#im gonna reply to this with the link once it posts (im scheduling this for tomorrow) but also u can find her on ao3 at strawhattery

[newttxt]

pls read the zosan fic “utilities included” and enjoy sanji making his own life as miserable as possible in plain view of his new roommate

from ch. 1 of utilities included (mind the tags and rating)

masterpost

#one piece #zoro #sanji #zosan #yes i proudly drew this for my friends fic. i think its genuinely charming and funny and well characterized #mind the tags and rating of course skfkdkfkkd #bree if ur out there… 🥰 #im gonna reply to this with the link once it posts (im scheduling this for tomorrow) but also u can find her on ao3 at strawhattery #utilities included

[embodyingchaos]

Hey Aliceeeee

Dude same my sleep schedule is all over the place but that’s ok we’re still livin 👍🤓 OH MY GOD BRO IM SO EXCITED TO SEE THE BARBIE MOVIE I HOPE U ENJOY IT BESTIE LET ME KNOW WHAT U THINK OF IT!!!!! ( the amount of Barbie themed crap I bought this month-) ALSO UR TOO SWEET LUV NAH I WOULD NEVER TAKE THAT LONG TO REPLY TO U ✋😌

Damn. Dude her powers ARW SO COOL WTH? I CANT WAIT TO SEE OR IG READ HOW SHE USES THEM. I can tell u put a lot of effort and love into this story so I’m sure it’s gonna be amazing like everything u write✋😩 also the British accent makes sooo much sense now like I get why she would have one, I can’t wait to see her traumatic backstory 😍😍😍

YES TAKING BREAKS IS IMPORTANT 👏👏👏 SO REMEMBER TO DRINK WATER AND TAKE CARE OF UR SELF LUV

I actually do have a blog but I write for another middle aged man 💀💀💀💀💀💀💀

-⭐️

❥ we fr still livin, I WILL DEFINITELY POST A BARBIE MOVIE REVIEW ONCE I WATCH IT, I ALSO PLAN ON MAKING AN ANALYSIS POST TO SORT BARBIE CHARACTERS INTO THEIR OWN HOGWARTS HOUSE BC i got nothin better to do with my life and it's fun to analyse personalities haha!

THANK U SO MUCH YES I DID PUT A TON OF EFFORT INTO THE FIC AND SPEAKING OF IT, I JUST POSTED THE FIRST CHAPTER SO IF YOU WANT, HERE'S THE LINK HEHEHEHEH

I SHALL DRINK LOTS OF WATER, YOU TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF TOO, STAR

ANOTHER MIDDLE AGED MAN? i must know who ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

#starlight

[sour--disposition]

Drunken Words, Sober Thoughts

-

harry x fem!reader

-

Request: OOoO what if you do one where reader similar to Harry and is friends with talia and the other girls, but has never met the sidemen yet and gets invited to do a drinking video with them and they don’t know that reader can hold her liquor and Harry is at awe watching her smash the drinks and pins after her

please check my masterlist to see if requests are open

“Hey, are you busy on Thursday? Simon wants to know if you’ll be in a moresidemen video”, Talia asked as soon as you picked up the phone.

“Well, hello to you, too”, you laughed into the phone. “Yeah, I’ll just make sure I get my editing done by Wednesday night. Let Si know I’ll be there with you. What are we doing?”, you asked her.

“I think he wants us to do a say it or shot it. They wanted to do a lie detector but they couldn't find anyone to administer it or lend out the equipment”, she said.

“Yeah, sounds good”, you replied. “Just make sure someone tells me when and where, yeah?”.

It was Sunday evening, which meant you had 3 full days to film and edit a video that you were happy to put out. Being a a fast-growing youtuber, you tried to stick to a consistent schedule when you could. Along with streaming most nights, staying on top of your content kept you pretty busy.

“So, if I film tomorrow, I’ve got tomorrow night, Tuesday and Wednesday to edit. Need Wednesday night free for a shower to be ready for Thursday. There’s the stream with Talia tomorrow night and hopefully Gee on Tuesday. If I clear Wednesday night out... Okay. Seems good!”, you mumbled to yourself as you tried to make a game plan for the next two weeks.

Talia: youtube studio space, be there for 11am xx

Me: so im getting peppered mid-day or spilling all my secrets to like 5 million subs? lavely xx

Talia: shut up its bc you love me xx

Knowing you’d set yourself a schedule from tomorrow onwards, you set about enjoying your night. You had a bath, ordered your favourite take away and sat and watched your favourite show. The next few days were going to consist of hard work if you wanted to keep on top of streaming and getting a post-worthy video up by the end of the week.

-

By Thursday morning, you had a video you were proud to post, a few more hours of streams logged and were ready to face the moresidemen shoot in all its glory. You met Talia outside the Youtube studio space with a few minutes to spare before the guys were expecting you in there.

“You’ve not met Harry, have you?”, Talia asked as she pulled the door open for you.

“Thanks”, you smiled. “No, I think I might have been in an Among Us video with you lot that he was in, but other than that, no”, you confirmed, holding the next door for the two of you to go through.

“You can’t hide that blush from me by opening a door, Y/N”, Talia grinned, poking at your side.

“Oh, shush. Just because he’s cute...”, you trailed off, walking into large room. Immediately, you and Talia were ushered over to some of the crew, having mics strapped and clipped to you.

“Hey”, Simon said to the two of you as you finished being fitted with your mics. “Thanks for doing this”.

You were both pointed over to a table with assorted bottles on it, two Krox shot glasses and three chairs around it. There were a handful of chairs to one side of the space, a few of the guys already sitting down. “So I’m gonna ask the first questions and then the guys are probably gonna pitch in a few once those are done with”, Simon told you.

You and Talia both made noises of agreement, walking over to the chairs and sitting down. Simon started with his intro to the video, explaining what was going on and who you were. “Okay so, you either answer the question or you take a shot of your choice out of what we’ve got in front of you. We’ve got questions from instagram and twitter, and then our lovely audience are going to be able to ask questions themselves. Are we ready?”.

The questions started relatively tame, most of them were about your friendship with Talia, Gee and Freya or the guys, and most of Talia’s were about her and Simon. You didn’t even think about pouring a shot until Simon had sacked off the instagram and twitter questions for not being ‘juicy’ enough.

“What’s the weirdest sex story Y/N has told you?”, JJ asked Talia. 

“I will take this shot for you if you even consider telling anyone this”, you told Talia immediately. She rolled her eyes as she grinned at you, reaching for the vodka bottle next her shot glass and untwisting the cap. “Thank you”, you sighed.

“Y/N, what’s the story that you won’t let Talia tell us?”, Ethan asked from next to JJ, the two of them breaking out into giggles as soon as you let out a huff. You reached for the closest bottle to you, pouring out a shot and throwing it back straight away.

From then on out, the questions started going downhill. The guys kept it somewhat reined in for Talia, probably out of respect for Simon and knowing how awkward it could end up being with the two of them sat right there. You, though? No ground was left untouched.

Bra size? Asked. Favourite position? Asked. How many one night stands? Asked. Have you ever faked an orgasm? Asked. Ever had an STI? Asked. There were some questions you had to drink to just so they could make it into the video. 

Talia leaned over to Simon, tipsily giggling as she whispered something into his ear.

“Y/N”, Simon stated, setting his eyes on you. “Who’s the best looking out of the Sidemen, in your opinion?”, he asked you.

“Oh, that’s easy”, you shrugged. “Harry”, you answered bluntly. It was only when Talia’s eyes widened slightly that you realised you’d actually said it out loud. You smacked a hand over your mouth quickly. “I didn’t actually mean to say that out loud”, you whispered to Talia.

The guys had broken out into a ruckus behind you, cheering Harry and shoving him around lightly, seemingly amusing Talia and Simon. You were the only one out of the three of you with your back to the boys, and you daren’t turn around now. 

Talia leaned over to you whilst the guys were still poking at Harry. “I only got Simon to ask because Harry hasn’t stopped staring at you since you started drinking”, she whispered to you, sending you a little wink.

“I - er - think it’s about there that we wrap it up”, Simon laughed sheepishly from next to you and Talia. 

You were directed over to the same people who strapped you into your mic to help you out of it. The woman finished fiddling with the microphone on your collar and got you to turn around, bringing you face to face with Harry.

“Oh, hi”, you blushed. He smiled back, seeming surprised you were speaking to him. “I wanted to apologise, I didn’t mean to just blurt that out. I clearly drank quicker than I’m used to”, you laughed awkwardly, reaching up to scratch at your neck nervously.

“Ah, no need”, Harry laughed lightly, scratching at a spot on his upper chest. “You handed the shots really well, if you ask me. Half of how many you drank would have had most of these guys on the floor, it was quite impressive”, he told you with a smile.

“Thank you, I was terrified coming in here that I was going to make a massive fool out of myself”, you admitted.

“It’s part of being on a Sidemen shoot, unfortunately”, Harry chuckled. 

You were both finally released from your microphones and wires, being told you could go on your way by the crew members. Just as you were about to leave, you heard harsh whispers behind you. Turning around, you saw JJ and Ethan both spurring Harry on to do something.

“Uh - er. Before you leave, could I get your number?”, Harry asked quietly, hand returning to the spot on his upper chest.

You smiled, walking over to him and holding out your hand for his phone. “Of course you can”, you told him, typing your information into his contacts. “I better get a text though”, you told him cheekily.

“You can count on it”, he told you, watching as you turned to Talia and linked arms with her before walking out of the studio space.

“I so totally saw that”, she told you, poking at your side with a massive grin plastered across her face.

“Just let me be happy and tipsy, Talia”.

#harry lewis imagine #wroetoshaw imagine #w2s imagine #harry lewis x reader #wroetoshaw x reader #harry lewis #simon minter #ksi #talia mar #sidemen #sidemen oneshot #sidemen imagine #sidemen x reader #uk youtube imagine #imagine #uk youtube

[chaoslynx]

Hey, Im glad ur okay and safe! I just wanted to ask if u have any tips on getting beta readers to go over your work?

Hey! I wasn't sure if there's anything specific you were looking for, so I tried to cover everything I've learned about from working with beta readers, including whether you need one, how to find one, and how to work with them once you do. Sorry this got kinda (really?) long.

How-To: Beta Readers!

Do you need a beta reader?

Short answer: No. But it can be helpful and fun!

I'm gonna start by saying that none of my oneshots (with maybe one or two exceptions?) are beta read, and it's definitely not something that you need in fanfiction, imo. (Traditional publishing is a completely different story.) Don't think of it as a big milestone that you have to reach or anything like that, and if you do get a beta reader, don't get stuck thinking that you have to have one forever now. Most of my favorite fanfic authors don't work with beta readers at all.

How do you even get a beta reader?

Good question.

Honestly, the first beta reader I worked with was on my first multi-chapter fic, and she reached out to me first. I had expressed in the author's notes of a oneshot that I was considering writing a multi-chapter fic but was super nervous about it, and she commented offering to beta if I needed extra reassurance. I went through a whole existential crisis of sorts where I had no idea if I wanted to accept or not. She actually ended up working with me on both Feelings and Water!

All of the other beta readers I've had have also been people that I met through the fandom. If you're looking for a beta reader, you could try asking in the author's notes of a fic you post on ao3, or making a Tumblr post. If you have IRL friends who are familiar with the media you're writing for, you could ask them!

Okay, I have my beta reader ... now what?

If you do want to work with a beta reader, and you're able to find someone who you think you'll work well with, here are some tips for how to actually do the thing!

Talk about content warnings. Are there any specific triggers your beta will want to avoid completely? Anything they need to be warned about in advance?

Tell them if there's anything specific you want them to look out for. What are you struggling with? Characterization, dialogue, description, grammar, plot? What's your weak point? Why do you want a beta reader?

Make sure you're both comfortable with you rejecting any of their suggestions. On the beta's end it can be hard to see your suggestion shot down, and on the author's side it can be difficult to trust your own judgement, but usually the final call should be up to the author.

Also, make sure you're both aware that either of you can end the agreement with no hard feelings at any time. There could be a million reasons why it might not work out: real life obligations, scheduling/deadline issues, creative differences, or maybe one of you just decides that you'd rather work on your own. Please do not feel like you're stuck with your beta reader (or that you're stuck with your author) if anything comes up.

Talk about if any issues come up! Would it help your confidence more if they left positive comments, or does it feel like they're not actually helping if they compliment your writing too much? Are they paying too much attention to grammar when you only really wanted help on characterization? And on the beta reader's side, do you prefer if the author replies to your comments? Do you want it to be a back-and-forth communication, or do you want to be Done once you've finished a chapter/fic? Make sure you're in communication about this stuff.

How do we get the info back and forth?

Ah, of course, the actual technical aspect of it. I use Google Drive (for all my writing, not just for beta reading purposes), so I just make the document sharable (turn on "anyone with the link can comment"), send the link to the beta reader over Tumblr messages/Discord/whatever, and then ask them to let me know when they're done looking at a chapter. You can also use Google Drive to share directly with someone's email address and choose whether they can comment, edit, or just view. (I give beta readers comment access, but not edit.)

In the trad pub world, I've mostly seen critique partners use the Track Changes option on Microsoft Word. (I think the option is also compatible with OpenOffice so you don't have to buy MS Office).

You could also just tell each other your thoughts over messages, or whatever works best for you! I'm sure there are a million ways to do it.

For safety reasons (and deadname reasons lmao), please keep in mind what display name your Google Drive or MS Word account is going to show to your critique partner. This goes for both parties.

#writing tips #idk if it's still a thing but google used to not let you make an account without a first and last name #so if it's doing that and you want an account with only a first name #you can just yeet a period into the last name box #so my main email account just shows me as 'Chaos' #or on some screens it'll say 'Chaos .' #that worked a few years ago at least #i also have like 20 different email addresses for different aliases and pen names and shit but maybe that's just me #anyway this got WAY longer than i was planning #i'm so sorry #but hopefully you find something helpful in here? #answers #alternatebananafish #if anyone in bfish wants me to beta read something and i'm not super busy uhhh #i could take a look at a a short-ish oneshot/chapter and see if we work well together? #but honestly i'm pretty picky and harsh as a beta #especially with grammar since that's my strong suit lol #okay i'm seriously gonna stop now #bye

[badfey]

is there anything u wish u had known pre-top surgery? I’m trying to schedule mine next yr and I’m worried I rushed into picking my surgeon even tho I looked at a Lot. I’ve got a list of questions to ask but curious if there’s anything you can think of! Thanks, if u get a chance to reply 🥺

firstly congrats and good luck with your top surgery, i hope the wait goes quickly!!

There were a lot of things i wasn’t expecting about top surgery - not necessarily that i wish i’d known in advance, just that i didn’t anticipate. I wrote a document of them not long after surgery which ill post soon and link back to here :) right now ill go through the main stuff i wish i had known, and any questions i had (under a cut because it got long)

Stuff I Wish I’d Known

Some of this depends on how your surgeon does things. I had 6 days before my post-op appointment w chest reveal. 

That first week is tough. Ymmv, but for me it was really hard. I knew that post-op depression was a thing, i didn’t realise what it would feel like. For me it was a lot of being tired and not being able to sleep because of not being able to get comfortable (having to sleep elevated for a few days & pain), so getting more tired and bored but too fatigued to do anything in that classic frustrating cycle. Once i slept decently for the first time i felt human again (nytol is a lifesaver). It’s also tough bc ur sweaty n uncomfortable and u haven’t showered or taken off the post-op binder for a week, and with the dressings and swelling it doesn’t feel like its really happened yet? After chest reveal thats a lot easier

Sometimes moving around you’ll feel something like pull or pop and you get so so paranoid about pulling a stitch i seriously thought id pulled a stitch but its usually like the dressings adhesion or something, you don’t need to freak out. My best friend here was this uk trans fb group because i could search and find years of posts with ppl having the same problems, or ask and ppl would give advice and calm me down, so it’s good to join a community like that ready for if you inevitably get stressed about something (also good for post-op boredom)

You cant use your arms to move. Sounds obvious but like i never realised how much i reflexively rely on using arms to move sitting positions on a bed, and how you need to pay attention to override that impulse. 

Peeing after anesthetic is weirdly hard. It really helps if you practise consciously releasing the specific muscles to pee beforehand 

I was so hungry. I got fed sure (great food too) but i wish i had taken snacks. 

Questions to ask

Im gonna list some stuff that you may already know/have on your list but it might help fill any gaps :) 

When are your post-ops? Are they included in the surgery price? Mine were at 6 days (chest reveal) and 8 weeks (normally 6 weeks but my surgeon was on holiday lol) and both included in the price of surgery (which is standard for here i think). Its good to have rough timeframes in advance so you can plan around it.

Ask about revisions - are they included in the price, what is the timeframe you can get revisions for, how you would start the revision process if you need it? Hopefully you won’t need it but its important to know just in case & so you don’t need to worry about it. I think my surgeon got a bit touchy when I brought up revisions but i was just clear that if I’m getting this surgery and paying a lot of money for it i need to know this stuff in advance which as a professional he should be fine with.

Can you have a say in scar shape and/or nipple size? Usually you can, and this is often at the pre-op when they draw all over your chest before surgery. Don’t feel like you can't weigh in - this is your chest. Also even at consultation they might be able to give you an idea of what your scar/s will look like. 

If you’re getting nipple grafts, ask about their graft success rate!! I was super stressed about my nipples falling off, but my surgeon said that even though stats say about 10% of nipple grafts r unsuccessful, in practise he sees a much smaller percentage than that, and even ones that do reject often grow back (lmk if u wanna know more what i mean) or can just be easily touched up with tattooing. Also if theres anything they recommend for graft success.

Does your surgeon recommend using arnica? Arnica is a homeopathic remedy for bruising, swelling, and wound healing. There’s differing views on whether it actually works, but in my case i took arnica tablets 1 week before and 2 weeks post-op and i think it really helped. They also tasted nice. Some people use arnica gel to aid healing once you can start massaging. 

Where will you be for overnight recovery? Will you be on a ward or in a room? Do you have access to a TV? Do you have access to a plug socket or charging point? Do you get wifi? Chances are you’ll be bored at some point over the time you’re in there, especially if you struggle sleeping. It’s good to know whats available in advance so you can come with things to keep you entertained. 

Does your surgeon use drains? You probably already know/have an idea of this bc its something a lot of ppl consider when choosing surgeons, buts its good to know if you don’t. Also, it can change - I chose my surgeon partially because he only uses overnight drains so you don’t have to deal with them in recovery. When i was there i found out he has stopped using drains altogether for smaller guys so i never actually had them (pleasant surprise). 

Does your surgeon want you to wear a post-op binder? Do they supply the binder? Post-op binders r a good idea they stop swelling soo much, so even if your surgeon doesn’t recommend it i’d definitely ask if it’d be safe for you to wear one. You can't wear regular binders. If you’re sourcing your own, again trans groups r great bc they can give local recs and lots of people sell/pass on their old ones. I am happy to give anyone recs, but they’re all uk based. 

How will you communicate with nurses post-op? Most people don’t live too near their top surgeon, so you’ll probably check-up remotely. I just sent nurses emails of my nips and incisions and anything i was worried about the healing of and they’d let me know if it looked okay. 

If you have any conditions/disabilities/illnesses, ask if they’ve ever operated on someone with them/similar before. I have fibro + hypermobility and tbh it was reassuring to hear him talk about experiences other patients with chronic pain had had before and how they coped.

Okay sorry that was really long, but its pretty much everything i could think of question wise! I hope it helps! Let me know if there’s any other questions you have at all :)

#asks #anon #trans stuff #top surgery #top surgery advice #DI top surgery #double incision #transition advice #ok to rb #Anonymous

[wienerbarnes]

Cheek to Cheek (1/5)

Pairing: Bucky x Criminal!Reader

Word Count: 1,056

Warnings: Mentions of death row and Hydra stuff

A/N: yay first part! not sure if im gonna do a tag list for this story since im planning on finishing posting it before the new year; maybe if enough people ask! also, as said on the masterlist, this story is inspired by the x files episode “beyond the sea” season one episode thirteen! super good episode if youre into that! anywayyyyyyy enjoy under the cut!

