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Making Authentic Connections

New Post has been published on https://personalcoachingcenter.com/making-authentic-connections/

Making Authentic Connections

A friend of mine recently moved to another state and has been courageous in already signing up for some HR-specific networking events. She asked for my advice, and the first thing I reminded her was that most people are uncomfortable networking and that she is not alone.

I do not perceive myself as an expert, though it helps when I remember that many of the people I will be meeting are just as wary as I am of this seemingly forced opportunity to connect as I am.

Before

Before you go, it is critical to have thought hard about your personal brand and what you most intend to communicate to others. McNally & Speak (2003) write:

“Your [personal] brand takes shape as a result of your ability to make what you do distinctive, relevant, and consistent.”

They have a great way of helping you think about what you want to project by developing a personal brand model.

Roles

You begin by identifying the different roles that you play for others in your life. You can keep your roles specific to a professional capacity, though I have found that if I think of my personal and professional lives together, it helps me maintain better balance in life, particularly in keeping my most important relationships protected and prioritized.

Standards

This part of the exercise is where you consider how you deliver your roles. These are like your standards of service. What level of performance can others expect from you? Keep in mind that one of the best ways to build a brand is to be distinct – so think about how you are unique in what you deliver to others.

Style

Last, consider how you interact with others. Since a brand ultimately comes down to a relationship a company (or a person) has with a customer (or a person with whom they interact), the way we will relate to others becomes an essential aspect of our personal brand.

I suggest that before you attend that networking event, job interview, or annual planning meeting that you reflect on these three elements of your personal brand. You can consider buying Be Your Own Brand: A Breakthrough Formula for Standing Out from the Crowd to go through their exercises and to solidify your approach, or just get out a piece of paper and begin by writing down your roles, standards and style.

While working on my doctorate, one of our professors, Vance Caesar, had us go through this exercise. It was quite revealing, and I highly recommend you spend some time articulating your brand in this way, as well.

Final preparations

Original source: https://coachingforleaders.com/making-authentic-connections/

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How to Solve Problems Faster

New Post has been published on https://personalcoachingcenter.com/how-to-solve-problems-faster/

How to Solve Problems Faster

“A problem well-defined is a problem half-solved.” That was Greg Hall’s challenge to us this week: define problems with good data and analytics to ultimately make better decisions.

A key recommendation was to begin tracking your personal analytics, so you make better decisions with your time. Download Greg’s free, one-page guide on The Five Steps of Personal Productivity Analytics if you’re ready to take action.

If Greg was helpful to you, these episodes will be too:

CFL160: The 5-Step Strategy for Solving Problems

CFL184: Getting Things Done with David Allen

CFL292: How to Solve a Huge Problem

CFL323: How to Leverage People Analytics

Recommended Reading

My recent chat with Daniel Pink has me rethinking how I organize my day. One key takeaway from his research is how dramatically our normal, circadian rhythms affect results. Turns out we’re a lot more likely to screw up in the afternoon. Here’s how to stop it.

One of our Academy members is intentionally having in-depth, career conversations with employees, resulting in some incredible engagement. Many leaders think they do this well, but rarely execute on it fully. We’ve both taken inspiration from this three-step model on how to do career conversations better.

Speaking of careers, I field lots of questions on personal branding. Past guest Dorie Clark is a branding expert and just shared 13 Insanely Actionable Personal Branding Techniques. I’ve seen great results from techniques #1, #2, #8, #9, #10, #12, and #13.

Great Reads

Greg mentioned on this week’s episode how a single book motivated him to start the journey of intentional productivity. The same book has saved me from so many past worries that I find myself not only recommending it often, but re-reading chapters. Check out Dale Carnegie’s How to Stop Worrying and Start Living*.

Video Picks

Perhaps the world’s foremost authority on working cross-culturally, Erin Meyer shared tons of resources when she appeared on the podcast. This 2-minute video from Harvard Business Review on her work will explain how cultures across the world approach leadership.

Just For Fun

The title of this one caught my attention. Lots of actionable stuff here for both moms and dads. As much as some of us cringe at small talk, it’s the starting point of almost every human relationship. So, here’s The Introverted Dad’s Guide to Talking to Other Parents.

Received from a friend?

Activate your free membership for full access to 7 years of interviews with leadership experts — or subscribe to the Coaching for Leaders podcast on iTunes, Google Play, or Stitcher.

Original source: https://coachingforleaders.com/solve-problems-faster/

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How to Manage Your Task List

New Post has been published on https://personalcoachingcenter.com/how-to-manage-your-task-list/

How to Manage Your Task List

This week, I welcomed my friend Tim Stringer back to the podcast to teach us the core principles of how to manage your task list. Tim shared key principles and made suggestions on helpful solutions to use for your task management system.

I’m also inviting you to join me live later today, tomorrow, or Friday to get objective feedback to make a better decision. Join me with any other listeners via live videoconference to start the year by benefitting from the wisdom and experience of others in our listening community. Claim your free, virtual seat right now.

As you’ve been hearing in the mini-course I’m airing on the podcast feed this week, applications are open for the Coaching for Leaders Academy, but only through this Friday the 12th. Want to discover more about the Academy? Hit reply and I’ll help with more details.

Weekly Guide: Related Episodes

CFL151: How To Be More Productive

CFL180: Do This for a Productive Week

CFL184: Getting Things Done with David Allen

CFL319: The Way to Stop Spinning Your Wheels on Planning

Weekly Guide: Articles

The Most Important Leadership Competencies, According to Leaders Around the World: Which do you need to get better at in 2018?

25 Books for Success: Solid list of the classics. Books #1 and #5 are my all-time favorites for personal and professional excellence.

Adapting Bullet Journal to a Hyper-Connected World: Searching for a paper and pencil option for task management? Past guest Cal Newport discuses the Bullet Journal we mentioned in this week’s episode.

Leaders Ask for Feedback: Yes, they do, And, if you really want to get better at this, check out this past episode with Sheila Heen, co-author of Difficult Conversations.

LinkedIn’s billionaire founder Reid Hoffman says helping run PayPal taught him an unexpected lesson about networking: If networking is a goal of yours this year, some great ideas here in Hoffman’s slides.

Weekly Guide: Video

Trying To Earn An A+ In Everything Keeps You From Your Greatness: Past guest Lisa Cummings reminds us to focus on our strengths rather than trying to fix our weaknesses.

Weekly Guide: Inspiration

My Dad Discovered He Had a Son Less Than a Minute Before He Discovered He Had Lost His Son: Powerful 4-minute video — and the message is spot on.

Sharing

Received this from a friend or colleague? Subscribe to the Coaching for Leaders podcast on iTunes, Google Play, or Stitcher.

Original source: https://coachingforleaders.com/manage-your-task-list/

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Business Coaching Definition: What It is & How It Works

New Post has been published on https://personalcoachingcenter.com/business-coaching-definition-what-it-is-how-it-works/

Business Coaching Definition: What It is & How It Works

There is no standard definition for business coaching, but the classic business coaching definition is coaching that applies the essential coaching principles to every part of a business. Business coaching follows meticulous and detailed methodology to ensure both facilitative coaching processes and management consulting tools are utilized and put into place in the manner they […]

Original source: https://coachestrainingblog.com/becomeacoach/business-coaching-definition-what-it-is-how-it-works/

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Coach Trainer Katja von Glinowiecki, PCC

New Post has been published on https://personalcoachingcenter.com/coach-trainer-katja-von-glinowiecki-pcc/

Coach Trainer Katja von Glinowiecki, PCC

Role: ICA Coach Trainer Lives: Lake Constance area, Germany Joined Faculty: December 2021 Niche: International Management, Transition, Female Leadership, Young adults, Entrepreneurs Email: [email protected] LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/katja-von-glinowiecki/ Websites: https://von.coach and https://orientierungs-coaching.de

Katja started her professional career with a Diploma in business communication, graduating from the University of Applied Science in Berlin, Germany. Along her business path, she worked in several multinational organizations and found her passion in training, mentoring, and supporting young colleagues and professional women in their careers.

Today, as an ICF certified coach (PCC) and certified communication & behavioral trainer Katja is blending in her intercultural experience from long-term stays in China, India, France, and Australia and her expertise in working in organizational structures from automotive, financial & IT, and telecommunication services and corporate consulting.

