear him shut the door to the bathroom. Once I hear the water running, I sigh and start making the couch up for him. I grab some of the pillows from my room, and take his rolled joint and put it in baggie with his other. I put his book bag by the couch and a clean pair of shorts he left from last time.

As I’m getting into bed, I can hear the shower turn off, and shortly after the door open. As I’m lying in bed thinking about the day staring at the ceiling, I can hear JJ rummaging around the living room. My heartbeat quickens thinking that he’s in the other room. I wish I could get the courage to tell him how I feel, but the rules say other wise. When Pope told me about his crush, that’s what he said to me. “remember those stupid no pouge on pouge macking rules.” A small mantra as to not ruin our friendship together. As I’m slowing drifting off to sleep I can hear JJ call from the other room, “goodnight Y/N” and I fall asleep with a smile on my face and pain in my heart knowing the man I love is another room and not with me.

#jj outer banks #jjmaybanks #jj maybank imagine #jj maybank x reader #jj x reader #john b outer banks #outer banks #rudy pankow #rudy pankow imagines #rudy pankow x reader

[bobohunn]

The 56th Street

Title : 56th Street

Pair : baekhyun x reader, baekhyun x you

Genre : angst, fluff, one shot

Warnings : language, and mentions of stalking, divorce and non consensual taking of pictures (not between pair)

Word count : 3k

Note : Italicized words are character/reader’s thoughts; indented (blockquote) and italicized paragraphs are flashbacks.

xx

“Are you busy right now?” a husky voice found its way to your ear from the other side of the line.

“No. Thank god,” you mumbled before letting a deep sigh leave your lips.

After ages, you finally heard your favorite sound on earth again.

It was the sound that went a little too high while singing along to Queen and Michael Jackson songs that played on the radio in your room while you did homework at 3 pm. The one that rang loud throughout the whole house while you danced to random and silly steps on the stage that is your bed at 3 am.

It was the same sound that went two octaves lower when you teased him too much about the little crush he seemed to harbor for the girl who sat beside him in 11th grade or when you asked him for one of his friend’s number. One that carried sweet nothings with it to your blushing ears the first time you got drunk on your birthday.

It was the very same sound that was once your refuge and salvation. The very same that calmed the erratic beating of your heart when you were nervous. One that chased your tears to crawl back up and hide in the corners of your round eyes when life enveloped you into darkness.

The voice you’ve been longing for more frequently these days.  

Your best friend’s voice.

He chuckled, his low register ringing through your eardrums. “Are you at home?” 

“No, but I’m walking home,” you say almost too softly, trying not to sound too excited.

There was a long period of silence. If you didn’t know Baekhyun enough, you would have already ended the call at the lack of response. However, you knew him way too well to see (hear) that he was still thinking about what he would say. So you just continued walking on your path slowly, occasionally looking over your shoulders in case you were blocking somebody’s way.

“You’re walking on that street again, aren’t you?” He hummed before asking in a very knowing tone. It took you a moment to process his question, so when you were about to defend yourself, Baekhyun had already started his nagging, “I told you not to take that street when I’m not with you!”

You smiled a bit at the realization that although you didn’t even answer yet, he already knew the truth. And your smile grew more prominent at the thought that he still knows you better than anyone.

The only person you wanted to remember you still knows you like you were the back of his hand. And you‘re not anywhere near remarkable for anyone— or even just for him at least, to remember you. Isn’t that an achievement for you?

Snorting out a laugh, you said, “Sorry, Baek. It’s the fastest way home.”

No. Actually, it’s the street that reminds me of you most.

It was the quietest street in your town, 56th street, both your favorite route to take. It was the street that held a huge part of your memories together with him and had all the little moments that piled up into ones you’ll treasure forever. The road that witnessed both of you grow from the innocent little boy and girl you once were to the lovely man and woman you both are today.

It’s the street that reminded you of when you first heard him laugh,

“Since we’re neighbors, and I’m new here, can’t you show me around the town?” the little boy said as he lifted his hands to his neck to scratch at the skin right below his jaw, making you stare at them in awe.

You snapped yourself out of your short trance and said blankly, “The only places I know are my house and the school.”

As cliché as it may sound, everything around you moved in slow motion as the side of the boy’s lips rose to his tinted cheeks. His eyes turned upside down, and his eyebrows raised. He laughed lightly before asking, “Then, should we see where this street ends?”

Of when you first saw him pout,

“Baekhyun, no. We have to go home,” you said as you continued on your track without looking back at him. He went silent, and a smirk crept up your face.

However, it grew too suspiciously silent. So you stopped walking and turned your head back, only to find a sulking Baekhyun. His hands were in his pockets, eyebrows knit together, cheeks puffed out, and his lower lip pouty. He slowly looked back up at you with his puppy eyes that always won you over.

“Oh my god, don’t give me that look. You’re making my head hurt.”

He moved closer to you and grabbed one of your hands, “I’ll stay over at yours for dinner so your mom won’t scold you for too long. Just please come with me to the supermarket. I’m really craving ice cream,” he said with his eyes quivering from left to right.

He’s onto something. “What do you have up in your sleeve, Mr. Byun? Tell me, or I’m not going with you,” you said as you narrowed your eyes at him.

He looked away from you and landed his gaze towards the ground again, “Y-you, I heard y-you crying in your room last night. I just want to buy you ice cream to cheer you up because I won’t be able to sleep knowing I hadn’t done anything for you before this day ended.”

When you first heard him curse and get mad,

“Excuse me, Dude. But what are those photos for?” you heard a familiar voice from behind you. Recognizing it as Baekhyun, you quickly looked over your shoulder to greet your friend.

“A-ah i-it’s just for documentation purposes for our group study,” stuttered the other guy whose back was turned to you.

You called out Baekhyun’s name, confused about the current situation laid in front of you. Your friend only raised his head to you and motioned for you to come to him, “do you know this guy?”

You approach the two men, curious as to who the other person is. When you caught a glimpse of the unfamiliar face, you slowly shook your head no. “I don’t think so. Do I have to?”

Baekhyun clicked his tongue and clenched his jaw. He sneered a little and turned his head to the side, making you more confused.

“The next time you make a fucking excuse, make sure it’s not as stupid as you look. Stop being a fucking pervert, you fucking stalking asshole.”

And of when you first heard him cry.

“Oh my god, Baekhyun, what happened?” you said as you brought the taller man’s head to your shoulder. You tried to rub his back and smooth out the creases of his school uniform, but he just started wailing more.

He was leaning into you, and you couldn’t take his weight anymore, so you guided him to sit down on the sidewalk. You tried to pull away from him, but he planted his face deeper into your neck, so you just hugged him tighter and drew unnamed patterns on his arms.

When his sobbing finally toned down, you tugged at his chin and made him look up at you. The redness of his nose, along with the tears in and around his eyes, made your heart hurt. Who on earth would try to make this man cry?

“You’re not telling me what happened?” you whispered as you wiped the tears that continued to drop down his cheeks.

“My mom wants to divorce my dad.”

You heard a small huff from his end, making you chuckle loud enough for him to hear.

You tilted your head to your side and pictured how he would have looked if he were actually walking with you today. Would he have had his hair down or gelled back? Would he have worn the oversized hoodies you told him were your favorite on him? Would he have walked in all his glory on the sidewalk in his new Js? Would he have looked at you with loving eyes, like he did back then?

“Still! Didn’t I tell you that I’d be mad and not call you if you walked there alone? That street is so quiet and far from people. It’s too dangerous!” he whined again.

A bitter taste started to spread in your mouth. You took a deep breath of the crisp air, “Yeah. I know it’s dangerous.”

Dangerously silent and lonely without you.

“Do you remember? That time when I told you to go home without me because I had fun playing football with my classmates?” he paused for you to answer, but he knows that you remember it anyway.

Yeah, when I almost cried, thinking you didn’t want to hang out with me anymore?

He laughed, “I think I hit my head somewhere that time, and I realized that I wanted to walk home with you. So I ran to catch up with you, but then I saw a guy taking pictures of you from the back.” You chuckled a little at how fast his tone changed from happy to angered towards the end.

You added in, “And you cursed him with all your heart, and I had to drag your boiling ass home or else you would have had a swollen hand.”

And when I thought my heart would explode, seeing you all worked up and protective of me.

You stopped walking and recalled how it exactly happened, where you exactly were, and what you exactly felt. While reminiscing, you could almost see the image of your younger self pulling the younger Baekhyun, who couldn’t take his eyes off the stranger who stalked you, pass by in front of your eyes.

“Yup. I decided to walk home with you every day since then. But now that I can’t, I made you promise not to walk 56th street, didn’t I?” Baekhyun said in a sing-song tone.

“Sorry,”

“I’ll let it go this time. But next time I really won’t call you for three months! Or even six months!” He taunted.

Even if I kept my promise and never walked on the same street again, when the time comes, you’d probably stop calling me.

“How are you?”

“I’m okay here. Training is getting hard, though. But I bet you five tubs of ice cream that I’m gonna be on national TV in 3 months!”

I need not bet because I know you’ll make it. It’s your lifelong dream, after all.

“[Y/N]! [Y/N]!” Baekhyun beamed from your porch as he took off his shoes. You watched him with confused eyes from the couch of your father’s living room.

“What?”

He quickly approached you and pulled you up from your seat, “it’s time for us to take a walk. Long since we’ve done it, no?”

You and Baekhyun took your precious time to walk. One whole step before the other, as if scared that the sidewalk would run out if you walk faster.

You didn’t really say anything to each other, but the sound of the spring birds singing and your soles rubbing against the bricks on the sidewalk made you both feel entertained.

With longer legs and bigger feet, Baekhyun was walking slightly ahead of you. Having to catch up with his steps, you walked faster, eager to walk side by side with him. But he noticed that you were trying so hard to keep up with him, so he tried to make his steps smaller. Then, he moved closer to you until your hips touched each other.

It was always like this with Baekhyun. You’d take a walk together on 56th street without saying anything, and you’d still enjoy it. He would always end up walking ahead of you, and you would ever walk behind him. Then, when he notices that he’s walking too fast for you, he would start taking smaller steps so you could keep up with him. And when he thinks he’s walking slow enough to match your pace, he would close the gap between your bodies by putting an arm around your shoulders or waist or just by feeling your sides against his.

“I li-“

“I’m leaving,” Baekhyun started, cutting off what you wanted to say.

“What?” Your voice came out shaky, unsure of what you heard.

Baekhyun stopped walking, “I said I’m leaving. I’m leaving for the city.”

You blinked your eyes twice. Stiff as you were, you tried to open your mouth to say something which you couldn’t seem to remember anymore. Baekhyun giggled at how you looked.

“I’m gonna be an idol, [y/n]. I’m going to be a singer.” he said as his eyes twinkled with joy.

How? Where? When? Why? You wanted to ask him, but you really couldn’t bring yourself to move even a muscle except for your eyes.

“A company scouted me at graduation. They said I had the potential to be a singer. I didn’t want to tell you until I was sure, but now I am.” He said while looking up at the cloudless sky.

You didn’t know how it happened, but you only managed to speak out the words, “I’m happy for you, Baekhyun.”

You didn’t see Baekhyun the week after that walk because he was busy packing, and you were busy denying to yourself that he was leaving. So when you saw him from your window pushing boxes unto the trunk of his parents’ SUV with his hair white as snow, you couldn’t help but jump out from where you were standing.

You accidentally pushed your windowpane in an attempt to save your face from kissing the wooden floor, and it made a noise loud enough for Baekhyun to look up at your room. He waved up at you and motioned for you to meet him outside.

“Are you leaving today?”

“Yeah. Sorry, I wasn’t able to tell you,” Baekhyun said as he scratched the skin under his ear. He always did this when he was in an awkward situation.

You stared at him without speaking. You took in how he looked for the last time. But you realized that it was too much for you. He was too much for you. So you focused on his now white hair that rested against his scalp, seemingly tired from the process of bleaching.

Baekhyun only smiled at you like a child that was offered candies and delight. You moved closer to him, eyes exploring his face and stopping at his lips for a few seconds before losing confidence again.

His name softly left your lips, to which he only hummed in response.

“I,” you paused for a moment, maybe two? or three. You don’t know.

Baekhyun’s eyebrows almost hit his hairline.

“I like your hair.” you said with a smile.

“Don’t I look like a real celebrity now?” he said as he let his fingers run through his locks.

“You do,” he always did.

You let yet another chuckle escape your mouth, although the last thing you wanted to do was laugh. “I’m still your best friend, right?” you questioned, though you were scared he’d say no.

However, you heard a different voice from his end of the call shout, “Baekhyun! 10-minute break is over!” and your friend responded with something you couldn’t catch. All that you knew was that he was laughing with someone, their voices slowly fading as if they were walking away from the phone.

He’s happier now. Even happier than when he was with me.

You used to associate his laugh with flowers, candies, love, and everything sweet. But now you can’t help but feel bitterness crawl up your spine, like a vine climbing its way up the walls and lampposts.

The cold and long blow of the wind made you feel nostalgic (if you weren’t yet), and you wanted as much to let it take you to wherever your heart is, where Baekhyun is.

“I have to go [y/n]! I’ll call you again soon!” he quickly said before a long beep was heard, announcing the end of the call.

Months passed, and you are still waiting for when his name flashes as the caller ID on the screen of your phone. Maybe he’s busy? Or he lost my number? Perhaps he changed his phone?

You wanted to ask his parents for his new number or even just how their son was doing. But you were surprised to find out that they already moved out of the house next to yours, when you returned from your grandparents’ house for a 3-week vacation. You wanted to ask your parents if they had his parents’ number, but then you decided that seeing him on TV and your phone screen was enough for you.

He’s clearly doing well.

He has got to be doing well. How could he not when he has been flashing the cameras the widest and prettiest smiles? The kind of smiles you never witnessed when he was with you.

He’s clearly happier than ever.

Although you kept saying that you were happy for him too, you just can’t deny that you do feel jealous of how far he had come. It was just like the long and silent walks you took with him throughout 56th street before: he was always steps ahead of you, and you were burning in jealousy behind him because of the advances his relatively longer legs brought him. Except that he was miles and dreams ahead of you now, and he couldn’t slow down his pace to match yours and stay by your side anymore.

He’s way too far ahead to turn and run back to me.

He’s probably living a better life.

He probably has funnier (best) friends to laugh with.

He probably has prettier eyes to stare at, softer hands to hold, and more comfortable shoulders to lean on.

He probably has a new favorite street to walk with somebody new. Somebody who’s better, somebody who’s not you.

And you started to accept that little by little.

You had started to move on.

You started to forget.

You finally let go.

But you kept the promise you made him.

You never walked 56th street again,

because he’s not there with you anymore.

—

#baekhyun #baekhyun angst #baekhyun fluff #exo #bobohunn writes #fanfiction #kpop #exo baekhyun #byun baekhyun #bbh #baekhyun x reader #baekhyun x you

[saleintothe90s]

427. Super Bowl 1991 Commercials (1/27/1991)

(I love that this carefree ad ran in the WE’RE AT WAR issue of my local paper, Daily Press, ten days before the Super Bowl):

I believe my mom would save the papers from the war, and send them to my dad who was out to sea at the time. That’s the only reason why we still have this copy that’s in my collection right now (I took this pic back in 2017 when I re-found it). 

So, anyway, just like 30 years ago, Super Bowl 2021 is being held during an uncertain time in the country, and just like in 1991, advertisers were hesitant. Diet Pepsi pulled a “call this number for your chance at a million dollars” ad days before the game, citing “world events”, and the fear of “Disrupting our nation’s ability to communicate” 1: 

New York Times on wartime Super Bowl coverage the following day: 

Even the commercials were affected by events in the Gulf. In most Super Bowl telecasts, the messages are slick and expensive. This year's batch was somewhat toned down because of the war, most notably the ads of Coke and Pepsi, which abandoned ambitious promotions and made sure the viewer knew it. (And didn't Pepsi have to love that halftime shot of a soldier drinking its product while watching the game in Saudi Arabia?) 2

(source) 

Before we get started, I have to mention Whitney Houston’s Star Spangled Banner from that year. Every Monday morning in elementary school, we had to stand for the Star Spangled Banner along with the Pledge of Allegiance. For weeks after the game, we always stood for the Whitney version. I always refer to this Super Bowl as the “Whitney Houston Super Bowl”.

Ok, now to the “subdued” (?) commercials, beginning here: 

Look, I know that Jay from the Purple Stuff Podcast said he loved this commercial in the Super Bowl Commercials episode, but I think this Bugle Boy commercial with the GoGos is so lame. I mean, I’m going to say it, were the GoGos still relevant in 1991? Was Bugle Boy clothes still a thing in 1991? 

Are picture-in picture TVs still a thing?!

Bud Bowl 3 with Bud Dry this year! I predict Bud Light will win this year.

At 4 minutes in, Advertising History happens. Yes, it’s the Ray Charles Diet Pepsi UH-HUH commercial! I was seven when this aired, so this was one of the first big commercial campaigns I really remembered. I have this strange memory of seeing a TV interview with the Uh-Huh girls (Meilani Paul, Darlene Dillinger and Gretchen Palmer) , and they said they were coming out with an album soon, and little me was like, “I’m going to buy that album”. It never came out. 

Ray made an appearance on Pepsi cans in 2018. I never got my hands on the Ray can, I always got Britney or MJ when I got a pack of Diet Pepsi that Summer. 

I’ve been meaning to watch the John Goodman critical flop King Ralph for months now. 

Is wielding around a giant bottle opener legal at the Bud Bowl?

