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fozmeadows · 3 years

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race & culture in fandom

For the past decade, English language fanwriting culture post the days of LiveJournal and Strikethrough has been hugely shaped by a handful of megafandoms that exploded across AO3 and tumblr – I’m talking Supernatural, Teen Wolf, Dr Who, the MCU, Harry Potter, Star Wars, BBC Sherlock – which have all been overwhelmingly white. I don’t mean in terms of the fans themselves, although whiteness also figures prominently in said fandoms: I mean that the source materials themselves feature very few POC, and the ones who are there tended to be done dirty by the creators.

Periodically, this has led POC in fandom to point out, extremely reasonably, that even where non-white characters do get central roles in various media properties, they’re often overlooked by fandom at large, such that the popular focus stays primarily on the white characters. Sometimes this happened (it was argued) because the POC characters were secondary to begin with and as such attracted less fan devotion (although this has never stopped fandoms from picking a random white gremlin from the background cast and elevating them to the status of Fave); at other times, however, there has been a clear trend of sidelining POC leads in favour of white alternatives (as per Finn, Poe and Rose Tico being edged out in Star Wars shipping by Hux, Kylo and Rey). I mention this, not to demonize individuals whose preferred ships happen to involve white characters, but to point out the collective impact these trends can have on POC in fandom spaces: it’s not bad to ship what you ship, but that doesn’t mean there’s no utility in analysing what’s popular and why through a racial lens.

All this being so, it feels increasingly salient that fanwriting culture as exists right now developed under the influence and in the shadow of these white-dominated fandoms – specifically, the taboo against criticizing or critiquing fics for any reason. Certainly, there’s a hell of a lot of value to Don’t Like, Don’t Read as a general policy, especially when it comes to the darker, kinkier side of ficwriting, and whether the context is professional or recreational, offering someone direct, unsolicited feedback on their writing style is a dick move. But on the flipside, the anti-criticism culture in fanwriting has consistently worked against fans of colour who speak out about racist tropes, fan ignorance and hurtful portrayals of living cultures. Voicing anything negative about works created for free is seen as violating a core rule of ficwriting culture – but as that culture has been foundationally shaped by white fandoms, white characters and, overwhelmingly, white ideas about what’s allowed and what isn’t, we ought to consider that all critical contexts are not created equal.

Right now, the rise of C-drama (and K-drama, and J-drama) fandoms is seeing a surge of white creators – myself included – writing fics for fandoms in which no white people exist, and where the cultural context which informs the canon is different to western norms. Which isn’t to say that no popular fandoms focused on POC have existed before now – K-pop RPF and anime fandoms, for example, have been big for a while. But with the success of The Untamed, more western fans are investing in stories whose plots, references, characterization and settings are so fundamentally rooted in real Chinese history and living Chinese culture that it’s not really possible to write around it. And yet, inevitably, too many in fandom are trying to do just that, treating respect for Chinese culture or an attempt to understand it as optional extras – because surely, fandom shouldn’t feel like work. If you’re writing something for free, on your own time, for your own pleasure, why should anyone else get to demand that you research the subject matter first?

Because it matters, is the short answer. Because race and culture are not made-up things like lightsabers and werewolves that you can alter, mock or misunderstand without the risk of hurting or marginalizing actual real people – and because, quite frankly, we already know that fandom is capable of drawing lines in the sand where it chooses. When Brony culture first reared its head (hah), the online fandom for My Little Pony – which, like the other fandoms we’re discussing here, is overwhelmingly female – was initially welcoming. It felt like progress, that so many straight men could identify with such a feminine show; a potential sign that maybe, we were finally leaving the era of mainstream hypermasculine fandom bullshit behind, at least in this one arena. And then, in pretty much the blink of an eye, things got overwhelmingly bad. Artists drawing hardcorn porn didn’t tag their works as adult, leading to those images flooding the public search results for a children’s show. Women were edged out of their own spaces. Bronies got aggressive, posting harsh, ugly criticism of artists whose gijinka interpretations of the Mane Six as humans were deemed insufficiently fuckable.

The resulting fandom conflict was deeply unpleasant, but in the end, the verdict was laid down loud and clear: if you cannot comport yourself like a decent fucking person – if your base mode of engagement within a fandom is to coopt it from the original audience and declare it newly cool only because you’re into it now; if you do not, at the very least, attempt to understand and respect the original context so as to engage appropriately (in this case, by acknowledging that the media you’re consuming was foundational to many women who were there before you and is still consumed by minors, and tagging your goddamn porn) – then the rest of fandom will treat you like a social biohazard, and rightly so.

Here’s the thing, fellow white people: when it comes to C-drama fandoms and other non-white, non-western properties? We are the Bronies.

Not, I hasten to add, in terms of toxic fuckery – though if we don’t get our collective shit together, I’m not taking that darkest timeline off the table. What I mean is that, by virtue of the whiteminding which, both consciously and unconsciously, has shaped current fan culture, particularly in terms of ficwriting conventions, we’re collectively acting as though we’re the primary audience for narratives that weren’t actually made with us in mind, being hostile dicks to Chinese and Chinese diaspora fans when they take the time to point out what we’re getting wrong. We’re bristling because we’ve conceived of ficwriting as a place wherein No Criticism Occurs without questioning how this culture, while valuable in some respects, also serves to uphold, excuse and perpetuate microaggresions and other forms of racism, lashing out or falling back on passive aggression when POC, quite understandably, talk about how they’re sick and tired of our bullshit.

An analogy: one of the most helpful and important tags on AO3 is the one for homophobia, not just because it allows readers to brace for or opt out of reading content they might find distressing, but because it lets the reader know that the writer knows what homophobia is, and is employing it deliberately. When this concept is tagged, I – like many others – often feel more able to read about it than I do when it crops up in untagged works of commercial fiction, film or TV, because I don’t have to worry that the author thinks what they’re depicting is okay. I can say definitively, “yes, the author knows this is messed up, but has elected to tell a messed up story, a fact that will be obvious to anyone who reads this,” instead of worrying that someone will see a fucked up story blind and think “oh, I guess that’s fine.” The contextual framing matters, is the point – which is why it’s so jarring and unpleasant on those rare occasions when I do stumble on a fic whose author has legitimately mistaken homophobic microaggressions for cute banter. This is why, in a ficwriting culture that otherwise aggressively dislikes criticism, the request to tag for a certain thing – while still sometimes fraught – is generally permitted: it helps everyone to have a good time and to curate their fan experience appropriately.

But when white and/or western fans fail to educate ourselves about race, culture and the history of other countries and proceed to deploy that ignorance in our writing, we’re not tagging for racism as a thing we’ve explored deliberately; we’re just being ignorant at best and hateful at worst, which means fans of colour don’t know to avoid or brace for the content of those works until they get hit in the face with microaggresions and/or outright racism. Instead, the burden is placed on them to navigate a minefield not of their creation: which fans can be trusted to write respectfully? Who, if they make an error, will listen and apologise if the error is explained? Who, if lived experience, personal translations or cultural insights are shared, can be counted on to acknowledge those contributions rather than taking sole credit? Too often, fans of colour are being made to feel like guests in their own house, while white fans act like a tone-policing HOA.

Point being: fandom and ficwriting cultures as they currently exist badly need to confront the implicit acceptance of racism and cultural bias that underlies a lot of community rules about engagement and criticism, and that needs to start with white and western fans. We don’t want to be the new Bronies, guys. We need to do better.

#race #racism #c-drama #fandom #fan wank #fandom wank #microaggresions #culture #the untamed #bronies #whiteness #ficwriting #fanwriting #cultural bias #discourse

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watchmegetobsessed · 3 years

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Never Have I Ever - Harry Styles (part 3)

i did not expect this to turn into more than just a oneshot, but here i am, posting a part 3?? and there’s more to come??? lmao, im a mess, having a million wips at a time, whatever. enjoy this DIRTY piece in the world of Harry and Actress!Y/N hehe!

pairing: Harry x actress!reader

word count: 3k

warning: NSFW content (we are taking a dirty turn in this part babes)

SERIES MASTERPOST

masterlist

“But are you really sure you’re fine?” Florence asks for the millionth time over the phone. “You know, I could come over anytime, have a few drinks and forget about the idiots who decided you don’t deserve that Emmy.”

“I’m very sure,” you chuckle, sinking further down on your couch, kicking your heels off your feet. “It’s not a big deal.” “Oh it is, but you are trying to act all tough, though I know it bothers you.”

“I didn’t say it doesn’t bother me, but there’s nothing I can do about it,” you tell her truthfully.

“You know, sometimes I forget that you are this wise ass bitch, not some petty loser that I usually am.”

You snort at her words laughing loudly. Florence is by far one of the funniest people you know, she never fails to make you laugh, no matter what’s the situation.

“It’s sad that I didn’t win, but I’m fine. Really. Maybe next time it will be me,” you say, genuinely hoping this wasn’t your first nomination.

“Okay, I’ll stop bugging you, but call me if you change your mind and want company.”

“Thank you, Flo. Talk to you later.”

Once you end the call you let a long, heavy breath out that feels like you’ve been keeping in all night. Walking into your closet you stop in front of the floor-to-ceiling mirror, taking a look at yourself, still wearing the burgundy pant suit you wore for the award show. You were the only woman in pants all evening and you felt more powerful than ever. You’ve always loved to make a statement with your fashion choices and tonight you feel like you definitely succeeded in getting the message through: you are a bad bitch.

Stripping out of the outfit you hang it carefully before putting on some sweats and an oversized vintage t-shirt, feeling so much more comfortable already. Your hair is still in loose waves and you kind of like the texture, so you just leave it like that, moving into your bedroom to check up on some emails.

Cozied up under your duvet, laptop resting on your thighs, you start replying to some emails, updating your schedule for the next week. You almost don’t notice the text you get, barely catching the lit up screen from the corner of your eyes. Grabbing the device from the night stand you smile down at the series of messages from Harry.

“Bunch of idiots,” the first one reads.

“I’m suing them. All of them.”

“You looked fucking unreal by the way. Couldn’t take my eyes off you.”

Biting down on your bottom lip you read the last one over and over again. It’s been weeks since your number landed in Harry’s phone and you’ve been texting nonstop since then. Whenever you pulled your phone out to check if someone had tried to reach you, there was always a text rom him waiting for you, making you smile most of the time.

“Thanks Xx,” you reply shortly, not sure how to react to his heated words of calling the whole Television Academy a bunch of idiots, though it surely warmed your heart.

“Enjoying the after party?” his next text comes fast.

“Nope, I’m home already. Didn’t feel like partying.”

“What?! You not winning is not an excuse to skip celebrating. You still got nominated!”

“Already celebrated that, so I’m out of occasions.”

“I’m sorry, but I can’t let you do that. Text me your address, I’m going over with wine and takeout.”

His bluntness in flirting and shooting his shot has been amusing to you since the moment he sat next to you on The Ellen Show. Harry Styles doesn’t shy away to try and show his attraction, or at least not towards you.

You hesitate a little, not sure if you want him here, but something deep down in your guts is telling you that you definitely want him to come over, some dirty thoughts already popping into your mind, but you are quick to get rid of them.

You send him your address and he tells you he’ll be over in twenty. You use that time to clean up a little around your apartment. You left in kind of a rush earlier, being a little late with your glam team, so you didn’t bother to leave the place in a decent state. It doesn’t take long though to clean up the mess and checking the time you see that you still have a little time until Harry arrives. As you walk past one of the mirrors in your hallway, you take a look at yourself, debating whether you should change or stay in your comfy homey outfit. At last you drop the idea to put on a different outfit, not wanting to look desperate when Harry arrives.

Not long later you get a notification from downstairs that a so called Mr. Styles has entered the building and is heading up to your floor. Running a hand through your hair you walk over to the front door and opening it you stand there, waiting for the elevator to arrive. When the familiar ding hits your ear you notice how your heart skips a beat upon seeing him walk out.

“Hi,” you smile at him holding the door open for him. He looks amazing, as always, wearing a pair of brown high-waisted pants with a loose white shirt tugged into it, a teal denim jacket topping the outfit. He looks comfortable, but still well put together, something you have always admired in his style.

“Hello, Love,” he smiles back at you and pulls you in for a short, one armed hug before walking fully inside. “Didn’t know what stuff you fancy, so I got a bunch,” he admits with a chuckle, holding up two plastic bags completely stuffed.

“You really shouldn’t have,” you shake your head at him smiling as you lock the front door and lead him into your open concept kitchen.

“But I should have,” he argues, setting the bags down to the counter, packing out everything he brought.

Three bottles of wine, all of them different kinds, snacks, both sweet and salty, topped with an insane amount of Chinese takeout that could feed a whole family, not just two people. You put the wines into the fridge though you know they won’t get chilly enough by the time you open it. Turning to Harry you smile at him shyly, only just now realizing that he is in your home for the first time.

“Want a tour?” you ask, pulling your shoulders up to your ears.

“Would love that,” he smirks and lets you lead the way.

The modern apartment in Manhattan has been your home for a little over a year now. One of the first things you invested into once you started earning like an A-list celebrity. It’s spacious, you did the interior over once you bought it, formed it a little more to your taste. You walk Harry through the living room, the three bedrooms from which one is yours, the others function as a guest room whenever a family member of one of your friends needs a place to stay. There are three bathrooms in total, a study room that’s always a mess, your desk filled with scripts and books most of the time, but Harry tells you it suits your vibe.

“And this here is my wardrobe,” you end the tour, flicking the lights on in the walk in closet, probably your favorite part of the place. It’s bigger than your bedroom, but it’s exactly what you and your passion for fashion needs.

Harry curiously walks inside, his eyes immediately stopping on the burgundy pant suit you wore earlier that night.

“This, Darling, was an excellent choice,” he smirks over at you, his fingers dancing over the soft fabric of the pants.

“Felt amazing in it,” you nod smiling.

“I bet you did,” he chuckles softly.

The two of you head back to the kitchen and sit at the kitchen island, roaming through all the food Harry has brought. A short silence comes over the room that’s broken by Harry first.

“So how are you really feeling about tonight?”

“I’m fine,” you shrug, but then feel his hand on your knee that’s closer to him and your eyes flicker over to him, his gaze burning down on you intently.

“No, I’m asking fo’ real. You don’t have to mask your disappointment.”

Licking your lips you look back at your plate filled with dumplings and you start to just poke them around with the chopsticks in your hand.

“Of course I’m disappointed. Who wouldn’t want to win? But there’s not much I can do about it, right?”

“Still, you shouldn’t push it all down.”

“I’m not the type to rage very publicly, if you haven’t realized that,” you chuckle, diverting your eyes back at him, catching a soft smile on his lips.

“That I know of. Miss No Beef,” he teases you, even though you could pretty much say the same thing about him. “I was properly screaming at the screen when they said someone else’s name over yours.”

“Yeah?” you chuckle.

“Mhm. I was rooting for you big time.”

“Well,” you sigh turning back to your plate. “Sorry to disappoint.”

“Nah-ah, none of that crap, Y/N,” he protests right away, dropping his chopsticks to his plate as he slides off his stool, stepping closer to you, one hand lying flat on the counter, while the other one finds the underside of your stool and he easily turns you so you are facing him, your knees involuntarily parting so he could stand between them. “I’m not letting you think of any less of yourself because of some stupid award.”

“The Emmys are not stupid,” you correct him, but it seems like he doesn’t even hear you, staring down at you with a smug grin, his hand moving from the stool to your waist.

“Mhm, they are. They made the most talented and beautiful woman think she is not the best of all.”

You can’t push down the smile that tugs on your lips as you watch him slowly lean closer. Heart beating faster, you let him do whatever he has on his mind, not finding the will to push him away. Not that you want to do that, you’d be stupid to say no to this man.

“Who’s this woman we are talking about?” you breathe out with a teasing smile. Harry smirks back at you, his hand squeezing your waist gently as his other hand moves up to the base of your neck, his thumb running along your jawline.

“The woman I’ve been fantasizing about lately.”

A desperate whimper tries to escape your lips, but you bite it back in time, feeling so lost how much effect he has on you with just a simple sentence.

“What are these fantasies about?” you find yourself asking as he leans closer, his nose brushing against yours.

You’re aching for his lips, to feel him touch you everywhere. You want to come undone under his hands and the breaking point where you won’t be able to mask up your desperate feelings is threateningly close.

“I’ve been thinking about making her feel real good. Watch her fall apart under my touch,” he murmurs lowly and this time, you can’t hold that moan back. Your lips brush against his, but he pulls back smirking, not kissing you.

“Fuck,” you breathe out when you feel his hand move from your waist to your stomach, cheekily teasing you as he is drawing circles around your belly button over the soft fabric of your shirt.

“Can I touch you, Y/N? I really want to make you feel appreciated and good. Will you let me do that?”

Not able to find your voice you whimper out something that’s close to being a yes, but it’s not enough for him and while you are losing touch with what’s really going on, Harry is very much enjoying seeing you like this, all for himself.

“Use your words, Love. I wanna hear you say it.”

“Yes!” you choke out and luckily, he doesn’t waste any more time.

You feel his lips connect with your neck as both his hands work on the waistband of your sweats, pushing them further down a little before his right hand taps on the top of your lacy underwear, the one you wore under your suit tonight, the one Harry definitely thought about when he first saw you through his screen.

You gasp when his hand slides into your underwear, fingers finding your sensitive bud of nerves, pressing down on them softly. You desperately turn your face, eager to meet his lips, but he pulls back for your dismay.

“Not now, Love,” he tells you and though the words sting a little, you don’t have much time to dwell on them when you feel his fingers slide back and forth between your soaking wet folds. “So wet for me, aren’t you?” he smirks while you’re trying to breath evenly, though it’s quite the challenge.

His lips return to your neck and your hands fly up to grab onto the back of his neck and shoulders, his fingers teasing you around your hole, not entering just yet. You start buckling your hips, desperate to get him take the next step and he is surely enjoying the show you are putting on for him.

“Ready to feel good?”

“Yes,” you breathe out, hands grabbing onto his hair roughly and a loud moan escapes your lips when he pushes two of his fingers inside you.

“Fuck, this feels so nice,” he groans, lips nipping on the soft skin under your ear. He is quick to take up on a pace, moving his digits in and out, his thumb circling on your clit, adding that extra magic most men always forget about. But not Harry, he is eager to please you the best he can and if you weren’t sitting, you’d be on your knees for him by now.

“Yeah, tug on my hair, Darling,” he growls, his voice sending chills down your spine as you tighten your grip in his hair just as he asked, while you feel your climax building up.

He picks up his pace, curling his fingers inside you every time he thrusts them in, making you almost see stars. Your legs fly around his waist, ankles crossing above his bum as you bring him closer, and a whimpered groan bursts out of him, probably because his erection just got squeezed against his hand by your action, his nonstop moving hand now stuck between your heated core and his throbbing member. When his head pulls back you quickly look at him, about to ask if he is alright, but he just presses a soft, lingering kiss to the corner of your mouth as his unsaid answer that he is perfectly fine.

His forehead comes to rest against yours as he adds a third finger, making you moan his name in ecstasy. Your mind is starting to completely shut down, the sensation of utter pleasure taking over your whole body as you can feel your orgasm just a few thrusts away.

“C’mon, Love. Let it go for me,” he mumbles, his free hand sliding to your back so he keeps you flushed against him, your heaving chest touching his upper body with each drawn breath.

“Fuck, I’m so close,” you pant, eyes screwed shut, tipping over the edge of your climax. “Please don’t stop!” you beg whining.

“Never, Darling.”

And he keeps his words. He keeps going and going until your walls close up around his slick fingers and your thighs tremble around his waist. You tug on his hair once again, pulling his head back just enough so your eyes meet right when you come undone. His fingers keep moving a little longer, bringing you down from your high before the last wave of your orgasm dies down and you are brought back to reality.

When his fingers slide out of you, the feeling of emptiness makes you breathe out in dismay and it brings a smile to his lips as he licks his fingers clean and you swear that’s the hottest thing you’ve ever seen, watch him taste your pleasure on his own fingers.

Glancing down you see the very visible bulge in his pants and you reach down to return the favor you just had the pleasure to get, but his hands wrap around your wrists stopping you, your eyes snapping up to meet his.

“Not now, Love. This was all about you. I’ll be fine.”

“But—“ “No,” he cuts you off shaking his head gently. “Seeing you like this was more than enough for me.”

Biting down on your bottom lip you feel yourself blushing at his words, the whole situation that just went down dawning on you just now. Harry really did just finger you on one of your kitchen stools and it was one hell of an experience for sure.

When your gaze wanders over to his lips you remember how he refused to kiss you and now you actually have the chance to pay more attention to this tiny detail.

“Why didn’t you kiss me?” you ask him, legs falling from his waist as he goes to sit back on his stool. He glances at you, a soft smile on the lips that never touched yours.

“I wasn’t planning to do this, but I just couldn’t stop myself. However, I’m still trying to be a gentleman, so I won’t kiss you until I’ve taken you out on a proper date.”

“I can’t believe you,” you chuckle shaking your head at the absurdity of what he just said. “So you are fine fingering me shamelessly, but you won’t kiss me without a date?” you ask, rephrasing his words.

“That’s right,” he nods, his smile growing into a smirk now. Shaking your head you turn back to your probably cold plate of food, chuckling to yourself.

“Harry Styles, you are… something else.”

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#harry #styles #harry styles #harry styles never have i ever #harry styles series #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles smut #harry styles fluff #harry styles oneshot #harry styles one shot #harry styles x you #harry styles x y/n #harry styles x reader #harry styles x actress!reader

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aerialflight · 3 years

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Fic Rec (it's been too long and I read a whole lot of fics)

I've read so many fics these past couple of months and my need to share them to the world has seized me by the throat. Please enjoy and support these fanfic writers! They are the best. XD

[Naruto]

Nine-Tailed Foxes are Dead by RowlettLesbian

Ship: Shikamaru/Naruto

For Konoha, it's been one month since the preliminary Chunin exams. For Naruto, it's been six. And he wasn't in Konoha.

At the end of his ordeal, Naruto walks into the Chunin Exam finals without his left arm.

