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scribblesofagoonerr · 2 days

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— What if I'm not good enough, anymore?

pairings: beth mead x reader, vivianne miedema x reader

summary: reader has self doubts that she won't be as good as she was when she makes her return to the pitch.

Warnings: heavy angst, talks of mental health and a minor eating disorder.

Okay, I won't lie. This was, well this was hard to write and there was a lot of tears throughout because its' a little too close to home right now with things going on, but you guys wanted it, so here we go.

Let me know what you think!

"What if I'm not good enough now?" The thoughts spiral through your brain.

It's your number one fear. It's the thing that keeps you up at night, lying awake with those thoughts plaguing your mnd.

You know you shouldn't be thinking about things like that, but your mentality of your injury was overshadowing the physical rehab your still yet to get the greenlight for yet.

Would you be good as you were when you come back?

Sure you've watched each of the girls come back from their injury and make a return to the pitch, some of them a bit more rockier than usual, but now they're striving and you can only hope that your own journey will be as smooth sailing.

Your impatient though, both incredibly and insufferably impatient.

It's a downfall that has come back to bite you in the ass, one too many times previously.

Could you blame your dad for that though?

Growing up, hes' only ever pushed you. Pushed you to push through the pain; Your dad was an impatient man himself, one with a temper and he didn't believe that letting you rest was the best thing sometimes.

The first few months of your recovery after your surgery felt long, all you felt was agitation and more so frustration not being allowed to do things that you once took for granted.

You really did hate depending on those around you, you felt like a constant burden despite that fact that all the girls kept on reassuring you that you weren't, but in the back of your mind, you always thought different about it.

The one thing you never realised would be as hard would be the mentality of it all, the physical pain was tiresome and therefor, your mental health was taking a battering rapadly.

"You okay, kid?" The familiar voice of your team mum speaks up to get your attention.

Your too wrapped up in your thoughts to barely even hear her, "M' fine,"

"You sure? You seem quiet-- What is it, does your knee hurt? Do you want another pillow?" Beth tries to offer her help, assisting you with whatever you need.

"I'm fine, Beth!" You shout loudly.

You hadn't meant to snap at Beth of course, but your emotions got the better of you and your temper has always been your worst enemy, amongst other things.

"O... Okay," Beth is taken back by your sudden burst of anger. "Well, you know I'm just through the kitchen if you need me, okay?" She reassures you.

"Mhm," You barely acknowledge her precense, choosing to stare blankly at old episode of Bones you'd put on to try and disract your mind.

You wanted to retreat to your bedroom, but after the last time where you remembered the staged intervention with a certain blonde english skipper, you thought against the idea of that.

So for now, you'll just sit on the sofa, wallowing in self-pity and get attached to fictional characters whos' deathes are inevitable.

"Have you noticed that Y/N is uh..." Beth whispers, hesistant for you to overhear her from the other room.

"Distant?" Viv guesses straight away.

The blonde furrows her eyebrows and nods in slow motion, "Well, yes, uh and a bit snippy as well. Should we talk to her?" She wonders, trying to figure out the best approach to talk to you.

"It's probably a good idea--" Vivs' agreement is cut off.

"You know I can hear you guys, right?" You make your voice known, of course you knew they would be whispering about you.

After all, your not a complete moron to not hear it.

"Y/N," Viv begins to speak.

"I don't like it when you talk about me like that!" You uneasily stand up on your feet, going to move towards the direction of your bedroom for a bit of peace and quiet.

"At least use your crutches!" Beth shouts aloud, gesturing to the item that is currently the bane of your life.

"Bite me!" You respond, scowling at them as you shuffle slowly past, trying to withhold from wincing at the sudden shooting pain in your knee.

At least you do a good job to hold your tears back until your in the confindments of your own bedroom, comforted with the blanket that you can wrap around you and try to block out the rest of the world.

As soon as you got the go-ahead from the doctors to start your rehab at the training grounds, you were virtually jumping for joy.

At least you was on the outside; Inside on your head, it was a completely different story. You were battling your own inner feelings of doubt.

Of course from the minute you'd been allowed back in the gym, every single of your team mates were more than supportive of this step forward in your recovery.

They all knew you'd been finding it difficult, and sure enough most of them had even got the brunt of your anger.

Starting out with your rehab process, you had to start with light excercises but in your head that didn't feel good enough.

You want to be out there on the pitch already, you hate the fact that the healing process is taking so long.

You didn't feel it was fair at all, why won't your stupid knee just heal already?

"You've got this, Y/N!" One of the pyshios' encourage you to keep going with the current training excercise, something so simple felt so hard to you now.

Viv smiles encouringly as she cheers you on from the sidelines, "You're doing great kid." She states.

"Keep pushing!" Leahs' right there beside her, her voice gentle but still managed to hold a firm tone in a way to keep you going.

"You can do this, kid!" Beth chimes in, trying to keep her own tears of happiness at bay as she watches your journey to recovery step that step forward. "We're so proud of you!"

Tears of frustration were visable, even the simplest of tasks felt so gruelling; There were even times whether you questioned if you wanted to hang your football boots up, but that was an easy way out.

Football is your life and its your passion, you'd be gutted to do that.

You had to push forward, you had to do better. You had to be better!

If only it was that simlpe, right?

Nobody warned you off the setbacks in the journey. You had to figure that one out yourself, even the slighest knock and it was a step backwards.

It always seems to be one step forward, two steps back.

You shouldn't have pushed yourself, you should have known better, but of course, your stubborn streak let you down.

In your own opinion, your recovery wasn't going as quick as you wanted it to. So you took it upon yourself to train extra hard in the gym, sure it was difficult under the watchful eye of the older girls' as they wanted to make sure to not let you overdo it, but you had your ways.

Making excuses and staying late at the training grounds once the team had all gone, pushing yourself to the extreme - Unaware of just how much damage you'd be putting yourself through.

Damn stupid knee injuries.

It works to keep your extra training sessions a secret, at least for a while, until one night when your caught red handed, by no other person that the stern blonde English skipper, so just so happens to have come back to pick something up that she'd forgotten.

"Y/N?" You recognise that all too familiar voice all too well, having been on the recieving end of a few lectures.

You freeze in your spot on the treadmill, which isn't very safe in itself, "Shit-- It's not what it looks like!" Your quick to protest.

"Oh? So your not overworking yourself in the gym then, hm?" Leah quirks, raising an eyebrow.

"No, well, uh yeah. I guess?" You stutter your words, knowing you've definitely been caught out now.

Leah can't help but chuckle amusedly, "You guess?"

"I, uh... Look I know it looks bad, but I needed to do this, Le." If you've been caught out then you're at least going to try and fight your reasoning for it, even if she doesn't believe you.

Judging my her facial expression, the blonde definitely isn't fooled.

"Come on. Lets' go, baby England," Leah motions you to follow her, holding out her hand for you to take.

Furrowing your eyebrows, you shut the whirring treadmill off and gingerly look at her, "Why-- Where are we goin'?" You ask.

"Well first I'm taking you for something to eat and then I'm taking you home, its' already been a long day," Your English Captains' quick to tell you, although before you have chance to protest, she continues to speak. "And you shouldn't be pushing yourself anymore than you already are, alright?" She states.

"But..." You still try and protest against the idea.

"No buts, I know you haven't eaten much, buddy," Leahs' firm voice interjects, still continuing to hold her hand out for you to take. "Come on. Grab your stuff and lets' go,"

You should have known it would only be a matter of time before you were caught out.

How could you be so careless, though?

You didn't think you not eating enough would be that noticeable, but apparently not.

Begrudingly, you step off the treadmill and clutch onto her hand to steady your uneasiness coming off it, "Are you going to tell Beth and Viv about this?" You ask, cautiously.

"I have to," Leah replies in agreement.

"Why?" You fight the urge to whine, even if makes sense for them to know, you wish they didn't have too.

"You can't push yourself, kiddo. You know how serious this injury is!" Leahs' firm voice makes a return, not missing the chance to make it known how much of a bad decision this was for you to make.

You know it looks bad, you do but yet you still couldn't help yourself.

You wanted to get better. You wanted-- No, you needed to do better.

"But I'm so fed up, Le," You grumble, walking in the direction of the changing room to grab your stuff. "Why... Why won't it just fuckin' heal already?" You don't mean to swear, you've never been one to use colourful language, but your frustration is at it's brink right now.

"Whoa, easy on the language there, buddy," Leah jokes, chuckling as she wraps her free arm around your shoulder. "Listen, I know your frustrated, but its' going to take time and you know this. You can't rush it, or you'll make it worse!" She states, firmly.

"Stupid knees' injuries suck," You murmer, gathering your stuff together before you make the exit from the training grounds.

Leah chuckles as she unlocks her car, gesturing for you to climb in the passenger seat, "Yep, yes they do," She agrees with you.

"I just want to be out there on the pitch already," You admit, slumping down into the seat once you have buckled yourself in.

The blonde smiles sympathetically at you, understanding your frustration, "That day will come, but for now, you've just gotta trust the process and let your body heal," She pauses before she continues. "I know you don't like it and all, but you have to just be patient this once, buddy."

"Even if it takes forever?" You resist the urge to groan and throw your head back.

"Even then, because it'll be worth it when you make your return to the game," Leah promises you with a gentle tone of voice.

"Yeah, but, what if..." Your sidetracked from what you are going to say, trying to not spiral into your dark thoughts once again.

"What if?" Leah furrows her eyebrow.

You swallow the lump that forms in your throat, "What... What if I'm not as good as I was before I got injured?" You confess the fear that's been plaguing your mind for god-knows how long.

Leah looks at you concerned, "You don't know how its' gonna be, but what I do know is that whatever happens, we're all behind you," She promises you as she gives you a kind smile and gently squeezes your good knee. "The day you eventually do return to the pitch, you're damn sure we'll all be there cheering as loud as we can," She promises you.

"Even if you're on the pitch as well?" You can't help but giggle.

Leah proudly nods in agreement as she grins, "Hey, I'll personally stop the game just to welcome you on the pitch, baby England." The blonde winks playfully at you from where she sits in the car.

"Your silly sometimes, Le," You mumble, finding it hard to take the blonde serious in this very moment.

"I know you're all up in your head about this, but it's going to be okay," Leah words stick firm in your brain as you smile. "Your not alone in this journey, you're never alone. We've got you."

#woso x reader #arsenal x reader #woso #woso fanfics #beth mead x reader #vivianne miedema x reader #meadema x reader #meadema #scribblesofagoonerr #woso imagine #leah williamson x reader #woso fic #arsenal wfc x reader

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everyb0dysf00l · 3 days

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How the Cullens would react to being asked to hold your drink

(Gifs not mine, creds to owners)

Edward

General

He is extremely confused

You want him to hold your drink?

For safety?

If you don't know he's a vampire, you've just handed a dude you barely know your beverage, how dangerous

If you do know he's a vampire, how could you trust such a cold-hearted, soulless monster with something so important?

If you can't tell, he's extremely self-loathing

He'll most likely agree but very reluctantly

Although he probably doesn't care about you, he can read the minds of the people in the party/bar you're in and knows how dangerous it is for you to leave your drink unattended

He probably wouldn't be able to live with himself if he didn't

Dating

He's already taken it before you can ask

Guard dog mode turned to 100

He's surveying the area like crazy

If even one person with a bad thought/aura comes near your drink he's glaring them down

Hand over the top, vice grip on the cup itself

Tbh if you're dating him he probably won't want you at a place like this at all

Rosalie

General

I'm sorry to say this but she would probably look at you judgementaly

You'll have to explain it to her, not because she doesn't understand why you want her to hold it but because she is genuinely just that judgemental

She'll probably sigh and snatch the cup out of your hands, telling you to "be quick"

No one wants to come near that drink with her holding it, trust me

Her death glares will scare anyone in a five mile radius away

And if some guy walks up to her thinking he could somehow pull her he'll be dealt with

Dating

"Of course, hun"

No hesitation

She wants what's best for you and that absolutely means holding your drink while you go to the bathroom

She doesn't cover it with her hand but she definitely keeps it close to her body

If anyone so much as looks at the drink for too long they're getting a very intense death glare

Will hand it back with a smile when you return

Emmett

General

"Of course, dude!"

*instant regret*

This man is going to spill that drink 0.2 seconds after you hand it to him

What can I say the man goes wild at the parties

Can he drink liquor? No, but when has that ever stopped him before?

Definitely forgets he can't drink and downs the whole thing

Only realises when you come back and ask where your drink is

Gets Edward to buy you a new one

He isn't trusted with a credit card

Dating

Not much of a difference tbh

Except maybe, MAYBE, he takes a bit better care of it

Doesn't understand why you want him to hold it

Probably assumes you don't want gross bathroom particles in it or something

When he finds out the real reason, he goes from goofy to serious almost immediately

"Wait, so there are people here who want to put stuff in your drink so they can..."

Contrary to popular belief, Emmett has a good understanding of how fucked up the world is. Growing up in poverty gave him a pretty good idea

But he last drank in the 1920s, drink drugging wasn't really a big thing back then

He's 100% more protective over you and the drink now

Literally offering to fight anyone whose stupid enough to come near it

Alice

General

Alice is always looking to talk to new people so she'll 100% hold your drink happily

Somehow manages to continue dancing while holding the drink and not spilling it

Definitely thinks about how easy it would be for her to do something to it

She wouldn't, obviously, but she definitely thinks about it once or twice

Unless Edward bribes her with something, in which case she'll 100% do something to it (sorry 😬)

"A porche, you say"

But she likely will take good care of it regardless

Dating

Will take it no questions asked

Jokes about already knowing you'd ask her to hold it

Waits for you outside the bathroom so you two can continue dancing

If anyone comes near it she threatens them in the sweetest voice possible with a smile on her face

Jasper

General

The man is bamboozled

He's just staring at you in his Jasper way trying his best not to eat you

Why are you asking him?

