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worminstuff · 3 years

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The Balcony of the Treehouse pt.3

sleepy bois x reader au

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“I want to preface this, I do love you all so much, but I'm incredibly disappointed.” Phil stared at the 4 kids in front of him. He knew his words struck as deep as they would to any kid hearing that from an adult important to them. Especially Techno, he strived to make Phil proud even more than Will. Y/n on the other hand, he wasn't sure of. She often was a chaotic wild card, and she didn't get much parenting from anyone other than him from what he's seen over the many years. Phil believes he's disciplined her more than her own guardians, and she listens to him. But she's also gotten herself in many tough situations all the same.

She's not necessarily his own, but he treats her as if she were.

Out of Techno and Y/n she was definitely not the mediator. The only time he's seen her relatively responsible, is when it comes to being home alone, and interacting with Tommy. Which both impressed him greatly, but not enough per say.

“I know all of you are stubborn, some more than others,” he directed his gaze to Techno, whos eyes seemed to hold more self loath than before, “but unless you all talk even a bit, it's only going to get worse.” he turned to Y/n and placed a hand to her shoulder, “i want you around. I know you don't tell me everything I should know, especially about home, but I know enough and I see enough. I want you here with us when you need us. And we need you too.” he watched as her eyes welled up with tears.

Y/n turned her head slightly to glance at Techno, who was finally looking at her for the first time since the night prior.

She watched his lip give a small wobble as his eyes seemed to fight back a bit of tears.

“He's not wrong.” Techno mumbled out.

Y/ns brows furrowed, “why would you need me?”

Techno looked at Tommy in Y/ns lap not wanting to look at her. Tommy realized he was looking at him, and upon seeing Technos teary eyes Tommys started to get a bit watery even.

“You're my only friend.. Who's gonna sit with me in the treehouse? Who's gonna listen to me ramble? I wouldn't get good morning hugs..i wouldn't get anything you do for me on a daily basis and i don't wanna think of that.” his voice was barely audible but Y/n could hear him. She felt a tear run down her cheek. Tommy looked up at her too, now wondering why everyone was crying. His face started to contort in baby-like sadness, smacking a hand on her leg, but not harsly. He was reaching up at her face. Y/n looked down at Tommy and her heart melted, she leaned down slightly and he set a small hand on her face.

“No more crying!” Tommy didnt often speak, he very much could, pretty well sometimes, he was just more physical usually when conveying his thoughts. Which made this situation all the more meaningful.

Phil was the only one who had looked at Wilbur yet, who was sitting silently watching Y/n and his little brothers, Wilbur had more tears on his cheeks than all of them. Well maybe not Tommy, but he was rivaling him.

Wilbur was realizing how Y/n really meant to Techno. But all the same, he was realizing how much she meant to him too. She was everything to him since he was 12 and realized he liked her. Since he was 15 and realized he loved her.

“Even Tommy needs you. Trust me, we all do.” wilbur said softly. Y/n looked over to him, her eyes softening, her heart hurt for him. Wilbur was really getting the worst of this situation.

Before she could say anything, he spoke again, “Techno i know you don't like how i feel but we're both being selfish. It very much isn't our decision to make for her.” he said to Techno but quickly looked back to her, after wiping away a tear, “not that i want to force a decision on you any time soon,” she nodded as she rubbed tommys back to calm him a bit.

“I just..it's..she's my Y/n” Techno looked at Wilbur, it was the first thing he'd said to him through all of this, and everyone was a bit taken aback.

“Your?” Y/n said, the most taken aback.

“I know that sounds bad but, but it's been us since..since forever!” his voice cracked slightly, he looked at her, “were us! Y/n and Techno! You're my person!” he was getting angry, “and you!” he looked to wilbur, “and you're my brother! You shouldn't get to try to take that away!” his face was growing red.

“That's not what i want! I don't want to steal her, she decides how she spends her time not me! If she wants to spend time with me shouldn't she be allowed to?” wilbur scowelled.

“I don't like this at all'' Y/n mumbled towards phil. “This is like some stupid cheesy movie with two brothers fighting over a girl. Its stupid to be frank. I think we should just..we should just get over ourselves yeah? Wilbur i..im not commenting on either of our feelings cause i don't want to. And Techno, I get that we are us and all, but I'm still my own person. I love you, and you're my person too, which is why you need to talk to me.” she wiped away all the tiers from before, as did Techno, and he nodded at her.

Wilbur was solem, he figured he was setting aside their problem as to not talk about it infront of Techno. At least he hoped that much.

“You're right, i'm sorry I was mad Y/n.” he felt entirely better.

“It's okay, no biggie.” She offered him a smile which he returned. “Treehouse?”

Techno nodded excitedly.

Y/n looked at tommy in his lap, he seemed less upset now, “see Tommy, not more tears,yeah?”

Tommy seemed to lighten up at that, so she looked to Phil who gave a silent nod and picked Tommy up from her legs.

Techno stood, looking at her to follow,

“I'll be a be up in a bit, go ahead.” she smiled and nodded towards the backyard. He nodded back and turned to go.

Phil left the dining room, leaving Wilbur and Y/n alone.

He looked at her with a small smirk, “do you still have my sweatshirt?”

Y/n's face reddened slightly, she pouted. “I wanted to apologize, you know.”

“You don't have to, Y/n” he chuckled.

“I slept in it actually.” Y/n mumbled, not looking into his eyes.

“In what?”

“Your sweater.”

His stomach felt queasy.

“Y-you did?”

“Erm..yeah. It was comfy. And i felt close to you..” she looked up at him, only to see the widest grin shed saw on him in a while.

“Well, i have a lot of them.” he leaned back in his chair, gaining a bit of confidence.

Y/n smiled shyly and stood up, “yeah because you're obsessed with spending money.”

“I'm so not!” he laughed slightly.

Y/n gave him a small giggle, “i'll see you later wilby.” her voice was soft and smooth, she leaned over the table and placed a small kiss to his cheek. Leaning back she watched as his eyes grew wide and his cheeks burned a faint pink before she turned to make her way to the treehouse.

Before he could get another word out, she was already outside.

Phil poked his head into the room, letting out an airy laugh.

“Yeah?” he said to wilbur, laughing at how shocked he still seemed.

Wilbur looked up at phil, “Dad?”

Phil nodded, “mhm?”

“I love her.” he had a starry look in his eyes. “Shes-she's-..” he was trying to think of a word when suddenly Tommy spoke up from phils arms again for the second time that evening.

“Pwetty!” he grinned and looked up at phil.

Wilbur and Phil both laughed softly.

“That's for damn sure..” wilbur smiled to himself and shook his head slightly.

Once Y/n had made it into the treehouse, Techno immediately pulled her into his arms. Y/n quickly hugged him around his shoulders.

Techno was tall, not as tall as Wilbur, but definitely taller than Y/n and tall for his age. He leaned down to rest his head on her shoulder as he hugged her.

Looking over his shoulder she noticed the contents of her bag on the floor, “so you found the book?”

Techno nodded into her shoulder, “can we sit?”

She nodded and slowly pulled away looking up at him, moving to the rug.

He sat in front of her, but reached his arms out. She smiled and moved to be in front of him, leaning back against him. They usually sat this way when he was reading, so he could either read to her or she could just sit close to him while he read.

Techno leaned his head on top of hers, and slid his arms around her waist pulling her close.

“Thank you for the book by the way.” he mumbled.

“Did you cry?” she smirked.

“I did cry. But not because of the book specifically.” he said.

“Oh.” her smirk fell. She put one of her hands on top of him, pulling it from her waist to hold on to his fingers. “Did you..sleep here?” she saw the way the blanket was on the rug and the book around it.

“Uh..yeah. I did.” he picked his head up to look at their hands. He flipped his hand so it was facing up, Y/n traced small patterns into his palm.

“I almost came up here..” she turned to look up at him.

Techno stared down at her, his eyes tracing each feature on her face. His free hand came off of her waist to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear, “I wish you had..”

Both of their eyes were lazy. “Will you tonight?” Technos eyes weren't on hers, they were watching her lips, and his hand was resting at the base of her neck, he could feel her pulse quickening.

“Yeah..of course.” she tried to contain her nerves at the way he was staring at her.

He stared at her a little longer before she moved his hand from her neck up to her cheek.

“You signed that letter “your Y/n”..” he mumbled, looking at her eyes for a split second.

“I did, yeah.” her eyes almost seemed glazed over.

“You're mine?” his eyes were wild, unlike hers. Her head lulled more to the side, into his hands at his words.

“Say it..i need to hear it please..” his words were so soft, but they felt like he'd just knocked the wind out of her all the same.

“I'm yours.” she stared at him, as he seemed to tense at her words. His eyes drifted to her lips again as he slowly leaned down to her, his face less than inches from hers.

“God..” he mumbled as his lips clashed with hers. She reached up behind her to rest her own hand on his cheek, pulling him closer.

Y/n could barely think clear with the way his lips felt on hers, he was being so gentle.

Meanwhile Technos thoughts were running rampant. The way her small hand felt on his jaw, the way her pulse was going so quick, the way her face felt so warm, the way she was still holding onto his other hand grasping it so tightly. And it was all his doing.

He pulled away for a moment, needing to know how she was feeling and what she was thinking.

As he pulled away Y/n gave a small whine, unhappy with how he moved away from her. Her eyes were still closed even as her brows furrowed.

He smiled softly down at her, he couldn't believe he'd kissed her.

Her eyes opened for a moment, finding his loving gaze.

He was about to pull her face back to his when they both suddenly heard a knock to the doorway of the treehouse.

Wiilbur was standing on the balcony outside the doorway. His eyes seemed almost empty.

“Dinners em..dinners ready. Dad sent me up to get you two.” he turned quickly, getting away from what he'd seen as quickly as possible, before they could see any sort of tears that had formed in his eyes.

This time it was Techno that had messed up royally.

^^^

pt 4

#dreamsmp #dreamteam #dream smp #sleepy bois x reader #sleepy bois incorrect quote #sleepy bois fanfic #sleepy boys inc #sleepy bois #sleepy bois au #philza #tommyinnit #wilbursoot #technoblade #techno fanfiction #techno x reader #wilbur soot x reader #wilbursootfluff

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thedancingcrab · 3 years

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This week marks mental health awareness week. I don't know how much a social media post really does.. Maybe nothing at all. But I'd like to start this off in saying that I've become a lot more confident in my body since I let myself gain weight instead of holding onto the idea that I should always be slim to be considered attractive. And let me tell you why.

This past year and probably years and years before that I've had to put so much time and energy into healing. It's been one of the most exhausting processes but also so rewarding at the same time. Because I can tell you this whole heartedly. I now like myself. No. I love myself. I love everything that I am and what I've become. But this wasn't an overnight process. It's been painful, I've had to confront a lot of my wrong doings, mistakes and negative thoughts about myself to get to where I am now. I had to find hobbies. I had to pour my energy into other things than myself. Because honestly. When you die, no one's gonna think about how beautiful you were. They might say it, but they will focus on how you were beautiful in other ways. Maybe how you lit up the room with your smile. How you were so positive and how much they miss your energy.

A hobby I've found in this past year is cycling and going hiking and it's done wonders for my mental health. Because I started worrying less about what my body looks like and more what it can actually do for me. I have legs that allow me to walk up mountains. Not everyone is that lucky. I live somewhere where I get to see some of the most beautiful sights in the world (Wales isn't a shithole trust me there really is incredible places). We hardly ever criticise how nature looks so why do we do it to ourselves? Another thing I've noticed as well is that the only person who really says bad things about my appearance..is me. Nobody really cares. People are so focused on themselves and what they're doing. I used to get told I was ugly in school all the time. Even by girls who were supposed to be my friends. But I refuse to carry the weight of those opinions with me around anymore. Maybe I didn't look the best in school, but it wasn't my focus. I was quirky and I owned that. But I didnt have the self awareness back then that I do now. And the weight of those opinions got on top of me so much, until they became a problem and I found myself with an eating disorder and I stopped eating and increasing the amount of makeup I wore cause I thought that was what happiness felt like. Skinny, glamorous. It didn't get any better.

I convinced myself I was happy whilst I ate sugar free jelly and low calorie ice cream. But it was hell and I'm so glad I know what real ice cream tastes like now. As for my face, it's nice to let it breathe every now and then as well. I'm beautiful with no makeup on and I'm beautiful if I want to wear it. But I don't always feel that way. I still have bad days and there's still that voice somewhere that tells me I'm out of shape and should maybe increase my exercise and eat a bit better. It will probably always be there. When you've struggled with your body perception for years I'm not sure it ever quite goes away. But I also recognise when those thoughts come up now and it's easier to flick them away. Cause I know there is so much more to me than how I look and I get so sad when others don't have that awareness too cause I've been there and I know what it's like to have your appearance consume your mind day in and day out. I think all the women I've compared myself to over the years are dealing with the same thing. Maybe when I was comparing myself to the girl that had the body type I wanted and the face I'd love to have she was also dealing with the same battles of her own. The only person we should be comparing ourselves to is the previous version of ourselves and how much we've grown or will continue to grow. We don't know what others are dealing with at the end of the day. And just because someone looks like you want to look doesn't mean they're better than you in any way shape or form. You don't need to be pretty like somebody else you need to be pretty like you. Cause nothing compares to that. If there's anyone else that I know who is still battling with what feels like a never ending hell of not loving yourself.. Here's some tips I've learned along the way that really help me.

- Try to stop mirror checking. I say try, because I still do now and it's a work in progress. When you find yourself doing it, create some distractions. Think about other things you have to do. I guarantee your washing basket needs sorting out right now. I can guarantee something in your room or anywhere else needs tidying and fixing. Go and sort it. We can't change our bodies in an instant, but we can sort out those mundane tasks we keep putting off and it's way more fulfilling when you do one of those tasks. Trust me I have plenty...

- The next time you go outside, look around at people. Is anyone really focusing on you? Probably not. They're probably focused on themselves. Or their dog if they're out walking them (I'm also trying to focus less on myself and the cute dogs I get to see when I'm out). Another thing.. Acknowledge what you're doing in that moment. We get to use our legs, our legs are allowing us to walk and see daylight. Not everyone is that lucky as I mentioned before. Okay maybe my legs weren't as skinny as they used to be but seriously who cares. There are so many other things I can be focusing on right now and you can too.

- Again another work in progress but seriously I'm working on it and it's getting better. When people compliment you, stop trying to find reasons on why they're wrong. Because if they turned around one day and told you everything you say to yourself on a daily basis it would break your heart. Trust me it would. But the people who love you don't think those things and they never will. Because if you asked them what they like about you the most your appearance won't be one of them. Maybe your partner will say something jokey and sweet about it. But trust me, it's not what they love about you the most. Other things are far more important. And they probably love you because you make their life so much more bearable in some form. We all have our own problems. Think about how much you add to that person's life when they're facing struggles of their own. I guarantee, you will be able to find at least one thing.

- No food is a bad food. We can all have too much of something but that goes for every kind of food. And exercise is amazing for our mental health but it doesn't mean we have to over indulge in it just because we ate 'bad' for a few days and now we feel guilty. Be kind to yourself in those moments. Once again it's another work in progress for me too. I pretty much eat whatever I want when I want now. But there's still that voice in my head. They're a bit annoying at this point I don't know whether I should give her a name.. Maybe Ursula cause she was my least favourite Disney villian. Ursula just needs to piss off sometimes. I went through years of restricting myself and I don't wanna do it anymore.

- Let people take pictures of you. I know. Its terrifying. I still hate it now. But one day all people will have of you is a memory and that picture you hate of yourself so much might be their favourite. In this day and age all we ever get exposed to is picture perfect filtered people who probably shaved off half of their thigh with some editing programme like face tune or whatever it's called. Then someone takes a normal picture of us and we zoom in on it and start criticising ourselves from our face all the way down to our toes. We start asking people to put a filter on us before they take the picture because anything is better than being confronted with our real selves. I just don't wanna live in a world like that anymore. I'm still guilty of doing it myself from time to time, but the less people do it the better. I'd love to start being more of an advocate for that.