Following her enthusiasm for people, using empathy and cultural awareness, Katja is inspiring her clients and supporting them to discover their full potential.

ICA Katja is also a member of the Global Faculty of the International Coach Academy, where she trains and mentors new coaches in the ACTP program.

ORIENTATION COACHING For more than a decade, Katja has been coaching executives and international experts on important decisions. With her vision of providing coaching to everyone and spread the spark of DEI, Katja now also supports young people to courageously take their professional future into their own hands. In her program for high school graduates, students, and young professionals, she inspires and motivates the next generation.

Katja is based near Constance, in the south of Germany, and combines motherhood with entrepreneurship. As a virtual coach for the past 7 years, she succeeds in running her family and taking on international projects and assignments across various time zones.

Original source: https://coachcampus.com/faculty/katja-von-glinowiecki/

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How To Be A Good Project Leader: A Short Guide

New Post has been published on https://personalcoachingcenter.com/how-to-be-a-good-project-leader-a-short-guide/

How To Be A Good Project Leader: A Short Guide

As someone who has seen leaders in action, you probably have an idea of what a leader should be like. That’s why it is possible for you to step into a project leadership role. You may be unsure that you’re ready to handle such a role, but this post contains some leadership tips that will help you.

Watch out for project creep. This can happen when your project’s scope isn’t clearly defined. If you have control over the project, resist the temptation to add more project objectives as time goes on. If you are receiving external pressure to expand your project, resist it with all your might. Your subordinates will thank you.

One of the most important aspects of any leader is the ability to create a sense of trust among their employees. Employees who trust their supervisor are willing to do more to help the company succeed than those who do not trust their supervisors. Always be truthful when dealing with employees.

When you are a leader, it is critical that they know regularly they are appreciated. It doesn’t take much time to say thank you, or write a “good job” note, but it means a lot to a person who is going through a long work day. This tiny gesture goes a long way in improving morale, and it doesn’t cost you a dime.

Continue to learn new leadership techniques and innovative methods for conducting business. Continuing your education will give you a better understanding of how your younger employees think. A new perspective will help you improve your leadership style, while also giving you the tools to be competitive in an ever-changing market.

Keep your cool even in the craziest of situations. If your employees see you panicking, they’ll think it’s time to panic. If they see you exuding strength, then they’ll feel confident in your ability to make the right decisions for both the company and them. Remember, perception is everything. Even if you feel the opposite, show strength and confidence.

Know your competition just as well as you know your own company. Business isn’t just about what’s happening between the walls in your space. You need to make decisions based off competitive movement. If you can’t make decisions because you don’t know the competition, then expect your employees to see it as a weakness in leadership.

Spend more time in the office than out of it. It may be exciting to travel everywhere that you can, but suitcase leadership doesn’t really inspire the teams back at the main office. If you find yourself traveling more than half the time, then you can be sure your employees aren’t seeing you as their leader. They need to see you there.

Do not push people on your team too hard, since this can result in doing the opposite of what you are trying to accomplish. Instead of giving them motivation to do more work, it may make them feel demoralized. In turn, they will lose a lot of respect for you.

A great leadership tactic is to periodically meet with individuals concerning their personal work goals. Try meeting privately, going over goals they may have, as well as your goals for them as part of the team, or workforce. Then, find out if there is any way you can help them to meet these goals. Lastly, be sure to follow through.

Learn how to present persuasively. Presentation skills are something every great leader needs to master. You’ll be on stage, and the results will be the perception that sticks with the crowd. Not only about you, but also about the company. If you are a strong presenter, you can make a major difference in how people perceive your leadership.

Always remember that there is an inverse relationship between what’s on your mind and your personal productivity right now. If something is on your mind, write it down. When you need to, work on it now. If it can wait or can’t be helped right this minute, set the paper to the side and get to work on something you can do right now.

Do not make winning your priority. With all the technology of the Internet, breaking down stats and goals is much easier. A lot of managers do that in order to measure progress and determine goals. If you try creating success when working, the wins will be won themselves.

Be a good example for your team. Just like the parents of a family, you are who your team looks up to in your organization. Do not talk negatively about the company you work for or your bosses to your team. It sets a horrible example and may come back to haunt you.

This post provided you with a few leadership tips that will help you assume the role of leader in your company or organization. Study the tips here, so that you are more comfortable and able to rise to the top effortlessly. Being a leader is something you can accomplish, if you heed the information in this article.

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coachingreviewsite · 2 years

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Coaching for Performance

New Post has been published on https://personalcoachingcenter.com/coaching-for-performance/

Coaching for Performance

State governments aren’t particularly known for their success rates in using resources efficiently to produce good results. That said, at least one notable exception exists when we all learn how to drive a car. In that area, most states have the system down cold for helping new drivers get around safely and effectively.

When we attend a typical class and try to learn something, it usually goes something like this: Someone with some level of expertise facilities the course. That person decides what knowledge is important and spends lots of time lecturing about the key things we need to know. Often, we are tested on our knowledge through homework, papers, exams, and class participation. At the end of the class we get a grade that, in theory at least, measures the success of what we’ve learned.

The problem with this traditional model is that it doesn’t encourage or measure behavior change. That’s not a big deal if we’re learning to appreciate 18th century literature, but it becomes a huge issue if we’re driving a motor vehicle and haven’t learned to put our new knowledge into practice. Of course, most state governments already know this, and they’ve developed a fine system to address this challenge.

Here’s how they ensure that new knowledge translates into behavior change during the driver’s education process, and how we can learn from it to coach and develop others:

Activate

Unlike most of the school classes I attended when I was a teenager, I could barely wait to start the first day of driver’s education class. Many of my friends were already driving, and I had a very clear picture of how learning to drive would be of great benefit to my independence and social activities. Nothing was going to keep me from graduating from the class as quickly and successfully as possible.

Activation is probably the most important step in the learning process. When an individual has activated their readiness to learn, very little will stop them. This usually isn’t an issue when teenagers are learning to drive. However, it’s a big issue in professional development. As leaders and coaches, we don’t often take time to activate an individual’s excitement and passion for learning a new skill.

It’s essential that as leaders and coaches, we communicate up front with individuals to learn about their current skill set, discuss the benefit to them of enhancing that skill set, and a link those skills to the areas that are significant to their long-term goals. Failure to do this can mean that you get the same level of commitment to the learning process as I had with high school physics. I learned it because I had to in order to satisfy a requirement, but I only make the minimum investment needed in order to get a decent grade in the class.

Understand

I remember the first day of driver’s education class. Furthermore, I was super excited to get there and start driving. I didn’t realize until I arrived that they don’t even let you near a car until you are a week or two into the classroom portion of the course.

Once we had a firm understanding of the rules of the road, they tested us several times on different skills to ensure that we remembered exactly what we had been taught. Only then did we graduate to the vehicle portion of the class.

When developing someone, we have to provide that individual with a framework and understanding of the skill first before we ask them to take action. Without that foundation, they have no context for the actions they will take as part of the learning process. In addition, we want them to learn from those that have already developed past knowledge, rather than have them spend valuable time and resources reinventing knowledge that already exists.

We can use various methods to verify that understanding is present, including conversation, observation, or even testing. Verifying understanding is critical, so it saves both them and us from undue frustration later in the process.

Coach

As soon as I passed that last exam in the driver’s education classroom, they handed me the keys to the car and said, “Have at it – good luck!”

We all know that didn’t happen. In fact, I distinctly remember never leaving the parking lot for the first “driving session.” Probably the first thirty minutes or so was a lecture from the instructor in the car reminding my friend Andrea and me all about the rules of the road and then gradually having us practice some very basic skills like backing up, turning, and parking in a parking space (multiple times, I might add).

Here’s the thing: I had been a passenger in a car all my life. It looked easy. I mean, how hard can it be to park a car in a parking spot, right? Turns out the first time you do, it’s not so easy. In fact, I remember being a bit surprised at my lack of ability to maneuver the vehicle perfectly the first time around. The whole time, the instructor was coaching us by giving both positive reinforcement and interrupting at the right times to correct poor behavior before it became a habit.