Ask Emmett or something

Its an awkward silence with you just stood there waiting for an answer

Alice will eventually show up and take it from you, reassuring you she'll take care of it

Dating

But of course

He's got an iron hold on this cup

He can feeling other people's emotions he definitely knows what type of people are at this party/bar

He won't come out from his corner until you come back

Will stare at anyone who comes near it like

Esme

General

This sweetheart doesn't care if you're a total stranger, she'll hold your drink absolutely.

She isn't extreme with the way she holds your cup, just a simple hold relaxed to her body

She's most likely either with Carlisle or the other moms at the party so, she's not going to be around anyone dangerous enough to do anything.

Hopefully

Dating

She'll offer to come with you to the bathroom and will stand outside patiently for you to return.

Sways to the music playing over the speakers but not too much so the drink doesn't spill over.

If a creep tries to do anything to it, she'll put them in their place. Like a mother scolding a scorned child.

I think people tend to forget, Esme has a very traumatic backstory. She isn't blind to the dangers of the world and she knows what kind of people are out there, her ex husband was one of them

Gives it back immediately after you return with a smile on her face

Carlisle

General

He looks down on drinking and will "scold" you for it but he also knows the dangers of leaving a drink unattended

He's seen too many cases of drink drugging in the ER to just leave someone's drink unattended

If he sees someone leave their's alone he'd approach them to tell them how dangerous it is

He holds the drink relatively normal and keeps an eye out in case someone does try anything but he isn't a full on guard dog over it

He can't be 100% trusted though. This man has committed multiple medical malpractices and justifies it with "science" (remember what he did to Jacob without his consent?)

Dating

He's pretty much the same here

He'll probably try to talk you out of drink more often though

He might be a bit more rigid with how he holds your cup

Again, he's seen too many drink drugging cases to let you leave it unattended

Images of what could happen to you if he doesn't take care of your drink properly are in his mind

Edward might have to try calm him down because his thoughts would be hectic

Pls like and reblog if you liked this♥

#twilight #edward cullen #edward cullen x reader #rosalie hale #rosalie hale x reader #emmett cullen #emmett cullen x reader #alice cullen #alice cullen x reader #jasper hale #jasper hale x reader #esme cullen #esme cullen x reader #carlisle cullen #carlisle cullen x reader #twilight x reader #new moon #eclipse #breaking dawn

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seramilla · 1 day

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I ended up binging all your posts about Vaggie being related to the Carmine's and ended up having a dream about all the wedding prep, including Carmilla actually meeting Charlie and thanking her for loving and helping Vaggie heal and grow from her time as an exorcist

I'm sorry, but this gave me ideas, so have some fluff instead of angst on this goddamn page for once.

Charlie Morningstar paces back and forth outside Carmine Industries for several minutes before she even thinks about touching the buzzer. A myriad of thoughts race through her mind as she steels herself for what she came here to do. Vaggie is distracted, back at the hotel helping Alastor with some kind of workshop or other for their guests. She has at least an hour until her presence is needed again -- plenty of time, she hopes, for a meeting with Carmilla Carmine.

Ultimately, it's not her who buzzes herself in, but one of the other Carmine girls. Charlie literally falls over in surprise as the metal door clanks open, but she manages to right herself before face-planting on the concrete outside. Odette, if memory serves, is standing there with a confused expression on her face, cocking an eyebrow at her and turning her head 30 degrees like a curious puppy. Charlie clears her throat, blushing profusely at her almost-fumble.

"Od-Odette! Hello! Did I get that right? Um, yeah, hi! I'm here to see Carm--Ms. Carmine. Is she home--at work--do you live or work here? I guess I don't know. I'm sorry, that's a dumb question, I just--!"

Odette chuckles. "She's here. Are you looking for an audience with her?"

Charlie lets out the breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding. "Yes! Ma'am! Yes, ma'am! Oh, I'm sorry, do you mind if I call you ma'am? Is that weird? Should I call you something else?"

Odette chuckles again. "Odette is fine. No need for any formalities, your highness. You know you're welcome here. Follow me."

"Thank you so much! I'm coming!"

Charlie talks Odette's ears off the entire time they're walking toward Carmilla's office. Up a huge flight of stairs, around a corner, and all the way down a long hallway, Odette is given a crash course on all the current events happening at the Hazbin Hotel. She could probably give a lecture on the topic, given how good Charlie has gotten at really drilling home all the highlights of her redemption program.

When they finally stop in front of Carmilla's office, Odette gives Charlie's hand a firm shake, saying, "It's been a pleasure, Miss Morningstar. Now I must return to my tasks for the day." Then, without another word, she's gone again.

Charlie pauses at the ornate door leading to Carmilla's office. It's tall, and imposing. She's the princess of Hell, goddamn it! Something like this should be super simple for a daughter of Lucifer Morningstar!

Shaking all her misgivings out of her head, she says to herself, "Right! Let's do this!" before knocking firmly on the door three times. After a moment, a muffled yet prominent, "Come in!" reaches her from the other side. Taking another deep breath, Charlie opens the door, and steps inside.

Carmilla Carmine is at her desk, working away at a stack of files and papers that are practically as tall as Charlie is. Other stacks, she assumes the finished ones, are scattered in boxes around the floor at Carmilla's feet. Charlie doesn't even begin to know where to look -- the office is so busy. Instead, she ignores it, and smiles at Carmilla when the other woman's gaze meets hers.

"Charlotte!" Carmilla says, a happy lilt to her voice. She immediately stands and greets the princess with open arms. One of the privileges of dating the daughter of Carmilla Carmine is she's often privy to the woman's more maternal side. A notion that is quite welcome, as far as Charlie is concerned. It's nice, feeling that kind of maternal love again -- it's been so absent from her own life since her mother...left all those years ago.

"It's so nice to see you, Charlotte. Please, have a seat. What do I owe the pleasure of your company today?"

Carmilla gestures Charlie over to the plush couches on the opposite side of her office. The furniture has been upgraded since the last time she's been here. Charlie obliges and takes a seat. Carmilla joins her.

Charlie debates whether to break through her own misgivings with small talk, but decides better of it. She came here with a purpose today; she only has so much time before she's needed back at the hotel, so she decides to just get to the business at hand.

"Well," Charlie starts, immediately fumbling all the words she'd so diligently practiced earlier. That's so like her. But she won't be deterred! She grips the fabric of her pants tightly in both fists and continues.

"As you know, Vaggie and I are coming up on our 5-year anniversary in a few months. It's a big milestone for us, and I wanted to do something really special for her..."

Charlie pauses, waiting to see if Carmilla will interject. The older woman is as poised and stoic as ever, waiting patiently for Charlie to continue. Charlie wishes she could better gauge what the woman is thinking at the moment...but it can't be helped. Charlie's not a mind reader. Nowhere else to go now, but forward!

"...Anyway...um...what I came here to do today was...uhh...oh, fuck, why is this so hard?"

"Take a breath, Charlotte. It's okay."

That definitely is not helping Charlie's nervousness at all, being reminded to breathe, like she doesn't have two perfectly capable lungs, all her own. Carmilla is still looking at her with that face, like everything is fine. How does she know it's fine? She doesn't even know what Charlie's going to say!

Breathe, Charlie!

"God, okay. Hoooo boy. Carmilla. I came here today to ask...to tell you...that I love Vaggie very much. More than anything in the world. My life was not complete until she literally fell into it, and every day since then has been more rich, more fulfilling, and more full of joy than I can ever put into words. I'm telling you this because I'm going to...I want your blessing when I... I'mgoingtoaskhertomarrymeandIwantyoutotellmeit'sokay! Okay?"

The last part comes out of Charlie's mouth in a flurry of words. She lets out a sigh of relief, thankful she was able to get it out. She hopes Carmilla had understood her. Thankfully, the sparkle in Carmilla's eyes tells her that she has, and so much more. Before she can even protest, Carmilla pulls Charlie into a hug that's so tight, her spine nearly bows from the force of it.

Shit, this overlord's strength is nothing to sneeze at.

"You don't need my permission, Charlotte," Carmilla says, squeezing Charlie even harder around the waist. Charlie squeaks.

"I...I don't?"

"Of course not. You're already family. And Vaggie's a big girl. She can make her own decisions. But if you want my blessing...then of course you have it. I can never repay you for protecting her, loving, her, and watching over her when I couldn't. I would love nothing more than to welcome you into our family...officially."

"You, too!" Charlie says, not wanting to diminish the other woman's contribution to Vaggie's healing process. "Also, I almost asked my dad if he would do it, but...I want you to be the one to walk her down the aisle, if she says yes! I know she would want that!"

Carmilla can't hide the fact that she's the one crying now. Charlie sees her trying to hide the tears behind the hand in front of her face, but the cracks are breaking around the older woman's facade like a dam trying to overrun its banks. She smiles at Charlie, and nods.

"Of course I will. I would love nothing more than to give my girl away to you."

Charlie can't wait for the day she can pop the question to the love of her life. She's already bought the ring, got the date planned with Asmodeus, and booked an opulent night full of food, dancing, and every other pleasantry the Lust ring has to offer. She vows to make it the best night of Vaggie's life, second only to their wedding day, if she accepts Charlie's proposal.

Beyond that, all Charlie can see is happiness. She never dreamed as much for herself. But it's so close, she can almost grasp it. She leaves Carmilla's that day feeling more light and airy than she has in a while, and more full of conviction that she has the strength to see this through.

She deserves it. Vaggie deserves it. Carmilla deserves it. Her heart is so full of love and raw tenderness, she could practically burst.

#hazbin hotel #charlie morningstar #vaggie #carmilla carmine #odette hazbin hotel #chaggie #ask #anon #fan theories #lucifer morningstar #helluva boss #asmodeus helluva boss #vaggie carmilla related au

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songmingisthighs · 3 days

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Pitiful, You're Pitiful

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ch. iv

group : ateez

pairing : aged up!wooyoung × aged up!reader

genre : angst, mature

word count : 3.9k

warning : adultery, cheating, medical condition (?), negative depiction of wooyoung

a/n : sorry it took a while but life is shit and I've been doing nothing but STRUGGLING. head so overly packed and yet thoughts were not thunken so i decide to finish this chapter. here's to torture ig. help a sister out, send tips so i can drown myself in bubble tea pls

buy me coffee ?

Never would you have expected to be in the exact same place in the exact same situation as before. Well, not the exact same per se, but you thought the same thing couldn't happen twice, you being called to the hospital that is. Apparently, your husband had another accident and since you were his dearest wife and emergency contact, the hospital called you up.

You were not spiteful nor bitter towards your husband, you never were until you found out that he was cheating on you. So the nagging thought in your head that convinced you that he was probably with his mistress when he got hurt again made you feel rather sick to your stomach. Perhaps you had been in some sort of denial while Wooyoung was recovering from his initial injury, thinking that maybe it was only a one-time thing or the cheating had stopped because you hadn't seen him doing anything shady or being secretive during his recovery. In all honesty, you begrudgingly and heartbrokenly expected him to cheat again because the access was just there even with the doubt.

The turmoil plus the morning sickness had taken a toll on you, not to mention the household chores and catering to the man who had broken your trust in him. It hadn't even occurred to you that you probably need to go see your OBGYN again to check up on the baby you had yet to mention to anyone. At this point, the question was whether you will or not. Considering the situation you were facing, the option of running away to Sweden to become a childcare professional seemed very enticing. You wouldn't have to worry about the money to take care of your child or their education, the government will provide and you can visit the original IKEA. But of course that was but a fantasy, you still have responsibilities and unlike some people, you stick to your words.

Arriving at the nurse's station in the emergency room, you huffed and took a moment to take a deep breath, suddenly feeling nauseated and lightheaded. Seeing this, one of the nurses walked around and went over to you, "Miss, are you okay? Do you need emergency care?" the care in her voice, be it due to nurse training or genuine worry made you crack a smile, "No, no, no, I'm- I'm here to see my husband, I got a call that," you cut yourself to swallow the bile that threatened to escape you, willing yourself to finish your sentence, "-That he was rushed here because he got hurt?" Although it was obvious that you were not there as a patient, the nurse shook her head and gently directed you towards the seats nearby, "You need to sit down first, miss," she stated but you shook your head, "No, no, please, I just need to see if he's okay and it's Mrs.," you clarified but did nothing to push back. She wouldn't listen and just sat you down and it was only then did you realized how the world had practically turned into a gyrosphere. "I will check on the name of your husband and I will bring you tea. You look very pale and I don't think we need both you and your husband sick today," she smiled but the words she let out only left a bitter taste in your tongue as the notion that you and Wooyoung were some type of team only made you more aware how much you were not. But you agreed and just smiled back at her, allowing her to return to the station to check on where Wooyoung was and to get you something.

Whilst waiting, you looked around as your mind wandered. For some reason your brain decided it would be a good idea to suddenly think of what's to come. Surely, Wooyoung realized that something had been going on with you which was the reason why he was suddenly being so attentive and tried to get you to speak to him which you had been so adamantly avoid. The thought of Wooyoung potentially badgering you even more because he'll be stuck in the house due to whatever condition he was in made you feel anxious. For the first time ever in your life, you realized that you both wanted your husband to be contained in your house so he would stop his affair but also resented the idea of being stuck there with him.

You stood up and started walked towards the exit, not knowing if you need a breather or to just leave the hospital and deal with Wooyoung later.

Your plan to leave the premises was halted when the curtain to one of the areas was pulled back and a very familiar face stepped out. The face you came to resent despite being fond of it in the first place, when you saw it around 3 years ago when she first came to the company.

For some reason, your legs seemed to freeze and your hands felt cold. At that moment, you truly wanted to leave, run past her and simply leave the premises and maybe just leave your husband because the conversation that happened in front of you was something you didn't want to handle.

Your eyes followed as Harin went over to the nurse's station, smiling to one of the other nurses who was sitting there. "Hi, can you please keep an eye in case the patient in bed number 4 woke up? I'm going to go get something for him to drink. Poor guy left home in a rush to meet me," she said sheepishly but there was a slight bragging undertone that made the nurse cooed slightly. "Don't you worry, Mrs Jung, I'll make sure your husband knows where you are," she smiled. Two times this had happened in the same hospital and it made you sick to your stomach when you saw her beam proudly and thank the nurse before sauntering off.