When you put your phone down and get into the real world and it's something I've started making more of a cautious effort to do lately, everyone just looks normal!! Everyone has textured skin, everyone's got pores, people have oil, people have spots, people have dry skin. Maybe some are better at hiding it than others. But it's just skin. Thats literally it. Social media has warped our brains into thinking we're not good enough cause we don't look like the person who's completely cellulite, pore and acne free in their gym gear living their best life. But in all honesty, they probably don't look like that either. I'm not saying people can't, but the tiniest bit of editing can go into a photo and we think it's realistic. And they're probably insecure about something as well. Don't compare yourself to images that aren't real life. I know it's hard. Once again I still do it myself. But we can make a cautious effort to realise when we're doing these things and implement little changes on how to stop.

If you got this far and read all of this, then thank you. It means the world. I hope I was able to maybe get you to think about life in a different way and maybe.. Just maybe more positively. If not then thank you for reading anyway! I hope we can all stop being so unkind to ourselves one day. 💚

#Me #Ginger #Redhead #Mental health awareness week #Mental health #Body dysmorphia #Eating disorders #Anxiety #Insecurity #Weight loss #Gaining weight #Happiness

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frogmentarii · 4 years

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QUESTIONS FOR OC CREATORS

Haaaa ok so I am doing this cause i saw @fallout-lou-begas steal it from @tarberrymentats and they both looked like they were havin hella fun so i am commandeering this for my own purposes. So lucky for yall its Emi time (art by the dearest @yesjejunus because yall need to see more of her work)

A) Why are you excited about this character?

Because she's an older woman (57) that breaks a lot of moulds and I love to see it. Aside from just enjoying older characters, Emi isn't a sweet old lady and she isn't here to try and mother anyone. Her drives are entirely her own and while she prioratizes herself and her sister before anyone else, its not always due to complete selfishness and just due to growing up in the wastes (I try to keep her character true to a fend for yourself setting as possible). I think Ill go into detail in another question with this, but I went through a lot of concepts and personalities for Emi before settling on someone who was seasoned and very much a product of the wastes. I think after seeing a lot of other couriers I finally figured out what I wanted to do differently, and that sort of helped guide her to become what she is today.

B) What inspired you to create them?

I think my last line there sort of short answers this. I wanted someone different from the other couriers I saw, and wanted to make one that was distinct or even juxtaposed against some tropes. She's a woman in her late 50s that doesnt try and play mom/granny to the companions, she very much has no stake in what happens to the Mojave, she doesnt care about Benny or that he shot her in the head (such is life in the Mojave, but she did have a job to complete so ripperoni him), and a lot of her motivations are selfish or exist to benefit her sister. She doesnt act 'old' in the fact that she isn't a wise caring soul or a grumpy old man, but rather her age is shown through her experience, and this also shapes her personality. She's never had to formally 'grow up' so she can come off as immature and irritating for her own entertainment, but she doesn't have youthful ignorance for how the world works. She knows how to be responsible but she doesnt have to act like it outwardly, even with her Tragic Caregiver Backstory.

C) Did you have trouble figuring out where they fit in their own story?

To a large degree in the beginning, yes, and to specific degrees now, also yes. Writing in general isnt my strong point though I did know what I wanted for her. The main image is there but the details are funky, and Ive been slowly hammering those out as I work along with her and Camila's stories. There's been some huge changes along the way that help push both of them towards an ending I like and that fits them, and even if it takes forever and I never actually write a fic, I'll be happy when she finally feels completed in New Vegas.

Aside from that, she kind of fits in anywhere in regards to AUs. My friend @yesjejunus and I have probably like 40000 fucking aus for our OCs and all of them feel just as organic and their canon stories.

D) Have they always had the same physical appearance, or have you had to edit how they look?

So I know I have an 'original concept Emilia' art on here where she looked like Laura Croft and had aviators but that wasnt even her first concept. I had originally wanted to make a petite southern belle type from Louisiana who used a shot gun and had a mean streak, but as I kept playing with concepts Emi really started to lean other places. Another huge change was her personality. Even when her concept got settled as a sniper from Mexico, she was suppose to be an early 30s caravan guard who was way too sure of herself. While there are reminents of that concept still in her, she has a lot more experience in the wastes and in think-on-your-feet situations to back up her attitude. Another thing she required was dropping her "take me seriously" personality with more goofy "i do what i want cause why not" traits.

E) Are they someone you would get along with? Would they get along with you?

Emi can get along with anyone at a surface level, for a small while, if it will benefit her or she wants to pass time. She really doesn't have interest in folks who arent interesting or beneficial in some way. Since I don't really offer her much, and am a bit of a wet bag, she might yank my chain for her own funsies or she'd have no interest.

And while I did indeed give Emi my go with the flow attitude, I think I wouldn't be able to keep up with her. Emi is very fast paced and doesnt necessarily have regard for those she decides to pick up as drinking buddies for the night. Def dont trust her with my life, and knowing the shit she gets into I'd def want to steer clear of it....like a trainwreck its much better to watch her from a safe distance, lol.

F) What do you feel when you think of your OC (pride, excitement, frustration, etc)?

A lot of affection from a meta standpoint? I've worked with Emi and Cam a lot since creating them, and they've def come a long way since their original concepts. I wouldn't say their story is quite where I want it yet, but I am quite happy with it overall.

That, and Ive met so many awesome writers along the way with Emi. Not all of my friends have posted fic but the amount of world building and having our characters interact and talking OCs ive done with them has placed both Emi and their OCs in a special place for me. Sure her having her own story is fun but I much more prefer the bonds Ive created with people over OCs and I think thats a bit more of a cherished component to character creation for me.

G) What trait of theirs bothers you the most?

Literally? That she likes to be irritating if she feels she can get away with it (or even if she cant). Actually? That she has a very "I shelter you and feed you therefore I make the rules, period." stance on how she takes care of her charge. She lets a lot of shit slide with Camila but things get very Rapunzel-esque at times.

H) What trait do you admire most?

How sure of herself she is. Even if its to a fault, she trusts herself and her judgements. That sort of confidence is something I strive to have haha.

To a lesser degree, and more of a meta point I wanted to make with her, just...her appearance I suppose? To me she's attractive, but she also has a lot of traits that aren't conventionally attractive and that's played a lot into how Ive wanted her to be. Again she's 57 years old. She has age to her body, her skin wrinkles and droops, her tits sag, she has the body of someone who uses chems, and yet despite her age and breaking of beauty standards ive made it a point to show that she is desired or thought of as attractive in non fetish specific circumstances. She herself, while aro, also still has an active sex drive and I really wanted this to be a backseat part of her character, as I feel like fandom in general shafts older women in this department (this also goes for a lot of her non 'old lady' traits I give her too). She still has sexual needs and is still very much sexually active, and she is still found to be a regular sort of attractive and is desired by those she gets involved with.

J) Did you have to manipulate or exclude canon factors to allow them to create their character?

Yes? Ish, to a degree. I didnt have to but I wanted to. I also did a lot of headcanoning with post Mexico for her early life which, afaik is free real estate for lore/nothing super detailed has been given in canon.

Given that she and Camila both shape their stories as individuals, I did have to split up some canon elements to follow two seperate characters, but other than that I really just had to make sure Emilia's story wasnt "boring" in the fact that she again, has no real stake in what happens to Vegas/the Mojave.

I) Do you prefer to keep them in their canon universe?

Cackles in 'which au will I obsess with today'

For the most part yes, however I love placing her in new things or different stories. She may be 'my courier' but really shes just the frog granny that goes into whatever au I am feeling at the time.

#courier six #emilia #emi #emilia vazquez #fnv

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hermits-that-craft · 4 years

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so i came up with a basic story plot on discord if anyone wants to use it (under the cut)

Basically - Fantasy ish au where stress, grian and joe were kidnaped by watchers and there’s a rebellion

have fun, if you want to write it tag me i would forever be in you debt

So, Stress right? She's a princess of sorts, her family rules over a small area and is kind, though their powers are ice and the area is too far north to produce stable crops year round. She's raised with her siblings, and she loves her area with more of her heart then she can ever say. Visitors - friend and foe alike - say that the frozen lands are the kindest and most peaceful areas around.

However, it doesn't stay that way.

Watchers come and ransack her home, kidnapping her and her siblings before anything can be done to stop them. Stress' parents, although not nearly strong enough to fend off watchers, try their hardest to stop the group from taking their children. Nothing comes of their efforts, but the thought is kind and the price is high. Stress won't know what happens to her parents and people for years, but she knows deep down in her heart that there is nothing left of her home.

The watchers train the teens, or they attempt to. Stress was the only one who did not take her leave through unconventional manors. She survived not through perseverance but through stubbornness, and a fear of dying. Her siblings had one or the other, but not both. None of them would bow to the watchers, but Stress played a careful act of pretending that she did.

The watchers, after deciding that Stress had been trained enough, allowed her to share a room with two other people. Those people were two men who had suffered a similar fate as she did. They had survived where others had not, and now they were chosen by the watchers to room together.

The first few months were tough, Stress had no way of knowing if Xelqua or Poet shared her views and it was clear to her that they didnt fully trust her or each other as well. It was only when, in a moment of stupidity or forgetfulness, Stress sang a song that her sisters would sing that the group stared to warm up to each other. They spoke freely as they could, Poet knowing enough magic to block off the watchers control and Xelqua know enough magic to block any noise from their rooms. Stress told them her real name, and she discovered that Poet is a man named Joe Hills, who hails from a small island that doesn't have a proper name, though he calls the town 'Tennessee' and his house 'Nashville'. He was of noble decent and was a powerful wordsmith, so when the watchers came and ransacked his home they took him as well.

Xelqua, she discovered, was a man by the name of Grian. Grian was chaotic, a prankster and a thief who lived in a large city. His family was rich but not noble of character, and the avian took to stealing things from his home and reselling it to gift the money to any poor people he came across. He was taken as a teen as well, and taught by watchers in a similar way to Stress, with some people who were kidnapped from the streets with him. He struggles to call those people 'friends' after Taurtis and Sam, his closest confidants and best friends, betrayed his thoughts to the watchers, and fell for the watchers propaganda. Grian refuses to talk about what the watchers did to him, but Stress can tell from the scars on his back and his clipped wings that it was something that shouldn't be repeated.

The group holds fast to each other, trying desperately to both stay alive and stay themselves in the hellscape that is the watchers home. Stress plays her role well, as the only person who was raised in royal courts she knows how to bow to someone who does not deserve it. Joe and Grian both struggle, their morals overtaking their abilities to keep themselves out of harms way. It is only after the watchers realise that to hit them where is hurts, so to speak, would be to hurt someone they care for that they learn to act.

Stress doesn't lose hopes, though she knows that the world outside is different to how it was, she refuses to lose her hope. When Grian questions her about it, she tells him that its the only way to stay herself in a place like this. Joe only listens, nodding along but not saying anything, though when he is questioned on it he agrees with Stress. He had been with the watchers for less time than Stress and Grian had, having been taken as an adult, but he also lost his entire family to the watchers.

Stress finds herself considering the two men her brothers, her found family that is there for her, and she begins to worry about losing them. She doesn't want to, she finds it so unfair that she should lose another brother, another friend, to the watchers that killed her family, that she withdraws from them. Of course, they notice, and it doesn't do anything except to make them worried for her. Eventually, through either necessity or through accident, Stress tells them about it. The two men understand, telling her that they consider her a sister as well, and Grian jokes about finally having siblings. The group holds onto each other, that night, letting each other talk over how they feel.

News doesn't come to the group often, the watchers trickling news to them as though they are children that needn't hear about the negative things happening in the world. However, news of a rebellion reaches their ears through the whispers and mutterings that echo throughout the keep. They hold fast to the hope of a rebellion, to the idea of freedom. They don't speak of it often, nor do they think on these ideal, but at night they find themselves dreaming of freedom. Stress sings more, Grian offers to show the two around his home city, and Joe tells tales of the vineyard that he grew up in.

While tales of the rebellion spreads, the small group is forced through tests and experiments that give them more powers that they cannot fathom to use. Stress wakes one morning with wings and the ability to control plants. Joe wakes, a week laters, with wings and the ability to see snippets of the future. Grian wakes with the ability to control water and, to an extent, others minds. The group prays for freedom to come soon, to let them leave without the watchers finding them, or hurting their siblings in their absence.

That freedom comes sooner than expected for Joe, who disappears in the night, leaving his siblings behind without a word. It's too dangerous to take them where he was going, so he kisses their foreheads and disappears into the void-like mist surrounding the watcher's home.

The watchers never mention Joe again, not even blinking when he doesn't appear at the breakfast. They don't bring up 'poet' or hold Stress or Grian accountable for his sudden flight from their cell. Stress and Grian can't, don't, won't try to understand why the watchers dont ask them anything, as the only answer that the pair can come up with is that Joe is now one of the people they lost, part of a seemingly ever-growing number of dead.

Stress stops dreaming of freedom, letting herself harden under the pressure of the watchers. She will not become one of their weapons, nor will she become one of their diamonds, but she cannot let herself sleep while Grian could disappear. Grian stops asking her about tales of her home, and Stress stops singing. Tales of rebellions no longer fall into their ears.

The tests all but stop, and Stress finds herself falling into a dreamless sleep the second she makes it to her bed. She doesn't lose hope, but she doesn't gain any. There is seemingly nothing that can calm her until her head hits her pillow.

It's during one of these sleeps when Grian leaves, a note tucked under her pillow telling her that he'll be back, that he loves her, and that the rebellion is still around.

Stress cries when she reads the letter, holding it close to her before burning it. Once more, the watchers don't mention her brother, and Stress is alone again, dreaming of a freedom that she can't believe will happen for her, of a rebellion she refuses to believe will come for her. Stress can't fall into work, can't do anything as the tests stop happening and she is confined to the room that she was trapped in, food delivered to her by the watchers. Stress draws, grows plants and summons ice that she sculpts into her siblings, biological or otherwise. She lives like that, her life in limbo as she waits for the watchers to decide what to do with her. Whatever the answer is, she will walk towards it with her head high. She doesn't fear death anymore, though she doesn't want to die. She does, however, fear what will become of her if the watchers decide she isn't worth their resources.

One day, news of the rebellion reaches her ears. It's from one of the watchers who brings her food, the one that wears black headphones with blue and red checkers on them, not the cruel one with the rabbit ears. He tells her, an unsettling smile on his face, that "all of the watchers here are leaving to finally squash the rebellion. you'll be safe, once we're back we'll ba able to make you a full watcher as well. congratulations, you're the the only one of your class to succeed!". Stress cries at those words, and the watcher takes them as happy tears instead of the mournful tears that they actually are.

The watchers leave that night, the rabbit eared watcher providing her with three days food an instructions only to leave her rooms if the food runs out. She doesn't believe that the food will run out, but she thanks him anyways. She needs to make a plan to escape before that watchers come back.

The next day, the watcher's building is silent, save for the few rooms that Stress occupies. She sings for the first time in months, perhaps in years, in the empty castle. Any song is worth singing, as it fills the time and the unsettling silence. She sings songs from her home, tunes Grian taught her that the street performers would sing in his city, and ballads that Joe wrote for his home before he was abducted. Her plants flourish as she sings, and her sculptures almost appear to move.

The only thing thats stops her songs and revelry is an explosion, close by the wing of the castle in which she is imprisoned. Footsteps, loud, heavy and armoured, echo down the halls as people run through the castle. Stress falls silent, fear eating at her brain as she tries desperately to hide in a place that neither the watchers, nor any intruders, could find her. Joe had once shown her a small corner in which the stones were loose enough for her to wriggle her way into the wall, and Stress flees into the hiding place, praying that no one will look for her.

The footsteps stop in front of her door and voices echo indecipherably through the hall. Stress can't properly understand what they were saying, but she doesn't have to wait to find out as the door is thrown open, falling to the ground with a loud clang. Stress spies through the crack in the stone as people enter the room, their backs towards her.

There are five people in total, two women and three men. One of the women has blonde hair tied into a long plait down her back, brown pants and a green jacket on. A leather strap goes around her head and Stress assumes its goggles. The other woman is a zombie with green patchwork skin and flame like orange hair, wearing shorts and a blueish jumper than falls off her shoulders. One of the men wears armour thats green, the only thing that Stress can properly decipher from him is that his helmet glows from the front. A different man IS green, with a metal arm and leg and a lab coat over his chest. The final man wears a bright green jumper with a brown vest, and jeans on. The group talks amongst themselves, looking through the room for something thats Stress can't decipher. The man in the armour turns around, and Stress can properly see his eyes through the blue visor. They appear to be purple, marking him as a powerful void walker. Stress holds her breath, praying that he can't see her as the man brings his wrist up to his face.