Part 2 starts with an upset at the Bud Bowl -- Bud Light hid the football in his label? what? So many questions with the commercials this year. 

Peter Jennings updates us during the commercial break about the war. The Air Force was using smart bombs to disturb the oil flow into the Gulf, started by the Iraqis.  It was 3am and quiet in Saudi Arabia. 

Earlier, I mentioned that I was just a little kid when this was going on, and I don’t remember much. However, I do remember thinking “Iraq” was spelled “Arrack”, until I saw the word “Iraq” in a newspaper headline. 

Peter will be back at halftime for another update. Yup, you heard me, no halftime show was broadcast that year. If you were at the stadium in Tampa that year you saw the show with the New Kids on the Block and an “all kids Super Bowl”, but if you were watching it on TV, you got the news, and maybe after the premiere of Davis Rules after the game, you saw the show, pretaped, but most people didn’t see the show. There’s a great video by Secret Base about the “worst halftime show ever”. Peter Jennings was “the Beyonce of 1991″. It looks like from Secret Base’s video that we didn’t miss anything. i mean a small bowl-cut haired boy sang “Wind Beneath My Wings”, which I’ve mentioned before, is the saddest song ever: 

(that little kid has major hair roots)

 The original World Football League only lasted two years.   I found an early game on YouTube.

McDonalds thought that neon clad skiers could sell its steak sandwich with onions, mushrooms, and sauce that looks little McRib-y.

Here is a Harlem Globetrotter dancing with Miss Piggy. 

Karl Malone had some jazzy LAGears.  Did you know that there are some LAGears on the Payless Shoes website? 

I have more questions, what is that popping out of that Panasonic TV? A remote control? Way back in the beginning of this website, I asked another question about a Panasonic Commercial that aired this evening.

 Bud Bowl update at the end of part 2: 

Part 3

Oh, give me a break with this elementary school garbage, Hertz. This is the Super Bowl.

All the goodwill I gave the Ray Charles Diet Pepsi commercial is out the door after hearing Jerry Lewis sing murder the song. 

A 40 oz of Budweiser crushed and murdered some Bud Light bottles. Game’s tied.

Part 4

~the new Panasonic portable laptop word processor~ Nope, this wasn’t a computer, it just handled word processing. 

Eriq La Salle played an olympian in a Budweiser commercial. ~America~

Ok, Boomer. But seriously, l’m 37, and I still want Reebok Pumps. 

Diet Coke dumped their Leslie Nielsen commercial, and instead ran a commercial stating why they didn’t feel right airing it? I don’t think this commercial would hurt anybody’s feelings or offend anybody, Diet Coke. In 1994, The New York Times mentioned it as an ad fail: 

In 1991 the Persian Gulf War overshadowed the cola wars, forcing Coca-Cola and Pepsi-Cola to reassess plans to promote contests with humorous commercials.

Coca-Cola went ahead with its contest, but replaced its silly spots, starring Leslie Nielsen as a bumbling police detective, with serious spots, including one announcing a $1 million donation to the U.S.O. There have been few more surreal moments in advertising history than when a somber-voiced announcer in a no-frills Diet Coke commercial asked consumers to play the "Crack the Code for Real Refreshment" game.

Pepsi, by contrast, scrapped its contest but stuck with its funny commercials, featuring Ray Charles warbling "You got the right one baby, uh-huh!" for Diet Pepsi. The result: Diet Pepsi trounced Diet Coke -- and Coca-Cola has yet to return to the Super Bowl. 3

A sense of relief washed over me when I saw my bbys, Jon Lovitz and Dana Carvey in an American Express commercial.

Jon couldn’t shop at Needless Markup. 

Budweiser is cheating again. 

(part 5)

Bud Light won fair and square!

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1. “Pepsi Promotion Fizzles Out.” Broadcasting, January 28, 1991. 26. https://worldradiohistory.com/Archive-BC/BC-1991/BC-1991-01-28.pdf 

2. Lapointe, Joe. “SUPER BOWL XXV: TELEVISION; ABC’s Coverage Stays in Perspective.” The New York Times, January 28, 1991, sec. Sports. https://www.nytimes.com/1991/01/28/sports/super-bowl-xxv-television-abc-s-coverage-stays-in-perspective.html.

3. Elliott, Stuart. “Super Triumphs and Super Flops.” The New York Times, January 30, 1994, sec. Business. https://www.nytimes.com/1994/01/30/business/super-triumphs-and-super-flops.html.

#super bowl #superbowl #1991 #persian gulf war #operation desert storm #peter jennings #old commercials #diet coke #diet pepsi #ray charles #randy quaid #bud bowl #jon lovitz #dana carvey #eriq la salle #america

[100dad]

The 6 things that crushed dads in the last 50 years.

The 6 things that crushed dads in the last 50 years.

This experiment is over. It is a complete disaster. A failure. Single moms are not the answer to a better society.  Stupid dads are not the answer for a more united America. Locked-up dads are not the answer.  Uninvolved dads are not the answer.

The studies are boring to read but unanimous. When dad is in the home (regardless of the quality of dad) kids perform better in school and achieve higher education than their peers with no dad in the home. Income is higher in a home with a dad in it than in homes without a dad. Poverty rates skyrocket when there is no dad in the home. Dependence on welfare skyrockets when dad is no in the home. Crime rates are crazy high in households that do not have a dad present. Kids raised in a home with dad present have much more opportunity in life.

Teenage pregnancy skyrockets in households without a dad, leading to a continued cycle. Mental health issues are much higher in homes where dad is gone. The odds are ever in your favor when Dad is home. Your odds tank when dad is gone. That is white paper research. Decades of studies. Government-funded. From many many different research organizations.

This is what we have done over the last 50 years to destroy the family unit and take Dads out of the home.

Shift in Workplace

The shift in economics was a real cause. Dads were home and their presence was felt. They were often farmers or local merchants. As the world shifted so did families. Small farms disappeared. Industrial Revolution called for workers to spend long, hard, dangerous days away from the home. Eventually, companies became bigger and bigger with national reach. Local shops shuttered in exchange for big box stores. Sales became a leading career. Dads traveled, they moved, they spent more time away from their families. No more working side by side in the fields. No more being taught how to fix things and make the farm run. No more stopping by dads store and spending time learning the family business. Now dad was either out of town or working for a company where having your family stop by would be frowned upon.

Let’s not forget more and more women going into the workplace. Which often meant more and more influence in raising kids not coming from the parents. Even with Dad gone, to some extent, mom kept his memory alive in the house. “Our” rules were still enforced. Our values. And Mom was gonna tell dad when he did get back home.

Move to Public Education As the world keeps on spinning most people go with it. And public education became and has become a massive influence in American lives. I’m not going to bash public education because education truly is important. There are other options, and our family has avoided the public-school route. Education in small schoolhouses was a much different picture of education than it is today. Today’s kids spend an incredible amount of time inside the school system and much of that time is not productive. Todays students graduate not nearly as educated as they should be. The US ranks very poorly in worldwide education standards despite being the heaviest spender. Regardless of my views here 2 things come from this shift. A massive amount of the day is spend being influenced by people who are not Dad (or Mom). And since teaching is a field dominated by women there are arguments that the shift of so much time without male role models is the reason masculinity has declined and become attacked.

Court Systems

Ask any dad that has had to go through the court system and he will admit the deck is stacked against you. Courts have predetermined that Dad is not important and his value is in check writing. “And if you force our hand then fine---here are some days you can see your kids. Be thankful for the scraps we just tossed you.” – Signed family judges everywhere

Family Courts have crippled Dad's influence in kids' lives. And its politicians that create the laws and incentives Judges follow. Did you know states receive federal dollars based on how much they are having to collect in child support. If you want to know why courts stack against dads and care mostly about child support.......there is some real incentive for states to get the child support number as high as they can.

My other target is Dads here. As much as I am disappointed in the judges. Dad allowed the situation to get to a point where a judge decides what he can and can’t do. I know moms are at fault too. But this is a dad page. Dad’s – Sex can make babies. Stop having sex with crazy women. Marry women you want to spend your lives with. Make sure you guys are on the same page with life- how to manage money, how to raise kids, how many kids, what faith you are and want to raise kids in, how involved in-laws can be in our lives…. these are some of the biggest issues. Some of these divorce stories I hear, ya’ll can do better.

Politician Passing Stupid Laws

I do not like politicians. I think they are all slime balls. Even the ones you like. Especially the ones you do not like. They make incredibly stupid laws. Lets call out these idiots for a bit, not that they will be held responsible or even accept blame.

Child support is collected by states and used as the measuring stick for how much federal money states get. States get more money from the federal government when they collect more child support. Wonder why dads don’t get custody when they should? Wonder why Dads get stuck with a heavy bill and limited contact?

Welfare rules and government incentives finance the breaking up of families because hell the government will pay you for that. Politicians create laws that incentivize the breaking up the family unit especially in low-income and minority families. There has been a real effort to replace the husband and the father with a government handout.

There is a lot of chatter about laws passed that disproportionately took minority fathers out of the home and into jail for relatively minor offenses. I haven’t seen enough to make a judgment, but I would not be surprised at all.

Remember while there is always someone to blame-- we can take power out of the courts and politicians' hands by making good decisions and not ending up reliant on government money or stuck in their courts. When dads step up and become great we make all this way less relevant.

Entertainment Finds Ratings in Crushing Dads

Gone are the true role models of Dads. The Leave It to Beaver type dads are gone. The Dad with high integrity, that did not get caught up in drama, and was always good for dispensing wisdom and seriousness.  Now the leading TV dads are the butt of the joke. While I admit it's often funny. I’m also certain we are a culture easily influenced by entertainment and the stigmas in tv influence generations and how they act. Now they are idiots. Mom is the smart one that really does everything. Dad drinks beer, watched tv, groans about doing any work, loves sports more than his family, and is clueless and clumsy. Luckily, mom is there to do literally everything. No respect, No honor, no integrity. Let’s be honest…. that doesn’t get laughs. Decades of that humor on top of not actually having dads in the home and a dramatic rise in how much we watch tv has reshaped what many men think a dad should act like and be like. It’s a wrong interpretation and families are paying the price. It must be recognized that tv dads are punchlines, not actual real dads that should be modeled after.

Feminism

Before I get torched let's clarify a few things. Women are great. Women are strong. Women are smart. Women are capable. I am not saying otherwise. Feminism was needed for the evolution of the world because there was no voting for women and workplaces shy’d away from women and certainly would not pay them well. And at higher levels of business, they were being turned down opportunities when they were more qualified and talented. It was needed. Some feminists have taken the cause way further. The ones saying women should be single and not get married. Single moms are better than married moms. Career women are better than stay-at-home moms. This is where the rest of the world rejects the cause. Now feminists divide and attack women. It's more that men are evil and toxic. These views attack marriage, child-raising, and healthy families. That’s simply wrong.

You tie all these together and you see how they feed each other. The feminist desire to put all women in the workplace means there’s more burden on school systems to raise kids. The courts and politicians feed the "see men are bad" crowd. Entertainment rears a generation that is not influential and present in their kids lives. The cycle turns and turns spewing out more and more kids born out of wedlock. Not raised in the family unit. More likely to be raised and influenced by underperforming schools and disappointing entertainment options.

Dads – Break the cycle. Avoid this fate. Be a prominent and influential role model. Stay away from the courts and politicians. The more we know and recognize the more we can fight against this rigged system. Just because the deck is stacked against you doesn’t mean you won’t come out on top. Shoulder back, head up high, power forward. You got this.

And to the rest of the world. This is a stupid trend. If you want to make a world a better place with less crime, poverty, less welfare, fewer taxes (because of reduced crime and welfare), better communities, better education….it goes on and on….DO EVERYTHING YOU CAN TO KEEP FAMILIES TOGETHER!!!!!!

Make Dad the center of the family. Make dads the source of wisdom and influence. It solves so many problems in this country!!

Follow 100% DAD on www.100dad.com & Social: Instagram: @100Dad Facebook: @100Dad TikTok: @100Dad YouTube: 100% Dad Twitter: @The100Dad

#parents #fatherhood #father #dads

[xxgoblin-dumplingxx]

Sick Little Games: Twenty- One

Clint ultimately had had a rather enjoyable morning. It had started with sweet kisses and slow snuggly lovemaking and culminated in creating a minor PR disaster for SHIELD. 

But he’d enjoyed his little counter-protest. Aided and abetted by Thor, Bruce, Sam, Tony, Nat, and several other SHIELD agents that were tired of out of tune hymns and their Witchling not going outside. It had created enough negative attention for the church that Stirling Cole, your stepfather had called for a parlay of sorts.

Clint looked from the bed where you lay, sound asleep, and back in the mirror. At the black eye, he’d gotten when he’d tried to grab you before you could pull Stirling’s throat out in front of the TV cameras. “Worth it,” he said, satisfied. 

“Really worth it,” he amended, looking down at your feet. Cut and still bleeding, though they were healing. Not, perhaps, as rapidly as Bucky or Steve, but even faster than Clint would recover after walking barefoot across hellfire. 

Which, contrary to what Clint had thought, hadn’t burnt you but had left the present gnarly cuts. 

It was all a bit of a blur, really. They’d started by drowning out the protestors by very, very loudly playing the national anthem. That had pissed the protestors off quite a bit. The cacophony had brought you outside, which had riled the protestors up. Rocks started flying. They threw fucking stones at you.

Clint had been furious but nothing. Nothing. Compared to when you slowly turned, blood running down the side of your face and started walking forward. Traffic in front of the tower had ground to a halt due to all the spectators. It had happened in slow motion. Rocks flew, but none of them seemed to land, and you smiled. Or at least. You showed your teeth. And Clint knew, damn well that the face you were making was one countless HYDRA goons had seen before they died. “Oh shit,” he muttered, starting to follow you.

But out of nowhere, fire. The fucking green light created a separation between you and the protestors. Clint looked up to see Strange standing on a balcony out of sight trying to summon something to stop your inevitable progress forward. “Bless him,” Natasha said, “He thinks that’s going to stop her.”

Kill mode was unstoppable. At least. Mostly. You wouldn’t care about Damage to yourself. And that much was clear as you clawed your way through the green flames, unphased by the cuts they left. 

“She’s gonna kill him,” Clint said, “Fuck- Thor-”

But the demigod needed no more prompting. He might agree with you that the man SHOULD be killed, but he knew you couldn’t be SEEN to do it. He rushed forward and wrapped his arms around you quickly, thankful for his sturdy boots. And grateful that “kill mode” as Stark had dubbed it, was only dangerous to your immediate target. He’d once thought it berserker like rage but, Bruce was quick to dissuade him of that. Bruce pegged it as a response to trauma. And Thor agreed. Mostly.

“Witchling,” he rumbled, grunting as you attempted to squirm out of his arms, “Be still.” You radiate pain. Pain and Fear, and Anger. A thousand different memories rush through you, and you just... can’t. You can’t manage it all. Stories about what should happen to anyone who doesn’t obey their god. The sting of a belt against your ass and thighs for whatever infraction. Your elation at the warm sand in California turning to panic as the sunset, and it started to get cold. Foster care. Going hungry. Stealing packs of ramen to eat while you were running. Peggy Carter. A job offer. And then a van. And searing fucking pain. Endless fucking pain as these “SHIELD” ass holes played around with your genetic code. But you didn’t care because you were fed. And warm. And someone finally showed you how to control your powers. You were never enough. Never. It didn’t matter what you did. How obedient you were or how many people you saved. You were nothing. Evil. Dirty. As if you had asked for any of this.

Clint could hear you screaming. There weren’t even words. Just screams. And he blinked back tears. It sounded like Thor was killing you, but. Anyone that had seen you wake up in medical knew that wasn’t this sound. He rushed forward and reached up carefully, trying to remind you that you were okay. And help Thor keep a hold of you. You’d worked an arm free, and the Asgardian was struggling. Even if you weren’t trying to hurt him, you could still be dangerous. 

When your elbow caught his eye, Clint took the opportunity to grab your hand. “Y/N,” he said softly, “Baby. Please. Let us help. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I was trying to make it stop.”

You reached for him, and he held his arms out tenderly, “It’s okay,” he murmured, ignoring the pain in his head. He held you against him. His heartbreaking with every stuttering breath. Your fingers curled in the soft fabric of his jacket. “It hurts,” you pant. 

“I know, sweetheart,” he said softly, picking you up when he noticed you standing in a pool of blood from the cuts on your feet. “I’m sorry.”

He knew you didn’t want him to apologize but, he didn’t know what else to say. “Thor,” Clint muttered, “Help me get her inside. No one can see what’s happening now, but she can’t walk back over all this.” Thor grunted and nodded, bashing Mjolnir against the flames to get them out of the way so the archer could carry you.

Clint shifts your weight gently and follows after, pressing soft kisses against your hair when you whimper. “I know,” he soothes, “Shhh. We’ll get you inside, okay?”

“Your eye,” you murmur.

“I’m okay,” he reassures gently, “I know you didn’t mean to. You’d never hurt me on purpose.”

“I love you,” you murmur, swallowing hard. 

“I know,” he says gently, “You love me so much. You didn’t want to hurt anyone... Except for Stirling. And he deserves it. But we can’t let you tear his throat out on live TV baby. We can’t.”

Thor growled next to him, and Clint half smiled, “See, Thor can get away with it. Because he’s big. And not human. But it’s a bad look if we let the sweetest Avenger go around killing preachers on TV.”

“I’m a monster,” you whisper. Clint stops walking, and Thor stops mid-swing, stopping to look at you.

“My lady,” he said quietly, aware that his voice could carry, “I have fought monsters. You are not a monster, Witchling. You’re not what they all did to you to try and tear you asunder. You are kind. And Just. Powerful and sometimes rightfully very scary, but you are not a monster, my darling.” 