At that moment you felt numb. It wasn't like you didn't know there was an affair going on, you just never expected to have seen the relationship yourself. Have they talked about commitment? Was that why the little homewrecker thought she was or would be Wooyoung's wife? Was Wooyoung planning on leaving you all along? Had your children slipped Wooyoung's mind for some reason? If you were unsure before, the uncertainty left your body completely as you made up your mind that you had to protect your children and yourself. If Wooyoung was going to leave and start another family with some dumb 20-something with no redeeming value nor moral compass, then you're going to make sure he does it without affecting your children. As redundant as that sounded.

In a blink of an eye, you found yourself next to Wooyoung who was resting. You looked over his body and for once in your life, you suddenly didn't care that he was right there nor what his injuries might be. It didn't matter to you all of a sudden because looking at him only made you aware that he had allowed someone to touch him the way he had once promised only you would be able to. The last time he was hurt on her watch turned out was because of his bad back and with the power of cynical assumption and logical thinking, you imagine he was in some sort of sexual activity with her and this time was no better.

You were so deep in your thoughts that you didn't even realize that Wooyoung had opened his eyes and was staring at you from his position on the bed.

"(y/n)?" he called you, eyes soft as he gazed at the worried look on your face, mistaking it as worry over him, "When did you get here?" he asked, the tone didn't indicate any panic which could be assumed as him not wanting you to see his mistress. Perhaps he was unaware of the particular situation.

The turmoil in your head hadn't died down, it only amplified when Wooyoung talked. Your heart ached to see him looking at you so softly as he had been nothing short of detached from you for a long while. It had to go to this point for him to show you any semblance of closeness or even just a tiny showcase of care. The Wooyoung you were seeing was the Wooyoung you fell in love with, even if it's just a glimpse. The acknowledgement hurt, it hurt you so much and it hurt you deeply.

How surprised you were when your body moved to sit next to him on the bed, quietly taking in his attention on you. "I... I got a call from the hospital saying you got hurt again. Are you okay?" You could see Wooyoung trying to sit up but you held him back, shaking your head because in this position, you felt like you had the upper hand. In this situation, you felt like you could see how small he was. On the other hand, Wooyoung took this as you not wanting him to get hurt again so he laid back down and sighed, "I'm okay I guess," he shrugged. "What happened?" you couldn't help but ask, though you weren't entirely sure if you wanted to know because what if he told you that he was in the middle of doing the nasty with his side bitch and he broke his... equipment or something? "Not sure," he exhaled sharply, "I was talking one moment and when I turned around to leave, I hit my back and I just... Fell."

Lies.

Well, it was the truth from Wooyoung's side at least.

Sure, he completely skipped over the fact that he was in the middle of telling Harin that they should not meet each other for a while and it was because of her trying to stop him that he hurt his back yet again. The moment he fell down was the moment he realized he should've said that he was taking a break from her indefinitely, possibly breaking up with her completely. As if that would make things any better.

"You just... Fell?" you repeated, not sure if you were just echoing, or trying to test him and see if he told you what you thought was the truth, or if you were trying to convince yourself. But Wooyoung nodded, looking sure of his answer too. "Yeah and it hurt so much I think I passed out in the ambulance like a wimp," he chuckled to himself, not knowing that you completely agreed that he was being a wimp but for a whole other reason.

"But you know what," all of a sudden, Wooyoung slinked his hand to hold yours and your body immediately froze be it due to the heavy unsurety or shock, you weren't sure. But you were pretty sure his touch no longer had the effect it once had on you because though this felt like your old Wooyoung genuinely coming back, all you wanted to do was to push him away.

"Though I was scared, though I was in pain, all I could think about was you. I was thinking about how if I was injured again, I would burden you even more, how it would affect you and your daily function," he said, choking up slightly. You have known him long enough to know that the emotion he was showing was genuine. But all it did was piss you off.

"I'm sorry I have been such a burden to you, I've been a tool what with my work and not helping you around. These past three weeks had taught me that you have been holding us together better than I did, better than I ever did actually. And for that, I love you. I love you so much and once this is all over, I want us to return to what we were before or however way you want because you deserve it."

That was a slap to your face.

You deserve it.

It was as if he was saying that you deserved to be cheated by him.

You hadn't realized that you had shed a tear until Wooyoung tried to sit up again but he failed because his back had prevented him. So he gripped the hand in his tighter and reached a hand up to cup your face, wanting to wipe the tear away. But this time, you were the one who took his hand in yours, delightfully surprising him because he thought that you were reciprocating him.

"I..." you took a moment to clear your throat and calm yourself down, not wanting your words to fail you, "I'm so glad to hear that, Wooyoung." A huge smile broke on Wooyoung's face hearing your response to his confession. You too, had a smile on your face, but it was one of sadness, it was one of pain which Wooyoung would have noticed had it not been because he was too involved with his own feelings. "I'm so glad to know that you still cared a lot about me," you sighed.

You knew the words that were at the tip of your tongue would change everything so for the sake of the decades you spent with the man before you, you allowed yourself one final moment to take it all in again. Enjoying the reappearance of your old lover before you go back to reality, the reality he had put you in.

"I know you've been cheating on me."

In an instant, Wooyoung froze.

His smile, present, projected his internal shock and confusion.

"What?" he asked, unsure if he had heard you clearly.

The hand that held his moved to push his bangs aside, allowing him to see how eerily calm you were.

"I... I know you've been cheating on me with someone and that person is here with you. Though I'm not completely sure, I feel like you were with her when you got hurt this time and the last and she had made it a point to tell the nurses that she was your spouse," you chuckled darkly and the sound was so unfamiliar and cold that it struck fear in Wooyoung's heart. "(y/n), I-" "And, you know how she got kicked out not long after? During your first hospitalization? It was because I accidentally told the nurses that I was your wife." The more you talked, the bitter the reality became for you and yet, you can't find it in yourself to stop laughing. "I- I actually thought that you would at least have the decency to stop seeing her when you were resting these past weeks but apparently I was wrong. Just like how I was wrong about having a husband who honours our vows, right? So I'm glad that you told me that you still loved me Wooyoung, no matter how much of a bullshit it was, I'm glad you have just now realized how much I've done for you, for our children, for our family."

The mention of his kids made Wooyoung's eyes widened, thinking that maybe they knew too be it from you telling him or them seeing him with Harin themselves. To make the situation even more nerve-wracking for him, the monitor picked up on his rising heartbeat, allowing you to know just how afraid he was.

"Because as of right now, I am done. I am done being your doormat," you leaned close to him and in a flash, your eyes turned from pain to pure anger, the eyes that used to look at him with love and hope were looking at him in disgust, "As of right now, I am done being your wife," you finally spat before pushing yourself completely off him and the bed, standing up to fix your clothes, "You can go ahead and play house with that homewrecker or whichever whore you want but one thing you won't get is my children and my compassion." Instinctively, your hand fell to your stomach where your newest addition was residing as if promising it that you both would be okay despite everything. "So you take good care of yourself, Wooyoung, or you make sure whoever you choose to be with you next could take care of you, you hear me? Because hell would freeze over before I let myself serve you again."

When you turned around to leave, Wooyoung felt like his world was shaking like a massive earthquake.

"No- wait-" he tried calling for you, he tried getting up again only to wince and fail. All hopes he had that you would still come back to him was crushed when you didn't even look back at his pained cry.

His world came crumbling down when he saw you opening and closing his curtain, leaving him alone in that bed with your words weighing on him like a hundred tons of bricks. Just as he had seen the wrong he did, just as he had decided to come back, karma slapped him so hard, he was sure he wouldn't recover. So he lay there, he laid on his bed with his eyes on the ceiling and he cried silently. The tears stung his eyes but he couldn't bear to wipe them away himself, he couldn't bear to move, not when he realized how fucked he was. How stuck he was.

In a way, you were lucky to be able to leave the premises and possibly choose to just never see Wooyoung again.

Oddly, you hadn't shed a tear despite the fear, pain, sorrow, disgust, confusion, and uncertainty mixing together and creating a tornado of negativity in your head. You thought that you had to keep it all in until you didn't have to attend to your responsibilities which were your children.

Glancing at the clock, you saw that you had a good 2 hours before you had to pick Woohyun up and take him to his after-school class while Dayoung would take the bus with her friends to hakwon. Realizing the vacancy you had, you thought that you could do some good with your time. You could maybe pack your things and your children's things up so when you pick them up, you can take them straight to your parents' house. Or, since you and your children took up the majority, you could pack Wooyoung's things up, drop them at the academy and leave them for the bitty homewrecker with the note 'Have fun with my leftover, whorish bitch'. It was only at that moment did you even think of her and how the affair came to be. You were a firm believer that some feelings are just uncontrollable but ultimately, someone's actions are absolutely controllable. And that bitch and Wooyoung decided to abandon control for whatever reason there is and now they forced your children to be in a broken family. You weren't against divorce, especially if infidelity was involved, you were just against your children having to go through unimaginable pain and having to navigate through life with all sorts of uncertainty.

It astounded you that even after dropping the hammer on your husband (or is it soon-to-be-ex-husband now?), all you could care about were your children and how to help them going forward.

You were so deep in thought that you didn't realize that you were already parked in front of your house for the past 15 minutes, just glaring at the car ahead as if that car was the one who had wronged your family.

A sudden knock from the window on your side caused you to jump in surprise and of course, the official ambassador of Wooyoung's hospitalization showed up.

"Hey, don't you need to get out?" Yunho asked, raising an eyebrow and offering a smile that would've made you chuckle on a normal day. But alas, you were not in the mood.

When you finally got out of the car, you tried your best to avoid being close to Yunho or even to just see Yunho. At that moment, the grass on your lawn seemed more interesting.

"What are you doing here?" you asked, voice void of any emotions. Yunho furrowed his eyebrows and ducked, trying to find your eyes but of course, you were evading it. "Aren't you gonna look at me?" he asked but you immediately shook your head and kept your mouth shut.

There was a long pause because Yunho wanted to hear you speak but you had adamantly stuck to your ground, not wanting to say anything for absolutely no reason at all. It kind of annoyed you how Yunho was there on your most vulnerable days what with being the first to know of your awareness of your husband's infidelity and now he was probably going to be yet another first in knowing that you had just informed your husband that you basically wanted to separate from him permanently. You didn't hate Yunho as a person despite everything, you just hated his timing.

Then he surprised you yet again when he reached forward and gently took ahold of your hand, effectively causing you to look up at him though initially in annoyance but you didn't take your hand from him.

Yunho's mouth opened and closed like a fish out of water, struggling to find the words to use on you. Should he tell you that he had heard what you told Wooyoung at the ER? Should he tell you that he was proud that you were doing something good for yourself? What could he even say to make things better? Your marriage had just ended, there is nothing that could make that fact better because it was a devastating thing for you and you were going to have to go through all sorts of hassle and pain alone while still supporting two children. Well, three, but thankfully that little nugget of information was one that he wasn't privy to.

So rather than trying to comfort you, Yunho just smiled and nodded.

It was the availability of Yunho that broke you. One, two tears dropped down your cheek before you felt the air sucked out of you and the horrifying realization of your action was finally dropped down on you.

"Oh God," you gasped, knees buckling when you started sobbing but Yunho's reflex immediately kicked in and he pulled you into his arms, supporting your weight as you received the immense weight of reality.

Yunho didn't dare say anything, he didn't even dare to comfort you because he knew he couldn't do anything. There was nothing for him to do but to allow you to have your moment and just be there to support you because God knows without him, you wouldn't have the support you need without having to hurt not only yourself all over again, but possibly hurt more people. So at that moment, though it pained him to see such a strong person break down like that, he let things go the way they should because as hard as he was trying to keep the thought down, he knew what he was doing was a good thing.

Unfortunately, the eyes that watched you and Yunho embracing each other so freely in public- in front of the house you shared with Wooyoung, didn't think the same way. The eyes that watched you had misunderstood, thinking that it was you who was unfaithful.

A picture worth a thousand words. And how glad Dayoung was for taking two.

network :

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universalitgirlsblog2 · 20 hours

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🩷🌸HOW TO LOVE YOURSELF ?🩷🌸

🌸Who is your role-model ? Why do you look upto them ? What you do you like about them ? Do you like how they are kind to others without expecting anything in return ? Do you like them because they take exquisite care of themselves ? Think about the specific traits you like about your role-model and add these traits /qualities in your character. Start identifying yourself with those qualities.

🩷Look into the mirror and tell yourself affirmations. You can keep them simple or exaggerate them , it doesn't matter. Affirmations help us to boost our self-esteem. It also helps to reduce stress and anxiety. Here are some self-love affirmations - click me and click me!! You can also listen to songs which have positive lyrics or vibes. This post can help - click me !!

🌸TALK TO YOURSELF LIKE YOU WOULD TALK TO YOUR BEST-FRIEND OR LOVED ONE. YOUR LOVED ONE MADE A TINY MISTAKE , WOULD YOU CRITICISE THEM ? HAVE A POSTIVE SELF-TALK. When you are alone , pay attention to what you are saying to yourself. Are you cursing yourself for your past mistakes or thinking about how you are so strong to go through all that and not give up ?

🩷Stop caring about other's opinions. Your opinion about yourself matters alot. Why ? You create your reality. If you decide you are pretty, then you are. Being pretty is a mindset. Also , we have conscious and subconscious mind , right ? On a conscious level, you have the ability to reject opinions that you don't like. If someone calls you ugly , you have the ability to reject their opinion. If you reject other's negative opinions because you have the ability on a conscious level to reject , the idea won't impress on your subconscious mind but if you accept their opinion and take their opinion as facts, you will accept it on a conscious mind, your subconscious have no ability to reject , it must accept . I hope I was able to make myself clear . In other words , your opinion matters the most !! Also , if you understand yourself , you won't care what others say , if you have brown eyes and someone says that they are blue , would you believe them ? No !

🌸Focus on the qualities you like about yourself .As Wonyoung said , people can give you criticism even when you don't need it , so you must give yourself nothing but LOVE !