"We can't find her, can you come here and look for her yourself?"

Stress feels tears in her eyes as the man speaks into his communicator. The two women sit down on the seat that Stress and her brothers would sit on, and Stress can see how the women look. The group, for people breaking into a watcher building, a watcher castle at that, appears remarkably calm, the two women joking around and laughing as footsteps echo through the halls. The green man, along with the the man in the green jumper, lean on the wall, talking to each other as though they had met on the streets and wished to catch up. Stress finds herself longing for that sort of interaction, though she knows that these people could be naught but dangerous to her even if they weren't hunting her.

The footsteps make their way into the building, two people in cloaks entering the room. The cloaks are drawn up, making them indecipherable to Stress, though she knows that they aren't watchers as one of the cloaks is a vibrant red, with the other one being a bright blue. The person in the blue cloak walks to the man in the green armour, as the one in the red finds their way to the two men leaning against the wall. The person in the blue cloak turns around, removing his cloak hood as he looks at Stress, and the woman in the wall chokes out a sob, startling the people in the room.

Joe is alive.

Joe helps Stress out of the wall and she throws herself into a hug with the man, wrapping her wings around the man. The group looks shocked at the pair, and Joe mumbles to her that he's refused hugs from them even after Grian found them. Grian joins the hug as well, the siblings finally reunited. Joe tells her about the rebellion, and how they are fighting to take down the watchers as they make their way to the ship that Xisuma, the man in the green armour, runs. Stress asks where she can join the rebellion. Xisuma laughs and tells her that she already has.

Stress, one day, asks the hermits if she could find out what happened to her home. Joe and Grian both exchange worried looks, though the hermits all agree to go to her the Frozen Lands to see her home, taking Grian and Joe's silences as agreement. Joe didn't tell the hermits that his visited Nashville before he joined them, though he spoke to Grian and Stress of the devastation that was left on his home, how the only thing left of the house his family lived in was the flooring, burnt and bloodied and faded with age. Grian has also confined in Stress and Joe that Evo, the city in which he lived in, wasn't the same when he returned, the people either close to kneeling over due to starvation or unnaturally healthy, glowing in a way that didn't seem normal nor natural. Stress doesn't care for their concern about her home, false hope screaming at her that her cousins or other family members would be there, ruling over the town and lands.

When the hermits arrive, Stress rushes a head of them, ignoring the concern and fear that falls from the groups mouths. But instead of running into the loving embrace of her families arms, Stress arrives to a wasteland covered in ice and ash. Stress bolts down the streets she played in as a child, sliding on ice as she makes her way to the manor that she grew up in.

Instead of the familiar structure that she expected, nothing stands except the door the main entrance. Her families crest, a simple snowflake, that was carved into the spruce wood doors is burnt into the crest of the watchers, a clear message to anyone who found their way to the manor.

Stress collapses at the door, wailing at not only the loss of her family but at the loss of her home.

The hermits find her their, her wailing subsiding into sobs as her new brothers help her to her feet, helping her to make her way to the ship that she had been living in. Nothing feels real, not for a long time for Stress, her hope waning as she realises what had happened to her family. Stress finds herself helping Joe in the medical bay of the ship, her healing magic far more potent than his was, and Stress finds herself enjoying the work. She makes fast friends out of Cleo, False and Iskall as the three of them visit her often, either with injuries or with anecdotes. For most of the hermits, what had happened to Stress' home was something they had only heard of in the stories of refugees, as only Etho, Wels, Grian, Joe and Xisuma truely understood what had happened to her home.

The hermits, the rebels, knew that they had to free more people, and Stress often accompanied Xisuma and Wels on their more diplomatic missions, her title of Princess aiding them as they gather allies. Wels also teaches her how to fight, and jokingly suggests that she should knight him as the knight for her kingdom, as his kingdom is ruled by a tyrant that wants nothing more than to watch her people suffer. Stress does knight him, giving him the status that he needs to get them respect of other knights as the champion of the Frozen Lands.

The next few years are spent in careful planning, Stress, Wels and Xisuma being the kindhearted faces of the rebellion as Cleo, False, Grian and Joe being the hard hitting fighters who invade watcher buildings and burn them down, as Iskall, Cub and Scar gather information about watchers through means that Stress doesn't know and doesn't care to find out.

One day, at a party that Stress, Xisuma and Wels were invited to, and that Grian, Joe and False had tagged along to the two watchers that fed Stress appear, not only looking for a fight but for victims to bring back to the watchers.

Stress didn't feel anything at the sight of the watchers, simply stating that they had been the ones to feed her, though Grian's eyes flashed purple as he laid eyes on them. Of course, the group fought the watchers, Stress helping the people to evacuate the building before she joined the fray.Grian fought harder than anyone else did, throwing himself into the fray when he shouldn't have. The rabbit watcher taunted him, and the one that wore the headphones laughed as Grian struggled to fight them, not letting anyone get close to them. The rabbit eared watcher threw a spear through Grian's wing, grounding the man. Grian doesn't saying anything as the rest of the hermits join the fight, Stress focussing on healing his wing.

"Why would you fight them alone, you dumbass." She asked him, tears in her eyes. "Thats Sam and Taurtis." The second the reply hit her ears, Stress stands, her wings flapping. She holds the spear in her hands as she flies up, summoning ice and vines to the room. Joe helps the hermits to a corner of the room as Stress traps the two traitors in vines and ice. "What do you want me to do with them, Grian?" Stress asks, and the man shrugs, a dark look in his eyes. "They're watchers, they've already sealed their fates."

Stress doesn't remember what happened next, though according to False and Wels it was 'the most badass' thing that they had ever seen. According to Xisuma, however, it was a safety hazard. Stress doesn't really care, though she's prefer that the next time she grow plants in peoples lungs and explodes their veins with ice she wouldn't wake up in the blood and ice of her victims.

The group becomes folk heroes in that kingdom, and they soon find themselves becoming better known in other lands as well as they defeat more and more watchers, before the only ones left are the ones that kidnapped Stress, Grian and Joe.

It took a while to find the last watchers. There was so few left of them that no one, not even Iskall, Scar and Cub could find information on the group, and while Stress, Joe and Grian were being heralded as heroes who defied the odds and survived the watchers, they couldn't rest. Stress would often find Grian planning intricate traps with Mumbo and Iskall, and she'd always have to make sure that Joe wasn't wordsmithing disaster onto their course. Of course, everyone would find Stress fussing over any injured people, to the point where it was obvious that she was too nervous for her own good. It was during one of these sessions with Cleo where the zombie worked out - or perhaps told the ex watcher - exactly what Stress what thinking.

"You hate them." Cleo smiles. "I want them locked up, where they can never hurt anyone ever again." Stress spits, trying to calm herself down. "You want them dead, don't you?" "I never said that!" Stress protests, though in her heart she knows it's true. "Don't worry, I think that they deserve it."

It took Stress a while to convince herself that she wasn't evil for wanting that. Or more so, it took False, Iskall, Grian, Cleo, Wels, Joe and Xisuma a while to convince Stress she wasn't evil for wishing death onto the watchers. But she was never fully convinced, and just when the hermits believed that she had finally believed them, Stress vanished into the night just as Joe and Grian had left her, a note being the only thing she left behind.

She knows where the watchers are, she knows exactly where she needs to go to finish this, and she knows that she cannot loose anymore people to the watchers, to that building, the one that the watchers had first held her and her siblings in. The one hidden in the frozen wastes beyond her home town. It's a long fight, one that she battles alone until she's near dead, captured by watchers once more. When all seems lost, her brothers appear, tearing down the doors and saving her before the watcher can deliver the final blow. Grian tore into the watchers as Joe heals her, and Stress spies the hermits from the corner of her eyes. The hermits battle as Stress struggles to breath, the curse that was placed on her slowly eating away at her energy. Tears prick at her eyes, too tired to even fall out of her eyes. She watches, almost as though she isn't in her body, as False and Cleo deliver the final blow, killing the watcher with a well placed spear to the throat. Energy floods back into Stress as she bolts up, the curse dying with the watcher that placed it.

There are celebrations throughout the world as the hermits make their way across, telling everyone of the good news. Stress, Grian and Joe are shown some of the survivors of their homes, and Stress makes her first speech as queen declaring that the island 'Tennessee' and the city 'Evo' are now states of the Frozen Lands. Soon, the lands that the other hermits were from join the Frozen lands, and Stress makes more announcements welcoming places into her ever growing country. The world changes as people make their way to the Frozen Lands, hoping for the home that is boasted about.

Stress' last declaration as queen of the frozen lands is stunning, a hope filled promise of home.

"I do not claim to know that the future holds, nor do I promise that it will be good, but today I speak to you all, not as a queen, but as a friend. The Frozen Lands is no more. Today, we join the Hermit States. You will chose your leader, not born of blood but of your decisions."

It was not a surprise to anyone but Stress when she was voted in as Empress, with Scar as her second in command. Joe finds home in books of poetry and song, and Grian finds life in regrowing his home into a better place.

Stress finds a family in the hermits, and the hermits find hope in Stress

#stressmonster101 #grian #joehills #joe hills #hermitcraft #hermitcraft au #story ideas

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mysmedrabbles · 5 years

Text

RFA Reacting to an MC Who Hasn’t Had Their First Kiss (+RFA First Kiss HC)

requested: si

a/n: cute ask!! i think i may be having a heart attack of some sort!! enjoy!!

do you want to support me making you fall in love with zen? click here to support me!

warnings: n/a

-kiss kiss fall in Debt mod alex

-it slips out in conversation, like most things tended to when talking to them, a late conversation filled with whispered affections turning to a deep talk about love, both of you being open about everything.

-you knew you could trust your love, that they’d never make fun of you, and yet there was a small part of you that wondered why you were never good enough to get that small token of affection.. that seemingly small thing.. was there something wrong with you?

Jumin

-when the words spill out of you, you immediately regret them, gut twisting into a tightly coiled knot as you carefully watched his expression shift from quiet contemplation to interest, examining you quietly before standing up

-nervously, you watch as he extends a hand towards you, smile curving the corners of his mouth in a delicate contentment

-taking his hand you stand, not knowing what to expect as he nervously looks at you, a look that was not known to cross Jumin Hans face.

-shifting his weight from one foot to another, he placed one hand gingerly at the base of your neck, thumb and index fingers lightly on your jaw, a loving look crossing his face

-in your chest there was nothing short of butterflies, a feeling of terrifying euphoria controlling you as you stared at the man in front of you, his soulful dark eyes gazing at your lips, tongue barely poking out between his lips as he closed the gap between the two of you hesitantly, giving you time to pull away if you wanted to

-but you didnt

-leaning up to meet his lips with your own, you spent a second trying to figure out how this was supposed to work before finding the way where your lips matched perfectly with his, almost like you’d been made for each other, like all the stars in the night sky had aligned for the two of you, a perfect moment

-as you both pulled away, he couldn’t hold back a smile, kissing your forehead before cupping your cheeks gently, nervously biting his lip as he decided what to say.

- “That was my first kiss too,” he whispered, gaze lowering to the ground, the smallest of blushes spreading to his cheeks and neck

-placing your hand on his chest, you grin, unable to hold back, “but it certainly won't be the last,” you said, closing the gap between you yet again

Jaehee

-of course you’d kissed a boy! but never a girl! of course that kiss was... in preschool... for a school play...and on the cheek... but that counted right?

-Jaehees quite a forward and confident person, not afraid to take the lead, but you just always seemed so uncomfortable, almost scared to close the distance; and of course she didn’t want to pressure you to do anything you didn't want to do, so she let the case rest

-when you shyly admit that you’d never actually kissed anyone before, she puts it all together, the times you dipped all of a sudden when things started getting intimate, Jaehees gaze lingering on your lips for just a second too long for you to be comfortable, all your insecurities cropping up again

-she’s understanding, and for the most part, she’s relieved that it was just first kiss nerves and nothing else

-she doesn’t swoop in to kiss you on the spot, and lets the moment naturally come along, where she dips you backwards sweetly, hands gently secured around your cheek, and for a second everything seems so perfect, letting yourself naturally fall into the rhythm her lips before she pulls herself away, leaning her forehead on yours as you both savor the moment of pure bliss together

Yoosung

-with yoosung it was more of an “always known fact” when it came to the fact that neither of you had kissed anyone before. and it was fine, neither of you were rushing, of course the idea of kissing... scarier than it truly was, but nevertheless life went on

-the beach was known for being happy, a place to hang out with friends and play in the ocean, and while that was all true, there was a certain time after lunch where the waves numb your thoughts, letting the distinct feeling of melancholy drown you in its sorrow as you could do nothing but reflect on your own life

-and he tried his best, poor yoosung. he sat with you on the blanket under the cool shade of the umbrella, arm around you as you leaned into his chest, the feeling of security around you

-this odd mood followed you until the time it was to go home, following you even to the car, where you simply laid your head on yoosungs shoulder, the imminent presence of dread around you

-it was about halfway through the car ride home, (Saeyoung driving of course), where Zen turned around from his seat in shotgun, offering the two of you a packet of pocky sticks.

-taking them, yoosung was quick to stick one in his mouth, almost daring you to take it. upon seeing you smile for the first time in about three hours, he persists, keeping the box just out of reach, taunting you on your cowardice, that there was no way you could get the pocky.

-out of impulse, you leaned forward, chomping the end of the cookie, making your way to the strawberry, until you were practically mouth to mouth with Yoosung, mouth full of crumbling bits of cookie.

-sharply pulling back, all previous laughter is gone, replaced by matching blushes on both of your cheeks, yoosung stammering, trying his best to gt a word out, anything to alleviate the situation

-yet placing another pocky in-between your lips, you almost wink at him, sending him into another flustered mess, hesitantly coming forward before making his way to your mouth. instead of stopping he continues, making the move both of you had been too afraid to make.

-kissing you with a gentleness that was almost impossible to comprehend, he tasted like strawberries and fresh ocean breeze, and even the clunking of your teeth together was overlooked as you both pulled away, almost breathless and giggling, completely unaware of Zen grinning in the mirror.

Seven

-when you casually let it slip in conversation, at first he doesn’t have any reaction, and although you were kind of glad that he wasn’t making you confront the harsh reality of your love life, you can’t help but be the tiniest bit disappointed by the lack of his inquiries

-instead he listens to you as you finish your story, appreciative of your storytelling talent as you finish, a small clap for the dramatic finish

-as you lean forward to get another handful of popcorn, he suddenly leaned forward at an alarmingly fast pace, planting a passionate kiss with the corner of your mouth. (corner of mouth was a stretch, more like.. cheek)

-pulling away, he’s laughing, “that wasn't-”

- “that wasn't my mouth” you giggle, the redheaded boy in front of you a sight too goofy and yet beautiful in the same respect to exist

-he leaned in, still at the weirdly fast rate, smashing a quick peck on your lips, teeth banging into each other, his glasses hitting your nose quite painfully as you both parted, laughing only louder, mostly to hide the increasing flusteredness the both of you were feeling, but mostly because... it was Saeyoung! being a Fool! and it was Adorable!

-steadying his breathing, Saeyoung grinned, his face lit up with happiness and an ever present blush as he removed his glasses, “take three?” he asked hopefully

-this time you leaned in steadily, meeting his lips with yours, and for a second you swear you could see stars.

-its quiet, a moment for the two of you as you kiss, so delicately like one of you might break at any given moment- and it feels so dumb, but at the same time you’re filled with the need to be with him, to hold him as close as you can and never let go, this perfect idiot who made your heart for flips and skip beats and do everything hearts were not supposed to do

-it lasted too little, almost immediately it was over, an involuntary pout crossing your face as you parted, leaving Saeyoung one option: to zoom forward for another disastrous, hastily planted and completely juvenile kiss that was sure to leave the both of you laughing with glee

Zen

-he was so suave and amazing, so smooth and charming? how could you tell this man that you had about zero experience in the whole dating and kissing department?