“All I took away from that is that Thor is scared of you,” Clint teased, letting out a breath he didn’t know he was holding when you huffed a laugh. 

Thor smirked a little and brushed his fingers against your hair affectionately. “Maybe a little,” he teased, “Her knowledge of song lyrics is prodigious and not of this Earth.”

_______

Clint leaned on the door frame, thankful that Lucky was curled between your knees and your belly, and Jinx had taken up her spot behind your knees. You were warm and stuck. Unable to move without disturbing your snoozing fur babies. 

Satisfied you’d be okay for a few minutes, he slipped downstairs. You needed water. And food. And he was hungry. 

He was halfway through putting together some food. Lots of spicy, salty snacks for you and some sweet stuff for him. A couple sodas. Sandwiches. And some frozen fruit. Anything he thought you might want when Natasha leaned over and inspected his eye.

“How you feel?” she asked. The implication, Clint knew, was her asking if you’d meant to do that.

“Fine,” Clint said placatingly, “I caught an elbow trying to help Thor keep hold of her.”

“Kill mode?”

“Yeah,” he sighed.

Natasha winced, “I heard her screaming. It made the hair stand up on the back of my neck. I hate it.”

“I know,” Clint said, rubbing his neck, “But... she’s- she’s okay. Mostly. Freaking out because she hurt us. But she’s healing.”

The spy quirks an eyebrow, “Us?”

“She bit Thor trying to get loose. Didn’t break the skin, but there was a real pretty bruise.”

“Damn.”

Clint smirked, “You should have seen my shoulder when she got done with me last week.”

Natasha rolled her eyes but smiled a little. “Only you, Barton,” she huffed.

“You love me,” he says.

“I do,” she admitted, “I’m just glad everything’s okay because... they wanna see her.”

“Who does?” Clint asked cautiously.

“Her mom. And stepdad... Tony threatened charges for property damage. And assault since they hit her with a rock,” she explained.

“And they want her to stop it?”

The spy nodded, and Clint shrugged, “Tough shit,” he said, “She’s asleep. And she’s had enough. She’s gonna stay that way until she’s ready to be up and about.”

Natasha nodded, “I’ll go tell Tony that their Parlay will have to wait.” She wasn’t going to argue. Clint had a point. Putting you back in front of them when you felt raw like this was only gonna make a bigger mess.

_________

Peggy slid a cup of tea across the table to Steve and he smiled his thanks, “Peg, I don’t know what I’m gonna do,” he said, “Bucky just will not let this go.”

She gave him a sympathetic smile and sighed, “Since when does he let anything go?”

“This is different though. It’s vindictive. And all Y/N did was quietly harbor a crush none of us even knew about.”

“That is an accomplishment, given how many spies are in that building,” she said, impressed. 

“Y/N is a good girl,” Steve said, “But Peg, if he keeps pushing on her and she snaps, there’s no one in that building that could save him- Maybe Barton but. Let’s be honest, he’d not stop her.”

She smirked, “No. I don’t think he would. Not if he’s the Clint I remember.”

“He’s worse where she’s concerned,” Steve said rolling his eyes, “No common sense.”

“Well,” she said shrugging, “When someone feels like home, you don’t really want to let them go.”

“That’s true,” he sighed, “But still.”

“But nothing,” she laughed, “What’s the betting pool up to on the proposal?”

Steve smirked, “Sam and I stand to split a pretty chunk of change if he does it on Christmas... Natasha is gonna take it if he does it for Halloween. Bruce swears he’s gonna do it next time they’re on a mission together before he even has a ring.”

Peggy grinned, “I’d say Bruce has the right idea. If he plans anything he won’t go through with it.”

Steve shook his head and gave her an apologetic smile picking up his ringing phone, “Roger- They did what?” he barked.

Peggy sat up a little straighter, eager for some gossip.

“Was anyone hurt?” he sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “No. No. Just- yeah. Alright.”

He hung up the phone and groaned, “Clint lobbed a counter-protest,” he explained, “Kill mode happened and now Y/N feet are cut up and CLint has a black eye from trying to help Thor grab hold of her.”

“Fucking hell,” she groaned, pinching the bridge of her nose.

Tags:

@lancsnerd, @thorfanficwriter @blameitonthecauseway @etherealwaifgoddess, @stevieang, @beautybyfire, @sunmoonandbucky @mrsfox79, @bbmommy0902, @mendes-fan, @iheartsebastianstan, @wtfcas @pinknerdpanda, @process-pending, @ladifreakingda, @leasly, @coldbookworm, @hv-chw3, @past-perfect-future-tense, @starkrobb @beardburnsupersoldiers, @petlaufeyson, @queenoftheunderdark, @potatoheadthewise, @thehyperactiveteen, @thefridgeismybestie, @boyett514, @an-awkward-human-1, @sunshine-and-riverwater 

#clint barton #Clint x reader #Bucky Barnes #Bucky x reader #Steve rogers #Tony Stark #Thor #natasha romanoff #Peggy carter #angst #fluff

[rainhoeunicorn]

Osamu wasn’t sure if it was his hair that was pointing perfectly on the east and west. Did he find it funny? No, it was cute, it was nice. He wanted to touch it. Osamu breathed deeply, it’s hot, he thought, the weather is hot.

Summer had started last month according to the weather station. He’s been looking forward to eating summer fruits and swimming and the long, lazy vacation days they had for the school break. Osamu watched the cloudless blue sky, waiting for a puff of cloud to pass by, then he suddenly heard the Student Council president’s voice, calling his name. Osamu closed his eyes, he was sleepy, he opened them again and walked lazily towards their classroom’s door. The president had come to their class to ask him to take photos of their school’s best athlete, said they needed it for the school festival brochure and posters. He was reluctant to take it, he was doing nothing in their class, he just finished setting up the online site they had asked him to do for the School festival and was waiting for the bell to ring but it was only after lunch, he was bored and wanted to sleep but the president was pushy. He was sweating and panting from running all over the school to make sure that everyone’s doing their job, to help those clubs who were out of manpower in building their booths. He was sweating, he smelled of sweat mixed with peaches, Osamu like him, at least he used to. But the president had decided to date someone else, Osamu guessed he liked flashy, popular, persistent and loud guys. He had fun making Onigiri for him anyway, he just hoped he also loved the rice balls Osamu made for him, those they ate together at the council’s room when he was too busy to get lunch and Osamu decided to accompany him and eat with him. It felt like it happened a long time ago, now that the president looks a lot happier and brighter. Akaashi, the president, gave him the Archer, the athlete’s schedule in a piece of paper before running off again, but Osamu managed to tell him to ask his boyfriend for a new shirt and he’ll be targeted after running around in sweat soaked shirt sticking to his body. Osamu sighed and unfolded the paper, reading the schedule and name of the the Archer—Suna Rintarou.

 

Suna Rintarou, he knows him by the name. Who wouldn’t? Osamu took his belongings from his seat and went to find the Archery Club’s training hall. The day’s clear and he doesn’t like it, the sky lacked clouds and it made the weather feel hotter. Suna Rintarou—a very popular name, made their school popular and known to the whole nation because of his archery skills, that’s all he knows about the Archer, Osamu only caught it on a TV news his mom was watching when they got home from school and Osamu had to peek at the living room to ask if there’s any chance it’ll rain soon. Their mom said no, there isn’t.

He feels sticky, Osamu stopped on his tracks and thought maybe he’d just come go check the Archer later when he knows more about Suna, would it be disrespectful if he doesn’t know a second thing about the nationally popular athlete of their school? Would he ask what the photo was about or if Osamu had watched any of his games before? Osamu sighed, Akaashi said he needed it right away. He walked towards the Archery Club.

The training hall was wooden—almost everything here’s made out of wood and it relaxed Osamu although he felt like he was back in time. The whole hall gave him a rush of nostalgia. He breathed it all in.

“Hi, is Suna Rintarou here?” He asked a third year.

“Yeah, he’s coming right up on the field. Akaashi already notified us, hurry along. Just don’t make too much noise.”

The practice hall was silent, guess archers needed it to focus and it was just polite to be quiet. There were three sets of targets in front and they were set a few meters away from the starting point, there’s a line of three archers—bows up, arrows drawn.

He walked slowly and silently around to get a place at the corner, a position where he could capture the best moment. Osamu took a seat and waited for the star to come up. The place was strangely cool, even without the air conditioner that most practice halls had, but he worried about whether the archers were not feeling too hot in their training garments. When he was finally settled, he remembered a few things about archery in their History class. He sighed, he learned more about archery in their history class than PE class. Their teacher emphasized just the three most important things that had caught his attention and the only ones he remembers now, since he wasn’t so much into traditional sports. Osamu liked volleyball, basketball and sometimes soccer, he liked how the play, the game, the ball kept on moving along with the body of the players. There was no time to waste, they gotta move of they will lose.

Archery had three goals, he remembered their old teacher said, Osamu straightened as he saw Suna was next in line. Archers want to reach these three states…

Osamu started setting up his camera, finding the better angle, Shin or Truth, when the archers aim true, he could still hear his teacher’s voice.

He finally found a good angle with good lighting, Zen or Goodness, with virtuous spirit and attitude toward all persons and all things which relate to archery. Suna was coming up, he was standing on the shooting line and Osamu wondered if Suna was a person or a deity standing there, nocking an eternal arrow directed to an evil spirit instead of a target.

Suna stepped forward and the little light that’s coming from a hinge between the wooden walls caught him, it made him look like he was basking in a godly glow, heck, Osamu thought it was like whole universe was working on putting a breath-taking spotlight on him, letting everyone know that he’s the real star and every glowing orbs in the outer space is nothing compared to him when he’s standing there all pristine and beautiful.

Third or last but the best state—is beauty or bi, beautiful shooting is realized naturally.

Osamu caught his breath; he wasn’t shaking but he felt like something about him wasn’t steady. He didn’t care about how the wood under him was squeaking slightly under his weight, or that everyone else was watching him watch Suna.

The Archer lifted his bow, Osamu saw his tender but tight hold on it. He felt like Suna was befriending the bow, and then the arrow, Suna drew it close, slowly, his grip firm but still the gentleness is there. Osamu lifted the camera, he wants to capture, this magnificent act, this beautiful scene. He couldn’t describe how one person, one scene, one archer could make him want to take a photo of everything—from the point where he walked towards the line, the way he’d caressed the string, the way he’d placed the arrow like he’s the only person who’s ever done archery the right way, to the way he’d drawn and then…

Whoosh!

Thump.

Osamu didn’t know that he’d been holding back his breath until Suna had made his shot. Suna did two more shots but Osamu had been two engrossed at his capture. In the photo looked like a glorified archer from the past, he was…

“Miya-kun?” Osamu looked up, the captain of the Archery club had approached him, “We’re actually done with today’s practice. Did you get what you needed?” Osamu nodded, still dazed.

How long had he been standing there, looking at Suna’s photo? The training hall was almost empty, everyone had gone already. What the hell is wrong with him?

“Senpai, I’ll close up, you can go ahead.” Osamu looked at the guy, Suna’s back was to him, they were alone.

Just him and Suna—and just that thought was enough to put him on a whirlwind of thoughts again.

“Are you now going home?” Suna was looking at him, he couldn’t read the archer’s face, Osamu opened his mouth and thought of something to say, he could just say yes and exit. But it seemed like his body wasn’t cooperating, he stayed there standing like a statue, mouth tightly clamped. What should he do? Can he really just go out of the hall and get home? Should he just let this opportunity past? If Osamu walks up to him, what is he supposed to tell him? How is he supposed to start a conversation with someone he just met and they haven’t even introduced themselves?

What would Atsumu tell him to do? What would Atsumu do? He wanna hit himself for thinking of his unhelpful twin at this time of crisis.

It’s just him and Suna alone in the hall, and before Osamu could think of a way out or stall Suna until he makes up a plan on how they could talk, Osamu’s body had enough of his bullshit and made its own way to the Archer, stopping only when he’s six steps away from Suna.

“I’m Osamu Miya,” he held out a hand to Suna, which the latter took.

“Suna,” he introduced briefly. Up close Osamu was sure he was going to die if he gonna get any closer to Suna that this. If he looked radiant earlier because he was on his game, now he looked ordinary and more like a normal student but it seemed to have a greater effect on Osamu’s whole being.

“T-The photo…” He stutters and feel warmth slowly creeping up to his face, he’s not some school girl talking to his crush for the first time! What the hell is wrong with him today? “Do you wanna see your photo before I submit it to the council?”  Osamu didn’t know what kind of response he was expecting but it relieved him that Suna only looked at him, down the camera and then shrugged. Osamu looked at the camera, at the photo he took of Suna. He heard rustling and clicking of keys, he looked up and Suna was already outside the training hall, he followed suit.

Outside, the sun’s already set, the sky was a mixture purple and bluish black. Suna locked the door to the practice hall and then shrugged on his backpack. He was finally going to leave, Osamu thought, but Suna stopped on his tracks and looked back to him over his shoulder.

“Can you print a copy of that right now?” Suna asked.

Osamu was confused but he answered, “I can. Why?”

Suna wasn’t looking at him anymore, he was facing ahead, “Maybe you can give me a copy if there’s still a computer shop open somewhere.”

Osamu’s heart gave a pinch, a thump and then it was beating faster, the anticipation and excitement of doing something and going somewhere with someone who might be a potential new friend. He jogged to catch up to Suna until they’re walking side by side.

He’s happy and glad, but also knew he gotta still play it cool.

Osamu didn’t kinda get how much or why he’s not acting like himself that moment and confused about himself even more for thinking that he’s doing exactly what Atsumu might do which he considers gross. Osamu didn’t stutter, he didn’t even believe in love at first sight. He knew, or at least he tried to convince himself it wasn’t love at first sight.

He didn’t get much of what’s happening now with him, but at least he knew a certain thing,

Suna Rintarou was beautiful.

#osasuna #haikyuu #haikyuu osamu #haikyuu suna #inarizaki #manga #anime #hq!! #atsumu miya #miya osamu #miya atsumu #suna rintarou #akaashi keiji

[annieintheaair]

What I’d Say

I’d be lying if I said that these last few weeks have been easy. I may be the only person in the world wishing to go back to 2020. I had no idea that heading into 2021 would mean so much sadness, disappointment, and feeling broken. Even if I had to go back to January 2020 and relive the entire year, just to get to the last 6 months that were great, I’d relive all of the pain that I felt leading up to that point.

James stopped talking to me. On Sunday, he texted me to say that he promised he would call me later and give me some answers. He never called and I haven’t received any texts from him since. I’m at the point where it takes everything in me to resist the urge to text him, even knowing he won’t respond, just because not communicating at all, even if it’s one sided, means facing the reality that it’s really over.

Since we may never speak again, here’s what I wish I could say:

Dear James,

A week before I met you, I was in Canada for work with my friend, Shasta. I was dealing with the pain of being stonewalled and ignored by someone that I cared about at the time. It was exactly a week from the last unanswered text that I sent him to our first date.

Gosh... I remember July like it was yesterday. I was smiling all day on July 2nd while we messaged back and forth on Bumble. When you asked if I wanted to meet up that night, I was so excited... but not too excited because your Bumble profile said that you were only looking for “something casual”.

I was walking down the hallway in my hotel when I first saw you. You were recording the self-playing piano on your phone, probably posting on your Instagram stories because now I know, you love to post stories. I can just picture you there. If I close my eyes, it’s like we’re still back there, meeting for the first time.

We walked into town together and went to the Cowboy Bar and later headed to Stillwest. It was at Stillwest when you started opening up to me. I loved how easy you were to talk to and I felt like we connected right away; two people who had both been cheated on in their long-term relationships.

I didn’t want that night to end and even though I had work to do that night, I didn’t care that we were out late and I wasn’t concerned about getting it done. I guess we both realized that day that we couldn’t let it end after that one date because you asked me if we could meet up again the following night. Without hesitation, I said yes.

You walked with me back to my hotel and we said “goodbye” and from my room that night, while thinking about you, fireworks appeared right outside my window. It was like the whole world was celebrating that we met.

The whole next day, I couldn’t wait for our date. When you picked me up that afternoon, we drove out to Teton Village where we took the gondola up to the top of the mountain where we sat on the patio, taking in the views, and enjoying happy hour.

We then drove through Grand Teton National Park and right as the sun began to set, we walked out to Jenny Lake and I felt like my breath was taken away by the beauty of it all. It was there that you kissed me for the first time.

We finished off the night back in town having drinks and I felt like I had never connected with anyone so fast in my life. When I left the next day, I was smiling but sad because I wasn’t sure when I’d see you again.

Only a couple of weeks later and you came to Texas to visit me. I never stopped thinking about you during those few weeks. We had some great days together and then you left when I went to work. You were gone for less than 24 hours when I told you that I had shingles and would be staying home from work. You asked if you could come back and of course, I said yes.

It was only a couple of days after that when we made our relationship official and you told me that you loved me shortly after that. I wasn’t scared and I wasn’t unsure because I knew that I loved you like a love I had never felt before.

Over the next many months, we spent most days together. The days apart were hard but I always knew that I’d see you again soon. We had so many adventures together. I loved visiting you in Wyoming at the end of August when you had me hike up an insane mountain. There’s no one else that I’d hike up a mountain like that for-- only you.

Every time we had to say goodbye, I swear I cried a little harder. You were here with me in Texas for most of September and when you left, I think you were gone for maybe four days before coming back because we both hated being apart.