I knew what to do, but the actual behavior took several tries to get right. Same situation when you are developing somebody else. Just because the knowledge is correct in their minds doesn’t mean that the resulting actions are appropriate. If you’re not there to provide positive reinforcement and correction during those times, they develop bad habits that could stay with them their entire careers or lives. Active coaching is key at this stage of the learning process.

Apply

After a full series of driving sessions, I eventually graduated from driving school and received my license. Later that day, I took out my mom’s Chrysler Concorde for the first time by myself.

However, even though I was as fully licensed to drive as any other person, I still was spending lots of mental energy to remember everything I had learned. That entire first solo drive, I was carefully remembering each rule and procedure, mostly out of fear that I would do anything leading to an accident or damage to my mom’s car. In the coming months, I would learn valuable lessons from the occasional near-miss and varied weather conditions on the road. Plus, I’d still get some occasional coaching from my parents when they were in the car.

Gradually, the coaching and driving experience built the confidence that I didn’t have when I first received my license. I consciously thought about the rules of the road less and less, as good habits laid a strong foundation for my lifelong driving skills.

When we are developing others, this stage can one of the longest and most frustrating for the leader or coach. That’s because nothing takes the place of experience and allowing people to make some of their own mistakes and learn from working independently. We can still jump in a provided limited coaching when appropriate, but we also need to step back and allow the individual to take primary ownership for their own skill development at this point.

Master

We’re at the point in life where our insurance company actually provides a discount for the number of years we have been driving. Certainly, it doesn’t mean that we still don’t occasionally make a mistake now and then on the road. However, for the most part, we get into the car in the morning and don’t give a second thought to the rules of the road. We don’t have to…we’ve been so proficient for so many years that it now is a matter of just an occasional refinement and adjustment when we make a mistake. The skill is almost fully mastered. In fact, with some resources and structures, we could probably teach others.

This is exactly the point that you want others to eventually reach. The timelines vary substantially with the skill being learned. Learning a new ordering system might take days or weeks to master. Learning to master more complex skill sets like customer service or sales could take years.

The key for all of us is to recognize the importance of all five stages in the skill development process. Failure to spend adequate time activating, understanding, or coaching for new skills might shorten the development timeline, but ultimately leads to reduced performance and bad habits.

When it matters that people learn things correctly for the long-term (like is does when we’re learning a complex skill like driving) let’s take the example from the DMV and embrace each of these steps for the best possible outcomes.

Original source: https://coachingforleaders.com/coaching-for-performance/

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Understanding Progress vs. Perfection

New Post has been published on https://personalcoachingcenter.com/understanding-progress-vs-perfection/

Understanding Progress vs. Perfection

A Coaching Power Tool By Xiuyu Feng, Executive Coach, UNITED STATES

The Idea of Progress vs. Perfection

A person who never made a mistake never tried anything new. Albert Einstein

For many of us who strive for excellence, it is so easy to get caught up in the idea of perfection. This often leads to either procrastination or unwillingness to try something new. Before we realize it, we may have been spending all of our time perfecting every little detail to “get ready” or simply sitting there worrying about all the potential failures we are going to encounter without actually moving forward.

If instead, we accept that there will always be room for improvement, then even if things do not go exactly as planned, progress can still be made one step at a time. Then step by step, we would find ourselves already come a long way from where we started.

Progress vs. Perfection Definition

What Is Perfection?

“Perfection” refers to the condition, state, or quality of being free from all flaws or defects or an exemplification of supreme excellence. Those who are obsessed with perfection usually hold a fixed mindset believing that things are going to stay where they are and changes are rare or almost impossible. Chasing for perfection is usually considered as a valuable virtue of relentless pursuit for excellence. However, if it becomes the sole focus, it will in many ways hinder us from achieving our goals.

First, perfection is rigid and inflexible, and sometimes exhausting. By focusing on perfection, we tend to set binary criteria and attach our self-value to the results. When the target is met, our self-esteem will be greatly boosted and the motivation will be strong. However, if the target is missed, our self-esteem will collapse and the motivation might be greatly damaged. For example, in a corporate setting, if we set the success of a promotion to be the target, then when the promotion is landed, we would feel energetic and motivated, but if the promotion is not successful, we would feel unmotivated and uninspired, deny all the progress made so far, and sometimes would not even be able to focus on the projects at hand. These negative emotions tend to dampen our enthusiasm, which makes it tough for us to stay in the course.

Second, perfection leads to procrastination and slows us down. Perfection can be a progress killer. It can make us feel like everything on our to-do list should be perfect before moving forward. Oftentimes we stay put, wait for the perfect time, the perfect person, the perfect place, or the perfect position to come to take action, and this waiting can be endless. For example, an artist wants to create a Youtube channel to market his vlogs but constantly worries that the current one is not perfect. Even though he shooted tons of vlogs, he has never put anything on his channel as the “perfect” one has never arrived. The high expectations of the pre-conditions made it heavy for us to move forward.

Last but not least, perfection discourages us from trying new ideas and stepping out of our comfort zone. It tends to focus our attention on what’s not working and the not-enough, which leads us to constantly worry about the potential failure we are going to encounter if we make any changes. The chasing of the “flawless” theory would encourage us to stay in the same place. This may make us feel safer, but also will deprive us of new possibilities. For example, an engineer working in a well-established tech firm in the Bay Area is interested in joining a startup to accelerate his growth, but he worries about the instability associated with the decision. Hence he never dared to apply but stayed in his “boring job” executing repetitive tasks day by day. The fear of being “not perfect” makes it harder for us to step outside of our comfort zone.

What Is Progress?

“Progress” means striving towards something but accepting that there will always be room for improvement. Even if things do not go exactly as planned, progress can still be made one step at a time. Those who value progress are embracing a growth mindset. They accept where they are right now and are relentless about learning, growing, evolving, and improving. As long as there is progress, they don’t have to wait till a certain goal is achieved to be content as every step is fulfilling.

Striving for progress over perfection can make it easier and more enjoyable to achieve our goals in many ways.

First, progress is more sustainable and motivating. Life is like a flowing river and it changes all the time. There will always be new challenges and obstacles that will sway us from our original path. If we focus on perfection, it can be frustrating at times when things are not going according to our plan. But if we focus on progress, we would be more flexible and ride with the tide, focusing on overcoming obstacles, but still staying in the course. All big goals will be decomposed into walkable steps and nothing seems impossible.

Second, progress encourages learning and celebrates growth. Life is a journey with ups and downs. If we are too obsessed with the results being failure or success, then we would either paralyze when facing multiple failures or try our best to play safe and avoid any failure by all means. However, if we believe we can always learn something from each setback, then life would be so much more liberating and we would be more courageous to take on challenges.

Last but not least, focusing on progress leads to more stable self-esteem. A perfectionist often switches to a self-criticism mode when falling short of a goal. Their inner voice would diminish their self-worth whenever things go wrong. If this happens too often, it will easily lead to low self-esteem and consequently giving up on achieving goals. Focusing on progress, on the other hand, would help us appreciate the progress we made so far when looking back, recognize our efforts and self-worth, and keep us motivated to move forward.

What Causes People to Be Obsessed With Perfection?

At the core of perfection is usually fear – fear of failure, fear of judgment from both oneself and others. Perfectionists usually set high expectations on themselves and attach their self-worth to the realization of those expectations. Implicitly, they believe being perfect means not making mistakes. In their mind, if they ever make any mistake, others would look down upon them and their self-value would also decrease. In other words, they have a low level of “self-acceptance”, believing that they are only good enough if certain conditions are met. Instead of looking inside oneself to find strength, they usually turn to the outside to seek approval or evidence of self-value.

The underlying belief behind a perfectionist is usually a fixed mindset. The lack of confidence in being able to make changes or improvements would easily lead to excessive obsession with finding the perfect state, to begin with.

How to Break Out From Perfectionist Thinking?

Step 1. Awareness Building

First, we need to be aware of when we think from a perfectionist perspective. Some questions we can reflect on to build awareness include:

What are some things you are currently procrastinating on because you think the time/person/condition is not perfect yet?

When is the last time you beat yourself up for a misstep?

Have you ever given up on a new opportunity because you want to play safe?

Have you ever been bothered by a relationship and thought that everything would be perfect had you chosen a different partner?