-over a good rant about your coworker apparently

-he stops in his tracks, and you could immediately tell that he’d stopped listening after you mentioned you’d never been kissed before

- “never?” he asked, looking at you with a surprised smile on his face, almost incredulous

-looking down, you shifted awkwardly, unable to stop the heat from rising to your cheeks and the shame in your chest to grow, mumbling something anxiously about you being lame in that aspect of life

-all Zen did was chuckle, pulling you close and lifting your chin with his thumb, and in his eyes all you saw was kindness, a kind of pure and unadulterated love as he caressed your cheek

- “Well on one hand, I find that unbelievable,” he said, his voice slowly going down to a whisper, as if he was afraid someone might hear him.

- “And yet,” he continued, “I’m kind of glad-,” a kiss on your forehead, “-that I’ll be the first-,” a kiss on the cheek, “to do this,” he said, closing the remaining space between you, unable to stop himself from smiling as he finally felt your lips on his, holding your waist as your fingers travelled to his hair, tangling your index in a silky white strand, and though the kiss wasn’t supposed to be so magical, being with Zen certainly was.

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peonies07 · 4 years

Text

Ok so I'm 19. I've been on tumblr since I was 12, yeah I was probably that annoying 12 year old. But at the time I needed it so badly. Tumblr was the reason I knew basically about LGBT before the gay marriage right arguement. Tumblr helped me figure out that I'm not straight.

The issue is that I grew up in rural MN like my hometown had 200 people. And most were Christian Republican conservatives with stereotypes and all.

I have two older brothers. The oldest was my father figure growing up- hes 9 years older than me and honestly was the only person that showed me support and potentially unconditional love. Around the time he left for college my family had to sell our house and move into an apartment the next town over about (2,000 people). I was about 10 and losing my brothers comfort made me start being depressed. While he was home he was the one who would counteract anything that would have made me feel worthless or unloved, he was there to prove my mother's words wrong. My other brother is 7 years older than me and was in high school and angry at the world at the time. I lost the only real support I had. Our dad worked long hours and I barely ever saw him after we lost the house he went to ND to find work and I saw him even less.

Our mom is very toxic and honestly probably abusive? I've been gas lighted to the point where I have no confidence in any memory, thought or feeling I had unless I have someone next to me to tell me 'no that was real it was like that'. So when my brother were old enough to move out or to have reasons to stay away I was stuck with her and it turned into the my daughter is my best friend. But with that came the complaints on how expensive I was and how bad her life was, how she regrets marrying my dad and then last minute remembering to add 'but at least I have you kids'.

Enter finding tumblr and learning that no there's a world outside this tiny town was one of the things that made middle school and high school so much easier. After I figured out that I was apart of LGBT, my older brother came home. In the time of gay marriage and all the arguements. I looked up to him as someone who would always be on my side and then right when he came home, I had to listen or sometimes argue with him and our mom about 'the gays'.

They were obviously against it and it forced me to hide and bury it for a long time. I would come out to friends if I trusted them or if they had shared they were also not straight but never to my family. After middle school, my mom got a new job and moved us about an hour away.

When I started high school, I found Trevor. He became my best friend and was for about 3 months and then of course asked me out. I didnt like him in that way but I also didnt want to upset him or lose him so I said yes.

We dated for 3 years from freshman year to senior year. In that time he took my virginity, we had taken 3 breaks and I had relatively no friends besides Trevor or his friends. He saw on my tumblr page that I put pansexual (at the time I identified with it) he asked me about it, I explained it and he gave a weird look. We never talked about it much after maybe an occasional hey that girl is cute but nothing really to address it? I was the one who started all of the breaks. I knew that being with him wasn't right for me but he was still my best friend and the one I was closest to. He was the one who was there when I cried and I was there for him. By senior year I was heavily depressed and highly anxious. I got a job after freshman year at a fast food chain, where I worked with his parents, and started PSEO classes my junior year. Between the stress of taking college classes, a struggling relationship, no other support network, and working 20-30 hours a week with high school and living with my mom. I started to break down my senior year, I got a different job that had less hours, since in the middle of my junior year I had gotten promoted to manager at 16 at the fast food chain and worked even more. I started skipping college classes and would just hang out in my car in parking lots so I would go home. Mom had gotten a job that worked nights and would leave at 2pm so I would wait until after she left to go home and just lay in bed. If I did it while she was there I would get told how lazy I was and how I needed to get up.

I started seeing a therapist in October, of course I was only 17 and so I had to have mom come in for the first meeting. The first thing she told my therapist was how she thought that I wasn't screwed up and didnt really need therapy and talked a bit about how she was disappointed. I paid for therapy on my own obviously and after a few weeks I never told my mom when I went to therapy to this day she does not know how many times I went. In December I finally broke up with Trevor for good and a bit later I found my 3 best friends, they are my favorite people they are my big supporters and I'm theirs. They have been there for me no matter what and honestly really showed me what having actually friends was like.

Two of them are also in LGBT and the other not but we all support each other. After we graduated I went to a private college 6 hours away in Wisconsin. I needed to be far from my family but close enough for emergencies especially since my dads mother had cancer and we knew she wouldn't have long.

Before college started I had tot get rid of my car, mom told me that she couldn't keep me on her insurance so I gave it to my brother (middle child). I went off to college, in late September my grandmother died and I went to her funeral (my mom told me I couldn't go because college was too important, I went anyway).

By winter break I realized that I couldn't keep being carless. I had asked my dad for help since I definitely couldn't go to my mom and didnt have any other option (forgot to mention they divorced in 2017 after being separated for about 6/7 years). He helped me and bought me a truck that was $7,000.

Now here is the that start of the reason I'm writing this.

My dad is an alcoholic and has so many fucking DUIs, he should be in prison honestly. But after my parents divorce he started trying to get his license back.

Complicated part is he couldn't stay sober. Or at least not drive while drunk, and with both of our names on the title of this truck I had to get whiskey plates. Honestly I didnt care about the plates but my dad did and told me to try and transfer it into my name only.

We bought the truck in December 2019 and didn't get the title sent to us until May 2020 and if we had gotten it on time this wouldn't be too concerning but sadly not the case. In February he got picked up again and that's the one that cause me to have whiskey plates so I couldn't transfer it into my name if I wanted to. - MN law states that if a truck has whiskey plates it cannot be transfer into a family member or household member, it can be sold but it has to be a fair price no 'gifts'.

And of course its Corona timw and I had to leave college in March- back to mom's house where I got hella depressed again and then had to drop the courses I was trying to take for spring cause I needed to focus on mental health. In May I moved in with my brother-middle one- to his city that is 3 hours away.

It's better but also not quite where I want to be. So since I'm out of mom's and overall just really frustrated with the world I came to terms with wanting to come out to my family, especially my brothers. Earlier this month (August) I did. I told them over dinner since my oldest brother was in town and asking me about my love life and I just said 'I like girls' and they kinda accepted it. Middle brother is hella religious so I knew there was a chance of rejection, all he had to say was that he doesn't quite believe that there can really be a romantic relationship between women, as god intended love to be between a man and woman. But he didnt disown me or kick me out so it's fine. My oldest brother just made a joke about lesbian porn. The next day they followed up a bit with it of hey so you're gay basically. Most of my family is now transphobic instead of homophobic since trans is 'worse'. I dont agree with them but I'm just content for now with not losing my brothers. I've basically cut our mom off and still dont talk to our dad much especially about feelings.

So with this truck that my dad bought me and with the added stress of trying to figure out how to deal with it I decided to trade it in. But went to probably the worst dealership in our area and got conned really. After 8 days of having the new SUV it broke down, the motor through a rod and is basically totaled until a new motor is put in.

And naturally I haven't told anyone in the family besides the brother I live with so about two days after trying to figure out again of what to do. Middle brother calls dad and older brother to help and my anxiety and anger spike. I've never talked about the trauma o went through because of our mom to anyone in the family only the oldest brother but not all of it. Added in the fact that I dont want to accept dads help if hes going to hate or reject me for being gay I am so scared and anxious that I just explode. They came and dad started asking me about why I didnt call him before and why I traded it for the car I did and I'm trying to tell him it's fine well get the truck back I learned my lesson and I'm giving him the truck back, I'll find a vehicle on my own. I am financially able to so he can have to back/sell it.

But he just keeps pushing and then telling me to mellow out and stop being moody. And pushing more so I just scream. And start trying to explain hey I got a bunch of issues and I cant trust you yeah you're my dad but mom made me feel worthless so.

And I'm crying/screaming/sobbing and dads basically at a point of not listening. My oldest brother comforts me and I make him walked away from dad with me as our other brother had come.

I start telling my oldest brother what the h3ll is going on in my head with almost everything. I talk about our mom, how he is my father figure not our dad, how I cant trust our dad and also about my fears with rejection from dad and previous fear of his rejection. I get through most of it and dad and our other brother come to where we are.

Now I have been out to my brothers for about 2-3weeks and my oldest brother deciding to 'help me'? Asks our dad if he would love me any less for being gay. I lose it I get a bit hysterical and start laughing cause for no reason that I can figure out for now really. I hear our middle brother make some comment that I couldnt quite hear but the tone was like an exhausted really vibe to it? And cue our dad saying of course not and trying to talk again about how I should have called and I try again explaining that I cant trust that easily after being alone with mom for basically 8 years and him then trying to tell me that hes not her.

So my family does not understand feelings well but they're there for me apparently and dont hate me ( I still dont fucking believe them). Like they are saying they dont but I haven't really seen any reason to believe that or a sign of unconditional love. I always feel like I'm merely tolerated and on the edge of circles ready to be pushed out at the wrong word.

I still haven't 'come out' to our mom yet and I dont think I'll tell her face to face, she can find out through facebook. I still have so much anxiety about all of this and it's to the point were it's an overall feeling of nothing but with a premonition of something not right or anxiety about something bad happening.

#lgbtq #coming out #gay #wlw #Anxiety #depression #childhood trauma #bad parenting #brothers #family issues #personal

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letsperaltiago · 5 years

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I give up, I'm in love crying out to you |Jake x Amy|

So this is the post ”Yippie Kayak” fic I talked about! And honestly... I’m not super happy with how it turned out, compared to what I had in mind, but... I hope someone out there will enjoy it. Maybe

xx!

word count: 2.8k

The red and blue lights coming from the remaining police cars reflected back off his slightly pale face as he started the car, carefully driving away from the surrounded Goodwin’s before turning down the main street. Since Jake had quickly been pulled away from her to get checked by a paramedic as soon as they pulled back from their passionate reunion kiss, neither of them had gotten to say much to the other after Jake escaped the hostage situation. He’d quickly shrugged off his leather coat then hoodie before giving her the latter before he was pulled aside. Since then Amy had spent the time checking up on Gina and Charles, secretly feeling unsettled and almost burdened even though Jake was clearly safe and sound. Why?

So she wondered still as they quietly drove off and away from the chaos. It was just the two of them in Jake’s car. Maybe she didn’t say anything but on the inside Amy felt like screaming and crying, almost like she wanted to speak out but some unknown force pushed the words back down her throat. More than anything she didn’t want him to notice, because then he’d worry and he was the last person who should worry about someone else. He’d just been beaten by robbers and held hostage, for God’s sake! Although it probably didn’t help keeping her messy state of mind secret that she uneasily, shuffling in her seat, kept looking back and forth between the bypassing streets and his focused, slightly bruised face. Either his mind was somewhere else, which was completely understandable, or he chose to bite his tongue and not comment on it.

“Should I drop you off at home?” After such a long silence, his voice almost startled her, causing Amy’s head to quickly whip away from the window and in his direction instead like a deer caught in headlights. They usually slept at her place, almost everyday besides a few times a week whenever one or both needed a bit of me-time, so this caught the young woman a bit off guard. Did he ask because he wanted to drop her off and go home alone? Or was he just being polite? During the 7 months they’d been together, Amy had never turned to overthinking like this and it scared her. Jake would never have ulterior motives when it come to her - or anyone else, for that matter. What was wrong with her?

“Ames?” Without taking his eyes off the road for too long he allowed himself to take a quick glance of her, obviously confused by the lack of response he got from his otherwise always very clear and palpable girlfriend.

“Oh, sorry. I just-“ she bit her lip, silencing herself with her thinking. Honestly she wanted nothing more but to tell him no. No, she didn’t want him to just drop her off and act like nothing had happened. Actually the very last thing she wanted after coming so close to losing him was to go home alone - without him. Then she remembered that her bag (having held clean, warm clothes) from the polar swim and stinky, soaked jacket was still in his trunk, and last-mentioned item probably needed a good wash. She also did happen to have a full day of Christmas celebration with her enormous family waiting for her tomorrow on the 25th, so… Though every signal within herself told her that she didn’t want to, that it was wrong, it probably would be easier to just go home and get the last chores crossed off her mental list.

“Uhm, yeah. My place is fine.”

Out of the corner of her eye she could sense a nod, immediately sending her heart crashing into her gut. First the polar swim, then the hostage situation and now this? What a shitty Christmas eve. 10 minutes of silence later, he pulled over in front her apartment building and turned off the engine. Neither of them seemed to be able to break that eyes, staring straight ahead out the front window with stiff postures and mingled thoughts.

“So we’re here,” Amy finally mumbled, slowly and almost unwillingly reaching for the door handle.

Jake turned in his seat, scanning her up and down with his tired, yet always so gentle eyes.

Words were burning in her throat, making it feel like a muddy mixture of feelings and tears balling up in trachea. It was pure agony and it just wasn’t worth it, when she was with this wonderful man who’d never laugh at or dismiss anything she said. She needed to calm down and trust him.

“Would you mind coming upstairs with me? Just for a second,” she finally managed to almost gurgle out and finally looking back at him.

“No, of course not.” He smiled weakly, pausing for a moment, before leaning over the gap between their seats to peck her temple. “Let me help you with your stuff.”

So there they were, just 2 minutes later, after climbing the few stairs to her first floor apartment. The flicking of a switch by the entrance door drenched the living room/kitchen in a soft yellow light, which allowed them both to make their way to the center of the room.

“Should I just put it on a hanger it in your bathroom?” Jake asked sweetly, making Amy’s heavy heart do summersaults because of the fact that he’d read her mind before doing anything else.

She sent him a grateful smile, “Yeah, thanks. Just make sure to-“

“Hang it in the shower, so it won’t drip on the floor?”

Amy could tell by the way her boyfriend’s eyes light up and his lips morphed into a crooked, boyish smile that he was proud of the fact that he’d managed finish her sentence just right. Sometimes she forgot that not only had they been dating for 7 months, but he’d also been her best friend for longer and partner against crime for even longer. There was no denying that he, more than anyone else and even herself, knew her the best. A weak smile growing on her lips at the thought let him know he was right, and then there was nothing else for her to do but to follow him with her eyes as he walked off to the bathroom with her icy ocean-coat.

Everything was so good between them and there was absolutely no denying it. Then why did she slump down on her couch with a heavy sigh and an even heavier her, she wondered. What was it about today; about her; about him, that made it seem like she was holding back and onto some kind of secret. A heavy slump back against the back of the couch seemed appropriate for the situation. Few steps wandered down the hall towards her, coming closer and closer. Next thing she knew he was back, standing by the kitchen at the opposite end of the room, freezing in his track when he noticed her hopeless expression. A staring contest between the two seemed to be initiated, but truth be told, she was not taking in just his eyes. Also the dark circles that surrounded them, his short, but nonetheless curls very messy from the day’s actions, his posture only emphasised how he probably felt - yet Amy Santiago had never before been so sure of one thing.

“Amy, is everything okay?”

Okay, the jig was up. He’d definitely noticed her being way off the entire night. Maybe he had been so too, but he, on the other hand, had an actual excuse.

“Yeah,” the following sigh did not reassure him. “Come sit with me for a second. Please?” She let her hands dance across the empty space by her side.

It truly did feel like walking into the belly of the beast, but ready for whatever she was going to throw at him, the eager detective made his way to the empty spot beside her and placed himself facing her. One leg bent on the couch, the other hanging off the side as he rested his side against the couch’s soft back. Another silence swallowed them both. Right in front of him, so close that he could reach out and touch her even though he didn’t dare to right then, Amy was nervously pushing her hair back behind her ears. Normally a double-tuck was a good sign, Jake couldn’t help but notice, but the current moment seemed to be way off and inconsistent.

“Ames, you’re kinda freaking me out here. Are we okay? Are you okay?”

The fact that he emphasised the ‘you’ more than the ‘we’ once again told her that he was the greatest man alive, obviously caring more about her than himself and them. A smile was not to be held back and her left hand, rebelliously in the name of love, expressed the same intractableness by reaching forward and cupping his cheek. Like a tear, though they weren’t present, Jake felt her thumb dance downards across his face and a million butterfly were set free in his stomach.