In October we spent a weekend in South Padre with your friend and his girlfriend and the following weekend we went on a road trip with my dogs to check out breweries in Houston. For Halloween weekend, we drove down to San Antonio to visit your parents.

November got a little harder. Maybe I tend to sabotage things when I sense that they might end. I’ve always felt like it’s easier to hurt someone else before they can hurt you, you know, beat them to the chase. The weekend before we went to Winstar (the casino), we got into a fight. It was the biggest fight we ever had. You left and were planning on going back to Wyoming. The two days we spent apart, I realized that I never wanted to be without you again. Even though distance sucks and it’s difficult, it’s so much harder to lose you forever than it is to lose you temporarily.

I went to the casino alone but you came the second night. We ended up having a great time. I felt like if we could get past that fight then we could get past anything. I stopped going to see my therapist because I felt like we had handled that on our own and maybe I didn’t need her anymore. I was so wrong.

We made it another week. I soaked in that last week together in Texas before I went to New Jersey for Thanksgiving and you heading to Wyoming for opening weekend for snowboarding. Did we both know then that that was the beginning of the end? I remember yelling at you in the car the night before you left because I got lost and stuck in traffic on the way to the airport to pick up my mom. We managed to get through it and did okay for a few days.

While I was in NJ, you started giving me the silent treatment. I went back and forth a few times about whether or not I should meet you in Wyoming because I wasn’t sure if you wanted me there. All I ever wanted was for you to be happy, which is why I had volunteered to go there to be with you so you could spend more time there instead of rushing back to Texas to be with me. I thought I could give you everything-- let you have Wyoming and be there with you because we were happy together, right?

We had a great time together in Wyoming but something felt off, something felt different. I felt like there was this distance between us but I told myself that it was that we had just become so comfortable with each other that we had become a little boring. We had a routine while I was there-- we’d work during the day and then we’d go to happy hour, sometimes the grocery store, and go back to your apartment to watch TV together in bed and drink hot toddies before falling asleep.

I was only supposed to stay for a week and the day I was suppose to leave, we got in a fight because the original plan was that you’d come back to Texas with me. I didn’t like the idea of going back to Texas alone for no reason when I wanted to be with you. I wanted as much time as possible with you. I basically begged you to ask me to stay and after some time, you did. Maybe I should have just told you I wanted to stay. I know I didn’t go about that in the right way.

I stayed for another five days or so and we had many more great times but something was still off, wasn’t it? When you drove me to the airport I tried so hard not to cry but I couldn’t stop myself. You dropped me off and hugged me and kissed me goodbye. I was bawling my eyes out.

I cried going through security, waiting for the plane, and then through the whole flight. I missed you so much already. Subconsciously, did I know that I’d never see you again after that day? Did I know then that it was over?

I had a countdown. I went to New Jersey for Christmas and you went to San Antonio but were going to come to NJ the day after Christmas for a few days. The flights were pretty full and I didn’t know if you’d be able to get there. Looking back at all of this, can I ask you something? If you knew it was so important to me, why didn’t you buy a ticket?

Instead of buying a ticket to come to me, the day you were supposed to come to NJ, you instead texted me, first saying that you didn’t want to end it but in the very next text, you told me that it was over. You drove back to Dallas with your sister instead and I was left feeling crushed and confused.

Without a word, you went back to Wyoming before New Years, leaving me alone to figure out how to get my dogs back to Texas with me and knowing that you were abandoning me on New Years when we had made plans.

I don’t know what has happened over these last few weeks. I really don’t understand it. What went so wrong in our relationship that we couldn’t even try to fix it? All I wanted was answers so I could understand and learn from it, even if it meant never getting back together.

I’ve gone through other breakups in the past and I immediately jumped back onto the dating apps to swipe to meet new people and go on dates. This time is different. I have no desire to go on dating apps or meet new people. It’s hard to move on when I still love you so much. Will I find another love like ours?

Even with all of the hurt and lack of communication recently, there’s still a part of me that wishes that the movies were real and you’d surprise me and show up at my door and we’d hug and swear that this would never happen again. You’d tell me that you made a huge mistake and you’re sorry for all of this and you want to work it out. Movies aren’t real life though but every time my dogs bark or I hear a car outside, I’m disappointed because you’re not there. Cupcakes from my job showed up on Wednesday and when the doorbell rang, I wished it was you but I guess cupcakes are the next best thing.

I didn’t realize at the time but my camera in my kitchen recorded the times we were together in my house. I see the smiles on those people in the early days and I know that they were real and genuine. I know how I felt and I think I know how you felt at the time, too. Can we go back there? Can we time travel back to July and be those people again? Sometimes I just want to get lost in those recordings. I think that if I watch them long enough then we’ll be transported back there.

If I never see you again, I’ll remember all of the great times we had-- from the first day we met to floating in my pool during the summer to road trips and vacations, hiking mountains, happy hours, breweries, and the every day, like sitting in my backyard together and all of the times you hugged me and said, “You make me so happy”. I’ll remember you laying on the floor of my closet one night, telling me, after a few drinks, that you wanted to lay in a field and look up at the stars with me and that you wanted love like your parents found in each other. All of the times we talked about our future together and not about “if” we got married someday but “when”.

Telling people that it’s over between us has been hard... very hard. Shasta and my therapist (who I decided to go back to after all) both told me that they thought I’d be telling them that we got engaged and not that we broke up. I don’t know who was more shocked-- me or them?

I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for whatever it was that finally broke us. I’m sorry for the things I said when I was mad and hurt. I’m sorry that I can’t wish you happiness right now. I just hope that you’re missing me as much as I’m missing you. I hope your world feels a little quieter and lonely without me in your life. I hope you never find a love that compares to ours. I hope someday you look back and realize that you let go of something so amazing. I hope that I’m wrong and that the day at the airport wasn’t the last time I’ll have ever seen you.

I still hope that someday we can go on adventures together again. Until then, I’ll be taking a trip to Disney, like we had planned, and Seattle, where you said you had never been but wanted to go. I’m still going to go on these adventures alone and hopefully through time spent with old friends, maybe I’ll find myself again. Maybe I’ll find a way to be happy again, even if it means being happy without you.

Please know that I’ll always care about you. You’ll always have a piece of my heart. I hope, if nothing else, someday maybe we can be friends and talk. I’m releasing you, I’m letting go of the hold you have on me. I forgive you. I need to find peace and I’m not here for revenge. I’ll remember you in all of the best ways.

I (still) love you,

Annie

xoxo

[dlwritings]

Guilt | Peter Parker

masterlist found here

pairing - Peter x reader word count - 2,090 warnings - lots and lots of angst, Peter’s pretty heavily depressed, panic attack, post-Endgame sadness A/N - I wrote this a long time ago and I’m still sad

summary - Everyone kept telling Peter that Tony’s death wasn’t his fault, and deep down he knew that was true. Still, some days the weight of his grief was too much to carry, and the guilt took over.

All things considered, Peter was okay.

He was safe and alive and home and still had May and Ned and MJ and (Y/N)-

(Y/N). He had (Y/N), but not how he wanted to have her. But it was fine. It wasn’t like he spent every moment with her wishing she was his and not just his friend. Really he was fine.

But he missed Tony. He was getting better at pushing the pain away until he was numb. Sometimes he felt guilty for missing him as much as he did, because he knew he was lucky.

He was safe and alive and home and still had May and Ned and MJ and (Y/N). Some people lost a lot more than just a mentor and role model.

Morgan, for example, lost her dad.

And he felt awful every time he thought about it- every time he thought about Pepper raising Morgan without Tony and Morgan slowly growing up and forgetting what her own dad sounded like and looked like and laughed like and how smart he was and how much he cared about her. Because she was five and her memories would fade as she got older, and that wasn’t fair.

And Peter usually blamed himself whenever he thought about it. Because everyone told Peter that he was the reason Tony agreed to attempt time travel. That he was why Tony risked it all. That Tony knew he might lose everything, but he also knew he might be able to bring him back, and didn’t that make it worth it? That one of the first things Tony said when he landed back on Earth after The Snap was, “I lost the kid,” and everyone was confused because they didn’t know Peter had gone with him, but Tony said it anyway because the guilt was killing him just as much as the thirst and starvation and lack of oxygen.

So yeah. Sometimes Peter felt like it was his fault and that he killed Tony. That he was the reason earth would spin on without its best defender and Morgan would grow up without a father.

So when Pepper asked Peter to babysit for the first time, he said yes right away, because he felt he owed her that much. Peter killed her husband and the father of her child, so the least he could do was help out when she needed it.

(Honestly, Pepper’s usual sitters were all busy. Happy was on a date with May, Rhodey was at a United Nations conference, Clint was on vacation with his family, Wanda was traveling Europe, and Scott was on his honeymoon with Hope. Peter was at the top of her “desperate times call for desperate measures” list, followed closely by Bucky and Sam.)

But, truth be told, Peter wasn’t great with kids, so he asked if (Y/N) could help. She had a younger brother and sister at home, and she always knew how to take care of them.

That was how Peter found himself at the Stark house with (Y/N) on Saturday evening, saying goodbye to Pepper and assuring her that everything was under control, that they’d call Happy if there was a problem so Pepper could enjoy her well-deserved night out with her friends.

Just as Peter expected, (Y/N) was really good with Morgan. She painted her nails and listened to her talk about the new Toy Story movie as if it was the most interesting thing she’d ever heard. She made homemade macaroni and cheese for dinner and promised Morgan she could have some ice cream if she finished her whole meal. Peter felt like he wasn’t even needed.

Which, he supposed, he wasn’t. He didn’t feel he was ever really needed anymore. In fact, if Tony hadn’t saved him, it would be he who was there with Morgan and she wouldn’t need Peter to babysit. She wouldn’t need a babysitter at all because she would have her dad. That’s who Morgan actually needed. Her dad. Not Peter. That’s who the world actually needed. Tony Stark. Not Spider-Man.

Peter thought about that a lot.

But he smiled at all the right times and laughed at all the cute things Morgan said, and he still thought about how pretty (Y/N) looked and how cute she was when she talked to Morgan. So he wasn’t numb. He could still play normal and happy when needed to.

While (Y/N) was cleaning up the kitchen, Morgan took Peter by the hand and eagerly told him she wanted to show him something. Peter laughed (because he was supposed to) and followed her down the stairs of the house. But he couldn’t play normal when Morgan waved her arms dramatically at all of Tony’s tech.

It looked like it hadn’t been touched since he-

Peter didn’t like the d-word.

He supposed Pepper just left it all, probably not having it in her heart to get rid of it. It had been only a few months, coming up on a year, so he couldn’t blame her. “Wow,” Peter said to Morgan, forcing a smile for the little one’s sake. “Cool.”

“It’s not even the best part!” she said. She took his hand in hers -so small- and pulled him over to a wall, then pressed her finger against a button. Air hissed and the wall turned, and there were Tony’s suits. All the ones he had kept and the ones he was working on. Peter was stunned silent, because the last one in the row had a spider on the front, and it was just too much to look at. “Aren’t they the most coolest things you’ve ever seen?” Morgan said, tugging Peter’s sleeve to get his attention.

Peter cleared his throat. “Maybe we should go back upstairs and play with (Y/N).”

“Are you and (Y/N) married?” Morgan asked, innocence in her eyes. With any other emotion, she looked just like her dad, but Peter never knew Tony to be innocent. With that expression, she was just a child. A child with little understanding of age and relationships and-

“No, we’re not married,” Peter said.

“But you love her,” Morgan said. It wasn’t a question, just an observation of a filterless five-year-old.

And the answer was yes, but why couldn’t Peter say that? It was Morgan. She was a kid and would probably forget the proclamation two minutes after it left Peter’s lips. But if he said it, it was too real, and he would become too aware that (Y/N) did not love him back, and-

And it was too much. It was all too much. Because he was surrounded by Tony and at the same time couldn’t be farther away from him. Because Tony used to tease him about (Y/N), almost six years ago when she was just his friend and he thought she was cute, but Tony teased him that he loved her, and Peter figured somehow he could see the future and knew someday Peter would want her to be more than a friend. Because she would never be more than a friend. Because Tony would never be there to tease Peter again. Because Morgan would never get to talk to her dad about boys or girls and crushes and Tony would never get to play the overprotective dad and tease her about it and it was his fault. His fault.

And then he was crying, and his chest felt heavy, and the air felt too thick, and Morgan was too close, and the lights were too bright, and it was all too much, and god this was stupid. And then he was on the ground, leaning his back against the wall. And he was right by the suit that he knew was made for him, and he thought about how Tony had probably made it for him when Peter was dead, and oh my god he was dead once. Five years of life went on without him and Tony still made a suit because he knew somehow Peter would be back and, yes, he was sure Tony could tell the future.

And then (Y/N) was there. Her hand was on his arm, her other brushing some hair from Peter’s face. Morgan was standing behind Tony’s desk, confused and a little scared because all of a sudden it looked like Peter wasn’t breathing, and she remembered her dad used to get that look, and her mom was the best person who could help him breathe again, so she got (Y/N) because she always felt like she looked at Peter the same way her mom used to look at her dad, so she figured it was all kind of the same.

Peter could see (Y/N). Her face was so close to his, and her eyes were filled with worry. He could see her lips moving but couldn’t hear the things she was saying. And she was so pretty. All soft lips and doe eyes and smooth skin and up close he could see the little scar on her chin and he thought about how he always wanted to kiss it and how he always wanted to kiss her.

(Y/N) just kept brushing her fingers through Peter’s hair, cooing soft phrases of comfort to him, because that was how she helped him. And it always helped him. She had been beside him through a lot of panics, so this wasn’t a new challenge. Still, it broke her heart then just as much as it did every other time. All she wanted to do was make him feel better and wipe his tears and see him smile. God, it had been so long since she’d seen him really smile. He could fool a lot of people, but not her.

Slowly but surely, Peter was breathing like normal again. He was leaning into (Y/N)’s touch, feeling exhausted and guilty. Guilty for probably scaring Morgan. Guilty for needing (Y/N) to save him like she seemed to be doing all the time.

Peter was sure he would never be happy again.

And even though he was breathing fine, he was still crying. (Y/N) sat beside him and pulled him as close to her as she could, letting him rest his head on her chest. His fists gripped the t-shirt she was wearing. He just needed to know that she was there and that he was there and that he wasn’t living in some crazy nightmare that he wouldn’t wake up from.

And then Morgan was there. She sat on Peter’s other side, leaning her head on his shoulder. It wasn’t much, but it used to help her dad.

Eventually Peter was okay again. He went upstairs with (Y/N) and Morgan and they sat in front of the TV and watched Meet the Robinsons. Everything that Morgan used to do for her dad, she did for Peter. She sat on his lap, poked his belly when she felt him chuckle, and made as many silly comments throughout the movie as he could. She knew Peter was special to her dad. He used to talk about him all the time, kept his favorite picture of the two of them in a frame and showed it to her whenever he could find an excuse to. She may’ve still been a kid, but even she knew that, if her dad was still alive, he would want Peter to be happy. The least she could do was help out when he needed it.

When Morgan fell asleep on Peter’s lap, (Y/N) turned the volume of the TV down, quickly getting Peter’s attention. “Are you okay?”

All things considered, Peter was not okay. He had just been pretending so long, he convinced himself otherwise. But she asked him so directly, and he was just so completely incapable of lying to her that he let all of the guilt and hurt and sadness and guilt and guilt and guilt tumble out of his mouth. The first step to being okay again (really okay again) was to let go of the guilt. He couldn’t do that alone, he knew that now.

The next step -the telling (Y/N) that he loved her step- would come later, once his heart was rid of its Stark-shaped hole. Because healing was a process that took time, and if he was going to give her his heart, he was going to be damn sure it was whole when he did.

----- ----- ----- -----

TAGLIST

@bangtan-serendipity | @planetdemon | @the-singing-clown406 | @tomshufflepuff | @bluelalal | @grandloser | @jackiehollanderr | @mindset-jupiter | @bisexual-sk8r | @feel-like-gold | @runaway-apple | @miraclesoflove | @marvelismylifffe| @wonderbyers | @coraz0ndcristal| @lizmarvel​ |  @hannihannelora

#peter parker #peter parker imagine #peter parker x reader #peter parker angst #spiderman #spiderman imagine #spider-man #spider-man imagine #marvel #avengers #so much angst #I'm sorry

[lovenotesandneonstars]

And That’s Enough.

Wanna hear a secret?

Every writer I've ever known has, at some point, faced a soul-crushing anxiety over whether or not they're really a writer.

"But Topher," you might say, "That's not a secret!"

If I were being clever, I might give you a wink and the slight twitch of my nose that all the wise old men do. But I'm not very clever, I'm not necessarily wise, and I'm not old. So instead, I figured I might tell you about how I learned to solve that crisis for myself. But in order to get there, we have to start at the beginning.

I was a fairly lonely kid, never really had a steady friends' group, and when I was in second grade I started deliberately getting lunch detention so that I could spend my lunch period reading without being harassed by my classmates. I thought it was a genius plan. Well, that, and my second grade teacher (who was also my third grade teacher, yay for small towns!) and I had a personality clash. I would finish my work too fast and start reading from my pocket dictionary (yeah, I was THAT nerd), and would correct him in class. He, in return, would try to find any way possible to punish or humiliate me. It was fun! I loved reading no matter what trouble it got me in, and getting in trouble just gave me more time to read.

Ask any writer you know and they'll tell you that in order to write, you have to enjoy reading. And I was always excited to read (which hasn't changed much as I've grown, I just find less time to be able to read these days. #Adulting, right?) at any chance I got. When I was in 5th grade, I stayed in the truck with no AC and just the window rolled down for 3 hours while my mom went grocery shopping to read Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone (which took me a whopping 5 hours to finish!). When sixth grade rolled around, I started wanting to try my hand at creating something instead of just consuming it. For a lonely, depressed kid, the world of fiction was the best friend I had.