🩷Make self-care a daily ritual. When you take care of yourself , you will look better and feel good too !

🌸Don't compare yourself with others. It is a tragedy for people who live in a constant state of comparison. Be your own dream life. Be so focused on watering your own grass that you don't care if someone else's grass is greener. Here are some affirmations that can help you - click me !

🩷Be disciplined.

🌸Have boundaries and put yourself first. You will never regret putting yourself first !

🩷Stop seeking validation from others. Their validation is irrelevant. The only person who truly knows you is YOU !!! If you always seek others validation , you will become their slave. Compliment yourself , stop expecting others to compliment about how pretty or smart , compliment yourself about how pretty you are ! Hype yourself up !! These affirmations can help - click me !

🌸Protect your energy. Cut off toxic people, don't fight with stupid people. Don't consume negative media.

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educatedsimps · 21 hours

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— bonus headcanons, iwaizumi hajime

≪ back to fics masterlist main fic here!

iwaizumi hajime x gn!reader

a/n: idea dump based on this iwa request (main fic) so this is basically just everything i wanted to put into the fic but i kinda lost the energy and the bandwidth to write everything up to the standard i wanted so now this exists HAHA hope u like this and tysm for reading! :)

headcanons under the cut!

You remember asking him once, "Hajime, why do you do that?"

And he replied "Do what?" with deadass the most confused look on his face.

"Kiss my wrists and palms all the time," You clarified.

"Oh," He stopped. "Yeah, why do I do that-"

ok so basically, Iwa finds the wrists a very delicate part of the body, and given his experience as a volleyball player, and the nature of his job, he takes extra special care of them.

he remembers his coaches always reminding him and his teammates not to injure their wrists during training, which translates to "YOU BETTER HAVE GOOD FORM WHILE SPIKING, SERVING AND SETTING, DO YOU UNDERSTAND?"

anyway, i think he started noticing wrists when he was in high school, especially since he was seijoh's ace and had to use his wrists a lot to spike. he probably injured his wrist(s) once and has always listened to his coaches ever since.

now that he's a professional volleyball trainer he makes sure that his athletes don't injure their wrists either.

so i think all of this adds to why he pays extra attention to your wrists especially.

bonus if your job requires you to use or rely on your wrists a lot, eg. musician (like me), athletes, surgeon, author, artist, etc... idk.

YOU CANNOT CONVINCE ME THAT HE DOESN'T GIVE THE BEST 👏 FKING 👏 MASSAGES 👏 ON EARTH 👏 and at the end of the massage he'll always kiss your hands and wrists and idk why but it just feels so chivalrous. like ofc it feels intimate when you hold his face in your hands and he plants kisses on your wrists/palms and but sometimes it just feels so chivalrous and gentlemanly ykwim?

OMG WHEN HE PROPOSES TO YOU like after he slides the ring onto your finger AND THEN KISSES YOUR WRIST/HAND AND IT FEELS LIKE YOUR HEART COULD EXPLODE 'cause i know mine would actually explode if he did that.

anyway some instances i thought of adding to the fic (but couldn't cuz i don't have the ability or capacity to write them out well) include:

waking up in the morning together or when you hold his face and kiss his forehead (these two are in the main fic linked above!)

when you're cuddling on the couch after a long day and just watching a show together or napping. if you're laying on him and touch his face he'll 100% kiss your wrists/palms

when he hugs you from behind and you reach up to run your fingers through his hair (like when you're cooking dinner together or something) and he'll pull your hand down to kiss your wrist

when you hug him with your arms around his neck and he catches your wrist before you pull away

when you shower together (SFW, DON'T WORRY) and you're facing each other and he's tilting his head / bending down while you wash his hair or massage his scalp and when you're done washing it he'll give your wrists a gentle kiss before returning the favour

BONUS: when he holds your face in his hands and you decide to give him a taste of his (very sweet) medicine. you’d twist your head to kiss his wrist and then his palm and he'd be BLUSHING because he's usually the one who does that AND HE'S SO CUTE he's like, "hey... you can't do that. i'm supposed to be the one doing that for you." while blushing and smiling and getting a lil shy and everything and HE'S JUST TOO CUTE FOR MY HEART 😭😭💕

a/n: ok that's all for the iwa brainrot ... i'm kidding, the iwa brainrot will never end. THANKS FOR READING THOUGH and thank you anon for sparking my two week long obsession with iwa once again

#educated.simps #haikyuu x reader #lyssa.writes #simps.write #haikyuu!!#haikyuu fluff #iwaizumi hajime #hajime iwaizumi #iwaizumi x reader #iwaizumi fluff #iwaizumi hajime x reader #iwaizumi hajime x reader fluff #hq iwaizumi #hq

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thegnomelord · 3 days

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Bro I have been a solid lurker for a HOT moment. Let me just say stupendous writing literally devouring this surplus like a fine dinning for 3. Daily check your page because the writing is so immaculate!

I have come to share a particular idea. Soap has a Mohawk but what about male reader having a cool hairstyle to. (Totally not because I also have a Mohawk there cool asf) but soap who is used to having his hair pulled, then comes along reader and he's practically begging to have his hair pulled with the silly style and soaps obsessed. BONUS points if reader and soap or monsters like bloodborne lichen dude 🙏🙏🙏 peek monster design I need to see that in action you know. (I'm so full of cool old school horror movies with monsters and insane cool practical effects) all I'm thinking about it Soap who's being an arse pushing reader to his limits, grabbing his hair and pulling only to get a near guttural growl from reader and getting demolish by reader

Sorry if that made no sense im rambling and the bus is a pain in my side.

Could I be 🛠 anon!

NGL I always wanted a mohawk and TRIED to do a mohawk but my head is shaped like a very inbred egg and it just does not look good on me.

CW:MDNI, sorry it's short I don't have much time cause I'm swamped with other projects and my studies :Dd

But I also love the idea of conventional werewolf Soap with Bloodborn werewolf reader. Like you're beastly even in human form, a wild mohawk on your head stretching down all the way down your spine, wild coarse hair giving you a savage appearance. And Johnny is painfully hard for it. Just something wild in bones absolutely salivates for the blatant ferocity you show.

So, as you do, he makes himself a menace every chance he gets. Something in him, something beyond his inner wolf, earns for the ferocious bloody fight and brawl. So any chance he gets, he's by your side, growling, baring his teeth, always trying to push the boundaries of your space.

He finally fucks up when, his need getting too strong, he reaches out and curls his fingers in your mohawk near the nape of your neck. The growl he receives shakes the ground and has his heart dropping to his stomach. Your teeth are on him in a second, big clawed paws pinning him to the ground no matter how much he shifts and tries to fight back. You're bigger than him in wolf form, wild hair and semi-flayed flesh falling around his head like a shroud so all he can see is are the jagged jaws snarling near his face.

And it only takes a second before you feel his ass bump against your groin, a second later to smell the strong musk of arousal clinging to him like the last dregs of humanity cling to your bones. Soap whines like a kicked pup when he smells your acrid arousal in return, licking into your open jaws and struggling on purpose to grind his ass against your quickly hardening cock.

#gnome's tea break #gnome correspondence #cod mw2 #x reader #male reader #soap john mactavish #john soap mactavish x male reader #john soap mactavish x reader #john soap mactavish #x male reader #dom male character #sub male character #trinckets of the hoard #🛠anon

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ivelle-serenity · 2 days

Text

Skateboard 8

Wind breaker

✧˖° — windbreaker men

✧˖° — mdni, smut, description of not safe for work content.

✧˖° — this is a story not one shot.

"What does he want from you, Demitra?" Minu asked, turning the attention to me. Panic flooded through me as I looked at Jay, who was waiting for my answer.

"I-I don't know," I stammered. The truth is, I have no idea what Vinny is up to. Why does he want to help me? Isn't he mad at me? I bit my lip, feeling the weight of my words. "But I can say that he's not threatening. Maybe he just wants to mess around with you guys."

"Yeah, he better be bluffing," Jay said, crossing his arms. This time, I won't let it slide if he does something again." Everyone looked surprised by Jay's seriousness.

"He's still our friend, Jay..." Minu started, but Dom cut him off.

"That's not how friends should act," Dom said with frustration. "He has no right to scare people or damage things that don't belong to him."

I stayed quiet, unsure of what to think. I knew I shouldn't get involved in their problems. I wasn't there when their friendship fell apart. I wasn't around for their conflicts. In short, I had no right to speak up. All I could do was talk to Vinny later and ask him to leave me alone.

"Demitra," Dom called out, not looking at me. He was staring at the floor. "Call us if he bothers you again. We won't let anyone harm you. You're part of our group now."

I was stunned by his words and looked at everyone in disbelief. Jay's intense gaze made me wonder if they truly considered me one of them now. Does this mean they're my friends now? But deep down, I knew Vinny wouldn't hurt me. Wooin wouldn't allow that to happen.

And why do you think that, Demitra? Just because you sense that the leader of Sabbath likes you? Gosh, this whole situation is just too much to handle.

"I understand, thank you," I said softly. Mia touched my hand, a smile gracing her face.

"If it weren't for you, this crew wouldn't be improving as much. You're a genius, and thank you for helping us, Demitra."

After she said that, I remembered the times when I taught Jay and Dom about biking. Even this morning during our class, Dom asked for advice on how to increase his speed, and I helped him with all my knowledge in sprinting. It was only now that I realized because of them, I returned to biking, but for a good reason this time.

After our P.E. class, I couldn't shake off what had happened from my mind. I let out a heavy sigh before running my fingers through my hair. I glanced to the side and saw the student council president staring at me, blushing. Some of our classmates were with him. I just rolled my eyes.

I knew they were the reason why my locker was filled with letters and flowers. I didn't expect to attract so much attention here in Korea. I thought I would have a quiet life as a student, but I was completely wrong.

I was startled when my phone rang. I wasn't surprised when I found out who had messaged me.

Wooin: Joker will pick you up there. So be ready.

I let out a sigh and hid my phone. I was surprised when a thick book was placed on my desk. When I looked up, I saw Jay with a serious expression. He adjusted his glasses.

"What is this?" I raised my eyebrow.

"A book," he answered simply.

Irritation crossed my face. "Stop with the sarcasm. What am I supposed to do with this?"

"Do you think my tutoring is finished? You're not even halfway there yet," he leaned against the wall.

I chuckled. "Aren't you supposed to be thinking about the race for tomorrow? Why are you thinking about helping me with my Korean again?" I shook my head.

"My mom isn't home. We can study there," he suddenly suggested. I was surprised by his sudden invitation. I looked at him in surprise, but his face remained serious.

"Maybe next time, Jay—"

“Why?” he quickly asked. “Do you have somewhere to go?”

My heart raced. I could feel the heat rising to the back of my neck. Why is he doing this? Damn it. I should be staying away from you, dumbass! You're just making this situation much worse than I expected.

"Yes," I replied. I smirked. "Don't worry, I'll study hard at home, Sir Jay." I teased, but it didn't change his expression at all. So cold.

As I made my way down the stairs and stepped outside, I immediately noticed Joker’s sleek motorcycle parked nearby. He was leaning against it, arms crossed, with his usual blank expression. This guy is always so hard to read. Maybe he's annoyed that he has to pick me up.

"Wow, I didn't expect you to be the one Wooin sent. I thought it would be Vinny," I joked as he handed me a helmet. It was my first time riding a motorcycle, and I fumbled with the helmet, not sure how to put it on properly.

"Disappointed?" he asked, moving closer to help adjust the helmet on my head. I felt a blush rising to my cheeks.

"Nah, maybe he'd crash his bike if he picked me up. That guy hates me," I joked again, trying to lighten the mood. Joker’s gaze briefly flicked to my lips before he looked away. He then climbed onto his motorcycle and gestured for me to get on behind him.

"Well, I'm the one here. Come on," he said as he started the engine.

I climbed onto Joker's motorcycle, feeling uncertain about where to put my hands. What if I fell off? Panic started to set in as I bit my bottom lip.

"You can hold on there," he said suddenly, pointing to a spot behind him. I felt a bit of relief. "Or you can hold onto my waist if you're really scared."

Why would I do that? My cheeks began to heat up.

"No thanks. I'm fine--FUCK!"

I wasn't sure if Joker did it on purpose, but he sped off so quickly that I had no choice but to grab onto his waist. The motorcycle zoomed ahead at an alarming speed, and I kept my eyes shut the entire ride. I was too terrified to let go until we finally stopped.

"Are you trying to kill me?!" I snapped, shoving the helmet at him angrily. He just tilted his head, giving me a deadpan glare.

Does he really have the right to look annoyed? I should be the one glaring!

We entered the club, and Joker walked ahead, leaving me to follow him. The place was a madhouse, with people dancing, drinking, and shouting. The music was deafening.

A drunk guy bumped into me, nearly knocking me over. Thankfully, Joker caught my elbow, preventing me from falling.

"What the fuck?--Joker!" The guy started to get angry but quickly recognized Joker. Joker stepped closer, his gaze icy.

"You got something to say?" Joker threatened. The guy quickly shook his head, raising his hands as if surrendering. "Get lost," Joker growled, shoving the guy in the chest, making him stumble back.

I shook my head and walked ahead, knowing we were heading to the VIP room to meet Wooin.

As I stepped into the VIP room, my eyes widened at the scene unfolding before me. There was a pole in the center, and dancers - or more accurately, strippers - were performing for Hyuk. I looked around, hoping to spot Vinny, but he was nowhere to be seen. Instead, I saw Wooin sitting back, casually drinking while a woman with long black hair grinding on his lap. She was barely dressed, and I could see him touching her ass as he took a sip of his drink.

My cheeks flushed with embarrassment, and I was about to turn and leave when Joker blocked my path.

"Why did you bring me here, you idiot?" I muttered, feeling irritated and uncomfortable.

"Let me out of here..."

"Is that Demitra?" I heard Wooin's voice, causing me to squint in disbelief.

I put on a fake smile and tried to play it cool. "I see you're all busy. What a great timing huh?"

Hyuk, who was lounging on the sofa, turned his head towards me. "You're pretty quick."