SERIES MASTERLIST

Heaven, I’m in heaven

And my heart beats so that I can hardly speak

And I seem to find the happiness that I seek

When we’re out together dancing cheek to cheek

Bucky sways slightly from side to side as he makes his breakfast. He remembers his mother teaching him how to dance to this song, he was small enough to stand on her toes while she taught him how to sway correctly. He showed Steve this song when they were older and tried to teach him to dance, too, but he was hopeless with his two left feet. 

Fred Astaire’s voice floods his apartment as he layers thick slices of cheese over top his eight egg omelette, peppers and tomatoes flooding out the middle. The steam warms his bare chest and he places the top of the pan over the cheese to allow it melt over. 

Bucky’s life has changed over the past couple of months. With everything that happened after the defeat of Thanos, Bucky wanted to slow down. He wanted to do something for him instead of other people. Was it selfish? Absolutely. But Bucky thinks he deserves to be selfish, just for a little while.

So he buys an apartment away from everything. About an hour from where Sam and Sharon are in the new refurbished Stark tower, Bucky buys an apartment and fills it with soft carpet and green plants hanging from the ceiling in front of his large wall-sized window. He adopts a small white kitten and gets a nice haircut. He begins to enjoy his life, even if he may be starting a little late. 

Yes, heaven, I’m in heaven

And the cares that hung around me through the week

Seem to vanish like a gambler’s lucky streak

When we’re out together dancing cheek to cheek

As he continues to pace around his kitchen waiting for his cheese to turn into the perfect state of goo, he notices a low buzzing coming the countertop; his phone. A picture of Sam Wilson with a pink cowboy hat on is displayed on the screen as Bucky approaches and answers the phone.

“How much trouble you think we’d get in if we break out a murderer for help on a case?” Sam asks without preface.

“We sounds like a lot of people.” Bucky replies, putting the phone on speaker as he notices his cheese begin to bubble.

“We got a complicated kidnapping that might be linked to Hydra. Coupla teenagers but not your typical running away from home. Sharon found one of Hydra’s biggest experiments who was responsible for most of Hydra’s kidnappings over in Eastern Europe before they were broken down, but she didn’t come out too good.” Sam explains.

“I don’t understand, what happened with her? What does Sharon think she can do?” Bucky questions with a twitch in his brow as he slides his breakfast onto a plate.

“Well, when that specific facility was cleared, she came out smiling and laughing. She didn’t want any medical attention and she plead insanity during the trial that followed. She’s been kept in a sort of solitary confinement type of psychiatric ward ever since.

“Sharon figures who would know better about Hydra kidnappings than the kidnapper herself?” Sam finishes.

Bucky thinks for a moment while he chews on his eggs. The cheese was a bit too gooey, giving the eggs an odd texture in his mouth and the tomatoes are too ripe. Bucky can’t tell if that’s where the bad taste in his mouth is coming from or if it’s from what he’s hearing over the phone.

“I feel like there’s something you’re not telling me.” Bucky honestly explains to his partner.

Sam sighs before continuing, “She’s been on death row for nine months now. She’s scheduled for a week from now. Sharon could try and pull a couple of strings to push back her death date if she can help us find these kids, maybe even get her off death row entirely.”

Bucky’s lost his appetite.

“I set up a time to go talk to her tomorrow and I want you to come with me and Sharon. If you can come by later today so I can run you through her history and what we got on the missing teens, that’d be great, too.” Sam mentions.

“And what if I said no?” Bucky teases, pushing the eggs around on his plate while a smile slowly tugs at the corners of his lips.

“Well then I guess I’d be in a lot of trouble then, huh,” Sam chuckles, “I’ll see you later, Tin Man.”

The call ends and Astaire’s voice continues to fill his apartment.

Come on and dance with me

I want my arm about you

The charm about you

Will carry me through to

Heaven, I’m in heaven…

Bucky stands to dump his half-eaten eggs in the garbage and returns to his bedroom to get dressed. His kitty is sprawled across his pillow, drool marking the tiniest puddle next to soft whiskers. What a life. 

Bucky doesn’t do missions anymore, but every once in a while he helps Sam with a case or two. As much as he doesn’t want to fight anymore, he knows it’s what he’s good at. If he doesn’t keep himself busy, he knows his mind will haunt him, so he tries to help on his own terms when he can. Bucky begins to tug on his shoes and makes eye contact with an older picture of Steve on his night stand. He thinks it’s from Rebecca’s sixth birthday, it’s one of the few pictures he has with his family. In the picture, Bucky’s leaning an elbow on Becca’s head while she’s giggling wildly, his other arm tugged around Steve’s neck, who’s small and scrawny hands pry at the fold of Bucky’s elbow. His mother has her hands on the tops of Bucky’s shoulders, her head peeking out from behind his left side. How he misses those dance lessons. Bucky feels a knot build in his throat and looks away, continuing to lace up his sneakers. 

He gathers his wallet and keys, shoves his phone in his pants pocket, and plants a kiss on the soft cheek of his cat before leaving his home for the day.

Cheek to cheek

Cheek to cheek

Cheek to cheek

#bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky x reader #bucky barnes x criminal!reader #criminal!reader #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes series #series #marvel #marvel fanfiction #x files au

[oh-theatre]

Objection!: Chapter 22

Chapter title: My Starlight

A/n:  THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE FOR PATTON’s BIRTHDAY BUT I MISCALCULATED THE DATE BUT IMMA POST IT ANYWAY BECAUSE WRITING! ANYWAY, ENJOY ITS BAD. I decided to post it today because then it won't be a thing on Pats birthday and I can just focus on that Anyway this chapter is smOFT and im love them sO much and im gonna cry hes bapey. SORRY THIS CHAPTER SUCKS...ENJOY??

this is so bad lol it went from zero to a hundred real quick and it sucks

First | Previous | Next

words: 4270

summary: Its Pattons birthday and the day shall only be fun-filled

pairings: logicality, eventual prinxiety, platonic demus, romantic remile

warnings: Murder mention, child murder, Law and Courtroom, swearing, blood, hospital, crime scene,  murder, gun mention, guns, swearing, abuse, graphic descriptions, alcohol

Ao3 Link  

“Happy Birthday!” Two squeals can certainly awaken a man from his troubled slumber. Those two bouncing on him as they hug him as well they can definitely do the trick. Patton blinks himself awake enveloping the twins in his arms, kissing them as thanks. They scramble practically buzzing around the room allowing their father to sit up, rub his eyes placing his frames delicately on his face.

“Good morning” He greets through a yawn, they giggle. A new figure becomes apparent, a smug Virgil and shy Damian approach. “Ah, I see” Patton recognizes, the plan unfolding.

“Why don't you guys go carefully get your dad's breakfast” Virgil wonders, the twins nods dragging a tired Damian with them. They disappear singing down the halls in delight. “I used the key you gave me” He admits, Patton laughs shaking his head. He sits on the edge of the bed, leaning in for a quick hug. “Happy birthday Pat” Virgil celebrates

“It is indeed the day of my birth” He yawns once more, dry tears welling from exhaustion. Virgil furrows his brows, checking Patton's face. “Hmm?”

“What time did you-”

“Breakfast for papa!” Valerie cheers, wobbling carefully through the door as Remus and Damian help her. “Look! We helped!” She announces, Virgil lifts her up on the bed with the other two joining soon after. Presenting a beautiful meal, bright fresh fruit, wafting eggs, and a seeping cup of coffee tinted with cinnamon.

“Oh it looks amazing!” he exclaims, the twins walk towards him hugging their father. “Thank you” he kisses them each, making sure Damian receives a hug for his effort.

“Cartoon time!” Remus decides taking the buried remote, he asks his father for assistance. Patton obliges turning the Tv on. The three children sit at the end of the bed watching the pictures across the screen. Virgil sits next to a starved Patton, only half paying attention.

“What are you fun-filled plans for the day?” Virgil whispers as a theme song plays out. Patton swallows a delectable bite watching his children bob along.

“Work, unfortunately,” Patton laments “but it'll be great!” he tries, his tired voice apparent. A quick buzz from his nightstand and he turns. “Gotta take this, I'll be right back” He takes his phone moving to the hallway. “Patton Hart!” As he had done so many times before

“Happy birthday you big doof!” Barbara's voice rings out, Patton laughs crossing his arms against his soft chest, the pajamas only warming him. “Love you!” She excites

“Hey, Babs!” He bites his lower lip, fidgeting with the ends of his pajamas. “Thank you, I love you too” He replies, sweet yawns released from both siblings. “Whatcha up to today?” he questions moving to the kitchen, the slight mess in the kitchen giving him something to do.

“Marce and I were gonna stop by your office before we left but Marce is afraid of missing the flight so..” She responds, a quick shuffle in the phone and soft mumblings.

“Good morning Patton” Marcy greets, Patton smiles to himself as he cleans away the remnants of the breakfast. “Happy birthday”

“Hey Marcy, thank you” He listens as more whines come through before the phone is retrieved. “She seems happy” Patton jokes, Barbara gives a dry laugh.

“She's tired, and mean!” She calls out, Marcy laughs retreating away from the phone. Patton shakes his head, practically visualizing their antics in his mind. “Alright, I love you Pat but I should finish packing,” She says, Patton nods realizing she can't see him. “Bye, and happy birthday”

“Bye!” And the phone goes dead, he sets it down. Humming carefully as he puts away the dishes, feet are heard behind him. He turns giving a small smile at Virgil who holds his breakfast tray. “Hey”

“Wanna finish in here?” Virgil wonders placing the tray down, Patton nods thankfully. “You okay?” Virgil sits on the counter, swinging his legs as he watches Patton.

“Yeah” Patton sighs “Just...tired” He stares through the window, watching the day move faster than usual. The bright January morning, putting up a warm facade knowing that should he step into a cold chill would entrap him.

“Any word from…” Virgil trails off, Patton groans quietly setting down the last dish. The warmth of the water leaving as the faucet shuts off. “Sorry”

“No, you're fine just...not today ok?” He requests, Virgil nods hopping off the counter as the children scatter into the room. “Hey munchkins!” Patton smiles, the twins race up to him tugging as his clothes. He picks them up planting soft kisses on their forehead. “You might wanna go get ready,” He tells them, they nod disappearing into their rooms.

“I should head out” Virgil checks his ever noisy phone, Damian takes his hand and places his other one in his mouth. “You okay Dee?” Virgil checks, the little boy yawns nodding.

“Sleepy” He responds simply, his thumbs getting quite clean. Virgil shakes his head playfully waving one final goodbye to Patton as he leaves. “Bye-bye uncle Pat” Damian waves, a slobbery hand Patton's final image.

Soon after he's finished with his food, Patton cleans up once more before taking his own advice. Choosing a more risky option for attire, risky meaning its much more Patton than it had been in a month. A light pastel shirt, a flowered patterned jacket, and dark pants. He smiles tightening his tie around his throat. Patting himself down, checking it out in the reflection. So safe he feels in his house now, his children laughing in earshot as he prepares for any usual day.

“Done!” The twins emerge showing off their own outfits. Patton gasps grinning as he claps excitedly.

“Absolutely marvelous!” He cries with an accent, they laugh taking his hands. Somehow after a few minutes, Patton finds himself in the driveway strapping the twins in for a ride. They play across their seats creating stories.  “All good?” Patton asks Remus, he looks away his gleam washing away. “What's up crabcake?” Patton strokes his cheek gently, Remus goes to say something but decides against it. Shaking his head is final.

With a new doubt planted in Patton, he sets off on the road, assuring both his children he loves them dearly as the ride continues.

~~~

“Oh god, you really shouldn't have” Patton mumbles, his face dusted a deep red. Roman bobs grinning wide. Patton closes the door behind as his eyes gaze across his office, balloons, streamers and music blast through. “WHats the occasion?” He jokes, setting his things down

“Happy birthday padre!” Roman cheers, Patton laughs rolling his eyes playfully. Roman opens his arms asking for a hug, Patton allows him a tight hug maybe lingered. “I have a cake coming later, and presents of course!” Roman lists, almost as if a schedule had been made

“Oh, wonderful” Patton comments sweetly. Roman pouts slumping his shoulders. “Oh, no Roman I adore this I promise!” He assures, taking Roman's hands as he marvels at the room. “I'm just....a little out of it Ro”

“Well, then let's get you into it!” Roman exclaims, dancing in time to the music. Patton laughs, his voice carries through the room. “Come on” Roman begs, Patton starts slow, a simple sway before suddenly the pair are at their own private disco. The music catches them as they twirl around the room.

“Pardon?” They stop, Roman, shutting off the music as Patton's face increases fast a bright red. Logan stands cautious in the doorway eyeing the room. Patton rubs his forehead, clutching his palms soon after digging. Logan watches the movement and rushes his words. “Patton, may I speak to you for a moment?” He extends a hand hoping that will allow the lawyer something else to take. Roman raises an eyebrow but sends the father forward. Patton takes Logan's hand, a soft twitch as they make their way into the hallway.

“Hi” He barely squeaks, the image of him dancing replaying in his mind. Wanting nothing more than to curl up in the corner and hide for eternity. Luckily a distraction would work, as Logan goes to speak Patton's phone beats him to it. “Patton Hart” He tires “Oh! Hey mom…” Logan's face morphs, his head cocks becoming alert. “Dinner? With you, dad and…” He sighs, pursing frustrated lips “Liam” He clicks his tongue. Logan takes the phone making sure Patton remains unscathed, pressing it to his own ear.

“Hello Gloria, unfortunately, Patton has plans tonight” Logan explains, Patton stifles a questionable laugh. “Oh I know, what a shame” he rolls his eyes, the most monotone voice he could conjure. “Goodbye!” He shuts the phone, returning it safely to Patton. Folding it softly in his hands, keeping a gentle hold.

“Plans?” he ponders, a smirk appearing. Logan licks his lips, nodding. “Do I get to know more or…?” Patton questions, Logan twirls his fingers in Patton's shaking his head. He leans in a soft kiss on Patton's cheek.

“Happy birthday Patton” He gives a final squeeze before retreating to his own office. A flushed Patton stands outside his door, hoping someone might catch him should he fall. A clearing of his throat, a quick adjustment to his glasses and he returns his posture.

“You were listening weren't you?” He asks a knowing Roman as he steps into the party. A giddy Roman sits nodding.

“Obviously” He waves it off, Patton sighs through a smirk. “So what does this mean?”

“Roman-” Patton tries

“Are you guys together?” Roman inquires, tapping excitedly

“Roman!”

“What does this mean for you and the twins?” He goes further

“Roman!” Patton interjects finally, his eyes wide

“None of those are answers” Roman notes, they laugh softly. “Come on Pat...tell me!” Roman pleads, a mocking pout as he leans across the desk.

“I don't know, something...happened at the party but...we haven't really discussed it since” Patton admits, tracing the nape of necks, careful sweat flows. Roman pokes him and so Patton recounts the tale of the confusing evening Patton had during the holiday party. Keeping only a few things and words to himself. “And I really haven't seen or talked to him much since then” Patton finishes, a worrying pace as his feet do their own dance.

“Oh my god...Farkles a romantic” Roman gasps, his fingers drumming with swirling ideas. “He actually said that? Nobody says that!” Roman would know, indulging himself in romance and love as much as he can. “Oh my god…” Disbelief oozes from the judge

“Roman?” Patton raises his brows, the judge meets his eyes.

“Do you think he looked it up?” Roman snickers, a playful nudge is registered. “I'm kidding, but he actually said that? Like he said the words ‘I want a fairytale?’” Roman tries his hardest not to laugh.

“Don't be mean, it was sweet…” Patton dazes away, remembering the soft sparkle of curiosity Logan emitted. An excitement as he tries something new, ready to document the outcome. Roman backs off, noticing a look he hadn't seen on Patton in awhile. Not since Liam, before everything, there was a time he did love Liam. And that same look graced his face. “What?” Patton snaps in front of Roman's face.

“You are happy, like actually genuinely happy,” Roman tells him, Patton fans his slight blush. “I hope it's what you want it to be” Roman stands, as the hour beckons him.

“Me too” Patton whispers “Bye Ro, thanks for...all of this” He gestures around the room. Roman gives him a quick squeeze on the shoulder.

“Always Pat” He promises “Happy birthday” And soon enough he's gone. Leaving Patton to his own devices, the room should feel empty but for once it bursts as Patton's thoughts run wild with possibility. His cheek still burning with the fading touch of Logan's lips against him, a connection he longed for more of. What a day! He chuckles to himself, giving himself another brief pause to simply be. Ignoring the incoming birthday messages because only one notification matters to him, Logans.

“Happy birthday!” Remy and Emile know no bounds as they bust through the door, laughing with a giggling Thomas in their arms. Patton places his buzzing phone on the table to greet them, an infinite smile as Thomas is secured in his arms.

Roman was right

He was happy

~~~

“Hey Logan, you busy?” Roman knocks, the lawyer shakes his head ushering the judge in. Roman takes a confident seat, sinking his back into the chairs he felt all day.

“Not at the moment, what may I do for you?” Logan wonders still reviewing the files across his desk, checking through the papers he listens to a snickering Roman, his mind somewhere else. “Roman?” Logan questions again

“Oh nothing” He sighs, tapping gently on the wood, a clicky echo through the room. “I just...wanna hold a hand” He admits wistfully, Logan hums used to his antics simply nods. “I wanna be with someone, I wanna get lost...in someone's eyes” He continues a smirk, leaning into Logan blinks finally adjusting his papers.

“Pardon?” Logan squeaks, keeping his demeanor stable as Roman stifles his laughter. “S-sounds like a fairytale” He coughs, loosening his tie, had the room become hot?

“Then goddamnit Logan, I want a fairytale!” Roman can't believe how perfectly it had been set up. He bursts laughing, Logan groans burying his head into his arms. “I should fight for my happily ever after” He deems

“Patton told you?” Logan guesses from his hidden cove. Roman nods as his hearty cheers fill the room, full light of joy. Logans not sure what to do except exhaling sharply, feeling as though his nose would fall off.

“How drunk were you?” Roman barely laughs, wiping away the tears from his fit. Logan clutches the table organizing the files, a frustrated mumble as he does so. He stuffs away a small box, wrapped neatly, into his drawer.

“I had approximately one drink” He remembers, his fingers itching desperate for Patton's hold in his. “Its stupid, I understand” He rubs his forehead, Roman clicks his tongue shaking his head.

“No, its romantic Lo, like nobody says that stuff in real life but uh...romantic” Roman smiles “So, birthday plans?” Roman leans forward, placing his intrigue in his hands, a sweet smile. Logan feels his face arise in a lovely shade of red, he lets out a shaky laugh feeling his mind drift away. His hands interlaced carefully with Patton's as they walk through the chilly remains of January, the twins rushing ahead of them in laughter. Entrapped in their own frolics and games as Patton watches with love pouring from his beautiful eyes. Logan tightens his hold, a sweet kiss to Patton's forehead as they make their way to…

”Dinner” He whispers, the room opens once more. “A nice walk, and home” He recites simply because that's what Patton needed. Something simple and loving, a way to show his affection through slow means. Nothing complicated, no pressure, and a celebration.

“Sounds wonderful” Roman compliments, he snaps his fingers “You know the twins are staying with Virge right? Remy and Emile are taking them to dinner” Roman reminds, Logan's stomach tugs not sure which feeling to settle on. Excited for this intimate moment the lawyers will share together, but disappointed, he was...looking forward to seeing the twins. He shakes his head nodding.

“Well, I suppose it's just the two of us” He takes his glasses, wiping the glass with a cleaner on his desk. A giddy rush passes through him, Roman watches the man's face switch through, as if he held his own remote.