When reflecting on those situations, what emotions are you feeling?

Step 2. What Is the Underlying Belief?

When we catch ourselves thinking from a perfectionist perspective, ask ourselves

“What are the underlying beliefs behind the thinking?”

“Is there any fear behind it?”

“Am I attaching any self-worth to the results of the situation?”

Step 3. Reality Checking With Byron Katie’s “Four Questions” Framework

Most of the time, perfectionist thinking stems from worrying about the uncertainty of the future. On such occasions, we can leverage Byron Katie’s four steps of self-inquiry to help us check the reality. This involves asking four simple questions about the belief that causes us pain:

Is it true?

Can you know that it’s true?

How do you react when you believe that thought?

Who would you be without this thought?

Step 4. Perspective Shifting

When we see the limitations in our underlying beliefs, we can challenge ourselves by asking questions from a “progress” perspective:

“What’s still worth celebrating even if things didn’t go exactly as planned?”

“What are some of the things I’ve done well that I can acknowledge myself for?”

“What can I learn from this experience regardless of the result?”

“Had I not worried about being perfect, what could be different?”

Step 5. Creating Actions

Sometimes all that is missing is a pathway forward. Breaking the “mission impossible” down to bite-size steps and focusing on conquering them a step at a time would make it much easier to move forward. This requires several steps:

Set realistic expectations

Prioritize tasks

Make time and effort for each step

Check learnings along the way

Step 6. Positive Reinforcement

Take some time to reflect on what happens when you change your perspective. Ask yourself:

“Do I feel more joyful?”

“Does it become easier to move forward?”

“Do I feel more liberated?”

“Do I feel more motivated?”

Last but not least, creating metaphors for ourselves can also help to embrace a progressive mindset. For example, constantly practicing the thought that “Nobody is perfect, and I am good enough” will lead us to value progress more than perfection.

Empower the Client to Focus On Progress vs. Perfection

As coaches, we can empower our clients to make positive shifts by bringing the perspective of “progress” to what they do and making it easier for them to move forward. We can achieve this through sharing an observation, asking a question, exploring a different point of view, or walking through some extreme scenarios.

Help the client to explore the feeling of fear behind the high expectations or procrastination, recognize these feelings and the underlying beliefs when they come up, and ask questions to help check the reality. This exploration will help the client to break out of the non-fact-based illusions in their mind which prevent them from moving forward.

Here are a few ideas to help support your client to create a shift in perception:

“I noticed you mentioned “not good enough” multiple times, when will it be good enough?”

“What do you want to recognize yourself for in whatever progress you’ve made so far?”

“What can you learn from this experience regardless of the results?”

“What would you do if you had your courageous hat on?”

“Given the situation is not perfect, what’s the worst thing that can happen if you take action right now?”

“If you have everything you need right now, what would you do as a next step?”

In coaching, sometimes the only thing that is needed to get the client to move forward is to take action. So helping the client to make a detailed plan and setting up proper infrastructures to make sure the plan will be executed will empower the client to create momentum and motivate them to keep going.

Progress vs. Perfection as a Coach

During each coaching session, it is paramount to the success of the role as a coach to focus on progress instead of perfection as well. If the coach focuses on asking the perfect question, sharing the perfect observation, or hosting the perfect session, then we will not be present with the client. This will also add an extra layer of anxiety and pressure to the whole coaching journey. If instead, we focus on progress, then we will be on a joyful journey of constant learning and growing.

References

Merriam-Webster Dweck, C. S. Mindset: The new psychology of success. Random House Digital, Inc. Mitchell, B. K., Mitchell S. A. Loving What Is: Four Questions That Can Change Your Life Charland, A. M. Focus on progress, not perfection

Original source: https://coachcampus.com/coach-portfolios/power-tools/progress-vs-perfection/

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From Emotional Literacy to Emotional Intelligence: Quality of Life and Relationships

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From Emotional Literacy to Emotional Intelligence: Quality of Life and Relationships

From Emotional Literacy to Emotional Intelligence

The new scientific discoveries ensure that if we try to increase self-awareness, we will be able to control negative thoughts more effectively, maintain our optimism, be persevering despite frustrations, increase the ability to be empathic, and care for others, we can hope for a future. More serene.

What Can We Change to Help Ourselves, Our Children, and Others Move In This Direction?

Many data testify that people who know how to control their feelings, read those of others, and treat them effectively find themselves at an advantage in all areas of life, they are happier, more effective, and able to adopt mental attitudes that fuel productivity, concentration, and thinking.

In everyday reality, no intelligence is more important than interpersonal intelligence: if it is not present, it will be easier to make the wrong decision regarding the person to marry, the work to be done, etc …

Emotional intelligence is present in each of us and has its intrinsic potential that must be developed. People learn from an early age to deal with their emotions, and parents and educators must guide children along the path of “emotional literacy”, that is, learning to recognize, express, and manage their emotions. However, even as an adult, it is never too late to learn or improve your skills in this sense, and consequently give a magical touch to the quality of your life and relationships.

Emotional Literacy to Emotional Intelligence Explanations

Advanced studies in psychology, psychotherapy, and neuroscience show that our most important responses are emotional and not rational.

The actions that arise from the emotional mind are accompanied by a particularly strong feeling of security, deriving from a simplified and immediate way of seeing things, which can appear disconcerting to the rational mind.

According to Paul Ekman, emotions set us in motion to react to pressing facts without wasting too much time thinking about whether or how to respond.

The same applies to the facial expressions that appear on the facial muscles a few seconds after the fact that triggers the reaction because of the deviation of the blood flow and the acceleration of the heartbeat.

Feelings first, thoughts second.

Love, Stendhal wrote, is like a fever that comes and goes regardless of will. Not only love but also fear, anger, take possession of us, they seem to happen and not be chosen.

The rational mind does not decide what emotions we should have.

Feelings, on the other hand, present themselves as a fait accompli.

In 1995 Daniel Goleman, American author, psychologist, and journalist published the book “Emotional Intelligence” which he defines this intelligence as that set of fundamental skills to be able to cope well with life: self-control, enthusiasm, perseverance, and the ability to self-motivate.

He introduces the concept of self-awareness, that is, the awareness of one’s thought processes and emotions, the ability to identify them by giving them a name.

For Goleman, it is the ability to motivate oneself, persist in pursuing a goal despite frustrations, to control impulses and postpone gratification, to modulate one’s moods, avoiding that suffering prevents us from thinking, to be empaths and to hope.

Emotional intelligence, therefore, is based on two major skills:

Personal competence is given by self-awareness and self-control, as well as my motivation.

A social competence that is determined by the way we manage relationships with others; the basis of this competence is made up of empathy and social skills, understood as the ability to know how to artfully guide the emotions of another person and take advantage of the fact that moods influence each other.

How Can the Concept of Emotional Literacy to Emotional Intelligence Help Us in Everyday Life?

Emotional competence helps to positively face the complexity of the world we live in. Being “emotionally intelligent” means knowing and managing our inner resources and at the same time intuiting, understanding, responding correctly to the emotions of others. Thanks to this gift we can communicate, motivate, react in the right way to frustrations, combine personal aspirations with the actual possibilities of making our dreams come true.

Feeling empathy towards others allows us to relate better to them, to understand their needs, to regulate our behaviors so as not to trample others when we are intent on satisfying our needs or pursuing our goals.

Being emotionally intelligent means maintaining a balanced relationship between the intrapersonal world and the interpersonal world, it means recognizing one’s qualities and accepting one’s limits, optimizing one’s resources to achieve an expected result.

It is easy to understand how these kinds of skills can be fundamental in favoring the achievement of objectives and self-realization, in communicating effectively with others (the boss, colleagues, partner, their parents or children, etc.) and better managing conflicts, in reacting to problematic situations or failures, in holding leadership or coordination roles but also in teamwork, etc.) in dealing with life better by reacting functionally and adaptively to stimuli that come from the surrounding environment.

Making the most of the potential of our emotional intelligence allows us to obtain very concrete effects in various areas related to the emotional sphere that have direct repercussions on the way we manage our daily life.

Daniel Goleman explains his approach to emotional intelligence by focusing on:

Self-awareness is the ability to recognize and differentiate one’s emotions and manifestations. It develops by paying attention to one’s inner states.

