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vodrae · 7 months

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Rich pregnant socialite: So we went to this clinic and let them manipulate our genes so we're 100% sure our child won't have any disease, he will have my hair and his father eyes and so much things we did for him! And you Bruce ?

Brucie: Found em in the trash. Except Tim, he found me in the trash.

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unidentifiedgothamite · 1 month

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duke: who do you guys think is bruce's favorite child?

jason: it's probably fingerstripes

dick: me?! it's obviously you, jay

tim: it's jason

steph: facts. b lets him get away with everything, including murder

cass: jason

damian: as much as i loathe to admit it, father does treat todd differently

jason: ya'll are trippin'

meanwhile...

clark: b, just curious, but, do you have a favorite child?

bruce: hn, what date is it?

clark: um, may 12th?

bruce: then it's batcow

clark: what

bruce: did i stutter?

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elecilaombre · 3 months

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Tim * holding a can of Pepsi * : Do you guys want some Pespi ?

Jason* laughing* : Some what ?

Tim : Pespi .

Duke : It's PePsi not PeSpi Timmy.

Tim : That's what I said Pespi.

Tim : Pespi

Duke : Please would you...

Tim * interrupting Duke * : Pespi

Tim * shrugging* : It's normal it's because I'm ambidextrous.

Damian : Ambidextrous ?

Stephanie * chirping in* : He means Bisexual !

Dick * at the same time * : He means bilingual !

Bruce * tired dad™* : He means he has dyslexia.

#tim drake #batfam #jason todd #batfamily #dc comics #dick grayson #bruce wayne #damian wayne #duke thomas #stehanie brown #batfam incorrect quotes #incorrect quotes

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p1nkshield · 1 month

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Damian: I trust the judgement of cats where it comes to character. Alfred the cat has never steered me wrong with the lick test of integrity.

Duke: Do you trust the judgement of bees?

Damian:… What does that have to do with anything I am currently talking about?

Duke: I had a bee lick me once and I’m wondering if it counts.

Damian: …

Duke: … felt like a little straw on my finger lol

Damian:…

Duke: … uh-

Damian: how did you get the bee to lick you?

Duke: what?

Damian: how did you get the bee to lick you?

Duke: oh! I was eating strawberries on patrol and the juice attracted it.

Later

Jason: gross dude! Why are your hands sticky?!?

Damian: bee licks.

Jason: wha?

Damian: bee licks.

#jason todd #damian wayne #duke thomas #this is how Duke gained his respect #Dami wants to be licked by a bee so bad #the lil man loves bees #incorrect batfamily quotes

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ashoss · 3 months

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little brother duo supremacy

edit: sorry to disappoint yall but this isnt dick or virgil 😭😭 its duke in a nightwing sweater,,,,

more apron jason

#courtesy of incorrect quote generator #u guys i love duke & damian so much #damian wayne #robin #duke thomas #the signal #jason todd #red hood #batman #batfamily #batfam #dc comics #dc fanart #incorrect batfamily quotes #illustration #ash's doodlings #MINOR EDIT I FORGOT TO COLOUR IN PART OF THE PAPER LMAO OOPS

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galaxymagitech · 3 months

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Jason: Hey, Alfie! Which of us was the least crazy as a kid?

Bruce: Let’s face it. None of us were easy children. I dropped out of college and then dropped off the grid. Dick was a menace—

Jason: Nah, Dick’s the Golden Boy.

Bruce: He wanted to single-handedly hunt down a powerful criminal and thought the entire manor was a trapeze.

Dick: Well, Jason was like the perfect kid.

Bruce: He ran away, died, and started murdering people.

Jason: Fair. But the Replacement’s your perfect little soldier, isn’t he?

Bruce: He stalked me, he says incredibly concerning things with no idea how concerning he sounds, he started YOUNG JUSTICE, I—

Damian: Batgirl III is boring. Surely she was easy to deal with?

Bruce: Are you kidding me? She got pregnant and started a gang war!

Steph: Guilty as charged. But Duke’s the normal one, so—

Bruce: You started a gang war? Duke started a gang!

Damian: I’m the perfect heir.

Bruce: You’re an assassin who is currently attempting to turn my house into a zoo. And you keep trying to murder Tim.

Jason: Eh, we’ve all been there. Except Cass. Cass hasn’t tried to murder anyone.

Bruce: Cass tried to fight Lady Shiva to the death, despite refusing to kill. Cass is not well-adjusted either.

Cass: Barbara is good.

Bruce: No, she keeps hacking the Batcomputer. And she’s dating my son. Honestly I have no idea how I’m still sane.

Alfred: I’m afraid your sanity is very much in question, Master Bruce.

#batman #incorrect batman quotes #dc comics #dc #dcu #alfred pennyworth #bruce wayne #dick grayson #jason todd #tim drake #stephanie brown #cassandra cain #duke thomas #damian wayne #barbara gordon #incorrect batfamily quotes #incorrect dc quotes #humor

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lustwithoutlore · 4 months

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After a mission…

Dick: I can’t wait to go home, have a bowl of cereal, and go to sleep.

Duke: Lucky, I have patrol in like, two hours. No sleep for me. What’re you going to do when you get home, Jason?

Dick: Wait! Let me guess. Crack open a beer, order in Chinese food, and fall asleep on the couch watching a gritty action movie.

Jason, fully planning on having a lavender scented bubble bath while drinking vanilla earl grey tea and watching Pride and Prejudice: … Something like that.

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incorrectbatfam · 1 month

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Has Bruce ever packed the kids lunch when Alfred wasn't there? How'd it go?

[Wayne Enterprises]

Tim: Finally, time for my break.