Shikamaru is very concerned. And, eventually, very precious to Naruto as they work together to solve the mysteries of Konoha and bring kindness to the Shinobi world, one adventure at a time.

(I would die for this fic. I know the summary sounds doom and gloom but IT'S NOT. This fic made me fucking cry, I don't think I've ever read a fic that characterized Naruto so right. He's so full of hope and love and develops into the best version of himself and I'm so HERE FOR IT. And it's not just Naruto, Shikamaru is absolutely amazing here along with Kakashi and surprise surprise Ino, I can't BELIEVE it took me this long to stumble across this fic. Also THE WORLDBUILDING IS TO DIE FOR!!! And the plot! Is! So! Interesting! Just, everything about this fic is just amazing so please PLEASE read this!!!)

The End of the Uchiha by RowlettLesbian

Ship: Naruto/Sasuke

“I promise, little electric spirit of this shrine,” he whispered into the soft dirt and fallen leaves, “I will never gain the eyes. I will never pass them on. And I will make sure the eyes end in my brother, so that they can’t hurt anybody anymore. I will be the last Uchiha, and see to the end of the Copy-Wheel Clan. Then all of the hatred here can stop, and my family can rest peacefully. I promise, little shrine.”

Sasuke is more than his brother thinks he is. He's more than any Uchiha has ever been. He will kill his brother, but it will not be vengeance.

It will be mercy.

(Same author as the one above, they are the gift that keeps on giving. Seriously, HOW did I NEVER FIND THESE FICS before now??? One of life's greatest mysteries. The author's sense of humor is so on point here along with the atmospheric writing that's so vivid in the mind. Their writing style is so recognizable to me now and makes me fall into the world they're creating, it's stunning. Sasuke here makes me want to hug him and the idea of him living like a feral ghibli character has me LIVING. Check the tags of the fic, all of it is true, hand to god. Please give all of the author's fics a shot, it's a rabbit hole I'm thankful I fell into!)

mil fantasmas (gritan en calma) by LegaciesandMemories

Post-Tsukuyomi, something in Uchiha Sasuke's mind shatters. The same night, Yamanaka Ino falls asleep and doesn't wake up for 15 days.

---

In which Ino and Sasuke both wake from the aftermath of the Uchiha Massacre with the ability to see ghosts, and no one is prepared for the fallout.

(This fic has arrested my curiosity and eagerness to know what will happen next. These poor kids need so many hugs and Ino is getting the spotlight she deserves. I am so excited for this fic and what it has in store! Please read! XD)

Lichtenberg Figures by Asteroid_Duck (JustThatOneGirl1815)

Name: Kakashi Hatake Rank: Jounin Status: Missing Nin Missing Since: June 15th, 271 AD Note: Flee on Sight . . . Haburashi looked his team in the eyes— three, fresh out of the Academy genin— and resolved to teach them as best as he could. And right now, his lesson was simple: “Stay. Away. From. Kakashi. Hatake.”

(Dimension travel fic with a slice of Kakashi being an absolute troll and dealing with the shitty hand he's been dealt with. Seriously, the man has the worst luck in all of Konoha. Also, the mystery of the other Kakashi's history has me leaning by the edge of my seat, I need to know.)

The Governess by Ysmirel

Ship: Kakashi/OFC

"“What,” he finally asked, “is so funny?”

Ibara bit her lower lip to keep the chuckles in, still smiling and making absolutely no effort to get more space between them, seemingly perfectly at ease within reach of a trained shinobi. Her self-control wasn't all that good, as she ended up snorting and was overcame once again by another fit of laughter. “I just- It's just-” She struggled to speak, trying to catch her breath and wiping away tears of mirth with the hand that wasn't still holding onto his vest. Finally, she looked him in the eye and said, with a smile that was all teeth and without a hint of her previous drunken stupor, “and who's going to believe you?”

As he stood there, stunned by her words and change in demeanor, he realized with dawning horror that she was right."

In which Kakashi finds himself at the other end of the troll shtick, and he doesn't appreciate it all that much.

(It's so hard to find self-insert fics with a fresh concept these days, especially in the naruto fandom. Not that I don't enjoy and devour a lot of self insert fics like it's going out of style, but it's just so nice to find something new and shiny and really damn good. I'm so pumped for this fic and how it's going to develop so please join me in rooting for this fic!)

half a league (until the valley of death) by SpectersShadow117

Kakashi can think of no reason for Sasuke's inexplicable and drastic change in behavior. He doesn't like the desperate, haunted gleam in his student's eyes, and he also doesn't like the nagging feeling that he's missing something very important. Aka: Future Sasuke goes to Past Sasuke and gives him a reality check with Specific Intentions, but as with most Uchiha, his methods leave much to be desired. (Featuring: Childhood trauma FTW, Konoha's shitty care of orphans, and absolutely no one having a fun time.)

(Sasuke wanting to change the future out of complete and utter spite has me LIVING. Sasuke is such a Mess here and the twist on the time travel premise is so good and the kid is so Traumatized and Desperate and Not Having A Good Time. Naruto and Sakura developing as better ninjas and Kakashi trying his best makes me want to scream. Also, how Sasuke thinks about Itachi makes me want to cackle. I am 100% down for this. I am rooting for this kid, go get them! XD)

[Harry Potter]

fruit loops in time (circle around me) by justprompts

Ships: Harry/Draco, Remus/Sirius

"This is Crabbe, and Goyle," the blonde boy says, pointing at the two boys next to him. "And I'm Malfoy, Draco Ma - "

Ron laughs, and Malfoy immediately bristles.

"Think my name's funny, do you?" Malfoy says, angrily. "No need to ask yours - "

"You're honestly so cute," Ron interrupts, yet again, shaking his head. "So tiny. And so angry, all the time. It's adorable."

Alternatively Ron Weasley, Time Traveller Extraordinaire, is stuck in the same seven year Hogwarts Loop, repeating the same thing over and over again. Naturally, he's so done with everything.

(This is the greatest hp fic I've ever read. I LOVE RON WEASLEY and by the time you read this fic SO WILL YOU!! This is the fic I WISH I have the ability to write. I read this entire fic aloud to my brother and we spent literal hours howling and talking about how utterly insane and incredible this fic is, it's amazing. This is hands down my favorite Ron Weasley. You Can Pry This Fic From My Cold Dead Fingers.)

[Boku no Hero Academia]

Kacchan's Cult by Ourliazo

Pro Hero Ground Zero is attacked, originally meant to be de-aged out of existence by a desperate villain but is instead launched into his 14-year-old self.

But Katsuki is a fucking pro so whatever, time to fuck up someone's day. And sure, maybe he's only one man, but that's why he conscripts the entirety of the UA student body into tearing down some criminal empires.

(It's time travel, crack, and Bakugou being his usual explody, competent self. What more in life do you want? Seriously though, please read. I'm obsessed with this fic and having a Good Time!)

Cleaning Crew; Teaching Kids to Value their Safety, for Fun and Profit by Reavv

Takenaka Hideo is a thirty-two year old, in mild desperation for money, who has just been hired as a new janitor for UA's support staff. He has a quirk that lets him find lost objects, a liaison with the police because of it, and desperate desire for competent co-workers.

Oh, and he's already lived a previous life, in a world where quirks and heroes didn't even exist.

Not a big deal, though. It's not like you ever see the janitor playing a big part in action movies. He's here to get paid, and that's it.

On the opposite side of the equation, class 1-A has to wonder at the new UA cryptid that always seems to show up when things are on fire, and who keeps trying to convince them to let the adults handle the fire extinguisher.

(A great deal of fun packed into one fic. That is how I title this fic and nothing will change my mind! Hideo just wants to quietly do his job and not get in the way. I Relate. Please read!)

Poltergeist by WriterGreenReads

Class 1-A is haunted.

Well, not really.

I AM dead, though.

World's friendliest poltergeist, at your service.

(I don't know how I got so sucked into OC fics, but I found some fantastic fics along the way so I have no regrets. The author really tries to push the premise and I just love all the interactions and dynamics that form as the fic gets further in. And the OC character and all the hijinks they get up to cracks me up! At the same time, it's pretty heartwarming and it's practically a friendships galore fic! Definitely recommend it!)

invincible by supercrunch for Engrin

Ship: Bakugou/Midoriya

This is the way the world works: the sun rises in the east. The strong come out on top. Bakugou Katsuki rockets through life like a comet and Midoriya Izuku stumbles after. If he believed in such things Katsuki would say it was written in the stars. That some god of war had looked at him and said this one. That he’d been passed along a line to get his blessings – genius, willpower, fearless ambition – and dropped off on earth.

Then, of course, there is the question of Deku. The spitfire runt. Deku, no matter what the world does to him, never stops hoping.

Until, of course, he eventually does.

(Katsuki broke him. Snapped him in half like a twig and now has to scramble to put Deku back together. “We can do this, Deku," he says slowly. "There are so many mysteries that never got put to bed. Criminals roaming around looking to hurt people and you and me, we can fix that.”

There’s a long pause. The comforter slips a little off Deku’s skinny shoulders and drowns him. “You mean like a team?”

In that split second, Katsuki makes a decision he’s never even considered. He swallows his pride. “Yeah, Deku. We’d be a team.”)

(If there was any other way canon could've gone, this is the story I would've wanted. It's perfect.)

Inadvertent Wilderness Therapy by Cacid

Following an unfortunate encounter with a teleporter on the last day of internships, Bakugou Katsuki and Hakamata Tsunagu spend some quality time in northern Canada.

In no particular order they will: build ugly survival shelters, stalk rabbits, run from polar bears, reflect on the chemical composition of trees, insult each other, and complain about krumholtz.

(THESE TWO. TOGETHER. IN THE WILDERNESS. IN FUCKING CANADA OF ALL PLACES. I still can't believe this fic actually exists and just how INVESTED I became in their relationship. Blue Jeanist instantly became my favorite ranked hero with this fic alone. HIS SENSE OF HUMOR IS TERRIBLE, I LOVE HIM SO MUCH FNIEWOPAF. BAKUGOU DOES TOO. IT'S FUCKING INCREDIBLE. *incoherent screeching into the wild*)

[Stranger Things]

Baci D'aria by RabbitDarling

“Love is worth the sum of itself, and nothing more.” ― Alice Hoffman, Practical Magic

Steve learned a lot at his Aunt's side before she passed but his favourite thing she taught him was baci d'aria; special little spells that you created from the heart and put into the food you shared.

In opening his heart and gifts to those around him Steve slowly finds himself a family in a way he never thought he'd get to experience. One by One he collects pre-teens to trail in his wake like ducklings and Steve can't even refute it by the time he realizes what has happened.

(This fic is so soft and Steve is just collecting people and winning them over with his magical food (literally). I am always a sucker for heartwarming, good for the soul fics so if you want to make yourself hungry and feel all warm and gooey inside, read this!)

(Don't Fear) The Reaper by TeaFourTwo

Ship: Steve/Billy

He looks down at the blood on his hands and on the floor and wonders why the memory hasn’t broken yet, why he isn’t back in Starcourt mall with control of his body again, wonders if he's even still alive at all. Is this hell then? Or perhaps purgatory? It certainly isn’t heaven, that’s for sure. None of this makes any sense…but then what's new—nothing in Billy’s life makes sense anymore.

Billy laughs then, loud and long and unhinged. It's the only sound in the whole house, and it bounces off the walls like a fucked up echo, like the world is laughing with him.

“Jesus christ you’re insane…” It’s Max’s voice and it’s shaking. It only makes Billy laugh harder, because Max has it all wrong. Billy isn’t crazy, it’s the rest of the world that’s insane.

Billy dies a hero of sorts. He wakes up back in his bed on Saturday morning, the third of November, 1984...nearly nine months earlier.

(Billy is stuck in a time loop and it's slowly driving him crazy. And the fic shows just how much influence Billy did have in the plot and how doomed the world is without him in it. Great character exploration with Billy's character and all the ways he's so messy and human. Definitely recommend it!)

[Knives Out]

The Road Less Traveled By by UisceOneLove

Ship: Marta/Ransom

If Harlan wants to leave Ransom to be on his own, fine. He'll show him just what Ransom Drysdale is capable of.

or, where Ransom chooses to prove his abilities through means of the non-homicidal variety and finds himself becoming exactly what Harlan was hoping he would.

(I found this fic out of sheer chance and god, Ransom is just, so fascinating to me as a character. Marta of course is the Best here and I will forever stan her. Seriously, this is such a good fic! Please read!)

[Haikyuu!!]

Sky Full of Stars by grilledsquids

The Hinatas are twins. They're practically identical.

But while Shouyou seeks out Karasuno's volleyball team to become the next Little Giant, Natsu is scouted to to play soccer for Shiratorizawa. While Shouyou sets his eyes on playing volleyball at the highest level possible, his sister wonders how much longer she can play soccer... and if it's worth it to keep going.

A Natsu-centric story featuring: Shiratorizawa VBC shenanigans, too many soccer OCs, mild teenage drama, a little bit of plot, and Semi Eita not knowing what a period is.

(It's just!! So cute and wholesome!!! The Shiratorizawa volleyball team is so fleshed out along with the OC characters for the girl's soccer team and I swear, it's been a long while since I've laughed this much at the sheer shenanigans that happen in a fic. It's surprisingly hard to find good gen fics in this fandom so finding this gem made me so happy! If you want a fic that brings a smile to your face, read this!!)

like water by speakingincode

Ship: Oikawa/Kageyama

“Oikawa,” Iwaizumi says, and when Tooru looks at him, he can read My best friend’s an idiot off the crease of his eyebrows. “Are you telling me you spent the last three years weirdly obsessed with Kageyama – I still remember the time you made us play him on a dumb whim, you know – and now you’re at his beck and call? Are you okay? What the hell is wrong with you?”

“I’m— I’m not at his beck and call! I said no last week. It’s… It’s like you said. I get bored easily. I saw him at the park a couple weeks after they played Nationals and called him a perfect little tyrant, and he pestered me into spending time with him after,” Tooru says. “I’m not a monster, Iwa-chan. If he wants the company of his cool, handsome ex-upperclassman that badly, who am I to begrudge him?”

Or: Oikawa doesn't know why Kageyama keeps asking to meet him on Saturdays. He also doesn't know why he keeps saying yes.

(The fact this fic is canon-compliant and covers post-canon too makes me want to shout to the heavens. Fucking incredible! One of the best Oikakage fics ever and it's a crime how it's not at the top of the ship tag. Please please read!!)

twist into your shape by kakkoweeb

Ship: Oikawa/Kageyama

The only thing better than sweets were sweets containing paper that told you whether your future would be good or bad--or in Kageyama and Oikawa's case, paper that somehow caused you to live inside each other's bodies.

(Everyone probably already read this fic but it needs to be said, you need to read this fic. How these two try and manage each other's lives and slowly start to care about one another is so beautiful and sincere and I am ready to wrestle anyone to the floor and comply them into reading this fic. Doesn't matter if you like the ship, you will become a fan if you read it, I promise. Please please read!!)

Take the Long Road Home by pepperfield

Ship: Kuroo/Sawamura

When Azumane Asahi goes missing before his engagement meeting with Kozume Kenma, what other option is there but for Daichi to impersonate his brother and fake his way through a first date with Asahi's fiance?

Okay, let's be realistic - there were probably at least four other options.

Unfortunately, Tetsurou couldn't come up with any of them either, so now he's here flirting with Kenma's future husband while trying to keep his web of deceit from collapsing.

It's going to be an eventful day.

(I got obsessed with this ship alongside Oikakage and SO WILL YOU. THE POTENTIAL. THE BANTER. THE FACT THEY'RE BOTH DORKS AND THE FIC HAS IDENTITY SHENANIGANS DANCING ALL OVER IT!! I had so much fun reading this and these two are MEANT TO BE FENIWPAF. If you don't see the potential of this ship, you will now.)

a misunderstanding a day keeps the boyfriend away by bartallen for betuls

Ship: Kuroo/Sawamura

Kuroo doesn’t fall in love hard and fast like many others do – he falls slowly, and very very softly. Most of the times he doesn’t even realise he’s in love with someone until it’s too late.

(Kuroo is the dumbest man alive and I've never related to someone so hard in my life. God help me.)

You like me. by roseknight

Ship: Daishou/Kuroo

Kuroo nearly lived a Daishou-free life, and sometimes he looked back and wondered how much better and how much worse that would've been.

(I didn't even know who Daishou was until I read this fic and now I can't unsee the potential this ship has. I'm a ruined woman and I regret NOTHING.)

Kings of the Road, Kings of the Universe by EzzyDean

Eight magical captains, one bus, an entire summer (and country) waiting for them.

What could possibly go wrong?

(The magic of friendship meets the magic of a summer road trip meets pure magic.)

(CAPTAIN SQUAD IS THE BEST SQUAD SOMEBODY PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD SEND ME SOME CAPTAIN SQUAD FICS I AM SO IN LOVE WITH THIS SQUAD IT'S A PROBLEM AAAAHHHHHH!)

宿縁 : See You Soon by MissKiraBlue

Ship: Oikawa/Kageyama

Upon arriving at the train station of death, an impure soul is granted a second chance at life against his will. Reincarnating into the body of Kageyama Tobio, a 15-year-old boy who recently committed suicide. Tobio's soul will depart at death and the soul needs to slip in to replace it. If the soul's reformation succeeds, he’ll reenter the cycle of rebirth and regain the right to be reborn. He will have three months to accomplish this task.

“Even though you had enough of life,” the soul whispered into the void of the room, “you were still afraid to hurt your hands, Tobio.”

Afraid of giving himself a scar, if he survived.

He touched his pulse and grasped life and couldn’t help but pity Kageyama Tobio.

"You wanted to die and now I’m here making you live again," he whispered into the night.

(I'm not even exaggerating when I say out of all the fics in this entire goddamn, too long list, this is the fic I'm anticipating and heart eyeing the most. It's only starting, but I already cried on chapter fucking 2, the power of this fic, holy shit. The author also wrote the hq time loop Every Tomorrows series, which I have an undying love for and am full on praying for the day it updates, so you KNOW this fic will be just as good. (Anybody who hasn't read this series, where the hell have you been?? Read it!!) Just, everything about this fic hurts me and something in my chest just aches when I read this fic. Go into it blind with an open heart and I swear to you, it's going to change your life. I'm already calling it. Seriously though, please please read!)

[Crossover]

Learning to Fly by Asteroid_Duck (JustThatOneGirl1815)

Fandoms: Boku no Hero Academia, Naruto

The number three hero is a walking (well, flying) contradiction in every sense of the word. This includes his teaching skills. Why had Tokoyami agreed to this internship again? Oh right. He’d thought he was actually going to learn something. …….remind him to never be so optimistic again. . . . OR, Kakashi Hatake is reincarnated as the pro hero, Hawks. Tokoyami Fumikage suffers as a result.

(The reincarnation fic I never thought I needed and it's so good!! I've never really paid attention to Tokoyami and this fic sent me headfirst into loving him. Their dynamic is so interesting and I just love how their relationship develops. Also, Kakashi trolling the poor kid made me cackle, it's great! Definitely recommend it!)

Si Vis Pacem by athenoot

Fandoms: Boku no Hero Academia, John Wick

Everything has a price. That's what John has always known and will forever remember, even in death.

Which is pretty ironic considering his current circumstance.

Instead of a grown, scarred, weary body belonging to a man as cruel and broken as him, he's inhabiting a younger, smaller, unblemished one belonging to a child with strangely colored hair, and is living in what seems to be a superhuman society.

Well. May it never be said that John isn't a strategist. He can live with this. Maybe.

(Somewhere out there in the universe, he's certain he could hear the laughter of his enemies from beyond the grave.)

Or: John Wick is reincarnated as Midoriya Izuku. The world should probably watch its back.

(This should be one of the crackiest fics I've read in a while, but it's taken so seriously and I'm so HERE FOR THIS. John Wick being John Wick in a world of quirks and heroes is the GREATEST, honestly, he's so badass. Bakugou, I feel for you, you must be so fucking confused lol. Bakugou trying his best to be a good friend is one of the best things about this fic. Trust me, this fic will make your day, promise!)

A Girl's Mind is a Dangerous Place by clenastia

Fandoms: Naruto, Fairy Tail

Natsu wakes up in Sakura's body. It only gets worse from there. Also known as: In Which Natsu has No Idea what to do with Boobs.

(I binged this in two fucking days, I couldn't put it down. This fic reminded me why I liked fairy tail when I was younger and why Natsu is honestly such a great protagonist, god. And the fic does that thing, you know, the Thing where when two worlds collide, the characters struggle to acclimate and adapt to a completely another world with different rules and mindsets against their own. This fic is seriously one of the best when it comes to that aspect, it's incredible. I am going absolutely feral over here for this fic to update, I'm waiting in the wings, ready to pounce like a tiger, all the metaphors man. For the love of god, read this fic.)

Give me a landscape made of obstacles by Melise

Fandoms: Naruto, Natsume's Book of Friends

Kakashi Hatake isn’t who he says he is.

Because the truth is that he’s actually a youkai in disguise, a wolf spirit named Madara who stumbled across the Hatake clan during the Warring States Period. Intrigued by the shinobi he saw, he’d proposed a temporary alliance in which he would offer the clan protection in exchange for their teachings.

Decades later, Madara is surprised to find himself inadvertently summoned to Konoha by the last living member of the Hatake clan. Sakumo Hatake, who is mourning the recent deaths of his wife and stillborn child, doesn’t want to be alone anymore. So with his permission, Madara takes the place of Sakumo’s deceased son in order to watch over the last Hatake.

(Fusion in which the youkai of Natsume’s Book of Friends all exist in the Naruto world. No knowledge of Natsume’s Book of Friends required).

(Before this fic, I only had a very vague idea of what Natsume's Book of Friends was, and honestly, I still don't know much about it. But I didn't really need to know to get into this fic. I love the worldbuilding and the relationships Kakashi forms, both supernatural and mortal. I love how Kakashi's inhumane ways affect others around him, whether to stress them out or become used to the strange. You can go straight into this fic without knowing anything and absolutely still have a fantastic time. I definitely recommend this so please read!)