The first step is to question oneself about one’s emotions, breaking them down into many pieces, to understand their nature and origin.

We often use vague terms to define an emotion or the same term to define different emotions (for example, we could define ourselves as “nervous” both when we are anxious about something and when we feel anger or frustration). Or it happens not to understand where the emotion we are experiencing comes from, what events it is linked to it may emerge from a present event, or instead, it may have been recalled from the past.

Being self-aware means being able to understand what emotion we are feeling, to communicate it to those around us, to use it to guide our actions and our thoughts.

Self-control is the ability to dominate emotion without repressing it.

It is a direct consequence of self-awareness and allows you to quickly recover the psychic well-being disturbed by the onset of emotion.

The first step in developing this ability is to accept emotions and embrace them as necessary and inevitable parts of us. Strong emotions are often accompanied by automatic illogical thoughts that take over and make us lose clarity (for example: “certain things happen to me because I’m stupid”, “this bad moment will last forever”, “he left me because I’m not worth anything”, “No one loves me and will never love me”, etc.).

Learning to recognize and block these thoughts is very important to limit the disruptive effect of emotions. Being able to characterize the events that happen to us as momentary and dependent on specific causes allows us to identify and access the inner resources that will allow us to overcome the difficulty and to feel in control of ourselves and, therefore, of our emotions.

Empathy: is the ability to perceive the state of mind and feelings of another person, creating an emotional harmony towards him that allows you to share his inner experiences and emotions, but without being overwhelmed. It, too, is linked to self-awareness, as the profound knowledge of one’s emotions is the basis of the ability to recognize and understand emotions in others. It develops by learning to listen.

Active listening puts us in a position to understand what the other is saying to us without judging it and without interpreting it in the light of our knowledge/experiences/beliefs; to pay real attention to what others are communicating to us by striving to understand not only the content but also the reasons why they are communicating it. In inactive listening, attention is also paid to body language, because it is not communicated only with words. We develop our empathy by learning to recognize the non-verbal signals that communicate emotions and which, since they are difficult to control, can reveal much more than is explicitly expressed.

In-Depth Emotional Literacy to Emotional Intelligence

One sees well only with the heart … The essential is invisible to the eyes, A. de Saint-Exupéry, The Little Prince

To observe anything in-depth, it is essential to listen to sensations and emotions.

Relationships with others must go beyond appearance and superficiality.

What determines an intense bond are the actions, more important than words because they are more concrete and lasting.

Begin to cultivate deep relationships, in which there is an intense and sincere bond.

Accept yourself and express your emotions, know yourself well to understand yourself. Only in this way will you be able to love and interact with others.

It is useless to look elsewhere for what you do not resolve within yourself.

References

Paul Ekman, I can see it in your face, recognize emotions even when they are hidden Daniel Goleman, Emotional intelligence de Saint-Exupéry, The Little Prince Get an Emotion, 58° ZecchinoD’oro https://oneminutemeditation.com

Original source: https://coachcampus.com/coach-portfolios/research-papers/emotional-literacy-to-emotional-intelligence/

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Easy Leadership That Anyone Can Follow

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Easy Leadership That Anyone Can Follow

Becoming a great leader in the business world involves a lot of hard work

A good amount of dedication and the development of important skills. While we cannot provide you with the ability to complete challenging tasks or give you the motivation to succeed, we can educate you about the skills necessary to become the leader you want to be. Continue reading and learn more about what it takes to get to greatness.

Make sure you hire people who will advance your business goals. Preferably, this means people who are smart, can solve problems, and most importantly, have some experience in your business field. Make sure you check references and do proper research so that you don’t get scammed by someone with a fake resume and a silver tongue.

When you’re a leader, make sure that you team with people. You must remember that you are a part of a team. Individual voices can contribute to and better an entire project, so try bringing others together to collaborate. Leaders are never alone. Do your best to invite as many perspectives into the discussion and decision-making processes as you can.

Say thank you to your employees. Many studies have been done on the power of a thanks given from a manager to his or her employees. It increases productivity, often by a lot. Just a little graciousness really can help extend your power as a leader, so be active about it.

When a leader is setting goals, the goals should be realistic. We all want things done faster in life, but sometimes things take time. If you rush your team, you may find that there are more mistakes, unhappy team members, and a very stressful environment. Make sure that your goals can be achieved in the amount of time that you’ve allotted.

Do what’s necessary to promote group unity. This means making sure that everyone knows what tasks they need to perform and what everyone else is doing. This prevents duplicate effort. Also, make sure each member of the team keeps the others up to date on progress. This makes budget and time overruns less likely.

Express a vision for the company. Great leaders differentiate themselves from great managers because of vision. They see where the company needs to be 5 years, 10 years and 20 years down the road. If you’ve got the vision, share it with your employees. Make them part of the team that’ll help get you there.

It is not effective to be a leader if you are not able to set a good example for others. You cannot sit around giving out orders and expecting people to follow them if they don’t have respect for you. The best way to earn respect is being a positive role model to others.

Make things easy for people to understand. If you can take difficult topics and talk about them in a way that everyone can understand, that will be a benefit to you as a leader. People need someone who can explain things, and if you can do that in a way that doesn’t make them feel inferior, they will love you.

Learn to take responsibility for things, even those that are not your fault. A great leader understands that when the team fails, everyone fails. Instead of placing blame on individual members of the team, a great leader will know that something about the way he leads the team may be the reason for the failure.

Talk to other leaders. This can be a great way to get feedback on ideas and to figure out how best to address concerns and problems. This will also give you time to observe other leadership styles and techniques. You may find something useful, or you might inspire someone else.

Being a good leader doesn’t just mean that you lead others. You also need the skills to lead yourself. Leading yourself by staying motivated and focused can also set a great example for others. Make an effort to become a working part of your organization and not just delegate tasks to others.

Leadership involves work, skill and education. Here we have provided you with that education. Take the advice we have given to you, and use it to enhance your leadership abilities. If you do this effectively, by putting in the work and dedication, you have the ability to soar to greatness and achieve a lot in the business world.

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Become A Better Business Leader

New Post has been published on https://personalcoachingcenter.com/become-a-better-business-leader/

Become A Better Business Leader

As someone who has seen leaders in action, you probably have an idea of what a leader should be like. That’s why it is possible for you to step into a leadership role. You may be unsure that you’re ready to handle such a role, but this article contains some leadership tips that will help you.

Your employees do not have the ability to read your mind. Be concise with what you want done and how you want it done. If you do this, you won’t have to micromanage them once the task is theirs.

Good leaders inspire creativity in their team. Creative thinking can help expand your company. Make attempts to explore the unknown and take the path less traveled. Don’t shy away from new ideas just because you can’t figure out how to make them work in the present. Your belief can assist others to create new concepts within the project.

As a leader, you must not play favorites. Playing favorites will get you into trouble. Those who you do not favor will be none too pleased and not respect you. They may even report your favoritism. If you have a good friend on your team, you may want to think about transferring to another department to avoid the conflict of interest.

Many successful leaders have used this idea to make positive changes by involving the team, or workforce. Offer an incentive, such as a gift card or other small reward, for people who are successful at implementing a positive change in the work environment. The changes can be acknowledged, and awards given at a monthly luncheon, or other get-together.

You may be a leader, or manager, but you are a human first. We all make mistakes from time to time. If you find that you have made a mistake, do not try to hide it, hoping no one will find out. You will attain a new level of respect by admitting your mistakes to your team, asking for their input, and even apologizing for a mistake.

Practice making great decisions. Effective leaders tend to be great at deciding things. You have to be willing to take risks. If you are able to make good decisions in short periods of time, others are going to admire your wisdom. Try not to second-guess decisions you must make. It’s good to realize that not every decision will have a good outcome, but how you deal with and learn from those outcomes determines what type of leader you are.

Have a vision. Planning for the future is important. Things might be great now, but will it still be a year from now? What about ten years from now? Try to keep abreast of any change that might be relevant to your business. Shape your plans and your vision accordingly.