Tim: *opens his mini fridge*

*dozens of apples fall out*

———————

[the library]

Steph: *chugs a gallon of milk*

Cass: *bites into a bread loaf*

Barbara: I'm not even gonna ask.

———————

[day patrol]

Duke: *opens his lunchbox*

Duke: *sighs*

Duke: *pulls out his bat-skillet*

Duke: *cracks an egg* *cracks an egg* *cracks an egg* *cracks an egg—*

———————

[West-Reeve Middle School]

Damian: Kent, I will trade you your cupcake for this head of lettuce.

Jon: ...

Jon: Deal.

———————

[Bludhaven]

Jason: Bruce packed our lunches. He said we're supposed to share.

Jason: *hands him a bag*

Dick: What'd you get?

Jason: A frozen turkey. You?

Dick: *opens it*

*fire alarm goes off*

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goodoldfashionedengineer · 3 months

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The only time when all the batkids will work together in perfect harmony is to prank Bruce.

And for the best prank all they needed was a few label makers.

Labels are put on everything.

On every mug, on every plate, on every bandaid package.

The chocolate bars are labeled "BatSnack".

The fruits become "Batana", "Batricot" and "Batermelon".

Every button on the microwave, every key on the keyboard, it all gets a label.

"Batstop button", "Batstart button", "Bat-A-key", Bat-Enter-key".

Bruce's desk isn't simply the "Batdesk". It is the "Batwood construction surface".

There is a label beneath the desk too.

Originally named "underside of Batwood construction surface".

It takes days, weeks, months to remove all the labels.

Until one day, when Bruce makes a few new installations in the cave.

Surely some higher being is laughing at him right now, Bruce thinks, as he pulls of the last one.

"Batceiling"

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thehopefulquotes · 6 months

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Someone you haven’t even met yet is wondering what it’d be like to know someone like you.

Iain Thomas

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lizardpersonyknow · 26 days

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Tim drake but he has a completely unexplainable beef with one of the lesser Gotham rogues. I'm thinking like kite man or something. Where anyone who sees him fight them feels the need to pull him aside because it sounds like he is deliberately digging in to deeply personal traumas of that villain to hurt them. He regularly makes this rogue cry. He only ever says "they know what they did". Asking the rogue? "I know what I did :(". And yet, the rogue still makes specific effort to trap him.

Years later it comes out that he and this rogue thought it was funny watching the batfam and Gotham's collective concern and confusion. I headcanon that every Gotham rogue has been to at least one summer camp for theatre. The rogue can cry on command. It's literally just a bit.

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batfamgalore · 22 days

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*The batkids get into some drama as civilians and Bruce has to come play dumb and save them*

Citizen: I’m calling the police.

Bruce: Listen, I’m not going to make excuses for these kids, but… life has dealt them a cruel hand, and they’re living with a very serious condition.

*they all try to look sad and play dumb*

Bruce: Truth is, sir, they’re from Gotham.

Citizen: Oh, God. Well that’s punishment enough, I suppose.

Bruce: Quite.

#batman #dc #robin #batfamily #batfam #incorrect dc quotes #dick grayson #nightwing #incorrect batfamily quotes #jason todd #red hood #tim drake #red robin #damian wayne #duke thomas #the signal #source: derry girls

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daweyt · 3 months

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Thomas Mann, from “Death in Venice”, originally published c. 1912.

#Thomas Mann #Death In Venice #German Literature #Quotes #Classics #Lit #Literature #Litblr #Poetry

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quotemadness · 8 months

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Don’t think about what can happen in a month. Don’t think about what can happen in a year. Just focus on the 24 hours in front of you and do what you can to get closer to where you want to be.

Eric Thomas

#Eric Thomas #quotes #quote #lit #literature

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tims-missing-spleen · 3 months

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I remember seeing someone say that Bruce wouldn't deny the Batman allegations. Like he will proudly tell everyone he is most definitely the Batman whenever he's asked, and it would actually do wonders with keeping the secret hidden.

Like it would be more suspicious than anything if billionaire playboy Brucie Wayne so adamantly denied any connection to the vigilante.

And yeah, so i was thinking what would his kids think about it? like they get asked during interviews and whatnot what they think about their dad being Batman.

I feel like Dick would just play along and say some shit like "if B is Batman, then I'm Nightwing" and get a look from the man

And Jason would take any opportunity to shit on B and say something along the lines of "B's Batman? I call bullshit. He's not even a man"

Tim would either:

a. pull up a 99 slided presentation about how Bruce Wayne is, in fact, NOT Batman and be internally laughing the whole time cause he is funny, and people just dont know what they're talking about.

Or b. (only when he's been up for a few days) confirm it and go "Well yes, of course he is. It'd be weird if he wasn't since the cave's under the house."

Cassandra would just smile and stare into the person's soul until they move on onto the next question.

Steph would deny it and claim that she's Batman and that Bruce is her Robin. She'd probably also manage to convince a few people to join her.

Duke would be like "He's Batman? Ohhh that explains the explosives I found in the cellar!" or something else, just as worrying.

Damian would just nod and go into a full length speech about how Batman is the best superhero (after Nightwing of course) and completely disregard the question. And before anyone can re-ask, he'd just walk off.

#batfam incorrect quotes #bruce wayne #batfam #dick grayson #jason todd #tim drake #cassandra cain #stephanie brown #duke thomas #damian wayne #idk what else to tag #dc comics #batman

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blackbirdi · 3 months

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Batfam Incorrect Quotes #11

Kidnapper: I have one of you children.

Bruce: Which one? I have six (legal ones).

Kidnapper: The loud, annoying, one with black hair.

Bruce: Which one? I have six (legal ones).

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