#Fanfiction #AO3 #Fic Rec #Fic Rec List #Naruto #Harry Potter #Boku no Hero Academia #Stranger Things #Knives Out #Haikyuu!!#Crossover #John Wick #Fairy Tail #Natsume's Book of Friends

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prvtbugsbuggins · 3 years

Text

22 - Wind Up Tin Soldier

For @whumptober2021

Chapter link -> Here

Trigger warning for: REALLY fucked up mind games, traumatic head injuries, memory loss

Prompt: Demon

Summary: There's someone living in Caboose's head, but he can't evict him. Slowly, things get worse. In other words, O'Malley is a fucked up concept.

—

Caboose noticed something was weird.

It started out as little voices and headaches, but quickly got worse and worse and suddenly, he was gone.

He was in his own head, that was for sure, but someone else was there. Someone who was currently driving around his body without being polite enough to ask first. It was concerning to the Blue soldier, but he didn’t quite know what to do in this kind of situation.

All he knew that Tex showed up one day, and he started feeling funny.

“Oh ho ho!” A dark, deep voice rattled around in his mental room. “It took you long enough to realize what was happening. Wow, you really are stupid, aren’t you?”

“Rude!” Caboose huffed in return. He didn’t quite know who he was speaking to, but he knew already that he didn’t like him. “If you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all.”

“Like you can do anything about it, idiot.” The voice chuckled. “I am Omega, and I am in charge around here now. Not like you were doing anything important anyway.”

“I was too! I was watching the flag for Church.” Caboose crossed his arms and frowned. He couldn’t see where the voice was coming from, as it seemed to come in from everywhere. There was a sharp pinch in his head, and he felt phantom fingers root around on the inside as though searching for something. He thought he may have screamed, but he wasn’t so sure. Little bits of memory and pain were being dragged up to the surface to be scrutinized under this evil sounded voice.

“Well well, what do we have here!” The voice sounded absolutely delighted, and the fingers abruptly pulled themselves out of his brain. Caboose collapsed on the stone concrete that made up his mental room, momentarily dizzy and sick from the sudden intrusion. “It seems you can be rather useful after all!”

From where he laid, he could see projections of his lessons he learned in school. How to hurt. How to kill, and he would rather not see those all again. But he was forced to watch it all over again as Omega focused with keen interest. Wooden targets became a rain of splinters as his past self obliterated them, one after the other.

Then, to his horror, the targets became replaced by his friends. He saw himself grabbing Tucker by the neck and snapping it with ease. Church coughing up blood around a knife in his guts. The scenes blurred together, each one more horrible as he saw himself killing the people he cares about.

“STOP!” He shouted, clutching his head in his hands and digging fingers in hard enough to hurt.

His sisters laid in piles, nothing more than empty bodies, their faces etched with their final emotions of betrayal. They looked at him and he knew it was his fault. He became the monster they said he wasn’t.

“Mmmhmmm I don’t think I will! What a surprise this is! My very own Spartan at my bidding! How lovely.” The voice purred and reminded Caboose of one of the ship cats who had cornered a mouse. The predatory sound of saliva on fangs and the barely restrained violence was the voice of Omega. It sent every instinct he had into Danger mode, and he found that he couldn't run. He was frozen in place, helpless.

“However, I don’t think I will need this, at the moment. I have to blend in, after all.” The phantom fingers returned again and gently stroked at his hair. “But I do need you out of the way. Sit tight!”

The fingers pushed in again and twisted, and Caboose’s world turning into a mess of red and agony. He screamed soundlessly, unable to fight something he couldn’t even touch. The fingers twisted long enough that he mercifully faded to black, Omega chuckling in the background.

—

The next time Caboose was aware, he was watching himself move through his own eyes. He was confused, still reeling from the pain of before. A presence curled up beside him and reached out to keep him looking forward.

“Hello, MIKE.” Omalga purred. “Nice of you to join me for a fun little evening! I have something special planned, can you guess what it is?”

Caboose coughed. “S—stop.” He murmured, trying to wiggle out of their grip. Omalga just held tighter and kept him facing forward.

“I’m going to kill one of your friends,” He whispered, right into his ear. “And I’m going to use your hands to do it. You however, get to choose who dies. Isn’t that fun! It’s a choice even someone as brain-dead as you can make!”

“No! I won’t!” He thrashed harder, now more determined to escape. He couldn't. He wouldn't...

“It’s not up to you, I own you. Who do you pick? Your darling Church? Or your good buddy Tucker? Or maybe those idiots over in red base. Choose wisely and fast!” The fingers returned and pressed in hard enough to hurt. “If you don’t pick, I will, and you really don’t want me to do that, MIKE.”

Caboose tried to remember the torture resistance techniques he learned in class, but Omalga pushed those memories it away. “Nope! No cheating!”

“I won’t pick!” He shouted. “Please! Hurt me instead! Don’t hurt them!”

“That isn’t a choice you get to make, but time’s up anyway. Oh well, if you are so eager to suffer, than so be it.” The fingers this time dipped in, and pulled. Strands of memories and feelings were stretched out until it painfully snapped. Parts of him blacked out and was gone forever. He tried so hard to grab a hold of them, but they were consumed in this angry, black heat. Deep gashes in his mental room began to bleed, and he could do nothing but scream.

And scream.

—

Mike was once again confused. He was hurt, in pain. O'Malley had done something again, but he couldn’t remember what. His mind felt raw and bloody, thoughts leaking through before he could gather them up. He tried to remember what that reminded him of, he could picture the object in question, but couldn’t remember what it was. A sleeve? A Siff? What used to be easy tumbled about and confused him even more.

“Wakey wakey, eggs and bacey!” O’Malley laughed in a sing song voice. Mike once again felt the presence around him, something akin to strings digging into his skin and head. Half his room was gone already, deep chunks scabbed over by something angry and red. He was so confused. What was happening? He spent more time blacked out than awake now, anything could have happened.

“Do you know what I did yesterday while you were being a lazy piece of shit?” Mike knew better by now than to talk back, it hurt worse when he did. “I killed your ‘best best friend’ Church. Do you want to know how I did it?”

Mike could only hold back his own tears in response.

“I used that little number you learned in the academy, you know, the one that if you stab someone in the spine just so, they stay alive while being paralyzed? Then I cut his wrists so that he bled out, so….so slowly. I told him that I hated him, and he believed me! Oh you should have seen his eyes as he watched his best friend kill him! What a show! I think he lasted for a full hour before he finally perished! And I have you to thank for this lovely time.”

“Why...why?” Mike sobbed in response.

“Why? Because it’s what you deserve. A weak, sorry excuse for a spartan.” He could feel the voice echo around and seep deep into himself as though it was fact. He desperately tried to fight it, to remember the times his sisters and friends have stood up for him, but he could feel those memories get slapped away before he could fully grasp them. “Plus, it’s fun! The most fun I had in a long time!”

“Please stop! P-please!”

“No, I don’t think I will. Now you get the same deal as before. Sarge or Simmons? Take your pick or pay the price.”

“Me. Hurt me, not them.” Mike gasped. He was too weak now to get up off the floor, the cold leaching into his body and sending icicles into his head. In response he felt the fingers lash out and grab him, stinging pain assaulted his senses and felt glass cracking somewhere in the distance.

“You really are a glutton for punishment, aren't you.” The voice seemed almost delighted in his choice this time, and Mike feared what would happen next.

Something once again ripped into his head, and pulled with full force. He was, in school? Oh, not in school. He was being a soldier. That was right. He had his….

How many sisters did he have again?

Why couldn’t he remember how many sisters he had?

O'Malley pulled until he couldn’t think anymore. Numbers were twisted around and he could barely think of his own name. He was….he was….

He was…

Nothing.

—

YOU'RE GOING TO BE MY LITTLE TOY SOLDIER. I WIND YOU UP, AND OFF YOU WILL GO. SO MUCH WILL BE DONE IN MY NAME AND BY YOUR HANDS. SO MANY WILL BEG FOR MERCY, BUT THERE WILL BE NONE, BECAUSE YOU WILL GIVE THEM NONE. BECAUSE YOU ARE MINE. MINE FOREVER.

I DON'T THINK YOU ARE GOING TO NEED THIS MEMORY HERE.

OR THIS ONE.

THESE WILL JUST GET IN THE WAY.

JUST A LITTLE SNIP SNIP SNIP.

AND YOU'LL DANCE WHEN I TELL YOU TO.

—

maybe i really do deserve this

—

MIKE B106 was awoken by gunfire and heat. He didn’t remember falling asleep, or being in a combat zone! How strange! He was just in his bunk too, he needed to be ready for school or else he was going to get detention again. He didn’t like detention, because If you go to detention you don’t get a cookie for snack time.

It must be a surprise test! That must be what that is! He was an A plus student on the honor roll so he was sure he was going to pass. A pained tickle in the back of his head told him that he must have been playing too rough again. He would have to stop that or he might go down a grade and have to go to summer school! How terrible!

Two people in armor were in his room. That was rude, didn’t they know how to knock first? One of them in light blue was sitting next to him, calling someone’s name that wasn’t his. The other one, in black, was currently shooting at something purple off in the distance. At least, he thought it was purple. He didn’t remember colors too well right now.

“Caboose!” Blue said, shaking his arm. “Holy shit are you okay?”

“Awuh?” MIKE B106 replied. “Who’s that?”

“You, idiot!” Blue shouted.

He shook his head slowly, pain digging around and jostling his insides. His thoughts rattled around and took a bit to settle, before he could talk again. “No, my name is MIKE B106, silly. Are you here to give me a test? Am I late for school? Oh no, I'm sorry!”

Blue was silent for a moment. “What did that bastard do to you?” He whispered in horror, voice overlapped with both despair and anger. He suddenly reached out and hugged him tight, something that surprised MIKE B106 greatly. “We’re gonna save you, I'm so sorry we didn't notice sooner."

"Okay, person-I-do-not-know. Hugging is against regulation. You will need to stop or we will both get detention and then we won't get cookies with our milk." He liked the hugs though, he wished they were regulation so he can have them all the time. He used to be hugged by...someone? Someones? It must not be very important if he couldn't remember it.

The scream of artillery lanced through the air before an entire scabbed over section of his room blew up into millions of little pieces. He felt himself slip a little, slip a little down and off to the side and his head felt strange and words became smells and he-

"Fucking hell Tex! We're here to save him, not make it worse!"

Taxes were in his head he hated taxes so many forms and letters and forms and letters and forms and letters an-

"I got him!" The taxes black shouted and Blue pulled on him and there was light an-

—

He awoke in bed with a ghost looking at him. He couldn't move, he was in too much pain, pain from his head and pain from facing the people he killed. At least the room was dark, so it didn't hurt his eyes so much, though it just made him scared. The dark hurts.

O'Malley after all, killed them using him, so it made it his fault. He wasn't strong enough to fight him off. That meant he was bad and they had come to get him for what he has done. Tears welled up in his eyes and he took a choking breath, before someone put a hand on his chest. They were teal, aqua? Weird man. Tanker, Tosser....Tuck...er? Tucker was alive?

"Hey! Hey!" The aqua person said, "Omega is gone now. You're okay. You're safe. Do you remember your name?"

"It's..." Just, what WAS his name? Thinking hurt too much, it made everything sting and throb with agony and if he didn't know better, he would have sworn he was bleeding through his ears. It was mush inside. Confusing. Just existing was agony at the moment and he wanted it all to stop. "I don't....it hurts. I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry," Tucker said softly. "You're healing. It'll come to you."

"I'm sorry I killed you." It hurt to talk, but he needed to at least apologize to the ghost. It was the least he could do after being a monster for so long. "O'Malley...he...."

"O'Malley didn't do shit to us. We're alive. See?" The hand moved over to touch his face, and he could feel the warmth and pressure behind them. Ghosts can't touch you, at least, that's what the ghost rules say. So he was alive? O'Malley lied then? He couldn't help but break into sobs. He felt like he did kill them, but the relief was so much it filled him up and spilled from his sides.

"Hey, it's alright Caboose. We're safe, and you are too." The hand held his and squeezed. "You need to rest, take time to heal. You'll be okay, I know you will."

He wondered who Caboose was, but he felt like it was a very nice name.

If only he had a nice one too.

—

Okay this is fucking messed up so be careful. O'Malley is a mean, evil bastard so I decided to go full on evil here. I imagine he likes to torment the people he possesses, so he did shit like convince Caboose he killed all his friends and had lots of fun just deleting his favorite memories.

It took lots of recovery time and love, but he did get back some memories, but it permanently damaged him. Too much scarring and electrical burns right to the brain made sure that he'd never be the same again. And O'Malley did that purposely. A braindead soldier is easy to control, but luckily his friends figured out something was wrong and rescued him before that could happen.

This chapter is purposely disjointed as I wanted to capture a deteriorating mind. Poor Boose :<

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kirisaki-daichi-scenarios · 3 years

Text

kiridai, haizaki + akashi seijuro II

part one here

For a moment, Akashi wonders whether he’s hallucinating.

Of course, he’s in perfect condition - both physical and mental - and this mirage can’t be one inspired by desire either. If that were the case, if it were some bizarre manifestation of his missing Teikō, he’d be imagining Kuroko or Midorima instead. Maybe even Aomine, though that’s a stretch.

He certainly wouldn’t have conjured up the Haizaki Shougo by choice.

“Oi, Akashi, long time no see!”

His fellow first year is leaning against the lockers, just a few strides ahead of Akashi, adorning a black hoodie over the issued white Kirisaki Daiichi shirt, first few holes unbuttoned and tie undone.

“Haizaki.”

Why Haizaki’s attending a school for the very rich, for those with power and success foretold in their futures, when he’s neither of those categories, Akashi doesn’t know. It’s hard to come up with a good guess either. All Akashi can think of right now is that, of all people he’s ever met in his life, Haizaki’s the last he would have ever liked to meet again (let alone go to the same school with, for the second time in a row), and that he’ll be late to his next class, if he dignifies Haizaki with a response longer than one word.

Unfortunately, it seems Haizaki has other plans.

“A little bird told me,” grins Haizaki, stepping in front of Akashi, and side-stepping when Akashi does. His face is inches away from the redhead’s face, as his tongue darts out over his thumb, “that you’ve not been able to join the basketball team here. Guess they were looking for a skilled team player, and you couldn’t fill the requirements, huh?”

“Enough, Shougo. I don’t have the time to entertain you.”

Akashi pushes against Haizaki’s shoulder, trying to get past. Haizaki pushes back.

“To think you kicked me out of the team - and now look at you.”

“Good. Bye. Shougo.”

“Three years here, and you’re not going to play basketball for any of them. Better start coming up with excuses to not play with your miracle buddies. They’re all going to have way surpassed you as players by the time we graduate.”

Akashi’s faintly aware of his shoulders shivering, as he glowers at Haizaki.

“Watch your tone,” he snarls.

For a second, Haizaki looks a little unnerved, as if he’s instinctually reverted back to the days Akashi was his captain. But the emotion soon passes. All that follows is a smug grin that haunts Akashi for the rest of the day.

It’s the disrespect; that’s what Akashi can’t handle.

The mere concept that some arrogant fool like Haizaki, who’s never worked for anything in his life, could have been handed a place on the first string on a plate, just because someone somewhere (Hanamiya) has such fun meddling with people’s lives.

*****

If Akashi had ever liked Haizaki at all, had ever held a single non-negative emotion towards the guy, he soon loses it. The boy's like a kanji whose definition you search up once, and now you’re seeing it everywhere you go. For weeks, Akashi hadn’t known Haizaki was a member of the same school. Yet now they've been bumping into each other every day. And, every time, Haizaki’s got trainers on, or a basketball in his hands - if he had had half as much an enthusiasm for the sport during middle school, then maybe he would have been able to continue as a member on the team - and he meets Akashi’s gaze to smirk, as the ball spins on his finger.

The time he once spent playing basketball, Akashi now spends riding, working on additional homework, studying Shogi tactics, and searching up Hanamiya’s name. The second year’s eyes tease him from within his computer screen, as he carefully reads through all the information on the Uncrowned Kings - searching for anything that he could possibly use against Hanamiya, since he’s already understood that this is an opponent he can’t face without preparation. But all he learns is that Hanamiya played ball with Imayoshi in middle school, that their team was expectedly successful, and that he won some university level prize for chemistry last year.

That, and (from a blog on the third page of Google results, by some kid who faced the Kirisaki Daichi basketball team last year): “I used to like superhero movies. I liked how predictable they were - that you could always bet on the hero being stronger than the villain. But now I’ve faced that fucker Hanamiya, I don’t know about that anymore. He’s the shittiest piece of shit I’ve ever met, and, not only does he get away with it, but also he completely defeated against my senpais, who’d spent years training for that moment. It’s like he’s sent from hell.”

It’s with this blog in mind, that Akashi, with his newly acquired position as student council head, decides to forgo fighting with Hanamiya face-to-face, to make the matter political instead. That’s one angle he knows he can succeed at; it's what his father trained him for.

He's superior to Hanamiya - by far. He's a born talent, and he'll know nothing but success in his life, once he's sorted out the second year. Hanamiya's nothing but a cheap bully in comparison.

*****

“Finally,” Akashi announces, towards the end of the student council meeting, sat with his back straight, “I’m concerned about the basketball team.”

There’s a collective sigh to varying degrees, by the other members of the committee. One girl slips the boy beside her a 10,000 yen banknote, as he rolls his eyes.

“Look, Akashi, you’ve not been here long,” begins the 3rd year Vice President, adjusting his glasses, “but I’ll save you the trouble of wasting your time with this. If you’ve got a problem with them; well, no, you don’t.”

“I’m not sure I understand,” replies Akashi, who knows damn well what’s going on, but who wants to hear it admitted by these buffoons who have let Hanamiya run free across the school.

The student council has spent so many hours of their week sat in this room of mahogany chairs with plush purple seats, with the large, arch-shaped windows which overlook the campus grounds: mostly the golf course, but with the indoor gyms in the corner, where the Kirisaki Daichi basketball team is no doubt messing around as Akashi speaks (why would they bother practicing if all they do is injure opponents?) And thus student council enjoys many privileges too, which one would only deserve if they were keeping the school in order - but that's something which they lost all hope in managing, the minute Hanamiya stepped onto this campus unchained.

“We don’t get involved with Hanamiya, or anything he does, or any troubles he might have allegedly cause. Ergo, we don’t get involved with any of the rest of them either.”

“The headmaster-“

“The headmaster’s an old friend of the Yamazaki family’s. Even if he wasn’t, he loves Seto and Hanamiya - they’re the type that's guaranteed to get into Tōdai and become very powerful in the future - he's always indulging in them. You know, in the past, we only had a sports scholarship for golf, but this year, Hanamiya claimed he had to have one for basketball, something about a talented player who couldn't afford the school fees. So it was up to us to factor that into the school's budget, because God forbid someone goes against Hanamiya. You can do whatever you want as student council president - we all know you're more than qualified for the position - but just leave Hanamiya be.”

Fighting his inner rage at the sheer ridiculousness of the situation, Akashi exhales slowly. How can favouritism be so blatant? How can a couple kids with better opportunities than others have so much power?

And, worse, everyone’s starting to get up already, undermining his own power as the president. Like they think this meeting’s over.

“Haizaki Shougo has injured teammates in the past.” Akashi adds quickly, “it’s not in the school’s interests to allow him to represent us.”

The girl that had been sat opposite Akashi - the editor-in-chief of the school’s magazine - slips her backpack onto her back, as she asks, “has he injured anyone here?”

“He very well might have.”

“Then take it up with the discipline council.”

Akashi allows a thin smile to form across his lips. Hope. Potential for at least one ally against the Kiridai team.

“Who’s the head of the discipline council?”

“Hanamiya.” When the Vice President looks at Akashi, there’s genuine pity in his eyes. “With all due respect, I think you should give this up.”

******

As Akashi makes his way through the school grounds, to where a chauffeur should be waiting to drive him home, he stops briefly by the flower beds by the entrance to the main building. They’re being tended by a tall man, with dark hair, and darker eyes, but his movements are gentle as he sprinkles root powder onto the soil under the rose bush.

If only, thinks Akashi (watching the stranger, hoping the splendid colours of the flowers might lower his blood pressure enough to not explode at his father this evening), his school life could be so simple. How nice would it be for his only responsibilities to constitute of some gardening here and there, in a world where useless bureaucrats, Hanamiya, and (by default) the basketball team, didn’t exist.

But even this dream is quickly shattered.

“Furuhashi!” yells a pink-head obnoxiously, with a basketball jersey loose around his torso. He's accompanied by the second year who had led Akashi to the gym on that fateful first day, “you seriously ditched us just for your roses? We’ve had to scour the whole campus looking for you - Hanamiya didn’t want us to leave without you, but, man, between you and post-practice udon-”

“You've known me this many years, Hara,” replies Furuhashi, standing up slowly, “and you really didn’t to check whether I was by the flowerbeds first?”

Only now does Furuhashi see Akashi. They stare at each other for a long moment - Akashi with nothing but disappointment in his eyes, and Furuhashi clearly wondering why a stranger looks so disgruntled with his existence - until Hara interrupts.

“Oh hey, Akashi,” he grins, “you wouldn’t be standing there, hoping we’d invite you to join us, would you? Alas, only the first string’s allowed on these outings. But, if you wipe down the court, then I might just put in a good word for you.”

The man beside him chuckles. Furuhashi rolls his eyes, and wipes the remnants of soil of his trousers.

Akashi walks off without looking back once. He walks so fast he’s practically jogging. The more he hears of the pink-head’s voice, the more he thinks of Kise, or of all the Teikō team and of the times they spent together, post-practice, whilst now they’re spread across the country, whilst he’s stuck at a school with Haizaki and Hanamiya, because his father is so convinced his son will become a politician.

“I see you’re not on the basketball team anymore,” says the man that evening. His are the only words said over dinner; Akashi doesn’t trust himself to open his mouth. “Good. You should join the golf club instead; the prime minister’s son’s an alumni of theirs.”