Accepting blame, even when it isn’t your fault, is part of being a good leader. You should act as a shield for your employees, and defend them from attacks by upper management. You should also be willing to take the blame from your customers when something goes wrong. Use these opportunities to study the situation and ensure it doesn’t happen again in the future.

Learn the difference between a good leader and a transformational leader. As a good leader, you are successful in your efforts to coordinate and direct others. As a transformational leader, you coordinate and direct others in ways that are capable of bringing about significant changes in the organization. The effects of good leadership are short-term, whereas transformational leadership is strategic in the long run.

Charismatic leaders have a powerful ability to attract and inspire other members of the group. One of the most effective tools of the charismatic leader is a tendency to view and describe risk as highly attractive. By tackling risky projects, they appear courageous and engaged. These qualities serve to further highlight the powerful pull of a charismatic leader.

Great leaders believe in those they are leading. Surround yourself with talented people, and then inspire them to greatness by believing in their ability to reach their full potential. When you expect the best of someone, they will typically go out of their way to live up to that expectation.

This article provided you with a few leadership tips that will help you assume the role of leader in your company or organization. Study the tips here, so that you are more comfortable and able to rise to the top effortlessly. Being a leader is something you can accomplish, if you heed the information in this article.

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Tony Robbins Motivation - Stop Your Negative Thinking

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Tony Robbins Motivation - Stop Your Negative Thinking

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Unleash the Power Within

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Learn What You Should Know About Becoming A Leader

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Learn What You Should Know About Becoming A Leader

What makes a great leader? What are the qualities that define true leadership? How do good leaders inspire their employees to greater heights? Being able to answer these questions is important if you want to become a better leader. For help in your journey, read and absorb the following information.

You may be a visionary with excellent insight into your company’s market sector, but you don’t know everything. Your subordinates may be in more intimate contact with part of the market as part of their job. If your marketing director says that your advertising isn’t appropriate for your target audience, listen to her. She’s probably right.

When trying to be a good leader, it’s important to be truthful about the situation. If something isn’t working out as planned, let your team know. If you need to change something, tell them. Your team needs to know what is going on, whether it be good news or bad.

Consider holding monthly contests among your employees. These contests can be based on the most sales, the best customer service or a variety of things. The prizes for the contests can be something as simple as a preferred parking place or as extravagant as an additional paid day off.

Promotions, bonuses and raises should always be fairly distributed and based on performance. Don’t simply promote the person who has been working with you the longest or hand out the biggest raise to a family member. Your employees will be more motivated when they know that they can earn tangible rewards for working hard.

To be an effective leader, you have to know your own strengths and weaknesses. Delegate responsibilities in areas that you are weak in to the members of your team that Excel in them. You’ll give your team members a chance to shine, while ensuring that the job is carried out effectively.

A good leader is able to help develop strong leadership skills in others. If you try to micromanage every detail of your business, you won’t have time to look at the bigger picture. Having trustworthy employees who can lead others will give you the chance to delegate responsibilities as your company continues to grow.

Listening to your employees is one of the most challenging, yet effective, skills you can have as a leader. They can give you valuable input to your ideas and help you see potentials that you may have seen yourself. Use what they say to help you push your business to the next level.

Although it’s a good idea to incorporate innovative ideas and continue to evolve your business plan, you need to stick to your original plan. Continuing to work towards a specific goal helps build your credibility and makes others confident in your abilities. Remember that your plan can be improved upon without changing completely.

You might feel like starting each day or shift with a motivational speech, but this can get old for your crew quickly. As a matter of fact, such tactics are overrated. The biggest impact you make in terms of personnel is who you hire, who gets fired, and who gets assigned to the big projects.

Learn how to laugh. Yes, you’ve got a serious job with a lot of responsibilities, but leadership isn’t born out of tension and stress. Sometimes you need to learn how to lighten the mood. Not just for yourself, but for your employees too. If you’ve hit some rough patches, it’s your responsibility as a leader to help your team get out of it.

You must be able to clearly communicate with your team. Your team should have all necessary information they will need in order to complete a project. Check in on regular intervals to make certain everything is on track.

A good leader should be friendly and accessible to employees. You can run a successful business without using your authority to intimidate people. If your employees are afraid of you, they are unlikely to report honest mistakes, making it difficult for you to manage them effectively. Be friendly, but don’t try to make friends with your employees.

Being a great leader is an ongoing process that you must engage in if you want your business to succeed. The more that you understand about leadership, the more success your organization will enjoy. Remember the information you have read in this article so that you can become a better leader.

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Personal Development Tips Experts Use

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Personal Development Tips Experts Use

Helping yourself is an important part of your life planning. It needs to be planned in a way that you can accomplish all of your goals so that you can live the life you want to live. You need to research things that you can accomplish in your life. These tips can help you with that.

Expand your knowledge. By reading widely, you immerse yourself in other cultures, beliefs and fields of study. This leads you to appreciate your own place and to consider others less fortunate than yourselves. A proper sense of perspective, allows you to stop dwelling on your own misfortunes and can help you be content with what you have. This sense of contentment may improve your overall sense of self and happiness.

A great self-help tip is to simply acknowledge the past and move forward. A lot of people who are depressed or feeling down tend to block out certain things that have happened to them. You can’t live your life in denial. You need to accept certain things in order to move on.

Acknowledge your successes. We are often our own worst critics, making personal development a behemoth task for many individuals. Instead, focus on your successes, no matter how small they may be. Success adds up into greater things, and acknowledging a job well done is an excellent way to boost your self-esteem and motivation.

For those of us who are winners, organization is also important. You need to keep your work area clear and organized. Cluttered work areas can actually cause hazards that can make you fall or get an electrical shock. Keep your cords and systems organized, don’t leave the cords out for people to fall over. Likewise, with keyboards. Keep your books in one area, preferably drawers or cabinets. Most importantly, make sure that you don’t have overloaded outlets.

You need to be realistic with your to-do lists. If you have things on there that you cannot do in a day, then that will hinder the rest of your progression and probably make you feel disappointed in yourself. Be realistic and add things that you know you can achieve in a day. Keep it simple to get things done.

Develop a sense of urgency. When you are trying to improve any aspect of your life, procrastination is your worst enemy. The longer you wait to get started on a task, the less likely that task is going to get done. The first step is always the hardest; once you get started, you will surprise yourself with what you can accomplish.

Personal development is hard work, so remember to recharge your personal battery. Take time to be with yourself. Exercising is an excellent way to clear your mind of the stress of day to day life, and allows you to practice self-discipline. You’ll feel better about yourself and build greater endurance to get through your day!

Align your purpose in life with your true desire. This process can be boiled down to four simple questions: What do you desire to do? What are you able to do? What purpose should you seek? And what do you absolutely need to do? Alignment is difficult until you answer each of these questions and then act on each of those answers to bring these areas into balance and alignment with each other.

To improve on your personal skills, explore alternative forms of communication that you do not ordinarily use. If you usually rely on text messages, instant messaging, or email for a written word – try writing and mailing a handwritten note or card by snail mail. For a spoken word – use the telephone – instead of the help of a computer to communicate to someone and improve your one-on-one skills.

Help others whenever you can. Some of the most successful people in life are those who respect and help the people that surround them. Doing things that help to change people’s lives, even in the smallest ways, will make you feel good about yourself and cause you to be the kind of person that others want to be around.

You must be willing to see your goals through and attempt even the daily things that you find the hardest to do. Everyone looks at their “to-do list” and starts with the easy stuff. Begin with the harder tasks of the day, and you will find yourself growing immensely from this experience.

Everybody has principles and beliefs, but if you wish to live by them smartly, you must be able to explain and justify them. Perhaps some of these beliefs are a product of your education and are actually not helping you at all. Be aware of your principles and do your best to find explanations for them.

Helping yourself ensures that you want to change your life for the better and that you want to accomplish your goals. By learning what steps you need to take to get that life you want, you’ll be able to get there sooner. So, do yourself a favor and apply the above tips to your self-help plan.