"Your friend seems to have plans to kill me with how fast he drive," I said sarcastically.

"Leave, everyone," Wooin suddenly announced, causing the dancers to stop and the woman on his lap to pause.

"But you said..." annoyance dripped from the woman's voice.

"I'll just come back next time. I'm leaving," I said, but Joker was leaning against the door with his arms crossed.

"Stay here, Princess. We have a lot to talk about," Wooin smirked.

"Do you really need me to win your race? From what I've seen, you guys are already pretty skilled," I remarked, crossing my arms as I watched the girls gather their things and leave the room.

I heard Hyuk scoff. "So, who's gonna tell her?"

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Demitra..." Wooin got up, came over to me, and adjusted his glasses. "You're not here to share your bike knowledge, Princess. You've got your own skills, so why share them with us? We have our own."

My heart skipped a beat at his words. I widened my eyes and pondered his statement. If that's the case, then why did they bring me here?

"Then why did Vinny say you needed me..." I started to question.

Hyuk clicked his tongue while lounging on the sofa. "He just said that to get you here."

My mind was reeling from what I had just learned. What on earth is happening?

Why do I feel like they're not telling the truth? Why does it seem like Vinny was being honest, but he just didn't know this was the plan all along, especially from their leader? My breathing quickens as I stare at the guy in front of me. Joker doesn't want to let me out. Hyuk seems to want this too. What do they want from me? I don't want to think that they all have feelings for me. I'm not that kind of person who thinks the world revolves around her. But their actions suggest otherwise.

Wooin chuckled. "You see, Demitra, you're our secret weapon. Even though we have skilled people like Vinny in our crew, having someone like you makes a real difference to our team."

"You're joking..." I burst out. "A weapon? Are you insane? Didn't I tell you I don't want to be exposed to that biking stuff anymore?" I was starting to get angry. I saw Hyuk shift in his seat. I could feel Joker moving behind me. Wooin's expression changed.

"You don't want to be exposed, you say? Then why are you letting Hummingbird use you?"

Hyuk's words sent a chill through my entire body. He stood up from the sofa and walked towards us. There's no way he knows that. I felt my face pale, so I averted my gaze.

"I- don't know what you're saying..."

He rolled his eyes.

"We know you've been training with Hummingbird," Joker suddenly spoke up from behind me. I turned to him in shock. "We also know they're using you as a replacement for their female rider, Shelly, who's currently in England," he said coldly.

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sammyche · 2 days

Note

in light of recent events (Dovi praising Marc on live TV) I wanna share even MORE jealous!Vale thoughts my ill brain created

In my mind their reconciliation happened during Vale's last year on the grid, but it begun after Marc's injury in 2020

Vale obviously knows that during their break up Marc had others, he even knows who more or less (he got tired after the like tenth guy he named) but the name which remained more sour in his mind was Dovi's

It was another Italian guy, one who shared the grid with them and which never actually distanced himself completely from Marc, always luring in the shadows ready to console Marc if he had a bad race and Vale couldn't sneak to his motorhome fast enough to be the first to talk to his boy.

Marc doesn't even realise that Vale is NOT happy with his closeness with Dovi because he just sees it as that rn, not as anything remotely romantic or sexual anymore.

But when he finds out OH MY GOD is he bratty about it.

He runs to Dovi first thing after the end of the race, long face and practically throws himself in his arms for a hug, and he knows Vale saw that, he can feel his piercing blue eyes burning a hole in his head and killing Dovi with a stare.

After returning to his motorhome Marc practically rushes to the bedroom, making sure he's got lube ready near the bed, takes off his racing gear and puts on an ols crumpled shirt Dovi had left at his sometime ago, with a fading print designed to look like a 04 on front.

He waits the usual 10 minutes they give each other before Vale comes to him, and those minutes are extremely long for Marc, he's now set on pushing as many buttons as he can to get Vale to fuck him so good he forgets about the race.

When the inner timer ticks 10 minutes Vale is inside the room, wearing one of his ridiculously oversized hoodies, and when he turns he finds an innocent acting Marc, sat on the bed, smiling in his usual warm way.

Vale tries not to act out with Marc because he knows it's just from his POV that the relationship between Marc and Dovi is something to be jealous of, but when he goes to kiss him and sees the tshirt... Oh may God have mercy on Marc's soul

He freezes, stares at the tshirt and then at Marc, who still is sat on the bed, and looks up to him with the most innocent eyes ever and asks what's wrong. and then Vale obviously asks who's tshirt is that and Marc goes "Oh yeah this was Dovi's but he gave it to me last year it's just so comfortable I can swim inside it look" and he is starting to show it to Vale which finally has enough of that bullshit and just grabs Marc's wrists and without saying a word takes off his tshirt, leaving him in boxers for three seconds and then proceeding to dress him with his hoodie, ending up being shirtless

"There, this is more comfortable and doesn't belong to that fucker. I don't want you to go around smelling like him, I want you to wear MY things got it? you are not his or whoever else's you fucked with last years, you're mine and I'm not letting you wear his fucking merch"

Marc is completely red, he loves this side of Vale, it shows he truly cares, and he finds it extremely hot. "Maybe just to be sure he or anyone else gets ideas I'm gonna mark you up, what do you say mh? Would you like that Marc? I'm gonna leave hickeys everywhere on your body, I want them to get that you're mine and they don't get to have you like I do"

At that point Marc is hard as hell and they end up fucking in his motorhome, trying to be as quieto as possible but doing a terrible job at it.

the next morning Marc posts a pic of him with an oversized hoodie which lets his neck visible, full of bites and hickeys, the post description being something like "I know with who I belong"

oh yeah mhm mhm

marc with dovi's merch to piss off vale that's a+. i thinking after that stunt vale would make marc throw away all the merch of dovi he kepts and he would replace it with his. like my number is the only one that you will wear.

#motogp #marc marquez #valentino rossi #andrea dovizioso #dovquez #rosquez #asks

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mexipoopy · 13 hours

Text

On Repeat - OC Tag Stuff

I was tagged by @acidheaddd to do this and AH thank you I've been mulling over this A LOT and it really made me think hard on my OCs and their stories. Credits to @elderwisp(a cool guy) for the idea.

OK! Onto the LORE

Ai [FSU -BigKlit]

1 shot, 2 shot, 3 shot, 4 Fuck it up, I wanna see the bodies hit the floor 5 shot, 6 shot, 7 shot, 8 We don't give a fuck, we burning down the whole place Fuck shit up, I wanna fuck shit up, I wanna fuck shit up

Rage, rage, rage. That's definitely a word to describe this guy. Ai is very aggressive due to good old trauma~* but despite his violent tendencies he's full of highly energized spite and fun, so this song encapsulates his personality pretty accurately with its fast pace and aggressive lyrics. A fist with a bright shining smile to accompany it.

Marisol [Holy Weather -Civil Twilight]

It’s not too late to go home Passion is this weight on my shoulders So why did you follow me into this den When all the bluest stars paint your name In a sky of black You must go back

Are you lost little soul? Marisol is a bit of a wanderer, who lets her curiosity dictate her actions. But where that curiosity leads her is full of a darkness that beckons her soul to light her path. She is constantly told to turn back by many colorful characters, despite this, she persists. There is a particular entity who crosses paths with her soul and is unable to escape her tenacity. This song with its regretful lyrics and soft instrumentals, parallel the dynamic of her affect on those around her especially the one that holds her soul closest to theirs and the consequences that happen because of it.

Isaiah [Daydreaming -Radiohead]

Beyond the point Of no return Of no return Then it's too late The damage is done The damage is done This goes Beyond me Beyond you

Liminal. Inhuman. Existence. Isaiah, if that is his true identity, is an individual full of whimsical mysteries and questions. What happens when a person dies, and who will lead us into the afterlife? Will the reaper come to aid us in our desperate confusion upon our passing? Where will you go? This song, compels the listener to wander and be lured by its ethereal instrumentals and the darkness that looms around it, much like how the darkness and uncertainty of death lingers among the living.

Jasper [You Don't Own Me -Tamino]

You may keep me hеre You seem to know just how To pin me to the ground Each timе you come around Take away my home Obscuring what I am And plague me all night long And lay claim to freedom's song

What good is greed if you don't possess yourself? Even the strongest can fall folly to abusive, parasitic relationships. Jasper, even in his conception was never meant to enjoy the freedom of individuality. Being a prisoner inside his own body and shackled by family ties and a predatory lover that only wishes to possess him, his autonomy is never of his own volition. Still, his soul persists, fighting and gnashing at every opportunity to break free from those that hold him captive. This song is one of rebelling to that which wants to possess and control you, which bears a haunting resemblance to Jasper's own struggles.

Anabelle [Do You Feel Real -Sevdaliza]

I thought I'd heal from you Or you'd escaped from me Maybe I'm too scared to forget you I just can't remember how it feels like to function without Absorbed in total free fall It's a waste of time It's not that serious

My void is one that comforts and cures a loneliness that it causes. What do you do when the only thing that comforts you is the presence of evil? When that is all that you are used to? Anabelle was born spreading death and misery wherever she went. But why? Is it the shadow that follows her and protects her as everything else withers away? Accompanied by low and drawn out instrumentals, the lyrics of this song perpetuate a relationship that is parasitic and addictive in nature, one that you thought you overcame but it persists. Anabelle craves love from the living and dreads the darkness that lingers and keeps her isolated. Still, she is plagued by her need to have it close or else her loneliness will destroy her.

Ira [Daisy -Brand New]

I'm a mountain that has been moved I'm a river that is all dried up I'm an ocean nothing floats on I'm a sky that nothing wants to fly in I'm a sun that doesn't burn hot I'm a moon that never shows its face I'm a mouth that doesn't smile I'm a word that no one ever wants to say

I am nothing. I crave to become everything. Ira is an anomaly. He exists but in a plane that no living creature can exist, all he knows, he knows from a dream that connects to his. She is beautiful, living, while he is nothing. Envy feeds his hunger, but nothing ever happens. HE shouldn't exist, yet he does. A paradox, much like the message of this song. The dream persists and reminds him that he should exist. But why is he here and not there? Maybe she can help him become real, and not a dream.

_________________________________

AND that's it for that lol! I have way more characters that I have music for (but i don't have official finalized sim versions of them) so i just included these guys for now, I could include my Envidia story characters but i felt like this post is pretty long as it is sajkfa my bad. LOL all my song choices are existential/depressing save for Ai, because he's built different lol.

#oc: ai #oc: marisol #oc: isaiah #oc: jasper #oc: anabelle #oc: ira #ts4 #ts4: sim #tag game #SIDENOTE: fucking TOOL is amazing but posing sims is still a big pain in the ass in game #i cry #anyway this was a lot of fun thanks again for the tag!

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i-heart-hxh · 1 day

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In all honesty why do you think Killua made the number two comment to Gon? I feel like he doesn’t realize how messed up that is to say to someone who has gone through extensive trauma trying to prove himself to a father who also put him in “second place” to something he deemed more important. It was hurtful and I don’t see how that can be repaired now. Even if they do reunite Gon is going to just step on eggshells and fear that even one slip up will cause Killua to just leave him again. Idk I just feel like separation wasn’t the solution here. They needed to talk and then stay together. But “taking a break” rarely works out for any relationship. It also sucks that Gon constantly told Killua how important he was to him but Killua NEVER returned this sentiment verbally so Gon’s just stuck thinking he’s a piece of shit who destroyed his most important relationship. Killua really did just say “screw Gon I have Alluka now”.

Hello!

I don't agree with this interpretation at all; to me, there are a number of complex reasons why Killua made that comment, and I don't think it will destroy their relationship by any means.

This post--In-Depth analysis on the Hidden Reasons behind Gon & Killua's separation scene (ep 147) Why Gon is 'Number 2'--is the best starting point for anyone trying to understand the separation, in my opinion. It's cohesive, uses supporting evidence from the series and demonstrates the careful wording used in the separation, and it makes more sense than any other interpretation I've read of why Killua would make such a comment to Gon. I keep referring back to this post because I truly think it holds keys to understanding the separation that other posts I've seen don't.

In addition to the insight provided in that post--where Killua is trying to put some distance between him and Gon for Gon's safety and well-being, essentially--I also think it's:

a) Partly how Killua is trying to steel himself to leave Gon, by telling himself, Gon, and Alluka that Alluka is his priority for now

b) Part of Killua's campaign of teasing Gon lightheartedly on the topic, to bring it up while at the same time downplaying the emotional effects of what happened between them--because when they're separating is not the right time for them to seriously address it or work through it

I do think the second place comment hurt Gon a little, but...Gon is already aware that he hurt Killua, and after his life was literally saved by Alluka (Nanika), being put in "second place" is not the worst outcome ever, honestly. Plus, it confirms he's still one of the most important people to Killua even after everything that happened between them! Killua is not saying Gon is trash to him now, even though it is a bit of a jab.

I've also said before that I think Togashi had Killua make this comment with awareness that we, as the audience, would be like, "Uh-huh Killua, sure, interesting of you to say this so shortly after you centered your entire life on him for basically the whole series and even seriously considered doing a lovers suicide with this guy..." We're most likely supposed to see it as Killua not being fully honest, even though Alluka does obviously mean a lot to Killua and by necessity she has to be his priority now. Plus, even Alluka herself says she'll give Killua back to Gon after a while. She must have some idea of how much Gon means to Killua, to be so willing to "give him back." I've said this before, but I see this line from Alluka about giving Killua back to Gon as a promise from Togashi to the audience that this isn't forever.

Gon isn't clueless; he knows Killua cares about him even though Killua struggles to express it verbally. The degree of trust and unspoken understanding between them in the dodgeball match is a good (albeit complicated) example of this. The two didn't communicate to the degree they needed to during Chimera Ant Arc, which makes sense because they're young and have their own issues and it was terribly traumatic for both for them, but they also have a good understanding of each other overall, and it's not giving Gon enough credit to assume he has no idea just because Killua hasn't said it. He doesn't know the full extent of Killua's feelings for him, certainly (I hope he will someday!), but he is aware Killua cares about him. Even when it comes to the separation, Killua expressing his pain shows that he still cares about Gon! He's saying that what happened still hurts, because he still cares! He's making light of it, but it's honestly a step in the right direction for him to be discussing it at all. If they can't be honest with each other about how what happened impacted them, they can't heal.