The first thing I remember writing was House MD fanfiction. It was my favorite show and I started out as any respectable fanfiction writer does: with a Mary Sue self-insert! Eventually, I had a small cult following on the school bus, and found my way to the big leagues of fanfiction.net about a year later. I moved onto another overdone trope: songfics. From there, I kept writing fanfic, even after my mom found it and banned me from it. I just enjoyed writing so much. House MD turned into Harry Potter which turned into Glee. I should also mention the other kind of writing I found as an eleven year old, right after I started writing fanfic: role playing. I stumbled upon a Harry Potter RP one day while trying to find video games for my favorite franchise and, with the help of a kindly more experienced role player, was taught how to RP. I was hooked. Soon, all my free time turned to writing. I was neglecting my video games in favor of blasting my favorite album at any point and writing more and more. And when I wasn't writing, I was reading. Harry Potter, The Princess Diaries, Percy Jackson, whatever I could get my hands on. Middle school was consumed by writing and reading, whether it was the actual series I was into or fanfiction for it.

Then came high school, and my RP site shut down, and my book pile ran out, and I fell into a deeper depression than I had before. I had always loved music, but I got more into it as I couldn't find much to read that I was interested in. But on the bright side, I was making real friends! I wasn't spending my lunch times alone anymore, and I had people to talk to about the fandoms I loved. Writing and reading fell to the wayside as I explored more music and l got back into video games. I was also a theatre kid, and was getting ready to audition for my first high school play. 

Everything changed when my mom passed away on December 5th, 2011, 4 days after her 52nd birthday. My dad made me stay home for a week, and when I came back, all my "friends" refused to talk to me or spend time with me. My depression hit heavier than ever, and I was even lonelier after having had a taste of regular friendship. I spent all my time playing video games and listening to dark, angry music, until June 2012, when I watched a movie called It's Kind of a Funny Story, based on the book by Ned Vizzini while I was sick. It instantly felt like I needed the book in my life, and my dad, thrilled to see me wanting to read again, let me order the book. I fell in love, and to this day, over 8 years later, it's still my favorite book. Soon after, my love of writing came back and hit me and I got back into role playing. I had a role model to look up to who wrote something so relatable to me that it hurt so good, and the video games took a back burner. I was inventing people left and right to see what kind of trouble I could get them into.

My world came screeching to another halt when my newfound role model took his own life on December 19th, 2013. This time, though, instead of backing off from the role playing, I dove deeper into it. I found new friends on the internet and kept making new people. Not long after that, I came out as transgender, and used writing to cope with my dysphoria and strained relationship with my family. Every waking minute I was either role playing or thinking about role playing. I snuck on my phone in class to write replies when the teacher wasn't looking. I wrote replies in my notebook to type up when I got home. I went from short, 3-sentence replies to hundreds of words at a time.

Then, in May 2015, I graduated high school, and I was off to college as a psych major! In the time between, I had graduated to running RP sites as well, and I was constantly writing. My summer was filled with writing, and once I made it to college, I got back into fanfiction, this time on Archive of Our Own. AO3 seemed far more professionally laid out, and it had more freedom of what could be posted. I started writing band fanfiction. I made friends through my fanfiction, now, in addition to RP. It was where I would retreat when homework was too boring or my classes were too much. In November 2015, I participated in my first National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo). I instantly found the community I was meant to be in and made many friends that I would come to consider family. Ny first NaNo I came in just shy of 13,000 words on a band fic. I couldn't believe I had managed all that in one month with being a college freshman, starting a new job, and continuing to work on my role playing! Things were great! For the next year, my life was nothing short of amazing. I got a summer job on campus, went to my first Pride, and made more friends. 

Once again, my life came to a screeching halt on November 2, 2016. Remember how I mentioned I'd always struggled with mental health issues? Well, I ended up in the hospital for just over 21 hours for suicidal intent. This was pretty much the darkest moment and a turning point in my life. It was also kind of ironic, because my favorite book had to do with much the same thing. After getting out, I dove back into NaNoWriMo for the second time, still working on band fic, and this time, ended up just short of 20,000 words. I was doing more, and using it to take away the anxiety I was feeling in my classes. I was hating my major, and the RPs I was in were falling through, but I had a project to work on. For the first time, I kept working on the project after NaNo was over. Things were good again, and over the summer, I made the decision to change my major from Psychology to Creative Writing, but ultimately had to wait one more term because I was already signed up for classes.

I completed my third NaNoWriMo in 2017 with fewer words than the previous year. But I was committed. I had helped start a Discord for my home region for NaNo and was now spending almost full-time hours volunteering for my region. I finished my last semester as a Psych major and then I made my way home for the holidays, where I continued to write, diving back into fanfic for TV shows and now adding Youtubers to the mix. When I returned to school at the beginning of 2018, I started my new life in all my English classes, including my first writers' workshop, and I fell in love. I was still writing fanfiction, though, while others were writing original fiction, and all that I could think was that I HAD to be a fraud. How could I be a real writer if I was just writing fanfiction for my classes? It was frustrating to think that I was stuck writing something that most people saw as mindless drivel, or even ripoffs of the works and lives of others. After my first term of creative writing, I took some time off from my fiction class, and used that to take a break from anything that wasn't RP.

Fall 2018 brought with it many challenges. For one, my college converted to the semester system, and having to confront a new length of term was difficult. It also brought around an intermediate fiction course for me, as well as a creative nonfiction course. Here, I found something I enjoyed: I was able to write about my own life, instead of the lives of band members. After a while, I got to know the band members, which completely killed my desire to write band fic. Life seemed a lot easier without that urge, and I started writing original fiction. In November 2018, for the first time, I wrote original fiction for my 4th NaNoWriMo, and my word count grew, once more, to just under 22,500 words. It was progress, and I felt great. I finally knew how to work on something original on my own.

Spring 2019 was even harder than I had faced before: I had received the news that I was not getting financial aid, and would not be able to return to school the next year. I was devastated, and determined not to have to return to my dad's house for the following year, back to the small town where I had no prospects. I scrambled to find a job, but nothing worked out, and for the next seven months, I jumped from living situation to living situation, relying on my friends to keep me alive and ending up in a tightly packed studio apartment with 2 friends and their 3 cats.

One of these 7 months was my 5th NaNoWriMo and my second attempt at original fiction, this time trying to use a character I had been RPing with for some 6 years at the time. I started using new writing tools, like 4TheWords, and threw myself into NaNo, using it to deal with the frustrations of everyday life. This was the first time I came so far: 28,611 words! And still... My project stalled out. As a major pantser, I had gone into the project with one developed character, one who only had a name and profession, and the plotline "They fall in love". It was freeing, to have something new to work on that I had no idea where I was headed and that I had someone brand new to create. All this was helping me adjust to the new job I found in September, a job I found myself absolutely loving. It was the best time in the world, all I could ask for. I found a new RP site and made more friends. Come December 31st, I found a new place to live, and was finally living on my own.

Then, my writing on that novel stalled out. I couldn't figure out where to go, or what to do with my characters, and so I dove back into role playing. It was all I could do, really, to keep myself occupied when I wasn't working. Things were looking up: I found out I was returning to school in fall; I loved my job; my roommate and I got along well. And then, things fell apart again, to the point where I had to stay somewhere else for over a month while there were construction issues on my apartment. I was depressed, but RP and writing kept me going. Finally, things settled down, and life seemed well again.

That is, until halfway through March, when COVID-19 ended up basically destroying the world I lived in. I lost my job (live performances during a pandemic are a no-no) and had to move back in with my dad, and, well, here we are. 4 months post job loss, I'm trying to get ready for all online classes, and trying to cope with moving back to the town that I couch surfed to avoid. It's been hard, and writing hasn't come easily. I haven't been able to really focus on anything other than role playing until now, and I still find myself questioning whether I'm REALLY a writer every time I realize that this essay or my RP is the only writing I've done in months. After all, how can I claim to be really dedicated to NaNoWriMo or even my writing in general if I can never finish a project? It's been almost impossible for me to do so in the past. All I've been able to do is come up with yet another idea that I've yet to attempt to actually write, and that has no real plot, and that I'll (probably) never finish, either?

Then I think of why I started to write this. I needed to have some writing to show some people I want to impress, and I started angsting over whether or not I'm actually a writer, and if I'm really cut out for this. And the fact that there are over 2500 words more on the page than there were when I started means that, in spite of all my anxieties, I am a writer. All these words I've put out into the world the last several years would never have come into the world the way I've decided to use them if I wasn't a writer. Even now, as I sit here writing this post, for something that I truly love, I'm reminded that I'm not a writer because I follow XYZ formula, or because I plan things meticulously, or because I have some famous novel out there. I'm a writer because I write. And that's enough.

#essay #2020 #writing #am i really a writer #nanowrimo #life #creative nonfiction

[amnachil]

The College Society Chapter 1 Part 3

Hi :) Here is the next part, sorry for the little delay !

Enjoy :3

Liam Saturday September 9 – Sunday September 10

Pasta's Place was a rather famous restaurant in town. Located near to his appartement, it was a nice and wide building, which probably could host more than one hundred of customers at one time. By the way, Liam didn't want to work here at first, but he needed money. The boss and owner, Shannon Liliano, was the sister of Mrs. Liliano, who owned a bakery in his highschool's town, and thanks to his mother acquaintance, he had been hired here. The boy arrived at Pasta's Place at 3pm, and introduced himself to the young girl who welcomed him.

"Well, nice to meet you Liam." she said. "I'm Judith Liliano, but you can call me Judy. I will present you to the team and then explain the work. You'll see, it's easy once you get used to it."

They started by meeting their coworkers, and then he helped to get the restaurant ready for 5pm, hour of opening. Judy explained him approximately everything. She was nice and kind, and Liam felt reassured by her attitude. Eventually, the first customer came in, and the process began. The young lad was doing the dishes on the washboard. It was exhausting, way more than he thought. C'mon Liam, you can do this. Think about the money. Moreover, it was also repetitive, and he felt quickly bored. (He wasn't used to work a long time on something... He was more the kind of boy to let his mind ramble). Fortunately, after four hours, Judy came to see how he was doing.

"I can imagine it's a little frustrating, but someone needs to do it." she told him. "I was at your place not that far ago."

"Don't worry, I can handle it." he assured.

(To be honest, he was tired, his hands were trembling and he had an headache, but she would take him for what, if he admitted this ?) (He didn't have a lot of pride, but at least enough to not confess  he was weaker than her). (Was it seriously that hard every night ? Because he wasn't sure to be really able to handle it).

"Liam, are you there ?"

The lad blinked, surprised. He stared at her, and frowned. Did she said something ?

"You literally were sleeping on your feet, were you ?" she asked while holding her laughs.

"May... Maybe... It's exhausting you know ? I don't know how you have handle this so far."

Realizing what he was saying, he blushed. Can I really be that clumsy ? Judy just laughed.

"You deserved a break big boy. Come with me."

She led him towards the kitchen to a little room, where worker were supposed to eat during their breaks. The girl told him to sat, and took two plates from a counter. She took a place in front of him, and smiled.

"You'll see why we're quite famous in town."

Liam looked his plate (obviously it was pasta) and the surrounding. In a corner, there were a TV switched on, but otherwise, they were alone.

"I'm not really hungry." he said.

His gurgling stomach belied his words, and he blushed. Judy stared at him with a smile, and ate a big mouthful of her own plate.

"Don't be shy. A big and strong man like you have to eat anyway. Besides, our pasta are really really good. You'll love it."

Did I already tell I have no willpower ? The young lad didn't want to eat. Food wasn't its friend anymore. (Yeah, food was like a living thing). But his belly and Judy were insisting. Liam took his fork, and started to eat. As promised, it was awesome. He didn't imagine pasta could have this taste. Without any restraint, he polished his plate in no time, and felt rather satisfied.

"As I told you." laughed Judy. "Do you want more ?"

"No."

Liam realised he answered too fast, and too agressively. I really don't want anything more but I don't have to be this rude.

"No thanks." he corrected himself. "It was nice, but I'm fine now."

As he said before, food wasn't its friend anymore. He remembered him too many bad memories. I have to put limits, that's all... C'mon, let's back to work.

The ringtone of his phone woke him up the next morning around 11am. Like an undead (or whatever, the point being he was dozy), he stood up and checked his phone. Mom, 38 calls. Okay... Slowly, he put his phone back and laid down onto his bed. Wait... Mom, 38 calls ?! He raised up suddenly, and realized what it meant. He was supposed to meet her this morning ! Without even taking the time to dress, he rushed towards the door and opened. Rachel Strucker was waiting there, drinking a coffee in a little procelain cup. Wearing an original flowery hat, a long red dress and high heel, she smiled cheerfully to her son.

"38 calls before you finally wake up, that's less than I expected."

"Hi mom."

She entered in the room, and put her purse shaped like a heart in a corner. Well, at least she didn't change that much since the last time I saw her... I bet she'll firstly say it's dusty, or I'm not her son.

"Are you eating well Liam ?"

Shup up. Not you mom, the voices who are laughing. (To err is human, after all). (He was still his son). Of course she would ask that. She had noticed month ago that he stopped to enjoy his food.

"Don't worry mom, I'm fine. By the way, how are ya doing ?"

Liam knew she went through a difficult period with the problems they had been facing recently. It was already impressive that she didn't fall into depression. After all, between him moving and his siblings leaving... (That was a part of the sad story Liam didn't want to tell).

"At least I'm alive." she answered quite ironically. "But we're not here to discuss about me. Did I said your appartement was dusty ?"

"Not yet, but I reckon you thought it loudly."

His mother nodded unthinkingly, and took a close look at him. She sighed with weariness, and threw up her hands.

"My lord, tell me what went wrong with this boy ?"

What ? He blinked, surprised. She was waiting something, but he didn't know what. Just think Liam... What did you do wrong ? Maybe she glimpsed the beer in the fridge ? Or the pizza, the burgers and the pasta. It would have been a problem, but she didn't open the fridge yet. Did she have a new haircut ?

"You're in underwear Liam." she eventually sighed. "And despite the fact I find you cute my little boy, I must remind you I'm your mother. Go get dressed please."

Rebecca Wednesday September 13

Since the induction seminar, things were going well for the young girl. After all, several members of the swimteam were nicer than she first thought, and she started to feel at ease with them. And for her delight, she now had two friend in her promotion. Well, more one friend and one fucking little smart Aleck. After all, she wouldn't really consider Nick as a friend. He was too immature, noisy and mischievous. Anyway, Rebecca finished her diner quickly, took her bag and went to the pool with a mix of excitation and fear. She had not make any swimming yet, and she was eager to show her team what she was capable of. She entered in the locker room, get dressed, and then went in the pool. She glimpsed Nick, sat on a bench playing at his gameboy, and Laura, selecting swimming caps for the next tournament. The other were all in the pool. I somtimes wonder why Nick joined this team... He had nothing of a sportsman. Well, he got a "normal" body, tall and slim, without neither muscle nor fat, just a flat stomach and chest. Theo appealed her attention when he shouted :

"Hey Rebbie, are you going to train a bit ? I want to see what you're able to do !"

"Coming captain."

She kindly went into the water, and once perfectly ready, she started to swim in crawl. Slowly at first, and then faster and faster. Quickly, she did a serie of lenght, tempting the others. Theo yelled :

"Faster Rebbie ! Faster !"

Maybe he didn't know that, but he used exactly the same sentence than Bob. The sentence she got used to when she needed to do her best. That was why she sped up. She could hear the clappings, the supports, but only Theo's words counted. Faster. When she eventually finished her series, they all were astounded. A bunch of students rushed her to congrat her performance. Rebecca smiled. Guys, I'm a national athlete, to surpass my limits is my job, you don't have to be so surprised. She felt proud of herself while listening to them, but she lost her smile for a second when she glanced at Nick. This asshole didn't move from his bench, at all. He didn't even raise his head. He was still playing. He could have at least watch me ! She wanted to tell him something, but a remark caught her interest.

"Black girl are always good for sports." was saying the sophomore called Matthew. "It's natural."

Rebecca turned towards him and frowned spitefully.

"What do you mean ? You think I'm doing this only because I'm black ?"

"It's playing, at least."

She clenched her fist and wanted to punch him in the balls without any hesitation, but Theo took part hastidly and placed himself between them.

"C'mon guys. She did well, it's the only thing which matter. Just go back to your training now."

They all obeyed, but Rebecca and this asshole of Matthew stared nastily at each other for a long time...

After the training, in the shower, the young girl was still pissed by this fucking motherfucker. He dared tell she was good because she was black ! Seriously ? He's jealous. A girl is better than him, he's just jealous. Laura, who was next to her, whispered :

"You know, this bar of soap did nothing wrong."

Rebecca blinked, surprised. (She was crushing the soap in her fist). Theo's girlfriend smiled softly.

"There will always be people to point out your difference when you're better or worst than them. It's safer to ignore them as much as possible."

"I know that." responded the black girl to Laura. "But I expected university to be different. In my highschool, a lot of girls and boys were laughing at me because I was tall and athletic. They said I was a boy without balls. I thought this was over now."

"Sorry to disappoint, but college isn't a paradise." confessed the small girl. "We may be older and freer, we're not perfect for all that. Racism still exist, as all the vice which affect humanity."

Rebecca nodded slowly. She knew that, even if she pretended the contrary. Matthew was just a stupid jackass, and sadly not the only one.