“Hey, do you love Patton?” Roman lets out, shrugging as he leans comfortably. Logan coughs on his dry throat, frantically grasping for water.

“I-” His eyes widen, the typical curiosity that pools them replaced with fear of what the future deemed. Roman chuckles running a soft hand through his hair. “I like Patton, and I lo-” He steps delicately on the floor, pacing in position. “I don't know!” He stands quickly

“Logan, I was kidding, take it easy, look you don't have to…” He watches the fearful man “Know that right now but it has to be headed that way dude. He has two kids, you both have full-time jobs and you're headed towards commitment. I love you dude but you're way past casual dating.” Roman recites, dusting off his robes “You have to be in this for the long ride-” Logan stops him

“I know Roman, I made it clear that I was serious about this. I'm not going to walk away. I feel like I'm repeating myself. I love Patton's kids, and I care, so much, about Patton.” Logan assures, Roman bites his lower lips smirking. “Why is this anyone's business but ours?” Logan pleads, Roman chuckles

“You're kidding right?” He checks, Logan remains, sighing deeply. “Ok we love you, but you're not Logan Tolentino the lawyer anymore. You're not Patton's friend anymore, you're more than that. Which is an amazing thing to be, but-”

“I'm not Liam.” Logan argues, he scoffs angrily. “Why does everyone keep implying that?”

“No one has ever actually said that, but you keep making the connection” Roman notes “For a reason, you're not Liam but if there is even the slight chance?” Roman cocks his head “Just make sure you're in this, because I swear to god, if Patton gets hurt one more time...”

“I know” Logan agrees.

“Just focus on dinner for now ok?” Roman goes around the desk, rubbing his shoulder comfortingly. “You don't have to worry about the twins, about Liam or his parents about whether you love Patton or not. Just uh...give him a nice time, ok?” Roman asks

Do I love Patton?

Does he love me?

Am I Liam…?

Logans brain races fast, his mind overwhelmed. Flashing pictures and memories flow, he feels dizzy as he sits once more. Burying his head in the desk, what was wrong with him? He longed for when none of this concerned him. For when he saw the twins and Patton and kept his infatuation away, locked in a box to rot. Whether he loved Patton or not was consuming his mind every waking moment, each step he took burning with hot desire.

Do you love Patton?