Of course it would be better for their relationship if they talked it out fully and came to some sort of resolution, but neither of them were in a place where they could do that quite yet. Killua is too closed up emotionally and hurting from seeing Gon essentially die in front of him, and Gon needs to recover from essentially throwing his life away and saying those things to Killua that we know he regrets. They do need some time apart to reflect and grow.

Are the two boys in a complicated emotional situation currently? Yes. Do I think this dooms them to never reconnect or heal their relationship? Absolutely not. I see their separation as more of a "We gotta go our separate ways for now because we both have things we have to deal with," (both externally and internally) than anything final. They agree to stay in touch, they express sadness at having to part, they make it clear several times that this is a temporary parting. Why make them clearly unsatisfied with having to part if they're not going to have an opportunity to make things right later?

#hunter x hunter #hxh #gon #killua #killugon #gonkillu #meta #long post #my posts #asks #anonymous #anon I really hope you can see this differently #also ugh there's so much to address here #I'm not sure I'm totally satisfied with this post but gonna post it anyway

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rafesapologist · 14 hours

Text

the setback ─ rafe cameron; part thirteen

summary: it's been two years since your departure from the outer banks and rafe cameron has seemingly convinced himself that he can go on with his life as if you never happened, except now more than ever his addiction is at an all time high. whether he was snorting lines of cocaine at wild parties or drowning himself in alcohol to numb the pain, rafe couldn't escape the memories of you. despite his efforts to bury his feelings, your absence lingered like a shadow, haunting him at every turn. meanwhile, you've been navigating life outside the outer banks, trying to carve out a new path for yourself. but no matter how far you've traveled, the memories of rafe cameron still linger in your heart, leaving you with a sense of unfinished business. as you find yourself facing new challenges and opportunities, you can't help but wonder if fate will eventually bring you back to the place where it all began.

warnings: brief moments of kissing, violence, swearing, mentions of blood

author's note: i was writing this during 1013029 other assignments so if there's any errors forgive me i have so much mental fatigue rn also i think i spelled sofia's name wrong at some point in this story so my b

You stood there in silence, your lip quivering in the aftermath of the argument with Kiara. Holding yourself tightly, you fought back tears, the weight of her words pressing down on you. The night air felt heavy and suffocating, the sounds of the party fading into the background.

Rafe placed a gentle hand on the small of your back, his touch warm and reassuring. "I can take you home if you need me to. Or you can come back to my place," he offered, his voice soft and concerned.

You sniffled, wiping away a single tear as you turned to face Rafe, nodding quickly as you tried to brush off your emotions. "Can you just... take me to your house tonight?" you said flatly, your gaze fixed on the ground. "I don't think it's a good idea to be around Kie right now. She probably needs time to calm down."

Rafe nodded without hesitation, his grip on the steering wheel tightening slightly. "Of course," he replied softly. "Let's get out of here, okay?"

The drive was a blur, the city lights flickering past as you both sat in contemplative silence. When you finally arrived at Rafe's house, he parked the car and hurried around to your side, opening the door for you. You stepped out, the cool night air brushing against your skin, grounding you for a moment.

Rafe led you inside, his hand gently resting on the small of your back, guiding you through the dimly lit hallway. The house was quiet, a stark contrast to the chaos of the party. You felt a strange sense of calm wash over you as you entered his home, the familiarity of it offering a small comfort.

He took you to the living room and sat you down on the couch, then disappeared into the kitchen. Moments later, he returned with a glass of water and a warm blanket, draping it over your shoulders as he handed you the glass.

"Here," he said softly, sitting down beside you. "Drink this. It'll help."

You took a sip, the cool water soothing your parched throat. Rafe watched you with concern, his eyes never leaving your face.

"Do you want to talk about it?" he asked gently.

You shook your head, not ready to delve into the emotions swirling inside you. "Not right now," you murmured. "I just... I need a moment."

Rafe nodded, respecting your need for space. He reached out and took your hand, squeezing it reassuringly. "I'm here when you're ready," he said, his voice filled with sincerity.

You leaned back against the couch, the events of the night replaying in your mind. Kiara's harsh words, Sophia's taunts, and the overwhelming confrontation left you feeling drained and uncertain. But as you sat there, Rafe's presence beside you offered a sense of support.

Rafe's house was eerily quiet, a stark contrast to the bustling party you had just left. You leaned back on the couch, the blanket wrapped tightly around you as Rafe sat beside you, his hand still holding yours. The warmth of his touch was a grounding force amidst the chaos in your mind.

"I know things are a mess right now," Rafe began, his voice low and soothing. "But we'll figure it out. I promise."

You nodded, but your thoughts were far away, replaying the confrontation with Kiara over and over again. Her words had cut deep, and the realization that your secret was partially out left you feeling exposed and vulnerable. The anger in her voice and the betrayal in her eyes were hard to shake off.

Rafe squeezed your hand gently, bringing you back to the present. "Do you want to watch something? Maybe a movie to distract you?" You simply nodded.

Rafe got up from the couch and grabbed the remote, flicking through the channels until he found a light-hearted movie. He settled back down beside you, his arm draping over your shoulders protectively. As the movie played, you tried to focus on the screen, but your mind kept wandering back to the confrontation with Kiara.

"Is this okay?" Rafe asked softly, his eyes scanning your face for any sign of discomfort.

You nodded weakly, your eyes glued to your hands as you picked at your nails. "Yeah, it's fine."

Rafe adjusted the volume to a low, comforting hum. He leaned back, pulling you gently against him. His presence was soothing, a small lifeline in the storm of emotions swirling inside you.

For a while, you sat in silence, the movie playing in the background. Rafe's fingers traced small, comforting circles on your arm. The gesture was simple but grounding, allowing you to feel his support without the need for words.

"I don't want to lose my friends," you whispered after a while, your voice barely audible.

Rafe tightened his hold on you. "I know. And you won't. It's just... going to take time. They're just being stubborn."

You nodded, the lump in your throat growing. "I just wish things could go back to how they were."

Rafe's eyes stayed glued to yours, reading your expression carefully. "What do you mean?"

"It's just that—I don't know. I wish we didn't have to hide our relationship from them. I want to be with you unapologetically, yet I know my friends are going to crucify me for just speaking to you again." Your voice wavered with frustration and a touch of desperation, the weight of the secrecy and the fear of judgment bearing down on you.

Rafe's expression softened, a mix of understanding and sadness crossing his features. He reached out, taking both of your hands in his, his touch warm and reassuring. "I know baby, I'm sorry," he said quietly, his thumbs tracing gentle circles on the backs of your hands. "But we can get through this. I don't want you to feel like you have to choose between me and your friends."

You looked down, the conflict inside you swirling like a storm. "But what if they make me choose? What if they don't understand why I'm with you? Kiara and the others... they have such strong opinions about you, and they're not exactly positive."

Rafe sighed, a hint of frustration creeping up into his voice. "I know, but really, if they care about you, they would want you to be happy. It's selfish of them to ask you to choose."

You nodded, feeling a flicker of validation in his words. "I've never thought of it that way," you admitted, a glimmer of hope stirring within you.

"I'm serious, y/n," he continued, his tone firm but gentle. "You have gone through hell and back for them. The least they could do is let you be happy."

"It's not that simple," you responded, frustration and sadness mingling in your voice. "They've been my friends for so long, and we've been through so much together. They're like family to me. I can't just ignore their feelings."

Rafe sighed, understanding but still resolute. "I get that, but think about what you're saying. If they're truly your friends, if they really care about you, they should want you to be happy. You shouldn't have to hide who you're with or feel ashamed of your choices."

You sighed, feeling the weight of the situation pressing down on you. "I just wish they could see you the way I do," you said softly. "See how much you've changed and how much you care."

"I don't think they'll ever necessarily love me," Rafe sighed, tracing gentle lines onto your bare thigh, his touch soothing yet tinged with his own vulnerability. "But if they can see that you're happy with me, they'll have to at least accept that."

You nodded, feeling the truth of his words settle within you. "I hope so," you murmured, your voice barely above a whisper. "I just want them to understand that I want to be with you, that you’re not who they think you are."

Rafe's eyes softened, his hand pausing its gentle motion to rest warmly on your thigh. "They will. It might take time, but they’ll see it. And I'll do whatever it takes to show them that I'm committed to you."

You placed your hand over his, squeezing gently. "Thank you, Rafe. For being patient and understanding. Means a lot to me."

He leaned in, pressing a tender kiss to your forehead. "You're worth it," he said softly, his breath warm against your skin. "Every bit of it."

You and Rafe sat in silence for a moment, pausing to stare back at each other as you both analyzed the features of each other's faces. You felt the world melt away around you, as if everything else was just background noise amidst the feeling that was brewing inside of you towards Rafe.

His eyes, filled with a mix of concern and affection, held yours with an intensity that made your heart race. The gentle curve of his lips, the way his hair fell slightly into his eyes—every detail seemed to draw you in deeper. You could feel the electricity between you, a magnetic pull that was impossible to ignore.

Then suddenly, Rafe cupped your face gently, his touch soft and reassuring. His thumb brushed lightly across your cheek, sending a shiver down your spine. Without a word, he leaned in, his eyes never leaving yours until the very last moment.

His lips attached themselves to yours, moving slowly and tenderly. The kiss was soft at first, a tentative exploration, but it quickly deepened as you responded, your mouths moving in sync together. The sensation was overwhelming, a flood of emotions and sensations that made your head spin and your heart flutter.

Butterflies erupted in your stomach, their delicate wings brushing against the walls of your insides, filling you with a sense of exhilaration and warmth. The worries and fears that had weighed you down seemed to dissolve in that moment, replaced by the pure, unfiltered joy of being close to Rafe.

His hands slid from your face to the back of your neck, pulling you closer as he deepened the kiss. You wrapped your arms around him, holding on as if he were the only thing anchoring you to the world. The taste of his lips, the warmth of his skin, the rhythm of his heartbeat against yours—it all combined to create a perfect, intoxicating moment of connection.

When you finally pulled away, breathless and slightly dizzy, you opened your eyes to find Rafe gazing at you with an expression of pure adoration. His forehead rested against yours, both of you catching your breath, the world around you slowly coming back into focus.

Rafe's hand reached out, gently cradling your cheek as he whispered, "I love you, y/n," his voice soft yet full of sincerity. His eyes, filled with affection, locked onto yours, a silent declaration of his unwavering devotion.

Feeling the warmth of his touch, you leaned into his hand, savoring the tenderness of the moment. "I love you too, Rafe," you murmured, your voice barely above a whisper.

A smile graced Rafe's lips, his thumb brushing lightly against your cheekbone as he leaned in closer. His hand found yours, fingers intertwining as he brought your hand to his lips, pressing a gentle kiss to your knuckles.

"I'm always gonna love you," Rafe whispered, his voice filled with vulnerability and tenderness.

"How can you be so sure?" you asked quietly, your eyes glued onto your lap as you fiddled with your hands.

Rafe's gaze softened, his hand reaching out to gently lift your chin, guiding your eyes to meet his. "Because," he said softly, his voice certain, "I've spent the last two years thinking you were gone for good, and I'll be damned if I don't love you right while you're here."

"I've missed you so much," you whispered, your voice trembling with raw emotion. "I never thought I'd get a second chance with you."

Rafe's thumb brushed against your cheek, wiping away a stray tear that had escaped your eye. "You have me now," he murmured, his eyes locking onto yours with a fierce intensity. "And I'm not going anywhere."

You gave Rafe a small smile, gazing up at him with weary, tired eyes, but the blissful contentment you felt was undeniable. He noticed the exhaustion etched into your expression and gently urged you, "Get some sleep. I'll be here when you wake up."

His words were soft, a soothing balm to your frayed nerves. You nodded, trusting in his promise. With a sense of security washing over you, you nestled closer into his embrace, your head resting against his chest. The steady rhythm of his heartbeat lulled you into a deep slumber, each beat a reminder of his presence and unwavering support.

As you drifted off, Rafe wrapped his arms more securely around you, his touch a protective cocoon. He watched over you, his eyes filled with a tender mix of love and concern. The room fell silent, the only sound the soft, even breaths you took as you slept peacefully in his arms on the couch.

Hours passed soon passed when Rafe, too, succumbed to the comforting embrace of sleep. His arms instinctively wrapped around you, as if you might disappear if he let go. The both of you slept peacefully in each other's presence, the world outside fading away as you found solace in your shared slumber.

The tranquility of the night was abruptly shattered by a loud banging on the front door. The sudden noise jolted you awake, your heart pounding in your chest. The movement stirred Rafe, his arms tightening protectively around you as he blinked himself awake, confusion and concern flashing in his eyes.

"What's going on?" he mumbled, his voice groggy but alert.

"I don't know, somebody is pounding at the front door," you replied, sitting up and looking towards the door, the remnants of sleep quickly giving way to a sense of unease.

Rafe was immediately on his feet, his protective instincts kicking in as he moved to stand between you and the door. "Stay here," he instructed firmly, though his voice remained gentle.

The banging continued, persistent and insistent. Rafe glanced back at you, his eyes filled with reassurance despite the tension in the air. He approached the door cautiously, peering through the peephole before opening it slightly.

"Who's there?" he demanded, his tone steady but firm.

Suddenly, your heart fell to your stomach as you heard a familiar voice through the door, "Open the fucking door, Cameron. I need to have a word with you, asshole!" The voice shouted, causing you to flinch. You looked at Rafe with dread and worry in your eyes. You could recognize that voice from miles away—it was JJ.

Rafe's jaw tightened, and he glanced at you, reading the anxiety on your face. He took a deep breath, trying to remain calm as he turned back to the door. Silently, he urged you to stay where you were, though you felt a strong urge to rush in front of him.

Rafe swung the door open, only to be met with JJ, his anger evident across his face. "Where the fuck is she, Rafe? You think you can just have her whenever you feel like it, huh?" JJ shouted, shoving Rafe in the chest.