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Hijack vs. Headway

New Post has been published on https://personalcoachingcenter.com/hijack-vs-headway/

Hijack vs. Headway

A Coaching Power Tool By Georgina Bartels, Transition Coach, GHANA

Hijack vs. Headway Potential and Ability to Meet Goals

I have had many experiences where I have acted on the spur of the moment irrationally or been flooded with emotions whereupon hindsight, I wonder – “what exactly happened here?” “How could I do that? What could I have possibly been thinking?” Well in reality I was not thinking, I was overwhelmed with an emotional reaction. I was hijacked. Sometimes the decisions I take in those moments will have long-lasting implications and sometimes I do nothing at all-paralyzed by fear and the what-ifs. The situation and the feelings are not always fleeting. Some have lasted for months and years, the results of which I am living with today. With coaching, I have come to realize that living in this state is hijacking my dreams and potential, and the ability to meet goals that are important to me.

We have all had the experience of doing something in the heat of the moment that we regretted later. Our reaction flew out of the gate before we could catch it. It’s like our rational mind stopped and what came out not only surprised us but everyone else around – Dr Relly Nadler.

I see this happening to friends, family, and colleagues all around me. With coaching and being coached and exploring this aspect of life, I have come to realize that a flip in perspective in this regard is powerful in helping one live a fulfilled life.

Hijack vs. Headway Definitions

Hijack is defined by the Cambridge dictionary as “to take control of or use something that does not belong to you for your advantage”. In human behavior, the term hijack is usually associated with the brain, specifically the amygdala. Daniel Goleman coined the term “emotional hijacking” to describe situations in which the amygdala — the brain’s emotional processing center — takes over the normal reasoning process. This can occur during difficult interactions with others, stressful situations, unexpected occurrences, etc. When you are emotionally hijacked, you tend to have less perspective and poorer judgment, while making more errors. At the same time, you feel more certain you are right.

Every human being normally has two amygdalae, one on each side of the brain, behind the eyes, and the optical nerves. Dr. Bessel Van Der Kolk, in his book The Body, Keeps the Score, calls this the brain’s “smoke detector.” It is responsible for detecting fear and preparing our bodies for emergency response.

The amygdalae define and regulate our emotions as humans. They also preserve memories and attach those memories to specific emotions (such as happy, sad, joyous). These are called emotional remembrances.

Whenever we perceive any threat, our amygdala sounds an alarm and releases hormones into the body. Stress hormones like adrenaline and cortisol flood our system, immediately preparing us for fight or flight. Another dimension to this has come up which is to freeze. So, the reactions are to fight, flee or freeze. In our world today, that response is more likely to be triggered by emotions such as stress, fear, anxiety, aggression, anger, pressures, and stress of modern life, work, and relationships. These are things that everyone experiences.

Facts:

So, how does the hijack happen? It has been said that there are two minds one that thinks and one that feels. The research by Joseph Le Doux reported by Goleman (1995), states that “…the architecture of the brain gives the amygdala a privileged position as the emotional sentinel, able to hijack the brain.”

When stimuli come in from the eyes or ears, they go immediately to the thalamus and then to the amygdala before a signal reaches the neocortex. This survival mechanism lets us react to things before the rational brain has time to think things over. All this happens in milliseconds and the amygdala sometimes distorts what stimuli it is receiving. Our amygdala is always on the alert, scanning and sifting through the information coming at it to detect any threats, things that might hurt us, or things we should be afraid of. All these stimuli are interpreted by the amygdala and generate emotions.

Some of these emotions, such as anxiety, anger, joy, or betrayal trip off the amygdala and impairs the prefrontal cortex’s working memory. The power of these emotions then overwhelms your rational thinking. It is this that prevents us from thinking “straight” or making rational decisions. There is a lot of data and research on why this happens and how oxygen, blood flow, and stimuli work in our amygdala and prefrontal cortex where rational thought and judgment sit. When the stimulus takes place and our fight, flight, or freeze responses are triggered we are usually thinking but with less capacity and brainpower.

With all the things happening in our world today, many of us are constantly walking around or functioning in a constant state of hijack brought upon by stress, fear, worry, and uncertainty.

Stress is a natural feeling of not being able to cope with specific demands and events. However, stress can become a chronic condition if a person does not take steps to manage it. These demands can come from work, relationships, financial pressures, and other situations, but anything that poses a real or perceived challenge or threat to a person’s well-being can cause stress.

Stress can be good sometimes as it pushes you to achieve. Everyone has a stress threshold and the point at which stress becomes paralyzing. When this happens, it can cause both physical and mental well-being to be impacted. When we face a challenge or threat, we usually have a partly physical response. The fight or flight responses are triggered to ensure that the individual is kept safe. This is manifested as some of these physical reactions:

increased blood pressure

sweating

alertness

The more stressors an individual is faced with the more likely s/he is likely to feel stressed and hijacked. This is especially when they feel they cannot cope.

According to the American Psychological Association (APA)’s annual stress survey in 2018, average stress levels in the United States were 4.9 on a scale from 1 to 10. The survey found that the most common stressors were employment and money. How a person reacts to a difficult situation will determine the effects of stress on overall health. Some people can experience several stressors in a row or at once without this leading to a severe stress reaction. Others may have a stronger response to a single stressor.

Stressors and the reactions they generate, differ from person to person. What may be positive for me, might be hugely triggering for another person? For some people, just thinking about something triggering can cause stress.

There is no identifiable reason why one person may feel less stressed than another when facing the same stressor. Mental health conditions, such as depression, or a building sense of frustration, injustice, and anxiety can make some people feel stressed more easily than others.

Some experiences or stressors are:

Getting a new job

Having a difficult conversation

Asking for a raise

Letting go of objects with sentimental value

Having a baby

Going on vacation

Getting a vaccine

Dealing with uncertainty

The National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) recognizes two types of stress: acute and chronic. They also further categorize the stressors as:

routine stress, such as childcare, homework, or financial responsibilities

sudden stress or disruptive changes, such as a family bereavement or finding out about a job loss

traumatic stress, which can occur due to extreme trauma because of a severe accident, an assault, an environmental disaster, or war

The reason why these events can cause a hijack or are stressful is that they typically involve a significant change, extra effort, new responsibilities, and a need for adaptation. The human brain generally resists change or anything that will take one out of their comfort zone. They also often require a person to take steps into the unknown. It is usually this fear of the unknown that triggers the hijack. The more you perceive stress or situations where you are triggered as negative, the bigger the impact on you. However, being more alert to the effects of stress may help a person manage it more effectively and cope better.

Many coaches are approached by clients with these kinds of issues. Unresolved feelings of stress caused by “hijack” can become both physical and mental health concerns and leave individuals feeling unfulfilled. To flip this perspective of being in a state of hijack, stress, and fear to a new enabling one requires some work. The new perspective is on making a “headway”.

Making Headway:

Headway– is defined by the Cambridge Dictionary as – to make progress or get closer to achieving something. When an individual gets into a state of hijack, their performance, rational thinking, and actions are impacted. The state of hijack can be for either a short time or continue in perpetuity until actions are taken to step out of it. To help flip the perspective, certain questions must be posed, and individuals guided out of that feeling and situation.

What am I thinking?

What am I feeling?

What do I want now?

How will I achieve

How am I getting in my way?

What do I need to do differently now?

What is the worst that can happen?

Who or what will support me?

Making headway is a state of feeling empowered to guide and steer the ship of your life on a course that is desirable and fulfilling. In this state, it is easier to see and recognize possibilities, to manage and set aside triggers that cause a hijack. The significance of situations is not seen as overwhelming but categorized in a way that does not trigger a fight or flight response. In this perspective, one can see the positives in a situation that looks bad and focus on that with gratitude. In this perspective, one can see that reactions are fully within one’s control and it is these that will determine the outcome.

The Risk Of Hijack vs. Headway

Coaches will be faced constantly with clients that are in a state of hijack. The pace of the world now, coupled with technology, a pandemic, etc. makes all of us fully susceptible to the pressures of life and therefore the risk of a hijack. The world is constantly changing, and this creates a feeling of uncertainty. For a coach to guide the client to flip their perspective the coach could invite the client to explore these questions:

What Are You Thinking?

Identifying exactly what you are thinking, what your thoughts are about the situation causing you a hijack, and acknowledging that you are feeling stuck or afraid or about to do something irrational.

What are you feeling?

Putting a name to the emotions you are feeling. Fear, panic, anxiety, sadness, ruffled, indifferent. When the emotion is identified it is easier to deal with it.