“Yes,” she nodded softly. “Both me and us. More importantly: Are you okay?”

He nodded softly into the her hand’s fingerhold, secretly wishing she would elaborate instead of redirecting the worry towards him. “I’m okay. Tonight was scary, but now I’m here with you. And though it might seem cheesy, it’s what matters to me.”

She nodded back, and though her mind was racing, trying to fight and make sense of all of her thoughts, her lips parted with willingness to speak. “It’s okay to be cheesy. It’s what matters to me too: Us…” She hesitantly allowed a pause, breathing in and unconsciously ran her tongue across her upper lip, considering if she should continue. This was Jake Peralta. With them it had always been this weird game of ‘in-between but never quite there’. The years of pining, the ‘never-single-at-the-same time’, keeping it light and breezy, almost breaking up twice within their first week together… It all came rushing back like an avalanche, pushing Amy over the edge of her emotional mountain. This time she wasn’t going to stay stuck in the middle; she was going big or going home - and she was already home, so there really was no way around it. “… Which I guess is why I’ve been so weird all night.”

Jake Peralta tilting his head slightly to the side in wonder was somehow the cutest and worst sight in the entire world - worst because she knew he did it out of confusion and precariousness. Amy Santiago wasn’t one to be overly confident with men, but these 7 months together had definitely taught her that she held his heart in his hands. His secretly very fragile, loving heart. On the other hand though, she also knew that he also held hers. Vulnerably and firmly all at once.

“You…” along with a heavy breath, her hand dropped from his face into his lap to hold his. Her gaze followed behind. “Being in danger like you were tonight really got me thinking about how important you are to me.” Her sincere brown eyes finally looked, to his relief, back up at him as those last words danced off her lips. Tender yet alert eyes and an understanding not from her boyfriend let Amy know that he was listening - he usually did whenever she spoke - and pushed her to continue. Taking this leap meant that there was no turning back around. “Li-,” her breath hitched, when tears suddenly welled in her eyes with urge to leap over the edge and down her cheeks. “Like it just got me thinking about the fact that just barely 3 years ago, I could never live with you. Never share a life with you, never be in the same room as for more than a few minutes without going absolutely insane,” she squeezed their joined hands in reassurance. “Never touch you like this. We seemed to be two opposites in all the worst ways. Impossible to unify.”

Though it was obviously with caution, seeing how affected by the matter his girlfriend was, Jake smiled remembering how they used to be cat and mouse. Those times seemed so far away these days.

“And now, today,” the hitch in her voice repeated itself; this time causing a tingle tear to stream down her face. Even soaked in tears, her eyes never left his and if Jake wasn’t completely delusional from all of the surfacing emotions, he could’ve sworn tears were welling up in his as well. “It just really hit me that I could never live without you.”

Almost like a bomb, silence dropped and blasted through the space around them. It sucked them into a black hole of everything from utter vulnerability to raw emotion and everything in between. Amy quickly noticed how her boyfriend’s eyebrows had cocked upwards, along with his suddenly much more awake eyes, in surprise.

“There’s before, now and after; me before you, me with you and I never want there to be a ‘me after you’, Jake Peralta.”

His jaw failed to keep his mouth shot, allowing his lips to part in awe like a kid having just discovered a secret treasure of gold, diamonds and pearls.

Her heart picked up pace as well as her termbling voice.

“God, I don’t know if this is moving too fast; if it’s right or wrong… But I’m just gonna say it. I desperately need you to know.”A brief pause pierced the moment, the three words welling up inside her mouth.

“I love you.”

His lips slowly merged back into a soft smile, his eyes glistening with joy as he brought his strong hands across the distance between them to hold her face and look into her eyes.

“I love you too, Ames.”

Finally, turning out to be what she needed more than anything that night, he used the hands attached to her face to pull her into a soft, tender kiss. A heavy weight suddenly dropped from her shoulders, her chest becoming lighter and fluttering as well. Within seconds her fingers wrapped around his wrists which were attached his hands that still cupped her now also smiling face. Their lips pressed together still, sparks flying like it was the first time instead of somewhere within the millions - probably - Amy knew she’d made the right decision. She loved Jake Peralta and he deserved to know.

His forehead pressed against hers, never disconnecting, as their lips parted and a dynamic energy travelled around them and the room. Amy could tell he was smiling; she was too after all.

“Tell me we’re end game?”

When he slowly tilted his head just an inch back, Amy felt the tip and bridge of his nose gently stroke up her own. Upon having finally tilted it up and back far enough to reach her forehead, he pressed a tender kiss to it. It lasted longer than their rare, but yet sweet, little forehead kisses usually would. It almost felt like his lips had gotten stuck, but then suddenly to Amy’s secret dismay, he pulled his whole upper body back to look at her properly with glistening eyes and a happy grin. Amy’s heart on the other hand was anything but calm, thumping louder and harder than she ever imagined possible. Why wasn’t he saying anything? Maybe declaring her love like that was a bit too much for an otherwise emotionally cut off person like Jake. Maybe she should’ve just stuck to “I love you”… Or just nothing at all; she should’ve sent him back home and slept by herself tonight.

Yet suddenly it was clear to her that the confusion and anxiety must’ve been clearly written across her face, because once more and always preferably, Jake Peralta’s hands were buried deep within and messing up her glistening black locks like they were the last sensation he’d ever experience. His soft soft lips grabbed hers, telling her that she’d never be alone ever again though she still sometimes feared she would. More. She wanted it all and more, so she quickly reached across, grabbing the collar of his famous grey hoodie. If it was even possible by then, seeming to be as close as possible, she pulled on it and him. His lips scrunched into a smile against her desperate kiss. Suddenly his kiss wandered off too the side, onto her cheek; her chin; her hairline before ending on the top of her head with her cheek resting securely on top of his shoulder and arms wrapped tightly around her frame. Like they should be. Always.

“Amy Santiago, we’ve always been end game.”

#jake peralta #amy santiago #peraltiago #peraltiago fanfiction #fanficition #peraltiago fanfic #jake x amy #jake and amy #brooklyn nine-nine #b99 #brooklyn nine nine

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feralhogs · 5 years

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Questions 1, 2, skip a few, 99 100! ANSWER THEM ALL!!!!!!

LETS DO THIS

99 gay-ish asks

how tall are you?5 SOMETHING

what is your body type?SLENDERMAN

what is your favorite part about your body?THE T

is your current hair color your natural hair color?YES

are you more outgoing or more shy?SHY

are you more femme or butch?ITS COMPLICATED, BUT, BUTCH

are you tol or smol?APPARENTLY IM TWINK. NOT SURE WHERE THAT IS ON THIS SCALE

wine mom or vodka aunt?NO

weird habit?I EAT BREAKFAST FOOD AT ANY HOUR

favorite meme?VIBE CHECK, IM SMUG ABOUT MY URL

do you sing in the shower?NO BUT I USED TO. JUST SHY ABOUT ROOMMATES. I DO IN MY CAR

ever used a bow and arrow?NO, BUT MY BROTHER DESIGNED AND BUILT ONE, GOT IN TROUBLE FOR MAKING A WEAPON

are/were you a theatre kid?IN AN ALTERNATE UNIVERSE WHERE IM ALLOWED TO HAVE AN EGO, YES

have you ever seen a broadway musical?NO

do you think musicals are cheesy?NO I THINK THEYRE JUST A MEDIUM OF ART

have you ever been a part of a protest or a march?NO WEIRDLY

favorite Cards Against Humanity Card?IDK THEM

last movie you watched?PROBABLY MEGEAMIND

behind the camera or in front of it?BEHIND. BUT BOTH IS GOOD

favorite tv show?AVATAR THE LAST AIRBENDER

meaning behind your urlTHE ACTUAL REASON IS IT REMINDS ME I CAN TRUST MY INTUITION

reason you joined tumblrA CRUSH WROTE IN MY YEARBOOK I SHOULD GET IT. DONT WRITE THAT IN PEOPLES YEARBOOKS

who’s your closest tumblr friend?THE PERSON ASKING ME 99 QUESTIONS

what’s something most people love that you hate?TACOS AT WORK. THEYRE POPULAR OF COURSE. I MAY NOT KNOW MY TACOS, BUT PLAIN RAW CABBAGE ON THEM MAKES ME DOUBT

have you ever taken narcotics?NO

have you had sex?NO

have you ever gotten caught sneaking out or doing anything bad?I DONT GET CAUGHT!!!! IM SO SNEAKY… AND TRAUMATIZED. I ONLY GOT CAUGHT WHEN PEOPLE WERE LIKE, HUNTING ME. NOT FAIR. ALSO HOW DO YOU “GET CAUGHT” FOR DOING NORMAL THINGS LIKE READING AND HAVING CLOTHES

worst/funniest lie you’ve ever told?PROBABLY THE REASSURING CHRISTIAN VALUES THINGS I TOLD MY PARENTS TO GET MY BIRTH CERTIFICATE. IT WAS THE FUNNIEST BECAUSE FOR SOMEONE INCONVENIENTLY TRUTHFUL, THAT WAS SOME PRETTY HARDCORE LYING IN A RIDICULOUS SITUATION, AND THE WORST BECAUSE WHAT A HORRIBLE THING TO HAVE TO DO. IT WAS HORRIBLE BECAUSE I WAS SO CONVINCING BECAUSE I MIXED IT WITH THE TRUTH I COULD SINCERELY EXPRESS

describe your passion without mentioning it.HEY GUYS IM WRITING CHAPTER 1 AGAIN I THINK I FIGURED IT OUT THIS TIME

describe your best friend.WARM STRONG RESILIENT UNCONDITIONALLY LOVING KINDLY HONEST CREATIVE TALENTED BRAVE HARDWORKING BEAUTIFUL ORIGINAL NURTURING SELF CONFIDENT

give us one thing about you that no one knows.NO ONE KNOWS THE GRITTY DETAILS OF SOME SAD MOMENTS IN MY PAST. DID YOU KNOW I HATE THE SMELL OF HOSPITAL FOOD FROM WHEN I VISITED A FAMILY MEMBER IN A PSYCH WARD

how do you feel right now?GOOD, I SHOULD PROBABLY GO TO BED THOUGH

what is your biggest fear?BREAKING SELF HARM STREAK

what’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?SING A SONG EARTH WIND AND FIRE

what is the best decision you’ve made in your life so far?LEAVING MY PARENTS. ITS TAKEN ME AGES TO UNLEARN SO MUCH SELF-DEFEATING STUFF

have you ever tried your hardest and then been disappointed in the end?MOSTLY EVERYTHING IN MY LIFE BUT IM CHILL

something you fantasize about.ACTUALLY DANCING TO MUSIC I LIKE. I NEVER LEARNED HOW TO DANCE BUT I WANT TO SFM

last time you cried and whyTHAT PREACHER GUY IN LUCIFER. IT SUCKED BUT IM SO BLOWN AWAY BY LUCIFERS ANGRY YELLING AT THE SKY. WHAT A GIANT MOOD

what was the last thing that made you laugh?MY SISTER ASKING ME WHAT DILF MEANT

do you really, truly miss someone right now?NO. IF I MISS SOMEONE, ITS A SIGN THEY WERE A BAG OF DICKS TO ME AND MESSED UP MY INNER CLARITY

who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything?YOU

the last time you felt broken?WHEN MY TWO FRIENDS AT THE TIME GANGED UP ON ME AND ABANDONED ME AT A NOT PRETTY TIME IN MY LIFE. I COULDNT EAT WHICH AND I STILL STRUGGLE WITH EATING, I NEVER USED TO

are you starting to realize anything?THAT IF I RELY ON MY LIFE EXPERIENCE, ILL EXPECT TO FAIL AND SABOTAGE MYSELF, AND INSTEAD I NEED TO TAKE RISKS AND PUT FAITH IN MY FUTURE.

are you more dominant or more submissive?THERES EVIDENCE FOR BOTH, BUT I THINK THE LATTER IS JUST FROM ABUSE AND GIRL RULES

i’ll only date you if _____. (fill in the blank)WASH YOUR HANDS FOR THE LOVE OF GOD

do you prefer to date people the same age as you, younger, or older?AROUND MY AGE THERE IS SOME UNDERSTANDING

describe the person you’re in love with/have a crush on in great detail.IM NOT IN LOVE I DONT EVEN HAVE A CRUSH. I MAY HAVE A SQUISH

do you have any kinks?MAYBE SO

first thing you notice in a person?HOW THEY HANDLE STRESS AND PROBLEMS, IF THEY BLAME/GET ANGRY, OR IF THEY ARE COMPASSIONATE AND PATIENT. LOOKING FOR RED FLAGS

how can someone win your heart?FOOD. CHEESECAKE WAS A POWER MOVE. BONDING… OVER FOOD. I HAVE HAPPY MEMORIES ATTACHED TO BEVERAGES.

been rejected by a crush?YES

have you ever had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back?YES

would you have sex with the last person you text messaged?NO

is trust a big issue for you?YES

did you hang out with the person you like recently?NO

is confidence cute?YES, SELF LOVE LOOKS GOOD ON PEOPLE

what would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy?GOOD FOR THEM. I DONT LIKE ANYONE RIGHT NOW

would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh?NO. GIGGLING LIKE A LUNATIC IS AN IMPORTANT PART OF MY LIFE AND YOU NEED TO KEEP UP

does the person you have feelings for right now know you do?IF THEYRE FEELINGS, PROBABLY, BECAUSE IM TRANSPARENT

ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush?IVE HAD MY EMBARRASSMENT GLANDS REMOVED FOR MY FTM TRANSITION

do you want to get marriedYEAH WHEN IM FIFTY THEN ILL GET A BUNCH OF DOGS AND CATS AND CHICKENS

worst thing you’ve ever done?APPARENTLY IVE BORROWED BOOKS AND NEVER RETURNED THEM

three things that turn you on.IM GOING THRU PUBERTY 2, TEENAGE BOY EDITION, IT DOESNT TAKE MUCH

who do you hate?I DONT LIKE SUCH SIMPLE CATEGORIES, BUT I START TO FEEL HATRED WITH REPEATED CRUELTY/WHEN SOMEONE REFUSES TO HEAR ME

favorite term of endearment?MY FRIEND

who was your celebrity/fictional gay awakening?I DIDNT REALLY HAVE TVS/POP CULTURE GROWING UP LIKE MOST PEOPLE, PROBABLY FOUND IT IN CREATIVE WRITING

intimidating girls or kind girls?KIND

what do you look for in a possible partner?EQUALITY

do you tend to like more masculine, feminine, or androgynous girls?YES

are you good at flirting?PERHAPS. WHEN IM NOT THINKING ABOUT IT

who was the first person you came out to?I DONT ACTUALLY REMEMBER. A HIGH SCHOOL FRIEND. IT WAS A STRESSFUL COMPLICATED TIME, MY WORLD WAS UPSIDE DOWN, IT WAS GRADUAL

do you have any friends who are wlw?PROBABLY

is your crush wlw?IDK

last person to make you reconsider your sexuality?A DOUCHE CANOE UNFORTUNATELY

write a short love poem to your crush/self?DEAR PERSON,THANK YOU FOR THE CHEESECAKEIT WAS SO GOODBUT ONLY BECAUSE IT WAS FROM YOU

do you fall in love easily?NO. I WISH I DID. I COULD USE THE HIGH TO GET STUFF DONE

is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about?I HATE TALKING ABOUT THINGS THAT MAKE ME FEEL HUMILIATED AND ASHAMED, SO I JUST DONT. I ALSO HATE TALKING ABOUT SELF HARM BECAUSE I NEVER KNOW HOW. AM I GOING TO TRIGGER PEOPLE? AND IT IS SHROUDED IN SHAME AND FEAR.

are you good at hiding your feelings?YES, WHEN I CONSCIOUSLY MAKE AN EFFORT TO

are you a forgiving person?NO. I USED TO BE ALL ABOUT FORGIVENESS, AND GREW UP FORGIVING ABUSIVE CYCLES, IT WAS SO UNHEALTHY. NOW I FEEL LIKE A CROW HOLDING GRUDGES FOR CENTURIES, AND I DONT WANT TO BE BITTER EITHER – I OFTEN FEEL BAD FOR NOT FORGIVING, EVEN IF ITS JUST FORGIVENESS FOR MY OWN SAKE. BUT ITS A NEW DEVELOPMENT THAT IM ALLOWING MYSELF TO FEEL ANGRY, BE TRUTHFUL ABOUT BEING WRONGED, WANT JUSTICE FOR MYSELF. AND MAYBE SOME THINGS SHOULDNT BE FORGIVEN.