Rafe staggered back slightly but held his ground, his eyes narrowing. "JJ, calm down. This isn't the way to handle this." His voice remained somewhat calm, hoping not to scare you more than you already were.

"Calm down?" JJ barked, his face contorted with rage. "You've got some nerve, Cameron. Where is she?"

You took a step forward, your heart pounding in your chest. "JJ, I'm right here," you said, your voice steady despite the fear coursing through you. "Please, just stop."

JJ's eyes snapped to you, and for a moment, the anger in his gaze was replaced by hurt. "Why, Y/N? Why are you with him? After everything he's done?"

Rafe stepped slightly in front of you, shielding you with his body. "JJ, I know you're upset. But barging in here and starting a fight isn't going to help anything."

"Shut the fuck up, Rafe. You don't know shit about how I feel," JJ seethed, a look of disgust ridden on his face as he glared at Rafe. "y/n, are you serious? The second we get back on the island, you run right back to him? Are you insane?"

JJ's chagrin and despondency left you feel gutted in the heat of the moment as you stood there, although physically guarded by Rafe, suffocated by the morose glance in your best friend's eyes as they bored into yours. You could feel heat rise to your cheeks as the tension rose, an uncomfortable itch creeping up your neck.

"Jay it wasn't like that," you defended although it was quite meekly, "I wanted nothing to do with him when we came back, you know that. I..I didn't choose this." Your words faltered, lacking the conviction you wished you could muster. Your arms wrapped around yourself protectively, a feeble attempt to shield yourself from the onslaught of JJ's resentment.

"So that's it? You didn't 'choose this', so that makes cheating on me okay?" JJ spat out, his once wounded expression faltering into one of disgust and animosity.

"So that's it? You didn't 'choose this', so that makes cheating on me okay?" JJ spat out, his tone laced with bitterness and anger. The accusation hung heavy in the air, and you felt a lump form in your throat. Guilt gnawed at your insides, a painful reminder of the hurt you had inadvertently caused. Tears welled up in your eyes, blurring your vision as you struggled to find the right words to explain yourself.

You stumbled on your words once again, attempting to speak up for yourself despite your heart breaking right in that moment. "No, JJ, I-"

"Save it, Y/N. I hope all of this was worth it," JJ scoffed, pointing around for emphasis. "You're a real bitch, you know that?" His words struck you like a physical blow, and you felt your chest tighten with the weight of his accusation. The pain in his voice mirrored the agony in your own heart, and the realization that you had hurt him so deeply was almost unbearable.

Tears pricked at the corners of your eyes, but you refused to let them fall. Instead, you squared your shoulders, a shaky resolve settling over you. "JJ, please, just listen-"

Just before you could finish your sentence, Rafe spoke up, getting in between you and JJ. "Don't you fucking dare call her that," he threatened, his voice low and dangerous. His protective stance shielded you from JJ's searing gaze.

"Or what, Rafe? You're gonna call your daddy and have him frame me for a murder you committed?" JJ shot back, his words dripping with venom, his fists clenching at his sides.

In an instant, the atmosphere crackled with tension, the air thick with animosity. Rafe's usually composed demeanor shattered like glass, replaced by a primal fury. He lunged forward, his fist connecting with JJ's jaw with a sickening thud. The room erupted into chaos as the two men grappled with each other, fists flying and curses spat between clenched teeth. Rafe's rage fueled every blow, his pent-up frustration unleashed in a flurry of violence.

JJ fought back with equal ferocity, his anger fueled by a sense of betrayal and hurt. Each punch landed with a sickening impact, the sound echoing off the walls as the fight raged on.

You watched in horror, torn between the instinct to intervene and the fear of making things worse. "Stop! Please, stop!" you cried out, your voice barely audible over the sound of their struggle.

But your pleas fell on deaf ears as the two men continued to pummel each other, locked in a vicious battle fueled by years of unresolved tension. Furniture toppled and glass shattered as they crashed into anything in their path, leaving a trail of destruction in their wake.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, Rafe managed to gain the upper hand. With a final, bone-crushing blow, he sent JJ crashing to the ground, blood pooling beneath him as he lay motionless. The room fell into stunned silence as Rafe stood over JJ's prone form, his chest heaving with exertion. The adrenaline coursing through his veins slowly began to ebb away, replaced by a wave of guilt and regret.

You stood there, frozen in shock, your hands trembling as you covered your wide-open mouth. The scene unfolded before you in a surreal blur, the sound of fists connecting and bodies colliding echoing in the air. Tears streamed down your cheeks unchecked, your heart pounding wildly in your chest.

As JJ fell to the floor from Rafe's powerful blow, a strangled gasp escaped your lips. The sight of him lying motionless, blood pooling beneath him, sent a shiver down your spine. It was as if time had come to a standstill, the weight of the violence crashing down on you like a ton of bricks.

Rafe's voice broke through the haze of shock, his words heavy with regret. "Y/N, you shouldn't have seen that. I'm so sorry."

You blinked, trying to process his apology amidst the chaos that surrounded you. His voice sounded distant, as if coming from a faraway place, and you struggled to find your own voice amidst the turmoil in your mind.

"I-" You shook your head, backing up as you stared down at JJ, your heart wrenching in anguish. Tears streamed down your cheeks, blurring your vision as you cried, "JJ, please wake up. I'm sorry... I didn't mean for this to happen."

Your voice cracked with emotion, each word choked out between sobs as you knelt beside him. You reached out, gently cradling JJ's head in your trembling hands, desperate for any sign of life from him.

"Rafe, we have to help him, please," you pleaded, your voice a desperate whisper as you turned to Rafe, your eyes pleading for assistance. The gravity of the situation weighed heavily on you, the guilt of witnessing the violence that had unfolded consuming you from the inside out.

"Get my phone and call Sarah, please," you pleaded, your voice trembling with urgency as Rafe rushed over to grab it. He handed it to you with a sense of urgency, his guilty expression mirroring the turmoil in your own heart.

With shaking hands, you dialed Sarah's number, each digit feeling like a weight in your chest. The phone rang once, twice, before finally connecting.

"Sarah," you choked out, your voice thick with tears. "I need you to come over to your house, please. Something happened with JJ." As you spoke, Rafe hovered anxiously beside you, his eyes filled with remorse. You could see the weight of his actions bearing down on him, and despite the chaos surrounding you, a small part of you couldn't help but feel a pang of sympathy for him.

"Okay," Sarah replied, her voice steady but tinged with concern. "I'll be there in a second."

The urgency in her tone spurred you into action. With trembling hands, you ended the call and turned to Rafe, your eyes filled with a mix of fear and determination.

"We need to do something," you said, your voice trembling with emotion. "We can't just leave him here like this."

Together, you sprang into action, working in frantic silence to assess JJ's injuries. Blood stained his shirt where Rafe's punches had landed, and you could see bruises forming on his face and arms. As you knelt beside him, gently cradling his head in your hands, a sense of helplessness washed over you. The sight of JJ lying there, battered and broken, was almost too much to bear.

But you refused to give in to despair. With Sarah on her way, there was still hope. You could only pray that she would arrive in time to help.

Minutes felt like hours as you waited, each second ticking by with agonizing slowness. Finally, you heard the sound of footsteps approaching, and relief flooded through you as Sarah burst through the door, her medical bag in hand.

"Thank God you're here," you breathed, your voice thick with emotion.

Sarah's eyes widened in horror at the sight of JJ on the floor, his battered form a stark contrast to the usual lively friend they knew. Before she could speak, Kiara appeared from behind her, her shocked gasp echoing through the room.

"What the fuck did you do?" Kiara's voice was filled with disbelief and anger, her eyes flickering between you, Rafe, and JJ's prone figure on the floor.

You felt a knot form in your stomach at the accusation in her tone. "Kiara, it's not what you think," you began, your voice trembling with emotion. "Rafe didn't mean for any of this to happen."

Rafe stepped forward, his expression pained. "It was an accident," he added, his voice thick with remorse. "I never meant to hurt him."

But Kiara's eyes narrowed, her disbelief turning to fury. "An accident?" she spat, her voice rising with each word. "Look at him! Do you call this an accident?"

You flinched at the accusation, the weight of Kiara's anger bearing down on you like a heavy burden. Tears pricked at the corners of your eyes as you struggled to find the words to explain yourself.

"We need to get him to a hospital," Sarah interjected, her voice calm but urgent. "Now."

You nodded, frantically looking around the room for your things as you prepared to head to the hospital with your friends, a sense of urgency propelling you forward. But before you could take another step, Kiara's voice stopped you in your tracks.

"No, you're not going," she declared, her tone firm and uncompromising. She crossed her arms, her attitude towards you full of spite.

You felt a surge of disbelief wash over you at her words. "But Kiara, I have to go," you protested, your voice tinged with desperation. "I need to be there for JJ."

Kiara's gaze hardened, her resolve unyielding. "You caused this," she accused, her words cutting through the air like a knife. "And you're gonna have to live with it."

The weight of her words hit you like a ton of bricks, the realization sinking in that you were being held accountable for the events that had transpired. Tears welled up in your eyes as you struggled to comprehend the gravity of the situation.

"But I didn't mean for any of this to happen," you pleaded, your voice cracking with emotion. "Please, Kiara, I need to be there for him."

But Kiara remained unmoved, her expression steely as she refused to budge. With a heavy heart, you realized that there was no changing her mind.

Defeated, you sank down onto the nearest chair, feeling utterly powerless as your friends prepared to leave without you. The guilt of what had happened weighed heavily on your shoulders, and as you watched them disappear out the door, you couldn't help but wonder if things would ever be the same again.

"Y/n, it's gonna be okay," Rafe reassured quietly, placing a gentle hand on your shoulder and giving a small squeeze. His touch was warm, but the comfort it offered felt distant and far away.

You stared at the doorway, watching as Sarah and Kiara disappeared with JJ. A single tear slid down your cheek, a silent testament to the turmoil swirling inside you. The room felt colder and emptier in their absence, the weight of the night's events pressing down on you like a physical burden.

"I don't know, Rafe," you whispered, your voice trembling. "I don't know if things will ever be okay again."

Rafe squeezed your shoulder a bit tighter, his expression softening with concern. "They will. Kiara's just angry right now. She'll come back around."

You wanted to believe him, to cling to the hope that somehow, things would return to normal. But as you sat there, feeling the sting of Kiara's words and the pain of JJ's injuries, the rift between your two worlds seemed insurmountable.

You turned to Rafe, searching his eyes for reassurance. "What if they don't? What if I've lost them for good?"

Rafe paused for a moment, his gaze holding steady as his eyes flickered between yours. He swallowed thickly, his expression softening with earnest concern. "You can't keep worrying about what might happen in the future, y/n," he said gently. "You just have to take things one step at a time, yeah? Don't stress yourself out over them."

You nodded slowly, trying to absorb his words. The future felt like a dark, looming cloud, but Rafe's steady presence offered a small ray of light. His hand moved from your shoulder to gently cup your cheek, his thumb brushing away the tear that had fallen.

"I know it's hard," he continued, his voice unwavering. "But you need to focus on what you can control right now. We'll deal with the rest as it comes."

You took a deep breath, feeling a slight easing of the tension that had gripped you. "I just... I don't want to lose them," you admitted, your voice barely above a whisper.

"You won't," Rafe promised, his eyes filled with determination. "It might take some time, but if they really love you, they will come around. They just need to see that you're happy and that this is real."

You bit your lip, considering his words. The thought of losing your friends was unbearable, but so was the idea of losing Rafe. You knew that somehow, you had to find a way to reconcile both parts of your life.

"Thank you, Rafe," you said quietly, your voice steadying. "For being here. For understanding."

Rafe crouched down to be eye level with you on the couch, placing his hands on the tops of your thighs as he gazed up at you softly. His touch was gentle, grounding you in the present moment as he spoke. "I'm always gonna be here, y/n. That I promise you."

You looked into his eyes, searching for any hint of doubt but finding none. His sincerity was genuine, and the warmth of his hands on your thighs provided a comforting blanket around your heart as your emotions felt torn. The unwavering steadiness in his gaze reassured you in a way that words alone couldn't.

Tears welled up in your eyes again, but this time they were tears of relief and gratitude. "Rafe, I don't know what I would do without you," you whispered, your voice cracking slightly.

"I could say the same to you," Rafe laughed softly, though a glimpse of sincerity peaked through his tone. He shifted slightly, his hands still resting on your thighs, his thumbs gently tracing soothing circles. "Seeing you again showed me how miserable I was when you were gone. I was a mess."

You furrowed your brow, your curiosity piqued. "What do you mean?" you asked, searching his eyes for answers.

Rafe sighed, his expression growing more somber as he averted his gaze briefly, as if gathering the courage to continue. He took a deep breath, his chest rising and falling as he steadied himself. "I did a lot of things I regret," he admitted, his voice heavy with remorse. "I... I cheated on Sofia, did a shit ton of drugs. There's not much I didn't do."

You felt a pang of sadness and concern for him as you listened. His honesty was raw, unfiltered, and it made you realize just how deeply your absence had affected him. Rafe's hands tightened slightly on your thighs, as if he feared you might pull away after hearing his confession.

"When you left, I felt like my world fell apart," he continued, his voice trembling slightly. "I didn't know how to cope, so I turned to anything that could numb the pain. I thought I could fill the void with other people, with substances, but nothing worked. I was just... lost."

You reached out, placing a hand on his cheek, guiding his gaze back to yours. "Rafe, I'm so sorry you went through that," you whispered, your heart aching for the pain he had endured. "I had no idea."

Rafe leaned into your touch, closing his eyes for a moment as if savoring the comfort it brought. "It was my own doing," he said quietly, his voice filled with regret. "But seeing you again, being with you now, it feels like I've been given a second chance. I don't want to mess this up."

Your thumb gently stroked his cheek, wiping away a tear that had escaped his eye. "We're both here now," you reassured him softly. "We can move forward together, learn from the past and make things right."

Rafe nodded, his eyes meeting yours with a newfound determination. "I want to be better for you, y/n," he vowed, his voice steady and sincere. "I want to be the person you deserve."