“I think I do”

~~~

“Be good for me ok?” Patton kneels holding his twins close, they smile exhausted from their journey of a day but conjure up a nod. After sweet farewell kisses, he watches his friend take their arms waving goodbye to Patton. He will never get used to it, that sharp pain as Patton's hold over his life drifts away. It goes away after a moment but that transition hurts.

“Patton, are you alright?” Logan wonders, Patton turns his mind clears as his eyes fall upon the figure. His eyes glisten reflecting the stars above. “Patton?”

“You look...you always just look…” Patton marvels, a soft smile spreads across his face. “Nice, you look so nice” He decides, feeling the overuse of ‘perfect’ in the past few months. Logan stifles his smile, he extends his hand through the chilly air, Patton takes it feeling his favorite spark. Logan pulls him close, walking them side by side.

“Patton you look stunning” Logan whispers through his frosty breath. Patton averts his gaze towards the moon, hoping his blush isn't as evident. Logan fiddles sweetly with Patton's fingers in his own, Patton wishes for nothing more than to stay connected.

“So! What's the evening plan?” Patton inquires, leaning into Logan's coat much to the lawyer's excitement.

“A simple dinner, a nice walk and then home” Logan lists, Patton hums delighted at the sound of something so perfect. “Does that sound enjoyable?” Logan checks, Patton lifts their joined hands kissing Logans softly.

“It sounds absolutely perfect” He assures yawning. The walk continues until they reach the restaurant, Patton puts distance between him and logan keeping their hands together, he stares through the window. “Shall we?” He asks, Logan purses his lips he tugs gently at Patton's hand bringing him in. He places his under Patton jaw kissing him. A quick shock but Patton leans into it feeling safe wrapped in his arms. His eyes remain closed even as Logan pulls away, he opens them once more grounding himself.

“We shall” Logan leads him in, allowing the host to seat the pair at their reserved table. Taking their coats, they sit, Logan helps Patton into his chair before taking his own place. Patton smiles as he browses the menu, his favorite routine as they meet across the table, fingers interlaced. “Anything look good?” Logan questions, looking through his own menu.

“Mmm, water” He hums, Logan chuckles. “Maybe a non-alcoholic mojito?” He checks, Logan nods skimming the wine menu. Quickly the night moves on, a nice flow as they order their drinks than their main courses. “Oh, my...delicious Lo” Patton swallows a delectable bite.

“I'm glad, I was wary about the vegetarian option” Logan admits, Pattons smile falters a shaky smile. Patton found it silly how much that simple thought meant. When picking a place, Logan took into consideration Patton.

Logan...took into consideration...Patton

Me?

“Patton?” Logan tilts his head, squeezing the man's hand. “Everything alright?”  Patton nods finishing his food, swallowing his overwhelming thoughts with water. Patton kisses Logan's hand, grateful for simply the entire night.

“The twins want you to join us at Disneyworld'' Patton adds, Logan smirks twirling his spaghetti. “They also want you to join us for snuggle Sunday” He raises a brow, a coy sweetness. Logan chuckles biting his lower lip.

“I would not mind both of those” Logan admits, Patton grins thanking the waitress as she clears their plates. “Which reminds me, I have a gift- er gifts for you” Patton sighs, feeling his cheeks flush. “Don't, I know what you're thinking and just...don't” Patton leans in

“You shouldn't have” Patton rushes, Logan slams his hand delicately laughing.

“I should and did so…” Logan swishes his lips “Deal with it” He snarks, Patton giggles rolling his playful eyes. “Ok, this if for, you and the twins…” He hands Patton an envelope watching as a cautious look quickly turns to shock. A small gasp as tears threatens his already weak eyes.

“Logan…” He can't find the words, they dance around but nothing amounts to the absolute thankfulness he feels. “I can't accept this, you know that right?” Logan groans, Patton wipes away the soft tears.

“You can and will, plus seeing as I'm coming with you…” Logan trails off, Patton shakes his head returning the envelope. “Think it over ok?” Logan requests, Patton sighs but nods knowing he's in no state of mind to argue. “Thank you, I have one more item for you” He reaches into his coat pulling out a small box, one he had spent hours gently piecing together. The wrapping a sweet baby blue with fragrant flowers decorating them.

“You spoil me” Patton giggles taking it, opening the paper carefully and neatly.

“Not nearly enough” Logan mutters to himself, Patton finds a deep box under it and opens it. A sweet gasp as he removes the item from its home. A navy blue tie is shown, beautiful patterns are etched through it in white and pastel colors.

“Oh, it's...beautiful Lo…” Patton looks at it, an absolute glimmer in his eyes. After dessert, maybe too many thanks from Patton, the pair retreat back outside. The warmth from each other circling them gently as they walk. They decide to go off their path, Logan leads Patton by the waterside. Humming softly Patton keeps himself quiet as to listen to the wonderful melody.

“You're quiet” Logan notes after a brief pause, Patton chuckles, his breath appearing in the starry night a moment later.

“Oh do keep going, you sound lovely” Patton requests, Logan stops them under the opening of the stars. He leans in kissing Patton carefully, cupping his cheeks as he does so. Patton meets Logan's hands pulling apart in a calm smile.

“Pat, look” Logan gleams watching the stars above him “Oh the sky..” Patton purses his lips, he takes Logan's cheek, kissing him softly. Logan melted into it, fiddling ever so delicately with Patton's hands in his own. “The stars Patton…” Logan wants to take one in his hand, play around with it, study every sparkle and feeble thing till he exhausted its draining light. Patton smiles.

“You're my star” He whispers gently watching as Logan continues marveling at the starlights. ��Happy birthday me” He shines with pure joy, broken ever so quickly by his phone. “One-moment starlight” He excuses himself, neither phased by the nickname poured of affection, lingering on Logan's hands for a second.

“Patton Hart” He greets, a state of euphoria.

“Tick tock mister Hart, you don't have much longer” Why must the line go dead?

#objection au #logicality #prinxiety #remile #platonic demus #logan sanders #patton sanders #roman sanders #virgil sanders #remy sanders #emile picani #remus sanders #deceit sanders #ts valerie #ts joan #ts talyn #thomas sanders #sanders sides #youtube #writing #my writing #ao3 #archive of our own #oc's #original character

[the-faequeen]

A picture of Neeko for your attention? :3

Hello everyone! I wanted to do some important updates here so I'll type it down in with titles so whichever you might be interested in, You'll see :) 

1. For my commissioners:

Hi everyone, YES i am still workin and sketching them as much as I can but work has been quite busy lately! I hope you all understand and thank you so much for being so so patient! I'll be continuing work this weekend. For this week, I haven't done any progress since it's a busy work week :) I'll be messaging and replying to everyone ONCE i'm good with my day job. Expect this weekend most likely. For those who want to commission me, i'm so sorry but I won't be opening my commissions for a while EXCEPT when there's an emergency. I'll be posting if I do open commissions again but for now, it's closed till further notice. For the ones who inquired and I have answered a yes, consider your commission to be noted :) I'm so sorry though if i'm not replying just yet -- I have so much to finish before I can compose myself.

2. For my online orders:

To those who ordered May 1- june 12 I have gotten the new batch! huzzah! I will be shipping them on the weekend :) Anyone who have placed an order past 12,consider yours to be included on the next shipment next month! 

3. For people who wants to buy my Merch (ESPECIALLY THE MIRACULOUS LADY BUG FLOWERS -- wow you guys)  

The question of my MLB merch -- I will be posting it on my Storenvy --- But i'm also fixing my shop. There is gonna be a big chance that I can lower the shipping fee -- and a lot of other stuff. I want my items to be affordable for all you guys so I'm working on my new shop (apart from storenvy) and yes there will be new merch too. Fans of Boku No Hero, Persona 5 (HELL YES OMG) and ofc, My league people will be in for a treat :3 i'm updating my merch list for it to have more varied items <3 Hopefully -- Y'all will liek it. I'll be posting a catalog for my online store as well as links to it WHEN i finally have it finished. It's one of my major priorities this month.

4. Any of you wondering about my conventions

Well as you, my sweet Filipino Mutuals may have recently heard, APCC is cancelled. It was my supposed Con that i'm working my back and neck to prepare for. That being said, I now have more free time (lol expect zoyn comics on the weekend hue) and I can now work on other stuff.  That being said, for the rest of the year -- here's my Target cons, some I have already gotten a slot for:- Cosmania, ESGS, Komiket 2019 - and if I'm really lucky.. I may see you guys at AFA in Singapore this November!

5. The Misadventures of Zoe and Kayn

Im gonna be completely honest i HAVE NOT worked on anything for this chapter and i am so so so sorry. Frankly in the midst of APCC, my aun't wedding and work as well as commissions, I've been so burtn out? I didnt have time. Simply put. But now that my schedule's gonna get a. bit more cleared up cos of APCC's cancellation, I'm planning on just finishing my commissions and I'll Stop everything and focus on the new chapter. It's gonna be exciting, I swear guys.

Also i have some mini stories of other champions I've drafted through out this period -- maybe i'll go ahead and continue that too. Who knows. that be all the updates I can give guys. thank you for being patient with me!

- Fi

#fae talks

[childofthenight2035]

Protect You (Part 3) Final

A/N: its literally been forever, this is NOT my best work, im sorry this is so damn long i aint ever gonna finish this am i featuring everybody and Ji Chang Wook

Pairing: Lee Taeyong x gn!Reader, Ji ChangWook x gn!Reader, Jung Jaehyun x gn!Reader

Summary/Prompt: Your new bodyguard doesn’t seen the friendly type.

Genre: Angst, Fluff, Bodyguard!AU

Word Count: 9.9k

Warnings: None?

Links to the other parts can be found in my masterlist!

-

               “You have to be kidding me.” I vaguely heard Kai’s voice in my room. “Hyung, how could you let this happen?” Firm footsteps. A strong hand wrenched the bottle out of my grip. I whined, but let it go. Even in my dazed state, I knew it was too much.

               Chanyeol gave a non-committal grunt. “What was I going to do? Stop it?” I fell back against the sofa from where I sat on the floor, fitting myself between Yeol’s legs. His broad hands stroked my hair soothingly and I leaned into his touch, smiling giddily. “What a happy baby.” Kai groaned. “Yah, what of Chang Wook? The asshole.”

               “You can’t blame him.” Kai let out a deep sigh. “His career was on the line.”

               “But still.”

               “He’s gone, anyway. Packed his bags and left.”

               “You’re kidding.”

               “They must have settled it that way. Let’s not interfere in it.”

               Chanyeol made a noise of outrage. “Not interfere? If I could get my hands on that—“

               “There’s something else, hyung. Something possibly worse.”

               There was a pause. “What could be worse?”

               “Someone joined the dance department, and I think…”

               I was so exhausted. I fell asleep.

 -

                 Wendy’s constant presence was slowly starting to drive me insane. I had not a single moment to myself. It was irritating, especially concerning the fact that I wasn’t that close to Wendy.

               “Do you really have nothing to do?” I asked, albeit a little harshly. Wendy pouted.

               “Wow, do you really not like having me around?”

               I slumped. “It’s not that, just….I feel like you’re tailing me because Yeol put you up to it. I mean, will anyone let me mope in peace?”

               “Honestly? No,” she replied. “Irene is out of town and Seulgi is completely hooked on that new kid in the choreo department.”

               Something rang a bell. “Ohh, yeah, I think the boys mentioned that…” I tugged at my hair. “And? What did Seulgi say? Is the kid any good?”

               “I wish he wasn’t.” Wendy shook her head. “She hasn’t spoken of anything but how great he is at everything.”

               I laughed. “Seems like someone has a crush?”

               Wendy pursed her lips. “God, I hope not. I won’t be able to live with her.” She suddenly stopped and gripped my arm. “And you know what she’s saying? He’s so good, she’s taking him with us to New York!”

               “Tomorrow, isn’t it?” I shivered. “I keep forgetting it’s so close. I’m excited.”

               “Me too.” She bounced on her heels. “I’ve never been to New York.”

               “Hyunwoo’s gonna be there,” I said, heart sinking a little as I remembered why Hyunwoo would be there. “Reinstated as long as I’m there.”

               “Oh. That’s good, isn’t it?”

               “It must be such an inconvenience, I mean, he must have other things to do.”

               “He might not.” Wendy was quick to reassure me. “Don’t think about it too much.” She glanced at her watch. “We have a department meeting now. You want to come?”

               I shook my head. “What would I possibly do?”

               “Just sit there and watch. Come on. It’s not like you have anything better to do.”

 .

               I slipped into the room behind Wendy and immediately spotted Chanyeol, standing near the back and leaning against the wall. I slid into the shadows behind him.

               “Yah, what are you doing here?” He whispered. I smiled angelically in response.

               “Hey,” Wendy hissed, tapping my shoulder. “I think that’s the new guy.” I turned my head in the direction she was pointing until I caught a shock of red hair near the front of the room.

               “Damn,” I whispered back. “Sure he’s not an idol or something?” She only giggled. My eyes remained trained on the back of the newbie’s head, admiring his spunk. I caught a glimpse of Seulgi, who was seated next to him, as she turned to talk to him. “Seulgi looks whipped,” I commented.

               “Can you both shut up?” Chanyeol snapped, unusually tense. I narrowed my eyes at him, but obeyed. I slunk back into the shadows.

               “I’ll wait outside, then,” I told Wendy, my voice low. She nodded and let me go, only after promising that I had to wait for them. I crept along the walls and let myself out the door.

  -

                 I dragged my toes aimlessly over the floor, following the cracks that the tiles made—ordinary large grey tiles that bored me. I checked my watch. Why weren’t they coming out yet? Were department meetings such a big deal? I’d never known. It had been well over an hour already and who knew whether it would take longer? I didn’t understand all their talk about tech and time schedules and budgets. Channie seemed pretty nervous. Was the music department behind on any deadline? Wait—was it because he was taking care of me for the past few days? Was he going to face the music today? Is this all my fault? Yes, a voice in my head answered my question. Of course this is all your fault.

               The door creaked open and I shifted aside for the throng of people to pass, greeting the ones I recognized but keeping one eye out for Wendy or Chanyeol. After the rush had died down, the door opened again to emit two people—Seulgi and the new kid. My eyes immediately darted to his hair. He nodded at Seulgi and the two split ways, the new guy taking the corridor that passed me. And that’s when I saw his face.

               My mouth fell open. I stood there speechless as he walked past without even giving a hint that he knew I was standing there.

               “Taeyong?” I breathed out, loud enough for him to hear. No response. He continued walking. “Yah, Lee Taeyong!” I left my post by the door and ran after him. He seemed to not pay attention. I seized the cuff of his shirt and tugged hard, so that he was forced to stop. I pulled and he swung reluctantly around to face me. “Yah, Taeyong-ah,” I said in numb disbelief that soon changed to anger. “Yah, how could you do that? Resign without telling me and then disappear? And then show up three days later as a choreographer? What do you think you’re doing?”

               His face soured and he yanked his arm back. “Please leave me alone. Don’t talk to me.” Swivelling on his heels, he strolled away, his footsteps echoing in the empty corridor.

 -

                 “Can you believe that?” I burst out in Chanyeol’s studio. “Lee Taeyong—my bodyguard—after all we’ve been through—honestly, how dare he? And he’s telling me to leave him alone? Like what the hell? Not to talk to him? What is he playing at?”

               I paced the studio, not seeing Wendy flinch, nor Chanyeol glaring at her.

               “Okay, but listen, it’s not that I’m upset that he resigned or anything,” I continued, not caring whether they were listening or not. “I mean, he liked dancing, so yeah, let him dance again, that’s a great thing, but why leave without telling me and now why tell me to stay away? I mean, what did I do?”

               “Maybe he was embarrassed that he was going to take dancing again,” Wendy suggested. I caught Yeol’s glare but didn’t make anything of it.

               “How? I’m the one that told him to start dancing again and that we’d all support him,” I argued. “That doesn’t explain why he’s mad at me now.”

               “I’m sure he has his reasons,” Chanyeol interjected. “Let’s not push it. You—“ he pointed at me, “—should be focusing on your dialogues. We’re leaving tomorrow and don’t think Sunho’s going to give you much time to learn them once we’re there.”

               “Ooh, responsible Yeol,” I teased. “It’s not a bad look for you.”

               “I’m serious, Y/N.”

               “The flight. I’ll learn them on the flight.” He sighed and turned to his computer. “Oh no,” I said, suddenly remembering what Wendy told me. “Taeyong’s coming, isn’t he?”

               “Just stay away from him, yeah?” I heard Chanyeol say. “Nothing good is going to come out of you provoking him. So use your brain for once.”

               “For once?” I stuck my tongue out at the back of his head. “I use my brain all the time.”

               “And let me remind you of one thing,” he turned right around. “In the light of the media, you’re still in a relationship with Kai, so don’t go around making a bad rep. Hyuk’s going to have a heart attack if you do.”

               “I don’t want to see his fat face,” I snapped. “Let him go to hell.” Wendy raised her eyebrows. I kind of felt sorry for her, having to witness all my arguments with Chan.

               “Well, at least Hyunwoo’s going to be there, yeah?” she said cheerily. “He must be glad to see you. It’s been a while.”

               Before I could respond, Chan cut in. “Have you finished packing?”

               “Not everything.”

               “Go finish. Now.” I stood up, scared of his tone, bowed to both of them deeper than I normally did and let myself out the door.

  -

                  I pressed my fingertips to the thick glass of the airplane windows, gazing down at the scene below us. It was just like in the movies—tall skyscrapers breaking through the clouds as the flight descended.

               “New York.” Chanyeol said quietly beside me. “Worth the wait, huh?”

               “You bet.” I peeked over the seat ahead of me and saw Wendy with her nose pressed against the glass, excitement written all over her face. I couldn’t help but giggle. Despite having been abroad for most of her studies, she had apparently never actually been to New York.

               I could only hope the visit turned out as good as I hoped.

 .

               “Hyunwoo!” I squealed as soon as I saw him waiting for us outside the airport. I was about to make a dash for him, but Chanyeol seized my arm and pulled me close to him, looking furtively both ways.

               “Don’t make a scene, for heaven’s sake,” he hissed. I pouted but obeyed.

               The first thing I got from Hyunwoo was a hard knuckle to my head. And then a hug.

               “I didn’t think I would be seeing you so soon,” he remarked. “There goes my peace and quiet for the next couple months.”

               I punched him—which I’m sure he didn’t even feel—and looped my arm into his. “I’m sorry you had to drop everything—“ A flash of red passed me. I raised my voice slightly. “—for me. It was all because of some asshole who resigned without saying anything—“ A sharp smack to the back of my head shut me up. Channie. Why can’t you be on my side for this? Jeez.

               “I’m sure he had a reason,” Hyunwoo said sensibly. I knew that was obviously true, but my irritation wouldn’t stay down for long.

               “Forget it. How’s Minhyuk?” I asked, shifting the topic back to him.

               “He’s doing good. He’s a teacher at a preschool now, did you know?”

               “Really? That’s great. He’s good with kids.”

               “He is.” I could hear the fondness in his voice and my heart suddenly ached.

  -

                 The streets were packed. However hard I looked, I could hardly see enough space for a cat to breathe. The hotel corridor had full length windows at the end and I was pressed up against them, peering down at the road. “Is New York always so busy?” I wondered aloud.

               “Sure is.”

               I jumped, my shoes making an embarrassing squeaking noise against the tiles. Swivelling around, I came face-to-face with a cheerful face. Cheerful? Well, that too. I meant to say gorgeous. Because he is. “Oh. Um. Hi.”

               His face broke out in an excited grin. “Hi. I’m Jaehyun. I think we’ve…um…corresponded?”

               Odd way to say that we talked on the phone, but okay. “Yeah, I remember. Nice to finally meet you.”

               We shook hands.

               “You got the role of the boyfriend, right?” I confirmed, lifting myself off the window and gesturing him to follow me downstairs to where I would get some food in my stomach.

               “Yeah, I did!” He was bouncing on his heels very slightly, but enough for me to notice.

               I chuckled. “You seem really eager.”

               He abruptly stopped and let out a nervous laugh. “Well, yeah, I guess. I’m a really big fan of you. You’re such a great actor. You’re like my idol.”

               “Thank you,” I replied graciously. “I’m looking forward to seeing you be even better. No pressure, though.”

               “I’ll try my best!” He pressed the button for the elevator and held it open for me. Once we were inside, he cleared his throat. “Um, do you know where Taeyong is? He told me he was coming, too.”

               My expression soured as soon as I heard his name. “No, I don’t know. And I certainly don’t care where he is, either.”

               “Whoa. I’m sorry. Is…is something wrong?” Jaehyun looked genuinely confused, poor thing. “I thought he was your bodyguard?”

               “Exactly. He was.” The elevator pinged and the doors opened. “You can ask him why yourself.” I stalked out, mood ruined, leaving Jaehyun absolutely scared of my sudden temper.

 .

               Stupid Taeyong. Stupid Taeyong with his stupid red hair and his stupid choreo. Who does he think he is? How dare he say that to me? How dare he tell me to leave him alone when I’m the one who told him that it was okay to go dance again? Him and his stupid dance moves, looking like a tomato. That’s what I’m going to call him. Tomatohead. Stupid tomatohead with his —

               “Couldn’t you just talk to him?” Hyunwoo suggested, evidently tired of me staring at Taeyong with daggers in my eyes every time I saw him. I shook my head.

               “He doesn’t want to talk to me, so what am I supposed to do?” I slumped back in my chair. “It’s like I did something to him. He’s acting perfectly fine around everyone else.”

               Always the voice of reason, Hyunwoo spoke gently: “Maybe you did do something.”

               “I swear I didn’t!” I cried out for the umpteenth time in a week.

               “Did you say anything to him the day before he resigned?”

               “I was at a party,” I stressed yet again. “He wasn’t in a mile radius of where I was. And we were on good terms before it.”

               Hyunwoo only sighed and sat back, gazing at me disappointedly. I hated that look. Why do I feel so guilty if I didn’t do anything?

  -

               Tax fraud. That’s what my parents said the authorities called it. I didn’t understand. Hadn’t my parents been paying their taxes? Wasn’t that what they were working so hard for? I didn’t know why they would be accused of it, nor did I give it much importance until I heard them tell me one word—deportation. That meant being forced out of the country. That meant leaving. Going back to the town my parents grew up in. No, they told me, not a town. A village. A village on the river. A village on the border, on the brink of war.