What do you want now?

Declaring that you want something different, you want to see a change, you need better for yourself.

How will you achieve it?

Identifying the steps that are needed to be taken to get to the end goal.

How are you getting in your way?

What is your behavior, actions, thoughts, beliefs, or values that stand in your way and how do these impact the situation negatively?

What do you need to do differently now?

Moving away from what has not worked in the past, identifying what has worked in the past, and going to utilize it.

What is the worst that can happen?

Being aware of what the worst-case scenario is and what can be put in place as a safety net

Who or what will support you?

Identifying a support system and utilizing it.

Faces Hijack vs. Headway Inducing Stress

The world is full of uncertainty and everyone faces hijack-inducing stress at one point in their life or the other. We cannot do away with stress and we cannot do away with the body’s mechanisms for dealing with it. We can, however, manage our reactions such that we approach life with a measure of positivity and a feeling of possibilities. There will always be setbacks however persisting and moving forward will always be the best way.

It’s easier to have courage and trust the process when you feel you’re making headway. Mastery is not persistence when you see a light at the end of the tunnel. True mastery is persistence when you don’t yet see the light. – James Arthur Ray

Perfection may be an impossible goal, but habits help us to do better. Making headway toward a good habit, doing better than before, saves us from facing the end of another year with the mournful wish, once again, that we’d done things differently. – Gretchen Rubin

References

Making Headway Quotes Responding to Difficult People https://icfquebec.org/article/415 Calming Your Brain During Conflict https://www.thecoachingtoolscompany.com/ Amygdala Hijack www.busmanagement.com Harvard Business Review, “Breakthrough Ideas for Tomorrow’s Business Agenda,” Calming Your Brain During Conflict Hijack How Your Brain Blocks Performance

Original source: https://coachcampus.com/coach-portfolios/power-tools/hijack-vs-headway/

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coachingreviewsite · 2 years

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WEB – Interconnectivity of Life, Decisions, Actions and Outcomes

New Post has been published on https://personalcoachingcenter.com/web-interconnectivity-of-life-decisions-actions-and-outcomes/

WEB – Interconnectivity of Life, Decisions, Actions and Outcomes

A Coaching Model By Georgina Bartels, Transition Coach, GHANA

The pattern of our lives is essentially circular. We must be open to all points of the compass; husband, children, friends, home, community; stretched out, exposed, sensitive like a spider’s web to each breeze that blows, to each call that comes. – Anne Morrow Lindbergh

WEB – Find Meaning in the Complexities of Life

As an African (Ghanaian) and a woman, I have learned through experience, folklore, advice that all aspects of our lives are intricately woven together. Something on one side effects something on the other side. Having balance or identifying the points where the points of our lives connect and what we can do to make them connect better helps us to live fulfilled lives at work, home, with relationships, dreams, interests, etc.

All things are interrelated and interdependent; nothing exists in isolation. The entire universe is one ecosystem, similar to a spider web—if one part is touched, the entire net shimmers. – Matthew Flickstein

In Ghanaian folklore, the spider web is depicted by the Adinkra symbol- Ntentan.

Akan symbol -Ntentan (web)

This symbol signifies wisdom, creativity, knowledge, and the complexities of life. Wisdom is associated with knowledge, experience, and sensible judgment when it comes to making decisions and taking actions. Creativity involves using imagination and unique, original ideas to create something different and new. All this is required when building something as complex as a spider’s web, which is the idea behind this symbol.

Since the spider’s web is woven into an intricate pattern to trap tiny insects easily, it encourages the Akans to emulate the creature’s wisdom as well as its creativity to achieve its goals. Therefore, the Akans use the symbol as a reminder to think wisely in the complex and difficult journey of life.

This coaching model WEB is aimed at helping coaches to guide clients to find meaning in the complexities of life, to apply different ideas and solutions in the achieving of goals, to work with a single-minded purpose, and be action-oriented. This model is to be used as a transformational tool for people going through changes either in career, relationship, or life situations.

WEB Model

The model focuses on the interconnectivity of life, decisions, actions, and outcomes.

W-Want/Wish

E– Empower

B– Become

W – Want

Want is defined as the desire or wish for something or to do something. At the core of every change or progression, is the desire to have something, be something or do something. This may be because some link in our web of life may be changed, touched, or broken and there is a desire to fix or create.

First, the coach guides the client to identify the exact want or wish, find clarity as to why that want or wish is needed, what role it plays in the web of life, what achieving that want or wish will do and its impact on the client’s life. Some questions that can help gain clarity are:

What do you want to achieve?

Why do you want to achieve this?

Which parts of your life does it affect?

What will your web of life look like should you achieve this?

These help to establish the goal that needs to be met, the situation that the individual finds themselves in, what achieving the goal would do for them, and what it would look like when they do achieve the goal.

E – Empower

To empower is to have the ability to do something. It is also defined as the process of giving a person the knowledge, skills, and confidence to overcome obstacles and make free choices, create change, and achieve their fullest potential. Another definition is that empowerment refers to the process of improving one’s life through fostering feelings of strength and confidence.

It truly focuses on the feelings of improvement and elevation of one’s current state of living. Usually, when one is in a situation that they want to change or improve, there are thoughts of self-doubt, of feeling out of control or uncertain. These thoughts are disempowering and curb one’s ability to make decisions or see things from a positive perspective.

The coach, after partnering with the client to establish the want or wish, and its impact, go on to guide to explore and identify ways to empower the client to move forward. This could be a change/flip in perspective, identifying previous ways in which they successfully confronted the issue, identifying and naming their feelings, having a clear view of the situation, calling out limiting beliefs, and challenging assumptions.

These will lead the client to a place of awareness and the ability to begin to formulate actions that would move them forward. This stage focuses both on inner thoughts and outward actions. The linkages of past action, present beliefs, assumptions, and possibilities are explored and how they link with each other to produce the desired outcome. The use of open-ended questions and visualizations will help at this stage.

What has informed your actions or beliefs about the situation?

How do you feel about the situation?

What would you do differently?

What are you learning about yourself?

What has worked in the past?

What would empower you to move forward?

What is limiting you?

Is this choice moving you closer to your goal?

B – Become

The Free Dictionary defines becoming as to grow or come to be. According to the Framework of Doing-Being-Becoming, “Becoming – means how people redefine their values and rethink their priorities to prepare transformation of their new roles. This concept of becoming may change continuously over time, reflective of how a person sees his or her future.”

Here, a new state of mind and awareness is created by being empowered to visualize and put in place actions to build a new future state. Actions that will lead the client to a state of “becoming” that person or creating that situation that is fulfilling to them. The wish or want that was established at the beginning of the coach-client relationship will inform the actions, which are powered by the new self-awareness and change in perspective. A clear action plan based on what is achievable can now be put in place. Being empowered creates an awareness of what could stand in your way or limit you, and what resources you can leverage or utilize to help you stay the course.

Some questions to be asked are:

Which option do you choose?

Specifically, what will you do to achieve your goal and when?

When will you start?

What can derail you?

What can support you?

How will you celebrate?

When will you evaluate progress?

The coach will need to guide the client to draw connections between their situation, actions, beliefs, and feelings. These are all intricately woven together, and the realization of this accelerates the path to self-awareness. This understanding of the connections and connectivity of life once understood can cause a great shift.

Teach them that a spider does not spin a web. Spiders spin meaning. Cut one strand and the web holds. Cut many, the web falls. With the web’s fall, so too falls the spider. Break the web. Break the spider. So breaks the circle of life. – Frederic M. Perrin

This self-awareness aids in empowering the clients and making them aware of what is in their control and what can move them to the desired state. Using this model can be quite a simple and effective tool to cause a change in perspective and help clients manage a transition in their life.

Learn How to Create Your Own Coaching Model

Your Coaching Model reflects your values, philosophies and beliefs and must communicate who you will coach and the problems you will solve. Read more about creating your coaching model

References

https://symbolsage.com/ananse-ntontan-adinkra-symbol/ https://www.coaching-online.org/empowerment-coach/ Empowerment – What does it mean? | Silver Linings (wordpress.com) Framework of Doing-Being-Becoming | OT Theory

Original source: https://coachcampus.com/coach-portfolios/coaching-models/web/

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