"Anyway, you're really good at swimming." continued Laura. "Theo was stunned by your performance. I think he would love to see you in tournament."

"I'm sorry, I already told you I can't. I have to focus on running."

Bob agreed for a sport, but not for competitive sport. He thought she could manage to practice swimming, but she had to keep her mind focused on running. Plus, her parents wanted her to study. And I can't count on Nick nor Liam to help me with lessons... The first one was certainly too geek to be a good student, and the second was... miles away.

"It's exactly what I told him." assured Laura. "But Theo is a bit stubborn when it comes to tournament, so don't be mad if he insist a bit."

"Don't worry. I didn't saw him train, by the way. Did he give up to be trainer ?"

She knew he was doing law studies, and was quite good at it. According to Pete, his father was a famous lawyer, and the son followed in his footsteps. However, Rebecca mainly saw him drunk or stoned.

"He's training during the afternoon, with me. It's quieter." revealed the small brunette girl. "And trust me, he's good. Anyway, will you come to the induction seminar of our sorority this weekend or have you a tournament ?"

"Well, I have a big training and a tournament." replied Rebecca. "Is that bad to miss this event ?"

"Not so much... As you probably guessed, we'll drink, make party and drink again... Plus, the fraternity Theta Omicron will be right next to us so... we'll certainly also have sex."

The black girl smiled, discomforted. She was not used to this kind of talk, because she didn't really have many female friends... (Honestly, she didn't have friends from highschool at all). Laura, who have finished her shower, got dressed and headed towards the door.

"See you soon Rebbie. Good night." she concluded.

Pete Friday September 15

One week after the beginning of the classes, the young lad started to understand why Friday wasn't a good day. His private law's professor gave them an essay, as the last week. And he hated this, because he had to make it during his sunday's evening in addition to his new job at Mcdo. It was a part-time job, in order to finance his studies. Pete went out of the amphiteater B, and glimpsed Theo, waiting for him leaning back against a wall. Jeezus... I shouldn't do this. Just... I should ran away. Despite his thoughts, he came closer, and smiled to the swimteam captain. This one was wearing a singlet and a bermuda short, showing his perfect body to whom wanted to see it. He had this dark handsome stranger style Pete loved. When they were close, the captain smiled.

"Hi little boy. Why are you blushing like this ?"

You know why... Damnit, this is bad. Since the induction weekend, they grew closer. Sexually closer. In highschool, Pete experienced several boys, despite not being popular, (there always are some boys curious, and he was glad to show them), but Theo was... at another level. But in the same time, the swimteam leader was dating Laura. I'm a lover, I'm not official... that's not good. Nevertheless, it was so enjoyable. And Theo was so hot.

"You're just... good-looking today." answered softly Pete. "Even more than yesterday."

"But less than tomorrow..." whispered his friend. "This induction seminar of the fraternity will be... joyous."

As he said "joyous", Theo slipped his hand under Pete's tee-shirt, and stroked his belly. My god. It feel so nice... Looking around, the young lad realized they were alone, all the students were gone to eat. He focused on his captain, and murmured :

"Are you seriously loving me being a bit fat ? I think it's kinda weird, you know ?"

Theo barely listen to him. While his right hand continued to rub Pete's stomach, he kissed him in the neck, and came closer. His hardenning penis struck against the freshman's short. I can't control this... He is too hot, too eager...

"You're not fat." whispered Theo. "You're perfect... This little pudge is perfect...Don't hold yourself back from doing sex, you know you want it... Relax yourself."

Pete hesistated a second. The time his lover put his hand down in his boxer. Then, he gave himself to Theo.

This night, Pete came back to his appartment quite late. He worked at Mcdo until 2am, and felt tired. And I have to wake up early in order to get ready for the induction seminar... Honestly, he was dying to go, and to have sex with Theo as much as possible. (He knew it was bad, but he couldn't restrain himself). However right now, he wanted to sleep. Gently, he went to the bathroom, and get naked. Pete took a moment to watch himself. His momma had told him he was ugly, back in the times, but with Theo, he didn't feel ugly. She was doing this only to provoke me. And she's crazy anyway. Blond, with blue eyes, he was 177 cm (5'10") and weighted 73 kg (160 pounds). Of course he wasn't fat. Not even chubby. He just have a bit of belly, which was the reason why Theo loved him. The swimteam captain was the first man he met loving bellies. It's weird but... I please him thanks to this... Pete was aware it wasn't thanks to his personality, because they didn't know each other for a long time. Theo just liked his body. And if I lose weight, he will stop... I don't want him to stop... For now, the freshman really needed Theo in his life. His mother had assured he would fail his first year, but with the junior by his side, he felt stronger. And on the romance side, she would be happy to know he found a boyfriend. Well, he's not really my boyfriend, but she doesn't need to know that. A knock at the door made him jump.

"What the fuck you want Mike ?" he asked.

His roommate, a footballer, answered through the wood :

"I need to pee, and you're in this fuckin' bathroom for at least ten minutes now. What are ya doing ?"

"Nothing important. Wait a second."

Pete wore his pajamas, and then opened the door. He smiled to Mike. This one was a tall (really tall) and beefy freshman. He looked strangely to the smaller boy, and then sighed.

"I said I wanted to pee. You will not stay here to watch me, right ?"

To be continued

Part 5 next week ! (I said that last time too :x)

#the college society #CS #Liam #Rebecca #Pete #You need to work to attend college #sad life #food everywhere #Theo is kinky #chapter 1 #Part 3 #My Story

[chmerkovskiyvalentin]

Nancy McKeon is sorry about the sudden whirring sound. She has a protein shake to make, perhaps more cheerfully than one has ever blended a smoothie before, seeing as she's in the heart of rehearsing for her Dancing With the Stars debut.

Best known for her role as Jo Polniaczek on the hit '80s sitcom The Facts of Life, McKeon is so nice it's a good thing her return to TV is on DWTS and not Big Brother. The 52-year-old actress is self-deprecating about her dancing skills, utters "Good gravy!" when surprised, enjoys getting schooled on both footwork and social media from her pro partner, Val Chmerkovskiy, and, I'm convinced, secretly bakes chocolate chip cookies for her fellow competitors. If this sounds a lot like your mom, that's probably because McKeon took nearly 15 years off to focus on raising her daughters, 14-year-old Aurora and 11-year-old Harlow, whom she shares with husband Marc Andrus.

The break was well deserved. McKeon started working when she was two, first as a child model and commercial actor before scoring roles on TV, and was acting up until the seventh month of her first pregnancy. "I just love what I do, but I have been given this amazing gift of my husband and my children, and I didn't want to not be there for this small amount of time you get with them," she tells ET. "I can't even believe when I say 15 years. It just feels like a nanosecond. I really wanted to give them all my attention that they deserve."

Though she had a handful of smaller, carefully chosen roles, DWTS will be McKeon's first big return to the spotlight since her Lifetime detective drama, The Division, wrapped in 2004, and she knows you're probably surprised to see her name on the list of season 27 competitors. "This isn't something that I would normally do. It really is outside my comfort zone," she admits.

If it weren't for an important family meeting, she may not have even strapped on dance shoes. "The way to affect change in your life is to move beyond your comfort zone, so I had this conversation with [my daughters] and they said, 'Mom, this is going to be great. You can do it.' Having them as my support team and cheerleaders is extraordinary," she says. "As a mom, I can tell them to be brave and I can say, 'This is how you should be,' but sometimes there's no more powerful demonstration than actually doing it. So I just decided, you know what, I'm going to scare the living life out of myself and say yes and just show up every day and see what happens. Everything changes and moves you, so I'm also excited about all the changes and the different things that I'm learning in this venture as well."

She may have found the perfect partner-in-crime in Chmerkovskiy. Not only is there a clear chemistry and sense of humor between the two already, but McKeon is pretty sure they've settled on the team name of "McVal." "I got top billing so I gave him an extra letter," she jokes.

McKeon has zero dance experience and, despite doing hot yoga regularly and living on a ranch where she averages four to seven miles of walking a day, she says none of her previous roles have helped prep her for DWTS. "I don't think anything can prepare your feet for being crammed into a high heel and then dance across a stage," she says. On top of that, social media wasn't a part of the TV landscape the last time she was here.

Luckily, Chmerkovskiy is an excellent teacher. So far, the pair has put in about two weeks of rehearsals. McKeon feels they're doing well as they run their steps and get their stamina up for the big, first number, and her partner is giving her some very important advice during what she calls "a master class every day." "'Don't have the terror look.' That's a big one," McKeon says. "He said, 'Look at me, but not with those eyes that are scared. Smile! Enjoy!' I love him for doing that because when I work, it's focus and concentration. The last [acting projects] had been drama and prepping for that, and this really needs to just be fun."

McKeon says her and Chmerkovskiy's goal for week one is "just sheer fun and love." This is partially to provide some escapism for fans during these tumultuous times but also because, on a personal level, if she's going to leave her family, it needed to be for a good reason.

"[My daughters] are everything to me, and without them and my amazing husband, then nothing really does have much meaning. I've worked a lot and this is really the first time I've gone away and am spending a lot of time doing something," she reveals. "It's uncomfortable because I miss them, but somewhere [down the line], I think this might be very helpful in our conversations as our lives go on, and I'm interested to see where all that lands too."

"It's funny, you maybe wouldn't put a dancing show or something like that in this sort of category, but it really is a lot more than just dancing," she adds. "You develop this wonderful friendship and partnership with, in my particular case, Val. He's awesome and everybody loves him. I think I feel even more pressure now because he's the show's national treasure, but so far I'm thrilled that people seem to be OK with him being partnered with me!"

Holding family as the most important pillar has been essential in helping the dancing partners connect. Though she hasn't met Chmerkovskiy's brother, Maksim, as he's not competing this season, McKeon has met his fiancee, fellow DWTS pro Jenna Johnson, whom she describes as "dear," "beautiful" and "sweet." McKeon has even dished out some excellent advice for Chmerkovskiy and Johnson's pending nuptials.

"I told him to enjoy the day. I've been married for 15 years, and I can still look back and remember every single moment of [my wedding] day. It was just about 20 people and it was our day, and it was one of the best days of my life," she recalls. "So, my advice to him was, 'It's just got to be about the two of you. After all, the rest of your life is about the two of you.' That's what I did -- there was no stress, no pressure, and it was really amazing. Other than that, I think everyone figures it out for themselves!"

Johnson has popped by rehearsals, bringing smoothies or simply saying hello and providing encouragement, which has helped McKeon have a bit of that familial grounding while away from home. "The family you get welcomed into on this show is extraordinary. Everybody -- from the guys who help you park in the morning and our security to the producing teams -- they literally are all happy to be there and they're rooting for everybody," she explains. "I have never felt like an outsider from day one. What a great thing! I love the atmosphere they've created. Yeah, it's a competition, but everyone's cheering everybody else on too."

McKeon will have some very important faces in the crowd when season 27 kicks off on Sept. 24. Her daughters and husband will be there (she joked that they better be, just in case there's no week two for her!), as well as actress Lisa Vidal, her best friend since they were partnered up on The Division, which also starred then-unknowns Jon Hamm and Taraji P. Henson, along with Parenthood's Bonnie Bedelia.

"I told her, 'Mama, you're going to have to help me with some kind of cha-cha or salsa,'" McKeon says of Vidal. "Lisa is like a sister, but that whole cast -- it really was one of the best times of my life. I loved everybody on that show. We were all supportive of each other and to watch Jon blossom and Taraji just shatter it is so beautiful… It's so exciting to watch such good people get to do what they love to do and just crush it. They're amazing people. It's a joy for me to be an uber fan because [after the show ended], I got to be with the most important people, which is my kiddos and my hubby."

McKeon is the first to admit she's been blessed to work with some incredible people throughout her career. She famously acted alongside Michael J. Fox in the '80s, as well as Mariska Hargitay and Jean Smart in the short-lived sitcoms Can't Hurry Love and Style & Substance, respectively, plus she did take some time out from being a stay-at-home mom to play Demi Lovato's mother on the Disney Channel show, Sonny With a Chance, from 2009-2010.

Though the two haven't spoken in some time, McKeon only had kind words for Lovato, who suffered a relapse and apparent overdose earlier this summer

"I wouldn't presume. I can only send all my love. She seems to be incredibly smart… It was a difficult time during that show and things kind of went on, but I can tell you in my experience, she was genuinely lovely to me and to my girls, who were much younger at the time and very excited to meet her," McKeon says of her onscreen daughter. "I have every confidence that she's going to come back stronger and in a way that is the best for her. She deserves that."

McKeon was side-by-side another big actor during their early days, one whom she gets asked about a lot: George Clooney, whose first real TV experience was as a handyman on The Facts of Life. Though his time with them was short, McKeon says she would see him working on another show on the lot and they remained friends. "He's everything you want him to be," she happily reveals. "He's fun, an incredible talent, and he's loyal as the day is long. He deserves all good things and it looks like that's exactly what he's gotten."

The most important connection she has from those sitcom days, however, was with Charlotte Rae, who portrayed the beloved, wise-cracking redheaded housemother of the fictional Eastland School. She died in early August at age 92 after a series of illnesses, and McKeon chokes up when thinking about her beloved friend.

"That's a hard one for me. It's soon," she says slowly. "Charlotte's one of the most remarkable people I've ever met in my life and we were actually very good friends. If I was in L.A., we were always together and if I wasn't, I came in, even if it was just to see her. She's been at my ranch and hung out with the girls and myself, and I will always be the luckiest person and a much better person for having had her in my life."

The women of The Facts of Life still keep in touch. In fact, McKeon has been texting with Kim Fields, as the actress known as Tootsie danced with pro Sasha Farber in season 22 of DWTS. Though McKeon hasn't watched every season of the dance competition show, she did watch Fields and Farber compete "with joy and amazement."

"She just knocked it out of the park. She's just so amazing. We've been texting and I said, 'Really? Did you have to set the bar this high? Girlfriend, I don't know if I can live up [to that].' She's just a doll and supportive," McKeon says, adding that she's gone back to watch some of Chmerkovskiy's dances with previous partners but had to stop "because he's so good" and didn’t want to get stuck in a brain warp comparing herself to others.

In fact, Fields' best advice had nothing to do with the dancing itself. "'Have fun. Enjoy this week, this day, this rehearsal. Try not to look ahead.' For me, I think that's awesome advice because it's really just got to be about the journey," McKeon says. "There's some amazing people dancing, so it's really not about an end result for me. What I'm looking for is the best I can do on every single day."

"It doesn't matter how sore [I am] -- get up, go back, fight the good fight the next day," she continues. "Have some smile, as my partner would say, and just enjoy that day, because none of us can possibly predict how long any of us have."

Season 27 of Dancing With the Stars kicks off Monday, Sept. 24 at 8 p.m. ET/PT on ABC. 

#nancy is such sweetheart #val chmerkovskiy #nancy mckeon #jenna johnson #dwts #s27 #val x nancy #interviews

[heraldshaka]

Top Right: November 2013. Dear Journal, Its been a while so Im going to do a long update. Number one Dad is gone. Hes in prison cause he stole a boat, totalled two perfectly good cars, tried to kill mom in a drunken rampage and drunk driving. Honestly I say good ridance. Joel has a girlfriend now. Brooke WInn. I was pretty pissed for a while because she was the first girl I ever had a crush on and the first girl to give me her number. But after accidently seeing a picture of a conversation between them to (It seriously was an accident) I can see that she really likes Joel and Joel really likes her. As suspected now Joel has had his first kiss, date, and girlfriend. I’ve honestly wanted to do these things for a while largely out of curiosity but I decided to wait until I’m at least 15 years old. Speaking of age, I wrote a letter to my 30 year old self. Anyways my huge passion for the past year has been film making. Unfortunately I dont have the neccesary equipment nor a Job to earn some money but I think I want to do film making for the rest of my life. Me and Josh have been doing a lot of spear fishing recently but I am yet to kill a fish. Something I forgot to mention about Joel’s girfriend, another reason I’m not angry is because I decided long ago I would wait until at least 15 to start dating so I was never going to make a move but Joel did so It’s not like he stole her because she was nevermine. as of the rest of the family, Bria 

Bottom left:  is dating Thomas kreuser now, Josh is playing dating ping-pong with Lydia and its really mean. Lydia’s looking for something serious and Josh is a horn dog. Joel has a phone now and wont stop texting or calling Brooke. Josh, Bia and mom are rarely family interactive any more. Baylee still takes pretty much anything she can lay her sticky paw on but she is a bit more respectful. Jonah has becom “that  little brother”., The kind you NEVER want around friends. Something applicable to all the little kids is that their absolutely disgusting and bossy. Brenna is pretty disobedient but still not as roudy as Jonah or Brooke. Brooke is even more annoying as she was. Whinnes about everything, disgusting, STILL craps her pants and is insanely disobedient. As for me, I’ve fallen in love with music and film making. I take most of the house responsibility. I try to keep it clean and in control but usually end up just hiding out in my bedroom when ever I get a chance. I don’t play much video games any more. Over the past year I have matured a lot but I can rarely noticibly show it because to all my friends I’m the funny guy which is usually fine but sometimes I really wish I could just open up. I got to the farmer’s market alot now and now Jesse is my best friend. He’s very funny, honest, trustworthy. Which I can truly respect and I can’t say yo pretty much any of my friends. Me and Josh work out now so thats cool. But stil I spend most of my time listening to music and thinking about filming.