No, I told them, I won’t go. There has to be a way to fix this problem. Tax issues aren’t rare. People have survived those without getting kicked out. No, I said, I won’t let us go. Falling into the middle of war? It’s not safe. Is this your attempt at being patriotic? Aren’t you worried at all?

Nonsense, they told me, this is something we’ve been meaning to do anyway. You need to know about your own culture instead of rotting in this foreign land. We’re going, they said, we don’t have the ability to fight the government. You’re thinking only of yourself. Our people have always made peace. There won’t be a war, you’ll see.

None of my friends understood. They were sad that I would leave, but I was devastated. They were losing one person, one replaceable face in the crowd. I was losing everything and everyone I had ever known. Not even my boyfriend heard what I was trying to tell him.

“You’re going back?” he asked me, his voice a hushed whisper. “You’re not serious?”

I nodded, eyes teary. “That’s what they’re telling me.”

He shook his head disbelievingly. “You’re so lucky.”

My mouth fell open. “You’re calling me lucky? Have you gone insane?”

“You wouldn’t understand!” he exclaimed. “All those things my father tells us, regretting that he brought us here and spoiled us…but he’s never had the courage to actually pack up and leave. Ah, the stories he tells!” He had a wistful look on his face. “Sometimes they make me wish I was there.”

I swallowed my grief down, but tears spilled over anyway. “I can’t believe you would say that. You’re just like everyone else. Is that all I am?”

“Hey, darling, no, don’t cry.” He gently wiped away the droplets running down. “I know. But don’t you see how great this is? This adventure you’re going to be part of?” I seized his shirt and fisted the material in my hands.

               “No! Why can’t you understand?” I begged, tear tracks staining my cheeks. “Don’t you care about me? About…” Us, I wanted to say. Don’t you love me? There were so many things I wanted to tell him, so much I wanted to ask, so many things I wanted to yell out at him, in his face, into the void. But we were in the neighbourhood, other people already looking around to see what the commotion was.

               “Darling, I do,” he said, glancing around quickly, his way of telling me that I was being too loud, too open about what was happening between us, too much to harm his image. “I do care about you. But you know there’s nothing I can do about it. You know I’m barely scraping through as it is.”

               I wrung my hands. “But—“

               “Listen, I don’t know why or how your family got yourselves involved in this—this tax fraud? I don’t know. But I don’t have even two dollars to lend you, sweetheart, you know that. I have no connections. I can’t afford a lawyer.” He sighed, running his hands through his hair.

               My mouth parted. “I’m not even asking you for mon—“

               “Darling. Please. I understand. You’re worried, you’re upset, this is unfair, I know.” He gripped my shoulders. “Your parents aren’t half as worried, though, are they?” I reluctantly shook my head. “They know what’s best for you. And it’s not forever. You’ll come back someday. Or I’ll finally pick myself up and move there. But this is such a great opportunity for you. Don’t let it go. Listen to them. I’ll write to you. I promise.”

               The walk home was depressing. I realized that I had no one to lean on. No one to trust. I would fight this on my own.

  -

               “Good work, today, everyone! Pack up!” Sunho-ssi’s shout was balm to my poor ears. I collapsed onto a chair as soon as I walked out of sight of the cameras. Jaehyun fell into the next one soon after.

               “You’re really good, you know?” I remarked. He turned red despite how flushed his face already was.

               “Look who’s talking. You cry so convincingly. I wanted to break character and hug you so badly,” he replied, the tips of his ears turning adorably pink as he finished the sentence.

               “Give me a hug now then, I could use it.” I stretched my arms out toward him and he hesitantly embraced me. I rubbed his back soothingly. “You’re comfortable. I like you.” Ignoring the spluttering I heard by my ear, I murmured, “Let’s go get something to eat, I’m starved.”

               “Wait, where’s Hyunwoo?” Jaehyun asked, noticing that the big guy wasn’t anywhere near us. I shrugged, not intending to make a scene out of it. To be honest, I was sort of glad that I wasn’t restricting him. I wanted him to be happy. I was the one who urged him to let go of the job and move to New York. I wanted him to be living on his terms for once and I felt so guilty for making him have to stick by my side again.

               “It’s okay, he might have gone home for a while.” I nudged him in the ribs. “He must have trusted you enough.” Laughing at the look on his face, I stood up, taking his hand and pulled him over to the vehicles with the rest of the crew.

               Unfortunately, the only car that had vacant seats was Seulgi’s. I assumed they had come to set to ask for input or to analyse the scene. I wasn’t going to ask what they did when they were working. I really didn’t want to share with those two, but Jaehyun saw his favourite hyung and dragged me along at once.

               Seulgi smiled at me and moved to the side, looking at Mr. Tomatohead pleadingly, who rolled his eyes and vaulted into the cramped backseat. Jae and I slid into the middle, squeezing me in between. I was very much aware that there was a certain man breathing down my neck, but I tried not to think about it. I was also very much aware that Jaehyun was still holding my hand.

               “Hey hyung!” Jaehyun said cheerfully, twisting around to face the tomato, surprisingly still not letting go of my hand. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw that Seulgi’s gaze rested on our intertwined fingers and she smirked.

               “Hello, Jaehyun,” he replied dully, not using a nickname. Jaehyun’s face fell and he looked down at me, briefly. I winced at him apologetically and he turned back around in his seat, choosing instead to look out the window.

               “How’s the shooting going?” Seulgi asked politely (I knew her, but I didn’t know her like that), just to make some small talk to break the awkwardness on our side of the car.

               “It’s going well,” I answered, seizing the chance. “Jae’s such a great actor. He’s fun working with. I’m glad he got the part.”

               “Stop it,” Jaehyun interjected, his ears going red again. “I’m not that great.”

               I squeezed his fingers. “Yeah, you are.” He tugged at his collar, unbuttoning it. It was so funny to see how flustered he got when he was complimented. I laughed at him.

               I missed the look Seulgi gave the man seated behind me.

-

               Four weeks. Four weeks since we had arrived. Four weeks since I met Jaehyun and he decided to stick by my side all the time. Hyunwoo’s job was a lot easier, but he still hung around on the periphery most of the time.

               After Jae was brushed off in the car that day, he seemed distant towards Taeyong, though he claimed they had patched things up back in their room. I was upset that I’d gotten in between two best friends, but that guilt always dissipated when I remembered what a jerk Taeyong was being anyway. Needless to say, Yeol wasn’t that ecstatic that I’d temporarily awarded Jae with the best friend title. But Jae was just so…fun.

               High energy stinkball. That’s what he was. In the best way, of course. If you needed a jock, I had one ready for you. That’s what he was in the politest sense of the term. And I loved it. I felt nothing for him in the romance department. Not at all. It wasn’t just because he had idol-zoned me as soon as he met me, but his mannerisms and his energy gave me the impression that I was playing with some puppy, that I was taking care of a kid. I felt that instinctively, like he was someone to be mothered, to be adopted. So that’s what I did.

I thought about it, so many times. I stayed awake some nights thinking about what Jaehyun meant to me and what I wanted from him, if I even wanted anything at all. I wasn’t about to jump headfirst into a relationship, not after what happened not too long ago. I wasn’t ready, at least not by my own standards. My biggest problem was that I had no clue what Jaehyun thought of me. But I realized what I thought of him, one clear night on the roof. People say that you know the exact moment you realize you’re in love with someone, but I never knew that I would be able to pinpoint that moment I realize I’m not in love.

I had knocked on Jaehyun’s door in the dead of night, after calling him and telling him to get dressed and come out. He obeyed, rubbing his eyes blearily and yawning.

“What is it?” he pouted. “It’s one in the morning. Why aren’t you asleep?”

I frowned. I thought he would have been more excited at the idea of a midnight escapade. “Follow me. I want to show you something.” I led him to the elevators and we rode until the top floor. I pulled his whining self, up a set of stairs and through a door that opened onto the roof.

He shivered as the cool air hit him. “What are we doing up here?”

I spread out a blanket I had nicked from Yeol’s room. “Shooting stars.”

“Huh?”

I gestured for him to lay down. Making myself comfortable, I pointed up at the night sky. “If we wait enough, we’ll probably see a shooting star.”

“Why—“ he ground his teeth and broke off. “Okay.”

I winced. I knew he was tired and I should feel guilty about it, but I wanted him to be with me to look for shooting stars. I didn’t speak for a while, biting my lip. I listened to my own breathing and his beside me. It was relaxing, in a way. The days were hot and humid but the nights were absolutely wonderful. Being on the roof of such a high building made me  feel that much closer to the moon. I watched the twinkling of the little dots in the sky, remembering the reasons for it that I learned in grade school. The flashing red light from a plane moved across my field of vision. I wondered for a moment where it was going. It might have been hours, or minutes. I saw a streak of light flash by.

“There!” I exclaimed, lifting myself up on my elbow and pointing. “Did you see that?” Silence. I looked over at Jaehyun with a brilliant smile on my face. He was sleeping peacefully, unaware of anything that had just happened. I sighed.

The thought came out of nowhere. I like him as just a friend. He’s just like Chanyeol. And then I was speechless at my own conclusion. I’m not in love with him. He was a good person to kill some time with, not to share emotion with. Someone I was in love with…I’d want to share beauty with them, appreciate aesthetic with them.

And then I remembered a night journey, months ago, wind whipping through my hair, a mask over my face and a blue glow from behind trees. I remembered a heartfelt talk, the whispers and expressive eyes.

And then I thought, Taeyong is asleep in the same room I pulled Jaehyun out from. I brought the wrong person with me.

And then, I wish Taeyong didn’t hate me. I‘m going to apologize for whatever I did, even if I don’t know what it is.

It was relatively easy, to shake Jae awake, forgive him for sleeping over his ‘sorry’s, and to haul his drowsy self downstairs to his room. What wasn’t easy was to be greeted by Taeyong’s sour face opening the door, his muttering as he let me in to dump Jae on his bed and the feeling of his eyes on me as I reluctantly walked towards the door, his hand already on the knob, ready to lock me out.

“Taeyong.” His name left my tongue in breathless whisper that made him tense up. I looked at him, desperate. “Please don’t be like this.”

“You should leave.” He wasn’t having it.

“Taeyong…ssi. I’m sorry.” I noticed how his expression changed at my apology. “I’ve clearly done something to hurt you. And I’m sorry, but I don’t know what it is. I don’t remember. Whatever it is, I’m so sorry. This—whatever is going on between us, I can’t take it anymore. I’m sorry.”

His shoulders slumped as if he had been carrying the weight of the world on them and finally set it down somewhere. “You don’t remember.” It wasn’t a question. It seemed to be addressed to himself, as if he had just realized something. “Of course you don’t remember. I thought—“ he broke off, shaking his head. “It doesn’t matter. You should leave.”

“Taeyong—“

“I’m sorry, too, Y/N. But you need to go and sleep. Please. It’s late. We can talk…in the morning.” He bowed his head and, recognizing defeat, I walked out of the room. I was so caught up with the thoughts in my own head and my bitter disappointment that it didn’t register that their door closed only after I closed mine.

 -

 After the next day’s shoot, I sat in a chair in the hotel lobby with Seulgi, waiting for Jaehyun to come inside. I hadn’t seen Taeyong all day.

“You’re waiting for Wendy to come down, I guess?” I asked her. She nodded.

“Yeah. She wanted to go see the Empire State Building and I said I’d go with her.” She shook back her hair. I envied how she maintained it so well, but I didn’t dare say that out loud.

“You don’t know where…Taeyong is…do you?” I tried to sound as casual as possible, as if I hadn’t avoided him for the last month. I must have missed her change in tone, but I caught her little smile. My eyebrows creased, alarms going off in my head.

“I haven’t seen him. We don’t have practice today.”

“Ah. Thanks anyway.” I directed my gaze outside the full length glass windows, thinking about her change in mannerisms. Does Seulgi like Taeyong? Wendy did say she wouldn’t stop talking about him. My eyes fell on Jaehyun and I almost stood up to wave at him, but then I saw Hyunwoo pulling him aside and whispering to him. That was something I had never seen. Since when were they so close? Hyunwoo strode indoors to the elevators without sparing me a glance. Oh, he meant business.

The sofa dipped as Jae plopped down next to me, yawning.

“Why does Hyunwoo look like he’s going to kick someone’s ass?”

He shrugged. “Shownu hyung? I dunno. He told me to keep you here and not let you come upstairs until he calls you.”

“Why? What the hell. Also, wait, Shownu? Only Minhyuk and his other friends call him that. How…?”

“I’m just a friendly guy. Seulgi, right?” Jaehyun reached around me to shake her hand. “Jaehyun. Taeyong’s told me quite a lot about you. He says your dancing is pretty impressive.” He wiggled his eyebrows. I stared at him in disgust.

She blushed. “He’s exaggerating. I’m not that good. Have you seen him dance?”

I tuned them out. I absolutely did not need to hear about this. Also, is this Jaehyun when he flirts? He’s doing pretty well. I’ve never seen him like that. That means he doesn’t see me like that. Right? That’s a relief. I wouldn’t want to break his heart.

My phone buzzed. “”Hyunwoo’s calling.” I slid my finger over the answer button. “Hello?”

Two sentences. “Come to Chanyeol’s room. Don’t bring Jaehyun.” And then he hung up.

“What did he say?” He asked curiously.

I stood up, smoothening my shirt. “To go to Yeol’s room and not bring you.”

He looked momentarily offended but then stretched, eyes shifting to Seulgi. “Yeah, okay. That’s cool with me.”

Okay, he definitely wasn’t in love with me.

.

I knocked on Chanyeol’s door twice before I heard Hyunwoo’s voice say ‘just come in already’. Bewildered, I stepped inside and found Yeol and Wendy both standing there, heads bowed, looking positively guilty. Hyunwoo—Shownu?—standing there with his arms crossed only confused me more. I’ll be honest and I wasn’t proud of it, but the scene looked like Hyunwoo had just caught the two of them in the act. Against my will, my eyes slid to the bed. It wasn’t rumpled.

“…What’s going on?” I asked cautiously. “You two look like you murdered someone.”

There was no answer. Hyunwoo cleared his throat loudly and threateningly.

“Are you two going to speak up or should I?”

“Yeollie, what’s wrong?” I spoke gently. He flinched, still not looking up at me. My heart began to pound. Something was seriously wrong. Chanyeol was not responding to me. I shifted my focus. “Wendy? What’s the matter?”

She clenched her fists. “We…um. We know why Taeyong is mad at you.”

Silence.

Several thoughts ran through my mind. They found out why he’s mad at me? Is that why I didn’t see him at all today? Because he was telling them what happened? But why would he tell them? Did they interrogate him for it? Did they finally get tired of my moping? Is the reason so bad that they can’t even tell me? Have I done something terrible? Oh my gosh, what is it?

“You guys found out why he’s mad at me?”

Yeol opened his mouth the answer, but Hyunwoo cut him off. “No, they already knew why he’s mad at you. They’ve known this whole time.”

My mouth fell open. “What? What do you mean?” I turned to Chanyeol. “Yeol, he’s not serious, is he? You wouldn’t keep something like that from me…right?” His silence was answer enough.

“I—“ I tugged at my hair, frustrated. “But…why is he mad at me? What did I do?”

“You kissed him.”

 If I hadn’t seen Wendy’s lips move, I wouldn’t have believed those words. Actually, scratch that. I saw her lips move, and I still didn’t believe her.

“What do you mean, I kissed him?” I wasn’t sure I wanted to know any more.

She took a deep breath. “That night at the party. You got shitfaced and you…you called him on the phone and said you wanted him and so I grabbed it from you and asked him to come pick you up.” She fiddled nervously. “And when he came, you kissed him. Really...went for it.”

I stood there, speechless. No way that happened. She has to be joking. I wouldn’t do that. He wouldn’t let me do that.

“Come on guys,” I said, voice lighthearted at first but faltering when I saw no change of expression. “That can’t be…true. Can it?” They hung their heads again. “How—How do you know?”

“I saw it,” Wendy mumbled.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“We didn’t want you to get hurt.”

“And Yeol? I thought you were as drunk as I was. If I didn’t remember, how did you?”

“I didn’t.” He swallowed hard. “Wendy told me.”

“When?” The word emerged as a harsh whisper, my anger and guilt slowly building.

“The next day.”

And then I exploded.

“So both of you knew about it? This is what you’ve been talking about behind my back? You really had the nerve to keep this from me, I can’t believe you! You didn’t even have the decency to let me know what I did! Just because I don’t remember doesn’t mean he doesn’t either! I could have at least apologized to him even if I didn’t remember! Why would you tell him to come pick me up? His sister was having a baby that night and he was with her, he told me that before he left and I promised him, I promised him that he wouldn’t have to come and then I went and ruined his life! Don’t you see how disturbed he was? Couldn’t you have stopped me? I don’t blame him for hating me, what have I done?! Of course he hates me, who wouldn’t? Don’t you have any idea what I’ve been going through every time I see him? How much negativity I’ve been carrying around? That doesn’t feel nice, you know! I can’t believe I would do something so stupid but at least you could have warned me…

I didn’t stay to listen to their apologies.

.

I hesitated for a moment before knocking on the door that I had stood outside that morning at one o’clock.

“Y/N! Hey, come in, what did Shownu hyung want? What did he say? He kick anybody’s ass? Ooh, was it Chanyeol—“

“Jae.” I cut off the steady stream of words that flowed from his mouth, my eyes trained on the lean red-haired man standing behind him, frozen. Damn, couldn’t the boy be quiet for once? “Could you give us a minute?”

Jaehyun looked from me to Taeyong. “Um. Okay?”

When the door clicked into place, he looked up at me. Again, I was mesmerized by him. I never paid so much attention, but his hair colour really brought out his sharp features.

“Taeyong-ssi,” I began carefully. “I’m very sorry.”

He smiled sadly, wearily. “For what? I’ve forgiven you.”

“No.” I jerked my thumb over my shoulder at the door. “They told me.”

“What?”

“They told me what happened at the party. They say I…kissed you. Is that true?”

His expression morphed into apprehension, quickly returning to his usual stoic face. “Yes.”

I buried my face in my hands. “God, Taeyong, I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay. It was a mistake, you were drunk—“

“It’s not that inexcusable, Taeyong, please,” I begged. “You’ve only ever been professional and I went and destroyed that for you, I don’t blame you for resigning, I don’t blame you for hating me, I don’t even—“

“I don’t hate you.”

“—can even stand to look at me—wait, what?” He cracked a little smile. “You don’t hate me?”

He shook his head, red locks falling into his eyes. “I was a little uncomfortable, I admit, but no, I don’t hate you.”

I couldn’t speak for a few moments. “You should hate me, I would hate myself, I mean, it’s not even that I kissed you, I promised you that you didn’t have to come to pick me up, your sister just had a baby and you should have been there for her and I had to be stupid and get drunk and ruin everything—mmphf!” My rant was cut short by his arms wrapping around me, burying my face in his chest and feeling the warmth of his body.

“I said I forgive you, Y/N.”

Did I mention the butterflies I felt for some reason? And the way he said my name?

“…Taeyong?”

“Yeah?”

“You’re not my bodyguard anymore, right?”

“I’m not.”

“You’re not working for me anymore. You’re working with me. So can’t we be friends?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I’d like that.”

 .

 “And you didn’t even tell me about it?” Jaehyun sounded scandalized. “I thought I was your best friend!” He huffed, crossing his arms. “I can’t believe you right now.”

“Just because you’re my best friend doesn’t mean I have to tell you everything,” Taeyong protested. We had brought Jae back inside after our conversation, to explain it to him as well.

“That’s what a best friend is, hyung! You got kissed by an award-winning actor and you didn’t even say anything?” He smacked his face. “I would have broadcasted it.”

“Well, I guess it’s a good thing I never kissed you,” I told him.

“Aw hey, come on, I’m not a bad kisser or anything.” He puckered his lips. “Wanna see?”

I pushed him away. “No. Keep your tongue in your own mouth.” I checked my watch. “I’d better get going before this doofus kisses me for real. See you guys later.”

-

 “Y/N, Y/N, Y/N, come here” was all I heard before I was yanked into an empty corridor a week later to see Jae in front of me, panting and looking both ways furtively.

“What? What is it?” I asked, nearly panicking. “Did something happen?”

“Yes,” he stressed, laying a hand over his heaving chest. “My heart is broken.”

“Oh for the love of—grow up, Jae!” I shouted, shoving him. He clapped a hand over my mouth.

“I’m serious, Y/N. I need your help.”

I pried his hand away. “For what?”

“Listen. Haven’t you been noticing something going on with Tae and Seulgi?”

That certainly caught my attention. “What are you hinting at?”

“They spend all their time together nowadays. It’s like they’re dating.” I couldn’t control the way my heart sank at his words.

“You think they’re dating?”

“No, but I don’t think it’s far off.” He ran a hand through his hair. “She knows I like her, she’s doing this on purpose.”

“Seulgi?”

“Yeah. So I’m going to make her jealous. And then beat Taeyong’s ass—sorry, hyung—for helping her plot something against me.”

“I don’t know how well that’s going to turn out, but yeah, sure, go for it. What do you need my help for?” His eyes glinted evilly. “Oh hell no. Jae. No. N. O. I am not going to—“

“How sweet, you act like you have a choice.” He grinned as if he knew every dark secret in my mind. “You’re going to help me and that’s that. Get ready. We start today.”

Weakly, I asked, “What am I supposed to do?”

“Act like I’m your boyfriend. Here, I’ll give you an example.” And then he pressed his lips to mine, just as two people rounded the corner. He jumped away from me in pretend shock, like he’d just been caught. My shock, however, was real. 100% real. I brought my hand up to cover my mouth.

“Hyung!” Jae said loudly. “What, what are you doing here?”

Taeyong crossed his arms, irritation on his face. “Better question is what you were doing.”

Heat crept up my cheeks. This was already a bad idea. I chanced a glance at Seulgi. She didn’t seem upset at all. On the contrary, she looked happy. As if she had been rooting for me and Jae to get together. I noticed how her arm was linked with Taeyong’s. I frowned inwardly, jealousy ripping through my veins. But why am I jealous? I’m supposed to be helping Jae get with Seulgi. It seems like she’s already with Taeyong. Are they a thing now? Is this official? When did this happen?

“It was just—nothing, hyung.” Jaehyun was still weaving his web of lies. “Remember how I said I wasn’t a bad kisser? I was just proving my point. We’re not, like, dating, or anything.”

Taeyong stared hard at Jae, eyes sliding toward Seulgi and then he smirked, like he was saying, I see what game you’re playing. I can see right through you. He took a step toward Jae. In a low voice that Seulgi couldn’t hear, he spoke: “I’m not a petty fool like you are. Know when to draw the line. Grow up, Jae.”

All I could hear was, try all you want, Jae, your girl is mine. And for some reason, it broke my heart. I inhaled sharply as the two of them walked off down the corridor. Jae stared at them, dismayed and I sunk to the floor.

“Whoa, hey, Y/N, you okay?” He knelt beside me. “Am I that great a kisser?” I pushed him. “No, but really, I’m sorry I kissed you just like that. I knew they were coming down the hall. You okay? You don’t look so good.”