what is your “type?”I DONT KNOW. I RECENTLY STARTED GROWING SOME SELF WORTH, AND I DONT THINK THE PEOPLE IVE SOUGHT OUT TO RELIVE MY PAIN COUNTS

fall asleep in her arms or rub her back until she falls asleep in yours?LAST ONE

tall girls or short girls?BOTH IS GOOD

hugs or kisses?HUGS

twirl her around or get twirled?I WANNA TWIRL PEOPLE

tummy kisses or thigh kisses?BOTH

hairline kisses or neck kisses?NECK

play with her hair or stroke her tummy?PLAYING WITH HAIR

making out or soft kisses?MAKING OUT

hugs around the neck or hugs around the waist?WAIST

how confident are you in your sexuality?I THINK PEOPLE WOULD ASSUME IM NOT. IM SHY, AND MY NERDY CHRISTIAN VIBE ISNT GOING ANYWHERE. IM ALSO JUST BEGINNING TO LIVE AS MYSELF AND IM RELEARNING EVERYTHING. BUT WHEN IT COMES TO REALLY KNOWING MYSELF IM CONFIDENT

when you like someone do you blush or get butterflies in your stomach?NO. I WILL START CRANKING OUT ART AND FOCUS LESS THAN USUAL

have you ever liked a friend as more than a friend? did you tell them?YES

how old were you when you realized you were into girls?20ISH BUT THE SIGNS WERE THERE LONG BEFORE

most embarrassing thing you’ve done in front of a cute girl?I GOT MY EMBARRASSMENT GLANDS REMOVED REMEMBER

do you have a favorite lesbian ship? is it canon?I DONT KNOW MANY BUT IM HAPPY FOR THE CANON MARCELINE AND BUBBLEGUM

what is the most aggravating thing someone has said to you about your sexuality?MY SISTER PROJECTING ABOUT HER LIFE. WE HAVE CONSERVATIVE MISOGYNIST PARENTS BUT WE ARE VERY DIFFERENT PEOPLE AND IT DID NOT AFFECT US IN THE SAME WAY

when was the last time a girl made your heart flutter?I FEEL LIKE IM FORGETTING SOMETHING NICE A STRANGER SAID ONCE

what is love to you?NOT SOMETHING YOU DISPENSE AT YOUR CONVENIENCE. ITS A WAY OF LIVING – IF YOU LOVE YOURSELF, YOU LOVE OTHER PEOPLE, AND YOU LOVE THE WORLD AROUND YOU AND TAKE CARE OF IT. ITS NEITHER FAWNING NOR CONTROL – ITS ACCEPTANCE

ask me anything.YOU DIDNT ASK ME ANYTHING SO IM JUST GOING TO TELL YOU SOMETHING. IVE BEEN EATING POPCORN CHICKEN WITH HONEY

#zee5tarbug #asks #chatty tag #I DID IT

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subnova-scion · 5 years

Text

🟊⟅⸉ i know we're meant to sympathize with spinel and i dear god i DO because ghosting someone like that causes them so much emotional trauma. TRUST ME I KNOW. but also....... holy shit i dont blame PD for doing what she did

pd was really being systematically abused. emotionally, literally being thrown into prison, screamed at for every little thing, her pearl, her BEST FRIEND had been taken. turned into a puppet by white, to be used as yet another abuse tactic. on account of her own ‘bad behavior’ because she ‘brings out the worst in gems. as a reminder of who is is control. of what happens when pink gets too close to people. when she doesnt act like a proper diamond

she was grieving. grieving and without any healthy relationships. and still being put in a position of having to put on a perfect face and be okay. and,, no one, including spinel, acknowledged pinks feelings. not to say that spinel didnt love PD because dear GOD she does, or that pink didnt love spinel, because i definitely think she did! she definitely treasured the time they spent together but...

PD wanted someone to be her friend. but spinel was made to be a playmate. spinel expected PD to be at her highest energy level all the time and always have fun when and play with her.... but pink was going through so much. and after everything she went through, pink FINALLY got her colony. she finally got the approval of all the other diamonds. and she couldnt afford to mess up. it was serious grow up time and she couldnt afford to be silly with the eyes of all three other diamonds on her. being silly and playing outside the garden was FORBIDDEN. of COURSE she couldnt take spinel with her.

because if she failed, if they thought pink wasn’t taking things seriously... they might make her come home. and she didnt want to be home. because of what happened to pink pearl. because white was there. and thats why pink spent so much time in the garden with spinel. hell, its probably the whole reason spinel and that garden were probably created in the first place. spinny said it herself ‘on homeworld, pink was lonely and unhappy. but not here’ (remember that this is from spinels own perspective tho)

they came to be because of the diamonds grooming of pink. like oh! youre obviously upset and incapable of functioning at our expectations because i literally turned your only friend and confidant into a puppet!! but thats over now!! haha look at all these gifts im giving you!! look, ill give you a new playmate!!! and a garden!! im not so bad!!! youre just being dramatic!

and thats probably how being around spinel felt after a while too. PD soon found that she didnt want to be in the garden either. pretending everythings okay because she didnt want to upset anyone else. she couldnt cause trouble. because of all the messages from everyone else that shes supposed to be prefect and happy. it's emotionally draining to be around someone like that!!! and at some point, PD may have even seen spinel as,, a kind of mockery of Pink Pearl.

pp cared about pd's happiness, but she also seemed to reciprocate actions, not just act upon her the way spinel did. pp played with her, spinel played AROUND her. and pp was willing to let pd be vulnerable, where spinel wanted her to always be having fun forever. she tried to replace that relationship and just.....couldnt. pink wasnt having it. just like how CG pearl said that ‘her job was to make pink happy, but she never could’

hell, if you look at pinks expressions and body language in the spinel flashbacks and in the moonbase flashback in ‘now we’re only falling apart’ its the same thing. pink looks at spinel and pearl like she would just rather not be there. like they dont understand and could never understand like pink pearl would. the other diamonds kept trying to replace pink pearl. because pink was an absolute wreck. but they couldnt do it. and in the end it was just one more thing the diamonds did that ended up pushing pink further away.

should PD have lied and abandoned spinel? HELL NO!!! but pink learned NOTHING of healthy relationships and communication from her family of origin. she survived by running and hiding and lying and putting on masks. and she didnt want to hurt spinels feelings or get either of them in trouble. because pink pearl only wanted to make her happy too, and look what happened to her.

i can understand why she did it. but god pink fucked up ⸊⟆🟊

#🟊⟅⸉ᴏᴏᴄ⸊⟆🟊

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nvrissa · 5 years

Text

hello laid ease and furries ( u know who u are )......hahaha....are u ready for this ? zimzalabim ! my name is xan ( she/her pronouns ) and my laptop has been broken for a good 3 years now i have to use an onscreen keyboard so if u see me typing for 20000 years on discord only to send u a single sentence u know whats up x JSDBJWBJW here is the intro....im really winging this no one call me out for that WOOO....tw: medication, mental health, body image ? perhaps just to be safe <3

ok ! so im not gonna talk too much abt family stuff bc yuno and i are doing the collab of the century here and art takes time people ! JSBDJBWDJW but so u get a good idea...i will write a little abt it lets get it

so the kwons were two of the biggest faces in hollywood ( and tbh they are still considered icons / hollywood royalty no matter how old they get they stay #Relevant ) think bradgelina ! literally everyone knows who the kwons if u dont u probably live under a rock /:

their parents are very into the fame thing...so when it came to their kids ( nari and wolfe ) they SUPER pushed the famous life onto them, really expecting both of them to be just as obsessed and enamored by the public. idk if u guys ever say that vid of gigi and bella hadid before they were huge were their mom was pressuring them both to get into modeling and to stay skinny and to be stars etc....it was kinda like that !

so narissa, being the first born, really just internalized that shit...like imagine being told ever since u were a baby that fame and status and ur last name are wildly important and not being able to remember a time when u werent being watched by cameras / a third party ( the public ) bc that was her life ! nari has....no experience as to what life is like without cameras and without having to create this image of herself that ppl are gonna be into

obviously that’s NOT normal....and it had it’s toll on her /: as a kid she grew up so fast like u know those kids that seem so mature and wise for their age ? that was nari. she always had two versions of herself: inside nari vs outside nari. she was so good at being good just bc she knew what stuff to express and what stuff to keep inside ( spoiler alert: most of it was kept in x )

she is still very much desperate to please her parents despite it all /: i feel like for a long time she kinda excepted and agreed that fame is everything ( hence why shes known for using her last name to get her places ) but shes starting to realize just how FUCKED it all is and just how much it’s messed her up so stay tuned for more fun !

ok so career stuff ! nari started off as a child model bc she was um super cute and super good at knowing what to do / not freaking out in front of cameras <3 but she was always obsessed with actors ! she used to sit in front of the tv for hours legit study and memorize ppls mannerisms and various movie lines.. she was literally always just quoting random lines / imitating various actors so often her parents were like ok word go act !

she landed her first role at 12 and it was a pretty huge role as a lead chara in a mini television series that revolved around a cast of kids ( think stranger things but not plot wise just how some of the mains were kids ) with zero acting experience before hand ... so it was pretty clear to the media nari got the spot bc she was a kwon ! there was a bunch of controversy around the show before it came out but once it was released...there was no denying nari had talent

after that it was just a whirlwind of acting doors opening up for her. everyone wanted nari bc of her last name and all the attention that came from it, not to mention every director wanted to be The One that helped narissa kwon become one of the most famous actresses of the 21st century. most of the time she was getting cast for selfish reasons but nari never realized it /: she was just happy to be acting bc it really was like therapy for her to become different ppl

flash forward to age 15 when narissa was finally diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder and was prescribed meds to help ! it was actually a director from a movie she was working on that suggested to her parents nari might be struggling after witnessing her have a panic attack on set. not wanting a scandal, her parents agreed it was best to get her “help” which included pills and weekly therapy !

so nari actually didnt mind it too much tbh she HAD been struggling for a while she just assumed her anxiety was normal and just like something all famous ppl were dealing with but that wasnt the case. she was hesitant to open up to her therapist just bc she was still obsessed with this idea of inside nari vs outside nari, and she was very scared to cross that line so it took....years of sessions to build up that trust

as she got older though and as she got more famous, everyone just assumed she was better. she was more famous and loved by the day, she had become a chanel ambassador ( thank u jennie x ), her interviews on youtube always brought in record views, she’d started in plenty of movies critics agreed would become cult classics, her social medias were nearing kardashian level in terms of followers: everything was on track....

....except nari had actually never been more unstable. she had become so dependent on her meds she couldnt go anywhere or talk to anyone without popping a few in. all the watching eyes were starting to make her paranoid, not to mention the pressure from her parents ( who couldn’t be happier with nari being so famous ) was at its all time high. she had been nominated for an oscar at 21 and everyone was expecting her to win...and then she didnt

narissa kwon famously fainted at the 2018 oscars after it was announced she had lost the award. her actual fainting wasnt caught on camera or televised, but it WAS witnessed by some of the most relevant names and faces in hollywood who were in that room. the scandal took the media by storm, the hashtag #getwellnarissa trending for over 42 hours until a statement was released she had fainted bc of dehydration and other undisclosed causes and that she was okay & currently taking it easy at home surrounded by family

in reality it was the abuse of her medication as well as all the stress, but when your last name is kwon manipulating the press is as simple as making the right phone call. unfortunately for nari and her parents, the article about the brat pack came out a week later, and there was no manipulating that source /:

for narissa, it was all a wake up call. she decided to go off her anxiety meds altogether. after falling out with the brat pack she spent that year trying to figure out who she was separate from her fame and her last name. despite some offers from a few casting directors ( surprisingly some people still wanted her despite the scandals bc she was still a kwon, after all ) narissa rejected every role except one in a coming of age indie movie that explores womanhood and mental health as well as strained relationships with mothers. the movie is set to release sometime mid august hehe (~:

she agreed to come to milan to reunite with the brat pack bc she’s still searching for herself ! nari figures the people who quite literally grew up with her might give her some answers......not to mention there is still a part of her who is desperate to reclaim the image and status she had before everything fell apart </3

PERSONALITY/TIDBITS

narissa is....complicated to say the least. growing up in front of the cameras and in a family who prioritized fame and outside opinions of you as the most important thing, she is quite literally desperate for praise and approval. because she legit has no idea what parts of her are real and what parts of her she’s created for her public persona, she often looks for understanding in others!! shes very very good at analyzing people and understanding people in the hopes that its gonna make her better at analyzing herself, but to no avail.

libra sun capricorn moon !! THIS is super accurate and telling if u wanna read but i kinda just summarized it in the last bullet

she is such a perfectionist with everything she does and a bit of a control freak in the sense that if she’s not the one doing something, she doesnt have faith whatever that is will be able to live up to her unrealistic standards. directors are often concerted with nari bc whenever she gets big roles.....she is so hard on herself, often asking for take after take bc she monitors every little thing abt her expression or her movements. she’s often left frustrated and disappointed with herself bc again, her standards are SUPER unrealistic ):

she’s relatively sweet!! growing up with the brat pack they probably knew her as the life of the party, very bubbly, confident, and very easy to have fun with as long as you’re being tolerable. however, she can get kind of opinionated at times so it’s very hard for you to gain her trust and respect back if you lose it. she’s also prone to random mood swings / periods of isolation, but whenever she returns its with a big smile and a soft voice assuring you everything is okay

very good at lying and deceiving ppl but she hardly ever does it on purpose ( unless her publicists asks her too ). she’s carried this persona / public image of herself curated for consumption from others for so long, sometimes she has no idea when she’s being sincere or if she’s just convincing herself she’s being sincere. most of the time she only deceives other people about herself. she can come across as kind of elusive because of this ( think daisy from gatsby’s perspective ) but it’s not on purpose. she just legit has no true sense of self isnt that sexy?

speaking of sex. JWDBJWBDJWBD she also uses that as a coping mechanism / a weird affirmation that yes, she IS wanted by others and yes she IS seen as someone beautiful and that she IS something to be consumed by others ( like i said in my tags....male fantasies male fantasies ) but then at the same time she feels guilty abt this and so unsatisfied and disgusted at how she’s living her life as an object / manifestation of other people’s projections rather than as a normal person...rip </3 its a cycle

ever since her relationship with micah that was so hated by the public it actually ruined and ended their relationship, nari has been too scared to publicly have a relationship again. the media seems to love seeing her on casual dates with other stars, but not to see her tied down to one person, as that kind of “damages” this super accessible persona she’s put out ( think idols and why they cant date )

she loves poetry, french music, all of marilyn monroe and audrey hepburn’s movies, nonfiction essays abt womanhood and identity, anything chanel, is particularly fond of silk dresses but is partial to velvet as well, wears lacy bralettes under everything bc it makes her a little more confident, actually prefers large parties to small ones because small gatherings are more personal therefore give her more anxiety, would only eat fruit and drink champagne if she could live like that, doesn’t know how to swim so she’s scared of the ocean as well as the dark, used to study ballet as a kid and misses it terribly, doesn’t know how to drive and isn’t planning to learn, can be materialistic at times, is probably an introvert masquerading as an extrovert for 22 years now, the only movies she cant stand are westerns, loves to travel but is scared of flying, doesn’t drink coffee, and is allergic to nuts.

last but most important fact about narissa is that she loves her brother wolfe more than anything in this world so messing with him is the only way nari is bound to 100% hate you. she can bully him all she wants ( ex. starting very real rumors he IS in fact a furry ) but no one else is aloud to actually be mean to him or she will kill you

also very random but i had a hc that when she was 6 and her pet cat jinx died she caused enough fuss at home her parents actually made it a national holiday in about thirteen different states. the anniversary of this death is december 4th and yes . the brat pack better mourn jinx with nari every year......

pls spare plots im sorry this is so long.....JBDJBWJDBWJBWDJBJ i promise it will be worth it also im sensitive and very small ... how can u say no ?