In the night, Akashi dreams that he’s in an exam hall, but he can’t understand any of the questions in the test before him, and he’s not got a pen with him either. Feeling nauseous, he raises a hand, and the teacher lets him leave to the toilet - but with a distrustful glimpse in her eye, like she thinks he’s just a cheat. When he stands up, his belt snaps. Forced to hold his trousers in place himself, he runs all the way to the school bathrooms, but, when he finally finds a stall available, the lock on the front is broken, and Hanamiya’s filming him with a grin.

He wakes at 2am, yet can’t fall back asleep. Instead, he decides to search up the meaning of the dream, before shortly closing his computer again after all that comes up is insinuations of stress, fear, and cowardice. What’s worse is that it’s possible. He might be stressed. He might even be nervous.

At 3am, he finds himself watching a recording of Kirisaki Daichi’s match with Seirin last year. And, maybe it’s just the delirium of only having slept a couple hours, but, when the pixelated Hanamiya snaps his fingers and Seirin’s centre is moved out of the court on a stretcher shortly after, Akashi shivers.

He feels feverish, sick and cold at the same time, and yet he plays the match on repeat till 7am comes around, and it’s time to prepare for school.

*****

Hanamiya grins when he sees Akashi - and his rumpled shirt, and the dark circles under his eyes - during lunch.

“I hear you’re student president now,” he says, as he wraps his arm around the first year’s shoulders, close enough that Akashi can see the redness of the captain's knuckles, remnants from the previous student he dealt with.

Around them, students cast quick looks at the duo as they walk past. They gaze at Hanamiya with curiosity and thinly veiled worry, and at Akashi with nothing more than sympathy. He’s never felt more humiliated.

At last, glaring and making sure his voice retains a cutting edge, Akashi replies, “I am.”

“Well I don’t know if you know, but I actually run the discipline committee,” Hanamiya’s voice is practically singing, as he gives Akashi's arm a squeeze, “so if you ever have a problem with anyone, if anyone’s ever bothering you, just let me know. I’ll soon sort them out for you.”

Akashi clenches his fist, stares down at the ground. Bitter, bitter rage rises within him, but stronger is the sense of defeat. His heart tells him to apologise - for anything at all, just to get this man off his back - though he refuses to allow himself to sink so low. Better, he knows, would be to leave before he says something he’ll regret.

And, as he walks away, he hears Hanamiya’s voice behind him - “I look forward to working with you, Sei!” - and the words ring in his head for the rest of the day, like a threat.

He understands now, if nothing else, what the captain means, when he talks about ‘trash’.

****

authors notes:

if the above fic is unreadable, it’s because i was up researching akashi at 4am, and then spent 5am onwards writing and editing this. lowkey, i really enjoyed writing this! in particular, putting the work in to write the point of view of a character i’ve written so little for in the past, was a lot of fun, and, more so, trying to fit in little canon details about akashi into this fic too. (he comes off a bit of a patronising twat in the manga/anime, but, man, there’s a whole to be uncovered between the lines). so, hopefully, if any of y’all are akashi fans, you won’t notice too many ooc aspects in this :D

also, i'd like to dedicate these odd 2.2k words to @dust-of-fandoms and @thecrimsonacademic ! your enthusiasm towards this au really motivated me, so i hope you like this addition to the first part :)

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mc-critical · 3 years

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I remember not too long ago, I had read an analysis on Kösem and Ahmed’s relationship, namely its development and whether or not it was truly healthy. I remember the sudden development of Kösem’s feelings for Ahmed were ascribed to stockholm syndrome, which as you dissect it further, even later in the series after Ahmed has passed away, makes total sense. However it made me wonder, why stop at Kösem/Ahmed? Truthfully, I think stockholm syndrome, trauma response and survival instinct were the primary factors in all of the sultanas “love” or attachment to the sultans. Hürrem, Mahidevran, Aysë, Halime, Handan..all of them. Hürrem had initially thought her fiance was murdered when she came to the palace, and within what looked like a couple of months if even, she was shown to be totally head over heels for Suleyman. No one can simply discard their former love interest so quickly unless trauma was a catalyst..and even when Leo came back to the palace that whole time period where he was in such a close proximity to her visibly caused Hürrem so much pain mentally and emotionally. Or with Handan and Kösem going on to fall in love after their sultans had died..it makes me think of when Handan was confessing her love to Dervish and called being a member of the royal family “her prison.” None of these women were truly in love with their sultans, nor do I blame them for it. Love is what develops when there’s no consequences, no strings attached, which is entirely untrue in the harem’s enviornment. Even with Mahidevran’s arc way back when Hürrem was first introduced and she started to feel like she was losing Suleyman. It looked to me Mahidevran ultimately feared lonliness rather than losing Suleyman himself. Harem rules wouldn’t permit her to fall in love with someone else if Suleyman lost interest in her. He was pretty much her only confidant and the only person she had been intimate with and likely from a very young age, unhealthy attachment is bound to develop due to those curcumstances. We all feel so sorry for royal borne sultanas when they’re forced to marry men they don’t love..but this courtesy is seldom extended to their mothers. It’s all very sad when I think about it. How do you feel about this perspective?

(~Fun fact: I got yours and the last ask in the same day and they are both somehow related to Kösem and Ahmet!!~)

Anyway, I have also read that analysis and it's really nuanced and awesome, Joanna always does such an amazing job with her blog and these posts! <3 It gives an amazing perspective to the nature of Kösem and Ahmet and makes us think hard on whether there are more relationship cases in the franchise where Stockholm Syndrome can be applied and how many women there are in the harem that aren't so in love with their sultans.

I also fully believe that, just like motherhood, love in the harem can't not be toxic in a way, because the environment itself won't ever let healthy dynamics happen, thanks to its very roots. And while mothers of children still have the small chance to forge some kind of a relationship with genuine affection despite of the toxicity, we have a totally different situation with the sultans who are basically on the top of the system that brought them in this mess in the first place. It's not easy to let go of the people you loved and it's even harder to get to truly love a person you not only don't know at all, but one you know you're supposed to at least try to win over by sheer force.

Survival instinct plays a lot into this, because sooner or later you see that you don't have a choice. You do what you have to do or else you'll either rot in this palace with everyone always bossing you around or be done for. Something I see some viewers forget is the way Hürrem was ultimately "convinced" to try her luck out with Süleiman. She wanted to get out of this place and let it burn in hell until Nigar told her what it took to win the game. Keep in mind that she hadn't met Süleiman yet back then and that faint was merely an act she pulled to gain his attention and she gained some kind of an affection for him only after some time had passed. This sheer pragmatism could've turned into something more eventually, but the beggining was precisely this survival instinct that was kept intact throughout the entire relationship and the birth and living of Hürrem's children. I think she had let go of Leo by the time when she met him again, but that letting go pained her so much, as seen by all her breakdowns when she saw him and lost him completely. It's something she knew she had to do; notice how she kept telling him to leave for "his own good" and for "the good of both of them". There is this looming, prevailing fear that if they had escaped, the consequences would be severe and Hürrem had already planted roots in the dynasty: as if she gained attachment after attachment she felt the need to protect. She's now responsible for these children and can't leave them behind for her own possible desires to get out of the system. Ibrahim did threaten the children in front of Leo and Hürrem in the S01 finale and that's a big reason why she decided it would be for the best to lose him in this particular situation, no matter how much it hurt afterwards. Hürrem already had a set goal to fulfill in the dynasty and letting go of Leo became the only plausible option for her thematically and narratively. Everything these women do in the harem they do is to survive, adapting to their circumstances and forging some kind of relationships with their sultans is the peak of it. A healthy dynastic is far from one where you have to be opportunistic at every turn. Even the favored women have to be as careful as ever, because a mistake can cost everything. They have to make sure they always have his approval and be in his good graces, behaving like he wants them to behave, not the way they actually are. The goal they have set for themselves in the harem is tightly linked with their love for the sultan. He isn't only love, he's also power, prestige and reassuring. The Sultanate of Women are probably even the most affected by this, because they are the ones who want to break the boundaries of power and by doing that they have to put the leg work to make him happy and pleased. These relationships need so much work and decisiveness for their flourishment, with the women having to be mindful of the sultan's moods and unpredictable nature. (especially when you have an unpredictable, very short tempered sultan like Murat!)

But attachment is still attachment and that's where Stockholm syndrome comes from. They do their best to win him over, but with doing that for such a long time, they learn to feel something for him. There is so much toxicity in the dynamic, but they get used to it and normalize it in their heads. The concept of the harem itself succeeds to make their life revolve around it and it's not something they question anymore. I absolutely agree that it's not limited to only Kösem and Ahmet - everyone is somehow subjected to it, no exceptions. The relationships each woman of the franchise has with the sultan certainly differ from one another, depending on the different personalities and goals, but its unhealthy core remains the same: it's still a toxic, dependant relationship with a massive power imbalance and will always remain so in these castle walls and rules. The big attachment makes it even scarier for one to discover that they might be losing everything, that's why there is such a resistence from Mahidevran, Hürrem, Kösem, Ayşe, Farya etc. when the sultan accepts or outrightly begins to favor other women and I always roll my eyes when these women get accused of "behaving like that while knowing the rules of the harem" without it being understood from a narrative standpoint - even though they know the rules, it still hurts, because the attachment is ultimately more self-centered than anything: they want the sultan to be all theirs, to have him all for themselves, perhaps for a validation of their efforts to forge and preserve their relationships. When they lose favor, everything seems to be crumbling and falling apart and that is so difficult to accept, you can't face helplessness like that, you can't face vulnerability like that and I guess for that it took Mahidevran so long to get over Süleiman. As you said, she got destructively attached to the person that seemigly gave her so much for years. (she herself even said that she's like a little kid in front of him in the second episode) And her suddenly not being regarded in the same way by someone she thought was her family (I still adore that thematic note of her character and perhaps it's the reason why we didn't get any backstory from her.) was catastrophic to her emotional stability and it took her 46 (55, if we begin from her direct confession) episodes to accept that she has lost and even then she was still trying to achieve vengeance at the very least, by thinking of her rule of the harem as a battle she fought with Hürrem, a last helpless try to prevail over her. (E63: "I congratulate you, Hürrem, you won.") That's also why Hürrem almost killed herself when Firuze seemed to have taken away her Thursdays, without having any regard for the children. It's like a chain, of sorts, that women are stuck in, fighting to the end to be the ones next to him, to the point of wanting to end their own lives if they lose. If they lose, that's the end. If they lose the favoritism or the sultan himself dies, leaving them to rest in the hands of the enemy, that's the end.

That's why Mahidevran and Ayşe getting over Süleiman and Murat respectively and realizing that it was more or less an unhealthy dynamic is so important, because these character arcs help spread awareness of the toxicity of this grown attachment to the sultan and the struggle it takes for them to take account of said toxicity, because of their attachments. Ayşe had a rough path accepting that Murat was the way he is, trying almost until the end to make things right with him, both missing in the process and slowly uncovering his unpredictability. While this realization rendered her to do the inevitable in killing herself along with the kids, her letter to Murat indeed felt so eye opening in this regard, putting this whole deal into perspective. Mahidevran, conversely, also found out his true nature and detached herself from it, daring to openly call out a root of the attachment (E139: "He decides the fates of all of us.") and put the free choice of everyone into light and question. (E139: "God, apart from reason, gave people free will.") It's rare for someone to gain such awareness of the system and that's a valuable quality to have, but in a future where Mahidevran and Ayşe aren't as grossly mistreated, would all this be possible to happen? No, I don't think so. And even from the ones that aren't favourites who are more likely to find this out, there are still people out there that probably would stay trapped in the attachment forever. And favourites would be the least likely to figure stuff out, judging by the series' themes. (Hürrem, E134: "I am the soul of all the women in the world and my existence is hidden in the love of the conqueror of my heart." - this assertion is honestly self-explanatory.)

[Handan's arc also extends on the traumatic response one gives the system and I think this aspect applies to her the most. She's a person with no real attachments that is so traumatized by fighting, she didn't even expect the possibility to win over players like Halime and Safiye. She's trying to adapt to her new role as Valide, give "cruel" advice to Ahmet in order to ensure it and make impulsive decisions, dictated by the fear it would all come back to square 1 again, but when she met Derviş, it turned out that nothing about the system made her fit. Hence, she "adapts out" from it by finding true love and killing herself for that love, leaving everything behind.]

So no matter how much these women come to idealize it, no matter how much they begin to think it is actually love or a "fairytale", there still are so many signs that it's not quite like that and that prevent it from being that. That truly includes everyone in the harem, it can't be denied.

#magnificent century #ask #stuffandthangs

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lifeofkaze · 3 years

Text

An Art of Balance #19

Orion Amari x MC

Word Count: ~ 3.300

_____________________________________________________________

Chapter 19: A Shoulder to Cry On

As Lizzie stepped out of the side entrance to the castle what felt like an eternity later, the storm had died down. There still was the occasional splatter of rain, but the sun was already showing through the dark clouds, casting its pale light over the dripping landscape.

She didn’t need to think where she was going as her feet carried her over the bridge and down the hills and familiar paths to the Creatures Reserve. She didn’t even register arriving there, her mind still preoccupied with everything Orion had said.

Oblivious to her surroundings, she didn’t notice the red-head straightening up from where he had sat in between a group of Nifflers as he saw her approach. She wandered right past him, so he called out to her.

“Hey, Lizzie! Over here!”

Lizzie jumped in shock at the unexpected sound of Charlie’s voice. Her foot caught in a root traversing the muddy trail and she nearly tripped for the second time of the day. Cursing her own clumsiness she walked over to where Charlie sat on the stone wall marking the end of the Nifflers’ compound.

“Why do you keep on scaring me, Charlie?” she sighed, offering him a shaky smile.

“I don’t know; perhaps you’re just really scare-able?” he laughed back at her.

Lizzie sat down next to him, his legs inside the compound, hers facing outwards. She noticed the small Niffler snuggled into Charlies armpit; it was happily fiddling with the silver dragon clasp on Charlie’s bag. She reached out and scratched the furry animal’s belly. It chattered contentedly before trying to undo the clasp once again.

She chuckled at the sight. “Have you been out here for long?” she asked Charlie without taking her eyes off the little Niffler.

“No, but I needed some fresh air after that storm. I hate being cooped up inside for too long.”

“Yeah, me too,” she hummed in response.

The Niffler grumbled in protest as Charlie leaned forward to catch a better glimpse of her face.

“What’s wrong, buttercup? You look like you have seen a ghost.”

Lizzie didn’t respond, but her shoulders started slumping and her face fell; she looked very small and forlorn, sitting on the wall beside him like that, looking all wretched and desolate.

He carefully nudged her shoulder. “Come on, tell Charlie.”

She closed her eyes and sighed from the very bottom of her heart. “I wouldn’t even know where to start.”

Charlie pried the Niffler that was by now chewing on the strap of his bag off himself and held it up to her face. “Then tell Lord Sniffleknut, he knows how to keep a secret,” he winked as he presented the confused looking creature to her.

As its small, beady eyes fell on Lizzie’s golden necklace, it immediately started wiggling around in an attempt to escape Charlie’s firm grasp. It’s desperate pursuit of another glittering treasure drew a bubbly giggle from Lizzie that turned into full on laughter as the Niffler’s paws tickled her skin.

To Charlie’s utter horror, however, her laughter quickly dissolved into a set of heart-wrenching sobs. All of a sudden, all the tension, all the conflict, all of the emotions she had been holding back were too much for her to handle all.

Overwhelmed with the distraught girl in front of him, Charlie let go of the Niffler and shuffled closer to her. Lizzie had pulled her legs up on the wall and curled herself into a ball; she was shaking from her sobs and he carefully put his arm around her heaving shoulders and pulled her into a hug, gently rubbing at her back.

“Hush now, it’s okay, everything will be fine,” he muttered into her ear as her tears fell on the front of his sweater. He had no idea what had happened to make Lizzie so upset, but he knew she needed someone to hold onto right now.

After some time, her tears stopped flowing and her sobs were starting to grow less violent. Exhausted from her emotional outburst, Lizzie rested her head against Charlie’s shoulder; her body was still trembling from exertion. Her legs lay draped over his thighs as he held her close until she felt composed enough to let go of him. His fingers were idly twirling a strand of her ponytail as he waited for her to calm down.

Lizzie wiped away the dark traces her mascara had left down her cheeks. Her eyes were red as she bashfully smiled up at Charlie.

“Sorry for that,” she mumbled into his chest as she leaned into him again, thankful for the warmth and comfort he provided.

“What for?” Charlie shook his head. “What on Earth has gotten you so rattled, munchkin?”

Unable to keep it in any longer, Lizzie told him.

She told him everything; from Rowan’s crush on Orion to how they’d started getting his help in Herbology under a false pretence and how, despite her original plan, she and Orion had gotten closer and closer with every passing day.

She told him about how confused she had been after she had been dancing with him, the necklace he had gotten her for Christmas and their talk in the Common Room.

And she told him about how miserable she felt for lying to both Rowan and Orion, how clueless she was on what to do next after all the things she had learned today.

Lizzie drew a shaky breath after she had finished and Charlie whistled through his teeth. “Wow,” he conceded, “what a mess, girl.”

She huffed in response. “Tell me about it.”

Charlie let go of her so Lizzie could sit up straight again. “And how do you feel about all of this?”

“That’s the thing, isn’t it?” she grimaced. “I don’t know.”

He cocked his head to one side. “Ah, but I think you do.”

Lizzie was too drained to object anymore; she was sick of it. “I really like him, you know,” she whispered, “I really do. I mean, obviously I do, we’ve been friends for years now. That’s all I ever thought we were, just friends. But this now,” her gaze wandered to the edge of the Forbidden Forest, focusing on nothing in particular as she carried on, “this scares the hell out of me. Everything is so intense; I can’t think straight anymore.”

“Call me smarty-pants, but I’d say you’ve fallen pretty hard for you dear captain, missy,” Charlie chuckled.

“How could I even think of something along those lines,” Lizzie exclaimed. Her face was agitated as she raked her fingers through her messy hair. “How could I do this to Rowan, what kind of a horrible friend am I?”

“Stop with the self-loathing, will you?” Charlie chided her. She shouldn’t beat herself up over things that were out of her control. “It’s not like Rowan has any right to him. The concept isn’t exactly first come, first serve,” he reminded her.

“But she trusts me,” Lizzie sighed. “I promised her to help and not steal her guy for myself.”

“Yeah, to be honest with you, this plan of yours was a really messed up idea from the start,” Charlie snorted. “How could you even agree to that?”

“That doesn’t really make things better,” Lizzie pointed out but Charlie only shrugged it off.

“Maybe not, but it was about time someone set your head straight again.”

They had started making their way back through the still dripping trees towards the castle. Despite her protests Charlie insisted on walking her through the dungeons back to her Common Room. When they reached the hidden entrance he pulled her into another, bone-crashing hug; she breathed in his comforting scent of grass and honeysuckle.

“Everything will be alright, okay?” he whispered into Lizzie’s ear before he placed a small kiss on her hair. “I’m always here if you need someone to talk to, sweetheart.”

Lizzie smiled gratefully against his chest; she had no idea how she deserved such a friend as Charlie.

“Thank you for being you,” she mumbled. She felt the tears swelling in her eyes once again and sniffed slightly.

She could feel the laugh vibrating in his chest as he stroked the top of her head. “I’d hardly know how to be someone else.”

“Um, hey guys?”

The sudden sound of an awkward voice had them quickly breaking apart.

Unnoticed by them, Rowan had stepped out of the passageway leading to the Hufflepuff Common Room. She raised her eyebrows in surprise as she took in the pair in front of her, Charlie’s hands still resting on Lizzie’s shoulders. Lizzie quickly averted her face as she rubbed at her red eyes.

As she looked at Rowan again, Lizzie’s and her eyes met and she could see the unspoken questions forming in them. Rowan adjusted the books she carried in front of her chest as she asked, “Did I interrupt something?”

Lizzie stepped away from Charlie, heat rising to her face at how the situation must have appeared to her; just what she needed right now, on top of everything else. “Not at all, Charlie was just leaving, weren’t you?”

“Exactly; see you around.” He tapped his fingers to his forehead and made his way back to the Gryffindor Tower.

Lizzie watched him round the corner before she turned to Rowan again.

“Don’t ask,” she mumbled before Rowan would come up with any questions she wouldn’t know how to answer.

The other girl pushed her glasses back up her nose and blinked sceptically. But she did Lizzie the favour and didn’t comment on what she had seen. Instead, she gripped her books tighter and stepped away from the secret door.

“It’s a good thing you’re here, I just wanted to go looking for you,” she raised the books into Lizzie’s direction at her blank expression. “We wanted to study after your meeting, remember? For the Arithmancy test next week?”

Lizzie dimly remembered them talking about revising the necessary topics sometime this morning. She smiled feebly.

“I’m sorry, I totally forgot; there’s a lot on my mind right now.”

What an understatement.

“I’ll just go and fetch my stuff; I’ll meet you at the library, alright?”

She tried to shuffle past Rowan but she didn’t step aside to make room for her.

“Why didn’t you come pack with the rest of the team?” Her brow furrowed as she looked at Lizzie intently. “Orion’s not back either.”

Lizzie’s heart skipped a beat at Rowan’s mention of Orion. But at least she seemed to have no idea about what had happened, yet.

“The meeting went a bit roughly,” Lizzie answered vaguely, “Skye ran off and I went looking for her.”

Rowan craned her head in the direction Charlie had disappeared to. “Well, that didn’t look like Skye to me.”

She looked Lizzie up and down, taking in the state her friend was in. Her hair was still messed up from the wind and her hands running through it in distress and her eyes were red from crying. She must have given quite the wretched impression.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Rowan’s voice was much softer now.

Lizzie nodded quickly, straightening her shoulders in a futile attempt to look more composed than she actually felt. “Yes, don’t worry, I’m fine.”

Not giving Rowan a chance to prod into her any more, she pushed past her friend and entered the passageway. She was thankful for the dim light the torches on the stone walls were emitting; it hid her puffy eyes from any student passing her on their way out.