I shook my head. “I just realized that I don’t like seeing them together.”

He squinted at me. “Why? You have a thing for Tae hyung or something?”

“Wha—no!” I spluttered. “It’s just, I—you and Seulgi look better together.”

“Oh. Thanks.” He sat down against the wall next to me. “I’m meddling again. I just hope things turn out okay.”

-

Jealousy. Burning rage coursed through me whenever I saw the two of them together, fawning over each other, Seulgi kissing him on the cheek, making little inside jokes and giggling about it to each other…the list seemed endless. It almost seemed as if Seulgi was doing all that to spite Jaehyun—as if both of them were in a battle to make each other snap. But I felt like I was the one hurting the most. Were they even dating? Or was this Seulgi’s plan to crush Jae’s advances? I wanted to know the truth.

-

“Is Seulgi dating Taeyong?” I demanded, slamming my fist down on Chanyeol’s desk. He jumped at the vibrations, startled at being disturbed from his work. He slid his headphones off, letting them hang around his neck, the picture of professionalism.

“Did you say something?”

“Is Seulgi dating Taeyong?”

He scoffed. “Seulgi? Dating Taeyong? Don’t be silly.”

“Then explain what’s happening between them! They do everything together.”

He leaned back in his chair. “I’m her favourite oppa. I’m pretty sure she would tell me—“ I raised my eyebrows at him “—or at least Wendy—if they were a thing.”

I was sceptical. “I don’t believe you.”

“Look, I—here.” He pulled out his phone and dialled her number. “I’m calling her. On speaker.” The other end of the line rang.

“Hello? Oppa?”

“Hey, Seulgi-yah. I have a question for you. Are you dating that kid in your choreo team? What’s his name? Taeyong?”

“Taeyong? No, I’m not dating him. Why do you ask?”

“Nothing, nothing, just some rumors flying around.”

“Ah, oppa, you know I’d tell you if I was.” Yeol flashed me a smug smile. I rolled my eyes.

“Thanks anyway, Seulgi-yah. I’ll let you practice now.” He hung up. “See? I told you it was nothing.”

“I still find it highly suspicious.”

“You know what I find suspicious?” He pointed his pencil at me. “I find it suspicious that you care so much about this.”

I knew where this was going. “I care because Jaehyun really likes her and I wanted him to be happy, but she’s always with Taeyong.”

Yeol smirked. “And it’s not because you’re in love with Taeyong, right?”

“I’m not in love with Taeyong!” I said hotly, kicking the legs of his desk.

“Your voice got higher. You’re in denial.”

I coughed. “I’m not in love with Taeyong,” I repeated, deepening my sound.

“I’m not in love with Taeyong,” He mocked. “You totally are. Just go tell him.”

“I’m not! You’re supposed to be on my side!”

-

But he was right. I was in denial.

Even as I held Jae’s hand, I wished it was Taeyong. When Jae came over to my room specifically when the duo was nearby, to cuddle or watch a movie, I wished it was Taeyong. When I posted something cheesy on my social media, people erupted, gushing about how cute it was that I was still thinking of Kai despite being busy in the States with shooting. Jaehyun would comment later (within earshot of the other two) that it was nice of me to say that about him. But it was about Taeyong. I wished it could be about Taeyong. When I lay in bed unable to sleep and wanting to see the stars, I crept out of my room to the roof. Alone. And saw nothing. And then my heart ached so badly that I wished desperately that Taeyong was with me. When Jae spent the night in my room, holding his hands up in surrender, promising me that he wouldn’t try anything, and when we fell asleep on the couch, I wished it was Taeyong.

He was right. I was in love.

But when had that happened? I realized it because of sheer jealousy. But when had I actually fallen in love? Throughout these twists and turns, from the first time I laid eyes on him in an elevator to when he became my bodyguard to now, when he swung off another girl in New York—somewhere, somehow, along the way, my heart had decided that it wanted to be with him.

.

“Holy shit,” I whispered, breath shaking. “I’m in love with him.”

 .

Chanyeol would yell at me. He would tease me and tell me that he had been saying that all along. Kai wouldn’t. And he didn’t. My boyfriend, in the public eye, at least, listened quietly as I went into a rant about everything that happened and what I felt about it. And then, what I was afraid of.  I was in tears by the end. Kai was patient. Kai was sympathetic. Kai could relate. His support made me feel so upset with myself and I had to apologize for not calling as often as I should have. But he forgave me. And that day, when the sun had set outside his dorm window, light filtered into mine.

“You don’t need to be upset or insecure because of Chang Wook,” he told me. “He saw that you were smitten without him having to do anything, and he took that chance. And then he had to give it up. That doesn’t mean you are incapable of being loved. I can’t answer whether you were in love with him or if it was idol-infatuation. Only you can say that. But right now, he’s not the one you want to be next to, is he?” I could hear him smiling on the other end. “You’re not going too fast. Life is meant to be lived. If you’ve found the person you want, there’s no right or wrong in it. It’s only whether you get up and do something about it, or let him slip away.” But what about us? I wanted to ask. What about the agency? What will they say? He understood. “Both of us love other people. But more than anyone else, Y/N, I love you and I want you to be happy. Get back in Korea and we’re going to take things into our own hands. We’re still people. We make our own decisions. We don’t have to tell them we found love, just that we don’t find it in each other. But now, I think you should go tell Yeol.”

“He’s going to make fun of me.”

“He won’t. He can support you now, when I can’t. Go to him.”

.

Chanyeol didn’t yell at me. He didn’t say I told you so. He didn’t smirk and he didn’t taunt. Uncharacteristically. But I was still grateful. I didn’t need to know that I had been wrong and he had been right. Our conversation was very brief. I told him that I’d come to my senses and he gripped my shoulders, taking a deep breath.

“Go tell him, you fool!” he shouted into my face. “Why the heck are you in my room?”

 -

 Taeyong was inside his room, I knew it. This is it, I thought. This is where everything turns out okay or where everything burns to ashes. And this time, I don’t think it will be fixed.

I lifted my hand to knock, but faltered when I heard voices.

“Jung Jaehyun, you take this too far!”

I gasped at the ferocity in his voice. Who knew Taeyong could be this scary?

“What did I do now?” I couldn’t believe the sass in Jae’s tone. If I had been in his place, I would have vaporized on the spot.

“You slept in Y/N’s room last night?”

Wait, why am I being dragged into this? Why does Taeyong care? Jae did that to make Seulgi jealous…right?

“Yeah. I did. Why do you care so much, hyung?” There was a teasing lilt to his voice that I couldn’t quite place.

Silence. “Don’t play this game, Jaehyun.”

“You started it. I didn’t.”

Game? Started what game?

“I only agreed to it because Seulgi came to me saying that she liked you but you were always with Y/N and she wanted me to help make you jealous.”

The familiar words rang a bell. Wait. Wait. What’s going on? Isn’t that the same thing Jae told me? That he wanted my help making Seulgi jealous?

“Huh. So you did start it. You got with Seulgi to make me upset, so I got with Y/N to make her upset. Where do you come in all this, hyung? What’s got you so tied up?”

So that’s why Jaehyun said all that. Okay, that makes sense.

“You know why.”

“No, hyung, I don’t. You’re not willing to admit it, you don’t want to go and do something about it, so why should I bother?”

I felt the tension build up, the air suddenly change. The fight had just gotten a lot more personal. I really shouldn’t be eavesdropping.

“Hyung, just admit it and I’ll back off.”

“Why do I need to admit anything? You already know about it! When I agreed to Seulgi’s plan, I didn’t think it would hurt me so much.”

I could relate. I could totally relate—wait. What?

“Why does it hurt you, hyung?” Jaehyun was fully mocking him now. I was terrified at his change in behaviour. I told myself the only reason I was still standing outside listening was to dash in if a fistfight broke out. “What part about me staying the night at Y/N’s, don’t you like? Huh? What part about me and Y/N kissing gets you so angry? Or better yet, what was the real reason you resigned that night after Y/N kissed you? Answer that, hyung?”

The words hit me forcefully. I imagined they did for him too. I staggered.

“It’s okay, hyung.” Jae’s voice was softer. “Just admit it.”

“I’m in love with Y/N.”

I clapped my hands over my mouth. The voices in my head muted. My traitor of a heartbeat picked up speed.

“That’s all there was to it, hyung. Just one sentence. Do you know how hard Seulgi and I worked for this? God, we drew blueprints for our plans and everything. You’re so dense.”

I couldn’t think anymore, but Taeyong’s renewed fury summed up my feelings pretty well. “Wait, you two planned this? So you don’t like each other?”

“Seulgi’s a great friend to have, hyung. That’s all. We’re not into each other like that.”

For a long moment, nobody spoke. I raised my hand weakly and knocked twice.

.

The door swung open. Jae.

From his expression, it was clear he understood that I heard everything. He pulled the door open wider.

“Thank me later, hyung. I just saved you both a lot of embarrassment.”

My eyes were only on Taeyong. Even though my face was burning and his finally matched his hair, I couldn’t seem to take my eyes off of him.

By impulse, my feet propelled me forward at the same his did.

.

Cliché, I know, but kissing Taeyong was better than anything I could have come up with. And trust me, I spent a lot of time imagining what it would be like to kiss him, what it had been like the night of the party, wishing I just remembered for once, because his lips were dry, his breathing was hot and heavy and his body suffocating.

Kissing Taeyong wasn’t just a punch of desire straight to my gut. It was the weight lifted off my chest. It was a soothing chill to my continuously aching heart. It was the fireworks, the bursting sense of bliss that threatened to escape my body, but it was also the calmness, the peace of the sea that had devoured the ship at last.

Kissing Taeyong wasn’t the spring breeze and the summer sun. It wasn’t the winter sky or the autumn leaves. It was nothing that existed in the plane of reality that my words could describe. For the first time, I was grateful that I couldn’t remember the party, because this was as great of a first kiss as I was going to get.

Kissing Taeyong was light-headedness, as if my brain couldn’t handle what was going on, as if my pounding heart was pumping the wrong way. I couldn’t think at all. It was just me and him, and his lips, over and over again. It was just his hands on my waist and mine in his hair and the pressure of his fingers and the coarseness under my own.

He pulled away first and I rested my forehead on his shoulder, dizzy, knees weak. I didn't trust myself to speak. Or move, for that matter. His face was buried in my neck, his breathing heavier than mine. My hands clung onto his arms. His were still around me.

Neither of us spoke. Neither of us needed to. But—

“Woohoo. Fucking finally. When’s the wedding?”

“Jae, just get out.”

  -

 “Kai and I have an announcement to make.”

The room burst into whispers.

“Y/N and I are not dating. We never were. We apologize for deceiving the public, but we cannot hide this any longer. We are best friends. Nothing more. We will not be answering questions. Sorry for the inconvenience. Thank you all for coming.”

  -

Epilogue

“Jesus, this party is so boring,” Jae complained, empty glass in hand. “Why do promo if the parties aren’t worth anything?”

“Are you being serious right now? I can literally see three shades of lipstick under your collar.” I teased him, poking at his neck.

“Don’t do that. There’s nothing there,” he drawled. His attention was diverted by a waiter passing by with a tray of drinks. In a flash, he had swapped out his glass with a filled one.

“You are going to get drunk at this rate,” I remarked. “And then there will definitely be three shades of lipstick on your collar and in several other places.”

Downing half his drink, he stamped his foot. “It was one time, okay? Give it a rest. I’m a changed man.”

“You’re already scoping out the ladies here.”

He turned to me, arm raised as if to punch me in the face, but a hand grabbed his and yanked it down.

“Are you trying to pick a fight here, bro? Lay off.” I smiled sweetly at the welcome intervention. “Don’t touch Y/N.”

“Hey, I was just playing, hyung. You know I won’t do anything.” He finished his drink.

“Yeah, yeah. Thanks for sticking around. You go and find a hook-up now.” Jae didn’t need asking twice. He was lost in the crowd in an instant. I smiled fondly, despite his rashness. “The fame went straight to his head, didn’t it?” I returned my attention to the person who had just arrived.

“Hi,” I whispered in Taeyong’s ear, hooking my arms around his neck.

“No,” he replied, freeing himself from my embrace. “Paparazzi.” I pouted. He glanced quickly around the room, bent down and pecked my lips. It was over way too soon. I whined. Squeezing my thigh, he lowered his voice. “Be patient, baby. Wait until we get back to your room.” If I said his voice didn’t send a jolt of arousal through me, I would be a dirty liar.

“Hm. Okay.” I let the matter drop for the moment. “Promise?”

“Of course.” Our fingers intertwined underneath the table. “I’ll take care of you, baby. I’ll always protect you.”

-

fin.

A/N: dont @ me im sorry about how awful this is i just wanted to finish it

#nct #nct taeyong #lee taeyong #taeyong #nct 127 #nct u #nct dream #jung jaehyun #jaehyun #jung yoonoh #bodyguard #bodyguard!au #bodyguard!taeyong #nct scenarios #nct imagines #protect you #kpop #kpop scenarios #kpop imagines #exo kai #exo chanyeol #actor! reader #red velvet wendy #red velvet seulgi #monsta x shownu #son hyunwoo #this is bad sorry #love #life #kpop fluff

[henqiguai]

haikyuu!! fic rec

i’ve been consuming unreasonable amounts of hq!! fic these past few months... here’s a rec list of ~70 fics for 16 ships. 

(edit: if the links aren’t working, right-click to open the fic in a new tab. sorry;;)

❤ = favorite

❤ ❤ ❤ = god-tier 

*

Bokuto/Akaashi (otp: my head, his heart)

the better boyfriend battle by norio (M)  ❤

Summary:  It's two days after their first date anniversary, so Bokuto ruins Akaashi's life.

i put my hand out, unfolded, into the sunlight by carafin (G)  ❤

Summary:  In which Bokuto Kotarou is woefully inept at conveying his feelings, and Akaashi Keiji has a sort-of superpower. Sort of.

Karma by dgalerab (T)

Summary: Akaashi pulls a muscle and Bokuto offers to help him with yoga. Akaashi knows a bad idea when he sees it, and he really only agrees because he's suddenly acquired a deeply rooted desire to see Bokuto do yoga.For multiple reasons.

Maybe We’re Airborne, Baby by sterlinglee (T)

Summary: Realizing he's got it bad for his setter is the easy part. Getting his feelings across might be the hardest thing Bokuto's ever done, not counting his literature final or putting out the flames on that birthday cake he tried to bake for Akaashi last year, or—or a lot of things, actually.But the point still stands. Reaching out to Akaashi is a leap in the dark, and he wants it more than he's ever wanted anything (especially the smoking remains of a cake he baked before he really understood his feelings, but knew that it's what you attempt with your own two hands that matters).

snowflakes by arsenicjay (T)

Summary: Bokuto is a simple wizard with simple needs; a nice date, a little romance, and he's all good to go.Or, Akaashi and Bokuto spend a day in Hogsmeade just before Christmas.

stating the obvious by ThinkingCAPSLOCK (G)

Summary:  There's a lot of things Bokuto isn't sure about now that he's in university. His program, his new team, his future. There's only one thing he's absolutely sure of. He is not dating Akaashi Keiji. Not even a little bit.

Year-Round Love by masi (G)

Summary:  In his first year of university, Bokuto realizes that he really adores Akaashi.

Rest of the rec list under the cut!

*

Aone/Futakuchi (otp: teddy and polar bear)

Got You by garbagecannot (T)

Summary:  So Aone kind of wants to see Futakuchi scream. Just for kicks. And he feels kind of awful about it.

*

Bokuto/Kuroo (ohohotp: best friends best boyfriends)

Seven Years by xwynn (G)

Summary:  Bokuto has a secret that's seven years too late.

*

Ennoshita/Tanaka (otp: it’s too early for the world to end)

baby, our love is fireproof by earlgrey_milktea (T)

Summary:

[10:52 pm] [to: noya-san] im gonna tell him [10:54 pm] [from: noya-san] U GOT TIHS GO GET UR BOY [10:56 pm] [to: noya-san] IM GONNA GET MYSELF THE BOY [10:56 pm] [from: noya-san] GET TEH BOY [10:57 pm] [to: noya-san] GET THE BOY [11:04 pm] [from: noya-san] GET THE BOY

or, the story of how tanaka tried to light a flame in ennoshita's heart and ended up setting everything else on fire instead.

hold your breath, it gets better by harklights (T)

Summary: But if there was one thing Ennoshita could trust about the world, it was that people wanted. They wanted things to bend to their will, other wills to bend to their will, odds to work in their favor, luck on their side, a shortcut, a fun time, insurance and assurance both. A security lock to be made extra sturdy against possible thefts. A frail book with tattered binding that wanted augmentation before it frayed and spilled its pages everywhere, succumbed to age. A girl’s pocket mirror that reflected falling cherry blossoms every time she opened it to look at herself. Vanity, maybe, although it had been too cute when she first saw herself and gasped.“A flying carpet,” the man before the counter wishes.“A… flying carpet,” Ennoshita slowly repeats.

Practice Makes Perfect by ToBeOrNotToBeAGryiffindor (G)

Summary: Ennoshita Chikara has had a few confessions, but this one takes the cake.

"Enno-san, can I ask you something?" "Sure." "You like guys, right?" "Yeahhhh. . ." "I think I might like a guy. What do I do?"

Why is this my life?

one step, two step by Authoress (T)

Summary:  Tanaka's made enough of a mess trying to confess to Ennoshita, he doesn't need his attention-hungry kitten getting in the mix too.

*

Hinata/Kageyama (otp: as long as i’m here, you’re invincible)

baby, i can give you wings by Metis_Ink (T)  ❤

Summary: In which there are superpowers, cats, rainstorms, realizations, split-second jealousy, embarrassing volleyparents, killer whales, electric Kuroos, unstable emotions, bad romance movie mentions, some angst, some fluff, but mostly a lot of awkward high schoolers.

The minute Kageyama walks into the gym and sees Hinata hovering eight feet over the nets he knows he’s screwed.

*

Daichi/Kuroo (otp: city boy country boy)

If I Could Change Your Mind by tookumade (G)

Summary:

“I’m kind of excited to meet him,” Bokuto says, roughly an hour before Karasuno are scheduled to arrive. “He sounds interesting.”

Kuroo raises an eyebrow at him. “I just told you that there’s not a lot about him that stands out—how is that interesting?”

“You’ve told me a lot about how he apparently doesn’t stand out,” Bokuto replies easily. “You don’t usually talk about someone so much."

(Or, Sawamura Daichi shows up like a breath of fresh air, and Kuroo Tetsurou doesn't stand a chance.)

*

Daichi/Suga (otp: honey i’m home)

Add New Contact by booksong (G)

Summary: "Daichi was leaning contemplatively on the sill of his open window, waiting for the icy breeze he was letting into his room to wake him up to how utterly stupid he was being. He’d always hated stories, real or fictional, about people doing ridiculous and self-destructive things for love, but now here he was, palming his smartphone idly and wondering with complete seriousness if it would survive an eight meter drop with substantial but repairable damage."

(Or; All Daichi's electronics are endangered the moment he realizes he can't get that sweet, patient, ridiculously attractive IT tech off his mind.)

cool teens don’t wear skinny jeans by ebenroot (T)

Summary: 'He was supposed to ask Suga for his number or ask if he was busy next Friday night and if he was interested in seeing a movie or something. Instead, he said in a slightly cracking and not at all calm voice, “I think I lost my kids.”

or

that fic where babysitter no. 1 Daichi loses three kids in the city, gets into a bunch of shenanigans, and tries to ask Suga on a date.

forever is a long time but i don’t mind spending it with you by Interconnected_3 (G)

Summary: “What else?” Daichi blinks. “What else is there? Do you want me to tell you how you like your coffee?” He grins teasingly. “I don’t know, how do I like my coffee? By the way, you’re missing something.” “Cream and two and a half sugars- wait, I’m missing something?” “Yup,” Suga says. “You forgot to mention that we’re dating.” “Well, god, Suga, judging from how we’ve been kissing and holding hands for three years and in this bed for the past nine hours since last night, I couldn’t possibly tell.”

in which daichi finally gets the day off and teaches a romantically-frustrated suga how to be honest with himself. 

extreme fluff

i do (cherish you) by gabstar (T)

Summary: The first time Daichi suggests it, it’s a joke.

“Sugawara Koushi,” he says solemnly. He’s bent on one knee, the floor is still sticky with sweat post-practice. He offers up the lost ring, found while mopping off gym floors. “Will you marry me?”

((Five times Daichi asks Suga to marry him, plus once where he finally, finally says yes.))

in the shadow of the mountain by laubear (T)  ❤

Summary:  After graduation, Daichi and Suga climb a mountain to see whether it will make them the grown-ups they’re supposed to be.

when all the songs are through by thewindraiser (T)

Summary: Daichi is out for lunch with some of his colleagues when he spots it.

The ring.

you better go catch it by laubear (G)

Summary:  Desperate times call for desperate measures. Sometimes those desperate measures involve compromising perfectly good scientific data, but Daichi’s learned to stop being surprised when it comes to Suga.

you can only take what you can carry by skittidyne (T)

Summary: Suga pulled Noya down from the chair. Daichi finally decided enough was enough. He knew he was just doing it to draw him in, and damn it, it worked (just like it always worked against him), because there was no way he was letting Suga get into one of Kuroo and Bokuto’s competitions.

Suga had their libero thrown over one shoulder by the time Daichi reached them. “Daichi-san! Look!” Noya chirped, waving the arm that wasn’t wrapped around the vice-captain.

Suga put up his free arm, flexing, and gave Daichi a wink.

(( or, alternatively: "do you even lift, bro?" ))

*

Hanamaki/Matsukawa (otp: i wear my boyfriend’s clothes, i look incredible)

and indeed there will be time by pickledplumes (T)

Summary: Between volleyball and the looming end of their high school years, Hanamaki thinks he’s already dealing with more than enough, thank you very much.

Unfortunately, no one else gets the memo.

-Alternatively: “I am not in love with my best friend!” says Hanamaki Takahiro. Nobody buys his bullshit.

hang out fall in love by carafin (T)

Summary: In which Hanamaki's humble medical practice is threatened by an intractable asshole a witch doctor who's just moved into the shop down the street. Medical/Witchcraft AU.

As far as Hanamaki’s concerned, and as far as bad life decisions go, setting up your witch clinic right next to an actual, proper, medical clinic is practically akin to setting up an all-you-can-eat buffet right next to a gym. Or a sex toy shop next to a church. Or a vegetable patch next to a goat farm. Or – yeah, the point is, this Matsukawa guy has totally cornered the market in Terrible-Life-Decision-Making-Skills.

lost with you (take my hand) by airblends (T)

Summary:  When a missed stop or ten lead to an involuntary day trip to Kyoto for Matsukawa and Hanamaki, they find that maybe the journey really is its own reward sometimes.

poolside by tothemoon (T)  ❤

Summary: At eighteen, it'd been a matter of wading.

At twenty-five, Hanamaki tries not to fall in headfirst.

plus one by orphan_account (G)

Summary: "Did you know we're dating?"

"What? Says who?"

"Says everyone apparently."

"Oh," Hanamaki frowns for a few seconds before shrugging and turning his attention back to the chocolate fountain. "Nice."

that’s what you get (for waking up in vegas) by skittidyne (T)

Summary: “There was an Elvis?” Hajime asks.

“He was the officiator. It’s the cliché, right?”

“…Officiator of what?” Tooru asks with a look down at Takahiro’s hand.

“You can borrow my phone to pull pictures from for our wedding album.” Issei reaches over and grasps the hand with the ring on it. Everyone is staring at their clasped hands like a three-headed lobster just crawled onto the table. “You were both the best men and I was very, deeply touched by how affected you both were at the ceremony,” he says in a perfect deadpan.

(( or: iwaizumi does not want to be the responsible one, and thus they suffer the consequences, or, perhaps, 'suffer' is a bit too strong of a word ))

Wet Your Whistle by darkmagicalgirl (E)

Summary:  Hanamaki gets a job as a bartender. Matsukawa likes his uniform. (Alternatively: Matsukawa tries to ignore his huge crush on his friend-with-benefits. He fails.)