"You're the only person I want," you admitted, your voice barely above a whisper. The words hung in the air between you, charged with emotion and vulnerability.

Rafe's eyes widened slightly, a flicker of hope igniting in their depths. He shifted closer, his hands sliding up from your thighs to gently cradle your face. "You don't know how much it means to hear you say that," he murmured, his thumbs brushing lightly across your cheeks.

Your heart raced as you gazed into his eyes, the intensity of the moment making everything else fade into the background. "It's the truth," you continued, your voice growing steadier. "No matter what happens, no matter what anyone else thinks, I want to be with you."

Rafe's breath hitched, and for a moment, he looked as if he was struggling to find the right words. Instead, he leaned in, pressing a tender kiss to your forehead. "I promise I'll make it up to you, all of the time we lost," he whispered against your skin. "I'll be the man you deserve."

You closed your eyes, savoring the warmth of his touch and the sincerity in his voice. "We can make this work," you said softly, your hands coming up to rest on his shoulders. "As long as we're honest with each other, I think we'll be okay, Rafe."

Rafe pulled back just enough to look into your eyes, his expression serious yet filled with a renewed sense of determination. "I'm all in," he declared, his voice unwavering. "No more secrets, no more lies. Just us, no matter what anyone says."

You nodded, feeling a surge of hope and resolve. "I promise," you echoed, sealing your promise with a kiss.

As your lips met, you felt a profound sense of connection, a bond forged in the trials and tribulations of the past and strengthened by the commitment to face the future as a united front. The kiss deepened, a mix of passion and reassurance, conveying everything words couldn't.

When you finally pulled away, both of you were breathless, but the air between you was lighter, filled with possibilities. Rafe rested his forehead against yours, a small smile playing on his lips. "We should probably get some sleep," he suggested gently, his hands still cradling your face. "It's been a long night."

You nodded, a feeling of exhaustion beginning to settle in now that the adrenaline was fading. "You're right," you agreed, though you were reluctant to break the moment. "But I'm glad we talked."

"Me too," Rafe replied, his smile growing. "Come on, let's get some rest."

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Don't Make Me Feel Alive I Chapter 5

Kenjaku (Pseudo-Geto) × Fem!Reader

ABOUT: Diagnosed at an early age with an illness that slowly deteriorated your body; you went from being a promising sorcerer to a retired husk of your once former self until he found you, offering you an opportunity to live instead—not that you had a choice to refuse.

CHAPTER SUMMARY: After a night alone, he lets you out again with a new agenda in mind. Something you didn’t like at all.

Trigger warning: non-con elements/unaware reader.

Previous Chapter.

Upon returning to you the next day after having spent a good chunk of it thinking about the best course of action, he returned to you and activated the pendant at his own will, restoring your ability to properly utilise its function and in turn, feeling closer like yourself once again.

The sensation surely felt odd though—as if you were a machine, slowly rebooting after being turned off. You remembered his description from before, finding it oddly fitting.

Kenjaku otherwise ultimately ended up deciding on committing to the binding vow overnight, after all, despite his consideration for alternative options, because technically speaking, he had absolutely zero use for someone who refused to help him and if it wouldn’t have been a waste of time and resources, he could have just disposed of you overnight, regardless of your potential.

So rather than doing that, he instead decided to resolve his plans a different way instead and have the death painting fight in your place instead. He could simply just entrust Mahito’s alliance to oversee the plan otherwise and keep you behind as a trump card if need be.

After all, a lightning user that he had under his control could prove powerful and unpredictable to his opponents, especially given your potential capabilities. For one, it could help escape tense situations or to sacrifice you in case he faced something or someone that collided with his plans.

Or… should he scrap the sacrifice idea? His mind churned just a little at the thought, even if it was a joke in his mind.

The point still stood though, he needed to get you on board for something else. Something more serious, something potentially life changing—but only while you were still in such a malleable state.

You were vulnerable enough for anything.

“Hey,” he spoke softly, drawing closer as his fingers tweezed your chin, forcing you to meet his stare, “don’t look at me like that.”

You were giving him a certain type of look today and he didn’t like it, even if he could understand why you were being so guarded.

You relented his touch, forcing your sights downwards, “how else should I look at you?”

“Look, I went about it wrong, I do admit,” he replied, lifting your chin back up, “however, what if I offer something that could benefit both of us?”

“Then I wouldn’t buy it,” you replied, failing to move away, “not if it’s coming from you.”

“Ah, don’t be like that,” he smiled once more as he replied to you in a teasing tone, finding it amusing to keep winding you up, “I’m not that bad, you know.”

(But he knew that he absolutely was.)

There was a pause that followed as he awaited your response, seeming slightly disappointed when you never fulfilled his curiosity and kept quiet instead. Moving on without skipping a beat, he decided to unveil his grand offer.

“Anyway, I’d like to propose a binding vow. Nothing too serious.”

You blinked as you were taken aback. A binding vow was serious no matter how you looked at it.

“You’re kidding?” you asked.

“I am not,” he replied in a very sure way.

“There is nothing casual about a binding vow,” you sighed, feeling the corners of your lips sink into a frown. You already had an idea of what this strange guy was, so you had a feeling that by the end of this conversation, you’d be entangled in something you shouldn’t be because he wouldn’t let you back out of it.

“A binding vow doesn’t have to be dramatic,” he teased, “at least hear me out.”

You sighed in a resigned manner, feeling weary already, giving him a look that indicated that you were at the very least listening.

He smiled again, continuing, “Dedicate your efforts into helping me carry out my plans successfully and I’ll be more honest with you, only keeping the vow active until completion then I’ll… let you go,” he lied, his words sounding too good to be true but spoken smoothly enough for you to believe him, “sound good?”

“And if I don’t?” you asked, still not quite wanting to do something so serious.

“Then you can otherwise die, I don’t keep things around that are useless… or boring,” he replied as he laughed gently to himself, leaving you once again unsettled and tired from his demeanour.

You sighed once more, knowing that he knew just how much you wanted to live.

Feeling cornered by his proposal—the offer frustrated you.

“Fine,” you gritted reluctantly, at least considering it, “now what exactly am I agreeing to?”

“I’d like to keep you around under my control—let’s call it a puppet contract,” he explained as you hesitantly listened, “you’ll stay under the control of my strings and I’ll occasionally drop the cross for you to use your technique.”

“Wait, I won’t be able to use my own technique?” you asked, not liking the sound of the catch.

“It’s your biggest drain of energy,” he replied, having a genuine answer that wasn’t malicious for a change, “if I can control how you use your energy, then you won’t run into problems again.”

“And why would I agree to that?” you continued to prod.

“Because, I can teach you other ways of defending yourself, silly,” Kenjaku revealed, “you shouldn’t be fully relying on your technique anyway.”

You furrowed your brows in confusion as you stared at him. “But I'm a sorcerer?”

“Modern sorcerers are more about flashy combat styles and showing off their techniques,” he began to explain as his eyes widened for dramatic effect while he spoke, “but these things aren’t completely reliable, so I’ll teach you the fundamentals of close range combat.”

“Even in my state?” you warily asked.

His eyes flickered up and down before nodding, his lips parting with an already loaded answer, “Sorcerers who rely too much on their techniques are an easy target, you need to learn to at least block a close range attack.”

You sighed wearily again, already feeling exhausted the longer that this conversation unfolded. A stark contrast to his energetic self in comparison, seemingly getting a kick out of this whole discussion.

Kenjaku then closed the gap to your face with his own, enjoying the idea of bullying you into eventual submission, his voice suddenly low, “Besides, don’t you want to learn how to keep me off your back? If you don’t learn how to at least push me away, then I’ll just keep on teasing you forever.”

You pulled away from whatever that was and attempted to push him back. He let you, for now.

“Wouldn’t this slow you down?” you asked, attempting to further the distance between the two of you.

“You would only be doing so if you continue to avoid the subject,” he mocked slightly as he bridged the gap between the two of you, his fingers brushing around your face, “I wouldn’t want you to get knocked around by someone with more combat intelligence… unless it’s by me.”

You didn’t quite hear that last part that he mumbled, but you weren’t looking forward to anything he proposed to you regardless.

“So in order to keep you safe and more reliable for both yourself and me, I’d like to keep your technique on a leash and teach you something far more valuable instead,” he said as he drummed his fingers along your cheekbones, the action seeming slightly taunting yet endearing.

Once again, you felt conflict stir within you as you took the idea further into consideration, still not enjoying the idea of your technique remaining dormant, locked away in your body unless he had a say in it. The only appealing part was leading a somewhat normal existence, but in order to do so without your technique properly present, took a huge chunk of your identity away.

However, if it was all just temporary—then maybe it wasn’t actually so bad. You wanted to live normally beyond anything else, refusing to go back to a miserable existence of pure sickness and fatigue.

“Fine, I’ll do it,” you muttered.

“Then you’ve made the correct choice,” Kenjaku smiled as he continued to drift closer, fully aware that he wasn’t going to release you from the vow so easily because technically, his plans had no real end.

In fact, you would be stuck with him forever.

If only you truly knew what you just signed up for, though. He laughed to himself at the notion while you continued to stare at him in a confused manner.

However, in some ways, he couldn’t quite shake the thought that you were partially correct and were technically slowing down his plans due to his strange attachment towards you—ultimately otherwise concluding that as long as you continued to aid him in his success, that there was otherwise nothing truly slowing him down, after all.

So maybe this was all fine. It didn’t hurt to have a companion to bother as he pleased, knowing that you’d likely just listen against your will to whatever he subjected you to.

Besides, you were also easy on the eyes, so that much was a bonus.

After such an agreement, the days continued to pass you both by and your old dynamic was quickly soon reestablished, spending the days training with him just like before except now you also had the displeasure of learning how to fight with someone like him. Just as he wanted you to do so also, you found that you became embarrassingly reliant on him because he controlled just about every aspect about you.

Something that he secretly enjoyed a great deal.

So much that it wasn’t something that he could neither deny nor ignore anymore.

And so as the day finally concluded, you found yourself unintentionally falling asleep against his shoulder, leaning against his body without even realising that you were doing so. You were worn out from the training session and it was late, so you couldn’t help but snooze off. Kenjaku in response reluctantly accepted this, finding that he didn’t mind it a great deal.

In fact, it had been such a long time since he had experienced such innocent closeness that he almost missed it, feeling nostalgic for the sensation, even if it did feel different this time.

Curiosity took him over as he moved you slowly down onto his lap to admire the situation further, feeling quite odd about the whole thing. Initially, he chose to explore carefully, observing how the battery held up during sleep but then he started to feel more and more curious about certain things.

He watched you as you remained fast asleep and completely unaware of both what and who he truly was, not knowing that it was otherwise a miracle on his end that something in particular hadn’t happened sooner.

What was this feeling again?

Something a bit like lust, but dilated.

Even now, he chose to keep it contained, despite the mood suddenly feeling strangely different. He wasn’t one to feel regret or remorse for anything that he did in life, choosing to believe that a life well lived and experienced was from personal gain and yet, there was a faint hint of hesitation to continue.

Perhaps it was because you were his project, therefore an extension of his ideals. To keep you so readily compliant and willing to go through what he admittedly knew was a chaotic direction into the future felt like something he had to preserve in its current state.

His eyes once again drifted down and locked onto your sleeping form, the look that occupied his face utterly vacant as his eyes bored into you. Something however kindled in his coal black eyes as he moved his fingertips to trace against your face, seeming to enjoy having your life completely vulnerable and at the mercy of his own hands.

There it was. That was the problem. He spent a good amount of time investing his effort into you and he had the complete power to simply undo it all, just because he could. Regardless of how much your own life was left to yourself, he was the one who now ruled it and that filled him with a thrill beyond his comprehension.

Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if he indulged after all. Your life was his now and he had the power to play with you as he liked.

You were lucky that he actually liked you, though. It could have been so much worse.

He continued to explore slowly, brushing his hands against your shoulders through to your back and around your waist, finding that he liked how it sat in his hands. His fingers wrapped around your side and squeezed firmly around it, as if trying to memorise every detail. Curiously, he felt around your ass next, squeezing his fingers around it and enjoying the feel of it.

His other hand proceeded to drift into his robe, gently parting the fabric and taking hold of his now excited length. He wouldn’t do anything just yet to you, instead choosing to simply test the waters of what he wanted.

Slowly, he stroked himself as he watched you continue to sleep against his lap, his other hand still brushing around your body as he continued to grow harder, realising that this particular feeling wasn’t going away.

He felt his cock grow completely fat in his hand and he quickly got increasingly comfortable as he adapted to a smooth motion in getting himself off. All the while he stared down at your unaware and fast asleep face as you did so, finding the sight of you being completely unaware to be strangely exciting.

He continued to pleasure himself as his breathing grew shaky and his legs tightened, continuing to stare you down, somewhat impressed that you didn’t awaken from the disturbance. The excitement felt almost painful as all remaining reason rushed along with his blood to his cock, making the session almost feel sore.

His eyes were relentless as they stared down at your sleeping form as his hand moved up and down his shaft, his breath shuddered as he got closer to pushing his limit.

His mind ran rampant with curiosity and wonder, imagining exactly how your slick warmth felt and just what sorts of noises you could make for him; his jaw clenching as he neared his end, shooting thick white ropes against his robes—seething a stifled groan to keep you perfectly unaware.

He’d have to wash those now, he sighed.

He dedicated his sights on you, the curiosity continuing to burn him away, distracting him from any other thought that he might have had. There was nothing more that he wanted other than to feel his skin mesh with yours, to push inside of you and to feel how you wrapped around him.

Maybe tomorrow he’d indulge in just that.

Knowing that such a feeling wouldn’t simply go away.

He would sleep on it for now though, momentarily leaving you alone on the bed to go and clean himself up. However, upon returning, he once again decided to share the bed with you and the feeling returned.

He stared at you as he laid near your side.

Knowing that nothing at all could possibly help or save you now. He was simply in too deep with his own wants and needs to back out now.

If only you knew what awaited you the next day, though.

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