She leaned against the masonry for a moment and shut her eyes; the cold seeping into her body from the ancient stonework made her tremble and she was taking deep breaths to calm her nerves before she had to step into the light of the Common Room. At least now she knew didn’t need to face Orion at the other end of the tunnel.

Her breath grew shaky at the thought of him and she was annoyed with herself as she sniffed to hold back the tears that were once again building up behind her closed eyelids. She’d done enough crying for today.

Lizzie knew she had to calm herself down; she’d rather die than letting the rest of the team see her in such a state, especially the likes of Everett. She just hoped they hadn’t started gossiping yet. Her mind was racing to come up with what she would say to Rowan once the rumours would inevitably reach her.

Penny had been right; she would have to deal with the dilemma that was Rowan, Orion and her sooner rather than later. But for now, yet another lie would have to do.

Lizzie’s mouth twisted into a cynical smile as she remembered what Orion had said to her when they had sat alone in front of the fireplace a few weeks ago.

The lies we tell have a way of building up on themselves, until the mountain we have put in our wake is too high for us to overcome on our own.

She should have listened to him. Everywhere she turned, another lie was waiting for her. Even if it was only small adjustments to the truth, the constant attention needed to not get caught up in her own web drained her to a point where she was nothing but sick of herself.

Even now, she had been lying to Rowan once again. Lizzie wrapped her jacket around herself in an attempt to block off the cold that wasn’t solely coming from the wall behind her; it was her inside that made her freeze.

When was all this going to stop?

Lizzie and Rowan had stayed at the library long after everyone else had packed it in for the night.

Thankful for a divergence to the pressing matters on her mind, Lizzie had buried herself up to the nose in her textbook. Rowan appreciated her friend’s new found fervour, yet she couldn’t help but wonder what had gone down between Lizzie and Charlie earlier.

She had tried to ask her about him again, but Lizzie had quickly diverted her attention to a particularly difficult calculation and Rowan had let the subject drop.

They were still going over their notes when Madam Pince extinguished all the lights in the vast room with an indignant flick of her wand, threatening to kick them out herself if they hadn’t left by the time she had counted to three.

It was almost curfew when they arrived at the already mostly deserted Common Room. McNully and Orion were still sitting by the fireplace engaged in a round of chess; but before Murphy could call out for her to join them, Lizzie sped up her steps and quickly darted through the round door leading to the girls’ dormitories and out of sight.

She’d rather have a sleepover in the library with Peeves than face Orion right now. Not if she could help it.

Penny was sitting on her bed undoing her braids and Lizzie could hear Skye rummaging around in their bathroom as she entered their dorm. Tonks was nowhere to be found; much to Rowan’s dismay, Penny informed her that Tonks was sneaking around with Tulip again, doing Godric knew what kind of mischief.

Lizzie grabbed her washbag and joined Skye who was brushing her teeth in front of their bathroom mirror. Skye’s green eyes lit up with relief as she saw Lizzie enter the room.

“Where’ve you been at, Jameson?” she called out with a mouth full of toothpaste. She spat it out before she continued brushing and talking at the same time. “Couldn’t find you anywhere when I came back from the stands,” she added.

So Lizzie hadn’t been the only one seeking comfort outdoors. She smiled wryly as she started taking off what little was left of her makeup. “I’ve been to the library with Rowan; wouldn’t hurt you to check in there once in a while.”

Skye grinned at her words, clearly in a much better mood than hours before, but her face quickly grew serious again. “I’ve talked to Orion, just so you know; apologised for what I said. He said he’d think about letting me play.”

Lizzie tried to relax her shoulders that had immediately tensed at the mention of Orion; but she was glad Skye had had the decency to talk things out with him. Maybe the Cup wasn’t completely out of reach after all.

Skye elbowed Lizzie in the side, “Don’t have to think too hard to know that’s all thanks to you.”

Lizzie gave her a quick sideways glance. “Yeah,” she closed her eyes at the memory and grimaced, “we had a little chat, you could say.”

“About what?”

Rowan’s voice made Lizzie jump; she had entered the bathroom as well and must have heard her last sentence.

“Skye got herself kicked off the team,” Lizzie explained hurriedly before Skye could say something compromising. “I only asked Orion to accept her back.”

Rowan sat down on the edge of the bathtub. “How did you manage to rile him up like that?” she asked curiously.

Skye opened her mouth to reply, but Lizzie cut her off. “She slanted his tactics in front of the others, he wasn’t particularly amused by that.” She gave Skye a pleading glance to play along.

Feeling the need to make up to Lizzie for her behaviour, Skye caught on without questioning. “Still believe going all defensive is rubbish,” she explained waving her toothbrush. “Slytherin needs to be played with a hard offensive.”

“You’re absolutely right,” Lizzie agreed; she was eyeing Rowan’s reflection in the mirror who seemed to be bored of the Quidditch talk already. “He even said he’d give your take on it another thought.”

Not interested in a more detailed rundown of their tactics, Rowan got up and the left the room; Lizzie breathed out in relief as the door fell shut behind her.

Skye watched her curiously. “And what was that about?”

“I told you, it’s all a bit complicated,” Lizzie answered quietly. “Please, don’t talk to anyone about what’s happened yet, okay? At least until I have everything figured out.”

“Hate to break it to you then, but it’s quite the talk already,” Skye admitted bashfully, “It’s quite a big thing and the team talks. Everett is super pissed for one; I heard him bashing Orion earlier – I almost smacked him square in the face,” she added glumly.

Lizzie hung her head at Skye’s words. “Figured.”

“I’m really sorry, Liz,” Skye muttered. “I know I say that a lot, but I really mean it.”

“It’s alright.” What had been said couldn’t be taken back; she’d just have to live with whatever it brought with it, for better or for worse.

“But to be honest with you,” Skye spoke up again, this time sounding tentative, “I actually don’t think you guys dating would be the best idea.”

Lizzie cocked her head to one side. “Not that we are anywhere close to that, but why? You’re actually the first one to say that.”

“The team’s good as it is, we’ve got a great dynamic, all parts go together perfectly – most of the time anyway,” she added sheepishly in allusion to the disastrous Ravenclaw match, “You and him being together would rattle everything; just look how mad Everett’s gotten already.”

Skye leaned against the sink as she watched her friend braid her hair; Lizzie tried very much to look unfazed at Skye’s words.

“There is a reason professional players are not allowed to date other players, inside their own team or outside of it. It makes matters too complicated, believe me.” She put her hand on Lizzie’s shoulder and looked at her with a seriousness that was uncommon for Skye; but her expression was not unkind.

“If growing up around professionals taught me one thing, it’s that, for the sake of the team, it’s much better for everyone to remain friends.”

#hphm #hogwarts mystery #orion amari #charlie weasley #quidditch #rowan khanna #lizzie jameson #aob #art of balance #the quidditch squad

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rachelbethhines · 4 years

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Tangled Salt Marathon - Rapunzel Day One

This is decent episode, and one of the few that isn’t filler in season two, but because there are problems with the over all character acs, there’s problems here with episode too.

Summary: Rapunzel and Cassandra come across an abandoned magic stall while searching for parts of their destroyed caravan. The stall contains a wand of forgetting. Cassandra impulsively wishes that Rapunzel would "just forget about everything" when she was tired of her trying to patch things up between them, which results in Rapunzel regressing to when she was still in her tower with Gothel.

The Episode Order is Confusing

So this and The Brothers Hook aired on the same day. Now in the production order listing, Rapunzel Day One is suppose to come before The Brothers Hook and that’s how it’s ordered on Disney Plus. Which is where I’m watching this marathon and getting all my screen caps.

However The Brothers Hook did air before this episode according to Wikipedia. Also Hook Foot is nowhere to be seen with nary a word. So placing The Brothers Hook before would indeed make more sense in that regard.

Yet Raps and Cass aren’t fighting in The Brothers Hook, so I don’t understand how this was supposed to originally work. What’s the correct viewing order here? Is Hook Foot just off screen with Fidella this episode, or is Cass and Raps ignoring their big fight in The Brother’s Hook?

For Someone With a Disability Now, It Doesn’t Seem To Affect Things

Ok, to be fair, they do show Cassandra practicing here and later in Mirror, Mirror trying to relearn how to use her hand, and indeed physical therapy for injuries is a thing. Yet, two scenes isn’t enough to establish that. She regains usage of her hand really quickly and far too easily, given the type of injury it was.

Disabilities, even unseen ones, still impact your everyday life. Yes, they don't ruin your life; you can still do things. But they don't just go away and you have to deal with it.

Finding that balance between not making a character useless, while still recognizing that there are things that they struggle with when writing disabilities is a line that writers have trouble with. But if you’re not going to put in that effort needed to pull it off tastefully then don't introduce the concept.

One Step Forward; Two Steps Back

Rapunzel recognizing that there is a problem, and wanting to fix it before it gets worse, can be viewed as progress. After all, avoiding the issue is why things got so bad between her and Varian. But, she’s still failing to see why Cassandra is upset and so goes about things the wrong way.

And keep in mind, Rapunzel does have every right to be mad at Cassandra, just the same that Cass has a right to be mad at Rapunzel. Both girls screwed up.

Yet, it’s only Rapunzel’s side of things that Rapunzel cares about, and therefore nothing actually gets resolved.

This could have been a decent conflict for season three, but that’s not where the writers take things so we’re just spinning our wheels here.

It’s also kind of shitty that Cass is the only person that Rapunzel is willing to put effort into righting things with. She still doesn’t give a crap about Varian, nor any other villain in the show.

Well I Guess This Has to Come Before The Brothers Hook

They have the caravan in Brothers Hook, don’t they? I mean how else did they meet up with Hook Hand? But if that is the case then where is Hook Foot now? I don’t know.

Cassandra’s Hurt Hand Only Matters When It Concerns Her Relationship With Rapunzel and Not How It Affects Her Character as a Whole

An extension of what I was saying before, but it shows the fundamental problem with the writing for Cassandra. The writers only think of her as a conflict for Rapunzel and not as a person with like her own life and shit.

Long Time, No See Owl

As soon as Hook Foot goes unceremoniously missing, then Owl shows up. I don’t think he’s been seen since season one, yet they act like he’s always been here with the group.

Why is continuity and consistency so hard for this show?

The Saporians Are Indeed Homeless, But Don't Expect That to Ever Be Brought Up

So things to note.

This isn’t a village. It’s an encampment. What we see here are destroyed tents and caravans. The only permanent structure is a short stone wall.

Secondly, the magic book they find has the Saporian symbol on it, and indeed the Saporians use the wand of oblivium to take over Corona in S3.

What we can gather from this is that the Saporians were driven out of Corona after the first war. They’ve been living as nomads for centuries without their homeland.Yet their most recent settlement was destroyed by the black rocks sometime before season one started, along with most of their possessions and means of living.

All of this would explain their motivations, goals, and why they picked now to try and take over and not just any other time.

But don't expect any of that to be brought up or remembered by anyone come season three. We can’t have any po the bad guys, save for Cass, being sympathetic now can we.

Also, just a side note. It’s funny how apothecary is treated as magic and alchemy as a science in this world, when in reality it should be the opposite way around.

This is Not an Apology

If you gotta throw a ‘but’ in there, then you haven’t really apologized.

Rapunzel’s not sorry for Cass getting hurt. She doesn’t recognize nor understands why Cassandra feels the way she does, and she’s even attempting to try to. All Rapunzel cares about is how Cass being upset makes herself feel. She’s putting in this effort to ‘talk about it’ because Cass being outwardly angry at her is inconvenient to herself and nothing more.

Rapunzel Still Hasn't Learned Boundaries

Didn’t we already have this conversation back in season one?

And like, yes, it’s not good for Cassandra to ignore her feelings, but what Rapunzel does here by pushing isn’t a good thing either.

What's most frustrating though is that neither learn anything from this. Just like they didn’t learn anything in Under Raps or Goodbye and Goodwill.

It’s aggravating to see the writers give us an actual conflict that’s worth having the mains fight over, only to be undermined by previous episodes and then thrown away altogether.

So How Come the Wand Only Erases Part of Rapunzel’s Memory and Not All?

Like, this is suppose to be set for season three with Frederic and Arianna losing their memories. Yet despite Clementine using a similar wand, it doesn’t have the same effect on them as it does on Rapunzel here. They lose all their memories and sense of identity, while Raps just forgets a few years.

Speaking Forgetting How Things Work

Where did this handy dandy book with the cure go when Frederic and Arinna lost their memories? Why didn’t Raps go looking for it then, or force the Saparoians to give her the cure while they were in her custody?

So This Plot Point Kind of Back Fires, and Winds Up Undermining Everyone’s Relationship with Rapunzel

First off, just repeating New Dream scenes from the movie, but with Cass in Eugene’s place is ill advised given the direction that the show went in. Whether you ship Casspunzel or not, it’s important to recognize that ‘sisters’ is what they are intended to be in canon. That’s the direction that Chris went with them, whether we like it or not. So either no one on the show knows how to write platonic female relationships, or this is gay baiting. Take your pick.

It’s also lazy.

But most damaging is that this only shows that Cassandra only liked Rapunzel when she was naive and stupid, and not the Rapunzel we have now. Tie in how her friendship with Rapunzel is based off of validation to begin with and we got a very unhealthy relationship, and not one that should be rooted for, despite the show wanting you to do just that.

They even go so far to repeat the lines from the flashback in the last episode, as if this was a positive thing in their dynamic, instead of recognizing it for the really mess up thing that it.

Then there’s the Eugene side of things that this calls into question.

We know Eugene loves Rapunzel through thick and thin, but how much of their relationship is based off their first adventure together and not about how they work together in the here in now?

Did Rapunzel just simply latch on to Eugene because he’s the first person that she met who wasn’t her mother and wound up being nice to her? If anyone else found her, would she be in a relationship with them instead? Is it healthy for her to never look for anything else? How much does Rapunzel actually like Eugene, for himself?

Then throw in Eugene’s over idealization of Rapunzel in season three, they’re lack of communication issues, and Rapunzel’s crippling need to always be right, and I can’t say if New Dream should be what we’re rooting for either.

This isn’t a Casspunzel vs New Dream thing, nor is it a personal dislike of Rapunzel herself. Rather, it’s a very serious question about the nature of Rapunzel’s interpersonal relationships vs her character development, and how that has to change things on some level, and if it’s still worth having those relationships now that she herself has changed so drastically.

Is everyone being fulfilled? Is everyone getting what they need still? No? Then, why are any of these people still together?

That needs to be addressed by the narrative now, and it never is.

So Why Would You Say That Cass?

Rapunzel doesn’t know where she is and therefore has no idea what direction the tower lies in. If you’re heading south back to the camp then just say the tower is south. In fact it actually is south because you’ve been traveling northeast to the Dark Kingdom for months now, according to the map in Rapunzel’s Return. So what was the point in lying about that?

In in effort make Rapunzel look smart, they had to make Cass look dumb and that’s not good writing. If you needed Rapunzel to suddenly not trust Cass then there were other better ways. The drawing she placed in her pocket should be enough on its own to tip her off, and all she has to do is reach into her pocket to put like a rock she found in there and then find it that way.

So When Did Rapunzel Have Time to Build This Elaborate Mousetrap?

This would have taken hours, it’s not even been minutes.

There’s making Raps competent and then there’s turning her into an overpowered invincible heroine.

Now Pascal Is Missing

Oh is he with fucking Hook Foot now?

He was right on your shoulder Eugene.

If you’re going to have characters conveniently missing then establish that first, preferably in a visual way and not with exposition.

So Rapunzel is Treat As In the Right Even When She’s Not

So Cassandra opening up about her feelings is treated as the solution to the problem, but it’s really not, or it shouldn’t be anyways. She can recognize she lied about the wand without having to doing something she finds uncomfortable, and it’s not like Rapunzel right now has any frame of reference for what Cass is talking about.

All this amounts to is giving Rapunzel a free pass on her earlier bullshit.

Also if Cass repeating a phrase Rapunzel said earlier was all that was needed to jog her memory enough to trust her, then why couldn’t Eugene done the same? He was right there.

This Doesn’t Resolve Anything

Ok first off that’s not what friends do. Friends actually work through shit. Friends make sincere apologies. Friends forgive each when they do.

If you’re not doing that then you’re not friends and you should just leave.

No one, not Raps, not Cass, ever apologizes for what happened in the Great Tree. They never try to understand what either of them did wrong, nor do they put effort into fixing themselves or addressing their issues and flaws.

And you know what? That would be a valid reason for their falling out in season three. But it’s not used as such, so any resolution to their conflict there winds up feeling hollow.

Conclusion

This episode, like with the Great Tree, gave me hope that this was all leading somewhere. Now it’s just a bitter reminder of how screwed up the writers’ morals are in this show, and how poorly planned everything was.

#tangled #anti-tangled #anti-rapunzel #anti-cassandra #tangled the series #rapunzel's tangled adventure

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shintorikhazumi · 2 years

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A Real Girl Chapter 4: Malfunction and the Production

A/N: I’ve been gone awhile... sorry. I know I frikkin said at the very start that this was only going to be 2-3 chapters so I would be able to fully commit. But wow am I terrible at approximation. So I need to now move my plot along to the end haha. It will… probably be good in 2 more chapters? I hope??? I have a lot of stuff lined up, and classes have started and bombarded me so I’d like to really offer a full story for this, at least wrap it up properly. Hope to see you all til the end of this crazy ride.

Also, I am extremely sorry for the LONG delay. I was dealing with a few fics in another fandom and this was half-written, and my life has been… it’s been incredibly tough lately. Still is. I hope I can make up for it!

Haven’t written in a while so this will be incredibly rusty and a far-cry from the original quality I started out with. (basically, it might suck) Probly. Sorry?

For now,

Enjoy?

~Shintori Khazumi

A Real Girl Chapter 4: Malfunction and the Production

Just what should she make of this situation right now?

Hikawa Sayo was known to be someone quick on the uptake, truly ahead of her class and at the top of their school rankings in academic performance. Surely, seeing such a sight before her- so clear and blatant- would immediately click in meaning for her, for anyone.

But it didn’t. Not for Sayo.

What most people didn’t know was that Hikawa Sayo had lately been struggling with processing any sort of situation involving feelings as they weren’t really lining up with what she had initially been taught about them.

Smiling was not simply happy people, crying was not solely reserved for sadness and pain. Sayo was trying to wrap her head around this concept for a while now. It seemed complicated, and it truly messed with her data banks, but she had decided she wanted to try understanding it. Understanding feelings. Why? She… well, if it meant that she could better please the people she cherished, then why wouldn’t she put in the time and effort to ensure their happiness?

Their joy was hers too.

But somehow, she didn’t seem to want to understand this scene displaying the peak of emotions in front of her. Specifically, the emotion called love. Somehow, she could not fathom why she couldn’t find it in herself to feel jovial when the two people before her- two people of whom bore the deepest roots in her heart- were smiling and basking in the warmth of their mutual feelings.

Sayo didn’t get that.

Why?

In her current blank state of mind, lacking in comprehension, she felt her autopilot instincts kick in, forcing her to take a step back, leaving a print on the still-present snow.

She watched as lips parted from each other, bodies moving inches away, only to share a gaze filled with a warmth Sayo once believed also belonged to her.

Belonged?

Since when had such a thing ever-? To Sayo?

No, no.

How could she have forgotten?

How could she have let herself get carried away all because of her companions’ kindness?

How could she have believed-for even the smallest of moments- that she, Hikawa Sayo, was normal?

...A Real Girl?

She took another step back, semi-conscious of how her shoes sunk into the slowly melting snow.

She wasn’t supposed to see this.

She wasn’t supposed to be here.

She wasn’t supposed to… feel… feel anything, being here, seeing this.

“I love you… Yukina.”

Sayo instinctively jolted at the sound of that familiar, beloved voice, taking another step back.

“I love you too, Lisa.”

As the pair continued to embrace one another, Sayo also continued her painstakingly drawn-out journey back,- quite literally backwards, taking a single step at a time with long intervals between each motion.

Her ‘mind’ could not process all this, could not seem to update her data banks that had been filled to the brim with her own assumptions on Lisa and Yukina and how they… how they possibly could have ‘felt’ about her.

Maybe that was where she had gone wrong.

To go ahead and save such thoughts in her carefully maintained system that should have been solely reserved for only facts, Sayo- someone who knew she knew nothing about feelings- presumed other people’s emotions. And look where it got her?

It got her traveling a road of confusion. She thought she had read the signs- followed the signals they had been sending her. Or so she had believed.

But maybe Sayo was wrong.

She knew nothing, and not even the standardized manuals and textbooks could help her out with this one.

Not when all they spoke about was the relationships between a man and a woman, and the norms in society when it came to relationships. She, however, wasn’t so uneducated as to have no idea at all about relations regarding people with the same… er, parts… and their possibility of dating one another. She was at least exposed to these concepts to some degree- credit due to none other than her ever-helpful sister, Hina.

It may not meet the usual expectations of society, but Sayo was never one to judge. She didn’t understand much about things like love and attraction, and sexual desire anyway, so it wasn’t as though she could say anything in the first place.

Also, she had known for a while- or had come to the awareness- that she harbored something with far more weight than feelings of friendship for both Yukina and Lisa.

Still. Why did they act the way they did with Sayo? Were they disloyal towards one another? But Sayo couldn’t imagine such a thing between them.

So did that mean that… they wanted to include Sayo in their relationship? But… weren’t relationships… only between two people who had given their hearts to one another?

Or… were they… playing with her, messing with her… stringing her along, knowing she wasn’t… normal.

No, no. No. They would never. Sayo knew this deep down. They were her friends, her comrades. She knew them. She knew them well.

She… thought she did… at the very least-

“How do we tell Sayo?”

“How do you think she would take it, in the first place?”

Quiet murmurs from the figures she’d been shamefully observing reeled her back into the present situation, heartbeat thrumming in her ears, making it almost too difficult to hear anymore.

So they were talking about her. So they were going to inform her of something- of what? She had no clue. Maybe it was of their relationship and how they were dating? Of how they wanted Sayo to give them space as a couple and to not hang around them as much?

Of… of how they… could… maybe, just possibly… abandon the unwanted mess that was Sayo just like everyone else had? Just like her parents had?