*

Iwaizumi/Konoha (otp: ace and jack of all trades; alternatively: otp: i know fukurodani and seijou probably have never breathed the same air just let me have this)

Ace and Jack by masi (M)

Summary:  Iwaizumi and Konoha are neighbors and teammates. Maybe friends too. They get along most of the time.

*

Kenma/Kuroo (otp: backbone, brain, heart) 

Cat’s Out of the Bag by shions_heart (T)

Summary: When Kuroo Tetsurou drunkenly proposes to his best friend Kozume Kenma during the midnight release of Kenma's first ever video game, Kenma doesn't think anything could be more embarrassing.

But when the proposal ends up going viral, Kenma's forced to confront feelings about his friend that he's kept locked away for a long time.

Collecting Days by pickledplumes (G)

Summary: 

The silence of the crowd as they recite their vows and say I do is deafening, their cheers as he and Tetsurou kiss even more so, and Kenma thinks some distant version of him would have shied away and ran; but right now he’s in the arms of the only man he’s ever loved, locked in the most passionate kiss he’s ever known, and he feels like he can take on the world.

curiosity kills by newamsterdam (T)  ❤

Summary: Kenma rescues a cat.

Later on, the cat saves him in return.

i built you a home in my heart by newamsterdam (M)

Summary:

Yaku doesn’t let Kuroo derail him. “You don’t even have that excuse. And I’ve known you and Kenma too long to think that these feelings didn’t exist, before today.”

There’s a truth in what he says. Kuroo’s chest feels too small to contain his heart, beating giddily against his ribs. Even if he falls into his usual back and forth with Yaku, everything is different today.

“It’s not like that,” he says softly. He cups both hands around his mug, looking into the dregs of his coffee. “It’s like… I couldn’t even let myself think of it before, you know? I couldn’t let my mind even go there, because it would’ve been unbearable, to know and not be able to do anything about it.”

Yaku shakes his head, kicking at Kuroo’s legs under the table. “Oh my god,” he says. “You’re going to be hopeless now, aren’t you?”

Five years after high school— what changes, what doesn't, and what really matters, in the end.

love’s not the way to treat a friend by girltalk (T)

Summary: There’s really nothing quite as revelatory as the silent minutes spent in bed during the aftermath of a wet dream involving you and your high-school best friend.

(i must profess) by sadaf (T)

Summary:  “No!” Kenma says, voice high and through clenched teeth as Kuroo offers it to him. “Put- put that away! Put that away!”

mr. steal yo man by saintjoy (T)

Summary:  Lev's got it bad for Kenma. Unfortunately, he's already got one hell of a boyfriend.

Show a Little Faith by minijhi (G)

Summary: 

“Why are you sending me a singing Valentine telegram?" Kenma asks, mouth flattened. "It’s six months until Valentine’s Day.”

“I bought a dwarf over the summer to use as cupid.” Kuroo says. “I figured he could use some practice.”

-

Presenting Kenma as the Boy-Who-Lived, whose living becomes a lot more interesting when Ravenclaw Prince Kuroo Tetsurou starts sending him singing telegrams about defeating the Dark Lord.

Static by icespyders (G)  ❤❤❤

Summary: 

stat•ic /ˈstadik/ adj. : 1. lacking in movement, action, or change; 2. concerned with bodies at rest or forces in equilibrium n. : crackling or hissing noises on a telephone, radio, or other telecommunications system.

He hadn't taken it well when Kuroo went away.

The Wedding Hall Shuffle by icespyders (T)  ❤

Summary: Box steps for a waltz are easy, even if you've never done them before, even if you learned at a strangers' wedding from another stranger, even if you're not quite sure what you're doing. But love? Love is something else, something without regimented one-two-three-four patterns, without rules.

Maybe it's silly, but Kenma thinks he might be figuring it out.

*

Kyoutani/Yahaba (otp: mad dog and puppy)

all you have is your fire by knightswatch (T)

Summary: 

Shigeru is quickly hurtling toward the point where he’s going to have to change the relationship that he’s built with Kyoutani in ways that he can’t take back, and it’s one of the reasons that he isn’t particularly looking forward to his birthday.

No matter how he feels, Shigeru knows he can’t afford to be in love. Or at least, he can’t afford to act on it.

Close to the Chest by darkmagicalgirl (T)  ❤❤❤

Summary:  It takes Yahaba thirteen years to realize he's different from the other kids, one to figure out how to hide it, and two more to learn to be happy just the way he is. Yahaba's journey ft. an extremely annoyed Kyoutani, best friend in the world Watari, and loads and loads of good senpai Oikawa.

Mixed Signals by snoqualmie (T)

Summary:  Feelings are definitely a thing he’s having. Kyoutani is really sweet. He’s family oriented and he prefers novels with female leads and he’s in all honors classes. He kind of has a big head, totally has a big smile, definitely has a big heart. His eyes are nice, he’s got that dimple. Yahaba groans and rubs his fists into his eyes.

Room to Grow by kiyala (G)  ❤❤❤

Summary:  Kyoutani and Yahaba have enough on their minds in third year, as ace and captain of the volleyball team, butting heads both on and off the court while trying to improve their game so the team has a shot of winning this year. When they find a puppy abandoned in a park, their lives only get even more complicated.

the sunset hours by commovente (T)

Summary: 

set in an alternate sendai city where everything is almost exactly the same, except every day during sunset, each person's heart is visible to everyone else, in whatever form that may be, for better or for worse.

in which kyoutani has an actual puppy dog heart, yahaba is the most unconventional disney character alive, and oikawa is still the best senpai.

or: the story of yahaba's adventures in the big city.

This World is Just Illusion by shions_heart (T)

Summary: Yahaba Shigeru was a scientist set to work on and administer the SS-415 Serum to the test subject Kyoutani Kentarou. But when the experiment fails, he's forced to relocate with an unstable Kyoutani and make a new home for them.

(Or the story of how the Mad Dog gang was formed.)

*

Lev/Yaku (otp: angry small and dirty large)

Touch by Mysecretfanmoments (T)

Summary:  After a twisted ankle and an uncomfortable realization, Yaku starts to see a different side of Lev—one he doesn't want to kick at all. (Or, well... not often.)

Yaku and the Beanstalk by Mysecretfanmoments (T)

Summary: 

Yaku Morisuke is many things: a libero, a caretaker, a good student. He's also about to find Lev Haiba stuck in a vending machine.

(In which Yaku accidentally recruits Lev to the volleyball team and can't get rid of him after.)

*

Oikawa/Suga (otp: 100 days with mr. refreshing)

all the small things by Authoress (T)

Summary:

Sugawara Koushi.

Oikawa’s brain supplies the name of the person standing at the other end of the aisle before Oikawa can even register him, attuned to spitting out facts about other volleyball players on a second’s notice, even after all these years. Karasuno High vice-captain. 174 cm…no, more like 176 now. Skilled at raising morale and bringing an element of surprise to their strategy. Troublesome. Refreshing. Setter.

The enemy.

*

Oikawa/Ushijima (otp: don’t you ever forget my worthless pride & prejudice)

A Fish out of Water by masi (M)

Summary:  Ushijima is having a hard time adjusting to life in Tokyo.

This Insignificant Pride and Prejudice by Mysecretfanmoments, Pouler (T)  ❤❤❤

Summary:  Oikawa Tooru graduated high school with the burning desire to succeed in his college career. He'd hoped that might include taking down his arch-nemesis along the way, but when he finds that his college team hosts an offensively familiar face, he can't help but think that the universe might be conspiring against him. After all, what could be worse than playing on the same team as Ushijima?

it’s kind of like a promise by songtofly (T)  ❤

Summary:  Devotion, Ushijima Wakatoshi learns, is a two-way street.

like someone in love by masi (T)

Summary:  Oikawa tries to resolve an unexpected Ushiwaka-related problem carefully and calmly.

#notalovestory by iiejn, readerofsaph (T)

Summary: 

Oikawa Tooru, Japan's representative pretty boy actor, lands the best movie role of his career yet. Shame about who else is acting in it, too.

Dearest Oikawa,

I am sorry that you hit me at the party last week. I am confident that your reputation will survive the backlash. Hopefully we will be able to speak on better terms the next time we meet.

Yours, Ushijima Wakatoshi

On A Willful Afternoon When I Thought Love Could Choose by Zee (E)

Summary: Ushijima gets stuck in a repeating time loop on the day his university's team must play Oikawa's. Shenanigans ensue.

Planting Season by masi (T)

Summary:  After graduation, Ushijima runs into Oikawa again.

Searching Happiness by sunspearing (T)  ❤

Summary:  The five times Oikawa tries to call it quits, and the one time Ushijima does.

*

Semi/Shirabu (otp: loving is easy, teasing is easier)

don’t let this magic die  by oilpaints (T)

Summary: 

Shirabu glances out the window, listening to the soft pitter-patter of the rain, and the even sounds of Semi’s breathing. Only now, as he glances around the cramped, dimly-lit room and spots Semi’s bag, already open and spilling out clothes onto the floorboards, does he realizes just what he’s gotten himself into.

It’s just four days, he reminds himself. Four days of sharing a room with Semi, of all people, but still — he’s been through worse, right? Right.

SPOILER:

Actually, whether he’s right or wrong is up for debate, because everything goes about just as well as anyone would expect. (Which is to say: surprisingly, nobody dies, Shirabu learns more about Semi Eita than he ever would have bargained for, and that, maybe, he’s not so bad.

Maybe.)

face to the sun by oilpaints (G)

Summary: 

Shirabu Kenjirou, as told by friends both old and new.

Kawatabi clicks his tongue. “I still don’t get why you were born in spring,” he says. “You’re so bitter and cold. More of a winter child, if you ask me.”

Shirabu just shrugs lightly, lips tugged upwards in a faint smile. “But I didn’t ask you,” he says. “And besides, spring is all about new beginnings, isn’t it?”

Impulse by Metis_Ink (T)  ❤❤❤

Summary: 

"Semi’s not sure how subtle the team is trying to be, but there must be some ungodly conspiracy pointed against him. It’s working in the sense that Semi is half aware that maybe this rivalry with Shirabu is a lot more troublesome than it seems, but really, that’s all he's getting."

Or

Second year Semi Eita faces the downward spiral that is his life following the arrival of some first year setter who's way too cocky for his own good.

Scarf Trick by togekissies (G)

Summary: The last thing Shirabu wants to do is run into a naggy upperclassman after a long day.

seven day’s luck by togekissies (T)

Summary: 

(semishira week fic collection)

One: Semi and Shirabu go on a date. Two: Shirabu can't stand executive meddling more than he can't stand Semi. Three: Shirabu and Semi are just kids at reform school, discussing treason on the roof in the way only prideful teenagers can. Four: Semi is a nostalgic loser. Shirabu pushes him in a creek. Five: Semi steals some intel. Shirabu doesn't like patching him up.

*

Tsukishima/Yamaguchi (otp: when did you ever get so cool?)

blue summer sky by deanpendragon (T)  ❤❤❤

Summary:  In which Tadashi manages his grandfather's pet store and Tsukishima works at the music shop next door. Lots of exclamation points, dialogue, obvious crushes, internal (and overexcited) monologuing, animal trivia and terrible puns ensue.

by any other name by memorde (T)

Summary: 

A Concise Guide to Dealing with People Asking if your Best Friend and/or Crush is Single:

Panic

Lie

Run

campfire in your chest by deanpendragon (M)  ❤❤❤

Summary:  Kei realizes in their second year of high school that he's probably been in love with Yamaguchi since they were ten. However hopeless he might be in handling that situation, Kei prays he's at least not as hopeless as Hinata and Kageyama. But he just might be.

let’s keep this professional by laubear  ❤

Summary: 

When the first sincere gesture of Tsukishima Kei’s life costs him his glamorous job as a sports agent, only a wide-eyed, freckled accountant volunteers to jump ship with him. But if the two of them can save the careers of volleyball’s legendary Oddball Duo, things might just work out after all.

Or, the story of how Tsukishima Kei got fired, got married, adopted a kid, and fell in love. In that order.

levels of investment by skittidyne (T)

Summary: 

Yamaguchi was far less nervous in practice than any games, and he’d gotten far more skilled at serving in a few short months, so Tsukishima was utterly unprepared for the feeling of a volleyball slamming into the back of his head.

There was a beat of silence.

The ball had enough of an angle to bounce off his head and over to the other side of the net, landing neatly in front of a stunned Sugawara.

(( or: Ennoshita plots for the future, Suga wants to mess around and is intent on dragging everyone down to his level, Noya tries to become a spiker, Kiyoko is a good senpai, Yamaguchi cries, and Tsukishima wonders if he's been dropped off in the Twilight Zone without his notice ))

These Words You Don’t Hear by ohhello (E)

Summary:  Tadashi is convinced entering into his third year at Karasuno means that he is one year closer to losing what he holds most dear: his team, his friends, and most importantly his daily moments with Kei. While Tadashi wrestles with his fear of lasts, Kei struggles with how to offer him firsts.

#fic rec #haikyuu!! #bokuaka #daisuga #matsuhana #kuroken #kyouhaba #ushioi #semishira #tsukkiyama #i only tagged ships i recced at least 5 fics for

[breeeliss]

[Miraculous Ladybug]: It’s All Hype!

i feel like i’m severely going to regret taking this much on but fuck it, YOLO, im dead inside :))))

in honor of Ladynoir July i’m going to desperately try and do one multi-chapter for every week of the month! so that means this first week i’m going to be using Days 1-7 to make a multi-chapter, and so on and so forth until the month is over. we........will see how that goes lol

but in the meantime enjoy the first story!

--

[Day 2: Banter]

Link to Archive of Our Own: [AO3]

--

Title: It’s All Hype! Pairings: Ladynoir (Ladybug x Chat Noir), Adrienette (Adrien x Marinette) Summary: Alya accidentally gets the Internet in a frenzy after announcing that Ladybug and Chat Noir are dating, but the two heroes are adamant about correcting the error and making sure the world knows that they’re just friends. So Alya proposes a staged public break up to set everything right.

In hindsight, she really underestimated how utterly freaking difficult that would be.

Day 1: Patience

“Ah, my lovely Lady, bless our good fortune that I may be able to accompany you home on such a cold Autumn’s night. Perchance the stars may be able to lead us back to your marble palace before dawn.”

Ladybug threw her head back and cackled. “You’re such an idiot, what are you even saying?”

Chat Noir scoffed. “Such a sharp tongue, my Lady. Whatever would your father say? Although, I suppose I could lock this secret away between the two of us should you permit me to seal it with a friendly kiss.”

Ladybug stuck her tongue out. “I’ll seal it with my foot up your nose if you’d like.”

“So not only does that sound impossible, but that sounds like a sinus infection waiting to happen,” he replied. “Do you know where your feet have been? I could catch a disease.”

“The depths of your dramatics are truly unfathomable,” Ladybug deadpanned.

“You know, my best friend tells me the same thing,” Chat Noir wondered. “I was thinking of getting involved in acting. I played a detective once. I was pretty good.”

“You should play a knight or something,” Ladybug suggested. “You know, really play up the whole needless chivalry and romantic waxing that you’re so good at. I mean, you’re getting practice for it right now.”

Chat Noir turned his head so that he could stare at Ladybug whose thighs he was holding as he carried her piggyback across the Parisian rooftops. “I’m helping you get home and you’re complaining? What do you want from me, woman?”

“It’s just a sprained ankle! I could’ve limped home just fine. Or just swung back home without putting pressure on it.”

“Nonsense, my Lady! ‘Tis my job as your valiant prince to return you safely to your kingdom should you fall ill!”

“Fine, you goof, whatever makes you feel better, I guess,” Ladybug smirked, hugging her arms tighter around his neck. “Although you should add valiant prince to your repertoire. Start making a list for when you go to auditions.”

“Ooooh, will you be my manager please?”

“Am I getting a wage?”

“Of course, you’ll receive my utmost respect, admiration, and loyalty.”

“I get that anyway, but I’ll accept your payment.”

They both just finished up with two weeks of brutal exams at school, and Chat Noir had practically begged for the two of them to spend a day together that weekend in celebration. It had been a while since she spent time with Chat Noir that didn’t involve patrolling the city or dealing with akumas, and she thought it would be fun to see if she could spend the whole day with him. They’d been walking around the city, getting coffee together downtown, and having footraces on the rooftops before Ladybug had slipped on a chimney and twisted her ankle. It was nothing that some ice and a day’s rest wouldn’t fix but Chat Noir practically had a conniption about it and insisted that he help her at least part of the way home. They were at least a mile away from the bakery and her foot was throbbing a little, so she decided to let it go. Besides, if she was being honest with herself, she really didn’t want to cut the day short sooner than they had to.

Ladybug pressed her cheek against Chat’s and smiled when he leaned into it. “We should do this more often,” she said. “Sometimes, we feel like coworkers.”

“Coworkers?” Chat Noir laughed.

“Yeah, you know! Those people who only see each other during working hours, maybe hang out during their lunch breaks a couple of days during the week, and then never see each other again until the next work day.”

Chat Noir squeezed Ladybug’s wrist. “I’m pretty sure that most coworkers don’t know how many freckles are on their other coworker’s cheeks.”

“You don’t know that either.”

“Do so! Forty-two. I counted that time we were trapped in an alley for an hour.”

“Oh yeah,” Ladybug grinned. “I think that was the time I realized you had little blue flecks in your eyes.”

“See? Not coworkers. Coworkers don’t have the patience required to learn about the people who work with them. You and I are different.”

“I guess that’s true,” Ladybug agreed. “If I have the patience to sit through all one hundred and fifteen of your puns, that must be something special.”

“A hundred and fifteen?”

“I too am a very good counter.”

Chat Noir gripped her tighter as he crouched down and made a wide jump over an alleyway before turning to the left to head down a busier avenue. “So basically what you’re telling me is that you’re giving me permission to remain in charge of scheduling our friendship dates.”

“I’ll give you permission so long as you don’t get carried away with them.”

“You have no faith in me, my Lady. I know better than to do anything outlandish.”

“Free next Saturday then?” Ladybug asked. She pointed ahead of her. “You can leave me four blocks down. It’ll leave me close enough to my house.”

“Roger that!” he replied. “And I’m extremely free next Saturday. Wanna meet at the Louvre and walk around the palace a bit? We can take pics.”

She giggled and pressed closer to him when a cold wind blew against them. “I’ll try to show up all fresh-faced for you.”

Chat Noir started slowing down as they got closer to the point where Ladybug asked him to drop her off, but she didn’t have the heart to point out that he was trying to prolong their time together. Instead, she let him take his time and carefully let her down onto the roof while she awkwardly leaned heavily on her other foot.

“Are you sure you’re going to be ok? You could stay on my back and I can keep my eyes closed while I take you home.”

“Then you’re going to get hurt too,” Ladybug teased. “Don’t worry, it really is only a few blocks away. I’ll be okay, I promise.”

“Alright,” Chat Noir smiled. “Make sure you ice it and wrap it up with something. And keep it elevated.”

“I will.” Ladybug cupped his caw and leaned up to give him a kiss on the cheek. “Thanks for being so chivalrous and taking this poor little princess home.”

Chat Noir chuckled and placed a kiss on the backs of her knuckles. “It’s no trouble, you know that. But get some rest. If an akuma pops up tomorrow, I don’t know how well I’ll handle on my own.”

Ladybug twirled her hair. “Ah, what would you do without me?”

Chat Noir laughed and started backing up so that he could backtrack home. “Not much, you know that.” He jutted his thumb behind him. “Gotta get home, but I’ll see you later okay?”

Ladybug waved to him and stayed on the roof until Chat Noir was completely out of sight. She did her best to keep off her foot and swing on her yoyo as she looped around her neighborhood for a bit to make sure no one saw her sneak back home. She meandered for about five minutes before she landed on the roof of the bakery and slipped back into her bedroom.

Marinette detransformed when she landed on her bed and carefully climbed down from her loft so that she could grab her cellphone from her desk. She checked the four missed calls from Alya while she opened the latch to her room and asked her mom for some ice for the ankle, saying that she twisted coming down from her bed. If it was this late at night, she figured that whatever Alya was calling her about had to have been important so she called her back while she lifted her foot onto the desk to keep it elevated like Chat Noir had told her.

“ Marinette!!” Alya screamed on the second ring. “ Answer your damn phone!! ”

“I was downstairs doing something, geez,” Marinette frowned. “I’m here now. What’s up?”

“ Okay, don’t freak out, but do freak out, because you would not believe the pics that I took today while Chat Noir and Ladybug were out.”

Marinette rolled her eyes fondly. “Oh yeah, I heard about that. I saw them running around when I went for a walk today.”

“ It was ridiculously cool, I’ve never seen them just hang out all day like that. But that’s not even the best part .”

“Let me guess. It’s gonna get you a crap ton of followers and you’re going to be hailed as an investigative genius.”

“ Ugh, you know me so well girlie .”

Marinette laughed, but turned her head towards the latch when she heard her mother calling her down so that she could wrap an icepack to her ankle. “Hey, is it okay if you tell me about it tomorrow? I’ve gotta deal with something right now, but I’m all ears in the morning. I promise.”

“ Everything okay?”

Marinette winced. “I may….have possible twisted my ankle coming down the stairs to my bed?”

“ You’re a disaster,” Alya chuckled over the phone. “ Alright. Well, I’ll post the pics really late tonight so you’ll probably see them in the morning. But still call me, okay?”

“I will I promise. Night, Alya!”

Just as she expected, Marinette’s ankle was hardly anything at all and she woke up the next morning with her ankle feeling a little tender, but definitely well enough to walk on. Lucky for her. She wasn’t sure if her parents were going to let her live down the embarrassment of a self-inflicted injury that was the result of climbing down from a bed she’d been sleeping in for sixteen years.

She’d tried staying up the night before to wait for Alya’s blog to update, but knowing Alya she stayed up until three in the morning and didn’t update it until long after Marinette had fallen asleep. Marinette sat in front of her computer and pulled up her bookmarks, bracing herself for whatever silly photograph that Alya had decided to blow up today so that she could pretend to be excited about it when Alya called.

But the moment Marinette loaded the first page of the blog, she cursed loudly and yanked on her pigtails.

The first post — pinned to the top so that absolutely nobody would miss it — was a photoset of Chat Noir carrying Ladybug home last night, of Ladybug kissing Chat Noir on the cheek, and Chat Noir placing a kiss on the backs of her knuckles while the two of them had equally wide smiles on her face. Marinette didn’t really need to see the headline on the post to know what was going on, but it was kind of hard to miss ‘LADYNOIR CONFIRMED!!!!!’ in big block letters across the screen right underneath the pictures. She scrolled down to the short text that followed the pictures and sighed in frustration.

Hello my fellow Ladybloggers!

No your eyes are not deceiving you. Our patience has finally paid off and I can finally update you with some pretty monumental developments in the relationship between our two favorite superheroes. Now you can take a look at these pics and decide for yourselves, but if you ask me, that right up there is nothing short of L.O.V.E. Think these cute kids are dating? Maybe setting up for something more serious? Tell me in the comments and bask in the shipping feels! :D

XOXO Alya <3