Bottom Right: Christmas is in a month and a half and if I could get just one peice of film equipment I need to start I would be happy. There is nothing I currently want more than to start filming and directing videos. I’ve done some drawings which I’m a little bit proud of, but I’ve also thought up this big animated TV series. Like the next Avatar: The last airbender which is my favorite TV series ever. I was thinking about having three nations and one kind of secret nation. The protagonist is a young teenageer I haven’t thought up a good name yet but hafter his entire family is killed a few years before due to the war between teh three main nations, he sets out for revenge on the people, specifically everyone who was in that squadron who killed his family, he begin’s to learn the powers of one of the nations the ncomes upon a clue suggesting that the powers of each nation which are believed to be a birth right to only some people of their nation, can actually be learned by anyone. Throughtout the rest of his Journey he comes across a new companion of each nation and begins to learn each of the powers which are Light which is used by a peolpe of monks, Necrocity like using darkness or even the dead as weapons and Nature. The power of having control over living plants and sometimes even subdue animals. Theres a lot more to it that I’m not going to get into so I’m signing out for now.

Left: Nov, 2013. Dear Journal. Today I’m going to go very in depth about something I haven’t told anyone. Joel’s girlfriend, Brooke Winn. I REALLY like her. In my last entry I said it didn’t bother me anymore but it does. I know I said I wont even try to get a girlfriend until I’m at least fifteen and I stand by it. But yesterday she came over to our house for 6 hours right after she hung out with us at the market an I saw first hand how much they care about one another and they really do. But it sucks for me because I still really like her. Plus I met her first, got her number first and I still remember so much about her. Her birthday is in march, her favorite movie is Clockwork Orange, she’s a vegetarian because her brother dared her to do it for a few months and she just went with it after that, she likes Avatar and Pewdiepie just like me, she wants to go into the navy when she’s older, her favorite video game is League of Legends. Also without me, Joel and her might never have met. I remember all this and some more because for a while I kinda thought we had something special. Now shes dating my brother and I may never know if we did. Last night was the worst night of my life because I spent all night avoiding the girl of my dreams because shes dating my brother. Is it just a little crush that will blow away eventually? Maybe. but when I’m around her, when I read some of the things her and Joel say to eachother, it feels like a lot more than a silly crush.

Left: Dec 3, 2013. Dear Journal, well I have obtained some very shocking information. Whilst Joel was playing League of Legends he tabbed out to face book where he had been messaging Brooke Winn and I noted she said “I love you too.” As said before, I really like Brooke in more than a friendly way and I promised myself I wont try to get a girlfriend until I’m minimum 15. Probably not until I have my license but I can’t help but wonder “Did she ever have feelings for me?” Because I taught her how to dance, she  gave me her number. The swing after we spent nearly 2 hours just talking and dancing. Obviously I never made a move but I always had feelings for her. It’s very possible that she was waiting for me to make a move and got impatient. That almost happened to Joel but he made a move and now They’re in love and I wonder “What if?” What if I made a move? Would we be dating now or would she have turned me down and then we’d be akward acquantices? I can’t help but wonder.

Right: Dec 14, 2013. Dear Journal, Today we have Brooke and Thomas over (Bria and Tom are dating) for this tree decoration crap and I realize its getting easier for me to be around Brooke Winn. I still have feelings for her but due to my resistance I can be a little easier around her. But it’s still pretty weird because Joel knows I like/liked her so we rarely get to talk Just me and her. And when we do its hard for me to think of a conversation topic because all I can think of around her is the fact shes dating my Brother! It sucks so badly especially beecause I do still like her and she is DATING MY BROTHER! Its a terrible feeling but one I’m going to have to live with. Part 2. Well I have concluded Dec 14 2013 and it sucks. Yesterday was cool but today I spent 3hrs at a parade. But is that enough? Oh no! Throughout that time I simply stood idly by while Joel and Brooke continuosly made out and cuddled throughout that time. Thomas hasn’t turned into a fag due to his relationship like Joel which is good so we hang out a good bit but it still ended with me as a 5th wheel.

#Journal #journaling #art journal #art journaling #original #original writing #notebook #notebooks #growing up #spilled ink #heartbreak #2013

[katzuyas]

I’ve been tagged in so many things over the past couple of weeks that I honestly don’t even have much more bookmark space left in my browser RIP so I finally decided to do all of it at once, hence the title and the rest of this longass post under the cut

bc there’s a lot of the tag games down there and tagging a million people would be annoying, I’m gonna tag 10 of you to grab a dice and roll it to figure out which meme you’re tagged for ^u^)b if you roll the same number twice, count that meme as the start from which to count and roll again! I hope you like this idea, but it’s only a suggestion so feel free to do whatever you want tbh?

@sweet-vitya, @gabzjones, @and-then-yoi-happened, @etherealalchemist, @joeys-piano, @quadruplyyours, @yuliaplisetskaya, @dreaming-fireflies, @teekettle, @iwritebetterthanispeak, @chessala

enjoy, if you want! 💕💕

tagged by @endlesscloudsoftime, thank you for the tag!!

rules: answer 20 questions, then tag 20 bloggers that you want to get to know better.

1. Name: kat

2. Nicknames: same tbh

3. Height: 170cm

4. Orientation: who knows who cares (it’s pan)

5. Nationality: polish

6. Favorite fruit: mango, cherries, I love watermelon too but the seeds piss me off too much to fully enjoy it

7. Favorite season: anything that doesn’t make me sweat off my skin but isn’t also freezing my toes is more than fine with me ^u^)b

8. Favorite plant: I don’t think I have any favs here

9. Favorite scent: I have this yankee candle ‘sweet candies’ and I can just DIE wrapped in that scent holy sheet (when it comes to perfume tho I’m a sucker for the original chloe, but I also love calvin klein’s euphoria bc it’s just Fresh)

10. Favorite color: any pastel really

11. Favorite animal: MY SWEET PUPPER HINA (so yes, dogs)

12. Coffee, tea, or hot chocolate: coffee sometimes, TEA AND GREEN TEA AND VANILLA CHAI!!!!!!, hot chocolate is a nope

13. Average sleep hours: I always try for 8h bc otherwise I’m a zombie, but it doesn’t always work out so... I’m a part-time zombie anyway lmao

14. Dog or cat person: ISN’T THE PIC PROOF ENOUGH THAT I LOVE MY FURRY DOGGO SON

15. Favorite fictional character: victor nikiforov. that’s it. that’s all. we can all go home now

16. Number of blankets you sleep with: 1 + a duvet bc I like being cosy

17. Dream trip: japan, always. but another one would be a trip to the harry potter universal store or the noble collection store I guess

18. Blog created: who even remembers this pffff (somewhen in august 2011 I think)

19. Number of followers: I’m just gonna say it’s a four number figure ;3c

20. Random fact: I’m currently rewatching lord of the rings and procrastinating writing so YES I’M A NERD AND A BAD PERSON AHAHA //sweats

tagged by @story-kat -- thanks love, I actually really like these so it was great fun to do 💕

Rules: using only song titles from one artist/band, cleverly answer the questions and then tag people

artist/band: one ok rock

what is your gender: stuck in the middle

how do you feel: jaded

if you could go anywhere: start again

favorite mode of transportation: mighty long fall

your best friend: wherever you are

favorite time of day: taking off

if your life was a tv show: liar

relationship status: hard to love

your fear: bombs away

tagged by @endlesscloudsoftime, thanks again!! ahaha I feel like I’ll be saying this a lot today, but you spoil me /)u(\

Rules: tag 9 people you want to know better or just because you feel like it.

Relationship status: taken ;3c

Favorite color: any pastels, really

Last song I listened to: still the lord of the rings ost

Last movie I watched: lord of the rings lol two towers ^u^)b

Top 3 tv shows: game of thrones (bc I love my fantasy shit), rein (bc I love my history shit), and american housewife (bc I love laughing and this show is Hilarious with the capital H)

Top 3 characters: victor nikiforov bc I adore him, hinata shouyou bc he’s my sunshine son and I gotta mention miyuki kazuya bc his smirks still keep me awake at night 😍😍😍

What I’m currently reading: honestly? my own writes bc I have no time for anything other than editing orz

tagged by @themayflynans and @endlesscloudsoftime, thank you both!! 💕

A - Age: 26

B - Birthplace: poland

C - Current time: 11:50am

D - Drink you last had: just some coke

E - Easiest person to talk to: nowadays it’s gotta be @saniika and @and-then-yoi-happened bc I know I can be as salty and upset as I feel when I talk to them and that it’s alright to just let it all out which is something I wish for everyone to have 💕

F - Favourite song: don’t have one tbh

G - Grossest memory: back in elementary school my class was in warsaw to see the big zoo there and one of the chimpanzees just projectile shat all over our teacher and it was simultaneously the most awesome and the fucking WORST bc she smelled like shit the whole trip back home ugh

H - Horror yes or horror no: depends on what kind of horror but generally? meh

I - In love?: no idea tbh but definitely comfortable in my relationship

J - Jealous of people?: you’ve no idea. jelly and bitter.

L - Love at first sight or should i walk by again?: walk by and actually tell me you’re interested bc I’m a blind pan who is easily confused

M - Middle name: magdalena ;3c

N - Number of siblings: 0

O - One wish: Been keeping Salty’s answers here - yes, to learn to love myself.

P - Person you called last: my mom lol she’s the only one I call, really

Q - Question you are always asked: "so when will you start looking for a job?”

R - Reason to smile: VICTUURI!!!!!!!!!!!!!

S - Song you sang last: oh man I don’t even remember, I don’t really sing out loud

T - Time you woke up: these days? 6:30am

U - Underwear colour: sea green-blue, turquoise?

V - Vacation destination: I’m going to japan next year to see ice adolescence even if it kills me

W - Worst habit: biting the inside of my cheeks bloody

X - X-rays: my hand when I had a small accident playing badminton, my jaw for my braces

Y - Your favourite food: PIZZA HELLO

Z - Zodiac sign: gemini ;3c

tagged by @theexitgarden and @endlesscloudsoftime, bless you both and thank you for thinking of the old me 💕 

1st RULE: Tag 9 people you want to get to know better:

we’ll be skipping this one bc of reasons //sweats

2nd RULE: BOLD the statements that are true.

APPEARANCE: - I am 5'7 or taller - I wear glasses - I have at least one tattoo -I have at least one piercing - I have blonde hair - I have brown eyes - I have short hair - My abs are at least somewhat defined - I have or had braces

PERSONALITY: - I love meeting new people - People tell me I am funny - Helping others with their problems is a big priority of mine - I enjoy physical challenges - I enjoy mental challenges - I am playfully rude to people I know - I started saying something ironically and now I can’t stop saying it - There is something I would change about my personality

ABILITY: - I can sing well - I can play an instrument - I can do over 30 pushups without stopping - I am a fast runner - I can draw well - I have a good memory- I am good at doing math in my head - I can hold my breath underwater for over a minute - I have beaten at least 2 people arm wrestling - I can make at least 3 recipes from scratch - I know how to throw a proper punch

HOBBIES: - I enjoy sports - I’m on a sports team at my school or somewhere else - I’m in a orchestra or choir at my school or somewhere else - I have learned a new song in the past week - I exercise at least once a week - I have gone for runs at least once a week in warmer months - I have drawn something in the past month - I enjoy writing - Fandoms are my #1 priority- I do some form of Martial arts

EXPERIENCES: - I have had my first kiss - I have had alcohol - I have scored a winning point in a sport - I have watched an entire TV series in one sitting - I have been at an overnight event - I have been in a taxi - I have been in the hospital or ER in the past year - I have beaten a video game in one day - I have visited another country - I have been to one of my favorite bands concert

MY LIFE: - I have one person that I consider to be my Best Friend - I live close to my school/work - My parents are still together - I have at least one sibling- I live in the United States - There is snow where I live right now - I have hung out with a friend in the past month - I have a smartphone - I own at least 15 CDs - I share my room with someone

RELATIONSHIPS: - I am in a relationship - I have a crush on a celebrity - I have a crush on someone I know - I’ve been in at least 3 relationships - I have never been in a relationship - I have admitted my feelings to a crush - I get crushes easily - I have had a crush for over a year - I have been in a relationship for over a year - I have had feelings for a friend

RANDOM: - I have break-danced - I know a person named Jamie - I have had a teacher that has a name that is hard to pronounce - I have dyed my hair - I’m listening to a song on repeat right now - I have punched someone in the past week - I know someone who has gone to jail - I have broken a bone - I have eaten a waffle today - I know what I want to do in life - I speak at least two languages - I have made a new friend in the past year

tagged by @story-kat and @endlesscloudsoftime (astea m’dude ur tagging me in everything and I love you for it)

WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE SONG(S) TO SING?

I will most often hum or mouth lyrics when I’m writing and my brain gets distracted so it usually is some sort of acoustic cover of a rather popular song, like despacito? lol WHAT’S YOUR FAVOURITE FLOWER/TREE/PLANT?

I don’t have one tbh FAVOURITE COLOURS?

anything pastel!! WHAT DO YOU ALWAYS DOODLE?

I don’t anymore but it used to be some random squigglies??

HOW DO YOU TAKE YOUR COFFEE/TEA?

2.5 teaspoon of sugar into both + 1/4 milk/cream into the coffee and 1/4 cold water into the tea FAVOURITE CANDLE SCENT?

SWEET CANDIES FROM YANKEE CANDLE. BURY ME IN THIS. SUNRISE OR SUNSET?

sunrise bc I don’t even see sunsets anymore (I’m asleep then lol) WHAT PERFUME DO YOU WEAR?

the original chloe is what I like most but I would die for dior’s j’adore, it’s so nice 😍😍😍 in the summer I’m wearing masaki’s fluo tho bc it’s sweet and summery

WHAT’S YOUR GO-TO DANCE MOVE WHEN YOU’RE ALONE?

butt wiggling? maybe? idk man I never really thought about it? lol FAVOURITE QUOTE?

“Because people don’t have wings, we look for other ways to fly.” -- somehow this one always sticks with me bc it’s so beautiful and vivid that you’d never say it’s from a japanese cartoon lmao

FAVOURITE SELF CARE ROUTINE(S)?

sleeping, kicking back and watching some dumb movie that won’t make me think of anything but how dumb it is

FUZZY SOCKS OR HOUSE SLIPPERS?

both? I like fuzzy socks in winter but in summer I go barefoot but sometimes u gotta have something between your skin and the floor so = slippers WHAT COLOUR ARE YOUR EYES?

brown

WHAT’S YOUR FAVOURITE EYE COLOUR ON OTHERS?

I don’t honestly care but blue eyes when they’re very light creep me out somehow FAVOURITE SEASON? WHY?

don’t have one but as long as it’s not too hot or too cold I’m good NECK, CHEEK, OR NOSE KISSES?

depends on what you want to achieve? neck kisses will have me melting, cheek kisses smile and nose kisses giggle and possibly blush so YEA THERE’S THAT

WHAT DOES YOUR HAPPY PLACE LOOK LIKE?

it’s my room. that’s it. this is my happy place

FAVOURITE BREED OF DOG?

ANY DOGGO IS A GOOD DOGGO AS LONG AS IT’S NOT THOSE SMOL ONES WHO BITE UR ANKLES FOR NO REASON DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE MARRIED?

idk, I mean yes I’d like to be married one day but I’m not really in any hurry to get there? CURSIVE OR PRINT?

I don’t honestly care

FAVOURITE WEATHER?

cloudy but not too cold

tagged by @story-kat, thanks for the tag babe!!

Rules: bold what you prefer and tag 10 people.

coffee or tea

early bird or night owl

chocolate or vanilla

spring or fall

silver or gold (BOTH! BOTH IS GOOD)

pop or alternative

freckles or dimples

snakes or sharks

mountains or fields

thunderstorm or lightning

Egyptian or Greek mythology

ivory or scarlet

flute or lyre

eyes or lips

witch or fairy

opal or diamond

butterflies or honeybees

macaroons or eclairs

typewritten or handwritten letters

secret garden or secret library

rooftop or balcony

spicy or mild

opera or ballet

London or Paris

Vincent van Gogh or Claude Monet

denim or leather

potions or spells

ocean or desert

mermaid or siren

masquerade ball or cocktail party

tagged by @endlesscloudsoftime, thanks for this omg I actually wanted to do this one!! 💕💕

THE AO3 TAG GAME:

WHAT IS YOUR TOTAL WORD COUNT ON AO3?

869 938! holy sheet I’m so close to 1mil???? wowowow o.O

HOW OFTEN DO YOU WRITE?

I try to write every day, but these days (with renovations going on and my sleeping schedule all fucked up) it’s really hard to find the time and focus to do it orz

DO YOU HAVE A ROUTINE FOR WRITING?

I actually do! or I did when I was still regularly writing lol it was something like this: cracking open an energy drink, lighting up my fav scented candle, booting up itunes and my writing playlist and generally just spending 5-6h just writing 💕  

WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE KINKS/TROPES/PAIRING?

kinks: pet play, public or semi-public play, voyeurism, doggy style, also actually BOTTOM VITYA,      

tropes: reverse au, time travel, famous aus,

pairing: victuuri. no seconds. we die like man and only stan one (1) gay ship

DO YOU HAVE A FAVORITE FIC OF YOURS?

I don’t necessarily have an absolute fav but a fic that I still remember fondly and am beyond sad that got little to no attention is: if there’s a will, there’s a way bc I worked my ass off for it and I love every bit of it so? give it a read if you want to?

YOUR FIC WITH THE MOST KUDOS?

dazzle me with gold which will be getting an update this weekend ;3c

ANYTHING YOU DON’T LIKE ABOUT YOUR WRITING?

recently? everything. I’m just broken and idk how to fix it bc I can’t even find a good moment to try so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

NOW SOMETHING YOU DO LIKE (ABOUT YOUR WRITING)?

how sweet and soft everything is when I’m in a good mood bc victuuri deserves this kind of love and I’m so happy writing it for them 🙏🙏🙏

tagged by @amaanogawa, thanks so much ems!!!