Something was triggered in her system, a switch that might have quite literally flipped. Sayo wanted to run, she wanted to turn away from this scene. She dared not see anymore, hear anymore… feel any more than she was meant to, programmed to, made to.

She couldn’t listen in anymore, something within her raising prompts that she could no longer do this. She had to leave. And she did so quietly- or well, tried to.

“Well, but Sayo-”

Just as she spun on her heel, her other foot landed write on a protruding twig, causing an echoing snap throughout the relatively empty park, previously silent in the sunset save for the rustles of the occasional passing breeze and the whispers of her two previously unknowing companions now staring wide-eyed at her, frozen and alarmed at her presence intruding in on their private conversation.

“Sayo? SAYO?!” Lisa was the first to snap out of it, immediately jumping to her feet and calling out for Sayo who had begun to build momentum in her escape, going from a staggering walk backward to a jog, to just dashing for the hills or wherever her feet would end up taking her. “Sayo! Wait-”

Sayo didn’t.

She stumbled in her steps, not knowing how long she had been sprinting for. Thoughts of being cast aside, abandoned, left- they all were her fuel that kept her running on and on, desperately wanting to silence the turbulence in her mind, thinking that if she continued on, she’d grow too tired to even think.

Alas, Sayo wasn’t like normal girls were. She believed she still had a tank barely full in her system, allowing her to keep running, seemingly never tiring.

Reaching her neighborhood, she chanced a glance backwards, hoping that Yukina and Lisa hadn’t taken off after her. She wouldn’t know how to face them anymore. Not after all that.

Despite her unfatigued movements and usually sharp and calculative system, Sayo had failed to think through her actions, having looked away from in front of her for only a moment- that moment being enough time for an inconspicuous rock to appear on the road, undetected by Sayo’s sight sensors.

And so she tripped, and she fell, the speed at which she had been moving made her fall all the more harsh as the momentum caused her to skid a few feet forward on the cemented road.

Feeling the burning sensation of what she had remembered was pain from skinning her hands and knees, she got up, checking on her outer layer. She prayed no one saw and tried to help her as she wasn’t sure if she’d exposed anything of her truth if she had an opening in her skin that she had yet to see.

Finding no deep cuts or wounds, Sayo pushed herself up, staggering the last few meters to her house, unable to run as her system compensated for the current issues in order to keep her functioning basically.

Heaving a sigh as she slumped her weight against the door, she gave the bell a ring, immediately detecting the sounds of excited footsteps- Hina’s, no doubt- coming to greet her.

“Onee-chan? Is that you? Welcome home, one-” The door swung open and she almost fell through had it not been for her sister catching her. “ONEE-CHAN?!”

“Hina.”

The younger twin’s silent worry was palpable, so many questions in her head being held back- Sayo could tell.

“Hina, I-“

“Hina? Who’s at the door? Did your sister finally come home from practice?”

Sayo froze at the voice, form stiff in anxiety, unaware that they had planned to come to visit today, not wanting to be seen like this-not by them; not while she felt the way she did; not when she had absolutely no clue as to what she felt, why she felt, and what feeling even was in the first place.

No, not like this-

“Oh, it is Sayo. How are yo- Sayo?” Her father paused in his gait, a confused frown at his lips. Seeing him look that way somehow frustrated Sayo. As if he couldn’t understand why she was in her current state, as though he didn’t understand her and what he’d subjected her to, installing these confounding concepts the normal people labelled as feelings.

The more she tried to learn about them to decipher their true meaning, the less she understood. The less she understood, the more she’d thought about it; and the more she thought about it, all the more did her frustration grow.

“Sayo, are you okay? What happened to you?” He stepped forward, a hand reaching out.

Sayo’s peripheral vision caught her mother pop out into the hall, wondering about the commotion and the presence of her family gathered by the entryway. Somehow, that fed her steadily growing irritation more. All the confusion and negative feelings that had been long stewing within her were slowly bubbling to a surface that was just about ready to burst- everything that had ever tormented her in the recesses of her mind now coming in to play to build the monster about to rear its hideous head on her family.

“Who did this to you?” Her father quietly asked again, approaching nearer to Sayo, hand still outstretched to touch her.

Who did what, exactly? What was he even asking? Who allowed her to fall on the streets? Who made her run from a scene, clutching her heart in an indiscernible emotion she could only think of as agony? Who allowed her to feel in the first place? Who… Who programmed all these thoughts, these emotions… these- these ideas in her system? Who made her? Who started all this pain she didn’t know what to do with and could never seem to understand?

Wasn’t it them?! What was she to answer even?

“Sayo, are you oka-“

Sayo swiftly slapped the large hand away, too close for comfort as she hid behind Hina, a growled question dropping from her lips,

“What am I?”

Not even ‘Who am I’- did she even have the right to ask that? When she clearly had no clue-no. When she clearly wasn’t even human?

Her father’s eyes widened, lips floundering for an answer that Sayo gave him no time to procure as she bombarded him with more.

“Why did you even make me?”

“Sayo, wait-“

“For what reason do you torture me with my own existence?”

“Sayo, dear-“ Her mother tried, and failed to diffuse the situation.

“Why must I go through this? Why am I alive? Is this really what you humans call living-“

“Please, Hina is still here! She doesn’t-“

“I know.” Hina’s breath hitched as she confessed, “I know everything”.

Those words were what silenced all the older Hikawas, eyes the size of saucers before narrowing as they glanced at one another, brows furrowing, ready to pin blame on one another, surely, for this slip-up.

“Sayo.” He returned her hostility from earlier, snarling out her name. “SAYO. I thought I’d told you never to-!“

Sayo only glared in return, squaring her shoulders, not keen on being accused of this fault. “Father, I believed this knowledge was never supposed to come to Hina’s attention, thus it could not be my-“

“I SAW THEM, OKAY?! THE PAPERS. THE DOCUMENTS.” Hina’s bright greens were blurred with unshed tears as she clutched onto Sayo in her arms for dear life, praying that this unneeded face-off would end- “I know.”

-Praying that they’d come clean and talk about this properly. As the family that they were supposed to be.

Sayo watched their father’s tense posture slack, sighing as his hands went up to cover his face, rubbing it in frustration. Her mother had sunk to her knees at some point, staring blankly at the trio in front of her, overwhelmed by all that had unfolded in so few seconds.

“We need to talk.”

“Your mother, she- she was pregnant with Hina.”

In the living room, sat on one of the dining table’s wooden chairs, Sayo felt the stab of that very first statement deep in her heart already as she gazed upon her father sat on the couch, face buried in his hands, unwilling to even look her in the eye to tell her the truth.

Her mother- or well, at this point, maybe she should call her Hina’s mother as she should address the couple in front as Hina’s parents- was rubbing circles on his back in hopes to calm Mr. Hikawa down to no effect.

“So… she… I…”

Sayo knew that she was not made through normal means, that there was no possible way that she was conceived through conventional means. Regardless, she hid hopes in her heart that this was not the exact truth and that maybe- just maybe- she had been planned because she was wanted.

“We were told early on that… that there was a possibility that… miscarriages because of a certain factor of your mom’s health… we thought-“

They had planned, yes. They had planned, but not because they wanted her, Sayo; it was because they wanted Hina. Of course. Of course, it had always been that way and always would be. What had she expected to hear?

“Just tell it to me straight.” Sayo spoke evenly, senses numbed, emotions dulled as though they’d been shut off by her system like a background application that could no longer be supported because it had become too much to run.

“Okaa-san… Otou-san…” Hina encouraged them, squeezing Sayo’s hand to keep her calm, to keep her there, hopefully.

“… We had spent all our lives working in the lab; we realized we were getting on in years and… and… we really… we really wanted a child. Desperately.”

Sayo’s eyes met the man’s, almost feeling sympathy for him. Almost.

“Our lives felt dull despite the love we had for each other and our work. We thought that if we had someone to care for, a child of our own, it would brighten up our lives-“

It was as though he was looking for Sayo’s pity in her eyes that had turned as cold as the steel that was used to build her body.

“We… we took some of the cells and DNA from Hina’s developing form and…”

Sayo didn’t even want to think of all the ethical crimes they had committed to get to this point. All she wanted was to hear the full truth from them. Though she knew she was not real, she never quite knew why and for what purpose had she been allowed to live a life that she was slowly realizing was not hers.

“We thought we… a… b-back-up-“

“A replacement?”

The couple’s eyes widened, Mr. Hikawa clearly insulted. “No! Hina would never be replace-“

And that confirmed enough for Sayo. Had Hina not made it and been born, then she would have likely been raised none-the-wiser, probably believing that she was the real ‘Hikawa Hina’.

All she had been hearing thus far had only driven home the facts that she’d always feared would come into light: that she was unplanned, unwanted, and unloved- facts now established in the deepest records of her mind. Regardless of the hurt they seemed to be causing her, according to her informative programming, she still needed to learn more. More to know and answer the question of just what she was exactly.

“I-if you… If you…. ‘took cells’ from me…” Hina butted in, wanting to move the conversation along from the uncomfortable halt it had taken. “-Why didn’t you just… I-I… I dunno, mom and dad, but… couldn’t you just have cultivated… the cells…” She tried, brain, no matter how genius, unable to come up with words in that moment. Her sister’s pain and anger was almost tangible to her, and all she could do was hold on to her hand in desperate prayer.

“We… we made a mistake along the way…” Her father admitted. “But we didn’t want to give up and so-“ He choked on his words, turning away from Sayo’s gaze, unable to continue.

Mrs. Hikawa finished the complicated puzzle, voice quivering in her tears- “we supplemented what we had with mechanical parts… but…” She bowed to Sayo, tears staining their carpet. “It wasn’t enough to give you genuine life and so… even your brain… that’s why you ended up… you’re…”

Sayo stood up suddenly, releasing her sister’s hand, all her companion’s eyes now on her.

“I know I’m not real.” She spoke coldly, scarily calm and collected.

“Onee-chan, that’s not-“

“And since you have Hina now anyway, I suppose there wasn’t and isn’t really a need to keep a machine such as myself with no apparent use around. If my purpose was to be Hina, but she’s here, you are wasting resources, Hikawa family.”

She could no longer stop her words. She was aware of how hurtful they could be to humans, but Sayo was a malfunctioning computer simply combusting as they do, she justified. She no longer cared.

And neither would they after they heeded her next command.

“Shut me down.”

It was swift, the slap Hina delivered to her cheek. It was like a product key that suddenly restarted all her functions of pain as her hand shot up to cover the stinging area, her other hand grasped at her heart through her shirt, shock surging through her system as it scrambled to process everything that had suddenly started up again.

“You have no right to say that!” Hina yelled at her through her tears. “You can’t just- You can’t just decide you’re not wanted, that you’re useless- that you’re a waste all on your own!” She sobbed, falling against Sayo’s chest, hitting her lightly with her fists. “Not when I can’t stand being without you.”

Sayo felt a tear slip. Then another. And another.

“Don’t… don’t just ask… to go away like that… not like that.”

She felt hands take both of her own, saw thei- Hina’s- the… Hikawa parents kneeling in front of her.

“We’re so sorry, Sayo. Sayo, we’re sorry. Sayo… sorry…. Sorry, Sayo. Sayo, we’re so sorry.”

Hikawa Sayo, once again, found herself dumbfounded and lost. All she knew in that moment was pain. Pain that made her sad. Pain and sadness that was the reason for her tears.

“We’re sorry… we’re so, so, so sorry…”

She was at a loss, facing her adversaries-feelings- once more.

She really wished she’d never known them at all.

They weren’t for her.

They weren’t for someone who wasn’t

A real girl.

A/N: I’m sorry.

~Shintori Khazumi

#a real girl #bandori #bang dream #sayolisa #yukisayo #yukisayolisa #fanfic #hikawa sayo #hikawa hina

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meandmyechoes · 3 years

Text

The more I think about Dark Disciple, the more I find something odd.

[28th March 17:46]

I keep referring to it as a ‘favourable experience’, and there is no question the writing is what made me fall totally head over heels about quintress, but I also just, can’t?

I mean, yes. It’s very passionate, dramatic, scenes and gestures I can only dream of. But I also, don’t really see it in that ’omg they totally belong together here are my sixty headcanons of them’ sense?

I am very involved in the pairing, but also don’t really, actively ‘ship’ it — like the way it was an open book with Rhayme or Latts Razzi (since it’s the same author that indoctrinated me to Captain Rhayme). I could imagine them being happily ever after and silly shenanigans and slow-burn. But the concept of a quintress fairytale ending is so wild. I can only ask how much it is tainted with my personal view on relationships.

I know the plot leaves little room for “the future” and fed us well on all tropes possible. But, it just never occurred to me to put them in any other clichés or invent a missing scene.

Winding up, I don’t think their relationship is "weak", but it’s very motivated by circumstances and once you take that out of them, you are a little bit lost. For example even during the illicit affairs month, I… can’t really propose one date that does not seem tonally insensitive. (I can think of them being cloak dorks and Vos bringing her to ice-cream, that’s it, after a long hard moment) Really, all I possibly want is that sweet, sweet angst and canon is already there so I have no complaint.

It’s just… I don’t really get why it has to be the two of them that fall for each other. I understand why they did, and I believe it— Perhaps it’s much more a physical attraction thing that I don’t really have personal experience with.

I don’t know if quintress classify as slow-burn because 10 chapters still seem a little quick in the grand scheme of things. (aside: I’m quite disappointed Ventress wasn’t doing much in the last quarter of the book.) My point is, they do feel a little bit puppet to tropes, and while it’s deliciously written, there’s not much potential outside of canon. And that lack of inspiration makes me grimace a little.

[3rd April, 01:39]

I’ve scrolled through the dd tag and let the book sank a little. I am better articulated to talk about the sexist criticism now.

It’s a romance story, and when I judge it by that (lower) standard, it ticks the boxes. However, it might be a weakness as well, due to the projectability of the heroes. And yes, the whole assassination is dumb. Yet, tcw has been consistently this dumb at us. The last two times when she’s more rooted in the dark she failed, sent Savage and failed, so she’s gonna do it again with Vos… after she put down her desire for revenge. right. and surprise! Our “assassination” plan is to find Dooku and duel him directly. right…

I’ve read a review that says the romance takes away from the plot. However, the romance IS the plot. The book IS supposed to revolve around the two of them. I do agree them becoming begrudging allies then partners is a more unique approach, more rewarding as foils as well. but I guess a romance is easier for the conventional to process ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

With the “Ventress lose agency in falling for Vos”. Now, I can’t dictate how each of us buy into their physical attraction and chemistry (or lack thereof), and there’s no denial that a conscious human being is making that choice for the fictional character, I think the stance on this topic varied person to person from the above two factors, which are very different starting points.

I kept Katie Lucas’s foreword vividly in mind while reading. She said this is a story about people seizing chances to rebuild. That there’s always a choice. Cliché as it is, I believe ~the power of love~. I believe there exists someone you’re willing to sacrifice everything for, to overlook everything for, to forgive - to love them, warts and all. So, yes whether you think Ventress loses her agency to the romance, or if that’s a conscious choice on her behalf, is swayed heavily by how much you buy that they are the one.

[10th April, 10:30]

Yesterday I’ve been thinking a bit more about this. I do love this ship, I just don’t believe they’d be two people who find each other again and again in every life time, in every universe. That’s why, as magnificent as fireworks, it also won’t last.

To explore this, it’s not entire impossible for quintress to separate peacefully after this incident, but would that cheapen the build before? The entire motivation of dark!Quinlan hinges on his vision of their future. And say, Ventress did saved him and survived. How would he balance being a Jedi and his feelings - that’s publicly exposed to the Council? (sidenote: i really don’t like Ch. 27 where a bunch of old men are questioning their love life, but uhhh yes, I’m a sensible person!) For now, I’m seeing another Obi-Satine situation. And honestly how bad that an outcome is. It’s not like Ventress died for her war crimes! The show gave her a full pardon! So Idk man. Why can’t she leave him because she loves him and she exiled herself and they never see each other again WHY NOT FILONI WHY NOT.

Now I’m lamenting more what could’ve been with the two arcs. In Filoni’s original sketch, Aayla and Maul were involved. Man, that could’ve been the dream.

~~~

Part 2: [26th April, 15:15]

It has been… a month, since I finished Dark Disciple and I feel like it’s time to conclude all the thinking this book has made me do.

On the wider reflection about attachment and the Jedi Order, I still have to do more reading on it from other sources to form a concrete opinion. This theme won’t be touched on in this post yet, but I cannot shake how intriguing it is to compare “falling” in love to falling to the dark side. The temptation, and the submission to their emotions, the irrationality, the newfound curiosity, it all incites. Very curiously, it was Anakin Skywalker who commented that one is “blinded by love”

Okay, so what I’ve been scratching my head off the past two weeks is how I look at the romance between Asajj Ventress and Quinlan Vos. How would I define it?

Now this is as much as an exploration of how I view romantic relationships. Well, I’ve decided it wasn’t “love”, it was an “affair”. It was an affair because it’s a rush of passion, it’s a secret, it won’t last. Before I chop my own head off for bluntness, I mean it in, of course they are hopelessly in love with each other, that’s the exact premise of why it moved me so. But it wasn’t a complete relationship, wasn’t a healthy, sustainable one by any objective standards. Then, that’s the exact contradiction. Oh to throw caution in the wind with you, or to build a future with you?

Both are things I want a lot, and the ideal is of course one after the other. What quintress had (in the end) is definitely not something I’d want for myself, but it’s so fantastical, it’s alluring, just like the concept of falling in love - opening up yourself and trusting another person, is - it’s risky. That’s why it’s a sweet, sweet drug.

I’ve been so angry at all the red flags in this relationship. Reading this book, getting into both of their shoes, yelling NO like their best friends. But ultimately, what they had is unique to them and I can’t influence it in any way. Re-reading, I find myself holding myself back at all the places I was furious about going ‘You are smarter than this!’. Because it’s a tragedy, and the beautiful (I guess) thing is they chose each other.

The other day something on the dash inspired me to really think about ship dynamics. I, unashamedly admit, I’m VERY into Obi/Quin/Ventress in any and all combinations. *cough* I will not explain further.

I do accept the premise and I did discover they share quite a bunch of traits, but it confused me a while what made them cross the boundary, and it was, physical attraction (that the book was selling so hard I was blushing hot). I love them both a lot, and I would like to date them both, and I can see myself in either of them. Again comes the contradiction, is it a good thing to have characters so easily projectable, or do I want to see myself in more complex characters like them?

I probably lost quite a few cars stalling this train of thought. And I've been a canon apologist since forever. This book brought me a lot of emotional upheavals and a lot of food for thought. It brought me down to reflect on my romantic worldview and sexuality because I have nothing better to do. It totally challenged me as a writer and it’s just a really good novel by its right, regardless of the absurdity that is The Clone Wars. It’s a lot of firsts for me. And I really should find something better to do.

[26th April 16:00]

I must address that I got spoiled of the ending and the first and second half of the book probably went through some big changes.

If I cried for this book, it’s score would be even higher. And I’ve been so obsessed with discussing the relationship, without shedding light on the characterization, which is definitely an unfortunate side effect. Then it occurs that quite possibly the second half (26-42) deviated even further from the script than the first? It doesn’t have concept art or blocking, plus possibly (heavily) edited to omit correlation to other arcs. My major complaint for the second half is Ventress doesn’t do much and we know NOTHING about Vos, even though he is given screen time in the book. my, I just wish Ventress punch him harder and drag his idiotic mess back to the light sooner.

And to criticism about it being their ‘toxic’ relationship being portrayed as ‘true love’, well, it really depends on how thoughtful the reader is, right? I think if the reader is able to notice all these red flags and gave their own interpretation of the relationship and its outcome, it’d’ve been an educating experience. There’s what for the reader and what for the characters. They don’t know this ‘love’ is destroying them, and what kind of message is it sending? What ‘love’ depicted in the book is true then? I have my answers, and I hope every reader comes to their own as well.

#dark disciple #sw reading #clean version #i yell 'EXCEPT THE FLIRTY PART' every three scenes

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miss-ali-lawliet · 3 years

Note

Hello

For the ask game:

3. what do you think about Light? 10, 24 and 25, please.

Thank you for the asks and honestly great questions!! I have a feeling this most is going to be a bit long, so hopefully I can get my thoughts and everything out in a way that’s easy to keep up with!

Also spoiler warning for those who haven’t finished the series!

~~~

3. What do you think about Light?

I honestly have SO many mixed feelings about him, like it’s hard to just be like ‘oh i hate him’ or ‘oh I love him’ because it just isn’t that simple for me personally, which that itself is a great sign of a character since you have to think about that sort of thing with them. Right off the bat though, I’d like to say that I think Light as a character is phenomenal. He takes the character-type of what many would consider as the ‘perfect guy’ for the main character but twists it in a way that makes the reader/viewer question the protagonist their supposed to be rooting for.

I also think of Manga!Light and Anime!Light as different people to an extent, as in the manga you watch a seemingly ‘normal’ guy who has issues with the world deal with the sudden power that was thrown on him. I talked about it before in my last ask post, but the scene after Light killed his first person after testing out is a great way to express how he feels, and is one of the few times we really see Light show THAT much emotion. He shows regret and guilt, thinking himself as a murderer and you can tell how it affected him. Anime!Light you don’t get that, and instead he seemed to just take on the task of being Kira and god of the new world without much else thought. I definitely prefer M!Light in comparison to A!Light to say the least, so I’m going to focus a bit more on the M!Light side of things.

I personally found myself wanting to have hope for Light, even though I knew that he wasn’t going to get better but instead worse over time, and honestly it’s probably better story wise to keep him as the ‘bad guy’ who stays bad instead of trying to pull a redemption arc out of no where or something. I have a feeling I’m beginning to ramble, so I’m going to try to wrap this up.