“Alya, I’m going to kill you,” Marinette muttered. The comments were an absolute nightmare. Everyone was fixating on these photos that Alya must have grabbed on her camera phone when she was out last night. The theories were absolutely ridiculous. There were a couple of people gushing over their close friendship and partnership, and Marinette appreciated that at the very least. But the vast majority of commenters were all fixated on just one thing:

Ladybug and Chat Noir were very obviously in love and dating.

With a sick feeling in her stomach, Marinette checked Tumblr, Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter and checked all of the Ladybug and Chat Noir tags. Sure enough, the photos were trending, and it had only been about nine hours since Alya had posted the photos. All the pictures were getting liked,  retweeted, reblogged, and shared on literally every social media website that Marinette could find, and she was convinced that if the whole city of Paris hadn’t seen these pictures, they were going to before Marinette even had a chance to finish breakfast. Freaking Alya. Marinette was two seconds away from showing up to her doorstep and throttling her.

Marinette waited until Tikki finished up her cookie breakfast before transforming and swinging out a couple of blocks away until she was sitting on top of a flower shop. She pulled out her compact and made a call to Chat Noir, hoping that his kwami would be able to tell that she was trying to get through to him even if he wasn’t transformed. Luckily, he answered on her third call, looking like he was out of breath and running while he was talking.

“ Please tell me you saw the Ladyblog this morning.”

“How could I not?” Ladybug frowned. “It’s all over freaking Twitter too. She only posted them last night how is this even possible?”

“ I mean, if I’m being honest, with the way that Alya girl and all of her followers talk about the two of us, I’m surprised it’s not on the damn news.”

Ladybug groaned. “God this is a mess. What are we going to do about this, people are never going to leave us alone about this.”

“ I have no idea but this is super not cool,” Chat Noir insisted. “ Where are you? Can we meet? I sort of want to put this fire out as soon as possible if that’s all the same to you .”

“Trust me, we’re totally on the same page,” Ladybug grumbled. “I’m pretty sure we stopped by her house last Christmas when we had to deal with that Santa Claus akuma. Do you remember the address?”

“ Pretty sure. It’s a Sunday, she’ll probably be home. Wanna stop by for a quick visit?”

“Sounds good to me. Loop around to the Notre Dame and I’ll meet you there.”

It didn’t take them very long to head on over to Alya’s house, all the while ignoring all the teenagers who were pointing to them from the street and yelling about how cute a couple they made. They both landed on Alya’s balcony and saw her sitting on the couch of her living room alone and updating her blog. Chat Noir reached forward and knocked insistently on the glass door until Alya looked up and smiled brightly at the two heroes. She practically threw her computer off her lap and scrambled to the doors to unlock them and come out to her balcony to meet them. “Holy shit!” she screamed out as she bounced outside, pulling a coat on along the way. “What are you guys doing here? Did you see the piece I did on you guys?”

“Yeah,” Ladybug muttered. “About that….we need to talk.”

Chat Noir scratched the back of his head. “You. uh….wouldn’t mind taking that down, would you? You see, this is all actually just a huge misunderstanding.”

“Misunderstanding?” Alya echoed. “Was that not the two of you being all kissy and touchy last night?”

“I-I mean it was!” Ladybug amended. “But it’s not like that, honest.”

“We’re not dating,” Chat Noir laughed nervously. “Seriously. That’s just how the two of us are, you know?”

Alya crossed her arms and smirked. “Ah, I get it. You’re just really close . Right. Gotcha.”

“Why are you saying it like it’s a lie?” Ladybug frowned.

“I don’t mean anything by it, I swear,” Alya laughed. “Forget I said anything. I mean, I’m happy to take things down but it kind of already went viral. I can’t really control anyone who puts up mirrors of it on other websites. I mean, Lord, have you seen Reddit lately? That’s all anyone’s talking about today.”

“It’s only been nine hours!” Ladybug exclaimed.

“You really underestimate how much this city ships you two,” Alya snorted.

Ladybug rolled her eyes. “Perfect. Give it like two days and we’re going to be a meme.”

“We’re likely going to be a reaction image at best, my Lady,” Chat Noir assured her.

“Chat, you’re so not helping.”

Alya cleared her throat. “Hey, uh. You mind if I ask a question?”

“About what?” Chat Noir asked.

“Well, this isn’t the first time I’ve made theories about you two,” Alya pointed out. “Granted this one blew up like crazy and I totally didn’t see it coming, but Ladynoir has trended on the Ladyblog like four times in the past. I obviously don’t mean to make you guys uncomfortable, but I didn’t think this sort of thing would bother you.”

Ladybug big her lip and shared a gaze with Chat Noir. “Well….things might have….changed recently.”

“Changed?”

“It’s just that it’s particularly awkward this time around,” Chat Noir explained. “Trust us, we’re totally happy to let fans do their guessing and support us whatever way is appropriate. But this time it’s just toeing a really weird line for a couple of reasons.”

“Well, what’s the reason?” Alya asked. “If you want me to change the wording of the post I can try to do that.”

Ladybug rubbed her arm and sighed. “Well….the two of us are dating.”

Alya blinked a few times before her eyes widened. “Wait a minute you two are dating each other!?”

“No, no! Not each other!” Chat Noir amended quickly. “We’re both dating two different people is what we mean. She has a boyfriend and I have a girlfriend.”

Alya’s mouth formed into a small ‘o.’ “I….am seeing the issue.”

“Don’t get us wrong it’s not like our partners know who we are, but it’s still just really awkward for the two of us, that’s all,” Ladybug explained. “It’d put our minds at ease if you could just take them down and stay on the safe side.”

“Shit,” Alya sighed. “I’m so sorry. I mean, like I said, I have no problems taking the pictures down and correcting the post but it’s really too late for that. People already latched onto this and there are going to be rumors about all of this spreading around to other blogs no matter what I say.”

“I hate the Internet,” Chat Noir sighed.

“Well, is there anything else we can do? You’re the social media expert!”

Alya drummed her fingers against her pursed lips as she paced around the balcony. “Well, there’s one thing we could do. But it’s a little complicated and it’s going to take some effort from the two of you.”

“Well what is it?” Ladybug urged.

Alya shrugged. “Well, how else do you counter a celebrity hook up? Follow it up with a celebrity break up.”

Chat Noir shook his head. “Hold on a second, you want us to break up?”

“That’s right,” Alya grinned. “Well, a fake break up technically. Since apparently you two aren’t dating which, oh my God, I’m still really freaking out about that because are you sure? Like totally positive?”

Ladybug glared. “No, actually, some days I wake up and I conveniently forget my boyfriend. Tends to happen quite a bit.”

“Alright, alright, I get it,” Alya amended. “Totally platonic, nothing going on, I screwed up and jumped to conclusions. I have learned my lesson.”

“I mean, that would work,” Chat Noir reasoned. “The fake break up, I mean. Might be a bit abrupt but hey! Let everyone else theorize about that.”

“Ugh, alright. I guess that’s our best option at the moment,” Ladybug said.

“It shouldn’t be too complicated,” Alya promised. “If I could get it on video and post it on the blog as solid proof, that’d be our best bet. All the rumors drop, you two are strictly friends and partners, and everything ends happily.”

Chat Noir raised his hand. “Uh, slight problem. Public break-ups are not one of my areas of expertise.”

“Oh don’t you two even sweat that part. Consider me your unofficial publicist,” Alya winked. “If it’s a fake break up you’re looking for I can orchestrate one no problem! Besides, consider this an apology for getting you two into this mess in the first place. I insist.”

Ladybug smiled. “I appreciate that. Although, if you don’t mind my asking, exactly what did you have in mind in terms of a break up?”

Alya clasped her hands under her chin and smiled innocently at the two of them. “Oh my darling heroes of Paris, I’m so glad you asked.”

#miraculous ladybug #ladynoirjuly2k17 #ladynoir #adrinette #adrienette #ladybug #chat noir #marinette dupain-cheng #adrien agreste #ladynoir fanfiction #miraculous ladybug fanfiction #my writing #its all hype

[spencer-quinn]

Posting for the link. This was 16th Jan ‘17. (Lost a lot of it sorry)

Arthur: Kinda high strung. Made him stick to a really boring schedule and he couldn't have any friends.

Jack: Oh no I don't mean that kind.

Spencer: Jack likes a man that can tell him what to do.

Jack: Not like that though, Spencer.

Spencer: Truth or dare, Josh?

Ray: I said I don't want to speak about dad like this.

Spencer: *He muffles a laugh.*

Arthur: -He leans back into his own space again, pushing Spencer's hand off his leg as subtly as he can in the process.-

Arthur: You don't have to. It's Josh's turn.

Josh: Dare

Ray: Do the macarena

Spencer: *He shoots Arthur a glare, his hand returning as he whispers,* it's not like I'm touching your dick.

Josh: That's embarrassing

Ray: Um...ok. Say the alphabet backward

Josh: *he looks at Arthur awkwardly and then back to ray* I can't

Arthur: Maybe I don't want you to touch me at all, -he whispers back, though he doesn't move his hand again.-

Spencer: The fuck is your problem?

Ray: Um...ok. Im not good at this. I'm sorry.

Arthur: That is a hard one, isn't it? Maybe you could... hm.

Josh: *he starts to do the Macarena but doesn't know it very well*

Spencer: What a cop-out.

Ray: *Ray applauds*

Arthur: Good job!

Josh: Thank you!

Spencer: *He nudges Arthur.* Truth or dare?

Arthur: Truth.

Spencer: What's got you all wound up?

Josh: No what's your favourite memory?

Arthur: I got to pet wolves when I was eight or nine. It was the coolest thing I've ever done.

Jack: *Jack moves away from Arthur and Spencer to go and sit in the windowsill.*

Spencer: That's still your favourite memory, huh?

Arthur: -He nods.-

Ray: Thats so cool!

Arthur: Yeah, it was really fun.

Arthur: Jack, it's your turn.

Spencer: I don't care, *he snaps.*

Jack: Oh, dare.

Spencer: I dare you to kiss Ray.

Josh: I dare you to not drink booze for a week

Arthur: I think you should probably kiss Josh.

Ray: He can kiss my cheek.

Jack: So what's my actual dare?

Arthur: I like Josh's dare best.

Spencer: Your call, sugar.

Jack: *He walks over to Ray, grabs his head and plants a kiss on his cheek.*

Spencer: Squash him like a melon.

Arthur: -He elbows Spencer's side.-

Spencer: Ow.

Ray: *Ray grimaces, but smiles slightly whilst wiping his cheek*

Jack: *He shoots him a wink when he's back sitting down.*

Arthur: Spencer's turn.

Josh: I didn't want him to kiss me anyway. I like when he kisses my friends. It's my favourite.

Spencer: Dare.

Ray: *Ray blushes slightly*

Ray: You should apologise to me.

Spencer: Fuck that off.

Ray: Spoilsport

Josh: I agree with Ray

Arthur: You should kiss everyone in this room.

Ray: Thank you, Josh.

Spencer: *He grits his teeth.* Fuck you.

Arthur: Choose between the two.

Spencer: No.

Arthur: No?

Spencer: No. Give me a truth.

Arthur: Are we allowed to switch?

Spencer: Yes.

Arthur: Does that seem fair to everyone else?

Josh: I suppose if he refuses.

Ray: I guess. Kind of.

Josh: Don't really want to kiss him anyway

Ray: Me either.

Arthur: I think you should tell us about your deal with Josh.

Josh: I don't like that one

Spencer: No, yeah, that's a good one.

Arthur: I take it back.

Spencer: He didn't want me to fuck Jack anymore. He wanted him to himself, so we made a deal. I said I'd stop sleeping with him if Josh did me a few small favours.

Arthur: Have you honored that deal?

Jack: What favours?

Spencer: He was real good about it, kept his side of the deal, got a hold of anything I asked him to, and you know what I did? *He turns to look at Arthur, head cocked slightly in questions.* I fucked him anyway. I mean - he's my main fuck. We fuck... What, daily now? *He looks over his shoulder, towards Jack.* Would you say daily? Every other day, maybe. Or we did before we left. *He looks towards Arthur again.* I'm going to bed.

Josh: *he messes with his sleeves, feeling his face heat up*

Jack: *He looks over to everyone, chewing on his lower lip, unsure of what to say.*

Ray: Uh. We should move on.

Ray: I choose truth.

Spencer: *Spencer stands from the sofa, stepping over Jack's legs to get closer to the door.*

Arthur: Hm. Well, that was a nice relationship while it lasted.

Spencer: I've learned my lesson. *He opens the door to leave, slamming it shut behind him.*

Arthur: Ray, tell us what it would take to make friends with Spencer again.

Ray: For me? I was never friends with him Arthur.

Arthur: Then tell us what it would take to become friend with him.

Ray: We spoke once. He used me and then decided he was better off not knowing me.

Jack: *Jack gets to his feet and looks around at everybody.* Sorry. *He mumbles to nobody in particular and rushes out.*

Josh: *josh nearly stops Jack but is already too embarrassed.*

Ray: I'd like an apology. Or for him to give me my dignity back. That would be nice.

Jack: Spencer *Jack shouts just as the rec room door is shutting to.*

Arthur: Right. Well, ask him nicely and he might be more willing to do that.

Ray: He can't give me my dignity back Arthur.

Ray: *he brings his knees up to his chin and wraps his arms around them*

Arthur: ...Everyone else ready for bed?

Spencer: *He turns, teeth gnawing his lower lip. He folds his arms over his chest.* We should go outside.

Josh: *shakes his head*

Ray: Yeah. *He mumbles but doesn't move*

Jack: I don't know what just happened.

Josh: At least there won't be any arguing now.

Spencer: Nothing, we were playing truth or dare. I got truth, so I told the truth.

Arthur: Right, it'll just be awkward silence instead. I'm sorry, Josh.

Ray: *Ray buries his face in his knees, hiding behind his arms* M-hm.

Arthur: What time is your bedtime, Ray?

Jack: So why did it end up with Arthur being mad?

Josh: I know it was own stupid fault for making that deal.

Arthur: It didn't have to come out like that, though. That was MY fault.

Ray: *Ray hums in reply*

Spencer: *He shrugs.* He likes to tell me I'm perfect but also likes it better when I keep the bad parts from him. Can we go the fuck outside, please?

Josh: I'm still a bit confused

Jack: Okay I'm not gonna say what I think. *He walks alongside Spencer.*

Spencer: No, go for it. What harm's it gonna do now?

Ray: What time is it now?

Arthur: Confused about what? I don't know what time it is.

Ray: Is it before 10pm?

Jack: Like... I dunno... Shouldn't he still think you're perfect even when he knows the bad parts?

Josh: About what just happened

Arthur: I don't think so. The staff would have come around if it was after 10pm.

Ray: Oh ok. I have to go to bed by 10.

Spencer: It's not as if I blame him. I guess I've been waiting for him to figure it out. 'Bout time, really. He lasted a damn long time though, I'll give him that.

Jack: Why are we going outside?

Spencer: Do you have any cigarettes?

Arthur: I was a jerk, then Spencer was a jerk, then I was a jerk again and Spencer left. Jack was probably embarrassed so he left too, and now you guys are sitting here confused and I'm pretty convinced I'm gonna throw up.

Ray: Try and breathe in through your mouth and out through your nose.

Josh: Oh.

Jack: Yeah actually.

Spencer: That's why we're going outside.

Jack: Oh.

Ray: Why do you think Spencer thinks Dad was like...that?

Ray: Do either of you think he was?

Josh: of course not

Arthur: -He tilts his head back against the back of the couch, eyes cast up at the ceiling.- Because it's kind of a creepy situation, Ray. This dude decides he's gonna be your dad and then takes you away from your family and doesn't let you communicate with anyone ever again.

Spencer: Sorry for, uh... You know. The Josh thing. Using you as a bribe.

Ray: Its not like I did any communicating anyway. He was trying to make me better Arthur.

Jack: *He shrugs.* I knew about it and let you fuck me anyway.

Arthur: Was dad number one not good enough?

Ray: He wasn't there. Neither was my mom. Adam was trying to fix their mistakes.

Arthur: What mistakes?

Spencer: You don't belong to him. You had no reason not to.

Ray: They were shit parents. I was a dick before. I was rude and inconsiderate. The me now is much better and its because of him

Jack: Always gonna fuck you, Spence.

Arthur: Right, but the you now also doesn't know how to socialize. That's bad for brain development, apparently. I read that somewhere.

Spencer: Just--. Hurry up a little, yeah? *He pushes open the doors leading to the garden.*

Josh: That explains a lot

Jack: Right, yeah.

Ray: Never knew anyway. Didn't have any friends. At least I know that with Dad if I disappeared somebody would be worried.

Arthur: Sure, yeah. At least you have that.

Ray: Is that supposed to be sarcasm?

Arthur: Nope. That got me in trouble the first time, so no.

Arthur: Y'know, I think it's probably best if all of us went to bed.

Ray: Oh. Ok. Sorry.

Ray: Yeah, probably.

Spencer: *Once they're outside, he crosses his arms over his chest again, his scrubs not doing a heck of a lot to keep him warm.*

Josh: We can still hang out ray. If you want to

Jack: *He gets out a poorly rolled cigarette and a lighter.*

Ray: Yeah...yeah if you want to. I don't want to sleep yet. Feel like I'll have nightmares.

Josh: Okay. We can go somewhere

Ray: Where can we go?

Josh: We can go to my room

Ray: Yeah...ok

Spencer: *Spencer tells Jack he wants to be alone. Jack buggers off.*

Arthur: I'll be here for a while if you guys need me. Have fun.

Ray: Sorry if I ruined stuff Arthur.

Arthur: Nope, that was all me Ray. Not your fault.

Ray: If it changes anything, I don't think you did anything wrong.

Josh: He doesn't deserve you anyway.

Arthur: Thanks, but if you don't leave, you're going to have to watch me puke.

Ray: I can get you more water if you want?

Arthur: Just go. Please.

Ray: Um...Ok. Night Arthur.

Josh: *josh grabs rays hand and pulls him out of the room*

Spencer: *He sits on a bench against the wall, rolling his thumb over the lighter in an attempt to light it.*

#chatzy

[lonelylittletransgirl]

 3:58am - 13/05/2020

i’m gonna try and tell the rest of the story, its now been 4 months and a day since last talking to him, this writing is stream of thought im not editing any of this fyi

the introduction to rowan was a messy night, I had just finished work and it was probably around midnight, i recall it being a cold night, i wasnt in the best of mood, as dan and i wrapped foh shutdown i noticed a new person in the discord, everyone was in vc, so i joined in, and asked who this new person was. after being teased for a few hours over being jealous of the new person i went to bed, i think i cried myself to sleep? i forget, but i remember it was cold, talking on discord driving home, not a fun night at all.

within the first month of rowan joining he quickly became close with felix, lots of flirting, suggesting things he wanted to do to the boy, and the boy asked for it, soaked up the attention, felix took pride in me being jealous, he fed off it, he’d ask if i was jealous of rowan, and he’d giggle while asking, i hated rowan, and rowan hated me.

a lot of shit happened, but i forget most of it, im gonna skip ahead to the day we met rowan, because its significant to me, and is the most i can remember anymore.

the day we where gonna meet rowan we planned on exploring an abandoned house, i really didnt wanna go, but felix needed someone to drive him, and i didnt want felix to go without me, i was scared id loose him otherwise, so i went along. i woke up that morning and immedietly had an anxiety attack, i felt like i was going to puke, i was trembling, i could barely tie my shoes, but i managed to get some water, got dressed, and made my way to pickup felix. outside of his house anxiety really hit me again, i thought i was gonna puke, or faint, and felix just sat in the passenger seat, asked if i was okay, and if i was ready to go, he didnt seem to actually care about me, but it was whatever. we met up with rowan, and he was... okay ngl he was kinda cute, tall, nice hair, well dressed, but i was too busy hating him for trying to take felix to actually crush on him, so... yea. we met up with chris and the rest of the discord group shortly after, drove around, couldnt go into the abandoned house because there where workers there, we drove to chris’s house, chris played video games, i just kinda sat there, trying to not cry, while rowan held felix in his arms like a baby, kissing in view of everyone, i hated rowan. finally we had to leave, felix had work, i dropped felix off at his house, then dropped rowan off at the bus station so he could get back to hamilton, i went to go see xander, and that was that day.

rowan increasingly felt the need to call me out that im not dating felix and got more and more protective and possessive of him, as it turns out, felix had been hiding rowan from me since september, i got more and more desperate for felix’s attention, i started self harming more frequently and more visibly, he didnt care, i started threatening suicide, i got to a point mentally where i thought it might be time to take myself to a hospital to stop myself from doing anything dumb, but my busy work schedule + not being able to just dissapear from home meant that was a complete non option.

more things happened, we made a seperate group chat for sending tasteful nudes of ourselves to; idk why, but i partook, i didnt enjoy anything anyone else sent, but i wanted attention and validation, so i partook. there was another night that was kinda meaningful, felix and i where gonna sleep over, but then felix invited chris over, and i didnt want chris to come over, but he came anyways, stayed for an hour or two, then had to go to work and was gonna come back after work, i ended up crying for over an hour once chris left, and had to leave myself, stayed at xanders house instead.

finally, we reached a point, the 20th of january, i was at felix’s house, and i was in a bad mood, i had a bad night the night before, and i had cut myself quite a bit compared to previous, felix was hiding his phone screen from me, nothing out of the ordinary, but i caught a glimse, i realized he was on my tumblr, then suddenly he grabbed me and looked at my scars, scolded me for cutting, then went back to his phone what looked like screen shotting my tumblr. see, i started my previous tumblr similar to this one, for venting, and i shared the link with felix for some stupid reason, but i started catering the phrasing of my posts to include the things i wanted felix to know about, and started omitting the things i didnt want him to know, i would purposely include things i wanted to linger in his mind, and at this point he was going back through them all, realizing what kind of things ive been saying/feeling; i looked at him, and asked if i should leave, he said no, but i did end up going home. that night he sat in voice with rowan, his ex, and chris, i didnt join i was too busy crying. next morning i came online, and noticed it was quiet, i messaged felix asking if he wanted to hang out later in the week, and he left me on delivered for hours. i texed him again that night around 9:30pm asking if we where okay, and got no reply. finally, i messaged chris, asking what was up with felix, and the response i got was that chris isnt supposed to tell me, but rowan and felix’s ex convinced felix im a bad person, and that im toxic, and bad for felix. i felt sick, i couldnt stop crying, i knew it’d come to this point, and i tried so hard to keep him, but he finally gave up on me, i went to xanders house and cried more, finally, at 11:32pm i messaged felix, i appologized for everything, i thanked him for being a decent person to me when nobody else would be and that was that.

I dont know how i feel about it, writing this out makes me feel numb, im not crying, im just shaking, i wanna hurt myself, i wanna get in my car and drive off to nowhere and fall asleep forever, i hate felix, hes a terrible shitty person who hurt me when i was vulnerable and in need, i feel taken advantage of, like i was just some toy to use and throw away, and he almost seems to enjoy my suffering, i cry about him every few days, look at the memories we made together, he was such an important part of my life, he was the best part of my life, the only thing i had to look forward to every week, honestly without him i dont even know if i’d be alive, and to him i was just some weird obsessed creepy trans girl.

i’ve texted him a few times since then, he’s never replied, i miss him a lot, but idk if i can take him back anymore without being scared of getting hurt again.

and i think thats the whole story of felix and i, i fucking loved him to death, and sometimes still do, but he treated me in ways that im not even sure are normal or not anymore, i want him back so badly, id do anything for him, but i hate him, he’s a terrible person who deserves to feel the loneliness ive gone through for almost 20 years

i guess the only addition is that i ended up kinda crushing on rowan for like a good month or two, idk why

its not 4:54am and i need to write down all the shit i wanna bring up in therapy because thats something i need to pay more attention to