#bratsintro #╰ ♡ . 𝒎𝒂𝒍𝒆 𝒇𝒂𝒏𝒕𝒂𝒔𝒊𝒆𝒔 𝒎𝒂𝒍𝒆 𝒇𝒂𝒏𝒕𝒂𝒔𝒊𝒆𝒔 ── ooc !#yes this tag is inspired by the margaret atwood quote....bc i am Literally haunted by it #so is nari x #also this gif ? inspired by her furry brother<3 #this intro is a whole mess pls . plot with me anyway ?#THIS IS RIDICULOUSLY LONG HOLY SJBWJBJWBDJW yea i...am so sorry oy my god

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bisexualshrug · 5 years

Note

You did not have to go that hard on the evaluation of Charlotte’s heel turn and Charlynch! I thought it was pretty interesting but what would you write for Becky’s point of view.

Long ass explanation of Becky’s POV under the cut. I got emotional again.

Becky was in love with Charlotte first. Way back. Before Charlotte even considered it. Becky fell in love with Charlotte while they were in PCB. And Charlotte she was…amazing to Becky. In every way. When Becky watched her in the ring, on the mic, it was just overwhelming. Her strength and skill. Her raw talent. For the thing Becky loves more than anything else in the world. It was captivating. And Becky fell so in love with her.

But she never told Charlotte. Because Charlotte was so far above her. So much better than Becky could ever be. Charlotte was destined for great things. Becky was just lucky to be here. And they were friends, but Becky could never be worthy of her. Charlotte deserved so much more. And Becky? Well, she didn’t have enough to offer.

So, she never told Charlotte. And Charlotte betrayed her. Stabbed Becky in the back and tossed her to the side. And Becky was furious and indignant. And fought back because the Irish in her runs strong and would never let her turn down a fight. But, deep down, she hears Charlotte’s voice at night. Hears all of Becky’s insecurities spewed at her. “You’re pathetic.” Dream Charlotte says. “You’re going to fail.” She says. “You could never be good enough.” She says. The “for me” goes unspoken.

And Becky loses. And she’s sent to Smackdown. And half of her is relieved. Distance will help her move on. Distance will help her forget. But a small part of her still misses Charlotte anyways.

The time on Smackdown helps her grow. She wins the Smackdown title. Becky is the first ever champion. And when that gold is placed in her hands? Charlotte doesn’t even cross her mind. Finally, she thinks a few days later, I’ve moved on. Becky’s confidence grows. She starts to feel better. Maybe like she’s enough. Not for Charlotte. But for herself. And that’s all she really needs.

Becky starts to believe. Hard works pays off. If you work hard enough, for long enough, then it will pay off. You can have everything you want. And finally, her hard work has paid off. She’s been ignored and forgotten for years, but now? Smackdown is HER spotlight. These are HER arenas. This is HER home.

But then…Alexa Bliss shows up. And all of that disappears. The title. The growth. The confidence. Alexa dismantles every part of it and tosses Becky back into the shadows. And Becky fights and fights but she gets nowhere. And she’s so tired. So tired of working hard and losing anyway.

Alexa Bliss is drafted to Raw. And Becky thinks, “This is my chance. My moment. My opportunity.” Then, Charlotte’s drafted to Smackdown. And it flips Becky’s world upside down. Becky is prepared for the fight of her life. Charlotte is back. And Becky won’t be run over again. She won’t be bullied or demeaned. She’s moved on from Charlotte. Becky’s not the doe-eyed girl in PCB anymore. She’ll fight Charlotte, and she’ll win this time.

But then….then Charlotte is different. She’s.. Charlie. Becky’s best friend. And Becky is guarded at first. Doesn’t trust her. But Charlotte proves herself again and again. And, one night, they are driving together on the highway. And Becky makes some absolutely stupid pun. And Charlotte snorts and laughs for what feels like minutes. And god, Becky is in love with her all over again.

But, somehow, things get even better. Because Charlotte wants to be with her. She wants Becky in every way that Becky has wanted her for years. And it’s life-changing and world-altering. And beautiful. Charlotte is so beautiful.

They are happy. Happier than Becky has ever been in her life. And Becky thinks maybe this is my reward for hard work. Maybe she’s my reward. Maybe she’s the only reward I’ll ever need.

But it still stings sometimes to see Becky’s title on Charlotte’s shoulder. Becky made that title. Carried the Smackdown brand in its infancy after the split. And, as much as she loves and supports her girlfriend, it stings. Because this is Becky’s job too. It is Becky’s dream too. She works hard too. But, just like in PCB, the spotlight was never on Becky.

But Becky can deal with that. She can push it to the side. She can concentrate on the other parts of her that are so proud of Charlotte. So in awe of her. And she can watch Charlotte defend that title against everyone on the roster except her. And be happy for her. Because Charlotte is Becky’s person. The love of her life. Becky knows how amazing she is. Knows how much Charlotte deserves it.

She pushes away the part of her that screams Becky deserves it just as much.

And then Charlotte loses the title. And guilt consumes Becky. Because a tiny part of Becky whispers “your chance. Your moment.” But a larger part of her just wants to comfort her girlfriend. And then Charlotte needs surgery. And every thought about matches or a title fly out of her mind. Her only concern is Charlotte. Her only worry.

But Charlotte tells her everything will be fine. Tells Becky to fight for Charlotte while she’s gone. Tells Becky to snatch the title right out of Carmella’s hands. Charlotte tells Becky this is her moment. Her chance.

And Becky thinks, ‘Hard work pays off.’ So, she laces up her boots and puts in the work. With everything inside her, she scratches and fights and claws her way to the top. Proves herself again and again. Shows the world this is still HER brand. HER show. And that’s HER title.

And she’s got a shot. She’s got the match. Becky v Carmella at Summerslam. Finally after years of watching Charlotte then Alexa then Charlotte again, BECKY’S moment is here. She’s gonna show the world. She’s going to prove to everyone that she’s just as good as anyone on this roster. Becky’s hard work is about to pay off.

But then Charlotte’s back. And Becky is so happy. Reunited with her girlfriend. Mere weeks away from finally having her title back in her hands. Everything is finally how it should be.

Then, Charlotte’s in the match. And Charlotte’s elated to be in the match. And Becky tries so hard to be happy for her because Becky loves Charlotte. But what about Charlotte saying it’s Becky’s moment? That this was Becky’s time. Did that mean nothing? Was it a lie? Does Charlotte care at all how hard it’s been for Becky to watch from the sidelines their entire relationship? Would Charlotte do that for Becky?

And doubts and worries are flying around in her head. But she pushes it all to the side. She can beat Charlotte. She will beat Charlotte. And then everything will be perfect. Charlotte by her side. Title on her shoulder. God, Becky would have everything in the world. And Becky’s confidence has grown so she knows she deserves it. Knows she works hard.

But hard work wasn’t enough. She loses to Charlotte. She’s pinned. Charlotte is holding onto her tightly but Becky’s head is pounding. ‘This is your moment.’ Charlotte had said. ‘Your spotlight.’ She told Becky. ‘Your time to shine.’ She declared. ‘You just have to take it. Don’t let them push you to the side anymore, Bex.’

Okay.

She explodes. Attacks Charlotte. Charlotte said this was HER moment. HER spotlight. HER time. And Charlotte TOOK it from her. And she never said sorry. Did it without regret. She doesn’t care about Becky. Not really. BECKY loved Charlotte. Becky SACRIFICED for Charlotte. She gave up EVERYTHING for her. And Charlotte couldn’t give her ONE moment?

Charlotte took her trust away when she betrayed her on Raw. She came to a Smackdown and she took Becky’s heart. Then she took Becky’s title. And her show. And. And. She WONT take it again. No one will EVER take ANYTHING from Becky again.

She leaves Charlotte beaten outside the ring and doesn’t look back. She rushes back to their hotel room. Packs her things and buys another room. She sets her stuff down. She sits down on the bed and stares at her empty hands. This is the last time. This is the last time she will stare down at empty hands after a title match. Next time, she will have her title back. And if it means losing Charlotte?

Becky closes the door to her heart that night. She locks it behind her. And leaves Charlotte on the outside.

Hard work. It doesn’t pay off. If Becky wants something, she has to TAKE it.

So, she does.

#charlynch #becky lynch #charlotte flair #becky #charlotte #they are soooo painful

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iiimber · 6 years

Note

All might A-Z

A= affection

Toshinori is a very affectionate man; he tends to keep any displays for when he’s alone with you. He would love to show you off to the world– hold your hand or give you any and all kisses in public, but sadly, being a high profile hero prohibits him from doing that. So when you’re at home together, there’s hardly a moment when he’s not touching you. You’re either in his lap, you he has his arms wrapped around you in any position. It’s very comforting.

B= best memory

He doesn’t like choosing, because there are so many memories that he cherishes. But if he had to, he would say it was your first date. He remembers being so nervous, and you hadn’t been any better– but he had been able to gather up enough confidence to ask to hold your hand. He’ll never forget how flushed your cheeks were, or the giant, pretty smile that overtook your features. To this day, he still tries to make you smile that big again.

C= cat or dog person

Honestly, All Might screams ‘dog person’ to me. He probably has a fondness for big breeds, often charmed by the ones who are too big to be lap dogs but act like one anyways. He doesn’t mind cats, and actually likes them quite a bit, but owning a cat would come after getting a dog to him.

D= dreams

Toshinori had already fulfilled his dream of being a hero, but his more domestic one is to have a family. He’s a good man, and loves children, so it’s only natural to want some of his own. Sadly, he had always been so busy as #1 and the danger of being that high profile and having a kid was much too great…he hopes later on in life he’ll be able to, even if he has to adopt.

E= evenings

If he’s not working, then his evenings are very laid back. He’ll eat dinner and either watch a show or read. If you ever happen to be over, he actually likes play board or card games with you to pass time. If he doesn’t have work early the next morning, he’ll often ask if you’d like to go to dinner, and treat you at an expensive restaurant– before taking you home and falling asleep in each others arms.

F= first date

Your first date was very simple and low-key, but it still made him incredibly nervous. He thought it would be nice to take you out for breakfast on a day where it wasn’t so busy– taking you on a long walk through the park. He had been so scared to ask to hold your hand, but he was glad he did– no matter how little the gesture was. It was you that kissed him by a pond, and he would be lying if he said he wasn’t red for the rest of the day.

G= giggle

In muscled form, Toshinori has a booming laugh– it’s loud and deep, definitely heroic and manly sounding. In regular form, he laughs with more of a soft chuckle, which is very cute and gentle. It doesn’t take a lot to make him laugh; he really could giggle at anything you say that’s supposed to be funny. He’s a pun man, and always gets a kick out of them, even if he’s the one saying them.

H= hugs

Oh boy does he love hugs, and man is he good at them. Toshinori hugs with his whole body, both arms squeezing you tightly enough where you feel protected, but soft enough that it never hurts. He never gives side hugs, always goes all the way– even with fans, but it’s of course less intimate than when he’s with you. His favorite way to hug is with you in his lap, arms around his neck while his are around your waist, holding you close.

I= instrument

He’s never had time to really sit down and learn how to play one, no less keep up practice– but while his time in America he had learned how to play a few chords on an acoustic through David. He doesn’t remember much, but once he’s retired he’d like to get back into it, to give himself a hobby.

J= joy

A lot of things bring joy to Toshinoris life. Being a hero was one of them; saving people and gaining their love and trust was something he’s never give up, and it made all the hardships worth it. Midoriya and his heart of a true hero made his so proud and happy always, and that feeling seemed to grow each time he saw the boy improve. Having you in his life to love makes him calm and gleeful; you bring a domestic simplicity he’s always craved a bit; he’d never give that up.

K= kisses

Toshinori’s kisses are always passionate. He’s a passionate man, so his love has to be too. His lips are very soft, and they always feel just perfect against yours– holding you close and pecking yours softly when he leaves for the day, or a hand threading through your hair while he kisses you slow and heavy while pressed up against him on the sofa. They’re never too wet or overbearing, he knows how to move his lips just right.

L= love

Despite being handsome and well-liked, he’s very modest and a little shy when he likes someone. He’s a gentleman, but he tends to act more nice and soft towards you in particular; a clear sign he feels different. While he can be shy with his crush, he’s not above showing off a little too. During school, he’d always rise to the top of any fight or lesson– often turning to you with a smile to see if you noticed. He’s a bit like a puppy, it’s cute.

M= memory

His favorite personal memory would have to do with his master. He had never been incredibly close with his birth parents, so Nana had been a mother to him. He recalls one night after extensive and draining lesson, she invited him to her place for dinner. She cooked, stew that was hearty and thick, and talked to him for hours about his life outside of becoming the next OFA user, and what his dreams were. He’ll never forget the look of fondness on her face, or how intense her listening was. It made him wonder if she had consider him like a son.

N= no

By no fault of anyone else, Toshinori hates getting stuck. In his muscle form, he’s bulky and takes up a lot of space, so it’s hard to maneuver himself sometimes. Walking in the halls after school or trying to get to one destination on a busy sidewalk is hell in his muscle form, he’s too nice to push by and a little embarrassed to excuse his big self past anyone.

O= occupation

A given. Toshinori had always wanted to be a hero, so I imagine he was much like Midoriya growing up; not one to give into his fate of being quirkless, and always looking for a way that he would be able to achieve his dream. It all worked out, thankfully.

P= parent

Toshinori would be a fantastic father. He’s very caring and excitable, he’d be a fun and supportive dad. He had actually always wanted to someday have a child of his own, so if it were to ever happen he would absolutely shed tears. He’d be very hands-on during the pregnancy, no matter how tired he would be from hero work. He’d be secretive though, careful to not let any information on his child being his slip into public hands.

Q= questions

It’s not something he actively discusses since he doesn’t think about the topic too much, but he believes in aliens 100%! He finds it a little odd to think that we are alone in the universe (especially in the kind of world they live in, come on). Toshinori doesn’t partake in any religion, but he would be lying if he said he didn’t think there was a higher power up there.

R= romantic

He is so romantic in a relationship. He’s very busy in his hero life, but that never stops him from showing up on your doorstep after a patrol with flowers and dinner (no matter how tired he is). He says lots of fluffy things, mostly compliments that are so sweetly honest it could give you a cavity.

S= smile

In his line of work, the fact that he can save someone and hear their thanks never fails to make him smile. He loves that fact that people are willing to lean on him; put their trust into him. Toshinori was born to help people, and being able to live up to that makes everything worthwhile. In a romantic sense, being around you and just being is enough to make him smile. He feels most at peace when he is alone with you.

T= together

If he has the time to be, he can be very clingy. He’s an affectionate man, so if he’s able to he can lay with you wrapped in his arms all day. When the two of you share a free day, you never leave each others side. He’ll wake up with you in his arms, run around town holding your had, sit at home with an arm around your shoulder while you rest your head on his chest. Even while making dinner, you’re around each other. It’s very domestic and blissful.

U= unbearable

After his accident, Toshinori begins to always look down on himself, and talk very negatively. It’s unbearable in the sense that you hate to see your joyful and beautiful man so self-deprecating. When he’s like this, he hates when you fret over him. He feels like he doesn’t deserve it, so he often pushes you away. He never snaps, but he’s cold and blunt; it’s hard for the both of you.

V= Videos

Toshinori isn’t the best photo/video taker, but god forbid if he doesn’t try. His album is full of pictures of you; whether it’s one you posed for, or one he took while you were doing mundane things. Any selfies of you two are a little blurry if he took them, otherwise he has all the ones you do. He’s not much of a video taker, but if the situation arises (a surprise for you, or if the two of you ever have kids) he tries.

W= wedding

The wedding was actually small; only your family and some of his + Gran Torino and Dave. Any news of it was kept from the public in fear of it being ruined, so it took place out of the city in a small but pretty church. It was truly one of the best days of his life, and he cried when you walked down the isle. Most of this pictures are hanging up in your shared home, and he loves to gaze at them when he feels off.

X= eXtra

Toshinori likes to read and write poetry. It started as a hobby when he was younger, a way to release any pent-up emotions; and continued on throughout his life. His vows to you had been a short yet sweet piece; flowing beautifully and smoothly to the point you had also cried. If he did not become a hero, he very well could have been a famous poet.

Y= yuck

He likes baked goods and any edible sweets, but artificial sweet smells are a no for him. They smell fake and much too strong, often giving him a headache if he’s around a candle or perfume for too long.