I have a love-hate relationship with Light, because even though I don’t agree with his actions and the tactics he uses to get the ‘perfect world’ he wants, and I do find his thinking flawed and find him very arrogant the more power/ego Kira gains over the world as the story goes on. Yet I find him as a character in general just fascinating. I was definitely more on L’s side of things and found myself enjoying a majority of the scenes where people simple put Light in his place and treat him like a dude with a god complex rather than what he wants/expects. There’s just a lot of thoughts I have about him, but yeah it’s just a love-hate sort of thing for me when it comes to Light.

~~~

10. Do you ship any characters?

I usually find myself being a bit of a multishipper when it comes to most fandoms, it just depends on the source material and the characters obviously. I definitely can enjoy a lot of the ships when it comes to the fandom, but even if I don’t like a pairing I do my best to remain pretty respectful about it.

One thing to note is that I can’t really find myself shipping L with anyone in the series to be honest, like I can find myself enjoying his relationship dynamics of characters but with my own interpretations and DR stuff, It’s hard to view him with someone else romantically.

Some ships I like/don’t mind though (especially when it comes to au stuff as most of these in canon probably wouldn’t work out lol): Matt x Mello, Mikalight, Rem x Misa ig? (more like the concept is sweet i think even though in canon Misa treats her pretty badly and Rem said she doesn’t think of her that way), uhhh. My brain is pulling a blank right now but these are the main ones that come to mind.

Some platonic pairings I enjoy (as there are a lot more of these for me): Matt + Mello, Mello + Near, Matsuda + Misa, Honestly all the task force have really interesting dynamics with one another, L + Watari (obviously in a father/parent way, I just like seeing their interactions), Ryuk + Light, Ryuk + Misa, L + Matsuda’s relationship is honestly pretty funny to me and honestly L’s dynamics with the task force is also interesting as well.

I think that’s it when it comes to shipping stuff atm

~~~

24. Any headcanons you’d like to share?

Oh! I feel like I have a couple but at the moment my mind is pulling a blank for some reason. Some head canons that do come to mind though deal with my Death Note DRs in some way but they can also be interpreted with the actual series itself, so hopefully this is good enough! Usually I do better with a certain prompt of some sort though for future references though!

I’ve seen a post a bit ago about Matt and Mello being roommates of some sort at Wammy House and they find themselves in that roommate mentality still when they do room together, and honestly I agree so much with that.

When Mello leave the Wammy House I see him not contacting Matt or anyone from Wammy House as he turns his focus on his side of the Kira Case, even if apart of him misses them and what he grew up around. Yet he pushes through because he’s stubborn and wants to do whatever he can on his own with the Mafia without involving someone like Matt, probably for his safety. After the explosion though when he has no one on his side, I think that’s when he realizes there’s only one other person he can truly trust and rely on and that’s when he contacts Matt to help him on the case.

Not really a headcanon as the author himself mentioned that the rivalry between Mello and Near was one-sided and that Near actually liked Mello, I do see both boys sometimes wondering what it would have been like if they didn’t have that rivalry and became friends instead. I honestly see Mello thinking that more towards the end of the case and after the explosion, but at that point he’s probably thinking it’s too late to even pursue a friendship like that with him.

I like to think that at Wammy House, Matt didn’t really understand Mello’s rivalry with Near and at times questioned him about it at first but he was pretty supportive

He didn’t have anything against Near though and was pretty indifferent on the whole thing personally, but if it made Mello happy and helped him achieve a goal he had no reason to deny.

Matt in general in general is someone that gives the vibes of not caring about much, but if you’re close to him he is literally SO loyal?? Like if someone close to him has an issue, even if he might make a comment or remark, he is always there to back them up.

I like to think that over time Light actually enjoys Ryuk’s presence, kind of like a sense of some sort of comfort that he isn’t alone of some sort? Like at first he might have been annoyed and still gets annoyed whenever he acts annoying and distracts him from work, but also I think he doesn’t like hate his company. Probably would rather be around him than Misa unfortunately </3

I think that L and Chief Yagami had a pretty good friendship, or perhaps not friendship but i’m not sure what to call it atm. Like I think L respected him a lot and Soichiro was the same towards him, and I think at times if they decided not to talk about the Kira case it’s usually pretty good for the most part.

It’s not really a headcanon but Matsuda trying his best to get some positive attention for things he does in the case is funny and kinda sweet. Most of the time L probably ignores his antics and doesn’t really feed into it, but there’s like one or two times where he actually does

It’s probably very small, probably something along the lines of “Good job.” or something but Matsuda feels so happy that he even acknowledged him like that and didn’t call him stupid for once. Definitely was a good boost in his mood

I find the thought of Light and Ryuk playing video games early on when he first gets the notebook charming in an almost funny way. Like Light probably either was talked into it by the shinigami or was like ‘screw it, I have nothing else to do atm’ and Ryuk is just happy he can actually do something and not just watch him working

Light is definitely competitive in games though, like he’ll probably try to act like it wouldn’t matter but like most things with him, but it did lmao

I find the thought of the wammy kids doing things to mess with/annoy Roger so entertaining. Like I feel bad for him, but if I were asked to assist in the pranks or antics I probably would just for his reaction alone

Think that’s all for random misc head canons for now, if you want something more specific just send a request!

~~~

25. Ramble on about whatever you’d like

Thank you for this one! I usually feel a little guilty whenever I ramble on about things in general, but the fact that some people are interested in my thoughts on things is so sweet!

At the moment though I’m honestly not too sure what to ramble about as there’s a lot on my mind and it’s hard to pick one thing and honestly it can be a bit hard to go through all my thoughts at times.

But! One thing I will always stand behind that ya’ll have probably seen countless of times so far is that the Wammy Boys deserved better and I will always say it if necessary tbh. Speaking of wammy house though, that comes to mind is that I wish I could learn more about it at times, yet I also enjoy the mystery of it in a way. It’s something I’d be so down to learn more about, but if not I’d be pretty okay with that outcome. Plus just leaves things for fans to interpret in their own ways if they want, and that’s something I definitely enjoy when it comes to the fandom is how they take something vague and turn it into so much more.

Also speaking of the fandom I’m surprised yet so thankful/grateful for is that the death note fandom is still going on here. It was such a relief seeing that I wasn’t alone in my hyperfixions and thoughts, and seeing all the talent in the art, writing, etc, is just amazing and something I look forward to a lot in all honesty. I’m also just so thankful for the people that take time out of their day to look at my blog in general. You like, reblog, or follow me? I literally want to be your best friend and if I wasn’t so nervous about starting conversations with ya’ll I definitely would have messaged a couple of ya’ll a while ago. Until then I hope you just read this and see me on your blogs and hope my reactions and comments is enough until I get less nervous lmao.

One last thing before i close the blog off is that I love L with my full heart and I adore Matt and Mello so very much. My favorite lads <3

~~~

Alright that should be it for this post! If you stuck around, thank you!

Some future posts to expect: Matt, Mello, + a f!reader based on the dream I talked about before, some L angst, and possibly something with Light :)

Anyways have a great day/night and here’s a reminder to stay hydrated and eat something if you haven’t already <3

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themoonlits · 3 years

Text

Title: Full of Treats

Pairing(s): Daehyeon/Changyun. Daehyeon/Yeonjin.

Character(s): Seo Daehyeon. Cha Changyun. Seo Yeonjin. Kim Taehui.

Summary: Ever since Moonlit debuted, Neostar came to realize that their artist’s birthday fell on the same day as Halloween which sparked the tradition of a Halloween themed party every year to celebrate.

Warning(s): Aside from some references to sexual content, there’s nothing but fluff!

Daehyeon was someone who was a stickler for traditions, especially when it consisted of things he knew everyone that was around him enjoyed. When he was younger, he was adamant on his family keeping up the traditions of going on a trip to the beach in the first week of summer, or how at the end of the week they did their best to all sit together and binge shows just to feel like they were still connected even if the rest of the week was a busy mess. It was just a simple way to keep everyone together, without really losing anything.

A part of him knew that’s why he loved keeping the traditions going: it was a way for him to stay close with his loved ones that didn’t require him tripping on his own feet figuring a way to keep himself close to them.

Dae would like to believe he was a highly affectionate person, but most of the time that relied heavily on his actions as opposed to his words.

Being tongue-tied with showing love was something that planted its seed in Daehyeon when he was growing up, and it solely wrapped its roots around his being until it became his foundation.

So, yeah, maybe relying on unspoken traditions was a better way to go around with keeping his relationships in check.

Standing in front of the mirror, Dae snugged the bunny ears onto his head, reaching up to ruffle his hair to try and make the ears look more natural, if that was even possible.

When he was younger, Daehyeon was both a fan and an avid anti of his own birthday. There was the part of him that loved it for the evident reason of it being a day where his own existence was meant to be celebrated, and he would be quite the idiot not to enjoy the love and attention he received on that day. However, there was also the part of him that wasn’t the hugest fan due to the fact that his birthday fell on Halloween, which came with a few jokes on its own.

Jokes which consisted of Dae’s friends giving him “tricks” rather than “treats” for his presents, or how his little brother, Yeonjin, had managed to lock him out of the house at midnight so the witches he belonged to could take him back. It was an occurrence that Daehyeon was not proud to say happened more than once...or twice. Even Yeonu, his eldest brother who was the embodiment of responsibility, played into a few of the jokes. He acted as if Dae was a wandering ghost that Yeonu couldn’t see just to pick on him, until Dae got slightly frustrated and then Yeonu spent the rest of the day showing him with attention.

As he grew up, Daehyeon embraced all of that. He became one who would play tricks on his friends and make it clear he had the privilege due to his birthday, and although Yeonjin and Yeonu were determined to tease Dae with supernatural jokes, the birthday boy decided to play into it.

And maybe, he was able to get back at Yeonjin by scaring him to the point of Yeonjin actually believing he wasn’t human one birthday, but it was to be expected.

When Daehyeon debuted with Dark Moon things, evidently, changed. He spent his birthdays in Seoul with his members instead of his family, although he was quick to book a trip back home the next chance he had. However, when Nesotar grew, so did the events that took place with it’s artists, and so came the tradition of throwing a large costume / birthday party at their CEO’s home, with Taehui hiring full-blown party directors to make it feel all the more special.

“I thought you were going as a hot playboy bunny?” Daehyeon’s head snapped towards his bedroom door, his eyes falling onto Changyun who had his head peeked out with a grin on his face.

“Yeah, but I remembered Yeonjin is coming and I’m not keen on traumatizing my little brother like that.” Daehyeon shook his head, wondering if it was too late to cancel on his brother showing up, before shaking the thought from his head.

He didn’t look bad, he had on a black sweater whose cut dipped down very low to his chest, black leather pants to match, the bunny ears he had on his head, and the choker he had borrowed from Haeju around his neck. It wasn’t as hot as he planned to be, and he was very much aware he was the screaming definition of a basic costume, but as the birthday boy he wasn’t going to sweat it.

“You still haven’t told me what you’re going as.”

“Batter up, here comes baseball legend Gyu,” Changyun announced as he walked in with a costume that mirrored his words of being a baseball player, tugging on his cap while he swung his bat slowly in his hand. “Playing to get to third base with the birthday boy.”

Dae bursted into a fit of laughter at his member’s antics, watching as how he positioned himself to look as if he was getting ready to make a home-run.

“I’m glad you found that funny, I spent a lot of time thinking about this costume.”

“Oh, you were serious?”

“Maybe I have a special something planned, if you want to and you’re up for it of course.” Changyun’s grin contrasted the careful tone in his voice, making it obvious that Dae was free to reject the proposal like he could always.

“If that’s your only birthday gift, I’m going to be very disappointed...I’ll take it, but still disappointed.”

“Oh, come on.” Changyun shook his head as he wrapped an arm around Daehyeon’s shoulder, bringing him along in leaving the dorms. “What kind of leader would I be if I didn’t get my member an actual gift?”

“The same type of leader who’s trying to get in my pants at the end of the night.”

“Who said it’s just me?” Dae groaned at the way Gyu’s smirk slithered onto his face, his eyes fueled with the same confidence that was wrapped around his words, however his complaints fell silent when his mind processed exactly what his friend had just said.

“You’re lying.”

“I would never lie, I have to set an example for you guys.”

“That’s a first.” Daehyeon suddenly felt Gyu push him forwards, the younger turning around with a bright smile to see Gyu squinting and pointing a finger at him, which Dae took in his hand and simply held as they left the dorms. “Is my pumpkin carriage waiting outside?”

“Fuck no,” Gyu let out a sarcastic laugh, turning back to lock the dorms, “dress up as Cinderella and next time maybe you’ll get lucky.”

----

“If you get a new game, you’ll let us come over to play, right?” the voice of his little brother traveled to his ears before he caught sight of him, Daehyeon laughing at how loud his voice was even over the music blaring.

“I don’t think anyone bought me a game, buddy.” Dae smiled at his brother before frowning and reaching forwards to try and pick at the fabric Yeonjin had decided to wear to the party and cover his chest a bit more.

Dae and practically all the artists, and some staff, had arrived at Taehui’s home not too long ago. The birthday boy was more than shocked to see his entire house completely decked out in decorations, starting from the driveway, his mind lost count of how much it would’ve cost for all of the decorations. The inside was even better, each room having a specific theme that radiated with Halloween.

A room designed for a witch concept, which was actually the living room. A zombie apocalypse vibe for the kitchen, eating brains and what not. The movie room had skeletons creeping all over the room, with fog machines stationed throughout it.

The vibe of the entire house was exactly what Halloween resonated with, although Dae was overwhelmed at how much fun the rich could have, making a mental note to start manifesting the same wealth for himself.

A strict dress code was enforced, everyone being required to wear costumes. His brother, going as an angel.

And as much as Daehyeon found the hallo plopped onto his head adorable, he had to fight the instinct to cover him up, the toga he wore for the costume covering only the right of his chest, leaving the left side completely bare.

His brother was showing more skin than he was, and Daehyeon took that as a personal defeat.

“Stop trying to cover me up, I’ve gotten a lot of compliments on how good I look today!” Yeonjin grumbled, slapping Dae’s hands away from himself, going to the extent of acting as if he was ready to slip the fabric off his shoulder and just lounge around in the skirt.

“Who was flirting with you?” Dae squinted his eyes, his eyes scanning the room all of a sudden. He knew Changyun wouldn’t, finding him oddly close to Wonshik (who was clad in a gladiator costume, his chest bare as well, which Daehyeon treated as a birthday gift for his eyes) giving him a slight hint of who the third person in his bedroom would be.

Deoksu was sticking alongside Chan, both boys being a set of costumes: modern-Care-Bears. Deoksu being Share Bear, a white shirt with the purple symbol with matching purple overalls. Chan was Sunshine Bear, his outfit practically the same aside from the symbol and yellow scheme.

“If you’re trying to figure out who, it was Seoyun.” Yeonjin let out a laugh, watching as the realization faded onto his face, knowing Seoyun was the last person who’d be attracted to Yeonjin, the two having nothing but platonic love for one another. “Plus, you can’t be too worried.”

Daehyeon turned to his brother and raised a brow at his comment, watching in the corner of his eyes how Haeju, who was Catwoman, was trying to steal the crown of Seoyun’s head, who was dressed as a princess.

“I should be more worried with who you’re hanging with.” Yeonjin’s sly smile mirrored his teasing tone, finding satisfaction in the way Dae’s cheeks suddenly flushed in heat, rising up out of his seat. “As your resident angel, I have to say: sins of pleasure are still sins.”

Daehyeon looked up as Yeonjin with his mouth wide open, his brain going at 100mph trying to figure out how to even respond to his little brother trying to pick on him.

“I’m going to go find Taewon, I told him to dress up as the devil so we could have a cute contrast!” his chipper tone and bright voice betrayed the way the teasing glint was in his eyes, firmly showing off how happy he was with the fact that he won the small banter. “Don’t find your own devilish adventures while I’m gone!”

With that, Yeonjin was gone, leaving Dae in a small laughing fit, the blush on his face not fading in the slightest.

Daehyeon tried taking the time to chance to enjoy the feeling of the room, how there was an undying happiness that seemed to wrap it’s hand around everyone’s heart and how there was a spark of fun that ignited a fire of energy that didn’t seem like it was bound to go out until late into the night.

It just felt right.

It felt good.

The birthday boy was basking in the feeling of nothing but warmth the night had radiated, when he felt the couch seat dip a bit next to him, turning only to make eyes with his CEO.

Taehui was adorned in all black, just like Dae. However, he had a silk button up, and a transparent cloth wrapped his eyes, black makeup dripping from his eyes to emulate teardrops. With the large scythe in his hands when they first entered, it didn’t take too long for him to realize he was meant to be a modern Grim Reaper.

“Having fun, Daehyeon?” Taehui’s voice often felt like honey to Dae’s ears, it was smooth in it’s delivery while there was a gentle sweetness that had always radiated in his tone, making it more than comfortable talking with him.

“Yeah, how could I not when I’m in a spooky mansion right now?” the question was rhetorical, and both men laughed at it, Dae feeling immensely grateful in that moment that he had found his way to Neostar.

“With all your friends too.”

He felt a hand on his shoulder, the way it squeezed reassuringly comforting him.

“Enjoy yourself tonight, Dae. Your birthday happens once a year, it’d be a shame not to have fun with it. But don’t enjoy it too much, I don’t want to start paying Dispatch to say quiet.”

“You’re right.” Dae nodded to himself, before bringing his hands up to slap his cheeks a few times to get him out of the sadden haze, wanting to listen to Hui’s words.

“It’s been nice seeing you grow up each year. It didn’t feel like too long ago you were auditioning, and now you’re on your way up to achieving your dreams at full-speed.”

“You can’t tell me you remember my audition.”

“Oh,” Daehyeon felt himself internally groan when he saw the smile on Taehui’s face, the same mischief running across his lips as Yeonjin’s previously. “How could I forget the boy who, when he was auditioning, was more focused on looking at me and looking like he was going to pounce at me?”

The question surged heat in Dae’s core, his head quickly snapping to Taehu’s directions, trying to make eye-contact through the blindfold. “You knew?”

“I’m not that old, Daehyeon, I’ve seen that look far too many times.” the older man laughed ever so softly at how Daehyeon put his head in his hands, the blush now creeping onto his ears, evidently showing off how embarrassed he had gotten to be. “Don’t worry, we picked you for your talents.”

“I hope so.” the muffled response triggered more laughter, the CEO patting the younger’s back gently a few times.

“Come on, I think it’s time to open your presents, no?”

“Anything to get away from this conversation.”

“Oh, so you can stare at Wonshik and Changyun like that instead?”

“Are you serious?”

“You’ve got to work on your poker face, Daehyeon, you’ve been eyeing them all night.”

#kumokocnet #bobakocnet #kocsociety #oc kpop group #oc kpop idol #oc kpop #fake kpop group #fake kpop #kpop scenario #kpop reaction #c: daehyeon #c: changyun #p: writing #BIRTHDAY BOY DAE #cant wait for him to summon satan with his ass clapping in the follow up scenario

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oh-theatre · 4 years

Text

Livin’ It Up: Chapter 1

Chapter title: An Abrupt Beginning

A/N: Me ? Hating every single thing I write?? BUT OFC GOD I HATE THIS SO MUCH IT SUCKS AHAHA. Im so frustrated, I couldnt get Logans end rant to work and its stupid and I just hate everything i hate this i hate my writing hnnng. Can you believe i took an ok concept and and FUCKED IT UP

words: 2614

summary: Roman throws yet another party, and his only true hope for the night is someone to show up. Patton finds himself disturbed, and Logan needs to stop drinking.

pairings: Eventual logicality, eventual prinxiety, eventual demus, eventual Moceit (Which then goes back to Logicality and Demus)

warnings: Swearing, alcohol, underage drinking, drinking, parties, kissing, throw up

Ao3 Link

“Thank you, for coming to this party with me” Virgil repeats once more, combing through his hair for the fifteenth time. Patton chuckles from his bed, neatly sitting as he flips through his book, writing down notes in his book. “Have I mentioned thank you?” Virgil jokes, Patton nods, biting his lip as he crosses through a difficult section.

“The golgi apparatus provides transportation-”

“Pat! Shouldn't you be getting ready?” Virgil turns to him, the cheerleader stops chewing the end of his pencil, a sweet smile as he shrugs. He closes his books, stacking them neatly on his shelf, everything organized. Once his homework is tucked away into the right folders and his pencils are safely back in his pencil case he moves to the mirror.

“I'm good to go” He says flopping back to his bed, Virgil scoffs. “Virge, these parties aren't anything formal. As long as you've got your phone, clothes and a swimsuit you're good” Patton assures, Virgil nods sitting on the bed, his shoes lacing as he hums. Patton adds his final bow, putting his boots comfortably on. “Ready?” He questions, Virgil sighs patting his jeans.

“I guess”

~~~

“Hey sorry Cindy you mind if i borrow Logan?” Roman taps on the girls shoulder, she sighs pulling away from Logan's mouth. He waves her off grumpily following Roman into the kitchen. “What's that? Third one tonight?” Roman teases, setting up the snacks

“Fourth” He corrects picking his teeth. “Carter, Fiona, Marty and Cindy” He sits on the stool, stirring his drink, the remaining ice clinking delicately. Roman wants to push but fears a drunken argument before his gathering so allows Logan to pour himself more of whatever murky drink he had been guzzling down. “Mm, why must we have these soirees” Logan mumbles, spinning around.

“Its a party Logan, i've been attending and hosting them for ages!” Roman argues, he sighs finally finishing his set up. “Look just dont make out with too many people, I don't need a million girls crying at me at the end of the night because they thought you were the one”

“They know im gay right?” He sips, adjusting his glasses.

“Do you know youre gay?” Roman retorts, a glare is his gift in return. “Why do you do it then?” Roman inquires, moving the pair through the already bustling house.

“Its fun” Logan shrugs, Roman pauses snickering as he carries the chips. “Not fun, but its something to do. Mind numbing and does not require actual intellect” Logan slumps on the couch almost instantly finding himself lip to lip with yet another poor and emotional victim. Roman rolls his eyes walking away from the mess. The door continues to open as more people file in, soon the familiar scent of alcohol and booze fill the air and Roman finds himself taking the tiniest sips from his own drink. With every creak of the door, the slightest hope lights up the man.

Come on

Just walk through the door

Please

~~~

“Do I drink, do I get a drink, what do I do? I got this” Virgil rambles, Patton chuckles, shaking his head. Closing the door behind him he guides Virgil into the kitchen, serving him a club soda. He takes it, almost finishing the entire thing, the sweat dripping his anxiousness for miles. “Thanks, ugh why am i here”

“Because I invited you” Roman chimes in, Virgil practically chokes back his drink, being rescued by Patton. “I'm really glad you're here Virge” Roman smirks, Virgil nods through his ever increasing reddened face. His eyes land on Patton, a slight regret but a neutral respect is shared with a nod.