1) How many works in progress to do you currently have in progress?

one actual wip and like... 5 more that just sit and wait their turn? //sweats

2) Do you/would you write fan fiction?

rip that’s all I write too... tbh I used to write original fiction before but I find myself much less constricted by fanfic? I can explore the characters here more than I can in original fiction where worldbuilding takes most effort

3) Do you prefer paper books or ebooks?

oh definitely paper! if I could I’d buy printed out fanfic too!

4) When did you start writing?

I was about 12 I think? it all started with harry potter, like everything else has, and I regret not a second of it!

5) Do you have someone you trust that you share your work with?

sometimes when i get very excited about what i’m writing i’ll tell my fandom friends about the specific AU that i’m writing about but in terms of reading the full length fic, i don’t have anyone that i let read before anyone else. it’ll be on ao3 for everyone at the same time.

6) Where is your favourite place to write?

my desk, my pc. I can write on my phone but I like to edit as I go and it’s hard to do on the phone.

7) Favourite childhood book?

do I even need to say it? harry potter

8) Writing for fun or writing for publication?

for fun, but with the aim of possible future publication maybe?

9) Pen and paper or computer?

always computer. i have only recently begun writing fics on my phone because i’ve been traveling a lot and i don’t always have my laptop on my person, but it’s still much more comfortable to sit down and type on a proper keyboard.

10) Have you ever taken any writing classes?

at my uni, yes. and it completely sucked bc they didn’t teach anything, just had us write random shit for 3 years so eh

11) What inspires you to write?

everything? like, any random thing or thought I’m instantly trying to weave into my writing, turn it into a prompt. every new experience is just a basis for me to write on.

but if you’re asking WHY I write: I don’t even know, I’ve never thought about it? it’s kind of like asking why I breathe ahaha I just do? it’s a part of me? idk man idk

tagged by @themayflynans, thanks for this love!!

7/7/7 tag

The rules are as follows: Go to page 7 of your WIP, go to the seventh line, share seven sentences, and tag 7 more writer-bloggers to continue the challenge.

oh wow ok this is a difficult one bc I don’t think I even have a wip 7 pages long //sweats let me see... aha, okay, I found one! from back in march when I asked people to send me over some numbers for one of those writing memes and @theexitgarden I believe (??) sent me the prompt “I don’t think anyone could be as lovely as you” for victuuri and I kind of got a blind!victor au from it?? wELP here’s the fragment of it:

His music is vibrant in a way that he couldn't play on his piano alone and the clap of the blades that he can hear from the speakers of his TV makes him only more certain – this boy, Yuuri Katsuki, is skating to the sound of Victor's soul as if it's his own.

He never notices the tears that well up in his eyes until they roll down his cheeks and Makkachin presses against his side, whimpering in concern. Victor runs a trembling hand through her soft fur and takes a deep breath. And then, he decides.

"Yasha," he says when his former coach, his father in all but blood picks up Victor’s call. "I want to do this."

And he does it.

tagged by @endlesscloudsoftime again, boy you spoil me ahaha

1. Which fictional character would be the most boring to meet in real life?

I have no idea tbh bc even the characters I don’t like wouldn’t be exactly boring, so??? I honestly don’t know

2. What problem or situation did TV / movies make you think would be common, but when you grew up you found out it wasn’t? (i’m lowkey taking a jab at hsm because thanks Disney for making me think high school would be awesome)

hooking up with people ALL THE TIME when you’re in your 20s bc wtf what a bold-faced lie omg

3. What would be on the gag reel of your life?

"how many times can kat click her tongue at random strangers who piss her off by breathing the same air?” and a manip of all the eyerolls I do bc let me tell you... THERE’S A LOT

4. What does “infinite” mean to you?

my love for victor nikiforov

5. If your life was a movie, what songs would be on the soundtrack?

definitely lots of acoustic vibes and harry potter tunes and I can bet your ass that I’d have the yeah yeah yeah ost from yoi bc it’s such a banger and I LOVE IT but also dramatic classical violin and piano bc they pull on my heart and I am weak

6. What item would be your top choice to make into a horcrux?

honestly? my phone probably. I don’t necessarily have other things close to me that I’d use with enough heart to be of any significance to me

7. Who would play you in a movie about your life?

??? no idea lol I’d love for it to be katherine mcnamara bc 1) we share names, 2) her red hair is gorgeous and I’m a redhead, 3) SHE is gorgeous and I’d love to be portrayed by someone that hot 😍😍😍

8. Most relatable scene from any book/movie/anime/etc.?

yuuri’s little gasp when he first saw victor skating bc HARD SAME MY SWEET SON HARD SAME

9. If you were shrunk down and somehow got stuck in a blender, how would you get out?

I’d jump from side to side of it to try and rock it a bit and see if I can flip it over and get out that way? idk man what is this question lol

10. Would you count manga as a piece of literature? Why or why not?

ofc I would? honestly, some manga have even better storylines than written fiction why WOULDN’T it be counted as a piece of literature

11. compliment yourself. (joey, you’re just to freaking good to at making up questions).

oh man... //sweats umm??? good job me on not breaking down yet bc the renovations keep being awful and you’re handling it well?? maybe lol

tagged by @theexitgarden, thanks love, once more!

RULES: Choose any three fandoms (in random order) and answer the questions, then tag 10 people you want to know better.

Three Fandoms:

Yuri!!! on Ice

Ace of Diamond

Haikyuu!!

The First Character You Loved:

victor. he’s voiced by suwajun, do I really need to say more?

miyuki!! gosh I do love my asshole sons snarky and mean

hinata bc he’s a ray of sunshine and I even named my doggo after him 💕

The Character You Never Expected To Love So Much:

I gotta copy you garden bc chris took me by surprise too! my love for him started from that little sad look he gave us in the kiss and cry and it blossomed beautifully over time ahhh

sanada omg?? he is literally baseball kuroo so I was not expecting it but I fully embraced it lmao

iwaizumi bc I’m not one to like the mothering types but he’s??? actually so kind and sweet under all that harsh Manly facade it’s so cute

The Character You Relate To The Most:

victor, I’d say, or so I like to think

honestly? miyuki. just look at my url lol

oikawa, probably...

The Character You’d Slap:

I wouldn’t actually, but yurio deserves a good kick on the butt

um??? kataoka? bc TF U MEAN U DON’T KNOW WHO THE ACE SHOULD BE WE KNEW IT FROM THE FIRST CHAPTER YOU DUMBASS

early tsukki bc he’s could use it tbqh

Three Favorite Characters (in order of preference):

victor, yuuri, chris

miyuki, eijun, mei

hinata, kuroo, oikawa

A Character You Liked At First, But Don’t Anymore:

no one like that in yoi tbh, my love is only growing

kataoka lol

umm???? idk

A Character You Didn’t Like At First But Do Now:

seung-gil, I’d say. he grew on me lol

raichi, I guess??

to say tsukki, I’d have to actually like him now but it’s more difficult than that bc I didn’t like him at first but now can tolerate him so?? does it count?

Three OTPs:

victuuri, phichimetti, and the third would be very problematic bc I honestly don’t ship anything else in yoi?

miyusawa, chrisawa, sanasawa

KUROHINA YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND, oihina, bokuhina

tagged by @sleep-furiously, thanks for the tag, love!!

post five facts about myself ❤

I have a sweet doggo who is the light of my life 💕

I write good shit sometimes

I believe I have good taste

I’m a snark machine when certain buttons are pressed

patience levels run at 0%

wow ok this was A LOT to go through and it took me like 3h to do this holy sheet but at least I had fun and now I have my firefox bookmark free so that’s awesome ahhh!! thanks so much again to everyone for the tags, you guys are amazing and I’m lucky to have you 💕💕💕💕

#tag game #I actually love this banner?? #it's a quick one but I love it #I'm a pastel bunny at heart who knew #but BOY IS THERE A LOT OF ANSWERS UNDER THE CUT #HOOOOLY SHEET #I'm beat #but it was fun ngl #thank you for the tags!!

[valentindaily]

Nancy McKeon is sorry about the sudden whirring sound. She has a protein shake to make, perhaps more cheerfully than one has ever blended a smoothie before, seeing as she's in the heart of rehearsing for her Dancing With the Stars debut.

Best known for her role as Jo Polniaczek on the hit '80s sitcom The Facts of Life, McKeon is so nice it's a good thing her return to TV is on DWTS and not Big Brother. The 52-year-old actress is self-deprecating about her dancing skills, utters "Good gravy!" when surprised, enjoys getting schooled on both footwork and social media from her pro partner, Val Chmerkovskiy, and, I'm convinced, secretly bakes chocolate chip cookies for her fellow competitors. If this sounds a lot like your mom, that's probably because McKeon took nearly 15 years off to focus on raising her daughters, 14-year-old Aurora and 11-year-old Harlow, whom she shares with husband Marc Andrus.

The break was well deserved. McKeon started working when she was two, first as a child model and commercial actor before scoring roles on TV, and was acting up until the seventh month of her first pregnancy. "I just love what I do, but I have been given this amazing gift of my husband and my children, and I didn't want to not be there for this small amount of time you get with them," she tells ET. "I can't even believe when I say 15 years. It just feels like a nanosecond. I really wanted to give them all my attention that they deserve."

Though she had a handful of smaller, carefully chosen roles, DWTS will be McKeon's first big return to the spotlight since her Lifetime detective drama, The Division, wrapped in 2004, and she knows you're probably surprised to see her name on the list of season 27 competitors. "This isn't something that I would normally do. It really is outside my comfort zone," she admits.

If it weren't for an important family meeting, she may not have even strapped on dance shoes. "The way to affect change in your life is to move beyond your comfort zone, so I had this conversation with [my daughters] and they said, 'Mom, this is going to be great. You can do it.' Having them as my support team and cheerleaders is extraordinary," she says. "As a mom, I can tell them to be brave and I can say, 'This is how you should be,' but sometimes there's no more powerful demonstration than actually doing it. So I just decided, you know what, I'm going to scare the living life out of myself and say yes and just show up every day and see what happens. Everything changes and moves you, so I'm also excited about all the changes and the different things that I'm learning in this venture as well.'

She may have found the perfect partner-in-crime in Chmerkovskiy. Not only is there a clear chemistry and sense of humor between the two already, but McKeon is pretty sure they've settled on the team name of "McVal." "I got top billing so I gave him an extra letter," she jokes.

McKeon has zero dance experience and, despite doing hot yoga regularly and living on a ranch where she averages four to seven miles of walking a day, she says none of her previous roles have helped prep her for DWTS. "I don't think anything can prepare your feet for being crammed into a high heel and then dance across a stage," she says. On top of that, social media wasn't a part of the TV landscape the last time she was here.

Luckily, Chmerkovskiy is an excellent teacher. So far, the pair has put in about two weeks of rehearsals. McKeon feels they're doing well as they run their steps and get their stamina up for the big, first number, and her partner is giving her some very important advice during what she calls "a master class every day." "'Don't have the terror look.' That's a big one," McKeon says. "He said, 'Look at me, but not with those eyes that are scared. Smile! Enjoy!' I love him for doing that because when I work, it's focus and concentration. The last [acting projects] had been drama and prepping for that, and this really needs to just be fun."

McKeon says her and Chmerkovskiy's goal for week one is "just sheer fun and love." This is partially to provide some escapism for fans during these tumultuous times but also because, on a personal level, if she's going to leave her family, it needed to be for a good reason.

"[My daughters] are everything to me, and without them and my amazing husband, then nothing really does have much meaning. I've worked a lot and this is really the first time I've gone away and am spending a lot of time doing something," she reveals. "It's uncomfortable because I miss them, but somewhere [down the line], I think this might be very helpful in our conversations as our lives go on, and I'm interested to see where all that lands too."

"It's funny, you maybe wouldn't put a dancing show or something like that in this sort of category, but it really is a lot more than just dancing," she adds. "You develop this wonderful friendship and partnership with, in my particular case, Val. He's awesome and everybody loves him. I think I feel even more pressure now because he's the show's national treasure, but so far I'm thrilled that people seem to be OK with him being partnered with me!"

Holding family as the most important pillar has been essential in helping the dancing partners connect. Though she hasn't met Chmerkovskiy's brother, Maksim, as he's not competing this season, McKeon has met his fiancee, fellow DWTS pro Jenna Johnson, whom she describes as "dear," "beautiful" and "sweet." McKeon has even dished out some excellent advice for Chmerkovskiy and Johnson's pending nuptials.

"I told him to enjoy the day. I've been married for 15 years, and I can still look back and remember every single moment of [my wedding] day. It was just about 20 people and it was our day, and it was one of the best days of my life," she recalls. "So, my advice to him was, 'It's just got to be about the two of you. After all, the rest of your life is about the two of you.' That's what I did -- there was no stress, no pressure, and it was really amazing. Other than that, I think everyone figures it out for themselves!"

Johnson has popped by rehearsals, bringing smoothies or simply saying hello and providing encouragement, which has helped McKeon have a bit of that familial grounding while away from home. "The family you get welcomed into on this show is extraordinary. Everybody -- from the guys who help you park in the morning and our security to the producing teams -- they literally are all happy to be there and they're rooting for everybody," she explains. "I have never felt like an outsider from day one. What a great thing! I love the atmosphere they've created. Yeah, it's a competition, but everyone's cheering everybody else on too."

McKeon will have some very important faces in the crowd when season 27 kicks off on Sept. 24. Her daughters and husband will be there (she joked that they better be, just in case there's no week two for her!), as well as actress Lisa Vidal, her best friend since they were partnered up on The Division, which also starred then-unknowns Jon Hamm and Taraji P. Henson, along with Parenthood's Bonnie Bedelia.

"I told her, 'Mama, you're going to have to help me with some kind of cha-cha or salsa,'" McKeon says of Vidal. "Lisa is like a sister, but that whole cast -- it really was one of the best times of my life. I loved everybody on that show. We were all supportive of each other and to watch Jon blossom and Taraji just shatter it is so beautiful… It's so exciting to watch such good people get to do what they love to do and just crush it. They're amazing people. It's a joy for me to be an uber fan because [after the show ended], I got to be with the most important people, which is my kiddos and my hubby."

McKeon is the first to admit she's been blessed to work with some incredible people throughout her career. She famously acted alongside Michael J. Fox in the '80s, as well as Mariska Hargitay and Jean Smart in the short-lived sitcoms Can't Hurry Love and Style & Substance, respectively, plus she did take some time out from being a stay-at-home mom to play Demi Lovato's mother on the Disney Channel show, Sonny With a Chance, from 2009-2010.

Though the two haven't spoken in some time, McKeon only had kind words for Lovato, who suffered a relapse and apparent overdose earlier this summer.

"I wouldn't presume. I can only send all my love. She seems to be incredibly smart… It was a difficult time during that show and things kind of went on, but I can tell you in my experience, she was genuinely lovely to me and to my girls, who were much younger at the time and very excited to meet her," McKeon says of her onscreen daughter. "I have every confidence that she's going to come back stronger and in a way that is the best for her. She deserves that."

McKeon was side-by-side another big actor during their early days, one whom she gets asked about a lot: George Clooney, whose first real TV experience was as a handyman on The Facts of Life. Though his time with them was short, McKeon says she would see him working on another show on the lot and they remained friends. 'He's everything you want him to be," she happily reveals. "He's fun, an incredible talent, and he's loyal as the day is long. He deserves all good things and it looks like that's exactly what he's gotten."

The most important connection she has from those sitcom days, however, was with Charlotte Rae, who portrayed the beloved, wise-cracking redheaded housemother of the fictional Eastland School. She died in early August at age 92 after a series of illnesses, and McKeon chokes up when thinking about her beloved friend.

"That's a hard one for me. It's soon," she says slowly. "Charlotte's one of the most remarkable people I've ever met in my life and we were actually very good friends. If I was in L.A., we were always together and if I wasn't, I came in, even if it was just to see her. She's been at my ranch and hung out with the girls and myself, and I will always be the luckiest person and a much better person for having had her in my life."

The women of The Facts of Life still keep in touch. In fact, McKeon has been texting with Kim Fields, as the actress known as Tootsie danced with pro Sasha Farber in season 22 of DWTS. Though McKeon hasn't watched every season of the dance competition show, she did watch Fields and Farber compete "with joy and amazement."

"She just knocked it out of the park. She's just so amazing. We've been texting and I said, 'Really? Did you have to set the bar this high? Girlfriend, I don't know if I can live up [to that].' She's just a doll and supportive," McKeon says, adding that she's gone back to watch some of Chmerkovskiy's dances with previous partners but had to stop "because he's so good" and didn’t want to get stuck in a brain warp comparing herself to others.

In fact, Fields' best advice had nothing to do with the dancing itself. "'Have fun. Enjoy this week, this day, this rehearsal. Try not to look ahead.' For me, I think that's awesome advice because it's really just got to be about the journey," McKeon says. "There's some amazing people dancing, so it's really not about an end result for me. What I'm looking for is the best I can do on every single day."

"It doesn't matter how sore [I am] -- get up, go back, fight the good fight the next day," she continues. "Have some smile, as my partner would say, and just enjoy that day, because none of us can possibly predict how long any of us have."

Season 27 of Dancing With the Stars kicks off Monday, Sept. 24 at 8 p.m. ET/PT on ABC.

SOURCE: www.etonline.com

#val chmerkovskiy #nancy mckeon #interviews #jenna johnson