Z= zzzz

Toshinori sleeps heavy, but he doesn’t get the chance to very often. He works shifts and on-call, so he’s often interrupted from a deep sleep. If he’s able to, he can sleep for ten hours interrupted, and it’s incredibly hard to wake him when he’s that far gone.

#Anonymous #long post #all might #all might x reader #all might head canons #all might headcanons #toshinori yagi #toshinori yagi x reader #toshinori x reader #toshinori yagi head canons #toshinori yagi headcanons #a to z

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kingto-d2 · 5 years

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A start

So, I’ve always wanted to start a blog a place to put phrases that come to my mind or how I’m feeling that I wouldn't tell the people that know me in real life. I just don’t like people worrying about me, nor do I like having to repeat things I have said already. the username Kingto-d2 is the idea that I’m a king and I’m moving forward seeing that the D2 on the chess board is the spot in front the king piece.

I’m not a confident person in myself though I’m told I should be. I hold myself up that way but I’m not. I’m strong but soft at the same time. I have so much care a love to give that sometimes it gets to me I dont have someone I want to share that with, for its all I want just that someone. I don’t trust people and have a hard time showing my emotions at all. As cliche as it is to day I truly believe I’m not like other guys. I have a sweet, kind, and loving heart, but few will ever know that of me. they will only see me as this goofy, weird guy who’s fun to be around.

So I guess a little background on me.

When I was younger around the age of 5 I was molested by multiple people over the course of 2 years. I didn't know it was wrong I was just doing what I was told and taught. I didn't learn what was going on til I started religion classes at which point I began thinking of myself as this rotten person. I couldn’t turn and tell no one because one I was scared because some were family. Two, I was now this horrible sinner and I’d constantly tell myself its okay I didnt know better. that didnt make it any better, instead I let it eat at me and I harbored this secret for eighteen years til I finally felt comfortable with this girl I loved the first person I truly ever loved and she knew I was always hiding some dark. I had bottled it up and tried to forget it, but it was always there. It still is there the damage is done but I’ve taking measures to help. Back to being young.. my parents divorced around the age of eight. I would hold items my dad got me and cry because I thought I’d never see him again, though that wasn't the case. they tried to keep it together a few months after the separation but it didn't last. this time it didn't hit me nearly as hard. Out of my siblings I like to think im the most level headed kid the better one but no one really knows how I feel or what I think and no one ever bothers to ask me. I guess they just see me as this strong older brother. Fast forward a few years. In high school I was the class clown I liked to just make people laugh I guess in a way if i could make people laugh I wouldn't feel so down or bad about myself. I played for the school soccer team and knew a good bit of people but no one was really close to me and the I also didn't feel like i belonged the my own family. The only place I felt at home was with the soccer team. I talked to girls in high school but never really dated. some girls I’d go after because I heard they were easy but I’d always stop myself before anything happened. It just wasn't in me to be interested and have sex with just anyone. After high school I started dating a girl who I had liked but was always interested in other girls. I dated her for a little bit and broke it off with her. there was no real reason too besides I guess in a way is scared because I never had anything real before. a few months go by some bad times especially between me and her, but in the end we wound back up with each other and I loved her which love is a term I don't use lightly ever. We were together for five years though officially only three. It took two years before I told about my secret and I loved this girl. I thought I’d one hundred percent marry her. Talked about future plans together all the time. The house, how many animals, the kids we’d have, and future travel plans. Though that's not how things work out for me. Her senior year of college just a few weeks from graduation she asked for a break with a promise of getting back together. she was stressed and wanted to be single for a little while since she never really was. I agreed thinking it wouldn't take long before it’d end and she’d be back, but again that's not how things work out for me. Slowly as each day went by it started to dawn on me it wasn't going to happen the way she said. Now we didn't have this fairy tale relationship there was some ups and downs but we always sat down, talked about it, and worked it out. I watched as she struggled in her last weeks and all I wanted to do was be there for her but couldnt she had cut me off thinking it would be easier for me. I watched as she started hanging around a boy who I knew liked her and flirted with her even when he was already in a relationship. Then it was over she was my rock and kept me grounded and when I lost her, her family who I liked more than my own, and myself. Losing her was my greatest fear I’m not scared of many things but I was always scared to lose her. I began to become suicidal though I know I could never intentionally hurt myself. though I prayed for it, did reckless things with hopes it’d go bad, I’d find myself drinking large amounts of zzquil just to fall asleep only to find no escape there because she lived in my head too. This fucked me up. I felt as I had lost everything. I began seeing a psychologist whom I still see to this day just made two years a few months ago. It helps and I will always recommend it to anyone. She is still the only person I’ve truly loved but I’ve moved on since then. I think of her time to time I mean she was my best friend, but we dont talk. since then I talked to some other girls but never slept with them and nothing lasted longer than a month or two. At this point I think they just use me to make themselves feel better because of how nice, kind, and sweet I am. Most recently there is one girl stuck in my head, and she makes me angry I have such a soft heart because she honestly doesn't deserve me. We talked for a month before actually meeting in person I had made a few attempts but she would ghost me. The day we met we watched movies and it was great nothing had changed from texting to being in person. She had a dog and she told me “watch what happens” as she put a pillow in my lap and laid her head down on it. Nothing happened and she removed the pillow and her head. She attempted it again a few minutes later with the same outcome. Though this time she left her head there longer with prompted me to begin playing in her hair. Which further lead me picking up on signals from her body as I did different things. This lead to a game of anything you can do I can do better which obviously led to us having sex (which apparently I’m really good at. Not just coming from her) It had been a long time since I had done anything like that but thankfully she was fully surprised. One because of how good I was and two because I hold myself in a fashion you could never expect something like that out of me. Continuing on we began seeing each other more often and I’d spend nights at her place. I was happy, because it had been so long since I had really connected with someone and all I want in life is someone who I can fully give my heart to. Someone I can grow, explore the world, and experience life with. Sadly this didnt last for she pushed me away and this last a week. After that week things went back to normal only for her to push me away again which is where we are at not. It’s been about 2 weeks now and shes been so god damn confusing sending mixed signals throughout. Multiple people tell me to leave her alone let her go, but its just not in me. My heart is too soft and I have such a hard time letting anyone I become interested in and begin caring for go. I’ve never even gotten a solid answer of what she want from me. My dumbass sent her flowers today though. She didnt really deserve them the way she’s been treating me toying with my emotions, but something in my head said send them do it.... send them. Nothing came from it though. Not that I really thought anything would I even put a nice little card with a sweet message on it. I put forth the effort all these weeks where she hasnt put any besides once. I should stop and I know I should but I just cant get myself to and It all really messes with my head. I want her, I want to take care of her head and her heart. The chase is real and it needs to end.

#i dont even know #life #newtothis

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dearmyblank · 5 years

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Dear Blank,

If you’ve taught me one thing it’s to never regret anything I do this first year at university but just to live and love every moment to the fullest and learn from the things that seem like mistakes. The only mistake I made this year that mattered was not giving you a chance earlier.

At the time I was in a new city with thousands of new people, hoping to reinvent myself - and for the first time in my life I found that some people found me attractive. This was a shock to me then who still saw herself as unlovable, unlikable even, and as the fat ugly girl with the shit personality.

I was still too nervous to meet anyone and maybe that was for a reason- I often wonder whether we would have just beat and never spoken again, or whether the shell of myself would have even been worth pursuing more with. I was exploring. Growing in confidence. And rebelling. And these were some of the best things I ever did which made me make some of the best mistakes I ever did. My confidence grew and I finally realised that there were boys on this earth who wanted to know me; and even if it was just about sex, I finally realised I was worth something.

I have memories of all the guys I’ve encountered this year; some good, some bad, some make me angry and others make me piss laughing. But one stands out; one was never using me, one showed respect that I’ve never been shown, one challenged me to be a better person, one became more than just someone I fuck- you, you became one of my best friends.

From the first time we met I was the most pure form of myself that I’ve ever been with anyone- even my friends, I didn’t need to impress you or present myself a certain way- I could just be me. And be liked for it.

But I’m a girl and we want what we know we shouldn’t have. I fucked you over, massively. I was a prick. I kidded myself that I was justified because I started speaking to him first but I wasnt. Now looking back, I’m so thankful that he said those awful things to me because it scares me to think I might have let you go so that I could mess around with the most toxic person I’ve ever met.

I always knew our days were numbered, and so for a long time I didnt let myself like you for fear of being hurt or rejected. So when I took it too far and beat after that night out- I realised, by trying to stop you from hurting me, I had ended up hurting myself so much more. I’m sorry; sorry for not being more open with you before, sorry for not setting boundaries and I’m sorry for not trusting you with my feelings. But most of all, thank you, for forgiving me, not once, but twice. I became the person I always feared; someone I thought could only be a guy, the fuck over.

I’m glad we have our arguments; if we didn’t I think it would mean that one or maybe both of us would be compromising expressing our thoughts or feelings to avoid confrontation. But we don’t, we piss each other off and pull each other up on it, we offend each other and apologise whilst still being as stubborn as each other. And I love it, because its moments like those where you challenge my ways and opinions and where I have learnt so much this past 6 months.

6 months. Thats roughly how long we’ve been talking EVERY.SINGLE.DAY. My friends ask me how Im not sick of you and honestly I do not know. I think the answer is that we are both as annoying as each other.

I’m glad we never put a label on what we are, it meant there’s never been any pressure to do things a certain way or follow norms. But I do have some wishes; I wish we’d gone out sometimes- not even to label it as dates but because I think we would have had such a fun time together, I wish we’d spoken about feelings more because I think it could have prevented hurt on both sides, I wish I’d been brave enough to tell you that I liked you. Some of the things I wish for, neither of us could have changed. I wish we would have had more time together, more nights of you holding me. I wish I knew where you were going to be next year. I wish our time wasn’t limited to this. I wish I met you a long time ago. I wish we had another year to spend together.

I’m not in love with you so don’t shit yourself, but I do love you blank - more than you will ever know. I don’t expect you to love or even like me back, that was part of the beauty of what we had- no expectations to live up to. But I could’t let this end before being honest with you.

I have so many hopes and dreams for you as you enter this next stage of your life, and I’m genuinely excited to see the things I know you will go on to achieve. I will continue to pray for you as our lives go on without each other and I trust that God has a plan for both of our lives. I know that as the amazing man you are, you will meet a beautiful girl and your days wont be numbered like ours were. I can only hope that she will love and appreciate you unconditionally, make sure you look after her.

Who knows? Maybe our paths will meet again, but for now, it’s goodbye. I wish you all the happiness in the world.

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battlekidx2 · 5 years

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Voltron Season 8

There are spoilers for season 8 so proceed with caution.

I want to start off by saying I love Voltron and there is something I love about each season of Voltron. I have been seeing quite a bit of negativity towards this season, so I want to start off talking about what I liked about this season before getting into what I didn’t. I will recommend Voltron to other people because I believe over all there were a lot of good things that it did with its characters and stories.

I liked Allura’s arc throughout this season. We got to see her struggling with the lengths she would go to to end the war and come out better because of it. She also comes to understand that not every choice in war can be without sacrifice which is something the paladins seem to struggle to understand up until this point. Allura has been consistently developed throughout the seasons and has grown into her own in this season. She has had to overcome so much and is a character I felt was developed well and will be a character I look back on fondly.

I also liked that they clarified Lotor’s character within the show. Before this season there were multiple ways that lotor’s character could be interpreted and now they have a definitive version of him. The clarification also accentuated the tragedy of the character. His eventual downfall is tragic because he did deserve better. He fell victim to his upbringing after trying to be better and being punished severely for his efforts. This is a character that while I may not be the biggest fan of the execution of Lotor’s story I liked the idea behind it. I liked how they did redeem Lotor in the eyes of Allura and it was acknowledged how his childhood and upbringing affected him, his choices, and his downfall all without erasing the mistakes he made. It also acknowledges that he wasn’t given a fair shot by anybody and despite his attempts to be better he was always thwarted or shunned at every turn. There is only so much someone can take before they break.

Haggar was a great villain and her arc was somewhat of a Greek tragic hero and was almost Shakespearean. Her unquenchable thirst for knowledge led to the destruction of both her old and new homes, the creation of the galaxy’s most infamous tyrant, and her son living through a neglected and abusive life that meets a terrible end. She realizes too late what she missed out on and works to undo her mistakes without care for the destruction she causes because she believes that with the end of her quest everything will be perfect. It’s only once she gets to her desired outcome and her son and husband recognize the monster that she has become that she reaches her lowest point and is able to be convinced by Allura of the error of her ways. That Haggar herself is to blame for how her life turned out not the universe or anyone else. That this outcome isn’t what Lotor would have wanted despite what Haggar kept telling herself and that while she can’t get back what she lost, but she can give back what she took from the universe in her desperate bid. This season wrote its villains really well with Lotor, Haggar, and Zarkon and while I didn’t agree with all the choices made with the characters I do believe the writing was well done and Haggar is the pinnacle of this statement.

I appreciated that all the character’s that lived got their happy endings. Keith has found his purpose and continues to help people. Shiro finally leaves the battle after years of nonstop fighting and suffering and gets to settle down with his husband. Pidge and Hunk both get to follow their dreams and Lance surrounds himself with what he loves and lives a quiet peaceful life. I honestly just wanted to see these characters be happy. They have all been through so much so seeing them get to be happy in the future made me happy.

I was sad that my two favorite Voltron characters, Lotor and Allura, ended up dying. Allura had been through so much loss, suffering, and pain on her quest to bring about peace and grown so much only to finally be able to bring about the peace she strove for and not even be able to see the it. Allura had lost so much and when she finally has a means to restore peace the only way to bring about peace is through sacrificing herself. I know I was upset with the season in the past for the lack of true sacrifice or lasting death, but I’m sad that this was the sacrifice that ended up happening because Allura deserved to see the peace she helped create. We finally got to see Lotor’s past and have his character in hindsight be redeemed, in showing he did truly care about others and Allura but was misguided in his methods, and bring him back from the rift only to have him be dead the entire time. This means he ended up having arguably the worst and most painful ends of anyone on the show. He died after the only real trusting relationship he had was destroyed and believing that no one cared for him while his mental stability eroded and his body was overloaded with quintessence. I would have liked to see him be alive and have him carry on doing the best he could instead of everyone admitting that he wasn’t given a fair shot, that he deserved better, and really did care and wasn’t a monster. The second colony is completely forgotten and is never explained. The second colony honestly just feels like a plot device to trigger the paladins turning on Lotor and Lotor’s subsequent descent into quintessence poisoning instead of an actual thing that happened because the reasoning behind it was never explained so it feels as though it was unnecessary.

I’m sorry to every Allurance shipper, but I didn’t like how it played out within the series. They made Allura uncomfortable with Lance until season 5, had her look upset when she found out he liked her in the same season, made her suddenly romantically interested in Lance at the very end of season 7, and then in season 8 showed hints that Allura still wasn’t completely over Lotor (the most prominent examples are when Lotor emerges from the rift and she panics saying she can’t do this and when Lotor is the vision she sees to convince her to use the rift creature). I honestly think this ship could have played out really well if they hadn’t had Lotura and had Allura a lot less visibly uncomfortable with Lance in earlier seasons. I am happy for whoever shipped Allurance and got to see their ship sail in cannon. Allurance just wasn’t my cup of tea with the way it was written. I personally would have preferred if Lance hadn’t gotten Allura and could have continued with his journey of self discovery and learned who he was without a girl because his character the last few seasons had a lot of him pining for Allura instead of focusing on his growing self-confidence and worth. With him ending up a farmer and probably sad over Allura for the rest of his life. Lance was a character I wish had gotten an arc of episodes to himself that didn’t involve a girl because he was set up as incredibly relatable with problems that everyone faces.

I may have been disappointed with this season, but I still like voltron and hope to see more of it in the future. I can understand the issues people are having with the season and can empathize with the disappointment, but I hope that people don’t attack the creators and cast. They’ve worked for years to bring us this series and they don’t deserve to be harassed. I hope that others can find the enjoyment I found out of the series and I hope there are many great fanfics to read. It was an honor to see this series to completion.

#vld #voltron #Voltron legendary defender #allura #lotor #lance #keith #hunk #pidge #haggar #the villains were written fantastically #season 8 #spoilers #review #my thoughts

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