“Ill be by the pool if you need me” Patton whispers, taking his leave, into the rioting house.

“How are you?” Virgil decides, Roman closes the door behind them chuckling as he closes the distance. “That's not an answer” His nerves seem to calm as his ‘radiant’ sarcasm takes place. Somehow his annoyance for Roman returned, his defenses lifted. “Nice house, mind giving me a tour?” He dances out from the ever closing gap Roman entraps him in, a slight scoff of amusement but the teen obliges.

“Well this is the kitchen, an original model and renovated around 5 years ago” Roman demonstrates, Virgil nods finding it actually quite interesting. A serenity falling over him as he takes this moment to breathe. “Over here is the hallway, leading into an assortment of rooms” He explains, Virgil identifies a name plastered on each. “You've got the bathroom, an office and our library still in its original condition from 1875” He hopes to impress the young teen. Knowing Logan, when he was still fresh, found the room the most enchanting thing.

“And where's your room?” Virgil teases, knowing this apartment was enormous in its own right.

“Upstairs” Roman replies, Virgil bites his tongue. Upstairs, god this apartment was huge. “And downstairs we have the pool and some storage. Nobody really uses the pool to be honest. Mostly people seem to hang out in the living room or-”

“The other living room?” Virgil points as they come into yet another opening, flashing lights, loud screeches and many drunken dancers. Roman and him share an amused laugh.

“Care for a dance?” Roman nudges, Virgil scoffs, taking yet another sip of his drink. Finding the teen to be serious he can't help but allow this to fuel his laughter more.

“Me? Dance? Oh that's not the issue...it's dancing with you..” Virgil carries on, Roman rolls his eyes dragging him onto the floor. Slow but upbeat movements take place and...what's this? Is Virgil having...fun?

~~~

The light splashes and ripples of waves as Patton let his feet dangle felt calming. No part of him missed the chaos upstairs, sure freshman year this kind of thing was at least slightly intriguing. But the parties and the drinking grew tiresome and well...annoying. At least now he knew his way around, no one went near the pool, it restricted them.

So, with his bubbling soda by his side, and his book in hand he just sat. It was almost peaceful, the moon found its way through the window, the muffled sounds of music were present and the water felt cool to the touch, reminding him he was there.

“Are you reading?” A slurred voice requests, Patton squints up watching Logan tumble into the space. His feet repeating a crass and heavy movement.

“Are you tap dancing?” Patton hides his giggle. Logan shrugs dropping what seems to be his hundredth red solo cup of the night. Roman makes it a point to never give him glass ones or anything fancier seeing as his tendency to well...destroy grows heavy.

“Trying to” he continues, practically falling over himself, the pool and him soon to become very familiar. “Why are you reading at a party, it's a party or a social gathering and while reading is generally an enjoyable activity it deems itself unsocial and a bore when surrounded by peers and other things to spark your brain” He rambles, Patton forgot how fast the teen could talk. Logan had not been to debate in awhile. “Captain of the cheerleading squad, I would presume this is exactly your type of event” Logan staggers forward a bit more.

“Observant” Patton mumbles, returning his focus to his book, flipping through the pages happily.

“I mean I did happen to notice some of your team was present” Logan continues, Patton nods.

“Yes, I saw you and Brianna grow very close, I think a spring wedding” Patton jokes, Logan furrows his brows clearly scanning his already jumbled brain for the person in question. “Red head, wearing the green sweater and jeans” Patton reminds, Logan snaps a flash of excitement.

“Ah yes! She was fun, well okay, better than most people I suppose.” He sighs, finally finding himself a ground, he breathes. “I want to swim, so with my capable body and sane mind I shall” He deems, Patton looks up catching Logan as he removes his shirt. Now Patton wasn't invisible and he wasn't one to deny that Logan was well...fit. Hearing the splash as Logan falls into the pool he returns to his book. The water makes a plethora of noises, moving around the pool growing close to Patton. “You're intelligent” Logan pops up, Patton's gaze moves to him. He's closer now, fiddling with the water around him.

“Thank you?” Patton wonders, its random but he thinks its a compliment.

“Straight A’s, you skipped your junior year” Logan lists, Patton knows all this but he hums along, no harm in listening. “Captain of the cheerleading squad, student council president and vice president to the drama cabinet” Logan moves closer, Patton finally understands.

“So this is how you do it?” Patton kicks a tiny bit, the water flicks melting back into the pool. “You root out their accomplishments, find yourself impressed and then suddenly head over heels for you” He laughs, Logan hates the weird sense that floods him as the delicate sound sweeps the room.

“Photographic memory” Logan shrugs, leaning back as his hair washes over, drooping with thick water. He advances, curious as Patton continues to neglect him and read his book. “Im not wrong am i?” Patton shrugs, his eyes averting Logans prominent gaze. “Why dont you get in the pool? Why come down to read and sit with your feet in the water when your body could be submerged, are you so bored?” Logan pushes

“Just here for a friend” Pattons short and quick responses bother Logan, something about their manner itches him. He moves closer, finding himself close enough to feel the warmth upon his tingling skin.

“What, may I ask, are you reading?” Logan inquires, peeking over. He attempts to take the book, the world was his to own, why should this book be any different. Patton pulls away and soon the pair commence in a playful game, Patton tugs his book away as Logan fears no boundaries and continues to close the space between them. Grabbing as fast as he can to try and see what might be so much more interesting then Logan himself. Finally it slows and the pair eyes lock, Pattons arms retire and his body relaxes allowing a mutual agreement to both move closer and lock lips with one another.

He couldn't deny that the hype is not valid, he was a good kisser.

But even with Logan's hands meeting his own, and the perfect way this felt…

This wasn't Patton.

He pulls away, resting his hand on Logan's chest. A tender but bittersweet look to a pouting Logan.

“Sorry Moreno, but I'm not going to be one of those girls or boys” He smirks. The shock runs from Logan's face quickly as he pretends to fall hurt back into the pool. Patton stands finding the clock has run its course, and the night comes to a close. Gathering his things, stepping over Logan's mess, with no looking back he makes his way upstairs.

~~~

“Did you atleast have a bit of fun?” Roman hopes, Virgil and him having reconvened in the kitchen.

“When you were not stepping on my feet?” Virgil teases, pouring himself a much needed glass of water. “Yeah I had fun.” He rests, giving a somewhat anxious Roman a reason to breathe. They seemed to keep their proximity to one another, Virgil leans comfortably on the counter.

“Well good…” Roman whispers, not really paying attention as hes much more focused on the small details placed around Virgil's face. The sweet dimple of his sarcastic smirk, the poorly hidden under bags sleeping below his stormy and ebony eyes. The soft yet controlled way he kissed him-

Hold on…

They pull away both utterly confused by how this night had proceeded.

“You have no idea how long I've wanted to do that…” Roman fiddles with Virgil's hand, ignoring the sweat from both.

“Me too” He smiles under his gloom “I think we’re just drunk” Virgil searches for an excuse, he knows the reality. He's been around long enough.

“I'm not drunk, are you?” Romans voice remains soft, Virgil shakes his head. The only drink he had consumed was club soda and water, both becoming aware as they push on his bladder. “I've had a moderate amount of drinks” Roman cant talk apparently, his ability to communicate normally and with his typical charm had clearly left him. Disappointed at his failed attempts.

“I should go” He decides, Patton appearing in the doorway only furthering that choice. Roman pulls away, biting his lip as he nods. “Thanks for inviting me”

“Thanks for coming” He replies, turning to Patton “Both of you” Feeling Virgil slip away, joining Patton. With a timid smile and wave he watches them link arm, rest tired heads and disappear.

~~~

“Are you going to help clean up or sit there and threaten to throw up?” Roman bites, exhausted he organizes and cleans up the remains of his celebration. Logan groans, his head pounding wanting nothing less then to be useless and contain almost zero information.

“He was different, and I don't understand why or how but he was. He was witty and he said no.” Logan begins, Roman yawns knowing what course this was setting him upon. “But I like him and not just I need to win over him but truly like him. I don't like this feeling, but it wasn't a done deal” He speaks, his words making no sense worrying Roman. “I kissed him, kissed him, and I do that. I truly do. I find some brief and fulfilling satisfaction from performing such an action but when he decided against it I felt not..that” Roman nods, processing his vague and ranting words. “Its not that hes cliche and that hes different but it was, he didn't care, this wasnt a game to him or some quick fling or an experimentation it was nothing” He scrambles hard for an explanation, all this thinking hurting his frail state. “I don't know what I feel, I don't understand and I don't enjoy that. I like understanding, I do, I know things, I'm smart, I got it..” This was Romans cue as soon as the self-doubt and irrationality set in, Logan needed to shut down for the evening. “I don't know what I'm talking about, who was it...Patty? Marlene...maybe Connor” he ponders, his trail of thought gone.

“Your fathers coming home tomorrow, we should get you rested and ready for his meeting” Roman reminds, leading a hyper and ranting Logan to his room. He moans as he falls to the bed.

“I loathe the idea of my father returning, I wish not to see him or meet with him. Its the same thing as always, and I don't mind, I've accepted my path but why must I be continued to be reminded of my lack of freedom and set future. I don't care, I have no qualms but to have to constantly be pushed further sparks a rebellious thought in me and I wish-

“I will smother you with my pillow Logan” Roman interjects “Go to sleep, you'll be back to your normal, cold, and uncaring self in the morning” Logan rolls over, clutching to the pillow beside him “Nothing will matter and you'll have become familiar with at least three new people by noon” Roman decides

“Mm...I very much hope you are correct in your predicament” And with his final words Logan falls into a deep sleep. Roman after much cleaning, passes out in his own manner, sprawled on his bed, hating the night and the way it went.

#livin it up au #logicality #romantic prinxiety #prinxiety #demus #moceit #sanders sides #logan sanders #roman sanders #patton sanders #remus sanders #deceit sanders #virgil sanders #thomas sanders #writing #my writing #ao3 #archive of our own

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adorablele · 4 years

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what would your moots be like if they were an aesthetic?

ANON I FINALLY DID IT. yes, I sat on this ask for a million years because I didn’t know any aesthetics and I still don’t know many aesthetics but I managed to get help (this is all thanks to leyna who gave me a whole bunch). so when I originally did this, I had a scenario in mind because I wanted to do it like how those people on uquiz do (like choose an aesthetic and it’s a scenario filled with imagery) but I don’t think the scenario captured the aesthetic well so feel free to skip over it an just go to my bulleted explanation lol. however, I’d like to mention that the explanation may not be the best as to why I gave that moot that aesthetic. ANYWAYS I DID IT AND NOW I HAVE THREE OTHER ASKS ABOUT MY MOOTS THAT I WILL SIT ON FOR LIKE TWO MORE MONTHS.

this was very long and has details no one asked for. and I didn’t proofread this so if there are spelling errors or just errors in general, sorry.

@nzeeten allie - minimalist

A sneeze echoed against the walls of your attic. You brushed away the dust on the box, smiling faintly at the little scribbles on top of the lid. Opening it caused memories to roll down your cheek. A lump lodged its way in your throat and you couldn’t help the melancholy swell in your heart. Your phone rang. There were unfinished papers littered on your desk. Your laptop screen started to fade to sleep, work not saved. It didn’t matter to you. You didn’t pay attention to the weight of adult responsibilities, not when your younger self smiled at you.

ngl allie gives me these really mature vibes, and who knows, maybe it stems from the fact that she wants a be a ‘kickas*’ lawyer. the overall mood of this scenario is nostalgia but in no way shape or form do I feel nostalgic when I’m with allie. she’s very fun and chill and amazing and outstanding and i love her- anyways, somehow the nostalgic vibe fit with minimalistic aesthetic? like I pictured an apartment with very simplistic features but you can tell what that person cares about through the pictures or the items that they keep. hmm I’d see some polaroids in her moodboard if she had one; maybe a single rose (in the middle) surrounded by different thorns that have little memories in each one?

@sleepingrenjun cherry - baddie (new moot that I hope she considers me a moot too dkslaf)

Even after everything, you still went back to business. There wasn’t a care in the world as you glanced back down at your screen, files scattered on your desk and fingers tapping away at the keyboard. There wasn’t a care in the world as a pack of cigarettes were thrown back onto your desk and loud slam of the door. There wasn’t a care in the world when you returned to an empty bed, one meal, and one toothbrush. You sat out on your balcony and stared at the unlit cigarette in your hand. You felt no urge breathe in its toxic fumes, a voice in the back of your head scolding you for even touching the death stick. Tears streamed down your face and you raised one brow, smiling slightly. ‘what a shame,’ you whispered, looking up at the stars. maybe there was a little care in the world.

so maybe this is based off of my most recent tag. it popped into my mind when I thought of cherry. this most likely stemmed from breathe me and idk if it quite fits with the baddie aesthetic...anywayssss I was aiming for a heartbreaker vibe! because cherry breaking hearts out here with her fics 🤧 kind of a lonely lifestyle of a very successful business person who doesn’t care about anything but their business (they actually do care a lot which [spoiler alert] is why mc doesn’t smoke in the end). heartbreaker gave me a baddie aesthetic.

@passionfruithyuck clarie- soft grunge, dark academia

No one visited the library. You didn’t understand why. This age old building was still in pristine condition, exuding out elegance like no other. The tables were lonely and the chairs were cold. The bowl full of mints never lessened, the counter always empty. Time was all but a concept once you invested yourself in the shelves that were still polished with youth. Each book had its own personality, each page filled with questions, answers, secrets. No one ever visited the library, and you didn’t understand why.

uhm yeah so a pristine hidden gem of a library came to mind. this, I think, stemmed from the fact that she know12s multiple languages (so a lot of knowledge) and it’s an honor that she’s my moot (a hidden gem). clarie, to me, is lowkey bada** which is why she’s soft grunge. if she had a moodbard, I think there would be some pastel and books (maybe some idaf pictures).

@renjunwrites denise - cottagecore

You always passed by the quaint little flower shop whenever you were on your way home from work. Every now and then you would see someone exit, but most of the time it stayed empty. In need of a bouquet, you visited the store. Vases full of flowers furnished the tables, some unmatched as they littered the counter. The petals looked delicate, so delicate you were afraid that your breath would shatter them. Each step you took padded softly against the walls, no sound other than you, no one other than you. Simply you and the flowers.

that blurb is 🤮 I’m sorry I’m bad at explaining things omg. I honestly pictured an empty, neat but messy, flowershop when I thought of denise. she has this delicateness (missing renjunlite, can’t lie) to her like flower petals. I also get a vibe that she’s an organized mess, hence the mismatched flowers (because it’s a beautiful mess).

@jisvngy dahler - plant mom aesthetic

It was another day at school. Another day filled with ‘the bell doesn’t dismiss you, I do’. Another day filled with the scratching of pencils and shuffling of paper. Another day filled with slumped backs, bored eyes, and the slow ticking clock. It was also another day for secret notes, hidden jokes, loud lunches and knowing looks with your friends. Your friends. They broke your day dreaming, made you laugh, copied your answers, stole your pencils, distracted you during presentations, all mundane things. Mundane things that you would never forget.

ngl I feel like I would become friends with dahler through school and she would honestly be one of the reasons why I look forward to school. you may be wondering how this associates to plant mom but okay hear me out. this scenario is kind of like everyday life, you know? like small things. plants are in our everyday life, whether or not we grow or acknowledge them. uhm yeah so connect those two and yay an aesthetic for dahler! would picture some succulents in her moodboard.

@jeonginks eiko - e-girl, fantasy academia

you were always told to never take things from the forest. you were never told why, so you thought there was no harm to taking a rock because, well, it was only a rock. it was a pretty little rock lying near the clear stream of water that glimmered under the rays of the sun. the green leaves above swayed gently with the wind; it was peaceful here, you thought to yourself as you slowly started to walk back home, the rock heavy in your hand. with each step, the trees seemed taller, the sun seemed dimmer and the river sounded quite loud despite you being miles away from it. suddenly, you couldn’t move, grounded by the roots on the ground. the rock started to burn in your hand, so you threw down, only for the searing to continue. you screamed as marks were carved into the palm of your hand. from behind you, a voice laughed, ‘weren’t you told not to take things that aren’t yours.’

is fantasy academia a thing? if not then just fantasy. e-girl goes with her fashion sense (if I’m assuming correctly cause your boots) but uhm fantasy because of her writing. go on her page and you’ll see so many people call her writing magical. so with that in mind, this scenario popped up. now she could be the rock, or she could be the river, or perhaps the trees, or quite possibly, the voice,, who knows, I don’t know, that’s for sure. her moodboard would be filled with nature.

@haechaaaaaaanssi janna - mermaid/fantasy, medieval

The fire crackled, ashes gracefully flying out from the orange hue and up into the darkness of the sky. Your marshmallow sat on the paper plate, your stick abandoned next to it. You weren’t around the bonfire, no, you were along the shoreline. The chatter of your friends was distant, much quieter than the sea. It was calling you. The waves beckoned you in, pulling you farther and farther away from shore. The sand wasn’t grainy anymore, it was softer, mushier. The full moon shone above you, a spotlight you didn’t ask for. You kept walking, entranced by the sound. What was that sound? Goosebumps rose to your arm, the water swishing at your waist. What was that sound? It was like the tick of a clock, the whoosh of the waves, the whisper of the wind, but that’s not what you were looking for. What was that sound? You were neck deep until you remembered, you didn’t know how to swim, but it’s okay. You found the answer to your question.

okay i’m not saying that janna is a siren (who knows maybe she is)! this isn’t what i’m trying to say lmao. it’s just the fact that her work is so angsty and immediately popped into my mind when I thought of an aesthetic for her; somehow it led to fantasy/mermaid? like the ocean is mellow, beautiful and elegant but sometimes can be very powerful, loud and boisterous. in other words, janna can be exquisite and sometimes a mess. would see (obviously) the ocean in her moodboard, maybe a campfire or the night sky.

@jensungf leyna - art mom/vintage

You struggled to yawn with a toothbrush slumped between your lips, arms up and above your head as the muscles tensed and the bones cracked. Your face was dazed with drowsiness and you languidly continued with your morning routine. But there was always something that made your mornings brighter. That something was the bakery down the street. Each time you stepped through the door, your nose was flooded with the sweet aroma of pastries. The taste of the treats were sweeter, always balancing out the bitterness of coffee on your tongue. You always stared at the crumbs of comfort on your plate, fascinated how it hugged you better than anyone you’ve met.

okay so maybe I should’ve put bakery as her aesthetic? but idk if that’s an aesthetic sooo,, but I can see her as an art mom aesthetic mixed with a little vintage. if she had a moodboard, possibly some fairy lights or some pictures of a really chill looking bakery, can’t not include sweet treats either.

@glossyjaems louna - skater, neon

Laughter filled the air, cracks of the bendable glowsticks echoing in the night. You twirled the one on your wrist, the green liquid neon against your skin. Mischief sighed with each step your friends took as they neared the metal fence. Your heart was pounding, hands clampy and eyes wavering at the faded red sign. It glared at you, ‘keep out’ it warned. That didn’t stop your friends, ‘and it shouldn’t stop you,’ they told you. The what ifs swirled on your tongue and rolled the eyes of your friends. ‘It’s going to be fine’ they reassured, and they offered you a hand. ‘Let’s live in the moment, yeah?’

ultimately really fun vibes. I pictured the recklessness of youth and dream’s go era when I thought of louna. would see like spray painting or maybe neon lights or glowsticks in her moodboard.

@the32ndbeat // @juyeonzz qiu - vintage, dark academia

You watched as people skied down the slope. Your hands wrapped around the warm mug of hot chocolate, the little pillows of marshmallows replicating the hills of snow outside. It wasn’t long until you heard the loud clamors of your friends as they made their way towards you. A smile found its way onto your lips as they bickered over whose snowman was the best. ‘Guys,’ you announced, causing everyone to quiet down, ‘clearly, it’s mine.’ back were the overlapping voices. You leaned back in your chair, eyes glossing over each of their faces. How funny that the impromptu road trip took you here.

originally I was thinking summer vibes and the beach, but I already used the beach so why not the mountains? where there’s snow! cuz sledding and building snowmen with your friends is very fun. I know that this doesn’t really have anything to do with qiu’s aesthetic but when I thought of vintage, I got a lot of free-spirited, really chill vibes that I associated with road trips and friends. a lodge in the mountains and hot chocolate reminded me of dark academia somehow? yeah I don’t know how my brain works either. but anyways, I see books and hot chocolate in her moodboard if she were to have one.

@neocitybynight sunny - glam

Life was busy in hollywood. The snap of the director, the brushes of makeup artists, the tears of actors, the flashing of cameras, the questions of reporters, the tailors of dresses. At the end of the day, you always returned to your apartment on the highest floor. Barefaced, you change into an old oversized t-shirt, soft music floating to your ears as you think about your schedule tomorrow. The kettle starts to whistle, the boiling liquid warming the tea bag in your cup. The sun had retired, reminding everyone that the real stars weren’t on TV but in the sky. Though, cars still drifted the streets, lights still remained on, people were still awake. You opened up your book, a sigh falling between your lips as the drink soothes your throat. You glance once more out the window at the bustling city before falling into the world of your book. Life was busy in hollywood.

yeah so this was what I imagined, I don’t know if that’s an aesthetic but I associated it with glam. like I also imagine those 90′s heartthrob edits if you were to make a moodboard for her. you could also fit in dark academia.

#i feel these are my closest moots #although maybe some i talk to more than others #i should really work on my social skill fjdklsa #anyways #hae.chats #hae.anon #moots 🤢

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